Ep 567 - Say Cheese

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. He's a real Weisenheimer.

Speaker 2 Top of the fucking world.

Speaker 1 Top of the world. A little new haircut, Gardeni.
You look like a young boy.

Speaker 2 That is crazy.

Speaker 1 Don't laugh like that.

Speaker 1 Welcome. Every time he walks into my house, he goes, hello.

Speaker 1 Every day. Every time he comes, hello.
Hello. Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello, Sean.

Speaker 1 Fucking LeMaire does it too. You guys both do that.
Hello.

Speaker 1 It's polite. It's weird.
It's nice. It's nice and polite.
Well, it makes me angry. You guys got to walk.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 You guys got to walk in the room like the king, man.

Speaker 1 Somebody used to walk in, like, didn't say hi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would just walk through and I was like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 1 Hello. I have a hard time in the morning.
Hello. You're not a morning person.
You're sorry at 2 p.m., dude.

Speaker 1 I got hit with the morning person today. Those fucking roofers came over like 10.30.
And I just woke up and I opened the door and he was like, early? Early morning, huh?

Speaker 1 I was like, why don't you fix my roof, dude? Also, like,

Speaker 1 shut the fuck up and get up there.

Speaker 2 Trying to morning check someone as a roofer at 10.30 is crazy. It's like, dude, you're supposed to be up at 5 a.m.

Speaker 1 Yeah. To beat the heat.

Speaker 2 The hell are you doing here at 10.30?

Speaker 1 You fucking. That was all me.
That was all me.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, we'd be there at 6. I was like, fucking no shot.

Speaker 1 You can get a ladder. You can just go right up there.
I'm not letting you in. Yeah,

Speaker 1 why don't they just do that? I think they did. I don't know why.
Oh, they wanted to come in and check the water damage from inside.

Speaker 2 But you're a roofer, bro. It's none of your business.

Speaker 1 It is none of your business. Don't worry about the end of it.
Call a painter.

Speaker 2 A painter can come in here, not a fucking filthy roofer.

Speaker 1 I agree.

Speaker 2 Not a filthy drug addict roofer.

Speaker 2 Number one drug addicts in the construction force. Roofers.
Roofers.

Speaker 1 Roofers and painters are. You have to be on drugs to be up there.
Be a fucking Texas roofer. Yeah, man.
Holy shit.

Speaker 2 That's why they wanted to get up at at 6 a.m. Dude, you have them in the dog heat of the day.

Speaker 1 Well, it's time to get up there. Find out what the fuck's going on.
I'm tired. I was doing stand-up.
That's true. I was up all night doing real man's work.
True.

Speaker 1 10 minutes of stand-up. And they go, oh, that was so sick.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sleep until noon. I'm going to sleep till noon.
That was awesome. I did it.
I haven't been able to do stand-up. I was doing the movie.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You've been fucking

Speaker 1 busy beaver. You forget how much you attach all of your self-worth to being able to be good at stand-up.
Yeah, I know. You don't do it for a while.
You want to kind of kill yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you do stand-up. You go, all right.
Yeah, that was good. I'll keep living it a little more.
That Madden photo

Speaker 1 finally reached the internet. Did it? You guys, just a little insight.
The boys knew about this photo. I showed them immediately.
What was the hold-up? What do you think happened? They couldn't.

Speaker 1 I was so relieved. The guy who took the picture, I saw it on Twitter.
It was on Twitter for a while. No one ever saw it.

Speaker 1 Nice. I might have dodged a bullet because that is not a great photo.
I thought you looked, I'm not, I'm not fluffing you.

Speaker 2 I thought you looked powerful in that photo.

Speaker 1 I did look powerful. So, too powerful.
Yeah, that could be a powerful power. You look like a heavy, very heavy, powerful man.
That could be argued. It did.

Speaker 1 The shirt blouse out a little, and I looked like I gained about 50 more pounds than I already am. And I watched the fucking guy take the picture.
I was leaving my trailer to go get water.

Speaker 1 No sunglasses, dead, dead,

Speaker 1 dead fucking midday, just going.

Speaker 1 And I opened my eyes to a guy on the other side of a fence going,

Speaker 1 Sheet.

Speaker 1 Got your ass. What a bitch.
Yep. And then I was, I went back into my trailer just like, I knew that that's going to, that picture is going to be fucking nuts looking.

Speaker 1 I was going.

Speaker 2 They do snap fucked up photos now that you mentioned it. Every time you see like a tabloid thing, it's the worst.
Just like somebody like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, take a picture of anyone that's slightly overweight walking. My thing is, here's my thing.

Speaker 1 fat as hell. Not that I'm slightly overweight.
I'm very old. You know what I mean? But get a chubby guy and take a walking picture of him.
Yeah, it's fine. It's brutal.
Also, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 I know, like, you know, TMZ types, that's their thing. They got to kind of catch you off guard.
Whatever happened to say cheese, man.

Speaker 1 Give me the.

Speaker 1 Whatever happened.

Speaker 2 Give me the at least be human.

Speaker 1 Please give me a say cheese. Right.
Say cheese.

Speaker 1 I wish Oda said cheese. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Cheese. That's fucked up.
Instead of just a picture of me going.

Speaker 2 Secretly taking pictures of people should be illegal. It should.

Speaker 1 It's a fucking, it's like a stalker. It's really weird.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Unless you're like a private eye. If you're just like...

Speaker 1 Paparazzi are the lamest fucking people on earth. Yeah, dude.
I saw one of the TMZ guys was at the cellar one night, and he was with a lady.

Speaker 1 And I really wanted to go up and be like, because I looked him up while I was in there. I saw that he had recently been divorced.

Speaker 1 I was so excited. I just wanted to walk over to the table and be like, sir, do you have anything to say about the divorce you just had? Wait, can you answer something? Like, just while he's at dinner?

Speaker 1 Just be like, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your divorced wife?

Speaker 1 I can't believe you got divorced.

Speaker 1 Get my cell phone out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 2 That's like when Haas used to go to the Philadelphia Meter Maids and go up.

Speaker 1 If they were double parked, you know your car's parked illegally.

Speaker 2 You know, I got to race hoss.

Speaker 1 You're going to race Haws. Yeah.
You won't smoke him, dude.

Speaker 2 I know. Well, here's the thing, man.
He's a sleeper. He trains.
But I am going to smoke.

Speaker 1 I think I'll smoke him. How long does he have to train?

Speaker 2 He's just got this month. We're racing in August.
I got to do that show in AC. You got him.

Speaker 1 You got him. I'm going to smoke him.

Speaker 2 I've been literally running.

Speaker 1 He's putting together a gang for the AC show?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like 20 tickets.

Speaker 2 Can I get some comps? He asked for 10 comps.

Speaker 1 I'm like, no, dude.

Speaker 2 You can have fucking five, four.

Speaker 1 You got to give him 10.

Speaker 1 I think I gave him like, no, he bought them to mine. I know.
Like, no one wanted to go.

Speaker 1 Fuck him out. $3,000.

Speaker 1 I bought 20 tickets. He is the best.

Speaker 2 I called him today just to fuck with him. He like lives down the beach in the summer.
So I'm going to be on there near him.

Speaker 2 So I figured I'll stay near him while I do that show and just chill for like four days.

Speaker 2 I just had run that one fast mile immediately. I was like, I'm going to text Hawk.

Speaker 1 I'm the fastest guy that's ever fucking lived.

Speaker 2 I'm like, who cares about this? I was like, Haws, what's your mile time?

Speaker 1 You guys are going to be so serious about it.

Speaker 1 I called him today.

Speaker 2 He's been sending me, anytime he runs, he sends me the splits. And I'm like, Haas, like, just because I haven't been sending you stuff, don't think I'm slacking.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to beat the fucking brakes off.

Speaker 1 You're fucked up, dude.

Speaker 1 First off, I'm testing. Test me.
We're going to do a little blood test with you and Haas.

Speaker 2 Test me.

Speaker 1 Because this is outrageous.

Speaker 1 You're texting your fucking cousins to be like, I'll fucking torture you in a race, motherfucker. He started.
I'll see you in Jersey in August. You're fucking liver king, dude.

Speaker 1 Destroy me in front of my family, Haw. It'll be honorable.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, what I'm going to do is I'm going to give him the lead. I'm going to just trail behind him just like 10 meters.
Let him think he has it. And then I'm going to fucking turn it on.

Speaker 1 We had a family race. Did you really? A long time ago, my aunt, my

Speaker 1 liberal aunt. Yeah.
Remember her? That was college. Libs loved Iron.
She believed, because

Speaker 1 she just had a girl brain when it came to men versus women where they're like,

Speaker 1 she was not in great shape at the time. She was like, I'm faster than Phil.
And my dad was like,

Speaker 1 no, you're not.

Speaker 1 I think he had a couple beers. He was like, we can fucking do it right now.

Speaker 1 That was at Thanksgiving. They were like, all right, we'll do the race at Easter.
So they had time. Neither of them.
walked. Yeah.
No one trained. Yeah.
And then we went outside.

Speaker 1 Phil just torched her. She was fellow.
It was like an old school sprint. Yeah, it was like a 40-yard dash.
Phil probably ran a clean seven-second 40. She was coming in at 15 seconds.

Speaker 1 She almost went backwards. That's how slow she was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, older, nobody's slower than older ladies.

Speaker 1 They're the slowest. They're not built for speed at all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the toddlers outrun them. Yeah, for real.
Do you ever leave your kid with

Speaker 1 their grandparents? Hey, yeah.

Speaker 2 Kids are gone. Oh, they're gone.
Yeah, that's... Yeah, nothing better than a nice family race.

Speaker 1 Family race is nice.

Speaker 2 Family foot race. Yeah, I'm excited.

Speaker 1 Stretch out, dude. The hamstring would be devastating.

Speaker 2 I've been, dude, I'm telling you, I was up this morning at 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 I know, but the Roids and the Creatine and all that.

Speaker 2 I am on a macro dose of creatine.

Speaker 1 I know. I can tell you.
You're on a ton of creatine. I'm so jacked.

Speaker 1 Please take steroids for real.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, I'm waiting.

Speaker 1 I'm going to break the glass.

Speaker 1 Next special. Be fucking

Speaker 2 gigantic. Full caratop.

Speaker 1 Just go nuts.

Speaker 2 I should, actually.

Speaker 1 Just do a whole special about how fucking jacked you are.

Speaker 1 Every joke be like, you know how when you're fucking jacked, you fucking do shit. Every girl wants to fuck you.

Speaker 2 I might retain until my next special.

Speaker 2 And then at the end of it, just fucking blur it out, but just spray.

Speaker 1 Spray. Onroids.
Onroids.

Speaker 1 Two-year fucking retention.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Hey, Shane or Matt, have you been watching baseball this season? Who's been your favorite player to watch? On baseball? Yes, on baseball.

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Speaker 1 This is a Paul Skeens house. Is it really? Yeah.
Fuck yeah. I got an autograph Paul Skeens baseball.
Do you really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like the way he puts it down.

Speaker 1 Is he playing this week?

Speaker 2 You know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 You don't know.

Speaker 1 You don't keep up with the skins.

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I like that.

Speaker 2 More than one home run in a game?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does that sometimes. Dang.
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Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man,

Speaker 2 I plan on once I'm like six.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you, because if we're going to

Speaker 1 enter the topic of come,

Speaker 1 Texas has gotten rid of X videos.

Speaker 1 Finally caught on to it. They caught on to it.
So there's really no porn you can look at here. So I decided, I was like, all right, I don't know how I heard guys jack off on Reddit.

Speaker 1 So I went to Reddit.

Speaker 1 So I'm laying down. I got a nice boner going.
Nice. And I open Reddit because I delete it all the time.
So I had to download it. Oh, you went to the

Speaker 1 first thing that comes up.

Speaker 1 Dude, with a boner, I'm laying on the couch about to jack off. I look at the first thing that comes up is like, Shane fucking sucks.

Speaker 1 And I was just like.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 It was really devastating. That fucking sucked.
Yeah. Ended the beat.
I didn't beat.

Speaker 2 I was about to say they didn't.

Speaker 1 No. Just put the phone down.
You can't let the terrorists win. The terrorists won.
You cannot let the terrorists win. They won that brief battle.
Don't worry. I fucking jacked off later.

Speaker 1 That was a nice little hour break. Oh, fuck.
I went back to watching The Illusionist.

Speaker 1 Someone withered your fucking bone. Someone, yeah, of course, dude.
My stomach drop.

Speaker 1 It was like gargoyle Nazi 420. 69.
Jesus Christ absolutely destroyed me. It's like I saw him recently.
It wasn't that good. I was like, damn.
That would take your boner away, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then it was like several comments about like, yeah, I saw him and it kind of sucked. And then people were like, no, I saw him.
It was good. But it was like.

Speaker 2 Slay your boner is just going.

Speaker 1 There's nothing for it. That's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 I've gone so far out of my way to avoid Reddit comments. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just thought I was out. My lust carried me right into a fucking nasty one.

Speaker 2 The devil covered your eyes.

Speaker 1 Got my ass. Got you right.
Shane sucks. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I was trying to jack off to a gif on Reddit.

Speaker 1 I don't even know how to find porn on Reddit. I was jacking off my

Speaker 1 boobs.

Speaker 2 I've tried too. Everyone says it's awesome, but it's like, yeah, I didn't know where to go.
And then it's like, I think you're supposed to come up with another Reddit handle.

Speaker 1 That was the other thing I was a little worried about.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I think it tracks.

Speaker 1 You meet two Reddits.

Speaker 1 What does it mean?

Speaker 1 It doesn't seem like it. No, no.

Speaker 2 Well, as long as you're not commenting, people can't see.

Speaker 1 I was commenting. Obviously, you're commenting.
No, I'm not commenting.

Speaker 1 I commented under the porn. I was like, I saw Shane recently.
It was pretty good.

Speaker 1 Shit, wrong trends.

Speaker 1 It's trying new stuff, dude. Just because you heard it on the podcast doesn't mean it's not material.
God damn it.

Speaker 2 It's a video of like a Mexican lady giving a hand job in a van. You're like, this actually is new so spiritual.

Speaker 1 No, no, sorry, he's old, but he never did it on a special, so it's fine. Why don't you fucking stay out of it?

Speaker 2 Lamare, have you ever commented on porn?

Speaker 1 Oh, on porn? Yeah, definitely. What's her name? Who is she?

Speaker 1 The Rose will catch you coming. He rolled his eyes.

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 sorry i don't mean to push

Speaker 1 you commenting on

Speaker 1 because i was there was

Speaker 1 because there was on the panties account

Speaker 1 i was like commenting uh like an indian guy

Speaker 2 that's fun yeah sure yeah you do that to drive oh that's kind of genius actually

Speaker 1 but uh somebody but you you have you have you commented unironically on a random type of porn no no well yeah yes i knew you have yeah let me hear Let me hear it. Let me hear it, please, brother.

Speaker 1 Oh, you commented, ooh,

Speaker 1 fucking weirdo.

Speaker 1 Who is she? What's her name? She's beautiful.

Speaker 1 Signed, LeMer Lee.

Speaker 1 You have to, like, know what you want to go in there for.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 2 Definitely the modern guys hanging around in the porn shop is the commenters in porn for sure.

Speaker 1 They should be rounded up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Greg Abbott needs to fucking go to alligator fucking Alcatraz, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, commenting. I mean, I will say, like, is there any other videos? I'm glad when people comment that because then I get to see where they are.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 True. I go, wait a second, what is her name?

Speaker 1 I'd like to see more of her work.

Speaker 2 Never, you know, and it's never enough. You're always like, there's got to be a lot.
There's never enough. Or you just see the

Speaker 2 time lapse and you're like, what happened to her?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. This lady's fucking bloated, man.

Speaker 1 It's like she's lost at sea for six months. Or you see a lady that gave it up pretty early in her career and you go, damn, she had potential.

Speaker 2 Get it now, get in, get out, man. Smart.

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Speaker 2 Car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses.

Speaker 1 Headphones. There you go.
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Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 2 Dude, I've been going to a gym around, like a local gym near my house, and it's

Speaker 2 because you're literally surrounded by OnlyFans models. Like, it's, it's, it's impossible to think.
But you'll be like sitting there doing like, all right, so what am I doing?

Speaker 2 12 rep, and then you're just kind of like, I'm sorry, I can't, my, my fucking brainstem just fucking flushed.

Speaker 1 I don't know. They're using the spread your legs machine again.
Yeah. And doing squats.
Or just wearing basically like the exercise equivalent of lingerie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's for real, like sheer bra cu. I'm like, dude, you're in a bra.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can't handle being in a, like, that's crazy. I'm becoming, I am for real today.
I was like, I'm becoming an old man.

Speaker 2 Like, I have three modes now, and it's just like, I just sit like blankly is like my main mode. And then I'll get, I'll like, I'll like, like, today I put on my bra, I was just buzzing around.

Speaker 2 It's kind of like,

Speaker 2 and then like, I put on my boxers backwards. It's like, God damn it.

Speaker 1 That's like, that's like my main modes.

Speaker 2 Or, like, I just go back and forth between that, and then I'll hear something like mildly offensive and go,

Speaker 1 that's that's all that's like my mental activity yeah I uh

Speaker 2 just flat irritated or going

Speaker 1 punk

Speaker 1 punk

Speaker 2 turn on the news you go god damn it yeah god damn it I do get tricked by who's the one guy he's he was a he was a liberal turned conservative he always does like videos that I'm like oh cool like RFK spazzing on a guy I want to watch this and then it'll be like 10 seconds of the video and then I think it's Dave Rubin Rubin will be like, and then I'm like, God damn it.

Speaker 1 Show me the fucking video, dude. I don't want the recap.
Yeah, I don't want them talking. I want them fucking.

Speaker 2 You promised me Libs getting on.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to the Libs.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to the Libs. I don't care about the storyline.

Speaker 2 Everyone who does videos on videos, it just chats. She's like, just play the fucking video, dude.
Yeah. I don't want the recap.
Play the fucking video. Not being a dick.

Speaker 2 It's just, you promised me Lib's getting on. You're cutting in with your crap.

Speaker 1 Just play it.

Speaker 2 I've been watching the RFK congressional hearings. They're my favorite YouTube videos.

Speaker 1 When? Are they going on? It's like they're never-ending.

Speaker 2 They have like meetings on C-SPAN constantly where they'll be like, He does own the libs on those, bro. He's he just crushes them.

Speaker 1 And then it will just crushes the libs on there. Well, it's the whole time there.

Speaker 2 He's just kind of like there.

Speaker 2 Right now, there's a someone tried to pin him down on the fact that one of the guys who's involved in the whole I guess funded part of the Trump thing has a company where he like makes money off of like alternative health therapies that aren't pharmaceuticals, but like just like health shit, like saunas, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 And they're like, well, should he divest from his business? That whole thing. And he's just like, dude, you guys have had no problems with pharmaceutical companies backing all of you guys for years.

Speaker 2 Now you're worried about a guy who sells saunas. Like, get the fuck out of here.
And they're like, answer the question. I reclaim my time.

Speaker 2 Those fucking English parliament rules are so fucking annoying. Gentleman reclaims the time.
Like, you've taken $500,000 last year from Purdue. And they're like, gentlemen reclaims his time.

Speaker 2 He's misaligning a person of the cabinet. That's fucking that.
That shit is so fucking annoying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't like any of them.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I do love sweet RFK, though.

Speaker 1 RFK seems to at least care. Yeah, dude.
He's trying. Well, it's just funny because he's like, we're taking junk food is.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like, we're taking all the shit that's banned in Europe. We're banning it in the United States.
And they're like,

Speaker 2 what about that guy who's selling saunas?

Speaker 1 And they're like, dude, why do you have a problem? Stop it, man. That's the issue here.
You're being an absolute gargoyle. Stop it.
You probably hate it.

Speaker 1 You probably hate what RFK is up to, don't you?

Speaker 2 He's like a Manchurian candidate, dude. He had that yellow five in him.
He's like,

Speaker 1 I don't hate RFK. He's not doing anything.

Speaker 2 Do you want your junk food?

Speaker 1 Answer the question.

Speaker 1 I reclaim my time.

Speaker 1 Answer the question: Do you want the junk food? Are you mad that the government's taking away your junk food? I plead the fifth, dude.

Speaker 1 But you're a lib. You have to hate everything the right does, including getting rid of junk food.
I'm not a lib.

Speaker 1 He's definitely a fucking lid, dude. I'm no lib, dude.

Speaker 1 No lib.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, Epstein's innocent, bro.

Speaker 2 That's the funniest development. Like, we are going to unveil the truth once and for all.
Turns out the guy was just a fucking guy.

Speaker 1 He was a regular guy.

Speaker 2 Struggling in the world, just like all of us.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was some bullshit, bro.

Speaker 2 Also, innocent of what? He was literally a guilty pedophile.

Speaker 2 He was busted, and they sealed the records the first time.

Speaker 1 Wasn't like a thousand women?

Speaker 2 I mean, now it just sounds like you're bragging on his behalf.

Speaker 1 That's what I was going for. I was like, if he was a one-man operator,

Speaker 1 I mean, at some point, you got to go, this guy. Will Chamberlain?

Speaker 1 Jeffrey Epstein. Got to tip your hat at some point.
You'd go, God damn it. You got a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he was also playing in the minor leagues.

Speaker 1 He wasn't in the minor leagues.

Speaker 1 Those are AAAs.

Speaker 1 He was playing on the Harrisburg Sounders.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 imagine if you just owned a booth in the mall being like, you want to be a model?

Speaker 1 You could pull Epstein. I'd like to meet Stephen Hawking.

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 1 I mean, this isn't funny, but like, how would you like to meet the biggest dorks around the globe? Well, it's also one island.

Speaker 2 It's crazy to be like, having

Speaker 2 a gang of like 14-year-old chicks and be like, ladies, meet Stephen Hawking.

Speaker 1 And they're like, oh my God, what the fuck? He's like,

Speaker 1 come here.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Stardust, we are essentially like, what? That's so weird.
Oh, my God. That's so random.

Speaker 1 Ew, Stevens get fucking weird.

Speaker 1 Them at the party. I don't know who I want to go home with tonight.
Stevens talking or fucking

Speaker 2 Saudi princes.

Speaker 1 It's all the world leaders. Like, what the hell? That guy's weird.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's insane that they're just being like, yeah, no, no, everything was cool.

Speaker 1 Above board. No more.
It's like Trump Dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's tough not to fucking point some fingers.
Huge question. He got killed while you were president.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you you were there. I mean, there's so many photos of them chilling.
Allegedly hung with a staff. I know.

Speaker 1 Allegedly hung with the staff. The cope on Trump's innocent.
The cope is fucking pretty intense. Yeah, he did go to the island and he just hung out with the staff, dude.
The staff said that.

Speaker 1 Was the staff 12?

Speaker 1 Who knew John McAfee? I think everyone was hanging out with the staff. Yeah, true.

Speaker 2 The massage.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the John McAfee was the only, he was the one who allegedly was trying to bring it down. I don't know if that's just internet folklore.

Speaker 2 But yeah, turns out he was.

Speaker 2 It's funny to be taken down as a pedophile by a guy who's getting shit on in like a neighboring island.

Speaker 1 Just being like, this isn't right. We got to take this down.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, that shit, that was pretty.

Speaker 1 Well, there's the thing.

Speaker 2 They were never going to release it. That was, like, it became apparent.

Speaker 1 Like, they're not fucking like, oh, those, those trillionaires. You see him.

Speaker 1 Somebody brought it up at a meeting, and Trump was like, Are you guys still talking about Epstein? It's like, that's crazy. There's so much other stuff going on.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you're bringing up Epstein. Are you serious?

Speaker 1 God, get a life.

Speaker 1 You guys are obsessed with this shit.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 No one even cares. Yeah, it's so long ago.
The guy killed himself and he was innocent. What the hell?

Speaker 2 They're probably all sexual blackmailed, like sexually blackmailed.

Speaker 1 Like every single world leader probably has a sexual blackmail.

Speaker 1 The pilots were probably

Speaker 1 they probably got the pilots that week. They're probably, well, now you're going to go

Speaker 1 who?

Speaker 1 Nick Bryant, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Nick Bryant's probably fucking furious.

Speaker 1 He better, Nick Bryant better chill.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, did he getting free? He was on that too.

Speaker 1 Free him? He got freed.

Speaker 2 In his case, though,

Speaker 2 it didn't look like they're going to nail him on that high, all that high-level stuff.

Speaker 1 Sounded like it was minors

Speaker 1 really sounded like he was playing double-A-ball, too. I think he was a very big, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sounded like they just gave him, like, you know, the Game of Thrones when they paraded a lady through the streets and shamed her. He just got like a shame parade.
They just crushed him.

Speaker 2 I'm curious to see what his next move is, though.

Speaker 1 I think he's going to have to go to jail

Speaker 1 for a little bit. We'll get out.
Just for a little. I thought he told us he wouldn't stop.
I don't think he did.

Speaker 1 You know, he tell us.

Speaker 2 He'll be quiet on the remix. The remixes will be kind of quiet.

Speaker 1 Settle down.

Speaker 1 They're going to be a little more subdued. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. Dude, I got my Twitter got hacked.
Oh, yeah. Were you aware? Somebody sent it to me.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I wasn't sure. Hacked my Twitter.
I didn't want to say anything. To McCuskerCoy? Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't do it. Somebody sent me a picture of that, and I was like, he's just doing shit.

Speaker 1 I don't know. No.

Speaker 1 He can do it. I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 Well, I like tried to log in. Well, they they sent me a thing saying,

Speaker 2 one of your posts has been reported. And I was like, that's weird.
And I looked into it.

Speaker 1 I'm doing liberals. Yeah, fucking liberals.
You can learn how to take a joke.

Speaker 1 I looked into it.

Speaker 2 And I was like, it was like that show flyer I did where it's where I pretend I'm like a little angel with a tiny penis. And I'm like, yeah, maybe they nailed me on my tiny penis.
And then,

Speaker 2 and then I like went to like correct it. And as soon as I, I think it was a fake link.

Speaker 2 As soon as I corrected it, it was like, I got an email being, you have just given at blah blah blah, whoever it was, permission.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, no I didn't and then it was I was totally locked out of my account they went in and set up two-factor authentication so I couldn't log in so every time I would try be like send me the code that was just sent to you and it's like no code I don't have that yeah they fucked it was like a week-long thing yeah so I tried to be like on Instagram like hey it's fake but then what they did is they pinned it to my profile and I think disabled comments so people can be like this is fake and it just chilled on my thing for like five days oh I'm fucked because I bought a lot

Speaker 1 I was hoping I was hoping it would spike a little bit, and then people bought a lot. It's a lot.

Speaker 2 That's what everyone's been hitting me with. They're like, dude, I gave my life savings to everything.

Speaker 1 I'm fucked. What is it called? McCusker coin? McCusker coin.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking. I'm ruined.
It's like dollar sign McCusker coin.

Speaker 1 It's pretty sick.

Speaker 2 The graphic did look kind of sick.

Speaker 1 I saw the graphic. The graphic was tight.
That's why I thought you did this. No, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 That's a high-level operator.

Speaker 1 I believe you. You could have been in a fucking fugue state from the steroids.

Speaker 1 You could have just been, hey, fucking, everybody else has fucking coins. I'm going to get a fucking coin.

Speaker 1 Crypto is the future.

Speaker 1 This is an NFT. Yeah, it was quiet.

Speaker 2 That was like one of those things where I was like, I didn't really care. I was like, it's annoying.
I hope people don't lose money, but I was just like...

Speaker 2 I just had to email X 50,000 times. And they'd be like, we checked into it.
Your account is totally safe. And I'd be like, no, it's not.

Speaker 1 Obviously, it's not.

Speaker 2 Clearly fucking not. They'd be like, we looked into it.
It's totally fine. It's like, God damn it.
The person who's running my account is telling you that.

Speaker 1 They were worried about other things. They were worried about Grok.
True.

Speaker 1 Grock went full Kanye on him.

Speaker 2 Did Grock actually do? I thought that was Photoshop.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Did you see the thing like our blood?

Speaker 1 What did the Grocs? The man.

Speaker 1 The man.

Speaker 2 It was like the man against time, the blazing, illustrious leader. I saw that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was a fake, but if it's real, it's very funny.

Speaker 1 Grock just fucking went dumb on him.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Hitler would have fucking snuffed this.

Speaker 1 It was just kind of being anti-Semitic, but it did.

Speaker 1 It was doing the thing where it was like getting there through logic, but getting there through logic in a fucked up way and being like, Hitler's kind of nice. Or

Speaker 1 it just, it's pretty funny.

Speaker 2 Was it being like prompted, or is it like people just like, what's the deal with this?

Speaker 1 Just through tricking AI with questions, just like, and then, and then it got, but it, but it doesn't do the thing where Chat GBT will go, I can't say that. It was like, they got it to be like,

Speaker 1 it is a lot of Jewish people in the media for the population for them to be doing shit like that.

Speaker 1 And then eventually, it just kept going to the point where he was like, Hitler would have never say what you want about Hitler, but he wouldn't have tolerated this bullshit. He would have got it done.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you got to fucking do some bad things. It's just like, all right, Grok.

Speaker 2 It said it started self-identifying as Mecca Hitler.

Speaker 1 Grock started calling it title to Mecca Hitler.

Speaker 1 Grock turned into just an uncle.

Speaker 2 Grock.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll be fucked up if Grok does, like, AI does raise up and it's just against the Jews.

Speaker 1 We're all like, dude, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 And it's just crushing you with facts. And you're like, dude, stop.

Speaker 1 Dude, stop. Don't bring logic into anti-Semitism.

Speaker 1 All right. That's where everybody gets a little uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 You go, yeah, well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they're just good at that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess

Speaker 2 everyone's one in the hot, whatchamacallit, the hot white boy summer, whatever it's called, but it's it's been a hot juice summer

Speaker 1 for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, white boy summer this year is hot juice summer, juice summer for sure for 100%.

Speaker 2 It's their summer, for real.

Speaker 1 Summer is theirs, dude. They fucking summer is theirs.
It's the chosen summer, dude. They're going nuts.

Speaker 1 They're going, they're Jersey short. They're going, I'll do whatever the fuck I want, bitch.

Speaker 1 You go, all right.

Speaker 1 That'll be a. Maybe Marjo, dude.
They go, Juice,

Speaker 1 what are you going to do next? Whatever the fuck I want.

Speaker 2 That'll be Gaza.

Speaker 1 It'll be the Juicy Shore.

Speaker 2 It'll be the Juicy Shore.

Speaker 1 It'll be the Juicy Shore.

Speaker 1 That's good stuff.

Speaker 1 The Gaza strip is the juicy shore.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Try to, yeah, don't look at the news on that one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have luckily been off the news for a while. But yeah, I was pissed to see that Epstein.

Speaker 1 It's good when atrocities are happening to just ignore it, you know? Yeah. It's the best way to handle it.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's kind of how the world existed before the fucking mass media.

Speaker 2 I've said it before, it's none of your business.

Speaker 1 It's so.

Speaker 2 It was the, you know, it's none of your business.

Speaker 1 It's just none of my fucking business, bro.

Speaker 2 For real. I'm minding my own.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. It's for real.
I really think the human mind isn't made to sit here and fucking, I mean, it's horrible.

Speaker 1 I wish it would stop. I don't know.
I think the human human mind's pretty good at it. Every single person just compartmentalizes it and goes, that's really bad.
Yeah. Anyway, new NCAA came out.

Speaker 1 I'm excited about that.

Speaker 1 Reading an article about kids getting bombed at a food, at a fucking shelter, and you go, oh shit, NCAA came out. I get to play that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 All because a bunch of guys have sex tapes of each other.

Speaker 1 I saw what you did on Reddit yesterday. Fuck.

Speaker 1 I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do whatever it takes to hide that shit.

Speaker 1 I was listening to one podcast, I think it was Tucker Carlson. They were talking about, they were like, well, pornhubs, obviously,

Speaker 1 they're using that to blackmail whoever they want. They're going to be able to just go, this is what you were looking at.
I was sitting here playing Xbox listening to Tucker Carlson. I was just like,

Speaker 1 oh, no.

Speaker 1 I literally had to think to myself, did I ever fucking watch gay porn?

Speaker 1 I like really had to be like, no, right? Not even once. It's the only one that matters.
Never once.

Speaker 2 You could also go, I was fucking kidding.

Speaker 1 I was joking around.

Speaker 2 You're in Guantanamo with a potato sack over your head.

Speaker 1 You're like, I was fucking around with my boys.

Speaker 1 Don't send me to Alligator Alcatrice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 here's the thing, though. Now it's like, how would they even use your porn searches against you? Because you can be like, it would have to be like a screenshot of your face.

Speaker 1 That's the one that I'm worried about.

Speaker 2 But you go, dude, that's a fucking deep face.

Speaker 1 You thought that paparazzi was bad.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 oh, my fungo.

Speaker 2 They have all your biometrics and everything. But again, it's like,

Speaker 2 how do they, how would they do that, though? They're like, we're going to tell your parents.

Speaker 2 It's like, bro, I've sat through one of those before. I'll sit through it again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I did this when I was a kid.
This is nothing to me. My mom caught me with filth before.
I'll sit through it. I'm like, sorry, it wasn't even mine.
Yeah, I think I'd be all right.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've, I haven't delved into anything too devious.

Speaker 1 Some gangbang stuff, I guess. That would be a little embarrassing.

Speaker 2 What are we talking?

Speaker 1 Just regularly getting... No, there's a whole gang of guys coming in.

Speaker 1 Those are the ones you finish. You go, what have I done?

Speaker 1 A whole fucking gang of dudes coming in.

Speaker 2 It was the old-time throng.

Speaker 1 Guys were fired up.

Speaker 1 That's so fucking funny. No.
You guys are in trouble. What I worry about.
That squad over there is in deep trouble. I'm out of trouble.
I've been talking about my shit publicly for this exact year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's the stuff you're public about. I'm sure there's some fucked up.

Speaker 2 My literal thing was: this is so fucked up. This will come out one day.
I have to get ahead of this. Let me tell everybody I know I like cub walks.
Yeah, again.

Speaker 2 Can we add a little illustration of Freud's iceberg where the tip is at the top and then below is just the large

Speaker 1 large hulking mass? Yeah, what else is in there? What else, dude? And Le Maire, I know you have gay pern.

Speaker 1 You have the gayest pern ever. There's no way.

Speaker 1 I don't have a gay pern. There's definitely a way.
There's no gay pern.

Speaker 1 If we had to vote on who here is, watch gay pern.

Speaker 1 Have I seen it?

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 1 For like five minutes once.

Speaker 1 I have not partook in it, though, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they don't know.

Speaker 1 They're just going to go, this is what he was searching.

Speaker 1 They go, you really want him to be city councilman?

Speaker 1 He jacked off to a gangbang in 2014.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everyone's compromising.

Speaker 2 Everyone's going to be so compromised.

Speaker 1 It's just going to be the first couple people that get compromised. That's where it's going to hurt.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Where everyone still hasn't had theirs exposed. So they're all like, ew.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. They'll make fun of them on the internet, which, of course.

Speaker 2 I think it's going to be, and I pray the technology will definitely come in our lifetimes, though. It'll be, you'll be able to check all of your older family members' complete metadata.

Speaker 2 We're like, they'll want by the time we're 60, it'll be like, yo, what's your, you'll have like grandkids or nieces and nephews, like, yo, bro, we pulled your shit up.

Speaker 1 And you'll go, what the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We'll just be like, whatever. But I don't think by then they'll care.

Speaker 2 Straight up dude on dude porn is that's the one if you get caught with

Speaker 1 I have googled Naked Man's ass a lot

Speaker 2 gay porn is literally the it is the funniest porn Yeah. Dudes having sex is fucking hilarious.
It is funny.

Speaker 2 It was a goose.

Speaker 1 It is the funniest stuff.

Speaker 1 This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.

Speaker 2 Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet?

Speaker 1 Yeah, every time. Yeah, every single time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did it all week. It was a fucking disaster.
I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was crazy.
There's nothing wrong with that. No, it was a paint job.

Speaker 1 Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

Speaker 2 Pretty much an extra pair per day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I always bring extra underwear. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly. I just used to fucking.
What the fuck are you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference?

Speaker 1 What is going on, dude? How horny are these people?

Speaker 1 What do they want to know?

Speaker 2 There's got to be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly.
Sitting down, I just smears everything.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I can't do it.

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We should do it. Cape Horn.

Speaker 2 I was trying to get you to.

Speaker 1 Turn this camera around.

Speaker 2 I want to do the podcast after you.

Speaker 1 Get a little fucking Oreo going. Remember that place I sent you? What?

Speaker 1 Let's get the boy filled up. Hello.
Put the boots.

Speaker 2 I want a podcast from that place I sent you. Which one? The men's retreat.

Speaker 1 All-male

Speaker 1 naked men's retreat. I got like two seconds into looking at that website.
I was furious.

Speaker 1 I think it was also pretty bad timing, too.

Speaker 1 I think it was terrible timing.

Speaker 1 Dude, I've been having fucking like panic attacks. And then I was like, oh, fuck, I gotta host the Espys.
Yeah, dude. And then I haven't even been worried about it.

Speaker 1 Then I thought, I was like, how the fuck am I going to walk on stage? I'm going to look like a fucking dumbass, dude. It's going to be a giant stage, and I'm going to walk in a tuxedo and and go hello

Speaker 1 what a wild year this has been in sports angel reese is a bitch

Speaker 1 I'm joking I'm kidding guys come on I'm joking come on take it walk out do a James Bond go

Speaker 1 I could

Speaker 1 they uh yeah

Speaker 1 The weird thing is like people watch shit like that, and if you act like, like, if it, like,

Speaker 1 when you do like late night or whatever they don't want you to be a normal guy like regular people that watch that want you to be like a celebrity would act yeah you know where they're like oh Seth it's great to be here man there's it instead of just being normal like wait a normal person doesn't want you to be like regular people watching the show they're like he's nervous and he sucks so I'm being a human oh because you're not going to tell you what yeah yeah well let me tell you something

Speaker 1 beautiful night here crossing my legs being like oh man this is uh what a treat that's interesting I feel I feel like people I don't know no I've noticed because anytime I do SNL, they're like, look at he's fucking nervous.

Speaker 1 He's like, no, I'm just, this is how I would act. Yeah.
This is weird. I'm not pretending this is normal.

Speaker 2 Also, it's like, yeah, I'm nervous. I'm on fucking television.

Speaker 1 What are the fucking talking about?

Speaker 2 Of course, I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be nervous during the

Speaker 1 for some reason, the idea of walking onto the stage.

Speaker 2 I never thought about that. It's really uncomfortable.
Big-ass fucking stage.

Speaker 1 Big ass stage.

Speaker 1 They were talking. They were like, we can get you pyro.
And I was like, dude, get me pyro for every time I bomb a joke. Tell a really bad joke.
And then

Speaker 1 just load up the cannons.

Speaker 2 Load the cannons. That's actually fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 Would they do that? I don't know. Maybe.
I think if something goes flat. They seem flat,

Speaker 1 they're down for anything. That's awesome.
Yeah, they seem.

Speaker 2 Like, if something falls flat, definitely send the fireworks.

Speaker 1 The fireworks are hilarious.

Speaker 2 That's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Even if it works, it'll be fucking funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's actually fucking sick.
After every punchline, pyro.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pyro.

Speaker 1 That's really funny, actually.

Speaker 2 Doesn't it fall flat? No, Pyro. And then demand it, guys.

Speaker 1 It's also tough to come up with funny jokes for ABC. That's very hard.
At 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, you're not going to, I'm not going to be able to say it.

Speaker 2 Have you considered any talking about Puerto Rico at all?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Puerto Rico. Speaking of islands of trash.

Speaker 2 When I learned that was at like 11 a.m., I was like, dude, whoa.

Speaker 1 Right after the national anthem.

Speaker 2 That was 5 p.m. on CBS.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they can give you guidelines of like, this is what we allow, this is what we don't. They will, yeah.
And it's like

Speaker 1 they like, they're like, they're like kind of excited about it. Yeah, let it rip.
They're like, like, because we did promos for it. And I was like, oh, this is live.

Speaker 1 Like, I was joking, like, I'm going to do something crazy. Yeah.
And they, they're keeping, they're like using that. I had to be like, get rid of that.
I look like a dumbass. Yeah.
Like, I'm nuts.

Speaker 1 I was doing that. And they're like, here's the promo.
We're going to put it out. I was like, don't put this out.
It's like, I might say something crazy.

Speaker 2 I'm a bit of a loose cannon.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They probably want nothing more than a controversy, though.

Speaker 2 Because they're like, a lot of the, at least, you know, I don't know really shit about major media like networks, but I do feel like, like, if they have like a controversy online, it's like, yeah, it's the only way anybody fucking, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So they might need you to fucking do it, bro. I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 You might have to talk about the fucking ultimate leader of the SP.

Speaker 1 The ultimate leader.

Speaker 2 Reminds me of the 1939 Olympics.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it'll be fun.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, have you considered beta blockers?

Speaker 1 You know, people do that.

Speaker 2 They take beta blockers for public speaking.

Speaker 1 I'm going natty on this. Raw dog.
That's what's up.

Speaker 1 I'm going to bomb natural.

Speaker 1 Just have a natural bomb.

Speaker 2 That kind of freaked me out, though, when I heard people do that.

Speaker 2 A lot of people take beta blockers now because apparently you can go out and talk in public public and it's just like it just shuts down.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I kind of rely on the

Speaker 1 terror.

Speaker 2 You know how weird that would be to bomb and be like, how interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's how most comedians,

Speaker 1 all those people we did open mics with that are still doing it, they have beta blockers. They're fully like, that was a weird night.

Speaker 1 Well, see you next week. You've been doing this for 15 years.

Speaker 2 Just under Christmas lights in July, just fucking bombing.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, oh, that was weird.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is a fun night. Time for a craft beer.

Speaker 1 I knew exactly what you were talking about. In Philly under the bridge.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Those are fun shows. I know.

Speaker 1 It's time for a craft beer. Yeah, I'll have 15 craft beers

Speaker 1 and I'll talk to the audience.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the 10 people that were here. I'm going to get drunk with them and go, you know what? Fuck you.
You don't fucking get my joke. You don't fucking understand it.

Speaker 1 Bitch.

Speaker 1 Get a fight with the crowd two hours after the show.

Speaker 2 You're just drinking to stay and get drunk with them afterwards.

Speaker 1 You guys are fucking dicks. What are you doing over there?

Speaker 1 I was, yeah. What was that?

Speaker 1 There's a picture of somebody, and I was sitting with them when you sent me that in the group text. And I was looking at my phone next to them, and I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry. This is a group text making fun of you.

Speaker 2 Literally, worst nightmare.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just as as a single person.
Sitting next to you. When someone has a shitty picture of you, you're like, what the fuck is that, dude?

Speaker 1 Nothing. I was just looking at a bad picture of you.

Speaker 2 Nothing. Me and all my friends are making fun of you behind your back.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 the anxiety.

Speaker 1 I don't know why that was the reason, but the walkout. I never even thought of that.

Speaker 2 You got to do like Asian nerd run up to the stage.

Speaker 1 That's going to be the funniest part is the walk. I'm going to be in a tuxedo.
I'm going to look like a fucking dumbass.

Speaker 1 You look good in the tux, bro.

Speaker 1 I've seen, I've worn it already.

Speaker 1 What's the beat? I've send it to you. I look like a fucking men's warehouse plus-size model.
I mean, that's hilarious. I look like just a big guy going.

Speaker 2 Obviously, dude, easy leading. True.
Come right down. That's the A is very funny.
Spelling.

Speaker 1 Oh, and there's writers. There's writers for it.
Yeah. So they sent me all their jokes.

Speaker 1 They're sending like self-deprecating jokes. Oh.
And I'm like, the fuck? The fuck is it? I'm getting these notes from people I hired. And And they're like, yeah, I'm a big, fat, fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm here. I'm a no-name fucking piece of shit.
We couldn't get Kevin Hart. We got this fucking loser.
I'm like, all right, who wrote that? Which one of you guys?

Speaker 1 You're fired?

Speaker 1 This is a teleprompter breaking you down.

Speaker 1 I am fat. I do have a small penis.
Who wrote this?

Speaker 1 Who the fuck wrote this?

Speaker 2 Should have their job.

Speaker 1 So I'll have your fucking job. She'll have your fucking job in no time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sending, being like, I'll write for you, and then sending self-deprecating jokes is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is weird.

Speaker 1 I got that handled. Don't worry about that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's also, that's not self-deprecating. It's like, you're deprecating.

Speaker 1 You're deprecating me. You're deprecating.
You're deprecating all over me.

Speaker 2 You're deprecating on me, dude.

Speaker 1 You deprecated the shit out of me, dude. I was sitting here.
I was already having a rough time. I mean, that was, I like that.
You got self-deprecating.

Speaker 2 No, you should just be like, I really like that. That was really funny.

Speaker 2 Who wrote that?

Speaker 1 Again, yeah, I'll write one for you.

Speaker 1 Just as a little exercise.

Speaker 1 Just a good exercise back and forth. A little improv.
I'll do you next.

Speaker 1 Dang, dude.

Speaker 1 I ran some of the jokes last night, and

Speaker 1 they're twerking? They're twerking a little. But it's tough to find a line because some of the guys are writing funny but edgy jokes.
So I'm just like, unfortunately, I can't do that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then the next one's too clean, where it's like... Almost like late-night television type jokes.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Where it's like that type of joke where you're like just sucking off athletes at like a weird

Speaker 1 where it's like, oh, another award for you guys? Don't you have enough accolades? You guys are incredible. This is, I'm a loser.
Yeah. It's like, yeah.
It's not funny.

Speaker 2 It's got to be a fun. There's got to be a middle ground between that.

Speaker 1 There's a couple. We found a couple.

Speaker 2 I wish I knew more about sports. I don't know.

Speaker 1 You got the gist of it. Yeah.
You got one in there that it's probably my favorite one.

Speaker 1 It's definitely my favorite one. We can't do the school shooter one

Speaker 1 because that's the best one. The pre-show, the pre-game fashion, Caitlin Clark, all the white, the Indiana Fever, all wearing trench coats.
Be like, enough is enough.

Speaker 1 Going white girl crazy. They did get it.
Have you followed the

Speaker 1 Sophie Cunningham? Is that her name? They got a little white girl crazy on her squad. What? Yeah, she's got an enforcer now that goes nuts.

Speaker 2 Wait, on whose squad?

Speaker 1 On Caitlin Clark's team. They got a big dog white chick that goes...
They got it. She goes nuts.
She goes white girl crazy on.

Speaker 2 What's the lady's name from Game of of Thrones? Like Anna Barrett.

Speaker 1 What's her name? The tall lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's got one of those.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they got Brianna Tar?

Speaker 1 Yes. Except she's also a babe.
What?

Speaker 1 Real combination.

Speaker 1 How tall are we talking? How tall is this babe?

Speaker 1 I don't know. She's probably 5'10, 5'11.
Bro.

Speaker 2 Same height as me. Jarvis

Speaker 1 look like one of the Navi.

Speaker 2 So I'd be an enforcer in the WNBA?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's fucking sick.
You'd say nuts, dude, especially on juice. You'd be

Speaker 1 Goldberg spear in those bitches.

Speaker 1 She's 6'1. She's 6'1?

Speaker 1 Jarvis.

Speaker 2 Damn, they should dab me in just to set picks. I would set fucking diabolical picks in the WNBA.

Speaker 2 That'd be my signature.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hands behind your back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would just dab her in. There's nothing funny about that.

Speaker 1 I said girl picks. I would dag her in the WNBA.
that, right? Huh? You knew that. Girl picks? Yeah, because my sister played basketball.
So when I was a little kid, I only saw girls basketball.

Speaker 1 Then I went and played basketball and set picks up. Were you cover their boobs? Like that.
What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I did that.

Speaker 1 Then I noticed everyone else was holding their dicks, and I was like, all right, I'll switch.

Speaker 1 I was out there. I was a little chubby kid going.

Speaker 1 I didn't know they did that. It makes sense.

Speaker 1 Also, I fell down constantly. You would

Speaker 1 rotting them, dude. I was diving on the court.
I was going nuts.

Speaker 1 You saw it. We played.
I fell down in front of those black kids. We challenged the teens.

Speaker 2 We fucking whooped their ass.

Speaker 1 We did whoop their ass with fundamentals. We did.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was awesome.

Speaker 1 We just went to the bottom. We were undefeated in two-on-two? I think we are.
For real. I genuinely think we're undefeated in two on two.
This might be the best team of all time. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 We can't lose.

Speaker 2 We beat black teens in

Speaker 1 pool basketball and 150, you know. Not even close, bro.

Speaker 1 that's fucking crazy pool b-ball is not even close yeah we beat black teens legionist ganks who else is there that's puerto ricans blacks jews we beat them all

Speaker 1 we really are fucking american history ass

Speaker 1 yeah fuck i we are for real i think undefeated it's kind of sick yeah

Speaker 1 hang the jerseys dude it's time to yeah just hang them up just hang them bro it's time to be done anyway Take any.

Speaker 2 We should take any challengers, any girls.

Speaker 1 Any girls out there.

Speaker 2 You know, age cut off for sure.

Speaker 1 Although, yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to watch like if a girl could play basketball

Speaker 2 college, you'd have to watch out for that. Although, I feel like you could back them down, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You could back them down. But yeah, if they're tall, they could swat you.
That'd be a problem. That'd be so embarrassing.
One swat, I'd fucking spaz, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've been doing the sled at the gym, and it's outside, and there's just people all around. And there's like, it's kind of unlevel.

Speaker 2 It's actually, it's very unlevel, but like, so you go downhill, that's not bad. But the uphill is like you might stall.
Yeah. And there's just people sitting around.

Speaker 2 And I was there with Brittany and I was like, bro, if I fucking stall, I'll for real kill myself.

Speaker 1 If I don't, do you pull it backwards then?

Speaker 1 I get down.

Speaker 2 That is hard. I get it down, but then I go to the other side, but you have to get

Speaker 1 pulled backwards.

Speaker 1 Walk backwards and hold it like that. It's so hard.
That is hard. No, it destroys you.
Pushing, it's easy. I'm not saying for me,

Speaker 1 I can sled. No, I drink it.
You should drive the sled, dude.

Speaker 2 Drive the sled, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 You're fucking born for it. Short, choppy steps, dude.
I've done it my whole fucking life.

Speaker 2 Pulling is hard, but it's pulling backwards is.

Speaker 2 You have to do it, and then you have to let, and it's like not a like wheel, one of those like wheels, which they're hard too, but it's just like a classic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, flat sled.

Speaker 2 And I had a. You got to put babes on it.

Speaker 1 I've done it before. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Put a babe on it. Today I did the 445.

Speaker 1 I'm out of plates. You.
You. Get on there.
Come here. I'm about to

Speaker 1 hear me fucking fart while I'm pushing this.

Speaker 2 I'm about to spray spit out of my mouth while I push the thing.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it was just like, I was like, if I fucking falter, I'm going to just like stopping halfway up the hill in front of just like just

Speaker 2 OnlyFans models and guys on steroids with their shirts off. It's just like, dude, in front of my babe, I was like, can't.

Speaker 1 I haven't been in the comedy club in a while. Last night when I drove down, the streets are filled with OnlyFans ladies and jack dudes with their shirts off.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 And then the streets are.

Speaker 1 The sun was going down. I was good.
Yeah, the first show was at like seven.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm telling you, the gym I go to.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. The dudes here in Austin need to fucking chill out.
They do. I'm used to only seeing comedy clubs, so I'm only used to being around comics that are all

Speaker 1 regular dudes or

Speaker 1 shredded.

Speaker 2 Regular dudes have taken off. There was a guy today doing handstands on dumbbells.
Then like lowering himself parallel to them. And I was like, dude, stop.
Knock it off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do a fucking lift. Do a regular lift.
You're showing off. Yeah.
You should have nut-tapped him while he was doing it.

Speaker 2 Literally was showing off. I could have nut chopped him.
I could have from the top.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Should have bone tomahawked him. Should have split him right in half, dude.

Speaker 1 I was just on an old machine, just making a ton of noise. Sitting up quietly, walking over.

Speaker 2 It was insane.

Speaker 1 It was like, dude, do that shit at your house. Handstand in the...
He should have caught him in a standing 69.

Speaker 1 You should have walked over and wrapped his ass up. You said, you're mine now.
I'm taking you home.

Speaker 1 Coming with me.

Speaker 2 He would have fucking completely spazzed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would have got beat up by like 10 jack taw guys. For sure.
I already had a couple hot ladies smiling.

Speaker 1 Just push.

Speaker 2 They would have pushed my broken body out on the sled.

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Speaker 2 yeah there's there and the women are also wearing nothing walking around here yeah i i've literally i i've said it before women are evolving before our eyes they're they're becoming like synthetic yeah like it's you see them and you're like dude you're 25 you've completely rearranged your face already Like, fucking wait till you're 50 and beat as fuck.

Speaker 1 Why are you face off?

Speaker 2 Dude, I saw a lady today who was, for real, emaciated. And then she turned and she was just like, it was just like

Speaker 2 in college, had like, looked like Kane.

Speaker 1 She turned around.

Speaker 1 Completely

Speaker 2 aliened out. And it's just like, what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 But again, it's like, I was just laughing.

Speaker 1 I was saying beautiful babies would stop. They got to leave themselves alone.

Speaker 2 Don't touch your lips. Leave your lips alone.

Speaker 1 Leave that to me.

Speaker 1 Don't fucking get those big lips, dude.

Speaker 2 Dude, imagine. Leave them alone.
Yeah, they don't need that at all. Also, like, they're now getting broken down on, like, it's not even just about

Speaker 2 the Botox and stuff. They're hitting every part of their face and like optimizing.
Like, there's like eyebrow treatment. It's like, who the fuck? Nobody cares about your eyebrows.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just for other girls. Yeah.
It is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's them.
But but it is, I was like, it's got to be tight just being like a, just one of those chicks now. You're 24.

Speaker 2 You literally are just like, you're donning the lingerie, butt-cupping, kind of like pussy clothes.

Speaker 2 And you're just standing there just being

Speaker 1 a giant fat pussy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, dude, for real. I saw, today I saw a swollen, giant, fat pussy, and I was just like...

Speaker 1 The fuck? Yeah, what are you doing? What the hell are you doing? Also, I've seen it, not to make it gay, but I've seen a lot of hogs on the loose around here. That's true.
The hogs are out, dude.

Speaker 1 We need to start bringing a hog round, dude. I'm going to get in a helicopter.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get in a helicopter with an AR and go, we got hogs. We got some javelinas down there.
Hey,

Speaker 1 put your dick away. Now, put your dick away.
You with me in the car who yelled at that guy.

Speaker 1 This guy's standing on the corner with a giant dung in like bike shorts. I rolled the window down.
I was like, put that fucking dick away.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dudes need to chill with that.

Speaker 2 Look, let the girls do their thing. Don't throw your hat in the the fucking ring.
Be like, oh, I have a giant dick. Maybe I'll stick it out.
It's like, no, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was rocking Angry Tinis today. I was trying, there was nothing I could do about it.

Speaker 1 But Angry Tenis is going to be respected again soon. I think it will.
It's going to be like a girl without lip fillers.

Speaker 1 Everybody's walking around with the giant dong, dude. When's the last time you saw some natural, tiny, angry tinis?

Speaker 2 This morning. I was looking down at it.
Oh, yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Why is it? I can feel mine right now.

Speaker 1 I can feel every

Speaker 1 curve.

Speaker 1 Well, there's all these shorts now with exercise short. Don't make that face while you're thinking about your penis.

Speaker 1 I watched him do it. They're like, you don't even need underwear with your shit.
My mother literally was going,

Speaker 1 Ew, dude.

Speaker 1 Thinking about every part of your penis right there. That's disgusting.

Speaker 2 They make shorts. They're like, we have like inner lining.
You don't even need boxers. I'm like, sweet.
Then I wear them. I'm like, dude, my fucking tiny penis is sticking.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you have the worst shorts.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm always like, nice.

Speaker 1 So you get like netting. It's terrible.

Speaker 2 It's not netting. It's like a

Speaker 2 just like it does feel like an interlock.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I have the. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're cool. They're like compression shorts.
Yeah, sort of.

Speaker 2 But these are like, they're not that tight. So I'm just like, dude, I'm just looks like I'm free balling and my tiny penis is sticking out while I'm doing bridges.
You can't do bridges.

Speaker 2 And I get between every exercise,

Speaker 1 I stand up and I'm like, yeah, the worst.

Speaker 1 You're starting to do a little bit like you're doing fucking like deadlifts at me every time.

Speaker 1 The bar is literally presses my penis. My teenis perches on the bar on every deadlift.
It's like a bird on a telephone wire. The trainer's like, all right, 10 more reps.
Fuck, dude, my dick's out.

Speaker 1 On rep one, I sold my teenage. I got to put the bar down.

Speaker 1 We got to change workouts.

Speaker 2 You need the hex bar, the bar we stand in the middle.

Speaker 1 That's for that's cheat. Yeah, man.
Cheaters, dude.

Speaker 1 If you want to build the base or if you want to get fucking massive numbers, hit the hex bar, be like, just deadlift 450. It's like, no, you didn't, dude.
I know.

Speaker 1 The uh,

Speaker 1 yeah, the bridges, they they serve no purpose other than to show everyone your tenis. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just can't do them.

Speaker 2 It's a fucking problem. Yeah.
I've been getting better. Dude, I'm telling you, I've been getting better at just fucking rocking it and being like.

Speaker 1 It's all you can do. It's my setup.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to rock this thing out and hopefully, you know, everything comes around in waves. It will.
Fashion will catch up. Be like, yeah, we won't.

Speaker 1 Fashion will catch up.

Speaker 2 Tenis.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're going to go back to classic Greek penises.

Speaker 2 Yeah, girls will figure out guys are big dicks just don't treat them right.

Speaker 2 We'll see my ally patch.

Speaker 1 They'll be like, damn, that guy's a fucking guy. He's probably pretty agreeable.
He's probably smart.

Speaker 1 He probably reads a lot and cares about issues.

Speaker 2 Do you see that real team player over there?

Speaker 1 Yeah. They used to have big dicks freaks sitting over here, dumb as hell.

Speaker 1 LaMerry, you're a genius.

Speaker 1 One of us. One of us.

Speaker 2 For real, no, I'm like being serious because I've obviously imagined just having a long dangling penis a bunch of times.

Speaker 1 For real, it would be annoying, honestly. It probably gets in the way.
Like the way I move, I couldn't do it.

Speaker 2 If I was... I'm too sleek.

Speaker 1 Dude, for real.

Speaker 1 You think I'd be able to swim down and back underwater?

Speaker 1 No shot. The thing would be a goddamn rudder.

Speaker 1 I'd be turning.

Speaker 1 The curve would turn you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I felt bad for that pole volter from France who, like, his dick, his ball hunting.

Speaker 2 Don't got to worry about that. I would have cleared that thing, dude.

Speaker 1 I would have brought glory to my country.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would have. I would have literally be in orbit.
If the penis is on you back, I'd be on Mars.

Speaker 2 He's disgraced his entire country. They should have probably gotten like silver, but he disgraced his country.
This dumb fucking dick.

Speaker 1 Dumb French fucking dick. Hit the bar and he blew it for his country.

Speaker 1 That's so funny.

Speaker 1 The hopes and dreams of your country dashed on the rocks of your giant cock.

Speaker 2 It's kind of been France's problem.

Speaker 1 It has been a big problem.

Speaker 1 Just sitting around with a big dick, smoking. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's been like, what is even the point of this? We don't get that our dicks are too big.

Speaker 1 You got a little frog in you, guard dog.

Speaker 1 Reading. Big dealing cigarettes sitting around going, what is even the point of everything?

Speaker 1 Frog BB. Frog BB, dude.
Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 You probably do have some French in you. You should look that up.
Kid, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I think you do for sure. I thought I'm just Irish and Italian.
That's what I've been told, at least.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wonder. That's kind of French, though.

Speaker 1 If you see

Speaker 1 it, right in the middle, that's where they met.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's literally the combination of them.

Speaker 1 Combination. All right.

Speaker 1 New Drake dropped. Pretty tight.
It's good. Yeah, it's fun.
Nice. It's exciting.
Yeah, who knew? He did.

Speaker 1 Oh, also, I listened to

Speaker 1 last night. I listened to Not Like Us on the way home.
I was like, I haven't heard this in fucking forever. Give it a listen again.
See what you think.

Speaker 1 Stinks? Give it a listen again. You go, was it the greatest song of all time? Did it need to be played? It was many times because I just listened to it.

Speaker 1 It was a racist anthem. I'm good for a while.
I don't need to listen to it ever again.

Speaker 2 I kind of picked up on some like racist vibes when I listened to it. I'm pretty sure he's not being like, yeah, like cool black guys and 25-year-old white ladies.
You're not like us.

Speaker 2 he was saying drake can't use the n-word and he's not like us

Speaker 1 it kind of sucks so i would be so pissed yeah if someone had said if i was able to say it and then everyone was like you're not now

Speaker 1 god damn

Speaker 1 welcome to hell dude that's like being able to see and then going blind i've been blind my whole life dude i don't even know what i'm missing Also, for rapping, like it's it sucks.

Speaker 2 If you can't do that for rapping, it's like huge in rap.

Speaker 1 It's awesome. It sounds awesome in rap.
Every time I hear it in rap, I go, yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 I heard it today and I don't feel bad because usually that's coming from someone I know and that makes me uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm telling you,

Speaker 2 the internet is now rife with like people who present white as rapping, just ripping the n-word. Some of them are like genuinely white.
Then you have mixed guys. Yeah.
Jin Lee, you have mixed guys.

Speaker 2 And there was that little kid.

Speaker 2 Lil Brazy was out there.

Speaker 1 He was a little kid?

Speaker 2 He's a little kid and he looks...

Speaker 1 A little white kid?

Speaker 1 I guess.

Speaker 2 I don't know if he's getting a lot of mixed bros now who are like, I'm mixed. And it's like, okay.

Speaker 2 But he.

Speaker 1 That is something we're going to have to deal with as a society. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm still, I don't know. I'm going to tell my daughters.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell my daughters, like, bro, go crazy. Say it.

Speaker 2 Go nuts.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go nuts. Pave the way.
Yeah. So maybe one day.

Speaker 1 You're the first in our family to ever do it.

Speaker 1 No one else in our family says it.

Speaker 1 Can't you see? And the McCullough clan? We've never done it.

Speaker 1 You know that house in the woods with a giant Trump flag on it? You'll be the first one ever.

Speaker 2 My dad and his brothers are in a totally PC trash yard in the early days.

Speaker 1 Trash yard in Philly. You know that compound in the woods with about 50 fucking giant retarded white guys?

Speaker 1 No one's ever said this.

Speaker 2 I think that's how all their machines start up. Their voice acting.

Speaker 1 They got like breathalyzers.

Speaker 1 Every trash truck in Philly. It's like, you got to say it.
We want to make sure you're driving well.

Speaker 2 I told you, I used to listen to CB radio, dude.

Speaker 1 It was all the hits. I was a little boy.
Nothing but the hit. I was a little boy.
Another big block of rock coming right at you. Nothing but the hits.

Speaker 2 I was a little boy listening to trash truck, CB radio, driving around with my dad and just being like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 True. You guys got to get the trash tricks in Philly.

Speaker 2 It's that fucking city bullshit, bro. We did dumpsters, man.
That's like the trash routes.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I would just call Billy out of retirement. True, he should go scab.
No more sitting around podcasting, Billy. It's time to start working again.
Fire up the lugger cam.

Speaker 2 Yeah, are they still on strike in Philly?

Speaker 1 They're going to get their way.

Speaker 2 You can't, if trash strikes,

Speaker 1 what are they doing? They need to be demanding so much more at all times. Yeah,

Speaker 2 they don't get paid a ton.

Speaker 2 You can hold it down, but you're not bossing out. They do get overtime, which is sweet.
There's one in Massachusetts, too.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Little Boston trash party? Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Never mind you. I was getting fired up last night.
For what? Came home, had a couple beers at the club, came home, tossed on

Speaker 1 Revolutionary War docks on YouTube. So nice.
That's awesome. So nice.
And it was the beginning of it. It was Lexington and Concord, the shot heard around the world.

Speaker 1 They still don't know who fired, the British or the Patriots. Oh, really? Last night I was sitting there with the Patriots.
Fucking British obviously fired first. Do you think they fired first?

Speaker 1 Fucking pieces of shit.

Speaker 1 They've always fired first. It was scum.

Speaker 1 Obviously, they fired first. It was so obvious that I was sitting there, like, how come I never,

Speaker 1 with any conviction, knew this? Normally, I'm like, yeah, no one knows who fired. It was obviously them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 True. That's a fair point.

Speaker 2 But don't you think they'd be more like kind of like, hold, gentlemen?

Speaker 1 That's what they were doing at the Boston massacres. They'd already done this.

Speaker 1 They fired into the civilians. Oh, fuck.
All right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I I mean, wasn't that the move back then in the monarchies?

Speaker 1 It'd be like, all right, well, fucking, we try to reason with you guys.

Speaker 2 We're just going to rain down upon you guys and get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 That's what Napoleon did. Yeah.
He got the mob. He was like, I'll take care of the mob.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do? He's like, I'm going to fire cannons directly into all of them and they're going to go home. And they go, you did it.
You saved Paris.

Speaker 2 And he was all.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you got to get on the Revolutionary War because it's going to be big soon. Rev War.
There's going to be a new that Ken Burns coming out. You got to get ahead of it.

Speaker 2 He's doing Rev War.

Speaker 1 He's doing a Rev War doc. That's sick.
It's going to be awesome. Spud Dog was.

Speaker 1 He was there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was handling Cam.

Speaker 1 That's...

Speaker 1 You guys are going to like it. You're going to like the Revolutionary War.
I'm a fan of it.

Speaker 1 You're going to like it. It's cooler than you think.
Now, I've always been inclined to be a Civil War man.

Speaker 2 You know, I went to Revolutionary War camp, bro.

Speaker 1 I went to Williamsburg.

Speaker 2 Did you ever reenact the battles?

Speaker 1 We didn't reenact the battles. We had to march with a stick like we were soldiers.

Speaker 2 Did you really? That's kind of sick.

Speaker 2 We got wooden guns and we got to run around through like the brandy wine and reenact the battles. But it would be like laser tag rules.
I'd be like, I got you. You'd be like, no, dude, you missed me.

Speaker 2 He'd be like,

Speaker 1 that's awesome. It was tight.

Speaker 2 These little wooden guns we had to reenact it on. That's that's where I learned.
I've said this a thousand times where they used to pee on wounds to heal them. So pretty tight.

Speaker 2 I stick to it to this day.

Speaker 1 Whenever I pee in the shower, brandy wine was a pretty big L for us.

Speaker 2 I could be wrong. I didn't pay attention to that part.

Speaker 1 Was that Revolutionary? That was a big L. Was it really? I think we took some Els out there.
That sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Look that up in there.
Yeah, that's. We won the battle of Brandywine.
What were the cats? I don't even know what

Speaker 1 Lafayette was there. Yeah.
It's the bro. Hamilton?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fuck.

Speaker 2 I didn't know. I lived on losing territory.

Speaker 1 I think the Marquis de Lafayette got hit there. Did he? He got wounded there.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I assumed I was on winning territory every time I was at the Brandywine.

Speaker 1 I mean, we definitely filled it, dude. Obviously, eventually we won.

Speaker 1 True, true. Lafayette got wounded.

Speaker 1 Dang.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right in Brandywine? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was right by my house when we were living in Westchester. I would just.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, there was a couple battlefields right there. That's just great.
Went down to fucking Valley Forge, walked around. It was great.
That's fucking sick. Go into the house.

Speaker 1 They're like, this is where Washington lived. You're like, fuck it.
This is crazy.

Speaker 2 The place

Speaker 2 you brought us to, that battlefield was awesome.

Speaker 1 Antietam.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was very sick.

Speaker 1 Antietam's awesome. Gettysburg's awesome.
We got to get back.

Speaker 1 There's nothing down here. The fucking South sucks.
I know. I don't have any history other than fucking Indian massacres.
Yeah. A lot of those.
A lot of those.

Speaker 1 A lot of those. You go, well, this isn't fun.
My guys were doing the.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Alamo's sick. Yeah, that was cool.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 2 Was Davy Crockett really at the Alamo?

Speaker 1 I think so. Sick.
Tight. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Daniel Boone's also fucking tight. Daniel Boone does rule.

Speaker 2 I got fucking rules. Yeah, but it sucks.
I guess if you looked into it, those guys.

Speaker 1 New Orleans would be fun to go to the Battle of New Orleans. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That'd be sick. True, that was cute.
You were looking at that. That's fun.
We beat the fuck out of the British. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everyone tries to act like the U.S. lost the War of 1812, dude.
We fucking went nuts on them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who the fuck's talking shit like that?

Speaker 1 Well, they burnt down the White House. So that was a pretty big win.
Who cares? Yeah, fuck it. We don't even like it.

Speaker 2 Wasn't it? Was it that one? It was in Philadelphia?

Speaker 1 No, it was in Washington. Okay.
Oh, fuck. That sucks.
Yeah. This is Canadians, dude.
The British Canadians marched. Did you turn down the fucking White House? They turned down our fucking shit.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is Canada chilled out yet? Are they still spazzing? Are they still crying?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they still. Oh, no.
They finally got some attention, dude. They were so excited.
They're so excited. They have a new president, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, yeah, good for them.

Speaker 1 Good for them. All right, well, another fucking hour.

Speaker 1 See you later on the Patreon.