Ep 561 - Beautiful Things

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. I'm fully in the loop.

Speaker 2 Are you in the loop right now?

Speaker 1 I've been home for two days, three days. So you're just completely caught up? Full internet for two days.
What's going on in the internet?

Speaker 2 Well, Matt, turns out I'm a giant

Speaker 1 ruin aides.

Speaker 1 I kept looking it up and turns out people really don't like me very much.

Speaker 1 But that's not all. There's plenty of other

Speaker 1 people getting called that going around. MGK is a new music video that sucks.
Fucking made me want to bring a gun to school.

Speaker 1 What else is going on?

Speaker 1 That'd be a good,

Speaker 2 you know, that Roddy Dajerfield thing where he goes back to college as like a senior.

Speaker 1 He's just a shooter.

Speaker 1 Hey, you're picking on me.

Speaker 1 Take that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. He's not getting enough respect from the bullies and the jocks.
But no, I've been fully plugged in. I watched,

Speaker 1 I was really involved in pop culture. There's a guy who screams things

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 he says,

Speaker 1 and I'll be dancing out in California.

Speaker 1 The kid who got it all wrong. Whoa.
You got to check this kid out. You're going to like him? I got all types of stuff going on.
It's called white.

Speaker 1 It's been dubbed white hooting and hollering music, and it's led by Benson Boone. He's the lead hooting and hollering guy.
He's the guy who's like,

Speaker 1 these beautiful things that I've done. Oh, that guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like girl movie music. Yeah.
Yeah, Brittany has hit me with that song.

Speaker 1 Just listen. Bro, I've been all over the internet the last two days.

Speaker 1 Then somebody filmed Steph Curry at a Benson Boone concert with a cowboy hat singing along and someone was going, oh, fuck, Steph Curry sucks.

Speaker 1 But in Steph Curry's defense, I was thinking about this. If I got dragged to a...

Speaker 1 I've done it. Sure.
I've gone to a concert. I've been like, this shit sucks.
I'm not going to this shit. Yeah.
Then I'm up there singing at the top of my lungs to Mumford and songs.

Speaker 1 It could happen to anybody.

Speaker 1 You can take me to an Imagine Dragons concert. I was trying to think of the corniest one to be like a major fan of.
I would sing along. For sure.
I'm waking up. I feel it in my bones.

Speaker 2 Just stomp into the beat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd be going nuts.

Speaker 2 Actually, speaking of concerts, I heard some good news. I I talked to two people who had gone to a Katy Perry concert recently.

Speaker 1 And said she held it down.

Speaker 2 They said it was fucking fire, dude. It said, don't believe the fake news.
They said the Katy Perry concerts are.

Speaker 2 He said, what a performance.

Speaker 1 That's good. Yeah.
That's good. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who told you that? Oh,

Speaker 1 my bros. Speech people.
One of my bros. Speech people.

Speaker 2 One of my bros. They saw KP.

Speaker 1 I could see how seeing KP live would be a treat.

Speaker 2 Said it was charged up.

Speaker 1 She was running around. I I saw her running around.

Speaker 2 Running around almost naked.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw all types of stuff. I saw Jennifer Lopez did a very long dance at an award show.
What? Yeah. I watched it.
Seven and a half minutes. I watched her dance.

Speaker 2 She did a seven and a half minute dance.

Speaker 1 Shit sucked.

Speaker 1 Dude, a lot of the

Speaker 2 this could be a media narrative, but

Speaker 1 dude, a lot of it. It sucked to watch.
I was mad the whole time. But I was getting a little more disappointed myself of how much I just hate dancing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like choreographed dance i just came off like a real loser why like when someone's like i hate music yeah i was sitting there and i was just like i i just hate dancing dude it's it's kind of a miserable life honestly dance like it's a like i uh my kids go to dance class and it's like dude you forget like ballerinas are like evil like when they get older they've been like screamed at since they were a child

Speaker 2 yeah they've been dude it's like i i i've dealt i've been dealing with some aged ballerina types and it's like not the friendliest bunch dude yeah it's not all like tutus and fucking pillays dude they're yeah they're fucking mean man and i'm like sitting there like damn i like watching them i'm like taking

Speaker 2 what a couple black swans dude for real i'm taking them out of this dance school dude it's like i don't like it at all they're just fucking mean dude like my so they if you fill up your card you get like it's like six little stars if you get six of them you go in the office and they give you like a present like a little prize and dude we're talking like you know fucking Alibaba some sort of like finger puppet for two cents kind of bullshit temporary tattoos and Chloe wasn't able to go to that one it was just Maya but they both had filled up their cards and she was like can I get one for my sisters her card's full she couldn't come she's sick and the lady's like one toy per card and just dude you're talking like this thing might have been four cents Jesus and I was just like Jesus Christ you should have you should have assaulted her I should I should have dumped the bag and like pick him up should have crawled across the pick him up stand on your toes for 25 minutes.

Speaker 2 If you move, I'll slap you in the fucking head.

Speaker 1 You should have said, you've gained weight. We're sending you back to fucking Siberia.

Speaker 1 You've gained too much weight, you slob. This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter.
Matt, I'm constantly looking for car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses, headphones.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 1 And I lose them all the time. That's why I use wired headphones now.
Ooh.

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Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding Le Maire gifts.
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Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 when we turn on my TV upstairs, it's like

Speaker 2 always on a channel. Now the channels, I don't know how old TV even works anymore, but they pick one show.
There's the Baywatch channel.

Speaker 1 There's the dance mob channel. I'm on Save by the Bell channel right now.

Speaker 2 We were just watching some Save by the Bell. Zach was dating a girl in a wheelchair.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was like.

Speaker 1 Living the dream.

Speaker 1 We've all discussed it.

Speaker 2 Hey, we can't go to the fucking what's it got?

Speaker 1 Beautiful things concert. Yeah, the beautiful

Speaker 2 bands of boo and the ring don't have fucking steps. We got to stay in again and watch movies.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to watch Thin Red Line again.

Speaker 1 You can't do that. We do blow jobs.

Speaker 2 Turns out we have the same time to do BJs.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to do blowjobs again and we're going to have to watch war movies.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I wish you could watch movies. We're going to build a ramp at the stadium in about three years.
I sent a letter.

Speaker 2 I wish this wasn't the case.

Speaker 1 I feel like we're trapped in purgatory right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's living the dream. So, Zach, Zach pulled it off.
He's dating the GMT the wheelchair check was so hot in the show.

Speaker 2 She was a little nerdy looking, but back for a 90s, babe. They hit the 90s, babe, for sure.

Speaker 1 What season was it? I hope I'm I'm not going too early on this.

Speaker 2 No, it was, I know what you mean, though.

Speaker 1 It was, you know, you're certainly a pretty girl.

Speaker 2 I've been watching my channel stuck on dance moms. So I put it on, and my kids fucking love it.
But it's just, it's not like, I don't know, it's like,

Speaker 2 I don't know what version of this is.

Speaker 2 Was dance moms like white ladies or black ladies? Because this is only black lady dance moms. And it's just them outside.

Speaker 1 The algorithm knows your house.

Speaker 1 I told you I had LeMaire's blackass Netflix, right?

Speaker 1 They just have a totally different Netflix than that. It's crazy.
It's actually crazy because I don't think you watch those. Do you watch all those shows?

Speaker 1 No, my grandma does. Oh, that's right.
We've discovered this.

Speaker 2 Yes, the algo goes nuts.

Speaker 1 Me and Le Mer's grandmother are battling for Netflix supremacy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, the dance moms is so funny. It's just literally like ladies standing outside

Speaker 2 of the dance studio looking into their kids, trying to figure out which ones are going to get picked for the audition. It's just them just in each other's faces.

Speaker 2 Like, you wait till you see my girl's the best.

Speaker 1 And it's just non-stop. That's fun.
It's pretty fun.

Speaker 2 I was watching that this morning. I was watching a little dance moms this morning.

Speaker 1 We're getting ready for that. That's good.
What's the one?

Speaker 1 It might not be Dance Moms. Is it

Speaker 1 Pageant? What's that one? Where the girls are in Pageants?

Speaker 2 I think it's Pageant Moms or something like that. Yeah.
That's a whole other thing.

Speaker 1 There's a really great clip where a fat lady gets told to be quiet. She's in a scooter.

Speaker 1 One of the other moms is like, you need to put your phone down and pay attention.

Speaker 1 And she just instantly throws her scooter into reverse and drives outside and goes straight to a police station to report an assault.

Speaker 1 It's the funniest video. Just her hitting the fucking, she's like, you need to be quiet.
She's like,

Speaker 2 it just hits the reverse. I saw a video of a guy on a scooter menacing the block.

Speaker 2 he was like zoomed up on somebody choked like grabbed them by their throat and put them down and the lady tried to break it up and he hit the reverse and just banged like

Speaker 1 professor x he was dude he was so nice he was dominating people on a scooter dominating this guy must have been a menace back

Speaker 2 from the scooter i swear to god grab this guy must have been an absolute menace when he was bipedal

Speaker 2 Total menace because he like gripped the guy, dragged him down with one hand.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 he was like a fighting heroin addict, but, you know.

Speaker 1 That must be nice.

Speaker 2 Dude, dominating the block.

Speaker 1 Just dominating the block. Yeah.
If you just, if you were like a loser enough to be homeless without heroin,

Speaker 1 you stayed sober and just dominated all the fucking skeletors.

Speaker 1 Some dude talking to you. You're sitting down.
You go, come here. Fuck him.
Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 2 You could toss those guys around.

Speaker 1 You could toss them around like crazy. They really could.
And they probably wouldn't get hurt. It'd be kind of, it'd be fun.
Yeah, it'd be nice.

Speaker 2 Especially, I mean, yeah, you could just blame them for whatever.

Speaker 2 I know you fucking did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you used to. And they probably that I spent at the bar.

Speaker 1 They definitely stole everything you had.

Speaker 2 They are like little kids. If you're like, hey, come here.
They're like going through 20 different things.

Speaker 1 Like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, I'm busted.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, man.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 What did you fucking say to me? Come here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was getting it in. He was, and dude, backing over the lady was.

Speaker 1 And then he ran over a woman.

Speaker 2 Just right into her.

Speaker 1 Where was this?

Speaker 2 I don't know. It was just on the internet.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you saw it in Austin. I was like, hell yeah.
This is crazy.

Speaker 2 I saw a a homeless guy with a fucking sword cane in Austin recently. That was freaking me out.

Speaker 1 I think I've seen that guy. Really? Is he by the mothership?

Speaker 2 He was close. He was by like the Black Rabbit.
Okay. He had like, I was just like carrying a box of stuff and heard a lady like, don't poke anyone with that.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I looked over and this guy had a, like, dude, the blade was like that long. And I was like, Jesus freaking Christ.

Speaker 1 Damn, he's just.

Speaker 1 That's a cool homeless.

Speaker 2 I'm still waiting for the day. Like, four of them test me and they're like, every time I pass them, I'm like, today could be the day.

Speaker 1 They're going to test you.

Speaker 2 They're going to test my survival. Yes, that must have been crazy back in the day when you've like been through like four or five life or death battles.
The swag would be crazy.

Speaker 2 I was like thinking about that the other day. I was like, Dude, my swag would just be different if you had survived several beatings, like several fights to the death.

Speaker 2 Swag would be nuts, dude.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Do you know ball?

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Speaker 1 Riffing point, please talk about what you think of the playoffs so far.

Speaker 1 Matt, please talk about what you think of the playoffs so far.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking about these championships right now.

Speaker 1 Are there any particular teams or fixtures that you've enjoyed or players?

Speaker 2 Right now, for me, dude, the Phillies are red hot.

Speaker 1 The Phillies are red hot. The Phillies are red hot.
I think they might be talking about basketball or hockey, but

Speaker 1 you're not wrong to be thinking about October right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking a lot of guys get lost in the dog days of summer, and that's where teams start to rise and fall.

Speaker 1 I mean, I like where your head's at, though. The red-hot Phillies need to focus on a red October.

Speaker 2 But in terms of basketball, I'm trying to think who I think could take it all in basketball.

Speaker 2 Not the Knicks.

Speaker 1 They lost. No, they lost last night, but they lost 3-1 in Indiana.

Speaker 2 Exactly. So I think Indiana's going to take that.

Speaker 1 I like the Pacers. I do, too.
I don't like the way the Knicks handled themselves when they finally won a fucking playoff series, the fans. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going for the patients.

Speaker 1 That's coming from an Eagles fan.

Speaker 1 Have some class.

Speaker 1 The OKC is looking good. Thunder, yeah.
Thunder are looking good. Yeah.
That's who I like.

Speaker 2 You think the Thunder's going to win?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so. But it's fun to watch Halliburton.
What the hell did he? Oh, yeah. More.

Speaker 1 Matt, these playoffs have been unreal with crazy things happening almost every night. Crazy things are happening all the time.
Do you have the vision to know what will happen next?

Speaker 1 Let's see what we are cooking up heading into the last few games uh i'm gonna go playoff matchup i have my eyes on yeah

Speaker 1 i like indiana headed to the garden oh for the win for the decent it so if i had to pick i'd say more or more haliburton there we go all right you heard our picks now it's time to lock in your playoff picks with prize picks this app is really easy to use create a lineup all you have to do is pick more or less on a few players stats or your shot to win up two thousand times your money you could win real money with your best takes you got to get in on this prize picks the best ways to win cash while watching sports join millions of users and sign up today download the app today and use code drenched to get fifty dollars instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup that's drenched to get fifty dollars instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup prize picks run your game uh no i'm good i added a bunch of dates so

Speaker 1 July, I'm going to do Oklahoma City, Kansas City. August, I'm going to do Louisville, St.
Louis, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee.

Speaker 1 And in September, I'm going to do Houston, Tulsa, Hollywood, Florida, and Orlando. Please come.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 And don't be confused by the ticket pricing. Old DJT, Kid Rock, signed a little bill that kind of fucks me in the ass, if I'm being honest.

Speaker 1 It takes all the hidden fees and includes them in the ticket price. Yeah, so it shows up as that.
It's like, God damn, I was trying to make my prices

Speaker 2 cheap. People were paying that anyway, but they were getting.

Speaker 1 We were paying it anyway, but you get a little sticker shock when you see, yeah,

Speaker 1 what the hell is this? It better be funny. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 It's not that

Speaker 1 it's not that funny. God damn.

Speaker 2 I'll be at the improv, the Hollywood improv, June 25th, and then the Ontario Improv, Ontario, California, June 26th through the 28th, filming a special. Please come.
And then this is the big one.

Speaker 2 Ovation Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm going to try to come up with some newer stuff.

Speaker 1 Is that oceans? Yeah. Fuck yeah.
It'll be sick.

Speaker 2 So I'm kind of excited for that. So I'm going to try to blend in some new stuff in case people travel down from Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Nice. That's it.
All right. Goodbye.

Speaker 2 Told you I was reading about the mines recently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 they used to build temples in the ocean. So it would be like a stone's throw away.

Speaker 2 Like they would say that's how far. Their units of measurement, they would measure the depth of holes by,

Speaker 2 I forget the word, but but it was like the average height of a man.

Speaker 2 It's seven nulatos deep, and they would just be like, it's like six guys deep.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 2 It's really nice. But yeah, they would build these like

Speaker 2 temples out, like, you know, 10 feet out in the ocean out of limestone. I don't know how the fuck they did this.
And then the...

Speaker 1 They were wasting a lot of time. Did I think they really were? They should have been focused on other things.

Speaker 2 They, yeah, they could have figured some other stuff out.

Speaker 1 Instead of temples in the ocean.

Speaker 2 Well, they, what they were trying to really focus. They were just like cutting people's heads off and letting the blood drip down the steps.

Speaker 2 They would have a cool statue of a snake and be like, this thing's, it would be like a snake eating a lion. Like, we got to get some blood on it.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to cut some people's heads off.

Speaker 2 We got to cut some people's heads off.

Speaker 1 Who's that village next door that we hate? Dude, yeah. Let's sacrifice those fuckers.
They'll never join up with anybody that shows up.

Speaker 1 They'll never finally join up with people.

Speaker 2 I didn't know there was like three or four unsuccessful expeditions before Cortez. Like a couple dudes rolled up and got fucking smoked by the Mayans.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they'd roll up like 40 deep deep and be like, come here, guys. And these dudes would just go bonkers.
And they're like, we had the weaponry. We thought, they were like, we could get them.

Speaker 2 But they would just, we were firing shit off our boats at them. And they were like, we don't.
They just kept sending guys.

Speaker 2 And then they would take, it would take your boy and they would fatten him up. So the dudes who were in POV, POW kept POV girlfriends.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. Look at these girlfriends.

Speaker 2 They would capture you and you would just be getting fed non-stop. And then you'd slowly be like, shit, they're fucking, they would eat one of your boys.

Speaker 1 And you go, oh no, dude.

Speaker 2 I thought they were treating me like a king over here. They would fatten, they would just like have dudes they captured and be like, hmm, he's looking pretty good.
He's getting pretty good.

Speaker 1 These guys, no offense to any Mayans listening, but these guys deserved what they had in coming, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I didn't know

Speaker 1 the Spanish got crushed a couple times. A couple times.

Speaker 2 It was like these, they would launch these expeditions and just end up on the shore. And it would just be cannibals fucking freaking out at you.

Speaker 2 As soon as you rolled up, they'd be blowing darts, fucking throwing shit at you.

Speaker 2 But that's, yeah just it was like uh they were like more explorer types they would hang out roll up and be like oh this is sick and then some small amount took down everybody oh yeah cortez well cortez apparent i don't know if this was i don't know if there's multiple cortez's but this was uh his name was cortez i forget his first name but like after like two or three dudes rolled up and got kind of what for he was like fuck this and brought like 11 chips and 500 dudes and then he showed up And they just thought, like, you know, it wasn't even just about like his beard.

Speaker 2 He, I forget what he, oh, he he rolled up and he took the whole village. He took everything.
And then he found a guy's, it was like a nobleman's wife, one of the lord's wives.

Speaker 2 And he was like, he they plundered everything and he contacted. He's like, go back and tell him, like, we're going to give you back all your stuff.

Speaker 2 And the villagers all came back and they all, the Spaniards were like, here's all your shit. We're not trying to fuck with you.
We're just trying to like get, we're trying to chill with you guys.

Speaker 2 And they were like, fuck this dude rules.

Speaker 1 And I think eventually he fucking crushed all of them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I forget.

Speaker 1 It's the beginning of Guns, Germs, and Steel, which is pretty funny. It's like that.
They just rolled in on horses and shit, and they, yeah, just opened fire. Yeah.
Everybody started spazzing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think they immediately captured the king.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, that was like, yeah, when they told him, the Aztecs.

Speaker 2 It was one of them where they brought him in. It was just him and like six dudes in the king's like inner sanctum.
They were like, dude, you guys are so cool. Your beards are so fucking sick.

Speaker 2 And then they're like, yeah, cool, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's awesome. You want to see our swords?

Speaker 2 The one Cortez I heard, he was kind of chilling with him and,

Speaker 2 getting down. Eventually, they gave him

Speaker 2 a Mayan bride, and that was like his lady. He started sailing with her, and she would like,

Speaker 2 yeah, I don't know if it was the Cortez the killer or just another Cortez. But yeah, the flag was sick, dude.
It was just the cross.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, all who worship this symbol, like worship this symbol and have faith in it, and we will conquer. They would just fly in.

Speaker 2 This Cortez was a big missionary. He would go in their temples and just knock their statues down and be like, you guys got to praise the Virgin Mary.

Speaker 2 And apparently a lot of them were like for sure and when they would go other spaniards would pass by some of the villages on boats they would just go maria maria nice they love mary dude that's good yeah it was pretty chill yeah i guess you'd have to kind of believe them you know what i mean if you spent your whole life watching everybody get their head cut off and you're throwing rocks in the ocean to try to build a temple yeah somebody shows up on a fucking spaceship someone gets shows up on a giant 11 giant boats and they ride horses off the boat onto the beach you're just like bro yeah i'm with them.

Speaker 1 I trust them.

Speaker 2 What's your story? And they're like, no, dude, it turns. And they were just like, that's so fucking sick.
Because their guy, Quetzalquotle, was like their big, that was like their big dude.

Speaker 2 Dude, you know what his name was originally? Cocoon.

Speaker 2 Just like the Irish mythological guy.

Speaker 1 Cocoon. I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, kind of nuts. Remember that lady I tried to book for the podcast who was like an ancient alien specialist? She wrote a whole book about how the Mayans were Irish.

Speaker 1 We was Mayans. We was Mayans, too.

Speaker 1 I knew we was Mayans.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I'm going to keep reading that book.

Speaker 2 It's pretty tight. It was written by this guy, Diego Landa, who was just a missionary, who was documenting just kind of how they got down.

Speaker 2 And they just kind of studied outer space really hard, and then they just cut people's heads off and just chilled.

Speaker 1 Pretty cool. Yeah, it's awesome.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 I wish I knew more about it.

Speaker 1 I never really

Speaker 1 got into the Aztecs or the Mayans. The Incas, I was big for a little.
We're like the Incas.

Speaker 2 I'm always, I never know where they live. The Mayans or the Yucatan.

Speaker 1 The Incas are like Peru. Okay, so they're in Peru.
Andes Mountains.

Speaker 2 And where were the Aztecs? They were Mexican.

Speaker 1 The Aztecs were Mexico as well. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they do have stuff like theirs.

Speaker 1 I think the Mayans and Aztecs didn't really overlap.

Speaker 2 But apparently, there were Mexicans that weren't Mayans that would come down. They would battle the Mayans a lot too.
They had the, they were battling the lads like way back when.

Speaker 1 Who knows?

Speaker 2 But yeah, it's pretty cool. The Spaniards would come down and like get in a fight, and they would name the places.
The one bay is just called the Malo Pelar, which just means the bad fight.

Speaker 1 It was really sick.

Speaker 1 Oh, they were city-states. Sometimes I see.

Speaker 1 Mayan, yeah, the Mayans were independent city-states.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's it wasn't like one empire. No, they weren't like a group of people.

Speaker 2 They were just kind of a bunch of different

Speaker 1 flourished until 900 AD, so like 500 years before the Spanish got there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then they think they just became became like probably just chilling. They're just, yeah, they were just chillers.
They had one central town.

Speaker 2 They all like joined in allegedly after fucking Quetzalcoatl like showed them how to get down and they all like hung out.

Speaker 2 But they would always be three brothers who were chill and then like they would just turn evil and kill each other every time. Three brothers, they'd start a podcast, turn on each other.

Speaker 2 It would just be three dudes being like, yeah, we're in charge of all this. And then one day one would be like, I want 75 fucking wives.

Speaker 1 It's usually how it goes

Speaker 1 yeah hernon cortez yeah

Speaker 2 dude was the bro i didn't get to the part where they i mean it was written by the spaniards so the guy was like just like yeah dude he's pretty chill i don't ever liked him i don't know what else it's pretty fucking cool yeah but yeah they had a guy who was there was like two kind of like bishop type dudes and one guy was like we have to torture these guys Because they keep worshiping snakes and cutting people's heads off.

Speaker 2 So we had to torture them to like, it's the only way these guys. And the guy's like, we can't torture him.

Speaker 2 And then one dude, he's like trying, he came to convince the guy, like, we shouldn't be doing this. And the guy's like, no, watch this.
And just like torture the guy in front of him.

Speaker 2 He's like, it works.

Speaker 1 We're like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 He's like pulling a dude's teeth out of his head. Like, see? See, he doesn't like it.

Speaker 1 Now he'll do whatever I want. He doesn't like it at all.
Now he's really afraid of us.

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 trying to think about like the different races of human beings and which one are like air, water, earth, fire. I like thought about this the other day.
I was at the beach.

Speaker 2 I was just high at the beach, and I was like, damn, dude. I kind of figured it out.

Speaker 1 It's like, white people are water people, I believe. Asians are air.

Speaker 2 And then you go down to like black people must.

Speaker 1 No. No.

Speaker 2 Latinos are fire for sure.

Speaker 2 That was the kind of the back.

Speaker 1 No, it's earth. There's nothing wrong with earth.
No, there's nothing wrong with it.

Speaker 2 My thing was, but then someone gets out.

Speaker 1 I'm so sick to control the sea,

Speaker 2 someone gets left out though that was i was like i thought i had it mapped out i'm like wait a second because then you have indians indians are definitely earth it could be fire dude indians are earth for sure indians are i had that because i was like yeah because then i forgot about latinos i'm like okay they're fire for sure but then it's like earth but i was going what about my african brothers what would they be Because then I'm like, I was like, maybe the ether.

Speaker 2 I could throw in the fifth. It could be the ether.

Speaker 1 What do you guys think? I think Elmer was. I think Earth.

Speaker 2 And then what about Indian guys? Someone's getting left out. Then what are Indian guys?

Speaker 1 They're with Asians. They can be combined.
True. Air, Earth, Earth, Air.

Speaker 1 They can be farts.

Speaker 1 All right. I'm trying to keep it respectful, dude.
Who's farts then?

Speaker 1 What about Arabs? You're forgetting Arabs.

Speaker 1 It's like.

Speaker 1 you say Indian Zeroz or farts.

Speaker 1 That's your words.

Speaker 2 I was really hoping to keep this respectful.

Speaker 1 How do you think it was going to go? Dude, you want to break down right now?

Speaker 2 I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth. I was like, yeah, this could actually go really well.

Speaker 1 I'll share this one.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have any? Would you like to help us here? Would any African-American fellows want to see?

Speaker 2 Sure, I'd like to create space for different voices.

Speaker 1 We'd like to see.

Speaker 2 I just know, definitely not water.

Speaker 1 I kind of thought fire. Why aren't we fire?

Speaker 2 Dude, we're more fire than Latinos, bro.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No way. How are you guys fired? Leave it.

Speaker 1 You guys aren't fire. You guys are Earth.

Speaker 1 Latino Heat. Yeah, it's Latino Heat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, bro.

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. Look, I don't want to speak for you guys.
I'd like to elevate your voices in the matter.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah, we do want to hold space for black podcasters.
Thank you. But, yeah, Earth, dude.
You guys got to claim Earth's probably the best one. I think we're Plasma.
Plasma.

Speaker 1 Plasma, the fifth element.

Speaker 2 Ether. I was giving you guys Ether.

Speaker 2 I was like, Ether is the best.

Speaker 2 Indian guys are Earth for sure.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you're pleading the fifth on this. The fifth element?

Speaker 1 No, Earth's good for you guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're all elements.

Speaker 1 Why is Earth good?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Everybody claims the first humans were from Africa.
Just came, you know. True.
That's nice. I like that.

Speaker 2 And it's one of those things where, like, Asians are definitely air. Let's do a process of elimination.

Speaker 1 They run on the trees. They're air air benders.
What about black people are avatars, man? We fucking get all four, I think. If we're from Africa, you get all four water.
Get all four. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And no offense. You're spraying water out of your hands.
Oh, shit. Air? Did you ever see those like Jamaican guys jump off the barge into the water?

Speaker 1 It's in the nature.

Speaker 1 It's in the nature. It's between you guys and Asians.

Speaker 1 You guys are confusing air with just jumping.

Speaker 1 We're talking about air supremacy. I don't think you have achieved it.
Do you want Chinese air? That stuff's bad. Don't turn this on me, too.

Speaker 2 Forget I even brought this up.

Speaker 1 Let's just drop it. Let's just fucking drop it, dude.

Speaker 1 You guys can't be mature enough. Do you guys can't be mature enough to have Earth? Earth's the best.
If we would have said white people are Earth, you would have been like, No, we're Earth.

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, all the elements are none of them are more essential than the others.

Speaker 1 It's don't make us take Earth.

Speaker 1 We can take it all.

Speaker 2 That's the reason I'm not saying we control water.

Speaker 1 We can take everything.

Speaker 2 I know if we said we had Earth, you guys would come and take it. That's why I was being quiet about it.

Speaker 2 Fine, we'll give you guys air, white people, the avatars.

Speaker 1 Fine, white people are the avatars. Never even told her that.
That's a good answer.

Speaker 1 You're right. We definitely are avatars.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to wait to hear what black people said. Like, no, that's ours.

Speaker 1 That's actually, that's ours.

Speaker 2 That's a good idea, but we're going to take that. We're going to take that idea.
It's really cool.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you said Indians and Arabs were farts.

Speaker 1 That's fucking wrong, dude.

Speaker 2 I didn't think about the gas element. They could be gas.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Dude, oh, dude,

Speaker 2 switching gears.

Speaker 1 Changing gears, dude.

Speaker 2 I wanted to tell you, dude, I went to, I think I told you this yesterday, but I was at Port Arancis, Texas, the beach.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, it is

Speaker 2 at first glance, the sickest setup. You ever been to a 4x4 beach?

Speaker 1 Cars pull up? Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I have.

Speaker 2 Dude, this was, for real, it was insane, man. It was like fucking...

Speaker 1 Only during COVID-19.

Speaker 2 Where were were you?

Speaker 1 I was in Hilton Head, but it's not typically, you're not allowed to do that. Not allowed to do it typically, but it was COVID, dude.

Speaker 2 There was no rules. The beach was a road.

Speaker 1 Like that upper portion of the beach was like a Florida Banks has that. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Dude, it was kind of sick. Just like you just bop around golf carts, faded on a golf cart, blasting you had the music from your phone.
That's water stuff. The speaker, true, for sure.

Speaker 1 Now you're talking water.

Speaker 2 For sure. Also, dude, it was the Texas beach.
Everyone pulls up and like sets up like pretty sick setups, like a truck.

Speaker 1 It's like a tailgate.

Speaker 2 barbecues, Trump flags everywhere. Got me thinking, it's like nobody parties under the Biden banner.
People party under the Trump flag.

Speaker 2 I've never seen someone just get down under a Biden flag.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would suck so bad.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, that would be so. I mean, it'd be really funny.
Just turkey burgers. Just do it at that beach.
Do it at that beach. See how long before you get your fucking ass beats, dude.

Speaker 1 Just like turkey burgers and fucking impossible. Impossible.
Just blasting Kendrick's new album.

Speaker 1 They not like us. They not like us.

Speaker 2 Never seen it. You've never seen somebody flying a Biden banner and just partying.

Speaker 1 Get a nice Kamala flag, too.

Speaker 1 That's important. That would be tight.
A Harris Walls flag.

Speaker 1 Just getting wrecked.

Speaker 2 Just having so much blasting NPR. I'd be like, that's actually very important.

Speaker 1 I never thought of it like that.

Speaker 2 I didn't think about that.

Speaker 1 Just kissing a guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it wasn't a very inviting party flag, the Biden. No.
Couldn't have any fun.

Speaker 1 It wasn't very fun.

Speaker 2 It was not fun. You couldn't blast Kid Rock's summer anthem.

Speaker 1 Whiskey out the bottle.

Speaker 2 Turn this off. It's tough.
He shot the butt line.

Speaker 1 Turn this off. Hey, turn that off right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. I'm telling you, I want to see somebody do it.
I want everyone to have fun. But it turns out the Trump flags are kind of corner of the

Speaker 1 kind of a beacon for a good, a good party.

Speaker 2 Kind of, dude. Yeah, you have a good time.
It was kind of, it was making me sad. But it is at nighttime.
It is funny.

Speaker 2 My friend was pointing it out. It's like, it is Fury Road.
You go on the beach at nighttime and it's just kids hanging off golf carts like war boys.

Speaker 2 It was fun.

Speaker 1 But dude, the uh were there some fires going at night?

Speaker 2 Yep, you had a beach fire, dude. They would come out.
The

Speaker 2 thing was called cinnamon, cinnamon shorts. So, like you go to Puerto Rances, and it's like the town, by the way, bleak.

Speaker 2 It's a I went to a grocery store like 10 minutes away to grab some supplies for last night, dude. I'm not exaggerating this at all.

Speaker 2 There was an older lady cashier, and I, you know, she was just kind of sitting there and I'm like, hey, how are you doing? You know, normal stuff. Yeah,

Speaker 2 she just sighs and she was like,

Speaker 1 not good.

Speaker 1 Like, okay. Good for her.

Speaker 2 Dude, it was not, it was actually refreshing. And I was like, oh, dude.
And then she took it even further. She was like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I just,

Speaker 2 I don't like this job at all.

Speaker 1 And I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 I was like, fair enough. And I was like, you know what? Let me shut up.
It's probably annoying. You know, it's a 50th.
Cause she was like, it's just the same thing. Just people come and over and over.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, yeah, you know what? Let me shut up. I'm probably the 50th guy to ask you how your day is.
She's like, yeah, I just, I just remember my, like, you know, my life used to to have meaning.

Speaker 1 I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 Wow, she said all this, yeah, dude. And then she goes, she was like, I used to be an assistant, uh, assistant librarian in Samoa.
I was like, okay, cool.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah, then a flood took the place out. Really bad flood, killed a lot of children.
I'm just like, Jesus Christ. She goes, there were families of children that died.

Speaker 2 She goes, luckily, and this was why, this like made the other person lying next to me turn around. She goes, luckily, it wasn't on the tourist side.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, oh, man. Damn.
Damn, she had a little Cortez in her. Yeah, dude.
It's pretty ugly.

Speaker 1 Luckily, it didn't get the pale faces.

Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 I think she was kind of faded, dude. There was a display of buzzballs next to her.
I'm like, she must be crushing these buzzballs.

Speaker 1 I would, too. Yeah, I would.
Bro, if you're sitting there going, you know what, I don't have any meaning in my life. I'm a cashier here.
I'm sick of this. Yeah.
What's that? A buzzball?

Speaker 1 I'm going to take it down. I was going to notice.

Speaker 2 Was that a butterscotch buzzball?

Speaker 1 That sounds like fucking hell.

Speaker 2 She kept, dude, she kept going. She was like, yeah, man.
She was like, you know, could you imagine funerals are sad, but imagine a funeral for multiple children at the same time.

Speaker 1 I'm like, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 She's like, and you got to put the bodies up high because if you put them down low, they just wash away. I'm like, okay.
Dude, it was a 10-minute exchange.

Speaker 2 She's like, yeah, my ex-husband, we met out there. He's a drunk.
All the guys in Samoa, by the time they're 60, they're drunks. They have nothing to do.
They're just drunks.

Speaker 2 Probably drunks before that. She was like, and she just broke down her ex-husband.
She's like, smart guy. No common sense.

Speaker 2 He's probably drunk right now. And I'm like looking at her, like, you're probably drunk right now, lady.
But

Speaker 2 went on for 10. And then I finally, like, got, I got the last thing bagged up and was like, all right, have a good one.
And then she just like, just smiled. Such a big smile.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, thank you. She goes, so how are you doing?

Speaker 1 Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So what's up with you? It's all right.
Shit's going well. Just signed a Spotify deal.

Speaker 1 It's pretty easy. I just do podcasts.

Speaker 2 It's pretty good. I actually haven't beat off in like seven days.
I'm getting raging boners every morning. Should have fired back.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 2 Dude, I've been fucking.

Speaker 2 I don't know what happened. I've turned a corner.
We'll see if I can keep it, but I'm just, bro.

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Speaker 2 I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not at, I'm not even trying to have sex.

Speaker 2 I'm not fapping. I'm just like.

Speaker 2 Just going to be really I've tried this so many times, but I think I've turned the corner where I've been getting charged up that like when I'm like, you know, I mean, mean, obviously, you know, and you have to come really bad.

Speaker 2 I've just been like reveling in that feeling. And I'm just like, dude, I'm just going to charge myself up as much as I can.

Speaker 1 Every once in a while, when I'm hungover, I get the ultimate need to come right now.

Speaker 2 Yes, dude. Yeah.
I drove home kind of like that, and I was not lying.

Speaker 1 What happens on drive sometimes? Dude, I was rock hard. You had rock hard for an entire drive?

Speaker 2 Dude, it was a three-hour, 45-minute drive. No calf.
I think I might have been hard for two and a half hours straight. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just non-stop. It was like I was driving and Brittany would like put her hand on my thigh and I was for real going like,

Speaker 1 I was trying to shift it.

Speaker 2 I was fucking, I was in a state, dude. It was crazy.
But yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm going to try to keep it up and just see if I can get charged up off the life energy. Because it's a huge difference, man.

Speaker 2 When you're ramped like that, if you can just power through it, you have energy.

Speaker 2 All these people say they're tired. It's like, bro,

Speaker 1 Yeah, for real.

Speaker 2 I want to try to not do it for a month and then get my T checked and just see what my levels are. I would imagine they'd be fucking high.

Speaker 2 If you just held, if you held in your goop,

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm like a broken record on this, but I feel I might have turned the corner.

Speaker 1 I think it's a good thing.

Speaker 1 You're very interested in the goop and goop retention. I am.
Well, it's like

Speaker 1 goop on the brain.

Speaker 2 I get goop on the brain. It's goop retention, goop release.
You know, I like it all.

Speaker 1 Everything goop.

Speaker 1 All things goop. I'm here to discuss goop.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 that's been a welcome development. And I keep taking the maca.
I'm just feeding the beast.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I've been waking up.

Speaker 1 I got a feeling these boys have not retained any goop.

Speaker 2 These guys, they don't let them know.

Speaker 1 Lamer had a blanket over himself when I came in. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Goopless.

Speaker 1 You were in this room for five minutes before you laid down with a blanket? Goopless, dude. I'm tired.

Speaker 2 No goop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a goopless man. There's no goop in the system.
You probably got rid of your goop this morning, didn't you? No. You lie like a rope.

Speaker 1 Does morning come as three in the morning? Oh, you got your fucking goop out of three? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you?

Speaker 1 I heard you had a little bit of a partner here?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 You had a hot date?

Speaker 1 It wasn't a date. There's no partners.
Huh? No, you individually gooped at 3 a.m. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a late night goop session.

Speaker 2 It was a drink. Wrenching hour.

Speaker 1 It was a drunk goop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some of the nastiest goops possible.

Speaker 1 A drunk goop is fucking weird.

Speaker 2 You just throw your phone in a fire afterwards.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a drunk goop.

Speaker 1 That's no good. I always throw my phone.
It's like a pile of clothes. I always throw my phone on a pile of clothes and I'm done.

Speaker 1 Get this thing all in.

Speaker 1 Be gone.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Has anyone gotten like freaky with AI?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Just been like,

Speaker 2 find me the freakiest vids, or like

Speaker 2 you could get. No one's ever gotten freaky with it, I don't think.

Speaker 1 I've never even considered asking AI for Pern.

Speaker 1 I've never asked AI one thing, I've never used it once.

Speaker 1 Never, I don't even know what chat GBT is. I've never looked at it, dude.

Speaker 2 I was the same way like three weeks ago, and I've started using it. It's like a very ball, it's like Google on steroids.

Speaker 1 Oh, I guess I do it with Google because now that that just automatically comes up, but whatever. Fucking,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm not worried about AI, dude.
I'm holding it down. I'm not at all, dude.

Speaker 2 I don't know why everyone's spazzing out about it.

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't think, like, well, the thing is, if you have a job where you're like doing admin work, toast.

Speaker 2 You're a toast.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 I mean, if I was doing admin work, I'd be like, release me from this. So true.
My life. I'd rather have a cashier next to fucking.

Speaker 2 At least you get to talk to people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, they're going to have to figure it out because it will erase.

Speaker 1 I was going to say they're going to make cashiers automated, but that's where the Earth people are really helping.

Speaker 1 We can't automate the cashiers.

Speaker 2 No, you know what they do now with the automated cashiers? They wait until you're just on camera and they wait until you get up to like $500 of theft and they just come to your house.

Speaker 2 So you can have a field day and eventually you get a knock on the door and they're like, yo, bro. They wait until it gets to whatever the limit is for like larceny.

Speaker 2 And then you just get a knock on the dough.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's how they get you now.

Speaker 1 But they are like

Speaker 1 the last, they're fighting against the AI.

Speaker 2 I fought.

Speaker 1 You guys want to automate this? Yeah, you've been.

Speaker 2 I've waged war against them.

Speaker 2 And I, dude, I'm telling you,

Speaker 2 I knew I was like, they just came out.

Speaker 2 They budget for billions of loss. Even like any store does.
There's like the theft loss prevention is like, they're like, we're going to lose at least a billion this year.

Speaker 2 Like in Walmart, they know they're like, we're losing whatever it is, 100 million or whatever. So I was like, bro, these are just rolling out.
And I went ham.

Speaker 2 And then eventually I was like, all right, I'm done. I quit.
I was like, this is ridiculous. You got out of the game.

Speaker 2 You know how crazy it is to steal like rotisserie chickens when your Patreon's popping. It felt bad.

Speaker 2 I was like, I can't anymore. This is a crime.

Speaker 2 This is a crime, dude. We're like number three on Patreon.
I'm like, I was reaping the benefits.

Speaker 1 I'd be back home. I was your little fucking,

Speaker 1 you were feeding me, dude.

Speaker 1 I would lay back home. You'd go, I stole this red test.

Speaker 2 I put these vitamins in a box at Whole Foods and pretended it was scrambled eggs.

Speaker 1 They were $2.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was, the lady got caught doing my method, which was you take a price tag off of a smaller price item, hold it under like a, I would get a whole like sheet cover for like 200 bucks, scan like a Walmart t-shirt over it.

Speaker 2 So on camera, I'm scanning this thing, but it would come up as like seven bucks.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I stopped. I retired my jersey.

Speaker 1 It's good. I was like,

Speaker 2 I mean, dude, the meat. I would get fucking like 10 pounds of meat and just not raining up.

Speaker 1 We need that meat.

Speaker 2 You just bag it all up.

Speaker 1 We need it.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, you really can't do that. Le Mary got one pound of meat last night.

Speaker 2 He was tenderizing last night.

Speaker 1 That's disgusting, Le Le May.

Speaker 2 Three o'clock goop, man. And then you're laying on the couch.

Speaker 1 Goop session? Did you come in here and lay on my. I know you didn't.

Speaker 1 I'm certain you didn't shower. I showered.
My fucking dick, you showered. I showered.

Speaker 2 I showered. Dribbling on the couch.

Speaker 1 Ew.

Speaker 1 The goop man, the big goop.

Speaker 2 Do you guys have any goop in you?

Speaker 1 What's your guys' deal?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I gooped last night. Jesus Christ.
The whole squad's just dropping goops. I also gooped.
Goopless.

Speaker 2 I wasn't going to fall asleep early enough without gooping. Did you have to scurry away to goop?

Speaker 2 I had to put my dog in his ken. I'll throw a blanket over him.

Speaker 2 He can't see me. It'll devastate me.

Speaker 2 Where'd you catch the goop sash?

Speaker 1 Living room. Yo, bro.
That's all I got. Living room, bedroom.
Bathroom, bro. Bathroom.

Speaker 2 So here the door. I was telling LaMaire this the other day.

Speaker 1 You wanted to goop without making love. You don't want to make any love.

Speaker 2 It's that time of the month.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I just entered that period right now.

Speaker 1 I hate the goose. God damn it.

Speaker 1 She's a witch.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I just entered into that right now.

Speaker 1 We'll see. I think I'm about to.
Yeah. Yeah, they're all based on

Speaker 1 recent recent attitudes.

Speaker 1 The forecast got a little cloudy.

Speaker 1 Dude, storms coming.

Speaker 2 There has to be a thing. Actually, some women go on SSRIs during their periods.

Speaker 2 There's like a, there's a, they like diagnose a mental condition that's like menstrual-induced depression or whatever it is. Menstrual-induced, fucking mean as hell.

Speaker 1 Oh, goodness. Fucking mean as hell, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And some women now take Paxil and shit while on their periods.

Speaker 2 But, you know, that sucks.

Speaker 1 That's a good move. I might start

Speaker 1 close it in. I'm worried about you.

Speaker 1 I made you some tea.

Speaker 1 Eight Xanax.

Speaker 1 She's going to sleep for a week.

Speaker 2 They should be able to go into a mini coma for like a week. That's fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 They kind of do.

Speaker 1 It's true. They really do.
They hibernate for like three days. True.

Speaker 2 Just some movie on Netflix, like, these beautiful things that are there.

Speaker 1 I will say this. Shut the door.
In defense of old Benson Boone. Yeah.
I was trying to hate the boy.

Speaker 1 And I watched his American Idol.

Speaker 1 Killed it. That's kind of nice.
He crushed it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just don't like the

Speaker 1 outfits very much. They're not for me.

Speaker 2 What are the, what's going on?

Speaker 1 Just a giant honker and a fucking

Speaker 1 bell-bottoms onesie. It's fucking, does a flip off a piano and goes,

Speaker 1 yeah. It's just not for me.

Speaker 2 I know what you're talking about now. Yeah.
Yeah, that, I mean, dude, when you enter into girl, if you become like a female entertainer, it's like,

Speaker 2 time's up. You got to dress, you know, kind of, you know, like a gay guy.

Speaker 2 Because if you, if you just, like, try to be a female entertainer and you just wore like cool, normal shit like we wear, like fucking alpha stuff.

Speaker 1 Normal shit, alpha stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like like alpha shit. Like, for some reason, there's shorts, not a big deal.

Speaker 2 Just something cash and light, like nothing crazy, but it's definitely like pretty something totally cash.

Speaker 1 Let's everyone in the room know, I don't care. Yeah, for sure.
I don't care that you guys are dressing up. I dress like this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like you guys are so worried about gooping. I'm not, like, if you don't even worry about gooping, you don't have to wear anything, dude.

Speaker 1 You don't worry about gooping. The goop comes to you.

Speaker 1 Girls see you, they go, that guy's dressed like a fucking dumbass.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get his goop out of him.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, also, I only get goop from guys that dress like fifth graders.

Speaker 1 It works,

Speaker 1 dude.

Speaker 2 On the drive from Austin down to Puerto Rances, you're just going to cut through these small Texas towns.

Speaker 2 And in every, dude, there'd be a town of like, you know, when you come through and you're like, how? Like,

Speaker 2 this is crazy. Like, how do you even exist here?

Speaker 1 You know, it could be a town of like four people.

Speaker 2 DQ. DQ's life.

Speaker 1 DQ, yeah.

Speaker 2 Bro, it's like spice. It's on Arrakis.
Like, whoever controls the fucking

Speaker 2 whoever controls the blizzard controls the whole town.

Speaker 1 So hot down there, bro. I know.
You get a nice blizzard.

Speaker 2 And they're, dude, every town, it's like they, there's just like nothing DQ sticking up. You're like, fuck, bro.

Speaker 1 It's funny you notice that. I noticed that when I was down in Arizona, did you? Every single small town.

Speaker 1 DQ.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. That's like it's the

Speaker 1 Taco Bells, too. And

Speaker 2 usually, yeah.

Speaker 1 Del Tacos,

Speaker 1 but yeah, DQ for sure.

Speaker 2 Might have to get into the DQ small town game, just lording over small towns with the DQ.

Speaker 1 We had one of McCannsburg, though, it was a pretty big deal, yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 They're fucking

Speaker 2 every kid's sports game is

Speaker 2 straight to DQ. Yeah, they, you know, they do the hot food too, they'll chill it.

Speaker 1 I was gonna say, Matt would be a great ice cream, man.

Speaker 2 I did work at an ice cream place before, yeah. My, my, um, my hygiene wasn't good,

Speaker 1 I would be even the batches,

Speaker 1 Oh, bro.

Speaker 2 I'd be like itching my butt in the back.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, get out there and make some cones.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, all right.

Speaker 2 I used to walk by like the gallons, open the thing, and just scoop it with my hands and eat the ice cream.

Speaker 1 It was so gross. Matt, I worked in an ice cream factory, and my hygiene wasn't great either.

Speaker 1 I would fucking sleep on the floor in the locker room and wake up and stick my hands straight in the ice cream.

Speaker 1 How could you not?

Speaker 1 you ate hershey's ice cream in 2010 oh

Speaker 1 yeah i was at brewster's brewster's fucking rules that's a good place

Speaker 2 yeah brewer it was a it was a sick job man but you know whatever i'll be honest i was come to think of it the

Speaker 2 hygiene was low in the factory yeah it was poor hygiene yeah dude i yeah it's not it's not the best yeah i remember like for real coming out of the bathroom from taking a dump and like handling a cone and the manager be like did you wash your hands in the bathroom?

Speaker 1 I'd be like, Yes, yes, dude. There's a sign, of course.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I can just scratch my balls afterwards. I was like, Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Love seeing that sign at a place I don't work at. Oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 that sucks for the employees, sucks for those guys.

Speaker 1 I can go straight back out to the public with a dump on my hands,

Speaker 1 straight back to the beer pong table.

Speaker 2 I don't think I like

Speaker 2 as a child, I know for a fact I never wash my hands after dumping. Yeah, even

Speaker 1 sadly, even as an adult, it's like if I wash my hands after I take a piss, I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's really turned a corner.

Speaker 1 Am I a doctor?

Speaker 1 Mate used to not wipe his butt.

Speaker 1 You might be fart.

Speaker 1 You're not Earth, dude.

Speaker 1 I saw it coming.

Speaker 2 I was like five or six.

Speaker 2 I didn't have time.

Speaker 1 I had to get back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I had to get back to my Power Rangers and my Beast Wars.

Speaker 1 So you would just not wipe your ass?

Speaker 2 I would just get right up. I learned my lesson quickly.

Speaker 2 It only takes a short amount of not wipes until year one, your underwear devastated.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 holy shit. You must have had full dumps in there.

Speaker 1 You must have had insane dumps.

Speaker 2 Did somebody step in on this, or were you just, you just naturally were like, I think if I, I think my mom might have said something because at that age, I was still wearing straight, tidy, white.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 So she was getting the laundry was fucking chaos. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She would hit me with the are you white, but I'd be like, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I was like a

Speaker 1 fool, like maybe a year.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 But it, yeah, maybe, maybe.

Speaker 2 It must have been free, though. That must have been nice, just like popping up, being like suckers.

Speaker 2 I was still like, you know, I learned I was doing it myself. That's big once you start doing that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll be honest, as an adult, I've tried it a couple times. I'm like, you know, you're wiping, you're like, man, this is really getting me nowhere.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I mean, this is my girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Give up.

Speaker 1 You can definitely look. That happens to everybody.
You go, I've wiped seven times.

Speaker 1 I got to go about my day. I can't sit here wiping my ass for 20 fucking minutes.

Speaker 1 The give up never works. You end up going back to the bathroom

Speaker 2 or you just forget. I'll be like, before bed, I'll be like moving.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what the fuck? The hell's going on? My ass is itchy as well.

Speaker 2 Literally last night, I was walking by and

Speaker 2 I took a nice dump during the day and I thought it was fine enough. I was like, all right, I'm good to go.
I like was about to get ready for bed and I was like, something's not right.

Speaker 2 And I took, I was, I was took a piss and I like just like a father's intuition.

Speaker 2 I was like, let me just, let me see, let let me just get one little ass wipe before bed.

Speaker 1 Dude, you would have fallen. Oh, you would have thought I just shit.
Yeah, I was like, oh, no.

Speaker 2 I heard Brittany come up the steps. I was like,

Speaker 1 real fine about this.

Speaker 2 When she catches me just wiping my ass at nighttime, she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing. I'm getting ready for bed.
Leave me alone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm jerking off in here.

Speaker 2 Getting my goop out.

Speaker 2 Getting my goop out.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I've unfortunately, yeah, I had a five-year-old's ass last night before bedtime.

Speaker 2 I thought I was like, I didn't even, you know, I didn't even thought I'd give up. I was like, thought I was good to go.
I thought I was Gucci.

Speaker 2 Turns out not the case.

Speaker 1 No, we've all, there's nothing to be ashamed of. No, yeah.

Speaker 2 I hit a hard, I hit a give up the other day that's straight to the shower.

Speaker 2 That's the move. That is the move, man.

Speaker 1 This isn't working.

Speaker 2 Yeah, straight to the shower. I walked past my whole family.
I was in like the downstairs bathroom. Brittany's like, are you done pooping? I was like, taking it to the shower.
This was a disaster.

Speaker 1 She's like, Jesus Christ, this was a disaster.

Speaker 1 This was a complete disaster. I've got to wash my ass.

Speaker 2 I've got to power wash my asshole.

Speaker 2 What are we having for breakfast?

Speaker 1 Prepare breakfast. I'll be done washing my ass in a minute.

Speaker 2 Next time she catches me wiping my ass at nighttime, I'm going to turn to her and go, These beautiful things are out there.

Speaker 2 Do a backlift off the toilet and land on my back. You got to hear the other guy.

Speaker 1 I forget the way it uh.

Speaker 1 It's like, you'll be married in the suburbs.

Speaker 1 In the American dream.

Speaker 2 There's another sexy crooner right now.

Speaker 1 It's a white guy on Instagram. They call it Kyle Core, this type of music.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's Kyle Core.

Speaker 2 All you need is one good girl hit, man. Yeah.
And you're good to go.

Speaker 1 He's kind of getting clowned, though. Everyone's saying this is not it.
What do you mean? It's just super corny. It's it's

Speaker 1 uh if chain five, I'll look for it.

Speaker 1 And I'll be dancing on California.

Speaker 1 Oh, I heard this song.

Speaker 1 in love.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 He seems old to be that whimsical and gay.

Speaker 1 I mean, how would I hold that boy?

Speaker 2 He's probably late 20s, I would say.

Speaker 2 That's when you're just getting old enough to become, honestly, even gayer.

Speaker 1 True, some guys do double down. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he has, he knows like one person who had a kid, and he's like, oh, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you'll be in California.

Speaker 1 And I'll be dancing.

Speaker 1 You'll be fucking going to the grocery store, you stupid bitch.

Speaker 1 And I'll be singing and gooping everywhere. He might have gooped that night, though.

Speaker 1 There were some people filming that that looked like they were ready for some goop.

Speaker 2 Women love nothing more than a guy thinks the guitar and be like, it's so hard for you.

Speaker 1 And he's scooping out in California.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, you guys see Machine Gun Gellie put out the goop anthem in the summer, too. What was the goop anthem he put out? He put out a full-on fucking goop sash for the Broads.
What was it?

Speaker 1 It was a screen mode goop sash?

Speaker 2 Yo. Or is it more pop punk?

Speaker 1 It's pop.

Speaker 1 Pop.

Speaker 1 It's just pop. Yeah, he put out a nice goop sash for that.

Speaker 2 That guy is like the perfect celebrity, though. Just like he'll like wear one of those guys that'll just wear like Frankenstein boots.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's like going full Backstreet Boys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Backstreet's back.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Backstreet's fucking back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Time stamp that.

Speaker 1 We're not allowed to play cool goop music.

Speaker 2 I think we can play. If we're talking about it, it's Cromen license or whatever or something.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Put out a goop anthem. It's him and the California Dancing in California guy that are battling for the goop shot of the summer.

Speaker 2 True. What about fucking the dude at the piano back flipper?

Speaker 1 He's got some goop stuff coming.

Speaker 1 He's got to get this goop. He's got a couple goop songs.
He needs a goop.

Speaker 2 He needs to release a song so he can.

Speaker 1 I think he's got some new goop shit coming.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I wonder who's battling for the song of the summer. Kanye threw down the gauntlet.

Speaker 1 Kanye is still leading. I'd say,

Speaker 1 I guess Nokia from Drake is

Speaker 1 hanging on. He gooped too early with that, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he should have saved the song.

Speaker 1 He should have saved that for the summer.

Speaker 2 It's not too late for him to release a summer anthem. There's no great summer anthem right now besides.

Speaker 2 I mean, what did we have last year? Last year we had some fucking banger. We had that guy, the tipsy, the guy, the black animal.
Shibuzzi.

Speaker 1 That was a good one. He fucking.
That shit was not like us.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Was that the summertime? That was the song of the year.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you can't part.

Speaker 1 That was like.

Speaker 1 This is. You are just whoopy from

Speaker 1 you.

Speaker 1 You the view, bro. You're the live liberal anthem.
You're goopy, dude. You love the liberal anthem.
He's goopy.

Speaker 1 You lovey gold. You got a lot of dance to it.

Speaker 1 It's so cute. It's whoopee Goopberg.
Dude, you couldn't turn on anything without hearing Not Like Us last year. For sure.

Speaker 2 So that was something. Was that the Summer Anthem, though?

Speaker 1 It's not really a summer anthem. It's not.
In any way.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 As soon as you hit the surface, I think that song is what made Gingers Black.

Speaker 1 It actually might be.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe, okay, that could have been Summer Anthem, maybe.

Speaker 1 That was definitely the most played. That was

Speaker 1 for sure.

Speaker 2 For faux show.

Speaker 2 But again, like, dude, I'm thinking Kid Rock, Summer Anthem. That was a real summer anthem.
That's like party time. I guess you can.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Nobody party to that song other than for real, the DNC.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 We're in need of a fucking summer banger. Shibuzzi, was that last year or like two years ago?

Speaker 2 It was last year. Yeah, that was the summer anthem, dude.

Speaker 2 Let's all get real. Let's have a reality check here.
It's time for a reality check.

Speaker 2 Can we please get back down to fucking Earth right now?

Speaker 1 It's time to get down to Earth.

Speaker 2 That was.

Speaker 1 You found a summer anthem?

Speaker 1 Well, let's say that. What are they? There was.

Speaker 1 I just typed it in to get a bunch of people. What about Express? Had Some Help by Morgan Waller.
Had Some Help was a big one. Oh, yeah, that was a big one.
Here to Go. Chapel Roan was a big one.

Speaker 1 That was last summer.

Speaker 1 These are all great summer anthems. Million Dollar Baby by Tommy Richman.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that was one you couldn't escape either.

Speaker 1 Shaboos. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, and I found out the guy who sings that song in the backyard is Brendan Abernathy, an indie musician.

Speaker 1 Nice. Nice.
I've been Googling him. Good luck, Brendan.

Speaker 1 He's, yeah. Okay.
He seemed like a nice, he seemed to have it be a good sport about it. He made a funny video with that

Speaker 1 Kyle Gordon guy about it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But people roasting him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People are playing on him pretty hard.

Speaker 2 Seems to be the price you pay, man. Like, if you want to get a big follow on Instagram, you have to deal with people fucking hating on you.
True.

Speaker 1 Like, hard.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's kind of the price you pay.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 It's good to check the comments before you do a press run for tires. Why did you do that? I don't know.
I was bored. I just kept looking at shit.

Speaker 1 It's good.

Speaker 1 You go, I think I'm doing too much. And then you read all these comments, the top comments, like, he's doing too much.
I know.

Speaker 1 It's exactly what I thought. Well, it's a good thing I have a press run for tires.

Speaker 1 Oh, I blew it with Girby's. Well, I had him.

Speaker 1 I told you they wanted me to do late night. I said, I won't do it without Girby's.

Speaker 1 That way, I can pants him. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Uh, and then I had him. I was like, We got to wear a tuxedo for Seth Meyers.
Oh, and he was gonna wear a tuxedo. And he called me and he was like, Do we really have to wear a tuxedo? I was like,

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Oh, that was nice of you.

Speaker 1 I should have done it.

Speaker 1 It would be crazy, dude.

Speaker 1 No, that's nice. I still got some things up my sleeve for him.

Speaker 2 True. I mean, dude, honestly, it's kind of a 4D chest because now you're going, nah, ma'am's.

Speaker 1 No, I couldn't do that to you. Yeah, I couldn't do that to you.
Guess what?

Speaker 2 Sweatpants. Turns out you got to wear sweatpants.

Speaker 1 We have to wear sweatpants.

Speaker 2 That'll be so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Fuck, I got to get an outfit. I don't have any.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what are you going to go with?

Speaker 1 To wear nice stuff to late night?

Speaker 1 I feel like at least a golf shirt and some jeans.

Speaker 1 Got it. Done.
Golf shirt could be it.

Speaker 2 Golf shirt and jeans. Throw some dungarees.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Also, I'm nervous about that. I don't like that.
A late night?

Speaker 1 You got to walk out through the curtain

Speaker 1 to the desk, you know?

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen the thing?

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen late night television in any way?

Speaker 2 I've never seen it live, no.

Speaker 1 Like when they bring out a guest, you got to walk out. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, people will be happy.

Speaker 2 You'll come out and people will go, ah.

Speaker 2 Then Then you can go out. Dude, if all else fails,

Speaker 1 they might not be that happy.

Speaker 1 We thought it was going to be Pedro Pascal.

Speaker 2 They'll be stoked. Kurt, just watching.

Speaker 1 Kirby's is going to lose his mind.

Speaker 2 It'll be so funny. It'll be so fucking funny sitting there.

Speaker 1 It's going to be really bad.

Speaker 1 There's no way it's good.

Speaker 2 The best was last year when you guys did the tires premiere and they tried to do a serious interview.

Speaker 1 A serious interview after the premiere, and then Gerby sat next to me and was just going,

Speaker 1 he's just staring. I was like, Gerbin, he's talking to you.
He asked you a question. He's like, what?

Speaker 1 And I said, Gerbin, fucking, what's wrong with you? And he's like, I'm having a panic attack.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, fuck, dude.

Speaker 2 You got to hit him with his cocktail before he goes up.

Speaker 1 He's going to get some cocktails.

Speaker 2 Oh, bro.

Speaker 2 You got to let him

Speaker 2 drink on that Xanax.

Speaker 2 I looked back when we were flying. I was like just looking back at him.

Speaker 1 Halfway through, he's just like.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking cat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a cat, dude. You gotta literally inject him with drugs to get him on a fucking plane.
I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, give him the Zans, bro.

Speaker 2 Give him like double the dose and let him just wear shades the whole time. That would be so nice.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2 You should get one of those like fake press bars in Ketzington. Just give him Fett.

Speaker 1 Let's give him some. Just fucking kill him.

Speaker 1 You nor can him on fucking Seth Myers. I could get in a fight with him on Seth Myers.
That'd be sick. Just get in a fist fight with him.
That'd be so funny, dude. Kirby's getting jacked, dude.

Speaker 1 He might be a problem.

Speaker 2 He's ripped, dude. He's absolutely ripped.

Speaker 1 But you've been training, so I have took a little week off there. Things are

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 2 your muscles are just building back up there. That's true.
So you need some recovery. Yeah, it'll be very fun.

Speaker 2 How is Seth Myers? Have you ever met him before?

Speaker 1 I actually met him. He came at SNL.
He came down to my green room just to say what's up. He was very nice.
Yeah, I've heard that about a lot of the late night guys.

Speaker 2 They're like very nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think they're all kind of the bros. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you going to get hammered with them? I feel like Jimmy gets hammered. Well, Jimmy gets hammered.
Jimmy Fallon gets hammered. Allegedly, Jimmy gets hammered.

Speaker 2 Drinking out of the mug would be sick, though. I've always, that's one.

Speaker 1 Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. Allegedly.
How would you not?

Speaker 2 I would have to be hammered every night to do that, Joe.

Speaker 1 Bro, that job? Yeah. No offense to the late night guys.
That's a.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 I'd have to do something, man. That'd be crazy.

Speaker 1 Dudes that get that job, though, always wanted that job. Yeah.
Every single one of them is like, I grew up watching Carson or all that. And they're like, this is all I've ever wanted.

Speaker 2 Dude, I always wonder, when I hear people say that, because I've like, I don't have any version of that at all. I've never watched a thing as a child and been like, this is all I want.

Speaker 2 I just would sit there and just be like, fuck, dude, I can't wait to smoke a cigarette in the woods. This is going to be so sick.

Speaker 1 I never looked at a thing and I was like, one day I'll do that.

Speaker 1 I was just sitting there going, damn, fucking snow right now.

Speaker 2 Hiding a boner under a pillow.

Speaker 1 I didn't really have a choice, yeah. The only thing we watched, like, as a family, was just football.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was, I was like, I'll play football. And then even by like eighth grade, I was like, I'm not going to be good enough.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I had the opposite. I was in eighth grade.
That was the one thing I was like, I'll definitely be in the NFL. It's just a matter of time.

Speaker 1 I told you about that.

Speaker 1 In our school, you wrote a letter to yourself when you graduate from eighth grade. Like a little time.
I'll give it to you when you're graduating. What'd you say?

Speaker 1 My letter was like, dude, obviously you're getting offers from Florida State, Notre Dame, Miami. And then it was like the next paragraph was like, yeah, right, you suck.
You're probably going D2.

Speaker 1 I was like, all right, nice.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. Funny a bully from the past.

Speaker 1 You suck. It's like, yeah, right, dude.
You're not going D1. You suck.

Speaker 1 That's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 For real, remember as an adult, like, not an adult, but as a senior reading it being like, God damn it, I didn't live up to my expectation. Oh, never mind.
I knew.

Speaker 1 That's funny.

Speaker 2 Wise beyond your years.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the late night things give me anxiety. But it'll be fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that seems kind of low pressure.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to talk about how Gerby's a superstar now. And

Speaker 1 if season two is a success, Gerbin's going to be

Speaker 1 lost in the sauce. Oh, yeah.
For sure.

Speaker 2 He'll have his own little top golf castle.

Speaker 1 He's the king of Westchester golf.

Speaker 1 He really is. He made guys film him hit golf balls the other day.
What?

Speaker 1 It was actually pretty exciting.

Speaker 2 Who was filming him?

Speaker 1 Just his country club boys.

Speaker 2 That's so fucking tight.

Speaker 1 That is so tight. He's the man there.
He runs that. He's like, Shane, I got to tell you, I think I'm the most famous guy at the country club.

Speaker 1 He broke 80, though. He broke 80.
Oh, really? Yeah, no, Kirby's is fucking good.

Speaker 2 That's really good. And he filmed it.

Speaker 1 It was kind of nice. It was on his Instagram story.
So he was like, I'm about to break 80 on this hole.

Speaker 1 This could be it.

Speaker 2 But he shoot, like a 77 or 70?

Speaker 1 I think he shot a 79.

Speaker 2 Dang, he's been really golfing.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. Yeah.
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 I was pumped on myself. I did an under eight-minute mile this morning.

Speaker 1 That's tough, dude.

Speaker 2 755. I was fucking dying.

Speaker 1 Sick.

Speaker 2 Ever since you told me about the Murphy workout, I was like, I got to do that.

Speaker 1 Murphy workout blows dick. Yeah, don't do it.

Speaker 2 What is it? A mile?

Speaker 1 It's It's a mile and then like 100 push-ups. 300 push-ups, 500.
It's fucking crazy. Never mind.
I did a baby version.

Speaker 2 I just did a mile.

Speaker 1 No, I did the that's the one I did. Yeah, it's crazy.
It's like 100 push-ups, and I was like, all right, that's a lot, dude.

Speaker 2 That's what I did.

Speaker 1 He was like 50 pull-ups. I was like, yeah, bad news for you, brother.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to do 50 push-ups once.

Speaker 1 I'm going to rip my shoulders trying to get one. Yeah, you'll get fucked up, man.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 that's the one thing I do like, having a little test going on where I'm trying to get stuff like that down over and over. It's pretty chill.
7.55 was huge. I was a 10-minute miler for a while.

Speaker 1 10 minutes nice. 10 minutes chill.

Speaker 1 10 minutes sustainable. Fucking chill.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got an 8.11 a week before, and I was like, I got to break eight.

Speaker 2 And I looked, and I was at like seven on the fourth lap, coming like halfway around, and I just was like, fuck, I'm going to get a 7.30. And I looked up, it was like 7.57.
I was like, I'll take it.

Speaker 1 That's great. It was nice.

Speaker 2 It was nice. I'm going to try to break it.
I'm going to try to get that.

Speaker 2 I could get like low sevens as my goal. That'd be chill.
Low sevens would be sick. And then, again, dude, just fucking hard,

Speaker 1 ruby hard,

Speaker 2 rock hard in fantastic shape. Just, that's it.
That's all I'll do for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Just have boners and

Speaker 1 have boners and run and not come and run.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's my, that's kind of my plan.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to try. That could be your plan, dude.
You'll be living the American dream. But you know what I'll be doing?

Speaker 1 Hands now.

Speaker 1 All right, let's go to the Patreon.

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