Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. Hello.
Yeah, damn. Hello, how are you? Hello, everybody.
So, people were causing you some guff?

Speaker 2 Trying not to cry, bro. I got literally, Gardini witnessed it from the start of the weekend.
And the shows were fun. I was in Ball Sacramento and LGBTL.

Speaker 2 I was in Ball Sacramento and LGBTL.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 those are two good ones. They were great.

Speaker 2 Shows phenomenal. But from the dude, from the get-go, we get to the Austin airport.

Speaker 1 We're early.

Speaker 2 I say, hey, this would be a nice treat. I'll take Sean and Egan.
Brought the Eganism with me. I was like, we'll take Sean and Egan up to the American Airlines, a little club lounge.

Speaker 1 Treat them.

Speaker 2 For two free guest passes. Like, what a great way to start the day.
I go in early. I'm, you know, I'm there.
I'm just kind of like writing on my laptop. Sean texts me.

Speaker 2 He's like, you know, he texts me like, hey, we're outside.

Speaker 2 I'm like, okay, Sean's outside.

Speaker 1 Just fucking mumble through text.

Speaker 2 They're just kind of like milling around by that front desk. And I'll be honest, I was like tightening a paragraph.
So they were there for like

Speaker 2 maybe like four.

Speaker 1 How long were you guys there for like a minute?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they were there for a second. I wasn't trying to be a jerk.
I was just locked in.

Speaker 1 Sorry about that.

Speaker 2 Dopamine stack locked in. So

Speaker 2 I go out to let them in. I'm like, hey, these guys are with me.
I believe I have two free guest passes. And the lady goes, yeah, if you're a member.
at this lounge. And I go, okay.

Speaker 2 No big deal. I go, but I am.

Speaker 2 And I, you know, I coming out of it, i scanned in she didn't scan in with me i'm like and then the lady i scanned in with comes up and goes who'd you scan in with and i was like whoever was sitting where you are i think you yeah she's like i don't remember that and i'm like what do you guys think i'm lying like i can assure you i didn't sneak in here we didn't say that i'm like you kind of did and i was like anyway here's my thing but i definitely know i was like i even i beeped in and you went do you need help with anything else so i think it was you yeah she's like i'm just saying i and i was like, okay, she's like, you're not in here.

Speaker 2 So, the only thing I could think of is that I had Gardini's and my boarding pass on my phone. Maybe I beat Gardini's, but that's her.
If I beat the wrong one, that's on her.

Speaker 1 So, I'm like, look, whatever.

Speaker 2 We go into the lounge, and I'm like, dad, this wasn't sitting right with me.

Speaker 2 And I was like, lady, I'm not, I wasn't trying to be a dick, but like, you do realize you kind of accused me of lying to my face in front of my friends.

Speaker 1 You disrespect me in front of my friends.

Speaker 2 You disrespected me in front of my friends.

Speaker 1 In front of the openers. That's something I cannot have.

Speaker 2 You undermined me in front of my openers. I'm setting an example for the openers next thing i know they'll be doing an extra five they'll be doing 30.

Speaker 1 oh they'll run the light gardini

Speaker 1 they'll be walking all over my bits and tags yeah oh i saw that joke you did last night i'm gonna do the same joke

Speaker 1 i have a joke that's just like that it reminded me so i'm gonna open with that tomorrow

Speaker 1 i love them not to go off track but that is the best oh yeah when an opener hears you do a joke and then the next show you hear them do a different joke you go that's

Speaker 1 the same topic They didn't do that in the first show. It's like, oh, yeah, your joke reminded me of my joke about that same topic.
And I wanted to go before you. You go, all right.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 2 Jeeve had some disrespect as well.

Speaker 1 I've had this exact experience.

Speaker 1 Remember, I sat down at a cheesecake factory and they were like, where did you get this seat? Who are you? I was like, I don't know. I didn't just pick this.
Somebody fucking walked me.

Speaker 1 And the hostess was like, I've never seen this person in my life. I was like, what the fuck did you do that for? Why'd you just lie?

Speaker 2 Same thing, dude. And I was hot.
I had to go back up to the lady and be like, dude,

Speaker 2 that was kind of weird you did that to me.

Speaker 2 I'm not like, you know, I just want to let you know that was crazy. I'm not asking for

Speaker 2 preferential treatment in here, but I'm like, don't do that. That was nuts.
And I was like, and you scanned me in.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 2 I don't remember that.

Speaker 1 It's like, that's not my fucking problem.

Speaker 2 So then we had a.

Speaker 1 Was this a white woman? Yeah. I was gonna say, yeah, man.

Speaker 2 It was a white woman.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you were confronting a black woman like this, I would have been bro, I would have said hats off.

Speaker 2 I've been trained to the trenches.

Speaker 2 I know that.

Speaker 1 I pull no punches. I know you're out the mug.

Speaker 1 I'll pull no punches.

Speaker 2 I did that one time back in Philly in an old apartment, and the lady spazzed on me. That's tough.
Yeah. She spazzed on me, and I was just fucking the last Sam.
I was the one, dude.

Speaker 2 I was just kind of like, you have no idea, lady. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm cool.

Speaker 1 Your tricks don't work on me.

Speaker 2 Dude, I can absorb a black spazz like none other, dude. I was just sitting there like

Speaker 1 the only black spazz I really ever absorbed was in our old apartment when that lady came back with her fucking big dog to kick us out. I just sat on the steps and I was like, oh, yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 The realtor that I had worked for that lady.

Speaker 1 Matt worked with his realtor and they came back to like evict us.

Speaker 1 I didn't give a fuck. I had zero dollars.
We were getting evicted from West Philly. I was just sitting at the top of the steps and they were downstairs like right now.

Speaker 1 No, you need to get out right now. And I was like, oh, do I?

Speaker 1 i was in fucking gargoyle on the steps

Speaker 2 you're not supposed to be in here it's like we're not supposed to have a giant hole in our basement floor

Speaker 2 so what's happening that was the best when our our dishwasher was moldy and i was like yo we have like mold in our dishwasher no she came in and she was like i think we might have different definitions of what moldy i was like

Speaker 1 there's mold on the dishwasher you're spraying bleach on it what are you talking about what the fuck are you talking about yeah lump man hook us up with the fridge.

Speaker 2 Yeah, lump. Lump had lump connected the fridge.

Speaker 1 That was nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was pretty sick. But yeah, then so then I get on the plane, and I've been doing a thing on the plane where like I get on and they're seating the whole plane, so I bust my tray out.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm again just getting some writing done, just working. And then I think this might have been on the second flight, but this guy

Speaker 2 just is like, you know, big gay guy from the sky kingdom of gay guys in the air. And he just like

Speaker 1 the stewardess?

Speaker 2 Steward, yeah. Stewardo.

Speaker 1 stewardo the steward stewardo the steward the steward the job he was a big he was a big he's kind of a big dog he's the fix gay steward yes and he dude literally i'm like completely absorbed

Speaker 1 somehow it got hotter

Speaker 2 dude he goes we're waiting on you i'm like what i snap out of work and i'm like oh shit my bad dude and i like shut my laptop and i was just kind of like what the fuck is going on today why is everyone shitting on me and then we land, we get to ball Sacramento, we land, and dude, we're outside the hotel.

Speaker 2 And this actually made me laugh. But a lady comes up, a homeless lady, walks by and goes, move it or lose it.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 And then she did start laughing. She was kind of like...
She was in on it.

Speaker 1 She could feel the.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she turned around and flashed just such a sweet smile. That's funny.
And I was like, dang, lady, that was kind of funny. And then there was an older lady in like a mobility chair.

Speaker 2 And I was telling Sean, I was like, I might hit her with a move it or lose it.

Speaker 1 You should have. It's the only way to break the curse.
You got to give it to somebody else. Bro, everybody's disrespecting you.
You have to disrespect somebody else. It was

Speaker 2 in a 24-hour period, I've never sustained.

Speaker 2 It was non-stop disrespect. I can't think if there's any, I don't know if there's anything else.

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Speaker 1 I caught some strays on my flight home this weekend. Did you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, just some fucking drunk guy sitting next to me or across the aisle, and he was like, I could tell you're somebody because I saw your lady friend that you're with, and then I saw you, and I was like,

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I was like, Oh, cool, man.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck was that for? Why would you say that to me? Yeah, I get hit with that all the time.

Speaker 1 Last night, we were out, and a guy was like, Oh, my friend looks retarded, too. I was like, Yeah,

Speaker 1 cool, man. Thanks, man.
Can I have pictures? Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Do you look retarded in the pictures? I don't have a choice.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna

Speaker 1 let's get the picture. That's the funniest request ever.
I get it every day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's when people are like, let's do middle fingers in the picture. I'm like, come on, man.
I know.

Speaker 1 Middle fingers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Disrespected at the Cabo Bobs.

Speaker 1 You got disrespected at Cabo Bobs?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I told Matt about this and I told everybody besides you about this, but I was.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you telling everyone else for, not me?

Speaker 1 I haven't seen you in a week. Disrespect you.

Speaker 1 There's another one.

Speaker 3 I didn't mean to disrespect you. I'm sorry, but it's funny.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 3 it was me and all the big guys. So it's me, Lemaire, Andy, Pat, and our friend Jake Ricca.

Speaker 1 Is Jake thick, too?

Speaker 3 He's about 1,500 pounds man.

Speaker 1 He hit the Cabo Bobs. You guys can't get in an elevator.
No, absolutely not. We would have been final destination.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nine people. Limit.
You go, we can't get in.

Speaker 1 It was five.

Speaker 3 It's some guy commented about how he was like, why are all you big guys hanging out with this little guy? It's just kind of weird to see.

Speaker 1 That's funny. He's like, like, You guys are all so big, and he's so little.

Speaker 1 Who said this to you? A random guy at the Cavo Box.

Speaker 1 Didn't even work there?

Speaker 3 No, no, he was just going to pick up his lunch, and he commented on all of our sizes.

Speaker 1 He saw you guys, and it took me a while. He probably thought it was some type of weird sexuality.
He's like, There's their little humper. Yeah, that's I was joking about that.

Speaker 3 I was joking about how I had a fat-drawn carriage that took me around.

Speaker 1 You do chill deep with the fats. I know.

Speaker 3 I had never realized until that moment that it probably is a weird sight to see me hanging out with only people that are about four times bigger.

Speaker 1 You do have a plus-sized squad. I do have.

Speaker 1 Really do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was crazy.

Speaker 2 That was pretty much it. The weekend was sick.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, the weekend was great.

Speaker 2 It was just

Speaker 2 non-stop mounting disrespect, just one after the other.

Speaker 1 Not the last lady.

Speaker 2 The last lady had, it was an older lady with braces. Very sweet.
But all the stewards were just.

Speaker 1 That's hot. Yeah, I know.
Was she hot?

Speaker 2 In her own way, yeah. Yeah.
I would say.

Speaker 2 She was kind of a, she was a darling. Very nice, too.
I even, I was so, just, just so beaten down from the weekend. I'm like doing my work before I was at plane loads.

Speaker 2 And I looked up at her at one point and I was like, just let me know when you want me to close this. I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do.
You're fine, sweetie.

Speaker 1 Overall. Thank you, babe.
Babes with braces, they must be humble. True.

Speaker 1 Lest they get hit with a fucking. Shut up, brace face.

Speaker 1 They have to be humble at all times. True.
Nice braces, you fifth-year-old fucking. Wow, wow.

Speaker 2 Getting sexy for your fourth husband?

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Now that's something we would say if we were being mean.

Speaker 2 If I got attacked and got a baby.

Speaker 1 If I got attacked by a brace-faced lady. Yeah.
I go, I don't know who you're talking to with those fucking braces in your mouth.

Speaker 2 She goes, Jesus Christ, can you turn the other way? Sun's bouncing off those things, blinding me.

Speaker 2 Put on your rubber bands and shut the hell up.

Speaker 1 Adult braces are fucking sick. I love them.
I mean, to be rocking braces instead of Invisaligns at this point. It's awesome.
Fucking. It's kind of a power move, honestly.
I know.

Speaker 1 Terrell Davis had braces. Did he really? Yeah, he was the man.

Speaker 1 Running back for the Broncos. You remember him? Tossing the brace.
Yeah, dude. He had fucking braces.

Speaker 2 Game Day 98. That was my go-to.
Yeah, he was nasty. He was awesome.

Speaker 1 Adult braces. They should come back.

Speaker 1 My friend's dad got braces, and it was fucking hilarious. That's wild.

Speaker 2 I told you about my dad. They tried to get him to get braces, and he was just like hell to the gnaw.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't wear braces at a construction site.

Speaker 1 Good lord.

Speaker 2 He couldn't even drive and not drive a pickup truck. If he took, he had a little Ford Fiesta.

Speaker 1 He's going to pass down to Billy. Oh, yeah.
Billy was talking to me yesterday about a $9 million truck he wants to buy.

Speaker 2 It's his absolute Achilles heel. Yeah.
He yearns for like Doramax,

Speaker 2 the most gigantic trucks imaginable.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. He's big trucks.
It's like a little fucking boy. He is.
He loves

Speaker 1 a big truck.

Speaker 2 He loves big, big boy toys.

Speaker 1 He did have a nice answer. I was like, dude, why do you keep buying all these? Why do you want a huge, expensive truck? He's like, I just like them and they're my favorite things.

Speaker 1 I was like, that's fair. I was like, well, that's totally fair, man.
He's like, it's the one thing I like in this entire world. I want a big truck.
All right, man. He does love big trucks.
Big trucks.

Speaker 2 He was, he was, I had rented, what the hell did I, I had some sort of a wagon there, I think, when I was in Philly. Hops in.
He goes, damn, he's like looking around. Oh, this is the wagon.

Speaker 2 They're so nice. Dude, the escalate is probably 160 grits.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm like, that's giving me truck for me. Dude, escalades are sick, though.
Are they? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're on his radar. He's like, they're fucking 160 grits.
They're crazy, dudes.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude. That's the least practical truck for where he lives

Speaker 1 for where he lives.

Speaker 2 I told him, get a little beater, bro.

Speaker 1 Get the bucket. Get in the bucket.

Speaker 2 That's all he needs is a little bucket.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised you're whipping that accord.

Speaker 1 You're a millionaire, Sean.

Speaker 1 Should I get it? You're the richest guy ever. Oh, die.

Speaker 1 It's so crazy.

Speaker 3 It would be cool to roll around in an escalate.

Speaker 1 It would look ridiculous. Especially if you pulled up in the escalated.
Oh, my favorite. Five fat guys got out

Speaker 1 as a big boy toy.

Speaker 1 The fat mobile. Five fat.
The fat mobile.

Speaker 1 Five fats stumbling out. Everyone's arguing.
You got to set up a trust for your fats. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You got to to set up a trust. What are they going to do when you're gone?

Speaker 1 I don't know. They are suckling off you.

Speaker 1 All your ad revenue.

Speaker 3 I like the accord. It's nice.

Speaker 2 That is a nice car. The accord is nice.

Speaker 3 Gets me where I got to go.

Speaker 2 It's a bit of a splurge. I'm more of a civic man myself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could have got a civic. You don't need all that space.

Speaker 1 But I get it. Once those checks start rolling in,

Speaker 1 just luxury.

Speaker 1 I love telling the group chat how rich you are.

Speaker 1 It bothers me. All the New York comics.
We're in a group chat with the most evil New York comics.

Speaker 1 Vampires, bro.

Speaker 1 They are vampires. They fucking like Austin comedy sucks.
I just screenshotted the seller lineup yesterday. I was like, New York's sick.
It's this fucking garbage lineup.

Speaker 2 The purists.

Speaker 1 They're such purists, dude. Yes.
The purists.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. We might be getting some Chantilly Lace coming up.

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 3 That would be so awesome.

Speaker 1 One of the ultimate vampires is Lev.

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Speaker 1 Matt, what do you think about the playoffs so far? Who do you think? It was surprising me. You've been surprised.

Speaker 2 Everyone's been saying the Celtics were the best, and I don't know.

Speaker 1 Not anymore. The Knicks beat them.
Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I'm like, what the heck?

Speaker 1 Who else do you like?

Speaker 2 I think the OKC Thunder.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's a good pick.

Speaker 2 Yep, I think I've been here and there.

Speaker 2 They could win it all.

Speaker 1 Shangillis Alexander going against the Ant-Man.

Speaker 1 Are there any particular teams or fixtures that you've enjoyed?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I think about the Knicks a lot. I think Knicks that upset me.

Speaker 1 The Knicks are fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a good thing.

Speaker 1 The Pacers is a classic series.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's just, I've been in the middle.

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Speaker 1 Dang, that would be nice. Yeah, that would change things.
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Speaker 1 More rebounds, though. She does get bored, dude.

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Speaker 1 No, I'm not, or am I? That's what they wrote. I didn't think that was funny.

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Speaker 1 Price picks. Run your game.
Oh, yeah. Now it's time to plug shows.
July, I'll be going to.

Speaker 1 I added a bunch of shows, so please come to them. I'm going to go to Oklahoma City.
August 8th, I'll be in Louisville.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Oklahoma City and Louisville are the ones I'd really like you to buy tickets to.

Speaker 1 I thought the OKC Thunder fans would be fucking excited to let loose for a comedy once they're done with all these playoff games.

Speaker 1 You know, very stressful. Now it's time to let loose with a

Speaker 1 comedy show there. Totally agree.

Speaker 1 How about you, Sean? Do you have anything cool coming up, bud? Yep. I just have to.
Get in front of the camera. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 You're a millionaire now. I'm not a millionaire.

Speaker 3 I'm not a millionaire, but I do have a show at cap city comedy club i have two shows may 30th and 31st at cap city comedy club uh sean gardeni and friends in austin texas please come to those if you can the link is below and also optimum noctis on june the link is below i don't think i ever told you you could post your links

Speaker 3 you've got the link is on my page

Speaker 1 on my own personal page if you'd like the links below the links below the link is below thank you guys yeah hell yeah bud also ontario california huge weekend june 26th to the 28th i will be taping my special at the ontario improv yeah boy coming up so please come to that it'll be a lot of fun it's gonna be thursday through saturday so it's live taping and i've seen the new hour and it's very good thank you guys it's your best hour yet i'm excited to see it i'm excited to get it over with and live panties in the mouth june 20 uh may 25 where where at speakeasy at speakeasy's here in austin yep here in austin texas live panties in the mouth live panties in the mouth are you guys gonna do a baby to the year award or what's going on here?

Speaker 1 It's just a month still?

Speaker 4 Just the month. We do babe of the month now.
It's usually babe of the week.

Speaker 1 All the winners. Okay.

Speaker 1 And then you have a tournament in front of a live audience.

Speaker 2 And they put a cookie, then they put a cookie on the floor.

Speaker 1 Horny pieces of shit.

Speaker 1 If you want to go to the speakeasy and meet with the horniest guy, there's a horny guy meetup at the speakeasies.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 I just pray the disrespect stops.

Speaker 1 I was like, I was sitting there the other day.

Speaker 2 I was kind of high, and I was just thinking about all the evil against me. It's not a lot, but there is.

Speaker 2 There's like, if you really zoom out, and like, there probably is at any given time, just people spewing evil just about your name and likeness.

Speaker 2 I like it, hit me how the overwhelming scale, and I was just kind of like, I just had to make peace with it. I was like, I wish them all well.

Speaker 2 Anyone who wishes evil against me, mostly airline attendants.

Speaker 2 I wish them well. I had to just, I was like, I wish them well, even though they're speaking evil on my name.

Speaker 1 I thought about the evil being spewed yesterday when I left the the green room at the mothership. What happened? I was like, as soon as I leave this room, I guarantee.
Yeah. Little evil

Speaker 1 fucks up there going fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Just five minutes of people making faces at each other, like

Speaker 1 not even talking.

Speaker 1 Fucking, yeah, great.

Speaker 2 It'd be sick to bug that thing.

Speaker 1 It probably is bugged. It probably.
Every time. It probably is, dude.
I think the CIA is on Joe Rogers' ass, dude.

Speaker 1 I was talking to him. I was talking to him.
It was funny last night. I was like,

Speaker 1 we should go to that Oasis concert in Mexico City. And he was like, yeah, so I can go get kidnapped.
Good call. I was like, yeah, I forgot.

Speaker 1 I forgot.

Speaker 1 He was like, I'll get kidnapped right away.

Speaker 1 Oh, we didn't even get to talk about the Mexican Navy. What happened? Oh, it crashed? You're going to love it.

Speaker 2 That was the Mexican Navy.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Was that an incursion? Yeah, they tried to attack and

Speaker 1 they got stopped by our first line of defense, our bridge.

Speaker 1 Is there a belly room?

Speaker 2 Is there like a belly room underneath it of just 50,000 weed whacker motors?

Speaker 1 Bro, did you see a footage of it?

Speaker 1 They were standing on the mast.

Speaker 1 There were dudes everywhere.

Speaker 2 They had someone in the crow's nest?

Speaker 1 The whole gang. I don't think there was one person piloting the ship.
Everyone was standing on the mast.

Speaker 1 They were like holding hands on the mast.

Speaker 1 The first time I was, I was like, I don't think they know how to ride a boat. They're standing on the wrong part.
They shouldn't be up there.

Speaker 2 What were they? Were they coming into like they're like pirates?

Speaker 2 Their booty, their booties are booties, just jobs.

Speaker 1 Ahar.

Speaker 1 Ah.

Speaker 2 Ah, the sights up ahead, Métis.

Speaker 1 Grab your brooms.

Speaker 2 Grab your wheelbarrows, Métis.

Speaker 1 Oh, crap. Oh,

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 the Mexican Navy yeah they're fucking stunting on us what the fuck there's a little show of force they said you guys want to talk shit on Mexico check this shit out we got fucking cannons

Speaker 1 we got a pirate ship they were fit to plunder they were trying to plunder they fucking we just ran up fucking ground uh

Speaker 2 You're just in your house and your wife, you're like, get back. I got to protect my gerb

Speaker 1 go for my gerbs. They did come for the gerbs, but they ended up hitting the fucking bird.

Speaker 1 Fucking the Brooklyn Burge.

Speaker 2 Was that the golden dome Trump was talking about?

Speaker 1 The Brooklyn Bridge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's our new iron dome. The golden dome is so funny.
I didn't know he was calling it the golden dome. He's called it the golden dome.
He's a smart aim, dude. He's exactly right.
Oh,

Speaker 1 the golden dome.

Speaker 1 That's yeah, that's all.

Speaker 2 That's what we need right now. We need domes.

Speaker 1 The Mexicans standing on the mass.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. That's insane.
Where were they going? Where did they think? I think I heard they were headed to Iceland for real. They were like, all right, this ship's headed to Iceland next.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 And they fucking got hit by a fucking bridge.

Speaker 1 I felt bad for the Mexicans.

Speaker 1 When they crashed into the roof? A couple of them died. Did they really? Yeah, dudes standing on the fucking mast.
True, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, two guys.

Speaker 1 There's a lady up there? Yeah. A recruit, a young 20-year-old, and a 45-year-old man died.

Speaker 2 There's a lady in the, and they're all, they're like official sailors in the Mexican Navy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, 20 and 23. Yes.
Damn.

Speaker 1 They were American. Huh? Oh, wait, her name was America.

Speaker 2 No, her name is Freel America. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, P, that's fucked, man.

Speaker 1 I bet not to be rude at this point, objectify somebody who died, but she sounds hot.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If I were high up in the Mexican Navy, I would name my hottest daughter America for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that's again, dang, that sucks.

Speaker 2 True. You're here.
You're like, hey, man, let me see you're like, dude, my name's funny.

Speaker 1 I'm literally America. My name's America.
Actually, I mean, she could have been Captain America.

Speaker 1 Could have been dude. That's crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just saw like a quick glance at that bridge, that thing cracking in the bridge.

Speaker 1 And everybody, you know, there's like influencers underneath taking pictures, and then a boat comes, and everyone was laughing when they got hit.

Speaker 1 Literally, everyone was down there laughing and running. Damn.

Speaker 1 And the lads were hanging from the mast. They're tied.
I think they were like tied up there.

Speaker 1 Probably tied up.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably lanyards going on.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 That sucks, too, because you're up there fucking hanging onto a mast. You're going, I guarantee we're going to hit that fucking bridge.

Speaker 1 You had a lot of time to be like, we're headed right at that bridge. There's no way we're getting under that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, drop the anchors.

Speaker 1 This article says them being up there is a tradition,

Speaker 1 which is a traditional ritual. They're secured by harnesses to the top with their arms wide open.

Speaker 1 Their arms wide open.

Speaker 2 That's the Mexican Constitution. It's just the OSHA 30 men.

Speaker 1 It's the OSHA 30 men.

Speaker 2 Dude, that is

Speaker 1 fucking wild.

Speaker 2 Dude, a helicopter crashed into Haas's backyard.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, a helicopter, he sent me a picture, crash-landed in his backyard.

Speaker 2 I think they survived. But imagine of all places to crash into Hawaii.

Speaker 1 The most, the biggest, man, he must have been going nuts.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude. Just hammering.

Speaker 1 He's probably run around.

Speaker 2 Hammering you with quite, what the, what the hell are you guys doing out here?

Speaker 1 You wake up, you're like, oh, what the fuck? He's like a Jack Russell. Yeah, he is.
Like a car comes in front of his house. He must sprint around the house.

Speaker 1 Who is that? What's going on here? Who is it? Who's here?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 crashing into Haas's world. It's so funny, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what the hell's hell's going on.

Speaker 1 They died. They're probably like, oh, this is the hell.
This is the devil.

Speaker 1 What are you guys even thinking? You can't drive? What the hell's going on? Pussy? You're like, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. I don't know what's going on, people.

Speaker 2 Is it the smartphones, dude?

Speaker 1 You think it's a 5G taking down the...

Speaker 2 Or just the distraction.

Speaker 2 Or again, it's like, there's the thing, like, this always happens, but, but also, like, because they say, like, when things happen, the media starts to focus on them.

Speaker 2 But it's also like, dude, that's that's two crashes in just the Northeast Philly. No, he doesn't live in Northeast Philly.
He lives out there. But there was one in Northeast Philly in the Philly area.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's been two crashes.
It's like, I've never heard of that.

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 1 I think about that jet a lot. Oh, God.
That thing came

Speaker 1 steaming right there long. Yeah.
Exploded. It was a rocket.

Speaker 2 The hell's going on? Yeah, I mean, I just, every year I'm hopeful, I go, please, man.

Speaker 1 Please. I think I'd rather be on the rocket than the fucking Mexican boat, though.

Speaker 1 The rocket was fast. The boat, you just fucking harnessed to a mast, seeing the Brooklyn Bridge come at you for fucking 20 minutes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Going, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Apparently, Asian pilots have a big problem. I was actually when I went.

Speaker 2 No, no, I swear to God, because of the honor culture.

Speaker 2 When you were gone,

Speaker 2 just did one of those zooms with a bunch of bros, and there's a guy in air traffic control. It's pretty sick.
He zoomed in from air traffic and in the tower. He was in the tower.

Speaker 1 That's not good.

Speaker 2 No, he said, and he did, he's like, 09 Rodgers are guys that got it, and he digs.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. But

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 But he was saying that there's a problem with the honor codes among Asian pilots where there's copyright.

Speaker 1 Older pilots and young. Yeah, this is a common thing.
Yeah. Where they're like, they can't speak up against an older guy that's fucking up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's an epidemic of just single anime beads.

Speaker 1 I don't know how true true that is because I've heard it. Really? Yeah, it's like an urban legend, I think.
I don't know. I knew it before you told me it.

Speaker 1 I've heard this. I know it's their culture, but I don't think

Speaker 1 it's true. I really doubt it's true.

Speaker 2 I don't know, dude. They stab themselves in the bellies, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't think they've been doing that for a long time.

Speaker 2 They don't stab themselves in the bellies.

Speaker 1 They stop doing that.

Speaker 1 I think if you're in a plane crash or like something's fucked up

Speaker 1 in 2025, I think honor goes out the window. I I hope.
Dude, they got like K-pop and shit now. They're not.

Speaker 1 You're thinking old Asians.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's the.

Speaker 1 You're young Asians.

Speaker 2 You're thinking cool hip young Asians with sunglasses being like, oh, yeah, whatever.

Speaker 1 No, but they have that. That's in their world.
They have fucking anime and shit now. True.

Speaker 1 They're all about disrespect.

Speaker 1 They've turned bad boys. I don't think so.
The hats turned backwards.

Speaker 1 They're bad boys. Isn't all anime about like a young guy being like, I am no longer your fucking pupil?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then he has to undergo tests. That, like, you know, it's all about tests.

Speaker 1 I think the big test is, is the plane going down. It's time for me to fucking rise up and go, please hit that button.

Speaker 2 You got to go Super Cyan to tell the older.

Speaker 1 The left engine's out.

Speaker 1 Oh, I said it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm telling you, I used to witness it when I worked in the Korean beer distributor. The guy would like, bro, I'm not lying.
He was the boss of the whole place. He owned it.

Speaker 2 And he would put his feet up on one of those little plug-in radiators. And I watched him knock a cup on the floor.
And like another younger guy came and picked it up. He just went like that.

Speaker 2 And I was like, damn, didn't say a word. Just like, oh, Sue.

Speaker 1 I think you could do that here.

Speaker 2 You think I could lord out?

Speaker 1 I think knock one of those cups over.

Speaker 2 Cable. I could go.

Speaker 2 Now you have his little split thing.

Speaker 1 No, he's too rich. Who does he think I am? Yeah.
He's too rich and powerful. Guardians too rich and powerful.

Speaker 2 Two more years of this Spotify money, and I will be lord.

Speaker 1 They are moving in on us. They are fucking gaining strength.
He's gathering a small army. He is gathering.

Speaker 1 They're moving in. They wait patiently.
They go, well, these guys are about done.

Speaker 2 Did you say of his apartment having freak offs?

Speaker 1 You guys bet. Le Maire had some freak offs when I was gone.
Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you been following that trial at all?

Speaker 1 A little. I've been hearing it.

Speaker 1 I haven't.

Speaker 1 I heard,

Speaker 1 did he like to clean up? So what?

Speaker 2 Swapping the. You're talking about swapping the trips.
I think he swapped the decks.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 That was, I didn't hear that from the trial. That was somebody told me that that was in the trial.
So I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think he swapped the decks. I think that was one of his things.
But we were laughing about earlier, just that poor lady's husband's in the trial.

Speaker 2 He's listening. I know, bro.

Speaker 1 I know. Now, obviously, he's into it.

Speaker 1 You think? Definitely. Okay.

Speaker 1 There's no way.

Speaker 1 Day one, you would have went,

Speaker 1 I'm out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's obviously like, I knew this about her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 I would like, I would like a, uh, you know how they do those like courtroom drawings? Yeah. It'd be funny to have him in the back, like, dark red face with smoke coming out of his ears.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 His thought bubbles coming out of his head.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's pretty wild because, yeah, they're like, that's the defense, I guess. They're hitting her with like, and you fucked this guy too, right?

Speaker 1 She's like, yes, I did. The problem is there's so many texts of her, like,

Speaker 1 saying she liked it.

Speaker 2 Getting freaky.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that. So there's.

Speaker 1 She was saying, like, yeah, and they called him FOs.

Speaker 1 She would be like, when's our next F.O.? She would be like, yo, we need to do a freak. She would, like, be like, damn.
Did he please, Diddy?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Apparently he was. Allegedly, I've never.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, there was, yeah,

Speaker 2 that's the whole case being like, bro.

Speaker 2 the problem was he lied about hitting her, and that video of him beating her came out.

Speaker 2 Which, again, if you're a Diddy's defense, you go, okay, he hit his wife. Sorry, like, let's press charges on that, but not sex trafficking.

Speaker 2 So, that's, but yeah, the texts are damning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I saw, there was a thing from his former assistant that stated, like, you know, he got in there and they were like, bro, this is his kingdom. We're here to serve.

Speaker 2 And then it, like, kind of jumped to the fact that there's a video of him dancing around like a fool on molly he said he was and they're like were you partying he goes i was drunk off the sirock i had taken molly don't name your he goes i was diddy flipping he literally he was didddy bopping he goes i was diddy bopping

Speaker 2 and he literally in front of the judge under oath goes yeah i was vibing

Speaker 2 like he was vibing at the foot he goes you kind of like i don't know if he was trying to paint the picture like he was kind of forced on you to like party down like that

Speaker 2 Which is like you could have just said no.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was like, I kind of had to vibe in order to keep keep the job.

Speaker 2 So that's not, it's kind of, it's kind of starting to look like, from my perspective, that everyone was having a great time at these Diddy parties.

Speaker 2 Which I've said all along. I'm like, look, there might have been evil, evil stuff going on, but I do think people were partying down.
It's, you know, it's a giant drug-fueled orgy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were talking about like four-day sex parties. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's when you're talking about you. You're going to have sex for an hour? I don't think so.

Speaker 2 This blows. It's so much.
Yeah. No, this is like when you need stimulants and electrolytes.

Speaker 1 Three minutes. You better get yours because I'm going to get mine.

Speaker 2 I'm about to freak off right now.

Speaker 1 I'm a freak. I had a couple of freak offs.
I've been in a hotel for a week. I was having nothing but freak offs down in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 You're getting electrolytes?

Speaker 1 I was fucking just jacking off in a hotel room for 10 days. Swabbing the deck.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you got to swab the deck like a cat before bed. You go, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that trial, I guess that's going to fall apart, I guess. You know, if you get the texts.

Speaker 2 Because, again, the sex trafficking has to be,

Speaker 2 they have no idea. Like, you have to be tricking them into taking them.

Speaker 1 We get a little, I feel like we throw around sex trafficking a lot.

Speaker 2 It's definitely broadened.

Speaker 1 State lines are really,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's also like, yeah, it's definitely broadened.

Speaker 1 So, if I call a lady from

Speaker 1 you know, yeah, Montana, yep, and I don't explicitly say, I want to have sex, yeah, then we have sex.

Speaker 2 It's you're in you're in the gray area. If you say, hey, let's just sit here and you want to chill and watch a movie, you want to watch me play Xbox for a weekend?

Speaker 1 Trafficked.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, you've been trafficked by the best.

Speaker 2 I thought we were going to game.

Speaker 1 You just got tricked by one of the all-time traffickers,

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's pretty wild, man. But, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Here's my, the thing is, if he, if he gets off, like, say he, you know, say his defense, you know, they rally, they get him off.

Speaker 1 He's going to have to team up with Yay if he gets off.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what I was saying.

Speaker 1 He's going to have to.

Speaker 2 There's no choice. He's going to have to become a Nazi.

Speaker 1 I mean, either way, he might have to become a Nazi if he goes to jail or right now, Diddy's in full Nazi territory. He just has to be a Nazi.
I wonder if Kanye's music has reached the prisons.

Speaker 2 I I think so. I think they're getting.

Speaker 1 I wonder if the.

Speaker 1 He could unite the ABs and the blacks. Whoa.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 the Tinos are in trouble with the blacks.

Speaker 2 The whites are aligned with the Mexican Navy as well in prison.

Speaker 1 The Mexican Navy.

Speaker 2 The whites and the Mexicans ride together. Yes.
So he could unite the factions. I mean, again, you know.

Speaker 2 People keep acting like that's genuinely a summer banger.

Speaker 1 It's like, it's not a summer banger. Let's be real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. I don't think it's that.

Speaker 2 Does you think that's the summer? I mean, again, I'm not putting you in the hot seat.

Speaker 1 I'm not in the hot seat, but I'm pretty sure he sampled All Quiet on the Western Front.

Speaker 1 And that's all it took for me. I've been waiting for somebody to sample that fucking noise.

Speaker 1 It happened to be in the worst song possible.

Speaker 1 But first time I listened to it, I heard the Denan.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, here it comes. And then it went right into.
I was like, oh, wow.

Speaker 2 When that den-N-N kicks in, I remember I saw the video being premiered on the guy's stream, one of the streams. Yeah.
And I remember being like, fuck.

Speaker 2 But then it goes right back into just the All Quiet on the Western Front.

Speaker 1 Something. Oh, that's kind of tight.
I think that's it, right?

Speaker 1 He's. I haven't heard anyone bring it up, which I'm surprised they haven't.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that was all quiet on the Western Front.

Speaker 1 As soon as I heard it,

Speaker 1 it has to be this one. You know, stop doing this to me.
Yay. Don't make it the coolest thing possible, yay.

Speaker 1 Can somebody play the music?

Speaker 1 Kanya, it is the all-quiet?

Speaker 1 Fuck yeah. Oh, wow.
I knew it.

Speaker 1 I could feel it.

Speaker 1 I could feel it.

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Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, and yeah, he's he could if if he's got something else up his sleeve. Because that's obviously my thing is like.

Speaker 1 No, it just came up right away on my.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Alright, I can't play it. But

Speaker 2 that's the thing.

Speaker 1 What I'm saying is pretty easy to find. If I open Twitter, it's playing.
Oh, yeah, it's everywhere.

Speaker 2 My thing is,

Speaker 2 if he dropped one that you can actually play somewhere, that would have been, I think, kind of devastating. Obviously, you know,

Speaker 1 he got his message across loud and clear for his song.

Speaker 2 But I'm saying, for more, I mean, I don't know why I'm even saying

Speaker 2 he needs to come out with a more broadly popular hit.

Speaker 1 I think he's over that.

Speaker 2 I think he's been there, done that. Now he's kind of more in a niche.
Yeah, now he's.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I do yeah if people were wondering how he was going to top i suck my cousin's dick

Speaker 1 no one's even talking about that people are going there's no way he can top that yeah imagine announcing that to the world and then the next week everyone's like yeah fuck that check this out and you're like it's pretty wild people aren't bringing that up he might have regretted i suck my cousin's dick song and gone we got to hurry up and get in the studio

Speaker 1 we got to make these people forget about suck my cousin's dick song

Speaker 2 yeah but dude where did he find the guys in the video? You see the dudes in the wolf costumes?

Speaker 1 They're down, bro. I mean, for sure, but these guys are all about it.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 That's a weird casting call. It's like, bros, let's go.
Because his casting call was, yeah, man. I think he said men blacker than LeBron minimum,

Speaker 1 which is such a funny.

Speaker 2 I think, I don't know if it was that exactly, but

Speaker 2 no, that wasn't AI.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 those are real Nazis. Those dudes.

Speaker 2 That's a silent. That's been a silent battle for a while.

Speaker 1 That's got to be tough for you, Le Maire, with your fucking Whoopi Goldberg view sensibilities. Yeah.
It's got to be hard for you to see this. It's been.

Speaker 1 I haven't even... I've been off Kanye for like two years now.
I know. Yeah.
Is it off him, you're saying? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't even heard this song yet. Our Uber driver was blasting.
I still haven't heard it yet. You know it.
Oh, you know.

Speaker 2 Not the the nazi song oh god our uber driver was just blasting kanye so he was you know he's not off him

Speaker 1 i'm still listening to kanye his songs are great yeah yeah songs are great they were yeah it was a nice little playlist he had going on yeah

Speaker 1 the problem is with the new song is it does get stuck in your head a little it completely does

Speaker 2 yeah it was fun showing my wife i was like check this out she just got to be like what the fuck

Speaker 1 it is fun to show people yeah like there i was so happy he He goes, I haven't heard it yet. I was like, oh, you haven't heard it yet?

Speaker 1 Wait till you fucking hear this.

Speaker 1 You're literally not going to believe it. While it's playing, you're going to go.

Speaker 2 So wait, is he a billionaire or not? He keeps saying he's a billionaire. Then I hear he just doesn't even have.

Speaker 2 He can't even have a bank account. That'd be tough to.

Speaker 1 I think he's allowed to have a bank account again. Can he? Yeah.
I think they took it away the first time.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That was crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't do that. We got to pass law or you can't do that.

Speaker 1 You can't take everything from someone. Yeah, you can't just take

Speaker 2 a bank account. Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that only happens

Speaker 1 in certain situations. But

Speaker 1 yeah, well,

Speaker 1 he's

Speaker 1 Matt.

Speaker 2 Wait a second.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Who's that one group?

Speaker 1 Matt.

Speaker 1 All right, let's switch this.

Speaker 1 What else is going on?

Speaker 1 Nate was defending Angel Reese with me in a text that was pissing me off. Nate loves Angel Reese.
Nate's fucking gay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Kaitlyn threw a shot, man.

Speaker 1 Fucking

Speaker 1 Angel Reese flopped. It was just a regular basketball play.
Come on, man. I wasn't defending Angel Reese.

Speaker 1 Not once. I just.
Huh? Didn't she push the shit out of the Keith's new teammate, too? She pushed it hard with us.

Speaker 1 I got a feeling Lemise is a Kaitin Clark lover.

Speaker 1 This time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't, that was a, she, she did a, uh, she pushed her in the back and then kind of flopped. Caitlin's all small compared to Andrew.

Speaker 1 She definitely flopped. Yeah.
Nah.

Speaker 2 Well, she was a, it looked like she was attacking.

Speaker 2 You know, she was like

Speaker 2 doing a hard fail.

Speaker 1 It was a hard fail.

Speaker 2 And then Clark was like, kind of broke in, like, get off her.

Speaker 4 She made a play on the ball and everything. Like, that was, that was a, that shouldn't even have been, I think they gave it a, like a flagrant foul or something like that.

Speaker 2 It was, it was a pretty.

Speaker 1 It's also girls' basketball.

Speaker 2 It was a hard fail.

Speaker 1 That's the Trump card every single time. Anytime people get in a heated argument about this, you go.

Speaker 1 What are we doing here? Yargging about girls' basketball.

Speaker 2 Guys, what are we even doing here right now?

Speaker 1 Let's go look at some trucks.

Speaker 1 Some big boys. We could look at big boy toys.
We could be looking at big boy toys. We're bickering.

Speaker 2 But yeah, that's, I mean, it's kind of nice that that's were you guys excited at all to see Angela Reese beating up on

Speaker 1 Angel.

Speaker 2 Angel. Oh, my bad.
Angel Reese beating up on Caitlin Clark. Be honest.
When you saw it, did that like stoke any tribalism?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Not you.

Speaker 1 Not you, dude. Not you, dude.

Speaker 3 We're all black production staff now.

Speaker 1 Did you hear about that? What?

Speaker 3 Red-haired people are black now. It's a big one.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, I thought I saw that.

Speaker 3 True.

Speaker 3 No, I did not like that.

Speaker 1 Damn, that is fucked up. You're the only white member of the production, and you're the richest, and the only one that gets paid a million dollars.

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. The other guys get paid in Chipotle every other week.

Speaker 1 Chipotle every other week is good, dude.

Speaker 2 You are the COO, dude.

Speaker 2 Chief operations officer.

Speaker 1 You are.

Speaker 1 He's the heart and soul of this.

Speaker 1 It'll be funny to edit all this out. Anytime we talk about you being rich, just edit it.

Speaker 1 I'll never notice. I'll never know.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I saw that go. What else is going? Is there any controversy? The sports world's quiet now.
It was all Shadir Sanders.

Speaker 1 It was all Shader. Now it's this week it was Caitlin Clark, Angel Rees.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was the big one.

Speaker 1 Because black pundits started going back and forth.

Speaker 2 What were they fighting about?

Speaker 1 RG3.

Speaker 1 RG3 was just saying Angel Rees clearly is jealous and hates Caitlin Clark.

Speaker 1 And then Ryan Clark jumped in and was like, you have a white wife, dude. Shut the fuck up.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 And then black people had to pick sides.

Speaker 2 Damn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can speak on WNBA. I can.
You're allowed to. I am not.
You're the only one in the room who can speak on WNBA. I know you can't.

Speaker 1 I know you can't either. No one in the room can talk WNBA other than Matt.
Just me.

Speaker 2 Did you see the clip of

Speaker 2 Cameron and Mace talking about

Speaker 2 Paul Pierce's remarks about why NBA players tend to date white women?

Speaker 1 No, what was it?

Speaker 2 Dude, it was the first two and a half minutes. Mace was, I guess, remote, zooming in from like an Airbnb, and then they had, I forget the other guy's name.
I don't know who he was, but

Speaker 2 I believe he was a basketball player. But he, they both have, well, Mace doesn't have a black, they both have black wives.
And so when they're asking about like, what do you think about that?

Speaker 2 They both laughed and neither of them would talk.

Speaker 1 And he's like, well, and they kept like, go ahead and take this.

Speaker 2 And then Cameron was Cameron kept it real as hell. He goes, you motherfuckers are proving the point, dude.
You got the pit boss leaning right over you.

Speaker 2 And Cameron started talking about how he loves using it to his advantage with white women. Like, you did hold my people down.
Go get me a fucking sandwich picture.

Speaker 2 It was funny just watching them giggle for two minutes.

Speaker 1 They're the funniest queens ever.

Speaker 2 They're unbelievable. They're unmatched.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 we got to get them on the pot. They're so good.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it was just Mace in the kitchen just kind of like, oh, it's pretty complicated.

Speaker 1 He goes, I can't talk right now. It was unbelievable.

Speaker 2 But that's a big thing that pops up. There's a lot of black dudes that are,

Speaker 2 they just go online and they're just like, this is why we date white. And they love just bashing queens, dude.

Speaker 1 They do bash the queens. They talk about how white women are subservient.
Yeah. They talk about that a lot.
I've heard Charleston White go off on it. It was very funny.
It was really funny.

Speaker 1 It was undeniably funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was very fun. It was very fun to watch them just kind of dancing around in Airbnb being like,

Speaker 1 you go ahead and take it. Yeah, you go.
And he goes, look, man, I've been happily married.

Speaker 2 I don't know about this. You know, it was really funny.
But it is a hot issue, man. It sucks.

Speaker 2 My thing is, like, it sucks you can't, like, just to have, like, some, you know, smut put towards your wife or having a white wife. That's, you know, that hurts my heart.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 You guys need to work on that.

Speaker 1 Why is it?

Speaker 1 Why is it our fault that the white ladies like us? It's not your fault.

Speaker 1 I say it's a mutually benefit.

Speaker 1 I think people like people. People love people, yeah.

Speaker 1 I also think RG3 is is right. Ryan Clark was kind of being a dick because he was wrong.

Speaker 1 He went nuclear because he was wrong. There's nothing wrong with that.
Losing an argument and going, you know what? Fuck. You have braces.

Speaker 1 I see why RC hit the fucking eject on the combo. I'm going to change the topic right now.
Thought you have a fucking boy wife.

Speaker 2 Playing in the snow. Shannon Sharp, fucking, Shannon the Sharp got fucking frostbite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he got, he was out in the cold too long.

Speaker 1 Whatever happened with that?

Speaker 1 They're still in court. They're still in court?

Speaker 2 Yeah, free all the black guys out of court.

Speaker 1 All the black guys are in goddamn. He's got a speedy trial for that.
He's not getting a speedy trial.

Speaker 2 God damn, free all the black guys are getting some pussy for once.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're finally getting pussy, and now the goddamn entire judicial system's fucking

Speaker 1 weaponized against them.

Speaker 1 You can't lick cum off your wife anymore?

Speaker 1 You can't can't hire a bunch of male prostitutes or training your wife and lick it all up and lick a bunch of cum off your wife.

Speaker 2 Did anyone even check if any of these were his birthday party?

Speaker 2 What if it was his birthday weekend?

Speaker 1 Your Honor, it was his birthday.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Talking about, I need to talk to my attorney. It was my birthday.

Speaker 1 That one was actually my birthday.

Speaker 1 Strike that from the jury. Just disregard that.
That was his birthday.

Speaker 1 Those male prostitutes had to be super hyped to like show up and Cassie's there. Because Cassie's like top 10 mostly 10 most beautiful women in the world? Yeah.
Yeah. And they're 30 more.

Speaker 1 Their stock has plummeted.

Speaker 2 Also, as a male prostitute, most of your day is like blowing gay guys.

Speaker 2 They finally, you know, you get the call, you go, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Thank God.

Speaker 1 I've been swabbing the deck all day. Swabbing the deck, and then you get in there, you see Cassie, you go, this is going to be great.
And then Diddy comes out of the closet. You go, oh, shit, fuck.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I'm gonna have to fucking swab the deck again.
God damn it.

Speaker 2 Dang, that what a battle in court. Just the most like harrowing sexual experiences just coming to light.
You go, haha, got her. Oh, shit, I remember that.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 Just back and forth for the whole country.

Speaker 2 Stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. It's genuinely a nightmare.

Speaker 1 It could be why Epstein killed himself.

Speaker 1 Maybe it wasn't. He had too many secrets.
He was just like, this trial is going to be so fucking embarrassing.

Speaker 1 I have so many texts that just suck.

Speaker 1 That would keep you awake at night.

Speaker 2 Dude, that one clip of the egg shape.

Speaker 1 That was a brutal one. Yeah, the egg-shaped dong?

Speaker 2 The egg-shaped dong was brutal.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm done with this shit.

Speaker 2 We can talk about me being a child sex predator all you like. Don't talk about my egg-shaped penis.

Speaker 1 leave my egg out of this that's it that's it

Speaker 1 that's enough i've had enough you put enough on my name today you've crossed the line

Speaker 2 yeah man it's like

Speaker 2 it's crazy we're living under a like a genuine surveillance state anymore it's just like

Speaker 2 not saying you should have giant freak offs and you know drug ladies and allegedly

Speaker 1 but it's like yeah

Speaker 2 you know you really can't let your hair down anymore man keep it buttoned up. We're living under a giant panopticon.

Speaker 1 Used to be able to have fun. I mean,

Speaker 2 used to be able to fly under the radar. Let's say that now.
Although I always assumed that's kind of what every celebrity was doing when I was younger.

Speaker 2 I just imagined you're in a mansion full of naked women doing drugs. It's kind of what I thought.
When they were like, did you get this? It's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what I thought.

Speaker 1 It is crazy that it did. I mean, we talked about it, but the fact that every black dude on earth was saying every rapper was gay.
Yeah. And we were like, what the fuck are they talking about?

Speaker 2 I, dude, it was like, you guys are crazy.

Speaker 1 God damn, they nailed it.

Speaker 2 That was, that was like, they were saying this 15 years ago. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's like three that aren't gay and they're chirping. Like 50 is

Speaker 1 it must feel so good, Method Man, just to be like, I wasn't one of the gay ones. Yep.

Speaker 2 It's got to feel good.

Speaker 2 Just to be like, yep, wasn't there.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Even getting caught in the crosshairs of it, it's just like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Could have happened to any of us. I would have gone to a fucking Diddy party in a heartbeat.
Bro. Not knowing what was going to happen.

Speaker 1 If I got there and there was a freak off, I would fucking get the fuck out of there.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just because I'd be totally embarrassed and humiliated.

Speaker 2 True. I'd be just a young sapling in the fucking redwoods.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, guys, I'm out of here.

Speaker 1 I need a little sunlight. You guys are hogging all the fucking sun.

Speaker 1 And some fucking maelstripper would come over and go,

Speaker 1 get the fuck off of me. What is this? What kind of party is this?

Speaker 2 That'd be so funny. You'd have to go.
You're the star witness. You're like, what happened? Be like, I went there and I just got jerked off by a guy.

Speaker 1 The fucking guy tugged me and I ran. I ran out of the house crying.

Speaker 2 He tugged me.

Speaker 1 He tugged me. I started squealing like a pig.

Speaker 1 Raced out of the party.

Speaker 2 And that's when my butt plug fell out.

Speaker 1 I was like, my butt plug fell out and I shit everywhere and I had to sprint.

Speaker 2 I doubled back for my vibrating raccoon tail butt plug.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 damn, if you, if the plug fell out and you dumped, they'd get freaks would come out of the walls like cockroaches and clean it up. They'd go, damn, man.
You go,

Speaker 1 where am I?

Speaker 1 Four days of drugs. And say, dude, what are we talking about?

Speaker 1 You go on a four-day butt light bender. You go, well, oh.
Yeah, man. Think about doing drugs and getting tugged and butt sex.
You know how fucking tired you must be? It's crazy.

Speaker 2 Tony, they have like, you need like IVs and shit.

Speaker 2 You need like IVs. Yeah, it's insane.
You're not eating.

Speaker 2 You're like laying there. The next morning, you're eating.

Speaker 1 Eating must be fucking hell in there, too. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Unless I've, I don't know a single person who's ever. That's just movies where they're like eating a turkey leg and having sex.

Speaker 1 I don't know what sex is. They're probably doing that.

Speaker 2 Sex eating? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, a lot of grapes.

Speaker 1 A lot of people handing you grapes.

Speaker 2 Usher's bowl of cherries. That's my favorite footage of Usher allegedly destroying marriages.
Do you ever see those cherries? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just.

Speaker 1 It's evil.

Speaker 2 Bro, but cherries is weird because when he holds them up, they look like a little boy's testicles. There's just a 40-year-old lady like

Speaker 1 just swirling them around.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's kind of, you know, it's not really a responsible behavior.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Dude, imagine seeing your babe. Do you see some of that footage? Dude, they're like, like, eyes closed, like, like, grunting.

Speaker 1 It's like, what the fuck, man?

Speaker 2 Like, I get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's Usher. It's Ursher.
It's Ursher. It's Ursher.
You're right. He does have herpes.

Speaker 1 It's public record. He does have herpes, so, allegedly.

Speaker 2 That's why he uses the bowl of cherries.

Speaker 2 Yeah, allegedly, by the way.

Speaker 1 There's a guy who claims Usher gave him herpes through K6.

Speaker 1 What is going on with these fellas?

Speaker 2 I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 Are the Honks innocent? Are the Honks quiet during all this?

Speaker 1 The Honks are awfully quiet, right? The Honks are being quiet, but, you know, there were some.

Speaker 1 We had Epstein's Island.

Speaker 1 We had the fucking

Speaker 1 Bieber.

Speaker 3 Bieber's on one since the trial started. He's been acting out.

Speaker 1 He's been acting.

Speaker 1 I don't even think he's acting out. I don't know.
I've seen it. I think he's just seen that.

Speaker 1 He's posting shit on Instagram.

Speaker 3 I've just seen... Yeah, maybe.
I've seen little clips here and there.

Speaker 2 He's just faded. I saw some of that too, and he's just kind of...

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's just standing in his room kind of like with his hat like this just kind of like rapping to himself kind of high

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 a lot of people are yeah a lot of people are i don't understand the bieber uh hysteria

Speaker 1 who seems kind of crunk i just think he's crunk right now

Speaker 2 i mean i'd be getting crunk if everyone was like are you okay and you're like what the whole diddy thing and be like get the fuck out of my face yeah i'm getting crunk right now

Speaker 1 yeah i'm not worried about anything i'm crunk

Speaker 1 why is everyone asking if i'm all right? I've been crunk this whole time.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Nothing worse than being crunk, and someone goes, are you all right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, nothing would crush my vibe.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? I thought we were having a good time. You're at the club.

Speaker 2 He's having a great time. There's the IG live.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and someone comes up to you and goes, you should go home. You go, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I thought I was killing it tonight.

Speaker 2 He does rule. I thought about it.

Speaker 2 I saw some thing trying to say, like, he lost all of his money and this and that. I'm like, dude, Beebs is a legend.
He's killed. Beeves is a legend.

Speaker 1 We support Biebs here.

Speaker 2 Full support of Biebers.

Speaker 1 We support the Biebs. Yeah, boy.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 I was a little sensitive in my hotel room. I was going, I saw that clip of like, he lost all his money, and I was like, man, leave a man alone.
I bet he didn't. Yeah, that was what I was saying.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, it's almost impossible. Yeah, he has a lot of money.
He's always masters. That's what they're saying.

Speaker 1 Well, that's probably worth. 200 million.
Yeah. He's all right then.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 200 mil. They're like, he lost all of his money.
Now he only has 200 million.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 it'd be all right.

Speaker 2 He's got enough to get crunk on IG Live. He's good.

Speaker 1 He's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you have 200 million, you're going to get crunk on IG Live.

Speaker 2 And at any point, he can go do a tour and make.

Speaker 1 That is all better. All this behavior is better than Zuckerberg's outfit.

Speaker 1 That's a guy who's losing his fucking mind.

Speaker 2 Does he, I don't know if this is true. Does he live in like an underground cave in Hawaii?

Speaker 1 I think he bought a ton of

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think he's bought an island. Zuck might have a tunnel, dude.

Speaker 1 Zuck's tunneling. He's tunneling.
He got the best tunnel.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's his Jewish man's dream.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get a beachfront tunnel.

Speaker 2 Does he look that up? Because I did see some sort of diagram. I didn't watch it.

Speaker 3 He lives in a ranch of 5,000 square foot. Oh, that he lives in a ranch in Hawaii that has a 5,000 square foot bunker.

Speaker 1 The fuck.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Damn, that is nice when you upgrade your tunnel so much that you have to call it a bunker.

Speaker 1 Finally,

Speaker 1 the Jewish bunkers under New York sounds a lot better.

Speaker 1 It does.

Speaker 1 Dang, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 Tunnels sucks. Tunnels.

Speaker 2 That would be sick, though, just arguing with your wife and just being like, just retiring to the bunker.

Speaker 1 I'm going to the bunker.

Speaker 2 Just go like 40 fucking

Speaker 2 400 feet underground.

Speaker 1 Bitch.

Speaker 1 Get down there screaming. She can't hear you in the bunker.
Bitch.

Speaker 1 Bitch.

Speaker 2 See how Chapo just pop into your living room? You're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Mexican and the Jews must have bumped into each other. They probably did.

Speaker 2 What the heck are you doing down here?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's nice. I understand the tunneling, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, get down there.

Speaker 1 It's like, you remember when it would snow when you were a kid? You go, I'd love to build a tunnel. Oh, yeah, dude.
It's like the way Billy likes big boy toys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I bet Jewish dudes, you're like, Why are you tunneling? They're like, I don't know. I just, this is like my favorite thing.
Yeah, I just like to do it. It's fun, it's fun to do sneaky.

Speaker 1 No one knows what I'm doing now.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. I just like tunneling underneath New York.

Speaker 2 I could be, you know, my house. Next thing I know, no one sees it.

Speaker 1 Next thing I know, I just pop up at another house and everyone goes, Who the fuck is this guy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we can't. We're never going to move on.
Number one,

Speaker 1 Mexican boat hitting the bridge. It's never not gonna be funny

Speaker 1 jewish guy coming out of the fucking sewer grave

Speaker 1 funniest fucking thing i've ever seen

Speaker 2 god that would ruin my day if i was jewish just like eating breakfast reading the newspaper and i just saw that a jewish guy got caught and it wasn't like

Speaker 1 it was like

Speaker 2 yeah and it had to have been like the like capital j jewish guys with the fucking the do

Speaker 2 i'd be like bro dude i'd call a meeting i'd be like guys

Speaker 1 we gotta hit the goggles and figure this out.

Speaker 2 This is bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got to talk at the GOG. We got to hit the GOG.
Everyone, get to the bottles and to the GOG.

Speaker 1 That's probably there.

Speaker 1 That was kind of ours. Charlottesville was tough for the Honks.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I remember that because I vividly remember that. We had a podcast.
We had a live podcast at Helium the night before, and I was like, Trump fucking rules, white people are back.

Speaker 1 Thinking it was funny. The next day, Charlottesville happened.
I was hung over, laying on a couch, watching the news, going, Oh,

Speaker 1 I remember we changed it. We should have to delete that podcast.

Speaker 2 We changed the title as well.

Speaker 1 The title must have been nuts.

Speaker 1 Do you know what the title was? I remember

Speaker 2 Charlotte'sville.

Speaker 1 I had to change it. Charlotte's

Speaker 2 change it.

Speaker 1 I remember that. Yeah, I forget what I changed it to, but we probably had a conversation on the phone, just like, dude, I don't know.
Yeah, it's fucking hilarious, but I don't think we should do it.

Speaker 1 Charlotte'sville, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I know what an idiot.
Dude, the hangover, I'm laying on the couch watching Charlottesville. Just going,

Speaker 1 damn, I said a lot of crazy shit last night. I didn't know they were going to do this today.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's the fucked up thing.

Speaker 1 Nothing we could do about it. We didn't know.

Speaker 2 That's what happened to me when I was in grade school. I wrote, like, oh, yeah.
I copy and pasted some sort of rap lyrics about shooting someone. The next day, Columbine happened.

Speaker 1 I was like, shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Goddamn reported and kicked off AOL.

Speaker 1 Getting kicked off AOL was bullshit. That was a death sentence back then.

Speaker 2 Imagine no messenger after school.

Speaker 1 Getting home trying to text or

Speaker 1 I am.

Speaker 1 I am. Yeah.
Instant message.

Speaker 4 One of the babes.

Speaker 1 Dude, I get with an away message. You go, ooh.

Speaker 2 I don't think the person can get in trouble for this, but I knew someone who had

Speaker 2 found one of his teachers' AOL screen names and just anonymously for a year just

Speaker 1 bought,

Speaker 2 very viciously attacked this guy online.

Speaker 2 I was surprised. His classmates knew, and they didn't.
Nobody snitched. He got pulled into the disciplinarian's office when this guy was like, right away.
It was crazy.

Speaker 2 He got like grilled, and he was just like, and dude, the name was, oh, my God, what was the name? Silver Thunder 42069.

Speaker 1 Was it the kid, the kid's name?

Speaker 2 Yes, it was a screen name. Silver Thunder, and it was just his screen name.

Speaker 1 He was using it. It was just attacking.

Speaker 2 I think it was Silver Thunder. Remember that malt liquor, Silver Thunder? No, it was just Silver Thunder 420.
Just having that guy calling you F's and B's on the internet.

Speaker 1 And then you'd be like, who is this?

Speaker 1 What's up? F, what's up, B?

Speaker 1 Just getting home from a long day of school. All the kids are fucking pieces of shit.
You go, all right, I'm going to see what's going on in the World Wide Web.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's followed me home.

Speaker 2 Did you have any teachers in high school that had zero control of the class?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That was the best, dude.
Almost

Speaker 1 like all of the teachers. Really? Dude, my high school was like a poor Catholic school.
Yeah, yeah. So it was like, we had teachers that were making like 20 grand a year.

Speaker 1 None of them were qualified. I don't even think you had to have a teaching degree.
Yeah, there was one lady who was, she was, I don't know, she was fucking blind.

Speaker 1 But I used to, we had doors in the front and back of the classroom. And when she was teaching and I had a period off, I would see how many times I could walk laps through her class before she noticed.

Speaker 1 She'd be teaching and I would just be walking through the class. By like the sixth lap, she'd be like, Mr.
Gallas,

Speaker 1 what are you doing in here? She was like a fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 We had a lady who.

Speaker 1 big dog. She was actually, she was funny.
She was nice, but actually she was our science teacher. We went on a field trip and she was like, what do you guys want to do for lunch?

Speaker 1 And I was like, old country buffet. I got a chain on the bus and she was like, like, Old Country Buffet.
She took us to OCB. That was awesome.
Yeah, she was awesome.

Speaker 1 But I would sing Werewolves of London under my breath at all times. While anytime she turned her back, I'll go, I'll saw werewolf of the Chinese, and she would go,

Speaker 1 right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, oh, fuck, there was a game we played. It was like Cow in the Pen or something where we would all pick up our desks and surround her.

Speaker 1 She was just one of those ladies. I was like, what are you guys doing? Cut it out.

Speaker 1 That's so sick. Yeah.
She was awesome.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 every now and again, you would hit the jackpot in high school, and your teacher would be like a totally Autistic nerd.

Speaker 1 Like, we could do whatever we wanted here.

Speaker 2 We had one guy who was just

Speaker 2 every time he turned around, like five kids would go, his name was Mr. Horn.
Everyone would go,

Speaker 1 knock it off.

Speaker 1 It's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 It's the only way to combat it. Yeah, exactly.
Because if you spazz, it's over.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude, it is.

Speaker 1 Because you have teachers that spazz. Yeah.
We had teachers. We had teachers spazz all.
We had ladies cry constantly.

Speaker 1 And then, oh, man, that was the best. When we were growing up, we had a teacher that would cry all the time in spaz, but she also sang in the church choir.

Speaker 1 And we didn't have a choir, but she would sing in church. We had like one lady sing.
Did you ever have that? Yeah. It was just one woman.
They'd play organs and you'd hear a lady. But

Speaker 1 we would always tell her how much we loved her singing gentle woman, such a good song, peaceful dog, yeah, and her and another lesbian teacher would sing it, they would duet it, and we would be like, Can you guys, can you please sing it?

Speaker 1 And they'd be like, Fine, we'd be in the middle of class, we'd be like, Can you please sing that song? Oh, and she would sing it, and we would all laugh

Speaker 1 again, she fell for it every time. Oh, it's so fucking funny, yeah, yeah, the The Ave Maria used to genuinely fuck me up when I was little.

Speaker 2 I'd be like, just being a monster in church, just like checking out babes, just fucking around with my brothers. And they'd hit the Ave Maria.
And I'd be like, God, this is so fucking beautiful.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there'd be some nice ones. The Canter.
That's the Cantor would belt out. We had that.
We literally had an organ lady who would like crush sigs between songs.

Speaker 2 And then we just had like, you know, cantors here and there would come in, strut their stuff.

Speaker 1 We've talked about that thing before, but the one that always got me was at the end of Christmas Mass, they sang Joy to the World.

Speaker 1 Fired me up every time.

Speaker 1 Once it started, I'd be like, oh, it's time to play with fucking my big boy toys.

Speaker 1 This is the most lit song. It was Charlottesville.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was too lid. It was lit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was sick, dude. When the toys, when you're like, we're finally leaving.

Speaker 1 Church is done, dude. Let's get it.
It's the longest Mass of all time. Oh my God.
It was one hour, but it felt like an eternity. It did.
Took for me. We got a whole bunch of toys at home.

Speaker 2 And then the priest, there were like, people start leaving. I look at my mom like, she'd be like, not until the priest goes by.
And I'm like, fuck.

Speaker 1 No, you always have to wait for the fucking priest. And then we got to shake his hand out in the fucking narthex.
No, what was it called? The

Speaker 1 fuck's a narthex?

Speaker 1 Not the annex.

Speaker 2 It's not the annex. It's, I know what you're talking about.
That little area outside.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What the hell was that called?

Speaker 2 I like blank on that terminology all the time.

Speaker 4 I'm always kind of like

Speaker 1 the narthex. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the entrance or lobby of it. Yeah, it's the narthex.
We got to meet up in the narthex to shake the priest's hand.

Speaker 2 The narthex is such a crazy.

Speaker 2 I never heard it was.

Speaker 1 It's all in there.

Speaker 2 As he has rattling around. Yeah, you have to go shake his hand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got to talk to him. We had a guy.

Speaker 1 You got to explain to the priest why you were talking during Mass today.

Speaker 1 I was bad.

Speaker 1 And he goes, well, I'm going to suck your damn.

Speaker 1 You are a bad boy.

Speaker 2 We had a guy who was, when he wasn't doing Mass, he would chill in the narthex and catch the early defectors and be like, what's the rush?

Speaker 2 You'd have to just walk by. I'm like, shit.

Speaker 1 Getting out to the northx was so nice.

Speaker 1 Just be like, I have to go to the bathroom. And your parents would be like, no, you fucking.

Speaker 1 I know you don't have to go. Look at that.

Speaker 1 Dad, I have to shit.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up right now.

Speaker 2 I would see my brother go.

Speaker 1 He would come back and be like, can I go to the bathroom? She's like,

Speaker 1 You crushed the wait before you came.

Speaker 1 Be real quick.

Speaker 2 I would literally just walk around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just go out in the North X and go, God damn, it's nice out here. It's quiet.
No one's out here. I feel like I'm doing something.

Speaker 2 I would see the family standing because they didn't get a seat.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, That's so sick. I want to stand somewhere.
I wish I was standing in the back. Fucking stand in the back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my dad would spend the full hour just the most furious anyone's ever been.

Speaker 1 Start to finish of mass.

Speaker 1 He fucking made a noise.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Come here. Come here.
Come here.

Speaker 1 You just sit next to him. You go, fuck.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 He grabs you by the back of the neck and dig in and go, fuck somebody. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Fuck up.

Speaker 1 Sing. Sing a fucking song.

Speaker 2 It'd be me and my brothers, and yeah, you get separated out.

Speaker 1 You ever get sent down next to that? That blows.

Speaker 2 Oh, it sucked so bad. It was nice, though, when another one, I'd have another one of my brothers get picked off, so then you'd somehow get back together.
You'd be like, it's on. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yo, look at her yellow dress. She's so fucking slut, dude.

Speaker 1 It is crazy, man. Every single boy is just fucking rock hard.

Speaker 1 You're the most horny you've ever been in your life. And your dad's next to you going,

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 1 Dude, I used to get some of that. All my sons have boners.

Speaker 1 All my boys have boners.

Speaker 2 I would kneel down and go like this and just slap my balls against my leg the whole time.

Speaker 1 Knock it off. I wonder,

Speaker 1 you know, I never got around to asking my sisters, but do you think the ladies get fucking horny in there too? Definitely. You think the girls are horny too? For sure.
Yeah, they must be.

Speaker 1 For absolute sure.

Speaker 2 I used to get so bored that the priest, it would literally, my vision would go into black and white. I vividly remember staring and just going into black and white and just being like, Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm like, stand up. We're standing up there.
Fuck up. Get your ass off the pew.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm quietly. Because I was going to say,

Speaker 1 hey. Yeah, Catholic Church fucking rules.
Sit down for your hand, you fucking jacket. You guys don't even know.

Speaker 2 It was tight, man.

Speaker 1 LeMaire hates Catholicism. I went to Catholic school.

Speaker 1 True, you got kicked out for Didian.

Speaker 1 You had a free golf that kicked you out. Yeah, it used to suck.
Catholic Church? Yeah,

Speaker 1 it used to be so boring.

Speaker 4 I came from black church to Catholic church, and that was a devastating switch.

Speaker 2 It's a hard step down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It is.

Speaker 4 And I couldn't, and since I wasn't Catholic, like, I was baptized, but I wasn't Catholic, so I couldn't do communion. Like, that was just part, so I just had to sit there and just

Speaker 1 embarrassing. I never got to, they wouldn't let me confess to the priest.

Speaker 4 I just had to sit there with my sins during the time.

Speaker 1 Oh, that sucks. What? Yeah.
We had church. Did you guys have church during school hours?

Speaker 4 Sometimes we should have.

Speaker 1 Because that would fucking rock.

Speaker 1 Every class is going to be 10 minutes shorter. Yep.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Me and my boys would belt out, too.
It was so fun.

Speaker 1 Church and school. Church and school.

Speaker 2 First Friday Mass, just belting out with your boys.

Speaker 1 Screaming as loud as you can.

Speaker 2 The teacher would look and just be like, I'm singing.

Speaker 1 I'm allowed to sing. What? Singing the songs.
This is how I sing. You don't know how I sing.

Speaker 1 It's how I worship.

Speaker 1 Get off my back. All right.
We should switch over to Patreon. Bye.