Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)

Wow, wow, Wes.

It's starting right now.

God damn it.

We're in.

We're live, dude.

Powerful clap.

We're fucking live.

We have so much tech going on right now.

This is the first time on the free episode we've done the call-in.

Really?

Live calling, but right now we'll just pod like natural, bro.

Okay.

We got a wall of bros in the Zoom just staring at us on the screen.

I can't pod any other way.

I need to see the bros.

God damn it.

How are you guys doing?

How was Mother's Day?

Did you guys call your mothers?

I did call them.

I didn't get nothing.

I feel pretty bad about it, though.

How did you get my mom?

Well, I know, I split a present with my brother.

That's just how I move.

I just gave her a nice call.

How are you doing?

That's all they want.

What else are you going to get her?

Started to send her some Amazon flowers, but then I don't know.

Amazon flowers?

I wasn't going to get the flowers today.

And it was like, well, at that point, she don't even care no more.

Yeah.

My mom doesn't like flowers.

I think my mom, my dad used to be a flower dude, and then he stopped.

And that's why I think it brings it back to like, somebody's still getting me flowers.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, most, they love flowers.

My pops used to try to be a

romantic rent a limo, go do.

He used to be like that kind of guy.

He went all out for.

Couldn't afford it, though.

It's probably a real bad move.

Nah, limo is a nice move.

Flowers, really, anymore, are just for them to display on social media just to crush other women.

Yeah, or when you're working in the office, like that's what I used to do.

I used to send them my girl Jones, and that was all it was for.

So the other bitches were like, oh, so all the co-workers see it?

Yeah.

Oh, that's a crazy Mac.

And every lady in the place is jealous.

Yeah, that's quite late.

Oh, they're really beautiful.

Where'd you get them from?

Bitch.

Get off my fucking flowers, ladies.

Fuck you.

Happy Mother's Day.

We went to church.

It was fucking lit.

Church?

Went to church on Mother's Day.

Dude, it was.

We never went to this place before.

The preacher, it was like, you know, those Texas churches.

It's not like a Catholic Mass.

It's just like the standard format of the bro.

I think they we missed the intro jam.

Yeah.

And then the guy, yeah, we missed that.

And then the black church?

No, no, no.

No, no, it was like white.

It was like, it was like white black church.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, yeah,

like righteous gemstone style.

It's similar, yeah.

It's not, it wasn't as overblown and theatrical, but it was like, we just walked in on the, I guess the pastor just cooking, dude.

It was just like a 40-minute speech, and he was like, he's literally a bro.

And he was just talking about men and women.

And he was like.

Just he was like, I'm painting in broad strokes, but he it was it was nothing like sweet and kind of it was just like list listen dude like kind of giving women the business on motherfuckers.

You want sweetly and then kind of encouragingly.

And I was just sitting there just fucking like, go, brother.

Go.

What was his like angle?

He was saying we need to work together.

He's like, we're being divided and women are getting crushed thinking like, you know, he's like, basically being like, dude, you don't, you don't, if you want to have a job, have a job.

Who cares?

But he's like,

the societal forces trying to tell you.

If you don't have a job, you're less than.

He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell.

I was like, preach, preach brother he was just he was ripping he was basically saying dudes need to be made to feel like they can like do i have what it takes and women are thinking do i am i enough yeah and he was like how you can answer those questions and also nicely being like and look women like kind of shut the up stop bothering guys

hike this guy up tell him he's a beast

pick up the fucking paper towel off the ground say a prayer throw in the fucking trash and don't bother the guy about it i might have to go catch that good word

dude it was going, he was going back to the Bible, being like, yeah, sorry, dude.

You know, you guys went back to the garden.

He was like, look, this is just the story.

All right.

You guys fucked it up.

That wouldn't have been your fault.

That's why childbirth hurts.

Sorry, happy mothers.

Dude, he was nice.

And

he was very tactful about it.

It was nice.

What made y'all make the move?

Like the church Mother's Day move?

Brittany loves church.

So I planned.

I just try to plan the ideal day.

Dude,

I've never been to a church where the preacher, the pastor the priest could get pussy can't pastor

it helps them because when the guy when they don't get any sniz like they talk about relationships and

that look that's universal a lot of those churches get someone gets caught up there's one at every every church i'm convinced there's i think there's apparently there's like way more pedophiles than people think yeah i watched we talked about it last week i watched a clip and this guy was like bro it's everywhere everyone's going for this stuff We were,

I was thinking, I almost brought this up when we were doing the page last week because we were talking about X videos and how fucked up some of them videos look.

And you can always see the counter on, like, it'll be one where it's like, that looks crazy, but it'll be like 30 million views, and it's just like,

that's crazy, like, you know what I mean?

Like, if that makes sense, we're talking about them porns that the girl X video looks too young, and you try to fire it all.

Oh, you see, like, how many people have

you can see right under the video how many people have viewed it?

And the numbers are always nuts, it's always

like a billion views.

I know.

But on what kind of pornography do you mean?

Like, oh, definitely what kinds of pornography?

We were saying the ex-oh, you weren't there.

There's, there's, I noticed I had been off the hub for a long time just because, like, you know, due to the legislation in the state, I couldn't go on porn hub proper.

And I like was in San Francisco and I was like, oh, let me check out what they're up to.

And it was just like this lady who looked like she was a teenager.

And it was just like a huge feed of just her stuff.

And it was just kind of like, What the fuck, stop with this, yeah, like dude, young looking, yeah.

No, I know, yeah,

I see it, they're fired up, but it does help when the pastor is getting snazzed, yeah, it's

I don't know how I got us off track like that.

That's straight from the pits of hell, yeah, when the pastor is getting snazzy, dude.

They were, and it's like nice because it's coming from

it's such a good central authority to come from like not it's not you being like, shut the fuck up, it's a guy being like, God said that,

he's giving us the word of God, and God's telling you to stop being so mean to him.

Yeah, hype this guy up.

And it was the same thing.

He was like, dude, if you want your babes to stop hassling you, you gotta, you gotta, he had these two little piggy banks.

He's like, you gotta fill her piggy bags, man.

You can give it like a month where you're just chilling with her non-stop.

Almost to the point where she's like, all right, enough of you.

Because then you can go party with the fucking brush.

I mean, I'm obviously summarizing, but that's what I got from it.

He was jacked, too.

Just a jacked.

He was a jacked bro.

Jacked pussy getting past her.

He's the man.

White man?

Married in there?

He's married.

For sure.

Yeah, he's married.

Okay.

No, no, that would have been crazy.

If he was single, being like these bitches on the app.

No, family man threw it through.

Outside and giving his Instagram to the girls leaving the circle.

Yeah, I also, speaking of which, bro, I fucking showed up here and realized I had my wife's keys for the car in my pocket.

Just like, God damn.

You should start holding it down like that, though.

Like, you can't do no staying home.

I should.

i should

take your cell phone

no cell phone paycheck straight to fucking me it's actually the opposite i have she handles everything i have no idea what's going on

that's how i would be too it's like a samurai that's what the samurais did they gave all the responsibility any earthly responsibility it's like i don't want to even want to know man you're just concerned with war and and

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But yeah, that was sick, man.

That was tight.

We did that.

Had a little BBQ at my house.

Yummy.

It was yummy.

What were the meats?

Balls.

Seafood.

Seafood.

Oh, seafood bar.

Give my black queen a seafood.

I got a white boy on my roster.

He feeding me pasta and lobster.

I saw my mommy on set.

What?

I saw my mommy on set.

That was nice.

What did you guys do?

We went to an Italian restaurant and

got really drunk.

Nice.

Philadelphia, yeah.

That's awesome.

That's That's awesome.

What do y'all think about this?

Happy Mother's Days to just a dog.

My girl had, we have a dog.

She says she's a dog's mom.

That's her white girl stuff.

She kind of was shooting for it.

I felt that towards the end of the day, she was shooting for a happy Mother's Day from it.

No.

I'm a big no.

I'm not going to lie.

I did give it to her in the most.

It's a funny joke.

For sure.

But I was like.

Well, it's also, it's also, to be fair, I feel like any of those Hallmark type days, if you play it right, you can get some motherfucking ass.

True.

True.

You you know what I mean?

So, you should have played up the dog bomb and be like, bro, this is scraping.

I didn't even think about it.

I showed up late.

I got home late from, I went to the Stars game yesterday, Dallas Stars, got in that ass

and showed up at 10.

Just no energy.

I was cooked.

I just was sitting there.

I couldn't have given her nothing on Mother's Day if she wanted it.

You were all hockeyed out.

Yeah, yeah.

I was screaming.

I was having a good time.

I didn't know nothing that was going on.

You came back and broke her off with a hockey dick.

That's rough.

Just a lipstick.

Just grabbing her shoulders, just fucking fighting her.

Yeah,

it was sick.

I showed my wife the Kanye video, by the way.

Which one is it?

His new one, his newest, latest song.

Maybe.

Oh, well, maybe we shouldn't say the title.

It's Double H.

You said me.

You can't even name the title of a song.

That's how banned it is.

Yeah,

I read about that, how it's just scrubbed immediately.

Yeah, I mean,

the most shocking part of it to me, other than, you know, obviously it's lyrical content, is the warehouse full of black dudes dressed like wolves.

Yeah, yeah.

What are they?

Is that is that like how much did he pay them for that?

Because I'd imagine that would go against your

life-chaining, a life-changing moment for you.

You're done getting work as a video boy now, I think.

I guess I don't know.

I don't know what you call them.

I don't know what you call them.

Video, male, video, Nazi Dixon.

Yeah, yeah, Nazi Vixen.

Although, what I wonder now is, like, you know, not for myself personally, but I wonder if that opened up like a world of guys who, like, if you're into like Cucks and Bulls situation, being like, dude, that's that would be, if i was into bulls that would be a charge situation just there's a black nazi dressed like a wolf

way more man than me he's doing it on business it's like furry stuff maybe maybe he's getting pivoting to furry well did you see the thing where he was on the sneeko live stream and like i don't know if it was staged or what but he was just talking about like not cucking in general

No, I didn't see this.

They were talking about, he was talking about like, yeah, like people might think it's cucking, but he was like, basically talking about like loaning loaning your babe out oh he likes it's actually called a stag vixen there's a there's a it's like different than my brother tom just texted me he was like are you down with stag vixens and he broke it all down and it's not so much like a cuck but it's more of a proactive proactive role where you bring your babe and i mean this is straight from the pits of hell as well but you bring your babe to a function and you got you have a hoe bag so you have a bag of toys you're just carrying yeah probably something if you're balling probably like a night you're just gucci down just like a gucci bag full of just toys and you go to a function you just you you find your, your man in wolf clothing.

And then you're like, you, you organize it more, and you're like, here's the hoe bag.

Do you get a bae?

Like, does he give you one of his bays?

Is it a trade?

I don't know if it's a trade.

Is it a terrifying

tariffs on the bays?

Yeah, I don't know if we can still trade babes right now.

I don't really understand them that much.

But you know, I think it's just more of a,

I think it is more into the cuckold territory, but it's more of a

just like an empowered cuckold.

That's not good Mother's Day talk.

It's not at all.

I mean, let's see what's happening.

I wonder if he got Kim anything, though.

If what?

Yeah, I wonder what Kanye got Kim Kardashian for Mother's Day.

I hope not.

Yeah, but you know, she's still a mommy after it all.

She's still a mommy after all.

She deserves a card.

You might have gotten it.

She deserves a card, or maybe a bouquet, or I don't know, maybe a diamond-encrusted swastika or something.

However, that was

just a new necklace.

Yeah, yeah, a new dice necklace.

But yeah, that was fun watching.

Be like, hey, what do you think about this?

And putting it on for her and just her slowly just being like, what the fuck?

No contact with me.

She did not know.

She was not following the

black Nazi news.

I've been trying to really unplug because it's been too racially charged lately.

It is, man.

Everything, they're just trying to get me so bad.

I'm not going to let them get me.

They want the race war so bad.

They can't make me hate my brothers and sisters.

That's what I'm saying, dude.

It's the last thing I'm going to do.

I know.

I don't even think.

I mean, maybe they're getting people.

I read a study one time that said, like, it was just a book I was reading, but they said 70%, it was based on a study they did a long time ago, just like trying to discern kind of levels of awareness and like how people view the world.

Like, if like, whatever, but they said

70% of people were frame the world ethnocentrically, where they're just like, and if you kind of checks out, if you go to any country, it's like Italy has the best food, the best people.

Oh, I see.

So, okay, I'm not, I was like, yeah,

how is it?

Like your ethnicity is like the central defining characteristic of your entire reality.

And people who aren't part of your ethnicity are like just

not part of your squad.

You feel better than them.

Like black people do it.

I'm not going to throw them on the bust.

You ask them, it's like, yeah, like we're clearly the best.

Everyone's evil.

You know, if you ask some white people on Twitter, they'll be like, actually, yeah, okay.

I see now.

I think we're the best.

And, you know, if you go to the country by country, it's like, no, our country is the best.

I see.

It's crazy.

70% of people view the world, you know, kind of like that.

It's crazy how many countries will treat that way, but they're so clearly wrong.

Just we're

they're like, bro,

we're from Latvia.

We have the best.

It's like, dude, I hate to break it.

Come on, man.

I hate to break it.

He's not even in the fucking running.

I don't even think people would miss y'all.

People might not even know.

Yeah,

they're pretty new.

They should do Yelp for countries.

Just a whole country's on Yelp.

And you're like, yeah, I went to Latvia.

One star.

One fucking star.

I got a group on.

Dude, I was reading about the countries that have the most journalists in prison.

I was reading about the new Pope.

He was like, I guess his first

American Pope came out, dude.

American as hell, bro.

He was like, we got to protect freedom of speech.

We got to release the journalists who are prisoners.

And the top offending countries, I think, are China.

Israel's in the mix.

Really?

Israel has a lot of journalists.

Well, here's the thing.

I would have never.

Well, and then they clarified in the article because I was like, holy fuck.

And then they were like, because it's like China.

Can we look I'm going to see what the top five countries are.

It's definitely China and Russia's top five.

I thought they wouldn't be on the list.

That was about to be my guess.

I thought they were just bodying them.

Nah, they got those guys.

Okay, they hold them in jail because I think they try to like flip them.

You know, it'd be really cool now that they're in jail to write like cool stuff about us and how we're fucking awesome.

But yeah, they were saying it's a, yeah, there it is.

Myanmar is China, Belarus.

That's a fucking wild one.

Myanmar is a

Belarus, Turkey, and Egypt, bro.

People are going to saying the pyramid tours are bullshit.

Spud better watch out.

True.

Yeah, and then I think Israel's just, Israel wasn't on that list for a while.

And then through the war, now they're like number three.

They got a lot of journals.

Really?

Yeah, damn.

It's not a good look.

No, it's a terrible look.

It's not a good look.

I mean, if you're locking journalists up, you probably are up to something bad.

You don't want it to get out.

Yeah.

Like,

there's not a world in which I have to arrest somebody.

People can can say whatever they want.

As soon as I'm like, yeah, put that guy in a room for a while.

I don't know.

You say that, but LeMaire said, I kissed my dad on the lips a couple weeks ago, and I was putting him in joke.

I think it depends on what.

True.

You can put LeMaire in a room for a while.

Yeah, I'd lock you up for something like that.

I mean, that's kind of the thing.

You're running a country and they're saying something to that degree.

Now, you didn't lock him up because you know it's not true.

True.

If it were true.

Yeah, that's actually a good point you'd have to toss them there in a

room but i did see my daddy this weekend you saw him how was the urge to kiss

the urge to kiss was strong he did not kiss

hell yeah unfortunately well maybe

what was i i saw all this stuff going on with barstow sound like y'all knew who was going

to talk about that or are you doing a speaking of which speaking of yeah speaking of yeah dude there were so what what I gather, there was just a guy, I think it was like a Middle Eastern bro, if I'm not mistaken.

Yes, that's right.

And he was at the barstool bar, and I got, when you get bottle service, you're allowed to write like a message in case, I guess, it's somebody's birthday or, you know, if you're burning with a message to send to the world otherwise.

And he wrote, I think, fuck the Jews.

Yep, that's right.

On his, and the bottle girls brought it out.

Yeah.

And he, which,

they were just following orders.

They were just following orders.

To be fair to them, they got fired.

The girls got fired.

Oh, man.

Yeah, Portnoy fired the two women.

And then he offered to re-educate the young man, the Middle Eastern man, who was bawling out.

He said he was going to send him to Auschwitz, but well, he said he wanted to give him a tour of Auschwitz.

But he also said he was going to get him a trip to Germany because he was under the impression that Auschwitz is in Germany, which is false.

It's in Poland.

See, I didn't know that either.

I had no idea.

I could have got on the floor.

I went to my barstool-sponsored Auschwitz tour.

I could have booked the wrong flight as well.

That was fun to be in Philly for that.

I couldn't stop talking about it.

I just kept being like, let's go get bottle service.

Be like, but we're not thirsty.

We just want the sign.

You might have to go to Auschwitz, dude.

Yeah.

You're about to go next.

I'd go.

I'd go check it out.

Check it out.

Listen.

I don't know that I would, if I'm being honest.

If I'm in Europe and I'm like, there's so much stuff to do.

It's like I'm in Europe.

Yeah.

I can go to like the Mediterranean.

It's like, you know, let's go to a fucking former site, a military camp,

kill Jewish people.

I'm like, no, I'm straight, dude.

Yeah.

I'm going to eat this motherfucking grub.

Yeah.

So then you got to go to, you said it was in Poland.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if I, I don't know, no offense to Poland.

I think Poland might rise as a world power one day, but I don't know that I'd go to Poland.

If I'm in Europe, you only have so much time.

Yeah.

You know, they're all just trying to screw in light bulbs over there.

They're all just trying to get out of cars.

Figure out how to get out of cars and screw it.

Yeah, that was so funny to me when I found out how dumb white people think Polish people are.

I was like, I didn't know that my whole life.

Never, although I heard they have the hogs.

I heard Polish people have the girl, bro.

That's why they don't care to smell shit.

They're like, fuck.

Why would you?

Yeah.

Dude, that shoved out.

That was from a book I read.

They talked about the guy would always talk about the big Polish hog.

Yeah.

Pretty serious.

I know, for real.

But yeah, that was that whole situation was funny because then they the guy tried to get in on the racially charged GoFundMe train.

Yeah.

And I think everyone had just gave their last dollar to that white lady and the black lady savvy guy.

Yeah, so they had already cleaned up.

So this guy was like, it's time to cash in.

And then he was like, yeah, fuck that dude.

And then he was like, give me some money.

And I think he raised like 20 G's.

Damn.

Everybody's raising 20 G's.

Now, there were, dude, other people raised

400.

Everybody's

doing GoFundMes for

getting it when they get in trouble on the internet.

Yeah, it's a new thing.

Because you can, like, you know, if you find, say, like, you get bottle service, you know, you say, whatever, fuck the juice, whatever you want to say.

You get on the thing, you get your, you do your fuck the juice, bottle service.

Yeah.

Which, by the way, there's probably probably so many people hearing about that who started sending fucked up messages.

Yeah.

Just for, like, it sounds funny, but just for fun, probably.

Yeah.

Was you saying he sent that to Portnoy?

No, no, he sent it to me.

Portnoy just got word of it.

It's his bar.

It's a barstool bar on Sands.

Oh, another one across the street from Fred.

He was at the barstool bar, and the guy, when pressed, he was like, look, I have no problem, but they are doing a genocide.

Is that what the fuck do you have?

He went into his big thing, and then Portnoy rescinded his offer to send him to Auschwitz.

He's like, you can't go to Auschwitz anymore now.

Yeah.

Auschwitz tour for you.

You got to do that on your own dime now that you made $27,000.

Del Kylo is being funny.

He was like, he could have just rode Israel.

It would have been so funny.

It was so much better.

That's what I was saying.

Why don't people do that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

They get passionate, I guess.

Yeah.

Or he meant what he said.

Yeah, I know.

They looked into this guy, and apparently, again, according, just according to news, allegedly, he has some content up where he's pretty clear being like, yeah, I'm not a fan, uh, not a fan of it, yeah, they don't, yeah, he does not like them.

He's the same.

Then he's going on, like, white supremacist podcast or whatever.

This is Cassass, and everybody was there, too, so they knew about it more than I did.

And I guess he's like going on, like, racist dudes podcasts, and they'd be like, oh, that was really good about the Jews.

But then it'd be like, but we still don't like you, though.

Oh, because you're doing a loose day.

I mean, that's me.

I either, but we like you a little bit more.

It was just yeah, yeah, yeah, the hardcore white Christians in the Middle Eastern, that's been the defining thing between them: being like, good call, guys, but fuck you guys, too.

It's just such an impoverished worldview.

It's like, dude, you can't fully bro down.

If you're that filled with hate, it's like your bro down is always going to be kind of handicapped.

Yeah, that must have been a crazy vibe.

Fuck the Jews, Barstool Bar.

Fuck the Jews, and then just like

Tiesto is playing really loud, right?

And there's like sparklers going off.

Yeah, it's that.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, again.

It didn't seem like a place where you'd want to make a statement like that.

But they were probably just being nasty.

I think he had like a Nazi babe with him.

She was like, you won't do it.

I'll suck your dick right now.

I don't think that

Nazi babes exist.

Well, there is that one that said the N-word.

It says the N-word all the time.

Have you ever seen that lady?

Who, the lady at the park?

No, no, no.

Do you guys not know what I'm talking about?

that's it's hard to explain mezy do you know who i'm talking about ah shoot

at least mezy's out on that only fans

it's not only fans but she i think she did like piers morgan or something and he was like do you use the n-word and she's like yes very piers morgan's really scraping dude the dregs of the internet he's really trying to get that show popping yeah he had yay on yeah he walked off did he

was like you have 33 million whatever followers and he's like i have 0.9 33.9 just walked off like no you're fucking facts i've never gone to that.

That, what he said, uh, what he said, what they say, don't take inches off my dick, don't take inches off my dick because when you first hear it, it's like, all right, it's a couple of points of your followers.

Then you hear a word that don't take inches off my dick, and you're like, all right, yeah, you made a hunt.

I get it now.

Yeah, that's pretty funny.

Yeah, he's really, Pierce Morgan's like really going after pretty much anyone who's like, you know, he'll cast a wide net on the internet and be like, what are you doing?

And they're like, fuck you, dude.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I don't want to start with that rage bait and just blow my numbers up.

Yeah, you could, it's there, bro.

It's there, we can all do it.

Yeah, what would you do if you rage baited?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Lemaire's been doing it lately with the hot dog and the mouth guard and the hot dog water.

That's kind of rage bait.

Nah, that's just good old fun right there.

Yeah, you could go,

you could go hardcore against black women.

That's a sick thing.

Black people can do.

Yeah, I make big white dollars.

I would make some big white dollars if I started white bucks.

You could.

White bucks, it would be nice to give them just a million white bucks.

Just one hot weekend, dude.

Just start a GoFundMe, be rich.

But then that's got to be the thing for the rest of the.

You can't.

You could maybe try to come back.

I could flip it.

Could flip it and be like,

just find given.

I'd have to replace my woman, though.

That would be, and I don't want to do that.

That's the only way I can think I could flip it.

If you went at Black Queens, you think you'd have to replace it?

I'd have to get a Black Queen and be like,

share the wealth.

Or you could just get it.

Why?

What do you mean?

You could get somebody.

you're saying there's no coming back the only way to come back is to be like all right start all over get a dashiki get a black queen yeah you could umar or i could get dalazole and fuck everybody's head up it's been a quiet goal yeah fall in love with rachel dollazo yeah nate loves rachel dollazole you could maybe try to do maybe try to do one of those uh whatchamacallit threesome podcasts

Oh, like, what's his name?

22.

22.

22.

I don't know.

What's the fucking chat doing?

Bring these motherfucking bros in here.

Before we go to the chat, you want to do the rest.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Let's keep this electrifying energy going.

I'm sorry.

Jesus freaking Christ.

Yeah, let's get this out of the way.

Let's get this out of the way.

Guys, forgive us.

Actually, I shouldn't even qualify like that, but yeah, you know what I mean.

All right, before we get back to this awesome show, here's a real quick special segment called More or Less Playoff Edition.

And it's brought to you by PrizePicks.

It's the playoff, and every game's insane.

And we're basically watching a bunch of basketball players crumble under pressure.

Geez, really, though.

It's a little joke.

Are they crumbling, huh?

It's all the top teams.

Yeah, I thought the Celtics were supposed to be good, and they're stinking.

They're getting crushed by the.

Wait, who are they?

Ickerbots.

The Knicks.

Yeah, the Knicks.

I mean, that one was supposed to be a good series, I think, but I didn't know I saw them getting crushed like they're getting crushed by the Knicks.

The third game was brutal.

Guys, get this.

So we figured, let's take a look at who's actually showing up, who's choking, and which stat lines are actually looking good.

Let's get into it.

I mean, I don't know, man.

I have them up right here.

What are you thinking?

Jason Tatum for more than 25 points?

I hate to say it, but I do think Jason Tatum's going to get more than 25.

Yeah, but it is at 27.5 now.

For real?

More or less than 27.5.

Do I have old copy?

I think you have it.

Well, I have the update.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

Good call.

Or Anthony Edwards for more than 2.5 three-pointers made.

I would say yes.

That doesn't seem like a lot.

That's all they do is shoot three-pointers.

More for the Ant-Man.

You say there's 2.5?

I'm saying more for that.

Definitely more.

Here's the kicker.

Julius Randall for more than eight rebounds.

That's what I watch.

I keep track of rebounds.

The assists.

He's box.

I'm giving a no on that.

I think there's less.

Less, less, less.

My bad.

Less.

Eight boards?

Huh?

Eight boards?

I think less than eight boards.

You think so?

I think so.

You don't think he's putting that ass on the other players?

Yeah, I don't think he's got the hustle in him today.

All right.

They're up in the series.

I don't think think he's got the hustle in them.

Maybe if, what if that's a take?

That's your GoFundMe.

Everyone's like, fuck you.

Is there any particular players, teams, or matchups that you've enjoyed?

Has anything surprised you, Nate?

Let me ask you, did you have any predictions for the rest of the playoffs?

Let's get into that.

Now I'm kind of thinking,

I think who's going to win the finals is going to be a Western Conference team.

Honestly, I don't want to say it, but I think my guess is the Nuggets.

If I'm calling everything that

I kind of quietly think the Nugs are going to

be the Denver Frosty Nugs are going to win.

Yeah, I think the Denver Frosty Nugs.

Nugs, damn, that worked out perfect for them, actually.

I didn't think about that, Frosty Nugs for Denver Nuggets.

You think they'll win?

Yeah, I think they'll win.

I think

the Pacers, the Pacers are surprising everybody.

That's what I'm talking about.

I'm thinking the Pacers, yeah, I think they're gonna go to the Eastern Conference Finals.

I think they'll get shut down in the Eastern Conference Finals, but I think the Pacers need to recruit Caitlin Clark to be their

extra extra.

Somebody will run through her, she'll turn to dust, Bro,

you don't think she'd be able to hold her own?

Not for us.

She would put up 50.

Yeah, dude, what are you talking about?

She's going to have to use a regular size ball.

I'm pretty sure the WNBA ball is smaller.

It is.

That's fair.

It's going to change everything.

Well, everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

Yeah, Nate, if you want to spew hatred on here, that's fine, dude.

We're trying to talk basketball.

I'm not anti-Kaitlin.

I just know a bunch of dudes is going to dominate her, bro.

We should let it happen once, man.

See what happens.

Just let's just pull a bandit.

Let's see what's up, dude.

Just put her in Reese and watch them both get dominated.

True.

See, she then, then they can join forces, reunite.

Or, or just

like a five WNBA players versus the Wolfman in the new summer blockbusters.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I don't know if we should do that.

Guys, I don't know either, but those are the picks.

That's our take, guys.

So now's your chance to win real money with your best takes, whether it's points, rebounds, assists, take your pick of more or less on their stat projection for your shot to win up to 2,000 times your cash today.

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Prize picks, run your game.

Guys, oh, this weekend, I'll be at the Crest Theater, Sacramento, California.

Please come to that.

That's on Friday.

And then on Saturday, I'll be in Seattle, Washington, Neptune Theater.

Come to that.

I think they're close to sold out.

So

please come.

And also 6.25, that's June, I'll be at the Improv in Hollywood, California.

And then I'm going to be filming a special,

like four days after that in the, where the hell is it?

Ontario, California, Improv.

So that'll be a Friday and Saturday, or Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Please come to to that.

And Josh, you have something coming out as well, right?

Yeah, check out 15 for 15.

It's 15 of some of my favorite jokes out of the last 15 years doing stand-up, putting that out on May 15th.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

And just please come to Optum Noctis.

We're going to have, you know, me, LeMaire, Gardini.

It's always fun.

We always have, I mean, Matt's dropped in the bus lady.

That shit's been sick.

Thank you to everybody who's come.

Just please come again.

Thank you.

June 6th, Optum Noctus.

Hit him with a thank you, come again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Back to the show

now we're back to the show what an organic well-placed man

guys let's bring it to the chat bring a call bring a caller in no no no sean that was that was good instincts man we had it we had a that's exactly what i said i said dude when we start tanking in conversation

bring the bros in and it was just like we have the bros here we got to tap them in i figured i'd go as long as we could on some current events and

you know what i'll say right now though dude i've been making my own cold brew coffee

it is so much easier than you think you just you grind that too well i didn't i use an espresso i hit the pods use an espresso dude if you just get coffee i didn't know it was this easy you just get coffee beans grind them on coarse you don't want to get too fine because you got to filter them out it's like half the battle i just grind coffee put it in a big container of water overnight come back i have a huge thing of iced coffee concentrate yeah i've been making it it's so good

this is my remainder dude it sounds tasty it's so good and it's so easy to do

i've been

flying off this shit yeah just crushing iced coffee cold brew.

And it's, I don't know.

I love it.

It's easy to make.

You literally steep it in just a container for like 24, 12 to 24 hours.

Come back the next morning, filter it out.

I pour it through like a mesh filter and then I do a coffee like paper filter.

Is that about 200 milligrams after the whole situation?

It's after the, dude, you have a thing of concentrate this big.

It makes like

15 cups of coffee.

Hell yeah.

It's so easy to, it's like unbelievably easy.

I thought I needed like an apparatus.

It's just mixing them together and screening out the beans.

Done.

My guts can't handle cold brew.

It dominates me.

I take a little bit of cold brew.

I'm shitting.

But it's kind of a nice move if I'm like, if I'm not shitting, get some cold brew, fix all my problems.

I swear to God,

I'm still not addicted to nicotine at all, but I will say these shits, I like rely on it.

If I feel like I have to dump,

I fucking pop one in and turbocharge.

Yeah, that happens to me too.

I still don't feel like it's that addictive, though.

I don't feel like it's that addictive.

You think it's going no sick, just going the the pouches it could be the pouches it probably is because smoking you probably i don't know they say people or smoke have like an oral fixation it's like a deeper thing hey

let's bust one of these bros up man

who you who are you thinking about oh he's smoking right now

what's up ivan we need an orally fixated man to come up on the screen right now

look at bro in the blanket what's popping on the chat right now

Nothing crazy.

Yo.

Yo, Ivan, you're smoking inside.

What are you doing, man?

You smoking in your house?

Yeah, I'm from Europe.

It's normal here.

What?

Cool.

Yeah.

Just flexing, smoking stigs in the house.

Where in Europe do you live?

Austria.

Austria, bro.

Oh.

You know it?

I've heard of it.

Yeah, I've heard of that one.

You guys are near Poland and Germany.

You guys are near Poland and Germany?

Yeah, we kind of had that history thing going.

Yeah, good painting painting over there.

Yeah, yeah, what we got a great.

So, we were talking Europe, and I, you know, I hopefully we didn't, you know, offend you.

We're talking about like European countries, like, who gives a fuck?

What's your top country?

You're like, who gives it?

Because Austria is a kind of rules.

So, like, what's your, I'm not just saying that because you're there.

It's like, you know, I know all about it.

It's kind of sick.

What's one of your countries there that you're like, fuck, this country sucks?

Dude, I mean,

Britain, first of all, let's go.

Agreed.

Why Britain?

It's just pure fucking chaos.

I mean, I I haven't been to America, so I don't know what's up.

It's the best, but it's awesome.

I just can't take it.

I can't take the, I don't get it, I just don't want to get political, but

dude, you're smoking a cigarette in your house.

You have to get

political.

You look like you're cooking right now, dude.

What do you, what's up with Europe?

What's up with Britain, man?

What's the problem with that?

They're just weird with their like

authoritarianism.

What are they doing to you guys?

Or just in their own country, you're saying?

That's just my opinion on Britain.

So is Austria more free?

Can you guys go to jail for like group text and shit over there?

Or like, what's up?

No, I mean, they're trying to get those Trojans, like state Trojans on the phones, which is like a yearly debate.

Like, every year they try to get that stuff in.

What's the Trojans on the phone?

Are they like people literally listening?

State spyware.

That's true.

Every year they're like, hey how about we do this to your phones and we're like no how how are they trying to sell it to you guys is it like the threat of terrorism or like what are they using to even justify that i think it's kind of like how you guys do it with the bills they just sneak it in yeah somebody just catches it and they're like hold up so it just doesn't go through dang that's up and brit does britain have that already

Dude, people go to prison for praying on the street.

In Britain?

Yeah.

What kind of prayers are they doing?

If they're on the street, yeah, it's probably.

No, no, no, no.

I mean Christians.

Oh, that's shit.

Can't PTL on the street?

It's fucked up.

Damn.

That sucks.

That's insane.

Yeah.

It's crazy in Europe, actually.

It's getting real, like,

weird politically.

Like, on the

from the top down, the EU is getting way more involved and everybody has has to have like a stance even though austria is like neutral like switzerland

it's getting really weird that sucks what i could what a bummer bro yeah i'm sorry to hear that

well yeah i mean i guess what are you gonna do all right well happy mother's day happy mother's day necessary take nothing

looking blade runner

all right take it easy thank you bro

nice to talk to you damn Yeah.

Chilling is fucking.

Yeah, Europe does suck now, man.

I don't know what the hell.

Europe's on some absolute fucking bullshit.

I've never been there.

Well, I've been to Ireland once, but like, they were on some mega fucking bullshit.

It always looks sick to me.

I don't pay attention to politics, so I don't know.

It's probably sick, yeah.

It's probably a sick place to be.

To visit, to not live.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

And people who live there think it's sick, and America stinks bottom for the most part, but we don't have that shit, dude.

That's just not.

We don't have Trojans on our phones.

I see.

We probably would be

We've had them for a decade.

Yeah.

Isn't that what Snowden got like ran for?

He was like, they snowded it.

Yeah, wasn't it like you're looking at all your shit?

Looking at all your stuff, and then we fucking.

Yeah, actually, all right.

We locked that guy up in jail.

We got one.

Everyone's got to have one guy, one fucking guy in jail.

Snowden's not in jail.

He's out now.

Yeah, he's out.

But he was for like a day.

How long was he in jail for?

Like a decade?

He was in.

No, he didn't go to jail.

He was.

I mean, bro.

any hose on it.

He probably got some motherfucking hose.

Bro, holding up Christ.

Probably got a nice hose.

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Yeah, bring another bro in here.

Get another bro in here.

Fucking Austria talk.

No fucking shot.

What?

Why not, dude?

No chance.

What?

What?

You saw you rapping the Lord.

Had to say what I was saying.

Oh, gotta praise the Lord.

Hell yeah.

Praise the Lord,

and then a rosary in the car.

Nice.

Nice.

Well, Lamaire, let's look for people who want to chat.

I'm ready to chat.

I'm ready to chat.

Oh, you're saying no fucking what?

I thought you were saying like I was just like excited.

Oh, hell yeah.

Okay, my bad.

My bad.

What's up?

You're good.

I'm a little touchy.

My bad.

You're good.

If you don't want to fucking talk to me, don't worry about it, right?

How you doing, man?

Where are you living at?

I'm from California.

It's gay out here.

So

true.

Well, at least you're not in Austria.

I got fucked up by a fucking mosquito.

Damn, this shit's fucking me up because it's mirrored.

I fucked up by a mosquito.

Damn, that's a big ass skeeter, bro.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I got fucking raped, bro.

Shit sucks.

What's your beef of cali right now?

Gun laws.

Our fucking government sucks.

Can't do shit.

The government seems to suck all over the world.

What the hell?

There's some political unrest worldwide.

Yeah, there's some political unrest.

Dang, are you SoCal or NorCal?

I'm Central.

Central Cal?

CentCal?

No one really knows about us.

Yeah, what is CentCal?

What's even there?

It's like, I would say

like Santa Maria.

Have you ever heard of them?

No.

Is it like Silicon Valley Central kind of?

No, that's North.

That's North.

so cal um central california is just

the central part is the whole it's just san luis obispo it's just like how far are you from like one of the big cities

huh how far are you from one of the big cities like in central because aren't the two like north and south

in between

la and sf okay how long is that drive uh like two three hours

or it depends on traffic that's not bad serious is that what they call the inland empire no inland empire is just uh east of LA.

Oh, okay.

And that's like where the crackheads, the meth, all that shit is.

Sick.

The Vatos.

Sick.

The lads.

We got a lot of lads in the central.

Nice.

We love the lads.

All my friends are lads.

All my homies, lads.

I'm the only honking the fucking shit.

So what do you do?

What do you do?

He's been muted.

He muted himself.

I think he is.

Oh, you muted yourself, bro.

You muted yourself.

Well, thank you, brother.

I don't know how to fix it.

Lamer does not know how to fix it.

Have fun out there.

Is anyone burning with a message for the world?

Yeah, let's see what the people are saying.

Why don't we see what the people are saying?

Yeah, get someone with their motherfucking hand raised, bro.

He's been waiting.

This guy's been waiting for a while.

Oh, shit.

What up, brother?

What is up?

Bro, is that red lights on your room, on your ceiling?

Yeah, it's my living room, yeah.

How'd you get it set up like that?

Me and my fucking fiancé.

I knew that was girl stuff.

My girl just fucking made us do that, like, asked me because I got us on the TV to put the light behind it, like that ambient.

Yeah, like that same shit.

Girls love lighting.

They light the TV now.

Who told them?

That's kind of sick.

I like that.

Yeah, it took like way longer than you think.

It took like an hour and a half.

Is that an LED strip or are you guys like uplighting that whole situation?

No, dude, we're poor it's an led strip for sure

that's nice man it's cool yeah i guess thank you though

so what are you doing bro what's what's your deal dude i'm fucking i'm being a bum today i called out of work and i'm just sitting at home doing nothing

good for you man yeah you took today you said look i've had enough of this shit i'm taking the day off Yeah, my job's kind of bullshit.

I sit around and do nothing.

So I was like, you don't really need me there.

Nothing's going to change if I don't come in.

So they don't care.

They're like, whatever.

Take your day off.

That's so sad.

What do you do in your free time when you get freed from, you know?

Fuck, dude.

Me and my fiancé are nerds.

So, like,

we just sit at home and fucking watch TV and play video games, to be honest, and like smoke weed.

That's about it.

What you gaming on?

It's kind of awesome.

She's gaming on Baldur's Gate 3 right now.

Bruh, she's been playing a lot of Kingdom Come 2.

That game's pretty cool.

Haven't you?

Yeah, that's what I've been playing right now.

Kingdom Come is the shit.

I could talk about that the whole time i won't do it

yeah i won't nerd out but yes absolutely

that's like a world war ii game not like uh like uh like medieval i think that yeah yeah and you like that's more like super hyper realistic like you have to forge your own weapons and like hammer out a sword it's it seems like it would be dumb as hell but it's fire damn no that's dude

you can you had to learn how to read it was it was

you can bed winches it's pretty nice if i if i were to like be able to choose a form of like autism or like something that put me in a different realm, I'd go purely medieval.

Well, just wear a suit of armor.

Just get into that whole thing.

Just rent a song.

Just strict hierarchy.

James from Love on the Spectrum.

Yeah, basically.

Yeah, I love medieval times.

Damn, so are you a lone knight wandering the...

You're a blacksmith's son that's like...

working his way from the bottom to the top.

Cool Pirates of the Caribbean, actually.

you start as like a like a peasant in the first one you're a peasant and then you work your way up to like being like you got you're you're working with royalty you're not you're still not royalty or not a noble I know what you mean yeah but but you're but they fuck with you and then the second one starts off a bunch of chaos ensues they steal all your shit so that's how they get you to start from ground one like you you and your whole crew get I mean you're I don't want your crew gets butt fucked at the beginning of the game

you only survived because you were being horny with your bro like you and one of your bros sneak away to go look at ladies take baths.

Whole squad gets murdered while they're doing that.

What?

It's exactly that.

That's how the game is.

Yeah, that's some type shit I would do.

Where do these women take the baths?

Just like link bath.

Oh,

you were camping on the side of the road, her somewhere.

I'd be scuba Steve, dude.

Snoco.

Yeah, the Snoco.

I'm into that.

That would be, man, that'd be awesome.

Yeah, that game is is sick.

Both of those games are sick.

I'm saving my gaming.

I think when I retire, I think I'll get way into gaming, bro.

That'd be so nice.

What if your kids get in the game?

You think that could get you in?

Oh, big time.

Yeah.

I'd be gaming hard.

You're approaching Mario Kart age.

Yeah, I am.

Mario Party,

Mario Party.

That'd be nice.

We have a dance game.

Oh, hell.

It was like an old Xbox Connect where it should.

Yeah, it was pretty sick.

Man, the best party family game used to be uh a rock band, hit a full rock band.

That was the one I fucked with, was guitar hill war.

Actually, that's a good call.

I could get into some Mario Kart.

Five is old enough for Mario Kart, yeah, for sure, yeah, but I can't not smash them.

I'm gonna smash her and dart

one day, they'll figure it out.

So, that's what happens.

The kids get nice quick, yeah, that's true.

So, I don't let neuroplasticity going on,

yeah, that would suck.

If she beats me, I'll be I'll throw it out.

No more video.

You're a fucking cheater.

I'm leaving.

Dude, catching your dad controller smash would be

fucked up.

That'd be so bad to see.

I'd be pretty happy, I think.

Honestly.

Your dad controller smash?

I'd be caught by dad controller smash.

I would be like, I am his son.

True, yeah.

My friend used to, the PlayStation, pull back when everything had the cord to the thing.

If his little brother would beat him, he would pull the cord out of the PlayStation and whip him with the cord.

Just

whoop his ass.

He just start whipping him.

It was a pure spazz.

That's a bad losing attitude.

It was a bad losing attitude.

Who's the better gamer in your guys' relationship if you and your wife go toe-to-toe?

Oh, dude, me.

Absolutely.

What the hell?

Come on.

What do you think you're looking at?

Come on.

True.

Imagine the shame, though.

Losing?

Yeah.

Losing to a girl in Vidgus.

Yeah.

Do you ever...

Most of the games me and my lady play are cooperative and she's never carrying the most weight.

So it's we're cool.

I see.

Cool on that now.

She plays with you?

Yeah, she plays like the Baldur's Gate.

We play Baldur's Gate where he was saying his lady plays.

That shit was sick.

Playing Borderlands 3, the old drawing right now.

Does it get like when you're playing video games, and forgive me for asking if this is like kind of personal?

Do you guys like, is it like a horny making thing, or is that just like the porn stuff?

It can be a little bit of both.

Hold on, here we go.

All of D3 is fucking horny as hell.

What is it?

Is it smut?

It's like, I mean, you can literally fuck the other people in your group.

You can't, but you can't.

But the thing that's up to you.

You guys are swinging on RPC.

My girl did the respectful thing, though.

She only made her character fuck the ladies.

She didn't do no.

She did no.

I was like, that's a nice.

She didn't catch any Baldur's Gate pipe?

No, Burters.

No, Baldur's Gate Pipe.

Would you get mad if she did, though?

Out of spat.

I would have been mad, too.

I always forget that girls are allowed to play video games.

I know.

I think, like, I don't know.

I know what you mean.

When I hear their gaming, I'm always like, interesting.

Yeah, I'm like, what?

Was your girl into gaming before you, or did you get her into it?

Turned her out.

Like, slightly.

Her dad would play like Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies.

What is this?

So, not really, but definitely now that we're together a lot more.

That's what happened.

I think I put the bug in there.

Nice.

She's a bug.

She might have been bug chasing.

Well, dude, thank you, man.

I'm glad you got the day off the game and just kind of where's it been in your bae's at work?

Yeah, babe went to work today.

Sick.

Pass the balls and how does she take it when you're like, I'm calling out today?

I'm pretty good.

I think I only call out like three or four times a year.

So when I said it, she's like, really?

She looks at me like puzzled.

So

she'd be like, my dick hurts.

That's awesome, man.

Thanks.

I fucking, I love it, dude.

I think your place looks sick as as hell.

Yeah, nice setups.

Nice.

Nice setups.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate you guys letting me on, dude.

This is badass talking to you.

Can I ask you a question?

I appreciate you.

Of course, Matt.

You can always ask me a question.

How soon after your babe left for work did you

fap it up for yourself?

See, I don't know, maybe like an hour and a half.

That's good.

That's actually, that's good.

I would have been three minutes tough.

As soon as I hear the deadbolt click, I run into the front window like a dog, watching the car walk up, go away.

And it's a full-volume fab session.

No headphones, just straight blasting.

Straight blasted.

Into the motherfucker.

I'm getting the acute six cars.

You're a man of honor.

Clearly, you've been playing your fucking game.

Yeah, absolutely.

Well, dude, thank you, man.

Nice to talk to you.

You always, guys.

Thank you.

See you later.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Pick it up, Steam, on the stream.

The bros always break some good shit.

Not no nothing against the Austrian, but damn, that was a fucking mood.

That was a fucking mood shift.

She's following a shitty fucking first 20 minutes with a shitty ad into.

I mean, ad from the user experience perspective.

I would say, I fucking love it.

I love our partners.

You want to talk to a lady?

There's a lady.

Okay, LeMaire, you fucking horn dog.

Fine, Le Maire.

Let's see what she's up to.

It's going to be that guy's girlfriend.

True.

I'm at work.

I know my boyfriend's beating on me.

She's in in a hotel room just catching Baldur's Gate pipes.

She's brain, bro.

So you can fuck in this game.

Yeah.

They got whole fucks eats.

You fucking like all games.

Hello.

Oh, yo.

What's up?

Be cool, guys, act natural.

Hey, hey, what's going on, bro?

What's happening?

Nothing, just chilling.

You're always in the Zoom chat.

Gotta work out in this.

Yeah, I've been trying to be.

You guys are freaking awesome.

Thank you.

Where are you off to?

I am doing route for my lab.

I make ventures.

What?

Oh, shit.

Ventures.

You dropping off biohazards and stuff?

No, dentures.

Just like molds.

I thought you said lab.

What are you taking?

So you, what are you, so what are you doing exactly?

Dropping teeth off the bees?

It's ruining old men's day.

Somebody called in with a tooth that fell out of their upper denture.

Oh, you're going to get it.

Well, I already did.

Now I'm dropping it off.

You just have a tooth?

Yeah, here.

Hold on.

Let me see.

You have an old man's fake tooth.

I got an old man's whole upper denture.

Damn.

Pop it in.

Damn it.

Damn.

Yeah.

My grandpa used to have those, and he would pop them out and scare us when we were little.

Oh,

my dad has them now.

They fell out of his mouth onto my nephew's head.

When my nephew was like nine, he started.

He just went nuts.

We get a lot of them where the dogs get a hold of them.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they love the smell of nasty milk.

Yeah, true.

It's got food residue.

Dogs are freaky, dude.

Dogs are freaky ass and eat your fucking dentist.

Hey, well, dude, good luck on your quest.

That's actually kind of sick.

So you just roll up, and then the guy,

what is that like rolling up on the house?

It's just a guy like,

and you're like, give me your dentist.

No, I don't go to a house.

We go.

You guys go to the Walmart parking lot.

Oh, really?

I thought he just pulls up to the Walmart parking lot.

He's like, all right, here's my fucking.

So they go to the dentist, you go to the dentist.

And what are you going to do?

Like,

how do you do that?

If they're falling out, what's the move?

You refit them or like, what do you do?

No,

we make a matrix out of putty and we just kind of put it back in place and it's just acrylic.

But how are you going to keep it from falling out of this guy's fucking mouth again?

We put a hole into the back of the tooth and the acrylic flows into it so it holds it pretty good.

Oh, just his tooth fell out.

Right, right, right.

His tooth fell out.

That makes sense.

Dad, that's double devastating.

Even your fake teeth can't stay on your head.

God, fucking you.

How much does a set of fake teeth cost?

What do they go for?

I heard they're kind of expensive.

Oh, they're expensive as hell.

Probably like a range between like $1,500

for the whole set.

How many teeth are in the human head?

Can you answer me that?

Oh, dude.

You're going to really do matt and make me do that?

32.

How many teeth are there?

No idea.

No, there's more than that.

I don't know.

My mom's so mad that I don't know this.

It's all good.

Me and my mom run the business together.

Do you really?

God, that's such a sick fucking thing.

She's the expert.

Is she an orthodontist or purely like a teeth salesman?

Sales lady?

Just she's she's just been in the venture business for about like 28 years.

That's it.

Learned.

Yeah, she never went to school for any of it.

She just learned to learn to, now she's trying to teach me, and I'm a pothead that doesn't know how to learn.

So I'm sorry about that.

Well, dude, thank you for calling in.

That's very sick.

Hopefully, that guy gets his fucking teeth back.

Yeah.

Does he have a backup set, or is he just at home just fucking like?

Well, this only took like about an hour, so he's probably just chilling somewhere waiting to eat.

He's probably just sucking somebody.

Do you ever like, oh, so you only get to see the old people?

You're just just straight to the, you're B2B sales, right, to the dentist.

Yeah.

We're technically, we're not allowed to work with the public because it's technically illegal.

So we have to go through like a referral with the dentist.

That's some dentistry bullshit, bro.

That's them hot.

Those guys are the greedy.

I really don't like dentists.

They're basically car mechanics to me.

Electronic lip charges.

Yeah, those guys, man, they really do.

And then with the fucking orthodontist, they're thickest thieves.

Yeah, yeah.

Go to the dentist.

They're like, you need braces.

He told my dad my dad needed braces.

My dad freaked out.

He called me a nerd.

i'm 55 i'm 55 years old what the do i want braces for you think i give a what my teeth look like i think it was his my dad thought that was gay yeah

he's like

gay yeah that is a wild thing to say to a 55 year old man that is crazy i got six kids

well thank you man good luck in the uh the teeth sales i kind of i like that man yeah that's a nice muscle man

thank you so long thank you guys for picking me yo you roll

you too

Have a nice day.

Peace.

Get one of these motherfucking bros.

Now we're ripping.

Why do we even try to?

We did the same thing last time.

We tried to do a podcast and it's impossible.

I'm staring at the bros.

I'm like, they're not laughing.

Fuck.

See the bros, just straight face your best effort is going.

I was watching somebody munch.

There's a guy playing Oblivion.

Do you want to talk to the guy who's having fertility issues?

Yes, please.

Yes.

That's the guy.

He's tracking a Le Maire pose.

You saw it.

Let's go.

Fertility issues.

Now we can say whatever the hell we want.

All right, boys.

What's up?

What up?

We got to hold it, man.

What up?

Hold it for a second.

Wait, hold on.

Hold what?

That's why you got to hold it, brother.

Oh, just hold it.

Hold the question.

Yeah.

I got to hold the question.

I got to wait, you mean?

Yeah, match the speed.

Yeah, alright.

Chop it up for a little.

Where are you from, man?

I'm noticing an accent.

Yeah, man.

This is Europe.

Like, Ivan, I mean, I love you, bro, but the whole sort of getting it down dark room smoking indoors isn't the vibe in europe we got sun we got

bare feet on the

this is fine girl's about to come home she's gonna cook dinner this is this life is great in europe boys

where at in europe are you netherlands man rotterdam

the other big city in uh in in like near amsterdam yeah that sounds awesome but yeah i wanted to chop it up um what's the lady gonna make for dinner

you got her and they're gonna work on

could be anything honestly.

I don't get involved in that.

Exactly, yeah, exactly, yeah.

Probably some weird fish,

some weird fish, what half-hog?

No, that was a stray from Romer.

What'll Lemer say?

He insulted his culture.

He insulted his culture.

Yeah, Matt, what do you do?

He asked me what I was going to have for dinner, and he said I was going to have some weird fish.

His brother,

he's from Rotterdam.

Where is he from?

Yeah, Rotterdam.

Rotterdam in the Netherlands, bro.

It's some good European, sunny vibes up in here.

Yeah,

Lemaire's bringing his fucking hatred.

Exactly.

He's trying to get the GoFundMe money.

I get it.

Yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I wanted to ask a question.

So today I've been,

my girlfriend and I, we've been trying to get kids.

It hasn't been the easiest.

So we've been doing IVF.

I don't know if any of you are familiar.

Yeah, so the thing now is that,

like, this is Europe, so socialized healthcare.

So you just get a doctor assigned to you basically, and you go through the whole thing.

But I gotta be honest, my girl's aging a bit, so we gotta go private now, gotta

like pay a lot of money for it to get it done.

Bro, what is it like to be a dad?

And what, like, how do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad, but still like marrying the girl of like the love of my life?

Like, how do you, how do you balance those things?

It's a serious question, but I just wanted to ask it.

You're asking if it's worth the money to have a kid.

No, no, no, no, no, no, it's worth the money.

Bro, is it?

Is it worth the money?

Yeah, I'd say.

But then you gotta.

She isn't home yet.

Keep an eye on that door.

Yeah, I mean.

Do you mind me asking

how much they want?

It's not that much, actually.

We're thinking of going to Spain.

It's like

probably it's like probably like 7, 8k-ish, but that's like one treatment, and you can have up to three treatments.

So it could easily, like, Andrew Schultz talked talked about it in his, in his special.

He was like,

it was 30K for him, which is probably what it'll cost in the end.

So, yeah, in the grand scheme of things, yeah, I could see that.

So, what is

what's the

question is, well, the process is like what they do is they basically,

it kind of sucks in a way.

They pump your babe full of hormones so they get like uber pregnant or like they get like uber ready for pregnancy.

Type.

And then they might get, I might do step one.

Bro.

So they basically, and then they go in with like, I mean, I don't want to get too descriptive because there might be some kids in here.

I don't know.

But like the

ass step, but what they do is they basically

then suck out the eggs and then they then I have to like go into a room and

I mean you don't want to look at porn, but you sort of do because you got to wag one out and then basically you they put one and two together and then you get a kid out of it.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then they put that back, basically.

That's that's the whole thing.

So they so they make a bunch of embryos, a bunch of kids, and then they put them back one by one usually.

How long have you guys been trying for?

Bro, we've had four miscarriages, man.

Oh, right, right, all right.

Sorry to hear that.

Yeah, that's, yeah, actually, we had our last one Saturday.

That's the,

so that's, that's the reason we're now, like, I've been phoning clinics all day.

But, like, since they're based abroad, like, for me, they're, they're abroad.

So uh, it's like it's like phoning a bunch of Spanish ladies, not all of them can talk English, so it's been

difficult.

We don't get taught, yeah, exactly.

I thought so, like, we don't get taught Spanish in school, so it's terrible.

Anyway, it's very funny that he's had a horrible thing happen to him four days ago, and he's still in so much better spirits than the other Europeans.

That's what I mean.

Look, True, this is what this dude makes me a cigarette in the room.

Look at this.

Oh, look at this.

I can't be happy, bro.

I fucking don't know.

So, to answer your question, your original question, yeah, man, if you guys are trying already, and I'm guessing Pey wants a kid, obviously, you have to, you kind of have to go through it.

You know what I mean?

I would say, because if you just now.

You got to spend all the money, right?

Yeah, you got it, man.

I would do it because it's like, it'll be sick.

Once you have a kid, it'll be awesome.

And you can't, like...

If you try and then just say, like, yeah, you know, fuck it.

Let's just not do this.

It's going to be, she'll probably be very sad.

So that too.

But like, do you, like, is it, like, is fatherhood worth it?

Is my last question about this?

Is it worth it?

It's just overhype.

No, I mean, that'd be sad if I was like, yeah, it's fucking overhyped.

It sucks.

It's sick.

It's overhyped.

Oh, it could be.

It could be.

I think it all depends on the person.

There's definitely dads that are like, this is way overhyped.

I'm going to leave this kid.

Yeah, no, that sucks.

My childhood, my, my childhood sucked.

So I want to have a good childhood for this kid.

So I'll make sure of that.

But like the whole process, like the pain like the hormones everything like i was wondering if it was overhyped could be that you you could be honest and say well this kind of sucks but uh i mean it's frustrating it's very difficult it's like an all-encompassing time suck but i i think it's awesome i just to give you like last night i was sitting there i was putting my kids to bed uh like you know three and five and we do a thing every night we lay on the floor it's called camp we camp first before they get into bed because i gotta like if i put them right into bed they're like i don't want to go to sleep so i'm like let's camp we lay on the floor i make up stories i had a uh and even now too with making up stories you can use chat gbt which again some people are like don't use that because yesterday i was sitting there

no dude you got to use your fantasy you have i do i i i tell them stories from the dome all the time but last night my it was actually yesterday during the day my my five-year-old was like dad what did goblin fart smell like

i was like i don't know probably pretty bad and she she's always like ask your phone like ask your phone what like what what color does it make if you mix fucking green and purple and you know all these questions questions, I just asked Google, like, what color does that make?

And then yesterday, I was like, I wasn't getting a question.

I asked Chappie GBT, like, what, what does it smell like?

How bad are goblin farts?

And it was like, gave me a very in-depth answer and was like, would you like a story about a goblin farting?

And it gave me the sickest story about like a goblin army.

There's humans on the edge being like, my wood, what does this smell?

It was just fun.

What did they smell like?

What did they smell like?

It was like a highly sulfurous smell mixed with like the flesh of nude.

It was, it was pretty in-depth.

But then, so either way, so like that was just a sidebar.

But then, so we're laying there.

We're doing camping at nighttime.

I'm there with my kids.

And like, I'm like putting them both to bed.

We're laying there.

I was just telling them stories off the cuff.

I had to do a story about fairies for Maya.

Then I had to do a story about mermaids for Chloe.

And they need to be put in the story.

If you tell them a story and they're like, yeah, but where are we in this?

It's like, all right, fucking, you guys are there too.

You're funny.

And then, so, like, my oldest falls asleep.

I finished the mermaid story and I like just kind of like pet my, I was like, all right, you got to get into bed.

I put the three-year-old into bed, and she just reached back and just kissed my arm.

And I was just like, oh, I just melted.

There's a little, I will say, a little kid, like, right before they go to bed, just like giving you a little sweet peck on the arm after you hit the mermaid tail.

It was so sweet.

I'm still spinning off it.

It's like the best, honestly, probably the best feeling in the world.

Bro, and that, and that's the thing I'm looking for.

Like, like, shout out Le Maire, but she's probably going to make some weird fish.

But I, I, like, I, like, truth be told, like, I don't, I, I, like, like she would be the greatest mom ever like so the all everything everything is perfect, but it's just the the process of getting a kid like if it would if it would be as simple as it normally is it would be great anyway, but um yeah, that's such a minor story that you told me that that that's just that's the thing that that's worth a million.

That's the that's worth more than 30 grand.

That's worth a million if you if you can pay it if you can swing it do it.

You know what I mean?

If you understand if you're like bro, I literally can't swing that totally fair.

But if you can swing it, yeah, because otherwise the cool thing about once you have kids, you're like, holy fuck, like you have so much free time before you have kids, but you can't appreciate it.

You're just like sitting around, like, I'm kind of bored.

What should I do today?

That's how at least that's how I was, that's how I was.

And then you have kids, and you have like fucking no free time anymore.

So then when you get those little slivers of free time, it's like, it's truly amazing.

And it's something to like,

I don't know.

It's like something to really pour your time and energy into, which otherwise will just get sucked into like funding, funding, fucking hatred, GoFundMes.

so i i would say it's one of the best things in the world it gives your life a lot of meaning if you do it properly or you can get into like negative parenting mode which is like this sucks oh and you can do that whole trip but right it fucking rules i think it's awesome it's very hard josh what do you think josh has fucking three kids

it's great but it is a little bit like torture like uh

it is torture yeah it's tedious

it's loving torture no it's torture yeah

regular what's it called where they just drop the water?

Drip, yeah, it's a drip.

Chinese drip thing.

Chinese water torture.

Chinese water torture.

Death by a thousand paper cuts is what you mean.

It's like by a,

it is torturous in the aspect of like you're in bed, it's 8.15.

Usually fall asleep by 8.15, 8.30.

One of them's got a nap that was a little long, so now you're like, this motherfucker might stay up till 9 o'clock.

And you just, you're like, every day, you're like, they go to bed, and it is a sweet feeling.

You're like,

fucking finally, they're sleeping, and you have this little bit of free time.

But when they eat into that free time by not going to bed, every minute of that is genuinely torture, just being like, come on.

But I just lay on the floor.

I lay on the floor in the room and I just slowly, I'm like, come on, you got to go to bed.

And then, like, I just use that as time to kind of like meditate.

And I just kind of lay there quietly and just chill.

And then, because otherwise, every time they're like, can I have some water?

You're like, motherfucker.

Fuck.

Bro, I got,

I've two cats.

I have two cats.

I sort of know what that feeling's like, but the only problem is they don't talk back and they scratch really hard.

I hope kids don't do that, but we'll find out.

I hope.

We'll find out.

I hope

I don't want to take any more of your time because there's probably other bros that want to

say definitely do it.

And, like, yeah, in the whole process of it, it's like you just got to get them in there.

It doesn't matter how you do it.

Get them in there.

Exactly.

And just fucking do it.

Exactly.

Some laboratory shit, and we'll get it done.

Shove the money over to the Spanish people to get me back to the

Spanish scientist.

Send it to those Spanish brujas.

Honestly, honestly, I would almost, I was about to shout out the fertility clinic because some of the doctors they have are way too fine.

And I haven't told my bisexual girlfriend yet because the head drops are way too great, but whatever.

I'll leave it at that.

I'll leave it at that.

Yeah, instead of the poor, just like get one of these doctors in here to fucking JOI me.

I'm not doing that.

No, no, no, no, that's too much.

That's too much.

You have, I mean, you'll be at dawn.

You can hold them at dawn point and be like, no, juice.

You guys won't make business.

I need the science to work effectively.

I do need the science to work effectively.

I don't know if I'm going to do it that way, though.

Well, best of luck, friend.

Yeah, best of luck, bro.

Thank you.

That's what I do.

Have a good one.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Hello, everybody.

This is the end of the regular episode.

Join us on Patreon if you want to hear the rest of the Zoom Jam.

Have a great rest of your week.

Goodbye.