Ep 558 - Ay Caramba

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. You, what a slap, bro.

Speaker 1 What a motherfucker. That was a powerful slap, Le Maire.
That was.

Speaker 1 Damn, you're coming for Gardini's job. I know, man.
Surprised everything syncs up properly with this little slap.

Speaker 1 We'll see, though. We'll see.
Usually you're about Le Maire's about 50% on his

Speaker 1 producing skills. Yeah, there could be a major technical solid chance that this does not have a video.

Speaker 1 So we'll see.

Speaker 1 We sound like it is a woman's world, man. I mean, we're lucky to be living in it.
We're lucky to be living in the L.

Speaker 1 I can't wait until she comes here. I'm going to the tour.
Katie Perry's, that was a good... I was expecting that to be terrible.
The music video was great.

Speaker 1 Do yourself a favor and watch

Speaker 1 Katie Perry's Woman's World music video. I thought the one part was really powerful.
There was one part that was extremely powerful, and me and the crew ran it back and started chanting way man women

Speaker 1 yeah it is a woman's world very it was a very powerful just that shot in general she's trying to tap into the drags yeah you're talking about just by no not that just making that song yeah that's a really cool song she also was a host on uh rupaul's drag race oh i've seen trust me daddy i know all about the drags

Speaker 1 every once in a while when it's a woman's tv choice i have to watch fucking rupaul drag race you should remake Grease. That'd be a good movie.

Speaker 1 Remake Grease, but it's really all just drag queens and doing drag racing. But instead of the cars, they're just like walking towards each other and being like.

Speaker 1 One of the drag queens on the last season was a bit of a greaser. Really? You're not far off, man.

Speaker 1 You've got a keen eye for the drag.

Speaker 1 Actually, LeMaire would obviously be the most powerful drag here. I would be number two.
It is about size and girth.

Speaker 1 I'd be a mean fucking queen, dude.

Speaker 1 Do you think LeMaire would take the the throne as the number one queen?

Speaker 1 If you watch the show, you'll see who they like. They like a portly fellow that does that.
I'd be a giant, though. Because they wear like giant.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'd be 6'7.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 How big of a bitch do you think you could be? I can be a... You know I can be a bitch.

Speaker 1 You've seen me be a little nasty bitch.

Speaker 1 You've been around people when I was being a little nasty bitch to them.

Speaker 1 You go, God damn, that guy's being a nasty.

Speaker 1 I could probably be one of the nastier bitches.

Speaker 1 That's so funny. I know deep down I'd be a nasty queen, dude.
I got to get my flexibility up, though.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 1 That must be sick, though. Just being a girl and being mad and just being like, I have no reason.
I'm just going to say the most off-the-wall shit right now. Oh, yeah.
It's got to feel so good.

Speaker 1 And I'm, he'll forgive me in a day.

Speaker 1 All I have to do is say sorry once. In fact, I don't even have to say sorry.
I have to just be kind of nice the next day.

Speaker 1 I have to vaguely acknowledge the guy that I'm dating or married to will just go,

Speaker 1 fuck it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't give a shit. I know you're fucking dumb.

Speaker 1 No, that wasn't directed at anyone. That was a joke.
It's just, it is funny, though, just to like be brewing, wake up.

Speaker 1 Dude, ever since I got my gun, I've just been so sassy. Really? Ever since the gun's been in the house, I've just been going, who wants it? Yeah, what's up? What's going on?

Speaker 1 Any bump in the night last night?

Speaker 1 Clip was loaded. Yeah, you like literally wake up feeling sorry for whoever it is.
Like, I'm not scared. I'd feel sorry.
It'd be insane what would happen to them. I feel sorry for you right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to try that. I'm going to do one day where I just wake up and they'll kill the cops.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to hit her. No, I know, but if you said, not even say,

Speaker 1 talk the way they talk to us, the police would be there. I'd be so true.
I'll be way more subtle, though. It'll be like, what's the matter? And I'll be like, no, I'll be like that all day.

Speaker 1 Just wake up and it's like, my arm's hot. Like, what? My dead arm's hot.
Good sleep.

Speaker 1 Something's going on. My right hand's really warm right now.
No, get off of it. Leave it alone.
I don't want you to touch it. I want you to look at my arm.

Speaker 1 Just see how long I can make it. You would crack.
You would start laughing.

Speaker 1 Whoa, if you did it to me? No, not you. I wouldn't do it to you.
Yeah. I would do it.
Oh, you're a good one.

Speaker 1 I'm a different targeted one.

Speaker 1 You would target a strike.

Speaker 1 You might hit some civilians, though.

Speaker 1 I think the kids might be some collateral damage on that one.

Speaker 1 You just targeted a strike in response to pure terrorism. I'm getting a coffee, and I'm like, there's too much syrup in here.

Speaker 1 i got this coffee today and i was laughing i i want to start going to coffee like the same coffee shop every day getting the same thing and every like as i sip it walking out the door i'm gonna go oh it tastes like and just walk out every day just every day yeah that's good it tastes like i'm sick of eating this come on let's go

Speaker 1 Just go, Jesus Christ, just throw it out and walk out and just do it every day.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I just hope Katy Perry recovers.
Me too.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to join KP's side now. Good.
You're a powerful ally. And the space landing.

Speaker 1 Not good optics. But that's a learning movement.
Then the moment. Then she linked up with...
What was it?

Speaker 1 Dr. Dr.
Luke. Dr.
Luke. Dr.
Luke.

Speaker 1 Question. No,

Speaker 1 that's where I draw the line. No, Katie.
No, hanging out with Dr. Luke.
I don't hang out with Dr. Luke.
It's sick to team up with Dr. Luke and then make a powerful woman song.

Speaker 1 She's got drawing. Yeah, I don't know.
It's one of those things where it's like, yeah, a bunch of

Speaker 1 ladies went into space and acted like idiots. Yeah.
So, what did you think was going to happen? Are we all? Yeah, they were just. They're fucking ladies.
They might as well have rode one of those.

Speaker 1 Six wives got launched into space. How did you think that was? They should have launched him on one of those bicycles where you all face each other and blast music.
That's all that was.

Speaker 1 They could have hit him with a Peloton class.

Speaker 1 The park roll bike. Oh, that one? The bachelor party where they're all like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 They can't handle those.

Speaker 1 Who thought they were going to handle a fucking Blue Horizon?

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Matt, I'm constantly looking for...
Car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses. Headphones.
There you go. And I lose them all the time.

Speaker 1 That's why I use wired headphones now. Ooh.

Speaker 1 What's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick. Yeah, true.
Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding Le Maire gifts.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire.

Speaker 1 I just hope they raise enough awareness for Bezos' mission to launch trash into space.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he started by launching

Speaker 1 trash.

Speaker 1 Have any of those bicycle things been hit by a truck yet? Had to have been, bro. Had to have been.
I've been on one before, and it's like

Speaker 1 after riding one, I'm like, these things got to get clipped, man. Because you're just in the street.
There's just a guy like

Speaker 1 looks over his shoulder and just hits the street. This guy hitting an on-ramp, and you're out there going, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Into the wrong side of the highway. You're like, dude, come on, dude, come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd like to know.

Speaker 1 Take me home tonight. You're just riding into fucking southbound traffic.

Speaker 1 That's a good, yeah. That would be funny just to see.
Suicide mission. Yeah, suicide bike ride.
Ladies, hop on.

Speaker 1 Especially you're just driving and just like, and then so I fucking told her, he's like, I can't, man.

Speaker 1 You get on the Mopac.

Speaker 1 You don't ride into the river. You don't even pedal.

Speaker 1 You don't pedal at all. You just sit.
Your pedaling does nothing on those things. Dude, that's how ladies used to kill themselves back in the day.
You just hop in the river.

Speaker 1 You're just ready for the river, and you would just be like, fuck it, and jump in. Yeah, that's usually how they got rid of their kids, too.
Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 We're taking you straight to the lake. Why don't you sit in the back of the car? I'm going to put it in neutral.

Speaker 1 Like down the boat ramp.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of crying. I want to go out with my friends.
Yeah, I want to hang out.

Speaker 1 I want to be a flapper.

Speaker 1 Did you ever like get that? Really going at the women? No, the flapper, that was in 1920. No, I know what a flapper is.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, the beginning of this has all been like, fucking women are fucking annoying.

Speaker 1 Dude, we're on Gatty Berry Side. What do you have?

Speaker 1 We do, dude. We're lucky to be living in the middle of the day.
One of those fucking bike things get clipped yet?

Speaker 1 I'm trying to make sure.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, this didn't get clipped. It just fell.

Speaker 1 It just fell over? Yeah, they were going too fast.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 Well, I appreciate that. And it tipped over? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dang. Damn, they probably got...
Pretty hurt. Oh, yeah.
I saw the sky bar. Did you ever see those things? They put like a bar on a crane.
What? Yeah, really just high in the air. No.

Speaker 1 I saw one of the cables snapped on one of those and it like.

Speaker 1 Oh, they didn't. It turned into the fucking funhouse, dude.
It turned into a real funhouse. Damn, that seemed like the scariest thing I've ever seen.
I think it was in Puerto Rico. I could be wrong.

Speaker 1 I thought it was in Apes.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe.

Speaker 1 Your father died Puerto Rican skybar.

Speaker 1 Damn, I didn't know they'd do that. They just lift you up in a crit.
Dude, when When you're up that high, too, the wind catches you and you're swaying.

Speaker 1 Seems like shit. It's a terrible idea.
I want nothing. You're gonna piss the entire time.
True. They're drinking.
Oh, I didn't even think about that. Where do you?

Speaker 1 I guess they have like a little commode. What do you even do?

Speaker 1 Piss.

Speaker 1 Hey, now actually, you could sell me on going up this high and having Puerto Rican ladies pee on me and fucking

Speaker 1 start selling tickets to the underneath.

Speaker 1 You a little side hustle.

Speaker 1 Just drowning in white claw piss.

Speaker 1 Now we're talking. That thing's no holes barred, dude.
True. I got to head to San Juan.
I got to business. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the woman's world I dream of. Dude.
Just get a poncho like you're at the Lady of the Mist.

Speaker 1 I would be voguing up there, dude, if I was at the fucking Puerto Rican Sky P-Bar.

Speaker 1 Yo, will you look up this Puerto Rican Sky P-bar?

Speaker 1 We got to fact check this. True.
Sorry, we have an all-black crew today, and

Speaker 1 they're both preoccupied with the NBA playoffs.

Speaker 1 Checking stats. Dude, the NBA playoffs need to chill on the commercials.

Speaker 1 What are they doing? Bro,

Speaker 1 they are targeting the African-American community with intensity.

Speaker 1 How so?

Speaker 1 Every single commercial is catered to black people. Gotcha, gotcha.
But it's like almost like... It's not race war stuff.

Speaker 1 No, it's not race war stuff, but it's a little like wing stops taking up a a bunch of

Speaker 1 yes you rage a lot of wing stops like it's definitely chicken place

Speaker 1 you're watching it going

Speaker 1 yeah nba spread it out shame on them put one on the pga tour tossing

Speaker 1 throw it off a little tossing a pet boy is that shame on them yeah it's fucking literally it's sprite yeah

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 somebody was saying the other day they're like uh it's crazy that the wing stop commercial isn't racist because it's just a black guy wing stop commercial is the most racist commercial i've ever seen racist as hell He's a cool black guy.

Speaker 1 Just, you describe it.

Speaker 1 I can't even describe the wingstop commercial.

Speaker 1 He's a trap. He's trying to pull out a Jenga piece, and then they put a piece of chicken in his face, and he's like, whoa, and his eyes snock over the Jenga.
Oh, that's the other one. That's the.

Speaker 1 No, flex.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a good one, though. I'm talking about there's a new Wingstop commercial where it's a base.
I think it's supposed to be an NBA player.

Speaker 1 And he's doing the whole fashion fucking walkthrough that they do and then he hops in a limo and just crushes chicken

Speaker 1 and every white guy on earth goes i knew that's what they're doing

Speaker 1 i knew that's what was going on in those cool limos

Speaker 1 In case you still want to know, it was Puerto Rico. It was one of the bars.
They said a thing snapped, and all of the bartenders just started screaming all at once. And they said, no shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like that thing. to be.
They're not like pilots. They're not going to be like, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We've got a cable.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 They're screaming and praying.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. They're Puerto Rican sky bartenders, dude.

Speaker 1 Surprised they weren't screaming and praying from the start.

Speaker 1 That's a major icarumba, dude.

Speaker 1 If one cable snaps in my Puerto Rican sky bar, I'm fucking.

Speaker 1 That's when my accent comes out, honestly. That's true.

Speaker 1 Holy fucking shit. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 God damn, I didn't know they did that. That's awesome.
Because you could spin that thing around, too. You can do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 You got to get a little bit of a turn.

Speaker 1 Terror of Timbre.

Speaker 1 Mucho miedo.

Speaker 1 I believe it's important to take care of mental health issues because.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you gotta be careful. Man, you know you can't you gotta get your mental health

Speaker 1 otherwise you can really

Speaker 1 take off man next thing you know you're wearing a fucking a cool necklace you think everyone's gonna like and then everyone's fucking mad at you and it's true turns out you should just went to a therapist instead of should have gone to a therapist and said would it be cool if i got a dragon medallion

Speaker 1 and they would go absolutely not absolutely not

Speaker 1 they would say are you the man you go

Speaker 1 yeah actually we have a camp i think your dad's been trying to sign you up for and straighten you out gonna pray

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, we used to think that dragon medallions were cool, and then we went to therapy, and the therapist actually beat me. The therapist beat it out.

Speaker 1 That's why we don't go to that therapist anymore. That's why we use better help, guys.
How we look at and treat mental health issues has come a long way, but there's room for improvement.

Speaker 1 In a recent survey, 26% claimed they've avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment.

Speaker 1 For Mental Health Awareness Month, let's break that stigma and encourage people to get help when they need it. May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Dang, that's pretty cool. That's nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we can do it in May and then, you know. I wasn't even aware.
Yeah, I didn't know that. That's a huge problem.
So, yeah, it's just helped me just feel more comfortable.

Speaker 1 I have really fat thighs, and I've been uncomfortable about them. Yeah, you have very nice thighs, Matt.
They used to be fat. I've turned them purely nitrogen.

Speaker 1 I've been fat due to those fucking thighs.

Speaker 1 We should go to a couple's therapy and just talk about what you would do to my thighs. And they've actually, we have done that.
They've benefited greatly from couples therapy.

Speaker 1 Shane's made me feel like my thighs are beautiful. Well, they are.
Things he's done to them. I've wrapped them around my fucking ears.

Speaker 1 Guys, if you're ready to start therapy, but not entirely sure where to begin, check out BetterHelp.

Speaker 1 It's affordable and convenient since everything is fully online and they currently serve over 5 million people worldwide. So you know you're not alone when it comes to seeking help.
That's good.

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That's betterhelp h-e-l-p.com slash mssp. That's a good ad read.
It's a great ad read.

Speaker 1 They're gonna love that. Yeah, the commercials, the only time you see like purely white commercials is Fox.
Yeah. And at the heart of white commercials is My Pillow, Gold Coins.

Speaker 1 What else? They do like fucking Help the Jews commercials. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like the right-wing take on coffee. There's always like right-wing coffees that makes me laugh.
Oh, yeah, true. Because Because you never see a right-wing coffee shop.

Speaker 1 I just got these coffees, dude. It's man, it's pretty wild in there.
The right-wing coffee is

Speaker 1 a good move. Yeah.
Because it's only the gayest coffee. I know.
Every coffee shop is like, you know, like above and beyond. It's one thing to be like, hey, come on in and have some coffee.

Speaker 1 It's like, by entering this, you are sworn. You are now.
You are an ally. Yeah.
They hand you just like an Antifa black face mask.

Speaker 1 That'd be nice to have a coffee shop where it's just like, you know, no balls in girls' sports.

Speaker 1 i saw i saw a sign that had that the other day there was a guy running for like local office i forget where i was but it was like keep the balls out of girls sports once and for all hire me to city council i was like fuck

Speaker 1 if he gets elected and it's like all right dude wake up let's go get rid of the balls she's like i'm hitting the locker room right now turns out there was one in a neighboring district yeah so that problem was already solved here time for me to focus on infrastructure I wasn't ready for that.

Speaker 1 I was more of the balls guy.

Speaker 1 So I'm a little in over my head on this one.

Speaker 1 I ran on children's genitals.

Speaker 1 I ran on a campaign of entirely children's genitals. Turns out it wasn't as prevalent as I thought.
Pretty much everyone in this district agrees. You got to set up a false flag.

Speaker 1 You have your 13-year-old son. You're like, look, it's for the good of the country.
It's for the fucking dynasty. It's for the family, the city council dynasty.
We could be the next bushes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a wild. I mean, he probably got elected.
Where the fuck was I? I don't remember. Oh, you know what? I think it was in,

Speaker 1 no, it wasn't in Alabama. We were down there.
We were driving. That's a fucking layup.
Yeah, bro. He's dead.
Holy shit. 360 Tomahawk.
Dude, I was in San Francisco this weekend, and it was,

Speaker 1 we drove through like the Mission District. I think that's like there, like Kensington.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's fucking wild. I can't buy it.
It's not as big and thick as Kensington, but it's insane. I drove, shoot, Paul's my bad.
I drove through, and dude, they have like

Speaker 1 dense with people.

Speaker 1 It's not as like big and thick as veiny as Kensington. It's not as veiny and throbbing as Kensington.
It's not oozing precome.

Speaker 1 But they have like a different drug guy. You know, Kensington has like the bending over guys.
In San Francisco, there's like these guys, and they just walk around.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. It's new guys.
Stuck walking. Yeah, stuck walkers.

Speaker 1 They're just like this. They're like this, and they just kind of like scramble around.
I've never seen those guys. It is nice.
It is nice that it's like a zombie video game

Speaker 1 where you're like, why are there different zombies in every level? But it actually is like that.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that drug is. That's not like D.
Final Stop is fucking LA, San Diego with the Screaming Runners. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Austin's got the Screaming Runners, dude. Screaming Runners is terrifying.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's like the meth fighting the heroin and they just get like stuck.

Speaker 1 Could be. Because it was wild.

Speaker 1 And they weren't like, if they were older guys, oh my gosh, just like scoliosis, untreated, they were like on the younger side, like in their 30s, just hunched and then twisted, too.

Speaker 1 Nice. I want to get a Pokédex.
Low pad level. They're ready to fucking

Speaker 1 ready to strike.

Speaker 1 Low man wins. I want to get a Pokédex where I can just identify them.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A twisted Bendy.

Speaker 1 Mild aggressiveness. If America declines enough and we bring back basically the Coliseum, we need to toss these boys in.
True. I got a feeling the heroin boys in Northeast are going to be tough.

Speaker 1 I think the screaming runners here are all talk.

Speaker 1 I think the heroin boys are going to be tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then for like the card, like the round girls, we can just get like street prostitutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like toothless street prostitutes.
How tough do you think the Midwest zombies are going to be? Midwest zombies are they're not even zombies, they're like white methods. Yeah,

Speaker 1 the I don't know, they'd be technicians for sure, yeah, yeah, they'd be working on the crafts

Speaker 1 because we would have to get into pod racing,

Speaker 1 we would have to let these boys operate some motor vehicles. We need the weight class, we need like the 95-pound to like 97,

Speaker 1 115 is heavyweights,

Speaker 1 110,

Speaker 1 and you got to watch the women's league because you would have a lot women's league would be nice yeah but you'd have to be careful with the you have a lot of juana men fucking sneaking into there there would be a lot of juana men keep the balls out of homeless cock fighting

Speaker 1 keep the cocks out of homeless cock fighting

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 who's your pick to win the screaming runners on paper they could be a paper tiger but they'd be more of like X-Pacs. They'd be off the ropes.
They'd be more off the ropes. I saw him at an airport.

Speaker 1 You almost got me. No, you didn't.
I did.

Speaker 1 I saw a pop, dude. For real.
I saw X-Pac. I'm starting to come back around on that, too.
I think you might have saw it. I did, dude.

Speaker 1 I swear I saw Pac.

Speaker 1 You need to start screaming X-Pac at so many people. Any white dude with long hair, you got to go, oh, X-Pac.

Speaker 1 He was wearing a bandana and cool glasses and a tank top. He was definitely X-Pac.

Speaker 1 Every single white dude with long hair dresses like X-Pac.

Speaker 1 I swear, dude, I think I was on my way to Puerto Rico when I saw X-Pac. He was out to do a Skyball for sure.

Speaker 1 Some fucking black guy with dreads and tattoos and be like, John Morant.

Speaker 1 He's like, dude, they all, that's every dude with dreads that's skinny looks like that.

Speaker 1 We'll never know. I'll have to call my friend because he was there.

Speaker 1 Can you remember when we saw Pac? That used to be our dreads. Yeah, curly hair like that.
Wet curly hair. Yeah, true.
That was much more prevalent. It was.
It really was. It was like every other guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just part right down the middle. Pretty sick.
That was fucking tight. Whites had swag back then, dude.
Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. Come on, man.
Whites had crazy swag in the 90s.

Speaker 1 We were going nuts. That might have been y'all worse look era.

Speaker 1 Period. What? The long hair,

Speaker 1 crazy little barbed wire tattoo

Speaker 1 that shit's sick that was fancy glasses

Speaker 1 yeah y'all are

Speaker 1 to be fair we were in like a weird incubating stage because that's kind of when white people started trying to dress like black people so we were in like a weird we were still trying what to be yeah we were still yeah we were still transitioning ah

Speaker 1 you guys you guys kept switching it up so fast on us like give us time man that's true then you guys copied us kanye brought out the polo and we that fucked us

Speaker 1 that reset us. But we untucked them.
It made it a little more free. You guys always kept the polo tucked.
It's a whole different thing. Don't get me started on race war, dude.
Dude, right now.

Speaker 1 Talking is tough. As soon as I got my gun, dude, I was

Speaker 1 fully race war.

Speaker 1 Did you, did you, have you been on X in a while?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Mine is for real.

Speaker 1 Me and Nate were just having this argument. Were you really? Not an argument, just a nice discussion.
Dude, mine is

Speaker 1 full of fired up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, mine's full-on race war like race baiting and not even like you know like this it's like go back to africa level like it's insane man the lady who gave the finger and said the n-word has raised like 600 000 bucks

Speaker 1 and then there's like but she's against the guy who murdered a guy yeah

Speaker 1 allegedly murdered a no he did he definitely stabbed a kid in the heart in front of everyone and the kid died in his brother's arms yeah and people are more offended that the lady who said a word has a go for me but she has more that's the problem oh she made more The lady who said a word?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or the guy who stabbed a guy.
Well, the kid who stabbed a guy. Yeah, he didn't make enough.
That's a problem. He didn't make enough money? No, he only made like $400,000.

Speaker 1 No, I think they made more than that. Did he get an escalated in like a house? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He did. Allegedly.
No, I saw that report as well. But who knows about these reports, dude? I'm getting hit with.

Speaker 1 I'm for them having somewhat of an equitable share of their funds. I think they should get married.
One crime is more severe than the other. Saying a word or stabbing someone in in the heart.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I could see you thinking that.

Speaker 1 That's where I get a little.

Speaker 1 That's my little hangup on this. Is one person talked.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And the other person stabbed someone in the heart.
The craziest part, I don't know how people even researched it. The guy videoing the lady is apparently a pedophile.
Of course.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking pedophile. A legend.
I don't know if this is true. Why do pedophiles keep filming people? They keep getting involved.
They're like, he's a pedophile.

Speaker 1 I don't know how they even, you can't even see the guy's face and like he's a pedophile and then the they might be tossing these pedophile charges out willy-nilly because you can literally lay on the ground at a protest and shoot a guy and chances are he's gonna be a pedophile

Speaker 1 chances are everyone's gonna go no you fish in a barrel i watched a clip of uh i think i think it was on the sean ryan podcast he had a guy on who like does bust pedophiles and he's like dude it is so much more prevalent than you think childborn specifically he goes, dude,

Speaker 1 I don't know if we'll go age-restricted, but you know, stuff, yeah, whatever. But the, yeah, he goes, dude, the amount of like the sheer volume we're tracking of people accessing it is super high.

Speaker 1 And according to him, he was like, and it's all, it's high in like 20-year-olds. So he's like, you get a lot of, you get a lot of younger dudes hitting the fucking CP.
Oh my god. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 It's fucked up.

Speaker 1 Now, how do you even find that stuff?

Speaker 1 How do you find it?

Speaker 1 Dude, I so I've been blocked. That's a funny.
It's a funny bit. Yeah, I know.
Just being like,

Speaker 1 where do you even find something like that? I think it's like a reverse runner situation. How like kids ask like guys like us to buy them alcohol.

Speaker 1 You got to go to a school and be like, just hang outside and be like, yo, can you

Speaker 1 point me in a direction?

Speaker 1 Yo, can you?

Speaker 1 They go into school and you got to wait outside school for them to come out. Like, you know, they score.

Speaker 1 Somebody comes out and goes, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 We got to go. Go, go, go, go.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Fuck. My dad's going to beat the fuck out of me for this.

Speaker 1 My dad's going to be so busy. I'm trying to score child born at a school.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 Here's the car right home.

Speaker 1 I didn't do it. I said, no music on in the car at home.

Speaker 1 Fuck. There's in the back seat.

Speaker 1 That is fucking bullshit. It's not true.

Speaker 1 He was a fucking liar.

Speaker 1 It was my friends. I was just there.

Speaker 1 I was just skateboarding there. I didn't even want to fucking that stuff.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's like going out in the world and like at 35 getting rounded up for some CP and having to crash land back in the parents' nest, man.

Speaker 1 What a fucking nightmare, man. What a nightmare.
You got to move in and kill your dad. You can't.

Speaker 1 First step is like, I got to kill my dad.

Speaker 1 I got to go back to

Speaker 1 get a win in the, you know,

Speaker 1 kill one in the win column, and then let's build from there. Step one, I got to kill my dad.
Before that first breakfast together, he's reading the newspaper. He's reading the breakfast.

Speaker 1 He's reading a newspaper.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Your mom trying to smooth it over a little.

Speaker 1 It's fine. All the kids are doing it.
I just read a report that said it's a lot more prevalent than you'd think.

Speaker 1 Thanks, mom. It is.

Speaker 1 Well, that would be rough stuff. It's a tough bit.

Speaker 1 I mean, it is funny to think about your dad just going, what the hell are you thinking? I don't know what he's doing. I don't know.
I learned it from you. I only looked.

Speaker 1 I thought it was.

Speaker 1 I only looked at one. One?

Speaker 1 All right, four.

Speaker 1 All right, I was looking at four. I looked at four child ports.

Speaker 1 Just give me the belt. You gotta get the belt.
No, Dad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I take your car?

Speaker 1 A couple of guys want to meet you. You're not going anywhere.
I fucking hate this place.

Speaker 1 I make one mistake and fucking my whole summer's ruined

Speaker 1 your wife and kids are living with you

Speaker 1 oh man

Speaker 1 there are some true ride or die bitches though yeah the ladies that stick around with the fucking convicted

Speaker 1 it's crazy i knew a guy like mrs sandusky i think held it down did she really yeah dang bro i think she held it down big time Did she really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She was like, oh, come on. According to the document, the Netflix film and the Sons, Mrs.
Menendez held it down. Dang.
I mean, if Mrs. She literally ridered or died, she died.
She did.

Speaker 1 She fucking was there till the end, eating ice cream, watching TV, getting fucking popped.

Speaker 1 I mean, Mrs. Sandusky probably went to a priest and was like, I don't know what to do.
And he was like,

Speaker 1 there he goes. It's a small fucking

Speaker 1 potatoes, dude. You guys are going to be fine.

Speaker 1 This is nothing. He's probably just going to switch schools and just do it again, dude.
It's fucking sick.

Speaker 1 Hopefully the new pope cracks down. Hopefully we need the black pope.
We need Africa Corps Pope. Did we not get a pope? I thought we got one.
Oh, we got one? I think. Did we get a pope?

Speaker 1 I feel like I would have.

Speaker 1 I feel fatherless already. We would have heard about that.
Smoke didn't change, bro. Smoke didn't change.
We would have heard about that. They're still in there chiefing.

Speaker 1 The other cardinals are chiefing, they're not. Chiefing Frankincense.

Speaker 1 AP News says 13 minutes ago, the conclave to elect a new pope has officially begun. Yo.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 That's sick was like a cardinal hold it down in the meantime no there's got to be some dude that's going i guess no yeah i guess there's a guy the head guy that runs the conclave yeah yeah dang that's got to be so tight dude just like finally we get to burn all this incense and do all this and true and they're mostly geezers so like this is probably my last one yeah this rocks

Speaker 1 it looks scary it's like all the cardinals descending upon like the vatican it looks scary you should be scared you should fear god homie Yeah, dude. I fear God, homie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'd be tight just to listen to those conversations.

Speaker 1 You guys need to become Catholic.

Speaker 1 Look at who it is.

Speaker 1 Oh, baby Billy. Little baby Billy.
Not going to answer that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me. Who's in the running for the.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do we got? The Holy See? The Holy See.

Speaker 1 I look it up. I didn't know they told you that.

Speaker 1 This is a young Catholic prospect from Minnesota. They did.
They did.

Speaker 1 I swear there's an African priest.

Speaker 1 Dang, do you think they have an error rating for how many times they touch kids? He's got like a 0.23.

Speaker 1 0.23 errors on field.

Speaker 1 They got to fire up some of the kids.

Speaker 1 Let's go. This is a pivotal moment for the Catholic Church.
They need to fire up. They need to break the mold.
It'd be sick if Obama was just the Pope.

Speaker 1 you get out there he's like come on brothers come to j come to church

Speaker 1 come on brothers crazy obama impression

Speaker 1 that's what he did last time that was the most recent

Speaker 1 that was the most recent one he goes come on brother yeah the brothers you're looking at him brother

Speaker 1 yo here he is

Speaker 1 what is it that was the tripod damn the black the black cardinal's name is peter turkson peter turkson yeah he's got the easiest name out of everybody to try to.

Speaker 1 I was trying to tell him to all Italian. Yeah.
Matteo Zupi.

Speaker 1 Did you ever get like when the African missionary priest would come to your church on like a random Sunday? Yeah. I used to love when those guys came.

Speaker 1 We had a guy fucking stay as our priest for like way too long. Did you really? In Mechanicsburg, people were getting a little tired of it.
I can't even understand the fucking homily.

Speaker 1 I don't know one thing this guy's saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was a good bro, though. What do you just like lifted one of the altar boys up in front of everyone?

Speaker 1 This is a new king.

Speaker 1 No, Africa Corps Pope would be sick, dude. That would be so tight.
I don't want peace.

Speaker 1 I want problems

Speaker 1 all the time.

Speaker 1 You hit the fucking Nigerian who wants to be a millionaire. Hit him with a fucking, it's okay to be gay now.
No!

Speaker 1 Yeah, we need that. We need to switch it up.
If we get another, like,

Speaker 1 yeah, like an aged Italian guy, it's time to switch it up a little bit. I agree.
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Speaker 1 What you got? There's a Filipino Pope. Filipino Pope?

Speaker 1 I don't mind that. There's a Filipino guy in the wrong way.

Speaker 1 A couple Filipino guys, it looks like. What? A guy from Jerusalem.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Is he back? Is he back? Should he be? It says it's

Speaker 1 a cardinal. And I can't even be.
His last name is Pizzabala.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the one people are hyped on. Pizza Balla.

Speaker 1 Bir Batista Pizzabala. What's Pizza Balla up to? Pizza Balla.

Speaker 1 It says he's a cardinal. He's 60.
So he's kind of young. Damn, he's from Jerusalem.
But

Speaker 1 he's the bishop of Jerusalem. Whoa.
He enjoyed a simple country life. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Pizza Balla.

Speaker 1 I don't know about that, but

Speaker 1 I think it's simple. This is crazy.
Look at the advertisement for this. This is a young lady.
This is the lady on all fours.

Speaker 1 It says gynecologists baffled. Simple stretch relieves bladder leakage.
How the fuck are they talking to me with that?

Speaker 1 USA Today, dude.

Speaker 1 Just a lady leaking out in the fucking downward dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's true. That's the thing.
Pizza Bala's got a good...

Speaker 1 He studied at

Speaker 1 Hebrew University and was able to absorb non-Christian points of view and learn the Hebrew language.

Speaker 1 He earned a reputation as a trusted emissary among the Christian, Muslim, and Jewish communities in the Holy Land. But

Speaker 1 could be the bro to unite the bros. Yeah, Pizza Balla could be nice.

Speaker 1 He could definitely form a

Speaker 1 dude. What you got? In the wake of October 7th, the attacks by Hamas, Pizzabala called for prayer and even offered himself as a hostage.
Oh, that was the guy. In exchange for the release of children.

Speaker 1 Shit. I know that guy.
Pizza Balla is the movie. Pizza Ball is kind of a beast for that.
Yeah, he is. They didn't take Pizzabola? Hamas is fucking dumb as shit.

Speaker 1 They should have took him up on that and cut his head off right away.

Speaker 1 If Hamas was really about that life. Nah, if if he cut off a cardinal's head, they would have gotten

Speaker 1 crushed. Yeah, that'd be crusade.
Assemble the army.

Speaker 1 It is funny him standing there and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, dude. We're going to keep these kids.
Yeah, be like, no, dude, we do not want the fucking smoke.

Speaker 1 Damn, he went white boy crazy on the Muslims. He went white boy crazy to fucking kill me.
Take me!

Speaker 1 Take me right now.

Speaker 1 He just carried a drudge to crucifix down to the Gaza. Take me!

Speaker 1 Fucking pussies!

Speaker 1 Oh, pizza balloon. I remember hearing about that.
Like, what a beast. I want to learn about the African fellow.
Yeah, I would like to learn about that. But I'm not talking about the Algerian, dude.

Speaker 1 That's bullshit. Who's the Algerian guy? Oh, that guy who's John Mark Aveline.
Yeah, who's trying to say he's the Pope. He's the real Pope.
It's like, no, dude, you're the real Jews. Chill.

Speaker 1 You can't have everything.

Speaker 1 I'm the Jews and the Pope. It's like, all right.
Hold on. There's a guy named Joe Tobin from New Jersey.

Speaker 1 Joe Tobin.

Speaker 1 Yo, Joe Tobin, all the way from fucking Newark.

Speaker 1 He's just a deacon that threw his hat in the ring. We've never had an American bull.
We haven't, actually.

Speaker 1 Could you be my American bull? Damn, Italy really is like the New York City of the fucking.

Speaker 1 If you want to really make it in the Pope business, you got to go to Italy. American Pope would be dope.

Speaker 1 I think it'd be sick. Yeah, it'd be the young Pope.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're not not going to do Joe Tobin.

Speaker 1 Joe Tobin from Tom's River new Jerkins. Joe Tobin.

Speaker 1 Damn, Peter Turkson, native of Ghana.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Let's see.
Who else we got? Ghana could be nice. I want him

Speaker 1 credentials on issues of poverty, climate change.

Speaker 1 Climate change, Pope.

Speaker 1 Beat it.

Speaker 1 But the church has been hard on it. They've been going hard for climate change.
Oh, but Turkson and Lean's conservative on matters such as homosexuality and

Speaker 1 dang, do they? Proception. Motherfucker, do I have a fucking meeting right now? Oh, no.
That'd be nice if they vote. Like,

Speaker 1 what do we think about gay stuff? And there's some guys like, man, whatever.

Speaker 1 That's a big, that's a big part of it. Yeah, true.
Yeah. You got to stand up and go, fellas.
It is funny to just have a room full of... Fuck with that.

Speaker 1 Also, a ton of those dudes in in there are gay. Yeah.
Just like, I don't know. I've never even heard of that.
What the fuck is that shit? I don't even know what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Ew. What?

Speaker 1 Now, how would somebody go about finding out about something?

Speaker 1 How do you even do that? I'm curious. Guys, please come.
I think next weekend, May 16th and the 17th,

Speaker 1 I'll be at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, California, then the Neptune Theater at Seattle, Washington, and then the Hollywood Improv at Hollywood, California in June 25th.

Speaker 1 But next weekend is a big one. Please come to that.

Speaker 1 Thank you. May 31st, Des Moines, Iowa.
Come on. What are you waiting for?

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody. It's me, LeMerrigan.
What you guys?

Speaker 1 You're full of shit, dude. This is crazy.
This is a squat.

Speaker 1 Hey, would you come to my show at Florida at Coastal Creative on May 9th?

Speaker 1 Let me test the fucking test.

Speaker 1 On May 9th. Hey, you're solid as a rock, bro.

Speaker 1 May 9th. And on Friday, May 1st.
Saturday, May 10th, where I'm cool headlining with John Rudnitsky or whatever.

Speaker 1 Don't say or whatever, like you're fucking better. I'm not better, but I didn't like that it happened.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. You know, when you give someone something and they just light up because they love it?

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Speaker 1 you know yeah man i let my mom i actually i'm like damn i gotta send something back for mother's day

Speaker 1 true what when the is it this sunday oh yeah i might send a priest

Speaker 1 get nothing before christmas no i'm gonna send a priest to bless the house that's a good move that'd be cool well it's not as good as an aura frame, Matt.

Speaker 1 No, well, he could have, they can take pictures

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Speaker 1 Now let's get back to the show. What do you say? Let's do it.
Yeah, that's,

Speaker 1 I saw a cool priest in San Francisco. I went down to Haight Ashbury or whatever it's called, like the big hippie area.
And there was a cool priest and Doc Martens walking around.

Speaker 1 Like there was like the

Speaker 1 laying on the ground hippies on the corner. And he was like chopping it up with them.
They were fighting. They literally, we were there for maybe an hour just walking around.

Speaker 1 And like within that hour, they all spazzed and freaked out at each other. It's not fucking cool, man.
You fucking came in. They started freaking out on each other.
I was like, dang it.

Speaker 1 This is what hippies always do. They always spazz on each other.
They were like jamming on acoustic guitars. It was sick.
I've been big into hippies lately. Really?

Speaker 1 watching a lot of vietnam oh yeah yeah yeah i'm back i'm reading a vietnam book watching vietnam documentaries that's tight you know what pisses me off about vietnam documentaries they always cover

Speaker 1 they always ken burns did it and now this netflix one does it where they interview north north vietnamese like civilians that and they always cover american atrocities I've never seen one where they focus on what the fucking Viet Cong were doing to people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what did they do? What they tortured? Terrific shit. Yeah, they're kidnapped and murdered like everyone.
Dang. Priests, they were butt-fucking priests.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think Tich Nhat Hong or that guy who wrote all those books, he like escaped from there. He said it was pretty bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dang. It was bad.

Speaker 1 I mean, the only thing they ever really cover is like John McCain and this one pilot. I think his name was Alvarez.
He got shot down like day one.

Speaker 1 and stayed in prison the entire fucking war. Damn.
Yeah, that's a tough time. Yeah, I do, from what I've heard, they didn't treat the prisoners well.

Speaker 1 You go, how long is this war going to be? They're like, man, it should be a couple days.

Speaker 1 It's a decade, isn't it?

Speaker 1 It's going to be a decade.

Speaker 1 Did he? He made it out of there? Yeah. Holy shit.
Yeah, he's a freak bull. Yeah, 10 years.
He's a freak bull. 10 years.
Not even like a shitty hostel either. You're in Vietnamese.
I could be wrong.

Speaker 1 He might be the one. One of the bros was getting interviewed because

Speaker 1 they always do,

Speaker 1 the Vietnamese, the North Vietnamese would film the prisoners to be like, Tell them we're treating you good. That's sad.

Speaker 1 And the one guy did fucking Morse code with his eyes to be like, they're torturing us. It's pretty sick.
Oh, dang. Yeah.
And then even notice he was doing it. No.

Speaker 1 Shit. What a genius, too.
Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, fuck. I fucked up.
It'd be funny if you just did, like, I'm doing nothing but a lot of gay stuff here. You're like, ah, I fucked up.
I got that thing way wrong.

Speaker 1 He's doing a lot of gay stuff?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would suck. Especially if you're there for 10 years.
Like,

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, you're like, unless you're doing like a legendary SR, you're going to one point break and just start, you're like cranking them out in like an underground Vietnamese bunker.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're cranking them out. Cranking them out would be crazy.
Getting caught, too. Oh, yeah, you're like,

Speaker 1 oh, come in here.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to rip my fucking fingernails off again? I'm trying to jack off.

Speaker 1 You're like an underground. I told you everything.
I was here day one. I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 1 I got no more information.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what year it is. I got nothing to tell you.
Dang, dude.

Speaker 1 He's probably moved back to like some Midwest town and just settled back down and chilled. Yeah, probably kept that one to himself for a while.
Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Were you in Vietnam? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or he'd just be like, not really, sort of. Kind of, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dang.

Speaker 1 That fucking stinks. It is sick.
Surviving a plane crash is like,

Speaker 1 I always hope. I'm like, there's got to be a way.
Yeah, he got shot down. I think he ejected over water, landed in water.
A bunch of guys on a fishing boat came out with guns.

Speaker 1 Damn, fuck. That stinks.
Fuck. That fucking stinks.
It would be cool, though, once another guy shows up. You're like, thank God.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Haven't you? You mean another guy that got captured? Yeah, he was the first guy.
He was by himself for a minute. Just sitting there like, this is so boring.
Yeah, another guy shows up.

Speaker 1 You're like, yo,

Speaker 1 it's not that bad.

Speaker 1 Hey, my name is Joe Manitoba from New Jersey.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Joe Tobin. Joe Tobin.
From Newark.

Speaker 1 Joe Tobin from Newark. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Dude, Newark. You're Tobin, Nepope.

Speaker 1 Newark is crazy. Yeah, it's a tough one.
When you were in New York,

Speaker 1 I had almost ran out of gas. Lemire, were you with me that one time in the car? I think it might have been Gardini.
We got stuck in Newark, and I almost ran out of gas.

Speaker 1 And I was like, there's got to be a gas station. My GPS took me to a fake one, and I ended up

Speaker 1 deep in a refinery that, like, I couldn't get out. It was, oh, it was terrible.
Like, you can't find people in those places. It was just industrial.

Speaker 1 Terrible. I was so scared.

Speaker 1 You were spooked. Yeah, because I was like, if I got refineries are scary.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I was like, I'm going to have to walk, I'm going to have to get buzzed into like a barbed wired fence and explain to all the dudes at the refinery. I ran out of gas, like a housewife.

Speaker 1 Just be like, guys,

Speaker 1 you know what happens next, dude. You get in the oil rig.

Speaker 1 You're getting deep drilled.

Speaker 1 They would give me something big and thick, dude.

Speaker 1 Deep horizon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's, but yeah, the Vietnam thing. I don't know.
America loves hating itself. Yeah.
Every one of these docs. I mean, don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 We should definitely be like, what the fuck was Vietnam? We should have never been there. That sucked.
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 But, you know, let's not act like we were just over there fucking up the nicest guys on earth. Yeah.
They're pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you put the magnifying glass on anyone, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, it turns out these guys are up to bad stuff, too.

Speaker 1 And you never know. Here's the thing: you never know.
It's like, say America didn't totally rise to power.

Speaker 1 If you give, if I like, think of any other country right now, if they rose to the level of American power, like

Speaker 1 how bad. The Soviets won the Cold War? Yeah, dude.
Soviets. That's China.
China fucking rose to absolute power.

Speaker 1 You think for a second? Lamer would love it.

Speaker 1 He wants it. He begs for it.

Speaker 1 Do you know any of those intellectual socialist type guys?

Speaker 1 No. They love China.
They're like, China's going to beat our ass, dude. China's so fucking good.
Ew, they're just like subbed out. They're like,

Speaker 1 they sub out so hard for China. That's so weird.
Me and Nate were talking about, because we were arguing about the, not arguing again,

Speaker 1 having a nice racial discussion about the algorithm. But it's like, dude, if something happens, like India-Pakistan, let's say somehow that pops off and the world goes to war.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Americans we we've you know how like we've spent the last

Speaker 1 Definitely the last like 15 years really trying to suppress like the racism and hatred in this country obviously fueling it, but yeah,

Speaker 1 like making a real concerted effort from it dude the second we flip that switch to World War III, it's gonna be like

Speaker 1 let it fly, dude. Let the hatred.
Oh, yeah. And now we have a combined, we have a fucking enemy

Speaker 1 go nuts, dude. Dr.
Seuss is going to be drawing up some racial cartoons for us. Like, dude, America can flip that switch.

Speaker 1 I don't think people know how fucking rotten America can be. Yeah, because then the floodgates will break and they'll just be like racist caricatures of like black people for no reason.

Speaker 1 They're like, hey, what the hell? Hey, hold on a second. I just got a race.

Speaker 1 I'm going to fuck the fuck up. It's World War III.
We don't have time for this fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's going to be, if we get like a, because the last time we got like a national hate vibe going was 9-11 9-11. Yeah, it was on now that and that was not even on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, think if it was really on like think if there was an actual enemy. Oh, yeah, like an exit real threat.
Yeah, but aren't it? Wait, who's part of the bricks? Who's part of the bricks thing?

Speaker 1 Because is India part of the bricks? No, they're with us. Who's the I?

Speaker 1 Maybe they are bricks, but

Speaker 1 they're our bros. Yeah, I thought India was our bros.
Bro is India. Okay, because I know the bricks.
Brazil, Russia. I thought, are you sure it's not Iran? It's in India.
It's Iran, you're right.

Speaker 1 Oh, it is in India. Yeah, India is ours.
Who the fuck is X? Indonesia.

Speaker 1 Dude, I think China stands with India right now. Do they? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We would too. Yeah.
I think India is our bros. Yeah.
Pakistan's going full fucking Muslim crazy on them. They're going to Muslim crazy.

Speaker 1 I mean, how does Pakistan even figure they can attack India? That's not even close. India is going to destroy.
We got to give Muslim countries credit. They punch above their weight class.

Speaker 1 Every day they go, what the fuck is you? What are you looking at, motherfucker?

Speaker 1 Palestine went dumb on them, dude.

Speaker 1 Palestine.

Speaker 1 They really are crazy.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck are you going to do, dude?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. They for real went nuts on the Fortnite attack.

Speaker 1 They hit the Fortnite. They said, what are you going to do about it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Israel's like, we're going to redo the maps here.

Speaker 1 We're redoing the game. We just deleted the game.

Speaker 1 Fortnite's done. You are right.
Yeah, Pakistan. Who is gassing Pakistan? I'll be like, no, no, no, dude, dude, dude.
You fucking gassed. That's because they said, I will die for Pakistan.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 1 Pakistan's day one. You taught that.
And they got nukes. They both have nukes.
So both of them are going, dude, we can do it right now. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I feel like Pakistan gets their nukes from where the coyote gets them from. For sure.
I feel like it's acmes. They have acmes.
They have acme nukes.

Speaker 1 The North Korean rockets. That was the best.

Speaker 1 Kim Jong will go up there and be like, everyone, check this shit out. It just explodes.

Speaker 1 The North Korean World Fair has got to be awesome.

Speaker 1 They just show like food. They're like, yo, we got some fucking

Speaker 1 food. 2040, the land of the future.
This is going to be fucking grog.

Speaker 1 Would you ever hear the dudes who escape and go to South Korea and are just like, like, literally Blade Runner? They're just living in the future. It's like the village.
You ever see that?

Speaker 1 You leave, you go, there's trucks. Living in the future, just be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just read a nice book this weekend on the plane. I found it in a bookstore.

Speaker 1 It was just like a lady who...

Speaker 1 I guess like in the 70s, something fucked up happened in South Korea where a guy just declared himself lifelong president. He just smashed it.
Where was it? Korea. I think it was South.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it was like right before the war that divided South and North Korea. Was that in the 70s, I think? No, that was 50s.
The Korean War, yeah. So the Korean War split it in half.

Speaker 1 And I think in like the next 20 years, there was a little bit of, obviously, some tumult. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 this guy was just like, I'm the president forever. And it just set off this like horrible wave of violence and poverty.
And then the lady got adopted to an American family.

Speaker 1 and just like got out of there. And like they, the Korean government allowed parents to just be like, yo, if your kids like too much, just we're shipping a bunch of kids to America.

Speaker 1 So I think that was like a huge wave of,

Speaker 1 yeah, they were just like, and you would just, they would declare you as an orphan. Your parents would be like, good Korean adopted kids, they rock.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And no, there was nothing like you, your paperwork, you would hit America and like you would have blank birth certificate. You had no, you couldn't find your parents ever.

Speaker 1 And this lady just wrote like a, it was like a book of like kind of like poetry and essays just about like

Speaker 1 getting beached in America. It wasn't even really about that.
She was just writing about like the Big Bang. It's pretty sick, actually.
She was just writing about the Big Bang.

Speaker 1 She was writing about the Big Bang. Was that her fucking fucking dad's name?

Speaker 1 Big Bang. That's Lil Bang.

Speaker 1 Dude, dumb racist jokes.

Speaker 1 It's a good dad racist joke.

Speaker 1 Big Bang is so funny.

Speaker 1 We're firing today, dude. This feels like a patriot.

Speaker 1 The temperature temperature is cooking on this. Yeah, I'm heating up a little.

Speaker 1 Feels like a painter. The Big Bang was too good to pull back on.

Speaker 1 Pull up. Pull up.

Speaker 1 Terrain. Terrain.

Speaker 1 Straight for the mountains.

Speaker 1 Hot, diggity darn. No, guys are not that fun, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, you know, I actually, I, dude, I did the mothership last night, had a good time, but afterwards, I got off and just smoked like a giant joint in the green room and then went home.

Speaker 1 Like, I'll pass out. Fucking no dice at all.
I'm wide awake.

Speaker 1 I was just laying there. I had, dude, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I had this idea where, like, I want to come up with a company or some sort of technology that, like, you, you could send your dad a painting, and the painting already comes wrapped in copy.

Speaker 1 I would love to send my dad a painting. Get this.

Speaker 1 So it comes like wrapped in cellophane because what happens is it has some sort of like technology when, like, when, like, the moisture in the air hits it, it slowly transforms the photo.

Speaker 1 So, your dad hangs it on the wall. Yeah, he's so pumped on it, and like, slowly, little, it'll be like a general, like, standing like a battle scene.

Speaker 1 And then, like, the general day after day slowly transforms into a giant, throbbing, veiny dick that's just like just laying waste, or just like, or instead of a battle scene, it turns into just like guys having sex, and your dad just walks into his house one day.

Speaker 1 He's like, What the damn it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the technology's got to exist. That reminds me to send a picture.
I haven't sent a picture of a hot guy's ass to my dad in a while.

Speaker 1 If you just Google Guy's Naked Ass. I remember this.

Speaker 1 Send it right to your dad. He's going to love it.

Speaker 1 And you can put the invisible ink on it now. Oh, exactly.
Yeah, they get very

Speaker 1 slowly checked day by day. They don't even notice it until one day they're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or you could get like a...
Almost like, you know how when you're looking at porn, there's like those Simpson

Speaker 1 family guy. You could do one of of those with Nancy Pelosi, fucking Donald Trump in the ass.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, that would be.

Speaker 1 It'd explode. That'd be India versus Pakistan, dude.
They would spazz. They would spazz.

Speaker 1 I will die for Pakistan.

Speaker 1 Especially if your dad's like a mechanic. He's got like hanging up on his wall, and he's like, you know, the calipers and the guy's like, what the fuck is that? You're like, God damn it.

Speaker 1 Some fucking punk must have done that. God damn it.

Speaker 1 Fucking asshole punk.

Speaker 1 That's a great idea. Wouldn't that be fun? Well, I mean, that's aura frames.
Aura, you could. Yeah, if you stack the deck.

Speaker 1 You can toss one in. Yeah, you could.
That would be digitally, it would be the easiest. Like day by day, like pixel by pixel, it transforms.

Speaker 1 That way, you're like, no, it's just like a cool photo, electronic photo. It was great.
Or it's just that would be nice if you could do this easily where it's like a nice picture of you and your dad.

Speaker 1 Then you do an AI slow-mo transfer where it's just you guys making out.

Speaker 1 Dude, my dad would like.

Speaker 1 yeah, my dad would. He might fall.
My dad might fall over. Yeah, that'd be bad.
If he was just one of those, like, gifts. Tony Soprano looking at the Uncle Ben.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a great idea. That was keeping me up last night.
I'm like, that would be so funny. And then,

Speaker 1 and then I came up with an idea for immigration we could do where you could sponsor.

Speaker 1 So, because it was like adults, it's a hard, it's hard for adults to get in this country, but I was thinking about that lady getting adopted and like, that's the move.

Speaker 1 Like, babies have the ultimate rights. Like, babies, boom, instant citizenship if you can adopt.

Speaker 1 So, what I want to do is set up an adoption program where you adopt like a child from like El Salvador, but then the deal is the child's whole family comes. Like, whole extent, like, mom, dad.

Speaker 1 Uncles, aunts, all the kids come.

Speaker 1 So, as part of the deal is you can adopt the kid, but you can sponsor a whole El Salvadorian family, but you have to have the means, but then it becomes like a vassal thing where they become your vassals.

Speaker 1 Cool, but hold on. Hear the whole idea out.
So they come, you set them up. They have citizenship.
They have total citizenship. It's more of like a dentured servitude.

Speaker 1 They have citizenship. They can rock.
They can do their thing. They're free citizens, but you tax them.
You have to be the producer on those podcasts.

Speaker 1 They have to sell merch after shows.

Speaker 1 But no, you get to tax them. So you grant citizenship, you pay what it is.
You grant, you now, you have like, imagine that, dude. You have like a casita and you have your vassals.

Speaker 1 They're free to work, do their thing. They can build their own empire.

Speaker 1 And what the ultimate showdown is: the adopted kid, as soon as he turns 18, if he outperforms your own bio kid, the whole empire goes to the El Salvadorian kingdom, and your kid has to fight back then.

Speaker 1 He becomes that vassal for the El Salvadorian family. If he outproduces their offspring, it goes back and forth.
It's like a kind of like a kingdom, kind of tight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. There's a lot of holes.

Speaker 1 I don't know where to start with this one. That's why I couldn't sleep last night.

Speaker 1 I know it sounds rough. Slavery for a generation, and then you switch.
Not slavery. Dude, they're free market players.
They're just getting taxed. They're your subjects.
They're getting taxed.

Speaker 1 But they are free market players.

Speaker 1 It's feudalism. It's feudalism.
Yeah. Like

Speaker 1 modern feudalism, but with the opportunity, they would light a fire under your kid's ass.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, bro. I don't know.
I feel like every kid would get crazy. Every feudal kid would be like, yeah.

Speaker 1 They couldn't sell the marriage.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they couldn't if they did papa they're not selling the marriage

Speaker 1 they gave me nothing to talk about on my podcast papa

Speaker 1 i don't know it was just an idea maybe it's a good idea you don't have to do it no you know we don't we shouldn't but it's not a bad plan it's fair to be like bro i'm gonna flip the bill you guys are total citizens but i'm gonna tax you You have to pay tax on tax, my tax, for one generation.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tax you. It's like a pyramid scheme with immigration.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't be bad. That's how the pyramids were built.
True. True.
True.

Speaker 1 You're literally reverting back to ancient ideas.

Speaker 1 I own this family. Yeah, you wouldn't own them.
You would be sponsoring them and taxing them. You sponsoring them.
Fairly. I'm sure what the guy said back then.

Speaker 1 No, hold on.

Speaker 1 That's not, you're making it sound worse than it is. True.

Speaker 1 They live in a house. They live in a house I built.
You'd be excited for the wedding. You're like, oh, wedding, huh? Let me go by and see what's going on here.
As a lord. Technically.

Speaker 1 It's optimum noxus.

Speaker 1 How was optimum noxus last night? Sick. It was a good one.
Do you went and did it? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The crowd was, they were happy to, they were excited to be there. It was a

Speaker 1 good one. Yeah.
Yeah, I was happy with that. Yeah, no Gardini.

Speaker 1 We were missing Gardini. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 we had Andy be fat Gardini. We just brought him up on his Gardini.

Speaker 1 We were like, Gardini's, he's sad right now. He had a rough whole month.
Put on some pounds. We're going to bring him.

Speaker 1 He was probably back there being like, what the fuck? Yeah. We didn't tell him.
We were going back there. Like, fuck you, too.
You fucking. You just walked off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we didn't tell him before we did it. We were just like, just stay here.
We'll bring you up as a special guest. I told him.
Oh, you told him? I told him yesterday. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 That you're going to bring him a stat Gardini?

Speaker 1 How did he do his fat Gardini? He did great. Did he do a Gardini imitation?

Speaker 1 He's a Gardini

Speaker 1 impression is also what I probably should have said.

Speaker 1 He just said, I'm Gardini. He was like, I'm Sean Gardini.
And it worked. Oh, so no.

Speaker 1 Short answer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I short-circuited. I had a line last night.
I forget what it was, but I like...

Speaker 1 Just botched it, retried it, re-botched it, and then finally just waved the white flag and was like, guys, we're skipping that one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Completely. Joke's done.
Yeah, joke's out, right? It would have been good, but I ruined it. But yeah,

Speaker 1 I had an ambitious night stand-up by it. So I got done and I just smoked a giant joint, and I was like, oh, I said I would do Optimonoctus.
And I just ran over there. I was just like,

Speaker 1 yeah, what's up, guys?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's always fun. Yeah, it was.
I did that for a few years in New York. Yeah.
Oh, shit, I have four more spots tonight.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. I'm fucking hammered.

Speaker 1 Oh crap, I didn't think about this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was fun. I tried some Albany was nuts.
What was up with Albany? I did Albany and Buffalo this weekend. The crowds were

Speaker 1 fucking crazy people. Yeah, Buffalo.

Speaker 1 Buffalo is always great. I've never done Albany.
They were, I did the Albany funny bone, but this was, they were, they were going crazy. Yeah, Buffalo is wild.
I don't know much about Albany.

Speaker 1 At the end of my show, when I was like, thank you guys very much, I saw a guy running down an aisle to the crowd, like, go, let's go.

Speaker 1 They were going crazy. Yeah, dude, that's Bill's mafia.
I found out they lost the River Rats, their AHL team. No.
I was like, you guys need to bring back the River Rats.

Speaker 1 And the whole place was like, oh.

Speaker 1 The fact that you know about Buffalo minor league hockey is

Speaker 1 truly impressive.

Speaker 1 Well, then I hit them with,

Speaker 1 I was like, I was a Hershey Bears fan. They all started building the Hershey Bears.
I was like, bro, 12 Calder Cups going for our 13th.

Speaker 1 You guys don't even have a team right now. We're literally in the playoffs right now.
I'm trying to fucking help you guys.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to be nice to you guys, but don't compare the Riverats to the Hershey Bears ever.

Speaker 1 You talking fucking Yankees expos, dude. You don't even have a team.

Speaker 1 The Bears. I think I've seen the Philippine Phase Hershey Bears are not a fan of the players.
I think I've seen the Hershey Bears player to the Phantoms.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what I own the Phantoms. I could see him crushing the Phantoms.
The fights in minor league hockey are awesome. Yeah, they were.
Fight non-stop.

Speaker 1 Although the Bears Phantoms is is going on right now. Really?

Speaker 1 I got to check that. Dang, I didn't know those Phantoms were just completely crushed by the Bears.
I mean, that is like our candidate. Ooh, actually, it was 1-0 when I made that claim.
It's now 2-1.

Speaker 1 Phantoms? Yeah. Let's go.
I've been following the Phantoms for.

Speaker 1 We've made a lot of changes in the Phantoms program.

Speaker 1 They still haven't changed the logo. They like that logo.
What do the Phantoms have? Just like a weird... Looks like the Phoenix Suns kind of dark color scheme, from what I remember.

Speaker 1 It's like two different flyers symbols combined. Yeah, it's like the Pizza Gate chasing each other.
It's a Pizza Gate. It is.

Speaker 1 Pizza Gate's nothing. Damn, the Bears need to get a cup.

Speaker 1 What's the cup called? The Alder Cup? The Calder. The Calder Cup.
Dang, the Bears have how many Calder Cups? 13.

Speaker 1 Damn, who has the most Calder Cups? AI overview. The Hershey Bears.

Speaker 1 Yo. 13 Calder Cups.
Holy shit. Dang.
It's a storied program. Hershey Piet.
Come on, man. That's awesome.
I didn't know that. I think the Phantoms were late to the party, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Phantoms were late. They split off.
The Hershey Bears have been playing since fucking the 20s. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 What's going on over there?

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 a racist meme. Let me hear about it.
Yeah, true. Come on, guys.

Speaker 1 Also, minor league, nobody hits their wife more than minor league sports players in the like back in the day.

Speaker 1 That's a fair assessment. I feel like they led, I feel like they really

Speaker 1 minor league baseball. Yeah, you're physically, you're like on the cusp of the major leagues.
You're fucking, you know, a well-tuned athlete. Oh, you sent it to me?

Speaker 1 Fellas, you guys are putting me in the, you're putting me in the jackpot.

Speaker 1 Let me glance at it. It's just

Speaker 1 it's a play on uh

Speaker 1 protesting the Vietnam War. And yeah, it's people saying no Pakistani ever called my grandparents pretending to be Microsoft.

Speaker 1 Do you think the

Speaker 1 video of the

Speaker 1 crash?

Speaker 1 What? I didn't know you should have told me you sent that the pedal pulp crash. Oh

Speaker 1 it's a good pedal pump crash

Speaker 1 accident. Oh no.
Oh,

Speaker 1 sucks to be on the left side. Einstein Brothers bagels.

Speaker 1 Oh no, it went on the one side too.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got a DUI for the. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah, I'm telling you, man, I was on one once, and I'm like, these things got to get fucked up every now and again.
Because it's not, there's not like a,

Speaker 1 it's just a guy like ripping and running. It's like, you know, the dudes who have bicycles with like a cart on the back?

Speaker 1 It's like those guys getting their CDL and be like, all right, I'm going to fucking,

Speaker 1 I'm just going to step up, drive a bigger craft.

Speaker 1 Some of those dudes on the fucking, those like little pedal bikes drive like fucking maniacs. Yeah, they do.
A couple times. I'm like, bro, like swerving between cars and shit.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, slow down.

Speaker 1 I'm cool. I don't need to be at this place that fast.
Actually, you drive me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could have got on an Uber if I was trying. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is a fun trip. Yeah, bro.
Chill. Chill.

Speaker 1 I was one with my kids, and they're, I was like, bro, I was like, no, no extra points for me from the speed. Like, slow it down.

Speaker 1 I appreciate you know, you working on this this hard, but like, fucking relax because they'll, like, tailgate, cut in. You're like, yo, dude.
Yeah. Don't need this.

Speaker 1 And, like, like, they'll drive. Like, people will be there and they'll speed at them.
Like, they better move.

Speaker 1 Yeah, terrible. All right.
Well, we're in an hour. Let's get you over to the Patreon.
Let's do it. Bye.
Oh, I got a pee.

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