Ep 575 - Black Seed Fart Max (feat. Nate Marshall & Egan Robinson)

Wow, the wild, wild west.

And we're live.

We're just talking about black supplements.

Sea moss is the biggest.

Sea moss is black ladies love sea moss.

Sea moss.

During COVID, they got really into, oh, what's that?

The tea.

It's the tea supposed to be good for your respiratory system.

My mom was always trying to get it to me during COVID.

Not elderberry.

I think it might have been Elderberry.

It was elderberry.

Elderberry was a big one.

Sea moss, and you were saying black seed oil.

Black seed oil.

You're on the black sea oil.

Although, that's it's funny you say that.

That was a black lady supplement, which I believe.

That crossed over.

I think black people, black guys, black ladies, too.

Like, because I saw dudes talk about rubber on their meats for like black seed oil.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Black dudes are sneakily on the forefront of the hardest bonus possible.

It's crazy.

Especially you get like a Jamaican dude.

Like, that's why they're all like, eat your beef.

You need zinc.

You need to be strong.

They are right about the zinc.

That is true.

That's crazy.

They all know that.

Yeah.

They're huge on zinc.

God, that was a crazy story.

Every country you go to has some sort of thing they sell where they're like, oh, it's very good.

It makes you more to the world.

Like, if you go to like any island, they have some weird concoction.

They're like, this gives you the hardest boner.

I've tried blackseed oil.

I've only tried two things.

I've tried blackseed oil and I tried, I think it's Korean.

It was like the ginseng tea.

Oh, ginseng, yeah.

Red ginseng?

Yeah, the ginsync.

I tried nothing.

I thought that just like jacks you up.

I didn't know it was like.

Yeah, it just gives you like, I feel like a a metal buzz.

There's a certain type of ginseng that is, I think,

specifically burning ginsink.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't think black seed oil gets you hard like that, though.

It's like an anti-inflammatory.

Although, I haven't rubbed it on my meat, though.

I didn't rub it on my meat.

I did take a little, but I don't know.

I saw, I saw, because I saw one thing that said it worked, rubbing it on your meat.

And then I saw another thing that the guy was like, my meat broke out.

You don't want your meat to break out.

No, no.

Meat breakout is the thing.

I've had a meat breakout.

I've literally survived.

I'm a meat breakout survivor, and it's, dude, it's not pretty.

Because you panic and you make it worse by trying all these other things you read about on the internet, and your meat just gets worse and worse.

Oh, I just,

not to stay on the subject of meat.

I know, dude.

I gotta,

I had a horrible meat moment the other day.

What happened?

I was trying to, I was trying to, like, just, I was with my girl all day.

I was trying to, like, rizzle her up all day, doing a little flirty shit here and there, moving around, get myself charged up, get her charged up.

Nice.

But I don't know if I like gave myself blue.

I think I gave myself blue balls.

She got too charged up.

Too charged up.

Hold on.

What were you doing to get her hyped up?

Just like, just like flirty shit, like

scrabbling her ass.

You know, yeah, for sure.

Just flirty stuff, grabbing her ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Titty squeezes like when you're walking to a store.

Like, nobody's around.

She was all day.

She was in the center of the Minotaur's face.

Just like out of nowhere, like mid fuck.

I just, my balls started like for real hurt.

I know, homo Sean, I thought of you.

I was like, I hope I'm not going through Sean is on Sean during sex.

That's kind of crazy.

Crazy must have balls.

All right, yeah, he's a fucked-up ball, fucked-up asshole survivor.

Yeah,

I'm aware of my butt.

Sorry,

my gut, my nuts, and my butt are all fucked up.

Really?

Yeah, my gut's pretty bad today.

Is your gut still fucked up?

I mean, I drink, you know,

it's mostly caused by copious amounts of Irish whiskey.

Yeah.

Today I vomited in the morning.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

That stinks.

I had too much to drink last night.

Oh, my favorite.

And my nuts are okay.

That's good.

That's good.

My favorite visual where you can tell Sean is like he's crossed the line is he'll he'll just start.

His head will go down.

He'll just do this.

When you talk to him, he'll be like, Sean's so fucking a dickhead.

He'll butt.

He's trying to hang on the conversation.

I had far too much to drink at the Noctus last night.

But it was a good Noctis.

Dude,

that Noctis was crazy last night.

Yeah, it was so fun.

Thank you for doing it.

Yeah, thank you again.

True who's who of Austin Comedy, man.

Kind of bummed I wasn't there.

I should have, I should have pulled up.

It was...

The green room was so fucking packed.

It was crazy.

Damn.

It was a powerful green room.

Sorry, I went to a Bible study instead.

No big deal.

Did you really?

I actually did.

How'd it go?

It was good.

I mean, it was like the first meeting and it was like just like half like awkward dudes and half like kind of awkward chicks and then like a handful of like really co-ed

yeah it was co-ed it's pretty cool but it's funny because people instinctually like split the room just by like boy and girl did they really no one wanted to mix at all yeah it was like a high school dance yeah not even it was like like a middle school dance how long do you get like an hour it was like an hour and a half and then um we went over like the next week's gospel and then just like chatted it out and like it's like all right floor's open anyone wants to say what you thought about like one verse or whatever?

And then, you know, some people gave their opinions.

It's like, so you, some people are like, they're just, it's like the base level, but some people went like

super deep.

Are you an opinion guy, or are you like base level, just sit there?

Oh, dude, I just didn't even, I knew I didn't have anything unique to say, so I was just trying to stay quiet.

I was just taking all in.

But I mean, if you get adults together and have to hear their opinions, it's kind of tortured, honestly.

I was just trying to find like a place in the room to stare at while they did it.

I was like, oh, yeah.

Was anyone, was usually in those, in any setting, it could be like a real estate class, could be Bible study, there's one person who the whole room is going, shut this person fuck up.

There was one guy that like every single, dude, it's like every, no matter where you are, there's one person who's like, I got this, and they just sound like a total buffoon.

It could be me this whole time.

I was in my head, it's like, maybe it's me, but there was one guy who like at the, like, the logical end of the whole session was like, you know, this just made me think of like a, like a Bible verse.

Somebody pulled up and then he just like reads like a, like a three-minute long thing.

And it's like, not about anything we had just talked about.

And you're like, yeah, thank you for sharing, man.

That's kind of nice, though.

I actually, I've been, I feel like I've been kind of circling the drain on a Bible, a Bible club.

It's coming.

I'd like to do it.

It'd be nice.

Yeah.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

In the car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of you were made to scream from the front row we were made to quietly save you more expedia made to travel savings vary and subject to availability flight inclusive packages are at all protected it was cool i'd never i'd actually you know old or new you're reading old or new um we were hitting new gospel yeah okay but i never done one like matthew mark luke or john ooh um

i think it was luke i could look it up They're fine.

We should know that.

I did it last time.

I feel like a bad person because y'all are talking about going to like a a Bible, like a Bible group, and all I'm thinking is like,

I might be a piece of shit is like the ladies in there.

Oh, okay.

It's because I'm imagining them dress very modest, and for some reason, in that setting, that's so sexy.

I can't even, I couldn't even.

That's just the enemy talking, brother.

Yeah,

that is, that is, that is.

I'm not wrong.

There's, obviously, you know,

as soon as you said there was co-ed, my brain went there.

I went, I mean, they're probably fucking briefy as hell.

I will say serpent in the garden.

When I was in there, I just like, someone walked in, I just clocked them.

I was like, yeah, I mean, I'd marry you three.

Yeah,

I send those Instagrams to my wife all the time of like, there's accounts called like the reformed wife.

Any of those like women who are like, why would I ever give my wife, my husband, an attitude when he gets home?

I can be a docile, loving wife.

And I just fire him off there all the time.

It's the best.

Is it like the ones

that live on a farm and drink raw milk and stuff?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's like some of them, it's not even a video, it's just like a quote.

A lady, it's like, it'll be like, yeah, I could act like a big brat in my house, but I choose not to because I love my husband and the Lord.

I'll be like, sin.

And they'll be like, yo, this is so funny.

Read it.

It's like, I was just like laughing or whatever.

You should probably read that.

It's hilarious.

We can laugh at it together.

I'll be like, but I mean, it does have a point, though.

It's kind of crazy.

Dang.

So you're at Bible study.

You didn't know about Noctis.

I did know about Noctis, but I was like, you know what?

I agreed to do this and like this is what god's will was is for me to go to this true and um not to go to the who's who yeah but then but then i will say i left and i saw like tim was on i was like oh that'd be cool to go see

oh fuck i went to bible study

i was like that just what god intended all right

now the bible study rules yeah it was cool would be nice to read it and be like

Just didn't hit that hard.

Just be in there and be like, I don't know.

I just remember this being better when I was younger.

I remember there was a moment when, like, they asked us, like, what do you think about this passage or whatever?

And people were trying to say, like, oh, I think Jesus is saying that this thing represents this.

Like, he gives an analogy.

He's big on analogies, obviously.

And he does like, he says, like, something about some tower, building a tower.

People like, I think the tower represents this.

I think it represents this.

And I was like, I don't think it represents anything.

I think just using examples to see how ridiculous the prospect of being his disciple without giving up all your possessions is.

And then they're like, yeah, for sure.

All right.

You scored.

Do you remember what the passage was?

I would love to have a take.

It was

him talking about like,

you can't follow me.

I'm going to butcher it, but it's like, you can't follow me without hating your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your wife, even your own life.

Like, if you want to be my disciple, you have to take up your cross and come after me.

And then, like, the rest of that, he gives like examples of his name and stuff.

That sounds like God would say, you just a hate-man's bitch.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, he's just like, you got to love me.

You got to love me more than everyone else, basically.

Yeah.

Yeah.

More than your mommy and daddy.

Did you do that?

Did you give up your mommy and daddy?

For Yeah,

not my mom.

It's not, it's not even giving up.

It's like relative to them, it should be higher.

I would think it was a trick if he was like, give up your mom.

If your mom was a God-fearing woman, she'd want you to give her up.

She would definitely say, give him.

And I'd be like, but mom,

fine, I won't call you anymore.

That's all I had to do.

Not a big deal.

True.

Next time, if my office haven't heard from you in a while, I'll be like, yeah, well, read the fucking Bible already.

God asked me to not talk to you.

God told me to hate you.

I'm sorry.

No, there's a book called, I think it's called Light Through an Eastern Window, where they go through.

It was a guy, I think from India, who went through the Bible and there's weird little sayings that you only understand if you're from an Eastern culture.

Really?

Yeah, there's like the fucking the fish or whatever they pulled out.

There was like money and like it was money instead or whatever.

Isn't that a Bible story where they like find a fish, but it actually contains a bunch of ring in its mouth or something?

I'm not sure.

Sounds like a hood story.

No, I swear to God, I think the bag is a little bit more like a bunch of that, dude.

Isn't that a Bible story about a fish that you pull it out and there's a bunch of money inside of it?

That's the Black Sea oil dog.

It looks like

the AI overview says that it's

in the Gospel of Matthew.

To avoid tax collectors,

Jesus told Peter to catch a fish and open its mouth to find a coin.

Yeah.

So there's really a fish.

No, but there's actually a fish in the East that is known for swallowing shiny jewelry, and fishermen would catch them and pop it out and that was a story he's like i don't have any money and jesus was like go fishing right now there's a beautiful and he pops a ring out of the fish's mouth but apparently there is there are fish in that like area that swallow they're known to swallow jewelry if you catch them you get sometimes a fisherman will like pull a jewel out of their gullet that's cool yeah it's a whole book about it it's pretty cool he goes through like every single little thing and explains like well this is what they actually mean by this

gives like real world examples of like just like weird shit like you read there you're like why the fuck would somebody do that yeah but apparently there's a reasons for a lot of it.

What's got you wanting to get?

Because you said you were like circling the drain on starting to join a Bible study.

What's got you there?

I don't know.

Just a chat bibe, dude.

Just read vibe.

Read by chat vibes.

Yeah,

I just want to chat vibe, bro.

I mean, you get it, you get to a certain age where you're like, all right, man, fucking,

I've read a lot of stuff, and none of it's helping me.

I might as well read vibe or chat vibe.

I can see that being a good thing.

And, dude, getting

when you're married, it helps if your babe's on the bibe.

Because the bibe's in your favor.

If you get bibe with you and your babe,

bibe's got your back all the way.

No other book.

Ah, please.

What other other, only other books you're going to read is like Mel Robbins be like, 54321.

Get out of bed or whatever.

I can't do both, though.

I told you before I was trying to hoe-ify.

Oh, you might not have been there when I was telling you.

I was trying to ho-ify my lady.

What do you mean, trying to ho-ify?

Trying to hoe.

Stag vixen?

I'm trying to have her be more of a hoe in the house.

So I've been like buying a bunch of dumb hoe stuff.

I feel like you can do that.

Yeah, no,

you can have the vibe and still

you got to get married, though.

Yeah, no.

Yeah.

You're trying to unlock the true freak.

I'm worried that marriage will lock away the true freak.

That's a big fear of mine.

Not true.

You think, okay.

All right.

What up?

I mean.

Oh, you're saying you kind of want her singing for a supper.

Yeah.

I feel like once she gets everything she needs, she's like, nah, too freak going away.

She's just wearing sweatpants around.

It's a delicate dance.

No, no, no way, dude.

You can definitely.

That's where the bibe comes in.

Especially as a black guy, I'm surprised you're not using the bibe.

I feel like black guys can lean into the bibe harder than anybody, and it just, I don't know, man.

It looks good on you.

It might be too late for me to, but because it might look phony, though.

You think if I get into it right now, clearly not a bibe guy and just go like, no, I'm full bibe now.

Hey, the Lord works mysterious ways, bro.

Yeah, you can for sure.

There would be a good excuse to get a Jesus piece.

I've needed a Jesus piece excuse me.

I'm right there.

I'll go shopping with it if you want to do that.

I need to get a Jesus piece.

I got a wooden one.

I need to, like, you want a wood one?

Oh, no, I have a wooden one.

I need to

spice it out.

Need to get a gold.

I want to get some gold or some silver or something.

Spice that thing out for sure.

Let's sell our Jesus pieces and get some.

Yeah.

No, I feel like it's a nice thing.

I don't know.

I don't have time for it right now, but yeah, it'd be nice to fucking

get in a circle and talk vibe.

Yeah.

Go back to my babe, be like, yo, we actually talked about it.

You're supposed to be a lot nicer around here.

You're going to black church, white church.

I'll go wherever.

But

honestly, I think I'm going to fool Mexican church.

Mexican vibe.

I mean, that's

my church, brother.

It's a Mexican violence.

It's certainly Catholic church, man.

More or less.

Oh, yeah, they're going to always be Catholic, though.

Yeah, but Mexican Catholic Church is a whole different vibe.

It's like a party vibe.

I wouldn't say party vibe, but it is a different vibe.

I've been to a few mise in Español.

It's pretty cool.

It's fun to be the one white guy in the Spanish mass.

You're one of the good ones.

Wait, what is it called?

A Mise?

Mise.

Yeah.

What's that?

It's just mass in Spanish.

Oh, really?

Mise in Espanol.

Yeah.

Damn.

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Oh, yeah.

But, um, what is it?

I, I, uh, doesn't the word Lord translate to like ombre or something funny in in Spanish?

I'm not sure.

I, uh, I've seen it on a screen.

It's, it's like a uh the word huh?

Caballero.

Yeah.

He translates to caballero.

Yeah, isn't it just like guy?

Caballero.

Yeah, just it's like cool, cool guy.

I swear to God, I saw that one time and started laughing.

Senor, that's what it is.

I say it was senor.

I saw it on there and I was like,

oh, the Bible just says senor.

Senor Cavalier, Senor.

Save me, Senor.

Yeah, it makes me laugh when I see that.

Damn.

Well, that's good.

Well, yeah, I mean, look, we'll figure it out.

Yeah.

But I'm telling you, man,

I might go Black Eye Bibe Circle.

It could be the move, honestly.

I mean, it sounds like the most fun.

Could the book of Exodus could get a little spicy in there?

I'd be like, look, guys, it's tapping to everybody.

What the hell is the book of Exodus?

it's when uh the jews are escaping slavery oh look at this what the hell

worldwide institution turns out

just kidding i'm just kidding i'm josh i'm joshing i would never violate a black bible

with right-wing talkie points i bet you you get in there it's probably more of a going on than you think oh dude big time

yeah dude yeah black people are conservative.

I swear to God.

Like, every black person you talk to one-on-one hits very conservative talking points for the most part.

And but it'll happen, and then they'll be like, I'll be like, that sounds like some Republican-ass shit.

And then people are like, no.

Jesus, no.

It's like, eh.

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

It's not as much.

It's not like hardcore damn line, though.

Because they're racist.

Black people are racist as hell.

I can confirm that for sure.

I'll confirm it.

So racist.

Yeah, it's like my favorite thing.

It's like my favorite thing to be racist.

It is nice to be like kind of allowed to as well.

I think we're losing it and actually bombing.

Sadly out.

Sadly, it makes me for real mad.

Yeah, white ladies are taking it from you guys.

White ladies are taking it from us.

And like, we're not even allowed to be racist against like other types of, like, we used to be able to.

We used to be able to make fun of Chinese people.

To their face.

To their fucking face.

You've seen it.

And now we just can't without being monsters.

Yeah, 2020, 2021 kind of did a number on that one for you guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just listen to guys who own shops.

Post post 9-11, I used to see some horrendous displays in Dunkin' Donuts and just sit there and be like, god damn, lady, you are fucking nuts.

Yeah, they literally, yeah.

Between like

2001 and like 2020,

it was perfectly acceptable to call like an Indian guy Osama to his face at Dunkin' Donuts.

It was totally, it wasn't even like being funny.

It was like almost like poppy for Spanish guys.

Like, yo, yo, Sama, put cream cheese.

I'm like,

dude, I mean, if you want to get back on like some of the Asian hate and like the Chinese hate, just go to Japan.

You can just openly be like, yeah, the Chinese are loud and dirty.

Oh, they get fired up.

That's nice.

Yeah, I agree.

Loud and dirty.

It's so funny.

Everyone mood is a big one.

I mean, so.

It's also, how Asian do you have to be to be like, Chinese people are fucking loud as hell, man.

I can't help it.

It's like pretty nuts.

these guys are out of fucking control it's weird when you do see them like when you're in another Asian country and then you see a separate group of Asians in that country it's like all right I can I can start to see you can start yeah how do you so if you're in Japan did you see Chinese people yeah they're usually in groups

they're usually in groups and they're usually talking pretty loud serious quickly lightly and they just don't even like like if there's a line to something they're like cutting they're like they don't even

tell

I'm not the best

I'd like to say that I am but then I think we did a test last time I was on

and I failed about zero to a hundred.

Yeah, butterly was crushing

really well.

Yeah, he was that was pretty nuts.

Yeah, that's uh, that's interesting.

So they go to kind of do you think that's kind of a flex though on Japan where there's like they're just going to visit?

Yeah, but they're here and we're going to get loud as fuck.

And I guess that's that's one thing I didn't realize going to an Asian countries that's like, oh, I forget, like, this is just a place anyone goes to.

Like, of course, Asians from other countries would go here on vacation, too.

I was like, oh, it's a weird, it was a weird thing for me.

I don't know.

Got to be interesting, though, because I know for a fact there's the Asian on Asian beef.

I mean, it's Asian on Asian on Asian beef.

Koreans don't like the Chinese.

Koreans kind of sweat the Japanese.

They're like, they're kind of fucking cool.

I think there's a shift.

They would give it up.

The shift is the two best Asians.

I think

the younger generation likes the Koreans a lot more in Japan.

Really?

Because K-pop and all that stuff.

It's like a cool, they're like the cool, hot, like, cool.

You know what I mean?

I like blending it where it's kind of even.

Yeah, I guess it's kind of even that way.

Yeah, yeah.

With the kind of younger generation.

South Korea is kind of crushing it, too.

I hear Seoul is like the coolest place ever.

I've just never

been my steez to go to.

Korea?

Yeah.

I don't like the food enough.

The food sucks.

Korean food fucking stinks.

Bulgogi, great.

Everything else, I wouldn't eat.

I've had beebimbops.

They're not bad, but that's where China has them spanked.

Chinese food fucking crushes.

Is it real, but not real Chinese food?

It's the shitty Chinese food that's the best shit.

Dude, real Chinese food's awesome.

Every time I've had like authentic, high-end Chinese food.

I was at a Chinese person's house house at a graduation party in high school, and they gave me the real stuff.

Like home money.

I think they love to go to the real shit from us.

They give us the MSGs, dude.

Yeah, I mean, but the MSG is so fast.

It's so good.

Your body processes it in 10 seconds.

It's perfect.

You know, I wanted to ask you, because you're on the righteous path.

From what I, maybe it's just what

Tokyo is to me, but it seems like a super horny place.

How do you maintain?

Like you buy panties and vending machines and shit.

Yeah, but I'm not a fucking freak.

You know, I'm not like, I'm not going to be able to do that.

Yeah, I guess it's going to be nasty.

I'd say, I've never wanted to do that even here.

If that was available here, I wouldn't do that.

You wouldn't just see it.

No, you're not taking off the thing.

Oh, nice.

I wonder.

Oh, she had some.

I might not open it, but I'm going to keep it in a little plastic thing it comes in.

I mean, no, you're not.

I'm going bullshit on that.

I'm saying bare minimum.

Bare minimum.

I'm doing it.

I mean, it's a horny place, but it's like, it's also very like.

They have titty milk bars.

Yeah, but it's also so separate from.

Real?

Yeah, they have bars you just go and yeah get titty milk it's so separate from getting into that just for like macro purposes yeah but it's just so separate from any real actual connection that it's like it just is just this artificial thing that doesn't feel enjoyable like you can basically pay for like a lot of parts of being with a woman like you could have someone just like cuddle with you and shit or just like stare into your eyes or something but it's like

you know at on the other side

i might crack the plastic or cuddle and just

stare i've seen videos of people doing it it looks so nice i'd be leaning out of the bed like, hold on a second.

Let me get something out of my pocket on the floor.

There was one time when I was just placed in a situation.

I was like, I got to get out of here.

But where the temptation was the highest was

I went to Fukuoka, which is like the biggest city, I think, in the South Island.

And I was just there for a night.

And I asked my concierge at the hotel.

I was like, just asked him, like, what's a cool area to get something to eat, maybe drink a couple beers, something like that.

And he's like, oh, go to this area, Nakasu.

Go to Nakasu.

I was like, all right, cool, Nakasu, whatever.

It's walkable.

I walk over there and I eat at like a really nice, like cool restaurant.

It's rated really high on like the Japanese Yelp.

And I'm walking around.

I'm like, oh, man, a lot of hot chicks.

Hot chicks in Nakasu.

I like this area.

This is a cool spot.

And I'm like, there are a lot of hot chicks.

And then I was like, it's weird that they're all wearing high heels.

I don't know what's going on.

And then I was like, oh, wait.

I Googled my phone.

I was in like the second largest red light district in all of Japan.

I was like, I got to escape.

I mean, there's like maids and shit.

They all had different outfits.

I could see them going to their different themed cafes and bars and stuff in their different outfits.

Oh, wow.

Which was kind of awesome.

But I was like, I gotta

get out of here.

Did you go back and chat and yell at the guy going, dude, what the fuck?

I did.

I was like, what the hell?

It was all girl bars.

And the two girls working in the hotel were laughing at that prospect.

And then I was like, rizzing them up.

I was like, yo, what's up?

I bought one of them a cheeseburger.

Oh, you got them cheeseburgers.

Did you really?

I was like,

yeah, I didn't get any hookers.

Here's a cheeseburger.

Yeah, I got really tired of all the Japanese grub, and this is like towards the end of my trip, too.

So I just like Googled like cheeseburgers in the area, and there's a place called U.S.

Burger.

And like the picture on Google Images had just a white dude working there.

I was like, I'm going here.

And so I went there and it's really good.

And I brought back cheeseburgers for the two concierge ladies.

And didn't give the guy shit.

What?

You didn't give nothing to the guy who was there who told you?

Oh, the guy was gone.

Oh, just me and my girlfriends.

Okay.

Just eating cheeseburgers.

Did you watch them eat them?

I did.

I mean, I ate them.

I had one with them.

Did you give him doubles or single burgers?

I was like watching, like, it was like a mukbang.

I was like watching mukbang the burgers.

Did you give them double burger or single?

Double, obviously.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I'm a, I'm a, doing well.

You're a double burger.

Creepy bacon.

Yes.

That's undeniably creepy.

I'm not saying like covered up, but like if you, if I came back with two burgers to just American Casier's ladies, it was like

I told them, I was like, I'm gonna get a burger, I'm gonna come back and bring you one.

And I was like, You guys don't believe me, but I'm gonna do this.

And I came back like an hour later, I was like,

I'm gonna do that at a hotel, and they just munched, they just house the burgers.

One of the girls was like, This is like the best day of my job.

Thank you so much.

Oh, God.

Like, no one treats those people like you think that's a cultural thing?

Like, they had to do that in terms of like hospitality, and they made themselves vomit afterwards.

No, no, no.

She had to, uh, like the security camera.

She's like, I don't think I'm allowed to, like, the work conditions there.

It's like she would get into big trouble if they saw her eat it.

So she'd like get out of the view of the security camera and eat the cheese.

She'd never eat like an adorable Japanese lady.

She watched her.

Why did you eat the berg?

What?

You just ate it in the lobby on CCTV?

Yeah.

Stand it up.

True.

It did cross my mind.

You can abandon your post and come eat.

No, I was like, this is a test.

The cheeseburger did bring down my defenses.

Then, what did the other one do?

She took ducked out of the way, too, and watched the bird.

You clearly had your eyes on one of them.

I also couldn't handle that.

I was like, I got to go back to my roommate.

That's pretty cool.

I didn't know you did that.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Are you still no family?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about that.

We don't talk about that.

I don't plan to hear that.

I'm not going to talk about that.

What's the Bible quote do if you're fasting?

Don't tell people about it.

I mean, it is what it is.

It's not even, I don't even think about it anymore.

We just fucking crush burgs with ladies, dude.

That's a high T move, by the way.

Thank you.

I thought so.

Brought you girls?

Yeah, brought you ladies and burgers.

I brought you girls some burgers.

I brought you some meat.

I went out hunting.

I went on hunting.

I brought you some meat.

Step out of the camera and take a bite.

Small fucking money from hanging out with all those whores.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did go through a whole you came back charged up from looking at all the hookers, went the spams on a guy, saw ladies, and just was like, I'll buy you, burgers.

I will provide for you.

At this tight, they got to see your righteous fury.

Come back and say, how dare you, sir?

I was actually kind of pissed.

I was trying to be funny about it, but I was like, what the fuck?

It was all girls' bars.

They sent me to the hookers.

Yeah.

You might be the first guy that he's ever had pissed, come back pissed from there.

Because he's like, I guess he clocked me.

He was like, this guy wants a girl.

create a back to Nate's question.

It does seem like it is pretty normal there.

Yeah, it's the culture there is so weird with, like, like you'd think Japanese people are like, oh, like, you know, kind of innocent, don't do that much bad stuff anymore.

But they, like, cheating on your wife is like a totally

acceptable,

it's a very normal, like, the cheating culture there is almost like, yeah, I mean, I don't love her.

It's fine.

Like, it's almost like, but

you can't talk back to like your grandmother.

Yeah, it's like, so you could, like, go eat a stripper's butt, come back to Thanksgiving, but you got gotta respect Obasan.

Check the boss on, yeah.

I mean, that's fair, but they sell like at like the convenience stores, like they sell like

white shirts, like they sell like white shirts and all this stuff.

Like, they sell like the base-level undergarments, stuff you need.

So, like, when dudes go cheat on their wives, they can just change into it.

And they, even a lot of the places, like some of the brothels and shit, or like love hotels, they'll have scentless shampoos and stuff that you use.

So, like, your wife won't be like,

are you serious?

Yeah, they're really big on the cheating game over there.

I kind of knew that.

No, they figured it out.

They figured it out.

Sala shampoo is that's kind of a deep cut.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy.

My buddy told me that.

I got out of the wash smell like VO5.

You're like, damn it, dude, our technology sucks.

How do you fight the fight all day, then?

What?

Like, how do you fight the good fight and stay on the straight narrow?

While I was in Japan?

Yeah.

Or do you.

I mean, I was just going, I was just munching and drinking with the bros at bars.

That sounds perfect.

But I was going to bars.

I was going to Isakiah, which aren't like, you know, it's not like, there's not going to be young girls there.

It's just a bunch of old dudes and just regular guys off of work that I'm just like, I was just drinking with them.

And just my running joke most of the time, which is saying, like, I was with a buddy, and I was just like,

he's gay.

I would say he's gay in Japanese, and they fucking love that shit.

So gay jokes crushed there.

That's all we really did.

Yeah, me and my buddy Connor were just going around and calling each other gay for like a whole night and made dudes laugh every single time.

That is better than getting asses.

We're just so gay.

Everyone's like, ah,

yeah, it was awesome.

I'm thinking about the reverse.

It would be the funniest thing.

I was at a bar here, and two Japanese dudes walk up, clearly visit him.

He's a gay.

I would lose.

I would lose it.

My pronunciation is really good.

So it's like, imagine the Japanese dude always speaking Japanese and then perfectly enunciates, I'm gay.

The move I was pulling in Japan.

That was awesome.

Dude, any culture, just guys love.

Dude, you brought that down to Mexico Mexico away.

They fucking lose it.

Oh, it's so funny.

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Anyway, thanks, prize picks.

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Speaking of gay guys, I watched the

Juicy Smool Aid.

Dude, what's the news?

So he's innocent.

What's going on?

Yeah, it's.

Did he produce it by himself?

He might have produced it.

And it's

there's so many little things about it that bothers me from the very beginning.

At the very beginning, he comes out and it's like a kind of dramatic walkout.

It's over the shoulder.

It's a dark room.

He's always, you know, before the one-on-one shot of it, like the documentary, like straight on, but it's the guy him walking up to the chair.

And he's trying to look a little disheveled in it.

Yeah.

Like,

you still got money.

He does strike me as a master manipulator.

He really is going through that.

Like, I mean, even when they went back to the clips of him crying during the interviews, you're like,

his, but he, uh,

I mean, he had like a cut that looked like he was a refugee.

He went from like his beautiful curly hair to like, I'm going to get no shape up.

Yeah, he's looking rough.

Looking rough.

He's like the rich rubband kind of look.

Yeah.

Like, even, even worse, like, I don't know, like, like, like the nigerians he was trying to frame or he would not frame but you you know yeah well maybe he didn't they had no they they're in it they're in it they're talking they're like yeah no he asked me to like they

included that in there they had the fool i don't know maybe it wasn't him then because i feel like they wouldn't have put them dudes in there right if he was

but but i mean

like

There's so many moments where he's trying to be like this victim guy, and then they cut to something.

Like, there's a part where they're trying to make it look like it's the cops, like the cops in

Chicago are corrupt.

But the whole time, it's like you called the, oh, you called the cops on him.

There's footage of, I didn't notice when the cops came.

I didn't follow that story like that when it came out.

When the cops came, he was still wearing the noose.

Yeah, they got there like 35 minutes.

That was my original take years ago.

I was like, what dude is going to keep a noose around his neck?

Like, even, even as you're walking, like, you're running back to the crib.

My next thought is like, what if they're chasing me?

I got this noose.

They can just

set myself up for failure.

Yeah, so he's still wearing it.

And oh, then they cut to it.

He was like, I didn't, it's not that I never took it off.

I just put it back on when the cops got there so they could see how just so they understand how it works.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then he tried to say he was paying the guys because, you know, I got that check for like $3,500 that he gave.

Yeah.

They tried to say that that was for he's because they went to Nigeria like right after it all happened.

And he said, I was paying them to go get me steroids from Nigeria that you can't get over here like it's like a special

and uh

they were trying to they there were there is like parts where you get towards the end of it where they hit you with those like well maybe because there is one footage one of the one of the uh like play a devil's advocate there is One guy who said that I did see a white guy in a bottle, which is also hilarious thinking of white guys running around in shasties.

But the security guard was like, I did see a white guy running past i didn't see him with jesse but i saw him running past and there is like 10 seconds of footage that would show the guys running past that is taken out of the footage like it does a hard jump cut like a 10 second jump cut in the real which is the only thing i was like you know where do the nigerian guys come into play why would they say that he did that this is how they try to say that the they were trying to say the nigeria guys might have been like flipped by the cops because once they did get them they weren't talking then then they raided their house and they found a bunch of guns they live together I think they were saying they and uh one of them is a felon so he can't have they so he can't have guns and they found a bunch of guns there and they were trying to say there's never there's not any like interrogation room footage of them making some deal

the only thing that they were like trying to use is there was like the lawyer one of their lawyers was talking and saying like we can seal your records because they were actors too so they were trying to have their records sealed for like show business shit.

Yeah.

But there's not, that's, that's really it.

It's just like, there's the jump cut, which does look crazy.

It is like a real weird second of a jump cut.

Um, there's a white guy in a shy stee running around.

Allegedly, there was a white guy in a shy stee who got a flashlight shining on his face, but the 10 seconds that that happens in the footage is gone.

So you just see them running past.

That's interesting.

And it cuts.

That is a, yeah.

And they were, they were, they were like, then they go back to this like shooting that happened in Chicago where they did that at a fast food place like some kid got shot and I guess they took 35 minutes out of the security footage and then eventually other footage got leaked so they were like that was like the long come around they were doing was like they did it before here building it up yeah so look at them maybe they did it here too and uh yeah i don't know Then they have one other piece of footage where they see one of them with the drone down and you can't really see the guy, but there's people who are looking at it and they're going like, that's definitely a white guy.

And then they're going to other people, like, that's definitely a black guy.

And then at the end, they go, were the black Nigerian guys on camera at all?

Not, there's only one moment where you can kind of see one of them with their, with the thing down, and you can't tell what he is.

They literally pass it around on the iPad, like hit play to like the cops and the lawyers, and

even to the, to the two Nigerian dudes.

The Nigerian dude's like, yeah, that's my brother.

That's me.

And then, but the other people are like, even the guy who was like, it was a white guy who ran past me.

He looked at him and was like, ah, that looks like a black dude to me.

But then there was like this lady who was saying that there couldn't have been any

white people there.

We're like,

that does kind of look like a white guy.

It was like this one piece of footage that no one can agree what the guy looks like.

But their body types look like the brothers.

The brothers were.

Yoke too.

It's like that picture of like the dress.

Is this blue or white?

Also,

why would he send Nigerian guys to Africa to get steroids?

Because it was supposed to.

Oh, his exact word was it burns.

It's a certain type of steroid that burns belly fast.

That's all.

That's yeah, dude.

It's bullshit.

It's bullshit.

He could have gone to a doc.

He's a Hollywood actor.

He could go to a doctor and get hormone.

He can go on like hormone replacement therapy with a doctor.

He's going to get sent.

He's going to send a Nigerian felon to Africa to

traffic.

$3,500

to get the steroids, take the trip.

Like, that's.

Suss, bro.

It so sucks.

Sounds like a big gay lie to me

it sounds like a giant gay lie i mean when they show

when they show the pictures of the brothers of the doc they show one picture one of the brothers it's the gayest picture of all time it's just him jacked in little draws and i was like oh yeah these were gay guys having sex probably and then it turned into a whole yeah the whole thing you think they're gay drawers too i don't know i may be putting that out there i might be just throwing you know throwing throwing darts at nothing but it just looked like

i don't know i ain't gonna I ain't gonna try to throw gay on those guys' names.

True, true, true.

I mean, they did put themselves in a bad situation.

You know what I mean?

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

No.

Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

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I mean, but then, oh, that's the one thing that got me.

It would be nice having two choice gay brothers.

If I was a gay Hollywood A-lister, I might try to snag two choice just top shelf giant gay black guys.

And they got a link on some steroids.

Yeah.

And weaponry.

Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

I don't know.

It still doesn't hold up.

It's crazy those guys had weapons.

I didn't know those guys were thugging like that.

Those brothers were thugging.

One of them, the one that was a fella, he had an attempted murder charge that I think got taken down to like aggravated assault or something.

Yeah.

But I mean, they kept describing the guns as tactical weapons, which probably just means they had a flight rifles.

Like, probably just means they had a rifle with a red guy on it.

With an attempted murder charge, it's like, also, what happened with that?

Well, I think it technically wasn't his.

It might have been in the house, and I think you can still have him in your house.

I swear it's not my tactical weapon.

He got charged for attempted murder.

This is like way before

the juicy stuff happened.

He got off, though?

I don't know.

I think he got taken down the aggravated assault, and he did get.

Oh, okay.

He might have been pumping on someone's ass.

They didn't get all the way into like that.

They just dwelled on the felony, dwelled on the guns, and then all of a sudden nothing happened with that.

But it was like, yeah, maybe they just weren't his guns.

And that's why nothing happened.

That's true.

Yeah, that story, if that's his best argument, I'm still saying

he doesn't pass the smell test.

The only part that's like, again, that bothered me about it.

It's also the burned belly fat.

Wait, I was trying to fucking burn belly fat as a certain type of steroid.

It's like, that's not a problem.

It only gets ejected.

It doesn't burn any fat.

And he called it a steroid.

You also can't, you can't spot reduce fat.

Am I right?

Yeah.

It's got to be from the whole percentage.

Yeah, that's a huge, that's definitely a huge gay lie.

You can't body, you can't spot.

There's nothing that spot reduces fat on your body.

They bring in just like a resident bodybuilder, but like, you can't.

I mean, there's no steroid that does that.

There's a rich piano being like, you can't.

That's not.

No steroid alive does that.

The Nigerian guys did do a thing, though, that did trigger.

This usually triggers my bullshit thing is they are putting out a book about it.

And the book thing.

Yeah, the book thing is always...

That's like, you know, you always, like, people are like, aliens are real.

And I'll tell you all about them in this book.

And from being so into the alien shit, it has me now.

You're kind of late on the book, though.

That book would have crushed if they wrote it like four years ago.

Timed it out with the doc, though.

They might have done nothing.

He didn't even really know the title.

That was the funny part.

It's like a money grab.

Like, if you're the president, you do a book because you know everyone will

be pumped on that solar.

Is Jesse doing the book or is the Nigerian brothers?

It's the brothers.

And the water side

of the rogue.

He goes, We're doing a book.

It's called

Why You Would.

What is it called again?

Like, that's what he did to the other brothers.

But do you know what it's called?

He did get it, but it's like a long, dumb name.

Like, why would you fake something for attention?

Something, something, the juicy smooth.

Like, it's got a lot of such a funny title.

It looked like they thought about it right then.

It's called Bigger Than Jussie: The Disturbing Need for a Modern Day Lynching.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn, yeah.

Some Republican think tank definitely was like, guys,

although we'll give you the the bag.

Yeah, but like, the book will be nice, dude.

I mean, what auditorium was written by J.D.

Vance.

Hillbilly Elegy 2, actually is what they're going to call it.

Yeah, that's fucking bizarre.

Yeah,

it was a funny watch.

It was, I don't know, bummed me out.

Bummed me up that it was like a whole thing for so long.

Watching people get worked up about it.

They were playing all those clips of people being like, this is a terrible thing during like the first couple days.

People bit on that hard, yeah,

they jumped right on it, yeah.

People bit on that pretty fucking hard, but it was all the people you think would, yeah, like it was like John Legend, obviously.

Uh, yeah, he's I have he's been quiet though, you haven't heard much from him.

He was popping for a little bit on all that stuff, and now he's kind of chilled.

I think he has like a I mean, I know it's from my girl, he's got like a skincare thing at, and they were giving it away.

And I'm not gonna lie, I have something they were giving it away

when we were at the end.

We have John Legend.

John Luncheon Motion?

It's even worse.

I haven't used it yet, but I have like a spray that you're supposed to spray on yourself.

Ordinary people.

I didn't even know who.

I was like, Google it the other day because I started to put it on, but I didn't want to fuck my face up.

So I was like, what is this?

And then it's like you're supposed to shower, spray it on your face, like either after you shave.

What's it do?

Reduces belly fat.

I want to get those Nigerian steroids.

Just reduce belly fat.

Don't do nothing else.

Yeah.

I got 3,500 bucks.

I don't need that.

I got a mission for somebody.

If they want to go to Nigeria to get steroids back.

$3,500 for two brothers just to travel to Nigeria.

And also, just one cycle of steroids.

That's not really feasible.

You can just get one.

You got to keep.

Wasn't he already kind of shredded?

He was already.

If this is true and he was just trying to get some belly fat off of himself and now this is the mess he's in.

So funny.

even better.

He likes

to report

Murphy, Murphy's Law.

It's like, damn, dude, I'm fucking looking kind of flabby.

I need to send those brothers back to Nigeria.

Oh, you're sick.

I'm going to suck their dicks and then send them back to Nigeria.

Well, hopefully, you know, hopefully, he figures out what's going on.

I'd like the truth on the matter, if I'm being honest.

That was the worst part of Doc.

You go into it thinking, like, all right, this is going to get to the truth.

And then it gets to the end.

They're like, we still don't know.

And it's like, no, I think we did know.

And you guys are trying to make it look like we don't know.

did they ever just did they press the issue on the brothers having sex with jussey smollette no i kind of just they didn't do that i mean that's what everyone was wondering yeah it's because of the pictures that those guys post like they the ones that i mean if you watch the doc i know what people are already going to say about me when they hear me talk like this but if you watch that doc when you see the picture they show this nigga it's like oh that's like it's like a gay guy's picture to take was he doing like modeling or something

I think it did say that he was a model on there, but

that sucks.

They leaked the underwear photos.

just I mean, he had it on his Graham.

Like, I think it was, I think they were just pulling him straight from.

What kind of posing was he like?

Was it like muscle poses, or was it like just gay poses?

Well, what made it to me gay is how small, like, I don't know, you got wearing little like shorts this big on, maybe he's like, short shorts, they were like tiny little shorts.

That's weird, it was like hot pants.

I thought they were briefs.

I'll be honest, I didn't, I didn't lock in on it.

I was like,

I'm fighting allegations in my head.

Have you ever watched Saltburn?

Have you ever watched Saltburn the movie?

No.

Anyone here watched that before?

I think it's from a couple years ago.

I just watched it.

It's all right.

The movie's all right.

There's a scene in it.

Usually I can watch anything without being like, oh, fucking recoil.

Did the grave thing?

The grave thing was nothing.

Okay.

There's the grave, by the time it was the grave thing, by the way, I heard that was improvised.

Really?

Yeah, I heard that wasn't in the script, and that actor just got it just

freaky.

Yeah, just creative spirit took over.

What happened?

He just like fucks a guy's grave at the end of it.

But

that to me honestly felt kind of overdone.

There was a scene where the dude, he's watching a dude jerk off in a bathtub.

I don't want to ruin.

This is kind of a major spoiler alert, but he

kind of watches in the wings.

And as soon as the guy gets up to leave, he's draining the bathwater.

And the dude jumps into the tub and just drinks the very last bit of the bathwater.

And it was like,

dude, it was, it was so fucked up.

Usually I can watch stuff.

I'm like, whatever.

I saw that and I was just like, ah.

Then I, dude, I fucking, I'm in bed.

I'm next to my wife.

And obviously I haven't put my hands on my pants.

She's like, why are you putting your hands on your pants now?

I'm like, bro, don't even try, dude.

Yeah.

Don't even accuse me of that.

It was fake for real.

You just happened to go for a ball grab.

And she's like, I was comforting myself with anything.

I just got fucking rocked by a fucking bathtub come drink.

And dude, he went for it.

The movie was actually it was it was cool he said he was jerking off in there jerking off in the tub i thought you i thought he was the guy in the tub you jerking off into it or the guy he's just the guy's just having a good old time fabbing in the tub and then he brings his fucking freak to his house to like meet his family he's like thinks they're friends or whatever and the dude like you got to see the movie but the guy like gets out

the movie is it is kind of cool but it just it gets like towards the end you're like all right man it just kind of it gets it's a little bit much yeah imagine that and then like 20 minutes later, he's humping a grave.

You're like, all right, this is.

Yeah, that's a.

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Matt, it's okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

God, I love talking to you.

I need, I could, can I just touch your foot while I do this next song?

Can I just please touch you while I do this next song?

Matt, I would appreciate it if you respected my fucking boundaries.

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Matt, what you've done is disgusting.

I need to talk to someone now, dude.

Oh, I just watched a freaky ass movie.

Either y'all ever see the assessment?

Uh-uh.

It's a...

I mean, it's kind of, it's kind of nice at the beginning.

It's, what's that Olson twin that's not the twins?

The older one?

Kate.

She's

Elizabeth.

Yeah, she's in there.

She's showing titties.

Like, it has to be the first 20 minutes of the movie.

Just like just in the rain, see-through shirts.

That's what's up.

Titties.

It's a lot of that.

So that's pretty nice.

And but it's a what the story is, it's like post-apocalyptic.

And the assessment is like, I guess there's not a lot of resources.

So you have to be approved by the government to have a kid.

So what they do is they send a grown woman to your house to basically assess like the the grown woman comes to their house and acts like a kid, and they and I has to, you have to like see if you're parenting.

Bro, this is the freakiest shit I ever heard of.

I didn't, I like, I just was looking for my girl we watched.

I started to bring this up last week, y'all talking about those movies.

You like freakiest movie ever, bro.

It's a cool idea.

It's how it plays out.

So, so, like, at some point, like, they're, they go, they're trying to just like, she gets there.

What age does this lady pretend she is?

That's the question.

She's got to be pretending to be like five.

She's like at some point, at some point, she just like they're sitting there eating, and she just like does one of those to the food on the thing.

But like, I mean, she's so she's like, and it's like a hot Spanish lady.

They have like this hot Spanish lady that they keep showing naked, pretending to be a kid.

At some, I don't want to spoil it.

That's Hollywood, bro.

You're getting

Hollywood.

It's crazy.

There's this one scene.

I don't want to spoil it because, like, no, that's fine.

The movie wasn't even, the movie wasn't ass, but it is weird i'm sitting there like i keep turning my girls like yo this because she picked it i was like yo this is the freakiest of all time oh actually my plan might have been working the whole time but i didn't realize it yeah

but it's uh there's like bedrock

she picked the movie she picked the movie it was of a

oftentimes showing her tits hot lady was pretending to be five child play well uh

i don't think because we watched the trailer beforehand it didn't look like it was going to be as freaky as it was for sure yeah it just uh like and it shows her tits a little bit, but they showed Elizabeth Olson's tits.

Wait, who's Elizabeth Olson playing?

She's the mom, she's like the she's the they keep showing her tits, they just happen to keep showing her tits.

It's such a hack for movies to like, and I'm saying hack, not like calling it hack, I'm saying it's like a hack, like a life hack.

Yeah, they just figured out, like, you can just show tits, and it made it look artistic.

I'm not gonna hold you, I'm watching.

Artist tits do make a movie seem like well.

If you see like tits in a movie, you're like, it's pretty cool.

And they did movies, It wasn't like a waste of time.

Yeah, it's all a giant rack.

I got to see Elizabeth Olson's tits.

Didn't think that would happen to me in my life.

Yeah.

What was her name?

What was she?

Wanda?

Wanda in the Marvel Universe?

Wanda.

She was Wanda?

She was Wanda.

She's like a big part of the Marvel universe.

I'm just

tits.

Yeah, Scarlett Witch.

But there's like a scene where she leaves.

Basically, she gets a call to her sisters and having an emergency.

She has to go there.

And there's been all this underlying sexual tension with the lady pretending to be a baby

because she's like

she's like jumping on the dad's back he's got to give her pick and if they and if he doesn't that's the thing that it's like the crazy loophole is if he doesn't act like a good dad to this adult woman pretending to be a kid like

they're not going to get they can't have a real kid how far do they push the line is the question i mean they go with the the the two in the movie like so she's jumping on his back that's you got tits on back that's already a yellow card It's already, and it happens.

How far do they go?

They, they fuck.

They, they, so, what happens to me?

He fucks a kid lady?

The kid lady set him up, though.

It wasn't,

it's, it's, it's a test.

So he can't.

It was like a, so what happened is, I guess they that that call that her the wife got, that's like, your sister's having an emergency.

I need to leave.

And she, and she pretended she couldn't leave for a second, and then she does leave.

Uh, because the lady's like, fine, we'll give you 12, you have two hours.

You got to be back in two hours or whatever.

And

so, while that happens, he goes to lay down.

And then the lady pretending to be a baby just pops up in the bedroom and just fucking grabs his meat.

And it's just kind of the vibe she puts out, it does seem like she's going, your lady's not here.

I want to fuck you.

You want to pass this test.

You got to let me fuck you.

So he's thinking, like, I really want to have this baby with my lady.

I got to fuck that.

I mean, also, he's like, I'm going to fuck this lady.

But it is kind of like a reverse rape scene.

Like, she does, he kind of coerces him, she coerces him, but he's never the whole time, he's like staring, like, I can't believe I'm doing that.

How do they communicate all that in the dick rap?

Because it couldn't have just been like, I was like,

she talks.

Oh,

she starts to do it.

Did she do like a kid voice?

She knows she's talking like she goes to she goes full of gold in that moment.

Yeah.

Oh, she's like, if you want to have a baby, you need to fuck me.

And then he fucks, he busts it, he rolls over.

Like, I don't know why that was funny to me.

Like, just,

I can't believe I had sex.

But

That sounds like something I would do.

No, I can't believe I had sex.

But

I don't even, I could spoil the end, but it's just.

No, yeah, that's good.

Leave it open.

Yeah, it is.

It honestly poses.

I guess the movie they always pie in movies.

Nobody pulls out movies.

Yeah, he pied.

He pied.

He pied.

He sad pied.

And,

oh, man.

Yeah, I don't want to spoil the rest of it, case if it really wasn't an ass movie and it is a movie.

Like, I do think, I don't know, I think you

so let's let's jump to this.

So we don't spoil the ending.

Yeah, what'd you guys do after the movie?

I can't, I definitely fucked that day.

I'm trying to remember if it was before or after the movie.

So, like, I think if I remember right, that was a before,

like, we order food fuck before food because you know, getting older, gotta fuck before food.

I do miss the days where you could go out, munch, and then get a good.

Like, now if I'm full, I'm like,

yeah, you're done.

I'm checked out.

I'm going to get some black seed oil, bring myself up.

Fray does it.

Nice.

Break out my meat.

Dude,

I was telling Sean last night.

We went to so we did the Oasis concert.

Yeah.

And, dude, it was.

First of all, I just forgot how big Oasis was of a band.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

They're massive.

Where would they perform?

Soldier Field.

Oh, sorry.

So it it's just, they're only doing like, I think, like, five cities in America.

So we go, and again, I only remember like their major, major hits from back in the day.

Wonder Wall.

Yeah, like Wonder Wall.

Don't look back in anger.

Don't look back in anger.

There's the other one.

What's the, there was a, there's another

supernova or something?

Champagne Supernova.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I go there, and I was a little sleepy because I flew in that day.

And I'm like, oh, I'm kind of tired.

I might as well drink some espresso martinis.

I drank espresso martini.

I drank a cup of coffee.

You know, I'm caffeine-sensitive.

So, dude, I do that to get charged up, but then, like, you know, once that's flowing, it's like I start drinking.

And uh,

we're in like a kind of like a box thing, so we're like, dude, this sucks in the box, let's just go down and like stand on the floor.

But I had being like kind of already drunk and just massively stemmed up, I bought a giant bottle of Class Azul.

Yeah, and right before we go down,

I won't give the person's name away.

I don't know how they feel about it.

But they were like, Do you want some asses?

Yeah.

And we're like, yeah, fine.

So we take it, we take it just a little bit.

And then we go down.

And then, like, I had also smuggled the bottle of Classe Azul down to the floor.

So I was like, I just got this.

I was like, I'm not going to just let it go to waste.

So I stuffed it down the back of my pants and put tied my sweatshirt around my waist.

Dude, they're like, they're like this big.

The bottle is enormous.

So I had it like a battery pack.

And I was just like, let's go.

And I was just, you know, I was like, Spud and Billy were there.

And I'm having them fucking cover behind me.

So we kind of kept it tight in formation.

And, dude, I just like we get down to this like general standing area and I like pop it out and I just set it down and put my sweatshirt on it.

And I would like people would be walking and like kind of be like, what the fuck is that?

I'd pull my sweatshirt off.

And I think like eventually like that first little bit of acid started kicking in.

I'd be like, dude, I brought down a bottle of Class A.

So health yourself.

And then people are like, okay.

And then people started actually drinking it.

And then we took more.

And dude, I, it was, I mean, thank God we did.

Cause I would have drank so much of that tequila and just been fucked.

Instead, it was like,

dude,

I'm excited for Shane to get back so we can actually like rehash it from, you know, everybody's perspective.

But it was, dude, first of all, I embarrassingly was just jumping around to Oasis

two hours.

And then I would sit there and I would have to like, everyone would get thirsty.

And whenever I'm like kind of tripping, I I think it's fun to go off on quests.

So I would be like, I had to walk all the way up these flights of stairs to get water.

So I was like, guys, I'll be back.

I'll get water.

And I went up the stairs.

First of all, I was in a line down on the floor level first.

And I was, first of all, I was just waiting in line.

And I was like, just, I kept laughing about how torturous it is just to wait in line in general.

I was like, dude, it's like an arrow to your, like the part of your brain that feels important is just getting launched every second with an arrow.

That's

doing it.

Yeah, I'm just laughing, being like, dude, standing in line is so fucking funny.

It's torture, but you're just really standing there.

And I was like sitting there with this dude.

I don't know.

I think he was like kind of a Mexican dude.

So I'm just like talking to this guy, and I'm like just tripping, talking about standing in line, how funny it is.

And he's like, you know, I'm trying to get some Coke, man.

And I was like, oh, cool, dude.

Well, good luck with that.

I thought you would have got it.

Dude, I was, I was bucked.

And then he

was like, if we go all the way upstairs, I heard we can, there's no line if we like walk all the the way up there.

So that's how I discovered to get water.

Yeah.

So all night I would just be vibing to Oasis.

I would catch my bros and they'll be like, we need to get water.

Cause I would just, I would see Shane standing there going,

we were fucking bucked.

And then I'd be like, you guys want some water?

And they'd be like, yes, please.

And I would just trudge up like fucking 30 flights of steps and then just look into the concession bar.

You know, core water?

It's like those plastic water bottles with a weird shape.

Yeah.

There would just be an end, literally an infinite supply of those things.

And I was like, I'll have seven core waters, please.

They kept giving me a little cardboard tray to carry them down in.

And eventually they ran on the cardboard.

So I have to just like hug all the waters.

Dude, it was so much fun.

But

the main thing was.

How many times did you make the trip?

How many waters?

Three or four.

I went on like three or four.

At one point, my feet were soaking.

I didn't know your feet sweat from acid.

I don't know.

Mine did.

So, because they kept being like, dude, I think it's kicking in more.

So I was like, this is fun.

Is it my first time doing it?

I've never done it.

I'm doing it like that.

Yeah, for sure.

I've done like a little bit of it before, but never enough to where I was like, like, kind of launched.

Yeah, I've never done it.

It was so sick.

It might be the best ever, honestly.

But, dude, my feet were like soaking fucking wet.

And I was like, I don't know if this is just like a feeling I'm getting.

I was sweating like a pig, I confirmed later on.

But dude, so I go

afterwards, like it ends, and we like we're hanging in this like back area,

just talking for like an hour.

We finally go back to Shane's room, talk for like another two hours, and then it's like, and I was, I was hanging on to the chill because I knew I was like, because it was wearing off and I drank all that caffeine.

They were making fun of me because I kept being like, I had too much caffeine, guys.

Like, dude, you're on acid right now.

That's not the point.

And also, I brought one of those, you know, those giant fat joints.

Yeah, I brought one of those thinking that like people would want to smoke it.

Only like two people did.

So I was just

facing a bat.

And they had the classe Azul and I was like giving that out to people.

They were skeptical.

And I'm like, guys, I'll drink it to show you it's it's not lazy.

So I was just on acid,

completely impervious to alcohol, just crushing tequila and being like, here, dude, it's good.

Trust me.

And dude, it was.

And by the end,

so the bottle got crushed.

Someone showed, some people were passing around.

They're like, it's done.

I'm like, good job, you guys.

And then

you met when you got down.

Yeah,

I like squatted up with some strangers down there.

But then, like, I had my sweatshirt was just laying on the ground.

Because I was like, I don't care about that sweatshirt anymore.

And as I was going to leave, I was like, oh, fuck, I left my sweatshirt.

A guy out of nowhere goes, here it is, and just threw the sweatshirt up.

And I was like, okay.

So now I have my sweatshirt.

I'm like, damn, the sweatshirt found me.

It's so fucking tight.

But dude, so I go finally.

I'm like,

Shane will be like, oh, man, we should probably call it Syria.

I'd be like, yeah, let's just hang out for a little longer.

I knew.

I was like, I'm going to go back to my room and freak the fuck out.

So the caffeine mix was.

It was just, I don't know, it was ending.

And it was like, yeah, I think it was the caffeine, really.

And I knew what I was in store for because if I have too much caffeine, I just lay there and like my my heart's off, my like chest feels tight.

And I was like, I don't want to deal with this while I'm kind of tripping.

That'll be terrible.

Finally, he's like, dude, because I had to fly the next day to go to like

a

kid thing.

How early was the flight?

Dude, I literally, the flight was 1 p.m.

Yeah.

But it was like, I'd been up all night.

I didn't, I was like, I was trying to figure out like, what time do I have to get up?

Yeah.

But I just set all my, I look, looked at my alarms.

I was like,

set like 45 alarms.

Yeah.

But the, so I finally, I go, like, all right, go back to my room.

I'm like, fuck, dude, here comes the hurt locker.

And I walk in and I'm just like, I'm like, I should pack.

I'm like, full on Jordan Peterson.

Like, I'm going to clean up here and get this room in order.

And like,

walking back and forth, like, yes, these are my pants.

So I'll fold these up here.

And everything just took so long.

And I slowly started being like, dude, just act normal.

You're fine.

You're just packing your clothes.

Everything's fine.

And I was like, yeah, but I could feel that caffeine feeling.

I'm like, fuck, dude, this sucks.

And then I was like, I was like, all right, right, I'm going through my routine.

I started brushing my teeth, finally caught the mirror.

And my first thought was like, it's all been leading to this.

Stand there in the mirror.

And it's like, dude, all right, you're not feeling great right now.

You're a little anxious.

How about you just like actually show up for yourself for once?

Talk to yourself in the mirror.

I'm like, and it's in my head.

It's just like, how about you show up for yourself and you get super present?

And I just like stirred in the mirror and I was like, I'm here now.

Dude, instantly, just I was like, shut the fuck up.

And I was like, no, damn it.

All right.

And then, and then right you said i'm here now and then told your stuff and in my head i was like dude shut up you fucking dork and i was like all right fair enough let me finish packing my clothes robotically

and then dude so i i laid there i packed my clothes uh and i just laid in bed and it was just like

dude i i can't sleep i'm in a hurt locker i'm just laying there my heart is just like it's the caffeine plus i'm still tripping so i'm like just feeding into it in this endless loop so i'm going on like breathing exercises on my youtube to calm myself down

i'm doing just like any i'm like and i can't type i'm like spazz typing breathing relaxation anxiety into youtube and uh finally so i get this one breathing exercise i'm like all right that's cool and then it cuts out and i'm like oh fuck what happened straight back to zero and then i get another one and it's like it's like almost like hypnosis where he's like do this breathe in this imagine this and then they're like if there's any tension in your body give it a color and i'm like yes yes yes it's red and i'm like imagining a red i'm like all right i got this and it's like now give it a shape and it was like multi-dimensional poly and i was like that would turn into like a spiked dragon i was like dude you got a red dragon it was just like

an amorphous i would close my like close my eyes and it was just like new dimensions of physical exact i'm like this isn't working very well

So I lay there and I'm trying to give it a shape and then like it starts dissolving and coming back because you're supposed to like give the feeling a color, then a shape, and then allow it to dissolve into like whatever else it is.

But I was just, my visuals were too strong.

You kept dissolving the new things.

It was like Jay was transforming into different things, like a million miles an hour.

And I was like, all right, fuck, this isn't helping me with my eyes closed.

And then eventually I had gotten stuck on the fact that I had gotten cut out of just through like constant caffeine use, nicotine, and whatever else, that I had like disconnected myself from God's natural rhythm of the day.

Because it was like, I'd been up all night, I hadn't slept.

I'm like, caffeine, hangover.

Yeah.

I mean, everyone was obviously there was LLC, but that wasn't the problem.

Truly,

that was a solution for sure.

But I was laying there and I was like, I just want to get back into the natural rhythm of the day.

That's all I want is get me back into God's natural rhythm, please, dude.

And I just like laid there and I had to lay there for like hours for like that caffeine thing to fall away.

I was eventually, it was on like black box Bible quote, just like quote, just laying there, like, dude, please help me.

And uh, you had your Bible study more.

I did.

It was, it was the Gospel of John, the Gospel of John on the YouTube black box.

It was actually very nice.

What's John Satan called you?

Kind of the chillest of all the Gospels.

Okay.

I don't know.

First of all, the beginning, I didn't realize he starts like, he goes back to like almost Genesis in the beginning.

And I'm like, dude.

He's like the word.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, all right, well, let's hope this fucking word helps me out right now.

And he goes, so it was pretty cool.

That one was, it goes into John the Baptist from what I remembered and listening to that and all this stuff.

It was tight.

But then,

but yeah, dude, and I woke up that morning and just had to, you know, fly to the airport.

I had to go to the airport and it was just, you know, no sleep, just like,

and, but yeah, ever since, dude, no caffeine.

Yeah, I've been back in the natural rhythm, and I'm like, I can't break it.

I'm like, I'm like terrified to break out of natural rhythm, but I'll just go ahead and still trip this flash back to that.

No, I will.

I'll eventually, but I did get all my caffeine in Nick because I was like not sleeping that good because I'd always be on the caffeine and then I wouldn't sleep because I knew I had the caffeine and I was in this like endless loop of poor sleep that I was just like, dude, just there was like a flash flash where I was like night and day, rising and falling with it, not artificially titillating myself.

And like, it's been actually really nice.

So, you're back on the right side,

my circadian's locked in right now.

There's nothing, no, and then it was also, I mean, dude, cold turkey, nicotine, caffeine.

I had already been stepping down, no problem.

Yeah, that's my new thing.

I'm going to start saying that during any nicotine ad reads, be like, dude, it's literally not addictive.

All you have to do is do LSD.

You just got to get back to God's natural rhythm.

All you have to do is do LC and get back to God's natural rhythm.

But I do feel great.

I feel pretty fantastic.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

So the first, the first, I will say the day after, it was a lack of sleep thing, but so it was a little wobbly.

The head was a little, I would like, just be driving and be like, man, everything's cool.

And I'd see a bumper sticker and be like, war as hell.

And I'd be like, no.

Did you say you'll get out of here?

Because I would just think, you would just think about like 40 million things.

I'd be like, yeah, it fucking is, I guess.

Fuck.

All right.

Let's go.

Come on.

I was trying to get back from the grocery store.

Like, is that residual acid?

Is that what they're like?

I don't.

I think it was, it really was a lack of sleep.

But yeah, I feel like the next day after, because I like stayed up all night, was in the hurt locker.

And then I like woke up on an hour of sleep and then flew home and just did like full family day of going to like a

dance recital, all this stuff, which was cool.

It's very chill.

But yeah, there was like the next day even, I was fine, but like I could hit a thought loop where I'd be like, shut it down, dude.

Don't even go down that.

Just chill.

And then I was like, I got like like three good nights of sleep.

Yeah.

And he's, I mean, if the second day, I was fine.

Once I got good sleep, I was cool, but I was definitely a little, my wife was like, are you all right?

You're a little quiet.

And I was just like, Joan.

Shrooms won't hit you like this.

I like, I think for the acid, I like the acid over.

I'd only done it once, but like with the thought loops for acid, I feel like you can stop.

You can cut them off.

You can cut them off.

Whereas shrooms, I feel like.

They just keep going.

But they don't linger, I think, for the day.

That's what I was thinking.

We were saying that.

I've never done acid, but I have shrooms.

I'll go through all those loops.

But once the shrooms are done, I'll be like, oh, you're chill.

You're chill.

And you just have those thoughts.

Like, you still remember them, but you were like, those are kind of positive.

I think I'll take those with me.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'll definitely try it again.

I'll try it under different circumstances where I'm not like out all night and just obviously jacked up on too much caffeine and a bat and fucking

crush with the diesel.

But yeah, I don't know.

It was definitely, it was cool.

It was definitely awesome.

But it does the next day, I was kind of thrown.

But I do think, like, if you stay up all night, it'll get whacked out.

Good thing you were locked in on the water.

And those water sapped a lot of waters, dude.

I drank so you didn't get locked in.

What happened to me early on?

What happened early on is I went there and I, you know, again, I'm like, I don't have like a particular like nor dislike for Oasis.

I was always like, yeah, I remember their songs.

They're cool.

But I get there and like right away, I'm all my bullshit.

Like the screen comes up.

I'm going, who the fuck do these cheesy ass graphs?

I was just

being nasty.

I'm like, these guys are so old.

Anytime I would think when they started kicking in, if I thought a negative thought, it would hurt my whole body.

And I'd be be like oh this is gonna be a long night this isn't gonna be good and then i was able to somehow be like down regulate all negative thinking is off now just as like a survival thing and i just ended up having the gayest funnest time ever that's awesome just jumping around to oasis like a fucking little five-year-old

you sing along with any of the any of the tracks probably if i had a if i if the songs i knew but i don't i honestly don't really remember singing along yeah i feel like don't don't look back in anger would be kind of a the whole yeah yeah crowd to be ripping that.

Yeah, and eventually I did get into the screen pretty hard.

I was like, these vigils actually are pretty singing.

But no,

it is easier to control for sure.

Like, it's way easier.

Yeah, I feel like if you do mirror, I feel like if you do too much, obviously, you probably, that's when it gets bad.

I don't know.

I just remember trying to write down creative ideas last time I did it.

Oh, dude.

And then looking at them the next day.

I mean, like, I wrote down.

I thought it was great.

It says, everything is about sex.

And I was like,

burgers, sex.

Well, I was watching, I was watching luxury fragrance commercials, and I watched a bunch of them.

I was like, they're all about if you smell like this, you can get pussy.

Like, I was, I was like, you freaking

dude, there was a, I sent myself an email halfway through thinking it was like the coolest shit.

I thought it was the coolest shit ever.

And I was like, dude, I think literally Wonder Wall came on, and Shane's just like staring at them playing in Wonder Wall.

And I was like, do you want to read my email?

I wrote to myself.

He was just like, dude, not right now.

This is the whole point of the concert.

You know, so funny.

This is the song we're all here for.

This is the email I was trying to interrupt his Wonder Wall for.

I was like, sitting there during a water trip.

I wrote an email to myself, and I thought, I was like, dude, this is the most profound thing that's ever been uttered.

It was like, your nervous system is your responsibility, is your vehicle for making it through life.

Please don't speed.

You were thinking about that caffeine the whole time.

I wrote that down.

I was like, that'll change the world tomorrow.

All right.

I kept trying to be like, seriously, dude, you should read my email.

And he'd be like, dude, no, I'm not reading your fucking email.

You thought somebody was going to read that and be like, holy.

There was like 40 other emails that I had.

I was like, I can't send myself emails all night.

I have to chill.

I got to chill and enjoy fucking Oasis.

Gonna start a revolution for my bed.

It was fun.

It was very funny.

The email was cracking me up.

I was like,

it just sat in my pocket.

I was like, I can't believe that email is in my fucking pocket right now.

Such a sick email to myself.

The secrets to the universe in my pocket right now.

There was another one.

There was a bunch of stuff I started to write, and I was like,

it's just a waste of time not doing this.

It was so fun, though.

Yeah, Yeah, we got the motherfucking owl

Well, do you guys have anything you guys want to plug?

Anything you guys want to jake the plug

I was gonna say panties in the mouth.

Please listen

Optimum Noctus the next one is September 16th.

Please cover that.

They've been great.

Thanks again Matt.

Of course

And oh, and I'm gonna be at Atlanta Helium October 23rd.

Please, please cover that.

I'm gonna be in Dallas on October 26th at Dallas Comedy Club.

It's a Sunday at 7 p.m.

if you can make it.

You can find tickets.

Just go to my Instagram at Eganism.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thanks, Matt, for having me on.

Appreciate it.

Of course, bro.

Yeah, thank you, man.

Of course.

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