Ep 579 - Crumb & The Hutt (feat. Joe Derosa & Lemaire Lee)

Wow, wow, Wes.

I can still swap it out.

If that.

Yeah.

It's probably less than that.

Yeah, it's less than $100.

What did you say?

Zesty S?

All right, let's get started.

You can get a decent 80.

Damn, one second in and you get it.

You can get a decent 85 for like 700, 800 bucks.

Yeah.

I mean, you can go all the way up to three grand or whatever, but

you're talking extra on top of the 70 something?

No, no, no.

The 75 75 was only

six.

You get four.

You guys are on a star podcast?

I'm ready, dude.

Oh, you were doing it?

That was what you want to do?

I'm just sitting waiting for you to talk prices.

It's stuck TV prices.

Yeah, dude.

You're fired up.

You got to be a man.

Matt's gone.

So

I was just really scraping the fucking.

No, no.

I'm just joking.

Happy to have you.

Look, man.

Your anxiety, I know where you're at.

Where are you?

Once you get clean and sober like me,

you're a fucking animal, dude.

I'm sorry.

You don't drink for two days.

You think you're fucking living right.

Who doesn't?

Three days, I go, I'm fucking fine.

I go for one day.

I have one healthy shit.

I'm like, oh, I'm fine.

Yeah, what the fuck?

What the fuck was I worried about the last 30 years?

I've been doing this stuff called dose.

Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about?

It's supposed to help.

We'll see.

Dude, it does.

Your energy, it like jacks your energy up.

What does it do?

I I don't know.

I have it.

I have it.

Whatever.

You got to do it every day.

It's a liver cleanse.

And

it's for guys who don't really want to stop drinking.

Yeah, throw a supplement on Instagram where they go, you've talked about being a booze bag a lot.

We've picked that up.

And here's your liver health in your algorithm.

Yeah.

Dude, I don't want to stop drinking.

It's too fun.

Hey, I'll tell you what, I got my hands on a little revolutionary war dock.

Yeah.

You want to know, how do you think we came up with the name United States of America?

No one even thinks about it, do they?

Well, I just assumed it was a bunch of states that would be United.

Yeah, but you still got to come up with a name when you go, we're declaring independence.

What the fuck do we call ourselves?

I feel like it was early on, and you called things what they were back then.

You weren't going to come up with a fancy name.

You were going to just say, this is what it is.

It's a fuck you to the king, the United States of America.

I like that you're trying to sell that you're wrong, but I like it.

I mean, I have no idea because I don't nerd out these docs.

Okay, Star Wars dad.

Freddy Krueger t-shirt.

But no, I never even took the time to think about it.

But it's not that simple.

It's not just like this.

You can't just be like, we all agree.

This is what we're calling it.

Because everybody has to come together and be like, what do we do?

What is an America anyway?

You know?

That's a good point, Le Mer.

What's a Europe?

Shit, dude.

What's an Africa?

Dude.

I mean, you're asking the hard-hitting questions.

I always thought it was named after Amerigo Vespucci.

That's what I mean.

Which I think that's been the bunk-proven false.

Yeah, the Columbus Indians thing is probably false, too.

Probably.

That he called them Indians because he thought he was in India.

Yeah, I think he knew

where he was.

There was like a term they were called that said people of God, and it was like in.

I forget, I forget what it is.

I thought it was a little Spanish for.

Well, anyway.

It turns out,

just some fucking guy wrote into a local paper, the Pennsylvania Post, and said, we should be the United States of America.

It was like an editorial.

And he didn't write his real name.

His pseudonym was Republicus.

Oh, fucking badass.

Republicus.

It's like a transformer.

It fired me up last night.

Also,

is there a...

Bigger juice on the planet?

That's the juice.

Writing into the paper and going, we should call this country United States of America.

Also, my name's Republicus.

And the whole country was like, yo, United States of America is sick, dude.

I bet a USA chant started

almost.

Like, the first guy was like, USA.

U.S.A.

U.S.A.

Republicus.

You know, in the music docs, they're like, hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Fucking war pigs.

Like they did that with the USA chant.

Wait a minute.

Why?

But I agree with Lemaire.

What does America come from if it's not the Americo Vespucci guy?

I'm not sure.

I think it might be Americo.

What if it was the best spooshies Voltaire?

What?

I said, what if Republicans was the best spooshies Voltaire?

What does that mean?

Voltaire?

I know who Voltaire is.

Yeah, he had a fake name, and then...

You know, he got in trouble.

And people say, if you have a fake name, you have a Voltaire.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I didn't know that.

Sorry, that's all right.

I didn't mean Vespasian.

But what did you mean by what you said?

Like, what if Republicus is Vespucci?

No, it was

like two, 300 years later.

Okay.

So, okay.

All right.

All right.

Yeah, well, shit, man.

You live and you learn.

No, I think they said it was

Thomas Paine or

I think they said that might have been Republicus.

They don't know who Republicus was.

ChatGPP still says it's from Americo Vespucci.

All right.

There we go.

But it's the feminine Latin form of Americus, which I kind of like Americus more.

Yeah, I like Americus.

Americus is good.

Yeah, U.S.

on the end of a word or a name or O-R.

Yeah, you like some Latin.

Yeah.

Us.

Republicus.

Republic or.

They sound like Transformer names.

Yeah.

Or He-Man names.

This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

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We wouldn't be able to do this show without them.

I couldn't imagine doing our podcast without

Le Mer.

Yeah, man.

He makes work a blast.

Yeah, they have a way of just cheering me up when I'm feeling down.

They have a way of taking me to a bar

and then fighting for six hours.

It's rough trying to find people you just click with.

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That's pretty good.

Yo, we should zip recruit one guy.

I wouldn't mind zip recruiting one guy.

That'd be nice.

Or a girl.

Yeah, true.

It'd be nice to have a female touch to this show.

Not bad at all.

Maybe you wouldn't be so misogynistic all the time if there was a female.

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I saw this little fucking shadow pig.

Yeah, dude.

He's a shadow pig.

You can't tell he's a pig because he's always like, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Sitting in any corner.

Oh, shit, he's blacked out.

There's not like a real.

It's like when a British person's retarded.

I mean, this guy's smart.

Like with Guard Dog, he always sounds like he's blacked out.

Yeah.

Just smoking cedars in the corner, dude.

Back-to-back American spirit yellows.

That's what he'd be doing sober.

You can't tell.

I was sober as a bird last night.

Yeah, I see.

That's a Gardini guy.

I was a sober man.

Yeah, I was.

You were a soberman?

How late were you out?

I saw you like 10.30.

I was just getting to the Kill Tony after hang.

It was like 10.15, 10.30.

And he was walking out with his girl.

I was like, where are you guys going?

And his girl went, we're going to go home.

And I could see the shadow pig's eyes like, what did he want it to stay, dude?

Yeah, you hit him with one of these.

No, that's not true.

I wanted to go home.

He's like, yeah, I'm happy to be going home, man.

It was good.

Somebody take a break.

I was happy to go home.

We got fucked up.

Yeah, you guys had a good time?

Yeah, we had a nice time.

I had a good time.

I was watching an American Revolutionary War doc.

Shit was tight.

Don't think you understand.

Well, tell me about it, man.

This is one of my favorite things about you, and I truly do mean it.

I am enamored by the fact that you truly love history.

And like, I wish I was something that was of use like that.

I only love nerdy shit.

It's not really of use for me to be like Republicus.

No, but it's history.

Like,

I only get in, like, I swear to God, dude, I'm not kidding.

I'll get into like the He-Man mythology the way you'll get into Civil War.

It's like, it's the kind of shit that

has some deep mythos, brother.

Yeah, He-Man's dope.

Dude, history is.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, I wish I liked history.

I know.

And it tells you where we're at.

But, you know what I was thinking about?

You know how they think tar and feathering is kind of funny?

Wait, what?

Like, it's like a silly thing.

Like, oh, we tarred and feathered him, huh?

It was like a brutal, no, it's horrible, horrific.

Yeah,

scolding hot tar.

It like killed people.

It's like one of the worst deaths.

It burned your skin off, and the feathers would fuse into your skin.

Fucking horrific.

He became a chicken.

There's a there's a thank you, Le Mayor.

There's a uh, maybe the never mind.

Uh,

I was about to say, I was about to, I had to walk that back.

I was about to be so racist.

I was about to be as racist as possible.

That was crazy.

But no, you ever see John Adams?

Yeah, yeah.

Great.

Great miniseries, but they tar and feather a guy in that, and it always stuck with me.

I watched the first two episodes last night, and they're two hours long.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say it, but I got my hands on the Ken Burns Revolutionary War.

It's not out yet.

Oh, nice.

And my manager sent it to me at like 10.

And I was like, I'm watching this right now.

Nice.

I watched it for four hours.

It's fucking great.

So that's the doc you've been watching.

Yeah.

It's like I'm not allowed to say it.

You're not even allowed to say you've been watching it.

You're spilling the beans of stuff that's in it, dude.

Well,

historical fact.

Nobody knew about Republicans.

I know.

Republicans is nice.

No one's.

I mean,

there's a lot of people that watch this that don't get down with Ken Burns.

They should.

Yeah, Ken Burns is

Vietnam.

Was fucking nice.

We were talking about this.

I don't remember if it was you and me or not, but what was the doc?

What was like ken burns's sergeant peppers like what's the dock that broke him i think it's the jazz one because i remember my friend scott had the box set the the the soundtrack of that and i just remember that ken burns jazz documentary was like everywhere and i was like that's the one i feel like made him i think

i mean for me it was the civil war one right ken burns civil war ken burns baseball is nice Yeah, I heard baseball is a big one.

And then his brother puts out docks, too.

Like, one of them did Brooklyn Bridge,

which is nice.

What are they?

The Boring Brothers?

They probably are.

Probably the most boring fucking guys.

Just both of them sitting there in sweaters.

Just looking at books.

Looking at fucking books.

Come on, man.

Pick up some video games.

Play the vidges and jack off.

Yeah, dude.

He got to make Ken Burns, The Revolutionary War, the video game.

I'd be all in on that.

That would be nice.

What's his brother's name?

I forget.

And you also love Louis Thoreau?

Louis Thoreau's great.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like him.

He's a little more of a provocative documentary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But my favorite one he did was the Courtney Love one.

Did you ever see his Miami when he goes into super prisons?

No.

It's funny as it gets.

He's just in there with black dudes.

They're like, we have to beat your ass.

And he's like, no, why?

What if I don't want to fight?

Oh, you're going to have to fight.

We're going to fuck you up.

He's like, but you don't have to do that.

It's pretty great.

What are the best stocks I've ever seen?

Is this new one about the right wing?

No, his new one's about Israel-Palestine.

Yeah.

Yeah, I haven't watched it.

I heard it was pretty fucking good.

He goes deep, man.

The first Scientology one I ever saw.

The guys like threatening him and shit.

It was crazy.

Does he interview a settler and that?

Yeah.

And she's just like fully like.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

not great they were saying the whole time they're like they can leave or

that's what the settlers were saying

you see netanyahu where he compares himself to hitler

he compared himself

he's dude i've swear i watched it three times i was like he can't be saying that but he's like he's like they say uh you know

step back step down and he's like you don't just stand aside and say here you go you have the land adolf hitler didn't do that i was like no no no no no

i can't rewind it and then i looked at the caption and it was like that nihu compares himself to adolf i was like holy shit i think he just did that are you sure it was not ai because i've been tricked they're getting real good at just maybe it wasn't showing a speech and maybe changing like two words Can you, Gardini, can you say that?

What does he say?

Maybe he meant

what he was trying to say was the opposite.

People didn't placate Hitler

when he was taking all the land.

Doesn't sound like he said that because it's like

they're doing the ground strike now.

He's doing a lot of stuff there.

He's doing a lot of stuff.

He's doing a lot of stuff.

Can I say this is another Kanye was right moment?

Did you ever see the Gavin McGiddens interview with Kanye?

No.

Where he goes, he goes, and Kanye's in the full black, like ski mask hood thing.

Oh, yeah.

You can't see his face.

And Gavin goes,

now, look, he's like, you know, there are statistics about black people, about the crime and stuff like that.

He goes, but when you meet a black person, you don't take those statistics into it.

You start with a clean slate and you judge them as a person.

Do you do that with Jews?

And Kanye goes, nope.

And Gavin going to start to laugh and he goes, this intervention is not going well.

I think it was going right where Gavin Gavin wanted it to.

Gavin loves that shit.

Exactly.

Well, there we go.

What else is going on?

We're just remembering stuff we saw.

I have a good doc to recommend.

It's only 30 minutes long.

It's called The Quilters.

And it's...

No, no, listen to me.

Trust me.

It's sound great.

Trust me.

It's on HBO.

It's like 30 minutes long.

It's about a maximum security prison, and there are these level five convicts, which means level five is murder, like it's all the worst crimes.

And there's a quilt shop in there, and they make quilts for like needy children.

And they're super into it.

And these guys that got like murder, double murder, whatever, they're in the quilt shop, and they're like, here's all our fabrics.

And

they run it like a quilt, and they get so into it.

And the kids send them, dude, and they make the quilts are amazing.

Kids send them what?

They send them pictures of like me with, and it's like, thank you so much.

It's my favorite.

And they cry.

Dude, that's nice.

It's beautiful, dude.

It's beautiful.

These guys are like, this is the only way I can give back to society for what I did.

It's crazy.

I cried during it.

Yeah, that's very nice.

It's really nice.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll give that a shot.

You should.

I got to tell you, I've been watching this Mussolini show.

And

a doc or like a

scripted show.

Who plays the moose?

I don't know.

I'm an Italian guy.

It was made in Italy.

But, of course,

Europe is also, you know, 10 years behind us when it comes to on-the-nose shit.

Right.

Like, culturally.

Yeah.

The last episode, he's like, I'm going to make Italy great again.

And you're like, oh, so Trump's a fascist.

Okay.

You just butt-fucked the whole show.

Yeah.

Turn off.

So

I'm out.

Is it only like one season?

Is this season two?

I'm not sure.

I think it comes out weekly.

Okay.

And I was kind of excited about it.

I mean, they make him a bumbling idiot, which I doubt he was based on what he got done.

They do that a lot with

Mussolini apparently was kind of a putz.

Okay.

I mean, that's like the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you ever see him give a speech?

Oh, he's good.

Swag.

Yeah, yeah.

Swag out the wazoo.

People give Hitler a lot of credit for speeches.

Check out the moose, dude.

The pauses, the fucking arm crosses.

Is Mussolini the guy who plucked a chicken during during a meeting?

I've never heard that one.

Really?

I can't remember who, but it was a story about somebody being rude.

No.

That's your second chicken talk.

You got a chicken on the brain.

The uh not interracial

what is it?

It is Mussolini plucking a chicken?

The image of, yeah.

Nice, Le Mer.

It's like a metaphor or something.

It's a political cartoon.

Nice.

Did you find anything for the

movie?

I can't find it.

It's hard to.

That I got AI'd.

God.

You may.

Damn, dude.

But it could also be.

There's things he said a long time ago.

It also might have been old.

There was like one from 2015 where he kind of says what you said in a different way.

Maybe that's what it was.

I would imagine as a politician, you'd go out of your way to avoid avoid saying,

I'm a lot like Adolf Hitler.

You'd think.

I mean, that used to be a bad thing.

Yeah, used to be rough.

No, that thing about make Italy great again,

that kind of stupid fucking winky thing, that ruined

Skull Island for me, Kong Skull Island.

What happened there?

It takes place in the 60s, and the first line, a taxi pulls up in front of, like,

I don't know, some fucking the cap, some state building or something.

And

John Goodman goes, there's two dudes in the back of the car, and John Goodman goes, My boy, we are entering the strangest decade of politics this country will ever see.

And it was like right when Trump got in.

I was like,

fuck off.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, you know, like, it's just, it's, I hate shit like that.

I hate winking.

Letting your politics come into the King Kong movie I'm trying to watch.

dude.

American King Kong, they ruined Godzilla for me because they had the running

sucked.

Oh my god, dude.

Godzilla Zero was fucking sick.

Yeah.

The Japanese one?

Wait, that's yeah, that's from overseas.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's classic Godzilla.

I'm talking King Kong, Godzilla, Forbidden Kingdom, or whatever.

If you went into that thinking that was going to be good, the bag's on you.

You're an adult man.

King Kong had a mecha arm.

Godzilla was running.

The whole world's in flames.

It's crazy.

Yeah, once they got into that, too, that was like the last straw for you.

That was literally the last straw.

Godzilla doesn't run, dude.

When they did the like world between worlds thing where King Kong lives in that weird other.

I was like, this is idiotic.

I met the kid a couple of times that directed every single one of those movies.

He must be.

stacking coin right now, man.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

They make like $400 million at least.

At least.

Chinese people must go nuts when they see those movies.

They're probably huge hits in Chinese.

Matt's gone.

I'll be reading on behalf of Matt.

Okay.

Matt.

Okay, okay.

A quick break from the show for a special segment called More or Less Football Edition.

And it's brought to you by Prize Picks.

Right.

So Shane and I are going to be presented with three player picks and decide together whether we should go more or less each pick.

Shane.

So, who's looking sharp?

And who's just like a pedestrian on the field?

Yeah.

Matt.

This is what we're thinking, prize picks this week.

Let's choose more or less each of the following picks.

A.J.

Brown, more or less than 55 receiving yards.

I'm going more.

More.

He's been getting, he's not getting a lot of touches.

He's starting to complain.

They're going to force the ball to him more than 55 yards receiving yards.

I'll go less since you guys went more just to mix it up.

Cam Scataboo, more or less than 0.5 rushing touchdowns.

You think he's going to score or not?

I love the name.

I'm going to say more.

I like it too.

He's got a bit of a Star Wars name there.

Yeah.

Josh Allen, more or less, 228 passing yards.

You got to go more.

The guy's a gunslinger.

Okay.

Shane, I'm going to say I'd go less.

Last week, I picked him and he went under.

How about that?

Wow.

All right.

So that's our take.

Now it's unlocking the doors.

Prize picks.

Don't just stay in your favor, stand on business, win real money with your best takes.

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Here, you read from Matt there.

Second paragraph up.

Hurry up.

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The bag's on me.

It was a great reading, man.

Prize picks.

It's good to be right.

Man, I'll tell you what I'm mad about.

Bad bunnies doing the fucking halftime show.

That's good.

Pissing me, though.

Bad bunnies.

No, of course, of course.

Who gives a fuck?

It was very funny to me that people were upset about that.

Oh, I mean,

everyone, the right, the right gets it so wrong with what they're outrageous.

Everybody's outraged about everything, obviously.

But when it's like, dude, don't lose on this one.

Why?

It's a halftime show.

Who gives a fuck?

I think it's because

he doesn't speak any speak English from China watch football.

And my point was, last year's halftime show was barely

intelligible.

Maybe that was for China.

Bing, bop, boom, bing.

Dude, you hate Kendrick.

No, I don't hate Kendrick.

Stop hating.

Stop.

We don't have to talk Kendrick.

Didn't Sha Kira do the halftime show?

What?

Didn't Shakara do the halftime show before?

Yeah.

What are they mad about?

I don't know.

Janet Jackson whipped her tits out on it.

Yeah, that shit rocked.

Yeah, it was great.

Man, that was a pivotal moment in American history, like for TV and stuff.

That was considered

now be nothing.

Yeah.

I could have sworn she had a sticky over her nipple.

I think it was pierced, and she had this big thing, like...

almost like a vote for me pin

covering her whole nipple.

You know what I mean?

But yeah,

it wasn't that crazy, it wasn't that crazy.

Also, why'd they pretend it was like uh

when they were like it was a wardrobe malfunction?

Oh, I remember when they tried to clearly it was like a pose, he like ripped it off, and they both went,

Yeah, it's wild the way they would just lie about shit.

It's you know, and just let's see if they buy it, it's a wardrobe malfunction.

Yeah, they bought it, yeah, yeah, they're gonna buy it.

That she got like she was like in trouble for a long time.

I remember that, yeah, was that the first live TV titty drop?

I feel like, but that was a

what's that called?

A thing on the nipple?

The pasty.

A pasty.

Yeah.

I mean, I remember.

Sable used to break the pasty.

Sable would break out the pasties all the time.

Yeah.

WWF had some nips.

Yeah.

Nips.

The cat.

Terry Runnels, don't get me started.

Jacqueline, don't get me started.

I'm going to get you started.

Jack Offin.

True Stratus never gets to start.

I think that was the first ever, I think, I think for, right?

Yeah, live TV tribvity drop.

That had to be the first one.

That was a pretty big one.

I remember one of my friends went nuts.

In my basement, everyone just went, ah!

They were standing on the couch.

We were fired up.

That's when Timberlake was the man.

Like, he was, like, he's still awesome, but he was like underestimated.

You remind me of Timberlake.

Why is that?

Just like a smooth operator, slick.

You about to say something mean?

No, that's it.

Yeah, genuine compliment.

Yeah, you remind me of Justin Timberlake.

You're both smooth operators and you're slick.

And I feel like you can beatbox.

I can't beatbox.

Oh, you thought about it.

I was an alright rapper.

You're a good rapper.

I was a decent rapper at one point.

You know, I haven't done it in a long time.

Sometimes I still write little rhymes in my head.

I'm like, I wish I was a rapper.

Give me some bars.

I can't remember anything right now.

No, and I honestly am trying to try to remember something.

Because that would be big for me.

I think everyone

would be very happy to hear you spit some bars.

You had a band.

I know.

It still does.

You still have a band?

What the hell?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I still have a band.

Yeah, it's also Windfall.

Yeah, our new record comes out in a couple months.

Oh, sick.

Yeah, yeah, it's done.

Yeah.

Forget it.

Then we're going to run and do shows and stuff.

That's fun, man.

I love doing that.

But yeah,

rapping, not so much anymore.

It's a young man's game.

It's a young man's game.

It's a different level of commitment.

Yeah.

Rapping's like being a comic.

It's like you have to be a rapper.

You know what I mean?

Like you have to, it's an everyday thing.

It's not, you know,

not to say that being in a band isn't, but it's a little more, it's a little more lax for whatever reason.

But there's something about rapping because it's a solo.

It's a solo act.

That's why I said it's like being a comic.

It's like constantly.

Yeah, it's a solo act.

What do you got in the battle?

You know what I mean?

Have you ever rap battled?

Yeah, I used to do it all the time.

That must have been so gay.

Where's that?

Where can I get that footage?

Holy shit.

We used to freestyle.

We used to do freestyle battles when I was in college at parties and shit.

People like it.

Don't you have any regrets?

I would regret that so much.

Why?

I was pretty good at a college party.

I was pretty good at it.

No, people liked it.

Like the party, I got chicks from doing it and stuff.

It was, you know.

They saw that Timberlake.

They saw that Timberlake.

You smooth up, right?

You went to Timberlake.

Timberlake the Moose.

The Moose.

You gotta see that.

That's my rap, Dave, dude.

Timberlake the Moose.

That's my rap, Dave.

That's actually a great nickname.

Timberlake the Moose.

Should we talk about our new nicknames?

I mean, you can try.

There it is.

Tried to bait me with my...

Because,

Joe, all right, first off, you're calling me the hut.

Yeah, but

explain why.

But, dude.

The what?

But, dude.

It's literally laid up like hut.

I don't, I don't, hold on, dude.

That's a hut.

I don't do his bidding.

Do your bidding.

I said, Joe,

I said, Joe looked exactly like salacious crumb from Star Wars.

And if you look at salacious crumb, especially salacious crumb with his legs crossed, sitting

and that lad

Joe's salacious crumb.

And I said,

Yeah.

And I said, Shane's job of the hut.

And then he went low and called me

low.

It's not a body joke.

I'm just saying, you're the hut, dude.

Look at Crumb in the hut.

Tell me it's not me and Shane hanging out at a bar.

I'll happily sit at this man's legs and drink.

As the Crumb did.

Just is DeRosa.

It's like, dude, you know what?

Salacious Chrome.

Underworld creature.

Salacious chrome.

I didn't know he had a name either.

I was just like, dude, you look like fucking Jabba's friend.

And he was like, he knows Star Wars.

He was like, oh, salacious chrome.

As soon as you said it, I was like, bro.

You got to get that.

That's us kicking it.

All right, I'll give you that.

I'll give you that.

That's a good one.

Dude, you love just sitting up there

playing with everybody's emotions

in the room.

Tony is obviously C-3PO.

It's not even close.

Tony might be laying, dude.

Beezer is Bib Fortuna.

Tony might be laying the bikini, dude.

Beezer is Bib Fortuna.

100% Beezer is Bib Fortuna.

100,000%.

Who's Saboba?

Which one's that?

He's the one who gave Anakin his.

It's got to be all Jabba's Palace, though.

Okay, okay, okay.

Everybody else

from there out, everybody else is too cool.

Yeah, it's tough not to, you can't give someone a cool one.

Yeah, nobody gets to be like Boba Fett.

Yeah, it's too cool.

Yeah, who's the Rancor?

Is that in Trump?

You know who Lemaire is?

The Warhawk?

The Warthog guard.

No, no.

Lemaire's the pig guard.

No, Lemaire's the blue dude that plays

the keyboards.

That's a cool one, though.

No, it's not.

Blue guy.

Look up the blue.

I think.

That's what they think.

Yeah, that's shit.

That's cool.

But look at the...

Can you do me a kindness and look up the

pig guard at Java's Palace?

It's got a bit of Lamaze in there, but that guard's a little pushy.

I don't think Le Maire is very pushy.

No, that's what I'm saying.

He's the keyboard player.

The keyboard player is very close, but the pig guard.

Yeah.

Let me take a look at that guard.

The Cantina band plays good music.

That's.

Does have Meese written all over it.

Who is it?

I mean,

I like the keyboard.

I think that's O'Connor.

You know, O'Connor would have to shove a dude against the wall.

You know who Tommy is?

I know it's on Tatooine, though.

It's.

Fucking what's his name?

The guy who's like, I don't like you.

That's Tommy.

Dude, he just gets arm cut off right now.

That's O'Connor and Popeye.

That's O'Connor Pope.

Two drunk assholes.

You're like, fuck you, dude.

Did he say, I don't like you?

My friend doesn't like you either.

I got the death toll on 38 systems.

Yeah, or the nate.

That's a tough one.

Yeah.

Swing Lando.

Is Jawa?

Could he be a Tao?

Nate might be a fucking Jawa.

Oh, no, he's an Ewok, bro.

No, it's got to be Tatooi.

We got to keep it, dude.

Jowa's a fucking Jabba's palace.

Jawa.

All right, Tony's.

What are you looking at?

Jowas?

Nate kind of looks like an Ewok a little.

All right, fuck it.

Yeah, that's mean.

My bad, my bad.

No, Nate's Warwick, the Ewok.

They're wicked, I mean.

Wicked the Ewok.

Yeah, fuck it, dude.

We'll fly you to Jabba's Palace.

who's uh all right tony's three po definitely who's leia then

can't give it a hot babe no unless you give it to a dude no dude lay is fucking uh leia's uh uh kyla

is a bad mouth chick chick with a bad attitude i hear you you excited for red october what's red october video game that's good no phils dude fighting phils fighting phils Well, fill me in.

You know, I don't watch sports.

We got a buy, which could be a problem.

The playoffs start.

Oh, they're going to the playoffs?

Yeah.

I'll go to those games.

Yeah.

I'm going to go Monday.

Jesus, it's October.

I'm thinking this is months away.

No, it's September.

You almost have it.

It is October next week.

No, it's October tomorrow.

Yeah, I guess tomorrow.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Dude.

This is a crazy podcast.

a regular conversation.

Yeah.

Do you want to get onto a specific topic?

No, I don't give a fuck at all.

I feel like this is good.

I like Star Wars.

I love Star Wars.

I've been watching Everybody Loves Raymond.

Okay.

That show's good, dude.

Dude, I started watching it recently, too.

Airtight.

Yeah.

Airtight, man.

That's great.

Every episode, I'm going to.

Give us a beat, dude.

How cool is Ray Romano?

He's awesome.

He's like the coolest.

Yeah.

Whenever he comes to the cellar, it's like, God damn.

It's just a fucking cool.

Yeah.

He's sitting there, he's watching sports.

He's like, who you got on this?

You got the over, the under.

I'm like,

that's awesome.

That's awesome.

I don't know.

Talk about a dude that got better looking in his like 60s.

I never thought of that.

Yeah, he's like, I didn't sexualize him when I said that.

I sexualize everybody.

That's fair.

That's why you're JT, dude.

That's why you got that timber like on you.

Timberlake the moose, dude.

Salacious crumb.

The crumb left.

Oh, the fucking vile horrendous crumb, dude.

The vile horrendous, salacious crumb.

Yeah, but that's nobody has the juice like United States of America.

No.

No.

It's salacious crumb.

Obviously, that's good juice.

Right.

Vile horrendous, great juice.

Yeah.

No one's just like, I'm going to write this down and send it to the paper and name the country.

I mean,

it is fucking wild.

I want to find out.

I'd like to find out who this Republicus guy is.

I think it is Thomas Payne, but it's just pure speculation because it was just a humble man, dude.

That's why he's Republicus.

He's going, I don't need any glory for this.

This is for the fucking Republic.

Yeah, but wait, how did he get in the paper?

Oh, because it's Thomas Paine.

What other things from the dock can you reveal?

It's just standard.

There's nothing too...

It gets into Benedict Arnold, which is exciting.

Because he was kind of the man

until he wasn't.

Okay.

But he was like a little climber, though.

He was good at his job, but he was a climber.

Okay.

So anytime he got passed over, he would start bitching.

Yeah.

Okay.

But it was stuff I kind of knew already.

Like he was the hero at Ticonderoga.

Okay.

So he

people don't know.

Yes.

He

was like a war hero.

He was like a big deal before

he switched sides.

What was his official turncoat moment?

I'm not sure.

I think he sold

or gave British intel on how to get past West Point of the fort.

I think he gave the fort up.

I could be wrong.

Wow.

I haven't got that far, but I remember in, I read the book, Lafayette, who was the man too.

He was like, that was kind of the only time he ever saw George Washington break down because Washington liked this guy.

Wow.

And when he got to West Point and they were like, Arnold's gone.

He was just like, oh, he started sobbing.

He was like, no.

My boy.

Something like that.

That's the story I took from it.

Did you ever eat at that restaurant in New York where Washington took his men before the Battle of Valley Forge?

No.

It's in Phi Dye.

You know that area of Phi Dye where it's like the Cobblestone Street and there's all the bars?

It's right down there.

It's a steakhouse.

Yeah.

Yeah, and he took his...

Isn't that, it's so wild.

Like, it, yeah, they were like, they were treating it like they were like about to shoot a movie or something like it was a big dinner they all get fucking cocked up and then they're like all right we got to go fight tomorrow yeah it's like it's it was like yeah this weird situation

they were drinking back then yeah yeah

he made sure his boys all got whiskey and rum yeah well it was rum and then everybody got a cup of their their rations where you got a cup of whiskey every day every soldier Wow.

And then he was like, if the rations were low, or rum at first, and then we'll switch to whiskey if we run out of rum.

The boys were a little

loose, dude.

It was for freedom.

Yeah.

A couple brewskies before you go shoot some red coats.

Yeah, you have to be.

Also, you know what fired me up?

There's a part where, so obviously the revolution starts in Massachusetts and then they're trying to rally the rest of the colonies to be like, help us out.

And then so like Virginia, that's why they get Washington because

he was a Virginian.

So they want to bring the whole, all the colonies in.

But then when Pennsylvania and like South Carolina and North Carolina start joining in, and then it's just such a

like it was, it was a true melting pot you know I mean but it's talking about how like just frontiersmen from Pennsylvania started rolling in and hanging out with all these New England pussies right it's like damn that's pretty sick yeah and they were like these guys are a problem

they were like like the British were like oh fuck they got the retarded guys PA was always a problem PA was a problem because PA anybody that was like out Appalachia was where the country stopped okay like past that was like native land and there were people out there fighting so these guys had been fighting for for 40 years see this is the shit i wish i wish they're just and rain i i this is it's impressive to me that young trappers and shit

like survivalists so they knew how to live on the land like with no food and shit right so all of a sudden you got all these like freaks coming out of the woods

and you're just some fucking queer from fucking london i have a real this is a serious question from watching all that stuff and whatever do you feel like you have like some working knowledge of survival skills oh my god no if you got trapped in the woods.

I struggle with scrambled eggs.

I'll tell you, you got to get a coffee maker.

Somebody who's like, if somebody was like, make me pancakes, I'd be like, whoo.

You could get me instant pancake mix and everything that I need.

And I'd be like, this is going to be tough.

Yeah, yeah.

I have no survival skills.

Pancakes are tough.

I could teach you how

they're tough.

You know the trick to flipping a pancake?

What is it?

When the top part is all bubbled, when you see like all the little holes in it, that's when you know it's ready to go.

Keep that in mind.

Yeah, but pancakes are tough.

I like a little raw pancake.

Dude, a little cakey pancake.

You can find a little batter in there.

That's gross.

I know it's gross.

I'm not afraid to admit that.

That's really gross.

Shut the fuck up, dude.

That's good shit.

I think you can get salmonella like that.

I don't give a fuck about salmonella.

I'll never get salmonella.

The 22

never kill it.

Salmonella

Drowned in 22.

Dude, I'm on Revolutionary War fucking diet, dude.

Glass of whiskey, eat a couple fucking lemons.

Oh, my gosh.

Do whatever I can get my hands on.

I was talking to McCann, James McCann, about the road and just hating the road.

Yeah, it was funny.

I talked to him about it.

He said, I don't know how you've been doing it like this.

I was like,

he goes, you take Shane.

He's got his routine.

He gets up.

He has his 20 beers.

He does the show.

That's how you do it, dude.

Yeah.

Star bleasies.

Look at this fucking thing that Le Maire got.

Of course.

Thanks, Gardines.

It's going to be good, dude.

You can take it.

I mean, if you want, you can swig it.

Nice immunity defense drink.

Don't hurt.

It doesn't hurt.

Fixing the

abomination.

This is good.

Look at that, dude.

This is good.

This is good stuff.

He doesn't drink coffee.

He drinks.

You give him lemonade and

what?

And then he runs around.

And then he runs around.

It's coconut milk.

It's strawberry.

He gets the zoomies after that.

Strawberry coconut milk.

I have to yell at him to get off the couch.

You're not supposed to be up there, but that's all right.

Dude, I bet Sarah Pale Pale Pale Pen.

When Matt's away, you can lay on the couch.

Dude, I bet Sarah Palin.

She was fucking cool.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, she was cool as hell.

She's still hot.

Yeah.

She's just older now, you know?

Yeah.

I like that shit.

I would

respectfully.

Yeah, yeah, very much respectfully.

Yeah,

yeah, she was banging, dude.

Yeah,

those McCain years,

she was so high banging, dude.

Yeah, she kind of blew it, right?

By talking.

I think she kind of blew it a little.

It's crazy the Republicans were like, we need a female vice president.

Dude,

by the end of that election, McCain was like.

he was just like you could you could see he was at fucking JT Realmuto when that you ever see that when that fat pitcher runs out of the bullpen?

It's fucking incredible.

And then the catcher for the Phillies sees so this big he's not that fat.

He's like a chubby guy comes sprinting out of the bullpen.

And then the camera cussed the catcher who's standing there and he just goes.

And the guy's gassed.

He's out of breath at the mound.

He can't catch his breath.

He gives gives up a homer and they fucking get him off the field.

Dude, what's the clip

where the guys are in the pen

and they're yelling at the umpire's call

and the coach just going, he's a cunt!

I never saw

that.

He's doing little symbols.

He's a cut.

He's screaming it, dude.

It's from like the 80s, early 90s.

I'm like,

a TV camera caught that.

Like, people didn't have iPhones.

There was some camera guy recording it.

It would soak, dude, baseball.

When they spazz, it's the best.

Who is it?

Is it Tommy Lasorda with the best whatever?

When he's like, my ass is in the jackpot if I don't get you out of here, Tommy.

Tommy, you know my ass is in a jackpot right now.

Wait, I thought you were going to talk about the radio interview with Baklava one.

Where they're like, they said you might, it's Lasorda.

It's after a game, dude.

It's on AM radio.

So it's going out live.

They're interviewing him after a game.

Clearly, they must have have lost.

He's in a mood.

And they go, we heard you were going to trade so-and-so for Bobby Baklava or something.

And he goes, he goes, let me tell you something about that cucksucker.

Bobby Baklava couldn't hit fucking water if he fell out of a fucking boat.

I mean, I'm going to bring you on my fucking team.

You just be out of your fucking mind.

Like, dude, it's, he just loses it, dude.

Loses.

Yeah, baseball spasms are nuts.

They're the best.

They lose their mind more than football.

The best spasms.

Is your baseball and then Bobby Knight basketball spasms?

Bobby Knight basketball

tossing a chair across the court, fucking hilarious,

choking a player.

White guy, it's basically white boy spazzes.

True white boy rage spazz.

Did you ever see the Jim Belushi when he was on SNL, when he was a cast member?

It's from the 80s when he's doing the chess coach, but he's doing it like Bobby Knight, the high school chess coach.

That's great.

And he's kicking the chairs.

He's like, come on.

You call that a rook-de-ball.

That's awesome.

Yeah, it's really funny.

Yeah, Bobby was good.

I think he choked a player to practice,

which was great.

You can't choke players anymore, dude.

You couldn't even choke players back then.

They were really upset about it.

Yeah, the Bobby Knights things,

the things where he's in the press con because he hates reporters so much.

There's one where a lady asked him a question.

He goes, well, let me tell you something.

And I love speaking to a person whose job is one step below prostitution.

Yeah,

it's fire at these people.

That's nice.

Yeah, it's the best.

I think, yeah,

baseball has number one spazz.

Yeah, why is that?

It's such a soothing game, and it's like

they're out on the mountain.

Out of nowhere, a guy's fucking kicking dirt at somebody.

Tommy, my ass is in a jackpot.

You know, I gotta fucking do this.

Chest to chest every time they yell.

Umpire mass grab is always crazy.

It's fucking insane, dude.

It's fucking insane.

It's out of nowhere.

I guess you're out there for fucking 180 games.

You've been gone from home for fucking six months.

It's August.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're sweating your ass off.

You're a football header in Cincinnati.

Yeah.

You're sweating your ass off.

Some umps just fucking you.

I got to be honest.

I don't know that I've ever seen a football spaz.

There's been some good ones.

They've happened, I'm sure, bro.

No, there's been some good ones.

You get a good spaz when

the reporter interviews the coach right before halftime.

You know how they do that?

Like when the team's head of the locker and they're like,

what changes do you have to make on offense to get this thing going?

The guy's just like, the players are out there trying their fucking hardest and the coaches are fucking it up.

It just keeps running.

You're like, oh, shit.

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

Oh, yeah.

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I did not.

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I've found a couple safe spaces to unload.

One time I thought I had a safe space to unload, I was on this couch, and somebody walked right in.

Who?

My girlfriend.

I had to skedaddle because I was trying to unload on the couch.

But I wanted to know.

She could have hopped in.

Well, I was crying also.

I was crying and unloading.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sometimes a good person will help you cry and unload.

I'd like to point out that for me, every day is mental health day.

That's good.

Yeah.

Thank you.

LeMaire, can you give us a time that somebody taught you how to celebrate small wins and provide a safe space for you to cry and unload?

Dude,

I know.

Yeah, you were about to.

You can share this.

This is for BetterHelp.

Well,

the dead girlfriend, she told me that every time you see somebody you don't know who's nice, you got to go.

You got to mention it.

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That's betterhelp.com/slash mssp.

Hey, folks.

Thanks for having.

You got it.

Listen, buddy.

That's good.

Thanks for having me on the show.

No, thanks for doing it, man.

I know it's short notice, and that's a tough seat to fill.

Yeah, I know.

McCusker is a good man.

One of the best.

Funny man, one of the best.

But thank you for having me.

I got the San Francisco punchline all weekend.

Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

Come on out.

Let's have some fun.

And my special, I never promised you a rose garden is on my YouTube, which is at Joe DeRosa Comedy.

Please go check that out if you haven't yet.

And smash that subscribe button.

Don't subscribe.

Also, I

that you remember we met at a punch line?

Well, no, we didn't meet there.

I opened for you at the Philadelphia punch line, and a guy spit on you in the front row.

Anyway, what were you doing?

I talked about it when I was

shit.

Hello, everybody.

It's me, LaMerry.

Optimal Noctus on October 7th.

And then I'm going to be in Knoxville, Tennessee, October 16th.

And then also Des Moines, Iowa, October 23rd and 24th.

Please come hang out.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

Oh, yeah.

You know what?

Also, sorry, one other plug because this is hometown.

Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.

I'm headlining the Colonial Theater on Bridge Street December 20th for

home for the holidays, it's called.

Big Christmas.

Go to shanemgillis.com.

I'm going to do Baltimore, Vegas, San Francisco, Sacramento, Tucson, Phoenix, Boise, Portland, and then Madison, Squig, Gadden.

Fuck you, Nate.

Let's get back to the show.

Oh, man.

That's awesome.

I don't watch sports at all, but I will frequently look up sports spaz, sports meltdown.

Like,

nothing like a good...

Oh, wait, we talked about this last time.

Nothing like a good meltdown on camera.

We talked about comedy ones last night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

You ever watch like Super Smash Brothers, like professional players' meltdowns?

I mean, a gamer meltdowns must be number one.

Dude, it's crazy.

Yeah, they go nuts.

Like one guy, no, that was a few.

Yeah, those are shooters, bro.

Yeah.

Those are, yeah, they're a couple of pills away from pulling a trigger on someone.

Dude.

Like, I need this.

Yeah, 12-year-old kid smashing his TV.

Soda hit the fucking meltdown on you, dude.

That's how we started talking about this last time.

It's literally my favorite.

You pulled out.

I started trying to get out of the way.

No, I don't like bringing it up.

I don't like bringing it up because Danny, I mean, I bring it up constantly, but Danny, we love you.

But yeah.

Dan's the best.

I got Dan so mad when they were playing.

And

you didn't understand the context.

I know.

We just got the game.

It's me and him.

It's our favorite thing.

Like, I used to go to his house and we played together.

We had a dynasty.

I ran offense.

He ran defense.

It was a glorious time.

And then the game reboots and we get it back for the first time in 10 years.

So he comes to Philly to play it with me.

And I beat him.

And you guys did like a gig.

Like, it was like you were doing it.

Yeah, it was for EA Sports.

We streamed it.

And it was like,

I beat him the first couple, I was just killing him.

And then the one game he was winning,

the salacious crumb,

my minion, comes in and starts doing my bidding.

Just sat on the couch next to me and was like, yeah, Dan.

I was like, yeah, of course you guys can fucking, you guys are holding on to every block.

My guys can't block for shit.

And you were like, yeah, it does seem like the guys on Dan's team are better at blocking.

He was just like, shut the fuck up.

And then he blew a 14 or 17 point lead and missed an extra point and lost.

Yeah, just spazz.

And I said something.

He went like this.

He went, DeRosa.

I was like, yo, dude.

Yo, yo, yo, dude.

Bro, he's a number one video game spazz.

Yeah, he launches the table, spazzes through the shit.

Dude, I remember we were watching the Niners and the Eagles part.

Oh, this is so good at Jay's house.

No, this isn't the

other one.

Yeah, it's not the one where he texted me and said, if I was in the room with you right now, I'd punch you in the face.

Dude, you don't understand sports, dude.

The Niners are losing in the NFC Championship to the Eagles, and this cocksucker's in the group text, like, yeah, the Niners look like shit.

It was when the Niners start the fight on the field.

And I go, I go, I remember when this was a game, a bunch of bums out on this field today.

And Dan was like, if I was in the the room with you i'd punch you in the face

you're a little girl

couldn't agree more with dan but if no dame was losing a game and one of my friends that doesn't watch sports was like they suck they're assholes

jay was cracking up because it was it was pro easy his team yeah no one time we were we were the three of us were watching it was me jay and so at jay's house in new york and um

The Niners were losing, and Dan was all like,

okay, okay, man, okay, okay.

All we do is we got to get it back.

We got to run it up the field.

I go, it's not going to happen, Dan.

They're not good enough.

You're the crumb, dude.

You're the salacious.

That would fucking kill me.

Yeah, I'd be furious.

I can tell I would get a dark red face immediately.

If you said that, I would feel my cheeks get red, and I'd be like,

I don't even care.

I'd give it about five seconds.

I go, dude, shut the fuck up.

Listen, I swear to God, that's how I get when somebody says, like,

you know, if somebody's like, I remember I got that mad at Bill because Burr said the Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars don't hold up as movies.

And I got as mad as you're talking at him about that.

And I was like, you know what the fuck you're talking about, dude?

You think, oh, you fucking saw it, too?

Shut the fuck up, dude.

I like literally get that one.

Which one's the Empire Strike Back?

Is that the the second one second when han gets frozen that's on hot that's tough

that's a good one yeah empire riff arguably number one it ended it's the best one almost inarguably number one's the best one

and i and i'm

best because what they do they just fucking play to the sequel wait what happened at the end of the second star wars it just plays to the sequel What do you mean plays to the sequel?

Like, it just ends.

It's like a cliffhanger.

Yeah, yeah.

That's awesome, though.

That's gay.

Dude, I saw that movie in the theater as a kid.

That was torturous, dude.

75?

No,

it came out in 80, and then I think we saw like a re, you know, when I was like five, I think.

Yeah.

But I was old enough to understand because I watched Star Wars on TV.

And like, dude, like that cliffhanger, it was, it was torturous.

I was like, Lord of the Rings got me.

I saw the first one.

They just walked the whole time.

And it fucking ended.

I was like, yeah.

It was three hours.

The next one's in fucking three years.

Dude, I never read it.

Yeah.

I knew, I read The Hobbit, but I never read The Lord of the Rings.

I thought the first book, they get to Mordor and they end it.

And then the second movie was a different story.

And I was like, wait, what the fuck?

Like that realization of there's two more movies of them going to Mordor.

And

I was like, I don't know if I got this.

It's kind of how I felt about Dune 1.

It wasn't for me.

Dune ended, and I was like, oh.

You killed like one guy.

Dune's all right, though.

Dune 2 picks up.

I didn't like the first one.

I wasn't feeling the first one.

Are you excited to see

that new Leonardo movie?

It looks pretty good.

The Libs are loving it, so I'm sure you're going to fucking jack off to it.

I was really excited about it, and I hope it's good.

But so far, everyone that has been posting about it or hyped about it has been

a die-hard lib.

I agree that it's this

when it gets rah-rod by a certain yeah percentage.

That's how that's how movies get ruined, yeah.

Yeah, it's like that's why I went and saw Black Panther and I was like, this fucking blows, dude.

Everyone's just jacking off to it.

It's Black James Bond.

What is Black Panther?

It's just Black James Bond the whole time.

No, it's not.

How the fuck is it James Bond?

He's in it, he goes to Q, his sister, he gets all the tech, and then he goes solve the mysteries.

All right, I never thought of it like that.

Yeah, it's just Black James Bond.

It's cool as hard.

Of course she didn't.

I think it's more like Black Batman.

No, Batman stinks.

What the fuck are you talking about, though?

Batman fucking sucks, dude.

What are you talking about?

Dude, I'm a Superman man.

Superman rules.

You guys love Superman over there.

Superman rules.

What are you talking about?

You didn't say that.

He said that.

Batman ruined society.

Batman sucks.

Superman, we need more Superman.

Wait, what do you mean Batman ruined society?

Dude, as soon as Batman Begins came out, everybody started being all like dark and anti-fucking moral.

They're like, I'm going to do what I need to do to get where I need to be.

But there's nobody doing anything.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm talking about morality, bro.

You think Batman Begins ruins society?

Batman Begins started like amorality culturally.

How?

I don't know, dude.

Something about 2005.

And

Batman isn't caring.

He doesn't care.

He started the billionaire worship culture, actually.

That was a lot.

Batman doesn't give a fuck.

Bro, he sacrifices himself, dude.

He doesn't sacrifice the most, dude.

He cares the most.

Batman is selfish.

Batman is selfish and he's a narcissist.

No, he's not out standing in front of everyone flying and going, oh, I'm Superman.

No, dude, he keeps it.

Superman doesn't fly.

Superman's among the people.

He lives with the people.

He doesn't fly.

Superman, I'm sorry.

Superman isn't flying around willy-nilly.

He's flying through buildings like 9-11 every day.

He's not flying through buildings.

He's got so many 9-11s because of the family.

Real Superman doesn't fly through buildings.

That's just.

I just watched the

Pete Holmes did Batman Fires the Justice League videos.

Those are funny.

They are.

The Superman one where he goes, let's have a toast.

He fills out these glasses and they're green.

These would have to be kryptonite ice cubes.

Would they be Batman?

He goes, no, it's Asian green tea.

He's like, why don't you take a sip first?

And he just goes,

it's so funny.

Pete Holmes, Batmans are funny as fuck.

They're really funny.

Lemaire,

I don't know what you're talking about, right?

Batman is the most selfless man on earth.

He doesn't live a Playboy billionaire life.

He doesn't enjoy his life because he's there for Gotham.

He's given himself to the city.

I don't think so.

At the end of the third one, he almost kills himself to save the entire city.

The city would be better without Batman.

Only reason villains exist is because of Batman.

I never realized, by the way, you guys know Dark Knight returns.

or Rises, I mean.

Yeah.

I remember when I first saw it, everybody said when Alfred sees him in the restaurant at the end in Italy.

Do you remember Alfred goes, I have this fantasy where I see you?

Yeah.

I remember when I saw the movie, everybody was like, so wait, does Alfred really see him, or is that just like he hopes that he will one day?

And I was always like, well, I guess it's up for interpretation.

But then I watched it again recently, and I never caught the part where at the very end, Morgan Freeman goes, the autopilot doesn't work on this.

And they go, Yes, it does.

It was fixed by Bruce Wayne.

And I was like, oh, he autopiloted the ship and got out.

Yeah.

I never caught that.

I never caught that part.

You should see Morgan Freeman's Twitter.

Why?

What's on it?

It's just nuts.

Why?

What's he saying?

No, there's just somebody named Morgan J.

Freeman that just is like ultra-liberal.

For like two years, I thought it was Morgan Freeman.

I was like, this guy's a fucking asshole.

I was like, fuck Morgan Freeman.

What's he saying?

It's just pretended to be a bad thing.

Morgan Freeman, yeah.

It's just a guy's name is Morgan James Freeman.

But he's not like, he's not faking.

I was like, what the fuck is Morgan Freeman talking about?

Do you ever look on the James Woods Twitter?

Yeah, I'll peep some James Woods.

He goes hard.

He's fired up.

They'll be like, yeah, I guess cops are all bad.

You fat pig, sharp, damn cool.

He goes hard.

There it is.

James Woods is fired up.

Jesus Christ, man.

They're are Batmans, dude.

James Woods.

We need somebody, dude.

He's the fucking Cape Crusader.

We need him, night.

We need him in the shadows.

Man.

You know what?

Maybe I am racist.

Yes, dude.

I wasn't going to say it.

Jesus Christ.

Man,

I'm not forgetting.

Wait, did you like the new Superman movie?

Yeah.

It was fun.

It was nice.

Superman was Superman.

Except for the fact that he gets beat up in every scene.

here's the thing: he doesn't know who's in the suit.

Superman has to temporarily.

He's beat up everybody not in the suit.

The lizard beats him up.

The fucking

dog saves him like eight times.

Yeah.

He got beat up by.

He got by a fucking lizard.

He got beat up.

No, no.

Such a giant Godzilla thing.

Superman kills that thing.

He gets beat by a lizard.

He gets knocked around.

He kills that thing.

He got to get beaten around a little.

Superman gets knocked around, but

he doesn't even kill that thing without exploding it.

He knocks it unconscious.

No name looks good.

It's Arkansas.

No name look.

Sorry, dude.

No name fucked up Arkansas so bad they destroyed the program.

Everyone got fired.

Really?

Yeah.

No dame went crazy on him.

Nice.

Yeah.

Hey, how was that show?

With the name show?

It was not ideal for stand-up, but it was a dream come true.

It's kind of the

probably the coolest thing I've ever done.

How many people?

It's probably like 85,000.

Jesus Christ.

Not ideal for stand-up.

What does a laugh sound like in an environment like that?

Well, I didn't run into too many laughs.

A lot of families.

A lot of people that were very confused going, who the fuck is this guy?

When's he going to start playing whatever instrument he's supposed to play?

He's been walking around talking for three years.

You're talking about a Down syndrome coffee shop.

Down syndrome is jacking off.

What the fuck?

That's so fucking funny, man.

Yeah.

Shout out to them for letting me do that.

the university.

I didn't know what I was going to say, but I'm sure they got some letters since then.

And they haven't said anything to me, so that's nice.

But it was more his, so you feel it was more his crowd than your crowd.

It was, I had a lot of people there, for sure.

Good.

I had a lot.

Like, a lot of people were really, it was cool.

Good.

It was cool, but there were definitely people there that had no idea who I was and did not see the billing.

Or did see the billing and were like, this must be a country singer that I've never heard of.

Your name does sound kind of like a country singer he's just

yeah he's just talking for the first 10.

we'll pick up something he's probably really good this guy's funny for a musician

yeah the uh you're you you have a country singer's name shane gillis sounds like a country singer i think you can do that with any name joe de rosa doesn't sounds like ponderosa sounds exactly like a western

hey folks i'm joe de rosa does it have the same ring it does you got a country You need to get into country instead of hip-hop.

Have you thought of the bars yet?

Because I'm going to need those before the end of this.

Desperately.

Sometimes I would write lyrics

in my head for rappers I was a fan of.

All right, give me an example.

So I wrote a two-short lyric in my head once.

I always wanted to hear Two Short go, because the one thing I learned about being a Mac, treat a girl bad, the dumb bitch comes back.

That was my two short lyric that I wrote.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

You could hear Two shorts saying it, couldn't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's nothing to be ashamed of there.

Yeah.

Nate's fucking feeling it.

Not in a bad way, but it was way better than I thought it was going to be.

It was fun.

Yeah, it was definitely not

great, but it was also.

That's two shorts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were going to be real bad.

I thought you were possessed by Two Short for a second.

Yeah.

I actually felt like my two-short impression wasn't that bad for a first attempt.

No, it was good.

I mean, you've been thinking about it for 30 years.

30 cups

just bouncing around there.

You finally let it out.

You can move on.

About 30.

Do you have another one?

Could you be like a Nas?

Sometimes I write little raps in my head about comedians I hate.

I'm like, ooh, that would be fun.

I should do a rap song about comedians and not look like an idiot.

There's no way to do it and not look like an idiot.

Absolute idiot.

Some decent ones.

Whatever.

Just come out.

Just

rip everybody.

Crack Amigo would bury you, dude.

You can't step into his lane.

Crack goes hard.

Sag man.

Crack goes real hard.

Sagalo is good, too.

Sagalo is very good.

Yeah.

Sagalo sounds like a rapper you would like.

Sagalo sounds very good.

And it's serious rap.

It's not funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's good.

He's good.

You ever think of any good raps?

No, I'm not a rapper.

That's my trait, though.

Outside of stand-up, what would you do creatively to express your

inner darkness?

It'd probably be in a car shop.

Car shop.

Playing a Yu-Gi-Oh or some

card shop.

Yeah.

Playing video games in an arcade.

No, no, I meant creatively.

Oh, card shop.

What?

Card shop.

You mean like a place of Pokemon?

I thought you were making a card shop.

Ramire, if you weren't so laid back, I would think you were on Coke right now.

The shit you're talking about is insane.

Yeah, this is.

You're like, Battle Begins, Roman Society.

I would work in a card shop.

I stand on that.

That's a good thing.

Maybe America Vespucci was Voltaire.

Dude, that was good too.

That was good, too.

It's a reach.

You say a sentence, and then everyone has to wait and try to figure out what you meant and then ask you and go,

where did that come from?

What did you mean by that?

I don't know.

Just tapped into my smartness.

Just tapped into my smartness.

You're a fucking child.

I don't mean to be that mean.

Christ.

Just having fun.

We are having fun.

And you're, you're, you're.

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Dear friend.

Dude.

The Star Wars trilogy, the second one, episode 1, 2, and 3, better set of movies than the first, 4, 5, 6.

I'll stand on that.

You think the prequels are better than the original?

Like, as a set of movies, like all together.

Yeah.

Dude.

I mean, I like the prequels, but no.

As soon as Palpatine goes execute Order 66, it makes all the other movies worth it.

Well, no, Sith is a...

I love Sith.

Sith is in my top three.

I never gave Clone Wars a real chance.

Attack of the Clones?

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah, Attack of the Clones.

Attack of the Clones is

It's really cool at times, but

he went so hog wild with the CGI shit.

CGI is nuts in it.

It's a lot.

Like that Droid Factory sequence, it's a little too much.

But hey, the whole end, like, once they get to that arena, and

Padme and Obi-Wan and Anakin have to fight those beasts.

And then the Jedi come and it's the battle.

And then like, and then they fight Dooku and Yoda comes out.

Like, oh, that shit's awesome, man.

Oh, that shit's awesome.

And Vincidia shows up at the very end.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's all awesome.

But Sith rips.

Don't kill me, Theta.

That's all good stuff.

Sith fucking rips.

And then Force Awakens rips.

And then they suck after that.

Yeah.

I haven't seen any of a new hope.

Force Awakens gave me real hope.

Me too.

A new hope.

Yeah, me too.

I thought this is it.

And then the liberals struck back.

Man, the liberals struck back.

They said, You can't have Star Wars.

I said, You can take anything you want, but don't take Star Wars.

Yeah, but they liberals got their greedy paws on my Star Wars.

Disney snatched it back.

Disney's Sydney.

Disney's liberal Star Wars.

They ruined it.

They were like, The acolyte is going to change everything.

We believe in this show more than anything.

We put the most money into it.

Dude, it got trashed.

They pulled all the acolyte merch out of the store.

They were just just the acolyte.

This is the one where there was like all the chick Jedi.

It's for the boys, dude.

Star Wars is for the boys.

Here's the thing: make it all girl Jedi show.

Just make it good.

Make it awesome.

Where you're like, this is fucking great.

They didn't, it sucked.

It sucked.

Don't start.

They did that whole lesbian planet.

Hey,

doing the pod right now.

Here, you're on.

My ears must have been burning, bro.

How do I know?

It's good so far.

It's me, LeMaire, and DeRosa.

We're kind of just talking about stuff we saw.

I like it.

A lot of Star Wars talk.

Who's that?

That's McCusker.

Oh, nice.

DeRosa's in your chair right now.

He says it's his chair now.

Bro, he's, I advocate and throw into him immediately.

McCusker, I was confused.

When Shane texted me, I thought he was saying you needed a partner.

And I was like, okay,

where are we recording then?

He's like, my house.

I was like,

okay.

Where are you going to be?

He's like, my house.

I was like,

see, that's what I'm working with.

These types of stories is what I've been working with.

I mean, it's tough.

I'm trying, dude.

I'm trying.

You would have been pumped.

I had some history stuff early.

They walked all over it with

they went straight to Batman versus Superman, Star Wars.

Not true.

We're going to talk about their favorite toys coming up here in a second.

Not true.

Those of them are figurine collectors.

Matt, you know what he kept saying?

He kept going.

I don't even know why I have Matt here.

They're going to come together.

Yeah, these dudes.

Yeah.

Arab and black autism are uniting right now.

Matt,

he keeps saying McCusker who.

I don't know why I bother doing this with him.

He's talking a lot of shit, dude.

Where are you at, Matt?

I'm in New York.

I just got

my little podcast whirlwind tour.

Yeah, it's coming out.

I'm very excited for October 7th.

Dude, me too, man.

Thank you.

All of our plans are going to come together.

Oh, yeah.

Finally, dude.

Wait, it comes out on October 7th?

Yeah,

Matt's special comes out on October 7th.

Holy shit.

It's actually, I mean, it's at least, yeah, it's memorable.

Yeah, it's easy, exactly.

You're not going to forget.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that thing.

That's when that comes out.

Perfect.

Yeah.

I just saw the trailer you posted.

It looks wonderful.

I can't wait to see it.

I can't wait to see you.

Dude, I can't wait to see you either.

All right.

I miss you.

I love you.

I love you guys.

Missing, bro.

Bye, Matt.

I said, I love you.

He said, I love you guys.

Interesting.

I felt jealous.

I felt jealous.

I don't know that I...

I have gotten an I love you from you before.

You and me say I love you every fucking night, dude.

But that was that was a very nice sign-off.

And I kind of want to change our dynamic.

I want to take some of the...

You're going to have to make some big changes.

I want to take it.

So, you've had this question with me before.

You go, how come you don't talk to Matt or Soda like that?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't.

Because they are not rotten pigs.

That's not what I'm saying.

That's not what I'm saying.

You go, you don't talk shit to them like you do to me.

Yes, because they don't talk shit to me

like you do to me.

I don't want war.

I've seen war.

But if you want war, so help me, God.

Somebody else will be raising your fucking children.

Hold on.

You cut off my nice thing, I was going to say.

What?

And I was going to say.

It wasn't going to be nice.

It was going to be nice.

Yes, it was.

It was going to be nice.

I was going to say, I want to start removing some of the acidity from the relationship and start to move towards a more caring, a more endearing, a more loving dynamic.

Yeah, what are your proposals?

What changes are you going to make?

What are you offering me other than

it sounds like you're coming to the table going, Shane?

You need to make some changes.

No, no, no.

Let's be honest.

We both have some heavy lifting to do.

But

I'll start.

Okay.

I'll start.

Here's how we can start.

Okay.

Next time we hang out, neither of us criticize the other one.

Okay.

Until the other one

doesn't.

It's a ceasefire.

And I'm going to go, see, you started it.

All right.

No, ceasefire.

Ceasefire.

Ceasefire.

But if you're doing something slimy or gay, I do get to say that that's slimy and gay.

But hold on a second.

Here's the problem.

You think everything's slimy and gay.

So you call out.

Yes, you do.

You call out

so much shit.

Nate, I don't do that to you.

You don't call me slimy and gay?

No.

I call you zesty, but that's a fun joke.

You call me slimy and gay.

Why are you gay?

You are slimy.

Why are you?

Wait, when do I?

I don't think so.

You don't really do too many things that I would be like, stop doing that.

You don't mean it from the heart.

I like when you goof off.

You hit me with a, I can't believe you're doing this when I'm having fun, but it's because you know it's going to put me in my head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I mean like if you were,

and we can delete this part if we need to.

Okay.

But if I saw you sitting at the bar being like, talking to a girl, being like, wow, that's cool body art you have.

Look at this, this piece right here.

I got this, blah, blah, blah.

If I'm in the bar and I see you doing that, I'm going to slime you out.

Yeah, but see, you shouldn't do that.

You got to let your friends work in the way they work.

I don't like to see them work that way.

No.

How do you like to see your friends work?

Let a man work.

Let techniques work.

And you have stepped on my techniques sometimes.

Stepping on your techniques.

Oh, my God.

It's so fun.

The only times I've been talking to a chick in a bar and you're visibly mocking me from across the room.

Like visibly.

Look,

I'm all for one of the bros getting some pussy.

But you got to do it the right way.

I know how to do it.

You got to.

You know how to.

Yeah.

I know how to talk.

I know how to talk.

I don't like the.

You do.

You're very good at it.

That's why you remind me of Timberlake.

The moose.

You remind me of the moose, dude.

Timberlake, the moose.

You remind me of Timberlake the moose.

Shout out, Mussolini.

Justin Timberlake Mussolini.

But

I guess, yeah, maybe that's on me.

All right.

I'll allow.

That's what I'm saying.

I think we both got a little heavy lifted to do.

I think we both.

It's so hard not to make fun of a guy that's like.

It depends how you're talking to a girl.

Brother, if it's like, I see you laying it on thick, dude, I go, what is he doing?

Play it cool, baby.

Play it cool, baby.

This is, listen.

Listen.

I think we both have to remove some judgment of the other man's behaviors.

And I think we'll get very far.

I like where we're at.

I don't hate it.

I like where we're at.

I don't hate it, but I will say this.

we've gotten ourselves into a corner of

it's at a nine and a half from the beginning of that.

No, it used to be.

It used to be.

It's not.

It's not anymore.

That's like three years ago.

Yeah, you're right.

It's chilled out.

It's chilled out.

Yeah, we'd have, every time we'd go out, we'd have to talk on the phone two days later.

We good, dude.

Yeah, I just, you know,

fuck off.

Fuck off, dude.

You fucking, you that you had your share of, come on, you know, the,

you know, just poking, poking from the poking.

You're a poker.

You got little brother syndrome.

Admit that you're a poker.

You got a lot of little brother in you.

You got a poke brother in you.

You got a lot of you poke first.

Sometimes I poke first.

Sometimes.

Mom.

Sometimes I poke first.

Sometimes you poke first.

Admit it.

Sometimes you sit on my head in the living room.

Just right off.

Yeah.

I'll tell you: huge moment, huge moment for us.

This huge positive.

Huge positive moment.

This year,

when we got a little tense on my birthday, as we did last year on my birthday, you said to me, You go, you get a little sensitive around your birthday, don't you?

And I was like, Yeah, I do, dude.

I get too much.

Oh, you got way too sensitive.

That was a huge moment for me.

Vossman get in your head.

Listen, Vossman was in there.

Vossman in my head and me wanting to say voss shut the up that's two different things voss is like a cheese grater after a while and you're like bro shut up dude yeah but it's so funny it's it's he doesn't say anything mean no no that's you're just like voss shut up shut up yeah he's just having fun he's talking about israel for 25 minutes

and then he's like for some reason with him i don't care when he's like you keep what they're doing and now they fucking they keep hiding under the schools

All right.

This is Voss.

This is what he did.

When we were in Yellow Springs, we went to this comic book, the comic book store where I bought that Boba Fett comic book.

Yeah.

When I first saw it, I was in the store with Voss earlier that day, and he comes up to me and he goes, he goes,

Do you,

the number one Superman, the first one, I go, the action comics, number one, where he's like holding the car over his head?

And he's like, yeah.

He goes,

that's worth money, right?

And I go, yeah, it's considerable money.

He goes, I have it.

And I go,

You have action, you don't have it.

And he goes, No, no, no, I swear to God.

He goes, I have it for when I was like, my dad gave it to me from whatever.

And he's like, I have it.

He goes, and I knew it was probably worth something.

Like, so I kept it in decent shape, but like, I don't know, I just never sold it.

Do you think it's worth anything?

And I go, yeah, it's probably worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

And he goes, psych.

I go, go, I don't give a shit if you don't have a valuable thing.

Like, what is the joke?

I don't even understand what the joke is.

Voss man, baby.

Voss is asking.

That's an example, though, of what he'll do all day.

And you're like, Voss, shut up.

I love it.

I love it.

I'm bringing him to Vegas.

You're not getting one weekend without the Voss Man.

You're not getting one without Voss.

Let's go, dude.

The Voss Man's on your ass.

The Voss Man cometh.

Boss dominates Drosh.

Yeah.

His boss is also bulletproof.

Yeah.

He's bulletproof?

Yeah, you can make fun of him all day.

Yeah.

Nothing.

In one ear, with the other.

Just every insult.

He just laughs with you.

I love the boss man.

I love the boss man.

We'll get you.

But you know you're wasting the slot in Vegas with the Vosman.

With the soberman?

You need to fucking fucking degenerate into that.

No, no.

I've got a nice thing going on the road.

I know.

One degenerate, one sober.

All right, fair enough.

Yeah, I know.

Tommy and Bobby Kelly.

Yeah, I saw.

Yeah, yeah.

I saw you're bringing a Sobey in.

Do you bring the Sobe?

And Jay's only going to have three beers.

Jay's going to bed at 10 p.m.

Yeah, yeah.

Jay's going to go play a Steam Deck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bobby's going to wear fucking sunglasses, not drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, but then you got the Pope.

The Pope.

That's like having three alcohols.

The Pope Mobile is flying, dude.

The Pope Mobile?

He is.

He's not stopped, dude.

That's what it is.

From there on, that's drinking with Pope.

Oh, the Pope Mobile tonight, dude.

He just goes, dude.

He brought, so we got off the plane and went to the mothership.

He brought a paper cup with no ice filled to the brim with tequila.

Jesus.

It was like a crumbled up cup.

And he put it on the, no one else was in the bar.

So they were like cleaning up.

And he put the paper cup on the bar and and went to the bathroom.

And then he said he walked back in and he heard me being like, well, yeah, he's a fucking alcoholic.

Wait, was this Saturday night?

Yeah.

We got in at like one.

We just missed you guys.

Dude, I left because I was like, nothing's going on.

I'm going to sit here and drink.

It's good we missed everybody and just went home.

Holy shit, dude.

That is so fucking funny.

He's flying.

Yeah, our last

dude is my favorite.

He got in.

He got in the car, or we were leaving, leaving the hotel.

And sometimes R graph people show up.

and I, you know, I'm hungover.

It's the next morning.

My God, I get in the car.

I'm like, he's fucking, dude.

And they're not fans.

They're just people selling signatures.

Yeah.

And it's like, Jesus, like, sometimes they'll be like, Sean, Sean.

Big fan.

And I get in the car.

I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

These guys suck.

And he just looks at me and goes, God forbid somebody, God forbid somebody loves you.

And I was just like, oh, you're hammered?

It's fucking 11 a.m., dude.

I was like, you're drunk right now.

He's like, yeah, I got the middle.

Yeah, there you go.

I got a fucking buddy.

The Eagles played the day,

my last mothership show was Sunday.

Yeah.

And the Eagles played that day.

It was Eagles Rams.

Yeah.

The whole squad was hurting.

So, dude, I show up.

I stay in all day.

Tony and everybody, they're out bar hopping.

They're like, come on, pig.

And I'm like, I can't, guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tony's like, the pig signal is in the air.

Let's go, dude.

And I was like, I got to show, dude.

I'll meet you an hour before.

I can't bar hop with you guys.

Anyway, I finally show up at Copper Tank like an hour before the show, and Pope is sitting there.

And I walk up, he's sitting like this, and I walk up to the table and I go, What's up, dude?

I hit him on the shoulder.

He goes, like, this,

dude.

He goes, I don't like you.

Yeah, dead eyes.

He goes, I've been drinking since 9 a.m.

I was like, oh my God.

It's not good.

That was a rough one.

Killed like he was sober.

Killed, like, couldn't.

You couldn't tell he had one drink.

Yeah, his stand-up is pretty,

he can do it hammered.

You couldn't, yeah, it was wild.

You couldn't tell he had one drink.

That was a fun night, though.

That was the name.

Tony was hammered.

I've never, he's been getting, it's very funny.

He's like, I just realized getting as drunk as possible is fun.

I was like, yeah, dude, it rocks.

Don't do it too much, but it does rock.

No, we always sing this song when we see each other.

You should not tell anyone this, but go ahead.

Oh, no, never.

All right, never on.

Go ahead, do it.

See?

I'm trying to help you.

You're doing it.

I'm trying to help you, I swear, man.

Go ahead.

No, no, no.

You're doing your little.

What's the song you and Tony sing when you see each other?

You're doing your little.

I just saved you.

You think I'm being a bad guy?

I'm a snape right now.

This whole time you thought I was against you, dude.

Snape.

You know, I'm snape, dude.

The snape.

Snape the heart.

All right, I won't tell the song.

Please tell the song.

No, no, it's right now.

No, no, no, I'd really like to know.

It's where we're hammered.

I know, but I'd like to know it now.

Because we're always like, all right, dude, let's chill out tomorrow night.

Let's not do anything.

And then we then cut to the next night, 2 a.m.

Like, oh, we did it again.

And he goes, cause we got a problem.

And that's the song.

We sing a song, go, we got a problem.

It makes us laugh.

And yeah, cut that out.

Cut that out.

Nope.

Cut that out.

Because we got a problem.

It's funny to sing.

Ooh, that's going to come back to haunt you.

It's funny to sing.

It's funny to sing.

Well, when you're drunk, it seems very funny.

I love singing when I get drunk.

Me and the boys, we had a quartet.

What do you guys sing?

We fucking

And If I Ever.

No, it's Fall in Love by Shot by, I can't remember, Shay.

I think it's about him.

Hit some CCR.

Can you sing?

Sing Folksborn.

Yeah, can you sing If I Ever Fall in Love You?

Which one is that?

The one you were just saying you sang.

Oh.

And if...

That's KC and JoJo, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm not sure who it is, but can you sing it?

Can you sing it as literally as hard as you can?

No, if I'm drunk.

No, but like right now, can you sing?

I can't.

It's a fun game to play.

You try to make your boys actually sing.

Yeah.

That's why I have committed to the We've Got a Problem song.

I know.

I would have liked to hear you really sing.

Don't cut that out, but cut out what I said.

Cut that out.

Keep them all in.

Although, that's funny.

It's a dumb thing you do with your friend when you're drunk, and it's funny to you guys.

It is funny, and I'm excited to sing it with you.

Yeah,

I bet you have a good time singing it with us.

I probably will.

Yeah.

10 beers will change that out.

Usually in a good,

usually pretty jolly mood.

God damn, drinking is fun.

Why does it never get old?

Why does it never get old?

Are you sure?

It gets so old.

Like you said, one, two days off, and you're like, I'm.

Day three comes around.

I go, we can have a couple.

Yeah.

Take it easy tonight.

But my point is this, like, like, like with mushrooms, for instance, right?

I had a bad trip over COVID, and I was like, that's it.

I've never taken mushrooms for a long time.

People do have alcohol that are not alcoholics.

I don't get why, no matter how bad of a hangover I've ever had, it never sticks.

Like, no, don't do this anymore.

Yeah, there's hangovers you wake up and go, all right,

fucking, I'm done.

Yeah.

They go, I'm not going to drink for two weeks.

Yeah.

Fucking Wednesday.

That's what I'm saying.

Guess who just got back today?

You know what I think the difference is?

You know what I think the difference is?

I think it's easier to quit a drug because a drug, the bad part happens during.

With booze, the bad part happens after.

And that's why it's always so hard to remember that part.

In other words, like if I drank.

I also think alcohol is extremely addictive.

Sure.

That might be it too.

But if I drank and I started having panic attacks while I was drinking, I'd be like, I'm not doing it.

I'd be terrified.

You know what I mean?

Like you would like a bad acid trip or something.

But like the bad part of alcohol is just you feel like hell the next day sometimes.

That's a good PBS doc on prohibition.

Yeah.

It's pretty good.

What did they say?

The thing I never really thought of was, so like women were really leading the prohibition movement.

They were like, we need to make alcohol illegal because or no, but that's what I always thought.

I was like, oh,

just roining a fucking good time.

Turns out there's no laws back then about beating the fuck out of your family or raping your wife.

Okay.

So these guys would come home.

No, there's no laws, dude.

These would come home and just whoop their face.

They feel like taking the booze away and make the guys less angry.

I thought the beatings were upticks after the booze was taken away.

No, these guys were coming home, dude.

They drank back then.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Dude, they had a hard day.

The food's cold.

Yeah.

And also you're blacked out.

And you're working in a fucking factory.

I mean, it's, you know, jobs sucked back then.

Your kids are shit.

I'm not justifying what they did.

I'm just like it.

It's a powder keg is what I'm saying.

I'm justifying it.

You're justifying it.

The kids are shit.

The wife doesn't fucking do her shit.

You want to hit them.

You know, you're blacked out.

You got to do it.

Also, too.

To the moon.

Remember Goodfellas?

Remember Goodfellas when his dad beats him up real bad because he hasn't been going to school for months?

Yeah.

Like, imagine the rage you would have felt if you immigrated here from Ireland or Italy or wherever

because you wanted to have a better life for your family and then you have a kid here, all you sacrificed for him, and then your kid turns out to be a punk.

I can't imagine the fucking rage you would feel about that.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's beyond disappointment.

Yeah.

You know, it's beyond.

You're like, I sacrificed literally everything to try to build this for you guys and you don't appreciate it.

Like, you know, that's why those guys, I think, drank so much.

I'm not saying it's the only reason, but

it's a hell of a reason.

Yeah.

You know?

You little punk, when I was your age, I had four jobs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But fucking, I mean, man, I wonder what it was like to get cocked in a bar.

Like, I mean, there must have been fights every night.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like talking about how the bars were back then.

And it was.

What did they say?

It was just...

It was brutal, yeah.

It was everything you think.

Just guys getting stabbed.

And the amount, like, America drank more than every country on earth, like, immediately.

Like, just immediately.

Because it was all fucking immigrants from I, like poor immigrants.

They were just obliterated.

And other countries, like people were like, this is going to ruin this country.

Yeah.

We took right off.

Yeah.

We took right off.

It's good.

You should check it out.

Prohibition on PBS.

Is it Ken Burns?

It's Ken Burns adjacent, if it's not Ken.

Is it Barry Burns, the brother of Ken Burns?

This mysterious Ken Burns brother?

When was Prohibition?

The 30s?

Right?

Or was it the 20s?

It was the

fuck.

It had to be right before the 2000s.

It would have been the 20s.

It's Al Capone time.

Yeah.

Like late 20s, maybe?

20s, 30s.

1920s or 1933.

Yeah.

Okay.

Damn, dude.

I didn't know it was that long.

Yeah, that's crazy.

But it just immediately led to gangsters.

It's pretty cool.

It's a cool time.

There's this bar with with the Roaring 20s and then into the Great Depression.

They had to fucking let the booze out during the Depression.

They were like, all right, fucking

the Depression was detox.

How fun would it have been to get fucked up in the Roaring 20s because you had to drink at like little speakeasies and secret places?

It would have been fun.

Oh,

it would have been like high school.

Yeah.

Chicks fucked into the woods.

I went to this one place in Worcester.

It's like a pirate tavern.

It's like a pirate bar.

But under it, they had the Bay Bruth.

They had a prohibition like

Speakeasy.

Yeah, it was Speakeasy.

But it was connected to the water where they would send bottles of alcohol there and they would just pick them up for Babe Ruth and like athletes and stuff.

That's cool.

Yeah.

I like that, LeMay.

I feel like it's...

Oh, fuck.

I feel like it was like, I feel like speakeasy's like prohibition.

I feel like it was like prostitution.

There's a goddamn massage parlor every three feet.

You know what's going on in a lot of these places.

It's like the cops never raid them.

they just operate.

I feel like that's how prohibition was.

Yeah, the term bootlegger came from

just guys who would sell booze on the street.

They would just keep like in their socks or their pants.

They would have a bottle and you just go up and take a swig and then put it back in.

They called them bootleggers.

Now I get it.

What do you think about that, fellas?

Interesting stuff.

My coffee thing flew over there.

Sorry.

That's all right.

We should end this podcast.

Matthew, we miss you.

We love you.

October 7th, Matthew's new special comes out.

Also, Baltimore, there's still tickets left.

Come to that show.