Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)

The Wild Wild West. And hey, we're here live.
Verdansk. We're starting now.
The beginning of that didn't count. Verdansk.
Verdansk returns. The box of rashes.
Yeah, what an insane choice that was. What? Say that right away.
I know. It's pretty crazy.
Verdansk. Where is Verdansk? Is that just a made up place in Call of Duty? Yeah.
The original map. I think it's in the Ukraine.
They're getting fucked up.

Verdansk, Ukraine.

Verdansk.

I'm excited.

I like Call of Duty.

Call of Duty is important, man.

Call of Duty is like a...

It is for dudes' well-being.

I feel like dudes need to play Call of Duty at nighttime now more than ever.

I think, yeah.

Men are lonely.

It's actually the most stressful...

Men are lonely if I'm a little bit dejected right now. I got MLB The Show going myself.
You what? I got a career going, road to the show, baseball. What's going on with it? Taking Joey Weaver.
He got drafted. I went to TCU.
They included college baseball in it for the beginning, and that got me high school and college. You played high school baseball? I played a little high school baseball.
Wait, on a video game you're playing as high schoolers? Don't worry about it. That's crazy.
There's nothing I can do. That's when the career starts.
What do you want me to do? That should be illegal. And you were playing as high schoolers? Shut up.
You play as girls in Call of Duty, dude. Dude, sometimes.
Shut up. Dude, I'll be that chick.
She's got like Vitiligo. Yeah.
That's a character you can choose is a black chick with Vitiligo. What? Yeah.
It's crazy. It's got a solid choice.
I think Vitiligo, that's the skin. Yeah.
she's got natural camouflage. That's why I chose her.
The Vitilego community might be the most overrepresented community in the world. It's a very small percentage of people.
Every fucking model I look at's got it. You know what I mean? They're everywhere.
I've never seen one of them in real life. I've seen a couple in real life.
Yeah, take that back. I think there's that guy that hangs out at the bar by us i saw vitiligo bro walking yeah i would say there's definitely more i feel like they're they're outside bro there's more than you think a lot of them wear makeup to hide it now it's becoming a thing where they're like normalizing it and you're like nah dude we're put that get that makeup back no normalize it's nice normalize it i'm excited when i see there I've talked about it before, but there were some albino Indians that worked at the Sbarro's in my mall growing up.
The original Arians? And I was very excited to see them. What? Every time I go, holy hell.
Dude, that's something I've never seen. This is like the 90s.
I was like, we don't have any differences in Mechanicsburg. I never even knew knew Indians could be Albino.
They were. I can do it if fucking alligators can be Albino.
Anybody can be Albino. Bubble constrictors, Indians.
That's a fair point. That's exciting.
What was their vibe? They were great. They were running around.
They have to be. The family owned the Sbaros, and they were just having a good time.
And that's genetic. It was like a portion of the family.
A lot of the fam was Albano. There was Albano kids.
And the wall, they were right next to the wall in the food court, so they would just run over there. Why did they immigrate to America? Do you think they were being worshipped too much? Probably.
They were probably on one of those 900-foot towers that everyone in the village carries and drops they keep dropping them here's the others they drop them every day no in india there's some ritual where they build like a giant tower that's like a parade float and they carry it and it collapses every time and everyone has to run i've seen it it's all it's my algorithm is indianowers collapsing. India's sick.
India's getting, like, a lot of recognition right now on social media. Not a lot of it's great.
I'll be honest. People are being pretty negative towards them.
They were negative for a while. Now they're back.
I think so. It's pretty easy.
They survived it. India got canceled for, like, a month.
They did. And now they're back, dude.
They're getting that bump. Well, dude, fucking Ramaswamy's back.
He's going to be, like, the governor of Ohio, I think. think Yeah Ramaswamy's Giving it a shot He bounced back He was gonna be president But then he spazzled On Twitter Now he's governor of Ohio Not bad Not bad He's got a lot of time Shoot for the moon Yeah exactly Worst case you end up In a fucking Ohio Aim for the stars Yeah And you'll land in Well, it's good to be here with Louis J.
Gomez.

Thanks, Shane.

I missed you, buddy.

I missed you, too.

It's been too long.

It has.

What have you been up to?

Me?

Just working hard, man.

Working hard.

I told you guys I applied for Beast Games.

Applying for Beast Games is...

You applied for Beast Games?

I applied for Beast Games.

That's why we need to move it up a little.

He's got a meeting this afternoon to apply for Beast Games.

What the fuck? I don't know how much I'm allowed to say at this point. What are the challenges? I don't know.
What if they put me on the floor right now? They have a gun to my son's head. They're like, how much? $5,000.
Let me pull the trigger. What's the layout of that show? I didn't watch it yet.
The first layout is, it was great. There's like, everyone's in the same room and they offer your row.
You can eliminate your entire row and take the bribe, the money,

but then everyone else in your row is eliminated.

And you get to stay.

It gets up to like $150,000, and people are like,

no, I'm staying.

I love you guys.

Got up to a million.

I love you.

They did this the entire fucking time.

The million thing made me want to kill myself.

The million thing's crazy.

I think we talked about it.

As soon as they hit $100,000, I was like, goodbye.

This is what I've been laughing about. I hope you get the show and you bail on five bucks.
Just eliminate 100 people and go, 10 bucks. But what if they counter-eliminate you? How does that work? You're out.
You get nothing and you're done. Yeah, you could walk out with nothing.
No, it's a psychotic show. $10 million was the grand prize on season one.
But how do you get it, though? I don't understand. Then there's a bunch of challenges.
But first thing to eliminate half the contestants was like people being greedy and taking it and eliminating everybody but uh the whole time everybody was going i love you dude i'll never they just met yeah dude within the first hour there's people crying it's everyone's crying it's crazy it's actually crazy sacrificing themselves they'll be like i'll get eliminated for you dude go win this you need it they don't know each other they've never met these are the most insane you're gonna fit right in. It's going crazy sacrificing themselves.
They'll be like, I'll get eliminated for you, dude. Go win this.
You need it. They don't know each other.
They've never met. These are the most insane.
You're going to fit right in. It's going to be nuts.
You're going to take the fuck out of someone for taking the bribe. You're going to go insane.
You cannot be on the show. Do you see the one where they're in the cube? Did you watch the whole thing? I watched.
Hold on. Was the cube where three people go in and watch the guy who didn't take a million got eliminated over like a sandwich so at one point each group there's like four groups of a hundred people maybe they have to pick one person that they think is trustworthy that won't take the bribe because if you take the bribe your entire team is eliminated yeah and you get to stay oh yeah a chance to win so they they have four three or four people on the stage.
On this big platform. They're offered a million dollars each.
No, but it starts off at $100,000. And then it's going to keep rising.
And if you hit the button, you take the money. Your whole team gets eliminated.
Which helps you. And then you stay in.
Which helps you get a chance to win. And it gets to a million dollars.
And all four leaders didn't take the million dollars. They're up there crying.
Again, they're

all doing this again.

When did that become... Are there 99 people

watching you? Yes. They're all like, don't do it.

Please.

And there's just guys up there like, I love you guys so much.

I would never do it. How did they pick the trustworthy

people? They picked the most insane...

Yeah, they all vote who they think is the most trustworthy.

I would, dude, that's my thing. I gotta get in

in the first couple episodes, act like I'm a sweetheart. You got to pick up like a $20 bill and like, someone drop this? This isn't mine.
Anyway, I'm just going to leave it here. I would never do that.
I don't even care about this stuff. That would be standing in front of 99 people you just like, A, kicked off a TV and B, like just dashed their hopes and making millions of dollars would be a pretty interesting feeling.
Yeah. Santa Fe don't let go.
Dude, a million dollars is crazy. Not doing it is the dumbest thing ever.
Yeah. Because at that point, it's supposed to be one person winning $5 million.
Yeah, the end result is everyone gets eliminated except one person. Yeah, exactly.
So who won? Who won the whole thing? I didn't finish it. You want to to give a spoiler? Sure.
Is Beast Games still ongoing? No, the first season's done, but the guy who won, he was a really nice guy. His kid's got some disease, some creatine deficiency disorder.
And he's like, dude, I'm going to use this entire $10 million to cure my son's disease. You're like, that's a good guy.
That guy should win the game. I'm going to buy a jet and hookers.
So I'm going to spend all my money on hookers from Verdansk. Yeah.
And I'm going to fly them in. Yeah.
Wait, the sun can't like produce creatine? I guess it's something. I don't know.
He must not have gone to high school with me. All we did was creatine.
We just bullied this little kid. I really used to think creatine was steroids.
I thought creatine was like an insane thing. I had no idea it was a natural thing in your body.
Yeah, like it's apparently something you kind of have to take, I've learned. I take it.
So do I. I don't know what it is.
I can tell you take it too, by the way. You can tell I'm getting all swollen.
You did get jacked. Full of water.
See, you look like me. I look like I'm fucking drowned.
Damn, so he used the whole 10 mil. You're taking creatine? I've been taking creatine.
God damn, doing every day yeah i like it you're all over it that's good hey matt this episode is brought to you by prize picks i'm pumped for opening day it's good to see some phillies baseball again hopefully our bullpen improves with jesus lizardo speaking of pitching for the phillies what was throwing out the first pitch like? I'll tell you what. I was probably more nervous about that than hosting SNL.
I just didn't want to end up like 50 cent. And get shot nine times or what happened? If I had to do it again, I'd take myself more than one nervous breakdown throwing out the first pitch.
Citizens Bank Park, baby. Book it.

Wow.

That, dude.

This week on PrizeFix, I'm going with.

I think I'm going to go with the Orlando Magic.

You got to pick an individual.

Oh.

Okay.

I'm going to go.

Hold on.

Let's go Bryce Harper.

There we go.

More. More.
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You can talk to guys on that app. Really? Yeah.
I've been talking to guys. You cannot talk to the other guys.
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Me and Louis are stacking right now. We're T-Maxing right now.
You guys are fucking jacked. No, we're T-Maxing right now.
We're both trying to do endogenous T-Maxers. What's that? Just boost your tea with like adaptogens and shit.
Yeah, natural shit. What's an adaptogen? It's like an herb.
Anything like a natural substance. Adaptogen is just like a good word for an herb.
Your body adapts to the... Yeah, it just gins it up.
But yeah, dude, I've been taking maca. I know about the maca.
Maca, shilajit. I've been waiting for you on some shilajit.
And moringa. And moringa? Bro, I woke up this morning...
With a bone. What are you doing with moringa? It's my third day on it.
I woke up for real like afflicted, just kind of like, Jesus. I don't know.
I didn't take anything. I flew home from London.
I was hard for an 11-hour flight. I had a boner the whole fucking flight.
You didn't go rub one out? It was great. I considered it.
You had a private jet. No, I wasn't on a private jet.
But I jerk off on almost every flight I'm on. Whatever it is, the way I sit, I have fat thighs, so it just feels like my dick is inside of something, and I just get turned on by sitting for that long, and I go get one out.
I shoot it right into the sink. The sink? The sink.
I'll usually wind it with paper towels, and then I, you know. The sink is diabolical.
Come on. Look, I've been there with you before, brother.
I'm saying hit the toilet or like a napkinkin or something. The sink is crazy.
You guys are jacked off on flights? I've jacked off flights. Sometimes, like you're saying, I've had that like crazy flight boner attack.
This is the closest I've considered, and it was 11 hours. I would take a nap.
I'd wake up. It'd be harder.
11 hours. I would have jacked off five times on that flight.
It was close. In your mind? It was close.

On a flight, I will say, you're...

It's a quick one.

Fast one.

Quick one.

Yeah, you just shoot it.

And also, my head hurts immediately for some reason.

Really?

I feel like a really nasty headache after I come on a flight.

It's probably because of all the pills you took to get super hard.

It's probably like a STEM fab thing.

Maybe.

You're taking fucking Molly and meth.

No, I don't take drugs anymore.

I stopped smoking weed five months ago.

Thank you. like super hard like stim it's probably like a stem fab thing maybe taking like fucking molly and no i don't take drugs anymore i stopped smoking weed five months ago are you totally straight edge no i drank here i shouldn't have but now i'm back to not drinking again this was a lot what was the thing that sparked this what sparked your like i wanted to raise my tea but what like what brought it to your attention my doctor saying i had the tea of a young lady he was like are you a 12 year old girl i've ever talked to is like yeah i have no testosterone i was 339 was my testosterone number i don't even know what that means i'm telling you whoever the big tea salesmen are it was a joe rogan they're making fucking money i've never talked to one guy that's gotten his tea check that isn't like dude i was talking about this on the podcast that's why i'm tired all the time it's like no you're just getting old yeah you're I'm fucking money.
I've never talked to one guy that's gotten his T-check that isn't like. Dude, I was talking about this on the podcast.

That's why I'm tired all the time. It's like, no, you're just getting old.

You're fucking tired.

I was talking about it on the podcast and Tony Hinchcliffe was like,

he's like, I'm going to set you up with my T-guy.

I was like, it's okay, Tony.

I'm not taking your testosterone.

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Rated M for Mature. Close your eyes and open your mouth.
I'm going to give it are your plans though what are you what are you trying to get your tea up to you want to be more aggressive i want to i want to i want to be more horny i want to jerk off more horny as angriest guy i've ever met you have too much tea no i don't the doctor was lying dude i've never met someone with more tea you're screaming and dude coming constantly chill out with the tea it's all you do if there was a mucinex commercial for tea you'd be the mewish guy i would not have you pegged for low tea are you did you like you know all this stuff well it was uh so for my i'm turning 43 next week it was the lower uh lower end of average for my Yeah, but did you sleep bad the night before? I know that stuff affects it. Maybe.
I don't know. I mean, it was, you know.
Well, you can't hurt you if you're just taking like maca. I'm taking Tonga Ali.
That's my. Tonga Ali is nice too.
Yeah, yeah. That's my shit.
How did it work on you? I think so. I'm getting my teeth tested on April 3rd.
So we'll see if I've raised my testosterone levels. Nice.
I feel like nobody ever thought about this stuff ever before. No, for sure.
People were mostly fine. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, it was too much information. We know too much.
We were, we were all good, but before we had social media and we can communicate, you used to be able to talk to six people. Nobody was comparing tea.
Nobody was talking about any of this stuff. I didn't even know.
Like, and also I think it's's kind of a gift from God that it drops off as you get older. That's the last thing you need.
Yeah. Is to have high tea and be like fucking 50.
It's just like you're setting yourself up for the most potent disaster ever. The thing with it, it's like, I think it's the Manosphere podcast have really fucked a lot of people up.
Yeah. But it all does stem from Rogan.
But he was being original. Yeah, he was the first one.
You know what I mean? He's just like, now those were his interests, and he got so popular that it's every dude in America's fucking interest. That's a fair point.
He's like, I love jujitsu, tea. Space.
Space is fucking nuts. Well, I've been on a space train since a young man.
I used to read Astromony.

Yeah, I used to read Astromony.

Astromony.

I used to read Astromony all the time.

Dude, space, animals, animals attacking you, animals attacking each other. I've been on animals attacking you since I was a young lad, dude.

Animals do rule.

Animals rock.

I will say the T is nice for end of life.

I really want to save it.

I'm going to really feel a dip to the lowest possible.

Pretty much borderline trans.

And then just like a phoenix out of the ashes.

Just be sitting there one day being like,

and just be like, it's time.

And just fucking just take so much tea.

No, I'm not injecting anything into my body.

I wouldn't inject.

I'm not going to put a needle into my body. You have to.
The pills are going to fry your liver. No.
Well, I don't take pills. I take a little powder.
You do a little patch? You got to snort it? A little powder. A little rhino horn? Yes.
If they made a snortable tea, I would do it, actually. That's a more fun way to do it.
That would just be boss. You could probably snort creatine.
I bet you it would would go into your body the exact same way i'll do a line of creatine with you right now i think more people have snorted creatine than they realize that's a common cut for cocaine really oh yeah creatine is like maybe see yeah creatine drip you're like a lot of people love it have snorted creatine without realizing get the creatine yeah creatine right now It's bump lines of creatine without realizing. Get the creatine.
Creatine and baby latches. Let's bump lines of creatine right now on the show.
What a fun bit. I bet Call of Duty would love that.
You can just do lines off that fucking load box or whatever that shit is. That's what it's for.
Bumping creatine off it would be kind of nasty. I might some fucking coke off that We got a fucking Call of Duty sponsor baby We did it The original Fucking tea dosage bro A little bump bro Shane you got high tea No I don't think I do Yeah you do Super high tea You haven't had it tested? Fuck no That's a sign of high t yeah you're like i know i don't need to have some pussy doctor tell me what my number is i've also i've been doing my best stop being a cry baby what do you mean i've always i mean we always talk about it but i was just you get done with a long weekend like i was in the uk i was fucking totally exhausted i came back home and i was like i was like fuck am i doing again obviously I'm just hung over so i'm sad but it's like yeah cut it out although with high t comes high estrogen because they do kind of couple oh really yeah if you have high t you usually have high estrogen as well yeah because you have your body has to you know that's why sterile like bodybuilders they take estrogen blockers these are estrogen raises with the t is that why they get titties i Maybe.
Could be. Could be.
Or maybe they're just in the gym working on it. Maybe they just worked hard and finally got the results.
They got big women's tits. Rocking tits.
I'd be in the gym like crazy if I could get women's tits on my butt naturally. You can.
Dude, you ever see those like jacked fucking, they have. Really? It's funny.
Sometimes, yeah, I'll see a dude in a movie that's supposed to be like a jacked, ripped guy. And he is.
It's just because his pecs are gigantic. But just a smooth set of woman's tits.
Damn. Yeah.
Small nipples. Yeah, tiny nipples.
Yeah, dude's nipples poking out of their shirt is for real like the opposite effect. If I see a dude's nipples out of their shirt, I'm like, bro.
A woman is like, this is, what have I done? Dude, if I see a hard nipples on guy, I'm in a cold building. I mean, these dry fit fucking polos, this nipples, it's a nipple show.
Your nipples aren't poking out. Not right now, but I'll get them going.
Some sad AC kicks off. Do you ever run in the cold and your shirt rubs against your nipples? Your nipples get all chafed? That hurts.
It hurts like hell. I get that normally the wrong if i go shirt with like a patched on logo my nipples get or a dress shirt you have giant nipples you think i have giant nipples no i don't my nipples are perfectly normal perfectly normal dude i just want you to put that on someone i instantly believed it i was like i guess i do no i have beautiful nipples.
You have big nipples? No, I have nice little Puerto Rican nipples. Do you really? Little brown pepperonis.
Yeah. You've been sending me some shirtless pics.
I have sent Shane some shirtless pics. Every time he makes progress in the gym, I think it's just for me.
Yeah. I think you go to the gym to be like, Shane, check what I've done to my body.
Are you doing post, immediate post-pump picture? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the best.
I do it in the – dude, I get in the steam room. I come out.
I have a glistening glaze on my body. Bro.
And I send it to Shane. I'm like, look at this, bro.
This is nothing. Sam Hyde has been sending me nothing but pictures and FaceTimes from when he's in the sauna.
Oh, my God. And he puts the phone at his feet and goes, it's the fucking scary as well.

Dude, I wish I had that confidence because Sam Hyde specifically tries to make himself as ugly as possible.

I'm like, he just has whatever it is.

Like the way he's wired.

He's like, no, I'm going to look at like the biggest fucking ugly freak.

And he just makes you from the sauna and every time I'm like, dude, stop.

Yeah.

He's high T for sure.

Oh, he's super high T. That's like, yeah, that's a problem yeah super high tea too much super high no way you're low tea go back and fight the doctors i'm gonna i'm gonna go that's the proof of high tea yeah i tried to get him to put me on testosterone he was like no it's any like a scam like where he's trying to get me to like he was like no he was like you smoke and drink every day he was was like, stop doing that.
That's a long sell. That's a long sell.
Getting rid of smoking and drinking is low T. That's a low T activity.
That's literally a girl decision. You drink too much.
Shut up, bitch. That's the slow sell, too, to be like, dude, I'm on your side.
He's going to do the same test. He's going to print a fucking furniture fax off his printer.
I'm like, oh, yeah, dude, you actually dropped. That's crazy.
You're fucked. He's like do the same yeah he's gonna print like a fucking like furniture fax off his printer like oh yeah dude you actually dropped that's crazy you're fucked he's like on the semen scale but that's cool yeah that'll be fun it is cool to look forward to i say it all the time man if you get older you can just smash the t button and go nuts yeah just go go do double whatever they say just go double that up double

that up see what the fuck happened i watched the video because they were like dudes are taking i watched this last night they're saying a lot of dudes are finding out theirs are average and taking it and they're like you it's only for people who are very low yeah well i think it really if you're high t taking more tea doesn't really bring your tea up right i don't know also there's a question of absorbing it you could put it in there you might not be able to absorb it so whatever

it'll be cool I think it'll be a lot of it too

it'll just be nice. If I'm getting injected by anything by a doctor, I'm going to be like, oh, fuck yeah.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
You like it. Yeah, I would like that.
I hate it. I hate taking blood.
I hate taking needles. Yeah, I'm not a big fan, actually.
Can't do it. This would be like a needle in your butt, I'm pretty sure.
Okay, I can do that. No, I'm not trying to be like...
You make sure you're hot. You put a needle in your butt cheek.
I'm very self-conscious about my ass, though. It's kind of flabby.
What? The doctor's going to do it? You got a flabby ass? Dude, my butt sucks. Are you serious? Dude, my butt...
This is also another female psyop. Shame.
Men should not have fucking sculpted... No, I should have a nice...
Dude, I bet Matt's ass is a fucking thing of beauty. I got a peach.
Matt's got a little peach. Matt does have a donk.
I admired Matt's donk several times. Matt's ass must be just fucking beautiful.
He does have a nice donk. I was a white lotus and the guy comes in and fucks a

lady he has a giant sculpted ass i was like ew dude who the schwarzenegger uh no the guy uh when she fucks one of the russian guys oh yeah he had a fucking jacked ass and i was sitting here by myself and i was like ew what the fuck is that dude it's the guy's butt i'd rather see You're on a flight from London, you're like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, not now.

Will it ever end did you did you watch that yeah i'm caught up it's the funniest thing possible unbelievable there was a clip recently i saw online of him like finding out he was in white lotus with his family and he like crying and being like yes yes. Oh, no.
He's also at a White Lotus resort. He was.
His rich family's at like a beautiful resort. No, they were.
Yeah. I thought it was on set.
Yeah. That's funny.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
But then you get the script and you go. I mean, what else? Wait, hold on.
What is he? I know, dude. You're going to jerk your brother off.
Although, dude, I will say he's been... I'm so impressed by him.

His acting is unbelievable.

No, he's really good. He's unbelievable.
This season's great.

I mean, the first four episodes blew,

but now we're fucking getting real. Now we're cooking.

Episode 5, Episode 6.

It's really just brothers jerking each other off.

But that's the funniest thing possible.

It's hilarious. It's unbelievable.
They kissed, and I was like,

that's not that bad. Bro, if his dad would have

blown his head off, that would have been the funniest day ever.

That's... You got jacked off

by your brother, came home, and your dad

I don't remember anything and is carrying the memory the entire time of being like when the girls confront him and he's just like that didn't happen like no i watched it he's like can we just stop talking about this right now i yeah i don't know what you have to kill yourself that whole family might suicide yeah my mom was talking about it she was like i can't live any way i'd kill myself yeah she might be the best character on the show she's hilarious unbelievable yeah parker posey she's fucking hilarious i got a theory of what happen. Do you really? I heard a good theory too.
It's going to be Goggins and the bulldogger go to try to fuck with that guy. The guy they've been trying to fuck with.
Yeah. And then there's going to be a shooting at the place.
And I think that sweet guard is going to be the one. He's going to get popped trying to protect theory right now is the younger brother or the older brother wants to keep that rumor at bay because those two girls know so he might want to fucking murder these fucking sluts i think so that's a fair one i heard a really good theory from one of my producers they think a monkey gets a hold of the gun because they keep on showing monkeys i had a feeling somebody somebody from Legion of Skanks was going to come up with the dumbest.
Could be multiple shooters. It could be he brings his gun back from Bangkok and then he hears maybe a suicide shot go off.
He's thinking it's the other guy and he fires. There could be multiple gunmen all firing at each other.
You don't think it could be monkeys? I hope it's monkeys. I hope it's monkeys.
It'd be the funniest thing possible. Like one of those little fucking capucho monkeys.
If we just got to watch a family fall apart and then get killed by a monkey, that'd be great. Yeah, that would be...
You got jerked off by your brother and then a monkey shot you. True.
But I can get past being jerked off by my brother if we were both blacked out on drugs. chance but you remember drugs it's not you it's like you guys chose to no way never ever I don't have a brother maybe I have to have a brother yeah do you have a sister I have a sister you know imagine doing drugs and her jerking you off yes I would kill myself that's different but still fucked up your brother jerking you off I mean it's not ideal I don't have a brother I can't's different.
Your brother jerking you off? I mean, it's not ideal, obviously.

I don't have a brother.

I can't.

I mean, dude, I was watching it.

Sisters, it's all hell.

It's hell, for sure.

But, dude, having a brother jerking you is crazy.

You and baby Billy.

That's crazy.

I was sitting there with, I was watching it last night with Brittany,

and she was like, I was like, dude, he's visibly sick.

She's like, do you think you would get sick from that?

I thought about it, immediately felt sick. I was like, yeah, I guess so.
I was like, yeah, that made my, it turned my stomach immediately. Yeah.
Who's your brother Fabio? It would suck if it was one of your boys. Yeah, exactly.
You know, if like you and me did something and I, you know, you ended up, you know, something like that. I feel like our situation would be different.
Our situation would be different. If we like kissed just to make it a funny joke And then you ended up stroking me That'd be fucking hilarious Crazy Our situation would be different Yeah our situation We'd have a different sitch Yeah that'd be different He was his brother To be fair To your point Lewis His brother was plowing So there was a woman involved So It's just the South Park episode with the aliens You ever ever see that one where they're like, oh, God, you're sucking my thing? With the Jewish aliens? No, I didn't see that.
It's great. Turns out Earth is a reality show, and these aliens are coming to cancel it, which is just they're going to blow up Earth, and then the boys go and hang out with them, and they start doing blow, and they fucking suck each other.
Anyway, that's what it reminds me of next day being like oh my god what we do yeah you do have to bury it and move on like that was a you could you could file that under like that was a truly wild night yeah that was drugs i don't know if it was like if they're completely sober i would understand like wanting to fucking kill yourself and like yeah but it's like you know people do crazy shit on drugs that's true and it's you know the problem is this is the thing i was wondering about is it like something where he's like dying to relive it that could be part of his revulsion because they were like kind of like he was like showing his brother's ass and jerking off yeah there's a lot of weird like incestional shit even like uh the arnold schwarzenegger son like with the the the sister he was like is she a a virgin? I was like, she's hot. Why is she not? Yeah.
It was a weird sort of conversation. Yeah.
And then the younger brother and the sister sort of have like a little bit of like they're a little too close. Yeah.
Well, the older brother is like just a sexual pig. And then it's just coming full circle.
The older brother rules. The thing that he prizes the most sexually.
The older brother rules. It's all we've been talking about.
The the whole weekend that's all we've been talking about because i was just calling people pigs and that's the funniest the best how is it we had the pig rankings of all of our friends who's the top pig really the topic i can't say it here say i'll tell you later it was the funniest give me the first initial the first name nope but it was funny because he'd be furious. Really? The top pig?

That's a compliment.

I'm hoping it's a pig.

I don't know.

Yeah, I could guess.

Yeah, I could guess. It was really funny.

How do you define a pig?

Just pig behavior, dude.

Just the trowel.

You put out the fucking slop in the trowel, and they're fucking...

Drink, drugs, women.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The most vice-rated man.
Maybe pigs maybe you i'm up there i'm a good pig that's why i assembled on this trip i took o'connor and derosa yeah i needed the pigs to ride i'm not gonna go to the uk and fucking not be pigs you know pigs choose a best friend i saw this on my that's very nice instagram algorithm yeah they choose best friend and they'll have sleepovers with them. What? Yeah.
They are super smart. Yeah.
I feel bad about eating bacon every time I see those like pig pet Instagram videos. I'm like, fuck, it is kind of like eating a dog.
They're great guys. Yeah, they're awesome.
We had a pig when I was growing up. We had a little pig kicking around.
What'd you do to it? Just chilled. Actually, they're very sexual, by the way.
It used to hump. We had like an exercise ball.
Yeah, dude. We had an exercise ball.
We threw it in the pen and it just like for real in front of all of us just humped it and jizzed all over it. And we were all like, damn.
Dogs are like, dogs are the same. They're just very like, it's almost like, aren't you embarrassed? Like a dog would just fucking hump your leg and cum.
Oh, yeah. You'd jack off on airplanes.

Not in front of anybody.

Imagine your loved ones were like, that's just like jacking off in front of your family,

just cumming on the couch.

I mean, dude, that's exactly what you would do on an airplane with no societal training.

If you saw like a hot flight attendant, you would just go up to her and just start being

like, no, all right, fucking, okay.

Just like walk back, maybe be like, be like come on they just like fight you

just fight your dad don't really go sleep by yourself in the corner the dogs do growl a little bit when they fuck do they really yeah they bite the back of the other dogs I've seen that.

Little Shannon Sharp.

Look, dogs can be hot.

Little Shay Shay.

Shannon Sharp head.

How was it, UK?

It was awesome it was nice it was nice uh yeah it was fucking great but we went to the ufc fight on saturday i didn't know there's one out there yeah it was in the same i was doing the same room the next night it was great but i was we were sitting there and i was we were up close my the chair next to me had jared leto on it and i was waiting the whole time i was like damn jared leto is about to sit next to me this is gonna be crazy over and fucking uh talk to him about thin red line he just never showed up what but it was nice a guy from philly beat the fuck out of leon edwards that's sick yeah sean brady in the entire anytime he had him ground and pound because the whole it was in london so everyone's cheering for Leon. The whole time it was ground and pound, and Brady was just fucking destroying him, and I was just sitting there going, Go, Birds! Go, Birds! I haven't watched it back, but you have to be able to hear it.
That's awesome. And then after he won, he was like, All right, thank you guys so much.
Go, Birds! Then they played Meek Mill. It was just the nicest moment.
That's awesome. Yeah.
He beat Leon Edwards' ass? Fucked him up. Dang.
Yeah, it was crazy. I got to meet Louis Theroux.
He was with us. That was awesome.
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude rules.
Yeah, he ruled. Might be one of the best investigative documentarians ever.
Yeah, he was the fucking man. Ever to motherfucking do it.
Dennis, it Dennis where the fuck Noel Gallagher came and hung out at the London show from Oasis oh really yeah he's the fucking man yeah it was it was crazy yeah I've apparently there's a lot of like drama with that whole band I didn't know Oasis yeah apparently I could be wrong but I remember watching something on it they haven't been together in 16 years yeah I mean that story might be more famous than any song they've ever made. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The fact that the Gallagher brothers hate each other. Yeah, it's some bullshit.
They're not talking about fucking White Lotus. Maybe Liam jerked them off and then caused a rift for the family.
I mean, yeah, sure. Would you like a wank? How about a wank? I did that on stage.
It was funny. Because I was talking about jacking off, and I was like, oh, yeah.
How about having a wank? It was nice. That is the funniest way to say it.
Dublin. I was talking about black people in Dublin boot.
What? It was so funny. When's Conor McGregor going to become the president of Ireland? They hated him.
Did they? I was shocked how much they hated him. Really? Yeah.

He's a piece of shit.

He's one of the top pigs.

He's one of the top pigs.

Oh, he's a huge pig.

Yeah, true.

He's one of the all-time pigs.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Dude, rape is a very big...

It's the biggest.

It's one of the biggest pig qualities.

And he got for sure busted.

I thought...

See, I thought it was allegations

until the people that were in Dublin

were pretty confident. Oh, no.
I think he lost. Yeah, I heard he lost the case.
Damn. And then he, like, punched some old guy at a bar one time.
Dude, if you just, like, if you. He for real pigged.
Like, he did pig out. Beating up old people, pig behavior.
He, like, morphed his entire physical. Yeah.
His being just morphed just morphed in a year from pigging out. But also, if an old guy's talking shit to you at a bar, at what point do you punch him? There's a moment where you're like, yo, fuck this dude.
I'm going to just beat this old guy's ass. Yeah, I'll be honest.
I wouldn't mind whooping the hell out of an old man every now and again. I'll be honest, bro.
Just his bones are breaking. They're all brittle.
Yeah. Yeah.
You can only take so much. But, I mean, as a UFC fighter, you can't beat up an old man.
Well, the guy, he tried to buy the old guy. He was like hammering on Coke.
He tried to buy him a drink. The old guy was like, I don't want a drink.
And he was just offended that he wouldn't take his drink, so then he punched him. That's his own whiskey, though.
It was his own that's setting yourself up for his people if you if you're like a rich guy who's starting a whiskey company in ireland ever everyone there's gonna make i don't want your fucking whiskey terrible piss getting it out of you that's just a recipe for a giant irish spaz the worst whiskey I've ever had in my life don't talk about blue whiskey

have a get it out of it. That's just a recipe for a giant Irish spaz.
That's what it's whiskey I've ever had in my life. Don't talk about me, whiskey.
How dare you talk about me, whiskey? No, Ireland. I mean, every place over there.
London is fucking great. Yeah.
Dublin rules. Yeah, it was awesome.
Yeah. I just, I can't get over it.
Everyone, American outlets should be universal. Everything everyone american outlets should be universal everything over there every other country on earth does suck and going to it's fun while you're there but then just little things that are different for no reason they the water they never give you water you can't get water they there's no ice for some reason yeah that's ice is a up.
Ice is a delicacy there. They literally wait.
I got the hotel room service knocked on my door. And I was like, what's up? And they were like, ice? It was just a fucking tray of ice.
I was like, no, bro. Are you serious? What the fuck's going on? Why are they so anti-ice over there? They hate ice and they hate air conditioning.
I will say ice is a low-T thing, though. I said no.
Yeah. But where is it? You should have it.
You should have room temperature water. Room temperature water.
Love room temperature water. That's what I drink.
See my beer up there? Sitting out. Love room temp.
It's my favorite thing. Yeah.
I'm big room temp water, but if a country is being like, we don't really do ice, I'm going to be like, that's fucked up. Yeah, it's stupid.
Yeah, bring some ice up. Air conditioning, they despise.
That's weird. Yeah.
It's light switches. Nothing makes sense.
Yeah, they have like turny dials and sideways light switches. They need to put their pride aside and realize America figured out.
Yeah, I mean, we have the best plugs. Best plugs.
No doubt. Their plugs rule.
Bro, their plugs have like voltage limits on them. Yeah.
You can't plug in. Their plugs are like a weird wonky like alien shape.
It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for the rest of the world.
Yeah. Domestic electrical appliances.
They're 50-50 on deodorant. No AC.
There's never air circulated. I don't think there's a ceiling fan in Europe.
They don't have fucking lights in the ceilings. It's all lamps and shit.
I can get down with lamps. I do like lamps.
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Rated M for

Mature. Yeah, I actually, I got

shocked recently. We bought shock pads for

our couch for the dog. Dude, I

got fucking rocked trying to pick those things

off the couch. I thought you sat on it.
No, no,

no, no. I was trying to roll them up and I hit the power button once.
you'd think like if you hit the power button the thing turns the fuck off yeah all it does so they give you a thing saying how many times the animal attempted to touch it which apparently one day i don't know if this is right but it said 23 it's jackson matilda oh man matilda was and now she sleeps like on the other side of the entire she doesn't even go near these. These are like pads that give electrical shocks if your animals try to go on the couch.

And I always, whenever I'm doing out a punishment, I do like to try to like see what's up.

So I like, I touched it.

Nothing.

I'm like, man, I was kind of like pussy touching it.

Like, no, this is not on.

And then I thought I'd turn it off and picked it up.

And I was like, no, no.

It fucking rocked me.

You're sort of shitting everywhere you beat your tongue.

Dude, and then I like hit a button again. Now you're afraid of the couch.
It got me three times. What? Yeah, dude.
I kept trying to hit the buttons. I'm like, it's got to be off.
I would start picking it up and just crush me. Got to hold the button down.
Three times? Yeah, dude. It fucking rocked me.
I had three attempts on the meter. You took too many supplements.
You get get shocked three times it's on you i know that was that was my bad but i also was just like how hard can this thing be i'll just write it was just i got a little buzz i was like whatever second once i gripped it it was like i was like how's your cut did it heal up fully oh nice fully healed that's the supplements that's the subs bro i would have been scarred for three more years. Really? Yeah.
No, that's the subs. I also swam for an hour today.
I did one hour. Dude.
That's crazy. It was.
I've never swam that long. Yeah.
You get into an actual flow state with swimming might be. You just kept on doing laps? I took breaks.
Don't get me wrong. I took breaks and I did my aqua aerobics in between.
So I would run, go run go back and forth which is people are sitting on their decks outside this morning i always watch people get up i mean because i'm not a good swimmer so it'd be like flash flash flash flash so hard yeah but dude once the first 20 were rough once i got into like minute 30 and i i can't do free like i can only do this one i was doing just a slow continuous like breaststroke dude at the one point i did do like it's only like uh probably 25 meters maybe back and forth or whatever but the uh when i did like 10 like this up down up down up down you get into a flow state where you just feel like a fucking crocodile dude it's awesome i was in the water just gliding through the slow was moving very slow. Yeah.
Just gliding through it. I was like, dude, I got to start doing this.
Alone, just with your thoughts? Just myself. You can't...
No music. You can barely hear anything.
And when you can't keep going, you start going underwater. Obviously.
Yeah. It sucks.
So you have this weird primordial panic kind of fueling you. Especially when you're really tired.
You're like, I got to make it to the like i would die if this is a real life i can't swim two laps i dude i'm telling you i could run i could run for like four or five miles pretty easily but i can't swim for shit it's totally different dude it's crazy yeah it's so fucking hard yeah i tried doing back i was doing all the strokes too i was doing backstroke's tough backstroke's impossible to turn that's why that butt. How do you see where you're going? You can't see where you're going.
You can't see where you're going. How are you going to do that? You got to check the markers on the on the pool.
True. I might set out some markers.
Yeah. That's how you do it.
I was just looking at the pool by my feet and being like, alright, I'm that far away. And then towards the end I would just do a little yeah you gotta stick your hands out i was trying to invent new strokes too that was tough that's tough i came up with one where i just just it was just a feet kick and i just go like a platypus that's not very useful yeah swimming is where it's at because my the only reason i'm doing it my left knee's been fucked up so i had to i had to take it water.
Of course. Take it back to the source, dude.
Seal up. You might be a seal.
Dude, I for real fell out. It's hard to explain.
When you do an hour, and again, I was taking plenty of breaks. I can't swim continuously for an hour.
But when I got on my nice stretches, it's maybe the best feeling ever. So check it out.
Oh yeah.

I don't know what it does for the tea,

but I don't know.

I hope the tea.

I would hope so.

It's got to help the tea.

I don't know why I'm trying to get like hard ass boners too.

I'm like,

what am I doing?

Like I've been ripping these like fly.

Yeah.

It's like dude.

I mean,

rock hard for a month.

Every now and again,

what happens to me on a flight,

if I had been drinking the night before, I'll get like devilishly horny on a flight, dude. It'd be rock hard for a month.
Every now and again, what happens to me on a flight, if I had been drinking the night before, I'll get devilishly horny on a plane. Yeah.
Devilishly. I was with Oasis the night before in the O2 arena.
Yeah. Damn.
Had a couple drinks. Just the one Oasis? Just the one.
They're never together. That's fucked, man.
Yeah. But they're going back on tour.
What? Yeah. Hell freezes over for Oasis? Yes.
They're coming back. Dude, I'm excited for that.
Dude, wait until the brothers just slip into Wonderwall. They're going to look at each other and be like, I'm sorry, brother.
I was being a bit of a cunt, wasn't it? It's going to be awesome. Maybe.
He invited me to go. He was like, bring whoever you want.
Damn. They're going to do MetLife, Soldier Field, and the Rose Bowl in the United States.
Sick. And then they're going to do Mexico City.
And I was like, maybe I'll do Mexico City. Mexico City would be tight.
It's a bunch of Mexican Oasis fans. It's hilarious.
Probably a lot of Mexican Oasis fans. Yeah.
I would have to imagine Oasis would hit the lads pretty hard. Yeah.
Well, who's going to build the Wonderwall? Come on, folks. Come on, folks.
I was working on that. What? Yeah.
And I was like, it's too bad. It's so bad.
It's so bad, yeah. Thought about it.
Thought about it. I was like, they might get scared of Wonderwall.
They're a very dreamy bunch, the lads. They are.
They're very dreamy. I can see them getting down with some Oasis.
For sure. What do you think? The Latinos? No, Mexicans specifically.
Puerto Ricans, I think, would hate Oasis. No, Puerto Ric going to be angry and try to fight Oasis.

What other hits they had?

They had Wonderwall.

Champagne Supernova.

Champagne Supernova. What's it called Don't Look Back?

True.

That one album was just banger after banger.

What's the story is the name of the album?

Yeah.

It's got to piss you off if you're Oasis,

and then you're getting in a fight with your brother,

and then Coldplay comes out of nowhere.

You're like, dude, we could have been Coldplay.

They probably fucking can't stand it. They were like the new Beatles like for a very long time.
They were crushing it. And they're both hilarious.
Watch any clip of them getting interviewed. They're the funniest.
That's sick. I forget which brother it was but there's one that's like how do you deal with hangovers?'s like, straight back to the pub, no questions asked, don't dwell on it.
You're like, fuck it, dude. This episode is brought to you by Max.
The Emmy award-winning series Hacks returns this April. The new season follows Debra Vance making a move from her Vegas residency to Hollywood showbiz.
Tensions rise as Debra and Ava try to get their late- show off the ground and make history while doing it. Starring Gene Smart and Hannah Einbinder.
Hacks Season 4 is streaming Thursday, April 10th exclusively on Max. And don't forget to check out the official Hacks podcast on Spotify.
Coldplay, if you listen to Coldplay's new albums, it's like, it's insane, dude. What are they up to? It's, I can't even put it into words.

It would be like, for real, if like, if the stock market made music.

Exactly.

It is very AI-ish.

Some of the songs are just emojis.

Just like the world emojis, one of the songs.

What do you mean?

Like, for the song title on Spotify, there's no words.

It's just like a globe emoji.

Fuck them.

Fuck them.

Dude.

I don't get over the uh i was listening to i was in the obviously i was in the car with my wife but i was listening to not that innocent that song by britney i did it again by britney spears yeah it's a tough one that came on and i was just like dude hey she didn't write this there were definitely adults writing yeah those songs for children that That was the craziest period. Just to think about we took so many kids.
American Beauty came out. I just watched American Beauty for the first time.
I never saw it. I watched it on the flight.
It's fucking hilarious. It's awesome.
It's a great movie. It did make the boners a little uncomfortable.
True. All these hot teens.
She's a hot, yeah. High school kid constantly.
Well, also like that with whatever,

Thora Birch, she's actually underage

and does that nude scene.

Her parents signed off on a nude scene.

Who?

Which one?

Thora Birch, the one with the big tits.

I didn't know that.

The daughter or the other lady?

The daughter.

So when she's-

I think Kevin Spacey would be involved

in something like that.

But she was like 16 when they filmed it,

and they filmed the nude scene with a 16-year-old girl.

That's called a loophole, folks.

Getting the permission slip?

Field trip permission slip?

You get to just watch Child Born and American Beauty because it's art.

I was watching it on the plane with a fucking boner.

Yeah, but here's the thing.

Jane, you already had a boner.

If I was your lawyer, I would say if it pulsed, did it pulse?

That's your business.

Did not pulse.

Don't disclose that.

We can talk about that.

That's confidential.

That's a lawyer.

That's a lawyer client confidentiality.

Hold on a second.

I have to talk to my attorney.

Pulse like crazy.

I like to ask for a brief recess.

That's what it's like. I like to ask for a brief recess.
Covering your face. Oh, yeah.
I like to have that thrown out, your honor. Objection.
Titted pulse. Yeah, that's all that matters.
You get a boner, the pulses are, that's your, and even that, I could argue a pulse too. I could stand in front of the good people and argue a pulse, but guys, that could be anything.
Could have been anything. It'll glitch for the twitch.
About that 16-year-old's rocking tits on an air. Her huge bare breasts.
They were covered in flowers. That was the one thing the movie did.
Didn't they cover her? No, no, no. That was Mina Savari.
The other girl shows her boobs. You do know these girls' names.
What? True. Hey.
I can't believe you know the daughter from American Beauty's name. Dang, this turned into a pedophile hunter.
I don't know any of the adults' names. I don't know a single adult's name in that movie.
That's a crazy deep guy, too. No, Thora Birch.
Yeah. How do you not know her name? Who's the girl from Fast Times and Reaching? What other movie is that? You have high P, bro.
Yeah, dude, what are you talking about? If you know the names of these girls. I'm pretty sure Mina Savari was an adult in that movie.
She fucking better at me. What about Birch? What are some other movies you enjoyed her in? I don't know.
I don't know. I can't name a single other story.
Who's the actress in that old Romeo and Juliet movie? Oh, dude, I loved her. If you know this, you're out of your fucking mind.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I got it.
Fuck, I got it. I really have this.
She just died. What? Yeah.
That's how I know about this. I didn't know about this.
Yeah, she was like 16 as well. This was another CP.
What? They just filmed it. Was that Leo too? Was it the Leo? No, no, no, no, no.
That was fucking flat-chested Claire Danes. You didn't show those little shitty titties in your mind.
What was that guy's name? You might be Mr. Celeb or what? Dude, what's her fucking name, dude? She was on the website.
Give me the first letter. Fuck.
I don't know. Olivia, Olivia, last name? Olivia Hussey.
I'm just going to slut her name. What am I supposed to do? You're going to get punched at Walmart, dude.
You're going to get punched at Walmart, dude. All-time top pigs.
You're all going to get caught at Walmart. Olivia Hussey, yeah.
Hell yeah, dude. Because when I was in high school, they showed us that, and we were all just like, she was so hot.
What happened in that one? They just showed, like, they had a naked scene. They also showed that guy's butt, Romeo's butt.
I never saw it. He had a sweet, rocking ass.
Romeo's ass was fucking delightful. We should get more.
Yeah, there should be more representation. We were, like, lusting after this girl.
When's the last time you saw it? High school is fair. I mean, we think we watched it on Legion of Skanks.
We looked it up. It's not illegal.
It's not illegal. Yeah.
What? To watch it now. If it's in a movie.
If it's in a movie. Yeah.
I might have been in the room. I might have been on that episode.
That's why I'm like, where do I remember this from? Yeah. But you don't see like, you do only see rocking asses for men on TV.
We got to start. Nice on yeah man well yeah nobody's showing their like dude my ass i feel bad like i get naked in the locker room now with my little pud my fucking flabby ass it's so funny i just do it to make everyone else uncomfortable because the only everyone else in the locker room has a flabby no everyone in the locker room has if you're showing your ass in your dick it's because you have a nice ass and nice dick the other put a towel around themselves, take their underwear down underneath the towel.
I don't do that anymore. You just rip it.
Yeah, I rip it. That's nice.
That's good. It's pretty sick.
It's important. Yeah.
I'm at that age where I feel good naked in a locker room around other men. I was thinking about today.
They're like, dude, gay dudes, it rules for them. They just go to a locker room and just see all these hot dudes with their cocks out.
They should have their own locker room nothing hateful there i'm just saying they should put gays i gotta give them a perk they deserve that perk in life yeah all the bullying all this stuff they gotta they gotta peep your dong yeah it's only fair speaking of gay guys i watched uh this documentary on the uh joplin tornado what happened with that thing's just a giant F5 tornado that ripped through the middle of the town and killed like 160 people. Damn.
But they filmed this documentary. Every person that was in it was gay.
What? They interviewed like three different people that were clearly gay. One of them was a young boy newscaster from San Diegogo that wanted to be a meteorologist and he was corresponding with an adult meteorologist from joplin they had a little thing going and he was like i'll tell you what we usually get crazy storms in may if you want to come by no and then the mom was like i'm coming with you what the fuck so i think that guy might have been caught at walmart by the mom but then had to be like nah it's just a storm i don't know storm chaser but then he the kid happened to be there when the most devastating storm ever happened was his mommy there too mom was there damn they made it out they were all right thank god if you get killed by a tornado also thank god you didn't get a documentary you can get rocked by it oh dude you're serious you Go go into a basement you're fine how then the house falls on you i don't know biggest tornado the house gets lifted up it was the biggest tornado ever they got fucking killed i don't believe it it would fucking rock you so hard they're trying to drive natural disasters i just don't buy i was in a hurricane they're trying trying to drive away from it.
One group was getting chased by it.

One of the dudes got sucked out of the sunroof.

Who, the kid who went over there to hang with old man?

No, no, no.

He made it.

But it was a different kid that, you know.

He got pulled out of the sunroof of a car?

I keep calling them all gay.

Yes, he got launched out.

I mean, that's kind of sick.

That's a great way to die.

If you got to die, well, yeah. No, apparently it fucking hurts because it's all debris.
You're just getting hit by glass and dirt that's going 300 miles. Just cows.
You're getting hit by the worst shit. Entire houses flying.
You got to watch this. It's unbelievable.
An old lady on a bike just fucking hit you in the side of the head. Yeah, I for real just thought you got launched like super high and fell.
I didn't realize all the debris would fucking debris just hurts yeah sting bro the one just getting pegged by debris you get so much dust in your eye you'd be 600 feet up like god damn it wait till you hear this because it ripped through all this old dead soil and dead uh vegetation it had fungus in the air that was like a flesh-eating fungus that got into people and killed a bunch of people oh no yeah it was it was they had a flesh-eating fungus in their dirt everyone does that sucks yeah i'm thinking about your garden yeah i mean i saw that face i've been playing it fast and loose with my hands i just added another roly-poly to my garden today dude you added it i it? I find them. I find them walking around.
I keep them in my hand, toss them in my garden. That's nice.
What do they do? They're just good. They break stuff down, eat other pests.
Nice. Very beneficial for gardens.
I didn't know that. I was fucking with roly-polies my whole life.
So, yeah, everyone. Just watching those fuckers when I find them.
Everyone fuck those things up. Watch them roll up and you go....
Toss them. Yeah, it was like smash them.
I used to tear the legs off of daddy long-leg spiders. Yeah.
And the legs still twitch. It's just a little fucking ball.
Or the legs. I'd love to condemn you, but I've seen a couple of those legs come off and keep moving.
Yeah, they just keep... Yeah, it's pretty sick.
Yeah. Damn, so you turn it into just a fucking head just a daddy just a regular daddy yeah that must be crazy just be a fucking legless daddy long leg trying to like interpret the world and just sitting there like gotta be terrifying yeah sucks poor guy but yeah we should do stuff like that frogs all that shit

yeah i never did anything a handful of like bugs i would torture but not really even torture i mean i guess it's torture if you're tearing all of its limbs off yeah yeah it's literally a medieval torture they did that to william wallace to a daddy long legged

say mercy

we fucking uh

yeah but did they uh

do you think gotta hurt them well here's the thing because they say they don't have the pain receptors but even if it doesn't hurt it's still got to be experienced as a giant inconvenience yeah yeah to just be like you know on your p's and q's trying to munch some ants and all of a sudden you just all your legs have been ripped off you just rolling? Yeah, not even rolling. They can't even roll.

At that point, they just...

Yeah, kind of just a disc.

They're just like a little observation point.

They're just...

Until they die.

Yeah, probably quickly, yeah.

Yeah.

It's probably sweet for birds.

Do they grow their legs back?

No, not like worms.

You might have to grow their legs back.

Worms can do some weird stuff like that.

Yeah.

But no, I don't think a daddy long leg spawns legs.

I don't think they could survive the period of growing new legs. You know what crabs do? What? You ever watch them rip off their claw? No.
Yeah. They'll rip off their own arms.
They get bigger, better? Yeah. Shit.
They'll take its one fucking claw and just go. What the fuck? They'll just sit there.
Crabs are. I'm into that.
You ever watch moose shed their- and deer and shit shed their antlers? I've seen them scrape their shit all over there. That is pretty sick.
They just stand there and they go like this and both their antlers fall off and they get scared. Oh, shit.
They just take off. I've never seen them knock them off.
I've just seen them just like scratch them. No, they'll fucking literally just shake their head and their antlers fall off.
Damn. And then they take off.
It's pretty fun.

That is pretty tight.

Anyway, that should probably be the end of the episode.

I think it's the bigger betters.

How are we doing?

Oh, I thought we were well past.

Never mind.

I was going to switch over.

I know you guys have – I know you have to get to your Mr. Beast interview.

Yeah, true.

I have to interview Mr. Beast.

What if it was Mr. Beast himself interviewing me?

That'd be cool.

That'd be great.

We'll see.

He did kill Tommy with me and Matt.

Oh, did he really?

He'd give you a little inside.

Get me on, dude.

I'll try to help.

Get me on.

That would be the best.

Talk to Mr. Beast.

It's been... I hope you get that.
That'd be great. We'll see.
He did Kill Tony with me and Matt. Oh, did he really? Yeah, he'd give you a little inside.

Get me on, dude. I'll try to help.

Get me on.

That would be the best.

Talk to Mr. Buse for me.

That would be the best.

It would also add a lot of viewers.

I promise.

But otherwise, actually, your viewers, yeah.

No, they don't want my viewers.

No.

Yeah, true.

You'd be in the middle of taping.

They'd be like, actually, we're taking you all.

No, I hope you get that. Unless you stop naming underage girls that have been naked in movies.
It's like, what? I'm just saying. It's not your fault they were in the movie.
Yeah, it's not my fault. I'm sorry that I'm a movie buff.
Yeah. Yeah, you're just a consumer.
Yeah. You can do it.
That is crazy to be a director. Like, what trophy are you going at? Like, you don't need it.
rose totally fine until after american beauty it made it that far yeah i think it was literally the last one where they put a child a naked child in the movie that is true you know we yeah at that time we definitely were like parading kids around and like putting them in makeup and making them like. We remember like Brooke Shields in fucking, what was it, The Blue Lagoon?

No.

Dude, when I was a kid, I would beat my dick until it was fucking,

I mean, until it was in pain to that movie.

And I believe she was a genuine child.

How old was Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon?

She had to be like, yeah, maybe.

All right, LaMare.

He's like, oh, 14, right? I've heard heard I feel like I heard of this movie when I was younger like my older brothers would talk about this but I don't remember it was like a brother and sister also that kid's ass was sweet in Blue Lagoon 14 nailed it LaMare dang LaMare that's even worse LaMare one of the all time pigs yeah dude they just what was she doing in the Blue Lagoon it was her it was her brother and her were shipwrecked and then they were like on an island and just they were both just naked the whole time and they start banging and that's the whole movie her brother it is just a straight up child porn movie incest child porn too yeah i believe that was the premise of it i don't know I never got past the first 15 minutes. It's the Blue Lagoon.
Oh, they're cousins.

They were cousins he had a sweet ass i remember hold on your honor and they couldn't get off the island. Then they waited as long as they could.
They had to repopulate the island with Southerners. Yeah, dude, they start banging into, I guess, creative society.
I have no idea. I don't know if they ever get rescued.
I remember seeing it as a kid being like, she's so beautiful. I mean, yeah, that's a wretched thing to put onto a kid's mind being like, and then this guy gets stuck with his cousin on an island.
They have sex. You're 14.
You're like, I know exactly what cousin. You start getting.
I know exactly which cousin I'm thinking of. Bob, I'd like to do a carnival cruise.

We don't see each other as a family.

Every time that boat rocks, you're like, this is it.

It says online that they did use a body double for the nude scene.

Oh, man. I've been jacking off to an wrong scene.
I've been jacking off to an adult.

Not for the boy, though.

Just for her.

Sweet.

We're back.

The boy was 18.

And it's suddenly awesome again.

Damn.

Shout out to that kid.

That boy.

He got to.

He was 18, dude.

Sweet ass.

His name is Chris Adkins?

Christopher Adkins.

I know that.

Did you just know that?

No.

Okay.

I know who Christopher Adkins is.

We're going to go someone who could pass as a naked 14 year old girl and then they got to that might be the ultimate transcendent pig who got to go man this is child porn it's straight up child porn dude it's crazy fuck that's the oh dude i'm just looking

at the like posters for the movie yeah looks like they remade it no in 2012 blue lagoon the awakening

probably two 40 year old fat lesbians uh eric bros and mikhail solomon were the directors

I don't know. two 40-year-old fat lesbians.
Eric Bross and

Mikkel Solomon were the directors

and put those boys on a list.

Wait, the remake?

Yeah, they remade it.

You know how many times you have to watch

the original movie to remake it?

Yeah, that's nuts to remake,

to be like, let's run that one back.

Although Romeo and Juliet, technically they're probably like 12. In the original story? Maybe.
That was when people back then, dude, Shakespeare times. That's when you'd have a baby.
Yeah, yeah. You'd have a baby.
No, that's fair. Life expectancy of like 25.
So. Yeah.
No, that's true. I true i'm not gonna put that on them it is weird though that every every like a lot of women's shows are centered around high school romance it's true yeah so that was that was that show on hbo now with zendaya yeah before you but even before that all those like soapy wb things they're all like high school things are like a lot of like adult women would watch and it just it's like high schoolers like making out and simulating sex scenes well that was like that movie uh it follows it's about high school kids do you see it follows i love that movie it was pretty sick yeah it's a fucking horror movie about an scd yeah i'll tell you what gets me going.
Stranger Things. Show's hot as hell.
Yeah, It Follows is pretty wild, though. It's actually the first time I was scared in a movie in a long time.
Yeah. Really? That's the one where the...
You've seen It Follows. I've never seen it.
There's a scene where the thing that It Follows just turns into Pedro. Looks exactly like Pedro Salinas.
Really? It's so fucking funny. I've never seen that.
Oh, it was me and Beezer. Okay.
Loved that fucking movie. Was that a Stephen King? No, you're thinking of it.
True. No, he did a new movie.
Oh, he did a new show that was on HBO like five years ago. Yeah, that was...
About a guy who was in the same place in two places. It was kind of like The Stranger or something.
The Outsider. Yeah, it was The Outsider.

That's what it was. The Outsider.

Yeah.

We're at an hour.

Hell yeah.

Let's go.

Let's go straight into the Patreon.

Yeah.

We've got plenty more incredible stories for you.

For sure.