Ep 550 - Blazer Tag

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes. You

Speaker 1 they said it couldn't be done. I know.
They said it could not be done. Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer Tag.

Speaker 1 I know. I didn't know you could pull it off, dude.
This is yeah, it turns out it was pretty easy to pull off. Yeah, True.
I was just rent that fucking place out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, True. What are you guys doing at one o'clock in the afternoon? On a day they're closed, we got Blazer Tag.
This is

Speaker 1 Blazer Tag.

Speaker 1 God damn it. I know it was a mistake to get you get up here.

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 1 You got that blood taking out. You're a little fucking weak.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, it's hard to podcast knowing laser tags on the back end.

Speaker 1 What are you thinking about?

Speaker 1 We're going to be taking breaks, hit the tag, come back and report.

Speaker 1 What were you thinking about teams? I'm thinking fats versus thins. That's not bad.
Fats versus thins is going to be nice.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you might be. You're close to them.

Speaker 1 There's some true fats.

Speaker 1 Do we have enough fats? We have enough fat.

Speaker 1 People have more than enough fats.

Speaker 1 It might be dooming, but the fats are going to be camping. You're going to have to breach that room.
We're not leaving. Although we could gas ourselves out.

Speaker 1 One of the fats spider could hit another blazer tag for us. Clear the room.

Speaker 1 Just friendly fire.

Speaker 1 We might send Spider in his little suicide bomb.

Speaker 1 You guys are going to shoot him a lot, but he's getting a fire. I see him pre-loading on the Cheetos.
He's got the Cheetos.

Speaker 1 We're just going to fucking go in all along fire. She's going to hit a nice shot.
Did you eat a burrito before you came?

Speaker 1 No. Oh, thank God.

Speaker 1 But what did you eat? I'm sure it was fucking catastrophic. I didn't mean.
I didn't mean empty. Oh, I could be

Speaker 1 empty belly with Cheetos. That's a good recipe.
It could be empty belly. Dude, he gassed out my house the other day.
Did he, really? He fucking

Speaker 1 took his shit in the far room.

Speaker 1 And I was like, fucking the sewer just fucked again. I just had plumbers here that fucking

Speaker 1 they were so bad that I was like, and it like it really fucked the whole house up.

Speaker 1 It was an impressive dump. Was that when we thought he died? That night? No, that was.
This is the second dump he's taken recently. Worse than when my dog diarrhea in your house.
Uh,

Speaker 1 yes, whoa, that was clearly dog shit. Out of water, too.

Speaker 1 I mean, who knows what he did in there? That was just a two.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's my fucking gym shorts.

Speaker 1 I'm looking for those.

Speaker 1 Goddamn spiders wearing them.

Speaker 1 I didn't know they were yours. Lamer, what was going on with that dump? What led up to that? I just hadn't been dumping, dude.
It was a fun weekend today. You got locked up.

Speaker 1 You dropped an insane one.

Speaker 1 The girls were there. They were screaming.
People were upset. Oh, my God.
We opened the doors. We had to open the doors of the house.

Speaker 1 You crushed the girls? Crushed the girls. Crushed the babes.
Was it a giant log or like a pile? No, that was a pile. It was multiple.
I had to go back. How many flushers? Just one flusher.

Speaker 1 That was a one-flusher, man. It's impressive to clear out a house in a one-flusher.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah, we thought he was dead.

Speaker 1 We were joking around. We were in the pool, and we were like, maybe he's dead.
And then we all kind of like thought about it for a while. And we're like, somebody should check on it.

Speaker 1 Did it a two-hour dump for real? He might have elvised out. It was a long dump.

Speaker 1 And then we had the realization that one of us is going to elvis out.

Speaker 1 True. Between the squad, I think we have a pretty high speaking of Elvis it out.

Speaker 1 Someone's diring on the shitter of that. Reporting for duty, Team Fat.
Team Fat, reporting for duty.

Speaker 1 It's going to be tough for Pat because he's been losing weight.

Speaker 1 He's still reporting for duty.

Speaker 1 Reporting for duty, Team Fat.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's going to be camped, though.
That's going to be tough. You guys will camp.
You're going to have to breach the roof. Yes.
You guys gotta get the tacticalization.

Speaker 1 Another reporting for duty.

Speaker 1 What up, Pat? It'd be fun.

Speaker 1 Patrick has a little mare punch. We're splitting up the razor team.
Maybe if someone dies, they respawn. I'm skinny.
Fanskin.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 So, what about

Speaker 1 the skin? Oh, shit. Oh, I'm good.
Oh, I guess I am on the skinny team.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. I thought I was fucked.
It's literally just Gardini Matt Nokarn.

Speaker 1 We're outnumbered.

Speaker 1 You and me are competing, truthfully.

Speaker 1 We've got to have a BMI. It's got to be BMI cutoff.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. You guys are legion right now.

Speaker 1 Literally on the drive over, I was like, I'm close.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm on the cutoff. There's some units on the squad.

Speaker 1 all linemen this is great

Speaker 1 she's gonna be a tough squad dude have you thought about your name yeah i was gonna i was gonna do

Speaker 1 i was gonna do ts cool shooter that's awesome

Speaker 1 ts cool shooter is awesome

Speaker 1 we gotta see you gotta get past their filter they don't

Speaker 1 doctor hits

Speaker 1 someone's gotta be general fat

Speaker 1 Oh, that's great.

Speaker 1 Hey, Spider. The Mayor's Spiders.

Speaker 1 General Fat Spider.

Speaker 1 I was thinking of cool names last night. I was a cool names.

Speaker 1 Yeah, last game I was thinking about. I think Dr.
Mr. Hits.
Dr. Hitts.
Dr. Hits is nice.
Chairman Powell. Chairman Powell is pretty good.
It's not bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'll be good. Yeah.
You'd be Netanyahu. Netanyahu.
BB would be nice.

Speaker 1 Don't get him sticked.

Speaker 1 I might be BB, actually. You know, that's

Speaker 1 BB.

Speaker 1 BB guy.

Speaker 1 BB net.

Speaker 1 Yeah. BB.
How long? How many terms has he done as president of Israel? Fucking 90. 2000? Yeah, he's not.
Maybe those guys did live to 2000.

Speaker 1 He's the potent of Israel for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Man, you can feel it. It is a blazer tag.
The air, the air. Now that the boys reported for duty, the air got thick.

Speaker 1 Dude, fucking Lemaire's going to fart in there and we're all going to flourish. I mean, you guys are fucking bad.
Once they bring us the rations, the movie theater.

Speaker 1 Once they bring the movie theater pizza, this is going to be thick in there. It's going to be like the fucking jungles of Namina.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a pure bog.

Speaker 1 Humidity 87%.

Speaker 1 Guys are going to lose their minds, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're going to be able to find us from our breath.

Speaker 1 Get on the other side of the wall.

Speaker 1 God damn it. Yeah, it's not fair.
You guys are going to have radar. What do you mean? Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 You're going to know exactly the smell, the snores. Guys, you're going to be taking naps.

Speaker 1 We're going to be running night shifts. Guys are going to have to watch the wire at night.

Speaker 1 Guys are going to be sleeping.

Speaker 1 And Blazer's going to know. There we go.

Speaker 1 He's been losing literally.

Speaker 1 Hold on. James on the cutoffs.

Speaker 1 James might be. James, you thin team, fat team.
Which team? Oh, fat team.

Speaker 1 Actually, it's a fat ride. No, no, that shirt's looking straight down, bro.
Whoa. Is that the definition? You got to go.
He loses straight down, bro. He might be.
He's slouched. Oh, it's not bad.

Speaker 1 This is not all. This is true.

Speaker 1 But James has lost some. James has been losing, man.
In this group, he's right there. That is true.

Speaker 2 I didn't know we were filming the laser tag.

Speaker 1 Did they give you light belt with that haircut?

Speaker 1 Not big.

Speaker 1 I'll not be mocked.

Speaker 1 Snow.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll sit on the side.

Speaker 1 Look at how quickly James takes a mic.

Speaker 1 People don't realize how greedy James is. Ah, we're on air.

Speaker 1 I'm getting wolfed.

Speaker 1 Thanks for coming, James. It's good to have you.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm focused.

Speaker 1 I'm ready. You might be thin team, dude.
I think you're thin team.

Speaker 2 It would be the honor of my life if I've made it.

Speaker 1 We need no horses on the thin team. I'm about to start doing thin propaganda.

Speaker 1 No offense.

Speaker 1 You are down right now, PG. You're down.
You are a weight loss journey. While I was 115, gained 70 back.

Speaker 1 How'd you gain the 70s back? God damn. How? Yeah.
Oh, Jack in the Box.

Speaker 1 You're just putting a lot of chips on the table both ways.

Speaker 1 I stopped intermittent fasting and training, exercising all together. And Jack in the Box.
What's the time span on that where you gain 150? So fast. 70.
My fattest, I was 413. Yo.

Speaker 1 And I got down to 240.

Speaker 1 4:13.

Speaker 1 How long did it take you to get from 430 to 240?

Speaker 1 Yeah, in general.

Speaker 1 413.

Speaker 1 I like two years, like two years off.

Speaker 1 Lamise, what's the highest you touched?

Speaker 1 I had to be like 420 plus.

Speaker 1 Damn, he still rose up.

Speaker 1 You guys are some fucking A2A2 Lancaster cows, dude. This is crazy.

Speaker 1 Lancaster, we were doing mics and legs. Meezy has a photo of him.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Dude, he doesn't have arms.

Speaker 1 His forearms sticking out. He's wearing like a fat two.

Speaker 1 That would be, that is nice, though. That is the dream to move to truly the middle of America and just get as big as you can.

Speaker 1 That'd be awesome. I'm not kidding.
That would be

Speaker 1 so nice.

Speaker 1 And like, your president wins. You're as fat as you can possibly get.
I knew I was right about everything.

Speaker 1 Oh, man,

Speaker 1 this is exciting stuff. Do we have anybody else here? So, Conman's out there.
This is somewhere.

Speaker 1 And other than that, I don't know. We got Asan.
Ahsan's Deem Skinny, although

Speaker 1 I don't know where his loyalties lie. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Something about him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know if I trust him in there.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to send waves at each other. So, Lamar and Nate, you guys go first.

Speaker 1 Clear out some mines.

Speaker 1 Operations.

Speaker 1 I'm going to see if we can get a school bus in here for some.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Sorry, hysterical.
I got a feeling I'm going to be really bad at this. You might be bad.
I'm not going to try.

Speaker 1 There's a couple of tactical perches. If you grab it, it's tough to get you out of there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 To focus on the rules beforehand. They're very important.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they're secret things you could shoot and they give you power-ups.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I'm not going to. I don't really fuck with that.
I know. I heard that, but it's like I got too many ops out there to be fucking with the power-ups.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to divide these teams. I know.
We can't do fat skins.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to do

Speaker 1 we'll just do the fattest

Speaker 1 and work hard enough.

Speaker 1 Darkest complexion to lightest. complexion.
Ooh, I like that. We'll do shirts and skins.
Shirts and skims.

Speaker 1 I'm out.

Speaker 1 100% off.

Speaker 1 I do have some level of shame. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll have to go. We'll have to assemble the troops and just look at, you know, give everyone a good up-down.

Speaker 1 See what's going on.

Speaker 1 Has anyone here got flat feet?

Speaker 1 You're out. You can't do it.

Speaker 1 Chris is colorblind. He's out.
Oh, yeah. Shit.
I'm gay. I'm out.

Speaker 1 We're all gay.

Speaker 1 I'm not allowed to talk about it. Where's Chris? He's out playing video games.
Awesome. Yeah, he's preparing probably the arcade.
Probably fucking Time Crisis right now, getting ready.

Speaker 1 That's cheating. Yeah, it's fucking cheating.

Speaker 1 They can't play until we get ready. That'll be bullshit.
Yeah, they only have like two video games here. Yeah, Time Crisis and Guitar Hero.

Speaker 1 Guitar Hero's got

Speaker 1 a lot of stuff. And they have the basketball, basketball hoop, football toll, ski ball.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they have a couple things. Oh, man.
Sounds like a woman? That's my wife. My wife found out.
Oh, there's no.

Speaker 1 Oh, great.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 We're podcasting, man.

Speaker 1 We're in a good place right now, dude. Come on.
Dude, we're podcasting for real.

Speaker 2 You motherfucker.

Speaker 1 So when the raptors found out how to open the doors,

Speaker 1 it was just a funny joke.

Speaker 1 Hang tight. Hang tight.
You can play a game. Wait till we cast.
You can blaze. All right, later.
Love you. Love you, babe.
Love you so much. Jesus off a period right now.

Speaker 1 It's going to be so sick tonight.

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Speaker 1 Your money, your move. Dude, I actually, this cracked me up the other day.
We were at home and she was washing my and Chloe's hair. She was washing Chloe's hair, maybe Maya's.

Speaker 1 Chloe wanted to watch TV and she was like, I want to watch Gabby's dollhouse. And she clapped with every word.
And I was like, dude, you see that to Brittany? And Brittany's like, yeah, she's black.

Speaker 1 And Chloe looked at Brittany and went, I'm not black. You're black.

Speaker 1 It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Just for a two-year-old to be like, you're fucking black.
I'm not black. Fuck up.

Speaker 1 She's so mad. She doesn't know what it means.

Speaker 1 My sister's kids have struggled with this.

Speaker 1 My sister's kids have been like, why is she, when's she going to turn black?

Speaker 1 To the white kid. And they're like, it's going to be a while.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. How come she's not black yet?

Speaker 1 That's so sick just waiting. Like, I can't wait till my sister's black.
Yeah, my sister's going to be black soon. It's going to be sick.
The rest of us turn black around two, three.

Speaker 1 That's when I first remember being black.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. God damn.
Those Blazer laser tag pizzas calling my mind. They're going to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah. People are tearing them up, dude.
They're going to be. I'm going to fucking rip it apart.
Oh, you're going to. I'm so hungry.
Bro.

Speaker 1 I've been to a lot of kids' parties. Here's the thing, bro.
I've been to a lot of kids' parties, and I've been eating just play place pizza, and it does fucking slap, dude.

Speaker 1 You eat a first slice, and you're like, all right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this fucking rules. Oh, man.
I haven't done this since I was 12. LaserTag? Yeah.
I'm psyched. Dude, this is.
It's been probably a decade for me.

Speaker 1 Last time I was here, my dad's cum was all over his pants. True.

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 1 literally thought about it as soon as I put these pants on. I was like, ooh,

Speaker 1 no. I was driving over.

Speaker 1 Driving over. Like, I've been wearing these for a while.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That black light's not going to be kind of like. Dude, my t-shirt.
Team Fat's going to be in camo.

Speaker 1 Team Fat's going to be full camo.

Speaker 1 Why does cum glove?

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 who's coming in their jeans? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Are you insurance calm? No, it turned out my dad had prostate cancer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was like, would you come your pants? He was like, no.

Speaker 1 And then, like, a month later, he was like, I have cancer. I was like, sorry, I was making fun of him.
Dude, yeah, but that's the perfect experience. It was just Whiz.
It was Whiz. Dude, there's no.

Speaker 1 Wait, so Wiz and Cum shows up in the.

Speaker 1 It looked like it was a Wiz. And the boy probably wasn't washing the trousers very often.
Oh, yeah. That was probably like

Speaker 1 three months worth of. Bro, if he was just coming like that.

Speaker 1 If he was just coming like that, that, I want prostate cancer. True.
I'm just glazing. If I'm blazing,

Speaker 1 I mean, I should knock on

Speaker 1 freezer loads with cancer. That's great.

Speaker 1 Load max and prostate cancer.

Speaker 1 God, I can't wait. I fucking can't wait, dude.
You want to get in there? Yeah, let's tag. Let's tag.
Let's tag and see what happens. Yeah, for sure.
Come back, right back, right back, right back.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Hello to the audio listener.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to let you know that these sounds are from a video, a GoPro video of the Blazer Tag match.

Speaker 1 And I will try to edit together and put out a full video from the Blazer Tag GoPro footage on the Patreon soon.

Speaker 1 Hey, what the heck? We're back. Dude, it feels like a lifetime ago.
That was...

Speaker 1 Didn't think I was going to be that sweaty. Dude, I'm dying.
Good fucking God, dude.

Speaker 1 Dying. We had fucking long penis.
No running. Immediately, everybody sprinting around.
I mean, dude, you can't not run. It's fucking, it's absolute war.
Long penis with the

Speaker 1 one of the all-time cheats. Cheating.

Speaker 1 Long penis is Sean Gardini. He called himself.
I was not cheating. You were not cheating? No, I was playing by the rules.
Okay. Running.
Running. No, I was moving swiftly.
Running? Walking swiftly.

Speaker 1 I will say, I was, I was, I had a trick where people get too close to me. I'm like, dude, my fucking gun's not even working.
Sorry, I did it to you.

Speaker 1 Also, Andy really held down the Terminator 2.

Speaker 1 His moniker, he really lived up to it. He just, you can just see him fucking walking around.

Speaker 1 He's just walking right at people.

Speaker 1 There's a movie you go, dude. My fucking shit's off.
And

Speaker 1 as soon as Andy walked past me, I'd be like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, snake. Total snake.
Sorry, Andy.

Speaker 1 I did that to like five different people. I'd be like, fucking shit's not even working, dude.

Speaker 1 I was, yeah, as soon as someone got the drop on me, I'd be like, what the fuck? This shit sucks. Every alliance went out the window.
Really? Yours was the only one that stayed true. Who betrayed you?

Speaker 1 Right away, I asked him to ally. I never shot you once.
Spider did not ally with me.

Speaker 1 I didn't shoot you.

Speaker 1 Mother Spider. Yeah, he's about spied.
S-Y-P-D-A.

Speaker 1 Spyder.

Speaker 1 Sighter. He gave me that phone call.
Spider. Saito.

Speaker 1 So, Lamise, you betrayed.

Speaker 1 I didn't. There was no real alliance.

Speaker 1 I said okay, and then I just took my position. I tagged Big Unc a couple times.
I know Unc got brought in. I was like, Uncle, sitting here.
We both shot him immediately.

Speaker 1 I saw Unc down in the mix. I was like, now I'm going to grab a couple points off him.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 bam.

Speaker 1 Dude, speaking of laser tag rules. If laser tag.

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 1 Dude, I want to formally challenge Dr. Omar to laser tag.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. He's in hot water right now.
Why? What'd he do? Dude,

Speaker 1 his alleged, although he did, his alleged daughter, although I have reason to believe it could possibly be his daughter because he claimed to have paid child support her whole life, came out and was like, you're a fucking deadbeat.

Speaker 1 Just give me my sister's number. Like,

Speaker 1 you know, Dr. Amar is.
Yeah. He's like, doesn't like interracial dating and all that stuff.
Doesn't really like white people. I get the feeling.
No, he seems to very openly dislike the haunting.

Speaker 1 Dude, his daughter, for real, crushed him. Came out and was like, you're a fucking deadbeat.
You're a loser. You shouldn't be, nobody should be listening to you.

Speaker 1 And then he came back rather than being like, I don't know who you are, which that would be devastating to your strange daughter to do that. But he goes.

Speaker 1 He was saying something like, get your mom on the phone. We can hash this out.
And he was saying, like, I'm sick of, first of all, he goes, you're either with me or against me on this.

Speaker 1 No more frenemies. He doesn't want any more frenemies, dude.
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 Next time, yeah, if my daughter ever confronts me for being debated, I would be like, I have no time. You're either with me or against me.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking thing. I literally called her a struggle streamer, trying to get clout off of his

Speaker 1 clout off her net. Calling your estrange daughter a struggle streamer.
Phil's a fucking struggle streamer. I have the opposite.
Phil's always trying to get clout.

Speaker 1 Every time we do this podcast in my house, he would walk down. He's struggling.
He wanted clout. Now he gives away tickets.

Speaker 1 Every show I go to, there's fucking eight guys from the Elks in the the green room.

Speaker 1 That was fucking unbelievable. That was fucking shit.
Shane, how about a little meet and greet? The guy's one of the top sales guys in Tampa. Could you meet him?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 The list was crazy. Yeah, the list.
He handed my manager a list that is 40 people at every show.

Speaker 1 That was a wild night. Tampa was...
It was awesome. Tampa and Jacksonville.
Tampa was wonderful.

Speaker 1 All those fucking studs were there. Yeah, true.
Aaron Judge's fucking big ass was there. He was fucking huge.
He's still a unit. I was less starstruck this time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was the first time, yeah, the last time when I met him at that game. Didn't you see him at a baseball game? Yeah,

Speaker 1 full Yankees uniform, just hit a giant home run. Yeah.
Yeah. Practice.
Came over. He was like, what are you doing back there, big man? I was like, I saw you.

Speaker 1 You just drilled that ball.

Speaker 1 I've never spazzed like that. Seeing him at the game would fucking.

Speaker 1 Talking to Bubbles here, I was a little bubbles was fucking taking him back.

Speaker 1 True. I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah, he was fucking that guy was. He's on the fucking videos outside the bar.
Watch the videos. It's him fucking mixing drinks.
Bubbles is the man. He gave me some good pointers.

Speaker 1 We might get Bubbles in this next game. I'm on his team.
I call Bubbles team.

Speaker 1 Did he tell you about the zombie game? Yeah, that sounds funny. Zombie sounds sick.
Everyone's green, one red zombie, and then you spread.

Speaker 1 If you get hit by the zombie, you become a zombie as well. It's kind of sick.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you would cheat in that game. Yeah, how are you going to cheat, Mommy Devis?

Speaker 1 I wasn't

Speaker 1 You were cheating. No, I wasn't cheating.

Speaker 1 Dude, you got to bleep the GoPro. I was going to call me.

Speaker 1 I was screaming,

Speaker 1 bro. He'd shoot me.

Speaker 1 It was so funny, right? When everyone got in and was screaming.

Speaker 1 As soon as the doors opened, every dude, every dude in there was screaming and running.

Speaker 1 Then everyone got tired. Go five minutes left, you hear everyone go, oh fuck.

Speaker 1 It was the longest fucking game of my life, dude.

Speaker 1 What was your strategy, Gardini? You're running

Speaker 1 right out of the gun, stick and move. Stick and move? Stick and move fast.
Yeah. You're running.
Well, Swift. Swift wall.
You're running.

Speaker 1 One by one. I might have been running.
I saw you run. That's fine.
You cheated.

Speaker 1 Balls is on your ass for the next game. Well, that's concerning.
Yeah, he's going to personally follow you. I came here for a good time.

Speaker 1 And immediately guys take advantage of the rules.

Speaker 1 Man, I finished seventh. That's not bad.
That's pretty good. Sucks.
Right above me. First game.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. I lost a big, oh, I lost a Nikki Blazer.

Speaker 1 Nikki Blazer.

Speaker 1 Adam Egot. I lost to Nikki Blazer by

Speaker 1 probably one shot.

Speaker 1 It was close. It was a close one.
And you were camping.

Speaker 1 I was fully camping.

Speaker 1 After fucking two minutes,

Speaker 1 it was time to camp, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know how they were running. I was camped, and then I would run and gun.
I always get hit 50 fucking times. You were hitting the lay down, which was a nice move.
Lay down was pretty.

Speaker 1 That sounds like that. That sounds tedious.

Speaker 1 That sounds like that. He was lying.
He was laying down. He's going, my fucking pack doesn't work.

Speaker 1 That's what Chris keeps saying. Chris keeps saying his gun was broken.
That's why.

Speaker 1 He was Robocop. They changed his name to RoboCop.

Speaker 1 Wait, his gun wasn't working, but he didn't come in very last place, did he? Yeah, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 It happened to be the one female that was brought on. The pregnant female.
Dead last.

Speaker 1 By a wide margin.

Speaker 1 I don't think she. She must not have been holding.
She is eight months pregnant.

Speaker 1 I felt terrible.

Speaker 1 I was laying.

Speaker 1 I was halfway with the running around. Someone's going to bump into her.
The worst thing you want is something terrible. Dude, I like it.

Speaker 1 I startled the shit out of her. I was laying down behind a corner.
She walked. I went, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Speaker 1 I was like, sorry about that.

Speaker 1 Sorry about that. Dude, if she does give birth in a laser tag,

Speaker 1 that's America's next emperor.

Speaker 1 He's chosen by God.

Speaker 1 True. If you give birth under the artificial fog and black lights of a laser tag, just mean that that's your first image coming out into the world.
Surrounded by team fats,

Speaker 1 everyone sweaty with packs on. My thing is, I'd be still racking up major points.

Speaker 1 Bubbles. I'd be sitting there hitting their fucking censors while she's giving every single person would be standing there going, all right, dude, fucking time out.

Speaker 1 Have some fucking respect, Doyle.

Speaker 1 You know what, Pax deactivated, you can't even shoot me right now.

Speaker 1 I shot you at the buzzer.

Speaker 1 You betrayed. I shot you at the moment.
It was you, me, and James standing there. They're going, three,

Speaker 1 two.

Speaker 1 Probably knocked me out of fucking. I thought James, I thought one of them hit me.
No, that was me. At the buzzer, I shot you.
I betrayed you. Wow.

Speaker 1 I just want you to know, but this is me coming clean. I appreciate you coming.
Obviously, blazer tag is a game of nothing but treachery there was obviously there was one ultimate cheater

Speaker 1 long pier

Speaker 1 just so happened to be the champion bro you cheated it was crazy bubbles even said so bubbles watching the footage he's like yo for i might kick him out bubbles did bring it up so we'll see yeah he might address it james interesting technique

Speaker 1 Yeah, James is big just hiding behind the stars. Stinking like shit.

Speaker 2 It's how blind my enemies.

Speaker 2 Audio to that. That's my great.
I did find something out. So I think the reason

Speaker 2 there was a corner in the top. And if you try and shoot across the whole arena, it looks like you're shooting somebody, but then you don't actually get to tag them.

Speaker 2 And the guy, I asked the guy that, who's asked Bubbles, and he said, a lot of top professional players do notice that.

Speaker 1 It felt pretty good. A lot of professionals.

Speaker 2 He said, there's two lasers. There's an invisible laser that does the hitting, and it doesn't work at distance.

Speaker 2 So where you two were, if you're shooting people on the other side, you're not getting points for it. That's why you send a laser in there.

Speaker 1 I was wondering. I was wondering.
I knew there was a a glitch because I was definitely killing people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now you know. Now we know.
Splitting teams. Mungo one.
It doesn't work the same way. Close quarters.
The new rules, though, if somebody is running, you are allowed to tackle. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Trip or tackle. Trip or tackle for sure.
If they're laying on their stomach, you can step on their back. If you're running,

Speaker 1 T2 is going to walk over the way you are

Speaker 1 and fucking smash you.

Speaker 1 Andy, what was your rank? T2 was flying.

Speaker 1 I was was like at the.

Speaker 1 How many was there? 13? Yeah. Yeah, I was probably at like eight or nine.
Okay. But that was pretty good for a guy who was standing.
You weren't even crouching remotely. You were slowly walking a.

Speaker 1 He was walking. I thought he was wearing red.
He was like a red coat.

Speaker 1 I had absolutely zero strategy. You literally marched like a red coat the whole time.
Yeah. The lights were bouncing off my skin perfectly.

Speaker 1 You guys were camping the whole time. We did camp.
Yeah, we took a strong. Because I kept doing laps, and I'm like, you guys are still here.
Cool.

Speaker 1 I was patrolling like an L-shape. I would come here, come there, come here, and then I'd wander off run back.

Speaker 1 Bro, please, Sean. Don't be confident.
Sean, I'm going to for real follow you the whole time now.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sacrifice my whole game. I'll be last place, and I'm just going to take you down to like fourth place.
That's okay. I'm going to do that.
Damn, guard dog's confident.

Speaker 1 Dude, he's there's nothing wrong with fourth place.

Speaker 1 If I shadowed him, dude.

Speaker 1 Fourth place is nice, huh? Fourth place, I'm happy with.

Speaker 1 One first place. If I shadow, it wouldn't be fourth.
One first place, one fourth place.

Speaker 1 Bubbles scrubbed that from the records. Don't count.

Speaker 1 Bubbles did bring up, he was like, Long Penis, he had his eye on you. Just so you know.
He was like, guys,

Speaker 1 guys, I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 He was all over Long Penis.

Speaker 1 He took us aside. He was like, guys, for real.
I'm glad you guys aren't fun and shit, but that guy is too, like, if this wasn't a private event, we could. He's a pregnant woman.

Speaker 2 It's the battlefield.

Speaker 1 You fucking knocked her over. I saw you knock her over.
She didn't want to talk about it because you were like, you fucking told anyone I'll fucking kill you. You all know.
You related point and said,

Speaker 1 You tell anyone about this, I'll fucking kill you.

Speaker 1 One actual kill.

Speaker 1 Bubbles is walking by and just covered her mouth like, shh,

Speaker 1 shh, shh, shh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were, I had never seen that side of you, man. It was like fucked up.

Speaker 1 It's a weird side to see. Like, you bring your friend, you put him in any type of competitive situation, he instantly cheats.

Speaker 1 It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 Who would have thought? The two biggest cheaters right there.

Speaker 1 James cheated at my birthday. I was fucking pissed about it for like a month.
You were cheating at the birthday. You cheat more than I did.
Yeah, I cheated.

Speaker 2 I did not cheat one time.

Speaker 1 You were that dork scaper, though. You run around.
He's got a full dorker on.

Speaker 1 It's a beautiful

Speaker 1 pays off.

Speaker 2 Happy with a strong second. There's day-light between the two of us.
And I didn't cheat.

Speaker 1 Second, third, whatever. I guess we'll see.

Speaker 1 You two are the captains for next game. Yeah.
You got to pick teams. It can't be random.
That would not be fair. If the guys who cheat versus the fats.

Speaker 1 Cheaters versus fats. I'm not on fucking Terminator C.

Speaker 1 Terminator.

Speaker 1 That's actually a strong move. Everyone behind Terminator.

Speaker 1 That's not a bad thing. Every form of cheating that we just invented.
Yeah, even cheat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're all going to cheat and scream as soon as everybody, as soon as we got in the room. By the way, shout out to Blazer Tag Pizza.

Speaker 1 Don't hit the spot. It fucking hits.

Speaker 1 We did it. How long have we been going? We got to get back in.
15 13 minutes. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 16 minutes for the first one, so we're about a half. Are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 1 Here is

Speaker 1 Blazer Tag. I know.
This is a.

Speaker 1 Next time we need like an eight-hour all-day pass. You need a tag for

Speaker 1 three hours. You could have an hour and a half dissertation.

Speaker 1 Bubbles is not afraid to give you a speech.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. We love BetterHelp.

Speaker 1 Love Butter Help. As nice as it would be.
The help with the button.

Speaker 1 The butter help. As nice as it would be.
You don't have all the answers. Prompt for a host Rift.
I struggled with dot dot dot.

Speaker 1 I personally, I don't like to get into this, but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians

Speaker 1 until I got help from

Speaker 1 BetterHelp, Butter Help.

Speaker 1 and we overcame that struggle because they were like, it was like a stern father: like, oh, you want to smoke cigarettes? Well, how about you do a hundred of them?

Speaker 1 You want to have sex with frogs all the time?

Speaker 1 Butter help said, How about you do a hundred of them, tough guy? Box them a hundred frogs, and you don't come out of that room until you cream by every one of those fuckers' mouths.

Speaker 1 I said, But butterhope,

Speaker 1 it's important that you have a good support system, system. You know, people you can go to when they're going gets tough.
Like a therapist from Butterhill.

Speaker 1 They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends. You can't tell your family about those frogs.
You can't tell anyone about that.

Speaker 1 You got to go to Butterhill.

Speaker 1 That's tricky.

Speaker 1 You got to get on a Zoom call and go, I want to fuck frogs. They go, holy shit, we got to help.

Speaker 1 I need a trusted professional.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yes, we already riffed. We rifted with things that helped us.

Speaker 1 Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, it just, after I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians, my social skills were much more positive.

Speaker 1 I overcame those problems, and I learned how to reach out. I learned how to reach out for help in a safe space.

Speaker 1 So if you want to try, if you want to give therapy a try and you're not sure where to begin, check out Buttahille.

Speaker 1 Still can't really go near any bodies of water.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, because due to the possibility of a frog

Speaker 1 sending me into a frenzy. Oh, bro, trust me.
When you're on the edge of a pond and you don't even see the frog, but you hear it jump into the water, I go, I just want to fucking jump after it.

Speaker 1 Check that thing out. Hopefully, I kiss it and it turns into a prince.

Speaker 1 Guys, check out BetterHelp. It's fully online.
So easy to get started. And they have access to a wide range of credentialed therapists, over 30,000 with all sorts of different specialties.

Speaker 1 That's good. Yeah, guys, guys.
Sorry, I had some motherfucking boogos. that's all right check out build your support system booger help

Speaker 1 build your support system with better help visit betterhelp.com slash mssp to get 10 off your first month that's better help h e l p dot com slash mssp yeah and all jokes aside better helps a great company yeah dude they do fucking rock with us yeah they do rock thank you butter help butter help ah dude yeah next time it's like we already saw the video i i do this is a this is a fun topic that I came across the other day.

Speaker 1 There's a restless leg medication that's been causing women to do like horrible sexual stuff.

Speaker 1 So like, like, there's just

Speaker 1 really watch them, dude. It's like,

Speaker 1 there was ladies who were taking it, like 50, 40, 60-year-old ladies who were on this medication. And then they would fake go to work and just like show their tits to strangers.
And like,

Speaker 1 like, troll, they would start trolling for sex. You got restless tits in her.
Yeah, restless tits. You got to get those things out.
Dude, it'd be like, it would be like one of your aunts would just

Speaker 1 take these meds and just leave Sunday Mass and start trolling a city and trying to get blowjobs to strangers off the meds for like a couple years. Shout out to Big Pharma for that one.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. Thank you, Big Pharma.
And then they came off of it and they were just like, what the fuck did I? Symptoms went away immediately.

Speaker 1 Imagine, dude, if like three of your aunts were just gobbling, dude, for like three years, hitting like the L in Philly and just fucking,

Speaker 1 oh my God.

Speaker 1 It's a nice lady, just a normal lady. Dude, kids are in college.
You take the restless leg meds and you just cheat on your fucking husband like 45 times in a year.

Speaker 1 You just meet dudes at the Home Depot bathroom and just fucking blow them in the back.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I read a whole thing about it. It was pretty crazy.
Yeah. I had RLS.
Thank fucking God. I think actually, maybe I did take that for a while.

Speaker 1 I might have been on the RLS for my entire 20s. Some of my

Speaker 1 teens.

Speaker 1 Got damn restless legs in there. I'm throwing the whole room off.

Speaker 1 You mean you get to talk about that every day?

Speaker 1 You guys aren't together? What the fuck? Why are you guys touching elbows? You're throwing me off. You're throwing the whole room off.

Speaker 1 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 Just finally getting out of like a multi-month bomb.

Speaker 1 Sprashing fucking water in my eye.

Speaker 1 I know. It's not the first time.
The other time, I just straight up missed my mouth and just poured it all down my shirt in the little boy. And I was like, that was the RLS medicine.

Speaker 1 That might have been the RLS medicine. You took a face off.
I was thinking about my next victim.

Speaker 1 My next suck.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so we got that going on. That's hilarious.
Yeah, I was pretty pumped about that.

Speaker 1 Keep an eye on your fucking aunties, y'all. Keep an eye on your motherfucking aunties.
Dump that medicine

Speaker 1 down the drain. For real.
They don't know about that.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, imagine you're just watching the VMAs with your aunties. And they're seeing like JT's fucking tennis dude.
They're seeing that guy through the air. Flip.

Speaker 1 Who's that guy who does flips off the piano?

Speaker 1 Oh, Blazer tag Nike Blazer ripped his clothes off at the VMAs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I forget his name. The guy who sings.

Speaker 1 I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, it's like pretty accurate. It's like a girl rock.
It's fairly accurate. Passionate girl rock.
It is girl rock. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Benton boom. That's kind of an unfair.

Speaker 1 Like, you can, now you can just like take a formula and just create those songs and like girls will like like every like literally every single one these beautiful things that i yeah

Speaker 1 i like this song i i like this song listen listen to the words oh song fucking sucks you listen to the words

Speaker 1 you listen to the words of edmund fitzgerald you think about the chef

Speaker 1 think about the cook coming in saying fellas it's been good to know you after the main hatchway gave in you dumb bitch

Speaker 1 fine i'll listen but we're actually going to sync up dark side of the moon of the wizard of oz after this and you've got to watch the whole fucking thing.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to listen to audiobooks at night, and

Speaker 1 women don't exactly like it. No, it's not listening to the guns of August last night.
Put it on?

Speaker 1 Not a big hit. What the hell? What happened?

Speaker 1 Just a sleepy woman going,

Speaker 1 what is she talking about? And I was like,

Speaker 1 King George died, and it was kind of the last time all the royals were together in London. And, you know, they're all related.

Speaker 1 Turning the fuck off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the mutual audio book is tough. I listened to my girlfriend's friend stayed in our hotel room.
Nothing.

Speaker 1 A little restless light. They're on the mats.
They were on the bed. They were on the beds.

Speaker 1 It was after SNL, and she was like, I'm going to take a nap before I go home. So she, because it was 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, this is what I listen to when I sleep. And I put on rain noises.
Nice. And her friend honestly thought I was listening to applause.

Speaker 1 She thought I was... And

Speaker 1 she didn't really mention it.

Speaker 1 He felt you needed a standing O to pass out. She finally thought I was going to sleep to applause.

Speaker 1 And now I can't listen to the fucking rain thing anymore because it sounds exactly like applause.

Speaker 1 She's fucking right. You need a stand in O to pass out.
I need a standing O all

Speaker 1 that's rain. You hear the trickles.
Obviously rain. Maybe across the room in a hotel.
Oh, there you go. That sounds fucking applause.
With some distance, it sounds like applause.

Speaker 1 Because you can hear the trickles.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's maybe a babbling brook. I'm going to have to switch it up.
Get some thunder in there or something. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Dazzled by these splendidly mounted princes, as the times called them. Few observers have eyes for the night skin.

Speaker 1 He's going to achieve greatness as a man.

Speaker 1 Despite his great height and perfect horsemanship.

Speaker 1 There's nothing wrong with listening to that at bedtime. Dude, that could trigger an exorcism.

Speaker 1 Ah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's, I've done that. I've done the audiobook at nighttime.
It's like, what is this? What are you listening to?

Speaker 1 Fine. It's about how World War I started.
I want to have a better understanding. How long? Are you still listening to that? Don't fucking fall into it again.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you still listening to that? Like, yes, it's fucking on. I'm still listening to it.
Oh, I had a fucking bug crawl across me. What? In the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 You know, this is one of my deepest fears. Yeah, what happened? It fucking woke me up.
The thing was huge. Was it in the hotel? No, it was in.

Speaker 1 It literally went up the side. And I was like, yo.
Are you serious?

Speaker 1 And it wasn't like a night. I don't think it was a night.
I felt it. It woke me up.
I could feel it on me. Kind of bug? What kind of creepy crawler?

Speaker 1 I didn't get to see the crawler, which was made for a worse evening. It's out loud.
It's out loud. It was a flashlight out, looking under the blankets.
I'm laying down.

Speaker 1 I was like, I didn't want to tell her. I couldn't be like a giant spider's in our bed.
No way. Because there has been a giant spider in the whole house.

Speaker 1 That'd be a hot new cuck genre where spider just fucking literally lays attacks your wife.

Speaker 1 Spider just runs. Spider-Nope.

Speaker 1 You just hold the camera like, yeah, spider. Yeah, suck the cream pot.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. I need you to fart, spider.
Oh, fuck, dude.

Speaker 1 You love that fucking smell, babe.

Speaker 1 I'm not having fun anymore. It's not even that fun.

Speaker 1 Me and Adam had an and James had a nice date yesterday. Oh, what'd you do? We went and saw Friendship, the new

Speaker 1 It's the funniest.

Speaker 1 It's going to be the funniest movie. When's it come out? May.
May.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm looking forward to May. I can't wait to see it again.
Yeah, I'm going to see that again. That was

Speaker 1 Friendship and French Onion, Boys. No, no, no.
Don't tell them. Don't tell them that we all got French Onion soup after we saw a movie and discussed the movie.

Speaker 1 We had DeRosa in there, it was a good squad.

Speaker 2 I was very, everyone else was laughing and having a good time. I was so sad.

Speaker 1 James took it to heart.

Speaker 2 I took it to heart. And then I spoke to the director who came up afterwards.
I said, I was devastated. And he was so happy.
Really? I said, your comedy made me very upset.

Speaker 1 And he was like, oh,

Speaker 2 he was really pleased.

Speaker 2 It's a very, it's like a very A24 drama set.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But very, it's so funny.
It's very funny. I've got to say.
It's unbelievably funny. But

Speaker 2 I wouldn't stop laughing. I might be oversensitive.
I feel I have milder

Speaker 2 PTSD after doing the shooting. After being in that room with the light, there was so much killing.
There was like seven minutes there.

Speaker 2 So I might just be experiencing it.

Speaker 1 I'm a sensitive boy. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but to see that movie and be like, that fucked me up is crazy.

Speaker 1 The movie's

Speaker 1 hilarious.

Speaker 1 The trailer looks awesome. It's everything for you.
Oh, I can't do it. You're going to fucking think it's a good thing.
I saw the trailer and I was like, this looks phenomenal.

Speaker 1 It's the funniest thing I've seen since Tropic Thunder. Yeah, it's got to be.
It's up there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Comedy movies are back. True.
In a big way. Pendulum swung.
Pendulum swung. Pendulum's fully swung.
Maybe too far.

Speaker 1 Head down to the mothership. You go, ooh.
Yeah. Pendulum's, maybe it swung a little too far.
Not everyone has to say it. True.

Speaker 1 Every single set.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 we're in the new version of the 70s now.

Speaker 1 We've left like the, we had like a version of the 60s, like the hippie dream, which was just like state-sponsored, basically propaganda at this point, which is like the super woke stuff.

Speaker 1 It's completely falling apart. Now we're in the 70s.
Now I got evil hippies. Exactly.
And then we're about to hit the 80s pretty soon, which will be sweet. Yes.
We're about to have a new 80s.

Speaker 1 The 30s are going to be the 80s. We're going to be dying during the 90s, which is a good time to die.

Speaker 2 The 90s are the best one, I think.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's a good time to die.
So when we're 50, we're all going to be in the 90s. It's going to be sick as hell.

Speaker 1 60? Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 That's all right. 9-11 is going to be really rough.

Speaker 2 It's going to be.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll do it, though. Maybe it'll be ours.
He's a downer.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Dude, you think the Middle East will still be there in the new 90s, dude? Oh, there's going to be casinos. It'll be the Riviera.
It's going to be Trump casinos.

Speaker 1 It's going to be the other Riviera. You'll probably do a VR.

Speaker 1 9-11 will be like a ride at Universal Studios. You'll be in the building.

Speaker 1 If you have the lightning pass, they'll be like, hey, we actually know about an attack. We're going to get you guys out on the 24.

Speaker 1 It's coming. Yeah, Tower 7 will be the haunted one.

Speaker 1 Drop out of nowhere.

Speaker 1 Tower of Terror. Tower of Terror.
You just go, oh, we're dropping.

Speaker 1 Tower 7 of Terror. Against all odds, we're dropping.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah,

Speaker 1 it definitely is heartening news. We are.

Speaker 1 The pendulum's fully swung. Pendulum swung.
The dream broke, but the residue of it, just like the hippie dream, will still, you know, kind of saturate the culture, but

Speaker 1 it'll just be like breakfast. It'll like blend into like ice cream stuff.
Damn. The hipsters were kind of fun at first.
Huh? You remember like 2010?

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was kind of nice.
Nice group of people. It was Nick and Norris' Infinite Playlist.
It was. And then they...
And I was at the right age to be gay enough for it. I fucking love that shit.

Speaker 1 And then they're like, what did you love about it? I just liked all the music. Freedom.
Yeah. Yeah.
The dawn of a new age. Place the gay music.

Speaker 1 LCD sound system still rules does roll all that yeah that rules yeah i don't know what happened i'm telling you dude it was occupy wall street and then it just total psyop and they turned into still still wearing masks today which is

Speaker 1 it's unsettling when you see a guy just a dude by it's like it's like maybe you're visiting your grandmom but like i don't know i've said it before if you're grand if you're like a grandmom or grandfather and you're worried about that it's like I think you've kind of failed at least.

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't you shut up. It was just a pussy.
It's like if you're 80 and you're worried about COVID, you're a pussy. Even if you don't die of COVID, you're going to be a pussy.

Speaker 1 Definitely the people that should be worried about, though. For sure.
Yeah. But it's you imagine

Speaker 1 that. You don't want to die.
Well, I guess they all do die of pneumonia. Yeah.
Eventually, yeah. You can't be scared of death by the time you're 80.
I mean, it's close.

Speaker 1 It's easier said than done, obviously.

Speaker 1 Dude, when you're like making your grandkids get like experimental therapeutics. Yeah.
So they can chill with you. I don't think that many grandparents were doing that.

Speaker 1 I think the grandparents were like, why can't they come inside? True. I want to hold my grandson.
He's outside of the window because it was a bad thing. That's a trouchy.

Speaker 1 I did my part. What up, Nate? What up, big onk? What up, y'all?

Speaker 1 We're just all coming clean here. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't rag on 80-year-olds, but

Speaker 1 I pray by the time I'm 80, I'm not going to be scared of some fucking bullshit ass. I'm trying to take like a moral high ground.
I was just thinking of

Speaker 1 when I was 80. If I was ever 80.
Half-life transgression. No shot.

Speaker 1 I hope by the time I'm 80, I'm truly not afraid of death. I hope I'll be

Speaker 1 at the 40. I'll staring 40 now.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to get on the fucking Goodfoot. It's time.
It's time. It's time to get a blood panel.
That's going to be a real bummer. Yeah, trust me.
I got mine. Mine was not great.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a bummer. Although, right now,

Speaker 1 I've said it before, but I always stray from this. I don't care about aesthetics.
I'm going just performance.

Speaker 1 I toggle back and forth. It's like, could I just become an Adonis?

Speaker 1 And then I just get fatter every day and I go, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Speaker 1 So I'm going just pure performance now.

Speaker 1 I don't, it doesn't care. Weight, don't care.
I don't care about any of it. I'm just care.
I'm caring about mile times, hang time. I mean, I think I got like a one, I think 140 hang time, whatever.

Speaker 1 It's not a big deal, but

Speaker 1 it's fucking hard. I believe you.
Yeah, it's cool. Awesome.
All we can talk about is finished hang time.

Speaker 1 Hang time's tough, dude. That does blow.
Hang time is hard. Yeah.
I'm in a stiff competition with Billy right now. Billy got him.
You might get him on the hang time.

Speaker 1 Nah, did you ever see his fucking hands? Yeah, but he's big. Yeah, but he's got fucking fat.

Speaker 1 He does have paws. Yeah, he is for real, like dog paws.
He does.

Speaker 1 So right now, we're tied, but I got to overtake him for sure in the hang time. It's weird.
They're saying, like, that's all that matters.

Speaker 1 Everyone's worried about COVID, but they're like, if your thighs are jacked and you can squeeze stuff really hard, you're not going to die.

Speaker 1 I actually believe that. I'm telling you.
They're saying if you have like

Speaker 1 jack thaws. Grip ties.
Exactly. They're saying grip strength and like muscle density in your legs are a bigger indicator.
Jack thighs win the grip strength every time at Rogans other than Rogan.

Speaker 1 Not a big deal. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Fuck you looking at Adam. You're your ass lost.

Speaker 1 What's the poundage on the grip strength?

Speaker 1 I think I got, it was like 145 last time. That's good.
And then no one could beat it, so I only went once. I was like, all right, good.
That's good. First try.
I'm on your bumper too.

Speaker 1 I'm on your bumper right now. I believe it.

Speaker 1 I'm on your bumper. You better not be on my bumper.
I'm on your bumper.

Speaker 1 If any Democrats out there say something mean about Donald Trump, I'm on your bumper.

Speaker 1 They better chill with making that kid famous because.

Speaker 1 What do you think's going to happen? Same thing that happens to everybody.

Speaker 1 I might hire a nasty story about that sweet angel.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Especially shoot an unarmed white kid.

Speaker 1 Trill. To be fair.

Speaker 1 I could see them doing some nasty false flag like that against him. I'd be on their bumper.
I'd be on the CIA's bumper if that happens. You're already on the CIA's bumper.

Speaker 1 They're probably on your bumper after they found out that fucking hang time. They're probably like, holy shit, it's Jason Born.

Speaker 1 He's a sleeper cell.

Speaker 1 Nah, I'm definitely on the CIA's bumper. I just got a fucking laser tag on the brain.
I do too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's get it. Let's get one more tag.
One more tag. We'll be right back.
One more laser tag.

Speaker 1 We don't got to watch a video again. There we go.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Alright, I believe this is everybody.
Dr. Hibbs.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 before we continue, I do have one thing to announce. I have it on good authority that the bomb penis did, in fact, cheat.
I fucking killed it!

Speaker 1 We've got

Speaker 1 footage of the whole thing. It was terrible.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So, what the fuck are you talking?

Speaker 1 So, just comment.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Monster Ultra.

Speaker 1 Everyone knows the white monster. Yep.
That clean white can, zero sugar crisp.

Speaker 1 It's everywhere lately. Gyms, airports, studios, you name it.
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Speaker 1 Visit MonsterEnergy.com to learn more. I will visit MonsterEnergy.com to learn more.
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Speaker 1 Speeds may be slow above 35 gigabytes or on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra.
See Mint Mobile for details. That's just a smell vibe in here right now.
That's the Blazer Room post-game locker room.

Speaker 1 We need showers here.

Speaker 1 We got to get a pro team going. We could put in the work and get a bunch of people.
I mean, we got two of the best cheaters in America.

Speaker 1 We weren't cheating. What's the

Speaker 1 game plan? Yeah, what do you do? What's like the game plan? The game plan is

Speaker 1 instantly leaves the floor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, somebody went to the towers

Speaker 1 big time.

Speaker 1 Wasn't me.

Speaker 1 You run up there? I defend cheat. How did I see you up there? I don't know.
You must have been a Mirage or something.

Speaker 2 You must have been loopy from the battle.

Speaker 1 That sucks. And I'm not against cheating.
That's disgusting. You're a liar.
James was on the ground. I could simply get James on the ground the whole time.
If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying.

Speaker 1 Except when we have to move up. Yeah, well, you can move up.
Yeah, the floor was lava then. You had to move up.
The floor was lava. Yeah.
The floor was lava.

Speaker 1 The balconies were lava.

Speaker 1 Somebody is

Speaker 1 lava-proof.

Speaker 1 LeMaire, dude, they went five-minute warning. LeMaire was on level three already.
I was like, I was

Speaker 1 on level two.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Le Maire was cheating on me. I was on level two.

Speaker 1 I started walking up the ramp. I was just getting a man and admitting it.
I started walking up the ramp like 30 seconds before, and then it was five minutes more.

Speaker 1 You shot me from the ramp. I watched you do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did. You got like defensively.
That was weird. I was just trying to be joking.
You went early? You went up early? I thought it was funny. Sean, that's not how the blue team does it, dude.

Speaker 1 That's not blue.

Speaker 1 I thought it'd be fun. I thought about it.
I was tempted, but I waited. That guy was like.
I was stuck in that corner. I couldn't get up there.

Speaker 1 I kept trying to go to that ramp. Corner was nice.
True. Corner was nice.
The guy was policing the ramp, too. I was like, I'd be like, I'm taking it.
And I would see that guy. I'm like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Next time I'm putting bubbles in there, get them on the ramp.

Speaker 1 Anyway, what else is going on? Not much, man. I'm, fuck, what else is going on? Dude, how was SNL? You could there we go.
Talking about that. I got that.
There we go.

Speaker 1 It was a weekend laser tag. Yeah, yeah.
Laser tag is more important.

Speaker 1 It was, it was easier the second time. That's nice.
But the one thing that sucks is you know what's coming the second time.

Speaker 1 So the first time you go through and you're like, all right, Monday, that was easy. Tuesday, that was easy.
Then all of a sudden you do everything on Friday.

Speaker 1 You film all those pre-recorded sketches you film. So you're there.
We had to get there at like 6. Oh.
6 a.m. So you got to pick up at 5.30 and then you get done at fucking 2 a.m.

Speaker 1 And then you got to do the real thing. And then you wake up the next day.

Speaker 1 Why do they do it that way? I don't know.

Speaker 1 That sounds like it's why not do that first.

Speaker 1 Rest up. Yeah.
Maybe just get you jacked up and like juiced up.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, you, you know,

Speaker 1 it was, it was actually, I mean, it doesn't matter how late you stay up. When you do the rehearsal live, it's the scariest.
If they ever showed that monologue I did,

Speaker 1 it was fucking nuts.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. It's the most nervous I've ever been.
And then the real show, I was uncomfortably not nervous.

Speaker 1 That's a good idea. I was like, oh, this isn't good.
Yeah, giving you the run-through is genuinely a good idea. Yeah, every sketch, you're nervous.
You're like, fuck, I can't read.

Speaker 1 That's, dude, that read off the card. I've talked to people before, like, yeah, you can read off a card.
I'm like, dude, I can hardly read books to my kids.

Speaker 1 You got to read the card like you're telling a joke. That's tough.
You're like, no, I don't know.

Speaker 1 And then they change the lines in between rehearsal and the real show i'll tell you what i would do i would fuck some new lines i'd fuck the first card up immediately and i'd think about it the rest of the time and i'd fuck up every single card after that that's that's my prediction for sure that's what i predict so we did rehearsal and we did another jamaican church sketch

Speaker 1 and i think i fucked it up so bad they were like it's not that good what yeah That's what happened. You do a sketch and then they're like, all right, we're not going to use that.

Speaker 1 And you're like, fuck, that was my fault because that was definitely funny. Now they shouldn't have gone back to the well.

Speaker 1 The Jamaican well.

Speaker 1 I liked the Jamaican well.

Speaker 1 I love it. It's funny every single time.

Speaker 1 Damn. You're right.
So they had Jamaican part two. They did have Jamaican part two, and I think I fucked it up.

Speaker 1 Nah, you never know. They're not going to tell you.
You never know.

Speaker 1 You should get on like an M.R. vibe, dude.
What's that? M.R.'s is a white English guy who just does dance hall, and he does it really well. Oh.

Speaker 1 Jamaican dance hall, guys? No. Pussy turned red? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pussy red? Yeah. I didn't know that was was his name.
Turn a pussy red. Yeah.
Yeah, dude. You should.
Something to consider.

Speaker 1 Just do like a year. Just take a year and off of a pack.
Everything and just do Jamaican style and cigarette.

Speaker 1 Take one year off and rebuild. And it's like, well, let me tell you about this man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the monologue, though, is the scariest.

Speaker 1 And it was like, there's Tate McRae fans in the front. Oh, God.
It's like, oh, man, they're not going to fucking like me talking about Ken Burns. Yeah.
It's just like young.

Speaker 1 What did they? Were they just like? They didn't like it.

Speaker 1 The monologue went well, but

Speaker 1 the rehearsal.

Speaker 1 Who were the fans?

Speaker 1 Was it just like

Speaker 1 attractive ladies sitting up front?

Speaker 1 They're the fucking worst. For real, are you? If you had to pick a demographic that you didn't want, like two rows of in the front is just hot ladies.
Hot young women.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 And the way that's set up, you saw it was like two sections, and then everyone else is just in the back of the room. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not conducive for stand-up. No.
Unless you have like a point. They like that.
Yeah. If a comedian goes out there and makes a fucking good point.
Sure, anyway. Everyone's like that.

Speaker 1 It's just incredible. You can get the hot young babes with good points.

Speaker 1 Even if they don't fully understand it, they'll be like, wow, awesome. I never thought of it like that.
Yeah, hot young babes are the last thing you want. You think you want them?

Speaker 1 Give me a room full of hot young babes. I'll fucking spin their heads off.
I'll make them very unhappy. They also don't have the best attention spans either.
No,

Speaker 1 I did the worst show I ever did was the small room at the stand upstairs. It was five different tables of hot young women.
The whole room was empty. Then they brought food in.

Speaker 1 They had like 10 waiters at once. Just fed everyone at once while I was standing up there.
Immediately it was onto the floor. Every waiter is probably like, I'll get that out for you right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll pick that one up. I'll get that for you right away.
Yeah, I was just up there like, all right, we're done listening. Everyone's eating.
Yeah. Perfect.

Speaker 1 And they're like, no, you're doing good. And you go, oh.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's got to be just crazy being in like a hot lady's body. I couldn't think of anything else.
If I was just a hot lady. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I was just a hot lady in a hot lady's body, I'd be like, God, I'm so fucking hot right now.

Speaker 1 It's time for me to be rude. I'm literally, I just be so turned on by myself.
I'm like, dude, I'm just so, I'm just way too horny to listen.

Speaker 1 I was waiting for, why isn't this guy a billionaire? And why isn't he just fucking picking me up on my head and taking me to his house?

Speaker 1 That's what I would think about if I was a hot lady in the city of New York.

Speaker 1 The one thing that was funny with SNL was the first time, Tate McRae, by the way, extremely nice lady. Yeah, that's nice.
Like, nice Canadian lady came in. She was very like, hey, how are you?

Speaker 1 She was, so the

Speaker 1 host screen room here, the musical artist is right across the hall. And I was like sitting on the couch trying to fucking read, freaking out.
And then she walked in and I was like,

Speaker 1 for real. I don't know why I did this.
I was just like,

Speaker 1 and she kept walking, and I was like, oh, that hurts. But then she came right back in.
It was like, hey, how are you? Did you read?

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 but then the first thing we did was a sketch where I was in a fucking like motorized scooter dressed like an animal. And she had to sit on my lap.

Speaker 1 And right before they're like, Tate, are you okay with this? Is everything okay? Are you all right with sitting on his lap? She was like, yeah, I don't care. And I was like, no one asked me.

Speaker 1 And they're like, Shane, are you all right? I was like, yes.

Speaker 1 Which seemed really funny at the time until it's literally just me, her, and the director. And I was like, I hope you understand.
I was kidding.

Speaker 1 She didn't laugh.

Speaker 1 I think she laughed, but I was immediately embarrassed that I did that.

Speaker 1 She's like 21. I'm sitting there like, yes, I'm good with it.
I mean, to be fair, it was very funny. Yeah.
Funny scene you could possibly do.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the aftermath of that would have been like, I'm just fucking around. And it was,

Speaker 1 we just got done filming the first sketch, and I had to rush to that one. And they're like, hurry up.
She's got to leave. And so I was like sweaty.

Speaker 1 It was a nightmare. And then it was, she's like, her character was supposed to flirt with me.
And so she was like, we have such a nice thing. And she like rubbed my chest.

Speaker 1 And in my head, I I was like, damn, my chest is definitely soaked.

Speaker 1 She was sitting on me.

Speaker 1 I must have been 400 degrees.

Speaker 1 Laying on just a hot pillow that was like, I'm really sorry about this. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I was just kidding when I said I was super. I was just joking about that.
She's like, what? I'm like, it's a joke I told. I don't even know if you heard it.
What? Yeah. Covered it.

Speaker 1 Fucking bullshit, which I'm shooting about in Canada. I don't even understand.
I'm fucking bullshit. Fucking terrorists are fucking bullshit, man.
I was

Speaker 1 definitely, definitely felt sweat on my chest. Damn.
Yeah. You're in the presence of a diva.
She's a diva, dude.

Speaker 1 That's so sick, though. I keep hearing about new divas.
There's new divas. I am completely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're too old. I'm out of the diva loop.
I'll be back in the diva loop.

Speaker 1 I'll be back in like six years, seven years. Careful to get back in the diva loop.
Why? Takes over your algorithm. Well, I'm saying.
I followed Tate McRae on Instagram. You're in the Diva Loop now.

Speaker 1 My Diva Loop's fucking insane. What are the other D.
Divas right now?

Speaker 1 Sabrina Carpenter is a D. Va.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Dochi, a bit of a D.

Speaker 2 Dochi's? Chapel Rone is D. Va number one currently for sure.

Speaker 1 What? Chappellarone is dominating.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, we were talking about...

Speaker 1 Oh, what? Wrestling Divas? No, no, no. Chappellarone does rule, though.
They have to be cute? They have to be the huge. I mean, now you're making us the bad guys.
Chapel Rone, no.

Speaker 1 You know, I can't. I just do like Divas.

Speaker 1 I've never seen Chappa.

Speaker 1 I've never seen Chapel Marone.

Speaker 2 I think Chapel Ryan is a very sexually appealing man.

Speaker 1 She is. That is also right up your alley.
Chapel Marone dresses like a drag queen. Yes, it's very alt, alt.
You got to think for that.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I just learned this weekend, girls will dress as drag queens. Which is dressing as.
It's got a dong face.

Speaker 1 It's got a dong face. That's bullshit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, I wasn't just watching RuPaul's drag race yesterday.
Were you really? It was on at my house, and Whitney Cummings was on it. Really? she was one of the yeah they did a roast

Speaker 1 it was great roast the drags that's yeah it's one of my favorite things to ruin rupaul's drag race while my girlfriend's trying to watch it yeah what the are these uncles talking about she's like what i was like those are all uncles those are all somebody's uncle's like a staunch guy

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 RuPaul's got some conservative ideas. She's anti-trans.
I think trans people are not allowed on the show. She did, I think, what, eight?

Speaker 1 I think he, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he refuses to put the dress on unless someone pays him money. That's the thing.
He'll go on late-night talk shows and they'll go, where's the woman outfit?

Speaker 1 And he goes,

Speaker 1 pay me.

Speaker 2 If you want me to wear a dress, you've got to pay me.

Speaker 1 I thought that was cool. Yeah, Rupawal kind of rules for that.

Speaker 1 Damn, that's pretty cool. Just like every other black comedian.

Speaker 1 I was, dude, I did it again. Yeah, I did it again this time.
I was

Speaker 1 they were like, do you have anything you don't want to do? I was like, I'm just not going to wear a dress.

Speaker 1 I can't do it. Yeah.
From Cat. You can't, bro.
Otherwise, I would have been like, yeah, whatever. It's funny.
I'm not doing anything wrong. You can't.

Speaker 1 Now it's.

Speaker 1 There's too much. I put that dress on.
It's over, dude.

Speaker 1 No, Diddy, bro.

Speaker 1 You can't do it. No, I'm not.
It's tough, though. It's tough to speak up at NBC.
It's weird to be in an office and they're like, do you have anything? Yeah. I'm just not going to wear a dress.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, dude. I was like, I'd be, you know.

Speaker 1 Because of Cat Williams.

Speaker 1 You don't need him on your bumper for sure. Fuck no.
I wouldn't want him on my bumper.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. Especially.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also, it really is like,

Speaker 1 what would a good enough scenario or joke be for you to be in the dress?

Speaker 1 It would have to be a dynamite fucking sketch. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mrs. Doubtfire.
Doubtfire.

Speaker 1 There was. Although Robin Williams couldn't handle it.
I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil sketches.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil it, but there was a very funny Mrs. Delfire sketch.

Speaker 1 Maybe they'll use it again because it was good because we didn't use it. Really? Really funny.

Speaker 1 Why? They didn't use it because of your... No, no, no.

Speaker 1 The character would not have been wearing a dress, but he would have been. It was a guy getting confronted that he was Mrs.
Delphiron.

Speaker 1 Hilarious. That is funny.
I hope I didn't spoil it. No.
Because this is a good one. They'll still rip it.
They'll rip it. They'll rip it.
And you can go.

Speaker 1 That was my fucking idea I said on my fucking podcast. I said that on my podcast.
Dibs.

Speaker 1 I want to start trying to start. I'm going to start fake comedy beefs.
I expect that was my joke.

Speaker 1 Anyone puts out a clip, be like, bro, I've been doing that, dude.

Speaker 1 People do that. I know.

Speaker 1 I actually tweeted that six years ago. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Every single joke is on Twitter. You can find it.
Yo, I fucking did that. Oh, that thing with three likes from 2013? Yeah, I saw that and I stole it.

Speaker 1 And I made it a full joke.

Speaker 1 What is it, John? One, one, one.

Speaker 2 One of those beefs.

Speaker 1 Why did that happen?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I did a joke during COVID. It was the first time I'd done it.
It's like, I fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. And it just goes on.

Speaker 2 And people came and they said, this is a David Cross bit, which I didn't know. He has the same premise, and then it goes in another direction.
And I felt bad about that.

Speaker 2 But what made me feel a lot better is there's a guy who I'd never heard of who's from LA, who's been doing comedy for 30 years.

Speaker 1 And he's like, in 1994, that was my joke.

Speaker 2 And he's uploading our and he goes, this Australian and David Cross is stealing my act. It made me feel so much more relaxed about doing the same bit.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. There's got to be a statue of limitations.
Bernie Mac's material is up for grabs. As far as I know,

Speaker 1 I got

Speaker 1 dealt with something you don't understand.

Speaker 1 It's up for grabs. I got milk and cookies.
You got milk and cookies. True.
I got these badass kids. These badass milk cookies.

Speaker 1 I clearly don't even have kisses.

Speaker 1 These badass fucking kids.

Speaker 1 I ain't ashamed. Your family fucked up too.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's awesome. That's nice.
That's got to be so nice to be done with that again. Yeah, it's the most stressful fucking thing

Speaker 1 possible. Then, yeah.
Especially a diva, throwing the diva on the mix. It's like, that would, that might fuck me up a little bit.
I don't know. I wish he was 21.
And he got to sit on my lap.

Speaker 1 That would have been.

Speaker 1 Both you guys are wearing dresses, sitting on each other's lap.

Speaker 1 You should push for the next time you do it, push for like in all every sketch has to be gay, like just gay stuff. Yeah, I have to kiss a cast member every single sketch.
Yeah, like your benefit.

Speaker 1 Who was uh was that not ben aff like matt damon he just went hog wild on that one movie liberace matt damon crystal the behind the candle behind the candle yeah he just went hog wild dude's been acting for like 25 years and he was like i'll do full gay like total total gay it's got to be there after you think it came out in a year that

Speaker 1 people weren't that critical What do you mean? It was early. It was before the culture wars.
It was. So it was right.
Yeah. I mean, it was just on the table.
It was a bag, obviously.

Speaker 1 Benzel went went for it in Gladiator. He got gay bag.

Speaker 1 How gay was he? They didn't cut it. What did they cut out a scene where he was like making allegies? And they're like, Denzel, chill.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was going, why did

Speaker 1 he was just playing a

Speaker 1 two like crowning achievements for every actor? It's gay and

Speaker 1 Gilbert Grape.

Speaker 1 That's the height of that. Just a thousand-year craft.

Speaker 1 It's like, okay, we can see you play a cop, but can you play? Can you play Gilbert Grape? You play a gay guy or Gilbert Grape. Gay Gilbert Grape is the ultimate.
That would be nice.

Speaker 1 Why haven't we had that yet?

Speaker 1 Probably have.

Speaker 1 There's got to be one.

Speaker 1 Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet? I don't think so, man. Maybe Yonk Lee.

Speaker 1 Forrest Gump had straight aids. Yeah, but he was busted.
Yeah, good. Jenny busted open for him.
That's why.

Speaker 1 He didn't do anything. Him and Bubba might have fucked around a little bit.

Speaker 1 That trip

Speaker 1 gets lonely on the high seas.

Speaker 1 Little Gump, yeah.

Speaker 1 Bubba never made it to the high seas. He also might have sucked Lieutenant Dan.
Yeah, he probably sucked Dan.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll be. Man, I'm tired from all that laser tag.
Bro, that shit. We didn't even talk about the final match.
We got two minutes. We could get one more blaze.
We could.

Speaker 1 We need one more blaze, honestly. That last

Speaker 1 fucking shit. You need one more, Matt.
This is devastating. I need revenge.
At the end, they give you who you killed the most.

Speaker 1 You killed me. I was getting.
I was getting.

Speaker 1 I only killed Matt. 15 times.
I killed Matt 15. I keep forgetting you're in that corner.
I would come back right now. 3, 4, 4, 0, 4, 1.
15. You got me.
I got you 10. I got you 10.

Speaker 1 I kept thinking our alliance was still on. I just, the last second would hesitate.
At the beginning,

Speaker 1 I didn't know what color my team was. Really? Yeah, I was shooting red.
I saw you. I heard you getting kind of confused.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I was surrounded by blues. I'm green team.
The blues were swarming, man. It leads me to believe where the rest of the reds were.

Speaker 1 We kind of had a strat. What was your strat? By the end, we did.
We set up on that first platform. That was nice.

Speaker 1 My dog was sneaking behind. Cheap shit.
We had like a line. Hanging over the balcony.
Cheap shit.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I was having fun. You can't, but your gun has that big fucking sensor on it, so you can't hang the gun over and try and get shot.
James never disclosed his.

Speaker 1 What was your strategy?

Speaker 2 Drag me down.

Speaker 2 You did not cheat.

Speaker 2 There was no cheating. There's no honor in that.

Speaker 1 So what's your strat? Like, what's your strategy?

Speaker 2 Well, this is what I figured out. I didn't realize that this was happening, but I've got a very high kill rate as well as a very high death rate.

Speaker 2 So you get 25 points for killing somebody, but you only lose five when you are are killed yourself.

Speaker 2 Oh, so if you get out there and you can take it, even sometimes you'll shoot each other at the same time when you're coming back from a channel,

Speaker 1 yeah, you still get the extra points. So, I think you got to live reckless out there.

Speaker 2 You got to go while you got to get into full blood.

Speaker 2 Don't be scared to get shot, don't be scared to get it's the opposite of real war.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they should change that.

Speaker 2 I want it inverted, that would be nice, that would be a better gameplay.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, there you have it. I've been all fucking tactical and shit.

Speaker 2 I love killing.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy, when you're out there about five minutes in.

Speaker 1 It's not something he just. People start screaming.

Speaker 1 All right. I was screaming if I hit somebody and be like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 That's why it felt so good when they're like, red team one. We was dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, that chirping. That cool, bro.
We won by 400 points.

Speaker 1 The bubbles, ass bubbles, dude. We won by 400 points.
Dude, that's nothing, bro, in the game. That was all your charge-ups and power-ups.

Speaker 1 We also had a pregnant woman on blue team. That's true, bro.
Can we please talk about that? You can look at the scores.

Speaker 1 All right, check out the pregnant woman did get dead last, but I was not that far above her. And either was me or Terminator 2 were anchors holding the squad down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. I do know that when I was playing against her, I hit her like 40 fucking times.
I didn't shoot her once. She shot me once.
Really? Yeah. What else?

Speaker 1 What else everybody get, be honest?

Speaker 1 She said there was somebody who was just on her bumper shooting her the whole time.

Speaker 1 Sarah O'Connor. Yeah, you're coming.

Speaker 1 Dude, Arnold Schwarzenegger's son in White Lotus.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. Yeah, he's really funny.
Out of nowhere, I don't know why if this was like unscripted, but they're like on a yacht and they're about to approach these girls.

Speaker 1 And out of nowhere, it goes, swastika. And they just, just for no reason, as they're walking, I was in bed holding my stomach, laughing.
Really? I don't remember that part. Dude, right on the yacht.

Speaker 1 Listen, he goes back, and they're about to watch it. Go over to the girls, and go, swastika.
And just, it was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 The funniest thing you yell ad living. Yeah, I'm interested to see where that goes.
It's gonna be fun. So good.
The girls turning on each other. Wonderful.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Finding out one of them's a Republican, the other two being like,

Speaker 1 it's so funny. Awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Dude, we think we did it.

Speaker 1 We've done it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We've got time for one more blaze. We'll do the ads in the parking lot.
No problem.

Speaker 1 We'll do the ads in the parking lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Mattmcussery.com.
Please come to the shows. It'll be in Omaha.
That's a big one. Please come.

Speaker 1 Manchester, England, next week. Come on.