Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Wow.
Wow. Welcome to the show.
Here we are again.

Speaker 1 There we are. Hey, guys.
How are you? Like, hey, guys, just throw it a neutral real quick. Oh, yeah.
It's got real dick cats every day. Yeah, we like to, you know,

Speaker 1 bring them down. We got a highbrow, real highbrow followership.
I like it. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 We like our stuff. We're going to talk about

Speaker 1 a few topics today. We're going to talk to jacking off for about one hour.

Speaker 1 And that's it. That's the only topic.
H.

Speaker 2 Foley's going to go over his exercise regimen.

Speaker 1 That's what we talk about exercising. Talk about crock pots, crock pots.
Yeah, speaking of, I need you to fire that thing up. Do you have? I got the broth in the fridge.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about your stew all last night. I was like, I wonder if you put it on right now.
I didn't because I brought a frost in the yeah. Are you cooking here? I'm well, yeah, I'm trying.

Speaker 1 Are you really? Yeah, last night I had a bowl of meat.

Speaker 1 Sounds like a homeless guy.

Speaker 1 I got a bowl of meat

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 bacon and eggs this morning. All right.
Some spinach in there. I kill you.
But the bowl of meat's good.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? What are you salt and pepper on? I mean, if full, I take a ground beef.

Speaker 1 Fuck

Speaker 1 hamburger meat. Yep.
Then sprinkle some cheese on there, put it in a bowl, pour hot sauce on it. Texas chopped cheese.
That's so good. That is good.
I don't care what anyone says. No, that's great.

Speaker 1 That's delicious. It's my type of meal.
I love the whole thing, the whole pan. I mean, you leave some in there for a little, and then you go, you know what? Who am I kidding?

Speaker 1 I'm going to finish that fucking pan right now. I love ground beef.

Speaker 2 I love the fact that all these fitness guys are now coming around on hamburger meat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, that's what it's all about.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fitness guys like me? Yeah. I know.

Speaker 2 All those guys on the internet, they're like ground beef or grass-fed organic ground beef is great for you. I knew that since the 80s.

Speaker 1 I've been a big ground beef guy. Lay it off.
Tell it, everybody. If that's what happens, I would lay off it then.

Speaker 1 Big time.

Speaker 1 I really did always wonder why it was so much cheaper than the other meat. I'm like, it's just, you're chewing it up anyway.
Why does it matter if it's pre-ground? Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was big on that forever. Yeah, I would get ground meat and be like, dude, nobody knows about this.

Speaker 2 Grass-fed, grass-finished, baby. Let's go.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Grass-fed, hamburger helper.

Speaker 2 Oh, don't get me started. That was my move back in high school.

Speaker 1 Come home from wrestling practice.

Speaker 2 My mom had a wrestling hamburger helper stroganoff sitting on the table. Big glass of milk, go to town.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was a bagel bite guy. I would microwave like 24 bagel bites.
That's the outer rim was just cold. Yeah, and I would eat all of them and I would dip them in spaghetti's every day.

Speaker 1 Whoa, so funny. And watch Pokemon with my little brother.

Speaker 2 I used to love spaghettios and a peanut butter and jelly with it. And I would dip the peanut butter and jelly in the spaghetti.

Speaker 1 Yo.

Speaker 1 How crazy? Did you see a couple days ago?

Speaker 1 Did you fuck with the meatball spaghettios or how did you? I did.

Speaker 2 We fucked with them.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 they were pretty big. I didn't roll out of the can.

Speaker 1 I just couldn't.

Speaker 2 When I was a kid, I couldn't do the bifaroni. Something about it creeped me out.
I didn't like the thickness of the nudis.

Speaker 1 The nudis were a little slimy. Yeah, they were too thick.
I agree. It was too bucotini for me.

Speaker 1 I'm an angel hair man.

Speaker 2 Dude, when that shit hit the when that angel hair hit the households in dirtbag households in the 90s, we thought we were fucking from Sicily.

Speaker 1 Thought we were the Medici or whatever. Angel hair.

Speaker 1 Medici family.

Speaker 1 Fucking spaghetti.

Speaker 1 I remember getting real mad at my mom. After like she busted out the angel hair once, then she'd go to the the regular spaghetti.
I'd be like, why? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did I do something wrong?

Speaker 1 Why aren't we getting it? Is angel hair more expensive somehow? It might have been. It was just,

Speaker 2 for some reason, it was fancier.

Speaker 1 I don't know why. It's so much better.

Speaker 2 So much better. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Sexual bite. Angel hair was kind of sexual.
It was. Maybe that's for some reason.
It was.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's why the parents for side chips. That's true.
Especially at your house. I bet the boys went.
Yeah, my mom would get the laundry basket that week and be like, get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the angel hair. It was just like dumping rocks out of a dumpster.

Speaker 1 That's poor whores, brothers. No,

Speaker 1 yeah, me and my brother at one bag.

Speaker 1 I like it. It is sexy, man.
A little olive oil and garlic.

Speaker 1 You don't see it out of restaurants either. It's all this buccatini, all this shit.
We don't, you know, we're trying to get it.

Speaker 2 It's all fettuccine, which you brought it up. That's that side piece shit.
The fettuccine. Fettuccine, Alfredo.

Speaker 2 If you're at the dinner with a girl and she orders the blackened chicken pasta, she's a whore.

Speaker 1 She's a fucking whore. This is based off one experience he's had when he was waiting tables.
He's like, this dude rolled in. This girl was such a whore.
Or battle chicken Alfredo.

Speaker 1 And then, like, that's what my mom eats. And now I can't look at her the same.
I will say,

Speaker 1 Fettuccino rules. Yeah, I'm like, I'm looking at my mom on the floor.
It's like slut food. Fettuccine Alfredo is slut slop.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's for sure.

Speaker 1 What's some other slut-slop?

Speaker 1 I think any kind of like pesto. They fuck with.
Nah, really?

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. No, it's definitely fettuccini.
It's fettuccine or no, what's the other one? The cheese, cheese-filled noodles. Ravi Tortolini.
Tortolini. Tortillini.

Speaker 1 Tortellinis are for, yeah, dumb bitches.

Speaker 2 Just get the ravioli, you skank.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I take back, take back pesto. Although, that might be graduated.
That might be elevated slut. Elevated slut.
Yeah, once you get off.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think Filet Mignon's kind of got that rap, too.

Speaker 1 With sluts?

Speaker 2 Yeah, some broad will think she knows what she's doing.

Speaker 1 She'll go to Filet Mignon and get it like medium out. What'd you say? I guess I'm a slut.
Oh, I'm always slut. Chicken Alfredo and Filet Mignon.
I'm always filet. Guys can eat it.
It's good for guys.

Speaker 1 It's just muscles and shit. Guys, it's cool.

Speaker 1 It's for hot dudes only. It's for hot dudes and giant sluts.

Speaker 2 They'd get that like a cranberry juice. Be like, you fucking dirty bitch.

Speaker 1 Ew. You're in your puddy fettuccine alfredo.
Flaming yanni cranberry juice.

Speaker 1 That also sounds like you're on a date with a 16-year-old.

Speaker 1 Can you get a lid on this, please? You got even at your table where you're just like, you nasty little slut over there with your pair.

Speaker 2 Mac and cheese in a Shirley Temple. Now you're speaking my language.
Yeah. Although,

Speaker 2 this is a bunch of a dirtbag I am. I've never had the upgraded mac and cheese that touched the shit in the box.

Speaker 1 Ever.

Speaker 2 Once in Philly, Cotton got a platter delivered.

Speaker 1 He's got the inside connector. He's plugged in.
He's got black. That's Black Mac.

Speaker 1 That's Black Mac, dude. Dude, Black Mac.
Black Mac. Forget about it.
Yeah, Black Mac's different, dude.

Speaker 2 I had a first-class education in that shit because we did Cotton's bachelor party and I went out and bought all this stuff. We did a little grill barbecue.

Speaker 2 I must have bought about $400 worth of store-bought potato salad. And it was all his boys from the neighborhood.
And nobody touched it.

Speaker 1 And after they went to the door, I pulled one of them aside, and

Speaker 1 I was like, why?

Speaker 2 How come no one's eating the fucking potato salad?

Speaker 1 And he's like, Black people don't fuck with store-bought potato salad. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I think they put vibranium in their mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 Dude, I have to take my wife aside. If we go somewhere, like my parents' house or something, they'll, it'll be like bleach, blonde American cheese on noodles.

Speaker 1 And like, I'll have to like take her outside to like, be like, all right, dude, you can like scream out here.

Speaker 1 She gets, she gets fucked up. She's like, what is this? And I'm like a bunch of pills.
It's American cheese and milk on noodles.

Speaker 1 Store-bought potato salad being like garlic to vampires to black people.

Speaker 1 Next time you go to an unruly neighborhood, have some and be like,

Speaker 1 were you Velveeta or Kraft growing up? Uh,

Speaker 1 Velveeta hit us,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Kraft was going on, and then I think Velveeta was one of those things that was at my friend's house that I like snuck into the shopping cart, and I was like, I had some Velveeta, and like my mom was like, Get the shit the fuck out of here because Velveeta had their angle was it's not powder, it's real cheese, the real cheese.

Speaker 1 But what kind of check it was not, it was like just a bed,

Speaker 1 preserved cheese

Speaker 1 cheese.

Speaker 2 We were a huge Velveeta when I was real young, it was in a huge block, yeah, and you could never wrap up the end airtight enough. So you had to go through like Normandy.

Speaker 2 You had to get like the first couple of waves of fucking hard, dried cheese to get to the good shit.

Speaker 2 And I remember my mom, when shit was tight, she'd be like, just eat it. And we'd be like, fucking eating fucking drywall.

Speaker 1 Suck.

Speaker 1 It was the first time you had Velveeta. It is kind of like a revelation.
You're like, what the fuck? Nothing else in my house doing. Nothing else crazy.

Speaker 1 My stepmom introduced me to it, and it was like, I looked at my mom. I'm like, you got to pick it the fuck up.
You are. I'm about to move into dad's house for good I will leave you too

Speaker 1 yeah chips and cheese was like just melting American cheese on chips was big and then my friend was like really hit me with the Velveeta and I was like bruh yeah although I feel like Velveeta was kind of indicative of like a problem Like usually if there was a Velveeta house, there was like marital strife.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, there's a couple holes in the wall. Yeah, there was a couple holes in the wall.
They were trying to buy back that kid's love. Yeah, for sure.
It's a little dunkaroo action.

Speaker 2 There was always that one kid that you were friends with that you knew knew there was trouble in a house that when they would offer you to eat over, you'd be like, nah, I'm good.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go home. I will say the single mother, the single mother household had snacks.
Oh, it's funny. That's where you could find dunkaroos.
Good snack. Fuck you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's treating her little man, right? Yeah, well, she was subservient to the son. The son would be like, no, no, mom, give me the dunkaroos.

Speaker 2 Some random dude leaving with a work truck out front named like Ron or something.

Speaker 1 You guys on your last dunkaroo.

Speaker 1 Fuck that. That was the fun thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my cousin snorted pixie sticks in a single mom basement. Like, there was like, we were in a friend's house with a single mom, and he just started just railing lines of pixie sticks.

Speaker 1 My cousin. He developed a drug problem, I would have to assume.

Speaker 1 He dabbled.

Speaker 1 He bounced hard. He dabbled.
He dabbled. He was a dabbling man.
He's snorting pixie sticks, you know. He's sitting there.
Someone else. Someone else.

Speaker 1 You got a single mother house. You go, I got to do something in this basement.
No one can stop me here. There's only a woman.

Speaker 1 You know, there's no paw. There's no paw to rain down on you.

Speaker 2 Some house painter every couple of weekends showing up. He ain't going to say shit.

Speaker 1 He's all about it. Dude,

Speaker 1 I've talked about this before, but I'll never forget it. When we were at our friend's house, it was just his mom, and he had these walkie-talkies.
And I swear to God, this actually happened.

Speaker 1 We're like, fucking round. He's like, if I go to a certain channel, it picks up my mom's phone conversation.
What?

Speaker 1 And we picked up a phone conversation of his mom complaining that the guy wouldn't sleep with her. And we were all like, oh,

Speaker 1 just turn it off right away.

Speaker 1 Shut it off.

Speaker 1 Dude, we were looking for porn at my buddy's house one time or weed or something. We were looking for something that a 13-year-old's looking for.

Speaker 1 And we were going through and we looked on my one buddy was looking under the bed, dude, and pulled out a, like a shop, like one of those like plastic shopping bags just full of dildos and like whips and chains.

Speaker 1 He's like, dude, what is this? And there was like five of us. We're like, ah, dude, he's like, put that back, put that back.
Like, God damn, dude, why do you have us going under your mom's bed?

Speaker 1 This is crazy. What did you expect us to find?

Speaker 2 I feel like you had to do that shit in the summer. Whatever house you you were at, and there was no one home, you tossed the place like the original.

Speaker 1 Like you turned a warrant, dude. Look for everything.
Yeah, like a no-not. Cutting open pillows.

Speaker 1 Dude. Dumping out fucking coffee and shit.

Speaker 2 Fucking stethoscope on the wall going around.

Speaker 1 My brother claims, and I, you know, I have reason to believe it's true, but he said

Speaker 1 his friend had, like, you know, you'd have like, you would like copy VHSs off of like TV or whatever.

Speaker 1 He had some sort of blank tape that they had like a movie on, and they want to put it in to watch it and his mom and her new boyfriend had recorded a sex date

Speaker 1 and like recorded over what had been there so they like they watched the first 10 minutes then it was just his mom giving

Speaker 1 went from three minutes to coach the fucking anal real quick oh your mom giving head just head bro on a v like old vhs that's worse than

Speaker 1 and that's brutal that's like the worst thing you can see

Speaker 1 that's it what would you prefer to see your mom receiving doggy or giving head i hate to say doggy

Speaker 1 dog

Speaker 1 They're still up a little for imagination.

Speaker 1 Obviously, it's POV. He's going dirty cameraman.
You're like, yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a fucking name.

Speaker 2 That's a mission, though. That's back in the day.
That's a heavy ass fucking camera.

Speaker 1 It's a matter of body strength. She drops it.
She's dead.

Speaker 1 That's like a news camera.

Speaker 1 Like April O'Neill.

Speaker 1 Damn, yeah, I didn't even think about that. That is a big cam.

Speaker 2 Oh, the biggest. Yeah, if they were doing it back then, they were real freaks.
Yeah. You had to set up a tripod and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was crazy. Being that freaky back then took a lot of gear.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, you couldn't just like have a cell phone.
Now you can just have like a cell phone. Sure.
Maybe be live streaming out to people or whatever. But like,

Speaker 1 yeah, that sucks. Porn moms, that's going to be a hard wave of kids growing up with OnlyFans moms.

Speaker 2 A lot. I mean, yeah.
She's a son of them. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Because back in the day, I used to work at a fucking,

Speaker 1 I used to work in the photo department at a supermarket. Pretty cool guy at that time.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And that was anytime you, like, a girl would drop off film, you were really hoping there was naked pictures on there. Was there sure? Nope, not once.

Speaker 2 Freshman year, I worked at a West Coast Video. And if you're not familiar with West Coast Video, they had the room in the back with the fucking beat.

Speaker 1 You paid a couple visits. Oh, what? Dude, you worked there?

Speaker 2 I used to look at the box and jerk off to the memory of the cover.

Speaker 1 I remember one was called Heinfeld.

Speaker 2 It was a Seinfeld spoof.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Hot.
Yeah, Kramer had a hog on him.

Speaker 2 But But this kid worked there and his mom, single mom, worked there too. They both worked there.
And you could see what everybody took, like, you know, you get to take your movies home in the week.

Speaker 2 No lie, this kid's mom rented time for an ass fucking too. And he was time for an ass fucking for the next four years in high school.

Speaker 1 That's tough. Hated us.
Damn.

Speaker 2 Time for an ass fucking.

Speaker 1 This is early 90s. Yeah, that's terrible.
She rented it knowing her son worked there. Yeah.
Didn't give a shit. I mean, it was time for an ass fucking show.
It's time.

Speaker 1 you see the big hand and the small

Speaker 1 it's fucking somewhere my boy's dad owned uh

Speaker 1 my boy's dad owned a bunch of independent like not like a chain not like west coast it was just like epic video or whatever there's movements over move but then blockbuster came in and he had to close up so he but he kept all the porn from like five locations and it was all in the basement and for years we had no idea we'd go over there for years i had no idea that's it dude we're down the basement and there's just wall-to-wall boxes my buddy, like, falls like out of a movie, like, falls into one, and it just like spills out all over.

Speaker 1 He's like, that whole box is porn. He's like, these are all porn.

Speaker 1 We, dude, we rob the shit out of those.

Speaker 1 Imagine that you're spending the whole summer jerking off the southern living, and you got the fucking fucking Mecca, treasure of Sierra Madri downstairs.

Speaker 1 Gazunga's 3 and Lust at Sea. We took this episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter.
Matt, I'm constantly looking for car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses, headphones. There you go.

Speaker 1 And I lose them all the time. That's why I use wired headphones now.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 What's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick. Yeah, true.
Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding LeMaire gifts.
Really?

Speaker 1 And I like to spoil them.

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Speaker 1 What was it? Gazunga's 3, and the other one was Lust at Sea, and that made Lust at Sea made the rounds. Really? Yeah, we had the Spanish Fly 14.
That was the big tame thing.

Speaker 1 Damn, they got off the 14 rounds. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 It was a spoof on Psycho, and it was called the Butts Motel.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. That's a thinker, though.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the knife was a dildo in the shower. It was pretty good, yeah.
It's crazy they made porn funny back then. I know.
Dude, and they also spent, I don't know who they had, the writers.

Speaker 2 And I know it was like

Speaker 2 my hormones were pumping, but man, the storylines, you'd be like fucking pre-coming when she's talking. Like, oh, he's not coming back for a while.
And the maids.

Speaker 1 You go, oh, I got a feeling where this is headed. No way.

Speaker 1 I'm still a bit of a story head. I love it.
I need it. I kind of need a little bit.
If it's just like Smash Cut to Insertion, I'm like, bro, build me.

Speaker 2 Stepdad, stepdaughter have to share a hotel room.

Speaker 1 Hello. Bro.

Speaker 1 Share bed might be one of my favorites. Share bed is not.
Share bed is wrong. I'll be honest, I was on shared bed very early.
Really?

Speaker 1 Before it was like like people were talking about it and i was like this is wrong yeah it's

Speaker 1 like before the stepmom okay genre like early on i got i got a shared bed video and i i kept going back to the well on that you thought it was wrong and i was like this is insane this is yeah shared shared stepson and stepmom on vacation that was pre-stuck It was pre-stuck.

Speaker 1 It was very early. Dude, my body.
Body stuck came out and everyone's not afraid to admit they're jacking off the incest porn. And I was like, oh, thank God.

Speaker 1 Thank fucking God. Which on step.
It's step. Step.

Speaker 1 Step. Or they'll claim step, and then in the video, they won't say step.
Same time, let me jack you off. Yeah, they're like, that's something

Speaker 1 that's false advertisement. Yeah.
Stuck didn't, I thought stuck was going to have a moment. I thought that was goofy.
And it didn't. Sam, couldn't do it.
Really? I thought stuck definitely.

Speaker 1 Stuck didn't get me. I'm shit.

Speaker 1 I thought it was going to be the next big thing, and I feel like it. I feel like it is.
I feel like I've never heard a comedian not talk about stuck porn. I think it exists.

Speaker 1 I think you opened the floodgates. I didn't hear about it until you said it.
Well, Matt, don't put this on me.

Speaker 1 You're really stuck in

Speaker 1 Stuck Insect porn on me. Freak Zero, Shane Giller.
Who knows? You love Notre Dame and you love stuck porn.

Speaker 1 Notre Dame and stuck porn. I just find, I haven't believed in the world.
The new Under Armour Stuck Porn commercial.

Speaker 2 In the shared beds, the mom always slept it away. Like she was like, her ass was always fucking.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? Yeah. Oh, you're hard.
I can help you with that. I go, what the hell do you want? I was like, well, just because we need sleep, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I was like, we have to get to bed. So let me do that.
I told you we were going to be a big business. We have a big day tomorrow.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So motherly.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I've been off the porn.

Speaker 1 I don't want to shoehorn this in every discussion. I've been off since January.
Good for you. Are you thinking clearer? Yeah, you get harder over less, for sure.

Speaker 1 You get kind of like high school kind of boner type things.

Speaker 2 Scrolling is a trigger for me because my fucking, my Twitter feed and my search page on Instagram is just bad news.

Speaker 1 And I'll just

Speaker 2 catch something and I'll just be like, all right, and then fucking write to fucking U porn. Yep.

Speaker 1 He alone.

Speaker 1 Instagram can draw one loose. Oh, dude.
Yeah, you see that you go. Especially a word in a hotel.
That's, you know what I have now?

Speaker 1 You know, those, you know, those things you strap to your head, there's a ball and a string, and you punch it. I have one of those, and I do that.
I do that at night.

Speaker 1 You're super glue and your eyes closed.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Dude, those things are all.
I'll never leave that. That's what I did.
I just distracted. I'm just sword on the general

Speaker 1 shadow boxing in a hotel. Not as best you're crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm horny as fuck. I better shadow box in my fucking hotel room.
The noise, you can probably hear it. It still sounds like you're jacking off, dude.
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Speaker 1 Dude, it was effective. It does calm you down, though.
Because you get the willies. After a show, you're like, I want to do something.
Of course. Yeah.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 You want to eat something, drink drugs, eat, get you want to do something fucked up. Yeah.
So I just punched the ball. I just fucking

Speaker 1 had an adrenaline out. You want to hurt yourself.
Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I, dude, I've the older I get, the more I kind of can see. Remember, hearing about those guys that have like hookers rub their backs, and that's it.
Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of those guys.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of, I can see it now. I'm like, dude, I still like laugh when I was younger.
Like, why the fuck would anyone do that? Now I'm like, nah, I kind of could just hug right on. Yeah.
It's a hug.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hug, some nice words. It's like talking to a lady.
Put you to sleep. What are you doing? That'd be nice.
Maybe a friend behind me. I'm with Chris Hanson.
I'm just a friend.

Speaker 1 I'm a bringing him in my hotel room and I go, what are you doing here?

Speaker 1 You know, I'm only 12, right? You're going to be a 37-year-old man.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? With a ball hanging from his forehead?

Speaker 1 That's the part I'm leaving out. There's just four very cheap hookers watching it.

Speaker 1 I'm standing on the screen.

Speaker 1 You're showing them what's the point of standing on their butts like a bosu ball.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, dude, I wish women would be cooler about hookers, honestly.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, why are they so uptight about hookers? Yeah, fucking fucking life. Wives and hookers could be a team.

Speaker 1 And instead, they have to be enemies. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I agree. What's all the fighting about, huh?

Speaker 1 There's enough of me to go.

Speaker 1 What a catch you are, huh? Plenty of bagel bites for everybody, girl. And sock this off.
They could team up. I got a whole brick of Velveeta.

Speaker 1 It's like watching a nature documentary when you see one of the wildebeests go down. There's a million wildebeests.
It's like, dude, you guys could help, but you're too dumb

Speaker 1 to figure this out. These hookers and wives just got together.

Speaker 1 The wildebeest could let's

Speaker 2 weird nature documentaries, the way they present it, they can really twist your view of like, say it's a baby wildebeest and it's a lion. You're like rooting for the wildebeest to get away.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But then other times you're rooting for the predator.

Speaker 1 Like the way they spin it. They spin it like crazy.
And then they set up cameras and then they add noises noises and to give the animals like human-like traits.

Speaker 2 Or if they talk about, like, you know, like, I just watched one on polar bears, and it was like a mom and two baby polar bears.

Speaker 1 And they really had to be jacking off immediately.

Speaker 1 He says, polar bears.

Speaker 1 The one's a maid.

Speaker 1 Dude, I forgot. We're saying in Airbnb, he walked down the other day out of his bedroom.
He's like, I'm going upstairs for a little bit.

Speaker 1 Goes up, closes the door, comes down, and just immediately starts washing his hands.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, dude, you couldn't make that any more blatant what you just did up there in the 20 dude you couldn't hear him snacking

Speaker 1 on the car what are you talking about he came right down what's up no shirt on what's up guys like he just had sex what's up i was filling up the rental car with washer fluid that is the lunarity like i think i'm gonna take a nap 10 minutes later you come out i couldn't see

Speaker 1 goddamn the drilling next door i couldn't hear nothing immediately get something to eat i got a huge stain

Speaker 1 right below my stomach he was giving you college roommate questions like what are you gonna do i'm gonna going to go take a nap. What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 You guys are going to hit the calf or something? Are you going to get fourth meal? I got to shut it down.

Speaker 1 It's 10.30 a.m.

Speaker 1 I'm just dying for a nap. I'm so tired.

Speaker 2 I don't like down here, too, they get in your business.

Speaker 1 How do you get on Pornhub down here? What are you guys doing? I get why you get off it now.

Speaker 1 You just got to go on the old school ones.

Speaker 2 What are you supposed to do? Put your email address in or something like that?

Speaker 1 Just don't do it. It's like the opposite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't go on the

Speaker 1 business. It's like the opposite.

Speaker 1 It's like when you're younger and you need to get an older person to buy you alcohol, you got to ask the kids. You're like, yo, what are you guys all jerking off?

Speaker 1 No, weird.

Speaker 1 You got to hang out at a liquor store.

Speaker 1 Hey, Billy, what's your email address?

Speaker 1 But no, you just got to remember old porn sites and that's what you just use.

Speaker 2 X videos is cool.

Speaker 1 Are they just X videos? Yep. That's just porn hub.
Pornhub, you can't go on. I'm a hub man.
I just never... Did you guys ever have a password back in the day to like a porn hub?

Speaker 1 There was a browser's password.

Speaker 1 That's what it was. It was like 14 sites you could get.
Huge, dude. Man.
Dex videos, it's weird

Speaker 1 because down here, the porn is, I don't know, now mine's all like Latinos. I mean, actually, graphics were close.
That's what you're into, yeah. Yep.

Speaker 1 Isn't that interesting? That's the lad algorithm. It's the algorithm.
Yeah, that's all. Yeah, that's kind of what's in demand right now.
Yeah. I can roll with that.
Exactly. Cool with it.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 2 Those passwords and shit like that. Our dads is

Speaker 2 who fucked that got fucked up by that. All that kind of stuff and the pop-ups.
Yeah. My dad literally went through five laptops in like a six-month period.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's crazy.
It's coming up.

Speaker 2 My mom's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sucks. Coming upon like some, if you hit like a desktop and you like see the service, they don't, they didn't know about search history.
No.

Speaker 1 So you could see the search history and be like, God, old man, what are you doing? You're searching boobs like a fucking eighth grader. Something about my dad.

Speaker 2 I was like, dude, we know you're fucking.

Speaker 1 Nah, are you talking about? He's fucking fucking errant. It's like, dude, you're watching porn.

Speaker 1 Come on, man. My dick's a lot bigger now, though.
Really?

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying you got some ads. You can click the ad.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got dick pills.
I've added five to seven inches. I'm like, fuck.
That's a fucking mature lady in my area.

Speaker 1 Joke's on you, asshole. I'm about to fuck a bunch of locals.

Speaker 1 You have to go with someone. Yeah, with someone,

Speaker 1 I want to know if that's ever worked out for anybody. I don't know a single person who's hit like the find horn.

Speaker 1 Does it work, Le Maire? Lemer's an internet hound.

Speaker 1 Oh, search things up. Does it work? Sometimes.
Okay, sometimes what works? Like those find local single girls?

Speaker 1 I go to Reddit and you can just like find people in there. You can find that on Reddit.

Speaker 1 God damn, man. Yeah, Reddit's like the new Craigslist kind of.

Speaker 1 These kids, Lamar's like 48.

Speaker 1 These creeps, I meant.

Speaker 1 That's cool. You did Reddit.

Speaker 2 I had it work out one time. You know, the numbers that you call, and you can talk to a lady?

Speaker 2 I was able to convince her. I was like, well, we should meet up.
And I ended up meeting up with her.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She didn't look any

Speaker 1 described.

Speaker 1 Do you think he looked like what you described?

Speaker 1 6'6 Latino dude. She looked like shit.
Anyway, I don't know if you can handle this. She looks like she's been sitting in a dark room saying dirty words into a phone for four years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do you think? She's the hottest girl in the world.

Speaker 1 Where'd you meet?

Speaker 2 I met at her place.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 This was in

Speaker 1 hearing you come up the steps.

Speaker 1 He stopped at a landing. He's just breathing heavy.

Speaker 1 Oh, no way.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

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Speaker 1 Hey, and just like that, guys, don't forget, we also do stand-up comedy, all right? I know you guys love the pod. Don't forget, you can come check us out a fucking show, dude.

Speaker 1 By the way, just got my motherfucking haircut just like that. I know you guys are going, God damn, that motherfucker does motherfucking hairs.
I said, cheat. Guys,

Speaker 1 go, I'll run down the list. Go to ShaneMGillis.com.
I know he's got a couple shows coming up.

Speaker 1 Manchester, England, man. That's going to be a big one.
Go to Manchester. You hear that, you British fucks?

Speaker 1 You motherfuckers. Guys, go to Manchester Manchester and go check out, you know, go check out all those shows.

Speaker 1 I'll also be in the Comedy Castle, Royal Oak, Michigan, and it's in danger of selling out. So I'm not just saying that.
It's true. Funnybone, Omaha.
We could use some tickets there, not going to lie.

Speaker 1 Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, San Antonio, Texas.

Speaker 1 Cobbs Comedy Club.

Speaker 1 Suck on my motherfucking Cobb in San Francisco, California. Crest Theater, Sacramento, California.
We'll see how that goes. Then the Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington.

Speaker 1 And I have a couple other dates coming up, but you know, we'll see. But yeah, go on a motherfucking, go on and get yourself some motherfucking tickets.

Speaker 3 Pardon the interruption. Hello, everybody.
This is Sean Gardini.

Speaker 3 I just wanted to let you know that I'll be doing stand-up comedy in Las Vegas, Nevada at Wise Guys Comedy Club this Friday, February 28th and Saturday, March 1st.

Speaker 3 Me and Nate Marshall will be at Wise Guys Comedy Club in Las Vegas, Nevada. Please come if you can.
Tickets are at Sean Gardini.com. Please, for the love of God, come if you can.

Speaker 3 And go see LeMer Lee on the road as well this weekend. And Cincinnati, Pennsylvania, and a lot of other places.
Tickets are available at LeMerlee.fun.

Speaker 3 And Optimum Noctis is next week, Tuesday, March 4th, at the Creek in the Cave. Please come.
Sean Gardini.com. Sean Gardini.com.
Sean Gardini.com. Please come.

Speaker 2 There'll be fun shows.

Speaker 1 And that's

Speaker 1 a Gardini Guarantee.

Speaker 3 Thank you. Pardon the interruption.

Speaker 1 Can you tell the story of going through the yoga ball or the

Speaker 1 exercise ball?

Speaker 2 This is yeah, that this one was pretty bad too.

Speaker 1 I think about this story constantly.

Speaker 2 But this chick, she lived in the Thomas Jefferson houses in the Bronx. And I went up there and it was a bad, there was just a dude sleeping on her couch and her kids were there.
What?

Speaker 2 And we went in the room. I stayed overnight.
It was bad. There were so many roaches in there.
And I had just seen this documentary about roaches crawling in somebody's ear and screaming.

Speaker 1 And I was. What a sweet life you were living at the time.

Speaker 2 I was so bugged out. And the kids were so sweet.
And I remember like we were in there, we hooked up.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought for like a week that this was a sign from God that I was supposed to like marry this woman and save her and the kids. I just never talked to her again, but

Speaker 1 for a couple of days, I really thought like I had like a sign from God.

Speaker 2 But I remember she's like, let's get the kids out of the house or whatever. And they're like, can we go to the store or whatever? I'm like, yeah.
And I had like, you know, a couple 20s on me.

Speaker 2 Then the dude on the couch comes in. He's like, oh, can I grab something too?

Speaker 1 And just gave him a 20.

Speaker 2 And then they came back with like Chinese food or something. And we all ate as a family.
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 And then watched Kung Fu Hustle and went to sleep. And I slept with toilet paper in my ears because I didn't want the roaches to crawl.

Speaker 1 Jaboner? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. What are you talking about? On the Chinese food run? You banged?

Speaker 2 Yeah, on the Chinese food run.

Speaker 1 And then that's a similar, like, horrific, horny story. When I, like, I remember I was at a strip club, met a stripper, whole thing changed numbers.
I'm like, yes, I could finally date a stripper.

Speaker 1 This would be so sick. And I went to her house and there was just a nine-month-old infant there.
And I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 I think we might have kissed. Yeah.
That's a good kiss, though. She would just dip her the pacifier and sweet and sour McDonald's sauce and put it it in the baby's mouth.

Speaker 1 And I was like, dude, this is fucking dark. Holy shit.
And then there were trans prostitutes above.

Speaker 1 She told me this, and they were like making a ruckus up there.

Speaker 1 They were up there banging around. And she was like, yeah, dude, like, they'll set up shop in the hallway.
I'll just hear like, dong, dong, dong against the door and open up.

Speaker 1 And one of them was getting piped out in the hallway.

Speaker 1 We get up, get upstairs, you guys. And they're like, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 It was rugged, man. That's when you get a taste and you're like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to scale it back a lot. Not about that life.
Yeah, not at all. Shot at all out of it.
Not at all.

Speaker 2 The yoga ball story. I was living in

Speaker 2 a studio apartment in Queens. This is towards the end of my first run in New York before I moved home to Philly and did comedy.

Speaker 1 I was doing a lot of blow.

Speaker 2 My brother had gotten engaged and moved out of the apartment that we lived, and I was by myself, and it was bad. I was working at this place.
I was doing blow.

Speaker 2 And maybe like six months in, it was like a nice little apartment on the first floor. It just been redone, had all stuff in there.
I was making a go of it.

Speaker 2 I got bed bugs, and I had to throw out everything in my apartment, every single thing in my apartment. So I had a blow-up mattress that was like my bed, like in the corner.

Speaker 2 Like I had like a comforter and shit on this thing after I cleaned it all up.

Speaker 2 And I had a yoga ball for my computer where I would fucking sit there, do blow, jerk off, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 You know, the norm.

Speaker 1 And I had this hooker over there one night and fucking

Speaker 2 I was smoking. We're watching porn, obviously, and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Obviously, that's what you do when you get a hooker.

Speaker 2 And I was smoking a cigarette and I was naked and I was probably covered in like olive oil or Vaseline or something.

Speaker 1 Completely naked.

Speaker 1 You were ready for sex.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 go in the oven at 350 for an hour.

Speaker 1 Poke some holes in them and let them sweat, baby.

Speaker 1 And I used to want to heat him up. He's fully.
He's fucking fucking.

Speaker 2 And I just put my cigarette down and it popped the fucking yoga ball.

Speaker 1 And I just fucking.

Speaker 2 And I remember she started laughing at me.

Speaker 1 And she had like a deviated septum. So she was like,

Speaker 1 like just snorting and laughing at me. And man, I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 1 It's the funny. I mean, sitting there bouncing, smoking a cigarette, just

Speaker 1 oiled up, naked. You're at the top.
You're as cool as you can be at that moment. You're a fucking hooker.
You're all

Speaker 1 having a blast, and then boom, on the floor. Did the little pin that holds the air in fly out, or did you blow it out?

Speaker 1 He claims it was the cigarette. Obviously, it was not the cigarette.

Speaker 2 There's a weight issue.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wasn't this big.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is so recent. This size.
Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 How big were you? Like, you were still.

Speaker 2 Maybe, maybe 250.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
That could pop a yoga ball.

Speaker 1 Dudes over 250 ain't doing yoga. Bounce up and down on a goddamn Chinese made yoga balls.

Speaker 1 Fucking bullshit. Yeah, I was no way it was the cigarette.

Speaker 2 No, it went down popped because it blew up like from the burn hole.

Speaker 1 Really? I never thought

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 1 now I don't believe him at all. I've never thought about it, but he lies

Speaker 1 for sure. How's it going to land on a.

Speaker 2 Maybe it rolled over a safety pin or something like that.

Speaker 1 Sniper in the next building took him out. It's probably the hooker's fault, honestly.
It was definitely the hooker's fault. I had some jacks sprinkled on the floor.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 2 I had a set of spike strips in the house.

Speaker 1 I forgot. It's probably your spiked brass knuckles.
You were playing with it at the same time. Yeah, I was showing him my butterfly knife.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty cool. Did you fall flat on your back?

Speaker 1 Like that. Bang!

Speaker 1 Yeah, right on my edge.

Speaker 2 I never, my toxic bone was sore for like two weeks after that.

Speaker 1 Having a hooker story laughs, though.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's like a gun went off.

Speaker 2 It was like four in the morning, and I was real paranoid because I was on the first floor in the lobby, and I had two doors.

Speaker 2 Like, I had two doors that entered my apartment. And like, I'd get so cooked up, I'd be like, listen in the doors to see if everybody was in there.
I was sketched out.

Speaker 2 You want to take the romance out of the room? Fucking pop a yoga ball covered in olive oil.

Speaker 1 He's a freak. He was

Speaker 1 I'm a freak, man.

Speaker 1 You're already

Speaker 1 over here. What are you talking about? He's going to dish out of my head.

Speaker 1 You've never been covered in Pam spray before.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you ever get a Nuru massage? A what? A Nuru. A Nuru? When a lady greases herself up and just slides herself across you? No.
Have you? There's a porn category that I've seen.

Speaker 1 I know, and it's kind of

Speaker 1 oddly catches my eye, but doesn't fully get my eyes. I got one in real life, and it was just like an older, kind of drug-added lady just laid on me for a while in a motel.

Speaker 1 I was just sitting like a shitty, like, highway motel being like, okay, I'm good on this now.

Speaker 2 She came to you?

Speaker 1 I went there. Oh, it was at a motel? It's like a side-of-the-highway outdoor motel.
So it wasn't really a spa, per se.

Speaker 1 They typically do it on like an air mattress for like the

Speaker 1 utilizing ruining a blanket with fucking old lady oil. Yeah, it just ruined the bed.
You're not going to get your deposit back, baby.

Speaker 1 It was underwhelming. I thought they built it up so much on the video in the movies, and then I was like, should be awesome.

Speaker 1 It was just like a very fucked up lady. I had to run her to Rite Aid afterwards.
For what? She had to go buy supplies. She had to buy like hooker supplies.

Speaker 1 She's like, can you give me a ride to Rite Aid? And I was like, yeah, fine. Hop in.

Speaker 1 Dropped her off.

Speaker 2 Grab me some Cheez-Its when you're in there, will you?

Speaker 1 Grab me a Whitman sampler.

Speaker 1 The red aid trip after?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fuck.
That's

Speaker 1 a weird pride where I like, I really prided myself back then on being able to really chop it up with prostitutes. I'm like, no, we can like chill and talk.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a big thing for you, prostitutes. I took away, yeah, I had a period.
I took it. I took it away.
This is like, I felt really nice to sit there and just like,

Speaker 1 once all the business was handled, to just sit and fucking chat. Yeah.
It's kind of business. Oh, yeah, once we settled our affairs.

Speaker 1 The contracts were signed. That's crazy.
Like Swiss business, man. Once you get done talking business, you can talk about this.
That must be just insane.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm sure the post-not clarity for most guys is like, holy fuck, what am I doing in this motel? Nah, but when you got a cool one,

Speaker 1 your postnut's like, you need a ride?

Speaker 1 When you got a cool one, you like, they were cool. Like, the cool ones were cool as shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, they got it.
Yeah, you could hang out with them and shoot the shit.

Speaker 1 Somewhere chill, yeah. And you can just kind of, it's really tempting to be like, can I just be like a guy? Should I just like be a security guy for you or something?

Speaker 1 Because you do want to get into it. You're like, dude, I could just hang out in shitty motels.
What are we doing? A free-based cocaine? I guess I've never done that before.

Speaker 1 I guess I could do that again. I guess

Speaker 1 you can eat your supplies.

Speaker 1 Could be your guy, dude.

Speaker 2 Even right aid with a fucking thing of tinfoil and baby oil.

Speaker 1 Big night, huh?

Speaker 2 I remember when the remember when the pharmacies started getting the freak aisle?

Speaker 1 They didn't have that.

Speaker 1 Now it's fucking wild.

Speaker 1 Family planning now.

Speaker 2 Wild.

Speaker 1 The condoms, the fucking heat-up lube and all that kind of thing. Me and my wife had a meeting.
I'm going to use astroglide and fuck her in the bud.

Speaker 1 It's family planning.

Speaker 1 That's the family planning aisle.

Speaker 1 We've had a long talk. Yeah, we really thought things through and were ready to try a cockring.

Speaker 2 They saw cockrings in fucking CBS.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. No way.
It's like, it's just a lube. It's lube condoms.
No, they have the vibrating cockrings. Yeah, you take hold.
I thought you were turning around. They have cocherings there, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like a vibrating.
You can't get pregnant unless she comes, you know? It's right next to the battle flop. True.

Speaker 1 Dang, I got to bust one. I got to bust out a vibrating cockering.
I haven't busted one of those out. It's been a while.
It's been a while since I. Possibly a decade.

Speaker 1 You've used one of those? Oh, for sure. Really?

Speaker 1 I thought we were joking.

Speaker 1 How'd it go? It's pretty amazing. Probably made you

Speaker 2 down at the shaft, shaking.

Speaker 1 It just goes down there and buzzes.

Speaker 1 It seems like it makes sense, right? Dude, if you want to feel like like an all-star, yeah. It's just,

Speaker 1 your dick just becomes a fucking, dare I say, a little vibrator. Yeah.
So it's just like, it's just on the bottom.

Speaker 1 And every time you get all the way in, rather than them being like, they're going, oh, what's that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Instead of them going, that's it, huh? I don't know if I think my dick's too small for that. My balls are.

Speaker 2 My balls would be going back and forth like one of those things on a desk.

Speaker 1 That wouldn't be good luck. Yeah, you do.
There is like a, if you lose,

Speaker 1 yeah, they're definitely not one size fits all.

Speaker 1 So like if you get, if you lose any hardness, if that thing starts wobbling around, you just got to like pinch the fucking, you just got to give it a little twist and be like, yep, we're still good.

Speaker 1 Filling this thing the fuck up. That ring's too big for you.
You got to do a dry run by yourself. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 You break it out and it's too big. You got to go, you know what? Let's not even use this.

Speaker 1 You got to beat off of it first. You have to just test it out.
Sure.

Speaker 2 You guys did dry runs back in the day. You did dry runs with condoms

Speaker 1 before you started having sex and you did it. That's called a dress rehearsal, right? Yeah, it was a dress rehearsal.
It was fun. Yeah.
I enjoyed those. That was great.

Speaker 1 You get your hands on like a lifestyles or something, man. Gotta use it.
It's good stuff. No mess either.
Yeah, that was, yeah, that was almost instinctual.

Speaker 1 If you see economy, you're gonna, like, the first economy you see, you use it to beat off, kind of. Yeah.
At least I did. I was just like, I did it a good amount more than I probably

Speaker 1 entered an adult phase. I entered like an embarrassing adult phase.

Speaker 1 I was just joking.

Speaker 1 Don't feel bad for a second, bro. Wait, what? What eight? Don't worry about it, Kevin.

Speaker 1 I might get back in there.

Speaker 1 McCusky was a little freaky. I was a a freaky zoo.
I was a freakyzoid, yeah.

Speaker 1 Late 20s, early 30s.

Speaker 1 That's why he's like, I'm off-born.

Speaker 1 It all makes sense now. I watched a live action.

Speaker 1 I remember they were like, yeah, I remember there for like, just like if there was like a

Speaker 1 period thing or like

Speaker 1 before like there was like pill issues, like if you're on the pill off, like, we'll have condom just in case. I remember at one point, they were just gone.
Like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And I was like, I beat off of them.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 I drew. I genuinely did.
Like, oh my God, you must be doing this. I was like, no, I feel like beat off in the bathroom

Speaker 1 on a Tuesday afternoon.

Speaker 1 It just took forever, I remember. My parents found Condom in my bedroom, and it was after I had just all my guy friends sleep over.
Oh, and they were like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 It's all these jock strips. You can't be like, Mom, I was jacking off.

Speaker 1 I was butt-fucking one of my friends.

Speaker 1 We were jacking off. Having protected gay sex with one of my buddies.

Speaker 1 We were just mutually masturbating.

Speaker 1 Condom in the room is. That's devastating.
Yeah. Although,

Speaker 1 you know, if it's like young kids, it's like people have.

Speaker 1 I think I was like a senior in high school.

Speaker 1 That's borderline. Still, it's like someone had that thing on them.
It's not like you, I wouldn't jump to that. Like, my son was fucking a five-man butt fucking fist.

Speaker 1 That's a big job.

Speaker 1 No, but I mean, there was no women. Sure.
True, but like kids have them on them. Like, we were in high school.
I remember you keep like a lifestyle in your wallet. You're like, sure.

Speaker 1 It's going to to be sick. No, it was used.
It was. Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not like they found the wrapper. It was a condom.

Speaker 1 It was a jinn's condom. I threw it

Speaker 1 to my bed and then lost it.

Speaker 1 Wait, so whose was it? It was me. I was jacking off about it.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. Yeah, no, they didn't find a condom.
They're like, my gay son.

Speaker 1 No, it was just a used condom after an all-dude sleepover. They're like, what the fuck happened? Oh, man.
I was like, yeah, my friend Jared used it.

Speaker 1 Just immediately blamed the fucking shit. That's fucking wildly upsetting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, I was like, maybe it's kind of sus, but I don't know. No, it's really sus.

Speaker 1 Come.

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Speaker 1 You should have like completely been like, yeah, Jared did it, and then someone else licked the rapper.

Speaker 1 I tried to tell him to stop. They were all just having sex with each other doing it.
Oh, my friends had sex. I told him my mom's going to find this and get right over the head.

Speaker 2 It's a piece of gum on the tip of it.

Speaker 1 Did they say, did your mom confront you or your dad? my dad. Oh, what did he say? He's like, What the hell's going on up there?

Speaker 1 He's like, I think you left something on the floor in your bedroom. Get up there.
And I was like, oh, my God, it's a condom.

Speaker 1 So, what?

Speaker 2 You put it on, jerked off, and then just slung it to the side in your parents' house?

Speaker 1 It was bedtime.

Speaker 1 I had to get my eight hours. You got to get up and get rid of the evidence.

Speaker 1 Of course. Obviously, I'm talking about it now.
20 years later, I'm still thinking about that mistake. What more did you have important that that like fell to the third thing on the list?

Speaker 1 That's the whole beauty of that. Where you're always in the room off with economy.

Speaker 1 That was also, that's a CP. That's an early CP.
It's a CP. I'm going to put you right out.
That's an early cream pie mix.

Speaker 2 Oh, for sure.

Speaker 1 Coming to a condom is kind of intense as a young man. I remember thinking about it, like, what's it going to do when it happened? Like, what's it going to? I was just like, I was baffled by it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 I remember seeing a little tip and being like,

Speaker 1 fill that thing up. Fill that thing up.
No problem. Reservoir tip.
There you go.

Speaker 1 I didn't really.

Speaker 1 When I first saw the model,

Speaker 2 When I first saw one, I never thought that's what it was going to look like. I thought it had like straps.

Speaker 2 I didn't understand what it was. And when I saw it, I was like, man, that's a great design.

Speaker 1 It's just a thin.

Speaker 2 If I would have been a research and development on condoms, we'd be 30 years behind.

Speaker 1 Subius and lambskins.

Speaker 1 Oh, remember those? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Somebody used to have a good joke.

Speaker 2 I think it was Dapollo had a good joke about that. A land skin condom.
Then you'd fuck the girl and the whole room would smell like a a gyro.

Speaker 1 His straps are so fucking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought it was like, like foam and went around, and it couldn't click in my brain that it was supposed to catch the stuff coming out.

Speaker 2 I thought it was like a knee brace that like a lineman would wear.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a Donjoy.

Speaker 1 It was orthopedic.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I knew we were going to talk about cumb and jacking off. I know, I know.

Speaker 2 Would your parents ever catch you having sex in the house with anybody?

Speaker 1 No. I got caught sucking boobs in like seventh grade.
Really? That's pretty cool, though. That age

Speaker 1 by my dad see you. My dad walked down in his underwear and he's like, whoa, Jesus Christ.
And I just, I had like a flyer's jacket unzipped and open, just going,

Speaker 1 sucking boobs. Dad went, oh, God, and just walked, he just left.
Who was this bruiser wearing a fucking flyer's starter jacket? That is crazy. Did you pick her up outside the spectrum?

Speaker 1 She was an eighth grader.

Speaker 1 Not a big deal. Yeah, whatever, man.
Finally, we can brag about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was an eighth grader's boobs I was sucking on. I hope no one clips this.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 2 She did it like that, too.

Speaker 1 Opened it up.

Speaker 1 Took a while, man, watching a movie slowly, watching Jurassic Park slowly. It's like

Speaker 1 a long zipper.

Speaker 1 It's a handful of zipper. It seemed all the way zip down.
It was a full zip down.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just threw threw a pullover and been crazy. It's a good snap.
Popping a titty out of the top.

Speaker 1 Back to a few good men. Someone's done it before.

Speaker 1 Someone sucked titties under a starter jacket before.

Speaker 1 For sure. Those things, dude, that was like that made your whole year back then.
Like what starter jacket you got?

Speaker 1 I had the Miami Hurricanes. I thought that was like a sick logo.
I had a 76ers. Loved it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Orlando Magic for some reason.

Speaker 1 I had Orlando Magic.

Speaker 1 Shaq was big. Yeah.
The Charlotte.

Speaker 1 If you saw a kid in Philly's Charlotte, that kid was a dirtbag. That was a broken home for sure.

Speaker 1 It's funny. You got that at Foreman Mills or something.

Speaker 2 Now you feel the obligation, you got to stick to your teams. But for a while, it was like very fashionable to have, like, you could have like an Atlanta Hawks hat or fucking.

Speaker 1 We were basically black people at that point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw a dude wearing the NBA jeans the other day in my neighborhood.

Speaker 1 I was like, dude, damn. Remember that? They had all the patches that was like Lloyd Banks used to do.
For sure. Yeah.
I was was like, God damn. He busted them back out.

Speaker 1 I don't know maybe he's still wearing them. Just loves the league.
True. Yeah.
Just loves maybe no particular team. Just crazy.
He supports the team. Yeah, I learned.

Speaker 1 I was on Kill Tony a couple months ago, and I saw there was a black gentleman performing, and his jeans were like almost all

Speaker 1 holes. And

Speaker 1 that was kind of like the latest iteration I'd seen.

Speaker 1 I was a big jersey and matching fitted kid.

Speaker 1 Man, very heavily influenced by G-Unit. Yeah, G-Unit got me too.

Speaker 1 How could you not? That was like, he came in like a fucking tornado. I know.

Speaker 1 I never got one of his G-Unit wife beaters. Those things are wild.
Fuck, those things are so good. I couldn't wear a basketball jersey.

Speaker 2 No matter, even as in shape as I ever was, I could not wear a fucking.

Speaker 2 I just looked bad in them. I looked like I worked for the Joker.

Speaker 1 Like, it was just like I, like, proper henchmen.

Speaker 2 It was just not a good look. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I used to dudes that could pull those off. It was great.
Gotta wear them at the beach.

Speaker 2 That's a pro-fat guy move.

Speaker 1 You're like, I'm not, I don't have a shirt on, I just really like the theme.

Speaker 2 I made a promise to myself a long time ago, as fat as I was as I was a kid, I'm not going to be the kid wearing the t-shirt or whatever in the pool.

Speaker 1 So I would take the shit off before we got to the pool and be like, this is it, this is me. Let's roll.
Snap some duty now.

Speaker 1 Everyone wears shirts now. Everyone wears the SPF shirts.

Speaker 2 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's pretty nuts. Yeah.
Those are nice. They are kind of fucking nice.
I enjoy wearing those. Yeah, I had one in the pool.
A cotton man was hitting me with those.

Speaker 1 He was wearing them first when we were at the beach, and I was like, you look like a dumbass.

Speaker 1 He bought me one. I was like, These are fucking sick.
You don't put sunscreen on at all. All you got to do is just

Speaker 1 hit your nose. Yeah, all the kids have them.
I mean, I swear, I tried my shirt once in a pool, and then you don't think you get out. It's a regular TV.
It's your son, you lie.

Speaker 1 You're like, the sun is navy blue, too. So it's not even like targeted.

Speaker 1 He's in there in the head low. He's in there in a button down.

Speaker 1 And I got out, and then it's like, then your shirt's wet. I didn't have an extra shirt.

Speaker 1 So I'm just like, then you have to either take it off out of the pool, which is worse than in the pool, or just hang out in a wet

Speaker 1 off. You're just like,

Speaker 1 brutal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the shirt in the pool is crazy, man. Especially just being wet, like you were saying.
After you're done, you're just so uncomfortable. And it's uncomfortable to swim in.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 You might like spread out a little while you're swimming, look like an octopus.

Speaker 2 That's ass going to get dunked. The fat kid wearing the shirt.

Speaker 1 That's easy pickings. You're going under.
Such a brutal look.

Speaker 1 I had the thought process, too, of like, no one will know. Yeah.
No one's going to believe that it's fat. It is because I burn easily.
Adults are like, we have fat kids. I know.

Speaker 2 Somebody dunk him.

Speaker 1 I was a fat, I was a real fat kid growing up. My dad was a fat kid, too.
So he just like looked at me and he's like, knock it off. Like, he was like so devastated that I was also a fat kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I learned it from you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Getting called out by your parents for fucking late night snacking. Yeah.
My mom still does that.

Speaker 2 She'll be in bed at like 8:30. And if we stay at the house, I'm down there fucking rummaging through.

Speaker 1 Are you going down there? You're rummaging. Rubbing a grizzly bear.
My mother's pants.

Speaker 1 My mother food in a bear bag.

Speaker 1 Hanging outside from a tree.

Speaker 1 He's out there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my mom will just tell me. She's like, you got fat.
Like, she'll just look at me and be like, you put on a lot of weight. You look kind of fat.
They're vicious with that shit. Just

Speaker 1 doesn't mince words. She'll be like, yeah, you're getting a little hefty there.
I get to, you look good. And I'm like, I'm about to die.
Like, I'll come off the road for like two weeks.

Speaker 1 My head's like this big. She's like, you look good.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, like, I had to go to the hospital recently because my insides hurt.

Speaker 1 Don't be air came back there and said it was probably a muscle. I rolled with it.
For sure, thought I was dying. Happens.

Speaker 1 Trying to turn it all around, though. This 2025 is

Speaker 1 everyone turns it all around and turn it around.

Speaker 1 Possibly 2026.

Speaker 1 But definitely. Maybe 28.
28 is going to be a golden age. I know it's going to be good.
Well, we're going to slide into probably a golden age, like as a country in 2028, probably. Nah, fuck that.

Speaker 2 I'm going the other way.

Speaker 1 You think it's going to be doom? Yeah. Really?

Speaker 2 I'm riding it out.

Speaker 1 He was worried about the asteroid this morning. I'm praying for it.
He's like, is this thing going to fucking hit us or not? Dude, what are you doing in your room, man?

Speaker 1 This is brutal conversation at fucking 93. I'm praying for it.

Speaker 2 That's sounds like going to wait till 2032.

Speaker 2 Until this thing to hit us. It's 2032.
It's what they said, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are we going to use all of our missiles to blow it up?

Speaker 2 Can't deflect it. It's past the point of deflection, they said.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what they're going to do.

Speaker 2 I think they're just going to ride it out wherever it hits, deal with it.

Speaker 1 Wait, why can't they blow it up into a bunch of pieces? Armageddon, this thing. That's what I'm saying.
If we Shemmi on the horn.

Speaker 2 I read something that it's too far past where we'd be able to hit it or something like that.

Speaker 1 I also have no idea.

Speaker 2 I'm getting this from Instagram.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Mid-beat.
You're reading that.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like, I mean, if it's still in outer space, can't we just send nukes into outer space? I don't think that shit works. That don't work.

Speaker 2 That thing's cooking. That's like 28,000 miles a second.

Speaker 1 You bounce right off of it.

Speaker 2 Especially if it's like iron or something like that.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Fuck.
Just heats it up and it hits us harder. Yeah, makes it angry.
Just pisses it off.

Speaker 1 Now you're all in big trouble. Gets bigger.
I wonder who it's going to hit. Because it's going to all depend on the way the Earth's turning.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 How big is it? How big is it? If it even hits us. Yeah.
It ain't going to hit us. They're just doing the asteroid fear cycle.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They get me with the plane cycle. Dude,

Speaker 1 we're in bad shape right now. Oh, god damn.
And all of us have to fly every fucking two days.

Speaker 2 That's a flight that any of us could have been on.

Speaker 1 Minneapolis to Toronto. Yeah.
Dude, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 I know. Everybody lived, though.

Speaker 2 So I don't know if the pilot's a hero or a fucking dumbass.

Speaker 1 Everybody walked away. He flipped over.
It was like the miracle in the Hudson on ground. He just flipped it over.
Yeah. It reminds me of Kings of Tuplo.

Speaker 1 He's like, they call me a retard and a dumbass

Speaker 1 yeah how the did it flip he was just going a little too fast you are a retard

Speaker 2 dumbass i don't know if they hit the run if he overshot the runway but it looks like he hits the right uh engine immediately catches on fire so he like bounced and then it just flipped over but as it flipped over those wings came right off yeah so And it was on fire, but everybody inside was cool.

Speaker 1 They got out. Everybody got out.
Yeah, but I always take my seatbelt off early, and I think about that all the time before we land. Before landing, I do it every now and again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll be like, the second we touch the ground, I snap that thing off.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I'll take it off. I'll just, if they don't remind me to put it back on, I'll just.

Speaker 1 My dream is to surf the flight, to stand in the aisle and surf a landing. That'd be nice.
That would be decent. But if you're the seatbelt, if you're not wearing it, you'd be the one death.

Speaker 1 You know how embarrassing? That's what I'm saying. If it flips over, I'm like, I thought about that.
I'm like, dude, this flipped. I would fall.
That'd be a hard fall to the ceiling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would be done. I'd probably take out the lady next to me.

Speaker 1 And in front and behind. Sure.

Speaker 1 Of the 88 passengers, 87 unscathed. Here's one guy fucking dead.
Here's the thing, though. One guy trying to be cool.
He's a dumbass. So he's through the landing and fucking exploded.

Speaker 1 Now, dude, you just jumped the other way. But if you flip, then they're all on the ceiling in their seatbelts, and then you got to do that thing upside down and try to.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised nobody fucking got wrapped up.

Speaker 2 That would be so far in my gut that I wouldn't be able to get it out.

Speaker 2 I would definitely have shit in my pants, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that would suck. I saw one guy, though, there's footage of people getting out.
A guy grabs a lady's button. I saw that.
There's a part of it, though. I think he has to get him up.

Speaker 1 I know, but he grabs her ass. Yeah, on the way.

Speaker 1 As she's, he gets her on the turn. So it's not even like the push.
It's like he's guiding her, he guides her in, and then he fucking hoink. Yeah.
He gives her a little hoink. A little bowling action.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure that guy was not straight, though. We've approached those.
Male flight attendant. Yeah.
Asian male flight attendant, if we're being precise. Yeah, if we're being precise.

Speaker 1 A little male cheerleader. He probably hasn't done this male cheerleading in a while.

Speaker 2 We've crunched those numbers. It's been like four months where every week, every couple of weeks, it's something.
I know.

Speaker 1 And if you go globally, I mean, South Korea, they had like nine numbers. Asia's going nuts.
Asia's been going nuts, though. Nuts.
Yeah, those airlines.

Speaker 1 Crazy. I'm never going over there.

Speaker 2 That video. You see the video of the one last year, the guy he's filming himself, the one that went into the gorge?

Speaker 1 Fuck. Pretty quick.
Yeah, is it just Korean airlines that like all Asian airlines have been acting up?

Speaker 1 I think they typically act up over there. You think they're a funny way to call it Malaysia as they plummet to the ground? You boys acting up out there? Really playing a fool over there.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't you think they'd have that shit kind of unlocked, though?

Speaker 2 Dude, you would think South Korea, everything's probably fucking tight, meticulous. That's what I'm saying.
I mean, fucking

Speaker 1 it might be an operator issue.

Speaker 1 Therein lies the problem.

Speaker 1 It's bad. Something wong?

Speaker 1 Oh, man, we were just talking about

Speaker 1 the funniest thing to ever happen in the world. Some fucked up.

Speaker 1 Something wong. Something wong.

Speaker 1 Something wong, we too low. And that was like bing bow owl.
Or like it was like something about the crap. Like the noise or something.
I wonder who did that.

Speaker 2 We were talking this morning. It was probably like an intern or something like that that snuck that in there.
That's so fucked up. I mean, that guy should have got a writing job somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't the one just straight up disappear one time, too? That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because it

Speaker 1 disappeared. We too low, holy fuck, bang ding ow.

Speaker 1 Bang ding out.

Speaker 1 We too low. Has anyone ever fucked bang ding out? Because the Malaysian airline, everyone thinks they went in the ocean.
What if they went into outer space? Whoa, that fucking

Speaker 1 that's crazy. We never even

Speaker 1 stopped the asteroid. Why, exactly? Yeah, maybe that's what they're doing.

Speaker 1 Maybe you weren't going to find out in 2032, Malaysian Airlines.

Speaker 2 This pissed would you be? You're on our vacation, that's where they pull you. Like, fuck.

Speaker 1 What, the outer spade?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got six pairs of underwear with me. I'd be serious.

Speaker 2 How'd you bring it up nexium?

Speaker 1 I'm going to have wicked heartburn up there. He's brutal to travel with.
Constantly needs to do laundry and shit. Oh, the fucking Ozeppic burp on a plane.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 I think about that all the time. I thought the toilet was broken.
We got all the guys like, it's not really flushing right. And we were in the front row.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, God damn, it fucking smells like shit.

Speaker 1 I'm like, damn, I'm like, if this is the whole flight, I'm going to fucking

Speaker 1 airline's falling apart in that big bird.

Speaker 1 Dude, then we get down here.

Speaker 1 We're out front of the mothership. This is like last year, where we're out front of the mothership.
We see people are like, yo, all your garbage. So we're like talking to them.

Speaker 1 Smells like sewage out there. I just think that's 6th Street.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And this is like a fucking three weeks after mothership opened. We're sitting at the bar having a beer before our spots.
And I'm like, the plumbing in this place too?

Speaker 1 What the fuck? The three places I had been with him in a row. I'm like, the sewage, goddamn.
And he goes, you smell that? I go, how the fuck can't you? He's like, that's me. And I was like.

Speaker 1 And then he's like, do you think the fans smelled that? I was like, for sure.

Speaker 1 From it.

Speaker 1 The only good thing is no one would ever think that's human. So like, no one's ever going to go, that's Foley.
They're like, there's a sewer, I felt like shit when we were talking to those guys. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's external influence.

Speaker 1 That's the real thing, then, Ozempic Burps.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I had it so bad.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because some people,

Speaker 2 they don't get the side effects that bad. We're talking to Mike Eaton, hosted the other night, and he was saying that

Speaker 1 the kid getting them.

Speaker 1 We had to host the show at the pop-up show at the cream, was doing street fucking Ozempic. He gets it from like a guy.

Speaker 2 But he said he doesn't have problems with it. And I know people that didn't have problems with it.
I had it so bad. We're like, shit would just, it just stops your stomach.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So my shit would just sit in there and fester like the sarlac pit, just fucking bubbling up.

Speaker 1 It was brutal.

Speaker 2 And dude, the burps were so fucking bad.

Speaker 1 The burps were worse than the farts, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 I had a real bad.

Speaker 2 Me and my wife flew to Greece and we came back and I got jammed up at customs and it was like an hour and a half line and it was like every 30 seconds I was like

Speaker 1 try to do the fat girl blow out the sard i would hear i started to hear the people behind me go what the

Speaker 2 so i started but every time i would do it i'd go

Speaker 1 the hell

Speaker 1 what the

Speaker 1 you guys that's crazy someone got some bad meat in their bag or something it sucked oh my god the only one that ever uh smelled it was ari he was the only one brave enough i was like you're the only one i can answer this to do you want to smell one he's like yeah go ahead

Speaker 2 you don't want any more of it.

Speaker 1 You don't want the smoke.

Speaker 1 It's like rotten eggs, dude. You're a dragon.
You're a dragon. Proper dragons.
Dragons, breath.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sucks.

Speaker 1 And you were in line for what was that?

Speaker 2 The word customs.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 I would have fucking killed myself if somebody was burping shit. And we were

Speaker 1 customs line is maybe my least favorite place. When you landed JFK,

Speaker 1 just fucking Afghanistan Airlines. Just got off next to you.

Speaker 1 It's coming off worse than I want it to. But you know what I mean? Come on, leaders.
You should have lifted like in fucking Norway, Iceland Air, Australia, those motherfuckers, too.

Speaker 2 I do get mad when the international line's moving faster than the American line.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are we doing here? It's like I pay my taxes type shit, really. It gets you in the fucking gut.

Speaker 2 But we were only moving in small increments. So I couldn't even do it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Bad.

Speaker 2 Had to keep that up for an hour and a half. Sipping a ginger ale, praying it would go away.

Speaker 1 Still in your belly. Get some carbonation in there.

Speaker 1 Get those burnts really good. Kill this.

Speaker 1 Get that real ginger in there just floating around. Yeah.
But when you would take care,

Speaker 1 that was like when you were off, you were coming off of two weeks in fucking Greece, so you were eating like a fucking mania.

Speaker 1 When he would stay on top of it, it was a little better. But when, like, on the road, it was just, we'd be in a minivan and you're like, dude, we got to pull over.

Speaker 1 It smells like one of those old cars that smells like sulfur, you know what I mean? Oh, so

Speaker 2 the farts were even worse.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 You wouldn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 A burp is

Speaker 1 crazy.

Speaker 2 It was and they were like long and hot, and just

Speaker 2 it was like a gas leak.

Speaker 1 He shit his pants on the tour bus.

Speaker 1 That happens.

Speaker 1 Oh, Zempic, it slows up your whole digestive system. So, like, everything just moves so slow.
Yeah. And how much could you eat on that? Did it slow you down big time? Me? Or? Yeah.
You?

Speaker 2 I would press through it.

Speaker 2 I probably should have stand on the Japanese say that you eat till you're 80% full. Yeah.
If I was maybe doing that, I would have been all right. But I would push through it.

Speaker 1 Because at the time, it lipides say that.

Speaker 1 His Japanese neighbor says it.

Speaker 1 All of the Japanese. It's called something in Japan.
Japanese. The Japanese neighbor.

Speaker 1 But Japanese neighbor.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't hit until later.

Speaker 2 So I wouldn't realize how full I was till a couple minutes after I ate him.

Speaker 2 And it would just sit there. You could feel it in your stomach just fucking.

Speaker 2 It was like having a crock pot down there, just slow cooking.

Speaker 2 Set it and forget it.

Speaker 1 Bad news is coming.

Speaker 1 My girl fucking hated it.

Speaker 1 Imagine having a sleep with that, dude. That's crazy.
I had to get real defensive and battered in my my seat pop. I'm like, what do you want me to do?

Speaker 1 This is my weight loss journey. Walked up to a machine keeping you alive.
Fighting with a mask on. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I remember taking it off,

Speaker 1 bitch. Like reptiles.
Dude, if I burped into my seat pop.

Speaker 1 You fucking.

Speaker 1 He said the funniest shit ever. Did you burp into the machine at all? Oh, dude,

Speaker 2 that would wake me up in the middle of the night and be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Fucking hotboxing himself. Wow.

Speaker 2 Be like punching out of an F-16, just like, ah, under the covers.

Speaker 1 Must have been nuts. Under the covers.
Must have been crapped a flavor. Just seven passengers of a cruise die.

Speaker 2 I remember one night she got up in the middle of the night and was like, I woke up and she was standing at the end of the bed.

Speaker 1 What are you doing?

Speaker 1 I'm getting healthy.

Speaker 1 I'm doing this for you.

Speaker 1 I really wish I could have been a part of one of these burps. I know I don't, but it smelled like it smelled.

Speaker 1 I think about the ozemic burps and going to a medicine ball every

Speaker 1 all the time. I think about this every day, dude.

Speaker 1 Foliating ozemic burps on a plane.

Speaker 1 Oh, just I'd be so mad if I was on the plane.

Speaker 2 Because sometimes when

Speaker 2 the noise of the plane and the air moving around, you can get away with murder up there.

Speaker 1 You really can.

Speaker 1 You really can't. You let one, you're building up.
And you got your own fan for sure. You can fucking hit the aisle.
You can hit the aisle. Directionally.
Giveaways when you're moving the fan around.

Speaker 2 But yeah, you do that one little test to see if it smells and if it's all right. Plus, you got the seat, all that stuff.
You know, could be anything.

Speaker 2 Sometimes you're just like, fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wives, I will say my wife punishes me when I fart on a plane. She goes, was that you? And if I had fart, I'll laugh.
I can't not

Speaker 1 laugh hysterically. If I did fart and someone smells it, so I'll be like, dude, shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up. Yeah.
It's like, well, you're blowing up my spot.

Speaker 1 Why would you do this I feel like it doesn't get that far though it doesn't but when you see it hit someone it's the fire

Speaker 1 you see like a guy

Speaker 1 reading the paper like

Speaker 2 folds a crisp Wall Street journal

Speaker 1 me and Butterley were on a plane once and a little boy in front of us anytime either of us farted he would turn around and go

Speaker 1 He would hit him and he would face like you'd see his face in the gap in the seats and be like,

Speaker 1 he thought it was like the funniest thing in the world. It was the funniest thing in the world.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you would see his face.

Speaker 1 That would have been me. If I was a guy,

Speaker 1 if somebody was behind me farting like that, I'd be like, oh,

Speaker 1 I would have been delighted. That was a real one.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. And he would say it to his parents.
He'd be like, I think they farted again. They'd be like, shoot, stop.

Speaker 1 That was so funny. All fucking bastard shows.
That was so funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah. God damn, dude.

Speaker 1 Hot day. Yeah, it's a fucking good podcast.
Yeah, fucking shit. That's fucking hilarious.
This creepy guys are the best. We love you, boys.
Guys, fucking rule. We love you.
Oh, yeah. Because

Speaker 1 you don't have anything to promote, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Route 66 special.

Speaker 1 Route 66 special wasn't on our YouTube page. Check it out.
Yeah, so we did.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. We did this whole big tour from Chicago to L.A.

Speaker 1 Or any of the Burps and Farts featured in these.

Speaker 1 We have him shitting his pants on like five different

Speaker 1 Ozempic problems the whole time.

Speaker 2 But we filmed all the shows, we filmed everything on the bus and all that stuff, and we put it all together.

Speaker 2 Connor directed it and fucking shot it

Speaker 2 and edited the whole thing. And we think it came out great.
We think it's something different, something fun.

Speaker 1 So we're excited. When's it coming out?

Speaker 2 Route 66 comes out February 25th.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's good. Fuck that, man.
Where's it coming out? YouTube.

Speaker 1 Our YouTube channel. Hell yes.
Nice.

Speaker 2 So whenever this comes out, it could be there. It'll be coming out very soon.

Speaker 1 Nice. Man, we're excited.
That's going to be awesome. It is going to be very good.
Check it out.

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