Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, Wes.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Here we go. I can't believe you guys got a new camera.
Hey, man. Dude, it's sat.
I bought that months ago. Is it like nice? It's pretty nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear, dude.
Wow. Yeah, I got nervous too.
Remember the old one you still like zoom out of nowhere? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Zoomed in on my face for a full episode. Yeah, I was worried.
I was like, that thing's got, that thing's taking time, bro. It was a nightmare to have it slowly zoom on your face for a full episode.

Speaker 1 Dude, that was the best. Blows, dude.
That was the best. It was funny, too, Gardini just seen it being like, I think it actually zoomed in on just your head for a second.

Speaker 1 That's a good podcast angle, though. Two camera set up, just maximal

Speaker 1 total Gordon, just dueling Gordons.

Speaker 1 Especially if we got in an argument.

Speaker 1 Just our face. Just like, actually, fuck you.

Speaker 1 You see the person's face the whole time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what it wouldn't zoom in on my face. I was like, fuck, they're definitely going to catch me being a little bitch.
Like, you say something to me being like.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 As if. As if, Matt.
It's good to be. It's good to be back.
It's fantastic. Last time I saw you was Notre Dame.
I know.

Speaker 1 I was just thinking about Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 I mean, bro,

Speaker 1 it could have been the big kick. If I made it.
Oh, that'd have been awesome. That was like...

Speaker 1 So when I was on my way there and I hit up McAfee because I didn't, I don't know, I wanted to get the bros on for sure. And I was like, the only thing I can think of is Matt coming out.

Speaker 1 If Matt kicks a field goal, he'll do it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, anybody else would be like, fuck no. Like, that's like scary.
Dude, I don't know. When you told me, and Matt just instantly, I was like, Matt's going to do it.

Speaker 1 And Matt's going to try his hardest.

Speaker 1 And there's going to be no, there's no pressure. Like, he's going to just be like, I'm going to do my best.
That's exactly what I did. No.

Speaker 1 I had no, I like, when I was on the flight, I got the text and I was like, wow, all right. Yeah, I thought about it, and I was like, I'm just going to look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can.

Speaker 1 Did you know that that's what it was going to be like? No, I didn't

Speaker 1 know it at all.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I didn't know anything about it. I had millions of people watching.
No clue until I got there. And then you were like, dude, it's like a big show.
And I was like, right on.

Speaker 1 And I just stuck to my guns. I told you.
I told you.

Speaker 1 And I, dude, I feel, especially the moment of kicking it, I had literally, I had zero nerves.

Speaker 1 I get get so nervous on those things.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, maybe, or maybe I just dissociate it. That makes total sense.
That's why I spazzed and talked shit on Saban.

Speaker 1 Because he was like, what do you think about the game? And I was like, I don't know. Fucking Nick Sabin cheated.

Speaker 1 It was just a full spazz.

Speaker 1 It was so good, though. I mean,

Speaker 1 I'd like to explain that because that was.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 after I said that. We had to go into the stadium to sit at the desk, which is where he didn't, he wasn't with us when I said it the the first time.

Speaker 1 So then I got in there and right before we go on, he looks at me and he's like, I heard what you said. And I was like, holy shit.

Speaker 1 And then Herb Street and McAfee were like, he's just breaking your balls, dude. He loves messing with guys.
Like, he's literally just fucking with you. And I was like, oh, all right.

Speaker 1 I'll fuck with him back.

Speaker 1 We can fuck her up.

Speaker 1 So then I would have never done that if I thought he was serious. Yeah.
But they told me he was fucking around. So I started fucking with him.

Speaker 1 And then as soon as we get done, I tell Herb Street and McAfee, I'm like, bro, he was definitely serious. And they were like, no way he was serious.
Go talk to him. So I went up to him after news.

Speaker 1 Like, you think the SEC dominated because we cheated? That's bullshit. And he, like, he spat on me.
Weren't you helping him? But then, so he was still on the stage and I was on the field.

Speaker 1 So after he yelled at me, I had to help him down.

Speaker 1 And he like looked around to see if anybody else could help him, but I had to help him down.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I felt really bad about that. And it's got to be crazy, too, because he's, how old is he? I think he's probably like 70.
Yeah, and he's, I didn't know. He might be older.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't know, too, because I saw him on the screen. I didn't know who he was.
And I was like, damn, dude, you should start wearing a hat. Like, you look.
73, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you could really step into that look. That hat.
Into his coat or the whole thing. Next time I do a game day, I'm dressing exactly like him.
I'm wearing that hat.

Speaker 1 And then just be like, what? What, dude? These hats are cool.

Speaker 1 This is how I dress. It's how guys do like sports dress.
I didn't realize that was like a legendary coach. He's the number, he's the greatest coach of all time.

Speaker 1 So from him, it must be like, you know, you go on those shows. It's like, all right, time to get fucking high-fived.
Adam.

Speaker 1 And he just fucking dickhead shows up. I mean, we do roast the ones we love, though, dude.
We do only.

Speaker 1 We only roast the ones we love. It's so funny, though, to be a 70-year-old man just in like the twilight of your years, your legacy, and then just be like, dude, your ass gay.

Speaker 1 Your ass gay. You cheated.

Speaker 1 That was, you were just an agent of karma. There had to be something.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I'm saying there's got to be just like there was some kind of equation that needed to be balanced cosmically. And, you know, you were just

Speaker 1 there.

Speaker 1 I think I kind of was right, though. Now the SEC isn't the only conference that can pay players.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was the other thing, too.

Speaker 1 It's well known, right? That like a lot of people were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not. So that's the thing I think a lot of the coaches can distance themselves from it.
Be like, I didn't fucking, we didn't pay players.

Speaker 1 I don't know how all these guys got Dodge Chargers, but I didn't fucking do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. I don't know how everyone on the team has chains and cars.

Speaker 1 But it's also like, you know, you can't, like, when I hear about like the Flategate and all that stuff, I'm always like, good.

Speaker 1 Like, as a good coach, you should

Speaker 1 be. I wish Notre Dame was fucking cheating.
Yeah, it'd be awesome. It'd be awesome.
Hopefully they are. Nothing vacated wins because a couple players cheated on like a summer class.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, the SEC was like, like, we'll give Cam Newton $500 million if he comes to this school. Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man. I think Cam, they did something to that guy.
That guy got like MK Ultra, bro. He hates no name, dude.
Fuck him. What's his problem? I don't know.

Speaker 1 He dresses like a cat.

Speaker 1 I think that he literally looks like a cartoon cat.

Speaker 1 I think he got abducted by aliens. It's crazy.
He wears like a top hat and a bow tie every day.

Speaker 1 I feel like my theory, my theory is a house fell on him.

Speaker 1 I think a house fell on him and he became a witch.

Speaker 1 He is a real witchy. He's very witchy.
He's huge. I'm telling you, bro,

Speaker 1 I think he got either abducted by aliens and sent to the future for 5,000 years beyond. That dude is...
Yeah, he's in the future. He's wild, dude.
He's wearing future clothes.

Speaker 1 Did you see the clip of, God, who was it, man?

Speaker 1 Corey Holcomb

Speaker 1 on his show. And Corey Holcomb just kind of like...

Speaker 1 just kind of he like broke something down to him i don't know what it was it was about trump or this or that i don't know what it was but like corey holcomb kind of owned him being like dude you really believe like kind of like schooled him is scam a lib

Speaker 1 yeah dude he's scam noodles yeah i guess you can tell by the outfit yeah bro otherwise

Speaker 1 but it was corey holcomb said i forget i wish i remember what he said but he's like you can't be you can't really believe that he was like

Speaker 1 i don't like it was you know you know someone's like fuck i never thought he's like you've clearly thought about this before and he was like yeah

Speaker 1 and you can tell tell i definitely did it devastating

Speaker 1 i mean i don't know just he was i was uh but it was funny scam newton i was wrong about him though in the nfl i remember having a very intense argument with my college roommates being like jimmy causon is a professional passer from notre dame cam newton you can't run like that in the nfl dude this guy's gonna get killed he dominated his whole career he was incredible just changed the game yeah he was nasty did you see him throw hands at one time yes he's also terrifying so that was kind of nice nice.

Speaker 1 We're just joking around, scam. Yeah, scam.
I'll stop going scam.

Speaker 1 Cam, you're the man. Oh, scram.
It could be scram Newton. Scram Newton, yeah.
Scram.

Speaker 1 But yeah, he, there was, man, he really, like,

Speaker 1 it's wild to be that old and get, like, into, like, I mean, I would say the bleeding edge of fashion. Yeah.
It's like, that's the bleeding edge of fashion is like borderline cross-dressing.

Speaker 1 For real. He looks like a Mary Kay model.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. It's also weird to be that big.
Yeah, true. You can't be like giant and wearing cool stuff.
It's kind of looks nuts. It's very erotic to be threatening.
Is he Magic Johnson's son?

Speaker 1 I just saw a video of him yesterday. He's still going nuts, dude.
Yeah. What's that kid's?

Speaker 1 I mean, dude. Oh, is it a daughter now?

Speaker 1 You want to talk about a balancing act of the universe? Imagine.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is no disrespect. This is more of like just kind of put yourself in someone's shoes, but imagine if your dad had AIDS from getting too much pussy.

Speaker 1 he got all the pussy that guy couldn't he like got like multiple generations worth of pussy so like you got it you got to be that gay when you come out of being his son you know what i mean for sure it would have been crazy if his son came out you know it's not like diddy son didddy sons are diddy sons

Speaker 1 that was they were the apple did not fall far from the tree in the diddy family yeah dude i'm like fascinated by those guys that's a what he's got it's like he had two twin daughters just celebrated 18 year their 18-year-old birthday or something.

Speaker 1 Dude, did he? Did he have twin 18-year-old female daughters? And it's like, I just, what a world. Yeah.
To be, hey, having a twin is weird enough to be like, did he son?

Speaker 1 Is it him or his son's wrapped? One of them's really wrapped up. He played football at UCLA.
That could be the wrong. I could be thinking somebody else.
And I think

Speaker 1 hit his strength and conditioning coach in the head with like a kettlebell.

Speaker 1 Like attempted murder. He's probably just trying to get some.

Speaker 1 He probably saw a guy doing jumping jacks.

Speaker 1 What if he gets acquitted? What if he gets acquitted and it was all made up? That would be crazy. No, I was right about that.

Speaker 1 Did he attack the UCLA football coach with a kettlebell? What?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Primal? You think it was a primal on it? It was probably, yeah. It was probably basic gorilla heads.

Speaker 1 I mean, he definitely wasn't swanging anything. If you're going to attack somebody with a kettlebell, it's probably like a 15-pounder, like a 10-pounder.
Damn, his son was pretty good, it looks like.

Speaker 1 Really? I don't know if he played played ever because his dad attacked someone with a kettlebell.

Speaker 1 I feel like that would get you off the bench. True.
I wish my dad wasn't such a bitch about, you know, he could have got up. Yeah, he could have helped.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was playing both sides of the ball in seventh grade. So that was my, I peaked, like, I started out at my peak of football and was just like,

Speaker 1 yeah, you were Travis Hunter. I was never a two-way start.

Speaker 1 Don't forget about special teams, bro. Three-way.

Speaker 1 I mean, all facets of the game, you had it. Did Saban say anything about me, actually? Saban mentioned you.

Speaker 1 He said, who was that guy who kicked that ball?

Speaker 1 I'd like to give him $500,000 tonight.

Speaker 1 Was that the guy from the BYC Bulldogs I saw there kicking the ball? True. I do wish my father had held it down like, did he, like that? Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Came down to Elon with me the whole year I was riding the bench, just

Speaker 1 attacked our strength and conditioning coach with a kettlebell. Got his ass beat by our strength and conditioning coach.
Yeah, that I, dude, I'm telling you, it's a

Speaker 1 I really love delving into like the kind of just psychosis of like fathers and sports and coaching. It's just like it gets really, it's like a dark world, dude.
Yeah. It's pretty nuts, man.

Speaker 1 Phil held it in pretty well. That's good.

Speaker 1 Occasionally he would come watch practice, which was little.

Speaker 1 Was he quiet, though? He didn't say anything. He just would look over and you'd see a car in the parking lot.
You'd be like, how bored is this fucking guy? No, he probably loves it, dude. He liked it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. If you're quiet and chill, more power to you.
It's when like dudes start, dudes get weird about like the high school sports, like kids playing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, down to like way young, people start spatting. And that's a weird trip to get on.
It's a weird trip to get on, like, yeah, my kid's the best. Yeah.
It's like, no, dude.

Speaker 1 Clearly, we're watching. Watch the field.
Yeah. Watch the tape.
We're going to grind on the tape. It's all right.

Speaker 1 But that is, you know, that's, that's that thing where it's like. Like coaches playing their sons.
That's where it does get a little like.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Quarterback.
Every time quarterback.

Speaker 1 Who knew every coach's son was a quarterback?

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's, I mean,

Speaker 1 I could get into girls' basketball coaching, dude. The path is set for me.
The path is set. I've thought about it.
Like, I showed up to practice. Phil could be your mentor.
That would be nice.

Speaker 1 Phil could mentor you. He probably could.

Speaker 1 My mom just had knee surgery today, and my dad's not home helping her because he's going to like a girls' basketball practice. We'd be like, Phil, skip the fucking practice.

Speaker 1 No way. She just helped him the entire time.
I was about to say it was the whole whole time he was recovering from that

Speaker 1 she was helping him so good

Speaker 1 day two she's she got a surgery yesterday really and he's already he's like i gotta go to the the practice duty calls like dude stay home

Speaker 1 women do wait on you hand like they there's nothing they love more than you being like incapacitated yeah if they had it your way they'd be dead yeah if they had their way you'd be dead ideally but like you laying in a bed and needing them they can't they love that

Speaker 1 blankets very nice They love it. Dude, if Brittany has anything wrong with her, A, I like kind of question her to make sure she's not faking first and foremost.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. I go, oh, wow, your knee really hurts.
And they're like, oh, I'm like, all right, just making sure you're not making this up.

Speaker 1 And I have to go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sucks, man. I told you when I broke my nose and they

Speaker 1 got my deviated septum fixed while they had to like put my nose back together. I came out of the hospital and like you know, Brittany picked me up.
She's like always happy to do that.

Speaker 1 And they put me on fentanyl. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I came, I came

Speaker 1 fentanyl. Yeah, dude.
They put me on fentany. I fucking, I came up.
I remember coming to because like, you know, they knock you out and like, boom, you're just back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just instantly to be continued. And I come back after hours of them just like, you know, cutting my nose.

Speaker 1 They, they cut your septum out, like the part between your nose and then straighten it out and resew it. It's disgusting.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 But I came to, and I came once I realized where I was, I was like, Hey, great job, everybody.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, great work. And everyone's like, All right, you said okay, buddy.
And they were like, We gave you, uh, we gave you something for the pain of the way home.

Speaker 1 And I was like, What did you give me? I'm just curious. I am curious about it.
They give you ketamine to put you down, apparently. So I was curious about the cocktail, and they were like, Fentanyl.

Speaker 1 And I was like, huh? So they hit me with a fentanyl.

Speaker 1 I just somewhere, somewhere.

Speaker 1 Fucking ketamine. Somewhere in Philly and dude, the worst

Speaker 1 gave you some of that trank, dog. But they like to get wet, young man.
Yeah, true. But

Speaker 1 I was like, all right. And I was already so fucked up from everything else they gave me.
But that, that fent hit me, and Brittany picked me up.

Speaker 1 And I was just like, anything she said, I would be like, would you just shut the fuck? I was so mean, dude. Yeah, instantly.
I had opiate rage for sure. Apparently, that happens.

Speaker 1 If you're on perks, like you get mean, dude. Super mean.
Also, right now, the mayor,

Speaker 1 black dudes are getting crushed by Percocessor. Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now.
Yeah. Opiates and galaxy gas.

Speaker 1 Galaxy gas. Galaxy gas.
What's galaxy gas? Whippets.

Speaker 1 Black dudes discovered whippets. They just discovered whippets.
They just discovered whippets, and it's not good. They're getting fucked up.

Speaker 1 If you do too much nitrous, apparently it stops your body from being able to produce vitamin B, which is like important for your nervous system. It fucks you up.
Yeah. And dudes are calling off.

Speaker 1 First of all, they all say smoking. You're not smoking anything.
You're just huffing galaxy gas. And it's like, dude, it rocked.

Speaker 1 Whippets rocked black people. It's hurting the community.
It's crushing them. But their voice does get deep, which is sick.
So you can be like,

Speaker 1 and you get like three seconds of just like the ultimate OG.

Speaker 1 Then you fall over and like the fucking best buy button you

Speaker 1 shoot. I don't give a wow.
You just go down. You just go down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's nice.

Speaker 1 He just dent the charger.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 oh, shit. Oh, for

Speaker 1 ain't nobody controlled.

Speaker 1 I've been watching a YouTube guy that you've probably watched or would enjoy. There's like a, it's like a Pakistani English guy.
I think he's Pakistani. I don't know.
Something. For sure.

Speaker 1 But he goes to America to go to hoods and interview people. Really? In the ghetto.
Dude, that's a huge charge right now. So, Bruv, when did you decide to jump off the porch? That's not.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, that's when did you jump off the porch? They all use like,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's so funny. Oh, what did you just hit a lick? And they're like, no, no, dude.
Yeah, it's all that.

Speaker 1 It's, dude, those guys, Brandon Buckingham apparently got, like, wrapped up in like a shooting.

Speaker 1 He was another guy who was like, he did, like, I think he did, like, Skrilla and all these neighbors, like, inside the most dangerous. Oh, Skrilla was, he interviewed Skrilla on one of them, bro.

Speaker 1 And Skrilla was the man. Skrilla is the man.
So far, everybody in Philly was like, Mr. Disrespectful.
I know it's a YBC duel.

Speaker 1 R.I.P. Bro.
He got killed. It was the funniest interview I've ever seen.
He's like, so why do they call you Mr. Disrespectful, bro? He's like, I'll just really be disrespecting everybody.

Speaker 1 It's like, all right,

Speaker 1 he was digging up the ops grave. He digged up the ops grave.
He got killed, dude, in West Philly. Yeah, he got killed right after that interview.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But Skrilla was the only one that, because every time he always asks, he's like, would you put the guns down if the ops put the guns down?

Speaker 1 And everyone's always like, no, we got to exterminate the ops. Yeah.
Skrilla was just like, yeah. Yeah.
For sure. Well, he had like a nice upbringing.

Speaker 1 Or nicer.

Speaker 1 His dad was into the picture. I've watched like seven Skrilla interviews.
Yeah. He kind of rules.
He does rule, dude.

Speaker 1 I've messaged him before. Did I tell you what happened the one time? Yes.
So, yeah, like I saw, I was watching him on a Kensington live feed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I had to tell him, I was like, bro, if they got the drop on you, dude, you better get out of there. But he because I.
Did he respond? Yeah, he talked to me. He was like, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 I was like, bro, I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube. Like, your whereabouts.

Speaker 1 And then I'd watch him go into the bar he was going into. Then I'd watch inside the bar on his Instagram live.
It was crazy, dude. But yeah, he is the absolute man.

Speaker 1 But his thing was he works with a bunch of other, he just works with all these different gangs, dude. And then he would like surprise guys and put them on the same track.

Speaker 1 And they would like spazz because they were like, you know, they're the ops. The ops.
And he would just not tell them and put them on the same track. And they'd be like, what the fuck, dude?

Speaker 1 He's the man. I love that guy.

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Speaker 1 I did like Mr. Disrespectful.
I love, yeah, why we see Disrespectful. It's pretty fun to look how he handled himself.
Yeah, yeah, true. Well, it's funny too, because they're young as fuck, dude.

Speaker 1 They're like 22, 23.

Speaker 1 Just getting the bag, they get the bag, dude. I'm rooting for them, dude.
I hope they do well. Yeah.
I need Skrilla, dude, to not die from drugs.

Speaker 1 All those guys, dude, when you watch like Million Dollars Worth of Game, it's just those two dudes, Gilly and Wila or whatever, just talking to dudes.

Speaker 1 Like, they did the Kodak Black episode, and he just, the dude's just like dipping out. He's

Speaker 1 so high. Yeah, Kodak's unfortunately very fucked up.
Did you see when he threw a pill up in the air? On, I think it was Kai Zanzat. Yeah, that was a little twitch for the itch or something.

Speaker 1 A little glitch for the twitch. He wouldn't leave.
And he called it. He wouldn't leave, though.
Kai Zanat was trying to get him to leave. And he's like,

Speaker 1 I was like, holy shit. The dude fucking NBA Youngboy was the same thing.
They did a thing for him and he'd just be like, yeah. He was so fucked up.
He couldn't talk. And they were like, listen to me.

Speaker 1 It was a really moving speech, man. He talked to Kodak Black and gave him a speech.
And I was like, I was like, damn, that's actually

Speaker 1 very moving. But yeah, dude, you guys can't do the fucking.
I tried to warn my black friends a long time ago. It's like, guys,

Speaker 1 the pills came for us, dude. We felt it was winter for a long time.
Don't make the same mistake. And they're like, nah, bro, I'll be fucking on these things forever.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 it's not going to work out that way, dude. You're going to be a junkie.

Speaker 1 It's a damn shame. It's a goddamn shame, dude.
But, dude,

Speaker 1 the Notre Dame game. I told you.

Speaker 1 I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen because I was sitting in, like, I was sitting near a lot of Indiana fans because it was like, you know, it's in Indiana or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I had the SDI hat on, which is red. So a lot of Indiana fans thought I was repping Indiana.
So I was just like sitting with them. And then there was like these Notre Dame fans.

Speaker 1 It was like three early 20s-something kids with like a 50-something-year-old dad. And when they scored that, like that one run, like early on,

Speaker 1 the like the Indiana guys were like yelling stuff, like, oh, and then, like, nothing crazy, but this one kid, Notre Dame fan, turns around to like an old man in decked-out Indiana gear and goes, Fuck you,

Speaker 1 dude. Like, you know how close everybody is? Yeah, he was like right here in this man's face, screamed at him, double bird to the face.
And I was just like, Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 And dude, I was like, It was the funny, and the old man was like, No, hey, no, don't say that to me. It was a fucking funny thing.
And then the kid's dad was like,

Speaker 1 Don't do that. Knock that off.
And it was so funny. You can see I've gotten in flights at games.
Bro, that was, I'm surprised.

Speaker 1 It's crazy how people think they can talk to you during a football game. I'm surprised one of the, because I think that guy had his can with him, some relations.

Speaker 1 You would think that someone would be like,

Speaker 1 because you can just destroy somebody and just shove them. I had some Michigan fans a while ago between me and my cousin.
Bro. And my cousin's nuts.

Speaker 1 He's out of his mind. And these guys are talking shit.
And they're like, oh, what are you guys going to do about it? And I was just like, if we're going to fucking kill you. Did they kill you?

Speaker 1 Did they have the high ground? They did. They were the row behind us.
See, this guy would have fucked them up. Okay.

Speaker 1 One row is not bad. You scoop him down.
But, dude, this guy, his dad, he was like humiliating his dad. His dad obviously brought him and his three friends or two friends to the game.

Speaker 1 The whole time was just, it was kind of funny. Yeah, I guess I have been in every game I go to.

Speaker 1 The Ohio State Notre Dame game. They should separate the sides like a high school game.
That's crazy the way they do that. But this guy, so finally, his dad like shamed him into apologizing.

Speaker 1 He turned around. He's like, I'm sorry, sir.
That wasn't appropriate for me to do that. That was nice.
It was nice.

Speaker 1 But I'm like, all right, he wasn't sincere. Yeah.
His dad got up to leave, and I saw he popped his phone up in a group chat. He was like, I just said fuck you to this guy behind me.
My dad got mad.

Speaker 1 What a pussy.

Speaker 1 That's Mr. Disrespectful.
That's a young, disrespectful. Totally Mr.
Disrespect. He was disrespecting everybody.
He was. And then you just every play, you just yell shit out.
But, you know,

Speaker 1 that was so funny. It's too bad, though, because Indiana, they're not really the ops.
Yeah, man. Penn State's the ops.
I know, dude. This is the game.
This is it. This is the ultimate game.

Speaker 1 Pennsylvania might break out into Civil War. Pennsylvania will go crazy.

Speaker 1 This is the most stressful game possible. They got to beat him, bro.
They got to do it for those kids. I agree.
Although, both sides. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 That's what they all try to do. That's how nasty these Penn State fans are.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What about the Catholic Church? You're like, dude, no Notre Dame's its own thing.
That's why we need his teachings even more. Even, you know, all men fall.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we do, yeah, don't disgrace the teachings. But yeah, that's true.
What about the Catholic Church? It's like, nah, dude. Don't fucking bring them in.
First of all, that's different.

Speaker 1 That's different. That's different.
We all know that's different. That's so different.
That's family business.

Speaker 1 That's in-house business. That's in-house.
That's family business. All right.
Don't bring up Notre Dame. It's so different.

Speaker 1 They were being weird, bro. They were being weird as fuck.
Yeah, dude. When a religious dude, we used to like chop virgins' heads off and kick them down the altar.

Speaker 1 People are going to catch some strays in the church. People are going to catch them stray.
Church all they did for the whole world, the Catholic Church. I know, dude.
What did Penn State do?

Speaker 1 One title in 60 years under Joe Poppy? I mean, dude, that's the thesis of that. You get fired for that around Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 That's a thesis of Dominion. Apparently, every

Speaker 1 abolitionist movement early on was tied to Catholic Church. Where's he going?

Speaker 1 I think that's mine. Ooh.

Speaker 1 What are you doing with it? Let's get him out of coffee. Just in time, bro.
Just talking about worldwide.

Speaker 1 It's too big.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 when I was living here, I started to

Speaker 1 not like Penn State, but you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, exactly. I know some of the guys that played for him now, and it's like,

Speaker 1 especially in the south, where they're like, the north, they can't play football. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So then you start to be like, no, Penn State's actually not bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I went back home for five months, surrounded by my friends. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I fucking hate Penn State, dude. I fucking hate them.
I hate them, dudes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man, that'll be a huge game. That's not the championship.
Thursday. Is it the semifinals? Okay, and then they sell it.
It's going down to four. It's going to be Ohio State, Texas on Friday.

Speaker 1 Kind of want Texas to win that. Definitely need Texas to win that.
Yeah, Ohio State's ball. That's a perfect little treat.
I want you to have a little treat. That's a perfect little caffeine treat.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm so going on the caffeine, man.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, dude, my level of secret buzz, I've always been looking for a secret buzz during the day, but I've been getting just atrocious with like.

Speaker 1 what's up with weed. How's that going? I so I was that for a secret buzz.

Speaker 1 I've taken a huge sabbatical from weed, but I have found these mints, and you know, everyone likes to fucking milligram mog, everybody else.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, I like to do 50, and it's like, whatever, you do you.

Speaker 1 But I found these mints, they're two and a half milligrams, and that way you can kind of titrate the dose. So you don't just get like thwacked out.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll be before I would try it on a playground with my kids, and you just get like wobbled on a play. It's not a move.
It's not the, you know, it's not the road to successful parenting.

Speaker 1 But a little 2.5 milligram, perfect. Yes.
And it just, especially if you're out drinking, I take one with every drink.

Speaker 1 And it's like that way, like that fourth one hits, you're in the 10-milligram zone, which isn't nothing crazy, but it's enough to give you the Jiminy cricket on your shoulder in terms of drinking.

Speaker 1 Cause it's like, man, when that ball go, that ball rolled away from me in Boston, dude. And I got.

Speaker 1 What happened? I just got, I was in Boston.

Speaker 1 My cousin met me up there. Oh, you got fucked up? I got, dude, I got got fucking hammered.
It was a while ago. To the point where, like, they're, they do those tours in

Speaker 1 like Boston does those Paul Revere tours. We're like, ooh, this ancient fucking graveyard.
And it was actually sick. Me and my cousin were out there.
We've been drinking all day. And

Speaker 1 they were smoking cigars near a graveyard.

Speaker 1 But you couldn't get in. We were trying to get in because it was fenced off.
It was like an old

Speaker 1 trying to get into the sound. I was drunk smoking cigars on a billion of those mints.
I was just eating all day.

Speaker 1 And I was like trying to get in because they had like these candle-lit tours and like this ancient graveyard. Yeah, that'd be sick.
So I tried to get in the door. They wouldn't let us in.

Speaker 1 So we got in this other area where we could get like real close, but we, you know, we were like a little bit gated off. But then the tour came by.
Freedom Trail. Isn't that what it's called? No.

Speaker 1 It's probably something like that. A guy was dressed like Paul Revere giving a tour.
What's his name? You see that? Sam

Speaker 1 from Boston. No, he used to do the.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sam Ike used to do that. Did he? He used to be a reenactor on that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway. Dude, it was kind of sick.
We were like sitting there. We already, we were just sitting there puffing our stokes.
Just me and my cousin were just like hammered is sitting there.

Speaker 1 And they're like, he was saying how, like, Harvard, like in the early days of America, would pay grave robbers to go dig up people's loved ones so they could examine their dead bodies. Oh, nice.

Speaker 1 It was like a weird job, like a black market job you get. You could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to Harvard.
Scone. This is disrespectful.

Speaker 1 It was a way of life. It was truly a way of life.
And so we're sitting there. We're on the edge of the thing.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 yo, let's get it. Can you get us inside? I wasn't even part of the tour.
I was like, can we get it inside? The guy was the part of your guy. I was like, no.
And I was like, oh, that's fucking lame.

Speaker 1 Then they're like, moving on.

Speaker 1 But I did see, I saw two young or two or three young bros on city bikes. And they were like, I was talking to them.
They were listeners to the podcast. And I was hammered.

Speaker 1 There's these two girls over there. I was just doing like the old guy thing of like, bro, go talk to those fucking girls.
Power, you guys. Shit.
If I didn't have a wife, I'd be talking to her.

Speaker 1 The girls were getting loud. And I was like, they're just acting up, bro.
They're desperate for your attention, man. They see you on those fucking city bikes.
They want you guys to ride over.

Speaker 1 They're like, you want to come to Fenway with us? And I was like, strongly considered. Yeah.
I got to go, man.

Speaker 1 Get a city bike. It's like a five-mile ride.
And I was like, I better go inside. But yeah, I woke up with the worst hangover possibly.
It was like the weed didn't, the alcohol won. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But those weed edibles were still because I don't know.

Speaker 1 Were you drinking liquor or something? Yeah. I was drinking liquor, ciders, wine.
I was drinking it. You were doing it all.
I was doing it all, dude. And we went to the cheers bar.

Speaker 1 You got to go to the cheers bar. So funny rocks.
We went to the cheers bar. My cousin's wife was like, I know this is stupid, you guys.
I really want to go.

Speaker 1 We're like, no, no, no, no, it's not stupid. As soon as we got there, like, wow, so cool.

Speaker 1 But once we got in there, it was like, it's hard to get seats in there. And we just, it was like, it's actually kind of an aggressive place.
Everyone's trying to get to the bar.

Speaker 1 It's honestly, I don't know. I don't want to talk badly about the cheers bar, but it wasn't all that it was cracked out to me.

Speaker 1 But we actually got to the bar, and it was just like kind of a hard thing to do. And it was just a stroke of luck.
And once we dug in there, I just was crushing draft siders. Like, I couldn't stop.

Speaker 1 It was fun time. It was so, it was a cheers bar, bro.
Exactly. What are you going to do? And they have things of normisms and whatever the guy.
So, dude, they have.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. They have those dumb plates you can buy.
That's exactly what this fucking dip shit brought. Well, dude,

Speaker 1 I want to hang it in here. They have like a bucket and they have little like like day one during his

Speaker 1 panic attack from moving.

Speaker 1 He thought he was dying. He was laying on my couch.
Like, I'm dying. He's like, you're just nervous from the move, bro.
It's okay. How many?

Speaker 1 Didn't you drink like 10 Jake Paul drinks on the way down here?

Speaker 1 Six Celsius.

Speaker 1 And then took mushrooms. Yeah, the next day.
And then thought he was going to die. And

Speaker 1 go to Nickel City at night.

Speaker 1 That's a good time. It was a good time, dude.
Yeah. It was New Year's Eve, Eve.
It was a good time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was. You would love it, dude.
You can pull in this bucket and it's just different normism. There's another ism.
I don't know what character that was, but the normisms do hit kind of hard.

Speaker 1 So we would just pull them out, read them to my cousin's wife, and go, typical norm. Classic, classic norm.
Classic norms, man. Cheers.
Nothing better than it. Yeah, it was very fun.

Speaker 1 But then I got kind of hammered there. Then they went, our wives went out to do something.
So we sat at, that was, oh, I didn't tell you, I didn't tell you about this. So then we

Speaker 1 sit,

Speaker 1 so then we go. Me and my cousin go to this like fancy-looking, like cavernous Mexican place.
It was like you can upscale a Mexican place. I just sat there and just crushed margaritas.

Speaker 1 The bartender was attractive, full disclosure,

Speaker 1 attractive,

Speaker 1 maybe 26-year-old bartender. It was pretty wild.
Awesome. And so me and my cousin are sitting there, just cool, just two old school players.
Chilling out, Maxim. Just chilling out.

Speaker 1 Just chilling out, Maxim. Being normal as hell.
And like, so then, like, we're sitting there drinking. And then the guy next to us finishes his drink, stands up, shakes the bartender's hand.
Beast.

Speaker 1 And I was like, bro, that is the horniest shit I've ever seen. And mind you, she had made me custom margarita.
Not a big deal. Nothing because she was.
She was personalizing things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, she was like, what do you want? My thing is, is I go, when I'm at a bar, I go, just hit me with some crazy shit. I know you can dream stuff up.
You go full mixologist. Yes.

Speaker 1 Hit me with the passion fruit margarita.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think she was kind of sending me, you know, when a woman gives you passion fruit anything, she's trying to tell you something, but I was just trying to say, chill out, lady. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then, so I'm sitting there like, man. You made no friendly advances.
Not at all.

Speaker 1 She could have been an obese 40-year-old man. I would have treated her not differently.
Yes. Strictly business.
Straight from the tears bar.

Speaker 1 You were nothing but serious. Trying to remember normisms to say to her.

Speaker 1 She's going to love this one.

Speaker 1 But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, tell my cousin, like, dude, is that not the craziest thing? He's like, that was pretty nuts to stand up and shake the lady's hand.

Speaker 1 So then finally, after like three margaritas there,

Speaker 1 I was like, you had three margaritas. That's three margaritas after, you know, gallery.

Speaker 1 Well, I was, I, I just, I had to ask her, I was like, yo, just for my understanding of the world, was that, was that kind of nuts how that guy shook your hand?

Speaker 1 And she was like, oh, it was like one of my old co-workers. I was like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Because I was like, such a hoary guy. I was just jealous he touched her hand.
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Who does he think he is touching? Obviously, my wife. Yeah, but I asked.
She likes me. She has a crush on me.

Speaker 1 i asked bro i asked and i was just like yo just i was that was weird right there's a the horniest guys on earth are guys talking to cart girls that golf

Speaker 1 those are the horniest guys there's videos there's videos you can find it there's some good videos online of guys coming up to cart girls and like you understand how beautiful you are right

Speaker 1 like what you do you brighten my day

Speaker 1 like cutting her off from getting back in the cart and being like i love you there's uh yeah

Speaker 1 i go to there's a golf course near me that I go to that they also they serve fucking like fantastic tacos. The food is awesome.
So we'll bring the kids there and let them run around.

Speaker 1 After like the driving rain shuts down, they just run around on that grass. We just crush tacos.
But I didn't know that was a thing because I saw a lady driving a golf cart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And just out of like literally innocent. It's the hottest outfit possible.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like a skirt and polo. I was trying to figure out.
I was like, is this a thing? I thought it was just like a one-off. She comes to give you drinks and snacks.
Really?

Speaker 1 While you're already hammered on the golf course and you go, see, I I didn't know that. And while your wife is saying, where are you? You've been gone too long.

Speaker 1 You go, Bitch, I'm on the third fucking hole.

Speaker 1 That game seems designed to just like absolutely crush wives. It's so long.
Yeah. It's so long.
And it's just the bros. And they split it up.
Yeah. Hey, no, no, no.
It's there's a girl's golf.

Speaker 1 There's a guy's golf. Something I'd love to get into, but I just don't have the

Speaker 1 driving range a couple times. Driving range is a bit of a game.
It's great with Girby's. He loves it.
It's all Girby's talks about. Could I walk the grounds with a walking stick and not play?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could just walk on. That's what I'm saying.
I was like, people might come up and be like, who are you?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm

Speaker 1 a hiking. Like,

Speaker 1 I'm trying to find the car girl.

Speaker 1 My daughter was, I'm from Pennsylvania. My daughter went missing.
I think she's a car girl.

Speaker 1 She fell in with the wrong crowd.

Speaker 1 The club pro here took her under his wing. She fell in with some caddies.
She fell in with some tough caddies.

Speaker 1 She's a whore.

Speaker 1 My cousin was caddying for a long time, and he got nasty at golf. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he's like sub 80. That's pretty good.
Yeah, I'm always. That's as good as it gets.
When I hear about people going sub 100, I'm like, damn, bro. Yeah, you can play.

Speaker 1 People ask me to go golfing all the time. I'm like, bro, I'll hit a 250.
Yeah. I will hit a.
You won't believe the number I'll hit. Well, I heard,

Speaker 1 I was talking about this to someone. They're like, no, you do pairs, best ball.
Best ball is kind of fun. Yeah, and you just do nine holes.
He's like, don't, 18 is crazy. Unless we're drinking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. It's the best part.
The back nine, you're blacked out. And you get to drive a golf cart around.
You go, watch this.

Speaker 1 It is a safe haven for drunk driving. It's so fun.
But yeah, dudes whip those things too. Because I did feel bad because I'll unleash the kids on the putting green.

Speaker 1 And like, usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there. But the other day there was...
A lot of people in the putting green.

Speaker 1 They were just trying to do putts while girls were doing like cartwheels around. It was so fucking funny.
They got to, yeah. They got to figure out how to hit it under pressure.

Speaker 1 That's what I was saying. I was like, hey, man, sorry my kids don't do polite golf claps.
Like, you gotta, yeah, you gotta earn it around here.

Speaker 1 There was a guy, I was like, dude, it was actually like, I think it was like two days ago.

Speaker 1 He was working on chip shots, and there was, dude, there was like for real, like seven little kids running around. He was chipping it, and I was like, man, this guy must be confident.
He's focused.

Speaker 1 Dude, he fucking just sunk it. Like, on the like, he just sunk a hole in one chip shot on the shit.
Showing off for the kids. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be so worried.

Speaker 1 I was going to crack a kid in the head with the ball. For real, dude.
I'm not. Definitely.

Speaker 1 He was hitting it hard enough to where I was like, damn, bro. Yeah, that golf course is the chill spot, though.
Tacos.

Speaker 1 You gotta hit the range. I do.
I hit the range every now and again. All right.
I'm not bad, dude. I can hit it like, and I don't know where this came from.
I can hit it straight somehow.

Speaker 1 Not with the driver. Driver, I can't.
Driver's so hard. Driver, I've sent a couple out into the road.
And then they're like, if you send it in the road, you're financially responsible.

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't think so, bro. Yeah.
Pretty sure I'm hitting golf clubs at your business.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure you're the one with the insurance.

Speaker 1 I'm obviously leaving. Yeah.
And not telling anyone I did that. Yeah.
I'm going to be like, you see that cart? It fucking shot it out like a longbow, bro. That wasn't fucking me.

Speaker 1 But yeah, dude, I've weirdly got better at sports as I'm older. It's bizarre.
That happens a little. You slow down.
You're not as

Speaker 1 you're not spazzing. You're not nervous.
Exactly. Dude, I'm telling you, that field goal kick, I didn't wasn't nervous.

Speaker 1 You had, bro. Bro.
Booted it.

Speaker 1 And all I could think about, I was telling you, was that quote where it's like, it's like some Chinese Zen thing where it's like, as soon as the archer thinks about the prize, his mind becomes divided from the target.

Speaker 1 And I was just like, dude, all I got to think about is the target. I was totally.
You were locked in. I was totally locked in.

Speaker 1 I didn't, if I made it, that would have been sick, but I was like, just happy I got it up into the air and moved. But it's like, dude, ping pong.
Then I played ping pong that night.

Speaker 1 Me and James were playing ping pong. That was so fun.
I'm good at ping-ponging. I was hammered just watching them play ping pong at night.
Yeah, that was great.

Speaker 1 I just sat on the couch, watched you guys try your hardest, diving. Pretty surprised about

Speaker 1 when you went to bed, I said, I'm going to bring in my old workhorse, Chris O'Connor. That's true.
Get down here. I know O'Connor is going to be good at this.
O'Connor was nasty. Yeah, I believe it.

Speaker 1 That was my favorite part of the trip, probably.

Speaker 1 Was talking you and James into going back down and competing again. Well, the craziest, he beat me, and then I began and he came up and he said, I beat the second.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, they were like, Matt told me who won. They played three games? Yeah, we did.
Two sets of best out of three. He won the first.
I won the middle. He won the second or the third, I guess.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It was very, it was, it was an easy one, even

Speaker 1 hammered to just be like, James, didn't you just say you won the game? He did.

Speaker 1 And then they both are like, no, no, no. He had to go back.
You got to settle it. You guys were riching to play anyway.
He played great, but dude, out of nowhere, we're fucking around. I was like,

Speaker 1 it was crazy, bro. It was unbelievable.
It was exciting times. I'm telling you, man, getting better at every sport and nearing your 40s is like, it's kind of been a welcome.
And it is.

Speaker 1 It's all mental. Yeah.
It's like, I just don't care about missing a basketball shot. I'd like to see you out there.
I'd like to see you. Wow.

Speaker 1 I bet you can hit it. I don't know, man.
That was my greatest sports weakness was the swing in the back. Yeah, because it was scary because someone was throwing a fast ball.
And now I don't care.

Speaker 1 I'd love a ball to hit me in the fucking head right now. Knock me.
Just kill me. Knock me the fuck out.

Speaker 1 I'm done with this day. Trust the machine.
Yeah, dude. I've been skateboarding fearlessly.
I'm worried about that.

Speaker 1 In some of the videos, I said, you better slow down, man. Bro, I might get a helmet.
I break a fucking collarbone or something. I'm not worried about bones.
I'll break bones. I don't want to skip.

Speaker 1 I'll sling on you. Look like a dumbass.

Speaker 1 Dude, I. So that would be funny for stand-up.
It would be kind of funny. Yeah, broke my arm skating.
Broke my arms skating.

Speaker 1 It's, dude, the pump track is like you drop in, and then you, like, you have to, like, move your legs in a certain way to gain speed through the hills. Dude, you come up to the last hill.

Speaker 1 The really good guys, like, hit it and get air and then come down. Yeah.
But just getting to the top of that thing, you're going,

Speaker 1 and then you got to come around like a little wall. And dude, you're literally going, like, you're leaning and you're like,

Speaker 1 and my, my uncle, dude, he does it with me. He's like 50.
He was like,

Speaker 1 he took a video. His son, my cousin

Speaker 1 freezed like the video, took a picture of my face. He's like, it looks like he's experiencing G-Force.
Cause I'm like,

Speaker 1 fully nerded out. It's so funny.
Dude, the skate park, it's so hard. Like physically I would do it like effortlessly when I was a kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You get destroyed just like winded yeah from just like pumping your legs and like balancing

Speaker 1 skiing not for a long time

Speaker 1 it's got to kill you day two you're like oh my legs don't work you got to be dead yeah i was doing an hour and 10 minutes of skateboarding my legs were fried for like two days it's pretty eye-opening honestly yeah it's pretty crazy but dude once you get decent at it it's so sick and then it's like i try to like i've been really trying to like stamp this part of myself out but it's like you see the other parents with their kids and you're skating you're like

Speaker 1 hop on the board, pops. Hop on the board, bro.
But I try to try not to do that. What, make the other parents.

Speaker 1 Just be like, it's just got to be funny because it's like you're, I'm there watching parents with their toddlers. Yeah, it's just you.
And the kids my age and I'm ripping the skate park.

Speaker 1 And I almost want to tell them, I'm like, bro, grab the board. They're afraid to live free like you.
Grab the board, bro. Yeah.
Grab the board.

Speaker 1 Because I've talked to a lot of people who are like, I'm going to do it. I'm like, do it, dude.
It's so scary when you first start dropping. I'm never, ever.
It's so scary.

Speaker 1 Just for the record, I'm never going near it. It's so scary.
And I'm not saying I'm not like shaming the dads. I'm more talking about like covertly seducing their wives

Speaker 1 from my skating. Are there wives there while you're skating and you're just like.
It's wives. Did you see that?

Speaker 1 It's the worst domestic setup where it's little kids, like little kids on those little zoomie bikes where some don't even have pedals. There's like a small beginner's kind of like bowl looking thing.

Speaker 1 And then there's like the advanced pump track. And it's just kids meeting their demise.
And then just moms freaking out at dads being like, you watching and just dad's in hell.

Speaker 1 And I'm just fucking riding. You're floating.
I'm just varied in the world.

Speaker 1 You got two milligrams in here. And you're going, damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 6,000 milligrams of caffeine and like a little bit of weed just going, brother, grab the board. Brother, get on the pump track.
Well, yeah, it's fun. I am just kidding, too.

Speaker 1 I'm not thinking about seducing best wives. But the thought has crossed.
It's a fun joke. It's a fun joke.
And the thought has crossed my mind, like, dude.

Speaker 1 How nice it would be to have sex with people's wives? No, not that.

Speaker 1 I'm all about just getting that attraction and getting that energy. Bro, it's skate life at this point.
That's what I'm talking about. You're a skater boy.

Speaker 1 You're obviously going to seduce women. I'm not going to.
Well, come on, man. Look,

Speaker 1 here's what I'm about. If I see a guy on the board, I go, honey, don't look.
Honey, close your fucking eyes. Don't look.
There's a four-year-old guy like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 There's a guy on the pump track going one mile an hour. Don't look.
Don't look, babe.

Speaker 1 Well, you need enough speed. Otherwise, you peter out on the pump track, and that's embarrassing.
And that took me three days. How many bails have you been bailing out in Arley? Oh, I've bailed out.

Speaker 1 I've slammed, dude. I slammed hard the other day.
I don't know what happened. Like, when you come back up, I leaned forward a little bit too much.
If you zone out for a second, you're fucked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I kind of zoned out. And, you know, again, it doesn't matter at all, but there was this like lady skating with gigantic tits.
And

Speaker 1 she's. Is there a lady with gigantic tits skating?

Speaker 1 You know, you see people and you're like, you definitely have fun.

Speaker 1 And it's, it's hills right there. Was she hitting the hills?

Speaker 1 She was a youngster. She was a youngster, but I was, it was like, it was a guy, it was a young skater couple in love, but the lady was significantly better.

Speaker 1 And I shouldn't really be talking. I shouldn't be talking skate park confidential stuff, but like, but it was just a funny dynamic.
Cause, like, dude, I was watching this lady.

Speaker 1 You know, you see people, like, if you're a girl who skateboards and you have like colored hair and, you know, an apple bosom, you probably have 500,000 Instagram followers. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 That shit translates to Instagram so well. Yeah.
But, uh, but they were holding down the skate park pretty hard. She dressed like the bully from The Simpsons.

Speaker 1 Like the skull cap and the hair coming. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a little skull cap. Is that Ralph's? Is it Ralph the bully? No, Ralph's Nelson, but Nelson's friend.
Nelson's friend is who I was thinking of. Yeah, yeah.
Doesn't he have a friend?

Speaker 1 Nelson is the bully. I'm thinking of dressing like Nelson, and you were kind of spot on.
But again, I shouldn't, I'm being a gross pig.

Speaker 1 I'm just, you know, there's obviously, you know, I have dual natures. Yeah, this guy.
I was thinking of Jimbo Jones.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was thinking more like the other guy. I feel like all the skater girls look like Jimbo Jones and Dolph Star Beam.
It was, it's definitely big pants, but you know, there was a tank.

Speaker 1 There's a tank going on.

Speaker 1 But my whole point was, it's like, you know, again, it's like,

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to be like gross or weird, but it does put a pressure when there's a young lady watching you do a physical activity. So I was just like, you know,

Speaker 1 there's that part of you that's just kind of like, bro, I'm killing it. This is sick.
So much better than your boyfriend. Not a big deal.
So much fucking better. Although they were way better than me.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I like leaned forward real quick and just, I don't know what happened. I was going up a hill.
As I showed forward, my skateboard stopped. You showed off for the game.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 slammed onto the concrete. And I'd just be like, boom.
Yeah, dude. You're trying to show off for the little kids.

Speaker 1 You remember? They were skate dusky.

Speaker 1 No, they're in their 20s, bro.

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Speaker 1 Also, please come to Atlanta this weekend. I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in supposedly what's Atlanta, but apparently I've learned it's 40 minutes outside of Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, a little different there. But the uh, it's in the greater Atlanta area.
I'll be there Thursday till Saturday. Please come.
Thank you. I have

Speaker 1 San Antonio, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Vancouver, Seattle, Minneapolis, Tampa, Jacksonville.

Speaker 1 Be on the lookout. Let me see who's not selling tickets.

Speaker 1 What the heck's going on here?

Speaker 1 Whoa, 60

Speaker 1 Birmingham, Alabama. I need you.
I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama. April 26th.

Speaker 1 What else you got, Lamiza? Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Take a name. Take a name.
Take a name. Take a name.

Speaker 1 Take a name. Hey, everybody.
Hello. It's me, Le Maire.
January 16th, I'm going to be at Hilly Phillium. Hilly Phillium.
Hillium Philly. Coming at.
That'll be six. Hilly Phillium.

Speaker 1 And then January 19th, the Emegas Theater. Please come there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lemer Lee got fun.

Speaker 1 Didn't even flinch. Didn't flinch over it.
Didn't even flinch. Oh, walk straight into it.
I'm going to be in St. Pete in

Speaker 1 Las Vegas in February. Please come if you can.
Thank you. You mean Las Vegas in February? Why?

Speaker 1 What are you doing in Las Vegas?

Speaker 1 Coastal Creative in St. Pete, Florida.
That'll be fun. Get you down there.
Valentine's weekend. Ooh.
Nice. Please, for the love of God, come if you can.
Bring your sweetheart. Bring your sweetheart.

Speaker 1 Come watch me.

Speaker 1 Stand up. Goodbye.
Thank you. Let's get back to that fun episode.
Hey. Sean, no, you decide to.

Speaker 1 Stop rolling your eyes, dude. God.

Speaker 1 I'm just joshing you, bud.

Speaker 1 Hat motherfucking day. I mean, it's been so wonderful to be back.
It's been nice, man. To see the fellas.

Speaker 1 Fuck, man. It was, you know, look.
It's a cold, mean world out there, bro. It is.
It's a cold, mean world.

Speaker 1 But now they're back. Now the bros are back.
Bros are back, dude. Morale is fucking soaring.
It was at an all-time high. It is soaring right now.
Now you're back. Now you guys run the mothership.

Speaker 1 Now that I'm back, you guys get to walk around with your chest held a little higher. You go, do you know who my friend is?

Speaker 1 He does Bud-Light commercials.

Speaker 1 True. You guys should start really throwing your weight around.

Speaker 1 You should, dude. Why not, dude? You guys got to do battle with the Kill Tony crew.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you guys. You have to.

Speaker 1 We can't do that, dude. Why? You have to battle them.
They think they own you guys. They think.
They think.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you guys should at least challenge one. Like a public beef would be nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't get me started, dude.
I'll do it. You will do it.

Speaker 1 You're going to do it without us even fucking asking. And I'm not defending you.
I'm going to side with the kill Tony side.

Speaker 1 The Kill Tony crew of mutants versus

Speaker 1 guard dog.

Speaker 1 Thick and thin, dude. You're going to have to take on the mutants.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah.
I mean, definitely 2025 is the year for major moves. So it's time for major moves.
You guys got to crack couple skulls, sacrifice some people. You guys should.

Speaker 1 I don't mean like physically. I mean, like.
Yeah. You guys should be at least two beefs by the end of the year.
Public beef. You're going to need some beefs.
Public beefs.

Speaker 1 Or, or, hear me out, spazz on the mothership publicly if you don't get enough spots.

Speaker 1 Oh, have you been publicly spousing?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you gotta spaz. That's a strong move to be like, this club hates me, they're not fair.
Fuck them.

Speaker 1 I have not publicly spazzed. I've independently, I've privately spazzed.

Speaker 1 I've privately spazzed a lot. I'm not getting enough stage time.

Speaker 1 Such a nice move. Like, yo, for real, I think they fucking hate me.

Speaker 1 They hate me over there. You know what the beef? This is the beef.
I'm going to manifest it. Hans Kim versus Nate Marshall.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 I need that beef. That'd be a good beef.
It's a good beef. That's a great beef.
It's going to be such an easy one to start.

Speaker 1 Just immediately have Nate be like, I'm not going to. He didn't say shit, but what if he did?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'd be fun to get in there. We got to.
We got to start.

Speaker 1 I'm just taking cues from NAGA, man.

Speaker 1 We gotta start in fighting it's it's if you're not infighting what are you doing yeah we gotta pick some point and just start fighting over it dude dude was that the thing that ran again yeah that's your air bro your air's back on no there's a creature that lives on my house that sprints across the roof dude oh it literally sounds like a man it sounds like it's two feet it's just like boom boom boom boom boom And then it'll stay still for an hour.

Speaker 1 And then it'll sprint. Raccoons, dude.
When you get a raccoon on your roof, it sounds like a grown person. It sounds like a grown person.
Is it a raccoon or a possum?

Speaker 1 I've seen a couple possums around that. The possums would be nice.
I do like the possums. I've seen them crawl across the fence back there.
That's raccoon. They are a possum, dude.

Speaker 1 We had to tear up our little, we had a little Trex deck area that we tore up and put stone down.

Speaker 1 And, dude, I had to get like, there was possums living under there.

Speaker 1 These Mexican dudes were like trying to catch them in the t-shirt. It was so fucking funny.
They're fearless, dude.

Speaker 1 It was a mother possum and a baby possum. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You had them executed for your porch? Hell no, no, no, no. They were just, they were sent on an exodus.
Because there was nowhere for them to live.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but like we were like, we were like, we ripped it up, and it was like, all right, I know there's possums under here, so like, be careful. So we didn't know there was a baby.

Speaker 1 So like the mom was just going nuts. We're like, dude, here's the road to freedom.
Get out of here. And it wouldn't leave.
They might have found their way to my roof. They might, hopefully.

Speaker 1 That was when there was a dead possum in the front yard when I first moved here. Yeah.
And that's when I was like, that's why the house smells like shit. It was probably a dead animal.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're good for you, though. They eat snakes.
They eat bugs.

Speaker 1 no they move it, no, something.

Speaker 1 What, the smell, yeah, no, it couldn't be a dead animal on the roof. That smells bad for a year.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's favorite, that's favorite, dude. Jackson, this is the fart castle, dude.
Jackson, uh,

Speaker 1 our neighbors put rat poison. There's the possum that we had under our porch, our neighbors can't stand it because, like, it just shits, like, chills in our yard and shits in their yard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've never even seen possum shit, but apparently it was just shitting in their yard.

Speaker 1 Shit in their yard, hung in our yard. That's nice.
That's really funny. So they laid out a ton of rat poison for it, trying to get it.

Speaker 1 Who are these people? There's our neighbors.

Speaker 1 They want all the shit in their yard. And I was like, hey, man, your yard's your yard.

Speaker 1 A dog's going to eat that immediately. Well, funny you say that.
Jackson.

Speaker 1 He was gorged. We didn't know it was out there.
He was gorging on rat poison? Jackson gorged on rat poison. Jesus Christ.
And, dude, he lives again. He ate.
He wants to go. Quarter pound?

Speaker 1 No, he just wants to grub. He does like to grub.
No, he just wants to grub. He seemingly wants a way out.
He just doesn't care, dude. How's his legs? How was his surgery? His legs are good.

Speaker 1 It went well. Finally, the dude stopped limping, but then he just instantly gorged on rat.
He ate a bunch of chicken bones. The dudes who were working on the porch just threw chicken bones everywhere.

Speaker 1 So he munched them, was like shitting out bones and throwing up. And then, like, during that crisis, went and just crushed a ton of rat poison.
Possible rat poison on the top of the bones.

Speaker 1 It was crazy. Brittany called me.
I was like, middle. I was like doing something.
She's like, Jackson ate rat poison. I was like, Jesus, fuck.
Yeah, he's dead. You would imagine he'd die.

Speaker 1 I looked it up. I was like, fuck.
All right. Let's see here.
I looked it up. You have to eat, I think, at least 5% of your body weight in rat poison.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So Jackson, he only had, I was like, how much did he eat? He ate like one puck. Yeah.
Started for the second and got pulled up.

Speaker 1 But he was throwing up like chicken bones and like lime green rat poison. It was,

Speaker 1 bro, his troubles. It's very funny.
But he's good now. He's cool.
He's like better than ever. I love him.
Thanks working. I'm always a fan to hear what he's up to.
It's never good.

Speaker 1 It's never good, bro. It's never good.
He's gotten, he's had three chocolate breakouts, mushrooms once, low dose. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Edible rat poison. He's for real, his psychonaut, dude.
He's crazy. He's done it all.
He has done it. It truly has done it all.
But dude,

Speaker 1 he's good, though. Now, he was throwing up for like literally like a week or so.
Then I had to switch his food and everything.

Speaker 1 I was giving him chicken and rice for like weeks. So now I give him one.
That's good. Yeah, now I'm feeding him like...
He's fucking eating better than I do. Dude, he was eating.
Chicken and rice.

Speaker 1 He was fucking good. Yeah.
Because if you have a dog with diarrhea, the rice just like stops him up. Because he was shitting.
He shit like everywhere.

Speaker 1 The one morning we woke up and there was just like

Speaker 1 puke, puke, shits all in his bed. And he like pointed his ass out of the cage.

Speaker 1 So we were like going around and dude, nothing sours a wife in the morning, just like dog shitting. I mean, it'll get anybody, right? Yeah, that would fire me up a little.
But yeah, it's rough, man.

Speaker 1 So that's, that's when it's, that's your dog. No, oh, dude.
Yeah. He couldn't be more mine during that time.
yeah granted it was both of our idea but when he shits everywhere he's mine but the uh

Speaker 1 dude he and actually to her credit she handled the shit mornings really well because it was the most shit he'd ever done and it was everywhere it was so much bro there was so many spots we like just set up our christmas stuff it was whatever but he uh

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was handled. It was handled pretty well.
And then the, so like that happened. We're like cleaning it up.

Speaker 1 And my kids are watching me and they're like, what are you, I'm explaining them what's going on. The one night we went out to see Moana 2.
It It was me, Brittany, mine, Chloe.

Speaker 1 Chloe, I didn't know, you know, we're in the dark. So, like, we have like all everyone has all their stuff.
She was hitting French fries off Britney's plate, hitting french fries off my plate.

Speaker 1 She was working both of us. We didn't know that she hit both plates so hard.

Speaker 1 She ate so many french fries that that morning I go in her room and she's just like, she's just crying like five in the morning. I'm like, what's up? And she's like, I did a yucky thing.

Speaker 1 And I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, like, I did like Jackson did on the carpet. And I was like, she just threw up.
Oh, I thought she stuck her ass out. Diarrhea now, man.

Speaker 1 No, no, but she just threw up all over the floor. And she does.
If you leave her by herself, she'll start trying to wipe her own ass, and she just smears it. It's the fucking worst.

Speaker 1 We had to convince her. So we have to get, Brittany was like, because I was like going in.
I'm like, don't wipe yourself. And then she's like, I have a boo-boo on my agini.
And I was like, what?

Speaker 1 And she's like, Brittany's like, I told her she has a booby on her vagina, so she won't try to wipe herself. Oh, nice.
It's probably not good for long-term to be like, your vagina has a wound.

Speaker 1 Something's wrong with your vagina.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that might affect long term yeah well i i was i've been telling i'm i'm like but it might be even weirder if you're like no honey your vagina is great yeah true

Speaker 1 i think you you couldn't go wrong being like it's great yeah women women have a massive insecurity about like what's up with it how is it is it good same

Speaker 1 yeah true yeah

Speaker 1 you know i always try to tell my wife i said babe you got nothing to worry about let me get in with that let me go do anything well let me gobble that fucking thing.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get in there and snack a little.

Speaker 1 I've been sweating. I'm like, bro.
Give me the sweat. Bro.
Let me eat it.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. But we're just talking about, you know.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that's, you know, so yeah, it's, it is one of those things where it's like, dude, when I drop her off to do like her, like her daycare, and it's like, we have to like give her pretzels in order for her to go in.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, man, this is definitely setting up some neural pathways that aren't great. And it'd be like, oh, you're feeling overwhelmed? Eat some pretzels.
You'll be fine. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just munch pretzels. But yeah, she's peace pumped right now.
She's on, she's like on this new thing where she's Ariel's mom from Little Mermaid. She came up with it out of nowhere.

Speaker 1 And yeah, she's been hitting me with that every morning. Yeah, what she said, weren't you just...
Yeah, dude. I phoned you.
Yeah, she woke me up yesterday.

Speaker 1 Well, Maya woke me up at five in the morning. Then Chloe, it's six.
I just never went back to sleep. Chloe woke up, has to pee.
Take her to the bathroom. She goes, oh, I don't have to pee.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you motherfucker. And then I'm like, all right, come to bed with me.
No talking. Go to sleep.
She's like, yeah, for sure. Lays down next to me.
Dude, you get like two seconds of silence.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, you know, something's coming. And out of nowhere, she's like, yeah, I'm Ariel's mom.
And I'm like, dude, shut up and go to bed. Stop.

Speaker 1 And then like, she'll just, and then like, you'll squash that and you'll feel just a hand just like whap right in your eye. It's like in the dark.
So I'm like, ow, fuck. And she's like, oh.

Speaker 1 I'm like, dude, let's go downstairs. I'm done.
We're not going to try to fall asleep. It is, that was been like bugging me out lately with like, because it really is.

Speaker 1 And people like, you know, having kids, like, it's the best thing in the world. And like, it is.
It's very, it's like uncomparable to anything else.

Speaker 1 But then you break down like what you're actually doing.

Speaker 1 It's like insane. It's like, dude, like, literally, like, I've gotten shit on a couple times.
Yeah. Peed on.
I mean, dude, I had like peed on underwear.

Speaker 1 Like, when Chloe pees in the toilet, she likes to like really see what she's doing, but then she'll arch her back so the pee shoes.

Speaker 1 I've done this to myself as an adult when you like poop and you pee through the toilet and so it hit the back of your pants. Done it.
Yeah. She did it.

Speaker 1 We were out doing like something and she peed all over her fucking pants. Luckily, it hit her just her underwear.
So I was like, fuck, I didn't have a change of clothes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I just took her like pee underwear and just like put them in my pocket. Oh, no.
I forgot they were in there. So my whole point is you're doing all this shit.
I have like pee underwear in my pocket.

Speaker 1 I'm being shit on. And it's like when you break it down by the tasks, by like task by task, you're like, how is this the best thing in the world? And really, it's just the power of love.

Speaker 1 It is the power of love. And my whole point is, if love is truly that powerful, what are we doing with our lives? Truly such a powerful force.

Speaker 1 The best thing in the world is literally the most servile and disgusting tasks and just zero free time. Makes you think, dude.
It does. It truly makes you think.

Speaker 1 But it also having free time fucking rules. So

Speaker 1 it's crazy, dude. Free time's pretty sick.
Although, too much free time. I don't realize how sick it is until it gets taken away from me.
Too much free time, though. Forever.

Speaker 1 I just had too much free time.

Speaker 1 Once we finished filming tires and then I was just in Westchester.

Speaker 1 Nothing to do. That is true.
People don't understand that, man. That sucks.
That like drives you crazy. The pinging silence of like hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of fucked up.

Speaker 1 Empty house, silent. And then they're like, I'll just go across the street and walk along the creek.
That's joke. It was nice.
That's joke. But it was also dead silent out there.

Speaker 1 You walk back in your house. It's a giant, silent, old fucking house from the 1700s.
I'm just standing in there like,

Speaker 1 fuck.

Speaker 1 I got to do stand-up. That gets so disorienting where you're like, what am I going to do? The sun goes down at fucking 2 p.m.
Yeah. I'm just standing there in the dark in a haunted house.

Speaker 1 The house makes noises. I'm scared now.

Speaker 1 And it's dark for 10 straight hours. It's dark.
I'm awake the whole time. It's dark.
Scary. I'm scared for hours.
And it was remote, too. It was very remote.
It was very

Speaker 1 scared. And there's like animals.
I remember I was out there.

Speaker 1 Bro, I'd go outside. I'd piss outside a lot.
It's awesome. It was very nice.
The stars were out. It was very nice, but there was always a fox screaming.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then it would get closer and scream closer.

Speaker 1 and you got a fucking hurry you piss up run inside because i'm not sure it's a fox we have a coyote we have a coyote near us you'll hear it start yelping you're like and he's the same thing we're outside i have my little uh makeshift fire pit in my in the lot that pray to god they never build a house there they're definitely going to though but dude i've taken it over you took over a lot and put a fire pit yeah i just put like i had like stone left over from when we did that little like patio area so i just like set up

Speaker 1 on it's just a lot behind my house and it's like you're squatting you're settling technically i could do an easement Yeah, I could be like, hey, man, look.

Speaker 1 I was told Britney I was going to chain myself down to my fire pit with a trunk.

Speaker 1 Or I might go try to find old bones from a museum, steal them, and just bury them in there and be like, what the fuck? You can't touch this land. We can't build anything on here.

Speaker 1 But I've been, dude, I burnt my Christmas tree. Do you know how flammable those things are? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm sure, I guess that's common knowledge. They like burn houses down.
Dude,

Speaker 1 I had my little wood I had it going on. I'm like, let me just throw like a branch and some needles.
You would have thought I'd put gasoline on the fire.

Speaker 1 So then I chopped it up into three parts and I'm putting branches around. That's how you got rid of your Christmas tree.
Yes, burning. It was so fucking sick.

Speaker 1 Dude, I put one, like, say a third of a Christmas tree on a fire. It got, I'm not lying, maybe

Speaker 1 12 feet up. The flame was 12.
The flame was so bright that the street lights turned off. Jesus.

Speaker 1 The photo sensors tripped. They just kicked on and it was like, oh, it's daytime.
You were going nuts. Dude, did I show you the flame? No.

Speaker 1 bro. The flame is so fucking nasty.
I wish I was doing crazy. I had a couple fires.
I had some fires going. Bro, I'm telling you.
I spent most of my time standing outside looking for drones.

Speaker 1 That was a fun nighttime task. I would go, oh, there's no clouds tonight.
I'm going to go try to find drones. If you got a sighting, that would have been that.

Speaker 1 I wish I saw several planes that I stood there for 10 minutes watching. Just being like, no, that could be.
It doesn't seem to be. Could that possibly be a UAP? God damn it.

Speaker 1 I've seen many fucking pictures. Here we go.
Dude, that's me. Dude, Maya takes fucking videos of me.

Speaker 1 That's me on the Peloton.

Speaker 1 Dude, the, sorry, I got to find these flames.

Speaker 1 Excuse my fucking. No, find the flames.
Dude, the flames, you're going to for real. You're going to get a little taken aback and go, dude, oh, bro.

Speaker 1 That was a blaze. What are you doing?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? That's a third of a Christmas tree. Next year, I'm lighting the whole thing up.

Speaker 1 Bro, Are your neighbors out or is this just you and your family? Just me and the family. Just me and the family.
We had a friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Dude, the neighbors must be like, What the fuck's happening? So, our neighbors aren't there a lot.
They split time between like two different cities, and they've gotten fire alerts.

Speaker 1 They have like a security camera. Oh, no.
That was like, is there a fire nearby? Because their phone got pinged. Like, we detected fire in your area.

Speaker 1 But then the house next to me, this boggles my mind. They bought the place and nobody's lived in there for a year, a year and some chance.
Build some stuff in there.

Speaker 1 Browses expand throughout your neighborhood. That's what I'm trying to say.
Start setting up chill spots. My thing is, who fucking buys a house and doesn't use it?

Speaker 1 There's no renters. Yeah.
Then the one next to us, same thing, but they just started throwing Airbnb people in there. And it's, which is kind of sick because I get to learn.
It's probably the Chinese.

Speaker 1 I dude.

Speaker 1 It's buying up land. But I feel like I've met, I think it was a couple Indians, actually.
So I met the Indians who did it. And I'm like, you know, I was kind of stoked.

Speaker 1 I've never had Indian neighbors. So I was like, fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 They left me high and dry, bro. My sister's running into a big problem with Indian neighbors.
I went there. I was by there for Christmas.
No lights.

Speaker 1 Oh, no Christmas.

Speaker 1 Her whole neighborhood's Indian people. Bruh.
That would kind of chat my ass. It's like, bro, come on.
It's a little rough. Toss up, light up some fucking V-shapes, dude.
Nobody's cutting the grass.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's just wild.

Speaker 1 Everyone's holding hands, walking outside. Or they hold hands.

Speaker 1 Or the boss Indian dudes let their wives walk like five feet ahead of them. That's the move.
Where it's an Indian lady, and then the husband's five feet behind her, hands behind his back.

Speaker 1 They did get that right. That's nice.
Going on a walk with your lady blows. Stagger it.
Try to hold hands or something. It's like, I'm walking.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm walking here.
What is this?

Speaker 1 Three-legged race. And then you get like a narrow part of the path, and you slow down to let her go first, and then she slows, instinctively stops.
Yeah. And you go, nope.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. So this is a single-file part of the path.
It's, dude, we have some nice, like, little walking areas, and

Speaker 1 we've done the walks. And it's the only thing that could be nice if you do like a super long grueling walk because there's nothing better than being like you tired that is nice that can be nice.

Speaker 1 I hit I hit yeah, I hit my lady with one of those recently

Speaker 1 I've been sitting around now. How the fuck am I the one that's not tired at all?

Speaker 1 I got crushed the other day because we both, when we when I found out I was pre-diabetic on the blood test, fucking bullshit, dude, my A1c will be lower, but it'll be sure it is already.

Speaker 1 If it's not, I'm going to die because like I've literally cut out like 90% of carbohydrates.

Speaker 1 But there was a, there was when we like first had kids, we had two, when we first had two kids, we'd have this double stroller in Philly.

Speaker 1 We'd push it up hills and Britney would get like for real like winded. Yeah, of course.
And she'd always be like, I got to go to the doctor. There's something going on.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, dude, you're fucking out of shape. And like,

Speaker 1 she's still salty about that comment.

Speaker 1 But the, uh, and then like she got some blood tests where like they really did reveal some sort of like irregularity about like the, I don't know what it was, but she was just like, you fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 I told you there was something. And they were saying like the side effect could be like getting winded easily.
And I was like, damn, that's my bad. Instantly called out the.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you're faking it. You're just like, yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she crossed. She danced in the end zone on me on that.
She's like, you're such a jerk. Especially, like, you don't realize how things sound until she's telling other couples or people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what she said. You're like, well, hold on.
Let's put the context in there.

Speaker 1 This asshole just said, yeah, it's because you're out of shape. And I was like, well, I was concerned for you.
I need you to.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 Let's switch over to the Patreon. Let's motherfucking.
Let's see you on the Patreon, good friends.

Speaker 1 There's about 10 seconds left on the clock. The Instacart shopper has to nail this handoff.
He's flying down the sidewalk. He's looking for the receiver.

Speaker 2 Lining up the pass.

Speaker 1 And he did it.

Speaker 1 Game day is safe.

Speaker 1 Wait, Dad, did you forget, Div?

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