92: Grandpa’s Pig Heart with Ricky Velez | Soder Podcast | EP 90

I will be in Wilmington, North Carolina at the Dead Crow Comedy Club August 14th through the 16th for five shows.

I love that club.

It's a new location.

I haven't been to the new location.

Very excited to check it out.

Long Island, New York.

Years since I've been there.

I'm back at the Belmore in Long Island on Saturday, August 23rd for two shows.

Two shows at the Brook Ridge Comedy Club.

And then, speaking of hot, Phoenix, Arizona.

I am going to be at Stand Up Live for four shows.

I'm going to be there September 5th and 6th at Stand Up Live in Phoenix.

It's a huge room.

Come on out.

I haven't been to Phoenix in a while.

Dansoter.com for all dates, including the Golden Retriever of Comedy.

That's the theater tour that kicks off in late September in Los Angeles.

We got all the dates listed and all the dates are up on my website for sale.

Dansoter.com for tickets.

You know what really makes me feel, there's just a lot of stuff that's making me feel very, very, very, very old, but how much I miss MTV news because it was legitimate.

Like, dude, at that would, that, those, that fucking typewriter thing would come across, like, do, do, do, do, and you'd be like, something

happened.

You just knew there wasn't cable news up your butt all the time.

So the breaking news actually meant something.

And then they were like, like, I remember the MTV news where they're like, Tupac Shikur was killed.

And you're like, after the Tyson fight?

And you're like trying, you're just like at someone's house and you're like, what did you do?

My first news I remember is the OJ chase.

I was five.

That's nuts.

June.

I kind of remember it as my first memory.

Yeah.

It's like my mom and me watching

laughing, but also watching the case with my mom is like something I remember very like my first memories with my mom are watching the OJ case.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Because your mom's like, he didn't do it.

She's just cheating on you.

I don't know if she was saying that.

This is my Irish mom.

She's like, he definitely did that.

Lookers and boy, that's a black man that's guilty of murder four lies for driving away why would he be in a bronco if he didn't do it he my dad was from the bay area right so anybody from the bay area was like it's what new yorkers do every city does this when you grow up is nicole simps an irish catholic

i feel like she was probably a catholic that was probably that was probably up there in my house we had a lot of crosses in the home yeah do you think they would have put a picture of her up possibly like rosary around it.

Pray for Nicole, but my dad loved OJ because he went to uh

sports Galileo High School.

He's from San Francisco, dude.

I cannot stop watching the Diddy case.

You're so this is you.

Do you feel because you brought up OJ?

Do you think this is your discussion?

I had a friend that worked in nightlife, his older brother did, right?

And there were certain guys they were always like, yo, don't be around.

And like, I always was like, always talking shit.

And now it, like, over the years, I had heard, and now it's come to full.

Would they they say that?

Wait, they would say, like, don't come around, Diddy, yeah,

because they knew about all the

hot stuff.

You know what's crazy is they said it about the same guy said it about Spacey, Kevin Spacey, and then Kevin Spacey spoke at my high school graduation.

So he's like, pervert, he's like pervert no stradamas.

He's just in clubs.

He's in clubs.

He has to get them what they want.

He touches people, he goes, Yeah.

He goes, just stick away from Christian Slater.

He's kind of a fucking bad nigga.

No, the guy shows up to Vegas and he's like, yo, let me get like a bunch of this.

Okay.

Now, here's my question to you.

Morally speaking.

Yeah.

Isn't this guy part of the problem?

He's just a kid from Washington Heights that was trying to figure some shit out, man.

Yeah, but you could say that about anybody.

I get it.

Did he just get from Brooklyn?

Did he just use some baby?

Did he just a kid from Harlem that wants to shake his shoulders and be fucking slathered up?

Yeah, man.

I just didn't realize rap was so gay, dude.

Why did you think they got so mad about all the gay jokes?

It's like priests.

It's like, you know, when priests are like, I hate the gays.

And then it turns out you're like, oh, you were just either railing little boys or at some motel with a gay process.

What's that guy, like Charlie Kirk?

I want to sit on a college campus with a sign that says rap is gay.

Oh, shit.

That'd be so funny.

And then

it's just on Worldstar.

And you go, did you see Ricky get attacked?

Rap is...

No, I think what it is is they, it's based in like,

you know, masculinity.

It's based on like being tough and shit, so you can't be gay.

So any kind of gay shit, they'd be like, shut the fuck up.

And then no, it's like they'll kill you.

They'll push it down, though.

That means like pushing it down, which means, you know, when you push something down.

And now all the old Tupac videos are coming out.

He's like, hey, I'm like, dude, Alex English looks great.

He was a, he was a theater.

He was a theater kid.

Yeah.

So was I.

Yeah.

But you didn't do that.

Did you see the guys?

This is a great question as a theater kid.

If you were a theater kid, you saw the guys that acted

gay but weren't.

Did you see those?

Those like underneath the game?

No, they were about that life at my school.

We had a gay kid that used to rap about being gay.

And like sucking D's, dude.

It was nuts.

That young?

Yeah.

You're like, high school.

High school.

You didn't have the guys in theater that were like, oh, I love her.

She's my friend.

You're like, you're trying to fuck.

Reminds me of Spongebob.

Not too much.

Not too much.

I would say people that were actually really about it.

Did you have a lot of kids go?

Because you grew up in Queens, the pipeline to Broadway, not that far.

No, I don't know anybody on Broadway that I grew up with.

They never made it?

No.

No.

They just fucking crashed and burned?

Everybody.

Nobody stayed in the arts, really.

That's just funny to know that there's just people out there with like extensive background in like lay music.

Vocal and all that stuff.

Dance.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just a nail tech.

She could just fucking.

She's like, yeah, I can give you all of Fam of the opera if you want dude i i went yeah no i've seen i've i still see people i see people i went to high school with so it's like and was this a performance because new york city it was a performing arts school but i was within the first five years of it opening so we didn't even have our own building bro we shared a building with the vry kids they launched a high school yes and why did your parents send you to that because it was new well the other option was paying to go to a catholic school because my zone school is really bad that's what it is new york city it's like if you are people like fight to get into the zones that have decent school.

Well, now there's like, I heard there's like a whole different lottery to it now.

So you can end up.

And you're a parent.

Yeah.

Are you getting nervous as your son gets old enough to go to school?

He's in school.

He's in school.

My kid's old now.

Yeah, dude.

Fuck, dude.

I feel like I don't see people for like six years.

And they're like, that's how kids drive it.

My kid drives now.

As a New York, because you're a Queens kid.

Do you resent your kid being a Manhattan kid at all?

Is there any like

that's kind of my friends would have fucked you up?

No, I didn't even know Manhattan kids.

Really?

I didn't come to Manhattan.

I was last stop on the F train plus a bus.

So you're like...

When you met me, I was still doing that.

Bus to the last last stop on the F train, 179th Street, and then a half-hour bus to Hillside and Springfield, and then I walked two blocks to my home.

Yeah, dude.

I live deep in Queens Village.

So going to Manhattan to you guys was.

And I saw you every night, dude.

I used to take a voyage after I saw you.

But what I was saying is when you were growing up,

coming into the city was like a non-starter.

Like, just like.

As I went to high school, my high school was in Long Island City.

It was actually in the LaGuardia building.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

So once I started going there, it was like one more stop into Manhattan.

And that's when I started meeting like people through the city and whatnot.

But until I was like, me and my boys, I grew up in my neighborhood, did not go to the city.

No.

You fucking hung out in the neighborhood, you played on your bikes, and like there was, there was, and you went into the city.

Yeah, I mean, that makes sense.

That's almost just like anything outside of any city you take you an hour and a half to get into Manhattan.

Yeah, that's fucking wild.

Yeah, and you're still in the city.

Yeah, I was because I had a friend that I went to college with that was from Long Island and I was always like, oh, she's probably in New York all the time.

He's like, no, no.

It's like it takes so long.

But that's so Long Island is like where everybody would leave to go to to be like, it's safer, it's better.

And then everybody ended up on pills.

Everybody ended up on pills.

The curves really were a trap.

Bro, my boy robbed the banks.

I got a lot of people in the 90s and early 2000s.

2000s my boy robbed the bank with a note that says i have a gun i need this amount of money but he was on pills and knotted out until the cops came that's really funny same charge in new york state same charge did they pick him up like when you'd fall asleep in the car and your parents

your parents would walk you to bed where you'd wake up

you wake up and you go did i knock out on pills

and the cop goes you did you're gonna do about 15 to 20.

you're fucked dude we got you on armed robbery dude less than a year

when that's your first charge less than a year yeah why are we not robbing banks this this becomes criminal evidence in a trial well i was joking your honor i was clearly kidding we shouldn't all rob banks how do you even rob banks anymore here's my theory about bank robbers if i if we were born 200 years 150 years

why are we not robbing banks 150 years ago All you should be doing is robbing banks.

I'm pretty sure you can still do it, but

inside it all has to be inside baseball now yeah i'm not talking about me and you going getting some snazzy suits some shoes with some grip i always some bandanas know what i see happen and then i can ride on the side of the car while katie drives it in one of those bonnets and we're on the side like

that's right the the myrtle gang robbing in

give me another one of those tommy got like

oh dude i drink egg creams every morning oh what's egg cream it's like a milkshake kind of thing with eggs.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But Robbie.

I had a really old babysitter that used to make those all the time.

They're gross.

I'd rather have a milkshake.

They're pretty gross.

It's like dry humping of milkshakes.

And isn't it

sometimes?

Can't you make it hot?

I don't know.

I hate hot dairy.

Yeah, hot dairy.

Like,

when you do coffee, do you a black?

Black.

Damn, dude.

Yeah.

Like a construction worker.

No, it's, I know what I was thinking about this lately.

Like, once you have a kid, you're just tired all the time.

Yeah, I watch it happen all the time.

That's just part of being a dad.

It's just being tired all the time.

So you just need to need the straight stuff.

Nitro brew will kill me.

Wow.

I hate it, dude.

It makes me feel crazy.

I can rob a bank.

Give me some nitro brew.

Go ahead, honey.

I don't think I should give the kids a bath.

I might send them to their maker.

I'm on some nitro brew.

You can't bathe your kids.

Dude, I watched all my friends have kids, and then they go through this phase.

It's funny to watch because like around eight or nine years old, you guys start sleeping again.

Oh, that's interesting.

I wonder when they start becoming human again, where they go, like,

hey, they're like, what have you been up to?

And you're like, I've been here the whole time.

It's good to have you back.

Because they, I mean, I think like one to eight, they just fucking destroy you.

Then around nine or 10, they get a little bit of this, like, I want to be on my own.

I'll go to bed.

Like, you don't need to do that.

And that's when you watch your friends go like, all right, I think that little thing that I made is taking care of itself.

Yeah, the dog, I just bought the puppy.

Yeah.

The dog is helping.

Is it?

Oh, yeah, they're best friends.

Oh, that's awesome.

God damn it.

You got a golden retriever, too.

Yeah.

Dancelitter.com, the golden retriever of comedy.

Dude, I love that.

Reddit has made you the golden retriever of comedy.

Opie and Anthony subreddit back in the day when I used to go on Opie and Anthony.

Oh, that's where that came from.

Yeah, they're like, this guy's like a golden retriever.

You just throw a premise and he'll chase it down.

I like that.

But they're not wrong.

Sometimes the internet can have good nicknames for you.

Good comedy comment.

Yeah.

Not all of them.

Most of them are not good.

Yeah, but at the same time, comedy fans are interesting.

I love comedy fans.

But you're a wrestling fan, so that makes sense.

It's very similar.

Comedy fans and wrestling fans both take the same amount of showers.

Which is a normal amount.

It's been proven you don't have to shower every day.

So I resent that.

But fans of both comedy and wrestling.

We all shower enough.

Okay.

We're not walking around with this roll-on deodorant like a bunch of fucking pigs.

i think they might be one of our sponsors

but it's weird that everyone's just cool slathering themselves with a stick of butter have you seen roll-on deodorant no please explain everybody's doing it now they are our special mando.com

but they're doing this roll-on

don't you roll on most deodorants yeah under your armpits right They're telling you to do it on your thighs, on your body.

It's like gross.

It's gross.

Just do your armpits.

That's that's insane just do your armpits and bathe how much smells are you getting i don't know can i tell you something i don't have a sense of smell so it doesn't really matter covid long covid not long covid cigarettes from 12 to 30 then covid okay i had a very dull sense of smell smoking cigarettes really it up then

COVID took it out and it's gone and it's I don't really miss it what's the what do you smell nothing

I get nothing.

I'm noseblind.

Have you seen a doctor about that?

Yeah.

I talked to my ENT about it.

I talked to my ENT about it, and they were like,

I'd have to go to like physical therapy, but for noses.

Bullshit.

That's right.

Like, it's a final copy.

It's like vinegar.

But for real, I would have to get, I'd have to do these exercises where you like look at the card, what it smells, and then you go, and like, I would have to like work it back up.

No thanks.

Honestly, living in New York, I think I'm good.

Yeah.

That's just fine.

I can taste.

I still can taste.

Not as well, but I can still taste.

Whatever, dude.

Don't need it.

Listen, maybe when I'm 60 and I want to train my nose to come back.

Yeah, I heard Keith Robinson said the same thing a few years back.

What?

About not having a smell?

Then it just, it all trickled down from there.

What the fuck do you mean?

Keith has fought back.

I watched Keith go through two, and I was like, that scares the the shit out of you.

Watching anybody go through something, you're like, oh, fuck.

I wouldn't handle it this well.

Have you ever had a friend get a heart attack or like some?

Not yet.

I'm thirsty.

I mean, your friends are older comics.

Who else is having?

Who's having heart attacks?

Colin Quinn.

Colin Quinn.

Yeah, that one scares me.

There's like people that you go like, oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't fucking die.

What was that comic?

I never knew him.

Everybody called him an asshole, but he like went blind.

Flying.

Toddlin, dude.

The man like fell apart as a human toddlin was so mean to everybody and and just fell apart but here's the thing about toddlin i loved him no he was funny and he loved me i stayed away from him i didn't know him so mean i watched him be so mean to people that i was like when anyone would be like fuck him i was like i get it i've watched him be as but i what i liked about todd was i would give it right back to him when i was like just an open micer and he always would like kind of like that he'd be like who the fuck because he had a bad arm and i called it his Bob Dole, Bob Dole arm.

So every time he'd talk shit, I'd just go, Toddlin, Toddlin, Toddlin.

Where was he from?

Philly?

No, he's from the South.

Oh, okay.

But he,

when people are assholes and then they start having poor health, it's an interesting choice because he goes,

Does he think you were going to end up here if you're like mean and then your fucking health starts failing?

That sucks.

When you're a dickhead your whole life and then you're like, ow, ow,

ow, ow.

Is that just the body dying from in oh you're saying it's like it was rotted yeah

just coming in

man if we were like male nurses like an old person home just lean in and you go you feel that yeah that's you

rotten bad you rotten you go help

help

that's the that's the goal if you want to get out all your energy i part-time do you ever want to get to hospice do i want to get that old uh i just watched my grandma go through it i'd probably say no because no one everyone has this idea that your kids are going to take care of you.

As someone that's not having kids, they always go, who's going to take care of you when you get older?

It's like, you know, same people are going to take care of you, the nurses that you pay.

Because like,

I hate to break this to you.

That's not necessarily true.

I hate to break this to you.

What?

No, kid.

Very rarely do kids take care of their parents.

This isn't the fucking 40s where they're like, well, we've got the little side suite where our mother-in-law lives.

She's in poor health.

They go like this.

Well, no, you put her in a shady.

Shady.

Oh, hospice is like on your way out hospice

pump me full of opium and give me like a couple packs of cigarettes i'm cool dude if i know i'm dying i'm gonna get fucked up and i mean that i mean that if i'm like if a doctor's like you're on your way out it's a great

i i'm calling your buddy that new diddy and i'm going i need i need a fucking elks heart amount of hash and then just pills i want all the pills i don't even want to know what's going on i want to i want to die and then go, am I still on pills?

This is nuts.

It's just.

But isn't that what happens?

Don't we get all that DMT that we've been seeing?

Yeah,

that's why I don't do DMT.

Have you ever done DMT?

I haven't done DMT.

I've done ketamine treatment.

That's fine.

It's similar, isn't it?

I don't know.

I think DMT is, this is always my philosophy on DMT.

A lot of friends of mine have done it.

I think it's like unwrapping your Christmas present.

It's like going in your parents' closet at Christmas and seeing seeing your Christmas present before Christmas.

Great.

You have to see what it is, but now on Christmas morning, you're like, oh, those sock and boppers aren't nearly as good as they were.

Yeah, I knew I'm going to beat my brother's ass all the way through.

Oh, cool.

But if you save it, then you go, Sock and boppers.

And you're like,

you know what I mean?

Save the surprise.

Yeah.

I don't want to come during foreplay.

That's fair.

I agree.

Like, if that is.

And then you like all your boys that have done it are just like, that's it.

It makes sense.

That's what happens.

No, they don't give you a definitive answer.

They go, like, well, we all see the same thing.

I don't know.

Some people would just find out, like, I didn't like it.

I shut my eyes.

I fucking hated it.

And some people would go, like, it's, you know, it's like a restaurant.

It's like when people go to a restaurant, they're like, that's the greatest chicken parmesan you'll have.

You have a friend goes, it's chicken parm.

It's fucking vacant.

Oh, if you know me, you know I love to worry specifically about what's wrong with me.

Why does my neck hurt?

Why is my hips twinge?

Oh, no.

Am I dying?

And then it's like, oh, why don't I just go to ZocDoc?

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

So if you are worried about something, if you have a legitimate pain, just go to ZocDoc and you can find a specialist that is in-network and you can get an appointment very fast.

They have more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care, urgent care, everything you need.

Stop putting off those doctors' appointments and go to zocdoc.com/slash soder to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's z-ocdoc.com slash soda.

Zocdoc.com slash soda.

Remember that story about the friend who tried to rob a bank with a note?

These days, managing money can feel just as wild.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and paydays, in a way that's easy to digest.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash budget today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash budget.

Rocketmoney.com slash budget.

With a Wealthfront cash account, your uninvested cash earns 4% annual percentage yield from partner banks with free instant withdrawals, even on weekends and holidays.

4% APY is not a promotional rate, and there's no limit to what you can deposit and earn.

Wealthfront, money works better here.

Go to Wealthfront.com to start today.

Cash account offered by Wealthfront Brokers LLC member Fenra SIPC.

Wealthfront is not a bank.

The APY on cash deposits as of December 27, 2024 is representative, subject to change, and requires no minimum.

Funds in the cash account are swept to partner banks where they earn the variable APY.

What about ayahuasca?

Have you done?

No, I was interested about doing that.

I would do that if I did it right.

Yeah.

Like I would have to do it right, like change my diet.

go to South America.

So you have to like do it.

Do it in San Diego in a guy's living room to fucking throw up on a carpet.

Yeah.

I don't want to get to that level of like where it makes you weird.

That's too much because they're yeah, you don't want to fraud, you don't want to open the door and then bugs come in the house

You go, what an idea But it's just I will let it but it's like I don't want to get

I got I don't want to get there.

I don't know

me.

I know what you mean.

I'll edit this out

We'll edit both those names out Sorry danceotor.com.

Come see me on the road.

I'll tell you who we are talking about.

That's very rewarded if people come see me live.

Come see me and Ricky Live.

I'll tell you the exact same thing.

We'll tell you everybody.

Rickyville.com.

DanceOder.com.

We'll tell you everybody on the road.

But there is a thing of, yeah, you go like, it's almost

in the same realm of when people get like procedures, you know?

Like, I got a hair transplant and you're like, it worked.

Yeah, but your hair transplant isn't going to change your personality.

And that pisses me off.

That pisses me off.

I don't know.

That's what pisses me off about people telling me to do ayahuasca.

It's it's like oh you don't like me maybe you're the problem to go you stay the away from me this drug it makes you way cooler you you i'm fine you're gonna do great on this i honestly i think we'll spend a lot more time after you want to get lunch after after you take after ayahuasca after you go up to the oil

i my problem with ayahuasca is what if you do it and it doesn't work you just puke and shit

so i have two people that went to the same retreat and i have another guy that did like which i don't like he just did it at the beverly hills hotel that's what i mean that no that's that's like a fetish that's not like an ayahuasca trip okay i need to go to south america i need to know that the government

i can go to poughkeepsie and be fine i don't need to go all the way to fucking south africa dude i need to know that dude i i might come out of this and it might be a different government We don't want to like stop tripping and go, is it a dictatorship?

Now we're still in the ends of a all right.

Can I fly home?

Are we cool?

Dude, I want to go to South America.

If I'm going to do it, I want to fucking do it.

I don't want to go to Long Island and have a guy that's like, all right, it's my backyard.

Don't throw up any flowers.

You're going to shit your fucking brains out.

But you'll be capable of pure intimacy at the end.

Like that all I just fucking.

As I will show you.

I'm going to fuck the shit out of you.

Honestly, this is just a fucking, it's a jet's glass filled with NyQuil and a little bit of a little bit of a bunch of people.

And then the friend that talked you you into it is also there

why is your phone out here whatever we're gonna set up a ring light

it's gonna get a lot of hits i want to go to like i want to be in a grass hut dude they have it up in in in upstate new york there's like

dude i've driven up i've i've i've been talked into this one there's like a very like becoming famous but the thing is they only do it for a certain price if they're doing it for too much they're ripping you off like that's their whole thing okay and i dude i i have passed the date that i was supposed to go already i'm that's how nervous i am about where i'm just like it starts to feel like ayahuasca kind of feels like a band that when you first heard about it you were like yo what do they do and you go they like rewire your brain you puke and you shit but it rocks and then now it's like you're like shopping at at like abracrambi and fitch and you're like is this ayahuasca

Are they playing an ayahuasca song?

This is ayahuasca's first album.

Oh yeah, I don't know if I like this shirt but it's like it just feels like i could see someone saying they have locally sourced ayahuasca i feel i i feel like i could come home and be like we we we froze the kids placenta right that's so funny

i'm gonna reach that level of crazy i need to eat it i need we we so we're trying off we need we need to we need a lady and the tramp

the placenta and then kiss in the middle that's the only way we can show we love each other or else we're about to get scalped and the boy must watch.

The boy must watch.

I feel like Aaron Rodgers got fried from it.

Like he did that, and then he came back.

He was like, don't go down there.

Don't go down there.

By the way, if he would have came back and won a Super Bowl for

the Jets.

Patrick Ball would have been like, well, I think I'm going to go to ayahuasca.

Everyone would be doing it.

I'd be personally paying for Brock Purdy to go for the 49ers.

I'd be like, trip your balls off, young man.

You're going to get a to upstate New York.

He's like, I can, it's in Piketi.

You're going to drink out of a New York Jets glass.

It's a lot.

It's plastic.

Don't mind the ring light.

There's a lot of microplastics there.

You got a plastic.

That's what they say now: that we have

the amount of a plastic spoon in our brains.

We have that much microplastic in our bodies.

Yes.

As I'm drinking out of a plastic glass.

If you ever ate a cup of noodles, you're cooked.

Loved it.

You're cooked.

I mean, everyone,

New York City public school, and you can correct me, there's styrofoam trays.

Love styrofoam.

They would melt the fucking food into it and serve it to us.

Like a fat guy on a couch.

I never got COVID.

There you go.

I think it's the plastics.

Yeah.

You eat enough Chinese plastic.

Stop saying it's bad.

Start saying it's evolution.

Yeah, it's evolution.

Yeah, your kid's going to be strong as hell.

He goes, hey, dad, what's this?

And you're like, are you drinking Drainoid?

He does nothing.

Oh, you mean my boom boom juice?

It's just something where you're like, oh my God, they've got.

That's my strong juice, dad.

Oh, watch this.

Lifting your car.

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing about

we probably didn't have this much shit 100 years ago in our food, but people were dying at the age of 40.

Yeah, look at, look how old people are living now.

I mean, dude, my grandma was at 95, and it was like...

Good for you.

No.

My family's young.

We're young people.

We die young.

Everyone died before 60 except my grandma.

Okay.

She set the high record in a way that like no one's catching that.

And it was not good.

I would almost say it's better to die young.

My grandfather had one of those heart attacks where they put a pig vessel in his heart and then he lived way past.

They're like, you have like this amount of years with this thing.

And he like soared way past it.

Did he give up pork?

I don't think so.

Because I feel like if you have a pig.

No, not at all.

My grandfather loves hot dogs.

If you have a pig.

One of his last fucking meals

hot dog from a fucking stand.

but he's got like the right, like he's got the pig piece in him.

I think it's like a vessel, right?

I don't know, like an order or whatever, but I always remember my parents always saying, but just like eating a hot dog and then it going by and being like, it's like the Spider-Man thing.

That's like, but I'm aren't I pig and aren't you pig?

Yeah.

How old were your grandparents when they died?

Like 18?

Grand grandpa made it pretty far.

My grandmother, I never met.

I had a stepgrandma.

Huh?

Yeah.

Close.

And then, and then my spanish grandma we didn't really know her then my grandfather died and she moved into the house and she got alzheimer's so she only spoke to us in spanish so we never got really had a conversation with my grandmother did anyone in the house speak in jewish my dad

man that's fun to translate for your mom losing her mind oh dude it was oh it was past that they weren't even trying to fix it but what a time to just have fun with her She says,

she says she was a real bitch to me when I was a kid.

And just saying all the stuff you wish she would have said.

It was during like.

She said, I'm sorry, I didn't take more emotional accountability for you.

She's like, no.

That vocabulary is not my father at all.

She says, I'm a dumb bitch.

She's going to the fucking church on Sunday.

She'll be gone all day.

How old was she when she lived with you?

Because that grandparent living with you.

I was young as hell.

Did you like it or hate it?

So she was real into the church.

Like the church that you scream and dance and you stay all Sunday and like you do that.

It was like an excessive amount to church.

And then also like she didn't like that.

My mom was a Catholic.

What was she?

So she was a...

I don't even know.

Whatever Puerto Ricans are from the Bronx.

I usually think they're Catholic, aren't they?

No, she wasn't Catholic.

It wasn't Catholic.

No.

And she hated your mom because she was...

My mom actually worked at the Catholic Church.

It's always weird to me when people hate Catholics.

It's like, oh, you hate.

They just didn't agree on church.

That was about it.

And then like, it was just like,

and then she moved in.

At one point, me, my dad, my older brother, younger brother were all sleeping in one bedroom and my grandmother had her own.

My parents were sleeping on the floor on a mat.

They had to move into our room because my grandmother would stand over them in the living room every day.

Yeah.

So she was like a living ghost.

Dude, and like a physical presence.

Yo, she dyed her hair blue because she was crazy and she would just go on walks and disappear and then like she'd show up to our baseball games.

Yeah,

and everybody'd be like, the blue-haired ladies back, and like it's so funny.

You're like, you're like one for four on the day, and you're like, come on, rookie, get in your goddamn, grandma's here.

Grandma's here.

She's shuffling.

Grandma's in her nuts.

She's shuffling here.

She's just coming through the trees.

Like when they gave Mr.

Burns too much

radiation and his eyes were all big.

It's like, woo!

You're just at the plate.

You're like, is that fucking Nana?

Granny's here.

Dude, she used to try to hit us, but she wasn't fast enough.

so we would just dodge her and talk shit to her all day.

It was fucking nuts.

It was nuts living with her.

And then the church stole all of her money.

The one she was going to took all my grandfather's money.

Yeah, dude.

It was wild times, bro.

Did your dad?

This is obviously his dad, right?

His mom.

Yeah.

But his mom and his dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They took his dad's money.

Did you?

And they retired in Puerto Rico.

So, like, everything was out there.

And then my grandmother had to move back from Puerto Rico after a terrible hurricane that hit and moved into our home.

And we went from having like a two-bedroom house to a one-bedroom house, grandma living in my bedroom, all the kids and the adult, and my parents were sleeping in the living room.

And then they, dude, my brother came home sick from school one day and he had like a terrible fever and he woke up and my grandma was praying the sickness out of him like screaming back at the sky and shit.

No, no, thanks.

How about just some Nyquil in our own space?

Yeah, that's the devil's stuff.

Oh my gosh.

She would tell us about the devil all the time.

She'd tell us like we were going to the devil because of the way we worshipped.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I was a confirmation.

I was a teacher at the Catholic school.

Did she speak any English?

At CCD.

Oh, or is it mostly?

No, but she forgot.

She has Alzheimer's and she forgot she spoke English.

Oh, fuck.

So, dude, it was wild.

You're like, you're doing that, like, the half-white, the white part of you is going like this.

What?

I'm sorry.

What?

English.

English.

Who is.

I don't know what you're saying.

Why are you saying El Diablo?

Who is El Diablo?

El Diablo, what?

Stop.

Help me.

And she's like, you're going to die.

Yeah, that's.

And, dude, in her mind, she's like trying to save her grandkids.

And her grandkids are like, dude, fuck you.

And she's like, you got to believe me.

And my brother, my dad had two brothers that were like in and out of jail.

And fucking, like, one of them robbed the house while grandma was staying with us.

She's not going to snitch.

She couldn't.

Yeah.

She couldn't.

She didn't remember.

She passed the whole law detector now.

She's like, then why do we have you?

We can have a parent they would tell us.

Dude, when she died.

No, this is just a real.

I don't

remember her dying.

I don't remember her death.

I remember my grandfather's death.

My grandmother's, I don't remember.

Well, that changes your home.

Like, she dies, doesn't it?

I got my room back with my older brother, yeah.

What, that day?

Must have been.

I don't remember.

I really wish I had more memories of when she left.

I don't.

And I think she might have left before she died.

Like, she was, like, put somewhere before she died.

So, like, it was like she left, then four or five months later passed then they're okay yeah because the um that when when that happens we were talking about hospice but that happens when you like put them in the home yeah and you kind of do the like

all right well

remember that story about the friend who tried to rob a bank with a note these days managing money can feel just as wild Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and paydays, in a way that's easy to digest.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com/slash budget today.

That's rocketmoney.com/slash budget.

RocketMoney.com/slash budget.

L-B-T-TV and B-T.

Your night in just got legendary.

Legends.com is the only free-to-play social casino and sports book where you can spin the reels, drop parlays, chase the spread, and hit up live blackjack without leaving your couch.

Slots, sports, original games, Legends has it all.

Win real prizes and redeem instantly straight to your bank.

Legends is a free-to-play social casino.

Void reprohibit must be 18 plus pay responses.

Visit legends.com for full details.

Get in the game now and score a 50% bonus on your first purchase only at legends with a Z.com.

Well, my dad was trying his best because he was the only one.

My uncle, my uncle showed up to my grandfather's funeral in handcuffs.

He got brought in by the people in and out.

And then my other uncle.

Yeah, he got to leave jail to come see his dad in the coffin.

Oh.

Yeah, bro.

That's pretty nice of them.

It was kind of wild that it got to happen.

But he got to go in and out.

And then the other brother was a full conspiracy theory before like the internet.

Yeah, dude.

Before you

showed up.

Back before you'd get him in magazines and letters.

Bro, he swore swore my grandmother lost her memory based on military bombing they did off the coast of Puerto Rico.

Like, he had all these wild runs.

These guys must be so pissed.

Old school conspiracy guys.

And pedophiles.

The guys that had the van.

Yeah, because they're like...

You don't even need a fucking van anymore.

They go, we used to work.

We used to work.

They had to get a puppy, train it not to piss all.

They also had to go

to buy all that candy.

They had to buy in.

They had to buy in for success.

Yeah.

They're like, listen, it's as much as you want.

If you were willing to buy a Nintendo system in 1988,

your returns, your windfall of ass was probably through the roof.

That's why the that's why

priests do so well is because the church pays for all their nice stuff then and supplies the kid.

That's also like

dude, I worked in the church.

I worked in the Catholic church.

I was part of it.

I was a CCD teacher for a three-year-old.

It's like, not once, bro.

Not once.

No, we shouldn't expect that to happen.

No.

but maybe or maybe did you miss it i was we were also a church on the brink of the hood oh were there like i don't think you can really on their first day in the church they go richard i'm just gonna tell you these ones you can't

they're violent squirrely

they won't trust you go to where the living is good You know what you say.

White bread, white tush.

It's you know you need like a family that like lets you like have dinner with them.

That's not happening in my neighborhood.

I also think it's well, I think it does happen in poor neighborhoods with

it just happens when they they're predators.

So they find prey.

So if they saw you and they didn't think they had a shot, I don't think they reveal themselves.

I was a mouthy little kid.

Yeah, they're not going to, you're a kid.

You don't need that shit.

He goes, I don't want them to kiss and tell.

I'm trying to fuck these kids and keep it between us.

I'm looking for a situation ship.

Priests looking for situationships.

We were also, it was still around the time.

My mom went to that church.

Like she grew up in Queens.

Yeah.

And she used to like tell us the stories of the nuns hitting them.

So, like, it was like, my mom was irising.

It was still on, like, I can probably get punched in my mouth and hear

the rapping on the knuckles.

Oh, it's a very real thing.

My mom stole the teacher's edition of a textbook, and they found out and they slapped my mom across the face and threw it out the window.

She had to go downstairs, get it, come back upstairs, then they slapped the other side of her face, sent their app back out the window to fucking get it again, dude.

These nuns are like, yeah,

dude.

Like, bitch, bring me my book.

my book she goes powder my hand sister mary i just don't think powder my hand

you're about to get a lesson from god

and dude that's wild the 10th commandment says

church family man we big we big into god there's all over yeah you my mom grew up irish catholic and like the tales of casual abuse you're like by the way which they were paying for yeah my mom went to a private school private catholic schools private schools.

They used to pay to have their kids beat.

Yeah, that's insane to go like, but as a parent, do you kind of get it?

Honestly, no.

If you're a parent, like when you're older and your kids a little mouthy, you go, I'm going to send you to Catholic school.

And you're counting it out for them.

And you go, and father, if you could, a couple of extra lessons this week.

But I also, we also lived during the town where a coach could put you in your place.

That's gone, dude.

Dude, nothing made me feel good.

And my kids started playing t-ball.

Gone.

Yeah, dude.

Nothing made me feel good.

Everybody, take a knee if you want to.

The coach is just

take a knee.

Your helmet's not a hat.

Dude, passive-aggressive coach, where he goes, I guess you call that trying.

You go, what?

I want my coaches mean.

Same.

I want my coaches mean.

I've decided I will not step into coaching until at least fifth grade, third to fifth grade.

I jump in.

That's where it starts getting important.

Your importance will be talking shit about the coach when he's mean to your kid.

Yes.

You'll excel at that.

But I also like,

you got to remember, these are Manhattan people.

A lot of them are transplants.

They don't really know.

Like,

we're playing baseball on top of Pier 40.

That's a parking lot.

Like, what the fuck?

Like, these kids aren't like, and these, they just don't, they don't get.

Like, my brother played against Danney El Monte.

Yeah, that's like, that's the years of baseball at Bronx Bombers.

He forged his birth certificate.

He was saying he was my age.

And he was playing at my brother's age.

It's so fun.

And he was throwing gas.

Kelsey.

And by the way, that was such a fun thing.

Afterwards, still got to play in high school once they gave his real age and the rest of that.

He played, I think,

I don't think it was Xavier, but it was either one of the Bronx schools or, and he played Catholic baseball.

It's crazy.

Look, can you look this up for me?

There's a story about a guy.

I'm going to give you the keywords.

You can Google it.

This guy just got caught.

He was 24 years old and he was playing junior varsity athletics.

I think he was playing soccer and he just got caught.

If you're 24 and you go back and you only make JV,

kill yourself.

Sorry.

This is going to be on TikTok.

Unalive yourself.

That's insane.

You can't make varsity at 24.

You should.

Yeah.

Wait, so he went back to high school just to play?

24-year-old Venezuelan man arrested for posing as a 16-year-old high school student okay so

did we deport him in Ohio okay oh yeah ice got him

dude ice i mean they're getting they're they're getting they're getting people i mean that guy you definitely gonna get some wins was getting way too cocky oh going back to high school

well he was homeless

yeah 24 years old was his girlfriend heartbroken versus dude, I mean, the way to get him with a double, you get him as a pedo and as a fucking, you go, oh, we got this guy locked up.

Yeah, yeah, he can go to that event as well.

What did he think was going to happen?

Was he scoring well?

What was his stats?

Also, like, how dumb does coach have to feel?

Yeah, if you didn't win, if you weren't fucking wrecking teams.

With a 24-year-old?

24-year-old, you better be fucking.

Like, Danny Almonte was shelling motherfuckers.

He was just like, he threw like a no-hitter in the Little League World Series.

He was hitting a home run every time he went to bat.

But also he was just throwing

it on a six.

No, 60 is, it's 90 feet.

Yeah.

So it was 60 during that time.

He was pitching out at 60.

Yeah, they were showing like his MLB equivalent, and it was like 97.

And he's just

giant Dominican.

Just these fat kids from Taiwan striking out as this kid's just like, slap.

And then when you find out he's was faking it, it was a great news story.

They did that as a Bronx Bombers, yeah.

The Bronx Bombers, man.

I'll never forget it.

My brother got to play against a few of those kids, man.

That's fucking nuts.

Yeah, baseball

in New York, baseball and basketball, basketball specifically, but baseball around Manhattan is very, very competitive.

Long Island has great people that come out of it.

I knew that kid, Matt Rosati, he played with my brother.

But Jersey, even north of the city.

But it's really, I learned this with my brother.

It's like it's just such a different game where it's hot.

So, like, they would do these things down in Florida where you would have to go down and play.

But those kids are playing year-round.

They're playing year-round.

And then the other thing, which I learned, was they took two people from each public school and you got to go in front of the colleges.

Since I went to a performing arts school, I was one of the best players on my fucking team.

That's so funny.

My other friends, the other kids are sashing.

They go, Ricky, turn two.

I missed.

Turn two, and you catch it in your ass.

I just got it.

I one time her.

I barehanded it.

You go, but your glove's still on.

I just barehanded it, Ricky.

Yeah, that's so funny.

Yo, so they sent me and my buddy Dylan, and we got up there, and there's a school called George Washington up in Washington Heights.

Nice.

And it's nothing but Dominicans, Puerto Ricans.

And they're like, dude, we got there.

And it was like, oh, like, we're not even, we shouldn't even bat today.

Like, we shouldn't even play.

Like, kids that get to play play full-time are just filthy

and those kids learn how to play without a fucking minute yeah i yeah they're just bare like

you're out

um i

recently talked about this on another episode but i used to play and for when i waited tables in midtown they had a huge softball league because it was be our guest so they had like eight restaurants eight or nine restaurants so it was a whole league and then it was all like i i i remember you doing this oh yeah dude mondays i'd get blackout drunk during the day i'd go to shepherds uh i would go over to the the fields right off the east side off the upper east side and get i'd drink tacates and just get fucking blackout by like 1 32 o'clock by the time you saw me that night i was on my second wave dude i had like napped i was back but

It's all waiters or like the teams.

So it's all like a lot of actors or like comedians or just also just regular guys that are just waiters.

And then occasionally a restaurant would just pull a Dominican from the kitchen, just showing up in baseball pants, and he's hitting it to the fucking, he's hitting it across the huddle.

He doesn't speak with anybody on the team.

It's just like, like they're all there and they're like, I think we're going to go get daiquiris after the game.

And he's like, mira, mira, ping.

And he's just like fucking out of the park.

Oh my God, it was so funny.

I remember this one team, this one guy that worked at Atlantic Grill.

He would just come up and just go like four for four with four dingers and you're like, this guy's shit.

And I play left field.

I'd always be smoking a cigarette.

He'd come up and I have to be like, God damn it.

Toss my cigarette and just run.

I had to run all the way back.

It sucked.

I love that.

I love when people are good at something,

stop doing it, and then casually doing it.

I wish I knew it's the best.

I wish to watch somebody like just fall out.

Dude, it's great.

Like Chris DeStefano.

I always said it was my favorite thing about J.R.

Smith.

Oh, yeah.

It seemed like he didn't want to play.

He's huge.

And when he was in New York, he couldn't concentrate, dude.

He was just too close to Jersey.

I saw him at the club at One Oak one night before a game.

Yes.

That's awesome.

He used to be out all the time.

I love that.

I love a guy that just, that's like that baby.

But then they started sitting him.

We made it to the playoffs and they sat him in the playoffs because he fucking was being such a motherfucker.

He was just ripping it.

And then what happens?

We get rid of him.

What happens?

He wins a championship with LeBron James.

Yeah, in Cleveland.

J.R.

Smith is the fucking man.

He's the coolest man.

I loved him when he was in Denver, when he was a nugget.

Oh, dude.

He was incredible there.

And then he went to the Knicks.

Did his brother play Denver?

No.

Did his younger brother play Denver as well?

I don't know.

I don't know about him just having a red

New York Yankee symbol in the middle of his neck.

It's like, okay.

Getting a tattoo like that, would you ever, you wouldn't.

That's gang affiliation.

Oh, is it?

That's, yeah.

You can't walk around with that.

Or just accidentally doing it.

I love the Yankees and I love red.

I just come back and I go, is this bad?

Is this bad?

Kenny's like, what did you do?

I I go, why would you get Laddin Kings?

I go, because I feel like a king and I love Chalula.

I love Chalula so much.

We go to that restaurant that we like called Laddin.

There's a whole group.

That's like that.

He's like, oh, well, that makes sense why he wouldn't put it.

It's all red.

And you're like, well, that makes sense why he wouldn't put a C on it.

Maybe I had to change it.

He wouldn't tattoo a C on me.

I mean, yeah, that's like having a gang-affiliated tattoo.

Oh, he's like, he's been having it removed over the years.

You can see it's like faded out now.

Would you get yours removed?

No, I just show up to makeup early.

That's the only time it bothers me when I have to film something and they're like, hey.

You have to do your whole hand?

I usually wear long sleeves and then they just do my hand.

And now they have this stuff that's like, it sticks.

I was on set where I was like, yo, I'm not even going to take it off at the end of the day.

And I showed up the next day and they're like, oh, it's pretty good.

Go.

Damn.

Yeah, no, they have some shit.

It's like paint.

It is funny when they remove people now when they remove tattoos.

Like back in the day, they're like, look at this movie star.

He's got to get all drawn up to play a biker boy.

And then now they're like, I'm playing an accountant that has autism.

Please cover my tattoos.

And then they wash it off and they're like, what the fuck?

I think that shit, that's why the Yakuza always were the shit to me because they're in like suits because they get their tattoos so precisely up to where the suit was oh yeah yeah take it off and you're like oh those are yeah no that's that wasn't uh who was that late night guy that had them all the australian guy that everybody fucking hated

he's comic james not james cordon no the other one before him um

craig

completely covered Craig Kilbourne?

Yes, completely covered, bro.

Craig Kilbourne is?

Covered.

Scottish.

And back in the day covered, too.

Oh, that's like.

Yo, bro, he, when, when I heard he was like going back with the networks and shit and having all those problems, I was like, oh, that guy's a problem.

Dude, I want to see his tail.

Yo, wait till you see him, bro.

Craig Kilbourne.

Not Craig Kilbourne.

Craig.

Oh, fuck.

It's Craig, man.

It's Craig.

He was on Drew Carey show.

Craig Ferguson.

Ferguson.

Craig Ferguson.

Because I never did the show.

So you want me to remember him?

Maybe you should have booked me.

Yeah.

In 2007, when everyone was trying to get it.

Everyone was trying to hot.

No, we had to put Hannibal Burris on again again again Christian Shaw again I love Christian Shaw shout out Carl I love Hannibal

yeah that is uh

I love sneaky tattoos I love when you're like oh if I like Ben Affleck's back tattoo I'm not gonna say how the person's related to me but their kid recently told me that they have an ass tattoo and I was kind of weirded out a celebrity the kid came up to me he's like I like your tattoos and I was like I was like does your daddy have any and she was like yeah on his butt

and i was like that's some weird yeah it's a target

as well they're in the shower and they're like what does entrance only mean just get out of the shower get the hell i mean

did you find out yeah she's got some lengthened sleeves oh he actually does craig ferguson does yeah yeah dude bad boy

Yeah, look at that.

He is.

He's like tatted like he does ayahuasca.

I think he's a, I think, I think he,

I think he got out before he got Ellen'd.

Oh, you think they were about to blow it up?

I think a lot of people are getting out before they get Ellen's.

Oh, yeah.

That might have been the first one that fell.

That was the one where everybody's like, that's never going to happen.

And it happened.

They're like,

they're drinking martinis.

They go, what are they going to pull down to Ellen?

And then six months, it's like, weep, weep, weep.

And your officers are like, shred all the files.

Burn everything.

I never fucked that intern.

Weep, weep.

I I mean, I feel that way about Conan was always my guy.

I still feel to this day that Conan is the man and has done nothing wrong.

He's the coolest.

Conan O'Brien.

I've never got.

Have you met him?

Yes.

I have not.

I really want to meet him.

Conan twice, he's king.

Andy Richter, king.

Everyone else, I'm suspect of.

I love Colbert.

Okay, I'll give a little bit.

I love Colbert.

Colbert was the man during the daily show years.

But he's also the man during the daily show years, and then

Colbert.

He kind of lives his own thing.

You know, it's sick.

Fallon, I don't trust.

I mean.

Kimmel, I don't trust.

You know,

it's like when Leno fell down that hill recently.

Yeah, you think, yeah, well,

this Latin King came in.

He said, what do you have that nuttack?

Fallon has had too many of those instances.

Yeah, Jimmy goes, I cut my hand.

That's all they say.

They go, why?

And he goes.

Just cut it.

Just cut it.

Cooking.

They said, I remember back in the day, it might have been, this was a long time ago, Brian Greasy was the quarterback for the Denver Broncos.

And

he said he tripped over his golden retriever.

It might have been him.

It might have been another NFL quarterback, but they blamed an injury on like tripping on their golden retriever.

And I go, I think you were drunk.

I think you were drunk and you fell.

And you just don't want to admit it.

Yeah, dude.

But

I broke my hand punching the wall.

I fell over my dog, dude.

He goes, I did Coke and I looked through my wife's phone.

Next thing you know, I'm head-butting the guest door because she won't let me in.

Anyways, I'm three to six on the IR.

My dog tripped me.

Just say the real thing.

Let us know.

Yeah, let us know.

This is why everyone is mad.

And I will give the, I do want to say this.

I want to say one more late-night guy, like Seth.

I don't really know him.

He was nice when I did the show.

Nice guy.

Seems nice.

Ran into him in a restaurant, said hi to him, was like, oh, he definitely didn't know who the fuck I was.

DM'd me 30 minutes later.

That's really good.

Ricky, great to see you.

I had to run with the kids.

i was like awesome seth was super nice when i did show michelle wolf speaks highly of him so yeah i think he's good people all right seth you've been spared

but jimmy and jimmy you will fight to the death

i had a good night with jimmy though i don't care why it just doesn't feel real

oh really doesn't feel real nah he's mad i know you're not eating your butt while we're wrapping up the podcast

that's weird to say to your seri

sorry we got Katie in the kennel.

We're doing Kill Shelter.

That's where I act like she's an hour away from being.

You're getting a cage.

I will adopt you if I choose to.

It's a lot like Kill Tony, but towards dogs.

I go, now.

All right, Myrtle.

Look at you in your one leg.

Says you're a five-year-old mutt.

You were just eating your ass.

He goes, Soder Kill Tony's his dog.

You get a meal.

You win a meal.

Ricky, I've known you fucking forever since

Broadway Comedy Club.

I met you through Vecchione.

I've been to your house.

One of my favorite stories about Vecchion was coming to our apartment under.

Do you remember what we watched?

No.

The Mayweather Pacquiao fight.

Which was the same night Nate Pargetti's hour special was on Comedy Central, May 5th.

Whoa.

Mayweather Pacquiao.

It was full-time magic.

Nate's special.

Vecchion was furious.

He was furious?

He wanted Pacquiao to win.

I watched, I would say I watched two-thirds of Mayweather's career with Mike Vecchion.

He really respected his craft, was not a fan of him.

So I always wanted, there was like fights.

That's that Philly shit.

Yeah.

He's like, yeah.

I fucking hate him.

Yeah, he's just black.

You go, no.

No, Mike.

Oh, no, Mike.

What are you talking about?

Hey, I'm just going to fucking say it.

Say it.

Yeah, dude.

He's fucking black and I don't don't like it.

He's so black.

He just keeps buying jewelry.

He really, really loved the way he fought, but I remember watching that.

I remember you coming over to that.

That was so fun, dude.

Hitting dirty bowls underneath the train, bro.

That was when I was still fucking broke, so we were smoking sword.

Oh, yeah.

Just gross shit.

I think I was invited over because I had the wheat.

I fucking missed those days.

Slipping under the train with my fucking meet the bull, Mike of Aguillon.

Check out ricky's youtube channel go subscribe to it he's got awesome i watched you at the village underground the other night fucking hilarious i know you're taping it i don't know if it's up yet it's very it sounds funny

i'm doing this thing and i think it's like with it's so funny comedy's in such a weird place yeah but i keep saying this and somebody said it to me i can't remember who it was it's like this is what got you what you do now you have to learn to do it faster yeah and it's just like so crazy to be doing it is true i mean flipping bits yeah a week you got to learn kind of what you want to get rid of and what you want to hold on to for the road it's it's but you know what i've i've learned if you don't give away the full thing if the joke is like you can give them oh give it like a little snippet yeah so you go and you go out it's a little costco sample you go that's pretty good yeah you go you should order it because i don't want to do crowd work man nope i think the people i felt bad for people that were good at crowd work and then this thing happened because i felt like they were like hey i was doing that and you're like well now everyone is yeah sometimes I've seen it and it works.

Most of the time, I think it's just overplayed.

I think it's like, it's a cycle.

Something else will get burned out and then something else, you know what I mean?

Yeah, of course.

I mean, my manager is my work.

Everyone's running the same play.

And you go, all right, I get that.

It's just comedy is in a weird fucking place.

But what's nice is you set up these little YouTube channels.

People come in out of the rain.

This is what you give them.

It's fun.

You go, come on in.

Take a look down in the videos.

Hopefully you got some stuff you like.

It's like literally we're opening our own mini mall shops on the other side.

Yeah, basically.

People come in.

I have an Etsy shop now.

Come check out this Etsy shop.

I made silly stuff.

Maybe one day we'll get into Whole Foods.

You go, I made a silly.

I made a silly about festivals as Shark Tank.

Hey, sharks.

Hey, sharks.

Here's what I'm providing.

45 minutes of good stand-up.

RickyVillez.com.

You're one of my favorites, dude.

You're so funny.

You're always the nicest guy, and you are the golden retriever of comedy.

Go check out that tour.

Dan's the man.

Give me treats.

Dansooter.com.

RickyVillez.com.

Yeah.

RickyVillez.com for live dates.

Subscribe to his YouTube channel.

And thank you for watching.

And God bless America.

That's how I end every podcast.