88: Pioneer Plates with Adam Cayton-Holland | Soder Podcast | EP 86

Hey guys, always on the road.

You know that the Golden Retriever of Comedy tour kicks off in September in Los Angeles.

The West Coast dates are announced.

Go to dansoder.com and see if we're playing a theater by you.

It's going to be awesome.

You know,

the hour is close to ready, and I've been really having fun doing some shows with it.

Still doing some clubs, though.

Still keeping the knife sharp.

I'm not just going to take off time until that happens.

So I'm on the road.

Then in July, July 18th and 19th, I'm going to be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach.

And then July 31st through August 2nd, I'm going to be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine.

So any of those dates, you know, it's East Coast.

Go to danceodor.com and get those tickets.

Do you worry about having like a dad body?

Now that you got two?

Absolutely.

Do you work on it?

I've been working out because of it.

Like I've joined the

moment center.

What was the moment?

Like a shirtless photo.

I was like, that's not me.

That is not what I used to do.

I sucked in and I was like, this used to be my pushing out.

Oh, buddy.

And I was like, I got to get back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I, so I'm going to.

By summer, I will not be a fat fuck.

You don't look like a fat fuck.

I hide it with hoodies.

Yeah.

That's what you got to do.

Yeah, fair enough.

I remember one time in like when I first moved here in like 07, Colin Quinn was at the cellar and he was talking to me and Joe List and he's like, hey, you'll notice someone gets fat because all they wear is hoodies.

And I was like, really came true 17 years later.

Yeah, but that means success.

Jelly beans at night.

You just got to eat it.

Just eat.

Eat your.

I'm pretty neurotic.

Like, I've always been neurotic about that shit.

About staying in shape?

Yeah, but I think

the way to quell the demons for me has been work out always.

So I don't know where vanity and like anxiety dovetailed, but like if I don't work out every day, I feel weird.

So you'll, when you're on the road, do you go like find a place to work out?

I mean, today I worked out in the fitness center at the Moxie Hotel.

Yeah,

Moxie getting it in.

Elliptical, elliptical.

I was so good before the pandemic and then completely fell off.

I was doing like four days a week.

Yeah.

I was eating right.

I was having vegetables for breakfast.

That's the key is eating right.

And then now I'm just, for five years, I've just been.

So it's time to snap out.

You know, with kids, it's like they don't finish anything and you've put all this work into preparing it.

And you're like, well, then I'll just eat that too.

And suddenly you're just, as you clean up their plates, you're just rationing up two more rations every time.

Do you are that's bad?

You got to cut that out.

Do you and your wife cook?

Yes.

So you're both capable cooks.

I mean, I've like, you know, they send me the green chef with like, here's your meal for the corrections.

That makes me feel better.

Yeah, and I can nail those.

What's up?

Swish every time.

It's when you find out people are

more responsible and adults than you, and then they act like it's not a big thing.

I actually go like, no, I cook every day.

Great.

I make sauces.

Yeah.

Sauces?

Ah, fuck.

I mean, I'm capable just from like rote repetition, but my sons, you know, I never barbecue.

And then I realized my dad always barbecued and made like ribs and stuff.

And so now you're looking at your boys who are like, we'd like a hot dog.

And you're like, I got to fire up the grill and be a dad.

Get into it.

Yeah.

So I'm thinking, I think I will.

I think I will.

How old are your kids?

Six and almost four.

Perfect time to get nasty at barbecue.

If you're fucking right, man.

Dial it in.

Dial it in.

Have them in the backyard.

Yep.

Teach them how to press the meat with the spatula to see if it's

a slipper.

My older guy, hamburger dude, coarse, young guy, hot dog dude.

Look at this.

Fun little duo.

Now, those are.

I can nail those.

Those extra servings are going to be.

That's where the problem is.

But that's going to be fucking rattling.

I know.

Six and a four-year-old barbecuing in the summer.

It'll be good.

It sounds idyllic, but every day is a fucking battle.

So by the time dinner comes around, you're just like, I just want you guys fed and asleep so I can be with my wife.

Do they fight?

They play great, but then they fight for sure.

I think they play better than most kids do watching other kids.

Yeah.

But then there's, you know, the little man, the little man's a real dickhead.

So this is, this is what I like asking all my friends with kids because now my friends' kids are starting to become teenagers and it's starting to get real.

Are you nervous about a 12-14

battle?

Maybe a 14-16?

You know, and then, you know, the pay-per-view, 15, 17.

Sure.

Or like the real one about like when 20, 18, that you don't even know about it.

That they don't talk at that time.

They don't talk about it.

That your wife has to call the older one to get them to come home from you.

One visited another at a place you weren't even there and grown-up shit happened.

Oh, man, if they're in Fort Collins, because the older one's going to CSU and they're drunk and abroad.

Oh, I'm raising Rams.

No, dude, you can't.

I don't care.

I didn't go to school in Colorado, so I don't have no allegiance, and I enjoy pissing both sides off.

But you'll watch that.

Because in Colorado, by the way, if you didn't want to listen to a Colorado comedy having a lot of time, it took, what did it take?

What did I tell you when Sam Talent was on?

A minute and a half.

Go to the next one.

We're there.

We're getting deep into Colorado.

I'm wearing a nuggets hoodie.

You're fucked if you don't want to hear about Colorado.

I appreciated that when I showed up.

But yeah, the 13-15 is one you'll be able to control.

15-17,

you might get hurt.

18-20, you don't want to be around.

Like the George Bush moment where he fights his dad on the lawn.

Yeah.

And both of them are there.

I wouldn't win.

I wouldn't win now.

I'm barely winning now.

But I'm saying what you have to worry about is the 15-17 fight, 15-year-old boy, 17-year-old boy fighting, them unintentionally hitting you, pushing you off that moment where they're like, oh, you know?

I never had brothers, so it's wild to watch testosterone.

Oh, yeah, it's got to be crazy.

And so the level that they'll get to where one just out and out socks the other in the face.

At my house growing up,

that's two weeks.

You're done.

You're grounded.

You grew up with sisters.

I grew up with sisters.

So you grew up with emotional abuse.

Big time.

Not watching random punches.

No, and they watch little aggro kid boy shit.

So they're like fighting all the time.

The six-year-old is chill and kind and thoughtful.

And the four-year-old just is getting him all the time, just goading him, goading him, goading him, until he snaps.

But I've told the six-year-old, like, you can hit him because that's because he wants.

What is that conversation like?

I mean, I don't encourage...

I'm not like, I know, but do you sit here?

Let me get my friends over.

Get the money out.

It's so funny when you hold his hands and you go, these two are the answers.

He goes, what do you mean, pop-pop?

And you go, This is how you answer your brother.

Yeah, exactly.

You know, I'm a softy, I don't want to fight, but I watched the four-year-old antagonize to the point where I'm where any other kid would have snapped and leveled him.

Yeah, and my six-year-old, such a good guy, just cries out of frustration.

And now we got to amend that.

And he's a sensitive little dude.

And it's like, Thank you for not hitting him.

But I've always said, like, if he hits you and you, and you need to protect yourself, you go right back at him.

Has he?

No.

I want to know.

He's punched him in a way that is less than what he got.

And he's just usually pretty good like that.

You're the four-year-old and you come out to the garage and you guys are practicing form.

You go, snap, snap.

The four-year-old's like, what's going on?

Yeah, totally.

We're just getting a response.

You'll find out.

You'll find out what's going on.

He lands this correctly.

You'll be waking up from it.

Dude, I, you know, I wanted the second one to be a girl.

I think as a parent, you like, you want a pair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then my wife and I joke.

He came out, one of the dudes from Jackass, and he's just like, I'm Ellis, and this is whittling your dad down to a nub

over the course of a lifetime.

Hey, what's up?

This is Ellis, and this is eating grass clippings.

Bow down, down, down.

This is getting hurt, and I like getting hurt.

Let's go to the ER again.

This is pissing off six-year-old brother until he cries.

He's a wild child.

Is he just a fucking absolute.

When someone's this wild as a child, can you link it to which parent?

I mean, my wife has fully been like, my bad.

And the elder one, he looks exactly like me.

Yeah.

My mom.

He's like you were a little sensitive guy like this dude so i'm just like raising myself yeah and this rules we get along great and then this guy's like fuck you burn it down i love you and i'm like i love you a lot but like this is so much easier so you want to jump in water's great he's like nope water's on fire your older son is going to give you so many like like head nods to eat

he's already doing it your unspoken language is going to be like It's all right, Daddy.

Dan, it's wild.

And you don't want to like be like, well, you're the good one and you're a maniac.

So you have to, when he scolds him, you have to be like, hey, mom and I will do that, even though you're fucking right.

Yeah.

You go, listen, brother.

You're like a cop.

You show up and you go, you are in the right, but we have to go the proper steps if you want to prosecute this thing.

Look, guys, I'm two days away from retirement.

Can we just make this?

Your older son's like, I got the brass coming down on me.

I can't even fucking police him.

This thing goes all the way to the top.

I'll get poppy over here.

Is the younger one athletic?

Yeah, dude.

And he's a lefty.

There you go.

And he's named Ellis after Ellis.

Burks is in there.

LaFonso Ellis is in the mix.

Other Ellis's.

Ellis is a great fucking.

Do I have a Lafonso?

I haven't put up my Lafonso.

Every time we open a Nugget, I keep it.

Oh, dude.

But Lafonso Ellis, I would say, is the reason I'm a Nuggets fan.

Yeah.

I mean, power dunker.

Awesome.

One of the coolest blocks.

I'm sure you've seen the highlight where he like the guy goes up and he takes it away and comes with the ball like wrapped in his wrist.

Just my him.

That 94 team

was just everybody that I love.

Matumbo, beating the Sonics.

and that was my very public, I'm no longer a Warriors fan.

I didn't know you started in Warriors.

I was Bay Area all the time.

Yeah, that's right, your dad.

Because of my dad.

Yeah, yeah.

So I was nine.

You know, I still am Niners Giants, which was the hardest part of growing up Colorado is refusing

the Broncos.

I mean, you got some big wins, though.

It was a more successful team.

I've told this story a lot, but my parents divorced in 89, and my mom is like, well, I'm a Broncos fan now.

And I lived with her in Denver.

And the 49ers, I mean, 55 to 10.

That's so loaded.

You were asserting your manhood.

I was like, dude, sorry.

He's man of the house.

And we win 55 to 10 here.

Oh, I remember.

But the Broncos was a thing where it felt...

When you grow up in a city, and any sports fan, I'll tell you this.

When you grow up in the fan of the city and you're not like born there, you move there.

There's this almost like feeling of like, all right, stop pushing your shit on me.

Yeah.

Because I moved there, a 49ers, Giants, Warriors fan, and it was really like, Broncos, John Elway.

And you're like,

I don't hate him because we beat him in the Super Bowl.

I don't like hate him at all.

Yeah, he was actually very fun to watch.

Exciting quarterback.

And they don't play the Niners a lot, so I didn't really fucking care.

I'm confused about that because I've lived a bunch of different places, but never long enough to adopt sports teams.

And I wonder if I was.

I like to think, but probably it's the opposite, that I would, that I keep my Denver teams as my favorite, but then I would be very interested in those teams.

And unless it came head-to-head, you kind of got to adopt where you're living.

So it's civic pride.

That's for the good of the city.

Can't get into the Jets.

Yankees, Mets.

Mets, I lived in Queens for like 15 years.

Yeah.

But they're in the NL.

They play the Giants a lot.

I would go there for Giants games.

So I just didn't feel like it.

But I was like, you know what?

New York Knicks are classic NBA.

I could easily Madison Square Garden.

So I start going, like, I think the Knicks are about to be my East team.

And then Mello gets traded.

Oh, right.

And the fucking commercial that they ran in New York was like, I'm coming home.

And you're like, as a Nuggets fan, we got our hearts ripped out with that.

And aren't you from Baltimore?

Yes.

Nuggets fans are very spiteful about the...

A real Nuggets fan will immediately go mean on Mellow.

Absolutely.

Because we, and this is just the standpoint of a Denver Nuggets fan.

We gave him everything.

And it wasn't enough.

Right.

And he went, no, I want to live in L.A.

or New York.

And anybody, and you can go look up all the articles.

You can look up all the interviews.

He can spin it now and go like, well, George Carl was a dick or blah, blah, blah.

But it's like, no, no, no.

The front office was like, what do you want?

And I believe his response was, my wife can't work in Denver.

I need to live in L.A.

or New York because he was married to Lala.

I remember.

And it was like...

There was a Cribs from his like penthouse in Denver.

Yeah.

Everyone's like, Cribs is coming to town.

Oh, Sharon.

You got all your nice stuff.

Maybe they'll do one on you.

And listen.

And here's the deal about Denver.

I love it.

I love growing up there.

I love that my mom's still there.

I love visiting it.

It is still has elements of a cow town.

Oh, hundred.

It still has the people you meet in Denver.

Sometimes you expect them to bite gold to go, like, that's real.

Like, that energy is in a lot of people from Denver.

Yeah, there's a joke I have on my new thing I'm putting out.

It's just like, when I was growing up, there's only three things to do.

You could watch the Broncos, you could stare at the sun, you can go to the mint.

I was a pretty big fan of all three.

And that was seriously it.

You learned how money was made if you wanted to or not.

Growing up,

Denver fucking mint, dude.

How has no one created an ice cream called denver mint oh dude like a mint chocolate chip ice cream this is the podcast to launch it on

done we gotta we gotta go podcast over wasting time chatting about i'm in the creamery business you idiots um no you were saying it's like a cow town and celebrity and this

like so i kind of understood where like if you're a cool young black guy denver ain't it You are preaching to the choir.

Denver ain't it.

You're a young black dude with a lot of money.

Denver's not it.

It's a, it's you don't want to be there.

It's like a vacation town to you.

There's not a lot of black people.

Your best friends are like in Miami.

LeBron was going to Miami with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch.

That set off a domino of people going like, well, I don't want to be in this mid-market team.

100%.

And I think, and I would have understood that.

I think a lot of Denver people who are sophisticated would understand that.

And not just like, well, you crossed our team, so fuck you.

Or like, no, he's got the whole world at his feet.

But the continual talking shit across decades.

That's what it was.

And throwing little barbs and constantly saying all some aggressive stuff about they gave jokic number 15 that was the his number which by the way

he got drafted during a taco bell commercial right no one planned on like to act like anyone knew nicole jokic was going to be the greatest center of all time is false he's the big queserito for a reason and you know why he got drafted during a fucking quesarito commercial very true yeah and he's never eaten a taco bell doesn't know what it is but he bet

he'd love it he was number 15 because he was the biggest kid on his team, and that was the largest jersey they had.

They numbered him by size.

Yeah.

This is Serbia.

Here you go.

You're 15, big guy.

And he's just number 15.

That old teal nuggets sweatshirt he's wearing where he's eight years old.

It's just destiny.

What if I took my shirt off and I had that on my back?

I almost ordered it.

Someone was selling it online.

You mean the hoodie?

Yeah, it's a crew neck.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

And it's got the old

my favorite logo.

Yeah.

It's not the well, what's funny is it's the old 90s logo of the dark blue with red, but it's on a teal.

It's very Serbian.

I associate that.

It's like an Antonio McDice logo.

Yes.

Both knees could still fucking yak, even when we got him back from the suns.

But that mellow thing, that's something that happens now a lot with people.

And I think it's because everyone's got like a little PR in them.

Yeah.

Where now people are very good at angling it like they're the victims.

And he's like, yeah, they were mean to me.

And they gave Nikola Jokic 15.

And George Carl was cruel.

It's like, Mello, you told us to fuck off.

100%.

We got rid, we got the whole Knicks team for you and Chauncey, which that's what I was the most upset about.

It wasn't even Mello.

Yeah, like Dano Galinari came in.

But it was Chauncey Billips got dealt to the Knicks.

So when that happened, I was like, I can't be a Knicks fan until Mello is gone.

And then the second he left, I was kind of like, I cheer for him.

I'm not into him, but I like cheer for him.

They're pretty fun now.

They're great.

Brunson's the man.

Absolutely.

He's like king of New York, right?

And that was very fun.

The Villanova team.

And my friends that are Knicks fans, I love them.

So I want them to win.

Like, because they're, I would say, Knicks fan base is great.

It's just like, it is, you know, I'm such a hater.

I'm undoing my argument of like, I would adopt the team because just as a small flyover Denver guy, I'm like, they are a great fan base, but there is, short of the Lakers, that celebrity, who's on the sideline, this and the end of the day.

But New York City's gonna be annoying.

Of course, it's New York.

It's Madison Square Garden.

It's the most famous arena in the world.

Short of Spike Lee, I don't want to see anybody on that fucking sideline.

Yeah.

I don't care who's.

What about Tracy Morgan puking?

Did you see that?

No.

He threw up on the

at a Knicks game.

There's two things I'm willing to see.

And then they really like me and Tracy Morgan.

But then he put out a video where he was like, Knicks is one and all whenever I throw up on courtside.

He's like, so I'll do it again in the playoffs.

All right.

That could be fun.

That could be fun.

You know what it is?

Is being a mid-market basketball team, and this goes beyond sports.

It's just like middle brother syndrome where you're like,

I'm special.

No one tells me I'm special.

But the Broncos are an identity.

The Broncos are like, if you were to be like, what one team signifies Colorado, it's the Denver Broncos.

Of course.

And they're in your face about it.

Yeah, and I've kind of jumped.

I mean, Nuggets, you and I text about Nuggets all the time.

That's like my number one squad.

I follow that more than the Broncos.

Yeah, I love it.

It's a football town.

It is 100%.

Yes.

Bronco Nation.

Bronco Nation.

As Troy Baxley used to sing.

My friends text each other just the most hyperbolic.

You should get on.

It's like, wake up, orange and blue nation.

It's another mile-high Sunday.

Last time I checked, that sunset was orange and blue.

Blue baby.

I always said that.

God's a Bronco.

You listen to KOA, and they'd be like, if you're driving home for Mile High State, if it's orange and blue, God must be a Bronco fan.

God's like, I don't even like football.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm into cricket.

Whatever, God.

Are the King Supers kids wearing jerseys while they bag?

It's another Sunday in Mile High Town.

Welcome to Colorado.

The air is thin, but the winds are thick.

We do things different at altitude.

Catch you on a six and eight season.

I'm kind of a quiet Broncos hater.

Yeah.

Like, I don't want them to do bad, but when they do bad, it does bring me a sick joy.

Specifically, two instances, and this is just hating on stuff.

Sure, man.

But

this is just hating on stuff.

That's the name of the pod?

Yeah, welcome to hating on stuff.

This really should be the podcast.

I'll just shit on it.

Sponsored by Denver Min Ice Cream by Dan Sodernad.

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Yeah, yeah, 50% off with the code Mile High Nation, Orange and Blue Broncos Town.

Jokic had 15 first in Serbia.

Our discount codes are jokic's stat line the night before

you know it like you get really 46 26 32 that fucking triple double was insane the one you set the record on against the suns every day my feed because that's such a lot of nuggets it's like never been done before in the history of nba here's jokic's stat line i want to get old russ a ring

broncos though as a 49er saints you grow up a different Anybody watching this that's a sports fan, it's so funny because some of the people that watch this podcast are like, I don't care about sports.

I know, and I feel so bad.

I got so many other things I could talk about.

This is what sooner when I launch into it.

This is what we wanted to talk about.

Maybe jump ahead and we're done.

Yeah.

But

when you grow up a fan of a different team in a city,

you get shit.

You're just going to catch shit.

100%.

All the time.

You're wearing your stuff to school.

Ah, dude, especially in the 90s, 49ers with the fucking shadowed numbers.

Yeah.

If I had a fucking Steve Young shadowed eight, I would fucking rock Niners' shit all the time.

And then you always catch it.

John Elliot is better than Joe Montana.

No, he's not.

You're like, what about the Super Bowls?

And then you win that argument.

And then Tom Brady came along and blew up my whole entire argument that Joe Montana was the best.

But

there was a moment in 2000, I believe,

13, 2012, 2013.

It's the year that the Broncos went to the Super Bowl against the Seahawks.

Yeah, okay.

The 49ers lost to the Seahawks at the end of the NFC championship game.

It was a very fucking good game.

Richard Sherman batted it back.

Yes.

They picked it, and they beat the.

And that was when he was talking shit about Crabtree.

So it was a very hard loss.

I remember that.

Very, very hard loss.

Watched that at my friend's house who are Broncos fans.

Broncos Patriots was the game before you guys won.

So they were cheering me on.

Then the 49ers lose.

And this was the first wave of several waves because it's two weeks before the Super Bowl.

Yeah, yeah.

Of friends, family, people I grew up with

doing exactly this, going, hey, dude.

Sorry the 49ers didn't win.

Broncos will take care of business in two weeks.

And I go like,

they kept saying it.

My friend Joel and Chad both came out here to go to the Super Bowl because the Super Bowl was in New York.

Both of them.

Hey, dude, Peyton Manning and the Broncos will get them back for you.

And I'm like, okay.

Like, by the end of the two weeks, I'm kind of.

You know what?

We don't need, I don't need Peyton Manning to do it.

By the end of the two weeks, I was like, all right, just fucking do it then.

And then they got blown the fuck out.

The Seahawks.

blew them the fuck out.

And trust me when I tell you, as a lifelong Fortiner fan, I never want to see the Seahawks win a fucking Super Bowl.

I don't like their fan base.

I don't like the Seahawks.

Fuck their stupid neon uniforms.

Noise Pumped Instadium.

Hey, you fake fucking crowd noise.

You're all, you weren't even, half of you didn't like them in the 90s.

Shut when they were in the AFC West, getting dealt with by the Broncos

just for history.

Love it.

Fuck the Seahawks.

However.

However.

Yeah.

When the Seahawks blew them out, it was very rewarding to go.

Thought you were going to take care of it.

Yeah, right.

Every single person I texted back.

I was so spiteful.

I hope you text him back right after that snap out the back of the

from the first moment of the game.

Well, here's the thing.

I was cheering them on because I hate the Seahawks.

And then you watch them start to lose, and then they start to lose bad, and you kind of go.

And then the text became, 49ers are the second best team in the NFL.

Yeah.

There's a psychology when a team started to get blown out where you're like, okay, well, now I'm rooting for this beating.

And it's a weird perverse.

I think I would like to know if that's a uniquely American thing to go like, well, if it's bad, make it the worst.

100%.

Like in that last Super Bowl with Philly and KC, I didn't give a shit.

I was just at home.

I hate KC, so I loved it.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, of course I hate KC, so I'm rooting for Philly.

Enemy and I don't really get behind any Philly sports team.

Oh, well, 49ers lost the NFC championship game to the Eagles.

Yeah.

So I had to deal with that.

Okay.

But then the Eagles lost to the Chiefs, so it was nullified.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then we lost to the Chiefs again in the Super Bowl.

So this year I was really like, go birds.

It is like it's a constant wavering psychology.

What little micro harm has been done to to me last life by which sort of tangential relation.

Everything we've talked about so far in this podcast is just sports like abuse and pathos.

It is all sports psychology of going like fuck that team.

I like, because honestly, the reason I'm a fucking Nuggets fan was the Warriors traded Tim Hardaway and he was my favorite guy.

Yeah.

It was Mullen.

It was run TMC, Mitch Richmond, Richmond Redmond,

Chris Mullen, and Tim Hardaway.

And like my dad and I would talk about the Warriors all the time.

And then Tim Hardaway got traded.

And I was like, fuck this.

And I'm living in Denver, going to school there.

Yeah.

And I was like, the Nuggets are fucking sick.

Yeah, dude.

And I just got into the Nuggets.

It's really strange how it evolves like that.

Like, I mean, I like the Milwaukee Brewers because the Denver Zephyrs fed into them.

Oh, yeah.

And now I'm off like the Rockies because I don't get me started.

I mean, dude, you're a big Rockies guy.

You're a huge Rockies.

I'm a lapsed Rockies fan.

I'll tell you right now, I've known Adam for over 15 years.

You are a big Rock.

09, the loss to the Red Sox?

Yeah, buddy.

You were there for that?

Fucking Rocktober.

I was at every game.

Oh, you love that.

Dude,

I had a relationship with the Rockies.

I threw out an opening pitch.

Then we became like,

I did the voiceover for a pump-up video during the playoffs where they're like showing the highlight reel and it's me reading whatever motivational crap.

Like, I had a relationship with them.

What happened?

And then it's, they've just, they're such a clown operation.

Is it the owner?

Is it the,

and recently, a new minority owner bought into the team, but he's a very minority owner.

And I actually just had beers with that dude.

He's the king of Denver.

Denver.

A mutual friend connected us.

And this guy is a young, very successful finance hedge, like tech guy, but bought into the Rockies.

And he's like wanting to meet with people to talk about the Rockies, including disgruntled fans.

And my friend knew me.

And we like met and had a few beers.

And I was like, I came in saying,

I don't want to just unload on you.

That's so funny.

I'm getting the ear of 15 years of frustration.

So how can I help you?

That was how I led the

conversation

you said to him that he acknowledged that made you feel better as a fan?

Oh, because I've done lots of things.

The people that are remained watching sports, this is such a fucking concept of like talking to the owner.

It's a new guy.

It's not the

dickhead.

It's a guy that's fucking up the organization for the entire time.

But it has a guy who has the ear.

Yeah.

Who has the ear?

Yeah.

That's got to be awesome.

It was very cool.

I mean, he was very much like, look, I need to make some money to show how I'm, that I have clout here.

Sure.

I need to impress them.

You know, he's a very like business man.

Go get Beau Bachette.

Bring back all the boys.

So he was kind of like, how can I get you back into the stadium?

And I was like, be above 500 in July, make some hire from outside.

Pay money.

I mean, I think every baseball team kind of goes to this where you're like, go get.

Because I hate the Dodgers.

As are you.

Yeah, yeah.

We can both hate the Dodgers.

You saw what they did.

They just got a billionaire owner, and he was like, do you want me to go get everybody?

And baseball is the rare sport where that's just doable.

You could just do that.

If you just come in and buy people, Yankees did it forever.

Dodgers are doing it right now.

And you're kind of like, hey, you're just poking your team with a stick.

As a Giants fan, because, you know, they hyped us up with like, we might get Aaron Judge.

Yeah.

But you're like, because he's from there.

Right.

And you're like, oh, shit, all right.

And they're like, nah, he's staying at the Yankees.

But there are small market teams like your Tampa Bays and your Arizonas that occasionally figure it out and hire the smart advanced metrics kids and Billy Bean their way into it martial ball shit and the Rockies do nothing

and have just a fucking just a very stubborn owner who this new guy's trying to sway over but I'm not convinced but it was an I as a sports fan what a dream come true yeah unbelievable to chat

you know it's been unbelievable to watch

Mike McDaniel go through

coaching in the NFL and watching his power change and like the dynamic of when you become a head coach being like, oh, so like you talk to the owner a lot.

He's like, yeah, I talk to the owner a lot.

Of course.

And you're like, that's got to be crazy.

It does.

Because I keep the reason he brought that up is I was like, throwbacks.

You should be wearing the fucking throwbacks.

The Dolphins have, up there with the Broncos and the Patriots, my favorite throwbacks in the NFL.

Unbelievable.

And the tip of A Bucks.

I love the Creamsicles.

Yeah.

But I'm like, those are some of the best merch in the world.

And he was like,

the owner spent a lot of money on the new logo.

I was like, it looks like a dick jumping through a new virgin.

And he was like, I can't say that,

but I was like, dude.

But

what's funny about being friends with anyone that works in the NFL is you understand all the merch you have is temporary.

Right.

It's like, it'll, it'll get like

Houston Texans.

Great.

And then he left and went to the

Falcons.

Or he went to Washington, then

Cleveland, then Atlanta.

And you're like, I know all this stuff.

And then he landed in San Francisco.

That was personal.

Now I keep the merch.

Now,

When he left San Francisco, I was like, Well, we're not getting rid of this merch.

Yeah, right.

That's the best part.

Be friends with someone that works for a sports team just for the merch.

I have not reached that.

Maybe this guy can be my new buddy.

He's like, come to this game, come to that.

But go get a rocker.

Tell him you want for, and everyone from Colorado will know this, for a fucking an April or May cold-ass Colorado game.

Yeah, yeah.

Get you a fucking starters, Rockies.

I knew you were going to say that.

Yeah, like purple and black.

Old school series.

It goes hard as fuck, and they're making them again.

Do you remember, I'm sure you do, when Rockies started 93.

Yeah, April 9th, 1993 was the first game.

It was my cousin's birthday.

I love you, Soda.

Yeah, I was at that game.

Yeah, against?

The Atlanta Braves.

No, San Francisco Giants.

That was the first series.

Eric Young hit the first home run.

Wait, was it there in Denver?

What are you talking about?

That was against the Giants.

Home opener.

It was the series, a three-game series against...

I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty sure it was the Braves.

Well, Eric Young hit the first home run in in my high school that's for sure hold on we got to figure this out if you're you might be right but i could i don't know when it was the

i went to one of the first three games because what's so funny is when they found out the colorado was getting a baseball team what i said to my mom and she'll i go it i'll i'll love them if they're in the nl central But if they come to the West, I can't fuck with them because of the Giants.

Yeah, right.

And then they were like, they're in the NL West.

And I was like, well, then fuck the Rockies.

And my mom kept being like, Colorado Rockies.

We'd have like Rockies mugs and shit.

And I'd be like, you might be right about this game.

I'm being outed as a fucking girl.

No,

paw, dude.

Because I was at that game, I was also 12.

No, dude, I was a Giants fan, SF for life.

Where is, I want to see, so I'm on their Wikipedia right now.

They can't even get a fucking Wikipedia right, Soder.

It is, I mean, this organization is a clown show.

I want to know, first series ever.

All right, so we'll go April, April 10th, April 9th.

Oh, my laundry's done.

1993.

He cuts.

You come in a new hoodie.

It's a Rockies one.

It's the Nationals?

That's not.

They weren't an organization back then.

What the fuck?

That was the spring training game they must have just played.

What the fuck, dude?

Colorado Rockies' first home game.

First, the Giants.

3-1.

Okay.

And it was, yeah, 3-1.

Oh, that was yesterday.

God damn it.

God.

Honey, go out to the pennant in my garage.

I can't.

And sell Dan Soder with 1993 schedule.

Yep.

You know what?

Come on.

It says nationals.

Look.

That's not fucking right.

April 14th, 1993.

It says Mets.

The Mets were the first game.

This is driving me nuts.

You got to get it.

It says Rockies, Mets.

Well, look, I got him.

Now I honestly, I'll stop down this whole fucking podcast.

What if this is a deep state like Berenstein Bears type of thing?

Dude, is this a Mandela?

Everybody has a different team that the Rockies played in the first half.

Who the fuck?

And also, Google, why are you broken?

I'm like, hey, what?

You got to bing it.

Bing it, dude.

Dude, I might.

Don't even tempt me.

Colorado Rockies.

Don't duck goof it or whatever that is.

1990.

I typed Colorado Rockies 1993 schedule.

Yeah.

So that should be.

That should be the home.

But you should say home opener.

Because there might be the away.

All right.

This is

baseballalmanac.com.

That's the source.

This is.

That's Dawn Baseball.

At New York.

Oh, Oh, you know what it was?

They started away.

Yeah, but their home opener,

it was the Washington Nationals because you know who they were before that?

Who?

The Montreal Expos.

Oh, yeah.

So they've updated it to say nationals?

Well, Google did.

That's insane.

I must have gone to the San Francisco.

That's Expo's Erasure.

That's a good one.

I must have gone and seen them in May.

That was the first time they played the San Francisco Giants.

But I thought that opening weekend was the fucking.

But it was the expos.

None of this feels right to me.

It feels all fucked up.

Trust me.

It really does.

Fire off in the comments if you actually know.

I'm going to walk outside.

There's going to be like a blizzard suddenly.

Like everything's changing.

They go, isn't it crazy President Bernie Sanders is having a third term?

And you go, the fuck happened?

Hey, you know what?

I'm cool with a third one for Bernie.

Get her done.

It's the 1%

has been fed to the 99%.

You go, cannibalism's legal.

Yeah.

But only for the certain economic brackets

you must be poor enough to eat human flesh speaking of the uber rich you were talking about knowing people that are in sports and stuff like that and you were billionaires so maybe you've had more like oh on the other rubbed elbows with them this meeting with this owner of the rockies was the first time i i think that's the richest person i've ever sat with yeah and it sort of just felt different

you feel the uh the power you really do so there was an episode of billions that we taped i think it was like season four where we did like a celebrity boxing match where like me and another guy celebrity boxing was we're like awful that was the whole point is that we sucked right but they did like a bunch of cameos they did like a like rich eisen was there

a bunch of guys were there stipe miotic was like in my corner deonte wilder was in uh

the other guy's corner so it was really cool it was like a really cool thing so Everyone's trying to talk to Rich Eisen.

Everyone's trying to talk to Stipe and Deontay.

And we're like, you know, it's like a 12-hour shoot.

And we're broke for lunch.

And that was Nam Sun.

Shout out, Nam Sun.

We had fucking lunch there that day.

Hell yeah.

It was very good.

Good day on set.

Great day on set.

And then

I'm like chilling on set.

And they're like,

they're like changing up the set.

And I'm talking to this old guy.

It's very unassuming.

He's just like really, he's like, oh, how long does this take?

And I was like, oh, it's like fucking 12 hours.

He's like, yeah, but it's not that bad.

And we're like kind of commiserating on that.

I was like, like, oh, this isn't a job.

I was like, it's got to be.

You're going to hurry up and wait, buddy.

Yeah, it's just hurry up and wait and it's easy.

And I go, and also like, they'll get coffee for you or whatever.

And you can just chill.

And with a phone, you're just not bored.

And he's like, yeah, it's crazy.

So we're starting to talk about phones.

And then the dude walks away.

He's like, I got to go.

It was great meeting you.

And he was like, very nice.

I was like, cool.

And then

David Levine, one of the creators of Billions, who I'm friends with, comes over to me and he's like, did you know who that guy was?

And I was like, no.

He's like, that's the guy that shorted Enron.

And I was like, what's up?

And he's like, that guy's got like 138 million.

He was like, I don't think he was a billionaire, but he was crazy wealthy.

Where I was like, no shit.

And the thing I liked about him is he didn't really have that all.

Yeah.

I thought he was literally a, I thought he was just an extra because there was like a bunch of extras mixed in.

Love that.

And then you were like, oh, this guy's looking.

I want to be like, hey, you look like a billionaire.

And then he walked away and that guy was like, you fucking shorted Enron.

And you're like, crazy.

I watched that movie.

Yeah, exactly.

Wow, that's cool.

That's like the Warren Buffett type of billionaire.

Yeah.

That's the way to be.

Yeah, which makes me think those guys are even more evil.

Do you?

Yeah, because they're so...

You can just drive by his house.

I've been to Omaha a bunch.

You can just be like, where's Warren Buffett's house?

And you just die.

Run up on his house.

Run up on his house.

I didn't try to ding-dong ditch.

I just thought about it.

Run up on one of the world's wealthiest men's houses and see if you don't get instantly clipped by a sniper.

That jack-o-lantern was asking for it, dude.

You just go up and you're like, I'm going to ding-dong ditch.

They go, I don't know, and then you just get shot with a gun you didn't even know they had.

Yeah, exactly.

They go, actually, the cia has these heart attack rifles where they can just shoot your heart the sandbags inside your body already you're already dead that's what i always whenever they show pictures like someone on the internet i saw basically the same thing where someone was like bill gates was buying a hot dog and they're like so rich no security and someone was like try him yeah

try him go ahead make that move yeah someone with that amount of money that's what i'm saying run up on warren buffett no you're 100 right and those kind of billionaires make me think that they're like doing that because they know that we'll sit around and go like you know, it's just a regular billionaire.

Yeah, exactly.

Like, they're not completely great.

I'm sure they compare the quality of their security, and it's like, it's a flex

of things that their security have done.

This guy killed seven in Iraq, walked away scot-free, and they go, damn.

He's like, it was a tip of the hat.

I met Brett Goldstein recently.

Lovely dude.

He's that comedian.

He's on Ted Lasso.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's hilarious.

And I didn't realize how big he is, but then you realize how big Ted Lasso is.

Oh, yeah.

Ted Lasso is a huge show.

Yeah.

So big, I say it wrong.

No, I like it.

You're like, ted lasso you go cast me ted lasso i go that ain't a lasso yeah i'm from color that's a lasso you do like western stock show

you go oh yeah like that yeah have you ever seen adam do fucking like rodeos you see watch him mutton bust he's the only 44 year old they still let do it just ride a lamb speaking of my four-year-old like he's a mutton buster we're what you i looked into it you can only be he's he's almost four you have to be five but i'm like this is the year can you have you've ever seen anyone ready more ready This kid is going to crush it.

I have friends with children that watch this show.

And I love all my friends' kids.

Sure.

No one's more important than anyone else.

You let me know when that happens.

I'm flying out to the Western Stock Show.

To watch your son Mutton Bus.

For those of you who didn't grow up around a giant rodeo, Mutton Bus.

We're both like city kids, but you just have to know this show.

Colorado, there's certain knowledge.

You need to have an active working knowledge of Tiva sandals.

You need to know Cave of the Winds.

New Crocs plugs.

Yeah.

Just came in.

Crocs are the modern TV.

Yeah, for sure.

When we were in elementary school, middle school, you had the

strap Tivas with umbras, black umbras with like white band around the cuff of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So whatever sports jersey you need.

Whenever you grow up in Colorado, you go,

the Western Stock Show is, they show off cattle, but there's also a rodeo that's connected to it.

Yep.

So you go to the rodeo.

It's like a month of events.

Yeah.

They march the cattle through the city.

Denver Civic Center is where they used to do it.

National Western Stock Show.

Yeah.

And then McNichols.

And I don't know if they do it.

I don't think they would do it at Ball Arena.

No, it's out at the like National Western Stock Show complex over by like Globeville.

Absolutely.

Off the highway, yeah.

But you go, my stepdad Nick would take us, and it was fucking

movie.

He was so fun.

You eat like popcorn and hot dogs.

You watch rodeo.

It's a combined like 4-H thing.

You can go and see all the livestock.

I think you can clutch like a steer in your live fucking saddles and leather and every dream catcher you can think of.

Every mom gets a new cowboy hat.

Rock candy time.

Oh fuck.

Don't even bring up the rock candy.

What are we in?

Silverthorne?

I feel like I'm fucking about to go through an old Silver Creek.

Come on in.

A bear is mayor.

But you go and the part I was jealous of is mutton busting, which is kids take down lambs.

Right.

Well, they strap kids to lambs.

Like they're like they're jockey.

But they put them on football.

They put football helmets on them.

it's completely safe yeah that's it and then they just like i don't know what they do they probably pull on the lambs balls just like they do on a fucking you know it's not true fucking bronco or whatever i looked up bulls because i thought they put rubber bands around their nuts they don't really yeah they don't do that that's a big misconception yeah because growing up that was my favorite reference i go what are you gonna slap rubber bands on my ball so i could kick you like a bull and then i said that to someone and they go that's not true hey dan that's actually not rodeo accurate that's like me saying the giants were the first series played at mile high stadium we both blew that We both both expos.

So, yeah, so then they just, I don't know, whatever they do, they fire up the sheep.

Probably not this ball's myth.

You're a bull's ball trick.

Or it is, and I'm just like naive.

And the fucking sheep goes flying, and the kids get bucked off, or they stay on and win.

So my.

Crowd goes nuts.

How can you not want to see that?

I will put it, I would equivalate it to

dog frisbee at halftime.

Yes.

When people at an NFL game, you want to get an NFL crowd hyped at halftime, fuck a marching band, fuck music, dogs, frisbees.

People go, bat shit.

Yep.

I mean, dude, I watched it at Mahay Stadium.

They fucking whip it.

Oh, yeah.

And then that dog just...

the closing speed of like a Shelby

just launched in the air.

I've gone to like sportsman shows and I hate all this shit.

I hate hunting.

I hate guns, but I've gone to sportsman shows at the convention center and they'll have dogs like jumping off docks.

Dock diving for distance.

Dock diving of dogs.

Dog, buddy.

That's all you need.

Get ready, YouTube algorithm.

We're going to go

change what's going on in my life.

I'm flying to Denver tomorrow and I'm watching dog diving videos.

Well, I'll tell you what, if Ellis gets accepted to the Mutton Busting Circuit and we're hoping for a scholarship,

I will let you know, Soder.

For sure, man.

Please let me know.

But I'm telling you, he's competitive in the right way.

Like, I watch him.

He's like, I can jump four stairs.

And then he's like, I can jump five stairs.

And then he'll do it and he'll hurt himself and hurt himself and he'll land five.

And he's like, I can jump six stairs.

And so he's just like, if he, we're going to take him this year, show him mutton busting and let it stew in his head for a year.

Oh my God.

And then first off, Ellis is going to go nuts.

Yeah.

Because the second, I was too old.

I think I was like 10 when I saw it.

And I was like, I want to mutton bust.

My mom's like, absolutely not.

You're huge.

You're too big.

You'll crush that lamb with your giant head.

But yeah, that'll be fucking sick.

I want to get a hold of that lamb and just make it like, like, lime green or pink.

Like, Ellis comes out and it's fucking different.

Yeah.

Who's this kid yeah like this they died the sheep a mohawk yeah bad and then he just to like fucking pantera yeah he's got that helmet with the mohawk that would be sick dude yeah i gotta what do you say

spec is this fucking ellis right in the drawing

my skin

is it a lincoln park medley to mutton busting do you hate the transplants uh fuck that's you gotta this is something you should always ask a colorado native uh and by that i mean native americans

yeah exactly.

They hate transportation.

I used to have jokes about it.

Don't use the term native.

I'm not fucking Cherokee.

Yeah, yeah.

You're not an Apache.

Yeah, exactly.

But there's been so much growth in Colorado that I enjoyed parts of it.

Sure.

Like, my friends and I growing up, I don't know how you felt.

It was like, we got to get out of Denver.

Denver's a cow town.

And all of us went to like colleges out east.

A number of us went to good schools out east.

And then we all kept slowly.

They're like, hey, Denver's getting pretty cool.

Yeah, Denver.

Yeah, I could buy a house.

Denver grew up when you grew up.

It did.

So like there was a desperation to leave.

I was like, I'll never live here.

And then it just got cooler and cooler and cooler.

I was, I was doomed because I would spend my summers and winters in San Francisco in the 90s, which was the fucking coolest thing.

Dude, my wife and I are such SF heads.

Like, I like 90s music videos so much.

So many cool bands are from there.

Oh, dude, it was like, I mean, you know, my dad worked at a liquor store and could afford to live in San Francisco.

And it was like the people that were around were like a mixed bag of people, where now it's all tech bros.

Of course.

Everyone else is priced out of the city.

But that city's unreal.

I love San Francisco.

I was just there three weeks ago doing the palace of fine arts and it was like oh no that was so cool it was yeah it was but it was like one of those weekends where you're like if i made enough money and i fucked off in the business yeah i probably would move here and just drive down to santa clara every sunday to see the niners and listen to the listen to what i'll say barcelona of the united states you think so

it's the barcelona of the united states

and and for those of you that don't know

lived in barcelona now that's in madrid so i'm a real i'm a real head michelle wolf lives in barcelona really you currently loves it Yeah.

She's been there for a while.

She's been there for three or four years.

Barcelona rules.

And it's like, it's the same, like, kind of hilly, and you can see, you know, you get these, suddenly you turn around, you're like, look at this 360 panoramic of this most stunning landscape.

It's unbelievable.

And that's what San Fran is, too.

San Fran's got that old architecture and shit that's still hung on.

Like New York, what sucks is now they're knocking down all the old buildings to put up these like space window buildings.

Right, and those tiny tall fuckers.

It sucks.

I started seeing that when I lived in Queens, where they would knock down a row house and then just go like six stories stories in the thing and it just looks like a jagged tooth coming out yeah i don't know man at least there's some that are like architecturally interesting in denver they're just knocking down and throwing up like it's three chipotles on top of each other

and it looks so ugly there's that's not even an attempt not even an architectural swing by anyone anywhere along the line denver does have some great original architecture the four square porches there's cool the denver square denver square yeah you go down there and you like see those porches and you're like oh this is like and then you realize that they were smart when they built it and it was like also for the winter it like doesn't, it can like kind of keep enough stuff out.

So, so that pisses me off.

Yeah.

The like, the just woeful knocking down the old, not caring about it because there's money there.

So, who, yeah, development.

Yeah.

But I guess my answer is: like, if Denver wasn't getting bigger, it would lose my interest.

I would have been gone a while ago.

You think so?

Yeah, I think so.

I think in my like, you know, the Denver comedy scene was always enough that I could go out and try to do comedy, but come back to this great club and this great scene that was always growing.

And it all, you know, you know, it's always punched above its weight comedically.

For real.

So, so it just felt like

Comedy Works is an elite club.

It is.

In a city that, like, it's funny, the cities that have some of the best comedy clubs, Madison, Denver, fucking Portland, because you're like, oh, they aren't the major cities.

No, they're not.

So, yeah, just Denver always had enough for me.

But if it had stayed the small town, I think I probably would have been out.

I get that.

Because I wanted to, my whole thought of growing up in Denver was, if I go to college here, I'm going to stay here.

Yeah.

Because it's very comfortable.

It's very comfortable.

It's like a very comfortable place place to live the people are are are nice enough that it's believable yeah that it's not like midwest nice where you're like you're fucking lying there's no fakeness to it it does seem a lot like uh i mean not like where what have you done where are you from but like kind of like what can you offer yeah and that seems to be a gratitude that's it's people had to like help each other shovel out did you uh when you were in elementary school did you i'm wondering if this is a mandela effect but i think it is real because i remember it very clearly did you ever go to a field trip to a reservation

When they teach you how to build the tent and they teach or a teepee, sorry.

But they teach you how to raise a teepee and they teach you like.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I've done stuff like that.

Do you remember that?

Well, it was in elementary school.

I remember taking a trip in like eighth grade with the school I was at.

It was the southwest trip.

And we went down to Taos.

We went to the reservation.

We camped out.

Yes.

Native people stayed with us and taught us all about it.

What's the plateau where you go see the

Table Mesa?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

You go to Table Mesa.

And there's that mountain range that looks like

a Native American lying down.

You can see his feet.

So what was crazy about that is historically, what a fucked-up field trip to make people that pushed the Native American out of their land, and then you go look at it and you go, so this is what you guys are doing with it.

Because I remember.

It's also not like we're from Pioneers.

My parents moved to Denver a generation ago.

My grandpa was there in Alt, Colorado, in about 19.

He was born in Alt, Colorado, which means his dad was there.

So you got to

qualify for Pioneer plates.

Really?

That's a thing.

If you're three generations deep, you can get pioneer plates, which is the ultimate flex.

Trish.

This is the first thing I'm talking to about her when I get home.

Oh, yeah, dude.

It's not like it's all problematic.

Covered wagon on it.

It's a pioneer plate.

And it's like, that's a real head.

Because I get plates because I'm born in Denver.

People be like, you're the first person from Denver I've met.

And I'm like, well, everyone I know is from here because I'm from here.

Yeah.

But you're not.

Well, my mom wasn't born there.

Okay.

My mom was born in Phoenix.

Well, so what?

But I thought you said you're from Alt.

My grandfather was born in Alt, Colin.

That's legit, buddy.

That's your grandpa.

Let's go.

It's like that military health insurance.

You're doing it.

FAA.

I'm not Rob Gronkowski in this right now.

You're good.

Where Rob Gronkowski is just harassing Sam Elliott to get him on a...

It's the weirdest campaign.

It's such a money grab.

I know.

But it's also like, God, I wish I had that military insurance is the whole campaign.

It's like, Gronk, they're fucked up.

They fought wars.

Yeah, dude, they did.

They got PTSD.

BABS.

They'll piss their pants if they hear firecrackers.

You're over here fucking.

I want that.

Well, then enlist, Gron.

It's so funny that a guy with brain damage wants a different form of brain damage.

The NFL insurance.

No, I don't know.

I don't like Ernest.

The NFL insurance won't cover CTE, which is so fucked up.

Which is so nuts.

So I need this military insurance.

Because it will, but it doesn't cover PTSD.

Like the way that they don't fucking get it.

Yeah, exactly.

Where does CTE meet PTSD coverage?

And the thought of him having to live with Sam Elliott because they're both financially destitute.

Just out of their mind.

Through various forms of CTE, PTSD.

He goes, well, roommate, looks like we're both nuts.

Looks like we're both sleeping in piss tonight.

Now, do you see they took

the tight end for the Ravens, the guy that dropped the ball in the playoffs?

I know who you're talking about.

His dad was in the military.

So he's doing those commercials now with the flex of...

I got it.

Yeah.

Which, if I'm gronk, I go, let me do another round and talk about how I won a Super Bowl.

Because this guy, I think it's Mark Andrews.

I forget what the tight end's name is, but he's like, my family's been in the military.

That's why I have it.

Meanwhile, the guy from the insurance company is like, guys, could we just get the spot?

Guys,

Sam Elliott's got to be back to the home in an hour.

Yeah.

There is like a feeling of growing.

Like, I didn't like going back to Colorado to visit and having people that were transplants try to out Colorado me.

For sure.

Where they go like, you left.

Hmm.

And you're like, well, yeah, I grew up here.

Yeah.

Well, you're a sneaky, you know, Denver's so small town.

You're proud of everybody who's doing great.

Oh, yeah.

And you're a sneaky one.

Not a lot of people know.

No, yeah.

And I, I mean, I'm actually, I'm from Aurora.

You're not hiding in it, which is where my wife's from.

Yeah, and I'm not from Denver.

I'm from Aurora.

Which is like.

And I fucking stand 10 toes down on that.

That's gangster.

Yeah, it's 225.

It's fucking legit.

Dude, I rock shirts.

I had shirts made just with the 225 emblem.

Did you get it from the Aurora Mall?

No, but I'll tell you right now, I'll open a press there.

The fact that the Aurora Mall is still open is bonkers.

My ninth grade basketball team at my rich school of all white kids and one black kid, we wanted sneakers.

It was green and white, and so we wanted these sneakers.

I can't remember what they were, but they were green, white, and black, and the only place you could get them was the Aurora Mall.

So we all went to the Aurora Mall.

Gart Brothers?

No,

it was like a black men's store.

It was like Harold

something, Harold Pinter.

Probably next to the Mr.

Rags.

It was fucking insane.

And like, I just, I, I wish I could be a fly on the wall watching those clerks watch us.

These little fucking like dudes who came from a bar mitzvah to like buy these fucking games.

Excuse me, sir.

I want these

basketball teams playing we want to they go why don't you play our boys out back

we're playing it back cool those are uh balls is black kids yakking

they go they're going to tj in the fall yeah larry johnson's grandma's there oh fuck me

tj what the fuck yeah that was i mean that mall rules yeah aurora mall was like where we went but then park meadows opened and you go to the mall to see hot girls yes hot girls were at park meadows oh yeah aurora mall is because it's pulled park meadows was pulling in creek Highlands Ranch.

It was pulling in all like the hot girl schools.

Aurora Mall, you were like, I guess if I want to be down with the streets, I go to Aurora Mall.

It's legit, but yeah, not Cherry Creek Mall guy.

And when they opened up

Park Meadows,

we were glad that the riffraff scattered off to Park Meadows.

Cherry Creek Mall was so rich that we would go and I'd be like,

We can't afford it.

My mom would be like, we can't afford any of this shit.

My school was down the street from it, and we had half days on Fridays, so you better believe we'd go to fucking KB KB Toys, buy

those guns with little like yellow bullets, and shoot each other throughout the mall.

You want to get real Aurora?

It ain't about fucking the Aurora Mall.

It was about Buckingham Square.

Dude, that is where all my Buckingham Square heads at.

My wife's going to be like, fuck you.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, you want to talk about KB Toys?

That was Buckingham Square for me.

And I used to deliver pizzas right in that area at Budge Brothers.

Oh, yeah.

And now Buckingham Square, they tore it down and it's all like...

smaller shops or whatever.

But whenever I drive by, I'll be like...

Yeah, respect.

Yeah, dude.

I love that.

Buckingham Square was wild.

That was one of the first malls I saw that was closed.

Like half of it was closed.

Yes.

And you'd go in and be like, why is this place still open?

And if you went at night to a mall like that, like Villa Italia Mall was one like that,

it would just forget to open a door or lock a door.

You just go in.

Yeah, dude.

It was just some postal apocalyptic landscape.

The name Buckingham Square popped into my head.

They had like English soldiers outside.

Totally, totally.

Stop.

Denver was really taking swings.

Stop.

Really taking swings.

You could just be yourself.

I know.

That was an Aurora.

That was a strict.

I mean, the Aurora Mall was like nice compared to Buckingham.

That's how bad Buckingham Square was.

Fuck.

Don't you wish you could go back there for an afternoon and just orange Julius it with you?

That'd be so fun.

Dude, I remember fucking pulling up in Nick's truck and him being like, he'd go to like Ace Hardware and they'd be like, do you want to go to KB Toys?

And you're like, yes, Nick.

I got 10 bucks.

My first job was in the Cherry Creek Mall selling shoes at Track and Trail.

Nice.

Which is like hiking boots.

And I just stole, I stole so much money from that place.

That's got to be awesome, though, living where you grew up because you can tell your sons, like I worked at this mall when they get old enough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's like this is this store now.

It's like a leather goods across from the papyrus.

That was your old man stealing polish just because he was mad for some reason.

They just closed down

my first job, Emerald Isle on Parker Road.

What was that?

It was a Mexican restaurant called the Emerald Isle.

Already I had it in the curve.

your your wife will know about it it had the greatest view i've ever seen from a patio of the cherry creek reservoir and then the rockies behind it because aurora's kind of up and denver slopes down so you get so you so you have these unbelievable views of denver in front of the rockies yeah yeah specifically this it was a giant wood like old 70s patio that sat like

200 people, 300 people.

That's

cool.

They had kegs under it or whatever, and they hired me illegally when I was 13.

And I bus tables there on like Fridays and Saturday nights.

And it fucking ruled.

I saw so many of my friends' parents get blackout drunk.

Oh, I'm sure.

I saw so many of my future football coaches get blackout drunk.

I learned how to fucking tap a keg when I was 13.

Gonna be necessary.

Smoking Marlboro Lights with the hot girl that went to fucking Greeley that was working there for the summer.

Oh, she played volleyball at Greeley.

UNC chick, a bear?

Oh, she was a golden.

And I just remember her fucking long tan legs.

I love it, buddy.

She's like, do I want to smoke a cigarette?

And you're like, yes.

Because I was already smoking.

Oh, okay.

So I was like, yeah, absolutely.

I smoke.

And I like didn't cough or whatever.

And she's like, oh, you do smoke.

And I remember being like, you want to marry me?

That's giving me Caldonia's energy.

Remember Caldonia's?

Across the Piper Inn?

My guy,

who are you talking to?

No way.

What you got?

Who are you talking?

Take that home with you.

No.

What?

Take that home with you, dog.

We'll smoke anything, Caldonias.

You've got to be kidding me.

So my dad, when my dad and my mom got divorced, my dad lived in the city.

This is going to be my anniversary gift to my wife.

Do you know where the barn store is?

Remember the barn store?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

My dad was.

It's in the convenience store right across the street.

It's gone now.

Yeah.

But my dad lived in the apartment complex across the street from the barn store.

I know exactly where that is.

I mean, my dad and I would walk.

This is from when I was like five to seven.

We would walk from my dad's apartment to the barn store, grab some Tootsie Pops.

Sure.

Cross the street, my dad would get blackout at Caldonia's, and then we'd walk back to the apartment complex.

Dang, dude.

I used to hang out at Caldonia's to the point that I almost beat the Castlevania that was there in the bar.

They had the the best chocolate milkshakes probably I've ever had to this day.

Yeah.

That was like the first time I ever got like the giant 10.

They had volleyball.

They had sand volleyball.

They would have full-on tournaments.

Yeah.

And it ruled.

Because when you were six years old, you could just go watch adults who were, by the way, you thought they were just acting funny.

They were blackout drunk.

Playing volleyball.

Blackout.

And you get to play in the sand.

And then you've got to play.

And I've never gone to specific locations and intersections, but I'm so glad to know this.

Yeah, there's a bike shop across the street from Caldonia's, and all the bikers would come and fucking drink at Caldonia's.

I almost got killed in in the parking lot because I ran.

I was excited to play Castlevania and I ran and a car almost hit me.

Jesus.

And the guy fucking honked and like yelled.

And then we go inside and I was playing Castlevania and I couldn't find my dad and I went and my dad was getting drunk with the guy that was driving.

Because my dad felt bad that he almost.

Yeah.

That this guy almost killed.

So my dad bought him.

They were doing shots.

And I like went over and the guy was like, I almost killed you.

And I remember being like, yeah, I'm just trying to get quarters from this guy.

Right, exactly.

Okay.

There's a lot going on here.

You guys are getting fucking blackout and I'm just trying to go beat Dracula.

I'll share one quick anecdote.

I don't know when you got to wrap it up.

But my mom lived near there when she moved to Denver.

Okay.

Along Leitzdale, and it was kind of like rural back then.

Yeah,

it wasn't very developed.

There were farms and shit.

Well, it was down by the Denver Dumb Friends League.

It wasn't built up at all.

So my uncle came out and was staying with her for a while.

My uncle's kind of a fuck-up.

Not now, but he was now for sure.

Just a wild character.

They were at the Piper Inn.

He was getting hammered.

Piper Inn rules.

And it still does.

Great Wings.

Chow Main, I think.

Yeah.

Piper Inn fucking rules.

Great wings.

I got black out there a couple times when I was in college.

My uncle goes out to the parking lot for some reason to piss.

I don't know why.

He's on a nice car.

Lyle Alzado comes out of the fucking Piper Inn and it's like, what the fuck are you doing?

Lyle Alzedo, if you don't know, former Raider and Denver Bronco.

The steroid story.

Guy took, like, horse.

Guy took horse steroids and his brain fucking rotted, but he was like as powerful as a rhino.

And

a type of NFL player who's be like, I'm going going to rip John Elway's head off.

Yo, Lil Alzedo highlights go hard as fuck.

That's another YouTube.

Get your algorithm straight off this episode.

And get Steve Atwater involved.

Anyway, he wanted to kick my uncle's ass, and my uncle just bolted and outran him and dipped off into the hills.

That's pretty fun, though.

You go, like, I ran away from that Lil Alzeto.

I'm sure he was hammered and fun named.

He kissed his car.

You go, yeah, Lil Alzeto almost killed me.

And you go, Jesus.

Could have all ended there.

Yeah, that was like,

do you know they just changed the name of the Denver Dumb Friends League?

I just got a dog from the Denver Dumb Friends League.

It's not called the Denver Dumb Friends League.

What's it called?

They just changed it.

Did the Tumb Friends League?

Yeah, they ain't calling it that either.

It's called Tardo's, the Tard Zone.

They go, you guys call it Tard Zone?

You went from Dumb Friends League to that?

Have you read the T League?

Look at the way society's going, bro.

This moves units.

Trump won, dude.

This moves units.

It's called the Tard Zone.

Get in or get out.

But

someone just tagged me like three days ago on Instagram

to the post where they're like, we renamed it.

It's like called the Colorado Chapter of Caring or something.

My wife did the paperwork.

I've been telling her, but I got a dog for the Dumb Friends League still.

By the way, anyone from Denver, OG, real Colorado heads know,

it's the Denver Dumb Friends League.

For sure.

For sure.

Katie Hatton.

There's no lipstick on that pig.

I gave her.

One of my friends made me a shirt that said Denver Dumb Friends League.

And I was like, dude, it fucking rules.

Got so many dogs and cats from there.

Yeah, and it's a great weird thing to just not have the context for.

Adam Caton Holland, his new special is out on YouTube.

Watch it right now.

Called, is it called?

I did comedy for 20 years and all I did got was this special.

20 years in comedy and all I got was this lousy special.

Yeah.

Filmed at the Lions Lair, a Colfax fucking staple.

It looks cool.

It's different than a lion.

Also.

It's cutaways.

It's funny.

First show I ever did in Colorado, Lions Lair.

Really?

Because of Troy Baxley.

That was the first open mic I started at.

So that's the first place I performed ever.

So same.

Yeah, Baxley, I opened for him at Laughs and Tucson, and I'd never done comedy in Denver.

And I came back and Baxley was like, I can get you up at this Lions Layer show that I'm doing.

It was a can drive.

I can get you up at this Lincolnser.

It was a can drive at Thanksgiving.

Okay.

And I went and got drunk there at Lions Layer and fucking brought cans and did a set.

Yeah.

And you and Ben and Andrew, I mean, Los Comicos

originally, and then the Grolics were always so good to me.

You were always cool to come to those shows, man.

We love having you.

It felt, I'll tell you right now, it felt so fucking welcoming and awesome oh good you guys were always so cool and i was always so stoked before i started working at comedy works or anything to do the lo'comicos show at the orange cat studios and then do groalics at the bug theater which still are fucking those shows rock man it was always fun having you because you come rip it up and like those shows are blasts i just fucking loved it so it was awesome having you on the podcast watch his special right now it's you're watching this on youtube probably and if you're listening to the podcast go on youtube watch adam's special

and uh go get a fucking dog from whatever they're calling the Denver Dumb Friends League.

And then go watch some mutton busting, and you'll thank us for the algorithm.

Mutton busting, dude.

I'm telling you right now, Ellis Caton Holland is going to be the greatest mutton buster of all in the history of the sport.

It's your destiny, child.

You know how crazy if you find a YouTube video?

Like, Ellis is going to be like 19 watching a podcast with you on it, and he's going to be like, What the fuck?

And the guy goes, We got to get a bigger sheep.

Your boy's too good.

We got to get a real horse.