86: Freedom Rumspringa with Greg Warren | Soder Podcast | EP 84

Hey guys, always on the road.

You know that the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour kicks off in September in Los Angeles.

The West Coast dates are announced.

Go to dansodor.com and see if we're playing a theater by you.

It's going to be awesome.

You know,

the hour is close to ready, and I've been really having fun doing some shows with it.

So come on out to the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour starting in September in Los Angeles at dansoder.com.

Still doing some clubs though.

Still keeping the knife sharp.

I'm not just going to take off time until that happens.

So I'm on the road.

June 20th and June 21st, I will be at the New York Comedy Club in Stanford, Connecticut.

Then in July, July 18th and 19th, I'm going to be at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach.

And then July 31st through August 2nd, I'm going to be at the Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine.

So any of those dates, you know, it's East Coast.

Go to danceoder.com and get those tickets.

Is I've learned from my fans that I don't, I'm not good at introductions.

Oh, yeah, yeah, man.

I'm horrible at the actual broadcasting part.

So that's what I'm working on.

I'm working on a couple things.

Yeah.

Saying that's funny in every sentence.

That's how I react.

That's almost my autism is like when I

say it out loud, or I'm like, this is making me laugh.

Man, I mean, it's, I think like that saying that's funny as a comedian because it's it's so it's like a but it's like a chef going

yeah but I think I've made the mistake of saying it like when it's not I'm just that like in my mind it's a synonym for I appreciate that or that's good that's like your move forward line like oh that that's funny and I'm like no they were saying something sincere but I was trying to say I agree with you or I appreciate what you said but you just launched the that's funny where they're like and so they said mom's got like four months left to live and you go and that's that's funny

that's really funny

it's really really funny hey man um that's funny but i'm getting better at uh

intros oh yeah because i i've just been starting episodes and ripping for talking for like 50 minutes to an hour and then someone's like who is that

but

in my defense We are you're probably watching this on YouTube.

Yeah.

So all you have to do is just one thumb movement and see yeah.

Because there'll be a link to your special.

There'll be all that.

Yeah, man.

He crosses the T's and dots the I's.

Oh, yeah, Lavin's on it.

So we know.

Yeah.

But this is Greg Warren, and his special is out on YouTube right now.

Watch it.

It's less of an intro, more of a command.

It's a directive, man.

It's a directive.

It's standard operating procedure.

You're fucking.

I thought I felt like I had to go watch it.

You guys are...

What I love is you're a St.

Louis guy, which I,

just to do the comedy Shop Talk first.

Yeah.

St.

Louis has an impressive amount of very funny people that have come out of it.

And it gets very overlooked.

Yeah.

Philly, Boston.

Philly and Boston are

produced.

But if I'm a comedy recruiter, I'm making St.

Louis a pipeline.

You could sort of build a

good program.

A good team with some overlooked.

Yeah.

I mean,

there are one, Nikki Glazer.

Nikki Glazer, doing very well.

Same high school as I did, man.

There you go.

Yeah, now look at that.

A lot.

She went to high school with my brother.

Yeah, it's funny when you're in comedy and someone goes to your high school and does way better because I went to high school with my high school was Bo and Yang

from SNL.

So my high school's like

Saturday Night Live, Bo and Yang.

And then like

several beats later, they go, and a guy that was on Guy Code.

Yeah, on MTV.

Yeah.

I don't know if you watch that but it's but but st.

Louis is a comedy city you Nikki Glazer um

uh Tommy Johnagan Tommy Johnagan uh Kathleen Madigan I forgot Madigan's from St.

Louis Cedric the Entertainer Jesus Lavelle Crawford uh yeah this is a if I am a comedy recruiter yeah you're like tapped in and away we got some people yeah you guys got a great

gregory from way uh back yeah listen that counts yeah that all all Denver really had was Roseanne and Tim Allen.

Yeah.

Was Tim Allen in Denver?

Okay.

Before Detroit.

Right.

He was Aurora.

He was referring.

I believe he was either born in Aurora or, but St.

Louis has fucking got so much goddamn.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying.

I'm missing some people.

Are you and your, you grew up in St.

Louis?

Yeah, I was born in a place called Springfield, but I think.

Which is the basis of Springfield in The Simpsons.

Is it really?

Springfield, Missouri.

I didn't know that.

Oh, Springfield, Illinois.

It might be Springfield, Illinois.

I did the Blue Room in Springfield.

Yeah, wasn't there a funny story about that?

Yeah, they gave out tickets to Matt Reif.

So they papered the room.

Wasn't it like

if you go see Dance Oder?

It fucking works.

You have a chance to win tickets.

If you see Dan Soder, you might.

Yeah.

It was like a ticket.

You might have a chance.

Yeah, leave it to Missouri.

We can't do anything without having some sort of a raffle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was,

I don't know, you know,

when you try to be professional, but you're very angry.

Oh, yeah.

There's almost this like moment where your brain is

hyper-examining everything that happens in the moment when you're mad, but you have to be muzzled

in order to get a paycheck that weekend.

And I went down to Springfield.

I flew into Kansas City, drove down to Springfield, which is like three hours away.

Yeah.

So many dead animals on the side of the road.

Yeah, yeah.

I've never seen that many dead animals, just dead possums.

And I'm from Colorado.

I've like, I've driven, I've driven from Colorado to Arizona multiple times.

Right.

And never seen the amount of dead animals.

Yeah, I mean, dogs,

deer.

Missouri is like, you drive through it and you go like, are you guys trying to kill animals?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Some of those aren't even with the cars.

People are just on the side shooting.

They just go out.

They go, I just got to get this out of my system.

I'm fucking mad about it.

Where's a possum?

There's snipers that are.

Pull over.

I got to fucking shoot a possum.

But

I went down there and it's such a long drive.

I was using my phone as GPS, so I don't have I'm not really.

It's not a great way, actually.

No.

I mean, from St.

Louis, there's just like one freeway to Springfield.

From where you are, Kansas City.

Yeah, Kansas City was, there's not a.

It was back roads almost, hence the dead possums.

Yeah.

I got to Springfield.

Oh, listen, man.

You go downtown St.

Louis and the big roads.

We got.

Oh, yeah.

You guys are doing it in the big city?

You guys doing it under under the bright lights?

Yeah, yeah.

We got all kinds of, yeah.

I'm underestimating Missouri.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it wasn't until I got to Springfield that I read my phone and I saw the Matt Rife thing.

Yeah.

Which I've explained before on the podcast.

It's very embarrassing.

I loved it so much.

Because when you're not selling any tickets, I think like the Thursday ticket count was like 24 when I got on the flight to fly to Kansas City.

So they did the comedy club did this thing where they were like, buy a ticket to Dance Oda.

Maybe you win Matt Rife tickets.

And it worked.

It got people out.

So thanks.

You know, even though I was mad about it, it was right.

But I was mad at the owner and he picked me up.

And

I just wanted to be so mad at him.

But I just was like sitting in his car on the way to the comedy club.

And he was like, I was like, hey, Springfield is nice.

I'll never forget this.

And he goes, this isn't even Springfield.

And I go,

Where are we?

And he's like, downtown?

And I go,

downtown where?

Downtown Springfield?

And I went, okay.

Was he saying like this isn't the real Springfield?

I don't know, maybe.

But when I saw that thing, man, you posted something about it.

Well, I talked about it on a podcast.

It's just so great because it's that thing when you're not selling tickets, man, you just feel like...

You feel me?

Everything that I'm angry about, everything that I'm angry about is my fault.

And like, you ever been in a club when it's like, like, though,

it's not a big crowd, but they still see, like,

four people over here, and then four people, 50 people.

And then your mind is like, hey, guys, can we get these together?

And you're like, I can't say anything because this would not be a problem.

If it was full, it's not a problem.

Guys,

before we start this, let's bunch you into a little pile of leaves.

Little pile of leaves so we can all jump into them.

But this, this was what's crazy is like, this was,

I remember seeing you talking about because it was, it was crazy.

I've had these things.

Two or three years ago.

Yeah, I've had these things happen

when I was like, I knew my career's gone up and down a few times.

And I was like, this is the down.

And you need to live in the down.

But this was going on when you were on the Showtime thing.

Yeah, I was on a show on Showtime.

And it was great.

And it was.

Yeah, but that didn't really.

It was still.

As a guy like me watching, I was like,

I don't know if I've ever even told you, man.

I thought you were great in that thing.

I watched all the episodes and it was.

It was such a cool, fun job.

Because you can see sometimes we're like, oh, they put the comic in the younger.

You're just an actor, man.

I think that was a good job by Brian and David, who ran the show.

They loved stand-ups.

So they put me and Berbiglia and Alan Havey,

Sam Murrill, a couple other people.

They did a really good job of...

Havey St.

Louis.

Yeah.

Very...

Havies.

Havie St.

Louis?

Yeah, not.

He's like born there and spent like 10 years there, but he's a big Cardinal fan.

Because he's also a Dolphins fan.

Yeah, he's not.

Because we talk about the Dolphins because of mcdaniel yeah i think he only spent like 10 years but he's a he's a big-time cardinal fan yeah yeah that uh st.

Louis is but you wrestle here's always the thing that I'm amazed and I'm you know

you grew up wrestling

I'm always amazed when comics turned out to like wrestlers to comics yeah Vecchion yeah there's like a brother you know lived with him for 10 years and then when I found out because you're so funny and it's in wrestling I learned very early on are you from a wrestling family yeah my dad was my high school coach okay yeah so how early did you start five or six yeah yeah i started at five did you and i didn't have that dog in me yeah

i

started it because i loved pro wrestling yeah yeah yeah yeah but i didn't

Once I saw what it was, I wasn't against it.

I didn't like puss out.

I was like, oh yeah, it's wrestling.

But the first meet where you go against a kid with a buzzed head oh yeah and he's buzzed his head so it's specifically prickly to slam into your head and you don't have a dad you have a mom and

you have a dad you have a mom in murphy brown shoulder pads going like come on dad and i'm just getting my face driven into the mat yeah i wish they could have panned over to that kid's parents they don't look like your mom no yeah get him yeah get him especially like some guy from like sterling colorado yeah and they're like you want to eat steak?

You got to kill the cow.

And meanwhile, my mom's like,

no matter how you do, I'm going to be proud of you.

Mom, shut up.

Shut up.

I'm being destroyed.

Yeah.

Because these kids, I don't think people understand.

I played football.

I've sucked at every sport.

I sucked at a lot of them.

One I didn't.

But yeah, the rest of them, I was.

Wrestling, baseball, football.

I got to play them all and I got to suck at all of them.

Really?

Because what I realized was I was the funniest kid on the team every time.

And that's probably it's just like oh i haven't found my thing was comedy yeah yeah yeah it just took a lot of sports i just love sports that's crazy some very competitive but wrestling is the only sport where like you see it young with kids like the way they talked about spartans like when they would find out if a kid had it in them yeah yeah

kill your animal and the kid's like

Me, I'm like, but that's my friend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I gave it a voice.

Yeah.

And then like the kid that's already got his knife in his throat.

throat, it's like, do I get to keep the pelts next?

Yeah.

I want the pelts, father.

And meanwhile, I go, well, that's my friend.

And he gives me his paw and I give him some of my food.

And then they're like, you see that boy right there?

You're going to kill him.

You're going to kill that boy.

Unless he wears a robe and tells fancy stories.

But so when you were little, they got you in.

Did you have brothers and sisters?

Yeah, I was the oldest, though.

Okay.

So you were the first one in.

Yeah, and I was like,

my dad was a coach, and I remember going to his practices.

You know, it's fun.

You get get around the older kids or whatever.

And I think he was coaching junior high.

And I think the first time he put me in, I didn't know what I was doing.

And he got me going in Little League.

But he said early on the problem was like

they would match you up based on like, you know, this kid's.

the most experienced kid or the best kid or whatever.

And I just started and they would, they would put like five stars next to my name because my dad.

And then

my dad was like, no, he doesn't, he just started and i yeah but i so your dad didn't have the like

you put you better earn this last name a little bit he didn't have that

but he had i mean he pushed me he was a wrestling coach like wrestling coaches are he pushed me hard enough watching wrestlers condition

any athlete will tell you that they're like oh my god yeah summer football when we would come in and see the wrestlers and you're like no thanks yeah i mean to be honest like it's funny because like the some of the conditioning stuff that you do around wrestling looks like the sexiest as far as like that's the crazy, but the hardest part about condition is just wrestling.

Like that's, that's when like just

wrestling in college was like,

it was just brutal.

Was it in high school kind of a thing?

Because I know Missouri is good.

Missouri is a good wrestling.

It's not an Iowa.

Right.

It's not a Ohio or Pennsylvania.

Yeah.

What are the three best?

Ohio, Pennsylvania, Iowa, and

high school is like the best high school wrestling is Pennsylvania by far, Ohio, right there.

Jersey, probably there.

Oh, my God, the parents in that story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got to be a nice.

It's awesome because they got the.

Can we go to the Jersey wrestling championships?

Yeah, yeah.

You're coming with.

Yeah.

We should.

And Beck Young would go too, man.

Yeah, yeah.

He could be our Ginzo translator.

Hey, tell him what kind of tomatoes you like, Mikey.

And then they go, all right, I'll talk to him.

You know, like it's like in those documentaries in Afghanistan where they go and talk to someone and they go, This village leader will talk to you.

Some

squeezed eyebrows coming out, going, My son's in the 145.

Honestly, he's a beast.

Man, that is it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please go to him.

Yeah, yeah, you got to say, he's saying he respects you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vecchiar goes, now come here, kiss him on both cheeks.

Now ask about his boy.

Now ask about his son.

So, Jersey, Pennsylvania, Iowa.

I mean,

Ohio, Pennsylvania, Jersey.

California, just because of the sheer

volume and its pockets.

Like, it's Fresno and Bakersfield.

Shout out, Fresno.

That's where Trish grew.

That's where my mom grew up.

Really?

Yeah, Fresno High.

Go Warriors.

Yeah, yeah.

Fresno, Bakersfield, and some inland California.

Yeah, yeah.

Some of the not the sexy part.

No, no, no, no.

There's no one from San Diego.

No, no, no, no.

Well,

downside.

Like Huntington Beach?

Not probably OC type stuff, but like, yeah, but like there is something down in down south that's pretty good.

What about the Bay Area?

Just passive aggressive wrestling?

Yeah, yeah.

They go, I'm going to take your, I don't know, I'll take your leg if you want me to.

What are you doing?

Stop passive aggressive wrestling, man.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

I guess I'll get in position, I guess.

Dude, I...

It's amazing to me because when you're five years old and you start like that, so your dad's a coach, so you kind of have a roadmap map to it yeah is a way of being like did you find that to be fun or pressure um i think i think when i was younger it was fun

because you just like you just like and i was pretty quickly i was just winning all the time because i had a dad who was a coach and i had a little of that

killer thing i think you know i

you 100 have it yeah you 100 have it i mean i think my dad told me like at one point i don't know i do remember this that i was probably nine and I was good,

and I was sick.

I was sick, man, like the flu sick as a kid, you know, and like, and we went to a match or whatever.

And I think I just wanted to go because I didn't want to.

Yeah.

And he was like,

and I wrestled a couple kids, you know, that I was like, Me's.

You wrestle a couple Me's.

It was like, this is no big deal.

I can beat them.

I go, do we get to get McDonald's?

Yeah.

As I'm getting set.

Yeah, yeah.

On all fours that look at my mom and go, do I get a Big Mac?

If I do, then the next thing I know, my arm's getting taken out and my face is getting slapped into the fucking mask.

You come over the top.

You go on the wrist, man.

It's more on there.

All right, yeah.

When they take your arm out, the helplessness of being beaten wrestling is you just go like, okay.

I've been there.

I mean, I've been there a lot.

Well, that's crazy when you get, we'll talk about that.

When you get to that level and you're being manhandled, you're dealing with someone that's like a Dagestanian.

Yeah, I mean, y'all, it's great that you know about those.

But those guys are just like unbelievable wrestlers.

Ossetia and Dagestan.

So it was like, I beat a couple kids, and then there was this kid, Greg Montgomery.

I still remember him.

My dad was like, I hope you're all right, Greg.

He's like, you're going to have to wrestle.

You know, they were like, hey, next to Montgomery.

And I was like, kind of like, I'm pretty.

And you knew his name?

I was, everybody knew his name.

And I was like, I'm sick.

You know, and I was sick.

And he sort of had this.

I remember him like, I'm young.

And he was like, you know, sort of that, listen, son, there's sometimes in life when you have to do stuff.

that you don't want to do.

And I know you don't want to wrestle this guy.

I know you're feeling bad, but this is a test.

and he didn't say it in like a, you know, he just said it sort of that discussion way, like, this is in a way I assume a father would.

Yes, yeah, I would assume

that's how a father would assume,

you know, but you get a life lesson, and I'm sure at the time, I was like, but I don't want to, you know, he's like, well, you know, I know you don't want to, and that's part of why.

And then if my mother had been there, she'd have killed him.

Yeah.

But he has the flu.

Yeah, yeah.

So I remember wrestling that kid and beating him, but it was like three to two and a grind out.

And my dad, to this day, I'm not sure he's ever been as proud of me as that.

Like, he's but when you're nine years old like he just feel incredible yeah and he I mean I and I he was like you don't have to go to school tomorrow you don't like he was like this I mean also you have the flu what's crazy to think about that is you beat like three kids at wrestling but also gave them the flu yeah probably yeah yeah so like those three kids got dominated like not even not even Gregory Gregory's like I put up a good fight I grinded just the kid that's like me that's like yeah he uh

he kicked the shit out of me and now I can't keep down Warren

You're taking a perfectly beautiful story and you're

just the hyper contract and he goes, but you make those boys very sick.

No, dude, I think that's incredible to have that moment.

To be good at something like that and to share a moment with your dad where he's like, Greg, this sucks.

Are you going to grind it out?

That probably to him

was as important of a moment.

Because, oh, like, he's a coach, but more importantly, he's a dad.

Yeah, he told me about another time, I think I was like seven or something, and they put me with some kid who I was in over my head.

And

I think it was like, like, they,

I was young enough where I think I was crying or something.

I got worked, and then he was like, well,

you want to go home or whatever.

And I was like, no,

who's the next guy or whatever?

And he was like, all right, we might have something.

That's great.

That's like the movie in the biopic where they go, honey,

you might want to see this.

Greg wants to wrestle again.

When was he your coach?

What a high school.

Oh, which is that's where it gets real.

Yeah, high school.

And was that fun?

It was at times.

I mean, now it's great because we go to the NCAA wrestling tournament together.

We have this thing.

It was rough a few times, more than a few times.

Well, he's

your dad, but your coach is competitive.

So he had to, you know, you're very good.

Your job is to,

I think,

you know, make somebody go past the limitations, or, you know, or

not be satisfied with you.

But also, you don't have to see your coach at dinner when you go home.

No.

Or you don't have to go to grandma's on Saturday for lunch with your coach after he just told you that you gave a week of shit practice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, and then now I think about it, it was harder on him because

he had to be a dick.

And, and, and he had to contend with my mother, who was like your mom, in that, like, my mother was a writer.

Yeah.

And like, no, she would go to my matches and read a book

unless I was wrestling.

And then my mother has no interest in athletics.

She was proud of you.

Yeah, she was there.

So she was not my dad.

And so when, like, the things that...

That might make it worse is when you have a coach's wife with a coach.

Yeah.

Because then you're going like, now you have no reprieve.

Now it's all,

you know, like.

That was the one where I'd see the literally, the buzzhead kid you were talking about like yeah when it's the mom we don't bring up losers in this family we ain't about losing what was that he's gonna have to get choked to come

my mom could care less this guy's gonna beat up hookers

no emotional connection to women that's a problem when you see a mom being mean to a little boy oh my god

you're gonna get another lady hit like you don't understand i remember and then i remember like as a kid and again we'll get to the part i got worked bad.

I'm always

just to put a bit of this, and we're going to come back to this.

These are my favorite stories about Vecchion telling me about just getting manhandled at Penn State, where he'd be like, it sucked.

Vecchion's insane.

Vecchion

was a good high school wrestler.

I think he got second or first in the state.

Second in Florida.

Second in Florida.

I know.

And he was a guy that should have gone to, because you could tell he's a maniac and

he's strong as an ox.

But he started wrestling late.

He's a guy where you'd be like, okay, this kid needs to go

on a partial scholarship to a low-level D1 school

and then just be in the room.

No, Vecchion decides to walk on at Penn State, which was now the biggest dynasty in college sports.

Don't they have, isn't Sanderson their coach?

Yeah, he's their

coach.

It wasn't that.

I know.

But it was top three.

He had a Japanese guy, a Japanese guy.

Tadaki Hata, I think, was one of the guys that was

a legend.

And he would just tell me, he'd be like, I would just get rant.

They would be like, all right, Mike, you're with this all-American and then this character.

Wham, quam, like, Hulk with

Loki.

Like, and I had a little more of a pedigree.

I had wrestled in some of those international or national tournaments.

Yeah.

I had, you know, I won state a couple times.

I started when I was five.

So I would not have gone to Penn State.

I would not have gone there.

Really?

Even though you went to Missouri, which is big

fucking big shit.

We were the basement of the big eight back then.

Now they're good.

Yeah, because big eight, you're going against Nebraska, Oklahoma.

Five teams wrestled in the big eight.

I'm going to see if I can guess them.

Oklahoma?

Yeah.

Nebraska.

Yeah.

Texas.

Nope.

No, it was big eight.

Texas was Southwest Conference.

Oh, yeah.

They were still against, they were going to, all right, Nebraska, Oklahoma,

Missouri.

Two more.

Kansas?

Nope.

You're missing the big one.

They're missing two big.

Colorado didn't.

No, they did, though, at one time.

They did?

Yeah.

All right, big eight, and I'm missing two of the big ones.

You're missing the two biggest.

I go to Iowa State.

Iowa State.

Iowa State Cyclones.

The Cyclones.

So that's four.

And then the fifth one.

That's the best one.

The best one.

The best one by far.

Where I got humiliated.

No way.

Brutal.

I don't know.

Kansas State?

Rookie State.

Oklahoma State.

How the fuck did I not read?

Rookie State.

Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Missouri.

Iowa State, Nebraska.

We were corn-fed

hot boys.

In the late 80s, we were distant fifth in that group.

Those four teams, though, were

the top six or seven in the country.

Now, at the time, that's Dan Gable at Iowa.

He was at Iowa.

So they're winning the Big Ten.

They're winning the Big Ten.

Nationals have to.

Either them or Oklahoma State.

I think Arizona State snuck in there one year.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so that's crazy because you're getting like Iowa and Iowa State, which still

are still great programs, right?

Right, right.

Yeah, Iowa State's finally come back.

Iowa State took a dive for a long time.

I was always top three or four.

This is such a world that's so fascinating because college football.

Billion dollar industry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

College basketball, billion-dollar industry.

College baseball, pretty big.

million-dollar industry.

I don't think so.

They've gotten bigger with the ESPN representation.

Really?

But what I'm fascinated by is college wrestling.

Yeah.

Because this is like the pros.

Granted, there's Olympic wrestling and there's other forms of

professional wrestling.

Yeah, yeah.

But

as a pro wrestling fan, it's always fun to go to

pro-wrestling.

But college is...

Vecchion and I wanted to go to Nationals one year, and it sold out.

He, anytime you want to go, tell me.

Yes.

He came one time.

I got it.

Oh, he told me about that.

Yeah, we, I, uh, because I was like at the St.

Louis guy.

I was like, yeah, you got to book Mike this week.

You know, so I remember that.

He was working the funny bone and got to go.

And we went, and yeah, it was awesome.

So when you're in high school and your dad's your coach and you're winning, there's obviously pressure.

It's fun because you're winning.

Yeah.

There's pressure because it's your dad.

Was he at all like the recruiting process when Missouri came to you?

Were they the biggest school that looked at you?

Well,

they came,

you know, they offered me a scholarship.

I always think it's crazy how much fun it's got to be to be recruited.

I was someone that wants to be complimented.

Yeah.

You just want someone coming to your house going there.

But I was regionally recruited.

Like it wasn't like I was not.

Did you win state?

Two times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great.

But in Missouri.

And then so I, you know, so Missouri, southern Illinois, uh, Missouri State, some other schools, and then West Point.

And I went to West Point my first year of college.

Like, I went to the bank.

Wait, really?

Yeah, I went to Philadelphia.

You did the Shane Gillis?

Yeah.

You went for a year and then bailed?

I stayed for the full year, though.

You did a day.

I just did our Easter Fears storytelling show, and he tells the story about how he did it.

I love it.

Yeah.

He did like a day or two.

Yeah.

So you did a year.

A full year at West Point.

Yeah.

And how was that?

It was brutal.

Hard.

It was hard.

And you're in the army.

You're in the army.

And it's hard in a way that's not cute or funny until 20 years later, it's like you realize it's very funny, but like, it was.

Was there days you're just like?

Every day, every day, every day.

My cousin, Jack, had gone in the seminary and left.

And he told me, and everybody's giving you advice.

And he was like, hey, man, just so, you know, the one thing that got me through this was I told myself, I can quit if I want to.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

And then like three weeks in, I was like, this is the only thing that's getting like, I was.

And I just sort of said to myself, I'm going to make it through the first year.

And then I, I, but I would be like, I could leave.

I could leave you know yeah i mean the you made it a year what was the moment where you decided to leave

okay

so thank you for your service they were all yeah

yeah my sure i get that out there my as a vet as a jerk friend like my friends that are comics mark gross isaac witty these two very funny guys

Every year on Veterans Day.

That's funny.

Every year, I get it to think about it.

I might be a hack and start texting shit.

It is, please.

It is.

It is.

Yep, you should.

I mean, it is a paragraph.

We are

a paragraph of like, and I'll be like, and then I'll just like, you guys are jerks.

No, no, no.

You, you know, like, you know,

every year

you get to do this job.

Yeah.

I love that.

I'm proud to be an American.

So

the day I knew I was going to leave, and now I had thought about it a lot.

Okay.

Because I was, I wanted to party a little.

I was pretty straight in high school.

I was like, I wanted to party and meet girls in college.

I was getting in trouble.

Major trouble.

Pre-phone

college.

Which I got to go to too.

Yeah.

I was getting in major trouble at West Point for

talking in formation.

My friends were doing drugs

and everything, everything, drinking, binge drinking.

People from Springfield, Missouri, they die of drug overdose.

Yes.

Because they do so much.

And I'm getting in trouble for talking online.

It's so fucking funny.

But I remember, so we get done with the whole school year.

And I'm like, I made it.

And then that summer,

we were going to get to go home for two weeks.

And I was like so fired up.

And I was still, every day at that point, I was like, should I stay or shouldn't I?

And that's somewhere we're going to go drive tanks

for two months.

That might keep me coming back.

And this is what I was thinking.

I was like, we're going to drive tanks.

I'm going to get to go home and party with my friends and be the big shots.

Go do a little rum spring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go get a little army rum spring in there.

So you can see all those freedoms you're fighting for.

Yeah, it was exactly like that, too.

It was exactly like that.

Oh, you got a big old freak.

Christmas was exactly like that.

You got a fat line of freedom and you were like, I don't know if I want to fight for this anymore.

Yeah.

It was exactly like that.

He went like this.

I could drive a tank on a video game probably in the next 10 years.

It was more just constant drink.

And I didn't even drink that much in high school.

I remember Christmas.

I was drunk the whole time.

My mom was like, you're not like this.

I am now.

I am now, mom.

Well, mom, turns out pussy and booze rule.

So I.

Also, you're in wrestling shape.

Peel that shirt right off.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I wish I had better stories about

still unsuccessful with women at the time.

No.

But

that's diverting.

I hate all.

It's talking about your love life.

But going back to your friends for two weeks.

Oh, it was so weird.

So I'm like, all right.

So they march us down to this meeting and now it's all done.

Like the year is over, the worst year of your life.

This is before the two weeks.

This is before the two weeks.

And they're like, hey, we just got a few more, I think, two days of odd processing.

I took my finals, which, by the way, Westborne is a hard college.

It's academically very hard.

It's academically challenging.

You take 18 hours and a lot of math and science.

That's how I always felt about Notre Dame and Stanford athletes.

Where you're like, these are top athletic programs in the country, but also require top academics.

Whenever I watch Notre Dame football, Shane will have this running joke with me where he goes, that nose tackle is good at math.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, I just want you to know that when you watch Notre Dame, that nose tackle is good at math.

And same with West Point.

You have to be, I mean, same with Annapolis, same with the Air Force Academy.

I grew up in Colorado, so everyone was trying to go to the Air Force Academy.

Yeah, man.

Or no.

Like those that were incredibly athletic and incredibly smart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Grant and Matt, these two guys I knew, went to Air Force Academy and you were like, holy shit.

One of them became a fighter pilot and an American hero.

Oh, really, man?

Yeah, he's just like a guy where you're like,

yeah, well, my girlfriend in eighth grade cheated on me with you.

So thank you for your service.

Yeah.

But I'm still a little bitter.

I can't even salute you like this.

It makes me think of when you fingered my girlfriend after eighth grade.

Not to be technical, man, but it's a right-handed salute, buddy.

It is.

Well, I can't even do that.

I don't know what hand he used, Greg.

He's right, man.

I don't know.

She was right.

Yeah, it's it's right hand.

She chose the right one.

Never forget.

Tricia was right.

Yeah, that.

So you go back.

So they march you down.

They march down and we have this meeting.

They're talking about this is what you guys are going to go home in a couple of days.

And when you come back,

this is what the summer is going to look like.

And there's like, you know, I was Camp Buckner and you're going to drive tanks and you're going to do all this stuff.

And it's, and then he goes.

And then my back is like, I'm finally done with them yelling at me.

You're like, they're not going to yell at me.

It was every day, every hour hour of every day.

I'm like, they're not going to yell at me.

I'm not going to get in trouble.

And then they go,

all right, so we're going to march back to the barracks.

And then you guys are going to lay out all your equipment on your beds.

We're going to have an inspection to make sure you have all your equipment.

And I remember thinking, I lost half of that stuff.

Oh, no.

I don't have that tentpole.

I lost half of it.

And they're just going to keep yelling at me.

They're going to yell about this.

And this is as we're marching.

As we're marching back.

You're talking yourself in formation.

You're yelling at me.

They're not done yelling at me.

They said they were done yelling at me, but they're going to yell.

They already, I know they're going to yell yell me.

They're setting me up to get yelled at again.

I'm going to get yelled at again.

And by the time we got back, it was, it was, you know, I'm 17 years old, I think, or something.

Like, I was, it was, I just had to go to the, you have to go, everything is chain of command.

Sure.

So I go to my squad leader, who's a college kid.

Yeah.

At the time, I feel like.

Basically,

if you were at college, if you were at a regular university, he would be your dorm guy.

Yeah.

He would be your.

But not even that.

He's like, yeah,

yeah.

He's just coming by going like guys Yeah,

he's the RA exactly He's like guys, but you see him you don't see things that way at all You see that this guy is a god So I go to him and I'm like hey, I want to quit so then basically they they

Talk you out of like they try to talk you out of it for like hey one Do you think they have a prepared speech?

Do you think they know a lot of these guys come up to him and they go like

I Think they were a little surprised in the timing.

Like once you make it through the first year, you don't lose as many, you know, like they quit after basic or they quit.

Yeah, you know, I bet those first three months are just dropping like fraud.

And I don't even know.

I'd love to talk to Shane about it because I know back when I was there, I mean, he's younger than I am, but you can't quit for a certain amount of period.

Like you can't.

Now, there were kids that were like tying bed sheets together, literally, and then they were like, we're not going to go after him.

But you legally,

like, you legally can't quit.

There were guys that did like tied bed sheets together.

Came down and ran, and they're like, fine.

And those are the guys now that we're Oakleys in their Twitter profile and they're like, Sleepy Joe Biden.

He's up to no good in you.

You deserted the Army.

Deserted.

You're a deserter.

And they're like, let me tell you what Kamala wants to do.

That's so funny to think some of those guys were like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just ran away.

And then some of those Democrats were too.

That's supposed to be balanced.

And then there's a day when you're allowed to quit.

It's somewhere in the middle.

Oh, my God.

I bet there were so many dudes jacking off in their bunks bunks before that day.

Somebody, somewhere in the middle of basic training.

And the Army has a sense of humor, man.

So, like,

they're all out processing.

You can see them.

Sure.

You can see you're just fantasizing, like, man, maybe those guys are going to be, those guys are going to be having fun in your three hours.

You're just

marching.

You're marching.

And then, and this one guy, you know, they call cadence, you know.

So this is, this is one of my favorite.

This guy is, this is not my bit, but the guy, like, you're marching by, and this upperclassman goes, you're left.

You're left your buddy just left

that's fun that's one of my favorite the other favorite was

you're in you're in formation right every day every that's the haze is you have to stand in formation sure four times a day and they just come and inspect you and they ask you all these questions i'm sure shane's told you some of it like but it's like

and you're you're supposed to be looking straight ahead look straight ahead so um you know naturally you're standing there is a hot dog a sandwich and you go, yes, sir.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, explain it to me, sir.

And you're like, bro, the bread goes around the meat.

Therefore, making it a sandwich.

Yeah, you got it.

I should have probably gone to the army.

I should have.

If I wasn't such a,

yeah, it's such a total.

It's all that.

Like, there was a thing you had to know the news, but you had to report it in a certain way.

Warren.

Fake news.

That's what I'm going to do now.

Liberal slat on the news, sir.

I wonder now, man.

A plane from Qatar is cool, sir.

And they go, that is correct.

You got to go like with what Trump wants for the news.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, is China scared of us?

They go, they do not want a trade war, sir.

Canada will be our 51st state.

Man, I never thought of that, man.

Because the New York Times was the publication.

Sure.

Everybody was delivered the New York Times at what.

Sailing New York Times.

I wonder if that's the same paper.

Because

you had to be like, Warren, what's in the news news today sir today in the New York Times it was reported that Ronald that Ronald Reagan Ronald Warren Ronald is is it president

basis with the commander-in-chief

you want to start over sir today in the New York Times it was reported that president Reagan I did I did start over Warren you know oh my god I'd be like will you just start

I'd eventually be like hey can you just give me a second yeah yeah yeah it's very early yeah yeah not none of that like trumpets get played very early those bucles get played very early what was that oh oh oh so so you're looking straight ahead right what is the greatest show of all time sir the wire he goes you are incorrect it is breaking bad and you go according to disagree sir

season three shows the decay of the inner city match into season four the decay of the public education system sir

that that's those are the nerd conversations you want yeah yeah yeah

i can't remember there's like three only three yes sir no sir and sir

and oh you're bad yeah yeah yeah

yes sir no sir oh you're bad you're bad yeah so you go so they tell you you're marching back to this place and in your head having this conversation of like it maybe yeah yeah and then i just start going up the chain like so you tell him and he goes he goes he's got his little speech

and i think they all think they won like they'd be like and i'd be like yeah and be like warn you you know you're you screwed up a lot but you but uh because i did they were like you gotta you screw up but your your grades are okay.

And, you know, you make it.

You don't even like drinking.

You don't even like pushing.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's the thing is like, now you can do all that stuff.

Like you get leave and go to the city.

So,

and I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'd be like, okay.

And I'd be like,

I still want to quit, man.

And then you have to go to the next guy.

And it was like eight levels.

And by the time I got to the end, you know, they were, I was, now you're not talking to college because you're talking to the army guys.

People that are captains.

Yeah, yeah.

They have been there since and they're like we think you can do it you know and and uh and i finally like got through the last level of quitting and uh and then at that point i was like i was 17 years old i'm like i let down my country yeah i i'm a loser i'm a failure and i'm a desert never watch a rocky movie again no none of it yeah he didn't fight for you over there

so i yeah i but so when you so did you

What time of day does this happen?

In the morning?

I think it was evening.

So where do you go?

You can't sleep in the barracks.

You're done.

I think I did sleep in the barracks.

Just, but you're out?

But I like it.

You're at work, but you're not out there.

You don't have epulets on.

Like, like, you're the one, when you don't have epulets on your shoulders, then, then you're out processing.

But I remember the night before I left, I was just hanging out with, because it's the first time that upperclassmen can talk to you as a human being.

When you're leaving?

Well, no, because we all, it was over.

Like, it was over.

So I'm sitting there and I'm talking to all these upperclassmen and they're they're like, and I'm just doing my rudimentary version of stand-up back then, which would be funny.

You know, trying to, and I was doing impressions of all these upperclassmen, and they're like, What are you quitting for?

Like, Warren's cool.

Like, why is he quitting?

You know, and it's Warren Rich.

Why is he going?

Yeah, and I was like, No, man, I'm leaving.

So, the next morning, you're out on a plane.

You know, they, they, what did your dad, did you call home?

Yeah, he was, I mean, my mother was thrilled.

My dad, fucking liberal mom, and her writing.

Yeah, and my dad's liberal, very liberal, but also a coach and also was

and a dad, and they think like back, they're like, hey, man, if you make it through this thing, you're going to be set for life, and I don't ever have to worry about you again financially.

He also gets to do that thing where he goes, my son is a veteran.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which has got to be cooler than being a veteran.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My son.

My son is a veteran.

My son.

How dare you, sir?

How dare you.

Did he fight in Kuwait?

No.

No.

Just right after.

But you went to Germany.

Grenada.

Is it grenaded that he went to the shit in Grenada?

Yeah.

I mean, that's...

So were you, like, scared to tell him?

No, I mean, we had been talking, you know, and I think his thing was like, hey,

let's just say you make it through the year.

That's a deal I think we made, you know, and my dad had a huge influence on me.

I was like, all right, I'm going to make it through the year.

And I was conflicted.

And he was

okay.

So I get home.

And at that point, I thought, I want to go to Hollywood and be a comedian or something.

I'm 17 years old.

So you already knew you wanted to do comedy.

But I was gutless.

And I mean, I get it.

He was the same feeling I had.

You know, I was gutless.

And I didn't think, I didn't, and I was also structured.

I'm like, I don't, I don't want to go out there.

And I think he said something like,

he definitely didn't want to.

He was like, you want to do that?

This is what it's going to take.

And you're going to have to, and I was like, and then two days later, I think it was the day i got home and then two days later the missouri coach was at my house and uh had dinner dinner with my family and like hey i i'm offering you a scholarship to missouri today what a great fallback plan yeah and i was like you made that call

your dad immediately and i i don't you know that's that's like what you think you just heard yeah

you think he was just his coaching he's like

that's enough for today guys what greg warrens back i well i knew his mom's got a delicious roast that i could eat tonight

He's like, yeah, fucking your dad.

My son's out of the army.

It's like when

you have a crush on a girl and she has a boyfriend, and then she breaks up with her boyfriend and her friend texts you and she goes, Soundstyle broke up with their boyfriend.

Then you go, all right, I'm in.

It's like, that's what happened.

Your dad was like, Greg broke up with the army in Missouri.

He was like, do you want to wrestle?

I wonder now, man.

Yeah, 100%.

Yeah.

Ask your dad.

I will.

I guarantee you.

He called me on the way here.

I wonder.

I should ask him.

I guarantee he called Missouri.

He was like, hey, my son, who I coached to be a terrific wrestler, is out of the army.

Were you wrestling for the army?

Yeah.

So how hellish was that?

Not, it's funny because it was, I mean, they were good and I was hurt a lot that year.

And I also, I talk about myself like I'm sort of a, man, I toughed it out the first year of, I was in the hospital for like six or eight weeks and it was, I wasn't bad.

They just couldn't figure out what was wrong with my back and it wasn't that bad.

Oh, no.

And I got to do those six or like everybody's doing throughout.

And I was ordering pizzas and like doing nothing.

Wow, my back.

I guess I need another milkshake.

So, so I, uh,

yeah, my dad, I got out

and, yeah, I wrestled them.

So then Missouri brings you in.

Missouri brings you in.

So how quickly do you go into training for wrestling at Missouri, which for those of you who aren't sports fans and don't know, Division I athletics are, it's like joining NASA.

It's like becoming an astronaut.

Wrestling is the hardest hardest of all that i mean i look like so i remember getting because it seems like you quit the army to go have this fun summer i did but then you immediately sign up for no but i had the fun summer oh great yeah i was it was it was insane you deserved that i was i was drinking more than i ever drank in my life

but you're also 17 and you can like wake up after being completely drunk and be like i'm gonna go on a run oh yeah so i i

I look back, I'm like, I should have taken it more seriously.

You were fine.

You should have enjoyed it.

I did, but I just, I think there's, you know, but wrestling in the Army was,

they were really, they were good, not as good as Missouri.

Sure.

There was good guys there,

really good guys.

But the thing is, the coach sort of knew

it's not like you got 30 people yelling at you all day.

So by the time you get to wrestling practice, the coach is like, hey, you're like, yeah, whatever, coach.

Yeah, you're like, you're not even giving it to me.

How does the drill start?

Man, get in line.

This is how I woke up.

Yeah, this is so they kind of knew that's kind of like when I'm smoking bowls all day.

It's the first one that gets you, and then by the end of the day, you go, I don't even know if this is good weed.

It's like the 30th bowl I've smelled.

It's exactly like that.

It's exactly like that.

See,

you have squares in the military, and you can understand that we're like, Coach told us that.

Yeah, yeah, he's like, just like your 30th.

It's like when Soder's smoking weed.

It's like when he's just fucking blazing cross all day.

Yeah, coach mentioned you.

So when you go to, you get to have this fun summer, and then you go to Missouri and then it's like, that's also got to be fun to leave and then go, I do love wrestling.

Yeah, I felt like that.

I think, I can't remember why I didn't, like, I think I was gutless about like moving to L.A.

at 17, but I think it also was like, I think I still might be good at wrestling.

I still might have something here.

You know, like, I still.

You don't go into comedy, and we all know this from being in there, until you've exhausted all options.

Until you've gone, like, I think this is the only place I might fit.

Oh, yeah, man.

It took me.

I I mean, I'm,

it's why you guys are doing so well.

I mean, I, I, I, what age did you start comedy?

I started in college a couple, but off and on.

That one of the wrestlers worked at a comedy club and

signed me up for some contest.

No shit.

Yeah.

But when did you commit to it?

After 10 years out of college, I was, I worked for, I sold.

Yeah, because you were like a top salesman.

Not top, but I was.

You were a bad person.

I sold Pringles and Jiff and Duncan Hines and Crisco for 10 years.

Peanut butter of Maine.

Yeah, and so what up, Peanut Butter Maine.

Yeah, and I and I finally, like, after

10 years,

those last five years, I was like, you know how you're the, I was like, the road, I didn't do it like you guys, where you guys go to New York and yeah, I mean, that's like,

there's different ways to get into comedy.

There's like, you can, especially now with fucking YouTube and everything being satellite, but like back in the day when we started, pre-internet or like beginning of the internet, you would just fucking work the club where you live.

Yeah.

And then you would hope to somehow get into a club in another city.

But making that jump, when I got booked to MC in Albuquerque, I was like, oh, yeah.

To me, that was almost bigger than the first time I

had to fly across the country to headline.

You know, like, oh, this is fucking shit.

I got to go to a different city and stay in a condo.

I remember the week I quit.

Like, for 10 years, I was doing doing pretty much stand-up, especially the last five.

You're doing mics.

You're doing the mics.

You're doing local MC stuff.

I was hosting.

Like, I was the host at Go Bananas every other week or at this club in Dayton called Jokers and then, and then the Columbus Funnybone.

I was like, I was, I was the host.

And, but, you know, you'd, you'd have a fun show.

I was in my 20s and you're like, all the guys are like hanging out with these girls.

They're like, hey, man, these girls, they want to go hang out at this bar.

You want to go?

I'm like, I got to go.

I got to go work.

I got to get up and sell peanut butter.

And then the first week I had quit, I was on the road at some club, you know, and they're like, hey, you want to go hang out with those girls?

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been waiting for a long time to do this.

Yeah, that was, you know, I think I went through something similar, even though I worked, even though I moved to New York because I moved here and I'm not like.

When you find out that kids move here and they're rich and they do stand-up, it really bugs the fuck out of you because you go, oh, so you just got to wake up and write?

I had to wake up, do cafe at those communos and then work at uh krock because i worked both of those did you really yeah but i was doing k rock sometimes overnights i would fill in for cheese moat very rarely but then i'd do weekends so i was just like every night i had to go do something something either during the day or at night i had to go do something that i didn't want to do yeah radio i liked but i was over it at that point i'd been working in it all i wanted to do was stand up and so i get it because you're like we would be out this is when joe lists shit in the shoe yeah me nate oh you guys we were out drinking but i had to go home early because i had to go to open the cafe yeah yeah and we were at uh barcelona bar on 55th and 8th and i was like i gotta go i gotta go open cafe and they were like nate and joe were like blacked out

and that's when during the lunch service the next day my flip phone blew up because nate and joe were like nate was like you got he was laughing nate was laughing so hard and he's like you gotta to call Joe, man.

You got to call Joe.

It's wild.

And then I called Joe List and he picks up the phone.

He goes, hello.

He was in Seattle for the Seattle comedy competition.

No way.

He had just landed and he's like, oh, it's crazy.

He was just, he was on the plane still.

And I go, what happened?

He goes, I can't tell you right now.

I shit in a girl's shoe.

And I was like, oh, please call me.

I left.

doing my paperwork as a waiter.

The most important part of your shift is doing paperwork because it means you're done and it means they're about to hand you some cash.

And he called me while I was doing paperwork and I put my paperwork on

went outside and smoked a cigarette just to hear the story.

All right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I hear about those days with you because it was like you, Joe, Vecchion,

Nate, Norman, Barrill.

Just, oh,

everybody getting hammered.

Just crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, everyone was drinking.

Young enough to not even care that you're going to.

It's that thing.

You know, you're 25 years old and you're waking up brutally hungover, but it doesn't even matter.

Or sometimes I remember, like, I can't remember what, maybe a little younger than that.

I would wake up and feel awful and be like, Well, I'm just gonna go back to sleep, and then you'd wake up and be like, I feel fine.

You'd drink a Gatorade and think that was like medicine.

Great.

I'd be like, I'd drink Gatorade and be like, Yeah, this has got some medical benefits.

You sleep through the hangover.

I used to, this is how pliable I was in my early 20s.

When I moved to New York, I was 23, 24 is when I started like working at K-Rock, and I would work 6 a.m to noon but on friday nights i would go do check spots at stand-up new york so i just go bomb yeah on the 8 to 10 and then the midnight show was lewis jay gomez's poster dog show that's how i met all those guys oh really so i would i would do check spots eight and ten but i would drink the whole night.

I would eat cheap pizza before I would go.

And then starting at 8 o'clock, I would drink until

oftentimes we'd hang out at Stand Up New York till like 2 or 3 in in the morning and then i would go down to west 57th to 40 west 57th and i would sleep either on the o couch which i talked to jim norton about in their studio or in the howard stern green room and i'd put like my jacket over my head and i would sleep for on a couch for 90 minutes to two hours crazy and then wake up and do a six-hour shift on the radio crazy man would be fine yeah i would wake up i would smoke a cigarette in the stairwell i'd get a shitty cup of insta coffee with like Insta creamer and sugar.

Not even real coffee.

Yeah.

Come on.

It was horrible.

And then I'd just

go in the studio and be like, hey, this is Paramore with Misery Business.

And then I'd just like load the hour and do it.

But I was fine.

And then I would get off work at noon.

And I was living on my friend's couch in Hoboken.

And I would go back and they'd be like, we're having beers.

And I'd be like, get out of beers.

And then just fucking right through it.

Now I would be like, I need a hot shower mixed with a cold sleep yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah mixed with foradvil and a little bit of melatonin and then i'll take another little bit and then i might want to do maybe some bayer bayer's good for my hips and back then you just wake up like bam yeah and you're in shape so you're like yeah when i mean you were in super shape so drinking you would wake up and be like just shake it off i remember yeah because what i drank i mean i look back i when in college i should have

we worked hard and i took it seriously but i did not like i could have been better.

Did you have that moment after a season where you would pop off where you would like the last meet and then you're like, well, wrestling's over.

Now I can go.

Did you go like, because Vecchion would tell me about eating.

The eating was the thing.

That's the thing.

Because you guys are dropping weight.

Man, in college,

senior year, a little bit.

Junior year, insane amount of weight.

Like, because the rules were back different back then.

Like, you could,

you would, for a dual meet, you're just wrestling against one's team, five hours, you weigh in, and then you have five hours before you have to wrestle.

So you starve yourself until you're just bones.

Dehydrate.

Dehydrate.

Dehydrate.

Yeah.

And then, and then for the, like the NCAAs or tournaments, it's the night before.

So you have the whole night to recover.

So guys are coming in 20 pounds heavier.

What's the most weight fluctuation you ever had to wrestle against?

Well, I mean, what I,

for me, the one that I remember the most was junior year, I made it to the second day of nationals.

So I had to weigh in, and

they say they announced the weight clash like 150 pounders you have two hours to make weight i checked my weight i was nine and a half over and i made it and uh what did you do just to dehydration just back then you could wear we had sauna suits yeah we had we had it those trash bags that vacion used to run around in but it was the the the the actual suit that you could get at target for like you know 20 bucks or something so and we had it all timed out to uh scorpions live so we would like uh you can't run when you're that so you just run just maybe a little and then you you turn the showers on yeah seal off the shower you just like when you're jamaican hot box in a hotel room potheads and wrestlers are very close to

see and then you put a bike in there and then you and then you just you go you can't go to like you go two songs we had it all at the scorpions live so you go like two songs go out like just be like i can't i can't maybe rock you like a hurricane one more time yeah yeah yeah

i remember rocky and and then you, and then you get it down that way till about a pound and a half, and then you can't move.

And then you use like the steam room or the sauna, and you take these tongue depressors, and you just scrape sweat off, which I don't know if that did anything more.

Probably because you're moving room for more sweat to come out, and you're trying to get the water out.

I bet there is some science behind that.

And then you wrestlers have so many stupid things.

Yeah.

Like, and then you guys are like old Polish grandmothers.

You have all these like weird things you do where you go, like,

slap his back to get evil off it.

Yeah, yeah.

And then they would they coach, I remember one, like he would, he's, me and Buddy Smith are in the steam room and he would open up the steam room and he'd take a hose and he'd hose us off so we like cool us down, give us a little relief.

But we're like trying to drink the water.

We're trying to drink the water.

He's like, stop drinking the water, Smith.

You know, stop drinking the water.

That's what my dog does when you spray with a hose.

Yeah, it was like that.

Yeah.

You don't care.

You're just like, I just want.

So when you would so second day at nationals you make nine and a half pounds is insane at night i mean so you make weight what is because i kind of imagine it must be like the benz like if you just start eating immediately you'll get up is that how the only thing you really want to do is drink at that time like you just want water you just want water or what's the best thing to drink right after losing nine and a half pounds of water i think it's probably gatorate

is there a flavor like i think back then i was well back then they had orange red and yellow yeah yeah it's probably about it.

I think I, yellow was, I think, the, you know, de facto.

Yeah, that was the standard yellow.

If you got an orange, you were getting a fucking.

And now that I, if you do the science, I'm sure it's like some version of Gatorade at room temp was probably the best way to rehide.

Oh, yeah, like a Pedia light or something that's like filled with a lot of people.

I'm sure these guys have.

Now they.

I can't imagine what it's like now.

Now

it's an hour.

So you can't do all that garbage because you've got to wrestle.

Like you can't.

So does that, when they make it an hour, hour, is that to make it so that these kids aren't hurting themselves like this and that it's more like, well, you're going to wrestle it more at what your walk around weight is?

Someday they probably want to get to mat side weigh-ins where you just step on the scale and you then you go wrestle.

Yeah.

So you can't do any of that garbage.

We were at the height of when it was insane.

Crazy illegal.

Nuts.

Your guys's weight drops were insane.

It was, it was, I mean, and I would have these doctors who be like, well, that's, you can't lose nine pounds in two hours.

You go, brother.

Yeah, you can.

And I tell the guy from southwestern Missouri State.

yeah yeah Mississippi State that I beat the shit out of you yeah I wrestled like I think Portland State the next morning I beat him and then I lost to

New Mexico

if I'd beat the Lobles guy I'd have been an all-American that year and I lost to I lost to the New Mexico so that's how T-Don Fleischman T-Don Fleischman hope you're okay yeah with all these people you never know where they're at I had him too man I had him and I was I mean I hurt him a little bit and uh I and they stopped the match and then the guy just yeah.

So the next year, because you were All-American, which

is fascinating about All-American is

top eight.

Top eight.

So if you place in the top eight, the elite eight, you get All-American.

I got seventh.

That's sick.

And I should have, I should have,

I think I was probably like the sixth or fifth best guy.

Like I was, I won this match and I made All-American and I was like, I was so

happier than I've ever been.

And I kind of knew even at that point, like

I did what I could,

but wrestling was not my lot.

I knew something else had to be, like, I was about done with it.

Yeah.

So, like, there was some guys.

You know what?

Pretty fucking cool place to end up is all-American.

And the thing that you go, I don't know if this is it.

Everything that I've done that has just been a colossal failure.

This is absolutely not it.

I need to find something else.

So, I mean, I'm just like, so I'm jumping up.

And it wasn't like a big celebrator, but I was like jumping up and down.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

So then the next match, I don't care.

Like I literally, I'm like, I did.

That's how you know you're over it.

Like I didn't think that I wanted to win.

Sure.

But and it was probably the best I've ever wrestled in my life because I was just uninhibited.

So I'm working this guy from Penn State, Jason Souter.

I'm working him.

I'm taking him down at will.

And then this guy just gets me in a junk move and scores five points.

And it's, it's like, it's, it was a good thing.

And it was over.

And I'm, it, it wasn't over over, but it was, I was basically.

Is that the moment that you think that you were like, that's it for me?

I can't tried to come back, but he kind of had me.

Like,

he got a five-point move, which is a lot of points.

And I couldn't.

And at that level, he was good.

So at that level, like, I'm not going to get it.

He controlled the lead.

Yeah, yeah.

He controlled the lead.

So then if I'd have beat him, I'd have gone for like third through six.

And I lost and I went for seventh and eighth against the North Carolina guy the next day.

Yeah.

And I, yeah.

But that was it.

That was it.

That was it.

And then I was like, I'm never getting on a scale again for the rest of my life.

I'm never getting on.

Do you have like a PTSD?

Can you not get it on yourself?

Vecchion loves it because I won't get it.

Even when you're at the doctor.

Probably four times they've pressured me into getting on a scale.

So a doctor actually has to get you to be like, Greg, I can't do it.

I won't do it for the nurse.

I won't do it for the nurse.

I can't imagine.

And Vecchulan's always like, come on, man.

I'm like, dude,

you're going to need to get on that screen.

This is exactly.

Sir, you're going to need to get on that scale.

And you go, do you know her?

I'm not weigh myself.

Do you know her?

Sir.

And for her, she goes, oh, no, I don't.

No, I don't.

This white man would not get on the scale.

She's just in a break room.

She goes, I swear to you, I try to get this white guy on the scale.

Okay, so take that.

I've had that person.

The woman from St.

Louis.

Take the heavier version of that one.

Yeah.

I mean, I had her pretty heavy in my mind.

Yeah.

And okay, there's a heavier version, but I go,

Hey, I don't do that.

And she's like, oh, you don't do that.

All right.

She was understanding.

She's like, neither do I.

You tried to get me on the scale.

I threatened to walk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

Yeah, yeah.

So now, I mean, and then you go into sale, you become a salesman for 10 years.

But was it when you landed in comedy that you were like, this is the right thing?

Because I will say the one thing I've noticed about wrestlers that always really impresses me is your work ethic is unmatched.

Like they always say for MMA fighting, you should have a background in wrestling.

Yeah.

Because you know how to have ground control, but more importantly, you know how to train an insane

i say this all the time because i'm not an mma guy yeah but i say this and now

of course you know nate's a big mma fan and like the last two wrestler guys that i was like this guy's gonna like

like boy nickel gets smoked and i'm like

how did this happen just because you know that guy i mean i think it's like

they are great wrestlers but then there's guys who grow up with the secrets of wrestling, but also while you're wrestling, they're doing Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

So now you're going against.

we're past that.

There was a stage in the 90s, in the early 2000s, where if you were a wrestler, Dan Severn and those guys, Randy Couture, you're going to dominate MMA.

Same time as him.

You did?

And he was at Oklahoma State.

Yeah, he was at Oakley State.

He was, I think he had gone in the Marines before he went to college or something.

Yeah, he was like Chris Winkie.

He came back older and wrestled with kids.

He wrestled with my buddy Charlie.

He was like a 190 pounder.

Here's the thing.

Sam Shepard in the book, A Fighter's Heart and a Fighter's Mind, he talks about this.

Randy Couture had a thing where his blood pressure lowers when he's

in a state of like combat.

Really?

Yeah, they did like a whole thing about him.

They did like a scientific, they can't explain it.

Really?

When he's like in a pressure situation, he's calmer than when he's normally walking around.

That ain't more.

Where they said that was like in the Sam Sheridan book, Fighters.

That's a gift, right?

Yeah, they said, like, it's just a natural thing that like, it's the reason like Manute Bowl played basketball.

You're just like, hey, this just happens to be a genetic thing i've always thought like like uh i'm pretty good friends with ben askren yeah and who's unbelievable and ben just didn't ben he's got real he caught a bad knee from jorge

and he was he was also by the time he got to the ufc he knew he was done because he had been wrestling in every way he could yeah and and fighting he was a good fight they wouldn't let him in but he he never got tired i would talk to the missouri coach and he'd be like yeah ben doesn't get tired like how what is that like yeah like what is it so what does that mean he would just run and then be like, that was fun.

I think wrestling, he just has that

slow, is it slow twitch?

Like, because the guys that like,

and Tyron Woodley was a Mizzou wrestler and a tank, but he would get tired.

Like, because he's just such a, but

Ben didn't get tired.

I wonder if that has something to do on a molecular level about the like acid, the lactic acid in your muscles.

Probably.

If it's like not released the same as us, because it's also like, you know, Andre the Giant, he was a man, but he was born as a deficiency in his brain where his pituitary gland oversaturated.

So he grew to be a giant.

He's not like an actual giant.

You know what I mean?

There's like stuff that

there's some college wrestling coach watching me right now going, no, Greg, you're a coward.

And Ben is tough.

That is why.

That's a man.

Don't try to blame it on some gene that Ben has.

No, you're not.

You're pseudoscience.

You're a coward.

coward that is why he he got tired just like you it just he kept going he didn't be a he wasn't a fussy about it do you how much uh more fun is it being a silly goose than having to be a salesman or even a wrestler or like dude it is

i try to explain to people the best part about about comedy is like you just don't have to be it's not serious that's why when i see comics being too serious about it that's what upsets me i was that guy for a while man

Early on.

And a couple guys, Vic Henley, I think, was like, hey, what are you doing?

Vic was the man.

Yeah.

What are you doing, buddy?

I miss drinking, but more importantly, I miss drinking and talking SEC football with Vic.

Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Sit down and have a couple of fucking shots of tequila with him.

Yeah.

He'd be like, I don't know, man.

Auburn's looking good.

Yeah.

We go, hell, are they?

Because they got Texas, you know.

You ever tell you that story about it?

You know, his brother was a famous running back at Auburn.

Yeah.

So his brother's this famous running back, and

he's got like two nieces.

Sure.

Or one niece, I think, from a different brother, not Vic.

And she went to Alabama.

Oh, boy.

And, you know, and Henley's brother is a legend at Auburn.

He's like holding it.

The name Henley is known

for his brother Adam.

He gets whatever he wants at Auburn for the rest of his life.

So his only niece, his only niece, calls him up and says, Hey,

Uncle Terry, I need tickets for the Auburn

Bowl.

Auburn, Alabama game.

I don't give tickets to Alabama fans.

Click.

Yeah.

Fucking great.

That's it.

It's his only niece.

I love it.

His only niece.

He goes, he doesn't live here no more.

War Eagle.

He was hanging up on her.

War Eagle.

Yeah, I'm fascinated by that, especially in Alabama.

It's serious.

It's not like

it's silly, fun.

It's not like Colorado, Colorado State.

We're to beat you.

They're like, I don't talk to you anymore.

Yeah.

Even Mizzou,

Kansas, when I was in school, was what is it?

Battle of the, what do they call it?

I don't even know.

It's like the border battle.

It might have been the best.

Back then, it only mattered.

We were both good in basketball back then.

Like back then, Danny Manning and, you know, we had Derek Cheevas and Anthony Peeler.

Yeah, and Kansas was Kansas.

And they were great.

And our coach would not as an Arizona Wildcat.

Fuck Kansas.

Yeah.

All my homies hate that Kansas Jayhawks.

Yeah, but you guys were

beat the shit out of us my

Junior year, senior year, they beat regular season by 20 points.

Elite Eight, they schooled Missouri one year.

No, Arizona did.

Oh, Arizona.

They had those guards.

Lud Olson, you're talking about.

It was Lud Olson's team.

It was in Elite Eight, and they had a couple, one of them went to the NBA.

Jason Terry?

No.

Might have been Jason the Jet Terry around that time.

Mike.

Pole Carter.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was one of them went to the NBA, or maybe both of them, but they smoked us.

I love it.

I love it.

I can fucking, dude, I'm fascinated by it.

But I always think it's amazing because I've always known you as a comedian and you're a fucking awesome comic.

You're hilarious.

And then to know that you have this backstory always makes me feel so less interesting where you're like, dude, you did all that?

It's like Forrest Gump.

You're like, you're just running around doing all this crazy shit.

And then now I just know you as a fantastic comic.

But I mean, that's the best part.

I mean, thanks for coming by.

Oh, yeah.

Watch his special on YouTube.

The link is right below you.

So just click on it.

Check him out.

Also, watch all of his specials.

He's got fucking fantastic specials.

The one before is on YouTube, right?

Yeah, they're both on

Nate's channel.

Go to the Nateland page.

Actually, click the link for Gregg's.

Then go to the Nateland page and, you know, show love to all the Nateland comics, like Vecchione, Aaron Webb.

The Russians is real good.

Aaron Webbers, Stephen Rodgers.

Nateland might be the St.

Louis of

this.

Yeah.

we got some stuff, man.

I'm trying to bring in an outside.

Does that work?

That's not going to work.

We'll do the man, dude.

Thanks for coming by, buddy.

Thanks, buddy.