80: Blooming Onion with James McCann | Soder Podcast | EP 78

The time has come.

I'm finally announcing a theater tour.

The Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is kicking off this September.

We're hitting 100 cities.

It's everywhere.

That's right.

The greatest nickname the internet has ever given me, the Golden Retriever of Comedy.

So why not use it to market the shows I'm doing?

LA, Seattle, Portland, Tucson.

Denver, Knoxville, Tennessee, Atlanta, Georgia, Louisville, Kentucky, Providence, Rhode Island, Nashville, Tennessee, San Antonio.

We're going everywhere with this tour.

It's the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.

Go to danceoder.com for tickets.

Get your tickets now, and I'll see you there.

Thank you.

And just, you know, take care of yourself.

Take a little time for yourself.

Take a little nap.

Maybe smoke a bowl.

Maybe have a poop with your pants off to really enjoy it.

Pantsless poops make the world a better place.

I apologize to you.

I'm going to open with an apology of the podcast.

Okay.

You are right.

You could say this on the podcast.

Actually, no, I can say this.

Everyone needs to know that we go through a.

There's a purge.

There's a purge of stuff that we need to say about people we know to each other.

And then we start recording the podcast.

I've also learned a lesson from the listeners.

I interrupt a lot.

So I'm going to try not to interrupt.

But what I'm definitely going to start doing at the beginning of the podcast, because this this isn't fair to the people listening, is introduce my guest, James McCann.

Hey America is a special.

It's out on YouTube right now.

When I tell you that James is one of the funniest people I've seen, it's true.

He makes me laugh so fucking hard every time.

Please.

Go watch James McCann's special.

Hey America.

Dan is the only person, the only person I head-hunted that I wanted to meet.

Oh, man.

I drove to Houston and I organized a gig just afterwards so that I would have an opportunity to get a lot of fun.

That was a fun.

That was a fun weekend, too.

I had a great time.

I got to meet

Mike Racine.

I was meant to see him while I was here as well.

I'm fucking that up.

Racine, don't worry about it.

You won't remember.

And if he does, he'll just hold it against you for the rest of his life.

All right, here's the abstract point.

I want to make this abstract point.

He'll go, hey, did you ever hear from James when he was in New York?

And I'll go, yeah, he podcasted with me.

He's going to go, what the fuck?

He never fucking called me.

I wanted to go on his podcast with Hooker.

I thought that was a fun left turn.

His podcast.

We were there that weekend.

We were talking to him about him, about the destruction of his old one and oh he'd already yes i didn't realize that he was that far ahead with the plans his idea when we were in houston he's like they're gonna get a hooker and you're like sure mike sure but you were saying as a foreigner in the united states so a foreigner who i you know you'll see a foreigner and i'll someone from a country that i don't know and they'll do something like i used to live with uh

what's it called

Malaysian.

Yeah, Malaysian.

Malaysian.

And he like stole my girlfriend's underpants and wouldn't stop smoking inside.

But I didn't know enough Malaysians to know if that was just a Malaysian thing or if that guy was bad.

Okay, the smoking thing.

The smoking thing.

The smoking inside was definitely just a Malaysian thing.

That's a Malaysian thing.

The underwear seems more like a small one.

He would watch Hentai pornography at the kitchen table.

It was a very small apartment.

This is one of the sadder times in my life.

He would just watch full of

animated pornography on the screen.

Just while eating.

I don't remember him eating.

I remember him watching.

I didn't even get to see it.

My girlfriend came out and said, he's watching Hentai at the kitchen table.

Would he, when you confronted him, would he?

Never.

I never confronted him.

So you just go like, oh, you're watching Porn in the Kitchen again.

Fuck, there we go.

He was enormously fat.

And I remember he used my bath.

I think he wiped his ass with my bath towel.

So this was a bad.

So this was.

I hate to tell you this.

I don't think he was a roommate.

I think he was an enemy.

I think you had a full-on enemy.

I didn't even hold it against him because that wasn't the strangest thing that happened there.

It was a very small two-bedroom apartment.

It was the cheapest residential.

I didn't have a proper job.

I was living on the dole and going to uni and doing comedy.

It was the first place I'd moved out.

And I didn't.

They had terrible fire damage.

And they turned a bad two-bedroom into an even smaller three-bedroom apartment by walling off the living room.

And so in the extra room, there was an older Italian man showed up and started living there.

And there would be screaming at night.

And I didn't know what it was.

Two people screaming.

And then one day I opened the door to the bathroom and this very old woman was there.

And he had secretly moved his like 67-year-old mother into the and having her live there in secret.

So that we

lived in a walled-off living room

The Malaysian lived in the walled off living room.

He had a normal bedroom with with his mom.

Yeah, with bunk beds, or do you think they slept?

I never took a peep.

I saw him carrying in a like a girl on a motorcycle in a bikini picture.

That's so funny.

So to have that with your mother.

Anyway, that was a really good thing.

Mama likes the big fat tits on the motorcycle.

They're going jiggly jangling.

It was I started drinking a lot.

That's when I started having port wine by the bed.

Yeah.

And the relationship wasn't going great, and we would go for long walks, but we would suffer.

Anyway, port wine by the bed was like

a Game of Thrones thing.

Yes.

It did feel sophisticated.

I bought myself a goblet.

Did you?

Yes.

Just to pour a little like treasures are abound.

I also didn't know how alcoholic it was, so I would have a huge

knocked out by the end of the night.

There's Russian literature and getting super super drunk and living with all these people.

Port wine is served at the end of a meal.

Yes.

Because it'll fuck you up.

It's like a winter time.

Let's all get very, yeah, we're by a fire.

Let's get warm quickly.

You should have been wearing a fox or like a wolf coat and then pouring it, listening to secrets in a draft

castle.

I was very bohemian existence.

Yeah, dude.

It was...

Here's, all right, I want to make this racist point.

is that I don't know sometimes you like if an Italian man kissed my wife on the lips do you get mad you'd have to go that's an Italian thing.

Yeah.

But if

I don't know, it's anyone else, you'd go, get your lips off of my wife.

And so there are people from other countries.

You go, get your goddamn lips off.

That's all I have.

I don't know if you've seen my coat.

Oh, my God.

I heard James talk in his real voice.

I try and keep that discreet.

Say, hey, Jack.

I go, why do you talk like a sneaker?

My first big comedy influence is James Brown, Live of the Apollo Volume 1.

Maybe the greatest.

62?

No, it's in the 50s.

I think it's...

Live at the Apollo, 1962.

It would have to be 62, yeah.

But he does think.

Yeah, he does.

I mean, I'm obsessed with that album.

Great Night Train, to close it out.

This is 62.

Yes.

And that's when

the band's intro, they go nuts.

I've had that playing for the birth of my third child.

Really?

They let us pick a record for the Caesarean section.

I think

James Brown live at the Apollo, but I'll tell you, why can't I?

Let me tell you why I love hot pants.

That section is magnificent in The Lost lost someone where he starts ripping a little news off about hot pants yeah dude and I thought that's what performance has to be and anything short of that is a terrible and then my act is nothing like that but I think about it but you're talking about this album absolutely yeah live at the Paul 1965

yeah the album that I don't mind is like

one of the greatest songs of all time yeah you hear James Brown sing and you go like oh this guy Everything they did was practiced

and rehearsed.

And the audience interactions with the ladies are going crazy.

Screaming.

And he's begging them to scream.

Don't want to hear say, ah, when he says, ah,

turn this off.

No one dares disturb me.

Sorry, Amos Gill, who's doing a

gig with Tony Hinchcliffe for some steel workers.

Didn't know you had murderers call you.

I didn't know you had.

You gave your number to us.

Assassins.

I saw his car.

Oh, the iRoast?

No, I didn't see the nicest flavor, but I thought that was.

It was a great favorite shane roast the lamborghini yeah where he goes isn't that cool that's so cool your friends definitely don't laugh about that behind your back i couldn't i

that's a sign of shane that he doesn't let out very often that's when you're hanging out with him you get that shane a lot but he on stage you don't go this man's obviously the best high school bully in the world dude he had one of my favorite lines of all time i was doing the bell house

and

he was opening you know it was like right when he moved from philadelphia and it it was Brooklyn.

And he went on stage and he opened his set by going, I found you, you nerds.

It's me, your bully from high school.

I found you.

And a very Shane way he goes, I learned art and I followed you to Brooklyn.

It was so lovely.

It's lovely.

Because that's who it is.

Hey, I'm doing that tonight.

And I will say, walking around Brooklyn, I have a sexual power that I don't have anywhere else in the world.

Oh, my God, yes.

Weird hair, weird shirt, glasses.

Also, none of this is fake.

No, this is really.

So you got to understand the guys all in Brooklyn that are doing a lot of what you do, it's fake.

It's them running away from growing up in like a white-collar neighborhood.

Yeah.

So they're like, I'm bohemian now.

You wear a fur jacket.

You're the type of motherfucker to wear a fur jacket.

Black people love the fur coat.

I don't know how many...

White people who they know you will come up to you about a fur coat and say, that is a great coat.

Black strangers at the airport.

They go, where'd you get that?

Where'd you get that coat?

You gotta let me have that coat.

I go, go, you can't have this coat, brother.

This is what we need for race relations in the United States.

We need an Australian in a fur coat.

Yeah.

Going around getting the attention going.

If I learned one thing from James Brown, it's teeth, hair, fur coat.

Gotta go to the big three.

You never.

Now, volume three, also a great album.

I don't know if you heard volume three.

No, but I will.

There is a section of volume three.

I'm honestly excited to listen to it now because volume one is one of my favorite albums of all time.

Volume one is the greatest one.

There is the first half of...

There's a section where he introduces the band on volume three.

Okay.

And I think volume one he does too.

Nah, he's the, I think the drugs have kicked in by volume three.

Yes.

And it goes on for a long time.

And it's like.

Because 62, he's young.

You can hear, you can understand what he's saying.

62 is voice, you hear him sing and you go like, oh, this is a young guy.

And the fact that he had to work so hard in 62, what you had to do to break through in the music business as a black man

from Georgia, it's almost like being a white guy in the 2010s in Australia where you have to be so exceptional to break through.

Nobody wants to see you shining.

And also, civil rights are not even passed.

Oh, no, you're a

free civil rights.

So you're just like, you're James Brown.

You're touring.

Touring is dangerous for you.

You need a book.

You need a special green book.

You need a green book to get around.

But that's how you learn to dance like that.

It's also why your band is airtight.

That band is airtight.

And then he drops that band and he gets Bootsy Collins to head up the band in the early 70s.

Okay.

I think.

The famous Flames Go Away.

Yeah.

But I think he keeps the same guy who's bringing him on stage.

So I get to bring Shane on stage sometimes.

And my fantasy is to one day do it like that.

Do it.

Do that introduction.

But I would do it like, Matt, you know this man from Tyres.

Man who saved retard.

Man who got a secret podcast.

Man who loves that Bud Light.

Chinatown impression.

Man.

friends with the downs

get on up kick it on up for say anyway he's coming on in two guys ladies and gentlemen for real quick here's dire stress good man i got

it's just it's so nice that lemaire can really get him amped up when the maire gets out there and starts running around the stage and he gets to be a wrestler for a moment do you remember that man's got to get into he's got to be like a paul heyman type figure i love it do you remember when we did mark henry's younger brother when we did salt lake city and i almost fell yes but you i thought you were smooth about it well what i told big j and what i told shane was that if i would have tumbled yeah i would have tried to do the willy wonka i would have tried to do the roll and the pop back up like hey

you know but i wouldn't wait you'd have just been writhing on the ground in salt lake city i'd have been making that noise that the lady crushing grapes or i go oh well

oh well

i thought you i couldn't believe how you moved past it like it was i grabbed you because I was like, I just thought you were emotional.

That was coming up.

This man Soda really lets his emotions.

And we all, now,

I think that was why everyone did say hamburger during this set.

I don't think you were on that show and you were wondering why, because people were wondering why online.

We made a bet.

Did people ask?

Yeah.

That's great.

They were like, is there a reason?

I saw on Twitter someone was like, is there a reason that they all said hamburger?

And it was because of hamburger.

We were driving to the venue in Colorado Springs and we agreed to all at one point go, hamburger.

Hamburger.

Shane got two in.

Shane got a couple in.

He got closed on a hamburger.

He closed in.

And not one person got even an inquisitive chuckle on hamburger.

Which is so at the big rooms.

The room to play and to do something that's a little off script, like they can smell it when you don't know entirely what you're going to say and becomes terrifying.

Yeah.

Just the word hamburger at the right.

You wouldn't think that that would be a small enough thing to get a room of 20,000 people to go.

What's happening?

Silence.

I mean, like, I'm talking about handbrake.

Like, you did it?

Dead silent.

I did it.

Nothing.

Jay did it.

Nothing.

Shane goes twice.

Shane.

Twice.

Shane did it.

Shane did it in the Notre Dame story and at the end.

Nothing.

I mean, nothing.

He got something on the first one because of the act out and where he put it.

That could be a hamburger.

It could be a hamburger.

But even then, it was less than it would have gotten.

But we got fucking nothing.

It really makes you think hamburger must be incredibly powerful as a comedian to get it to work.

When you see, when you try someone else's song it's like a cover in a song and you can't get it you go i didn't think it was that tough musically

landslide i tried to cover chords going on in landslide are all over you think it's

in you're right here it's all over the show so when you we were talking about foreigners doing foreign stuff yeah there's times where you're not sure if someone oh yes but can i chalk that up to i guess everyone from portugal is unable to make eye contact or whatever it is yeah I don't know enough, but we must.

I mean, as an Australian, I'm sure I do things all the time that people look at me here and they go, that's weird.

I'm pretty sure with like Australians,

I got to see a lot of it as a waiter when I worked in Midtown.

Yeah.

Because I was working at a restaurant.

We're here in numbers.

Yeah.

But you guys are fun.

You guys are very fun.

You guys, as far as foreigners, you're the funnest foreigners.

You have that.

We're so fucking happy to be here.

You guys are just so happy to be here.

Because what happened, I worked at a restaurant in 08 when the dollar collapsed.

Yeah.

So just everyone was over here.

The Spanish were the rudest, of course.

Easily the rudest.

They held on to fascism for a long time.

That doesn't get said enough, but deep into the 70s.

They really did.

And no one knows that doesn't know history.

They like held on to a fascist government for a very long time.

You guys like naps, don't you?

Kind of.

Are you making us take one?

Sleeping on voting.

But when they came over, you could tell because this waiter that I worked with with said it best, their children are all immaculately dressed.

Oh, now Spaniards dress their kids.

The French are always, people go, the French are smelly.

You can spot a Frenchie from 100 yards away.

You go, it's like they're wearing something that's being ironed while they're walking.

Yes.

It's sort of, you know,

some Asians have this as well where you go, I don't know how that's come together.

Japanese.

Wow, the Japanese.

They can throw together fits that you're like, how did you come up with that?

this is

my theory that I've never managed to get off the ground, but that

Asians will dress with great fashion and no style.

And black people will often dress with all style and no fashion.

I honestly.

Sometimes, not all black people, sometimes black people are very fashionable.

But you can see a black guy wearing like his own hoodie that he's painted on and he's wearing shorts or something.

You go, that's great.

No one knows about that yet.

Gucci's going to find out about you and they're going to steal that immediately.

And I see Asian people wearing the best, most expensive thing.

I go, I would never want to look like that.

Yeah, you're you're absolutely right.

They'll be wearing a silk suit that's perfectly tailored.

And you're like, did you just wake up from a nap?

Like the way that their suits are?

It looks like you're in the fucking Talking Heads concert video.

We're talking about black people again?

No, we're talking about Asians.

Because I would say I've seen also black people in cool silk suits, entirely wrong proportions.

Oh.

The coolest stuff.

Look at any of the old early 2000 fashion.

Black dudes made giant white tees, the kind that i used to have to wear when i was a kid and i got chicken pox and i had to put a mock i had to put that stuff on my body so i didn't itch uh what's that called when what's the pink shit that you put on so you don't itch never had to do i had it in a bath i think yeah but you're saying you had this on but i would just wear a giant t-shirt yeah oh so you don't itch and but then like in the 2000 early 2000s

what's that it became hip yeah made it work also trousers that don't fit i love watching those early 2000s uh when basketball players have suits that are just inhumanly it looks so funny it's someone's going to bring that back that's a talking heads suit that's that's why

yeah

where they just like feel like they're dancing like it's fucking

such a beautiful outfit but you're right i've seen black dudes especially in new york city i uh you know what black dudes make cool okay that no one else can make cool those ski masks that just i remember seeing that a lot during covid on the basketball

ski masks but it's like nascar drivers wear it under their helmets they look like idiots yeah black dudes wear it just in the streets, they look cool as shit.

It's time for white people to

start taking risks.

Well, just culturally, give one thing.

I mean, rock and roll ended when the strokes.

What's the last bit proper?

The Black Keys had a couple of songs lately.

Well, you could argue there's still rock bands, but I would say rock in general as a guy that worked in alternative radio.

I would say hitting the charts with a rock band.

I would probably say 2000 and

8.

2008.

Because I worked, I'll tell you what it was.

I used to work at K-Rock here in the city on K-Rock 92.3 92.3 WXRK.

They changed us to a top 40 station in 08.

So that was like...

Because it was over.

It was over.

No one gave a shit about rock music anymore.

I remember I was, I used to read the, right up until, man, Pitchfork kept it going.

I kept writing that until like 2012.

Then there was a pivot.

Pitchfork before the Pitchfork review of an album was so important to me.

Yeah, I really followed the scores and compare it and try and predict what they were allowed.

And you're like, and then when they'd be wrong.

Oh, it was a a great feeling.

You're like, oh, you're fucking.

I remember they were wrong about Lightspeed Champions first time.

They got around him later as Blood Orange, but they really hated that album.

And then at some point, I started looking at the end of year top 100 pitchfork songs.

And I go, these are all bad.

Yeah.

And also, a straight white man is the top entry at 32.

And we're making a lot of this stuff.

There's a political bent coming at some point.

Yeah, that was the thing where you started being like, how is he 32

anymore?

I don't trust you.

Yeah.

You know,

do the they redo the top songs of the 90s and it's like number one old dirty bastard and mariah carey with fantasy and you go i while that is a great song having having smells like teen spirit outside the top five seems like a dig even having had i would even say having something like fucking enter sandman out of the top five is crazy wow you know what i was listening to on the way over here was the uh trust i seek and i find in you

wherever i may roam he's crossing the road for that oh it's just wherever i may roam is is the greatest travel song of all time.

Where I was at Freebird for me is...

Really?

I like that Skinny wrote the greatest travel song and the greatest stay-at-home song.

They do Freebird and Sweet Home, Alabama.

They go, I can't stay here.

And they go, I absolutely, I have to stay here.

I have to stay here.

Same band, Cosmopolitanism and Blood and Soil.

They go, I'm free as a bird.

Yeah.

Oh, I would think the best is Turn the Page.

I don't know, Turn the Page.

Bob Seeger's Turn the Page?

No.

I know nothing about Bob Seeger.

I started watching the Dylan movie in which he...

Is that Bob Seeger?

I don't know.

I didn't watch watch complete unknown he does uh this land is your land is that no that's pete seeger oh excuse me pete seger uh more of a folk guy bob seger straight up rock and roll i know nothing about bob seeger oh my god i get to i get to show you night moves i get to show you

uh i mean turn the pages metallica covered it later on turn the page but Turn the pages the road song.

Like you wrote it in the 70s.

It is like.

Well, I'd like that because I'm struggling with the road at the moment.

It's eating me.

I'm literally, I'm staying at my sweet friend, Aaron Chen's house.

I don't know Chenny.

He's the number one ticket mover in Australian festivals.

He's so great.

He's here in New York now.

I couldn't afford, I can now afford a hotel.

And I really didn't want to.

I just wanted, that's why I reached out to you.

You know, I kept saying it in your house.

I was like, brother, I don't think you can sleep on hotels.

I understand.

I understand.

I was like, I'll have you get a hotel.

I need to stop.

I can't make it anywhere.

And I appreciate it.

I appreciate it.

But I needed to stay with a person.

I cannot be in another hotel.

I'm telling you right now, I'm going to get you some brain ointment.

And that is.

Is that marijuana code?

No, that's Bob Seeger's Turn the Page.

It's called Brain Ointment.

Good music's brain ointment.

I wanted to say this.

I would read, I got to go to London last week.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

It was so nice.

You did a whole thing, though.

You did a whole week.

You got an interview?

I did.

I stayed there for a long time.

Yeah, I got to interview Blondie, the Blondie Way.

It's my favorite show.

On YouTube, which I'm going to start watching.

I'm doing nothing but promoting that.

But I used to read like religiously, I would read like Q, Mojo, Uncut, all of their big enemy.

And it was so great.

Like, more than I would listen to the music, I would read the journalism on it, and it's dead.

The whole generation of autistic men who don't get to go to record stores and argue about it.

This is a huge problem.

That's a problem.

Also, I mean, in the United States, you can probably put it on the same pathline as mass shootings.

I believe guys don't have a place to go like, that album sucked.

And they go.

It was a four.

It was a four and a half.

Four and a half.

Rolling Stone, when it got sold by Jan Wenner, and then it got bought up by a group that's like controlled by like Middle Eastern business.

Saudis, it probably is.

It probably is.

And like their journalism used to be great.

Rolling Stone used to write like unbelievable articles.

Yeah.

And then now you read it and you're like, this is fucking trash.

I mean, that's come to an end.

And the Substack thing has not taken over.

Nope.

They really thought it was.

And you're like, guys, we've already been through blogging.

It didn't catch.

People are trying, and maybe it'll take some time.

But boy.

I read a great article about the, it was one of the last people to get into the vanity fair sphere of like, you know, I walked in there and Fran Liebovitz is sending a bud.

Everyone's having these big drinks and it's all paid for by the account.

And then it's, you come back and you write us 4,000 of the best words anyone's ever written about the new hat.

But like that whole world of intellectual participation in public life is done.

You know who's going to save it?

Tim Dillon.

I mean, genuinely closer than anybody else to.

I think he is the only person with the power to do that.

He's paying attention.

People are listening to him.

He's very smart.

And in terms of the glitzy life,

I've heard him describe

anyone else, I would find it disgusting.

Yes.

But when it's him, I go, that's right.

Like he told me, he was like,

I was in the back of a Rolls-Royce.

And we pulled up.

And he said, the guy said, do you think we can put regular in this?

Or is it premium?

Any car is ever going to be premium.

And I was like, of course.

For you, this is great.

Anyone else says I bought a Rolls-Royce?

I go, you.

And I've known him since he started coming to the city to build the mics from Long Island.

He's always been that way.

This isn't isn't a thing where

it's authentic.

It's so authentic that that's the reason I think he could save it.

Because he's not saying, well, you are a hot urban Brooklyn.

I can be, yes, in terms of being a bedraggled Brooklyn hipster and really being able to do that.

I'd really rather be the Rolls-Royce guy deep down.

I think that seems like a big one.

I don't think so.

I think you're perfect for the Brooklyn fur coat.

Women going like small girls with mousy bangs just being like, who is he?

I don't

know.

To be looked at by women in a sexually on the on public transport, to be looked at by women in a sexually provocative way.

You know, not since a couple of weeks ago walking around Soho with the homosexuals.

Oh, yeah.

Did I get looked at like that?

It is.

God, I went through a real moment.

Go to a man's head.

I went through a real moment where early 20s.

Yeah.

I had my little

Caesar haircut.

Nice.

Boys were after this.

Girls, not so much, but boys.

You knew it was on the bottom.

table.

Yeah, dude.

I just knew I was like, if I wanted to, I could.

It wouldn't be a reach.

But I'm telling you, you go to Brooklyn right now,

shit, you'd be the heartthrob of Greenpoint.

I am glad I got my life sorted and settled and into,

I really think I could have gotten aids out there from a woman, and that's not easy to do as a man.

But I would have been putting numbers on that.

White man?

Very difficult.

I would say we tossed James into like

shit, 2011 Williamsburg.

You're a problem.

You are a problem.

Especially because I'm drinking.

But I'll add the extra thing is that anywhere else in America buys you nothing.

Really?

Oh, dude.

You haven't been to a place?

So this was in.

Secondhand bookstores.

There are certain locations, but just walking down the main street.

It's always funny where you see.

The worst looking man in my hometown and where I live now, in Brooklyn.

Men are like drinks, where sometimes a drink is...

perfectly put in a situation

where you go, I don't enjoy that drink, but then you're in a situation.

I'm trying to think of a drink that I like to have in a certain situation but like gin and tonics i never enjoyed unless i was at like a pretty nice event and then i would have a gin and tonic and i'd go this is great yeah but then outside of that i reckon if you were in india scared of malaria it's hot outside you you can't trust the water no what do you need

that's like beer in the old west quinine where you're like give me a beer give me a beer i'm trying to

There are certain beers that on a hot day I can have.

There's a VB is an Australian beer.

On a hot day, wow.

It's a a good VB.

The rest of the time it's no good, but you've hard-earned.

Their commercial is the most iconic best Australian commercial.

They took very close to the theme song from the Magnificent Seven.

Okay.

And they just have like men working, and then they have a guy doing like a bush poem over the top of it.

Yes.

You can get it.

Plow in a field.

You can get it.

And then it's like little one.

So that's our equivalent.

Our equivalent in the States is the Coors Banquet commercial with Sam Elliott.

I'm interested in.

Where it shows just like a bunch of color.

I'm from Colorado.

So it shows like, if you're up in the Rocky Mountains and you're looking for something to drink, well, there's Coors Banquet beer.

Since the Rockies have some of the coldest water ever.

And you watch it and you go, I want a Coors Banquet beer.

I bought an 18-pack of Coors Banquet beer because of a Sam Elliott commercial.

Is this the one in the little gold bottle?

Yeah, it's the red, it's the gold can or the gold.

That's Coors original.

That was one of the first beers that I had and liked in America.

When I first moved here, I was in Steubenville, Ohio, and it was snowing and I had nothing I had no job I had no money I didn't have enough money to get home

14 months ago why Steubenville why Steubenville I got a job and then I got fired from the job how fast did you get fired I got fired before I arrived but as a part of being fired I still got a small you know I got some money and three months rent and about enough money to live for the three months not quite enough but it was okay so they hire you yeah to move from Australia yes to a different hemisphere yes and then they fire you Well, they looked up my stand-up comedy, and they were right to find.

They were like, this is...

So that's what got you fired?

Yeah.

Was your comedy?

They said, this is disgusting.

I know.

And I had just released a sketch about stabbing someone in the throat with an AIDS needle.

And I think it was a Catholic, it was a good upstanding Catholic podcast.

And I understood.

I got it.

Like, I actually don't bless you.

So you weren't mad.

I wish the timing had been different.

But they also, they helped me get a place in America.

I still got to beat.

I got a visa.

It wasn't contingent.

It's not easy to get a visa to.

Are you worried about that at all now with the shit that's going on?

I think I would like to get a greenhard before the next administration.

Yeah.

Because I think as a person currently living in Austin and moving in those circles, if the Dems do take back power, that might be more challenging.

It's so funny to see which foreigners worry about which administration.

Anyone Latin right now is sweating bullets?

Oh, man.

Any white foreigners are like, well, this next president might fucking really jack us up.

He's going to zig the other way.

That's what's happening in America right now is you're just seeing like call and response happen so fast.

Yeah.

That used to take like a decade.

Now takes two years.

It's a big pay.

But I think,

I mean, it's hard to know what the Dems are going to do.

Last time they had a pay.

They knew what they were doing.

Resistance.

They're down.

They're having a bit of an existential crisis.

Yeah, because you're finally seeing, and I hate politics.

I hate all politics, but what we're finally seeing also in society is you're starting to see that the boomers are getting too old.

That they're now all falling they're all biting and then yeah you know they're all like and the gen x's never had to figure out what they stood for because they never really had uh you would be a gen x i'd be a older millennial older millennial yeah i'm 83.

wow i'm a so i'm a very young i'm 81 no 91 i'm 91 so i'm a young millennial you're a young millennial but i'm like the i'm a like at the i'm right at the start of millennials yeah so then for smells like teen spirit you're 10.

so you i was 11 years old yeah 94 and it was fucking life-changing i don't know

fucking life-changing.

I remember watching,

I was in a British.

Metallica Nirvana.

I was in Hungry Jackson.

You see the music videos.

You don't usually see the cheap music videos to get on the music video 24-7 cable thing.

And it was a cherry pie.

She's my cherry pie.

And they showed the year.

And I don't remember the year, but it was like contemporaneous.

Look what cherry pie is.

She's my cherry pie.

And they've got like bandanas and the long hair and makeup.

It ended quick.

Yeah.

And it's like, oh, that's the world that smells like Teen Spirit put a knife in.

Yes.

And killed forever.

So it's very...

90.

90.

So it's 90.

So less than three years later.

Yeah.

And by the way, Nirvana put out Bleach in like fucking 90s.

91?

91, 92.

And that has about a girl.

That has like some great songs on it.

So the Pixies are before then.

Pixies are before then.

Yeah, the Pixies.

Nirvana is 89.

89.

Wow.

When was Bleach out, though?

The album Bleach?

I want to say it might have been...

June 15, 89.

Oh, wow.

89.

so it was something was brewing and smells like teen spirit was funny cultural it's big j who we both you know yeah yeah uh i just saw him with long hair i'd never seen that oh it's so cool and he made sense to me as a man with long hair in a way that i i went oh i know who you are now can i tell you right now and bonfire fans know this yeah i've been lobbying For the return of the album.

I've been lobbying for 10 years for him to grow his hair back out.

Go back to this.

That was when we became friends.

He had the long hair, biker, looked cool.

Everything made sense.

It was weird because i've met him a couple times with the short hair and i thought i don't i like that you're here the comedy's great you're a wonderful guy yeah i don't have a full purchase on who you are when i saw the long hair i thought oh i've met i know you yeah

so it was welcoming so he's like a music savant like he can tell you every album every song every lyric from

1950 on it's insane the the music recall that big j has but when we were doing the radio show together he would always be like warren or like Bon Jovi.

And I don't care because I was a little kid while all that music was going on.

I didn't care about like poison.

I didn't give a shit about white snake.

He didn't give a fuck.

We'd watch MTV and go like, okay, this is what adults.

But like, for me, it was Guns N' Roses, Metallica.

Yes.

Then Nirvana and the Grunge scene.

And then

I just held on to Soundguard.

Late 90s, there's a dip.

And so you must have been...

I'm trying to think of it.

Late 90s for me is...

Like your early 20s you get that white stripes strokes

fucking roll Detroit did you ever listen to electric six no oh they had the gay bar they had danger high voltage but they were also in Detroit they were the other band from Detroit white stripes really took off yeah white stripes took off well that's what was funny is queens of the stone age came into my life yes with songs for the deaf in 2002 And I was just kind of like, oh, well, this is my favorite band now.

And then I also found out they had three albums before, and I could get into Caius, and I could get into

dude.

I'll get you.

All right.

I'm getting you Welcome to Sky Valley.

I'm going to get you blues for the red song.

I'm trying to get the years here.

So this is, this is like 97 was Caius.

Yeah.

98 was the first Queens of the Stone Age split album.

Yes.

And then they did self-title, or I think self-titled was 98, and then Rated R in 99 or 2000, then they did.

And Oasis is done by like 96.

Yeah, but were they, though?

Because they were still like every.

Hang on, yeah.

Are you excited about their shows?

I have friends who are proper Oasis people.

I enjoy some of the songs.

I don't go.

What I love is the interviews.

I watched all the interviews.

Who's your guy, Liam or Noah?

No.

Noel.

Noel is the fun.

You could be friends with Noel.

Liam seems like a liability.

Noel, if he got in a fight, you'd go as probably a justified.

thing it happened.

Liam is.

What, Oasis?

They dragged on for a while, but they weren't having having like beasts.

They weren't doing well.

Wait, who was the one that you guys met?

No, no, it's like the sensible one.

No, I like Liam.

You like the wild man?

Yeah, because these interviews are so funny.

No, yes.

He goes, there's one where he's like showing the T setup, and he's like, this is how big in the 90s we were, right?

Yeah.

I had a guy.

For T setup?

Yeah.

For T?

Yeah, I'm going to show you the video.

I think I have it set up where he's like, I'm going to show you how big we were.

He's like, back in the 90s,

I had a cunt for my T.

He goes through and he goes, I had a little cunt for my T.

I had a little, I think I still have it figured out.

As a historic figure, Liam, very interesting.

If I was on a plane next to someone for six hours,

I'd take Noel every single time.

Yeah.

You'd actually be able to talk to him.

He seems like a brilliant intellect.

He's very smart.

Also, he's got the.

Oh, I also love this where there's kids are asking Liam questions.

So the kids going, like, what's your favorite?

He goes, find Nemo.

What's yours?

It's just, I love Liam.

Liam.

I was along for the, when the Russell brand, Noel, BBC stuff, I really.

But Liam, I think, is my guy.

I think if I'm picking one.

I hope they can work it out.

I hope they can get these shows together.

I mean, I feel like the amount of, yeah, you're right, money can't fucking solve them.

Where is this video?

ABBA put it off for years.

ABBA were offered like a billion dollars to get back together.

That's too much money.

Where the fuck?

Oh, here it is a lot.

Now, in the 90s, I got someone else to fucking do it.

He's a drop of

a kid, someone doing that, someone a little fucking idiot doing that.

No, you gotta do your fucking now, you gotta do it yourself these days, you know what I mean?

Because these are fucking old smart asses, down the little fucking tubes, niche

niche.

And they wonder why there's not

How great is he?

He is so characteristic.

I'm sending you the clip so you can edit it in.

I'm setting it in.

Have you heard?

There's a record that my dad had, which was them arguing.

It was like

a journalist just recorded the two of them interviewing.

I kind of remember that.

He goes for like half an hour, and I think Liam has gotten in a fist fight on a ferry back from like Amsterdam or something.

And it's him defending

getting just taking wild swings at a guy and they're like I can't fucking take you anywhere.

Yeah, dude.

If you're Noel, you are it's it's a hundred percent Noel being frustrated with Liam.

Yes, and they share a similar personality.

So then he's got there's he can usher him through business, but he's also probably got a moment where he goes, stop, just stop.

Like at some point they did.

I mean, they didn't talk for over a decade.

And then Liam's like, fuck you.

He's just my favorite.

Just the way that Liam Gallagher is like, shut the fuck up.

I think, was it Liam that just got interviewed by Jim Jeffries?

Oh, I don't know.

That was great.

My man, I'll ask, is my friend Amos?

He opens for Jim, but he's the old man.

Jim's the man.

I, man,

I like.

I've never got, I've never known Jim.

I've hung out with him one time.

Oh, I'll fucking, I'll bridge that gap.

I have so many ins.

I have so many ins with him, but we had one conversation where I was speaking about Catholic social teaching.

Yeah.

Because he was asking about it.

Sure.

And I was like,

it was was like no

condoms at all and it's like no no you just keep going until your wife has a terrible pregnancy and she's you know and i thought ah i'm not representing myself well that's so that's my strong memory but i know he was

i always thought it would be cool and that he's such an everyman and that he was an opera singer he was a trained opera singer until he got Yes, I know, right?

That's the look everyone should give.

Jim Jeffries was training to be an opera singer.

He got like a problem with his voice and he did comedy instead afterwards.

That's crazy.

But if anyone is going to do the show, you know, like an eight-part series on opera, Jim Jeffries presents the world of opera.

Who wouldn't watch this show?

I would watch his takes on opera coming from the world.

Polyachi's a sad cunt, but he's a clown.

It's funny like that sometimes.

I think that would be a good...

Dude, I'll tell you right now, man, I got to do a couple shows.

Me and Norman did a couple shows with Jim Jeffries.

And watching how good he is at stand-up you like go to other people and you go like he's so fucking good yeah he's just so natural yeah like

bait and switch baked deep into his yeah just in in the chat it's on and it's moves it's everywhere him the only person I've ever seen like that's Bill Burr and Shane where they're just like the way they talk is like they're talking to you and then they just go out in front of thousands of people and they talk in the same exact way.

Every other person I know, there's even myself included, there's a shift and you work on it.

Chappelle, Chappelle just like goes is like, but Chappelle's in his own world.

Yes.

Like, Chappelle will just, I don't think Chappelle ever knows now when he's on stage.

Four hours.

Yeah.

I don't think Chappelle.

I think as you around the corner into the third hour, you probably can't keep the climate.

I think Chappelle has moments where he's like, and that's why this election, where am I?

He's just at an M, he's just at an empty bus station, and he's like, how the hell did I talk my way into this?

But if you're like, or when he runs out of cigarettes, that's when he snaps out and he's like

what happened what year is it they go it's 2025 what happened to neil

where is neil i'm trying to think who else does it because bill burr i'm interested that you say that well bill burr because he the the like i've never met bill burr twice a time huge bill burr fan yeah but then it seems like shrouded in like

anger and then i hear him on the pod and he like the way he talks about his life on the podcast He's so charming and he's so open and vulnerable.

Then he's going like, I have to get on top of it.

And he's being charming about i just hate everybody i'm angry and it's like well if i met you i i think i meet the angry guy well you and i'm scared to do that because i i i loved f is for family yeah i think the i'm a entrenched bill burr i couldn't believe when i saw the black and white special i had really thought comedy was kind of done at that helicopter act out in that is one of the greatest act outs and stand-up bit of all time and when the guy technically goes i was describing that to aaron chen earlier today it is like technically masterfully it's perfect and i've been a guy,

I'm a burrow file.

I'm a big burphile.

And,

you know,

there's a reason that's saying never meet your heroes.

Because when you're around Bill Burr,

it's like being around a dog that's growling all the time.

Sure.

Where you go, like, I don't know if this is for me, but I don't want to get bit.

No.

Because sometimes they'll be like, I did the Patrice benefit.

And he'd be like, I just say something.

And he'd be like, ah, why is that?

And then you're like, oh, God, he's attacking me no i never want that to he he shouted out one of my bits on the podcast a while he saw like a reel and it was on the i don't know i've never felt more warm and fun oh that's unbelievable i was uh but then of course if i went up to him and said you are you saw one of my bits and you said it on the thing he'd be like i know he would buy me but a no pass nip so that's what patrice was like yeah patrice you would have these moments where you would be like i think i'm in with him and then you walk up and you're like hey patrice and he's like get the fuck out of my face and you're like that was my mistake

walk

I heard a story about him from an Irish guy yeah this week on the phone a friend of mine Eddie Bannon used to run a comedy festival in Ireland and they got Patrice over there and I'd forgotten that Patrice seems to have broken in the UK he had to come back for America he had to come back yeah he was gonna be huge in London like he was gonna he was he was on his way but like had run into walls in America no he went over there being like from what I'm told from like Big J who was close with him and people that were I don't know I don't know this is a Bobby Kelly yeah that he was kind of like fuck this shit and then he went to London and everyone in England was like oh you're the one of the greatest of all time like very similar to a Hendrix yeah where they were kind of like oh fuck you're great and then he had to like make the choice to come back here

I know

that would have been great I mean both we both were great we got a lot of the work yeah but I think we wouldn't have gotten the years where he didn't give a shit here where he was dismayed by the business here yeah the business here was so controlled by the industry that it turned turned them off.

It just, a guy like

now, America, I think, is the least controlled by the industry in any of these places.

I agree.

You still in Australia and the UK and New Zealand have to go up through some lady from the BBC putting you on.

Yeah, no, now here it's like those people, you're watching them scramble.

And I'm not going to lie.

You're enjoying it.

It's kind of nice to watch people that go, we just, we watched and we don't get it.

And now they go like, are you hiring an extra producer on your podcast?

And you're like, no, no, I'm not.

I just don't see a place where we can have a what do managers do what do they do they've got to come up with an excuse oh this is the story he so the irish guy brings him out and he's emceeing the thing and they're having a wonderful chat as warm and it's nice it's positive and then apparently patrice got very serious and said you need to bring me on and say the n-word i need you to i need you to bring me on and say please welcome to the stage the n-word and he said the n-word at the time and the guy was like i i don't want to uh he was like you will do it

You're going to do it.

You're going to go out there and do it for me.

You know how fucking terrifying that is?

He said he was very frightened and he didn't do it and he didn't know if he did the right thing.

And if he had done it, would that have been worse?

Yeah, Patrice would be like, man, what the fuck?

I expect that would have.

I'd like to bring up

that

boop.

And then he's like, what the fuck?

That's got to be a good thing.

But I think, I mean, you would have, maybe, I mean, I never got to meet Patrice, but you would have won some sort of point for having the stones to have done it.

Yeah, I think he liked.

Having been told to do it.

I mean, dude, I don't know, man.

It's very hard to know.

That's just got to be a tough thing, especially when you go.

I mean,

ideally, you come over here, right?

You're here.

I come over here.

Yeah, you're already here.

Yeah.

If you blow up in the way that we're talking about Patrice blowing up in England,

would you want to go back to Australia or would you be comfortable being like, because America, you know, we were the pinnacle for, I mean, I think we still are as far as like getting eyeballs on stuff.

Yeah.

Like.

But it's also the creative pinnacle.

Simultaneously.

I mean, yeah, the First Amendment's pretty good.

The rights are all here.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can say whatever you you want.

You can't get in trouble.

But it's also,

it's not like there's just a piece of paper guaranteeing that people actually, all right, I was in the UK and over and over again, I would be talking to someone and the vibe I got was that they were sort of waiting for me to say something they disagreed with so they could dismiss me and go, I don't really, I don't have to worry about this person.

Thank goodness.

They don't have a purchase on my life anymore.

In America, people are so open.

And then you say something, just typically, when I disagree with someone or they disagree, and people are enthusiastic about having a disagreement

you'll really be able to open that up now and get to know one another yeah and work through it they don't

that's not in the colonies I read it very I read a very interesting article a couple years ago about it was called the immigrant gene and that people that talk about this all the time I do not talk about it but I'm getting well like the Dutch leave for South Africa and then a certain kind of person in that country is out and so who remains is going to be different like by having an immigrant, yes, by having an immigrant population, both countries change.

So basically.

Do you know what I mean?

Maybe it's a different thing that you're saying.

This was a genealogy thing.

They were basically saying like

everyone that came over through Ellis Island, through immigration, even illegal immigration, the people that come over there have something in them that goes like...

I need to go somewhere else to fulfill what I need.

And that gene passes down.

So that people three generations later, even if if you're born in a fucking town in Ohio, still have the need to move.

You have that need to like, we've got to do something.

So, basically, America is this country of immigrant genes moving around, which gives us the ability.

We want to clash.

We want to stay put in.

Also, that you on a structural level, you have moving within America built in.

Everybody starts somewhere, goes to college in a second place, and seems to live in place number three.

Yep.

You know what's the most offended people got whenever I talk about this podcast?

That the reason I left Colorado, because I was afraid I was going to get stuck in Colorado.

And then people send me messages where they go, Fuck you, I'm stuck in Colorado.

What's wrong with my life?

And I go, nothing.

No.

I'm just saying why I left.

But also, I mean, there are many people who are like New Yorkers who then go to college in, I don't know, West Virginia.

I'm big as I, but then would end up in Colorado and go, I made it to Colorado.

Yes.

Yes.

That's exactly what I was saying.

That was like what we were talking about.

It seems to be not ending where you started.

It doesn't really matter where that ends up.

Because

it's empirical evidence that you made him move, that you evolved, that you changed.

So it's like big for people.

I mean, for me, born in Hartford, Connecticut, raised in Colorado, went to college in Arizona, worked in Alaska,

back in Arizona doing comedy, then moved here.

You know, you worked in Alaska.

Just for a summer.

How was it?

Or oil fields or something?

No, I did a fish cannery.

Fish canary?

Cannery.

Okay.

A cannery.

You put fish in cans?

Yeah.

I just caught them in a can and I said, you live here now.

No, I did a dock crew.

So i worked okay at a commercial fishery where all these people would go out and they would do i worked for salmon i did halibut and salmon season so they go out into the river the kenai river yeah or the cook inlet and then they it was the kenai river mostly the cook inlet was for the halibut but you would do just for the halibut but you would uh i was there

had you gone to college by this you did in between years

you go there sometimes at uni excuse me yeah we do college uh in between

in between my freshman and sophomore.

Did you start comedy at college?

Yeah, I started it actually when I came back from Alaska.

Because that was the moment where I was like, oh, I think I'm funny enough to do this.

You hang out with the boys at Cannery.

I was killing.

I mean, I was fucking killing.

It is a nice feeling.

I mean,

these boys were hardened working men.

And my soft-handed little bitch ass was getting, I was getting them laughing.

And I lived with my aunt, who was my dad's sister up there.

She had cancer, and she was dying of liver cancer.

So I was like, oh, I'm going to go up there and live with you.

She was my funniest family member.

And I just went and lived with her.

But then I worked at the docks, so I had to live on the docks.

So I would come back and see her.

You're living on the waterfront.

Yeah.

I lived.

Shout out Steve Calderwood.

He just DM'd me.

I haven't spoken to him in fucking 25 years.

But he...

They would let you rent a room

on premise of the docks.

There's like a place you can live.

and this is what there are mountains there and

there's a Denali okay there's yeah Mount McKinley

Or Denali as it is now as it is now it was Mount McKinley when I lived there then they switched to Denali and they switched it back to Mount McKinley I would drive there'd be moments where I'd like go to the store to get cigarettes and beer and then I would turn a corner and the sweeping view I would be like how breathtaking it's unbelievable in the summer did you drive up there or no I flew up there you flew up I flew to Seattle then Seattle to Anchorage and then took a puddle jumper from anchorage to kenai i lived in kenai and soldotna and um

so these are these are islands or they're on the mainland they're this is they're um it's two and a half hours southeast of anchorage okay so it's it's by the way the drive from anchorage compared to ketchikaw ketchikan ketchikan was right up the the river so we were pretty close i fell into a wikipedia thing about

alaskan geography at the time it's unbelievable and reading about the like the the native community bus services and things yeah and they also pay you to live there because there's an oil reserve so when you move there and you become a an alaskan citizen they give you a check or they used to send you a check for like 1700 bucks and they have a comedy festival there i know they do i'd love to do it i'd love to go up there and do stand-up because i never got to do stand-up in alaska but i worked and um your time will come i would i would definitely go up there i would love to go up there but it was probably one of the greatest summers of my life because A, my aunt was dying.

I really liked her.

She's very funny.

I asked her if I should do stand-up.

Dreamwording that.

What?

It was one of the the greatest summers of my life because my aunt was dying.

That bitch was getting at me.

You got to be close with her at a difficult time.

Yeah, she, yeah, she was just, she was like one of the only family members from my dad's side that I really knew.

Yeah.

So I liked being able, she's very funny, too.

She's very fucking funny.

And so it was fun to hang out with her.

But then I ended up just working because I didn't realize.

I didn't like go up there knowing I was going to do that.

I went up there being like, oh, I'll live with her.

I'll work at like a restaurant or something.

And I tried getting hired at a landscaping place they weren't hiring.

I tried getting hired at a radio station they weren't hiring.

And then I took my aunt's truck to the docks.

This guy, Brian, who was working on the Cheyenne.

Shout out his ship, the Cheyenne.

He was welding.

The guy was welding the side of his ship.

And I just walked up to him like a fucking idiot.

And I went, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Interrupting a man welding is...

makes you feel real gay.

And he like threw up his mask and he was like, what's up?

And I was like, are they hiring here?

And he's like,

hold on.

And he like went up to the owner's house, like the guy that owned it.

And he's like, just hiring?

And then I went up to the guy's.

This is a fuck searchlight movie.

It was crazy.

I went up there and the guy was like,

fish season doesn't start for like a month or two or three weeks.

Yeah.

He's like,

are you good with your hands?

Are you alright with like manual labor?

And I was like, yeah.

And he tossed me a pair of work gloves.

And he's like, like brand new work gloves.

He had like a, he had a drawer, like filled with work gloves.

And he like tossed me a pair.

And he's like,

8 a.m.

Monday.

Cause it was a Friday that I asked.

Yeah.

He's like, 8 a.m.

Monday.

You're all right with that?

And I was like, yeah, he's like, all right, here's the paperwork.

Bring it back filled out.

8 a.m.

Monday.

And I showed up 8 a.m.

And it was me, two other guys, and they handed us a pickaxe and a shovel.

And they're like, there's a PVC pipe about.

six feet in the ground runs 90 yards all the way to the to the water we need you to dig it up because in the freeze in the winter it cracked.

So we need to replace it.

So our job for the week was just digging.

Digging the pipe out.

And that was it.

But it was sick because honestly, I was back when I was drinking and smoking.

So I would do like, you know, you get tired during the day and hang out with the boys at

six beers and then smoke like, and this was when weed was hard to get because it was still a class one narcotic.

And Alaska has some of the best weed I've ever smoked in my life.

I didn't know that about them.

So these guys would like pack a bowl and I would like take a hit and I'd be like,

drink a couple high lifes, fucking go back to my aunt's house.

And you also knew you were going back to college at this point.

In August, I knew I was like going to school.

That makes it very sweet because if you had done college and then done that and not had anything afterwards,

the fear would be a good thing.

Well, the whole thing was like, I was like, I don't know what you guys do in between years at college in Australia.

Gap year.

Well, between school and college,

university, people go out and they, you know, you go on a tikki tour of Europe and get very drunk.

A lot of times we did, I just jumped right into university.

I went from high school to university.

Yeah.

And then that's what I did.

Yeah.

But then in between summers, in between semesters, freshman and sophomore, a lot of, I was going to go back to Colorado and just like wait tables at Appleby's.

But you guys do a huge...

We have more small gaps.

The small gaps through the year are longer.

I'm starting to understand what summer holidays mean to Americans.

You get the summer.

It's like two full months.

How long is that?

Brother, I was out May.

I was done with classes May 10th.

Yeah.

And I didn't need to be back at school till August 28th.

That's an incredible stretch of time.

I lived in Alaska that whole time.

Yeah.

And I came back with

$15,000.

It also makes sense to me of having like the summer blockbuster.

People are just in a fallow season of rest.

Well, they want to go to the movies.

They want to listen to stuff.

They're going to beach.

They're going to a party or whatever.

And I was just making money.

So when I came back to school, I fucking came back with...

you know, 20 pounds of muscle and $15,000.

And I had grizzled working on

hands that are callous.

Yeah.

And I was kind of like, it was.

But then you have to sit in classes again after that yeah and then and then also the muscle wasted away the money fucking ran out and i just was like that having a weird job for a stretch is huge also you know what it did it taught me perspective taught me what i never want to do which is that kind of work yeah it was so hard 16 hours a day seven days a week they wouldn't give us days off unless it was a holiday because they didn't want to pay us time and a half yeah so

You just work.

You literally just wake up to work.

But hour for lunch, hour for dinner, you eat fast and then you smoke weed for 45 minutes with all your friends.

Yeah.

And then it was kind of sick because then you're just driving around for cliffs.

Well, I mean, also, you can enjoy things at the end of it long.

I never got to do manual labor because I'm so bad with my

to the point that when I left in August, there were

personality hires.

Yes.

The foreman told me, he goes, we wanted to fire you so many times.

He goes, but you're a hard worker.

That's exactly what he said to me.

I was like, oh, you just called me a bitch.

Because they would be like...

He said he liked you.

Yeah, but they would be like, hey,

change out the timing belt on this thing.

And I'd be like, I don't know how to fucking do that.

And then you'd have to go get like Steve or Mike, the doc boss, to be like, hey, Mike, will you do this?

It was nuts.

I did.

Yeah.

But you knew at that point, I will never do that again.

So hard that I was like, all right.

Well, then, how do you get into radio?

What's the jump?

What's the time delay for you to

finish college and you go, I've got to do something with my voice or my brain.

Well, I started when I moved back to Tucson after Alaska, I spent all the money.

Yeah.

I mean, fast.

You buy cool shoes?

Yeah.

I bought a lot of outputs.

I spent $70 on socks this episode.

Dude,

I went to Costco and bought giant 175s of Jack Daniels whiskey, like four of them and like three cartons.

I was shopping like one lotto.

Yeah.

And then I ran out of money.

And perfectly, I had to get a job, so I got hired at Outback Steakhouse.

I have so many complaints about

bring it.

I only did two shifts.

I'll get into it.

I worked at McDonald's very briefly.

I worked at a cafe.

I was at a subway for like three weeks, and they said, you'd never come back.

I was so bad.

I was just bad.

I was slow.

Yeah.

I was

not a good hack.

I don't know.

I just could not

go into that moment.

How hard is it cutting?

Was this when you used to cut the middle of the bread?

Yeah, little knife.

Oh, yeah, that little green or yellow knife.

Tiny, And then a little magnetic street.

I was just so bad at it.

And also I rubbed the boss up the wrong way.

I was not able to go along and get along.

Yeah, you couldn't do the corporate thing of like, hey.

Not even.

When we win, Subway wins.

Not for, I was.

Yeah.

All the meetings, all the, you have to, you know, we're all watching a thing about not harassing each other.

And every job I've had, except for comedy, I've been an unmitigated failure.

Yeah.

Actually, as a copywriter, I could really do.

I discovered.

You were a copywriter?

I was like the lowest rung of copyright.

And I was sort of working my way up.

I was doing okay, but when we got I got married, my wife got pregnant, and I had no, I'd been, I had been a journalist, a music journalist for a while, and I loved that.

But then that makes sense on why, how much you loved pitchfork and all that stuff.

Loved them, and then I got to do it, and then they just stopped kind of existing.

That's how I worked.

I was there right at the end when they were when they shut down.

I was in New Zealand on holiday, and I got a phone call going, there's no magazine for you to come back to it.

You know what's crazy about that?

Is you and I were both working in rock music when it died.

Yeah, you were at the you were working as a rock journalist.

Yes.

And I was on a rock station as a DJ.

It was a very.

And it got killed.

We watched it die.

And then I hung around a little too long because I also, then I worked in commercial radio, and

the extent to which I think radio had been able to make choices about what was playing.

Yeah.

And then it was entirely on the receiving end of this is popular, this is getting a lot of streams.

We're playing that.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter if it's good or not.

It's popular.

Whether, you know, no one there, no one there left has even a sense of, of, you know.

Yeah, so you're...

Good is not the question anymore.

But Outback Steakhouse.

Yeah, they don't serve our beers.

They serve Foster's, which we don't drink.

Yeah,

Foster's has never even been kind of an Australian.

I think we had it until like Crocodile Dundee, and then we were a bit embarrassed by it, and we stopped having it.

And we have Crown Lager instead.

What is the, if you were to say, like, I would say Budweiser's, Budweiser is America's beer.

Yeah.

Budweiser's or Coors.

I would say it's very regional.

Carlton Draft, we want VB.

What did you grow up drinking?

Cooper's Pale.

That's the largest family-owned brewery in Australia.

They have it for sale.

I'm told that the old mate, there's a new Aussie bar that's just opened up in

the chat by it.

The Aussie Bar?

You can buy Cooper's Ale.

No, we got it.

It's got a stand.

It's been in the Cooper's family.

It's been in the Cooper's family for a long time, but I love that beer.

Beer doesn't travel well.

You have to make it under license, but I loved it.

So Outpack doesn't serve.

So you're next when you tell me you guys don't have an awesome blossom.

What I found funny was the Alice Springs chicken.

You can buy Alice Springs chicken.

And they've clearly just selected that because Alice Springs is in the middle.

Okay.

And there's nothing around it.

So when you're on Google Maps or whatever, they draw a map.

It's nice to put something there.

So they put Alice Springs.

It's like

30,000 people.

It's not a big town.

But the chicken.

Well, that's just every bad story in Australia.

It's Alice Springs.

The violence and the cry.

Like, whenever a curfew is put on, it's Alice Springs.

So that.

Whenever there's you know people have been when Spanion who's a great Aussie export he's a ex-con kickboxer who just walks around bad neighborhoods, you know walking around Kensington going he's fucking there's a guy doing heroin on the street kids can watch him and so he goes to Alice Springs and like sees what's going on there.

That's how rough Alice Springs is.

So if we had an American restaurant.

Chicken.

Yeah, if we had an American restaurant in Australia that we didn't fuck with, and it was called like

fucking, I'm trying to think of what's like a rural ass fucked up town.

Like, well, we do, we do Omaha beef, but that's because Nebraska does beef.

Yeah.

But I'm trying to think of what we also have outback

Indiana chicken.

This is how weird it becomes that we've got.

Did you try that Gary Indiana chicken over at Patriots?

And you go, what the fuck is that?

We used to have, we have Outback Steakhouse in Australia.

No, you don't.

So like within Australia, you can go to an American restaurant pretending to be an Australian restaurant.

Who decided to bring it over there?

Isn't that like...

No, I've never been, I'd never been.

In the guy in the boardroom that's like outback

in the outback.

And they go, that doesn't work.

It would be...

I don't know.

It would be like doing deep-fried Japanese food in Japan.

It goes like this.

Yeah, we don't fucking eat.

No, what it would be, I think, is trying to sell prawn crackers to the Chinese.

You have prawn crackers here?

No.

Oh, no, there's big pink.

Chinese food is so different in the other countries.

But here?

Like, our Chinese food is very different to your Chinese food, and neither of them are anything like Chinese food.

They're not actually, it's not actually Chinese food.

Italian food is a big one, because we got our Italians at different times.

You guys got Italians like 100, 150 years ago, and that your Italian food has really become an American.

Whereas we got Italians in the 70s, so they're still hanging on.

So I went to like, one of the first things I went to in Steubenville, it's where Dean Martin is from.

So I went to their 100-year-old Italian restaurant with pictures of Dean.

Dean would have been here.

And I say, oh, can I have a Putin escape?

And they're like, what is that?

We got red sauce, white sauce.

So we've Americanized Italian foods.

Very much so.

And so when you get it in Australia, you're getting actual frogs.

I think something closer to the

but also like your American weird Italian

spaghetti

salad with one big chili filled with oil or whatever the hell's inside that.

That's so weird.

You never think about that.

That was good.

Because American culture is so

viral.

Like you get it on it, and

it's a virus.

Like it takes it over and it's like, well, yeah, sure, this is Chinese, but this is American Chinese.

But you also only export some...

It's weird being here and the things people care about are very different to the things that make it into the media that come out.

Like college football being huge here.

Love it.

But we get no, we know, we watch the Super Bowl, and that's it.

And also, the way a Super Bowl game looks is so different to every other.

Yeah.

It's two great teams who are really, really nervous.

Yeah.

Playing, you know.

Yeah.

It's often straight.

I mean, years, that's what we thought NFL was, was just Tom Brady throwing six yards at a time.

That's so fucking funny.

But it's really a better game.

I mean, college football is vibrant and exciting, and there's none of that.

We get zero.

So you don't get any of like the fun part of what like college football or the NFL no.

it's not been mind-blowing for you.

The other thing, we don't get the Super Bowl ads, so we could look them up online, but when we're watching the Super Bowl, we're getting you know, like a guy selling a TV down the road.

He goes,

$147 is a good television set.

Funeral insurance from your wife remember.

Matthew McConaughey dressed as Batman, being like, Robin loves Uber Eats.

And you're like,

why are you just freaking

sales force, dude?

I've been obsessed with that.

I know you're talking about

I have, yeah.

Yeah, because

I'm obsessed with celebrities that are backing it.

This is one of the first conversations we had was where you couldn't believe that people would do gambling commercials when they had all that money.

And I always think something must have gone very wrong for Anthony Lepaglia or whatever to be doing Bet 365.

It's bad.

It's really bleak because

they don't need it.

It's not a good thing.

I enjoy a little punt.

Occasionally, I don't mind a little pokey machine.

I love doing a Eurovision winner, whatever.

I'm in Vegas.

I want to play blackjack.

I want to go to a sports book.

I want to put in a bet.

Claiming a sports book ticket in person

is so fun.

It's so fun.

You don't do horse racing as much here.

You have some horse racing.

We have some horse racing.

In Australia, it's like non-you go into any bar and there are three screens playing the horse races going on at that time in the world.

And when you win, you have something to hand some.

You get to hold in the.

Now, when you lose,

you get to tear it up.

But now with the the adventure.

Dog racing?

You don't do dog racing.

There's some dog racing.

I saw

Wheeling West Virginia.

I got to see the dog track.

I'll tell you what, if you had more time here, I would take you up to the Empire Casino.

We go watch the streets.

Do you go as far as the Japanese?

Now, there's like a couple hours where no one anywhere in the world is awake to do horse racing or dog racing.

And at that point, in Australia, you pop on the Japanese robot dogs where

they have like 3D dog racing simulations.

Oh, my goodness.

That's too much.

We cannot be stopped.

But my thing with the gambling ads is

we haven't seen the epidemic hit yet.

Yeah.

Well, I've seen it.

Australia's the highest gambling losses per capita anywhere in the world.

Really?

We beat Asia.

We beat Singapore's number two.

We beat them like two to one.

Do you guys have it on apps and stuff?

I'll get into the...

Okay, a couple of things.

Their advertising is incredible.

Okay.

And what they did, because there weren't a lot of good comedy jobs going in Australia, is they took some of the best like people who really could be big and may still be big one day and should have been writing on a sketch show.

Sure.

And instead they're writing for these gambling commercials.

So they're really well done.

Incredibly, beautifully shot, better written than anything that's on television gambling commercials.

That's it.

Because like Men Are Lonely, social, like there's a social media component to our gambling apps where it's like, you're betting with the boys, you're all in a group chat.

That's where the chat's happening that's where the online hangout is on the sports bet yeah it's it's fucked they've weaponized the idea about sport because everyone's doing a multi-bet you know you're not just watching the game hoping somebody wins you got to hope they win in a very specific way where he gets 25 touches and it's

you know the leader of the opposition when i was there he was like i just miss i just miss watching football watching a game of footy with my sons just having a normal conversation about football about caring about the sport but instead of being like first goal scorer and they've got to get to this so that it's just like just i hate it's so it's ruined gambling well the fun of gambling there was something romantic when gambling was dangerous yeah when it was like oh you gotta go to a book you gotta go to a bookie we had one day in australia on anzac day which is where we uh australian new zealand army corps and celebration of the military but it was the one gay gam like you could gamble in public and it was fine and they do a game called two up which is just two coins on a stick and you you throw it in the air you go heads tails or combo but it's it's

because it was the only day you could do it yeah hundreds of people there with their money in the air going heads i want heads give me heads that's incredible that's a fun you guys did a dice game i played a dice game in america just on a bar with the bar staff everyone's you know laying their ten dollars down and throwing dice together and you're counting up the dice and this is a thrill oh you did so much nicer silo yes i played four five six one two three you're out four five six you win it was like you want to get the sevens.

You want to keep rolling with.

Oh, you're playing craps.

I have no idea.

No, I think sevens is out.

I don't remember.

Someone explained it to me.

CeeLo's the shit.

You want to get like three, three.

If you can get all the same one, then you trump everybody else by the end.

CeeLo, what you want to do is you want to get four, five, six, and you win on three dice.

And if you get one, two, three, you're out.

And then you do like different combos.

It's very fun.

I got a 40 with my homies hanging outside the street

shooting dice, throwing it against the wall.

So, CeeLo Green has taken his name from

the dice game.

But you guys did it right because that day you're describing was like the purge.

You basically did the purge with the story.

They still get it out of the system.

Let's have it.

And then we got the Poke Machines, and we really ran with Poke Machines.

Yeah.

And the old people with the Poke Machines

all day.

When you're driving through the United States next time, go into a gas station.

Go to a Sheets in PA.

Oh, yeah.

I've seen it.

I've done it.

Had a great time.

Then I was angry when I got to Ohio.

Where are these?

Where are my

VIP labs?

Where are my dude?

When we drive, she and I drive to Colorado every Christmas and back.

And it's funny when you get into a state with those and you'll walk into Piston and be like, cling, ling, ling, ling, ling, ling, ling.

And you walk in, you're like, oh, fuck, you guys are straight up are gambling in this gas station.

And I like the big vending machines with the scratchy carts.

Oh, yeah.

I haven't partaken of them, but.

It's good to know that gambling is a worldwide problem.

I mean, mean it's just i i

the advertising and the billboards and the push and like interrupting the game to tell you the odds and oh dude now they do it like you watch espn and it's just like here's how you should gamble tonight what is fun here's on the afl the australian football league app where they you know they're trying to go woke at the same time yeah so they've got you know the the teams and the score and then under that the gambling odds and then under that the aboriginal place name for the place that it's so fucked up those are the two innovations is you know the crows of you know one $1.79 and also this is being played at the Ghana Oval.

Yeah, but that's also so funny when we go like that.

Hey, everybody, give up your kids' college fund.

And also.

We're nice people.

We're so sorry.

We acknowledge.

I mean, do we acknowledge the Kulin Nation as we get on a multi up here?

That's the voice they use in the ads.

That's so funny.

Same guy, multi.

I hate.

I hate

the voice.

I would have done those out.

If I was slightly more successful, if they said, have $70,000 a year to write sports bed commercials, I would have said, yes, please.

If I was still drinking,

there would have been at least three times this podcast where I go.

Don't forget, sign up at draftkings.com.

Because I would just be buying my hooch and getting drunk and being like, I don't give a fuck.

Give me money.

California sober is a term that I heard recently.

I probably heard that before.

Yeah.

Gotta get high.

I get high on weed, but I don't drink alcohol.

I have

alcoholic.

I'm an alcoholic.

I gotta get off nicotine.

I'm a big nicotine.

Oh, yeah, but I mean, trust me, brother, I'm almost back.

America gets in any scraps overseas.

Me and the lady are buying a carton of cigarettes and ripping through it.

Wait until the war is on your soil.

One day it'll come, yeah.

It will up soon.

You see who's our fucking Secretary of Defense.

You see who our Homeland Security is?

You got to keep that on a title leash.

The cognitive dissonance of how you work with illegal immigrants in this country is nuts.

It's crazy.

Because they're everywhere.

Everywhere.

And they're in the public schools.

Yeah.

And there are ways for people to get a driver's license and presumably pay taxes.

Are illegal immigrants paying taxes?

I think in a way, I'm too dumb for this.

I don't have a lot of money.

It seems like sales taxes.

They have to pay sales taxes.

They have to pay income tax.

But

it seems so easy to just come in and hang out.

It was easier before, but in terms of the numbers, it's very large.

Well, it's crazy.

As a white-collar person, it's...

If you come in the front door, this is the hardest place in the world to legally ever.

Oh, for sure.

If you want to fix the illegal immigration thing and you still want all these, just make it a bit easier to come into the.

It's so funny when you hear an Australian say that, because if I were to say that, which I completely agree with,

so many people would have opinions about it where you go, I just feel like we should make this system a little more comprehensive and a little easier to.

Trump used to run on this.

He would say, we'll have a wall with a big, beautiful door.

And you got neither the door nor the wall.

Well, you know what's funny is Obama,

no one talks about Obama deported more people than Trump.

Yeah.

Obama was like, but he was doing that thing where the thing that I hate about the money.

He's going, relax, baby.

Yeah, where he's going like, I'm not doing anything evil.

We're sending him back.

No, we're just going to send him on a little trip home.

And you go, I think that's pretty fucked up what you need.

He's like,

I didn't send him back.

Obama's fucking, he's a wild boy.

With the drone strikes with Yemen?

We fucking.

I'm going to drone strike the Jonas brothers' house if they come for my daughter.

He wouldn't even fucking, yeah, he wouldn't even admit it.

They'd be like, what are you doing in Yemen?

He'd be like, oh, I got to go.

They'd be like, you blew up a wedding in Yemen.

This is

only Nixon can go to China, is the expression I think.

Yeah, that's very funny.

You've got to be lefties can do right-wing things and right-wing people can do lefty things, but not.

No.

You can't do your own thing.

You can't do your own thing or else you get fucking zapped.

Whereas Trump now can raise taxes on the rich and everyone will go, okay.

That's probably the same thing.

Well, he ain't going to.

The rich are like, Donald.

He's saying he's going to do it.

Yeah, but they're going, Donald.

And he's like, shh, just give me a second.

He's going like, shut the fuck up.

Give me a fucking second.

He's got it.

All right, man.

NPR has.

I don't know if you listen to NPR very much.

They're changing.

Were they going right way?

They're going centrist.

They're a little more centrist.

Well, you know what?

Having someone on from both sides now is

they're starting to see that everyone went so left during the eight years Obama was.

Why can't left-wing people in this country acknowledge that they held the mainstream for a long time?

Because then they would also have to admit that we took land from Native Americans and that we

enslaved black people for 450 years while they built the infrastructure that this country is yeah and we treated them you never get back to the native the native americans do not have a i grew up in colorado so it's right in your face there's some of that there you grow up in colorado you go do they take i don't think this was a taco bell 150 do they take the 50 cents when you try and do a hand of gambling in colorado is that just an oklahoma thing i think it's an oklahoma i stopped by the side of the road at a casino in oklahoma and the guy just kept taking 50 cents i was like where's that going he said that's a table fee well they what they do is they they give that was our way that's reparation we like flipped it when we went like, all right, we'll give you casinos to the Native Americans.

And they were like,

can we have booze?

Give them sports betting.

That would be sick.

Just extend it to sports betting as well.

And then at least it's doing something.

They'd be like, hi, I'm runs with parlay.

Welcome to DraftKings.

Are you a white man that's taken our land?

Well, don't forget the Brewers are playing the Braves tonight.

What is the over-under on our life expectancy at the moment?

Or they just do it where they go, the great eagle thinks that the brewers are going to cover.

And you go, I feel like I should take this bet.

You should make a little noise this way.

Cocoa!

You put it in your bet.

You go, hi,

the great and powerful snake

has told me that the Colts are incapable of.

This is Shaq in a headdress.

That's what the commercial.

No, this is my Shaquille O'Neal.

How did Shaquille O'Neal become the face of corporate America?

He's everything.

He's saying yes to everything.

He says yes to the printers.

I think he did an ad for like

a small car.

He can't fit in that car.

Katie got sent a box of Shaq gummies.

I saw the Shaq gummies

this week.

They're not bad.

They're not marijuana gummies either.

They're like gas station gummies.

No, they're the kind I enjoy.

They're just like the little fucking snackies.

A nice little piece of sugar.

A little sugar.

But he also does, I was at Macy's, and Shaq is all over Macy's.

And then you you walk out of macy's and there's a bill big billboard for like uh if you want to break something into payments that's also shaq shaq will be everywhere he's does like 17 shaqs uh pizza yeah papa jones that's the general car and toby said he was lazy but only with the free throw practice he's not lazy working on the commercial that's so fucking funny that was his real calling he's working overtime you go to he's not he's not lazy at all shaq's like is that a commercial can i do it can i do the commercial i'm working i can't do shaq

I was wondering if I could do that commercial, too.

Shaq, you already have enough commercials.

I want that commercial.

Can I have that commercial?

It must be hard for him to only be able to do one per industry.

Yeah.

That's Papa John's, but he wants to do Pizza Hut as well.

Or do Domino's, or do Pizza Hut, or do Little Caesars?

You can't do that.

He ends up having the feeling of that being your monarch because you just see him trying to help people

all the time.

King Shaq.

He buys people laptops and trucks.

And

printers?

Does he actually buy them?

He buys them, dude.

I've seen videos.

Don't talk about St.

Shaq.

I would never have a word against Shaq.

It would be nice if he left some commercials for somebody.

He gave the word.

And the word was Shaq.

And the word was.

Once there's a church of Shaq, I'm off the Shaq track.

That's always he goes, do y'all believe in Jesus?

They go, yeah.

You want to see me dunk?

Yeah.

And then he slams, he goes, God sent us down.

And it was a slammer drama.

I'm way born too.

He coined Slammer Jammer?

No, no.

He did a rap album in the 90s.

I've heard the the rap album.

And it's called What's Up, Doc?

Can We Rock?

Bad.

It's bad.

It's very

sort of Craig Mac type.

But there's this moment where he goes, y'all want me to pass?

And they go, no.

No.

Y'all want me to slam?

And they're like, yeah.

It's great.

What's up, Doc?

Can we rock?

It's one of the best.

It's kind of a dig.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's one of the owners.

Because Papa John said the N-word.

Then they had to send him away.

So then Shaq was like, I bet there's a lot more saying the N-word at Papa John's HQ now.

Now with him running it?

He goes, I told them we can't do a Sprite pizza deal for $10.

Walker and I,

I want to give Sprite to everybody.

Sprite being a black drink

was news.

SNL had a great sketch where they did it.

I almost never hear it acknowledged.

And I have some, I've met white people who don't know that it's a black drink in America.

Yeah.

so marketed to black people what's funny is like uh when the snl did that sketch where it was like brought to you by sprite how did we become the black soda

tireless effort tireless effort do you know why back in the 90s great hill drink sprite i remember that all the time great hill drink they would just they just marketed it here's a here's a funny dr pepper one because dr pepper is a weird indie i love it okay but you're in a dr pepper house in some countries it's a coca-cola beverage and in other countries it is is a Pepsi-Cola beverage.

So it is a...

Different countries have

Coca-Cola

in America.

But I think like in the UK and other, we'd have to look it up, but it's like weirdly divided that Dr.

Pepper is a shared intellectual property of both the Coca-Cola Corporation and PepsiCo.

I got to send you this video so you can edit it in right now this episode.

There's a video of a black dude sleeping with his mouth open, and someone pours Dr.

Pepper in it, and he goes,

oh, that's that dr.

Pam

and it makes me laugh is that a commercial no this is a video online that I sent to Shane that I'll find this is the black dude sleeping with his mouth open he's like he's like an old black dude he's like

and someone takes dr.

Pepper and they pour it in his mouth he goes

oh that's that dr.

Pam when uh when Shane got the Bud Light commercial yeah I

I think my friend Amos came up with it, but I pitched it as what I wanted the ad to be, my idea for an ad.

And I think someone should do it for an ad.

They wouldn't do it, apparently.

But you have a guy being waterboarded, but they're waterboarding him with Bud Light.

Shane wanted to do that because of your recommendation.

Okay, well, it was Amos I'll give the credit to originally.

And yeah, and he's like, more, more.

And they're going, we don't know what we're doing wrong.

I talked to him about that.

Really?

I'm

so excited.

It got to that point.

Yeah, no, like Shane was like, no, we were funny waterboarding thing.

And I was like, oh, that would have been great.

And he's like, yeah, Bud Light.

We're not down with that.

And Isaac Bush is like, dude, we can't fucking do that.

It was such a good credential.

You go to Guatemala, you go to Gitmo for the illegal immigration.

You stay for the Bud Light.

Holidayo!

Their stock price.

They won't do it.

Their stock price.

That would be bad.

That's what.

Put them over.

No one will remember the trans thing after the waterboarding commercial.

I like that thing.

It'd be fucking great.

I just looked at how long we were going.

How long have we done?

Like, way over an hour.

Oh.

We never go this long.

Well, I should.

I'm going to do a show.

I should take a nap.

I fucking love talking to you.

This is great.

We were going to do it.

James McCann, Hey America, on YouTube.

Watch everything this guy does.

James Donald Ford's McCann Catamaran Plan.

It's out now.

And book.

I've got books of poems.

Yeah.

Got a third one.

A fourth one's coming out soon.

I don't know what to call it.

Incredibly smart.

Incredibly fun.

Incredibly fun to hang out with.

Oh, that's the one that makes it.

That's the Fuji one that makes it look like film.

Like the signal.

I had a friend bring that.

My friend Sam Clark brought that out too.

Sass best.

To the UK.

He's got all the fucking cool shit.

He's got all the gear.

I need a you.

I'm struggling doing a podcast on your own.

Terrible experience.

I have any excited career right now is because of him.

He's the whole reason I have any sort of.

Are you getting a percentage?

Yeah.

He's getting a raise.

He got a raise.

Listen, I pay the guy well.

I pay the guy fucking percentage.

If you're buying those trousers, you're doing absolutely fine.

Yeah, he's got fucking cool jackets and shit.

He's fine.

Is this your semi-pornographic jacket?

Yeah, I just keep looking at that woman eating what I think is not really a sandwich.

Look at that gay guy biting that nipple.

James McCann's the shit.

That is really biting the heck out of that nipple.

Put more of him in your life, like that nipple in that guy's mouth.

There's honestly, premium rules.

And bye.