79: Pawn Shop Inheritance with John Moses | Soder Podcast | EP 77

Spokane, Washington, May 1st through the 3rd.

I'm going to be at the Spokane Comedy Club doing five shows.

I love that town.

I love that club, so I'm excited to get back.

May 15th, I will be at the Egg in Albany, New York.

So go get tickets at danceoder.com.

May 16th, I'm going to be at the Flynn Theater in Burlington, Vermont.

Burlington, I know you're a tiny, sleepy town, but I love coming and doing comedy there.

So please buy tickets to see me at the Flynn May 16th.

It's going to be a hell of a show.

DanceOder.com for tickets.

John Moses hosts a great podcast with Tyler Morrison.

Yes.

Fight Stories.

You should check it out.

Especially if you're a pussy like me that doesn't like fighting, but likes hearing about fights.

Yeah.

I mean, also, you're both Canadian, and Canadians,

I would say,

in this day and age, better at fist fighting than Americans.

I think we're better at mass shootings.

I think we're better at killing.

Definitely.

I think we're better at killing people.

Americans are.

But I think you guys are better at just throwing hands.

I think the average Canadian, that might have some weight with the average Canadian.

Yeah.

But I think you're trained killers.

Oh, no, no, no.

Our army is way better.

You're Navy Sealboys.

Yeah.

No, I'm talking about like guy at a bar in America versus guy at a bar in Canada because of how much more important hockey is to you guys.

Yeah, I mean

I would love to see the actual statistics, but there's there's two things going for us hockey which welcomes a fist fight and legally allowed right right with the with with minor interference also you're fighting on skates.

Yeah, so your balance is much better.

Right.

You're you're comfortable taking a punch.

It's we don't have none of our sports match that.

And then the other thing is, there's just not really ever a threat of being shot outside.

That's why.

That's why you're so close to go to hands.

Yeah.

Because if you know, you go to hands, you go, worst case scenario, this guy's got a knife.

And you go, that guy's probably got an AR-15.

Oh, bad.

And enough bolts to take out this whole mall.

My road rage goes up like a solid 30% when I'm back in Toronto because I'm like, oh, we can take it to the street.

I love that.

I love feeling that feeling of like, here I am fucking dangerous.

And in America, you go, God only knows what they have under the sun.

Oh, my God, dude.

God only knows.

So like one of my last road rage incidents that I acted upon.

So you act on it.

Because I'm in my 40s now.

So what I do is I, in my 20s, I might have acted on it.

In my 40s, what I do is I rage, I steering wheel punch.

Yeah.

And then I go, like, I'm 40.

That's probably

a more, not the most mature.

No, not at all.

It's not mature.

But on a scale, yeah it's approaching a more mature where was that where where did this incident happen the bronx oh boy that's what it was yeah you don't want to you know so somebody sideswipes me and on the cross bronx expressway i and they just like leave and i'm just like i just feel helpless and i'm infuriated in that moment so you were in the car yeah they hit you yeah

he doesn't like try to do anything or like like there's none of that and then but it's like like crazy traffic so i just jump out of the car and i'm like bro come on and he's like

yeah i know me

i have giant gone for you

i shoot you you die yeah and you go okay that's all i need to hear well uh he was just like not getting out maybe drunk and i get and i'm i'm boiling like i yeah and so did you did you go for the door handle no i He drove off.

Okay.

So I got back in the car and followed for 10 minutes.

Yeah.

Just like in and out of Bronx streets.

Right on him.

Yeah.

So he knew you were following him.

Yeah.

And then at some point, like it dawns on me, I'm probably going back to this guy's house.

Oh, yeah.

And he's on the phone.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

Like, this is dumb.

You know, so at the next stoplight, I just got out and mule kicked the driver's side door and completely caved it in.

Rational.

Effective.

What did he do when you did that?

He's just like, ah,

that's great.

And then I was like, now we're even.

I just felt like so funny I'm at thank you namaste you give him a namaste after you fucking horse kick his door

blessed be you and he's like this man is crazy you were probably like right he was probably going home yeah probably had people waiting maybe probably someone getting a gun god only knows what was happening that at least the second you horse kicked his door he was like oh this guy's a fucking problem it might have switched the whole thing, but then now you're free of the anger.

Yeah, and this guy might have been terrified.

We don't know, but there's a chance that he might have been like, If this guy's willing enough, he was following me, then he horse kicks.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Like,

you were already leaving, but you know what?

That guy might have been like, He had, he was demonstrating very little English abilities at that moment.

I'm sure he pulled it back a little.

Yeah, yeah, he's like,

I can't believe I sideswiped him.

And then you go on, he's like, I know, no, I know

If I tried doing that, if I got it.

You gotta go straight French.

I did.

I do not know what I am saying.

I fixed the wrong accent.

Do you know what you do?

You're not fucking Mexican?

Okay, I did know what I did.

I did not.

Dude, that's all Road Rage takes is one.

You know the

game show where they press the button and they go, no Amys, no Amys, no Amy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A whammy is like a super dangerous person.

Yes, you could get a whammy.

Yeah.

Big J does that.

Big J will pop out of his car.

Yeah.

And me, Lewis, Lewis tells him not to.

And Lewis is the biggest psycho I know.

And he's like, you don't want to do that because you're right.

You get the wrong fucking guy.

And how many people have you had on fight stories that talk about the worst fight is probably picking the wrong guy?

Oh, dude.

And the wrong guy.

So classic example.

And I think this incident happened after I've heard this story.

but anyway.

Yeah.

Buddy, somebody did a road rage on Ken Shamrock.

Come on.

Literally in the WWE called the most dangerous man in the world.

UFC.

He was the first UFC.

Yeah.

Yeah.

One.

Dude, he was nuts.

Just a sheer nightmare.

And there are, like, you don't know, but there are people.

Like, Steve Miotic is driving around Cleveland.

You fucking run into him.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure, he's not an active UFC fighter, but he has the record for most heavyweight title defenses.

Yeah.

It's like when people wanted to shit talk Brendan Schaub for doing stand-up comedy.

Yeah.

Fine.

Also, remember, he's a UFC fighter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, he'll get his hands on you and fuck your shit up.

But that's the way.

This ain't the comment section, bro.

This is ARL.

This is in person.

And that's what it is.

I think with like Road Rage, as someone that feels Road Rage, I'm always very aware.

Yeah.

But you being Canadian, you're right.

You're like, Americans' guns are a big thing.

When I lived in Arizona, that's it.

Ken Shamrock is still only going to knock you out, maybe pop a couple teeth out.

Yeah, he might break your orbital bone.

Sure.

This guy's going to be a bad one.

Somebody, yeah, a couple months ago, somebody got shot over a road parking space, New York, somewhere.

You hear about that all the time.

When I lived in Arizona, I was very New York and Arizona are about the same level of worry about a gun.

Because Arizona, you can just buy a gun on your way to the grocery store.

So you have no idea who's just got a fucking hand cannon in their trunk and just put a hole in in your chest right but it is with road rage i would road rage would be fun if you were like uh hoist gracie like very unassuming yes just like a guy where you're like i don't think you should do that and they're like fuck it and then you're like and then you fuck their shit out yeah they see that like that i don't think you should do that and they're like oh yeah and then they like elevate and ramp up they start undoing their their like dress shirt and they're like you're not gonna like the way that goes that's the kind of badass well buddy that that's the thing thing about like doing you know fight stories for as long as you as we do it it's like there's two things you learn it's like don't underestimate anybody anybody and the second thing is it's like if somebody acts that calmly you got a problem dude that you got a real problem i truly think that's the most badass thing anyone can do is not talk

but like just be like calm yeah in a moment where there's going to be violence and they just go like okay yeah yeah because that's this isn't that that's not me though yeah because yeah well, your calmness is like, you know how people always go like,

I could never do stand-up.

You guys go talk in front of an audience.

Right.

You learned how to get through that as you've done it.

Right.

They've learned how to get through that by fighting.

Like their whole thing is fighting.

Yeah, it's just a quiet confidence that you get from doing the thing over and over and over.

Maybe we start lying.

Maybe we learn how to be calm.

And then someone just asks, because that kind of guy getting just absolutely destroyed, going, okay, we'll fight.

And then someone sits on top of him and you're like, oh, God,

oh, you're both on second dose.

No ability to block that first shot.

You're just crying because someone's just fucking wailing on you.

Because that's the other thing.

It's like, if you're not a trained fighter, you know, you know,

I don't know what the percentage is, but most of the time, guy who throws the first one is going to win that, is going to win that bout.

I've noticed, I mean, have you ever on fight stories track someone down that you've seen fighting on a internet video?

No.

That's like, that's a, that's a Patreon episode, brother.

Oh my God.

Because like we want that.

You see guys sometimes when I watch like internet

like videos on Reddit or Instagram or whatever when they're fighting, it's the guys that go over the top and with straights that always land the most.

The guys that do the big wind up and they always miss, throw their bodies around, but the dudes that come in straight and over the top, they just land a lot.

It's just volume.

I'm always amazed by that.

That calmness, accuracy, all that shit in fights, i'm always like i would have none of that i would just be over emotional and just throwing my weight around yeah i mean listen i say this all and like i am still

like

i mean i'm not like i don't want to say i'm a but i don't know how to fight yeah you know like i'm not a fighter i've just been in a lot of fights yeah i've i know what it's i know i can survive getting punched in the mouth yeah which i also think is uh a great life skill

just knowing that you can get blasted in the face face and keep going.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You'll shake it off.

Because people go like, oh, like there's been someone that's hit you that's seen you take that punch and gone like, fuck.

Yeah.

This is not going to be an easy day.

Right, right.

Or if like, if you're getting hit and you can still like sort of think in the moment.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

That's beyond.

That's like when you're bombing and you can get out of it.

Right.

Where you're like in the moment, you go like, what am I doing?

I'm bombing.

And then everyone goes like, yeah.

Like in a fight where you're like, put your hand up and then you block it and you're like, oh, that worked.

I would be more amazed.

That would fuck me up.

Yeah.

I'd go, it worked.

Celebration?

I'd go,

I parried that.

And then it was fucking smashing my face.

But I remember, like, back to the calmness thing.

One time, Katie and I were driving to Boston for Thanksgiving, where her family is.

And we were going up the West Side Highway.

It was just bumper-to-bumper traffic.

up in the 90s, up in the hundreds or whatever.

And there was an exit ramp.

And these two guys were like, obviously talking with their cars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this guy fucking and it's like typical New York.

Yeah.

It's just people do that and they like, and then they're like windows down.

They're fucking yelling at each other.

But this dude cuts this other guy off.

This guy goes on the off ramp and I'm like, oh, he's had enough.

Pops out of his car with something

and then he just shatters the back dude, the dude's back window.

He had like a piece of metal that went in and he just like, how quickly and efficiently, and I mean, Katie and I were right behind it.

So we were like, oh, like he like did it.

We're like, damn.

Yeah.

And then he got in and drove.

And he was like, drive, drive, drive.

I'm like, why?

He left.

There's no problem anymore.

The guy that was a problem left.

But he did it so calm that you're like, that guy who got his window smashed.

Yeah.

He got out lucky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because that guy was, God only knows what he's willing to do.

Oh, yeah.

If you're calmly,

you wonder if just someone was in the car and he goes, yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if that place is still open.

And he just gets out.

And he gets back and he goes, okay, you want to see if they're open?

And you're like, holy shit holy shit dude whoever you're with like in that moment you're like

like if i was with my girl i'd be like because i'm such a shit talking yeah you know like tough presenting

i present tough yeah yeah

she would be like oh she fucking losers yeah

oh she can't but i can't what do you want me to do chase a car down

like you start yeah you turn that anger towards them what do you want me to fucking do i can't fucking chase a car well that's that yeah i don't want to get deported over this Have you had anyone on fight stories that has like had reach out and been like, hey, you got to omit a big part of that because of legal things?

So, yeah, we always have that.

We always have that

discussion up front.

Okay.

We're like, hey, guys, you just might want to think about the statute of limitations.

Is this an assault?

Yeah.

A lot of them are.

Every fight's an assault.

Most of my stories are assaults.

Yeah.

That's what's crazy about a fight is you can lose a fight, right?

And you could feel shame or whatever, but then there's just an extra level of if you lose a fight, you get beat up and you go, I want the police involved.

Because then you go, well, now,

now the respect is gone.

Oh, exactly.

I can understand someone taking a beating.

Yeah.

I can understand someone lying about it.

I can understand.

you know, you getting into a fight with somebody and then like you see these like these videos on Twitter and like the guy goes down and like you see a hit or two more and you're like, okay, okay.

And then you see like like four, five, six, seven, eight.

You're like, oh, come on, man.

That was every World Star fight watching.

Where you go, he's out.

Oh.

Yeah.

Or like a stomp.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

And it's those situations, you're like, but the police should be involved.

Yeah.

Now I want the cops involved.

This is us being white.

We just go like, hey, now I need to call a police officer.

That's not cool.

Just that fucking, those stomps, that last punch.

Sometimes when you see it, you're like, oh, fuck.

But you also know that that has listen i'm not saying it's okay for those of you at home but i am saying there has to be it has to feel kind of good just that one over the top where you're like you got like one more for me yeah one more you're like listen i can one more for you i can get with one more for me you know yeah the multiple murderous yeah you know like i've seen the one more yeah like though he goes down like okay and then you see like one you're like okay and you see another one and you're like and then it's like seven after that dude the guy's like like, you're going to kill him.

And then you want someone around to go, well, now I want to see that guy get beat up.

Yeah.

Because now you're the villain.

You won, and now I fucking hate you, which is, you know, that's how fights work.

So I used to host this

amateur strip contest at the Bronx.

You used to go up every Friday night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wasn't it every Friday?

Friday morning?

Probably two in the morning.

I would see John out.

And you would be like, we'd be at like Broadway or like,

or fucking Stand-Up New York or something.

And you'd be like, yeah, I gotta go Yeah, and you'd be like I'd be going home Yeah, and you'd be like I gotta go host this thing up in the Bronx this at the strip club and I'd be like and then when you told me you were starting a fight podcast I was like oh yeah this is a guy who goes to the Bronx fucking Friday night at two in the morning yeah yeah comfortably we like we heard the gunshots out of there outside we heard gunshots and then two chicks were running there like they shoot it yeah and they were like oh And me and my buddy Dino, we just stood there for a minute and I was like, well, I don't hear anymore, man.

That's so funny.

Well, clearly, they're gone.

The gunshot stopped, yeah.

And then we went in.

The club was just like in full-on part, like nothing happened.

That's so funny.

Like, it's a bird.

You go, it flew away.

I don't hear it anymore.

Yeah, like the guy in the car gunshot.

He's like, They're gone.

He goes, Yeah, the problem is left.

Yeah, the problem just.

Um, but like, and there would be like that, was like uh, like a B-list black celebrity like hangout on that night.

Oh, really?

Like, who would come in there?

Um, like, you'd see

French Montana before he like blew up.

Yeah.

Did he blow up?

He did.

He's like a brick.

He had a hit.

That was Cardi B stripped at that strip club.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Before

we were there regularly.

Okay.

You know, but like that is so funny that there's like venues are venues.

So like when you go into a venue sometimes, they'll be like, you know, Charlie Parker played here.

And you go.

It's incredible.

And you go, you know, Cardi B used to slap her pussy on that stage.

You go, fantastic.

And that's Cardi B in the Bronx messed up teeth before the

fucking.

Yeah, yeah.

No business believing in herself.

Yeah.

I mean, the fact that that's almost got to be motivational for you.

You're just there every night.

You go, someone in here believed in themselves?

Yeah.

It's fucking crazy.

You know, so other people, like, you would have like, like, like, that's so, like Disney's That's So Raven.

Yeah.

She would like show up with somebody.

Raven Simone?

Yeah, Raven, Simone.

You know, the occasionally like the offensive line for somebody would show up.

Love it.

Why would they go there?

Was this place known as having like good strippers?

Yeah, yeah.

It was like, it was like the spot.

That place was pretty money on a Thursday night.

Really?

Yeah, Mark Henry was there one night.

Shout out the world's strongest man.

And somebody went to the guy, Mark Henry, and went, oh, damn, Kimbo Slice.

That's funny.

That's very funny.

The guy that did it was probably, you know, our height, but maybe a little bigger.

And Mark Henry went, I ain't Kimbo slice but i knock motherfuckers out like him and i watched this grown man wither yeah in front of

yeah and then i'm so sorry i'm so sorry yeah yeah he was excited he thought he was meeting a celebrity yeah also to call someone kimbo slice it's not kimbo slice you do that to a tiny blonde girl and you call her ashley olson not ashley olson you're fine

you're fine if she goes i'm but i but i am like and you go shut up and that you go sir mountain of a man yeah i just want to apologize yeah yeah yeah that's security ran over grab looked at the situation grabbed the dude and threw him funny that's always my favorite when security goes to somebody they go well he's the real problem so we're just gonna deal with you

this is a lot stickier yeah yeah he'll kick the fuck out of one of us oh yeah yeah yeah this is gonna be a melee were cops around a lot at this strip club oh man so

I saw a guy, like a guy, like a captain, I'm assuming.

Yeah.

He looked like he was dressed from like that sky captain, that Angelina Jolie.

What was that?

It was like a sky captain, whatever, a futuristic, you know, in place of that, well, what was the fifth element?

We'll say a captain from fifth element, boots up to his thighs,

hat, you know, declarated,

accepting a puffy envelope.

Sick.

Right around Christmas.

Sick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sick.

And I was like, all right.

Cops kid got a fucking PS5.

Yeah.

Because that strip club was like, you don't break us up at 430 in the morning.

Oh yeah.

How late do they go there?

What's the latest you've been there?

I might have closed it once or twice.

Is that like seven in the morning?

No, it was always four.

They kicked everybody out.

So they don't do like the after

because strip clubs are infamous for getting away with like extra hours.

Yeah, these guys didn't do it.

Probably because there was a lot of heat to begin with.

Eventually they shut down and it was for that type of stuff.

There was like a full page,

you know, spread in the New York Post, like, busted.

yeah dude yeah yeah dude yeah yeah yeah there wasn't there wasn't enough envelopes to go around yeah eventually somebody you always wonder who's getting a taste yeah like nypd is it the city it was kind of nice to know like how things like that work like i'm all about you know kickbacks and nepotism i think brother this country was built on that man and also yanka and change it yeah it's there it's just how it works fucking congressmen politicians are corrupt everyone's corrupt but also also, if you're opening a strip club, you probably go in that with like, well, we're going to have to pay people off.

Like, I have a feeling they don't go in there and go, everything by the book.

They go, we want this to be successful.

The penthouse on fucking West Side Highway.

Yeah.

God only knows how many cops they're paying.

Oh, sure, sure.

How many friends in high places they got video of?

Oh, my God.

Just a senator getting sucked off in a private booth.

Him leaving at 2 a.m.

on CCTV is enough.

But they got that.

Yeah, but if they got that, they go like, well, we're really okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to know what they have on like a lot of these people because they just go like,

if you were brave enough of a senator to go, I'm just going to tell my wife.

And they go, fuck.

You got nothing on this.

Yeah, yeah.

You got nothing on them.

You treat that like the people like who've got pictures of you jacking off on the internet.

You're like, go ahead, send it to everybody.

It's disgusting.

That's the funny part about being a comic is you almost go like, if someone has something embarrassing on you, you go, release it.

I'll do a bit about it.

Go ahead.

You just gave me work.

Now i can i can use that as stuff i know i always think about that i always think like uh when people have like well this person was gonna blackmail me if they're a comedian i'm like just do the thing yeah you have the ability to say the thing that you're worried about not getting yeah getting out is like a joke yeah yeah yeah especially if you're like a single guy or you or you're in a a new relationship yeah

if you have a family you don't want broken up i got right right there's some pressure there sure but if you're like

on the fence about that family anyway yeah

Looking for a way out.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

They go, I have this on you.

He goes, brother, you picked the wrong guy.

At the wrong time.

He just shows your call log.

It's all divorce lawyers.

They go, fuck.

Yeah.

And he goes, please, I might get out of this thing without paying any money.

Dude, that's, yeah.

Going to that strip club.

Was there ever a moment where you're like, I shouldn't fucking be here?

Oh, man.

So, you know, back to the thing about like.

What was this place called?

Cin City.

Cin City.

Yeah.

So, you know, back to the thing about us being white guys being like, oh, they shouldn't have stomped them like that.

Yeah.

So I was standing by the kitchen.

I had that, like the guy who worked the kitchen, the chef, like, we're still friends on Instagram.

I'm like, oh, nice plates.

He catered.

He catered my Christmas party.

Really?

Yeah.

So my ex-wife, like, her mother-in-law's like, oh, this soul food's delicious.

Where did you get it from?

I'm like,

I am usually not a fan of collard greens, but these ones have snap to them.

Yeah.

But there was a time, like, I was just standing there by the kitchen, and this, it went on.

I did that.

The first time I ever did it, I was like, they were like, oh, we need a comic.

Just go up and do some time.

I'm like, I am not doing time.

Yeah.

That is the last thing I'm doing.

I go, start the show.

I'll find some funny in it somewhere.

And then I would just roast the girls as they'd come on stage.

Didn't matter how good.

If she was perfect, I'd be like, but that toe.

That's great.

Did that ever get the strippers like into you?

Were they?

Like, sometimes hot girls, when you shit on them, they're like.

I mean, maybe.

I mean, there were some like strippers there.

Like, when I first walked in, I was like, I would give anything

to have sex with this woman.

And then, like a month later, she's like, so are you going to ask for my number?

And I'm like, I'm married.

And I went, I'm sorry.

Please get away from me, Destiny.

I'm so sorry.

I love your little, your giant ass tattoo, but please leave me alone.

Your food is too spicy.

Like trying for any excuse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's like, I was like, she's like, well, we can be friends.

I'm like, I can't be friends with you.

I can't.

I can't just do platonic relationship with a a girl that you could put a drink on her ass.

Yeah.

And they were like a lot of Dominicans, so you certainly could.

Yeah.

But

I say that.

So, you know, six, it went for six years.

And after every single time, I was like, that has to be the last time this happens.

It has to be.

Really?

You know, because it was just, it was, everybody's smoking weed.

And who knows what's happening in the back?

Yeah.

It just felt like there just always felt like a general

danger in the air, you know?

know that's i would say that's a lot of strip clubs i think it's very few strip clubs that you walk in there and you don't feel like at any moment something could pop off it listen living in new jersey now off of route nine there's a lot of real sad sad strip clubs where i don't feel the danger as much as i feel you know what i feel depression not that i hang out not that i'm hanging out yeah but i i i think you're right i'm gonna retract what i said it's i'm completely wrong i'm mistaking the feeling of overwhelming sadness sadness

to danger.

Yeah, I mean, like, is there a danger of somebody committing suicide in the parking lot?

Someone not being around in six months.

That's like what it is where you go, she might not be around in six months.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, God, yeah.

A danger of an overdose.

But this place, like, it always just felt like, you know, dangerous.

So one day I'm standing there and a guy gets a plate busted over his face beside me.

Like, I'm just standing there.

Like a dinner plate.

Like a dinner plate.

Just like smacked over his face.

Okay.

In similar situations, security comes over, looks at the situation, grabs a guy who got assaulted and threw him out the back door because the guy who smacked it over his plate was a good customer.

That's so fucking funny.

He's a good tipper.

What do you want me to do?

That's so funny.

How much of a regular am I?

Watch this.

And he goes, they're going to kick him out.

Sir, can we refill your glass?

Dude, I watched that at a Christmas party at Caroline's.

Yeah.

Rich Voss kicked another comic in the ribs.

It broke his ribs and they removed him.

Yeah.

Rich Voss kicked him and they're like, we'll get him out of here.

And the NYPD just pulled the other guy out and you're like, holy shit, Rich.

It was fucking insane.

Yeah.

I mean, that, like, the funny thing is we had Rich Voss on Fight Stars, and he was like, just don't mention the kick, though.

Oh, really?

I mentioned it.

It's a.

I don't give a fuck.

But 10 years.

It's so funny.

He's like, can you not bring up the kick?

Can you not bring up the kick?

He also saw a room full of loudmouth witnesses.

Yeah.

You got people that want to tell stories.

Exactly.

And you go like, dude, I saw some shit.

Yeah, you're lucky it's not in somebody's act.

But he's a...

Voss,

I wouldn't doubt if Voss could fight at all.

Like, he came up.

He came up in the black scene in the 80s.

He was also...

addicted to drugs for years.

Yeah, I know.

So what we found is that there was a period of Rich's life where he was doing a lot of karate.

Oh, yeah.

And cocaine at the same time.

Whoa, and karate.

I forgot.

He He's like a karate champion.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if he's a champion, but he's

competed.

He competed.

Let's just call him a champion.

Sure.

I love Rich Ross.

You know what?

Let me retract.

Anybody that's running around doing karate and cocaine in the 80s is a goddamn champion.

He's like, I can take on Ralph Baccho.

I want to get in the All-Valley under-18 karate tournament.

You're like, Rich, you're 36.

Yeah.

He's like, I don't care.

We'll go out to LA.

I'm going to sell my TD after I beat the shit out of him.

dude that's wild was there it's like it's a little bit of like uh a boogey night scene where it's like you know like remember they're like popping off fireworks snorting coke like him like snorting coke like a guy's kung fu kicking in a basement yeah him just breaking boards in fucking linden new jersey and they're like what are you doing he's like i'm training

i'm training give me another fucking rail have you had anybody on the show that you found out was like a legit badass that you before were like oh this is a weird guest.

Did you, because most of the people you book are like pretty tough forward.

They're pretty like,

yeah.

And I think with fighting, you kind of have a good idea of that was kind of it.

Like, you know, we were, usually, people are recommended to the podcast.

Yeah, they got to mean this guy fucking loves to fight.

Yeah.

And then we've had like, we've had like comics who, you know, come on and like, I got my ass kicked all the time.

And those are also great episodes because it's like, those are, you don't want to, we, like, like the sweet spot is a guy who's been in a ton of fights, but is also You know a little self-aware and can admit when he got his ass kicked.

Yeah, you're looking for a guy with self-awareness and a 50-50 record to go like

well I fuck if I win some and I lose some.

Let me tell you about it.

You don't want to hear about a guy raining bombs on somebody all the time.

He goes, so then there's six of them.

I ripped through five of them.

I think he's

leave one alive.

Well, like I always love friends of mine that tell fight stories like that, where they always tell their losses.

And then you're like, well, there's got to be some wins in there.

And then they tell a win story and you go like holy like Vecchion yeah I've known Vecchion I mean I lived with him for 10 years yeah

he would never brag about fighting right he wrestled at Penn State right guys like if you're a wrestler in college you're a legitimate tough oh yeah like you can these hiccups won't fucking leave me um they started at the beginning of the episode and they're just fucking haunting me but um

vecchion i was like living with him And we talked about something and he just randomly brings up this story about he was at Penn State.

He went home to Florida.

He went out with his sister and his girlfriend and someone called his girlfriend a pig.

Yeah.

And he like

calmly drove them home and then just waited outside the bar for these guys.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He told this story on the podcast.

Go listen to that episode.

Yeah.

Go listen to that episode of Fight Stories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because he told it to me being like, yeah, and I thought I was going to get my ass kicked, but I ended up,

you know, knocking out four of them or something.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Wow.

And he told me and my roommate that story.

Like, yeah, so, you know, I thought I was going to lose.

And I was like, hold on.

You waited outside a bar and then beat the shit out of four dudes.

And he was like, yeah, but it wasn't like that.

It's like, it's just good to know as your roommate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it was like.

Then he started going, like, I'll take out the trash.

You know what?

I think it's my turn to clean the toilets.

I got to clean the toilets again.

Fucking psycho will wait outside.

No, but he has ever cleaned the toilets out here.

I asked him when he told me that story, he was like, I just waited in my car and I waited outside.

I go, did you listen to music?

and he was like no

and you're like that's scarier yeah just heavy nose breathing like yeah yeah yeah

yeah or maybe it was just like man these guys are taking forever yeah

i am hungry like tapping his steering wheel

oh here they are

it's like it's fucking crazy yeah yeah losing a fight for comedians is the best case scenario yeah i mean like well i mean this that's the thing right like in in this business whatever horror you're going through in your life, you're like, there's, there's always that silver lining.

There's that moment, you know, whenever, whenever you're going through some shit,

as you go, like,

this could be a good bit.

Could be a good bit, dude.

I,

uh, on my last special had this bit about

playing porn over a Bluetooth speaker while she was in the shower.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And, like, it happened.

And then I, like, maybe an hour later, go, could be a good bit.

And she goes, don't,

don't yeah and then like to her credit like three weeks later she goes you should do that as a bit yeah yeah and you're like and then it just like you tell it you go like oh fuck okay but like while i was going through it i was like fuck fuck i know and then you stop and you go could be a bit i mean please i mean that that's the like it's twofold it's like how mental am i that like it doesn't even take a second to process

i don't even know her feelings on the subject yeah yeah yeah yeah i go it's a bit right

sociopathic

talk to me uh my mom uh was on life support two weeks ago oh shit and um

you know she pulled through oh okay but

i was waiting for you to say that because i don't want to lead and go and

she goes she's dead and you go oh fuck

your mom was on life support okay uh now word from our spot yeah uh go to better help betterhelp.com um so why was she on life support well you know

on the sheet in the hallway, I'm sure it said pneumonia, but it might have had something to do with her only drinking vodka for the six months leading into it.

Shout out, dude.

Shout out to alcoholic parents.

I love when you find out a parent's alcoholic diet.

Oh, God.

My dad's was a liter of rum a day.

Yeah, yeah.

And it was like when you'd pour rum and Cokes, it would be like rum.

One Coke can open to the fridge last night.

And I'd be like, I got a full Coke.

And you'd just be like, dude, but it would be like just for color.

Yeah.

It wouldn't be for taste.

Yeah.

He's just drinking a fucking cup of gas.

Yeah, yeah.

But so she was drinking.

Yeah, and I don't know this.

Like 10 years ago, maybe longer, like I went to visit her.

Sure.

And she was,

she was

blasted at 11 a.m.

Like couldn't stand.

And you're also,

people should know, you're a reformed alcoholic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You actually helped me a lot when I was quitting.

Yeah, when I was like quitting, I would talk to you about it and I would slip.

And you said something to me that really fucking helped.

One night at the cellar, I was like, I went and drank and I saw you at the cellar.

I just came from Trionas and you were like, hey, you still

on the wide?

And I was like, no, dude, I fucking fell or whatever.

And a lot of people I had talked to when that would happen, because I tried it a bunch.

I tried for like a couple of years to quit.

Every time I would slip, they'd go like, no, you were doing so well.

And, oh, but you go like, just matter of fact, I remember where it was.

It was at the back bar or whatever.

You go, yeah man this is like a part of it you're just gonna slip just get back up and yeah and it was like so non-judgmental and so like accurate that that helped me the next time which i then slipped again but then now i'm in i hit 12 years like in march oh wow without having a drink yeah but yeah it was like i mean listen this is a whole new conversation but um but yeah i mean that's the i mean i i've been clean sober everything for i guess i'm coming up on 18 19 years or whatever congrats dude yeah I mean, sure.

Yeah, I know.

It's so funny that people go like, yeah, all right.

I can't do a thing that I loved doing.

So my life is so boring.

Yeah, you go, do you know how long 24 hours in a day is?

You go, it's a lot.

It's a lot of time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The earth gave us a lot of time.

I drink enough coffee to give myself an ulcer.

Yeah, dude.

You're solving with cold cases.

Yeah.

So you go up there and you see her and she's drunk at 11.

Did you always drink like that your whole life?

Nah, but I mean, like, you know, no, it progressed.

I watched it progress, but I opened up the cabinet.

It's like, I opened up the fridge.

There's like juice.

Sure.

And then I start opening, no groceries, no nothing.

And then it was like bottle of vodka, you know, underneath the sink.

She's living alone.

Why are you hiding it?

Yeah, what are you detailing silverware?

You're not a fancy restaurant.

You're fucking

pink.

That crystal's good to go.

Yeah.

So, so that happened.

And then her husband like beat her to the grave.

Did you like him?

Stepdad?

Nah, no, no.

Stepdad, but like, I wouldn't have never even called him that, but they were married.

So funny.

Yeah.

How long were they married?

Did they get married when you were an adult?

Like a late teen.

Sorry, bud.

You got to beat the age of 12 to get the stepdad title.

Yeah, yeah.

My most boyfriend that lived with us, I was like, no, you're forever just Joe.

You're not fucking, I'm not going to call you Papa.

No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck out of here.

No.

But my brother was a little younger.

And then my brother beat him with an inch of of his life at one point, like in a family drinking thing.

So she almost drinks herself to death.

Sure.

He comes in,

steals the title, and drinks himself to death.

And that snaps her out of it for a little while.

Did she get sober?

No, no, no, no, no.

She just stopped drinking as well.

She just stopped drinking.

And then also, like, you know, that was the breadwinner and her life fell apart.

So it was like, you know, there goes the

ability.

Yeah.

I think I scared her straight for like a solid 72 hours.

God damn, dude.

Oh, man.

When you have fucking alcoholics in your family and you see how bad people get, you go like, ah, it goes, it's up and it's down.

Yeah.

Well, well, I mean, back to your point, right?

And it was like, yeah, dude, this is part of it.

Like, anybody who gets it

the first time.

I'm like, did you really have a problem?

Yeah.

Come on.

Yeah, you go, you could, you just walked away that fucking easy.

Yeah, exactly.

Was it really that easy?

Yeah.

So, I mean, yeah.

So, I can't go in rooms with wood bars without going like, yeah,

I gotta, I gotta.

I don't give a listen, none of that.

I miss weed daily.

Yeah.

Um, I still smoke weed, so I can't.

Right, you know, California's sober.

If I knew California sober was the thing when I got sober, you would have been, I probably, yeah, but

it was so damn judgmental.

Yeah, and it was, I really did at the time, even when I started doing it, people were like, first off, I don't call myself sober.

I just don't drink, that's it.

Just don't drink, right?

Like, and, but you're right.

There is like a thing of, I give full credit to guys like you, Joe List, the guys I know, Bobby Kelly, that go like pure sober for a very long time.

Cause you're like,

I did it for like six months and I was like, I'm going to fucking kill somebody.

Yeah.

I mean, listen, if I thought I can get away with it, I would.

But it was just problematic for me, too.

Like, I'm like, I'm not going to smoke.

You know, I'm not going to smoke weed anymore.

And the next morning, I'm rolling a bullet.

Yeah.

No, no, roaches.

Like, skip through the garbage.

Like, ah.

Yeah, this is good.

This is good.

No, no, I'm sober, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's fucking wild.

But you were saying your mom was on life support.

Oh, yeah, right.

So she was on life support.

So, you know, I know the tells, right?

Like, sure.

All of a sudden, for like the last six months, um, calling her, the conversations are shorter.

She's not calling me so much.

She sounds a little blurry, like bleary.

I'm like, talk to my brother.

I'm like, hey, what's happening?

Yeah.

And he's like, I think she's drinking a bit.

Your brother's still a girl story.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, and then I get the real story when I go.

But anyway, she's on life support.

And, you know,

all the siblings are in the room.

We haven't gathered like that in years.

How many siblings don't talk?

Well, from the from that my mother's responsible for nice, let's fucking go.

Okay, how many has dad put on this earth for you?

And there's another two out there, you know.

We got some from my mom's first marriage, some from my dad's second marriage.

My dad's been dead for fucking 27 years.

I'm still waiting for another family to pop up.

Oh, it's coming.

So, I'm gonna go, you're Gary's other son.

Yeah.

All right, how much money?

Have you done an ancestry?

No, because I'm afraid.

Exactly.

I'm afraid afraid that there's some fucking guy in Oregon's gonna be like, hey, dad was a cook for Lumber Jackson.

He fucking knocked up my mom in Walla Walla in Washington.

And I'm like, cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

And he goes,

co-hosts.

Hey, bro, I was just wondering, you know, our house is about to get

evicted, and you're my brother.

Yeah.

And you're like, God, don't put that on me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, dude, alcoholics fucking breed.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's for the same reason I don't do that.

But so the four of us are in the room, and my sister goes, she goes, she goes, just, you know mom wants mary my daughter to have her jewelry i didn't even know there was jewelry you know like she's living in a like a two-room apartment yeah and i was like oh okay cool and then she goes you just got to get it out of the pawn shop that's so

dude dude that's so funny

i was just like i was like okay

yeah you go that's where you know in class where you can't smile you go yeah

you go i should go down to the pawn shop.

Yeah, immediately.

Immediately, I was just like, gold.

I was just like, gold, gold, gold.

I fucking, that,

I had that moment where we were, my grandma died and we were cleaning out her house and we were like finding stuff and watching my cousins watch me go,

I got this, this is a bit, this is a bit, you know, like, and then we're like driving back, like, are you really going to do that as a joke?

And you're like, oh, yeah.

And then they came out, my cousin came out and saw me in Columbus.

And she was like, oh,

like, I was trying to tell the other openers that were there.

I was like, ask her.

That's how it happened.

And she was like, that's exactly how it happened.

Stuff just happens.

You go, well, this is just a bit.

I just have to say this.

Yeah, this is just a gift.

This is like, there's nothing.

You're just saying your sister was like, you have to go to the pawn shop.

I'm like, this is hilarious.

I know.

And I'm like, okay, there's some things that I'll write after that won't be as funny as that.

You'll have to package it.

It's called structure.

But you go, this is it.

It's like, if you're, here you go.

This is my, this would be my inheritance in its entirety.

It's this bit, you you know?

On Iron Chef, that would be the ingredient that you're cooking with?

Yes.

Pawn shop jewelry.

And you go, I can make a lot of stuff out of this.

That's so crazy.

Did anyone catch you laughing or smirking?

No, because I was like immediately processing.

And then my brother goes, well, I think I would like to have the wedding band.

And I go, without even thinking about it, I go, for what?

Yeah.

A fucking pinky ring?

I'm going to put in your pinky toe.

And he goes, no, for a fucking keep's sake.

And I was like, okay, listen.

Okay.

You guys are all wound up.

I'm over here writing.

You guys are fucking wound up.

Guys, I thought we had a good sess going.

Yeah, I was just like, listen, I just, I'm just processing everything.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He goes, no, man, because I'm fucking going to lose my mom.

And you go, yeah, I don't know.

I'm trying to find out where I can run this bit tonight.

I want to know if Yuck Yucks is open so I can fucking go in there, though.

I'm like on the local comedy boards.

Hey,

anybody got a fucking

show going tonight?

I know it's a Wednesday.

Yeah, yeah.

So but she pulled out of the

yeah, she's like in rehab now.

And right, which, I mean, for people physical rehab, not rehab for the other stuff.

And there was the other thing.

Well, they're gonna have they're gonna have her be doing rehab.

I'm the fucking guy on the phone with the doctors like, hey, I don't know what's been said here.

Yeah, did the honest simple, the honest chop.

But I'm like, uh, she wasn't doing like she wasn't getting a lot of nutrients before she got into the hospital.

I wasn't a big fan of bananas.

Yeah.

Their potassium.

She has a potassium level pretty low.

Vodka levels are off the charts.

She's got enough vodka levels.

Yeah, whatever potato is being distilled.

What water in potatoes?

And he goes, I don't know.

Not really vitamins.

Yeah, yeah, like a thymine in there.

There's some thymine.

She's good with thymine.

She goes, she is.

I mean,

spun it around the hospital.

She's got so much.

Yeah.

I mean, the DT.

Yeah, well, that was it.

So she was like, she had already gone through that.

So she like went in there with pneumonia, crashed, was on life support.

And I was like, yeah, she's going, like, nobody knows that she's like probably going through.

She's having a threesome with DTs and pneumonia.

Yes.

Yeah.

And nobody knows the other part.

So I explained that.

And then I'm like, hey, like, when she comes, you know, I know she has to be rehabbed.

Like, I don't know.

She wasn't getting around good at home.

Like, there's nobody to take care of her.

She lives in her own.

Like, I'm given all this bad information, you know?

There ain't nothing better than telling a doctor, this is how it has to feel.

I don't, I hate snitches.

I think snitching is below.

I think it's subhuman, but I will admit there has to be a good feeling when you snitch to go like, John, no, it's really happening.

When you get to do that on a family member to a doctor, it feels so good.

When my grandma broke her hip and I was like, she ain't going home.

Yeah.

And they're like, no, no, no, we're not going to let her go home.

I was like, yes.

And I got to tell her, because she was like, I'm going home.

And you're like, Nanny, you're 96 with a busted hip.

You're not going home.

Right.

Please stop.

Because no one's going to fucking take care of you.

Right.

Well, that was, you know, and that was the conversation.

So then I'm like trying to tell everybody, like in my fight, I'm trying to be the voice of reason here.

Sure.

And this is funny because

one of my sisters hasn't talked to my mom in years.

And I called and I was like, hey, listen, mom's probably going to die.

You might just come and, you know, say your bit if you want to, but like now you're in the.

Yeah, you have the choice.

Yeah.

So she shows up and

and

You know, they code her and she's on life support and they and she's also a nurse and oh your sister is yeah and and so i'm like takes out one of the two she goes you know what this bitch i've been mad

close really

really so i'm like can you just talk to the doctor so and then like break it down for me because you have like you can speak the language you speak the language yeah and she was like yeah i told the nurse you know based on mom's condition that you know do not resuscitate and i'm like hey listen i'm not saying you're wrong here but i don't think you can make the call so funny this the kid that's mad at the parent comes in and goes, do not resuscitate.

In fact, I'd probably say pull it now.

Pull it right now.

And they go, no, she's going to pull through.

And they go, no, no, no, I know, but I've seen this.

At my hospital, this happens all the time.

We got a pull.

That's a zombie.

Like, she's making shit up.

That's the living dead.

I've seen the living dead.

That's the living dead.

Pull it.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Hey, what's your little princess up to now?

Yeah.

Go see your husband.

I didn't even like him.

Yeah.

Fuck you and fuck Michelle.

Yeah, dude, there really is.

There was, like, I found out a thing with my grandma, which I've learned to forgive her, but I found out that she was kind of hustling me for money.

Yeah.

And I found that out right before the admittance into the hospital where they're like, do you want to do a resuscitate?

I go, no.

I'm like, look at how much money she took from me.

I go, no.

No.

In fact, let her know it was her sweet Danny that did this.

But you do have that feeling because you're like, I didn't hear where your sister's going to be.

It's a drink and DNR is Dan's not resuscitating.

Dan's not

gonna.

It's a DNG.

It's a DNR.

It's a Dan's not gonna.

Yeah, because I mean, in that situation, especially when there's like a lot of drama in a family and you're in a very intense, you know, at the ICU, and you're like, all your emotions are coming up.

Comics always are the ones that go like,

like something happens, and you go, what?

And you go, I just thought of a joke.

I know it's fucking bad.

Oh, 100%.

Funeral in the funeral pews?

Dude, the worst.

Okay.

I'm glad I could tell somebody this.

One of my best friends' dads died.

His dad died.

I loved his dad.

His dad, truly, when I tell you, one of the only grown men to support me growing up.

Being like, I loved, dude.

He would come out to New York.

I would see him all the time.

Loved him.

He passed away.

I was legitimately crying.

It was the first funeral I legitimately cried at, which is nice.

Totally at the time.

This is a week ago.

Oh, shit.

This is fucking three weeks ago.

It was like 19 or 30.

I'm going to miss you, Big Steve, brother.

Brother, I've been in therapy 20 years, and it's just starting to take.

But it was like the first time you cried at a piece of the city.

Yeah, I don't know why.

I was like, Jesus, legitimately, like feeling this, right?

And then they were having different, you know,

big I, my friend has a big Irish family, so a lot of cousins, a lot of uncles around it.

And for some reason in my head, I heard that fucking voice, that comic voice in my head goes, it would be so funny if Frank's like 10-year-old great niece would, like, in my head, I had, and this is strictly in my head.

Yeah.

At the funeral, I had this idea of the priest going, now Frank's great niece would like to do a TikTok dance.

And her going, like,

and this is all in my head during the funeral.

And I start like almost laughing out loud because I just think of a little kid going,

it's just this funny thing.

Like, I don't know, But I had to clamp down.

I had to be like, stop it.

Because I went from crying to laughing like a fucking psycho.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then somebody's like, it's like, I just remembered.

I just remember.

Sorry.

I didn't remember the good dance.

I remember that.

That was a good dance, Aubrey.

It is so fucking.

That's not even something you can explain to somebody quickly either.

Imagine the TikTok.

But by the way, I did later, my best friend Danny, we were like, oh, and I go, dude, I almost laughed in the funeral because I thought, like, what if someone got up and got a TikTok?

And even he went, okay.

We were like, I don't think you ever have to do food.

And he goes, okay, dude, this is what the fuck is wrong with you.

It was funny.

It was funny in my head.

But yeah, that is like getting your siblings around with a mom that has, you know, caused some problems for them.

Yeah.

You really see how people react.

It's so funny.

It was the nurse sister of yours that's like, oh, yeah, I got this.

She pulls the chart with a red marker.

We ain't doing that.

We ain't doing that.

We ain't doing that.

Now she's coming out of of it.

So she's going to be like, oh, you know, Jackie tried to kill you.

Like, that's coming.

If it hasn't happened already,

that conversation is coming.

We might need to do a follow-up episode in like six months.

We'll bring Tyler in.

We go, Tyler, you finally got in.

And I just talked to you about your family.

Tyler's like, why am I here?

Yeah, dude, that's so funny.

Because when people...

Like get in those situations all families have drama.

Yes.

And then like the funniest part is seeing how people react to it, yeah.

Because even if you're like well-adjusted and you're like, ah, this is sad, but I kind of understand.

Then you just see your sister coming in hot, you're kind of like, it's hilarious, yeah.

And then also, it's like

all families go through that.

I don't care how successful you are.

Everyone does.

You've got an alcoholic, junkie brother, cousin, somebody.

You're going through it.

They're going through it.

By the way, human, I think what the internet's really fucked up humans doing is us all understanding that everybody goes through it.

Right.

Because everyone looks like these people are good at looking like they're on vacation all the time.

100%.

And they have all this money and you're like, you have no fucking clue.

I was actually thinking about like a fact check app because you know how everything's always fucking listening?

Yeah.

It's like, ooh, and then like Elon Musk fact checks on Twitter now.

Yeah.

Like just like a fact check.

Like the pictures on Instagram.

Yeah, community notes on Instagram.

Fucking fantastic.

Yeah, like, oh, actually, they were fighting at the diner six minutes before this picture was taken.

This vacation was seven months ago.

They haven't spoken spoken for two.

And you go, yeah, I fucking knew it.

Thank you.

They have not had sex in 18 months.

But yes.

Because like,

we're not having kids.

It's just a decision we have.

Okay.

I'm on the road.

Saves me from asking.

What's that?

Yes.

But it's the ones, there are people that get like offended because you're not.

Right.

And they'll go like, so you guys just aren't having kids.

And you go, no.

And we're like absolutely found it.

We have total aunt and uncle energy.

We love it.

That's like what we're going to do.

And then

they think they get you this.

So who's who's gonna take care of you when you're old the same Jamaican nurses that are gonna take care of you dipshit.

Yeah, well my my fucking grandma had two kids I

It was a Filipino nurse taking care of her in Sacramento.

It wasn't me.

Yeah, I was a wiping her ass interjected by six-minute visits.

Yeah, that's it.

This is just no one's gonna visit me.

Yeah.

Oh well right I'll be on some fucking drug that's new

watching old fucking reruns of TV shows I grew up on and being like, I'm watching Full House.

Get out of my way.

Waiting to be uploaded.

Yeah.

Yeah, put my fucking consciousness into whatever new computer you have.

Yeah, yeah.

Peace.

But like when people, like, people do.

They think like, oh, if I do this, this, and this, then none of the bad shit will happen.

And you're like, it's human nature.

You're going to catch, everyone catches strays.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Everybody catches strays.

It's like fights.

You're going to be in a situation where someone wants to fight you once in your life.

Just get through it.

Yeah.

You can't go through this life not having anyone wanting to fight you because a lot of times those are psychos that like bend.

Yeah.

Everyone's got a temper.

temper that's also feels good is when you realize other people have tempers other people fucking flare up in traffic and do fucking stupid shit yeah yeah and that's it's the human like that's the human condition yeah you know like i i

i mean

i hate to say it but everybody's a little bit racist it's okay it's hard to be in human man it is just it's just because what it is is it's just other everyone has a

defensive reaction to other right it's just like it is a form of stupidity because you don't know that.

That's why it's always like, you know, that like the most hacky joke in New York City stand-up is like, a race is in New York.

I'd be too tired.

And you're like, but that is a point of New York City.

You're living around Dominicans.

And, you know, you're in Canada.

You wouldn't have known anything about the DR.

But now that you did six years at Sin City, you go down to fucking Santo Domingo.

Yeah.

And you fucking, you're like,

yeah, you're like, they're like, this John Park Dominican?

And you're like, nah, dude, just knows a bunch from Sin City.

But that's what it is.

I know these hips don't lie.

Yeah.

Like being around it, you're like, oh, fuck.

That's,

buddy, I was from Canada.

Like, you know, I, you know, this was a joke on an album, but it was like, literally, I couldn't point to Puerto Rico on a map until I was 28 and I moved here.

And I was like, oh, yeah, really.

Yeah.

And then now you know their cuisine so well that you know if it's like, you're like, this isn't even good.

He's like, these plantanos suck.

And they're like, who is this little over there?

And you're like, this white boy knows These are bad fucking Planta nose.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10 years of living above a bodega.

Yeah.

Brother, I can tell you when a cat's going after a rat or he's going after some fucking food.

But, dude, you've always been one of my favorite guys to watch because I genuinely think, especially with your stand-up, you're very earnest.

And I always really liked when we do those shows in Brooklyn and shit.

Oh, yeah.

You were like a guy, if you were in the room and I felt like a joke was hacky, I'd be like, ah, fucking John's watching it.

Remember bar four.

Yeah.

One time I did like a really, a joke that like worked, but I was not proud of it.

Yeah.

And you went, oh, well, that went well.

And I went, oh, yeah.

Just immediately was like, I know he thinks I'm a fucking hack because of that joke.

But fight stories is great.

I've been on it.

I did an episode.

You should go listen to these episodes.

Check out John and Tyler's podcast, Fight Stories.

Go download it, watch an episode, and don't get into a fight.

Yeah, try to avoid it.

Try to avoid it.

But if you do get into one and it's good enough, reach out to John.

Yeah, also DM us immediately.

and if you know anyone that's been on a uh on a famous fight story online reach out to john yeah please and if you know any local legends like the toughest guy in your town those guys we love david clark i gotta get you david clark's oh yeah hell yeah he's a guy i grew up with that like legitimately to this day i'm in awe yeah when we were 13 he beat up two 16 year olds yes and then when we were like 16 he beat up a grown man yeah outside of a 7-eleven because the guy was uh road rage.

The guy pulled over and he was like in a suit or whatever.

And then David got out and just absolutely fucking manhandled.

And housed him.

Yeah.

And then came to my house.

Yeah.

Because that's where we smoked weed.

Yeah.

And he came to my house and he's like, I just beat up like a man in a suit.

He's like showing me his hands.

I was like, Jesus Christ.

He's like, they thought I was a kid.

I'm like, Sunny D.

My mom's like, dinner will be ready in an hour.

My mom loved David.

Yeah.

But he was a fucking wild man.

That's it.

Like the David Clarks of the world.

Yeah, dude.

David Clark.

And David, if you're watching this, DM me.

I follow you on Instagram, fucker.

I want to know if you're still doing all right.

He was a bad motherfucker.

He went to military school.

He was so bad.

He got sent to military school.

At military school, someone snuck into his room while he was sleeping and took a master lock and started fucking hitting him in the head.

He got up and made it a fight.

I don't know if he won, but he was like, I got up and I made it a fucking fight.

Yeah, he started at a deficit.

Yeah.

Imagine being woke up by being hit and then being like, I'd be out of it.

I'm like, why are you doing this?

Patrick, Patrick.

And then David was like, I got this.

Yeah.

God, I got to get him on your podcast.

Yeah, hell yeah.

I'm going to reach out.

Yeah, dude.

Fuck yeah.

Fight stories at John Moses.

Follow him.

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