78: Space Ladies with Harland Williams | Soder Podcast | EP 76

Spokane, Washington, May 1st through the 3rd.

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ladies in space well what's interesting is you know there's this stereotype that women can't drive yeah and i didn't say it but a lot of people say it it's out there and did you notice it's the only space capsule that didn't splash into the ocean

like landed in the middle of the desert.

Like, I'm just saying.

They go, ladies, it's called splashdown for a reason.

Right.

Like, oceans are bigger than land on planet Earth, and they missed it.

Okay, they went.

But what's funny is, did you hear the audio once they got into space?

It was just like all of them going, oh my God.

Oh, my God.

And you're like, this isn't.

They were masturbating?

Yeah, they were all flicking their hands.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to fucking squirt.

The part that makes me laugh laugh is Katy Perry started singing.

Oh, God.

And that's where you're like, shut up.

You know what?

You ever heard that old movie, Alien in Space, No One Can Hear You Scream?

I love No One Can Hear You Sing.

Shut up.

But what I love

is no one can hear you sing.

And no one wants to hear you sing.

And now that we think of it, no one on Earth wants to hear you sing.

And she, like, it was funny because when they came back, they were like acting like they went to the moon.

Yeah.

It was 11 minutes.

Oh, yeah.

They acted like they colonized Mars and they were like, you know, that's overblowing it.

But what I thought was interesting is, you know, it's a craft full of women.

Yeah.

And we get it, it's women, but just to hammer it over the head, they stuffed them in a giant vibrator.

They're like, I mean, shoot this dildo to the sky.

We have the rabbit liftoff at five, four, three.

It's jiggling.

It's like, yeah.

I wonder if their seats were shaking.

Oh, they had to be.

Boom fuck.

Yeah.

Gail Kings Cummings.

Yeah.

It was just an 11-minute cum ride.

Yeah.

That was Project Cum Ride.

Yeah, that was fun.

And then you find the folder.

C-U-M, that's a fucking wild way to spell this project.

Well, that's why they wore the wetsuits.

Did you notice?

Like, astronauts have these big white.

These guys had skin-dight wetsuits.

We're going to be filling this thing with lady colours.

I'm like, if you're going to send like a giant sex toy into space, at least send it all the way to Uranus.

Send the tildo all the way to the

let it get some

through one of the rings.

Yeah,

just let it penetrate.

Uranus's first ring.

My favorite part of the whole thing was when it landed, because you know, Jeff Bezos' wife or his fiancé was on there.

Yeah.

Who's such a second wife.

She's just like built for sex.

Like she's got like the fake face and the huge boobs and she's just like possible.

Yeah.

I'm not going to refute that it's possible I'm sure she's a great person but maybe a wonderful human being maybe something going on there built for sex and then she landed and Jeff Bezos had such nerd get my pussy out of the spaceship energy where he's like get it out get it out and then he ate it he fell yeah he fell

yeah one of the world's richest men yeah just falling down like such a macho moment yeah and he tripped he wanted to be there to be like yeah my lady when she opened the capsule and he's like

They all saw it out the window.

Well, you also got to throw this into the forensic files category.

Like, you got Bezos.

He's with this girl.

She gets half if they get divorced.

Does she?

Well, she gets a lot.

I feel like this one coming in, because the last Bezos' ex-wife got half and she's giving it away.

Right.

She's just fucking doling it out to anybody.

I feel like the new one, the sex one,

the sex sequel, she is going to have a hard prenup to beat.

Right, but that's what I'm talking about.

No matter what it is, when you're at his level,

you can't do the

anti-freeze and the Gatorade thing.

You can't do the she fell in the shower.

You got to do the 23 billion, whoops, the rocket ship malfunctioned way up there.

Oh, well, on to the next.

He goes, which pop stars do I want to take out?

Yeah.

He goes, Katie Perry put her on there.

Gail King said some mean things about me.

And then when they came back, he was like, no, no, no, no, no.

You got to put people in where they're sort of the cover.

He's actually got to have no animosity with them

to kind of mask what his forensic file murder plot is.

That's true.

When you're the richest guy in the world, your murder has to cost a lot.

So maybe it was that.

I'm just saying.

It's going to cost a lot.

to save a lot.

That's why he's doing it.

That's why when he manipulated it.

Thank you, Charles Schwab Jr.

I love it.

This is going to cost you a lot.

To save a lot.

But you're going to save a lot.

And you're right.

Pat it with people that, oh, no, I can't believe they died.

And then that way, Bezos, when he finds out, he can go, oh, no, she was in there.

You know, he does like the realization.

Maybe that's why he fell over.

She made it back.

He's like looking in the window.

He fainted.

He's like, oh, no.

She's back.

And then he goes,

fuck.

He fell down.

He just screamed in the dirt.

He's like, fuck.

Fuck.

His blood pressure until he just failed.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Why are they here?

He even gave the wrong coordinates.

That's why they landed on the ground.

Yeah.

He goes,

they hit the ground.

They're thumping.

That'll be a shake death, like a baby shake.

That would be awesome to put people you know into space.

Yeah.

Just like asking them, being like, would you want to, would you go to space?

Yeah.

Is that you?

Yeah.

My first question would be, why?

What did I do?

Well, here's the deal, too.

Did they really go into space?

Like, if you're on a Delta flight to Hawaii, did they go that much higher

like maybe they went an empire state building higher like they were in there for i think 11 minutes yeah and space mountain at disneyland is three and a half minutes so so who really went to space and who didn't who's got the real science right is it disney or nasa yeah but also they were only yeah they were waitlist for four minutes and the whole entire thing took 11 minutes Yeah.

Like, yeah, and it's just three minutes up, three minutes down.

Four minutes of hanging.

of hanging flying space mountains three minutes a good log rides two and a half

I mean come on you got a solid flume going

five and a half minutes like honestly dude that's how they that's how they broke it down for their lady brains yeah like they went this is a flume ride yeah they didn't go to Mars they didn't colonize Mars they didn't land on the moon they literally sort of peaked into the upper atmosphere.

I think the the no the the the mushroom cap of the dildo got into orbit And then when I was down,

and then it ran back down.

Yeah, it crashed in the desert.

Sorry, I lost it fast.

Yeah.

The rock was apologizing the whole time.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I thought it was supposed to go a lot longer.

Shitty, go deep.

The real chitty, chitty baby.

Sorry, I just got so excited.

Katie was singing, and I made me lose it.

Maybe they were supposed to stay longer, and she started singing.

They're like, Jack,

supposed to be a two-day mission.

They go, this bitch is obnoxious.

It's got to suck to be around her for the next week.

Anybody that's like, because then you sit down with her and she's like, you have no idea what space is like.

And you're like, I don't.

It's like when someone goes on vacation.

Yeah.

And they come back and you're like, I don't care.

Yeah.

And I also wonder, too, like with zero gravity, right?

With Katie, if you're already an airhead,

like what floats in your head?

Does like nothing float up to the top?

Or does it...

Is that when she has her smartest thoughts?

Yeah, maybe the brain finally goes like she goes like oh, she has that moment of realization.

She goes, I'm pretty insufferable.

Maybe I shouldn't sing ever.

Maybe I'm a fucking phony.

And then it starts coming down and she's like, Henry in space.

Like it broke like that.

I kissed the outer atmosphere and I liked it.

Yeah, and then if you're a regular astronaut,

like a guy or a girl that like spent all your time learning and training, the fact that you have to like talk to her and she's like, well, we do the same thing.

Oh, yeah.

Like we're cohorts.

We're peers.

Yeah.

Like you've been to space.

Yeah.

John Glenn is like, yes.

Yes, I dedicated my life to it.

And she goes, I just wanted to go out.

It was a girl's trip.

Yeah.

It was just a girl's trip to the moon.

Yeah.

And I love when she landed, she said she reconnected with love.

Like you couldn't have just done like some Molly

Applebee's.

You could have gone to do all this.

Could have gone to Coachella.

Yeah.

Watched the light show, done some ecstasy.

Same deal.

And the thing about them doing this for Earth.

I don't think Earth was like, thanks.

I think the thing they did from Earth was get the hell off of it.

Earth was like, I was kind of hoping you would stay gone.

Yeah.

I didn't know you were going to come back.

I was watching because they were like doing the coverage of everybody and Oprah was there.

And Oprah looked legitimately jealous that Gail King was doing it.

Yeah.

Like she was like, yeah, this is her thing.

And you're like, Oprah, Oprah, you want to be up there so bad.

Oprah's a big girl.

I wonder if the computer's on the rocket ship when they're coming up, there's Earth, there's Earth, and they landed on Oprah.

Oh, my God, they do the projection thing like in Houston?

And they go, you're flying right at Oprah.

It was just such an attraction.

They're like,

brewing in on Oprah.

Which Earth do we land on?

And then Oprah's like, is that guy, guys, does that look like he's coming right at me?

And she opens her mouth.

She thinks it's a giant cupcake.

Finally, sky cupcake.

Sky pastries commence.

The aliens heard my transmissions.

Yeah, I would be

any of those people being around you has got to be insufferable for the next week.

Well, the other thing that's really dangerous is the women up there, they learn to float.

And like we're a man, we love our our women, but we all most men have their little man cave or they want their time alone.

And when a chick starts learning to float, where do you go to get away from them?

I mean, can they go through a drywall?

Like, what do you do when you got a floating woman?

Weightlessness is not for the fairer sex.

Yeah, that's a man's world.

Yeah, we know how to float.

Yeah.

You are up there thinking about shopping, God knows what.

Scary, scary.

I would be so mad if I were a female astronaut that's just like, you know, just this ugly science nerd.

And she's just like, I crunch numbers.

I know how rockets work.

And then she's like, I don't even get to go to space.

Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, we went up.

It was all right.

Like, it was a restaurant.

Well, what about the girl that was stuck in the space station for a year?

And not to be mean, scientific, smart, not the prettiest caramel corn in the basket.

She, listen, I think out of all the women that have been in space the last three months, she's bottom tier.

No offense, probably.

Yeah, but imagine her.

She got about a half hour of press.

Yeah.

And she sacrificed a whole year doing legit science.

You know, I kissed a girl, goes up for three minutes and comes down and suddenly she's getting a Nobel Peace Prize and a pair of free crocs.

They kept writing about how the people that were stuck in space, their bones

waste away because they're up in that weightlessness.

So they said that when they come back, there's a chance that they have the bone integrity of like an 82-year-old.

Whoa.

So you come back and you're like wasting away, and then Katy Perry's like, we did the same thing.

Well, at least they came back with some integrity, which I don't think.

Yeah, I don't know about the blue orb or whatever the fuck it was called.

Bezos just launching people as a new level of wealth.

Yeah.

Would you do it?

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, because I saw a lot of naysayers like that.

Who's that Marcia Kowschke,

that gorgeous model who did the

Tim Allen video?

Blurred Lines or whatever.

Oh, yeah,

Emma Rejakowski.

Rodakowski.

Have a normal name if you're going to be that good looking, by the way.

I'm not just Carol Smith.

I'll tell you what, she's been on there all day, like saying, what a colossal waste of time and showboating and this and that.

And why would you go up on a rocket that was built by a guy who's trying to you know destroy the world with all his money and i'm like if they asked you i bet you would have gone up in three seconds that felt very

emily rajy jikowski how do you say it razi zikowski

sounds like that's like a name if she went up on the giant vibrator it would just be like emily ralph We're just calling her like vibrating would fix her stupid last name.

Look at that.

Ralph.

Emily Ralph?

Yeah.

The whole time.

All she needed was a big 78-foot vibrator to sort it out.

We knock loose a couple of those vowels.

Yeah.

And this thing works.

This thing's good to go.

But her entire energy was like she didn't get invited.

Yeah.

Like she was like, that's stupid.

I don't know anybody that would want to do that.

Yeah.

I'd love to do that.

Yeah, I think any of those celebs in today's Instagram world, that's like the most high-profile, like...

You know, selfie you'd ever want.

That's like that wall in Nashville with the wings.

Oh, yeah.

And you see the people taking a, a like it's like a line that's the new yeah wall the wing wall yeah it's going to space and being like i'm in space and it's beautiful yeah it's like like painted wings on a dirty wall with homeless urine all over it or actually floating and flying in space like a real angel yeah i think you picked that one i think the next step is who's the first podcast in space no i don't have the resources i think it's rogan I think it's you.

I think it's Rogan for a three-hour flight.

I'm saying it's you, and I'm putting in a submission.

Launch me, Bezos.

Do you have a blue suit?

Yeah, dude, I'll find one.

I'll just have a sweatsuit from Kmart.

Do you like vibrators?

Love them.

You're in.

Jam them in me.

You're the guy.

I didn't mean to.

I wanted you to fly in it, guys.

Whoa.

That's what I meant.

This couch is blue.

Can you get this going?

Just the camera angle of a couch going on my ass.

No, I meant float the couch.

Oh, shit.

You're obsessed with having a vibrator in you.

Just go.

I gotta go, guy.

You stop talking.

I want to go to a new space anywhere away from you.

You just hear a low humming when we stop talking and you go, do you have one in you right now?

I think I smell fresh calamari ring.

I open my mouth and go, oh, God.

Instead of that alien coming out at your rabbit.

Whoa.

By the way, they're called rabbits.

Did you know that?

What, tildos?

No vibrators.

All vibrators?

Girls love the rabbit.

I learned this from doing stand-up.

Whenever you do a vibrator jerk, they go, oh, yeah, I got a rabbit.

But I feel like a rabbit is, from what I know

of the dildo world, it is a small, tiny one.

That's like why they call it the rabbit.

Why do you know so much about this and why?

What's going on, guy?

I should tell you this.

I'm infatuated with sex toys.

I open it like an assassin in that closet.

This is all these different dildos.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Smith, you've got like all these secrets.

People are like, why do you have carpal tunnel syndrome?

I put together too many dildos.

Wow.

Guy turns into a velociraptor after dildoing it up.

I open the bottom of my floor and it's just fake pussies.

Wow.

Whoa.

Whoa.

I hope you don't get mice.

God.

Wow.

How cute would it be, though, one popping its head out?

Yeah.

That's true.

Like a Christmas pussy mouse.

Yeah, yeah.

I got you.

Just popping his little head out.

And he's got a cherry on his head.

Well, I'm just a little dildo mouse.

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Yeah, I encourage more celebrities to go to space.

Yeah, and then we just leave them out there.

You don't like celebs, huh?

No, but like those celebs that like being celebs, like oh, who would you send?

Who would you send on a non-return flight?

Oh, this is a good how many people, how many seats do I get?

I'll give you six.

Six seats, is that too many?

No, not at all.

You want a whole bus full of people?

If you could give me a baker's dozen, that would be nice.

You want to launch the USS O switch up there.

Wow.

Just put the whole fucking, put a fire, just a giant fighter up there.

Yeah.

Six.

What are your six?

My six.

Never coming back.

O.J.

Simpson.

I just picked dead people.

Yeah.

Attila the Hun.

No, they're going to be alive.

No, I would probably say,

who wouldn't I mind launching into space?

Number one pick overall would have to be President Z from China.

No, I don't.

Oh, okay.

I don't want to.

Wait, you took it back immediately.

I know, because I'm just a big fan of the People's Republic of China.

Oh, so you would or you wouldn't?

No, I wouldn't.

I was confused.

No.

You said you would and then instantly said you wouldn't.

No, I don't think.

If they're going to be celebrities, I think Chris Kardashian.

Oh, is that the brother?

That's the mother of them.

Oh, that's the mother of

the vampire.

The breeder, yeah.

Okay.

I think I said in the head, I think all six might be Kardashians.

But what if she popped more eggs out into space?

This is aliens.

Yeah.

Then it's like, and then.

Kardashians.

Aliens.

Whoa.

Look at how this goes.

No one can hear you breathe.

I would do like

Chris Kardashian and then like a bunch of

social media influencers.

Oh, like me?

Well, you're the top.

You're the top dog.

I can't send the top dog.

It would break the empire.

But like those guys that do like,

you know, those guys that do pranks on dangerous people?

Oh, yeah.

And then when they get grabbed, they go, I'm pranking, I'm pranking, I'm pranking.

Yeah, yeah.

Sad, send them.

It's because then they would think it's a prank.

Yeah.

Because then you go, oh, I'm pranking.

That's what you would tell them when you launch them.

But you sent famous celebrities.

I feel like you're backtracking a little to protect yourself.

You know what?

You're right.

So let's get to it.

Chris Jenner, Kardashian.

Chris Jenner, the cross, the cross.

Well, no, that's Bruce.

That's Bruce.

I would send Caitlin Jenner.

I'd send Caitlin and Chris.

Chris Kardashian and Caitlin Jenner.

Yeah.

And then I would send who else would you?

It makes sense keeping up with the Kardashians.

I mean, how much further up could they go?

You asked for this.

Yeah.

It's in your title.

How about we change it?

Keeping up and staying up with the Kardashians.

I would say we do a complete overhaul and call it losing oxygen with the Kardashians.

So I think, yeah, my number one pick is Chris Kardashian.

There's the mom.

What about you?

Who do you have celebrity with?

Turn the tables.

I think a lot of people are mad at mickey roourke right now are they i think i don't know why your choice his face makes me upset yeah it bugs me every time i see him i love the wrestler but everything after that yeah he looks like he was it looks like his face was ripped off by a chimp and then they put it back on but instead of his face they put the chimp's face back on way better i would probably send barry manilow because he's got it coming he does like just i don't know something about manilow the copa cabana playing that piano all right cocky And he did that song, Mandy standing at the edge of time.

Well, now you're going to go see your Wimbledon face.

Get the fuck out of here.

What's Wimbledon face?

Isn't that tennis?

I love it, though.

But he's got a Wimbledon face.

He does, where he looks like he's just, he always is watching Wimbledon.

Or somebody's been playing tennis on his face.

They've been digging in the dirt and picking it up.

Okay, Kenny G.

Just because of his Shirley Temple wig.

Earth doesn't need a wig-wearing Shirley Temple clarinet playing freak.

I know, but some of the songs.

Oh, songs, there's no songs, it's just notes.

It's not notes.

It's elevator music.

My brother, it is.

Dude, are you

fighting?

Are you kicking back on the G?

My brother in Christ.

What's that?

If you're pushing back in President Z, I'm pushing back on G and G.

G and G are going.

All right, send them up, brother.

We can send Z and G.

That would be great.

Who else says one letter?

We can send the whole fucking alphabet up.

I think Madonna.

We'll send her.

Yeah.

She's been begging for for it.

What about Michael J.

Fox?

Samuel E.

Jackson.

Samuel L.

Samuel E.

is his brother.

Oh, Samuel L.

Jackson.

Who goes by one?

William H.

Macy.

That's three more letters.

We got it.

Yeah.

So now we're at five.

We got one more person.

Yeah.

Who do we send up there?

I don't know.

Jason Reese?

Why him?

Just because he looked like such a dementoid as a kid.

Yeah.

Remember him, the deviled ham kid?

Yeah, that kid that was like, I like mine with deviled ham.

Yeah, can you put that clip in here?

Two good things about today's high prices.

There's a lot less bad to carry in.

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Porn meat sandwiches for under a dollar.

I like it.

Deviled ham.

And the wrist looks like he might have started SARS.

He started

popping up.

in my algorithm.

Did he see?

He's in trouble.

He's coming back.

This is kung fu and he's got kung fu move yeah and i like his kung fu moves guess what motherfucker you're going to space you're going to space

i just like my hair get the out of here and the last face we'll see out of that little porthole is maze and read goodbye everybody why does people that's so mad about my hair we hope you deadlined ham in outer space

cannot eat my hair get out of here

Fucking later,

and then Chris Kardashian go, if we get back, I'm going to turn you into a superstar.

I just want my double ham.

When we get back, I'm going to breed with you.

Oh, my God.

Glazed ham babies.

And we're going to make them billionaires.

Wait, I feel

we need a bonus one.

Because you did two.

True.

And then daddy came in hard with like five.

You had a roster.

I went on a roll, and I feel like you owe us at least, you owe your fans, the people watching this.

More.

You owe them one bonus freak.

Here we go.

Katie Perry, put her back in.

Really?

I say, you know what?

You got so used to it?

Yeah.

Back up.

Back up.

Get the fuck out of there.

Perma.

And then I say it to like this with the spaceship door open.

I go, get the fuck back in there.

Yeah.

That's how I say it to her.

I go, you sang in space.

Yeah.

Get the fuck back.

And she's got to share her like air capsule with Mason Reese.

He goes,

the same air as me.

And she goes, shut up, little boy.

I'm a man.

Shut up, Reese.

Shut up, you double ham-loving little boy.

I'm a man.

Dude, I can't wait for you to find this clip and edit it in.

It's startling.

I think now he might have started the COVID even.

Like, just when you look at him.

He was the one that had sex with the pangolin?

I think he had sex with a koala.

If you look at his face, like there's a lot of koala going on.

And then that dude, like, you would think that guy in the 70s is one of those things where he dies

young, but he lived.

He lived.

And cute doesn't always grow into handsome.

Like, it's almost like he grew into the elephant man.

Yeah.

Like, he almost needs the burlap bag with the one eye hole.

I'll tell you what.

He can talk about you having him and the nigga ham.

I bet if he had some choice of who's going to space, he's sending us now.

Yeah.

He sees this, he goes, I'm going to talk to Jeff Bezos.

Yeah.

You boys are going to space.

And then you go, you mean old man.

Damn.

And it's all this ham you ate.

The ham made you feisty.

Damn, ham.

Yeah, dude, I don't know.

Would you go to space if they offered it?

I would, but I don't think I'd be fulfilled just doing like an arch, you know?

Sure.

Like I could climb the St.

Louis arch and get the same feeling.

Like it just wants to be.

Connected to love.

And then slide down.

And then you land and you go, I'm connected more to love.

Yeah, I'd rather do the, I would, I'd, I'd opt in for the full journey to Mars, like to a colony.

Do you do the sleep thing where they put you under, you know, like always in the movies, they have to like be.

I've done it.

I did a movie called Rocket Man where I did go to Mars and I was, I've lived all this.

You had to fucking

do it way more than they did.

You did the training.

I actually went to space camp down in Huntsville, Alabama and all that.

Yeah, we were just there.

Yeah, I had to sit in the shuttle and do all the simulations.

I saw Rocket Man in theaters.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

It was funny.

They did the premiere here in New York.

I remember we came to New York, and it was a packed theater, and it was like, but, but I'll tell you, as a middle schooler that was smoking pot, that movie ruled.

Right?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Eighth grade, smoking some real stepped-on weed.

Yeah.

You were watching Rocket Man?

You went out there.

Having a laugh.

Isn't that weird?

That's what I love about movies.

Like, not that I'm a big star, but to think that you were in that movie watching this guy you'd never met, very funny guy.

And here we are.

And I get the same vibe when I meet people or I meet celebrities that, like, like Shelly Duvall played my mother in that movie.

Yeah, and Shelly Duvall is, come on.

And I remember going to the shining with all my high school buddies when I was like 16 and sitting there and going, oh, and little did I know fate would, you know, 20 years later, she'd be playing my mother.

That's the case.

So I still get, I don't know if that happens to you, you, but

all that connectivity really like

opening the door.

And I mean, I watched half-baked

every day of senior year when I would go home.

Oh, wow.

I would go home and I would get stoned.

And on my PlayStation 2, I would put in half-baked the DVD and I would just put it on and I would just hang out in my room.

Oh, wow.

But you know me real well.

You feeding the horse popcorn is still one of the hardest laughs I've ever had in my life.

Yeah, you like it too because it goes pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, me up.

Yeah.

It was the best.

Oh, thank you.

You afraid of nasty Nate in prison?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Devil.

And you're circling it?

Dude, that was half-baked.

That's like my generation's Chichi-Chong.

Yeah, that's right.

That's what I hear.

So, anyways,

I would go,

even if it meant not coming back, depending on what I had going on earth, if I was in love or something,

that would change the equation.

A couple of people.

Other shows coming up?

Nope.

It would have to be love that kept me here.

That's fair.

And I love my family, but I mean like a woman that I

like.

You have kids.

Right.

But if I was single, I would definitely step up for the, you get to go to Mars.

You're never coming back.

You can still live on Mars, but you're not coming back.

I would probably opt for that, I think.

I could see that, but if you go to Mars, you don't know what the situation of living is.

Are you just in your little fucking moon tent?

It'd be limited, I think.

I don't think you would be able to do a lot.

Yeah.

Besides just go there and go, this is red and it's really rocky.

Yeah.

It'd be like living in like Truth and Consequences, New Mexico.

Yeah.

But there's like more Kmarts there, I think, than Mars.

By the way, have you been to the neighboring town Wheel of Fortune, New Mexico?

Unbelievable.

I'm a bigger fan of Jeopardy, Arizona.

Oh, unbelievable.

Holy God.

Mostly in the winter.

In the winter, you know.

You just want to go down there for the the nice warm.

Oh, it's warm there.

Jeopardy, Arizona.

But the good thing about being in some kind of biodome in Mars, if it did get too tedious and you got bummed out, open the door.

Just open the door.

I'm going for a walk and done.

Yeah.

That was like that movie are in the road.

Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

If you see the movie.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

If you see the movie, the mom just gets naked and just walks out into the dark.

Yeah.

Because the world is over and you're like, that's kind of a cool way to go out.

That's the movie with Vigo Sergiano or whatever.

Yeah, Vigo Morton.

And his little boy and they just find soda.

And he drinks the soda.

He goes, oh, it's all bubbly.

And you go, shit.

And you can see Vigo going, shut up, kid.

Really?

I had said that in the movie.

He's pretty stoked to give his kid a Coke.

Yeah.

But they find the underground bunker with all the food.

It's full of food.

And they take showers.

Yeah.

That makes you want to shower.

Whenever you watch an apocalypse movie and someone praises how much they want a shower, you go home and you go, let me just rip one.

Yeah, right.

We could be running out of these soon.

Yeah, we forget how all those the things we have imagine how much you could fart on mars and no one could get mad well

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imagine how much you could fart on mars and no one could get mad

well

i did it in rocket man as you know oh i don't know in the suit.

And what's funny is I'll tell you a little, not that everyone's going to go rush to watch Rocketman.

We did that scene on Mars where I fart in the space suit.

Yeah, with the tube connected in it.

Yeah, and if you look at it,

the lighting guy was this guy.

They fired our lighting guy and brought in this other lighting guy who did lighting on the original Blade Runner.

Sick.

So he was sick, but he came in with quite a bit of an ego.

Oh, yeah.

He's like, I'm going to to make this thing look futuristic.

And so there were days where we had to wait eight hours for him to light a room, which I thought it was too much.

I was actually getting mad.

Eight hours of lighting?

For one room.

Yeah.

When they would try to move forward, we'd be like, no, it's not right.

Yeah, he would hold up the whole.

And not every day, but let's just say.

He was a big lighting guy, and I think he was lighting more than Tinkerbell when she farts.

But he did this thing where we're on Mars and we did the fart scene we're in full space suit yeah

and he set up all the lights and he goes you know what we're getting a glare on the face mask sure

so let's just lose the face masks and we'll we'll we'll cgi the man in an era where cgi really hadn't it was sort of at at 0.1 percent on a scale of 10.

this is for those of you who haven't seen rocket man this is late 90s this is

uh star wars Wars is having problems with CGI.

They're just starting to come out.

Lucas Film has created CGI, but it's not great.

Yeah, it's still in its infancy.

And so, so cut to the movie.

Now, if you watch it, you'll see scenes where we're on Mars and you see the face man.

And then in that farting scene where it's a close-up, we have no mask.

Oh, my God.

Like, you sort of don't notice it because you're already into it.

But now that I've told you, if you look, there's just like no mask, and we're walking around on Mars because they didn't have the budget or or the wherewithal to CGI masks.

He just said it, you know, that's crazy.

So he was like, I like the lighting guy going.

We'll do that in posts.

And the director's like, I didn't even say we would.

Yeah, that's good.

We'll just do that.

Yeah.

Also, very effective way.

I just want to say our whole conversation.

You have people on podcasts all the time and they plug stuff and they want you to watch stuff.

This has been very effective because I'm going to watch Rocket Man again.

Are you?

And I think a lot of people at home are going to watch it.

Good luck finding it.

Is it not on any?

It's weird.

Disney sort of buried it.

Is it on disney plus i don't think it's hard to find and it's added to the allure of it in a way because even during the dvd era where you could buy dv it was really hard to track it down did you take that personally

i i sort of did to a degree where it's left me mystified why they did it like why make a movie big budget right what was it that made them and part of me goes was there someone at disney that didn't like me or was there something in the movie yeah And I think there's a moment in the movie that scared them where we're on, we get to

outer space or we land on Mars and there's a scene where the president calls to congratulate us while we're in space.

And he goes, the whole world's watching.

And my character starts.

singing, I've got the whole world in my hands.

But then I break into like Katie Fairy of you.

Yeah, yeah, very Katie Fairy.

And I broke into like five different languages, but I just improvised.

I'm just going to go, now the Dutch, I got seholvold in my.

And then I was like, now the Chinese, on tongue ta-tang, tong.

You think that?

I don't know, but I think maybe that made them terrified.

And they just said, bury this movie.

Well, because also Disney, for those of you, for people that don't know at home, Disney's like main market is China.

China does like...

the most business for a lot of Disney films because it does well in the United States, but then you go to China and all the billions of people if it's a popular movie.

So that might have been it.

It could have been that or maybe they just hate it.

I don't know, but

it's always been very difficult to find Rocket Man.

And then you're like, I swear I made that movie.

You go, I spent

years involved in the development and the making of it.

And what it's not to toot my own horn, but I think it's a really good, funny movie.

It's very silly, very funny.

Yeah.

It's a very silly, fun movie.

Perfect for eighth graders who are smoking swag weed.

Yeah, yeah.

It's 100%.

Anyways, I feel like

Jiminy Click around, be like, Shutty Duval.

Was she cool?

She was really cool.

She was a little bit distant, like sort of quiet and stuff.

She only had a small part.

She was only there like, I think, about a week.

I asked her about...

I asked her about the shining.

And I said, I hope you don't mind, but I got to ask you about the shining.

And she was just like, oh, my God.

She said, Harlan, Stanley made us do each take like 53, 54 times.

She goes, I was crying.

I was like, I think it really like frazzled her.

She said in the end, they got great stuff, but she said it was like sort of punishing, almost cruel.

Yeah, there's a scene now that now in the age of the internet, all these like things that used to be on specialty DVDs or like buried and stuff are now ripped online.

Yeah.

And there's a scene you can watch before the bathroom scene, Stanley Kubrick's like yelling at Shelly Duval.

Yeah.

He's like, you got to understand this.

And you just like see Jack Jack Nicholson behind him, like pumping himself up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's like,

she's just taking it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she did horrified perfectly in that.

But then you find out it was kind of real and you're like,

I think she was sort of tormented.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because Stanley Kubrick was like, fucking very.

Like, I know what I want to make.

This is what I'm going to make.

Because him and I just read the book for the first time.

Yeah.

And then I went online and went down the rabbit hole of Stephen King didn't like the movie.

Yeah.

Stephen King's like, nah, you kind of cheapened my book.

You made this.

And then Kubrick was just like, fuck you.

I made a classic.

I agree, though.

I read the book before I saw The Shining, and I actually was disappointed in the movie, although it had its moments.

Great moments.

I liked the book, The Journey in the Book, way better.

I was disappointed.

And the book, when you read it, it does a better job of taking that main character, Jack Torrance, and showing him being a regular guy

who goes crazy.

Yeah.

He's an alcoholic, but in this hotel, it gets to him and it fucking changes who he is.

And one of the things that King said is when you cast Jack Nicholson, he just looks crazy already.

Already, yeah.

So he just comes in and you're like, oh, this guy's about to go already crazy.

So you don't even get that payoff of the journey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Of like, oh, he was a great dad, and then he went nuts.

The descending into madness is sort of.

Because Jack Nicholson does crazy better than anyone.

Yeah, yeah.

But you don't get to see that.

Yeah.

And then they tried the Made for TV series with Stephen Weber.

Yeah.

And I watched that.

Yeah.

And that was way worse.

It was very true to the book.

You want to talk about CGI not being ready?

Oh, yeah.

The topiary.

Oh, yes.

They did the topiaries moving.

Yeah.

And like these giant hedges that are in animals, and they move, but it's mid-90s.

And the CGI is not there.

So you see it move like, you know, like

old War of the Worlds or like Clash of the Titans?

Yeah.

Remember those old Clash of the Titans where they'd have the skeletons moving and you're like...

The Harryhausen stuff.

Yeah, exactly.

And that's what it looks like.

Sinbad and Jason and the Argonaut.

It's exactly it.

When you watch all of it, you go like, oh, this is stop-motion.

You know what's cool about those movies, though?

You knew even as a kid it was, but there was something really enchanting about it.

Because even the movements were almost a bit scary.

Yeah, when they did like...

Like it was so like the Medusa and the big Cyclops and the way it freaked me out more

scary.

In one of those old movies where she like looks, and you're right, it's the way that you see the tail kind of.

Yeah, and there's sort of, you can tell it's snappy and the head movement, but it gave it its own sort of creepy vibe, which I really love.

That's why the 70s are the greatest time for horror movies because the lighting guys weren't the guy from Blade Runner.

They didn't know how to light it really well.

So you're watching a movie and it's all dark.

Yeah.

And you're like, what the fuck is going on?

And then fucking Mike Myers pops out and you're like, oh, yeah.

That's what they need to go.

They need to go back to making things a little shittier so that they're better.

That's interesting.

If you make horror movies a little grainy, a little like, I can't see it, it adds to like, I'm scared.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

It sort of, it feels a bit more real, too.

Like you're there.

I mean, it doesn't help.

I re-watched Superman.

I had food poisoning, so I was just in bed for two days.

Oh, man.

And I watched Superman 4.

Oh, okay.

And those are like...

That's where the graphics are bad and all the stuff is bad.

Where you're like, you guys shouldn't have even tried it.

Yeah, yeah.

Like the Jaws 3D, Jaws 4.

Yeah.

Yeah, where you're like, you guys had no business.

That's just a money grab.

Yeah.

You had Christopher Reeve and the other guy that played fighting, and it just looked like they were standing there, and then they put him on what their version of a green screen was.

And you're like, this doesn't work.

And now it just looks real.

Like, now all superhero movies are like, oh, that guy

could be friends.

It's incredible.

Go back to it's sucking.

I think that's what we need.

Yeah, some movies need that.

Yeah.

All stuff right now is too good, and no one's enjoying it.

Yeah, I just saw the trailer for the next Superman.

Yeah.

And it shows him him like flying out of the site, crashing into the ice.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, a CGI dog comes, like Super Dog.

And it's like, I'm sorry.

I want a super.

I don't want to see a dog in a cape.

Like, I think they blew it showing that dog.

It went from Superman to like Muppet movie.

Yeah.

And it's like, here you go.

Does the dog talk?

Yeah.

Immediately when he shows up, you just start asking shitty questions.

You're like, does the dog fly?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I

saw that i was i i'm of the opposite though i loved it i'm a i like crypto i like what he's i like that james gunn is very going like we're gonna make this comic bookie yeah we're not gonna make this like christopher nolan's batman or the new batmans yeah which are more like based in reality i like them being like there's a dog that can fucking fly yeah all right i guess i don't mind but i feel like the dog's sort of a sissy dog i wish it was like a german shepherd or a pit bull or something Rottweiler coming and grabbing.

That's like putting Hulk in a tutu.

If you're going to be a superhero dog, be badass.

Now what if I told you Superman fights his dogs?

Yeah.

Like Mike Vick.

Oh, yeah.

Piece of shit.

Yeah, the dog fighting guy.

Isn't that crazy?

Quarterback in the NFL had a full dog fighting.

And all he had to do was apologize.

Is that right?

That was how different it was.

I mean, he paid like, I think he paid a lot of money.

Yeah.

But Mike Vick was basically just like, sorry yeah and then he's back in the nfl that wouldn't happen now yeah they're we got better can't like destroying people's careers we're at the peak of destroying people's careers where they'll just nuke someone's career for something yeah but he fucking straight up straight up had a dog fighting right he's like drowning him in a pool He was like electrocuting him and shit.

Because when these dogs lose, they just have to kill him.

Yeah.

So if Superman's dog lost a fight.

And it was pit bulls, right?

Yeah.

It's pit bulls.

I would have liked to have like really like Rocky trained a poodle or a chihuahua.

Like just like had a chihuahua in a meat locker punching beef and

like totally unsuspecting and then throw him in with the pit bull and just watch him like rip the pit bulls.

He's not getting killed.

He's getting mad.

Yeah.

Just pit bulls.

Yeah, I would like to do it with a, I think instead of a chihuahua, I'd go more weight friendly.

I would go yellow lab.

Get a yellow lab, just train them.

Yeah, they're deceptive.

Yeah, because they have the girth, but they're they're like sweet little family dogs.

They're just sweet little boys.

Yeah, just put them in there with a fucking pit bull.

Wow.

Have them win.

By the way, do you vape?

No.

I started vaping.

I got to New York two days ago.

You just started vaping?

I started vaping, and not the traditional, like...

I was walking down the street and about every four blocks in New York, there's these pipes with steam coming out of them in the sidewalk.

And I just hover over them and

it just helps me get from end to end of Manhattan.

Do you feel, do you feel

like addicted to them now?

Yeah, I tried Raspberry Subway on the way over here

and homeless people lemonade last night.

Yeah, that's pissed.

Oh, that was good.

That was good.

Just the thought of someone walking by, like a seasoned New Yorker, being like, is that Harlan Williams breathing the steam?

Well, vaping.

Vaping.

Yeah.

Yeah.

New York has a lot of stuff that you're like, I don't think humans should be around that.

Like when you're walking around, you're like.

You haven't lived till you've tried the Blackberry Subway wrapper.

I mean, this stuff, like, you can almost still feel it in my lungs.

Invigorated.

Yeah.

Would you ever live in New York?

I've never lived here.

No.

Would you ever?

I don't think so.

Do you enjoy California?

I love New York to visit.

I love the energy, but it's too...

No offense to New York, but it reminds me of an ant farm.

You ever seen those ant farms?

Oh, yeah.

You're just crawling through the tubes.

Yeah, and it's just, it's too many people on top of each other.

It's fascinating because I'm a people watcher and the energy here is amazing, but it's just too much.

It feels like you're in a, for me, it's like you're in a blender and you can't shut it off.

There's no decompression.

There is an anxiety when you go outside where you're like, I'm in a mass.

I'm in a mass of people and I have to move.

But that's, you nailed it with the ant farm.

What I like about New York is everyone knows how to move.

Yeah, that's true.

The people that live here, you walk down the sidewalk and everyone moves at at the same pace to go.

Whereas like California, people move at their own pace.

There's no agenda.

People just kind of meander.

I like the honesty in New York.

People are like, fucking move.

In LA, they're like,

I'm going to sue you.

You should have moved.

I'm going to have to live again.

I'm going to have to zoom you for mugging movement.

Do you miss Canada?

I mean, yeah, I love Canada, but

I spent spent like half my life there growing up.

Sure.

That's how I feel about Colorado.

So it's in me, and I enjoyed it, and

I love it.

And so when I moved away, it's like I've had so much of it that I don't miss it because it lives within me.

Like it's part of me.

When you go back, though, are you like, I missed you, old friend?

No, it just feels like slipping into the same, like, like, you know,

it just feels like coming back home.

So I don't feel the missing part.

I just like, oh, I'm back where I started, you know?

i love how nice you guys are until it's time not to be nice you guys like dalton and fucking roadhouse you're like be nice until it's not time to be nice because canadians are always the most whenever i go to shows up there the most open friendly people yeah and then now trump goes like we're gonna take it as a 51st state and canadians go fuck you all yeah you guys immediately were like i think you guys are underestimating us yeah that's probably true yeah i was up in winnipeg when he was saying that and the energy was like you're not taking us yeah and then they look at me like I said it they're like all right yeah you're American huh you go I don't fucking want to take you guys I like I like the relationship we have right now well so a bunch of people got mad at me online because I I put it out there that I said there's probably a portion of Canadians that do like the concept of

you know

you know becoming the 51st state yeah and I didn't say they should.

I just said, you know, there's probably people that like it and patriot, you know, I'm very patriotic as a Canadian, but people got fired up that I even said anything about it.

But I don't care because it's like, I say what I want, just like anyone else should say what they want.

Launch them to space.

If you don't like them, yeah, put them in fucking space.

But I always find that like any kind of patriotism for any country, there's always people that are going to be way more patriotic than you.

Yeah.

And they love to prove that.

Yeah, they're

flex.

You aren't completely right or die.

And you go, I'm just trying to say silly shit.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, sorry, you're mad.

I'm making a point.

Yeah.

I'm sorry you're so mad that the United States might take us as a second state.

But I think

any country is how you describe Canada.

They're nice until they're not.

I mean, if you've ever been to Japan or Cambodia or whatever.

That's what I want to call them.

They're the most gentle, like the Indonesians, like they're just gentle, passive people.

But then you look at, you know, the war with Japan.

You look at what happened in Cambodia with the killing fields.

Like, people are, people are

nice until they're not.

No.

Cambodia's killing fields are fucking crazy.

And it's any culture, which is weird because when you go to countries where they are like, as you suggested, Canada or Cambodia or even like Sweden.

You go to Sweden and they're very nice and you go, I bet there's another side to this.

There is.

Any race of people with their backs against the wall,

we have a survival instinct where we will fight.

Everyone will fight.

America's just a little more upfront with it.

Yeah, America doesn't hide it.

We go, we'll fucking fight you.

Yeah, but America sort of has to because they're leading the world.

So they have to kind of go, hey,

we're the jocks here.

We're at the top of the pack.

Like, you want to mess around?

It's like the tough guy at the bar.

Yeah.

Canada's the one that's like rolling up their sleeves going, I don't want to do that.

I will do that.

You were speaking inappropriately to the lady.

Yeah.

And America's like, shut up.

51st state.

I don't like that talk much.

No, I like that.

Canada's got tough people.

I mean, hockey players and lumberjacks.

Also, look up World War II.

Yeah.

Your guys as soldiers were more feared than anybody.

The Canadians were doing wild shit.

You guys were like killing motherfuckers.

And then they're like, hey, I don't know.

I don't know about these Canadians.

And then after World War II, we're like, Canada, they don't even like the fight.

And you're like, I think they do.

Well, I'll tell you a funny story.

My Uncle Bill just turned 101.

101.

congratulations uncle bill he lives on his own still still motors around walks around goes shopping he was in world war ii as a tail gunner and a bomber and did like 45 missions over germany and lived holy he was in that glass bubble

with the giant thing yeah and and he lived 101 in great health does he ever talk about it he talks about it but but limited he's he he talks he acknowledges he was in it but i don't think anyone's ever sat down and said so did you like shoot the shit out of somebody like watch a house go like yeah i and i don't know if i'm i'm a little nervous to ask him because i don't want to overstep it in case it's traumatic for him but and he's a bit of a he's a very

going back to what we said about nice he's he's a very timid quiet man and you'd never

think of him being affiliated with anything like that but here he was and so gunner yeah i just i've i've been i've never really asked him just out of respect yeah war vets are very similar to like my friends that date celebrities where i i want to know about the sex but i can't ask them all really because you just go like yeah you know what i really want to know that's like talking to a war vet where you go and you're okay yeah yeah and everything's all right but

what really happened did you ever get through to any of your buddies

sorry pete davidson would always evade me oh whenever we'd talk he'd always find another thing.

And then my other friends, it always,

they never dish.

Just like war vets.

They'll never truly say what happened.

They go, you know, you just kind of keep that part with you and you just keep moving forward.

Yeah.

Huh.

Because he gets out eventually somewhere.

Yeah.

Whether they're napping on your couch and they talk out loud.

Well, you can ask me.

As you can see, I'm a pretty open guy.

Yeah.

Have you ever dated a celebrity?

Yeah.

Who'd you date?

Cher.

You did not.

Yeah.

When did you date Cher?

In L.A.

We both live in L.A.

That's how that worked.

Did you guys date?

We dated and we made, we'd used to, one of our things, this was our things, and I don't want this to get out everywhere, but we.

Sure.

It's just on the safety of the world.

She lives right in Malibu, right on the, she has a house over the shore, and we would do this thing every Saturday.

We'd do caviar and clam chowder.

Wow.

And then she had stairs, a little elevator that went down to the beach.

And we did this ritual where we'd make love during the sunset.

Wow.

Well,

the elephant seals would come in.

That's where they sort of migrate.

And they'd be on every side of us.

And so we'd kind of use the rhythm of the elephant seals.

Yeah.

And we'd find our rhythm for lovemaking as they...

trumpeted their sounds and jostled for position on the beach.

To look, one of them would go, is that Cher?

Yeah.

And then the other one would be like, is that Rocket Man?

Yeah.

And then, oh, that was beautiful.

Yeah.

And then you guys would just take the elevator, satisfied, full.

We'd actually, we'd do full coitus, and then we'd sort of, it's a little greedy, but we'd we'd finish it off with a 69, just as the sun, you know, when the sun dips behind the horizon?

That's when you would.

So we'd

go on our stop.

Or would you go on?

We'd switch it around.

What a gentleman.

Giving love.

Yeah.

Would you guys roll?

Would you roll over one

rolled?

And then one night we, what ended it is we she rolled onto a sea urchin.

She got a sea urchin in her ass crack.

That's the biggest problem.

Yeah.

When you're rolling around 69 and on a beach, you got shells, you got sea urchins.

Then you got all these voyeurs, all these sea lions watching.

Elephant seals.

Elephant seals.

Just watching them.

And yeah, I had a little tryst with Demi Moore.

I don't really want to talk about that.

I mean,

what era?

What era of Demi?

This is just after Ghost.

We used to do.

She used to pretend,

because she was, I would pretend I was a ghost.

She'd put like baking powder on my face.

And

she had this handyman who kind of somehow he created this sort of fake wall in the drywall.

And so I would come through the drywall like Casper or a Phantom.

And we'd do a ghost sex.

That's very kinky.

It was really good.

She loved it.

Also, it's funny to think about her putting flour on your face as you're aroused, you know, and she's like, okay, not yet.

Not yet, yeah.

And then she's like putting it on, and she's like, yeah, this is great.

And it actually looked like I was floating through the wall, and then I'd take her on the floor.

What an amazing.

She had a bearskin rug, a grizzly.

Amazing.

Yeah, grizzly.

And this was right after she broke up with Bruce Willis, I'm thinking.

No, this is right after Ghost, so she was already single.

Remember the movie Ghost?

Yeah, so he was dead.

And it's none of his business.

But have you ever made love on a back of a Kodiak?

No, of a bear?

She had a a beautiful Kodiak bear.

It was going great too.

But again, one night her crack got caught in one of the fangs.

And I don't know if you know about Kodiak bears.

Giant.

Yeah, giant, like cane.

Biggest bear in

the world.

And we just sort of like the mishap on the beach with Cher.

She rolled over and one of those fangs just clipped her ass crack and sort of soured the ghost thing.

When the ghost gets sprayed with blood, it sort of busts the illusion because now you're going oh there's blood inside of you you're not dead right and you you splatter so it's sort of you got this white phantom thing and now you go oh how did that stick on the ghost it's not really a ghost and she kind of lost her mojo so that's sort of when i moved on to carol burnett have you heard carol burnett yeah Did the ear tug thing ever come into play?

It sort of transitioned from the ear down.

She would tug on her.

I don't want to go the clinical term is

that's how she knew you were watching?

Yeah.

She'd go.

Well, she'd do it at the end.

After we finished, she'd stand up.

She goes, I'm so glad we had this time together.

Tug, tug.

And then that's how she'd finish.

That's how we'd finish.

But, because she was a comedy legend.

Got it.

And sometimes we'd do it in her wheelchair.

Like she'd, she'd.

So you asked.

This is very personal.

Was there ever any animosity between Cher and Demi Moore and later Carol burnett did they i didn't tell them about this is probably the first that they're going to

find out about this this could cause some kind of hollywood uh tmz thing yeah probably you might land in la and it might be a shitstorm i don't want extra press i don't want to

i don't want to like cause uh gossip but you you know i'm an open guy you asked me about celebrity uh sex coitus can i tell you a positive of all this sure that that rocket man finds its way to a streamer with with all this going on.

Oh, right.

All this juicy goss.

Yeah.

And then you just get fucking, all of a sudden, Rocket Man's going to be on the front page of Disney Plus.

Everyone's going, Rocket Man.

That's Colin Williams.

I forgot this was.

Did you guys get Elton John's Rocket Man licensed?

They did.

They licensed it?

So they licensed it for $350,000

and they played it in the end credits.

That's the only time?

That's the only time they used it.

$350,000, you use it in the beginning.

You use it in the movie.

you have it as a little fucking somewhere

under some like it could have fit some and they put it in the end credits like people are gonna stay to watch the rest of the movie because of that song like yeah that's insane it that much money for that song and you don't use it yeah ad nauseum it really was weird yeah um nelli frittado is another one wow i mean i don't want to look you are quite the coxman well i don't want to like you know drag them through it but yeah when was the nelli Furtado?

Was that after Killer?

Kills Bizarre.

So this was after Cher.

Okay.

And her family moved down to L.A.

And her father opened a Baskin-Robbins.

And after it closed, we would go in and, you know, they call it 33 flavors.

31.

31.

Got to respect the brand.

And we would do 31 favors.

And what we'd do is I would put her ass crack over one of the buckets.

Yeah.

And we would have coitus over every single day.

Oh my lord.

Yeah.

Poor people that came in there definitely got hepatitis A.

I mean, you are spreading horrific.

Well, it was great because you got the coolness vapor of the ice cream coming up.

Mixed with the warmth.

Warmth of, and then it's usually flavored.

So it's almost like the vapes.

You get this scent in the air of mint chocolate chip coitus.

Cotton candy.

Cotton candy cookies and cream coitus.

A little fudge brownie.

Fudge brownie pieces.

Fudge brownie, you could even poop and no one would know.

And then we stopped again.

Another little mishap.

They came out with this new flavor, Shrek Crackle.

Okay.

And they put little shards of peppermint in the Shrek Crackle.

And one day we were just, the Coitis was going off.

Like after hours, the closed sign was on the door.

And I guess we pumped too deep and a piece of the crackle went into her crack.

She got crackle in the crack.

She got crackle.

Crackle.

And so we had to shut that down.

That's nuts.

But I don't know why I like to talk about my celebrity trysts.

Oh, I get it.

But I mean, that does sound, as a guy that has shoved an entire couch up his butt, I'll tell you, a little bit of peppermint, this thing's bent inside me.

I wondered why this was sort of squishy.

Yeah,

we get it out.

We let it dry for a little bit for the guests here.

But the second you leave, we break down those cameras.

I've never seen furniture with pubis before.

Yeah, this thing's right back in me.

Yeah, wow.

This thing's thick.

But I'll tell you right now, you put peppermint in my butt.

Oh.

I'm going to be an angry customer.

Wow.

You're like Dr.

Mentos.

Wow.

You give me menthol butts.

Yeah.

And I'm going to be pretty fucking mad at you, Harlan.

Sour Dutch.

Harlan Williams, you are one of the funniest human beings on the planet.

I appreciate you coming out and doing this podcast.

Thank you.

It was a fucking joy when someone was like, do you want Harlan on the podcast?

I was like, please, I think your fucking podcast.

Check out Harlan's podcast.

It is fucking hilarious.

My friends have done it.

I watched the episodes.

I just watched the one with Greg Fitzsimmons.

That was making me laugh so fucking hard.

Well, I wanted to invite you on my podcast, The Harlan Highway, next time you're in LA.

Done.

I'm there.

We're going to be there in the fall.

You will?

I would love to do it in September.

Yeah, I would love it.

Love it.

Harlan Highway fucking rules.

Thank you.

Check him out.

Go watch Rocket Man.

Find it.

I'm going to go find it.

Find it if you can.

And then stay to the end to see if you listen to Rocket Man.

Yeah, listen to the song Rocket Man.

And speaking of Rocket Man, it's interesting.

One of my friends who produced it, she's a great, great actress.

What's her name?

She was in the mask.

Cameron Diaz?

Cameron Diaz.

Me and her are currently.

Wow.

Anyways, we'll save that for another time.

So Harlan Highway.

When I get on Harlan Highway, I'll talk to her about this.

The whole highway ride will be about old Cameron Diaz.

And I don't like Cameron Diaz.

No,

you've been pretty open with all of your salacious details.

Yeah.

Which that's what I appreciate.

Thank you.

This is the place you come when you.

The original name of the podcast was Kiss Antel, but we changed it just to Soder because it's my last name.

I love Ant.

Legally, you know.

Yeah.

Harlan Williams, the best.

Thank you.

See you in space.

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