73: Aged Heroes with Jim Norton | Soder Podcast | EP 71

Hey guys, I'm on the road.

As always, I'm going to be at the Funnybone in Richmond, Virginia, doing four shows, April 4th and 5th.

I will be in Spokane, Washington, May 1st, 2nd, and 3rd at the Spokane Comedy Club.

Doing five shows in Spokane, Washington, May 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, Spokane Comedy Club, dansoder.com for tickets.

See you then.

Bye.

That's what's weird is to know people that back in the day when I was like an open my comic, I was like following on MySpace.

Bill Burr used to have blogs.

Bill Burr would be like,

Yeah, it was like, I'm sick of these hot girls.

Say they're keeping it real.

You're not the fucking RIZA.

And it was like this, like, but it was like written like Bill Burr.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I remember your celebrity photos.

Yes.

And the one I remember specifically was you and 50 Cent getting off a plane pointing.

That was on the way to MTV Spring Break.

That was 2003.

I was doing two pilots.

This is around Last Comic Standing where

I was, I didn't want to do it.

And then Bob and Ross go, you should audition for.

We think you'd do really well.

So I do, and they were going to put me right through to the next level.

I was a fan.

This was season two of Last Comic Standing.

Yes.

For those of you younger folks that don't know, you couldn't.

Stand-up used to be on TV all the time on Comedy Central.

But when NBC did Last Comic Standing, it was a fucking massive event.

It was big.

It was a big show.

And at first I was like, I'm not going to do it.

But then I'm like, why not?

Voss?

I think Voss did season one.

Voss met Bonnie on season one.

That's right.

And like got far.

And it was like, it was great.

It was good for him.

And you fucking murdered on your showcases on season two.

You did the joke about

you can't pay your rent.

And you're like, what am I going to cut the hooker's head off and show my landlord?

Oh, I vaguely remember that joke.

You go,

you go, but I remember that was the punchline.

You're like, what do you want me to cut this hooker's head off and show my landlord?

I remember they would let you do stuff like that on NBC back.

And I was like, dude, this guy fucking rules.

I was living in Tucson, Arizona, just like a young alcoholic doing open mics.

And I was like, this is my guy.

I had started listening to Opie and Anthony already.

So I knew about you.

That's how I learned about the whole New York crew.

It was a tough crowd and ONA.

But then watching you on NBC, it was like the feeling of like, oh,

this is like one of our guys.

And then all of a sudden they were like, due to a contract negotiation.

It was, but the contract, the conflict was I had a Viacom contract.

I was doing a pilot for MTV at Spring Break.

And I did it.

It was called Stupid Bets.

It didn't go anywhere.

And I remember I avoided all the water in Spring Break, and we shot on the beach.

It was 100 degrees.

There were like lights.

Where was it?

In Cancun?

In Cancun.

And I had to run and shit in the public restroom.

It was disgusting.

What, like a bath, like a beach public bath?

The type that didn't have stall doors.

Yeah, it was like all concrete.

How long did you hold that shit?

It was the whole weekend was fine until that last shoot day and there was no holding it.

I just felt it and I'm like, here it comes.

This is what they talked about.

And I was in the bathroom shitting a lot.

Pauli Shore was very nice to me.

I always loved Pauli Shore because he made my life.

He was really cool to me on that set.

He did it as a favor to me.

And also, he's like almost,

as far as MTV Spring Break goes, he's the elder.

And he's a god.

Yeah, they treated even back in 2005.

The old weasel, he's like, I'm coming to put some Naldege.

You're going to have to poop in an open style.

Unfortunately, MTV did not see a future with Jim Norton.

They actually, they felt bad about the contract thing, so they gave me another pilot while I was there, which I did with Al from Punked.

I don't remember his name.

The guy from Punct and Vanessa Manillo.

Oh, shit.

Who's Nick Lachey's wife?

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

Yeah, she was like the host.

VJ.

I would blame a lot of our modern

shitty influencer stuff on the lack of VJ jobs.

There's a lot of hot people doing stand-up poorly and a lot of hot people doing other stuff poorly.

They would have just been great VJs.

Or their whole thing would have been geared up to audition to be a VJ.

And they would have been like, oh, that's how you would remember it.

I'm a big Nina Blackwood guy.

If you want to go back to the

ever see her in Vice Squad where she played a prostitute who Wingshauser beat to death?

But Nina Blackwood was like, isn't she OG MTV?

One of the first five was her, JJ.

It was Alan Hunt.

It was Mark Goodman and Alan Hunter, I think.

And Mark Goodman, one of them had a show at Series.

Martha Quinn.

All of them did.

All of them did.

But I remember doing the bonfire.

One of them thought he was hot shit.

And I was like, brother, it's 2018.

Yeah.

No one gives a shit.

He'd be be like, hey, you know how famous people do that thing where they go like, they walk in and they go, hey, hey, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You're like, you're a fucking original VJ.

Yes, you've mistaken my disinterest for clamoring.

You're really expecting me to be like, oh, what was downtown Julie Brown like?

Please tell me what downtown Julie Brown was like.

It's so funny to be like, you're aged out, bro.

Yeah.

Athletes do that.

When you see retired athletes, they still have the like, hey, hey.

Yeah, listen, if you want to talk, I got a minute.

I got a celebrity photo last night,

but I would say it was not the warmest reception.

Who was it?

Gal Godot.

Oh.

You know how you get her?

You just go like IDF and then fist bump.

I almost mentioned Israel.

If you would have got her.

I know, but I was getting the picture and I'm like, that's all I needed.

My neighbor knows her and he had like some event for her.

Okay.

So my wife and I went over and she was probably stayed for a half hour and I got her just as she was about to leave.

It is the most

literally, you've never seen a less interested person than she did me.

Did she do the thing where she didn't break conversation with whoever she was talking to?

Because

I've done that before with a famous person where you try to get a picture and they're like, it was with an old 49er and he like didn't even stop talking to his friend.

He's like, I don't know.

The chicken wings are pretty good on the second floor.

That is nice meeting you.

I got Tom Brady like that.

Really?

Wanted nothing to do.

I mean, you, nothing.

It was, I fucking, I, I was, for the tonight show, I was doing, uh, where do they, the Kentucky Derby?

Oh, yeah, I forgot you were Leno's guy on the ground for a while.

And I did, uh, there was Aaron Rodgers was at this party, Tom Brady.

I got them both to sign a ball.

I was the only one that brought a ball to this event.

I really am a fucking piece of shit.

It's so funny that your entire life you've looked like a sick kid, and that's the kind of stuff you did.

That's the kind of stuff you did to me.

Cancer boy things.

You're like the gypsy rose, but

could you sign this for me, Mr.

Brady?

Jesus Christ, this cancer's kicking the shit out of this kid.

This poor Progerian boy has a football.

Ah, gee.

Ah, gee, mister.

Can we have one throw?

Just one throw, mister.

Yeah, how about one throw to me, could you?

So Brady didn't even break conversation?

No, he was talking with two guys that were like, kind of tried to, but he took the picture with me.

I think because I was with the tonight show, like...

They gave me the half-second.

I think we even interviewed Aaron Rodgers for a couple of minutes.

Brady didn't want to do an interview, but he took the picture.

Like, that was the only reason I got near him was because I had the camera there.

And, and like you know they didn't want to be dicks with the camera people around yeah yeah they're always next to the camera they're always they're always aware of what's being

yes photographed or videotaped yes famous people have like a sixth sense on that yeah they're smart with it and so you know Gala Do I did a quick selfie but I didn't I didn't interrupt our chat she was like I could see she was making her way towards the door so we smiled like oh hey I'm like do you mind if I and Nikki is like I would have taken the picture I'm like no you wouldn't if you would have fumbled with the camera my my wife with the camera is like fucking Fredo and his father's being shot

She just freaks out.

She's like, I'm fucked up.

I fucked up.

I fucked up.

That's so fucking funny.

I'm sure that's what would have happened.

I would have had no celebrity picture, and my wife would have been going, Papa.

You just had Galgado's forehead, and you'd be like, You fucking, you ruined it.

Yeah, dude, that is famous people have that.

Like, you have three seconds,

get the photo, get it, and get the fuck out of it.

Be ready, be prepared, always be closing.

ABC.

Dude, you, I mean, you, when you would do like pictures, the 03 50 cent picture.

Yeah.

That's a digital camera.

There's no smartphone.

I had to give it to somebody, but that was like, we sat next to each other on the plane.

Okay.

So like the whole flight down.

Was he like, what do you do, man?

You just threw his teeth.

He literally said nothing.

I was going to dab it.

He drooled a little, but I was going to just dab like this gentleman.

Well, he's got, that was probably his bullet wound.

I know.

He got shot.

That's kind of cool when he does that because you know that's from being shot.

Yeah, not from him being a sloppy ass.

Oh, not from a bullet.

That's a sign of.

It's one that didn't take his life.

That's a survival thing.

We were just, I put on, I still have cable.

So I, I, like, the thing is, I don't put on 24-hour news.

I don't put on like Sports Center.

I put on like HBO or Showtime.

And we were watching Get Rich or Die Trying.

Yeah.

Just because it's, when I see a, now digital cable will tell you what the Rotten Tomatoes rating is.

If it's below 20, I'm watching it.

You have to watch it.

You have to watch it.

I think Get Rich or Die Trying was 17%.

Was it?

It was, so I was like, I got to watch it.

And then you realize Fiddy can't talk.

All of his dialogues, him going, man, that's crazy.

I don't even know if I want to even do that, man.

And then you realize it's like, oh, yeah, because he's talking through a bullet wound.

He got shot.

I love him.

Like that time, we sat together for three hours on a plane.

I wanted to talk to him so bad, but I didn't know what to say.

I remember when the food was being brought out, I almost reached over and pulled his tray out.

But I'm like, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't baby him.

Don't baby him.

Oh, thanks, man.

Can you tuck in my napkin?

You have to put a napkin in.

You go,

you're flying it into his mouth.

He wanted me to cut it up for him.

He goes, I don't like steak.

Can we tray?

Footy, here it comes.

Oh, that's so fucking funny.

He was nice, though.

He took the photo.

Who did you get to take the photo?

It was just, it might have been one of his guys or a woman that was walking.

But usually with the digital camera, it can be an awkward one.

I got McCartney coming out of Stern Studio and no one was allowed near Paul McCartney.

But I'm like, excuse, I'm getting a fucking photo.

So as he's walking, the way to do it is you look, they know what you're going to do.

You start talking and you go, hey, man, they'll always say hi.

And you have to have the camera ready.

I'm like, do you mind if we take a photo?

And he goes, oh, yeah, man, he'll do it.

And he just fucking, I gave it to a guy and he took a picture of me and McCartney.

And everyone else who wanted the picture was like, wow, the master has showed us how it's going to be.

You really did.

You have it ready.

You have it ready.

I've blown that so many times.

Who'd you blow with?

Joe Montana.

I was on the sideline of a 49ers game because my buddy was a coach with the 49ers.

And his wife was like,

Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, don't take photos.

Like, don't even try to do it.

But if I would have had, what happened was Montana went and talked to someone next to me.

If I would have had my phone ready, I could have gone, Joe, can I get a picture real quick?

But I didn't.

I had my phone in my pocket.

Yeah.

And I fucked it up.

You have to open it.

Yeah.

And you have to be, don't be a fucking in selfie mode.

And you have to have your finger there.

You go, Joe, do you mind if we get a quick one?

And they'll always say, yeah, because they're just stopping.

Yeah.

That was my impression of me taking a photo.

When I was watching.

Write it down.

I know.

But if I was auditioning for the part, I wouldn't get it.

God, you know what?

I think we saw everything we need to see.

Was there ever a picture that you blew?

where you were like, I could have got that one.

Because especially back in the day, we're talking peak ONA.

we're talking peak serious we're talking peak xm you guys had crazy famous people coming by yeah we did i've been turned down by a couple of people in public i've been turned down by mick jagger what did he say dude it was i was in the uh i was in a hotel in uh i was it was uh what was it called the montage in beverly hills sure and i walk i'm doing i'm in the pilates room like before i became a fat pig again i was actually really thin and i was just doing some yoga and i walk out and the gym is empty it's mick jagger and his trainer That's it.

In the whole gym?

The whole fucking gym in the hotel.

So I'm like, they're talking and I go, I go, hey, Nick, can I take it?

And he goes, ah, no photos, mate.

And it's because I knew that he looks old and he didn't have his makeup on.

So I, at least I didn't humiliate myself.

I said, okay, I adore you.

Oh, I really, there's a lot of times in my life I should have been shot in the head.

And that was one of them.

Dude, the one

that you telling, I adore you, makes me always remember when I first moved to New York, Louis was running chewed up.

He was like, and Joe List was like, we were doing the old Boston, which was the comedy book.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And Joe List, I've told the story before on here, but Joe List was like, go get Louie.

Go like

List went to the cellar to get a check from DiPaulo because DiPaulo was there.

List comes back.

He goes, Louis's there.

He's running a set.

Go let him know we got a show working.

He'll come over here and do a set.

And I was like, young comic.

Louie's one of my heroes.

I didn't know what to say.

So he got off stage and I go, Louie,

the village is working, the comedy village.

And he goes, what?

And I go, the village is working.

And he goes, the village is working.

And he goes, what?

And I go, I don't know.

And he goes, yeah, I don't know either.

And he's walking up the stairs to the olive tree.

And I went back and I told List.

And, you know, List is like excited, blinking a lot.

And he's like, fucking, where is he?

Where's Louie?

And I go, I told him the village is working.

And List goes, huh?

And he goes, we're in the village.

And I was like, I know.

I've never told Louie that story about, because I hope he forgets it.

Because it's that feeling of like, I adore you.

It's humiliating.

Oh, Conan, right before I left the bonfire, Conan was starting his channel on Sirius XM.

And he was in the hallway with Big J and I.

And Big J and I went and talked to Conan.

And Jay goes, you got so excited.

I thought you were going to call him Mr.

Conan O'Brien.

Like, that was the excitement I had.

I was like, Conan O'Brien, Conan O'Brien.

He was like, Okay, did you take a picture?

No, he came into the studio and said, Hi, I pussed out, though.

But, like, Conan's a guy that I get, like, I grew up watching him.

So,

I don't know Conan.

I saw him once at the store in LA.

He was with his wife, and you can't miss this six foot-six redhead.

Yeah, but we don't know each other, so I didn't talk to him, but I was kind of tempted to because he's the man.

Yeah, I like Carson.

Did you ever meet Carson?

No, he died in 2005 or 6.

No, he's he's one guy I would love to have met, but there was never a chance to.

Did you do Carson?

No, no.

My first Leno was 2004.

I want to say it was October or September of 2004, I think, was the first time I did Leno.

So, no, Johnny was already gone by then.

I think he's, oh, yeah, he was long gone.

He's retired in 93.

So, no, never met Carson.

There's a few guys.

I've met most of the guys I've loved.

Most of the people in my life I've wanted to meet, I've met.

Has there ever been a huge disappointment with someone you've met that you love that you're like, ah, this fucking guy?

You know, I don't think so.

Like, the people I've loved, everyone in Sabbath, kissed.

The first time I met Gene Simmons, Gene is not the warmest when he first stinks.

But he's gotten, he's been, he's gotten, I roasted him in 2007.

Okay.

Jeff Ross brought me, got me in on the fucking family jewels.

Oh, yeah.

And every time I see him after that, he was cool.

He's great.

He came in to the bonfire and he just like was just, he's just such a pussyholic that he was like,

talking to Christine, he's like, well, look at this lovely lady.

And you're like, shut up, Gene.

And I was just kind of like this old horn dog.

It's just in here being like, well, the lovely lady hasn't talked.

And you're like, shut up.

It's funny when you don't care about old celebrities.

Yes, when you, when they don't,

and the worst is when you see someone who doesn't care about a celebrity that you're in awe of, because you're like, just talk to him nice.

Please be nice.

Oh, dude, wrestlers, whenever wrestlers would come through, Jay doesn't care about wrestling, but I'd be at serious.

I'd be like, oh, fucking Chris Jericho's here.

And he'd be like, okay.

And I'd be like,

just acting acting flat out retarded around wrestlers.

I never care about them, but I think they're the best interviews because like those guys can talk about anything.

They're fucking great with a mic.

Wrestlers are awesome interviews.

They're also carneys.

They're all carneys.

They know how to sell.

They know how to make it interesting.

They're also like, they know that if they're not selling, they're dead.

That's right.

So they're just like, yeah, what do you want?

What do you want?

But I mean, like, Sam is comfortable with them now, but I can't imagine back in the day when he was a producer for ONA, him being cool around WWE people.

He was always a guy who knew how to at least get the task done of asking the questions.

Sure.

And one thing about Sam that was good is that he would always, he didn't mind looking bad.

Like when he would do his what's the haps or whatever, he would ask one question.

He didn't care if it made him look like a fool.

Yeah.

As long as it was sounded good on the air.

I always respected that.

Like he didn't, he's better at it than I am.

Like for me, there's nothing they could have gotten me to do that would have made me look stupid in front of Ozzy.

I just wouldn't have done it.

I would have said, no, I'm not doing that.

You went from obviously super fan of Sabbath, super fan of Ozzy, to like getting to know Ozzy and Sharon in the way that Ozzy did the sketch before one of your specials.

I mean, he introduced me.

It was always a dream of mine.

He introduced me into camera from a toilet in his house.

I remember amazing.

That wasn't Monster Rams.

Please be offended.

No, Monster Ram was, there was no intro.

But I remember watching that as a fan of yours, and it's like, when you're a fan of somebody and you know they're a fan of somebody, it makes it like, oh, shit.

Like, when you you got Lemmy for Down and Dirty on HBO, like, that was unbelievable.

I just love, I wanted him involved.

I wanted him involved somehow.

And then you guys would just cut to him after like an Al Jackson set, and

he'd be like, I don't even really know about that.

He'd be like, right, Lemmy?

And he'd be like, oh, no.

I love Down and Dirty.

He would introduce me.

I think that's how we had it.

We were using We Are the Road Crew as the song.

And I remember we shot the opening of the thing.

So me and Lemmy were in a limo going from

the theater in Englewood, I think it was, back to New York.

And we shot it by this

and Mineta Lane.

It was just us walking.

But he's playing fucking runaround man, which was off at that time the new motorhead record.

It was so fucking great.

I'm sitting in a limo.

He's like, check this out, man.

And he's playing this new music for me in the limo.

Is that a moment where you're like, how the fuck?

I'm getting to hear brand new motorhead.

With Lemmy.

With Lemmy.

Do you feel in that moment like you have to react, like,

oversell it?

Like, this is unbelievable.

It was easy because I loved the song.

Sure.

Ozzy played New Sabbath for me when they were doing, I think it was they were doing reunion.

And Sharon, I was at the house for something.

And she goes, why don't you play Jim some of the.

It might have been when we were shooting the

toilet scene?

And she goes, why don't you play some of the new stuff for Jim?

And he goes, all right.

And he takes me into, I'm in Ozzie's basement with him.

And he's playing fucking,

he's playing Sabbath for it was crazy.

It It was just like queuing that up and you're like, what the fuck?

It never,

and I don't think I'm cool when this happens.

I'm like,

I'm like, my life is really good.

Yeah, it feels whenever those kind of moments happen, I think you're like most people or like me where you're kind of like, is this the end?

Like this is what a crescendo.

This world.

To have Ozzy being like, oh, I'm going to play you something.

No one said this.

Yeah.

And you're like, oh,

I also am such a people pleaser that in that moment, I feel like I would oversell sure

this is the greatest song you've ever written and he'd be like it's not

and then you're like it's not it's not it kind of sucks and he goes no it's good and you go

but it just sucks like compared to compared to like crazy train he goes I didn't even like crazy train and you go horrible song yeah me neither that's that's what sucks about getting around people like I'm a huge Queens of the Stone Age fan.

I'm so glad I've never met Josh Hammy because I feel like I would be too much in that mode of being being like, you're the greatest ever.

Like Chris Farley show.

That's why Chris Farley nailed it on SNL.

Like being like, do you remember when you were in Caius and you guys did Welcome to Sky Valley?

And he'd be like, yeah, I lived it.

Of course I fucking remember.

That was awesome.

Yeah.

And you're like, oh, so great.

Do you have a problem watching, you know, Ozzy Can't Stand Now?

I feel very bad for, yeah, that's, I think 2019, he fell.

I do.

It's hard to see because I love him, but it's one of those things where like Ozzy's survived everything.

I mean, everything.

You know how many guys would have been dead doing what he did?

So, the fact that he's still here, they're doing that one more show in England, which, of course, I'm going to go to.

Are you going to that?

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Is that like this isn't like a share thing where they go, like, final performance?

And he goes, Actually, I'm doing all no, I don't think he can do more.

I think he's my get my guess, and I don't know this, but my guess is he's gonna be seated

the way Axel was when he broke his leg with uh ACDC because his voice is still good.

So, uh, I'm guessing he's gonna do some Ozzie and some Sabbath.

Bill Ward is old.

Like, those guys are in their mid-70s.

They fucking, I mean, they re-I don't know how the stones are still going.

It's crazy.

It's got to be Adrenochrome.

It's crazy.

It's got to be the brain juice of scared kidnapped kids.

There's no way.

He's taking little abortive spines.

He's sucking the fucking Sabbath.

We're all right.

Sucking the stem cells.

He goes, we're going to do Beggars Banquet front to back.

That little boy was scared out of his mind.

And they go, we're still looking for Kyle.

And meanwhile, keith is just cigarette in his mouth fucking ripping the fact though i don't know maybe mick jagger didn't do the amount of drill i don't know what what they did but the fact that those guys are still healthy is crazy i don't know but i'll tell you my favorite thing about instagram is when the algorithm does kind of figure you out and they show you clips of shit that like you would have never saw yeah i've been obsessed with watching this clip of keith richards and chuck berry argue about

how Chuck Berry's guitar sounds.

And Keith is just like over it.

He doesn't have any of what we're talking about where you're like, you're my hero.

He's kind of just like, I don't know, man, that's how it fucking sounds.

You just see Keith Richards at one point go like, it's just how it fucking sounds.

And Chuck Berry's like, I ain't giving.

He's just batshit nuts.

He was crazy.

So you just like watch him.

You watch him and you're like, I love watching that.

When someone's like over their hero's shit, where they're like, shut the fuck up, Chuck Berry.

You know him well enough to know that you make a lot more money than Chuck Berry does.

Yeah, Keith Richards was about to be like, hey, I'm paying your rent this month.

This is, I'm paying for the hooker to fart in your mouth now.

My favorite video, by the way.

I want you to fall.

A classic.

Fall.

And then when he pees on her, and you're like, oh my gosh.

And he's laughing.

Yeah, when those videos came out, you're like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

He was a sick boy.

I have a new hero.

You go, I thought I liked his guitar playing.

Turns out I love his hooker peeing even more.

There's great footage of him with Springsteen.

They're doing, I liked watching people like that interact, because it's very rare you see the stones or the or McCartney get blown away by somebody sure to see those so when you watch those guys interacting with Chuck Berry like Springsteen I forget what I think it's just Johnny B.

Good he came out and played it but just to watch Bruce standing back there like holy fucking Chuck Berry yeah like they can't believe they're working with him Springsteen's having the moment you had with Ozzie in his basement where he's like holy shit I'm watching fucking Chuck Berry yeah play there's there's a clip of Muddy Waters playing with like a young Rolling Stones and they're like holy shit he's in the fucking room I never want to get over that.

Like, I know you, I don't run around and take pictures anymore.

Like, if somebody was there that I wanted, or like, yeah, sure, but like, there was plenty of times at serious as years went on where I just didn't run out and meet people.

I didn't give a fuck.

Sure.

Um, but like, I hope I never get over enjoying meeting people like that who I love.

Yeah.

It's like, why should I like that?

They've made me happy, and I want to meet them.

And why would I pretend that I'm not awed by it?

You were, you were part of one of my favorite moments at the cellar.

I went in on a Sunday.

I was still drinking.

and i like went in i was in the area at a bar and i went in

it was uh like an eight o'clock show and at the table it was still before they did the construction so it was still like the oh yeah yeah yeah and it was uh lenny marcus you and robin williams and robin williams was just sitting at sitting next to you at the table and just having a conversation with everybody and i sat down and i didn't like

try to do anything, but then shout out to Lenny Marcus.

He went, hey, Soder, 49ers won today.

And Robin was from the Bay Area.

San Francisco, yeah.

And

he looked up at me like excited.

And he goes, the 49ers won?

And I was like, they did.

They beat the Rams.

And he was like, oh, that's great.

And I was like, oh, this moment, I'm not going to ask for a picture.

This is just an incredible moment to tell Robin Williams that the 49ers won.

I wish I knew then what I learned later because I would love to have whispered to Robin like what you're going to do.

Lenny, you do it instead.

Hey, Lenny, I wish you'd find a doorknob, doorknob in your cock in your hand.

Lenny, by the way, Lenny Mark is very underrated.

A really, really funny comedian.

Murders on stage.

Worst timing texter in the fucking world as a sportsman.

He waits until the 49ers are losing and be like, what's going on?

And you're like, shut the fuck up, Lenny.

Yeah, he's a guy who I don't think, I think Lenny can hold a conversation with anyone.

He doesn't seem like he gets floored by, at least he presents like he wouldn't be floored by anyone, which is, it's a good quality.

You know, that idea of like being intimidated or changing your behavior based on a celebrity, you see who's like real ones and who's not.

My favorite example of this is Colin

had that joke about Bruce Springsteen about how he's a phony, where he's like, oh, yeah, real working man doing a six-hour concert on a Tuesday.

And it's an unbelievable bit.

Trip it.

Yeah, where he's like, now there's a welder in New Brunswick missing a thumb because he wanted to do a 36-minute version of Rosalita on a weekday.

And I love that bit.

And he would do it or whatever.

Then he did a benefit with Springsteen and did the joke in front of Springsteen.

That's funny.

And you're like, I would never have the balls.

No, no.

I would never have the balls to go out there and just bust the boss's chops.

But Colin's like, man, I don't fucking give a shit.

And that always, to me, was like a superpower.

Although you should have seen Colin.

There was times like where, like, you know, it'd be Robin Williams, you know, like before.

And then he started coming around in the cellar and he'd be up there improving at the table.

And you know who else was laughing along?

Colin.

Fucking when you see your friends be phony, there's nothing better.

Oh, yeah, I guess I do a banana wood talk like an old black guy, you know?

Oh, what would that preacher say?

I love that.

That is, that is, that, there's also a disappointment.

Like the, the flip side of that coin is being disappointed watching your friends schmooze.

Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, I had such high hopes for you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're like, I thought you were a real motherfucker.

And by the way, the time Colin chooses to smoothly, you couldn't have done this with a Comedy Central executives when you're on a tough crowd.

You got to do it with Robin.

You could have got another season if you just knew who

would just be nice to somebody and you didn't dig in.

Did you ever see that moment with Patrice where you were like

so close to Patrice that you're like, Patrice, just don't be a dick to this guy?

Because like Patrice seemed like, and this is just coming from a guy that was an open micer, very uncomic.

Patrice seemed like a guy that you didn't want to get around because he would just fucking tear you down if you fucked up You know, did I ever I saw him in his private life Getting like very regretful of things he did sure like you know as I think he was 40 when he started But we would we were talking and he was I remember him going man I feel I'm irrelevant I'm just I'm not he was really bothered by the fact and he started like apologizing to people You know everyone has that when they get to a certain age Yeah, and so he's I think it did affect him some of the shit that he had said and done like because he was a nice guy like he was a big shit talker and a blabber mouth but he was also like a really good person like yeah there were moments and i and i think young comics or guys my age now like do remember when you were around patrice it was something that colin said actually on o when patrice passed away where he said he'd make 50 he's up in heaven making 50 of the people feel comfortable and 50 of the other people feeling uncomfortable and then flipping it yeah he was very good at that he was very good at like If you were insecure, I remember being at Stand Up New York, like waiting to do check spots and Patrice would talk to me.

But then if I was like with other young comics like Joe List and Mark Norman, he would be like, get out of here.

He'd be like, fuck off.

But in those moments where I was by myself and insecure, he'd be like, what are you doing?

What is this?

You know, in a way that you're like, oh, shit.

And then I would be like, oh, I know Patrice.

Yeah.

And I'd be like, hi, Patrice.

And he'd be like, oh, and he'd be like, oh, shut the fuck up.

But it was, I always, you know, people do that now where they go like, I wish Patrice was around to hear what he says.

And you go, he would have hated most of the people that say they wish he wasn't.

He was the one who says, What do you think, Patrice?

I do love that, though, because my thing is, like, it's like, do you know how happy he would be that he's been dead for all these years and people are still using him to torture us?

Like,

you fucking idiot.

He would love

that they were still mentioning him.

Yeah.

He'd be like, oh, Jim, you can't get rid of me.

I'm still haunting you, motherfucker.

Here's what he was really good at.

He was very good.

Like, there were times where I had like a couple of relationship issues.

And when you would just talk to him one-on-one about something, like he really was a good friend.

And he was a guy who really did, he was a great negotiator.

Yeah.

And a great, like, me and Keith were fighting in Brazil in 2000.

Oh, God, you guys and your fucking hooker trips.

It was some hooker fight.

The fucking the New York comic fucking Brazilian summer camp where just everyone would go and cum in people.

It was just a cum camp.

You guys would go down there, just fuck.

And then Keith would bust our balls that we didn't do that when we got older.

But I didn't fuck much.

I did a little bit, but I would fall in love.

I went down there.

I got a girl who spoke English, and I don't even think I fucked her for the whole week.

I just like tried to wife her up and be close.

Oh, you'd listen to stories.

Oh, and meeting.

What's the favuela?

What's the favuela?

Yeah, what is your experience?

How much did you make a month?

Is your brother good at soccer?

I remember when I got back to the U.S., I was sending her like a Spider-Man DVD.

I was sending her.

I really, again, I'm an in-love sap.

Do you think she's still alive?

Her name is Fabiana.

I don't know.

Fabiana.

Fabiana, Reach out.

She was very pretty.

She had a little nose ring.

But I remember me and Keith were fighting about something.

I don't remember what.

I mean,

remember that time I argued with Keith?

Like, you can't be friends with Keith and even remember what you fought about.

He starts in third gear.

He is the fucking

cloud.

He walks in and he goes, I'm glad your 49ers stink.

He just, he'll walk in and say the most offensive thing.

I love him.

But we were fighting.

And I remember it was

Patrice was kind of acting as a go-between.

But he was very good at like, you know, like, this is what Brazil means to you.

And this is what it means.

So he was a good negotiator at times, like when neither one of you is hearing each other.

So he probably saved that trip so we didn't just fight the whole fucking thing.

Because, yeah, because he wanted to get his.

And he was like, if these guys are fighting, it's going to be fine.

It's going to kill the vibe.

It's going to kill the vibe.

And I need to fucking, I got this bag of dildos with me.

Yeah.

When Bobby told me that story, you're like, that's insane.

Dr.

Dildo, I'll never forget that.

Yeah.

You know what's funny is is I remember this story that

Big Jay told me where Patrice had a barbecue and he invited Nate.

And then the next year, Nate didn't get an invite, Bargettsi, and Nate was like upset about it.

And he called Jay and he's like, I think Patrice is like mad at me or something.

And Big Jay called Patrice and was like, hey, is my buddy Nate say anything?

You know, do you get an invite?

And Patrice goes, no.

Invite Nate.

He doesn't believe in dinosaurs.

That's the kind of person I want in my barbecue.

Not everyone agreeing with me.

And that was such a rational take that you're like, that's hilarious.

He's like, yeah, I don't want a guy that's just going to say yes to everything I say.

Right, right, right, yeah.

He want a guy that doesn't believe in science.

Yeah, he liked the debate.

He liked the debate.

He liked to spar.

Like every comic, he liked to spar.

It was fun for him to get in there and make, and he didn't want somebody, again, like he said, who he could run over.

Yeah.

Because he would always pick on big targets.

I remember one time, like, there was some, some guy came in to the cellar, and we were sitting there, and he was like a big, kind of psychotic-looking guy, and he came over, and Patrice started making fun of him and fucking with him.

And then the guy left.

And I forget what the wording was, but I called Patrice out.

I'm like, you just did that.

So he would think, well, you're the guy who will make fun of anybody.

And he laughed and he's like, yeah, you always see my phoniness.

That's got to be incredible.

He was the person that everyone said could call out their phoniness.

Yeah, but he was was a phony.

He was the same guy.

But he was so funny that it is great that he goes, ah, shit.

Yeah, he knew, but he knew he wasn't, he wasn't dishonest about that stuff.

Like, he knew that he was, he knew exactly what he had done.

Yeah.

And he knew that I saw it, just like he would have seen it if I did it.

Yeah.

I mean, that's like when I love watching Shane Gillis be around famous people.

He bullies them.

And they don't have that.

So they love it.

Where he goes, like, what are you gay or whatever?

And they're like, shut up.

And then they're like, like, NFL players who are giant men.

Yeah.

They're They're like walking gods in modern-day NFL.

And then Shane's like, whatever.

Fucking gaywad.

And then they're like, you want to be friends?

Yeah.

Because they like it.

Because it is.

It's like a lack of phony when you can cut to someone like that.

When you tease somebody.

Yeah.

When you talk to somebody in a way that they're not used to being talked to, but it's genuine.

It's not shitty.

That's why I hate.

I mean, I've worked on it with therapy in years, but I hated how much of a people pleaser I was most of my life.

It's difficult, yeah.

Because I was just like, oh yeah, I fucking suck.

And then people would be like, oh.

And you're like, and and then you walk away and you're like, God damn it, everything went wrong.

No, but it's that same, like, and I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but that same humiliating groveling that you're talking about.

That's exactly what it is.

But it's one of the things that makes you funny, too.

Like, all these things that we hate, like, yeah, but you know what?

That does kind of go into making me funny.

The fact that I'm a people-pleasing, blinking weasel.

Oh, my God.

Just willing to shake hands with whatever slime ball to be like, thanks.

You like me?

You know, hey, Jeffrey, they're giving you a bad rap.

I you know what, Teddy, I think those women deserve those crowbars on the side of the head.

Good job, Mr.

Bundy.

But, you know, like talking about the Ozzy stuff, I always think it's weird.

I think there's like a part of life that no one talks about where it's kind of sadder to watch your heroes get old than yourself get old.

Because I don't think you realize you're getting older as much as when you see like Ozzy not being able to stand.

That's right.

You're like, oh, fuck.

That's your sign that you're getting.

That's right.

Because that's why people hate it when bands cut their hair or they hate it like and I feel it like when people go you've changed Yeah, and I'm like hey asshole I'm 56

you started listening to me when I was 30 Yeah, and by the way dummy you've changed Are you the same guy you were 25 years ago?

You're fucking at least I'm still doing what I was doing I guarantee you your wife tells you what to do.

You got fucking kids

You got a fucking minivan.

You're not the same guy either.

And then they're like you've and I think that's all it is is just projection of because it is when you see your heroes get old and start to break down, and like, yeah, you're like, ah, fuck.

It is just a reminder that you're like, ah, I'm not the fucking kid in the van listening to them.

I'm like, you like want to know what their vitamin regimen is.

Yeah.

You want to know if they're eating chicken without the skin.

You want to know like adult shit that you're like, this sucks.

Yeah, this is not where I thought I would be.

And that's why, like, someone like a Paul McCartney doing three hours without a sip of water.

Yeah, it's crazy.

You're like, holy shit.

It's fucking crazy.

Or the stones.

The stones doing like,

we had someone on the podcast that,

yeah,

Nathan McIntosh went to the Stone show, and he was like, I saw the stones last night.

And I was like, I don't want to see those old guys.

And he was like, it was unbelievable.

Yeah, I've heard they're still great.

And that's when you're like, oh, fuck.

Watching them still have a little bit in the tank.

You're like, oh, this is not fucking bad.

You know, wrestling, John Cena just turned heel.

And I saw someone break it down that they were like, well, yeah, his fans aren't little kids anymore.

His fans are all in their 20s and 30s now.

So they don't care that he's a bad guy.

Right, right.

Most of them don't even watch wrestling anymore.

And the little kids that liked Cena, they're not as connected to him as they were 15, 10, 15 years ago.

And that's like a thing about growing up is you're like, oh, yeah, you do get old.

And then you got to let your heroes get old.

You got to let them get old too.

And realize when you're pissed at them for it, that it is a reflection of the fact that you're getting, as long as they don't become people that they're like, like totally the opposite.

Like, I'm not as crazy as I used to be.

Sure.

But I'm not out there telling people what to say.

I'm not out there correcting people's, you know, well, you shouldn't use that term.

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, but that's, that's, I think, the worst form of celebrity is when people try to stay relevant by completely selling out what they stood for back in the day.

It's exactly what we were, man, sometimes I wish you guys could see the shit we talked before we filmed these podcasts.

Oh, God, it was glorious.

Yeah, but there is, we were talking about a comic that got famous and basically just flipped up their entire thing once once they got in trouble.

They were were like, ah, that didn't mean anything.

And you're like, well, then now you've done irreparable damage.

Yes.

Because instead of going like, ah, I was young.

I was saying crazy shit.

Yeah.

Which most people.

We all get it.

Yeah, dude.

It's like, I used to fucking smoke cigarettes.

I'm not faulting anybody for smoking cigarettes.

I miss it all the time.

But if I was like, I wish I never smoked, bullshit.

Yeah.

I miss it all the fucking time.

Yeah.

We were also talking about like certain comics who, when they get to a point of being well-known, like, and and and i was trying to i was doing a podcast run at one point and uh you know like if rogan has me on his podcast i feel that anybody else doesn't have to have me on but i but i merit a response like that and i don't i'm i don't walk around thinking i'm fucking good but like if i if there's somebody who i've had on the radio show and i reach out through somebody sure to do your podcast uh and you don't even respond yeah that's wild go fuck yourself like you don't have to have me you may be busy but motherfucker i deserve deserve a yes or a no.

And even

me, you know, I've seen people get famous and

I would have a relationship with them.

And then all of a sudden, I don't serve that person anymore.

Sure.

And all of a sudden now it's like, oh,

I don't get texts, phone calls.

It's just, it's not even like

it's a non-starter.

And you're like, oh, well, that kind of sucked.

Because what it is, is when people change, you go, I thought the old version was the reality.

Yeah.

And it turns out that you can shift reality depending on how famous you are.

And I also, when people, like, there's a lot of guys who are like the person I was mentioning before, you know, we didn't say their name because for what, but like, I know.

I'll tell you in person.

When you

come to a show, if you get me outside the venue, I'll fucking tell you.

When you get really famous, I know it's hard to maintain the same relation because you're busy, you have a whole new set.

Like, I do get that.

Like, so I don't expect people to keep me in their circle all the time like i don't give a fuck but at least respond and also there's there also is a part of when people get extremely famous there is like a decompression era where you're like you got to give them like a year or two

because they've got 600 people with their hands out you know i remember watching shane get famous he stayed him himself on a level that I respect tremendously, which is like still sending each other fucking memes.

You know, if something happens in the NFL, we'll still text about it.

But I don't expect him to call me the way he did when he was coming up.

Of course.

But you got to, it's like a give and take.

But when you see some people completely change and go, like, oh, this was all transactional.

Yeah.

Those are the people that tend to, when they fall out of grace, kick and scream.

Yeah, and you're happy to see it.

Yeah.

And you go, Good.

Yeah, you piece of shit.

You're a real hurt, you fuck.

But like, you wonder with like a guy like Ozzy, you wonder if a guy like Ozzy like he's done it so much that the people that are there are there yeah and he's also a very genuine guy like again he's but he's been famous since 1968 like that's insane when you've been you know like since the I mean the first record came out in 69 I think in England or 7 at 70 here yeah like you know you've handled fame you've been up you've had your downs you fucking it's not even a real I don't even think to him fame is a thing it's just like it's his life he lives it's his life he just lives his life also

him and his family were the first reality.

They changed everything, man.

They changed everything.

The Osbournes was fucking massive.

And it was, Sharon said there was no take-two on it.

Like, so they would, I mean, but it took eight or nine months of just filming them all the time.

Yeah.

And she said we didn't do take-twos.

We just shot it.

But they have an interesting life.

You had Ozzy, you had the two kids.

You had Sharon doing her show.

Like, so there was enough stuff to do there.

Everyone thinks they're interesting enough for a reality show.

Yeah.

And you didn't realize it was like, compared to the Osbournes, you're not fucking half as interesting.

dude i what did i do today uh i was on fucking uh the computer seeing my uh podcast count

who the fuck wants to film that just check the views yeah and it really is like with uh ozzie i always thought it was interesting when the osbournes came out that his oldest daughter amy was like i'm not participating in this yeah and she cut herself out and kind of saved her own private life she wanted her private i don't know amy she's uh i know the rest of the family i've met her um and she's uh she's a musician.

She's actually a good singer.

Like, she has her own, but it's very different than anything Ozzy does.

But yeah, she just kind of, she's that person who just, she's the oldest and she just, I mean, from this, from with Sharon.

There's got to be something about being the child of a global superstar that is worse than having a deadbeat parent.

Right.

Well, there's no expectations of the deadbeat parent.

There's no like,

you know, when you have a deadbeat parent, you know why people are your friend.

When you're Ozzie's kid, kid you have to always go is it me or is it the fact that he's my dad and also you have to watch about like these global celebrities they're never around for their kids yeah and so they also go like well all these people love you more than I do Because I don't see you because I don't fucking know you.

I know my Brazilian nanny who was getting DVDs sent to her by Jim Norton in

fucking 98.

But you're like, I don't even fucking, you like, I would, I, like, as someone with a deadbeat parent, it was, it was almost kind of like easier.

Right.

Like, if I would have found out he had another family, I would have been like, ah, that fucking hurts.

That hurts a little bit.

If you're a global superstar and you're like, oh, so you, like,

an arena in London is going nuts for you, but I'm not going to see you on my birthday.

Right.

I would fucking hate him.

Well, when I do see you,

you're going to ruin it because you're drunk.

Oh, my daughter on drugs, just on the couch, and you're like, Daddy, like lifting up his arm.

That's got to be, I would probably say the worst parent to have would be a drug or alcohol addicted rock star father i yes well i the i would say a drug or a uh alcoholic or drug addicted uh deadbeat dad would be worse because they have no money at least the rock star can fund your lifestyle and pay you but then you start to resent money then there's a resentment there then you're like give me your money then it's like all a thing my dad was broke as when he died i was like i don't know maybe i can get a niner jacket yeah

at best i you got to dodge debt when when they're fucking poor but when they're rich i think it would fuck up how you would view them because you would be like, I want your money.

I want something out of this.

I got nothing out of you as a parent.

Give me millions.

I want your money.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

I can imagine that if they're not around for you, it's got to be awful.

But there's got to be, like, I love these guys like Bill Gates or

it was, I think, Steve Jobs, where they were saying that they're not leaving their kids any money.

I'm leaving no money to my children.

Yeah.

And a lot of them say that, but I think that the whole thing is bullshit.

They say that, but I think that's also to weed out gold-digging partners for the kid.

Sure.

I don't think that that really, I don't think Bill Gates is going to leave his children nothing.

But if he does leave them nothing, what a reveal.

I mean, because he goes, they're like sitting around.

They go, yeah, I mean, he did the talking, but I don't think he's actually going to do it.

Yeah.

And then they read the will and he's like, This cocksucker didn't give me a fucking dime.

Yeah, his pancreas was rotting out and he still didn't leave any money.

He's using crystals on his pancreas and I didn't even get $100,000.

They said that's why they said, I think he's supposed to leave him $10 million, which is a a lot, but not compared to 100 billion.

But they said that was one of the reasons maybe Melinda left was that, I mean, the whole Epstein friendship probably didn't help.

You know, him going to an island where there's young girls getting fucked.

Well, it's Bill Gates.

They need a

computer fixer.

He goes, you know what?

Why don't I come down there and look at the hard drive?

That's what they were doing.

I'll show you how to block an IP address.

Jeff, let me get down there.

I got malware that I can install on your shit.

Why, how crazy?

They're all nuts, computers.

How crazy was that fucking was McAfee?

Oh, yeah.

They didn't like women shit on him.

Like, he would, they said lay under a hammock and girls would like hang in the hammock and shit i mean what a classic what a great guy he is also

you know how difficult it must be to wash poop out of a hammock yes with that fucking nick

with that nit like the way it's a rope it's just in there and then the second girl goes there's shit still on there and he goes he's getting under the hammock he goes just just yeah you actually have to cut the part out so there's an asshole place

i always think about that like when they do documentaries about like how sick like rich guys are and they have like shit thrones or whatever whatever i just think it's funny the upkeep of being like all right uh well i gotta get someone to wash it yeah because the rich guy's gonna be dirty yeah yeah rich guys aren't gonna wash their sex dungeon no but you i don't know you can't ask somebody to that's embarrassing a rich guy doesn't want people knowing he does that either a rich guy doesn't want somebody like hey could you wash the you know the chair but i put my head through the shit box to wash it like jack in the box where i take a dump down the throat oh yeah there's dominatrixes that have that where you put your head in a box it just stops and then they i guess open up that could be so claustrophobic.

Well, that was the you know, they did that documentary on Army Hammer because they said he was a cannibal.

But Discovery did like a five-part thing on his family.

Yeah.

Because his family was like oil barons or whatever.

And they said his dad had a chair that was a throne where a head, where a woman could like put her head through the seat.

It was like, like what we're talking about.

And you're like, that's so funny.

The designs.

The woman or him?

Like he would, they would have women, I guess, pop her head out to give him oral while he was sitting on this thing, but they would be in this like box, which is so funny to think of the blueprints or of him like drawing it up in his office and his kids come in and he has to put a sheet down.

Oh, hey, Barton!

Yeah, the most embarrassing architect since Mike Brady.

What are you doing, Mike?

He goes,

I'm looking to build a house for AIDS victims.

I'm looking to build.

Dad, why are you putting that?

Why is that fucking whole wall have a hole in it?

Well, I don't know.

Well, Greg, are you familiar with glory?

We call it glory.

Hallelujah.

Yeah, I always think it's funny, those like sex dungeon things.

They have to clean them.

They do have to clean them.

Because they're also going to get hepe.

But most of them probably have, they design their own, like, especially if they're kidnapping women.

I can't imagine anybody hiring someone to build.

Yeah.

You have to just kind of, that's a DIY.

That was a thing when the Epstein broke that Jay and I would joke around about, about, like.

being Epstein's friend who isn't a pervert.

And he's just like at his house and he's like, hey, Jeff, a lot of Capri sons in the fridge.

And he goes,

Don't worry about it.

That fridge isn't for you.

Go, no, no, no, no, the drinks are in the other fridge.

And he's like, All right, dude, this is, you got a lot of little shoes around here.

If you're just a regular guy who's friends with, why all these scrunchies?

You're 60.

That's why that Jim Downey clip of him on Conan's podcast where he goes, Jeffrey Epstein, the financier?

Where he acts like he doesn't know what he does.

He's like, the guy in finance.

But it is.

There's got to be regular people who have no idea.

Or no connection to that.

Who actually, like, out of the Epstein log, there had to be a couple people that were just legitimately like

a rich guy wants me to go to this party.

I'm going to fly down.

They said one of the reasons that some of the, now I'm sure that there's people on that list that

did very bad shit.

No, I would guess 80% of those people were did munch, like were munched.

They said some of the redactions, though, were at people's request because they said there were people who had legitimate business interests with him that had nothing to do with anything.

Oh, God.

That their lives would be ruined because of his name.

Dude, fucking your wife comes in.

She's like, you're on the Epstein flight log.

And you go, okay, okay.

Wait, hold on.

First off, let me just say.

I just want to say.

Beautiful island.

It was a beautiful island.

We're going to act like the Caribbean's not great.

He wasn't even there.

Dude, he was gone.

Also, I had to go down.

It was, we, we, we did the Scherzer deal there.

He was like doing a thing.

She's like, you seck fuck.

I never care about flight logs unless it's like to with him because there's just rich guys lend their planes out to people all the time.

Like, you know, I don't think that Clinton and Kevin Spacey went to Epstein Island and fuck kids.

Like,

they were going to some event with, who's the comic?

Oh, my God, Chris.

Chris Tucker.

Chris Tucker.

Yeah, he was with,

they would just go and do some charity event.

Like, there's certain things I think that.

It's so funny.

And then Chris Tucker's like, man, I didn't have sex with no kids.

I ain't fucking kids.

And just the way he talks makes him sound guilty.

He goes, man, I ain't fucking kids.

You go, I think you're fucking kids.

What are you talking about, man?

I ain't fucking touching the little penises.

You go, I just sweat you talk.

I feel like

I feel like you fucked little kids.

He's like, man, what are you talking about?

So funny.

Just guilty tone.

Yeah, but totally innocent.

But completely innocent.

Yeah, that is.

And, you know,

we're so thirsty to like take down everybody that those Epstein logs, you're like, I fucking knew it.

But there are celebrities that if I found that out,

I kind of want to be kept secret.

Like, you know, they always go like Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberger.

And you're like, please don't.

I hope not.

Please, I hope not.

Do I need another reason to like Spielberg?

I go, you guys seen Jim recently?

He's dressing like Indiana Jones.

It's a lot.

It says he's super into bull whips now.

Yeah, dude.

It's, you don't, it's some of the stuff you don't want to get ruined right you don't want to get ruined we like chuck berry more sure but there were people upset when they found out chuck berry pooped on prostitutes maybe with kids it's different though like you because chuck berry was anything with adults no matter how kinky or piggish is at least adults yeah but if it's like a kid it's like

and exactly you can't you can't look beyond it there's no one i like that i could that wouldn't bother me with yeah where you'd be like yeah wait let me think

i don't like the woody allen thing like i love woody allen he's a comic genius He's one of the most underrated stand-ups ever.

This one incident, did it happen?

If it happened, like, I can't unsee it.

Yeah.

But I've been able to convince myself that there's enough plausible deniability.

That you can get around it.

You can see it.

Because, again, it was just this one person.

He's denying it.

And there were criminal investigations.

I mean, they looked into it.

Can I tell you a great Joe DeRosa story?

Sure.

We were.

We were at Shane's Halloween party.

Katie and I dressed up as the sticky bandits from Home Alone.

Everyone else, all the other women there were in like sexy costumes.

I had Katie in a bald cap with a fake black tooth and we were dancing.

It looked like two dudes dancing on their...

She was dropping her ass on me, dressed as fucking Harry.

Harry else dressed as Marv from fucking Home Alone.

But DeRosa was hitting on a younger, beautiful woman.

It was going well, and he was flirting.

And Katie and I were observing.

Because Joe DeRosa does have game, he does, doesn't have a body shape, but he's got a man without for a man shaped like a triangle.

DeRosa has good numbers.

Yeah, he's got, and by the way, reverse triangle, not the kind you want to be shaped like.

It's flip it.

So we're watching it, right?

And then, you know, Katie is hilarious.

She'll talk shit.

Somehow, we're

off to the side at this party.

Woody Allen gets brought up.

Joe is hitting on a much younger woman, but like aggressively defending Woody Allen.

At one point, Katie goes, Joe, read your situation.

This isn't the time or the place.

And he goes, no, no, no, no, he didn't have sex with that kid.

It was so funny watching a younger girl be like, what are we talking about?

Dude, it was one of my favorite.

I mean, and DeRosa loves Woody Allen.

So he was like passionate about it.

We hope it ain't true.

Oh, God.

And watching Katie go, Joe, not now

he ain't fuck a kid he ain't fuck a kid is so goddamn funny i hope he didn't i truly i truly hope not because i i love him so much i don't want that to be true you know for me what's i mean obviously pedophilia is the worst but uh you know a number two or number three on it is watching uh celebrities i love grift politically oh yeah left or right when i watch them go like um first off actors shouldn't be telling anybody to vote because they're all pro-liars yeah You're just pretending to be someone else.

Why the fuck do I care what your political opinion is?

But like, I grew up loving Hulk Hogan and then just everything he's done since 2008, you're like,

damn.

Yeah.

He just keeps coming with shit where you're like, stop.

I can't even kind of come back.

I like when they don't,

you know, I don't mind somebody talking like Henry Winkler, who I love.

He'll talk about it and he goes, people say that we shouldn't say anything, but why not?

And he makes a logical point, but he's not a dick about it.

Like, if someone's not a dick about it, I don't mind them.

Sure.

It's when they start to, like, there was a great video where Ben Affleck was digging in about Islam and calling people Islamophobic on Bill Maher show.

Yeah.

And the guy he was talking to was an expert.

That's the best.

You know what I mean?

Like, the guy knew everything.

So it's like, you got to know your lane, too.

Like, don't think that you're going to out-talk people who do that shit for a living.

Yeah, when you're sitting next to the guy that you played in a movie, maybe you let him talk.

Let him talk.

Yeah, it was just a fat guy in a button-up shirt he's like yeah i was in the cia for 28 years and he's going like i'm gonna tell you what's really going on i was speaking of guys who played movies uh in uh awakenings yeah that guy was at the cellar one night and the doctor the doctor and robin introduced me to him That's crazy.

Can you double check that and make sure he's still alive?

I'm almost positive that's who it was.

I'm making sure it wasn't Patch Adams.

I believe it was the guy from Awakenings was at this cellar.

Or was it Patch Adams?

He played the Doctor.

I hope it was Awakenings.

I like that more.

Yeah, it's a better movie.

It doesn't hold up, though.

Yeah, we're watching the recently.

Awakenings?

No, it doesn't.

He'll swindled.

Oh, they just come back to life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is insane to meet the person that they're based on.

Yes.

I think I'm almost positive because probably Robin didn't want to talk to me.

Here's a golden.

Hey, oh, hello.

Have you met Patch Adams?

Oh, oh, he watched a lot of kids die.

Oh, there's nothing behind his eyes.

You go, oh, fuck, Robin.

I had the same manager as him,

and he brought in David Steinberg at one point, and he brought in him and Billy Crystal to watch my set.

I was doing a Kimmel warm-up, so I had to do a fucking clean set.

It went well, but it was like really uncomfortable.

That was like one time, and I'm not a fan of his, but one time

it was right when I started working at the cellar, and I was very nervous about doing new material, and it was like a Friday, and I had this like new chunk that was working.

So I was doing it every set.

This woman in the middle of my set gets up.

I go, where are you going?

And she goes, I'm going to smoke a cigarette.

I saw you last week.

You were doing the same jokes.

And I was like, oh.

So I just pivot quick to like worse jokes.

Yeah.

And the second I pivot to like B material, Estee walks Bill Maher into the room and they just stand there and watch me do mediocre.

And I just fucking, and then he's like, you know, Bill Maher, even if he's not Smarmy, he's Smarmy.

He seems it, yeah.

And he goes, hey, good set or whatever.

And you're like, shut the fuck up, you fucking dick.

Like, I love, and I, I've had, it's funny.

I don't know.

I've met Bill, I've interacted with him, I've had great success with him.

Really?

I love Bill.

Yeah, he's always been nice to me, and people be like, That guy's a dick.

And then I met him, and he couldn't have been fucking, I just got him at the right times.

He's just old, smarmy age now, where he's like, isn't it?

For me, it was when he had that hawk to a girl on there, and it just looked like he was grooming her.

Oh, did he?

He's like,

you need advice.

You need it.

You might as well have been rubbing his fucking chest hair.

He's like, no, so you spit on it.

And you're like,

fucking Bill.

That's before the whole meme coin thing.

I'm going to bed.

No victims in that crime.

There are no victims in that crime.

If you got bankrupt by Hawktua.

You're a stupid asshole.

Good.

You're a volunteer.

Yeah, you shouldn't live by yourself.

You shouldn't fucking drive a car.

Yeah.

And I'm glad your money got that.

You're an idiot.

You're a fucking idiot.

If you buy the Hawktua coin

and you think that that's how you're going to make your fortune, you're a dumb asshole.

I'm glad you're broke.

Yeah, you deserve to be broke.

I'm going to bed.

What a hilarious thing to say before you financially just ruin people.

She's going to go go to jail or not?

No, I don't think there actually is.

I don't know what I've read about like specifically this is that she rug pulled.

I don't know if it's technically, like people watching would know more than I do, if it's technically illegal.

I think she just it's like frowned down upon.

It's like shitty, but not illegal.

It's like shitty, but I don't think like I think she can get investigated by the SEC, but I don't think it's like, I don't know, man, but that's just funny.

What a funny way to fuck people's lives.

I felt bad for her because, and by the way, is he alive or no, Mike?

Did you look at him?

He's dead.

He's when did he die?

After Oliver Sachs

okay so my

yeah yeah yeah my this was probably because robin died in 2014 yeah so this might have been in 2010 yeah it probably was him actually like oh this is why i call him awakenings yeah he goes stop calling me awakenings i have a fucking legal name oh oh this is dr awakenings

oh

i'll get you my pretty he goes jesus christ i wish you would go to sleep like some of the fucking people i worked with what the hell you doing

say hey he would always do like the most racist version of a black guy What it is.

You go, they don't even, they haven't talked like that in 40 years.

Hey, I'm down.

Sucker.

You go, Jesus Christ, Robin.

But when he was on, that first night he came in.

I mean, again, and recent, this photo from the early 80s.

I was there at Colin.

And there's a great picture with Manny and him

in the, did you know Manny?

You knew Manny.

No, he died before I moved here.

Manny, this was probably 97, 98.

Yeah.

And Robin came in and we went down and watched him.

And it it was all stuff that had happened within the last week.

It was brilliant.

It was so good.

Just fast.

I mean, but it was like legit.

And then

when we came upstairs, Colin goes, oh, he does have a genius streak.

I would kill to watch Colin admit that Robin Williams.

You couldn't deny it.

He was so good.

Well, he's fast, but he does have a point.

He is a genius streak.

I could love that.

The idea of you guys at the table and Colin loving it and being like, fuck.

You know, he was just great.

I mean, he was so fast.

It was so topical that there was no denying it was just really great off the cuff.

Did he sweat like a motherfucker when he did it?

I have a picture with him upstairs.

It's one of my favorite photos that I've ever taken.

It's where we're sitting there and the sign says comedy seller comedians only.

And he had just come off stage.

It's just me and Robin.

And I'm a fish-eyed boy.

I'm just a fat, bug-eyed boy.

And Robin, there it is.

No, it's not it.

No, I'm wearing, Robin was wearing,

he looked like he was on meth and he was fucking cold, and he is sweating.

I don't know if you can see in the photo how disgusting and sweaty he was.

But he was just dripped.

Dripping.

Yes, if you Google me and Robin Williams, you might find that picture.

I think it's online somewhere, but man, he was drenched.

What's your favorite celebrity photo that you have?

Your number one?

Me and all of Black Sabbath together.

Me, the original Sabbath together, and they're all in suits holding their rock and roll Hall of Fame trophies.

That's it.

There's no fan alive that has that picture.

Fucking incredible.

I went to the thing.

I got in.

It's crazy.

I fucking hijacked the ceremony.

I was asking them real questions at the press conference.

Like, this before I knew that was 2006, I actually left the Aspen Comedy Festival a day early because storms were coming.

And I'm like, I'm going to this induction.

And it was in Cleveland.

No, this is back when I was at the Waldorf in New York.

Oh, shit.

And Ron Bennington gave me his ticket because he wasn't going to go.

So Black Girl took this picture.

He's the man.

Ron Bennington is, for those that,

if you don't know, you're dumb.

And if you do know, you know, we're right.

Ron Bennington is the fucking man.

He's really masterful.

And he's

one of the greatest funny guy.

broadcasters we've ever had and one of the funniest human beings to ever walk yes also on the epstein logs yeah

and by the way ask not to be redacted

said he was there for the little kids but then it turned but then it turned out he wasn't in but he just got his name in there on purpose he goes am i on cool he's not even not even shocked by it so you got to go and like like actually, did they like you were asking real questions?

Yes, I got to the ceremony and I went back.

You know what it was?

That day, earlier that day, Steve Carlisi, our old producer, Tony Iomi had wanted to do a show on Sirius XM.

So I went to lunch with Iomi and Steve and Tony Iomi's guy, Ralph.

And the four of us just had lunch across the street from XM.

So me and Tony talked for a while.

I'm like, oh yeah, I'm coming tonight.

And so I knew that he would recognize me.

When they walked out on stage, he kind of looked, he saw me, and all these reporters were going to ask shit questions.

So I just jumped up and I started asking questions.

Did you have like questions that did it bother you guys that you never got the critical respect?

Like legit questions.

Which I bet in that setting.

They go like because there's other bands.

There's like a whole other yeah.

It's like a class you're inducted in them going like this guy fucking gives a shit.

And I had the the I have tape of it somewhere.

It's not great audio, but people are like, come on, sit down.

I was like blocking the cameras.

And then afterwards, I snuck backstage with Earl.

Like, I just walked backstage and I see Tony and they were all doing separate press.

And so I see Tony and I, I'm like, hey, man, I want to take a quick picture with you guys.

He goes, yeah, sure.

So we get, oh no, here's what happened.

I got a picture with Ozzy.

And if you see the picture, he looks fucking sick.

I didn't know him at that point.

And he's walking away.

And I get Tony.

Geezer, and Bill.

And I'm like, Ozzy.

And he's walking away.

I'm like, Tony, could you grab him?

Cause I'll never have this chance again.

Yeah.

And Iomi goes, Oz, Oz.

And he calls Ozzie back.

He called Ozzie back, and I got my, it was so weird to see Ozzy and Bill just chatting.

He's like, all right, man, I'll call you this week.

Like, watch these guys having a real moment.

And that picture, that's unbelievable.

Me between the four of them with their trophies.

That's unbelievable.

And I got all of them to sign it.

It's on my wall.

I blew it up this week.

I fucking believe it.

That's probably the greatest moment of my life.

But that moment where you get Tony to go, could you help me out?

And he's like, yeah, Ozzy, come back.

Because to him, they're in in a band.

They're still the kids in England together.

Me calling Voss back.

Oh, there he is asking questions.

God damn, you look like you're trying to take a mayor down the way.

Standing up asking that picture.

Little girl.

And there's a boy changing in her water room.

And why?

How do you defend that right now?

He's like, I don't fucking, who is this?

This guy's asking all the fucking questions.

Yeah,

that's by far.

There's been bigger celebrities.

I got pictures.

Like, I got Ali.

That was a good one.

Who?

Muhammad Ali.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's big.

I got to spend 40 minutes in this hotel room with him and his wife, this guy, Craig Fox, who ran his company and my manager, Jonathan, at the time.

That's the Robin picture.

Yeah, but I don't know.

He just looks backwards.

But he's just dumping sweat right there.

Yeah, I don't know if you can tell because it's black.

It's actually a color photo.

Yeah.

But he is, you see the mouth.

He looks like he's all stuck up on colour.

Oh, I'm about to crash.

Yeah.

Oh,

Challenger's about to explode.

And you go, oh, fuck, you're on a lot of blow, huh?

He was always quiet when he came in.

Like, I really loved him because he never

outshone the guys at the table.

Like, he came in, he would quietly talk politics.

And I arranged for my parents went to see him in Atlantic City.

So, David, I asked him, I'm like, my parents would love to meet Robin.

And he was so nice to my parents.

Oh, you're Jim Norton's parents.

Like, he really went out of his way to

because he knew that it would mean something to them.

So I really loved him.

He was a, I didn't know him well.

Like, I just knew him from being at the comedy seller and talking, but he was a really sweet guy.

And the one time when you were there, I mean, the only time I got to meet him, he was very sweet and very, like, much quieter than you thought he was going to be.

I think you should scroll down these.

Oh, you got some picnic.

Just Jim Norton's.

Oh, yeah.

Colin really lets me.

Who's that?

Oh, my God.

I love that.

Davrill Levine, Jimmy Buffett, RuPaul, Springer.

Oh, yeah, you got great ones in here.

I got a bunch, yeah.

Carlin is great, but Slash, like young slash, young statham.

You know, it's so funny is seeing the 40 West 57th studio.

Oh, yeah.

What you don't know about that is I used to work overnights at K-Rock.

I do know that.

So I used to sleep in that studio.

I didn't know that.

I used to sleep on that couch where you had the guests.

Oh.

And one time, fucking, one time E-Rock came in on a Saturday because I would work 6 a.m.

to noon.

on air on Saturdays.

So I would do spots in the city and sleep in the OA studio at 40 West 57th.

And then I wake up and go into the David Lee Roth studio, the side one.

That's where I'd do all my shifts.

And I was sleeping on that leather couch, face to couch or whatever.

And

Erock comes in and flips on the lights.

I go, oh, shit, sorry, man.

I was sleeping.

He goes, yeah, I wouldn't sleep on that couch, man.

Sandy Kane was

pantiless on that thing.

And dude, I went into the bathroom and fucking scrubbed my face.

Yeah, it's a bad place to sleep.

And And I just fucking started sleeping in the old Stern Green Room because I was like, I'm not fucking sleeping on that couch anymore.

I think I remember the Stern Green Room too.

The Stern Green Room was a, so when you came out of the 40 West 57th studio, your guys is the ONA studio, it was the second door on the right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Red couches.

What I remember specifically about the green room is there are people in Midtown that are so wealthy, they have houses on top of buildings.

And no one ever fucking talks about that.

They have suburban houses on the top of skyscrapers.

They had them lifted on, right?

Yeah.

There were like two houses that I would just like sit out and look at and be like, this motherfucker lives in like a regular house on top of a skyscraper.

It was crazy to me.

Bizarre, yeah.

That was like me moving to New York and being like, that's a fucking real thing.

Yeah.

But that, yeah, that was, I used to sleep in your guys's studio

until fucking E-Rock told me about Sandy Kane

being pantiless on that fucking couch.

Yeah, that sofa had some horrible things happen on it.

That fucking did.

Also, it reminds me of when everyone got fired.

Remember when you guys played the transition that we were,

K-Rock was getting flipped to?

It was when you guys left Terrestrial Radio.

You guys,

I think it was either E-Rock or somebody found the imaging that was like, K-Rock was becoming 92-3 now.

Yeah.

And our old program director was like, don't play it.

And you guys kept playing it on Opie and Anthony.

And my music director, Danny, called me and she's like, everyone's about to get fired.

Like they're clearing everyone out.

So I, the little rat that I am, I found out they would honor my,

I was getting like after pay.

So I was getting like 266 a shift, which I needed desperately at the time.

And they were like, listen, teach the new top 40 guys the board and we'll pay you on air money.

So I was like, oh, great.

So the new 923 now people were coming in.

I had long hair.

I used to smoke cigarettes in the fucking stairwell.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And,

dude, I remember I was eating Subway watching South Park at the board where Opie used to sit.

And I had South Park piped in through the studios.

And I was, remember that big TV you guys had in the back?

I was watching South Park and the fucking music director came in and he's like, what are you doing?

The new music director from the top 40 station.

And I was like, watch South Park.

And he's like, you're supposed to be monitoring the station.

And I was like, oh, it's Lady Gandaw.

It's fine.

And then the next day they're like, you're fired.

You're fucking, don't ever fucking come back and i was like not needed yeah i was like okay i get it yeah i was like you know what i just remember being like mid chicken teriyaki sandwich and he's going what are you doing and i was like the watch the south one you never you know you're finished when there's a format change what are you doing getting my shit and leaving yeah i'm gonna fill out the commercial logs and then fuck off for the last time and make sure i got my cigarettes in the building i remember we used to do that new and my last cigarette that i ever had was a parliament light it was uh well parliament yeah it was in the the new stairwell i was gonna quit.

I'm like, I got to quit.

And I had a whole, I'm like, I'm going to finish this packet.

I'll never forget Anthony.

He goes, shut this, throw the fucking, throw him out.

And I was like, yeah, he's right.

So I saved one or I smoked it in that because he had quit.

But yeah, my last cigarette was in that fucking NEW stairwell.

We used to go in there all the time and smoke.

At K-Rock Stairwell, I remember I always had, when I was new, it's like 06, 07, I would have to do New Year's because no one wanted to do New Year's on Free FM or then Krock.

So Danny would be like, hey, you need money.

Do you want want to do on-air?

Would they pay you more?

No.

Same.

But then what I would do is I was doing like spots at Stand Up New York and Rick, the bartender, rest in peace, would give me a bag of beers that I would just take with me to K Rock.

And then I would just get drunk doing my shift.

But I would go smoke cigarettes in the stairwell.

And remember Yoda, the old engineer?

He like worked at CBS Radio.

He got fired when all the format changed.

Yeah, if I met met him, I don't remember him.

He was like an old dude.

He used to work with like Howard Stern's dad

at CBS FM.

And like he was there for the whole Howard run at K-Rock, and then he was there with you guys.

And when he got fired, everyone was like, They fired fucking Yoda.

They're firing everybody.

He caught me smoking in the stairwell and was so fucking mad at me in a way that only an engineer could get mad.

He was like, What are you doing?

You don't fucking, this is a radio station.

You don't smoke in here.

You're going to damage the equipment.

I was like, I was in the fucking stairwell.

i was like shut up that is an old man angry thing yeah he was

the lights are gonna burn out

but that was like the last time i smoked because i remember using your the bathroom in the o studio and there was remember howard's old private bathroom that you guys had yep and then you're i was like well i gotta take a dump in this so oh yeah you had to because it was like stern's private fucking bathroom but that studio was so fucking cool it was but i never liked being there we had some amazing moments baby bird was done in the studio yeah

But I didn't like it because it always felt like we always felt like we were, I always felt like we were interlopers there.

Like that was Stern's old studio.

We were on satellite first, and I always felt like we were never truly welcome there.

Even though they were fine with us, Chia Sano never really liked me.

I always felt like we were stepping into a shadow there.

Is that why you guys put the window up?

No, David Lee Roth did that.

He put the window up.

David Lee Roth, I believe, did that, not us.

One of the engineers told me that David Lee Roth, when you guys, because it was David Lee Roth took over, it failed, and then they brought you guys in.

Yes, and we did well at first, but then we were competing against ourselves on satellite.

Yeah.

And David Lee Roth, but the engineer told me that when David Lee Roth came in, they didn't want to put him in the Stern studio.

So they put him in the side studio, and he was like, I got a tap dance.

I got a tap dance every morning.

And the guy's like,

well, we're going to have to do a hardwood floor that's not conducive.

And he kept getting shocked every time he would touch the mic.

So he'd be like,

and he touched the mic.

He'd be like zapped me.

And they're like, yeah, it's science, David.

And I remember the engineer being like, that dumbass couldn't get it through his head.

He was wearing metal shoes.

It was so funny.

I always thought of that whenever I was in that studio.

Like, they had to remove carpet.

And he was like, Zimmer, Zabbit, Zimbabwe.

Every time he touched the fucking mic.

I remember I was hosting on Opie and Anthony one time on satellite.

The guys were out.

I don't remember why.

And it was a very bizarre show.

I had David Lee Roth was my co-host, and we interviewed Anderson Silva.

It was such, and he was like, the guy with no English

tiny, sweet voice.

And then he'd just knock motherfuckers out.

How did the thing come about where UFC fighters would kick you or punch you?

Because you became the guy that would take, you took a leg kick from John Jones.

That hurt me so much, I almost vomited.

I remember I had the urge to shit and to throw up.

It sent me into a little bit of shock.

He put his shin in my fucking thigh, and it was fight week too.

It was a bad move.

He also choked me.

And I remember I went to the bathroom.

I'm like, I think I'm going to pass out.

Like, that fucked up.

Did you try to, here's my question.

Did you have to try to hide the pain from Obi and Anthony?

Never.

No, I was never cool.

You weren't like, that is fine.

I'll walk it off.

No, I was like, I would always acknowledge.

We interviewed BJ Penn, and I wanted to see what an arm bar felt like because I had never experienced it.

So I'm like, these things you watch, what do they feel like?

On a light scale.

Sure.

So he put me in an arm bar.

I was like, holy fuck.

Like, I was amazed at how you're being pulled in two different directions and it really hurt.

Yeah.

Brock Lesnar heel hooked me.

Fuck.

I mean, Brock Lesnar is a Kodiak bear of a man.

Yeah, he's a giant.

And he laughed because he gave me like two leg locks sitting in the chair.

Rhonda put me in an arm bar.

So who was the first person that kind of kicked that off?

It was DJ Penny Penny.

So you go, oh, will you do that?

And then did it become a thing of the next time someone was in the middle of the day?

Who was the next fight away?

It might have been Uriah Faber who punched me, or it might have been, I know Rashad Evans or Kane Velasquez

put me in a, he showed me what a guillotine felt like.

And this is, by the way, UFC, obviously, now mainstay sport.

It's like

15 years ago.

This is when it was still coming up.

And if you were into it, it was cool to hear them on Opie and Anthony.

And I never, funny, I never had Liddell punch me because I knew Chuck, so I was like, yeah, it would be weird.

Like Mike Tyson, I never asked to punch me.

Man, I had one of the greatest moments of my life because you and Opie with Mike Tyson.

It was, I was on OP and Jim and Mike Tyson came in.

And I was like, you guys were doing that rotating thing with comics.

Yes.

And I got to sit there and Mike Tyson walked in and he goes, he thought Anthony was going to be there.

This is after Anthony got fired.

And he walks in and he goes, who the fuck are you?

To me.

And I went like,

no one, I'm fucking no one.

And then he sat down.

It was when he was promoting Mike Tyson's mystery machine.

And he was like going through the New York Post and he was like talking to you.

He was the most comfortable.

He wasn't looking at OP.

He was talking to you.

And he was like, yeah, Jim, I don't know.

He's just like going through the New York Post.

And he's like, did you see this?

This guy got lit on fire.

And you guys were talking.

And then he like eased up a little bit.

And he was talking about the cartoon.

And he kept going, I make it for high guys.

I make it for high guys.

And he looks at me.

He goes, you're a high guy.

And I go, I am.

And he's like, yeah, you're a high guy.

But then he said the thing.

I've always wanted this audio isolated, but he was, we were talking, me and you were talking about doing stand-up and one person not laughing in the audience.

Yeah.

Well, like you're doing well, but there's like two or three people not laughing.

And Tyson goes, that always bothered me.

I would walk to the ring and everyone would be cheering me, but someone would be booing me.

And then he looked at me and he goes, it's a bad neighborhood up here and you're all by yourself.

And I, and on the air, I go, that's right, Mike Tyson.

It was the most honest response I've ever had to somebody.

I go, that's right, Mike Tyson.

And he goes, it is.

I'm sure that audio exists somewhere.

I don't know, but it was like, because of you, I got to meet Tyson.

I got to meet CM Punk right after he left with WWE.

I love him.

It was fucking great.

I'm going to look for that.

If you remind me, I'll try to, I have a few.

I used to save all those old interviews.

I did the videos.

And I may have

a few of the Tyson interviews.

I don't remember that one if I have it.

Oh, I do.

I could fucking probably give you the date because I think I have an Instagram picture because I took a picture with Mike Tyson.

But him walking in and just going to.

Can you show me the picture later?

If you show me the outfit he wore, did he have the white sweater on?

No, he had a black.

black shirt and a black leather jacket on.

And

he came in, but I'll never forget him going who the fuck are you

and my nuts went into my body in a way

i'm daddy you could you could own me you could wear me like a condom if you wanted to he was such a i i like tax he's one of my favorite people to interview because he's uh he's so genuine like he says such smart shit uh about about like it in being in in uh self-reflection yeah and uh introspection and all this stuff and he's really into like discussing his demons and like what's wrong with him for real i think that episode he was talking about about being on the highway in a car accident and he had like a duffel bag full of Coke and he had to like leave and he was like, I don't know, I had like a couple keys or whatever.

And you're like, Jesus Christ.

Did you ever read his biography called Undisputable?

Undisputed or Undisputable?

Yeah, Undisputed.

Somewhere around here, but it's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable about...

I'd bother you how many Colin Quinn books I have.

How much would you hate me if I thought I could improv but couldn't?

And I was doing things like, oh, look.

I go, oh, Jesus.

Oh, look, here oh you you leave you leave and I look at Mike and I go can you edit around that yeah he says why is he improvising I go I don't know you remember that thing about watching your heroes age out I go that that just happened

I go oh fuck oh fuck Jim's lost it Jim's slipping oh Jim is not a good improv at all

dude I mean hold on brother

I'm a shoulder wrestler

you look over I'm cutting myself please stop it did this shoulder wrestler thing eight times and no one laughed.

And it never

wasn't funny.

It didn't hit.

Dude, I honestly, man, thank you for doing this podcast.

I'm happy to do it.

I think you're great.

I think you're, you know, you're one of my heroes.

Damn, thank you.

Like,

you and Opie and Anthony and Tough Crowds specifically are the reason I wanted to be a New York comedian.

You guys were always, I thought, the funniest.

I thought you guys were always the most honest and sincere.

And I think that means a lot for like a fan of comedy.

But the new advice podcast is awesome.

Thank you.

You're the man.

Jim Norton.

Thanks, buddy.

Go watch his podcast.

Go follow him.

Go watch all his specials.

It's called Jim Norton Can't Save You.

See, you got to get the plug-in.

I hate it.

I hated that.

You compare flights, hotels, even coffee shops.

So, why not travel insurance?

Insure My Trip lets you compare top plans side by side.

No bias, no pressure.

Lost bags, flight delays, medical drama abroad?

Covered.

It's powered by smart tech, real reviews, and expert help when you need it.

Think of it like a travel-savvy friend who actually reads the fine print.

With 20 plus years of experience and an A plus BPB rating, we've got your back.

Risk less, travel more.

Start comparing at insuremytrip.com.

That's insuremytrip.com.