65: Rest in Panties with Ari Shaffir | Soder Podcast | EP 63

Guys, got an exciting announcement doing some shows in some towns that I've been coming to for years, but now we're doing a little bit bigger venues.

So this is a pre-sale announcement.

For May 15th, I will be in Albany, New York.

Then May 16th, I'll be in Burlington, Vermont.

Tickets are about to go on sale with the code Myrtle.

You can get tickets pre-announced.

These are before we've actually put the tickets out.

Use the code Myrtle to get tickets for May 15th in Albany, May 16th in Burlington, Vermont, and June 6th in Red Bank, New Jersey.

Red Bank, last time I was there, was awesome.

We did two shows.

This time, coming back, a bigger venue, June 6th.

Then Huntsville, Alabama.

I will be at Levity Live February 20th through the 22nd.

Am I going to have Brendan Sagalow with me?

Probably.

But that's going to be fun shows.

Five shows in Huntsville, Alabama at Levity Live.

And don't forget to get your tickets at dansodor.com or punch up.live dance odor.

But don't you ever think about,

don't you ever think about now with,

I've been thinking about this a lot, with comedy, there's like so many rich comedians that are going to have shitty kids that are going to have like

those kids.

They're going to have those kids that are like, My grandfather was Shane Gillis.

I met someone at the dog park who went to high school with Louis' kids.

Yeah.

And

yeah, and I was like, what?

And he goes, you know, we were coming of like this, like, white men are all evil as her dad was the white man who was evil.

That's why.

So it's like, that's shit.

And I'm also already in, like, fuck my parents.

They don't know shit.

And it's like, yeah, so America also agrees with you on this one.

Yeah.

Well, did you see that story?

Oh, I don't know how you would navigate that.

There was a story about.

Just take my shirt off.

I'm going to do this.

You can fucking do it however the fuck I'm wearing I was literally walking the dog at this and I'm doing it.

Oh really?

What do you mean?

Like yo-yo?

High-level yo-yo?

I was like, oh, oh,

I was in the living room busting out tricks for Pimp before the podcast started.

I go, you might know this one as a little half moon bay.

It's great when you're walking along.

I've had them before.

People are like, what?

Like old ladies, like, where'd you get that?

Wait, you would, can I just tell you, because someone's known you for a while, you do have yo-yo energy.

Yeah.

You would have a yo-yo on you.

I've been around the world and I go around the world.

And you've been like, and you can like snap it back.

Yeah.

It's like this.

Like, oh, how you guys doing?

Something I forgot.

There was some out there that's forgetting.

Oh, I know my yo-yo.

There it is.

And that's the teaser, everybody.

Welcome to the episode.

70 years ago, you would have been a traveling yo-yo salesman.

You'd have been like, well, tell me this.

How's it stuck to the floor?

If it's in my hand.

Yeah.

Now, if your power goes out, how's your TV?

I'm going to do it again.

Yeah, dude.

I always tried, just like everything in my life, I tried yo-yos and I just failed at it and got frustrated.

and it was like, fuck this, and then had

just a tiny glimpse of a window where I knew how to yo-yo, and then it left me.

It's great.

You go everywhere.

I saw an article today about the top 10 cities for expats and the top

bottom 10.

Where the fuck is my phone?

Hold on, hold on.

Let me see if I can get any.

All right, do you want to do top 10 first?

Yeah.

This is the possibility.

Let me see how many I can get.

This is the top 10.

These are the 10 cities with best quality of living

for expats.

When did it come out?

Today.

Fuck.

Well, then maybe Cuenca's off there.

Cuenca?

Cuenca, Ecuador, because now they're having an uprising.

Oh, well, yeah, that probably will do it.

I think a government uprising will take you off the top.

There's some city in Mexico.

I forgot the name of it.

Okay, great.

So far,

Tbilisi was going to be the last one, I guess.

I'm really going to just tell you this right now.

I hate to blow it for you.

They're all white countries.

They're all very white countries.

Tbilisi is all I got.

They are very white countries.

I don't know.

What have we got then?

Number one is Zurich for Switzerland.

Whoa, whoa.

That may be I'm misunderstanding.

You need your dollar to go further, not less far.

Yeah, but see, this is

how you

barely getting by guy.

That's different.

You're like,

go to like live.

I remember when we were doing sixth and jump, you were like, I drank some painter's

drink.

What was it?

You got drunk on a guy.

You were like in...

Chi-Chi.

Chi-chi-chi.

Hey, Defon Penal.

Speaking of which,

you get real mad at this teacher the other day.

Really?

What's that supposed to mean?

Buddy, it's going to take you a while to make you understand it.

It's not what you're mad about.

It's not.

You would agree with me.

He's a bad cop.

We need to find

the episode.

Yeah.

I think it was like season two, fucking episode 16.

So you can just say it to him.

So you can just go like, if someone goes, what does that mean?

You go,

21 Jump Street, Season 2, Episode 6, Defun Doug Penhall.

Here's my contact info.

Tell me if I'm wrong.

Go watch Penton Stone.

He's high school kids.

He fights them.

He's a grown man and he fights.

Not even kids in the...

They're not looking at those kids as 60 Jumps still up available?

Someone just said that they've been gone.

That they went to the Patreon because we made it for free.

And then they were like, these episodes aren't up on the video anymore.

We'll find it.

We'll find it and put it back out.

But we watched all the seasons of 21 Jump Street throughout the pandemic.

And Doug Penhall fought children as an adult cop.

So So we made a defund Penhall shirt and I could definitely see someone in New York catching that and being like,

especially because

the pro-police people are aggressive about asking you, like, if you...

They'll just break that social code.

Hey, if you,

let me come at you aggressively.

If you had a pro-cop shirt, no liberal would ever push you on it.

Yeah.

But you having a defund Doug Penhall has guys going, hey, I lost my brother in 9-11.

He's a a fucking NYPD.

Why are you defunding the cops?

Was that third giving the right to punch a fucking football player?

Yeah.

He's just trying to go on the team.

Ever been to a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Friday and been drunk?

So these are the cities with best quality of living, and this has nothing to do with money.

But what I was saying was when we were doing Sixth and Jump, Ari went to Central America, and we were doing an episode.

He's like, hey, I'm pretty drunk.

I drank this stuff out of a

boot.

It was something like that.

I think it was Chicha or something like that.

Yeah.

And he's like, some construction worker had it down here and I'm like that's how Ari travels Ari's like getting fucked up.

That's like someone coming to New York and getting drunk with one of the Mexican cooks that are outside at 5 p.m.

You walk them in the morning they're like we're just getting started We finished there used to be this place across the street when I worked on 50th and 3rd It's now like a spa, but it was a bodega with a top level with uh with like tables and shit so you could go get a sandwich and had like a full bar a food bar and you could go upstairs but it was also like a deli where you could get stuff And dude, the morning shift, I found this out pretty quickly.

The morning shift cooks would all buy tall boy Budweisers and Joe, go get fucking hammered at like 4:30.

So when I was done closing lunch and I would like maybe go get a sandwich before I go to their comedy clubs, they would be blackout on this top level and they'd be like, Hey, Gringo Loco!

Hey, Gringo!

I'd be like, Hey, hey, I know enough to know that.

I'd be like, Miguel,

what's going on?

They're like, Miguel Esuguel.

They'd be like, where is Sarah?

They'd be like, saying they'd be all fucked off.

That'd be like if someone visiting New York, Ari is someone visiting New York, seeing those cooks drunk and getting drunk with them.

Dude, that's how you travel.

The benefit, the real superpower of a Latino immigrant is the ability to get drunk off one tall boy.

They can just get banged up.

But by the way, their drunk is so much more fun.

It's so fun.

So much more fun.

And they're like, they get very horny, which is funny.

Yeah, sing dance.

Like the way that drunk Mexican dudes in the day that just worked in the kitchen, how much they love pussy is like, a kid doesn't love Christmas that much.

They're just like, ooh.

They'll like just say names of girls that I was waitressing with and they'd be like, ooh, Alyssa.

And you're like, yeah, Roberto, you're going to see her tomorrow.

And then like, you know, one time this dude,

his name was Francisco.

He was a busboy.

He had a crush on my friend Sarah.

And he was like, she walked away and he was like,

Sarah, like that.

And I go, that's my sister, dude.

And he went, I'm so sorry.

He got so upset about it.

And then later in the shift, I was like, I'm fucking with you.

She's just my friend.

And he was like, man, don't do that, bro.

Yeah.

Don't do that to me.

Dude, those guys were just, he got so upset when I was like, that's my sister, bro.

And he was like, oh, fuck.

But

I think these are rich people traveling.

They also have the ability to pass out face down mid-sidewalk.

Yeah.

Just like they don't go, like, guys, I'm going to go home.

If you want to see someone sleeping comfortably on the train, you'll see like a drunk Mexican dude just sitting there and you're like, this guy's locked in.

Yeah.

He's like, all the way to Queens.

He's like,

only time I've seen a person fall that hard asleep was Joe List when we were, and then he ended up at

all five boroughs.

Nice.

He woke up a stop before he was supposed to get off.

Right before Edinburgh.

Yeah.

Let's hear him.

Let's hear him.

So these these are the top 10 zurich makes sense vienna austria wow yeah because if you're an old person you hate different races

set you excellent this is like truly

if you are rich and white yeah what do you mean berlin it'd be like munich yeah and this is this is like this is what i mean this is like um

msn This is like an MSN article, which is an MSNBC, but it's like, this is just a shitty list.

This isn't even like that good of a list.

All right, so it goes: Zurich, Vienna, Geneva, Switzerland's two out of the top three.

Wow.

Copenhagen.

Love it.

Love it there.

Best weed in Europe.

Sorry, Espania.

Really?

Maybe you guys can count, but from White Europe, best weed.

Is Copenhagen, Denmark?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why am I talking about it?

Oh, I forgot who I was talking to.

Yeah, I want to hear it.

He's like, wait, wait.

Pause.

I want to get

this talk.

They have this place called Christiania.

It's this like rebel anarchist town in the heart of Denmark with like no laws.

They just retook

government, like army housing because they don't use it.

Yeah.

So they needed it for a while.

I'm like, why is this going to waste?

And it's like all that socialist stuff.

It's like, we should use this.

And the government's like, you're not wrong.

And so they went and like, you can't have stuff falling apart.

But they have these weird art projects out there.

Wheat is legal.

Okay.

All the fun drugs are legal.

I go, what is mushrooms?

He goes, right on the fence, but on this side of the fence.

And they have two laws.

They have a few laws.

Right of like just human, like basic human rights, which means you can go to anybody's door and and go have a glass of water.

And

how do you not give someone a glass of water?

So, like, you have that play in America.

Not well.

Not well.

I mean, can we get to that point?

Yeah.

Let's try to get back to, can I get a glass of water?

I know it seems crazy, but like,

if you're a normal person, you're like, I want a glass of water.

There's someone's home right there.

This should be fine.

I just want a glass of water.

It's a thirsty.

Yeah.

And I need a glass of water.

I'm bringing some taps.

Oh, fuck.

Going to someone's door, that's the new jackass.

Trying to go get a glass of water.

That would be very fun.

I have that one, and I have this one.

When somebody's at an outside eating area, and just the fence is right there, and you're walking by, you go, hey, man, can I get a lighter?

And so they do it, and you light your cigarette or joint, whatever, and then just chuck it.

And then see if they fight you over a $1 lighter.

I would assume most of it is, most of it's the inconvenience of maybe I needed that lighter.

But I think at most, you get like, come on, what the fuck, man?

Yeah.

So they have basic human rights.

So you get a glass of water.

And then two

major rules, no taking pictures and no running.

They're high and they're doing

somewhat illegal drugs.

No eating 45 minutes before you come into Copenhagen.

If a 17-year-old gets in every 45 minutes, you get out.

That's so funny.

Adult Copenhagen.

It's everyone, only adults can be out.

So they have basic human rights.

Yeah, no running, no taking pictures.

Call that up.

See?

Right there?

Yeah.

You got that.

It's really beautiful.

They have public art displays.

It's awesome.

It's awesome.

And then Christania.

Nice.

He put in an edit that he knew you were going to do.

Let's give him more work.

Let's give him more work.

That was seeing the final product.

I already jumped ahead to the editing process.

But you like, that is the idea that you could just be basically decent to someone.

It's hilarious that we are so outsider.

It is.

Dude, I heard this NPR interview during.

Name drops.

Can you do Glassman some glasses on that?

Yes, dude.

Full Rick glassman in this podcast.

Full Rick glasses in the middle of the middle.

I need you to fucking.

I need you.

Dude, I'm going to get something upscale, just be like glasses.

Mike's going to text me and be like, what the fuck is Ari doing?

I've been up since five in the morning.

You know what?

We've got to pay for this AI art.

I've got to pay for it.

You got to pay for this fucking AI art.

What was I saying?

Oh, there's an NBR.

And they were talking about the tsunami in Japan.

They were talking to someone, like, do you think this is a testament to how you guys are coming together?

That everyone's like, they're passing out food, all the power's out.

They're like, you guys are very orderly in line and like no one's pushing or anything like is this like how strong you guys are is it and they're like

i don't understand yeah how what do you mean there's a line what do you mean like well no just the way you guys aren't pushing each other and shoving the guy's like i i don't understand your question i what

i don't know it is weird because they will

Japan specifically will inconvenience themselves for the good of the group.

If you've ever seen those videos of them getting on the subway and they're those people that push them.

Oh, I want to do one of those so bad.

But here's the thing.

That's my number one thing I want to go to Japan for.

Watch them get pushed because they don't have like a Queensboro Plaza energy where you're like, push me and see what happens.

Yeah, they have like a, they just like give into it.

You know, like almost like a dead, like, oh, just push them and hold them in and be like,

Gary Vader and L C D sound system concert.

Oh my God, dude.

We just passed out, but too crowded to fall.

So we're just like, I think we've brought, I think we might have brought it up on a couple different podcasts, but I don't think we've actually talked about that entire night because I've had my best drug experiences with you and I've had my worst.

And I don't even think L C D sound system was the worst.

It doesn't definitely wasn't the worst.

It was the most interesting.

Yeah.

But we, Ari and I did Bonnaroo in 2015.

Same year it wasn't.

Okay.

And it sucked.

Well, mine sucked.

Oh, oh, right.

Mine sucked because I was in a relationship where I kind of just, you know, got bossed around.

Just get bossed around.

That's when I admitted it.

It made Jay laugh really hard.

Dememor that?

When we went to go get those pictures taken and the photographer was like, yell, that guy, Danny.

Do you remember that?

We took a group photo and he's like, hey, the best way to get this photo is like, you guys all yell something.

Just scream something.

And Jay was sitting next, standing next to me.

And I go, do you know what it's like to get bullied by a hot girl for a full weekend?

And Jay was like,

because he knew I'd been holding it in until the weekend.

hey let's all go to that that show okay

let's go jay thought it was money because she'd be like

and i'd be like hey guys i think we're just gonna stay here it was just this look of like it sucked what so oh

it kind of just it kind of we're not okay

so the next year ari is like hey i'm doing these secret shows

just to go

just to go in exchange for tickets they're not giving me money and a place to park an rv just a place to park it place to park an rv and you got food and we got food you got fucking Ari got it.

Food.

And Ranazizi was coming for the Grateful Dead.

So I went to the first half, which was L C D sound system the first night, Pearl Jam the second night.

And we had like full access.

Nate was on the comedy shows.

Pete Davidson was on the comedy shows.

Actow.

That's how Eddie Vetter got to the comedy tent.

But it was like,

Ari and I went down and it was like when you go to someone's special taping and you're not taping, that was the energy.

We were like, oh, this is zero pressure on me.

No pressure at all.

We had these secret shows that we were like telling people about at the festival, just walking by, going, People would be like, Mary!

And you'd be like, They had to write down on their, on their arm.

Yeah.

They'd be like, Yeah, it was Santa's tent midnight Tuesday.

Or not Tuesday, but 2 o'clock in the morning.

Me, you, Sean Patton, and Jack Knight are.

Jack Knight, R.I.P.

But it was dressed in panties.

Yeah.

That would be crazy.

Don't put me in panties when I die.

Because that is very funny.

If you're wearing a lacy bottom under your suit, you go, you know, he's wearing lacy pants under this.

But we went and did that show, and it was LCD sounds just, God damn it, dude.

If you've heard me tell this story before, I'm sorry.

But being here with Ari.

I've never heard it.

It was one of my favorite nights.

Ari went and got pure MDMA from a fan.

Yeah, that was ruled.

He took it out of his wheel well.

He liked to open up his spare tire.

And then when does it go?

I got the drugs.

I'm like, damn, dude.

Those are real drugs.

And Ari, I had never done that.

Live Nation and Just Mobile Bonner, so they were coming down hard on drugs that year so you had to be careful yeah and ari was like uh i'm doing mdma friday and i was like i've never done mdma and he was like this is the mdma you want to do and that's the place for it is bonneroo bonnaroo lcd sound system who honestly outside of daft punk is playing at my house i really didn't know a lot me neither did not know me neither just heard about him from abrams and we're like great we'll do we'll do mdma and go see lcd sound system

and nate was on the show and Nate was drinking again.

Let's hang out.

Do you remember that was wine Nate?

That was when Nate was like, I'm only drinking wine.

So there was this, there was this tower of wine.

That's what it was called.

Yeah, that was called.

It was called the tower of wine.

You could buy it and it was four

orbs.

Yeah, four orbs.

There was a good way to do it.

Four orbs.

No, the one on the right.

The one on the right.

No, down.

No, down.

Don't put the mask down.

Move the mouse.

Yeah, that one.

That one.

That one.

Put that one up.

Put that one up.

So, dude, that's so funny because he's got to edit it tonight

to the picture.

You have to find another picture that I have nearby you motherfucker

So you gotta you gotta edit in me with just like as Abraham Lincoln on the side

What's that one?

Just some weird Simpsons like Easter egg

Ari and Dan making out in the side no no not that one move move it's us in a painting they um but I remember Ari was like all right here's what we're gonna do we're gonna take one pill right now yeah and then we'll go into the show and we'll take take a second pill.

And that's how it he like, you know, and listen, you're doing drugs with Ari Shafir.

Which show?

L C D Sounds.

Okay, not the stand-up show.

Yeah.

Here's the rule.

This is the two of the luckiest things I've ever got to do in my life is do drugs with Ari Shafira and eat a meal with Tim Dylan.

And they both share.

It's both the same rule.

Let them lead.

If you're doing drugs, Ari's been there before.

If you meet Tim in Boston at a seafood place, you let him fucking call the shots.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's gonna, and he did.

Katie and I walked in.

He was like, sat down for a second.

He's like, I already ordered a seafood tower.

And then I came in with like a four fucking stacks of it.

It was fucking wine.

Okay, nice.

But Ari's like, take this now.

And then in a little, and Rachel Feinstein was there, I think.

I think Rachel might have been there.

I remember talking to her.

But

I take the pill and I see Nate.

And Nate's like, with Laura.

And he's like, I'm drinking wine, but don't worry, it's just wine.

And he had been sober for, he had, we were, you know, we were were drinking buddies.

He quit, I quit.

He kind of came back for a little while.

He'd come back, he'd be like, just when I'm on the road, not at home.

So he slams.

That lasted as much as it lasted with me with just cigarettes in Europe.

And then, like, a day later, I'm like, God, I want a fucking cigarette.

So we see him.

He's got a tower and he takes two of them down, right?

Two of them.

And it's like, oh, no, Nate, these are for sharing.

They're four.

They pull off.

They're for like group party.

It's for a wine.

Yeah.

Can I tell you one of the earliest jokes I remember, and it fits here, is I did an open mic, not an open mic, a show at John X's room.

He used to run the DC Improv, opened his own room, and this guy who had it open for me, he goes, there was like a group of like middle-aged women.

There was like a Chardonnay of women.

Sure.

That's fun.

That's fun.

This is for a Chardonnay of people.

That's a fun, that's a fun joke.

It's for a Chardonnay of women.

Yeah, he, so he had two.

And I was nervous because I'd never done MDMA.

Yeah.

But

I took it and we walk in, Samantha, our buddy.

may take you.

What's that?

Don't worry about the nerves.

Maybe I'll get you in the right spot.

Dude, that's what it was.

So we sit down and they put us near the sound booth, but there was these like

platforms you could step on to see over the crowd.

So you could see the stage because you're right in front of the sound booth.

And I'm not talking to anybody.

I'm like sitting down waiting for the show to start.

Nate has a wine next to me and he's on his third and he's already pretty hammered.

He's pretty hammered.

And Ari's like, take your second pill.

And I take the second pill and I'm chilling there.

And

I feel like you're in the middle of a conversation like I know

sorry sorry just one second

that's exactly what it was

and I'm like talking to him and Nate's like you're on drugs man I'm not listening to you and he's like starting to get like wine confident well and where he's surly yes that's where he well he started getting white wine drunk he started getting very like excuse me excuse me yeah he was white's wine dude rachel spills knocks over the fourth one and Nate's like, I mean, come on, Soder, you're spilling my.

I remember this specifically he goes come on soder you're spilling my wine and i stood up to defend myself and i go nate i'm not and then i felt a warmth in the middle of my head and it spread and lcd sound system started playing the song us and them

and it like starts with like a very specific drug like

like draw and i was like oh this is awesome and i fucking

my god did i feel great that's the best I think I've ever

I think we just ditched Nate we're like Nate disappeared because he was like your drugs your drugs I'm like our drugs our drugs are fine yeah your drugs

but dude I don't even know where he went I don't know where Rachel went you know what it became it became me you uh Josh Adam Myers Jeremiah Watkins and the goddamn comedy jam but samantha specifically who worked for bonnaroo just kept giving us cold waters great whatever it was the best drug experience i've ever had in my life what with enough space to jump around

what you want on an L C D, and no one's, you're not blocking anybody.

I was still, I'm still stepped on so many toes jumping and smashing their legs.

I'm like, sorry.

Really apologize.

Gonna keep doing it.

You look like a guy that you get mad at at a concert.

You go, that fucking guy.

I jump.

I can't help jumping.

And at some point, I'm like, if you're in front of me, I just put my arm on your shoulders.

And then someone looks back.

I'm like, do you mind?

Like, no, it's fine.

So I just like, I just,

otherwise, I'm going to step on you.

I can't jump straight up.

You are very fun to go to a concert with.

He's very into it.

Do you remember when we're jumping all over the place, but I'll go to the worst drug story because that's at another, but another concert moment that just entered my mind with Ari, me, you and Greg Stone went and saw St.

Paul and the Broken Bones at Terminal 5.

Like I climbed the whole speaker system.

Yeah, do you remember that family of women?

It was like,

yeah, there was this mom and her two daughters, right?

And they go like...

We do this thing as comics where you look at a group and they're like, let's just give them a backstory.

yeah and so we're like oh this but it the but it played out in front of us because this uh so the the we were it was me ari and greg stone all pretty good size and height and these women tap on us and they're like excuse me we're they were short and they're like we have a problem seeing over you guys could we go in front of you it's all ga so it's fine yeah all right we're back one foot go ahead and then Their dad is there, right?

And their dad is like the wife and two kids.

The wife and two daughters.

Wife and two daughters.

And they went up and the daughters are in their 20s.

The wife's in her 50s.

The dad's in his late 50s, early 60s.

And we're like a wall.

And we open and

the two daughters and the mom come in.

And then the dad's lagging.

And we're like, hey,

do you want to

get up?

Do you want to get in front of us?

And he goes, to me, he goes, it's all good, man.

I'm good back here.

And I go,

no, no, no, no, no.

You should be with your family.

And he gets like,

I said I'm good.

And then I look at Ari and I go like, all right.

And so we closed the gate off.

When I tell you this guy had the best time

being separated from his family.

And there they told him.

At Hanukkah, hey, dad, I know your favorite band.

It's St.

Paul and the Broken Bones.

Because they told us, they go, we got our tickets for our dad.

This is like one of his favorite bands.

And he was like, oh,

four tickets.

I'm going to bring Rodney.

I'm going to bring 10.

And then who do I bring?

John or Jim?

Oh, it's going to be tough.

I got to bring Rodney.

Got to bring 10.

Yeah, that's exactly right.

I need to narrow it down, but I got to, maybe they can get one too.

But anyway, this is going to be sick.

You guys are great and then they come back in and they go okay so we got a hotel for us all and so when

my dumbass is going like oh no be with your family he's like motherfucker shut the wall i'm with you so i shut it dude he had two beers and he was just like do you remember i remember that um

uh i remember there's a song called burning rome and he did this thing that like you only do where you're really feeling it where he goes they're doing burning room like that and i was like this guy is loving life.

And you saw like the mom and the daughters shuffling their feet.

And they were like into the show, but this guy like got a moment to just breathe, to be like, yeah.

And

so that leads me to the worst.

By the way, let me break into the first one.

I remember saying, talking to Joe Liss, huge Pearl Jam fan.

Oh, because we went to Pearl Jam the next night.

Yeah.

And we also did MDMA and Mushrooms.

Yeah.

Which I just

stayed clung to the thing, didn't enjoy the show.

And then they turned on all the lights.

And I was like, Yeah, he also did.

What was all that?

It was also right after the Orlando shooting and he was like talking about, but we were just finding out like, so we're 80,000 people on drugs, finding out there was this.

It was a very terrible attack in Orlando.

You're not just one.

I'm on Monday.

Tell us Monday.

I'm like,

can you do yellow lead better?

Yeah.

And then I remember going like, no, I saw him, but L C D Sounds was better.

No shedding on Pearl Jim and Joe List, like, you're crazy.

That's because they were on drugs.

And Jeremiah's like, oh, I'm sober.

And I was at the post show.

I was like, I agree.

L C D was better.

We like sober sober's on it and that was the first time we saw him yeah but that's not Jeremiah that's Jeremiah was a bullfrog

Jeremiah was killed dude this is this episode is gonna go make him work it's just making Mike do extra work but he uh

I mean that was like that show was unbelievable and that made me a giant L C D sound system fan yeah where I went listened to all their albums got into it and there are definitely a fan base that would hate hearing that there are definitely a fan base that's like I used to listen to him in fucking Williamsburg in 1998.

Oh, yeah.

And you're fucking, you poser.

I mean, they have a song called You Wanted a Hit.

Like,

we've seen him.

You and I have seen it.

We've seen him three times together.

I've never been to any concert with the same person that many times.

It's true love.

I don't.

Hard eyes.

Can you give me hard eyes?

But we went to the bottom.

I got to scratch my dick.

Oh, don't.

This isn't.

I can't pay $100,000.

It's a glassman.

This is all all Glassman stuff.

Hold on.

Oh, I feel like that.

So we got, would it be even better is if you leave some of these blank so he just looks like an asshole So we we got super hyped for LCD sound system.

They were doing three nights at Brooklyn Steel.

And we you me Gary Viter and Michelle Wolf

all were like we're gonna

I Everyone knew we were doing drugs.

I got in trouble with Viter and his wife.

You didn't get in trouble with Viter.

I got in trouble with Viter's wife.

Yeah.

Okay.

She was trying to lie about it, and I helped them.

Sam opening for you.

Yeah.

God damn it.

And that's so bad when they make you lie and

then put you in the center of the fire.

And then instead of going, sorry, stop, I made him lie.

But even if you say I made you lie, now it's like, you lied to me.

Yeah.

What a shitty situation.

But Ari was like, I got MDMA and I got mushrooms.

Great.

We did that.

We're good.

We can get waters there.

I mean, a lot of waters.

I think i had at one point six waters on me sweat it out in in a wetter because i had my winter coat so they were all like they were everywhere but don't worry because you can dance yourself clean yeah that's fun that's fun and put the song in

the song and get the rights for that place

publishing rights i'm just finding out or exorbitant so good luck with that

damn we all did mushrooms and took this mdma which we found out

had a little bit of speed it was a little more speedy than i would have liked a little more speedy than I would have liked it was very very speedy the show was good the giant disco ball was awesome at Brooklyn Steel Michelle is having all these realizations I've been with her a couple times where she's had like shroom realizations yeah Bonnaroo 2015 you know what that tree is there

the tree is there

being lucky to get into Bonnaroo stand-up just like oh cool I got accepted to you know what I realized I can do whatever I want in the whole world I can live wherever and do whatever and be with whoever I want and I can make it in the world.

I can host it.

I can everything.

And she did it, yeah, within like three weeks.

She manifested that shit.

I think if that's a lesson for drugs, it's start talking that shit when you're high.

Because it fucking works sometimes.

Kudos to the guy who I bought enough mushrooms for the entire Bonnaroo comedy.

People coming up to me, Nick Thunum and Natasha were like, hey, you got mushrooms?

Like, yeah, yeah, there you go.

We ate them on Ralphie's bus from 2015.

Joyelle was like, how do I do this?

I'm like, put them in your mouth.

I was like, how much?

Put them in your fucking mouth, Joyelle.

I'm the Sherpa.

This is how you climb.

That worked.

Yeah.

But LCD sound system at Brooklyn Steel, we took mushrooms and the sped up MDMA.

Yeah.

And

the show wasn't even the story.

The show's good.

Show's fine.

Show was great.

The lights came on.

We stood outside talking for.

Oh, it's a fire.

Something's going on.

Maybe the aliens are here.

Is it the Staten Island Ferry right by here?

I don't know.

That sounds like a true.

That's crazy.

They're way off course.

Even though the stand bought that ferry, it's been really downhill.

You look down the boats on 6th Avenue.

Yeah, Chris Dawson is like, trust me.

Trust me.

Who doesn't need a boat on land?

But dude, that was the most drugged out I've ever felt.

Well, Viter passed out, but the crowd was so tight that he just like was kept up.

We couldn't get trampled.

He was just caught in between people and just like up.

And then they brought him through three minutes.

And he was like,

oh.

Yeah.

And we had a bunch of waters.

Yeah,

Michelle was like, was like looking through a disco ball.

It's like,

they're being amplified through mirrors, and I amplify my arch through the microphone.

That's like all.

I mean, by the way, those are

we're not judging.

Yeah, I was saying ridiculous shit.

I was going like, I'm sweating out all the problems of my past.

You're just all fucked up on mushrooms.

You guys both have good points.

He is crushing some guys,

some banker's feet that lives in a fucking dumbo.

But dude, the thing is, is we're outside Brooklyn Brooklyn Steel for a good two hours talking.

Just walking slightly.

And then we look up and we're like, where the fuck are we?

We were in the middle of Brooklyn.

We had no idea.

So we took a warehouse district.

It was pretty abandoned.

Like even

less people than like where Jay lives now.

Yeah.

I mean, he's all the way up there.

He lives by the Intrepid.

There's barely anybody.

This was, there was no one.

Nobody.

So we took a cab to Ari's house and stayed there.

I left at 8 in the morning.

No, 7 in the the morning, I think.

I went to therapy.

Decided right then, let's go to therapy.

No, I went home.

It just didn't.

It just didn't.

We got to the end of my block.

There was a garbage truck, and I was like, let's just get out here.

It's, it's a one-minute walk.

And then we're like, oh, shit, I feel so bad for this cab driver who now won't be able to get a fare.

I gave him like 50 bucks.

And then Michelle's like, we should give him money.

I'm like, I gave him

200 more.

I'm like, Jesus, I don't remember that, right?

Yo, you guys had just gotten out of the cab.

We were trying to be like so sorry for

spend another eight minutes in your cab without a fare when you're a cab driver in the mornings at that at that like two different kinds of guys you pick up yeah going to work or coming home yeah

yeah but yeah man that was that lasted for like two

i didn't sleep i slept like the next morning i think i got to sleep yeah and i mean i did it there shell stayed over till like 2 p.m that's crazy you can find an episode of the bonfire that i'm on that happened the next day.

Because it was.

It was too speedy.

It was a Tuesday.

It was too speedy.

We did an episode, and I think I did a you know what, dude.

Oh, that was the Yankee swap?

I was on.

That was.

You were pissing like crazy.

Yes, I pissed like I pissed like 80 times that day.

I was just pouring water.

Yeah, that was.

Holy shit.

That's fun.

I didn't know it was a Yankee swap episode.

I was, that was that the next day.

Because that's why I couldn't call out it.

Because I was like...

I think that's when you guys fought Mary Jean.

That was that episode?

You did what?

Mary Jean, this porn star, tried to fight Lewis.

Like, actually, tried to fight Lewis.

And it was like holding up a painting, and she was like going at him.

And I was, I was urinating.

I urinated.

And I did a bonfire because Jay was like, you are pissing like crazy.

That was nuts.

Yeah.

God, that fucking ruled.

What a night that was.

No, but a night.

No, it was horrible.

It was horrible.

The first night was great.

I loved it.

You know what it was?

It was annoying when, like, I need to go to sleep, but I'm itchy.

If that happened now and I didn't have the, if I didn't have to do stuff,

I would have enjoyed that.

If I could have canceled everything I had and then just been like, oh,

I would have loved it.

But I was like trying to be normal with that.

I didn't do anything.

I was just trying to sleep.

And then like spiders are glassman.

Spiders are crawling all over me.

It felt like spiders are crawling over me.

Glassman, handle it.

Damn, dude, you got Glassman.

We got to have him on here.

When he's on here, get ready.

Get ready for that fucking edit.

I don't think anyone's changed the fucking podcast game in that level since he's on.

He's like the version of, you know, that four-way Pac-Man we play against each other?

It was the first development in Pac-Man since Miss Pac-Man, which was the same game.

Yeah.

Glassman's editing on podcasting.

Yeah.

It was like the first step up in podcasting.

Also, he's very, it's like he sees it way before you know what the fuck's happening.

He just goes like, do that.

And you go, oh, that's, that's fun.

Yeah.

Touch your ears.

Just touch your ears.

Glassman.

Um, yeah, like, why?

It's like, and then some fucking oombaloom is coming out of your ear.

This leads us back to Copenhagen, yeah.

Oh, right, right, right, okay, okay, you can do those drugs following Copenhagen, Auckland, New Zealand at number five.

We got from Christiania Copenhagen to L C D sound system, yeah, and and St.

Paul and the Broken Bones and all that, pothead friends, nice how that works.

You know, I think, first of all, you're I've said it before, you're on the Mount Rushmore of comedian potheads, thanks, yeah, things like Doug Benson, obviously, is on there.

But like, it's this mixture of, you can't be like some open micro that does hello weed.

It's got to be a mixture of having a career and that.

It's about

you, Benson, Rogan's up there.

He's such a fucking advocate.

I don't know.

There's other ones.

There's four.

The fourth one is for you.

Leave a comment here.

The Forgotten Soldier, the number five.

But Copenhagen's for Auckland, New Zealand.

New Zealand.

Which that's where all the billionaires are going, right?

But what if you need to get away from the Maoris?

It's a terrible place.

Oh, wow.

The Maoris are coming for you.

You're going to get Maori canceled.

Amsterdam.

Amsterdam's six, number six.

Some of these, I'm fucking.

Amsterdam is what?

Six.

You would think Amsterdam has the best weed in Europe.

It does not.

Tourist shit.

Yeah.

But those cafes are cool.

The cafes are great.

I mean, Amsterdam's.

The ability to find it is better.

The what?

The ability to find it, just walk and find it is better.

But the level of it.

Yeah.

I think we were just laying.

I was very lazy when I went there.

To M Sam?

Yeah.

I just wanted to get weed.

Yeah, sure.

The guy, my buddy Mike, was with me.

Oh, DJ Lou was with me.

Oh, nice.

DJ Lou and his friend Amanda and me and my friend Mike, and they just wanted to drink.

I wanted to smoke, so those cafes were perfect.

Yeah, you can get both.

And also.

You can also get spliffs, so it kind of counts as smoking.

I love spliffs.

European spliffs.

Don't worry, guys.

You won't still be addicted to tobacco when you get back to America.

Oh, man.

I love it.

It's such a treat.

It's so a fucking,

it killed me.

I had to really quit again.

Really?

It was so dumb.

And it was like, I'm fully addicted.

And it was like, no, and every time I was like, let me stop.

It's like, be like a day and a half and then right back to fucking make up for lost time, like seven to make up immediately.

Would you do it every smoke?

You would have a spliff?

So I would do it.

The last one was in Australia and I was to the Great Ocean Road.

I would just spliff the whole thing.

It goes longer.

That's like smoking cigarettes, though.

You got to do a spliff once every

four

when you're on vacation.

It can happen in Australia.

But I'm just saying, because if you're smoking weed mostly, then the spliff is like, when I see Sherrod.

You can't find great weed everywhere.

Yeah.

When I see Sherrod Small, I know he's going to be smoking a spliff.

Yeah.

When I smoke with Sherrod, I know I'm going to get a little tobacco.

He should warn you, too, more than he does.

I don't know.

I love it.

I love running into that old mistress.

And then you're like,

something happened.

I had a little puff.

Number seven.

It's not cheating, though.

It isn't.

It's like getting a massage parlor jerk off, you know, where a lot of women are like, no, it's never

relationship.

Yeah, this is not, it's not smoking.

Number seven's Frankfurt, Germany.

I told you it was going to be one of those off-town German towns.

It couldn't be Berlin.

It was going to be.

I said Munich or Frankfurt.

Is that what you just said?

Yeah.

Frankfurt.

Frankfurt, Germany.

Number seven.

Go back and look up and if I said it again.

Now lay this in.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I just texted Glassman today.

I believe it's Frankfurt.

I need you to cut three minutes of the Godfather 2.

I was just texting him this morning, so I'm so glassman out of my head.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, guys.

I'm call that out.

Seven is Vancouver.

Yeah.

Sevencouver.

Great.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Number nine is Bern.

Switzerland.

Bern.

Never been there.

Have you been to Switzerland a bunch?

Yeah, but not Bern.

What about

Basil?

Never been to Basel either.

But those are nine in 10.

Wow.

And then there's a lot of Switzerland.

They do the bottom 10, which is so funny.

Which is where you don't want to be?

Yeah.

This is the 10 cities at the bottom of the list.

Wow.

I'm going to fuck up some of these.

I mean, who would go to any of these?

Khartoum, Sudan.

Baghdad, Iraq.

Okay.

Not great for gas.

Bangai.

What?

Bangai, B-A-N-G-U-I, which is Central African Republic.

Okay.

C-A-R, yeah, sure.

Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

Damascus is on the list.

Where's Damascus?

Syria.

Syria.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Kinshasa.

Well, probably the Middle Eastern countries and the Arab countries are really crushing on

the business.

They put this list out not knowing, like, hey, we're going to look racist.

It's like, top 10 countries for Americans, white countries.

Everything else, move there.

That's such a funny list because, as a traveler, you know, you just like, why would you make a list?

You know where you're at.

Who's like considering it?

This is the problem with 24-hour news cycles is people feel an obligation to make these kind of lists where you're like, no one needs that.

I should also weigh in on what's terrible.

I should, ah, also, the bottom 10 are, yeah, Sudan is a tough place for a white, like an Ohio American to go, probably.

Yeah, but who the fuck would ever think it was a good idea?

I hope those aliens come today.

You know,

you know, they're saying that online.

It was like, remember when Area 51, that whole thing of like, we're going to go to Area 51?

Yeah.

December 12th, 2012.

Do you remember that?

We want to to believe.

What was the date?

December 21st?

December 21st, 2012.

Look that up.

Yeah.

Bring that up.

Can you bring up that Wikipedia?

No, no, that's December 7th.

You look later.

That's Big Jay's birthday.

You just Google the whole thing.

What you're doing is Googling every single day in December separately.

Okay, this is going to take a while.

So now on December 9th, what happened?

Notable December 9th.

I'm telling you, dude, it's the 12th of the 21st.

All right.

Keep looking, I guess.

But do you remember?

They made a whole movie about it.

Yeah.

There's all the people on the rooftop waiting for them.

Or was that

Independence Day?

Independence Day.

And then they go, oh, we just got blown up.

Yeah, they fucking.

So I wonder, I mean, I don't wonder.

I know it's going to be the same as December 21st, 2012.

Because I was at my mom's house in Denver.

I was in Aurora talking to her drunk neighbor.

Yeah.

And I remember going like, if the world ends right now, and I'm talking to this asshole,

I'm going to be pretty.

At what point can you just be like, bye.

Yeah.

This could be the end of the world.

Yeah.

Ugh.

If the world, I feel like if the world ever, if there ever is an apocalypse and there's an afterlife you're gonna be like that's what i was doing the last thing i had a theory about everyone bitching about like world war three with iran remember that yeah i mean people love those people love to get the world war three thing guys and they're like it's a real thing i'm like okay is your worry gonna help it because i'm gonna be off skiing with my friends and you're gonna worry about world war three in your last day we're all gonna get to fucking hell at the same time like what did you do with your last time like i was bitching online on twitter with strangers about what it did end up happening and what were you doing Like, Vail, bro.

Ari's reaction was this,

and then he pulled his goggles up and went, Is that a mushroom clown?

And then it's like,

and then everyone's fucking gone.

Yeah, dude, that's the people that like worry about that's always been my thing about online activism: is like you're not even around it.

You're just like in the comfort of your home being like, You guys should do this.

Yeah, everyone needs to start.

We need to start fist fights again.

Make fist fights legal.

You know what I want to online?

They just don't have it is a way to just go, instead of like saying for every like political station, do not recommend this channel.

Do not recommend this channel.

And they go, how about ABC 7 from Oklahoma City?

Try that one.

I'm like, no, no.

I'm like, just no, no fucking politics.

Just enter into my thing.

I don't want any politics.

How can you, I mean, I'll miss something that I want to see over all that I don't.

And like, and like I said, you'll see the mushroom cloud when you're

ripping some fresh powder.

I'll see it all hit me from behind and I won't.

You're on a good blue run.

You ever see that one with this lady running?

And it's Photoshop, but there was a bear behind her.

And she's like got the earbuds in, and the bear just keeps going or whatever.

It's Photoshop really well.

Call it up, please.

And

I love it.

Do that again?

Big that up.

But she's just having a good run.

That's how I hope I'll be even on the mushroom cloud.

Even at the end, it's just like, ah, there's a warm

evaporated.

Being hunted or just getting grabbed because like it's it's it's so much worse that's how that's why they kill cows without the cows knowing it's about to happen yeah because if you go like your

meat's all tainted you're like

if i had a bear like

taunting me like you know and i'm like

and the bear's like

yeah i just wanted to like out of nowhere grab my neck and i'm like sure yeah i'm like googling something like oh

i would want to fucking It's crazy to think that you want to see it coming.

Fuck no, dude.

I don't blow it up any of it.

You won't make a difference.

It's not like, hey, just so you know, they're about to raise your rent.

I'm like, oh, thanks for letting me know.

I won't re-up.

Or they're about to have construction.

That's helping me understand this.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I feel like.

Yeah.

What?

It's separate, but like, you ever like want to go up to a celebrity and say hi or something?

Like, I always help people like, don't.

You're not going to help them at all.

The only thing you can do is, let's say this Tom Brady is sitting there or Brad Pitt.

Oh, I want to say hi to him.

The only thing he would appreciate is like, Are you Brad Pitt?

Is that your card?

They're towing it right now.

Thanks, man.

And then run out there.

That's the only thing that they'll want.

I was, I landed in Vegas last year and changed.

Las Vegas, everybody.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Where is that in the West Coast?

Pull that up on a map.

It's right there.

Put an arrow on it.

Yeah, it's right.

Okay, yeah.

Now, how do I get that from here?

Oh, it's a dragon up there near Tulsa.

Pull up a playlist of a great song across the country.

I went to Che got me a Super Bowl ticket to watch the 49ers lose to the Chiefs.

And Che Cuevara, the revolutionary leader.

But I landed in Vegas and Dan Campbell, the head coach of the Detroit Lions, was,

you know, like in Vegas, you go down those escalators to go to the trains.

Like once you land, and I was like going down the escalator, I was like, that's fucking, he's bad.

He wasn't playing.

What's that?

He wasn't playing.

No.

So the Lions lost to the 49ers in the NFC championship game last year.

That's a tough one.

Which now I'm cheering for the Lions.

Because I think the 90s.

The 49ers are not a threat this year.

Fuck you.

At least we beat the Cowboys.

You just gave up a draft position.

It's the wrong year for that shit.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

But I see Dan Campbell, and I'm like, I get so excited because it's the Super Bowl.

Yeah, Dan Campbell.

The Super Bowl weekend.

He could be the coolest

NFL coach.

Yes.

Mike McDaniel, I think.

He's the most autistic.

He is.

Dan Campbell could be the coolest.

You're right.

Going for two market versions only, rubbing in.

Do you see what he did against the Cowboys?

Because

they called that play in the playoffs and that made him lost last year.

Where

the guy didn't report as eligible, even though he see him talk.

So he called in reporting for eligible something like 14 times.

That's great.

Even at the very last, they were kneeling on the ball.

He's like, go call in as eligible.

like that dan camp is great he's great so he um so i see him and i'm like now here's here's mcdaniel the numbers the numbers all i see is the numbers

the numbers the numbers but daniel's like this i'm cool as i'm cool as

like this this is this is where you gotta look this is how it goes i'm cool as shit did i put sunglasses down

um but i see him and i'm like i'm gonna go talk to him but then i it's the thought of that of like dude don't bother him and then i i'm i'm in a 49er hat and i'm thinking about what I'm going to say.

And I'm like, I'm going to football.

And he goes, yeah, that's all who comes up to me.

I think I was going to walk up to him and go, great season.

But I don't.

Then I'm like, why say that?

You're wearing the hat of the team that beat him.

Oh,

as I'm getting close to him, I can tell that him and his wife are not in a fight, but they're in a, we're traveling together spat.

We're not happy with each other, right?

He's going like this.

He's going like, I looked over there.

I looked over there.

That's what I hear when I'm walking up.

And I just, just immediately was like, no, guys, there's nothing you want less than when you're in a lover's spat to have a guy go, I really thought you had a great season this year.

I'm wearing a fucking, the hat of the team that beat him.

Dude, I was in a, I went to see Shane at Wells Fargo, and I was wearing, it was a Yankees playoff game to support the team, you know?

Yeah.

I was wearing cap, jersey.

You go all out, though.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You go jersey.

I support, I support.

I went to every single game this year.

Me and Renaz did, and Mike Cannon did a show at Leverty Live to pay for a World Series ticket.

Like, we can't afford them.

I'm like, oh, we do have an income way.

That is awesome.

Yeah.

That's exactly how you should do it.

Anyway, I'm dressed up, going to see him, and one of the fucking pitchers from the Phillies is there because Shane's famous with every athlete.

Dude.

Long-haired.

He doesn't have groupies.

He has athletes.

And he goes, you got a lot of nerve wearing that in here.

And I'm like,

why?

This isn't where you guys play, and we didn't beat you.

Yeah, we have done it.

And he just keeps trying to ride me.

He goes, oh, judge with the fucking name on the back.

Oh, oh, yeah.

I would never wear that.

It's not the official jersey.

I'm like, yeah, I know, but I met him in this shirt, so it's lucky.

So it's our season, you know.

And he just keeps trying to needle me.

And I'm like, what, what's up, bro?

I'm like, what do you want?

Did you ever

give up fucking 17 runs in the fucking last season against a Mets?

Yeah, sorry you guys' bats fell asleep against the Mets.

Did you,

did he let up at all?

He was like, I talked to my friend who name dropped someone on the fucking that South Paw from fucking

or whatever, the side armor from the Yankees.

He goes, he said he would never wear one with this.

I'm like, yeah, dude, I don't like it, but it's the one I bought, so I'm wearing it.

Yeah, he just didn't let, I was like,

it's always weird when people.

It's like, what are you coming at me for?

When you're in a non-sports.

I was trying to impress Shane.

Yeah.

When you're in a non-sporting.

No, I know.

When you're in a non-sports setting.

No, that's Shane Torres.

No.

When you're in a non-sports setting and you're getting that energy, like your teams are playing.

There was,

I did shows in London and I flew back to Boston to meet Katie

at her parents' house because that's where the dog was.

Sorry, the slut waitress from the convict store when I was starting there.

Dop, dop, dop.

That was all edited.

I edited out something because Ari fucking pops off with the mouth and says shit.

Um, fair, no, my fiancé, Katie.

But I flew back to Boston from London, and I'm wearing my Niners hat.

And the guy doing customs or whatever, he's like

49ers.

I was like, yeah, he's like, balls wearing that here.

And I went, I don't,

what's the, we've never had a rivalry with you.

What is it?

And he goes, yeah.

And then he stomped, he stamped my passport.

It was, and then, but that's very much Philly.

Simpsons, they do that.

It's like, ah, Springfield.

That's it.

You make a wrong ten.

That's why you beat you nearly half the time.

Yeah.

But Boston and Philly both have that.

That's they're good sports fan bases because they're so aggressive.

Yeah, but it's like, what are you kidding, dude?

You're just way off here.

Yeah.

Why are you mad at me?

Because I'm wearing a Fortnite Fortnite's hat.

And also, it would have been great if you're like, grab a glove.

I can hit you.

Let's go.

You're at Wells Farris.

You're a shot right now.

You go, I'm in your fucking head.

Send the ERA in the playoffs.

I think you're not your shit.

There's so much luck in this judge jersey.

I'm going to fucking hit you.

Shane, get us a bag.

Walk it off.

Walk it off.

Somebody paste it off like the natural

90 feet or whatever it is to amount.

And you go, send it.

If you had a stance that made him nervous, you only go to the one in and i just i just want soda went out shuffle out then shuffle back in man

make that place won soto signing for the red socks really gonna make you mad is it oh dude well just i'd just like to say this publicly that your chick uh was sure which whose wedding did we go to we were up there

it was it was norman's oh in louisiana yeah we were outside the first day of the meeting day yeah

She's going to rue crossing me.

Why?

Because she was positive Aaron Judge would not resign with with the Yankees.

Can you look up Aaron Judge's style?

Don't do that.

Also,

don't throw that shit at me, too, because he's a fucking, he grew up a Giants fan, and the Giants had a legitimate shot at one point, and then they leaked it.

You fucking evil fuck.

You come in here and you fucking detonate something that goes on Katie and me.

That's right.

I'd love the hustle.

God damn you.

Hey, Myrtle, staying in here.

She's locked up.

She was right to bark at you when you came in here.

She came in.

I got two wild.

She was happy, and then I got a little two while.

I was like, I thought I got it.

And she's like,

it was so funny.

She was going speedy.

She was going nuts.

It's too speedy.

That might be the name of the episode.

Edit that or Too Speedy.

Well, you're a Cowboys fan.

Are you a bigger basketball or football fan?

I mean, I'm not sure.

Well, first off, I'm no longer a football fan.

I think anyone who watches football is kind of lame, to be honest.

So we'll do football cards.

God, they suck.

I went with Jay to that jersey store on the way down to Wells Fargo.

Oh, you know what?

You got to stop and get a jersey.

I don't feel like buying anything, Cowboys, right now.

After keeping McCarthy and after re-signing dak prescott who's a backup on 11 teams in the nfl

to the richest contract of all time can i just say this is four change you won't die yeah you won't win until jerry jones is dead that's the curse i don't know what it is um your special just coming out america's sweetheart on netflix on netflix stream it's streaming now it's available now

america's sweetheart on netflix it's a lot about focusing on positive and that same fucking thing of fucking go skiing when the fucking World War III is coming.

I like that idea.

On Netflix, go watch it.

Now.

Now.

We're going to do football cards.

Okay.

Because this comes out just on YouTube.

I have a baseball card story.

What's your baseball card story?

I had a nice collection of baseball cards.

Good for you.

I was over at my friend's house one time.

His brother had all his...

They were rich.

Even for upper-class Jews.

Damn.

They had a pool table and the downstairs, downstairs.

Finished downstairs.

And they had a downstairs downstairs.

Wait, they had what?

They had a downstairs downstairs.

So, like, you go downstairs.

Downstairs was a playroom.

Standard for middle class, upper middle class back then.

Like a TV couch.

Yeah, just like playing them.

If they had a little mini basketball, it'd be down there.

And they had a downstairs, downstairs.

I think they had a room adjoining.

They might have been in the room, but they had a pool table there.

Fuck.

And he had all his baseball cards laid out, and I stole one.

Yeah.

What'd you steal?

A George Brett rookie card, 1975 tough.

It's actually kind of sick, dude.

I think I have a George Brett up here.

George Brett is the coolest.

Yeah, I became an instant fan of George Brett after that.

He was cool.

His shit, the pants story, is hilarious.

Greater stories.

Really sad I never got it on this not happening.

By the way, it was already out.

I think we've talked about it more than three times.

That story's been brought up how legendary it is.

When he tells it when they're stretching, and he doesn't know anyone's recording him.

No, I can't.

Some guy's just doing that.

He's like, he was like, shit my pants last night.

There it is.

That's George.

Oh my god.

Shit my pants last night.

The other player's like, what?

I love it.

That is locker room talk.

Yeah, that's locker room talk.

That's absolutely locker room talk.

But did you ever tell your friend?

No.

Did he ever say anything?

No.

I had it for years.

When I realized I got older and I was like, I got to give it back to him.

I don't know how to broach that subject.

I'm just like, hey, man, I don't want you back in my life in any way.

What's the next year with the whole family?

Yeah.

I just need to return this with you.

It was worth far more than when I stole it, and then the bottom dropped out of the market.

Now it's worth almost nothing.

Oh, but but I've held on to it.

It's in one of the holders, so it's still in mint.

Wait, you still have it?

Yeah.

You never gave it back?

No, I got to find him.

When you go visit home, you're like, what do I got to take time to make amends on something he doesn't even know I did?

And it's his brother.

So who do I give out to him or find his brother?

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

But it is a George Brett rookie.

It's a George Brett rookie.

I mean, he's a Hall of Famer.

But he didn't miss it because he would have said it.

He didn't miss it.

So the question becomes,

if he doesn't miss it.

Did you do this 12 steps or no?

You just quit.

No, I just quit.

But you know those 12-step people?

Yeah, well, they do 12 steps.

Yeah, and one of them is apologizing.

Number nine, I believe.

Is it sure?

I should know a lot for someone who wasn't in the fucking program.

Listen.

My family's bumped in.

Dan in the program.

No, that's program.

That's pogrom.

That's a different thing.

That's Russian.

I edited in some Russian damn stuff.

Let's just say the Soders aren't unfamiliar with 12 steps.

But it's like, do you apologize to someone if the apology is going to hurt their life?

Hey, man, I fucked your wife.

You know, shit like that.

You shouldn't have.

And I think they tell you, like, nah, take that into account.

Do not.

Yeah, I think you keep that George Brett card.