64: Glass In Your Hair with Adrienne Iapalucci | Soder Podcast | EP 62

Baby, I'm back on the road 2025.

Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

I will be at Rumors Comedy Club at the end of January, the last weekend of January.

You want the dates?

Fine, I'll go on my phone and look at them for you.

January 31st,

I will be there January 30th,

January 31st, and February 1st at Rumors in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

Then Huntsville, Alabama, at the improv.

That's going to be February 20th through the 22nd.

And then California.

I know LA, you're going through a lot of shit right now.

We're going to try to find a way to make this show be helpful with people in the area.

But February 28th, I will be at the Balboa Theater in San Diego, California.

Those tickets on sale.

Go get them right now.

And then I will be at the United Theater on March 1st in Los Angeles.

Tickets available for that.

And then Palace of the Performing Arts, San Francisco, California, February, or March 2nd.

Almost said February.

What an idiot.

But I will be

San Diego, L.A., and San Francisco at the end of February.

Hopefully things will be much better by then in Southern California.

But we're thinking about you, and we love you, and we hope you're okay.

DanSoder.com for tickets.

We'll see you soon.

How natural was that read?

That was a pretty fucking natural read.

And I know my mom's watching this and she's like, your reads aren't natural.

That's, that's real as fuck, Trish.

You got to admit that.

How natural is that?

Oh, I can't even smell.

What am I acting?

Have you ever gone to FDNY versus NYPD?

And I was like, no.

I didn't even know that's the thing regular people could go to.

You could buy tickets for it.

It's once a year.

This was, I got to look it up to see if they still do it.

But it was yearly at the theater at MSG.

And then what you have is half the audience are cop fans and half the audience are FDNY.

So they're like firefighters versus cops.

The cops do something, and this is the brilliant strategy.

They get the COs from Rikers.

Corrections officers?

Yeah, from Rikers and Sing Sing.

And those guys fight for the FDNY.

But they're like...

Awesome at fighting.

Yeah, those guys would definitely be awesome at fighting.

So they just beat the shit out of these like small

these like firefighters that are like...

Just to sell tickets, they should let you look up the cop that gave you a speeding ticket and watch him get just demolished.

I mean, you would show up.

With a sign.

Oh, my God.

Kick Petrasilli's ass.

Get you a fucking speeding ticket.

Badge number 6035.

Take him down.

But it's fun.

We'll go.

Let's go.

I would go.

I'm going to look that.

Look it up right now.

Dude, I would buy us tickets.

I'll go to a boxing line.

How fucking fun would that be?

I watched the Tyson fight and that was so bad.

That sucked.

Yeah.

It's up, but that we knew it was going to suck.

They're selling us shit.

I know, but like, you, you know, he was just really going light on him.

I don't think so.

No, he was.

He punched him, and then at one point, he pulled back where he could have just kept slamming his fucking fists into his head.

But his knee, his legs were all fucked up.

I think he was like...

The best he was going to do was that first round.

And then I think he...

Oh, I'm saying Tyson was terrible.

Oh, yeah.

I'm saying the other guy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was holding back.

Tyson was not holding back.

He could barely stand up.

That was my biggest problem with the match.

Was like, if you're going to fucking say all this shit that you're going to fight, I don't know.

Then fight.

I think he was scared to really hurt him.

FDNY versus NYPD 2024.

It's March, so it's in March.

Okay.

So next March, 2025.

I'm going to give that copy of the speeding ticket.

It's called

The Bravest Boxing.

The Bravest Boxing.

But here's some: it's 2024 FDNY versus NYPD Battle of the Badges.

Oh, that's the baseball game.

So they're, they, they,

but you got to go watch the boxing.

Boxing or even hockey, something where they could be real aggressive.

Yeah, it's called bravest boxing.

That's what we got to look it up

for a good cause.

Do you think there's any like firemen that just like don't go into a fire?

They just like kind of wait.

They go like, you go.

Or just like, or they go, like, I got to tie my shoe.

That would be me.

I have asthma.

I bet, guys, sorry, my breath is weird.

You go in.

If you need me, just yell.

Just yell for me.

If they had, like, that's why they're so brave, because if they had like the same bitch tendencies as like Hollywood, they'd go like, I need a me day today.

And they're like,

we have a four-alarm.

We have a four-alarm fire up in the gross.

And they go, I just, I'm not feeling it today.

But I think firemen love, like, they talk about fires.

Like, they love it.

Do you think firefighters are closeted pyromaniacs?

I don't know.

I think they're just guys that wanted a good pension.

Shout out.

I understand that.

Who doesn't?

Sure.

And also, the schedule is pretty sweet to cheat on your wife.

You think that's part of it?

I don't think that dissuades them.

I think when someone's like, hey, what are the reasons to be a fireman?

They go, side puss.

And they go, I'm listening.

Women love firefighters.

The firefighter fetish,

do you think cops resent that?

Do you think cops resent how many women want to fuck FDNY?

Or like firefighters?

I think that like the stigma against cops like killing people, and obviously not all of them, I think that's tough.

Yeah.

Whereas no one hates firemen.

Even if you let someone's house burn, no one hates firemen.

No one gets mad.

No one's mad.

No one's like, hey, you let my granddaughter die.

Yeah, she got charred.

She got charred because you're lazy.

You suck.

Yeah, they never do that.

They never do that.

So like, thank you for trying.

That was a good approach

it almost worked you waited to go from a helicopter down you dumped a big bucket of water on it and i appreciate that yes unfortunately my daughter is now she's deceased she's deceased yeah you're right no one gets mad no one's ever mad at firemen but people are mad at cops all the time that if i were a cop That would make me hate firefighters.

That's what I would think of in the boxing ring.

Yeah, you'd be like, I fucking, I ran into an active shooter and they called me a murderer you fucking let that part they call me i'm a racist well dude the cos are like

when literally they got in the ring i started laughing because one of the guys was giant and jacked and they were like from rikers island co dante

jones dante sounds hot and he was just like a big black dude and then he was like a little pug of a firefighter little italian guy named like anthony galeppo

and he was just like boom boom He just walked him down.

It was.

Wait, who won?

Oh, FDA.

NYPD.

Yeah, Dante must have been.

I think it was like seven fights to.

That seems unfair of a fight.

They have to fight the actual cops.

That's what I said.

Yeah, that's crazy.

When I found out that there were.

Then why is FDNY not hiring like MMA fighters?

Or FDNY?

You got to find like paramedics.

Like, what's your side?

Like, the cops are going to CEOs.

So, what do FDNY go to to be like?

I guess paramedics.

You go like paramedics.

Go get a guy that trains like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or kickboxing and paramedics.

But also

that should bring the whole community together watching FDNY fight NYPD.

But it doesn't.

No, it's only their families.

So you just see like these women that barely see their husbands being like, fucking kill them.

And all their girlfriends.

Yeah.

Who are all these random women at this boxing community?

You're like, there is a lot of puss at the FDNY fighting.

Why is she cheering for my husband?

Why do you care so much?

Why are you crying that he lost?

I do care about Bobby.

Yeah, that is true.

She goes, why are you so mad that Anthony lost?

She's like, sitting there.

He's like,

his face is so beat up.

Don't do it.

Yogurt has ruined your face.

That's something that was making me laugh.

That always makes me laugh about boxing matches in general.

Are number one, the ring girls who just have to sit there with the most psychotic smile on their face.

Right.

Even though.

And they're just dressed like, they look like so hot.

But they're just like oiled up tits, and there's just like a guy who's just like, can't see out of his face.

He's like bleeding.

Well, that's always the point that makes me laugh: is their wives always dress up in like ball gowns and shit.

Oh, and they're watching the fight?

Yeah, and then they like see their husband after, and they're like lace gloves, and they're like, Good job, Eguardo.

And he's like, I fight for my

wife.

I pay for my consciousness.

And he's just like bleeding out of his eye.

And she's like, We're going to send money back.

This is his $17,000 dress.

How much money do do you get to lose at a box?

How much money did Tyson get?

$20 million.

That's crazy.

He got $20 million and Jake Paul got $40 million.

Yeah, even if he'd get the shit kicked out of you for $20 million, I would fight him.

Yeah, it was fall down immediately.

Two minutes,

eight two-minute rounds.

Yeah, 16 minutes.

16 minutes for $20 million.

And he wasn't going to knock him out.

That was...

No, no, no.

He was not.

But also, just think of all the pigeons he can save.

Guy could have a whole tree of pigeons in his backyard.

I bet he does.

He loves pigeons.

Also, if you're Mike Tyson's like financial advisor, how mad you have to be where you go, all right, Mike, after taxes, we're going to clear about $11 million on this.

And he's like, pigeons.

And they go,

can I have you put it in an IRA?

Pigeons.

Pigeons.

Pigeons.

Growing up in New York, Mike Tyson was like a superhero here.

He was, but then he was also a rapist for a while.

Yeah.

i think i was in the rapist era you were in the rapist i don't know if i was in him being a super

i just remember him as being the rapist i don't know if there was another i mean i think if i was younger maybe

and then he was also a bite didn't he bite bite ears yeah that was another

the rape was first and then the bite ear

but patrice had my favorite joke about mike tyson's rape case where he's like then you find out it's because he ate her pussy and he's like how do you rape eat pussy he's like shut up bitch shut up

it's on his comedy central presents That's really funny.

Yeah, it's like one of my favorite old Patrice.

But it's, yeah,

he's had so many lives.

Yes.

That's what I hate now about these, like, about the

YouTube, Instagram generation.

You see people that are like

19 years old being like, Mike Tyson's the goat.

And you're like, you have

zero idea.

Why is he the goat?

Because he fought that guy.

Just because they, like, people hear that.

And, like, they, they see older people go like.

He was a great fighter, though.

He was unbelievable.

I remember him losing to Buster Douglas.

I was like seven years old.

It was like crazy.

I remember it being like, I was also at my dad's girlfriend's house.

You remember watching the fight?

Oh, yeah, dude.

Alcoholics loved Mike Tyson.

It was like a shitty apartment in Denver.

My dad was like still in Denver.

And I remember being like, I had diarrhea.

I had really painful diarrhea.

From the fight?

No, just

being a seven-year-old eating stuff.

And my dad had to come and tell me what was happening.

He's like, Mike Tyson's losing.

And I was like, were you just in the bathroom the whole time?

I was just shitting.

And then I came in and I watched the end of it and I was like, genuinely sad.

It was a horrible day.

It sounds like a really bad day, is right.

You started out with diarrhea, and then you went to Mike Tyson

losing.

Having diarrhea as an away game, like not at home.

Ooh.

Sucks.

That is terrible.

And you know, when you're little and you're like, you don't know what's going on, you're like, why want to stop?

What were you eating?

I don't remember.

I just remember.

I feel like as a kid, you'd eat crayons.

Me?

I was a glue kid for a little.

I was going to say glue also.

I would try glue.

Here's the thing.

I would eat stuff to make people laugh.

I get that.

Do you remember the glue on the stick?

Yeah.

And just putting it all over your hands in school and keep taking it off and seeing if you could get off in one piece?

Yes.

Elmer's glue drying on your palm of your hand and pulling it.

Why did we all do that?

Because it was so fun.

Because you know what it was is you were actually watching science.

You watch it.

I felt it like tighten up.

Yeah.

The tighten up part was pretty.

That was what you waited for.

But then you remember the kid in school that thought you were weird for doing it?

We were all really doing it.

Really?

Yeah.

Damn, New York public schools were wild.

I didn't go to public school.

I went to Catholic school.

You did?

Whole time?

The entire time.

What's your religious life?

I mean, are you completely out now?

Because I feel like.

I was never in.

So even going, you were like, fuck this.

It was so boring.

I think if you want kids to get into church, you have to make it more fun.

It It was so boring.

I got in trouble for playing Pass It On in church.

What was Pass It?

Like if I went like that to your knee, then you do it to the next person and then you do it to somebody else.

You know, you just get bored in school and like we would have to read and shit on Sunday at mass.

So I got like a pink slip and my sister like ratted on me.

For playing Pass It On in church?

I got a pink slip for Pass It On and then I got my sister told them I got this pink slip.

So was a pink slip kind of like a yellow?

You're in trouble.

It was like a yellow card?

It It was a pink slip.

It was a slip that was pink.

It was like, your kid is bad for doing pass it on.

And did you have to get it signed by your parents?

Yes.

Ooh.

I remember I was out and my parents came to pick me up because I got this pink slip.

And my sister just got a fucking beaten from me.

Younger or older sister?

Younger.

Ooh.

Younger sister ratted on me.

My sister is such a rat.

She ratted on you immediately?

She would do anything she could to get me in trouble so I'd stay home with her.

And then she somehow.

Why, she wanted to hang out with you?

Yes.

Really?

yes so she loved you so much she wanted you in trouble yes so I would hang out with her this is almost that's like a like a fucked up kidnapping where she's like

I mean we already slept in the same bedroom so I don't know why she needed me there more I think she just didn't really have a social life and she just liked you I think I was the person that lived there.

I think whoever it was, she would have ratted on.

Really?

It wasn't me specific.

It was just whoever was her sibling, I think she would have ratted on.

Did your parents ever get mad at her for ratting?

When we were kids,

my dad, if my dad was like, you know, a fat guy.

So if he ever got up, you're getting fucking beat.

No shit.

And we lived in a small two-bedroom apartment.

It's not like he had to come up the stairs to beat us.

He just had to get up.

He just had to get up.

Did you, how long, what was the plan if he got up?

Were you like, do I run to myself?

So my, no, you just had to get beat.

So my father would get up and he would only hit my sister because she would scream when we had a fight.

Like if we were fist fighting, she would scream.

I would say nothing.

She would get beat.

You would just be quietly breathing?

I would just be quiet.

She would be,

she would say, and he would say, I'm only hitting you because I hear you.

And you would think she would just stop screaming.

There's the answer.

No, she kept screaming.

And then he'd be like,

I got to keep my word.

I told you why I do it.

Yeah.

I told you the secret sauce.

Just stop screaming.

And you'll see.

She would keep screaming.

Were you or your mom ever like, stop screaming?

No, because I'm like, she's got to learn eventually, I guess.

But she just kept getting fucking.

She looked like Mike Tyson, just

black guy going to school.

She's like, I ain't done yet.

I still feel.

I got a couple screams in me.

She's so every fight, she would scream.

And her scream's annoying.

Listen, we can all agree child abuse is bad.

Great.

Now that we've moved past that.

Sure.

Did it make you two tough as shit for school?

We didn't really get into a lot of fights at school.

Because when you did, would you win them?

I really only got into a fight like a couple of times.

Really?

But for the most part, me and my sister fought the most.

So you, because I remember if, like, if you knew siblings that fought, most of the time that meant they would fuck your shit up if you tried to.

Sure.

So this is the thing.

There was a couple of times in my childhood where my friends were going to fight somebody.

Sure.

We would put like Vaseline on our faces and glass in our hair and nails.

You would put glass in your hair?

Maybe not not glass, but nails.

You put nails in your hair and then you go to your hair.

So if they grabbed it.

Yeah.

You just booby trapped your own hair?

Okay, so thinking back, this was fucked up.

We were going to take the SATs.

My friend told me that someone had cheated on my friend's boyfriend.

Like, he cheated on my friend, right?

Yeah.

So the morning of the SATs, I told her immediately she got the worst SAT scores.

Wait, before the SATs.

Yeah, but I couldn't have that to myself.

I was like, you got to know this.

And then she got the worst scores.

So then I'm...

She's like getting to college because guy wanted pussy.

And then I was like, you got to fight this chick.

Yeah.

Because now you know what you did.

Not only is she heartbroken about the SAT.

Well, she didn't know she was going to, right, but she knew she wasn't going to do well yet.

But I mean, like, she's heartbroken about the break, about her getting cheated on.

So she can't, that's all she's thinking about during the SATs.

And then also the anxiety of, I got to fight someone.

The night before the SATs were crazy.

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So I was talking to this one guy, Joe or Joey.

He drops me off and I was still like into my ex-boyfriend.

So my ex-boyfriend's by my house.

Now this guy, Joey, he comes back around the block and sees me with him and he's dropping me off to take the SATs.

Right.

So he's.

So Joey's supposed to pick me up to take me to my SATs, but now he's seen me with my ex-boyfriend Vinny at the time.

God damn, you really have some New York names.

Right.

Vinny and Joey.

Vinny and Joey and Bobby.

What are you, a shark or a jet?

So Vinny that night tells me that Jay cheated on Melissa.

And Melissa's your good friend.

Melissa is my best friend.

So that's immediately.

So the first thing in the morning, I can't wait to ruin her life.

I guess I didn't even realize I was going to fuck her up for that.

I'm like, hey, Jay cheated on you.

Was that the first words out of your mouth?

Probably, hey.

Hey.

Jay cheated on you.

Morning.

Jay cheated on you.

You booked her cheated on you.

Yeah.

Good luck on the SAT.

And you guys are teenagers, so it's serious.

16 or 17?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Joe picked.

Now I go, I don't know if this guy's going to pick me up.

He just saw me with my ex-boyfriend.

So he picks me up and he's just racked.

And he's mad at me, but he picks me up and keeps his word and drops me off at the SAT's.

He's a good guy.

He's a pretty good guy.

Yeah.

And then before, so you tell her, hey,

Jay cheated on you.

Right.

When do you get to the point where you go, let me get some nails from my dad's workbox?

I don't remember when that happened.

It might have been that weekend or something.

And now I shouldn't have gotten her to fight.

She was very small.

Yeah.

She didn't do well in the fight.

No way.

No way.

She got her hair pulled right away, and it was not good.

It was a mess.

Oh.

And then you're like, oh.

Because here's the thing: getting cheated on hurts.

It's pretty bad.

I got cheated on in eighth grade by two guys that I know.

The guy that

did your ex-girlfriend double-teamed somebody in eighth grade.

That would have been easier.

It was two separate options.

Two separate dudes she cheated on you in eighth grade with?

Yeah, like different occasions.

Got fingered, which is eighth grade fucking.

That is.

That's pretty early for fingering, isn't it?

Yeah.

You know, God bless her.

I hope she's all right now.

No.

But it was two different guys, both of whom,

it was two different occasions.

Okay.

Both the guys would have kicked the shit out of me.

One ended up being a legitimate American war hero, like a fighter pilot.

He would have kicked the shit out of me.

In eighth grade, he had fighter pilot vibes.

He had that like.

He showed up in his jacket and his hands.

He liked, he was like cool.

Okay.

And then the other kid was a giant, giant fat kid kid that was good at football.

So it was like.

I feel like when you're the person that like cheats on somebody, they should not, they should let you beat them up.

Like, if you fingered your girlfriend, he should let you beat him up.

Yeah, but I wasn't even because of what you're saying about your friend.

I got it.

I was like, I'm not getting cheated on and getting my shit kicked because I wasn't good at that.

She got cheated on, she got beat up, and she did poorly on the SATs.

It was not a good weekend for her.

What a trifecta.

She really ran a fucking tough race

getting the scores back

a lot

of failure well i drowned in the swimming part and then i pulled my hammy in the running and then i crashed my bike yeah she did not it was not good daddy is a tough but

also i think it's like

if you were tough you wouldn't have got cheated on i don't know if that's necessarily true because i think well that's how i feel i feel like if i would have been like good at fighting those guys would have gone oh she's dating dan i I don't want to get beat up.

Maybe, maybe that's true.

But I think they were like, he's the class client.

Were you also fingering her?

No.

Yeah, that's it.

She's like, I just want to finger so bad.

I was trying.

I tried.

And she, oh, yes, because you were weak.

I know.

I was weak.

She couldn't fight those guys off.

Especially the big fat one.

The big fat one?

Yeah, you're a fan.

And then he won a, later in life, he won a million dollars in his scratch-off lottery and then blew it.

Oh, of course.

That made me happy.

What did he blow it on?

Dumb shit.

Probably like airplanes.

It was fat ass.

Probably had a bunch of snacks and different dips.

And just fucking video games.

I think he bought like a car and a house and then didn't realize that the taxes on those are fucking crazy.

Yeah, that's true.

And then he just was fucking zero.

He's just thinking about it, he's like, yeah, but I still got Dan's girl.

He goes.

He goes, you know what, though?

97 was a good year.

I didn't get the fucking.

Dude, that was like the worst year of my life.

Like, that happened, and then my dad got sick and died all within like six months.

Jesus, that's not good.

I mean, drugs, baby.

That's how your dad died, drugs?

Oh, no, my dad died because of drinking, but that's how I got into drugs.

That was your own driveta.

Yeah, dude.

Cheated on, your dad died, and then drugs.

I got cheated on.

broke my shoulder playing football, dad died.

Yeah.

And then it was, I got, I had a prescription of Percocet.

Oh, you were one of those kids.

Yeah.

How long were you?

Cool as hell.

And then that did that girl come back?

No.

Yeah, yeah.

Freshman year should try.

But then I was like, nah, I'm cool.

You had too many fingers in you.

Yeah.

I was like, you're like a baseball.

You're like a bowling ball.

Too many fingers are in you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I got to spray you with that shit they put on the shoes and bowling alley.

Spread your legs.

Let me spray you.

But I almost, there was a moment where I was like back into it.

And then I was like, what am I doing?

With that girl?

Yeah.

And then I took two more percocet and I was like I'm gonna go I'm over this yeah I was like no lady you got nothing on big pharma

but yeah it was that was how long were you addicted to perks um it didn't last that long because I ran out of the prescription and I didn't get heroin I didn't have like

I was too young to do the thing where you go into crime to get the pills.

So you stopped.

I mean, it was a couple tough weeks.

Yeah.

Because what I was supposed to take them and then my shoulder started healing and I hit them.

And I did two more refills and didn't tell.

I told my mom I was still having shoulder pain, but I was just squirreling them away.

Right.

Were you saving them for a big party?

Yeah.

No, big party.

Fuck that.

Tuesday afternoon, I'd go to Ryan Huffman's house and fucking.

Did you share?

Yeah, I would give him one and I would take two because I liked them.

I liked them a lot.

And then I'd smoke a cigarette.

Ooh, smoking camel lights when I was like 14, 15, taking perks.

Man, you were sound pretty cool, actually.

Well, I got cheated on.

That was my...

That was eighth grade, though.

Yeah.

Freshman year, you're back in.

Nah, man.

A freshman year, I was a mess.

When is the drug?

When do you start getting hooked on drugs?

Yeah, it was freshman year.

And then, like, sophomore year, I was, like, I was like in your group of, you know, your group of friends, there was tiers.

Like, the top three tiers would get the opposite sex, and then the fourth and fifth tier would get, like, the scraps.

I was, like, fifth tier.

You were getting the scraps?

Yeah, I was the big-headed, funny kid.

So I would get like

you're tall.

I was like, but I wasn't in high school, I was like big-head, gangly.

I do remember when we you first started doing stand-up.

We've known each other the entire time I've lived here.

Yeah,

I was at stand-up New York, and you were going on a date with somebody, and you were like kind of in a grunge era.

Oh, I had long hair.

I don't know if you had long hair, but you were all in black.

You were like kind of into like goth a bit.

No, I was more like heavy metal maybe yeah i was wearing like a lot of metallica shirts and like that sounds about right yeah and i had long hair that was when i was like still waiting tables but drinking very heavily yes and you were friends with that guy joe yeah

the comic who was really funny but he stopped doing stand-up that's my that's my boy still i know i just talked to him diabetes or something uh yeah he did and then he went to the hospital for diabetes and he they fixed it well no but because he wasn't treating it right shout out joe i remember joe Joe.

He was Joe Alexander.

He was very, very funny.

He was very, very funny.

What did he do instead?

He's a dad now.

He's got a job.

He's like a full adult.

He's a regular person.

He's a regular guy, but we talk all the time.

He's funny as shit still.

He's very funny.

I remember him.

He called me on the phone.

We talked on the phone on Saturday about

we still keep in touch.

He's the fucking man.

Do you think he's jealous that he didn't keep doing comedy?

Because he probably would have made it.

Yeah, no, he was already making it when he stopped.

So why did he stop?

Barry Katz was like trying to manage him when we were all doing those Monday night shows, those Daniella shows.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

And then he was like, he got instant attention.

He was super funny.

So why did he stop, though?

I just think he was like...

That's always the case.

It's always the funniest guys.

It's very funny that just stops.

It's like John McKeever.

Like, McKeever's stand-up is fucking brilliant.

Does he not do stand-up anymore?

Sometimes.

He just doesn't have that thing that we have.

That's the only thing of it, yeah.

Where you're like, I need it.

I need to do it again.

I don't even know if that's what I had.

I think I just, like I was saying this to somebody else, like, I can just keep doing something for a long time, even if it's not good.

But you were always good.

You always had good jokes.

Kind of.

I mean, my stage presence.

My stage presence is always a little weird.

Yeah, you have DMV energy.

Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah, you have like, what?

What number do you have?

And the audience is like, 16.

And you're like, well, it's 15.

Go sit down.

You have to go sit down at the DMV.

Everyone at the DMV is always like a black lady.

It seems like it's like a black lady that got just got cheated on her boyfriend.

That's what it is.

Everyone there is mad.

It's your friend.

It's your friend that got told she was cheating and she has to go to work and give people licenses.

No, that girl just cried.

These women are mad.

Everyone at the DMV is mad.

They want to get you back with bureaucracy.

And I get it.

You don't have the right.

form filled out.

They love

their power.

They're like, oh, that's their kink.

Is they're like, oh, fuck, read the instructions.

And you're like, are you fingering yourself you signed on the wrong line go fill that back out six more pages you gotta fill the fuck out oh the dmv is the worst it's it's it's almost impressive to go to the dmv in new york i'm always surprised that the dmv doesn't get shot up yeah post office never the dmv dmv seems like the place where they could really deserve it i feel like they all have sidearms and we don't see it they might so they're just like they're all like that's why they're so slow they're only working with one arm yeah Yeah, they go.

Okay, they just have their hands on their piece.

And they're like, okay, so you still live at that address?

You fuck.

Don't make that move.

But yeah, I remember, like,

I met you right when I moved here.

Probably.

Yeah, and we.

I told you not to sign with Wayne.

Remember, I went to Montreal with him and I was like, don't go with him.

And I didn't.

He's so bad.

I remember that he yelled at the lady, the guy that booked Chelsea lately.

He fucked a dude on my couch.

First of all, I let him stay with me.

Yeah.

He stayed stayed in my hotel with me and my boyfriend.

Yeah.

Luckily, there was like a one-bedroom.

Otherwise, he was just going to stay in the bed near me.

Yeah, that's wild.

It's crazy.

That is wild.

But yeah, we've always like known each other.

For a long time.

And I was like, don't go with him.

Yeah.

And I remember being, I mean, I remember even before that, being at Stand Up New York and just like drinking in the corner of the bar because Rick would give me free booze.

And then I would just like hang out and do check spots.

And we'd do like the mics together and stuff.

When I started out in in new york city stand-up new york was like one of the best clubs it was it was packed it was the second best club i remember big jay going on stage and doing a joke i guess about fucking a girl that he said had the same body as him yeah i remember that he goes uh fat girl with small tits he goes it's like looking into a mirror and he did like that he did that joke at stand-up new york because i remember just watching him yeah i would watch me and you i think 2007 is when you started right and that's when i started 2004 okay me too but i moved here in 07 and we were kind of about the same

Yeah, and I guess I met you at Stand Up.

Yeah, we met Stand Up New York and we used to watch, because remember, it was always either Big J, Patrice, or Attel would be like the headliners.

So you got to watch

and Louie.

Louie was like coming up.

Yeah, I don't remember Louie there, though.

I remember watching Louie at Stand Up New York in front of like 15 people on a Monday night, and he was doing, he was working on chewed up.

It was after Shameless.

Okay.

I remember watching him kill, He was like doing so well.

This guy was in pain.

This guy was like holding himself.

He was like, ah,

laughing so hard at Louie.

Because Louie was doing the joke about when girls go wild, they show their tits, but when women go wild, they drown their kid in the bathtub.

And he was like, this guy was like, that is really funny.

It was fucking awesome.

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But yeah, I loved Stand Up New York.

That place meant a lot to me because.

And I also liked the comic strip too.

I was at Stand Up New York more, though.

Yeah, because you could go back.

I would go with Big J over in between because I would just be like his little henchman.

And he'd be like, do you want to go to...

He's a good guy to be like your henchman.

He's very fun.

Dude, do you remember?

He's still very fun.

Oh, he's the best.

He's the funniest human being I've ever met in my life.

He is very funny.

Naturally, naturally, just very funny off the cuff.

Big J is funnier than anybody I've ever met in my life.

Like just hanging out with, being around.

It's not even close.

So funny.

He used to do one of my favorite things in the world.

Do you remember old stand-up New York?

There was

a stoop next to the front door.

Now it's like a finished.

I remember that stoop.

But there was a stoop, and there was a lawyer on the first floor, and then there was a rubband tug on the second floor.

I don't think I knew that.

Big Jay, Lewis, and Dave, the Shanks, pointed me out to the fact that there was the rubbin' tug.

And we would hang out Fridays because Lewis would do poster dog.

And so there would be like everybody would be around.

Bargetti, Justin Silver, Dave Smith, Big Jay would always like headline Harris Stanton.

Oh my god, Harris Stanton.

Yeah, that's from the past.

That would be like the kind of the crew that would hang out there.

Whenever a guy on Friday night would leave that place, Jay would start a slow clap because he knew he was leaving the Ragging Dog.

So Big Jay, we'd all be outside smoking cigarettes.

That's so embarrassing.

Yeah, and then Jay would be like, what do the guys do?

Dude, they would just like walk a shade.

Yeah, dude.

They would just come down the stairs and be like, oh, fuck.

And they'd like walk right to the one train or whatever.

But it was, I just specifically remember that being like, that's so embarrassing.

So fun to do.

Yeah, but that's so embarrassing.

And then remember Lorenzo from the the pizza place next door?

Yes, I remember that pizzeria.

And he would beat people up.

He had really good pizza.

I don't remember that part.

They had great pizzeria.

And Lorenzo would come over outside and smoke cigarettes.

And he would like...

I didn't remember him beating people up.

I watched him beat the shit out of a crackhead.

Like, beat the shit out of a crackhead.

That's so unfair to a crackhead.

No, this guy was honestly.

He deserved it.

This was pretty even.

He went in.

He went in, bought a slice, ate it.

in the pizzeria and then wanted another one because he said it was too small and Lorenzo those slices were very small though you know, I don't know.

Business is business.

But the guy.

I like that guy's attitude.

The guy flipped three pizzas on the, you know, how like the pizzas are up top.

Of course.

He, like, I was standing outside smoking, watching it.

And he, like, flipped all three.

And Lorenzo, like, you know, in his apron and all white with the Italian horn necklace.

That horn.

And he was like, you motherfucker.

And the guy, like, went outside, and then he went outside.

He chased the guy outside.

And the guy turned around and threw a punch.

And then Lorenzo was like, Wham,

and just fucked the dude up.

You should have just given him one slice I don't know three pies yeah but that was worth it for me that was real cool that was a cool remember all of the headshots they had in there oh yeah that was on like the little uh that little blank wall or whatever or like right and that was a very small pizzeria do you remember oh the the pizzeria headshots oh yeah that was like fucking great they had them all along the and you would like look and you'd be like one day i'm gonna be there yeah or i would be i was always blown away by who they had where i'd be like

Lorenzo Lamas I didn't know half the people, but that's what I would like pick him out of like from renegade like shit shows where you're like why are you putting that guy up?

They had to pay him so much money to leave that whole area that oh, I bet Lorenzo's in Florida on a nice piece of land right beating up crackheads in Florida just chasing down these fucking he's like bass salts you think I'm worried about bass salts, but he would come out and be like He always hooked us up with food when there was extra food at the end of the night.

Yeah, he was a nice guy.

He would come out and be like, I'm throwing this away what do you guys want and when we were so fucking poor you're like yeah i'll eat whatever you have oh my gosh i remember lewis was like living with this comic hallie for a while i i know exactly what you're talking about and they lived up in harlem together and she was like he stopped paying rent lewis but then also he was like she wasn't i was paying her rent she wasn't giving it to the guy so they were both just like squatting there for months that's very funny a squat off where they're like when you're squatting squatting on a squatter.

And I think they were sharing like a big room.

I don't even think they had their own bedroom.

I remember that.

Lewis has had some crazy living situations.

Yes.

But this is right when I met him.

This is like.

This was probably 2007, 2008.

Yeah, when I started hanging out with him and you were like,

coming from Colorado and Arizona.

Did you think Lewis was like a crazy person?

Yeah.

I was, but I liked it.

Yeah, of course.

I was interested.

You were very interesting to me because you were very fucking New York to me.

You were very like, like, you were like from the Bronx.

You didn't give a shit.

You were almost like a caricature of like what I thought New Yorkers were like.

That makes sense.

Because you were like, fuck you.

You were like, but you were nice to me, but not in like a fake Midwestern, like, hi, how are you?

Like, you were cold to me until we started talking and then you were cool.

But mostly, I think people think like I'm just like a mean person.

I'm like, I'm just kind of like an introvert a bit.

Yeah.

But like once we're friends, I could talk to you forever.

Yeah, but at first I was kind of like,

I think Adrian hates me.

And then then we were doing those.

Everyone thinks that.

And then we were doing those mics together, and then we started talking shit about people.

And I was like, oh, Adrian doesn't hate me.

No, I remember like some crazy things Daniela would say at that mic.

Oh, my God.

She would like tell us not to write jokes.

I know.

I remember one time she went on stage about like having her period and putting the pad on like

the heat.

She had such crazy, and she was like dating

Goleman.

Gary Goldman for a while, and she convinced him to like move upstate on a farm.

They bought a million-dollar farm or something.

Right.

I wonder if he thinks back to his life.

He was like, I shouldn't have bought that farm.

Maybe.

I don't know.

But I do remember one of my favorite moments from that era was she moved her show to the comedy village, which was the old Boston.

Right.

And it was Monday nights, and I had to bark.

to get on it.

Oh, God.

I was always barking everywhere.

And I'm the worst barker.

Me too.

I was horrible.

Come to the show and they're like, no, I'm like, you're probably right.

Yeah.

I remember, you know, who was really good at barking?

Schultz.

I could see that.

I remember when we do the Comedy Village, he'd like get people in, and I'd be like, damn, that's impressive.

He's also doing arenas.

He's kind of like doing crowd work, though, right?

Where you kind of talk to people.

He was very, he's so charming.

Yes.

That he would like be on the corner and be like, where are you guys going?

You guys going out or whatever?

I'm lazy.

I found out if I sat on the stool in front of the comedy club, people would come by.

I could, it would count as barking.

Right.

But I didn't have to get anybody and then i could hang out with all the comics and it's pretty sweet like smoke cigarettes and just chill out front that's smart it was pretty great but i remember one night very very late like two in the morning the show started at eight there's like four people in the audience sounds about right and daniela was like i'm gonna go on stage and we were like Joe List, Joe List was the permanent host.

Okay.

Every Monday he hosted and he was supposed to get paid and he never got paid.

He always got fucking ripped off.

Every Monday, he always got ripped off.

By Daniella?

Yeah.

He'd be like, I'm supposed to get 100 bucks.

And he would get nothing.

Then sometimes he'd get paid.

So he would come back.

Right, because you never knew.

And it was also a pretty good show.

Like, she would get Jim Norton.

Yeah, and she usually got like, what was it, a bringer kind of?

It was like a bringer hybrid where she would have a couple people that were bringers.

And then

barking.

And then people would come or whatever.

But then she would also get like Goleman and Norton and like

uh even patrice once there was still a lot of comedy in that area the sellers the seller

and sal's comedy hole sal's that guy yeah he was and then moved to la and became like a success but is he a success there i heard not in comedy well i think like running a room i think he's like successful but i remember specifically that night list and i are like there very late and she's like i'm gonna go up and we're like what and she's like yeah i'm gonna go up and we wanted the show to end.

So we were like, oh, fuck, dude.

All right, whatever.

And then she goes on stage and starts talking about two of the four people that are there are FDNY.

And she goes up there and she starts talking about how 9-11 was an inside job.

And Lis and I are by the sound booth.

I've told the story before on the bonfire, but it's my favorite thing.

We're sitting there and Joe goes, Joe goes, you hit the lights.

I got the sound.

And you remember that door that went down to the Bag It Inn?

Yes.

There was like a hallway where you could go to the bar under the thing.

So Joe says that, and I

like hit the lights down and the sound is up, and he hits play, and it was Zeppelin's black dog.

So she's on stage, and the light goes out, and you just hear, hey, hey, mom, say the way you moved.

And then we ran downstairs with the lights off.

We ran downstairs, sat at the bar, split a beer.

So it looked like we like ordered a beer from Terry, the bartender, split it, and then one of her other minions was like,

Do you guys know what happened upstairs?

And we're like, No, what happened?

He's like, Someone turned off the lights, turn on the music.

And Joe and I were like, Crazy.

But it was.

You saved her, though.

Yeah, maybe.

She doesn't know that, but you saved her.

Yeah, that really is true.

You don't realize them probably foreclosing on that farm.

Yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, got a fucking idea.

It was so crazy.

He had stopped doing comedy for a while, too, because he was with her.

Yeah, but then he's, you know, and then he came back.

He came back.

He's great.

But that was such a weird, fun time.

It was a fun, weird time.

Like even Sal, I was like working for Sal for a while.

As just like that guy took advantage of everybody.

Well, that was like when comedy, that was the last era of comedy being ran by like

carnies.

Like in the true sense.

Like I just worked side splitters in Tampa and BT runs it and it's fucking phenomenal.

It's great.

He's so nice.

The BT rules and the shows are great and the staff is awesome.

Yeah.

But do you remember who owned it before?

Bobby Jewell?

No, because i didn't work there before he was that old school like he like that was one of the last clubs i remember on the road being ran by guys like that where he had he had a bad wig and you'd always like scratch it and you'd always watch like a black woman like yeah he would like yeah he would like not move it like and i remember he would like

talk shit to you in a way that like almost seemed motivational, but really it was like clear.

Being a dick.

Yeah.

Where he'd be like, because Sam Murill liked him, because Sam would get blackout drunk with him him at the bar.

That sounds right.

And Sam was like, nah, nah, nah.

He's real fun.

And you're like, no, he's a piece of shit.

But he was like the kind of guy where he would like,

you would see the numbers in the book and then he would lie to your face and be like, nah, you didn't even do that good.

I don't remember this guy either, but people were talking about the guy that used to own American Comedy Club was awful.

I think, yeah, I think

it was awesome.

No, I don't think he does.

Really?

Because I did it and he wasn't there.

It wasn't like that crazy guy, yeah.

I think he still might own it.

Really?

You think he was just chill that weekend i don't know i don't know because honestly the last time i was there i had a the guy that mc'd for me the time before asked to do a guest set okay and i was like yeah come on in dude do a guest set and then we were just hanging we were hanging in the green room and they had a camera in the green room and the guy we're like having an awesome conversation he's like yeah comedy or whatever and then he goes

i need to leave And I go, what the fuck?

Why did you look at your phone?

And he goes, he's watching us.

He says I'm not allowed back here.

And I was like, that is wild.

And he had to leave.

He left in the middle of the show.

He's like,

those shows are fun.

I didn't draw well there, obviously.

Yeah, but that club's that.

There's also seven clubs on that street.

I just remember being on stage and being like, I see why they don't headline women.

I was like, I get your point.

You're losing a lot of money this weekend.

And

you guys are really bleeding out.

You guys are losing so much money this weekend.

Yeah, but the thing I've always loved about, it's like, I've watched, like you said, you can do something and just keep doing it.

Yeah, just dysfunction.

But I've watched you be this like hilarious joke writer and like an awesome comic, a comic that is a true comics comic.

Like other comics love you, and it's been fun watching the right comics love you.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

It's almost like when Louie got on board and Ari gets on board and you're like, okay, good.

But I've also needed comics to help me.

Yeah.

Because like the industry just really never cares.

But now the industry is completely broken.

True.

That is true.

They are so broken that it's kind of...

They don't even know what they're doing.

Have you talked to anybody that's in the industry recently?

So my manager is like, they're letting everyone go because nobody can make money.

Yeah.

It is kind of a crazy turnaround.

It's a 180 from...

If you and I, sitting on this couch,

were to go get a nice meatball hoagie at Angelo's in 07.

Right.

And then talk to the two young versions of us sitting at the thing, you'd be like, there's no more Comedy Central.

There's no more industry.

There's no more

late night sets.

Don't do shit.

Late night sets do nothing.

You would explain to that where...

You'd be like, work on social media.

And you'd be like, what is this?

What is social media?

Exactly.

No one was on Twitter.

That was right when we started.

That really didn't exist.

Facebook was like a thing.

I got on Facebook like 2009.

Yeah, Facebook was a thing, but it wasn't a...

MySpace was good for comedy.

That's how Dane blew up.

Dane blew up.

Steve Byrne did good on MySpace.

there's a couple people i remember like learning about on myspace yeah all the o guys i would go find on myspace when i was like living in arizona because that's how i would go find my space so crazy bill burr used to have blogs bill burr used to write out

bits i remember him writing out a bit about how white girls talk about how real they are and he's like yeah you're not the fucking riz a i remember like reading that being like i mean

when did he blow up when he did that on a thing in philly and he just went off that was big for him but then his podcast but what year was that that was kind of like 08 09 that was kind of like because he did why do I do this came out in 08 that was an hour special on comedy central and then that let it go like that was when he was selling out Carolines and like do you remember those half hours HBO did he had one particular one night stands

yes the year that Bill did it sorry to interrupt Bill did it also Burr Patrice Voss no Bonnie oh it was Bonnie yeah and it was Kevin Brennan Kevin's was really funny.

All of them were great.

All of those half hours.

Those were unbelievable.

Louie?

Louis did it.

Louie was that same year.

But the one-night stance.

HBO has completely given up on comedy.

Yeah, because I know that they'll only do a couple of people that I think they either have contracts with or work on their network.

They told me when I tried to re-up that they were looking for a message.

A message?

So I was like, Moshmashi!

Adikato!

Bye!

What's up?

I mean, I don't know, does anybody even watch their special?

Yeah, I guess I don't know.

It's like, I think they had, like, I think Nikki did a good job.

Yeah, I think Gerard Carmichael had a big one, but outside of that, I don't really remember anybody moving the needle.

No, I think you would do.

I mean, you putting yours on YouTube, I think, is the best because you got so many views on it.

I got it, helped my ticket sales, which is all that I cared about.

Right, of course.

And I mean, Netflix, how have you felt about Netflix?

Like, do you feel like...

I mean, I don't know because they don't really do any promotion.

I mean like they were good to work with but like and they do that for I guess everyone or ones that are not

ones that they're licensing I think they just do a certain amount of stuff for you but you really have to push it yourself yeah and that's almost like

yes I'm doing all the podcasts myself yeah you have to go do all which obviously like that's part of it and what you have to do but

back to our point like in 07 there was a machine There was like an actual machine.

That could push you.

Like someone would see you in a club and literally they could do the thing where they were like, I'm gonna put you on this, I'm gonna put you on this.

I'm gonna put you on a midnight set, you'll do a half hour on Comedy Central,

you go to Montreal, you get a development deal, and if you get a pilot, you could the deadline article will get you another pilot, yes, but like the year I did Montreal was the last year that they had.

You did 2010, right?

I did 2010 with Becky Young, yeah, and that was the last year before they had like uh the unrepped new faces.

You went to the next year, right?

Oh, I was unrepped, baby.

An unrepped news?

I did unrepped, or as Chris Laker famously called it, no face.

No face.

They treated you guys like an adopted child.

I had to take a greyhound up there.

And they gave you no money.

Didn't they also give you no hotel?

Nope.

They gave us a 25% discount on the hotel.

That was all they gave us.

Right.

No podium.

And that's the thing you have to love about Ari.

Didn't he like put together a letter in comic signing to be like, hey, you guys have to stop treating them like that.

A couple of years later, he did that.

Yeah.

Because that's what Ari.

Like,

yeah, you need Ari.

Ari got like

Rogan and a bunch of people to sign this letter that was like, yo, this is fucked up.

Ari took all the unrep people to dinner, like bought them a dinner up there.

Not my year.

Fucking cheap Jew.

Specifically to hurt you.

Yeah.

No, dude, Ari is.

He loves comedy more than anyone I know.

He also does everything to just kind of

hurt his own career.

Well, he does stuff that you go, like, I try to explain it to people.

I'm like, it's like having a dog that you love that occasionally will piss in the house.

And you have to go, like, ah,

when he pisses, like, the Kobe joke was like a piss in the house.

And you go, like, that was more like a shit all over the house.

And you step in.

He got diarrhea.

It's about diarrhea.

It was all over the house.

That was a shit and walk.

But it was interesting to watch how people responded.

Like, comics responded because the LA

watching comics come out and talk against him was insane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was when, that was when I felt like Ari became a true New York comic.

Yeah.

Because all the New York comics were like, yeah, it was unfunny.

Also, it was crazy to do it, but like, whatever.

Well, everyone, everyone to Ari's face was like, you fucking idiot.

Right, but then there were some comics who were like going on social media to be like, I can't believe you did that.

That's what, that was, that felt like more the LA people.

Yeah, because he was like, if that's how you feel, then come and talk to me about it.

And that was a legitimate point.

Because I was with him when that happened.

People were like disowning him on podcasts.

I mean,

so crazy.

And then we were like hanging out with him and being like, who?

Like, I remember hearing the stories about it.

And you're like, I remember somebody wrote to him and wrote something nice

and supportive.

And they're like, I can't believe these people would do that to you.

And then they came out against him.

And he was like, this is even worse.

Talking out both sides of your mouth when someone gets in trouble like that.

Like.

That's what I kind of feel like we're getting away from.

That's good with the death of the industry.

Yeah.

Is that you don't have people talking like industry and then coming to you and being like, I didn't mean all that.

right?

Like saving face kind of.

Yeah, like being like, I needed to do that for my career.

Yeah, like that's that's why I think it's so funny when you see the comics that are like, uh-oh, am I gonna get canceled?

And there's like, that's not a thing anymore.

No, not anymore.

There's no machine to get fired from.

Right.

Like, it's all your Patreon and your YouTube following.

And you know what I mean?

I got it.

I remember on the special community like last week sometime.

And I guess a week ago on Tuesday.

And this lady wrote to me and was like, you're going to get fucking canceled, bitch.

I'm like, from what?

From what?

Netflix put it out.

Yeah.

You know, you know, when you start comedy and your family members that don't know about comedy go like,

you should try to get on SNL.

Right.

And you go like, oh, yeah, why wouldn't I go be on the biggest fucking comedy show of all time?

Of course.

You didn't even strike me.

That is the equivalent now of people going like, you're going to get canceled.

And you're like.

And they're so happy, too.

She's like, bitch.

Yeah, but you know, that's like that woman.

She carries that with her.

I guess.

But you're just like, good luck lady.

Yeah, fucking canceled.

Get people.

Get eyes on it.

I would love that.

Get eyes on it.

Yeah.

Go storm the Capitol.

Yeah, I mean, that's hilarious.

Go do it.

Go get fucking, get nuts.

What are you going to get?

You're going to.

It's so funny.

I thought I would get a lot more hate.

You thought so?

Yeah.

And it has, were you disappointed?

Sound disappointed.

I think enough people haven't watched it.

That's probably what it is.

No, I bet people, I honestly think, I hope.

I think we're getting away from the point of like getting mad about creative stuff i hope so like tv shows or music it's like remember when we were growing up and al gore's wife was like trying to say that fucking like rock and roll and rap and all that shit there's a parental advisory that was tipper gore that was like al gore's wife being like you shouldn't cuss you shouldn't talk about sex or whatever and i remember being a kid and being like

how do you get lame like that like how do you grow into something I think it's just like you're pandering to an audience that's exactly what it is

yeah you just need somebody to be like good job but now what's funny is I think the pandering has flipped from liberal to conservative well that's what's gonna happen I think now everyone panders to conservatives to get because it's like the most popular I mean you saw at the election and shit sure it's like very popular and so it's easier to go like sorry bro I'm a patriot you're not patriotic enough and you're like what the fuck

you guys talk I would never fight for this country i have to be honest i would i would want you as a general in our army i just go and like what's funny is i used to work and this is what that reminds me of i used to work at honda yeah and that's like a job where like they tell you all these lies to get you to do it like what they're like you're gonna get like uh 150 a week or whatever it's we're they said they were gonna give us paid training which we never got really we never got and i was like young i was like 22 23 maybe yeah

and then when you work there everyone that's they're like we don't want you to get any sales for six weeks you're like you're giving me 150 bucks a week and then if you do get sales everyone that works there is mad why because they work there longer and they should get those sales

so i reached a point where i was like i hate these people

i'm against them

so this guy comes in and he's like his daughter's name is adrian his wife had just died this like little italian guy and i go i'm on your side i'm gonna tell you everything they say

so i go to them and then i would go back to him be like this is what they say but i think we could get less money.

I just turned against these people and was working against them.

And that's probably how it would be as a general.

Yeah, you'd be like, by the way, I'd be like, Mexico's close.

Let's all fucking leave.

Yeah.

By the way, they're not even, there's not even going to be an attack.

We're going to play volleyball.

Exactly.

Let's just play poker.

Yeah.

Guys, honestly, let's raid Saddam's palace.

We'll take it.

And then we'll just hang out in the palace.

Yeah, that was like that movie, Three Kings, where they're like going to steal the gold.

And you're kind of like, I like these guys.

I get it.

I always like when people do that's always so funny because like this idea of like raging against the machine and like being there and then uh we went and saw rage against the machine when they're at madison square garden and there's all these like bankers there's all these like dudes in like button-down shirts but they bought rage shirts at the merch thing so they're wearing it over their button-down shirts and they're like sitting there being like Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

You're like, it's like you're the machine.

Yeah, you're the person.

You're not, but that was, that's like where we're at right now, where people are like you're technically the machine you're not raging against yeah i'm also seeing a lot of guys in crop tops really yeah i've seen like two walking here showing belly showing belly and gays i don't know i assume so

i feel like if you're young now you can fake being gay to get pussy Right, because

when someone wants to turn you?

Yeah.

Well, you remember how when we were young, you would always be like, oh, that gay best friend is probably pretending because they can play with your tits and shit.

But I feel like that's like

a strategy.

That's like probably how you get girls is you go like, I love penis.

And they're like, no, like this.

And you're like, I guess.

And then slowly you're like thinking in your head, you're like, I could turn this guy.

Yeah.

And then he's just really

like, he like leaves and it's like Kaiser Soze.

He changes his walk.

Yeah.

And he's like, takes his clothes off.

He's like, Maron, that fucking pussy.

Like, I had to pretend to love sucking cop back there.

He's like, whatever, I did it too, but it ain't gay.

It gets you in the door.

You know what I mean?

I am seeing the rise of a lot of guys wearing crop tops.

All right.

Well, we're going to stop that.

Or

stop the crop.

So I remember I had this friend that was trans.

I didn't know she was trans.

I just thought she was tall.

I did not know.

And she would wear shirts showing her belly.

And I was like, that's such a weird thing because women have like shame.

Yeah.

And she had none.

And then I found out

she was trans and I was like, oh.

That's.

You need shame to be a woman.

Yeah, you go.

That's old programming kicking in.

Right.

She just had a belly shirt on with a belly.

Yeah, she's got dude energy.

I was just shocked by it because I've never seen a woman outside of like black women, I've never seen a woman have a gut and show her gut.

Oh, like well, then that whole like mid

teens where everyone was like body positivity, where they started being like, yeah, fat girls, show your gut.

This was before that, though.

Really?

That was probably like 20 years ago.

So that was shocking to you.

And then when I found out she was trans, I was like, oh.

Got it.

You carried over some of that old program.

Because her,

her and her partner, they were gay.

And then she was like, oh, I'm on her insurance.

And I was like, how?

Gay people, and she's like, there's a loophole.

And I didn't figure out the loophole.

Really?

Yeah.

I didn't figure out the loophole.

Damn.

I wish I was smart.

When you see someone that pulls something smart like that, she didn't realize it at the time.

I really feel like I got hoodwinked.

Do you remember where you were when you figured it all out?

Were you like?

I think I posted a joke about trans people and she got mad.

We got into a fight about it.

And then I was like,

and it wasn't even a bad joke, but like, she was just like against me.

Have you lost friends because of jokes?

No, because anyone who's my real friend would not be upset by jokes.

Did you ever lose someone that you thought was a friend and then they got over a joke?

Yeah.

I had somebody.

This isn't the same thing because we're not really friends, but she said something about like being upset by the Puerto Rican joke.

She goes, I thought we were friends.

I'm like, first of all, I became friends with you after I taped that.

Second of all, we're not real friends.

We work out together.

So, chill out.

I also was like, Are you really upset by that?

I'm like, if you're not upset about everything else, I said, you're just a faker.

Well, that goes back to like that Tipper Gore thing.

I'm always blown away by people that would get like mad at rock and roll or like mad at music where they're like, I can't fucking stand it.

I remember when Columbine happened, I was living in Colorado.

Oh, and they're blaming it on video games.

And Marilyn Manson.

And they were like, they listened to Marilyn Manson.

And I remember being like a teenager being like, how fucking lame do you have to be to make a song and make you do something?

Also, if you're doing something because of Marilyn Manson, aren't you just gonna dress like him or do whatever he's doing?

You're gonna, I don't think you're gonna like gonna hear a Marilyn Manson song and be like, I should shoot all the kids in my house.

That's crazy, yeah.

Yeah, that's always funny to me.

That's how I feel about jokes, too.

Where I'm like, I don't think it made you do anything.

I do wonder if, like, what these kids are doing before they're going into these schools.

The hype up?

Are they listening to music?

I think you got to get Marilyn Manson.

You know what?

I think they were right.

We were like, go to the full circle moment.

You go, son of a.

It did get me in the mood.

Yeah.

And they're like, because really, if you found out someone got hyped for a shooting listening to like your special, you would almost be like, would you be a little honored?

Would you be like, oh, I don't know.

Like, I would be surprised they weren't listening to music.

Yeah.

Music hypes you up for stuff.

Music, you'd need to be like.

Somebody told me that

there was like a homeless encampment in Toronto and people were listening to my special on a Bluetooth thing.

I love that.

I know.

I was like, I've reached my audience.

Yeah.

You're going to have a legion of fucking, of just outside people.

Yeah, that can't come inside.

Yeah.

You got to go in the game.

You can't get outside rallies.

You got to take the shit outside.

You got to take it to the camp.

Only for money.

Or for like

hobo money, which is like bread and like bottle caps.

They really said that someone was listening to it.

Somebody like wrote that in one of my comments.

That's so funny.

I was like, that is really funny.

That is very funny.

And also,

I like that.

I love it.

Yeah.

Because

they're like, you're bringing them a little comfort.

Sure.

And they're probably like, yeah, a lot of this stuff is actually true.

Yeah.

They go, I love it.

Nobody cares about us.

They go, it's funny because it's true.

Now I'm going to go sleep under this fucking turnpike.

Sleep under this bridge.

Yeah.

Let me go fucking eat a fucking sandwich.

All right.

Can I have five hours?

I never thought about it like this.

Now let me go to sleep outside.

Do you ever get like a a good pitch from a homeless person to give you money?

One time.

A homeless guy asked me for 50 bucks.

That's so specific.

I know.

And I was like, are you crazy?

He's like, how about five?

Yeah.

And I was like, that is kind of smart.

I still didn't give him money.

He got you.

But he probably got money from somebody.

I remember one was like a guy was like, I need $17 for a bus to Buffalo because my family's or whatever.

And I remember being like, oh, there you go.

Like, here's three bucks towards the 17.

There was no bus.

No, there's no bus.

But in your heart, you felt like you did the right thing.

Yeah.

And then later, when I was mad about it, I was like, what I should have done is gone, I'll go with you

to the bus stop and we'll buy the ticket together.

And that guy probably would have stabbed me.

And taking the money that I had.

Do you remember Parkside Lounge?

Yeah, of course I remember Parkside Lounge.

Looking for a parking spot.

This girl's standing in the parking spot.

And then she gives me the parking spot.

And then she's like, hey, I just got out of the hospital.

My boyfriend beat me up or something.

She was pregnant with twins, and I was like, whatever.

She's like, Will you buy me something to eat?

And I went and I bought her something to eat.

And she was she mad about it?

No, she's like, I'm going to name one of the twins after you.

Oh, I don't think she did.

You don't think the twins made it, or you don't think she named it?

I don't think she named it after me.

It'd be funny if one's like Khadija and then Adrian.

Yeah, that's so funny.

I'm here for this white lady.

Khadija and fucking Adrian.

And they go, Why do you name Adrian?

She goes, She bought me a sandwich.

She said one of the things.

She's the reason why we lived in the bureau.

But also, she had a fucking sick parking spot at Parkside Lounge.

Such a good parking spot.

I mean, are you kidding me?

That's a tough place to get a parking spot.

I spent $17 on that lady.

It was a sandwich,

a sandwich and an orange juice, and almonds.

Almonds are such a good source of protein.

For sure.

That was for the best.

That's my good deed.

That's a good deed.

I'm not going to lie.

And then I seen another homeless person.

I was like, I just bought that one something.

Yeah, you need to get receipts from homeless people.

I just got to get them.

And then you start carrying them around.

So you go, no, no, no.

I'm good.

I'm good.

And they go, all right, we'll catch you on the next round.

Next time.

Next time.

I'll stand in the parking spot next time.

You can get it.

The special, The Dark Queen, out on Netflix right now.

Go watch it.

It is the best, some of the best stand-up on Netflix right now.

It truly is.

It's like, Adrian, you is so fucking funny.

I love your jokes.

I just am so happy that you, that.

Louis directed it and Ari produced it.

And it just felt like I was so happy to find out you were doing it.

When you sent me a cut of it, I fucking watched it immediately and loved it.

That was very nice.

It's awesome.

You're awesome.

And I've known you forever.

Thank you.

And this is just like.

We're really old buds.

Yeah.

We came up in this together.

Yeah.

And I'm really like,

you're one of the people that when people get stuff, you're like, finally, fuck yes.

That's how it should happen.

Instead of watching people manipulate the algorithm or steal jokes.

Also, if you know how to manipulate the algorithm, let me know.

Yeah.

I have no idea.

DM me.

Yeah, I posted something, and I don't have a big following on TikTok, but my view, my I got like 13 views on something.

I'm like, what am I doing?

What, yeah, what the fuck?

13 views, there's like dogs eating stuff that get more views.