63: Cryptids and the Paranormal with Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson | Soder Podcast | EP 61

People are just going to start searching for social media people like their Pokemon.

It's like Pokemon Go, but people with like huge Instagram accounts.

Have you seen the guy that goes up to just walks up to people that goes, like, what do you do for a living?

Yeah, I love that guy.

And they're like, they're always in like super crazy nice cars.

Yes.

And they're like, I work in finance.

Well, you know what I'm obsessed with today?

There's two things.

And we just start recording.

We don't have any you want.

But

we, did you guys see the guy from United Healthcare got murdered?

Oh, yeah, dude.

No, what happened?

So the CEO of United Healthcare was outside of the Hilton on 6th Avenue, and a guy in a mask walked up and shot him in the chest and killed him.

As long as he was responsibly wearing a mask, I'm fine with it.

What was the distance?

I know bullets can travel.

It better have been 25 seconds.

He must have been if he was a responsible New Yorker.

It would have been funny if it wasn't an assassination, but instead the guy goes, what are you gay?

Why are you wearing a mask?

And then the guy's like, for your killing.

He's like,

oh, my God.

I just can't even believe I was roasted to death.

So 6am.

And how did health care?

Is that insurance?

So the internet, and again, I'm just reading the internet.

The internet is very much like, oh, no.

But they're like.

Oh, God.

There's that thing where they go like, I can't believe he got killed, but also he's a greedy piece of shit and maybe he should have been killed.

I think it's like a John Q situation where like someone didn't get health care, and they were like they lost a parent or they lost a kid.

The movie you did, yeah, yeah, he made a whole movie about it.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's I didn't kill anybody, but I made a movie.

I wonder if your documentary got that guy killed because the guy that shot him goes, you know what?

I'm gonna make a documentary, and they go, they did that.

Fuck!

Every single time I come up with a concept, it's either somebody else's documentary, an episode of Always Sunny.

Always make a documentary

or the Simpsons.

Now I got a kill.

That's so funny to think he was like, ah, this guy, Ed Larson, did a documentary, and now I got to go fucking shoot somebody.

And they're all drinking my milkshake.

You see, this gun goes into his chest.

I don't want anyone to get killed, but I want those motherfuckers to live in fear.

Yeah, well, that's like...

Why is that not more of a thing?

I feel like that's a, it seems to be uncomfortable to say that these people should be afraid of us.

Yes.

Yeah.

They should be wandering in the streets freely, man.

If you're making this much money and you're shutting people out from healthcare,

be afraid.

Be afraid.

Or be unstoppable.

Yes.

Be one of those things where he should have been carrying two guns.

He's got a vest on.

I've brought this up a lot, but one time I bumped into Joel Osteen at Sirius.

Oh, yeah.

And his security, if that guy would have had Osteen's security, there's no way he would have got we were talking to we did our tour in australia and or our security guy our tour manager also ran security for tucker carlson oh and russell brand and russell brand and he was talking about how the phalanx of armed men that surround that tiny little fuck yeah is so thick am i secure yeah i am secure do you know that i don't know if that's a rumor that he's the heir to the swanson frozen food He comes from big money.

He comes from big kids.

He looks like he comes from big money.

Rich kids.

Look at his head.

Yeah.

And then when he rolls his sleeves up and he goes, I'm a working man, just like you.

And you're like,

the hardest working thing on your body is your sleeves.

That's funny.

Your forearms to keep those sleeves up are stressed out.

But I always think it's crazy that like all these incredibly rich people

like push for easy access to guns.

Oh, yeah.

When you're like, what are you doing?

Exactly.

They're coming, those guns are aimed at you.

Yeah, like you should, if it would make more sense if like strict gun reform was coming from the billionaire class where they were like,

how many guns?

How many people there were guns?

We get starter pistols.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what you get.

Swords.

You need to go back to slingshots and swords.

That would be kind of sick, though.

I wish it had the Met because it's all that.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

When you walk through the Met and you're like, the Met, museums are, people have been bringing this point up a lot, but museums really are like, England went and took everything.

Dude, now everyone has to go to the top of the top of the middle.

To the British Museum recently, it's great.

And loves weapons.

You're like, I'll fucking take this to a neck.

I'll throw that in the back.

How rich do you got to get where you go to a museum and you go, can me and my buddies play swords?

Can we do it?

Excuse me.

Hey, I just think you have to be, I guess it's Pete Davidson.

Yeah, he's like, I didn't get that one.

I was just wondering if me and Tyler the Creator could have a sword fight.

They'd be like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Where do we do which ones?

That would be so illy.

Do they say illy anymore?

I think that's not anymore.

Try on this armor.

Wow.

How trill is this?

And then he comes around and he goes, this is probably suck.

He's got the knight mask on.

That's the movie.

Then some screenwriter right here is just like, this is it.

Yes, exactly.

Stoner and King Arthur's court.

Hi, I'm doing Royal Elaborate Hall tonight.

Do you want to find

if me and Travis Scott play knights?

Absolutely.

Immediately goes to the side.

Why didn't we think of that, Trevor?

He goes, I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't realize Pete Davidson would want to play Knights today.

I shouldn't have anticipated.

Of course, of course.

Now, please tell me, what does Kim Kardashian's butt look like out of those rubber pants?

It's round.

That's round and a bouncer.

Two of them.

Do you ever filled up a water balloon too much?

Right before it pops?

Yes, it's glorious.

Oh, my.

I'll tell you, my grandfather used to have to sail for months to touch butts like that.

Yes.

And then we brought those butts back home.

Oh, Egyptian butts.

Yes, we've colonized those.

That's how they look.

Their sexual exploits are all colonization things.

Ah, they're golden.

Excellent batch of food.

Big breasts.

You must have been up in Scandinavia.

They're very top of it.

That is.

Fantastic.

But the British Museum now apologizes.

Dude, they don't really apologize as much as they say, we stole this and it ain't going back.

That's so funny.

We stole this then.

They want it back.

It's here.

We were there and we were watching.

There was like a family taking this like cute photo in front of all these plates.

And then you read the description of where the plates came from and what they did.

And they basically like, they flipped a tribe from the inside out.

They got one of the guys.

They basically had the leader of a tribe flip on his own people.

He opened up the gates to the city to the British armies to just come in, kill everyone, take all, rip all the stuff off of every single building, and then they bring it back.

And they're like, and now it's here.

And now we a new

yeah and they're taking a picture like that's gonna be their christmas card and then the display is called like the rape of agatha

it's always like something it's always something where you're like that's a horrible name and i go oh these plates were actually put under the heads of women being raped while they were like oh take a picture next to this one it's bronze yeah that's what it was i got um

like two years ago i did shows in london and uh because of hay fever and i was sick i lost my voice so i had to cancel a day day.

And this British comedian gave me British edibles, which are so weak.

Yeah.

They're so weak.

Just biscuits.

Yeah.

It was like, I basically ate a whole bag of Welch's grape fruit snacks and felt a little itchy.

Whereas here I'll have a 25 milligram and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

You're on space course.

And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.

So I ate a bunch of like British edibles and went, and it was that.

It was just like sad shit, constantly being like oh fuck and they're like this tribe never saw steel until a sword crushed their skull

they must have been so impressed in those first 30 seconds

now we have this dinner set yeah so come come look at it don't touch it but those guys had like when you go like that was one of my favorite room though it was like yes obviously it was all taken by their blood but the all of like the african tribesmen leaders have their own like sword yeah that was badass that was awesome there's rooms in the british museums that you walk into and you go this is the coolest room I've ever been into in a museum yeah it's so cool it's very impressive but then it just takes that much power and hate I'm wondering if we went to different ones I went to one that was called like the Albert and Victoria Museum oh yeah no we went to the big one it's just called the British Museum oh okay

I went to the one called like the Albert and Victoria

and each one's got a line around the goddamn but if you just walk in the front door it's fine you be confident yeah and also American confidence shatters a lot of the british british can't handle it you know what they could you know what they did love shutting me down about i went to um i was staying across the street from um they don't have starbucks there everywhere they have um petite dejana or whatever the one is oh yeah

and and i was like oh they don't do iced coffee they do um you have to get an iced latte you can't get like a drip coffee no one's got drip i was so fucking mad we're the only ones yeah

And I go over there, and it was the hottest day in the history of London.

It was like 102 degrees here, but in London, they were freaking out about it.

This was like two years ago.

I'm surprised they could live.

Yeah, dude, they were.

They were, you want to talk about fussy.

Oh, yeah.

British people.

It's all wool.

Yeah, everything's wool.

They already looked at it.

People are getting hot and sweating.

They're like, oh, there's fastest at all.

This is the only fine when we're taking the land.

My forehead.

I miss my foggy London.

But I went in and

I was like, can I get a ice latte?

And they were like, we're out of ice.

And just the American in me was like, cool, we'll just like turn on the ice machine.

And they go, no, that's it.

That's it for the day.

We have ice brought to us and when it's over, it's over.

And you're like, this country, how did you guys dominate the world?

Who are these, the scam artists running these ice trucks?

Yeah, it was just like, sorry, Gov.

Well, it's the only way.

It's the only way he's come all the way

He's like, that's sneaky, that's old sneaky John.

He's got all the ice in London.

Where is the ice coming from?

Yeah.

Guy Ritchie, do a movie about ice.

Yeah, where does ice trafficking unit?

Ice trafficking.

They get that separate.

They're a snake in a green movie I'd absolutely see.

John cut like Guy Ritchie.

Oh, shit.

Like looking at the temperature rise.

Yeah.

Being like, we should have done this in February.

It's the hottest day in London and we control the ice.

Were you guys bummed the aliens didn't come yesterday?

Dude, they did.

Yeah, you didn't know.

I'm here, man.

I'm in New York.

I saw them.

Can I tell you right now the legitimate feeling?

I know you're joking, but the legitimate feeling I would have if I found out the aliens came and I didn't get to be a part of it would be the worst.

It would be worse than someone having a birthday party and not inviting you.

Oh, very much so.

Or just like getting up or watching somebody get that part that you wanted.

You know what I mean?

Like, especially in acting, you watch them have your job.

Yeah, it shouldn't have been.

I should have been right there.

Like, oh, cool.

Good for him.

Oh, the aliens came.

Was the Brooklyn alien sighting not real?

Well,

what happened is the Jersey alien sightings.

The drones.

The New Jersey aliens.

I was in Jersey.

I didn't see shit.

Dude, it was all over the legit news.

Yeah, dude, by the way, it was on New York One.

Yes.

It was like, it was everywhere.

They don't know what it is.

And they showed close-up pictures of the New Jersey drones, and they are solid as fuck.

They are physical that's why they keep calling them drones they look like little planes they are it's really happening it just happened last week in the uk it also happened last night in arizona it happened in north carolina it had like it is last night was one of the biggest nights

that is what's spooky wait last night was last night the third wave of UFO and UAP activity that has come about in the last two days is

out of control.

Okay, because I'm not, I'm everywhere.

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and then other cities don't worry we're coming we're putting it all together but california you're up first on this theater tour i'm very excited about this again february 28th i'll see you in san diego march 1st los angeles and march 2nd san francisco danceoder.com for tickets please buy them and i'll see you then so um in the uk they're trying to shut it down like there's a place called i i forget what the name of it we're going to be talking about today on side stories but it was there's a

a

an airfield in the UK that has been dealing with these UAP flyovers for the last two weeks and they don't know what it is.

And now they've gotten so paranoid about it, they're shutting down citizen filming of it.

Like if you go, people are showing videos and watching them get shut down by authorities

because they're like, I guess they legitimately don't know what the fuck they are.

Could it be reverse engineering?

Definitely it is.

So you just think it's like humans that took UFO technology and are using it.

Or is it aliens mimicking human technology?

I don't know.

Oh, that fucked me up.

This is before noon.

That fucked me up.

That's the thing that I wonder.

That fucked me up, dude.

We were just

playing PlayStation 10 being like, oh, damn it, God.

Damn it.

Hell, they're just copying us.

Well, you see the Chinese drone army

that just got displayed the other day?

Well, the thing is, they use it for pretty pictures.

For now.

I don't know.

You just strap a a laser to it.

You got 2,000 of them.

Oh, fuck.

You should have thought of that.

They even just kind of put sticks on them.

Just playing that March theme as they come over the horizon.

It's like,

and it's just drones.

Oh, my God.

Well, the thing, I mean, you know, and I was, we were talking about this in the living room because Katie was like, it's crazy to hear your guys' voices be attached to bodies.

Yeah, you have to be

cool.

I'm pretty loud about it.

The only podcast I've ever consistently listened to is Last Podcast on the Left.

Dude, that means so much to me.

We love you.

You know how much, like, when we, it's been so long.

but i genuinely am obsessed with your guys's podcast to the point that i brought it up on rogan about underwater submersibles and now i'm obsessed with the idea that i truly think it's from the ocean i think that that every stripe is on the table yeah and that's kind of what we just had a talk with george knap and he was saying the same things that i think it's coming from all directions i think that so you think it is space but also from under

and i think it's people from the future and i think it's interdimensional.

We're talking multiple planets like multiple races, multiple species.

Why us?

They're everywhere.

They're on the other planets too, probably.

Or they get it.

I do think so.

I think that where there is consciousness, I like the concept of consciousness drives reality creation.

Sure.

So we are a natural consciousness is a natural outspringing from the universe itself.

Life

will bend towards having a form of consciousness.

understanding it.

Yes.

And I also believe that what it does is serve as another function of literally creating some of the webs of reality.

I think that the universe is held together by pinion points of consciousness that hold up an entire tent.

It's like sticks in a big tent and it holds up the universe.

And so I think that eventually it swarms to wherever it's going, or there's some truth to the fact that we were put here and they're coming to check on us.

Well, that was the

infamous Jimmy Carter story that he saw the aliens in georgia and then in in 76 when he got elected he's like i'm gonna tell everybody what they know and then they told him and they said when they left the room he was holding head in hand weeping yeah yeah they talked about this

no you guys are containers and they're just here to they like but the thing that always takes me out of the jimmy carter thing is and you can look it up online if you ever solar panels

yeah that's my main thing

what a bitch

but the

die.

But the thing about that aliens created religion is so funny to have the thought that the alien that's in trouble, because he goes, I didn't know.

I didn't know.

I didn't know that the Islam and the Christians.

They were going to start killing each other with it.

I was just trying to fuck some of their bigger kidded ones.

I just wanted them to fucking breed with, and then you just got all weird.

Who knew talk of peace would bring so much war?

Yeah, for real.

Because they're like, they call him into the head alien's office and they're like, what did you do and he goes it was a good idea on paper i thought it was a cool hat i literally just would thought it'd be cool to wear a nice different hat than everybody else because the the so i'm you know i love the subreddit aliens i like love going there ufos high strangeness high strangeness interesting as they all like do different ones but the the idea that jesus was a crossbreed of an alien human and then they're like look at all the stories in the bible a giant star followed mary and they're like all this stuff and you're like that would be so cool I mean it's interesting would you think that if he was an alien he wouldn't get nailed to a fucking or he'd be winking the whole time he'd be like oh what do you got oh oh oh oh no

he's like I love hookers that's why I got Mary Magdalene

you pay them to leave hey baby how much for a half and half

how much you were gonna leave in the morning Actually, my penis is on the back.

Actually, that's my ZorbZorb sweatshirt.

Can you not wear it?

You've got a lot of perfume on.

Do you mind showering first?

I understand you're more impressed with the length of my fingers than the length of my penis.

But they, like, that's got to be humans to aliens.

That's why it's always funny when we think we're the only existent.

I've had this argument.

It's ridiculous.

Because Big J does not believe in aliens at all.

He doesn't want him to take spots.

Yeah, he's like, dude, what are you guys doing?

Late night spots at the show.

But he said that, and he has a good point on why he doesn't believe it because he said, like, well, if they were real, it would fuck everyone's brain up.

And that's all everyone would want to talk about.

See, I feel that we have an astounding ability to not give a shit.

Oh, dude, my grandmother had...

Two children that wrecked the lives of several people.

And she was like, they're good.

They're good kids.

I love these kids.

Dude, my grandmother, my dad abandoned two families and then finally in my grandma's winter years she was like yeah your dad is a good dad and I go no he wasn't she goes I know

the whole time but that's what it's like with people where they're like aliens aren't real and they're like that they go I know

you know what I wonder if it points to the fact that we're in a fucking simulation or if we're far away from everything else or I will simulation is said in a really like dumb, shallow way.

Yeah, like it's said in like I think it's like a computer game, yeah.

And it's more just what if the because like you know, according to the Gnostics, I know it's 1152, I love this, but according to the Gnostics, right, like the very base philosophical like bottom of Christianity and some of these religions is the idea that there is like we're walking around in what they call it is like the dream of the creator where we're, we are in, but but now they're saying, according to math, right?

Like, we are ostensibly a hologram of math.

That's all reality is, is that you can break it all the way down.

Yeah.

You're right, actually.

I'm sorry.

I'm being an asshole.

I love you saying that to Ed, who at times fights his floor to us.

Oh, very often.

Oh, yeah.

And then at that moment,

and then at that moment, who's just breaking it out?

He goes, Yeah.

I seen a dater eat a dog.

And I drank finest wines.

Nicholas Graham's street and aliens aren't real.

He goes, don't take my guns in America as Numero Uno.

I also wonder if we just can't.

I also like the idea that we're new.

There's one that's another version.

That's a newest run.

Yes.

Or that we're like, that there is not much conscious life in the universe, that there isn't much.

Yeah.

And that we're only kind of like a new adopt yeah we're like the petri dish yes where they're like can we let consciousness and then they go oh oh oh shit you know when uh when you like you built that volcano for the school project and you had like tried try it my mom did yeah but when your mom would do it because that's what all of her moms did yeah and then when they would do it and when it would leak too much and you go oh shit shit shit

all right tomorrow at school don't put that much in that's what earth is we're the volcano in the kitchen and your mom's going

over

okay next time, we're not doing it this much.

Yes, we're the aliens put here to destroy the world.

Yes, but like, because of that, because of the whole reality thing, because of whatever, like, it's like a fish doesn't know it's in water.

Yeah, like, I feel like we just maybe

we can't see it.

Yeah, I feel like it's maybe a little bit past us, or obviously, because that was one thing that we talked about recently with George Knapp: of like,

why, if they are so foreign, right?

If this is such a foreign concept, what's the point of hiding?

Well, yeah.

I mean, besides like just hiding and then also, the government made such a big deal of saying there's no such thing as aliens, but then obviously they have put a lot of time and money in debunking.

And like, they have put a lot of time and energy in fucking with that narrative.

Or have they put a lot of time and money in keeping people calm?

Because if people did find that out, they would fucking lose their mind.

Because I do think there is a lot in saying that we can't see it because you look at like the example i was used is when cortez and the spaniards this this story

faded that the the the they couldn't the mayans couldn't see the ships because they had never seen ships on the water apparently this that story is slightly it is inaccurate but i learned about this i love that i used it all the time i used it all the time you're gonna tell me hulk hogan wasn't a good guy

next thing you're gonna tell me me is that he wasn't a bastion for America.

But it's kind of, it's, but, well, it's way more human.

It's the they someone sold him out.

Yeah.

It was the same thing.

It was like somebody, I forgot what her name is.

There's like a famous woman that like sold out the Mayans to the white dudes.

And it's hard.

It's that thing you find out.

They were like, but she goes, I'll take one of your silver hats.

He goes, it's armor, but okay.

Unless it's the same function.

Yeah.

Unless it's legitimately like

the most, let's say the most ridiculous version of the truth is real.

Like the most ridiculous that

fucking Eisenhower faked having a dental emergency while he was president.

And they said that he went to Tampa and he signed this in Tampa.

He signed

an agreement.

Those are his people.

He's from Tampa.

I'm from Queens.

Yeah, and you lived in Tampa for most of your life.

I lived here when I was 14 years.

I lived up there.

I moved to Tampa when I was, will not allow Tampa to claim me.

To show him a long bridge and he starts weeping.

No, I love it.

I miss Tampa and it's long stretches of bridges.

God, I love the roosters.

I love a bridge that really serves a purpose.

What the fuck.

But so Eisenhower signed an agreement with the Grays.

To say, all right, you're going to give us Wi-Fi and we're going to give you 250 000 test subjects okay right and that it essentially that that's one big chapter of ufo lore yeah is that eisenhower to that and then for then for some reason uh they didn't pay attention to the contract that they signed and then did whatever they wanted oh we're supposed to believe that aliens like trust contracts seriously there's our lawyer have you read the art of the deal

this uh check this paragraph right here can we get this stricken from the record

i gave up a dentist appointment for this but okay

um they

it it is one of those things where you're like if they have contracts why would if why would a superior life form

respond to a contract but can you make a a pleiadian sign an nda

i don't think it works like that so far i think the idea of a treaty could work though A treaty, well, I think the, you know, obviously aliens showed up when we got the technology to make the atomic bomb.

I think that was like, we don't talk to ants, but if you saw an ant carrying a handgun, you'd be like, hey,

I should check in.

Hey, let's go down to that anthill.

That's a fucking loaded 45.

Unless you also believe in that line of UFO lore that the we, that a part of what they say the Galactic Federation looks for in societies is the splitting of the atom as the next steps.

Because what that means is now you understand some form of quantum mechanics and can use them.

And you can understand how we got how they get here.

How you get it.

Or it's like.

What's weird though is that that stuff is also they don't necessarily have a direct propulsion system and but what is super strange is what when people are around UAPs they do get sick really and it's not unlike radiation poisoning, but it's not radiation.

It's something else.

That is funny that they go, like, they split the atom and they do that thing in the movie where they go, now you're getting it.

Yeah, wow.

And they're like, that's it.

That's the song.

And they go like, we're moving on up with aliens.

I love talking to you guys about aliens because it's like back in the day when you'd go to a record store and bring up a rock band.

And people are like, you like that shit?

Check this out.

Let me tell you something else that she makes you even worse.

Because

I saw this video and I was stupid to not write the lady's name down but it's an old interview from the 70s or 80s and she's talking about how the grays that we see aren't actual grays but they're more like um robots mixed with the actual grays

and the reason they can send those down here is because our gravity is so firm is so tough that it would crush them and when they take us to experiment up there they have to change the wavelengths and that's why whenever they bring us back we're bruised and and hurt because they said like going from the shorter wavelength to the more fur which we have but then you figured out they'd have a way to fix that right right

but i also think it's like this is like when you find out your uh your macbook charger used to have those prongs to wrap the things on you go no idea no idea you know what i also learned you could do a life hack for me what you could ask the dentist numb you no matter what really

i did not know that well if your dentist is cool yeah i didn't realize that until and then i went the last

my wife natalie said that she's like uh because i was like i hate the dentist i'm ever with every man i hate the dentist i was like and then i was i really she's like you don't ask them to numb you for cleaning and i was like i didn't know you could do that they call me a pussy also that's also wild though because you also just look like a drug addict you walk in there and you go you mind numbing me they go we're just gonna look at your teeth and you're like numb me honestly just you moving my lips hurts

this hurts talking to you i need you to numb me i'm such a baby at the dentist last time i had them like numb me like six times.

And then they're like, you know, this is going to hurt later.

I was like, whatever.

What are you talking about?

And then literally my jaw hurt because it kept stabbing my jaw with needles.

Yeah.

You know, so like for like a week, I was all fucked up.

Like take a sip of water and just leaks out your mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like a skeleton.

But walking into a walking into a dentist and going, numb me.

And they go,

the fuck?

That's what I did.

I was like, slather me.

You got to base me.

I need it.

I'm sick of this.

I don't even want to know where I am right now.

Yeah, dude.

I want my teeth to feel like they're gone.

Do you think there is jealousy of like underwater aliens versus space aliens?

Like, do you think there's like

the way that like...

Well, they get to live in the...

Because I do think that those are the ones that live here.

Yeah.

I think there are ones that live here.

They're like, fuck off.

These are our rock monkeys.

This is my stuff.

Yeah, these guys that we've been growing among these rocks for millions of years.

We're playing with their chips.

We go up there, we take them under the water, we fuck with their bits, and we put them back up.

Yeah, I love sourcing their comments.

I like the hitchhiker's guide thing where the dolphins are the aliens.

Yeah, and they are just looking at us.

They're like, Yeah, I'll swim with you.

Swim with us.

They're like, these fine idiots.

Yeah, one almost raped my mom.

You know,

that's got to be.

If you're a dolphin, you probably hate the rape rumor.

You're just like, hey, can we not?

Like, every time you're like, hey, listen.

They're like cops.

They're like one bad apple.

Let's just think about all the other wonderful things that dolphins are known for.

Oh, come on.

You don't know how many times people say yes.

Yeah.

Oh, so it's consensual.

It's fine.

Have you seen what some of these older women are wearing in the ocean?

Well,

how about you don't swim in a bikini?

Yeah.

The dolphins do the what are they wearing?

Yeah, well, what are you guys fucking getting in?

You got your nipples all hard when you get in the water.

I'm a dolphin.

No one talks about whale murder.

That is the thing with dolphins.

What about ism?

It's like a full underwater.

what about is yeah they go what about fucking orcas pinning those people yeah what about but if you're like a if you're an underwater alien and you're like you've got the technology to fucking shoot out of the sky grab people bring them back down and then these space aliens or interdimensional where you're like feels like when iceland they play iceland and mighty ducks too yeah

you guys don't listen to the rules you're too violent

because if you're an interdimensional alien and you're popping up here and you're like oh you guys live here Well, I feel like the interdimensionality is the stuff that makes cryptids.

Yeah.

I think that's what cryptids are, largely.

I think there are people that are, I think that it's animals in the deep woods.

Like, look at North Carolina.

We just covered the story, but there was the macaque monkeys getting

South Carolina.

They got out of the test facility and then immediately there was Bigfoot sightings.

That is funny.

Because people saw that.

Well, it's because it's funny because there were monkeys.

There were monkeys.

They saw monkeys and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I would probably do that yeah but bigfoot i mean what a pr team oh yeah bigfoot's got like fucking nasty gross stinky but huge hair inclusive anybody's like don't tell him i don't want to launch yet he's got like the sunglasses on in a cave

it's all about timing he's like soft launch me dude and anybody and they would god people would line up a pr late oh you

fuck Bigfoot live dude like when I've seen the only fans models that would just be pining to get bigfoot on a a stream.

Because I've seen the ones with the...

How do we feel about horseshit-shaped dildos?

Like, how do we feel as a

three men?

I mean, it's better than fucking a horse.

Is it?

It's not fucking.

It reminds me of the Louis C.K.

bit where he says we should just make accurate children's sex dolls for pedophiles.

This is what I was saying.

Cut them up, chop off their heads, throw them in a ditch, set them on fire, do whatever you want.

It's a pedophile island in Washington.

You can just drop them all there and they can just be there and put a gate on it.

I gotta say the fairy's rough.

Dude, yeah, that is.

What a fucked-up Jurassic Park.

Welcome.

Welcome to Pedophile Island.

Oh, yes, let me see you.

Where's your children?

We spared no expenses.

It's all unopened cards and toys.

My God, some of these little boys are turning into little girls.

There's like a Robinson, Swiss Family Robinson, where like Lord of the Flies, like a whole boat of kids lands on that island and they're like, look at all this candy.

That's amazing.

This is candy.

Who's that guy over there?

And he's like, I knew this day would come.

I afraid

the prophecies have foretold.

Oh,

our tiny treasures.

A whole boat of tiny socks.

Oh, I've wished and wished.

Child is back on the menu, boys.

Ding, ring a ding, ring, ring.

They ring a bell.

Yeah, dude, that's like, they, uh, I always think, like, what would aliens think of pedophiles?

Where they're like, yeah, everyone does young kids.

Whoa, buddy.

Whoa, whoa.

Man, aliens are.

Immediately canceled.

Yeah.

They go, Zip Zop, so here's how you can cut carbon emissions.

And also, can I have one of your kids?

And they're like, ah, shit.

Think about this, right?

Listen, right, listen.

Do we want to keep Santa Monica?

Because if we listen to Zeebzor, we can keep Santa Monica.

We just got to give him one child.

We're pretty close to losing Baja.

So I think they'll teach us how to keep the temperatures rising.

I'll give him Richard.

He's the worst.

He's my worst.

Give them the boy from Modern Family.

When he's all chubby.

We'll take the deal.

Yeah, I mean, it's crazy that

there have been so many Senate hearings, Congress hearings hearings recently with the Navy and everything saying like, yeah, UFOs are very real.

And no one is reacting.

No one cares, I don't think.

Dude, we're gonna.

Social media got too powerful.

Look what we just did.

Yeah.

We could not possibly give a fuck if they were aliens.

They were the, if the psyop was done.

And I do believe that it was done.

And because we could see that they talked openly about ridiculing the UFO community, debasing, like, you know, when we were growing up, if you brought up UFOs, you were called crazy.

Yeah, always.

You're like, you're crazy.

Oh, yeah.

And it was, and so it worked.

And now we don't give a shit.

People are just really very concerned about the money going into their wallets, which I do understand.

And I survival.

I can understand why.

But why would you care about aliens if you got, if you're, your mama's addicted to oxy and your neck and your niece is fucking yourself.

If you're planning on killing the CEO of United Healthcare,

and they're they're like, there's aliens.

He goes, I don't give a shit.

I'm putting two in that guy's chest.

Yeah, dude.

I fucking, like, I had a pipe burst and then my life was ruined.

My sewage is backed up in my basement.

I don't care that there's little green men.

But I also think that's got to really hurt the aliens.

They're like,

we were going to break the internet.

They go, hey, hey.

And they go, we don't care, dude.

Yeah, well, they've been here for, what, decades, centuries?

Well, I think there's, there's, there's like, the reason I always loved the alien movie is after they made Prometheus You're like I kind of think that's a good idea that there's these like bigger humans that are that came here and were like yeah, let's put a little us in this.

Yeah, they might see where it goes

if it

I it it could very well be it's just hard because I

That's I used to be obsessed with simulation.

Yeah, I was obsessed with the idea that we live in a simulation and it finally broke through to me where I was like will it change a single thing about my present life?

No, I was like, Nah, I can rage against the simulation.

All I want, all it's gonna do is make my wife leave me.

Yeah, and I just need to stay in the pocket and just, all right, let's just keep on staying in this very real simulation.

I need more credits.

Literally, like, I just need to keep moving forward.

But it's never the people that get like a stage for colon cancer that are like, it's a simulation.

Yeah, no, no,

no, no, it's really not that you don't fucking you're like ah man whatever you're like what the fuck i think if i had stage four cancer that's when i could finally really let it i you better rip don't ever get sick i will i don't want to see anybody sick

you want to really know what's going on

i've actually never understood why we haven't had more weaponized uh people with uh terminal diseases oh like uh suicide bombers yeah yeah yeah You know, because I kind of think about that, about how much change you could make if you just put on about sure, you got colon cancer, put on a grenade vest, go fucking

get us some new good, somebody help us get us new emissions tests.

That's where the Japanese fucked up in World War II.

They used all their good pilots up there.

Yeah.

You must have done so much for everything, for the community.

But you wonder if they catch the murder of this United Healthcare guy, what if he was terminally sick?

I mean,

that would make total sense.

Oh, there's a stronger.

He'll be a hero.

Absolutely.

Just going on.

Yeah, you know, something on the line.

He's just going to kill her.

But because it's like, if that came out, that it was like a terminally ill guy that, you know,

pre-existing condition, can't get medical care, kills the guy that runs medical care.

That'd be like a nude like Johnny Apple scene.

People wouldn't be mad.

No.

They would go like, huh?

So they didn't catch the guy.

No.

Dude,

they'll get him.

I mean,

New York City.

But here's the thing about the.

What if it's the president of progressive?

Oh, God.

You know what's even funnier?

It's like, just like a car insurance.

It's not even a Geico.

What the fuck?

What the fuck, dude?

He goes, sorry, these progressive bundles are fucking killing us.

Yeah, you're right, Mike.

Flow that fucking.

She's just bundling everything together.

He goes, we're going hunting today.

Time to help our subscribers.

You know, he's putting the gun in his holster.

He goes, you know, in 1988, Aetna could have bought this whole goddamn company.

Today I show them that Aetna never went away.

Wow.

My mom was working for Aetna.

I should call her and be like, what's the real truth?

Yeah.

We go home for Christmas.

Tricia's got a corkboard.

She goes, but follow me.

Follow me.

I was like, I'm with you, mom.

She goes, this thing goes all the way to the top.

USFNG was an outlet of United Healthcare.

I'm fine.

Jesus Christ.

I'm with you.

I'm smoking cigarettes again.

Damn, I love

you would think that this single payer would leave, but it doesn't.

Isn't it not impossible to go missing in New York now, though?

I feel like people can do it.

I mean, he's, you know.

But I mean, in terms of like if they're looking for you in there, because isn't CCTV coverage kind of everywhere?

And it's like, isn't it?

There are on most

city blocks.

It is, it is coverage, but that's, they're also like.

Because in New York City, they give you the benefit of lying to you about the cameras.

They try to hide the cameras.

Are there still people living in the tunnels and shit?

Yeah, I think the mold people are still there, but yeah, it costs like $4,500 a month, actually.

Some of them

are really nice.

They go, you are going to get an amazing sleep.

The motion from the J-Train lulls me to sleep.

Honestly, and it works as both a coolant and as a heater.

You're going to get the best of both worlds.

Now, there is a rival underground gang.

Listen, you will have to kill his wife.

He is what they call Queen Lamantia.

They do harvest organs, but that is a very small detail here.

They're, yeah, man, I think the cameras, they do, they downplay the cameras most of the time.

But then what I love is like a homeless guy punches Rick Moranis, and they're like, we got him.

Oh, I mean.

They're like, they can track crazy people like Buffalo.

Oh, yeah.

Like an assassin, a professional assassin.

is never a bad thing.

But full-on fucking hit, and they can't put it together.

Man, I'll tell you, well, Rick Moranis is loved.

That man, no one gives a shit about.

Oh, yeah, nobody cares about that die.

Imagine how much that guy gets fucking his ass kicked in jail.

He's like, you the one who punched Rick Moranis?

Oh, yeah.

You better hope he comes up with a honey and shrieked my asshole because I'm about to fuck you.

I'm about to tear your ass up.

It's so funny.

He's like in there on the other side of the glass and they're like, baby, how is it?

He's like, I shouldn't have punched that man.

I shouldn't have left him alone.

I thought it was Woody Allen.

Honestly.

Honestly, I lost money on the Little Giants game.

I went into the commissary the other day and they were playing Ghostbusters 2 and all began again.

Man, I was like, man,

I didn't know what's that nerdy motherfucker from Ghostbusters?

And then you look up there and when he said he turned me into a dog, they're all like, yeah, damn, that's right.

Dude, it would have, I mean, if he did go, I'm the key master before you did it.

Excuse me, are you the key master?

Wham!

Even the cops rest him and go, that was a good reference, bro.

Watch your head.

Watch your head, buddy.

Yeah, dude, poor Rick Moranis.

It's just, his wife is sick.

I mean, she's dead.

She's dead.

He came up.

That's very sick.

Yes.

Yeah, it's extra sick.

Yeah.

The most sick you can be is dead.

But there, I mean, I'm trying to think of who's more beloved that could get punched that you would be like, man, like

Steve from Blue's Clues.

Yeah, but I always feel, I feel like these days that when somebody, something like that happens with the internet, it's almost like the backlash to the love, then you find out a bunch of other shit.

That's when this stuff gets brought up.

Because I think that Rick Moranis got like punched, and it was like, obviously, no, we haven't really, but I do believe there was one article was like, well, he does have several unpaid parking tickets where they like dug into like his

tore.

Are we really sad about the Rick Moranis attack?

That's where vice is now.

They go, Rick Moranis got punched, yes, but his hatred of Filipinos goes back decades.

Yeah.

What the fuck?

How'd you find that?

Yeah.

Oh, dude, I didn't know he was speaking ill of Tagalog.

Why does he have problems with it?

But I feel like, yeah, that is what the internet does now.

The internet is not 100% on anything.

They'll go, like, this beloved person got hit.

The internet's not 25% on anything.

No.

It's so broken now.

What's crazy is that's why I've been saying this.

That's why I enjoyed Reddit because Reddit is a specific, you can can go to aliens, yes, and that's all it is.

Yeah, it's like just that's the old internet, that's what the old internet was.

If you just go to like, like, uh, I'm a big video game guy, a new video game goes out, I'll like go to the subreddit to be like, oh, these are all people talking about it.

You know what the sneaker is about Reddit 2?

Is that weirdly, it's the last place.

I think that what I like about Reddit is that it's highly divisive and you can find whatever opinion you're looking for.

Yeah, and that, but it is the last true bastion of the

actually

independent product review.

Yes.

It is the last.

That is where I go to look up reviews for dishwashers and shit like that.

Because it's not paid.

It's not like you go on Instagram, you Google it, you're fucked.

Oh, yeah, it's all fake.

It's all review.

It's all review bombs.

Twitter's cooked now.

Blue sky is too.

I just heard about Blue Sky last week.

Blue Sky's like a

to me right now, it feels like a book club where no one wants to call stuff gay.

So you're like, I don't know if I want to hang out there yet.

My question is like,

what is it?

It's just supposed to be like, I think it's Twitter.

It's like supposed to be the new Twitter where they like ban hate speech.

I think it's just

yeah, what about threads?

I think threads.

I think threads was trying to do that and it didn't work.

Basically what they're doing is they're like, if you like Donald Trump, they don't like you on any of those.

That's like what it is.

They're like, it sucks if you're a Trump fan and you like go to Blue Sky and you're like, sorry.

Sorry, buddy.

You're gonna want to go to Twitter and then you look back at Twitter and it's just on fire and you go I gotta live there

Yes, that is what you like That's that's that is where you live Twitter is wild.

Oh, yeah.

I don't even go on it like my ears

clips, but like dude, you go on there and you're just like what the fuck

we took everything off of it.

Really?

Yeah, because it doesn't serve us.

And it really like the idea of us promoting, I mean, I think it's pretty normal.

The idea of us promoting our dark evil podcast, which is fine, right?

But it's still innocent.

Yeah.

In its core, it's innocent.

So it's just funny to watch it get.

I feel like it gets conflated with all this horrible shit when you put it up next to the horrible shit.

So you don't want to be next to the horrible shit because I'm sick of being called a misogynist just because I have a horrible voice.

Or

because that's all it is.

The only reason why I get called a misogynist, I've never said anything hateful towards women.

I just sound like one.

Yeah, you sound like you're going, yeah, they know what it is.

He's disgusting.

But it became a thing where, like, um once the verification system was gone you were just like

what the fuck is this?

Oh my god, I got the other day Instagram's like oh you can be verified now get your blue check mark I was like all right they're like $14.99 a month

yourself That's what that's honestly the only reason I've enjoyed leaving or not going back on Twitter is because the 49ers are having a terrible season Yeah, you don't want to be a part of a party to that always the thing that made me the angriest on Twitter would be like after the Niners lost to the Bills, if I would have gone on there, so I would have been like 49ers sucking.

I'm like,

I will say that was my first realization.

I was not a big sports guy, and I never really watched a lot of sports.

I've been doing it more often because I found it's a really pleasant way to dissociate in airports and stuff like that.

I'm discovering that men, that's a good safe place for you to go to.

It is the makeup tutorials for men.

Yes, but then I realized immediately, it was kind of funny.

You watch something, and I said something once I was alone in a bar and I I was watching a game, and the sports journalism was coming on, and I was like, These guys don't know what they're talking about, do they?

And this guy was like, you just nailed it.

Yeah, you just started watching sports, and you just understood that the only they are all

filled with shit and have to fill hours of television where they get a full year the NFL network.

It's 17 weeks.

It's crazy.

Well, what it is, is it's like, especially because, you know, Katie used to work at Fox Sports and ESPN, and you see like the people that are trying to make good stuff, like, hey, we can make this funny, and we'll like do it.

Of course.

And then you just see people that just steal shit.

She did a thing

when she worked at ESPN that was such a good segment, where she was at the Pro Bowl, and she would show NFL players at the Pro Bowl pictures of,

is this a bachelor contestant or an NFL kicker?

And that's hilarious.

Guys were getting it wrong.

That's guys, guys were getting their own kickers wrong.

They were like, that guy's a bachelorette contestant.

She's like, no, he's a kicker for the Ravens.

Yeah.

But it was like this great segment.

And it was right when we started dating that she did it.

I was like, that's so good.

And then I saw it get stolen by two other people that just put it out on their sports thing.

And they're like, look at this idea.

And you're like, oh, well, then it wouldn't serve you to go do something original and new.

No.

People are just going to take it because, and I think this is a bigger, I think sports is an example of the bigger problem, which is the 24-hour news cycle.

And it needs to be cut.

It's just, the problem is that it can't go away because of the nature of information.

So much money.

Well, it's not even, yes, obviously the money.

But it's also just the way we are in, which is what I believe Carl Sagan said that he was upset about, right?

Which is the concept that we're into an information market.

We've slid into that information is

ubiquitous.

It is everywhere.

It's instantaneous.

It's hard to get outside of it.

So, what's hard about cable news and that 24-hour thing is that we kind of already have it.

We have the internet, which is 24-hour news.

It is in our pocket.

So, I don't need to go pay extra money to go watch you do some highly stylized spun version of information when I'm already getting that spun information on the internet, which I also have to go and decipher what is real and what is not real by reading multiple sources.

And now I'm sitting here and you wonder why I fucking my hot blood pressures

20 or 95 well you got to do a you got to do a research paper to just find out the weather anything to find it to get a straight answer you get a straight an actual like it's it is so and it's ridiculous it's like a microcosm this dumb shit super boring content I'm trying to figure out how to work out if you type in good luck basic workout plan right like i'm trying to figure out how to do a million different things how to do it's like this is fucking what the fuck?

How it's like the pile of information.

It's so much stuff.

Everybody says all their

opposite shit.

Well, that's what's interesting.

What I think is funny about the whole exercise community is they've had the answer for a hundred years, which is exercise and watch what you eat.

That's all you have to do.

Drink water.

And drink water and you will lose weight and you'll feel better.

But because of this now, everyone goes, well, you got to drink this water and you got to eat this stuff.

And you go, well, no, it's just the basic concept.

You got to maximize gains.

Yeah.

And the key is you got to get your reflection angles.

And then what happens is people.

You know your muscle structures.

And it's like, I'm learning anatomy.

I'm sitting here.

I'm not going to sit down.

I just want to fix that.

Right before I work out, too.

It's because I fucking smoke a huge bowl, right?

I like to smoke a joint or a bowl before working out.

Then I'm Larry Harrison Ford of you.

It's my favorite.

You're not the first person to say that.

Harrison Ford does it.

Oh, yeah.

He just smokes weed and works out and occasionally pretends to act.

He's incredible.

He lives the perfect life.

Oh, and he crashes planes in helicopters.

He survived it.

He survived, I think, three plane crashes.

And then every movie he's in has one, too.

It does.

Out of the three crashes, has anyone survived it with him and gone, good job, Han Solo?

Yes.

You got to at least hit one time.

He also saved a child's life while flying, too.

He found a kid, too.

Dude, that's nuts.

I'm going to be a hero.

Come on to be him.

Speaking of 24-hour news cycles, I'm going to get into a huge Harrison Ford rabbit hole.

Yeah, dude.

Why not all this rivalty?

Jane's in a company.

She's like, like, enough with Harrison Ford.

And we're in an Indiana Jones.

Passing my whip.

I go, nah, this is good.

I got this.

It belongs in a museum.

It's your coffee.

That's your coffee.

He made that iced coffee in our kitchen.

Coffee just coffee.

Oh, god damn it.

Yeah, but that's, I think, like the thing with 24-hour news cycles is it makes people like feverishly devoted to something.

Like it makes people extremists

about random shit.

But also it creates general shallowness of emotion yeah so in my my first

like when i i watch it it's why like we kind of talk about it even on the show like on the interior of our shows that we found that when we're wrong about profound pieces of information sometimes the audience is just as angry about something that is not that is frivolous yeah and you've noticed that like it's kind of like you know we were in dc when trump got shot that story was over in four days like that was done.

That story was over.

People moved on.

And I think that on some level, we are not sure what to be really angry about anymore.

And they have done that extremely well.

They have made it so that we're just a blanket.

There's no peaks and valleys.

It's a, it's a time off.

No, it's a staccato rage.

Yeah, also, the 24-hour news cycle, it's more than that because you're watching CNN.

There's a ticker on the bottom telling you other news are bad and you're showing me the corner.

You're like, what the?

This is too much.

I cannot remember a a time i've turned on a cable news channel and not seen breaking news it's always how is it true 9-11 did that they talked about that until chicker started it was on was right was during 9-11 all breaking news all the fucking time and then you read that cnn made the most money they've ever made as a company when trump was president oh they wanted him to win they wanted

the ratings would have gone in the tank msnbc wanted him to win they all

because look at the not even now

when Obama was president, I was like, oh, good.

I can chill for a while.

We were lied to, man.

We were lied to by our own propaganda machines to us, even just the concept that Kamala had a shot.

Yeah.

Right?

Like, we were lied to.

So, because, like, that, that was like one of those where I was like, obviously, no, I'm being lied to, but it was weird in that time where I was like, wow, I'm a member of the media and I bought it.

Yeah.

You know, I bought it.

I bought it.

You can buy, they're so good at selling stuff that anything anything can become with enough.

When they push something enough, you start to go like,

maybe that's true.

Sure, of course.

You're like, oh, yeah.

No one even really freaked out that they didn't even have a real convention, that they didn't really pick a candidate.

No one really freaked out at the fact that they were just like,

Joe's not doing it.

She's going to do it.

And you're like,

wasn't everyone yelling about this for a year?

And they're like, don't worry about it.

And that's over in three days.

Yeah, it was over in three days.

So we pushed it all the way through.

And that's like this alien thing.

They're showing up seven different places, and everyone goes, like, that's over.

It's Juan Soto is going to sign with someone.

But you will.

Like, literally, they are already kind of in another

new cycle.

They're already in another.

It would take an abduction in plain sight, and that would go away in three days.

Oh, yeah.

No one cares.

You could still be like, what'd they do?

Yeah.

Well, if they're not attacking us, their Twitter history.

Yeah, they've been here for years.

They're not attacking us.

So who gives a shit?

Yeah.

Well, it's because it's the concept of

like

people don't like an open loop.

No.

Humans don't like an open loop.

No, we don't like this idea.

Of course, because we're watching these things hover around and we're like, it's more just like

my point is more like, so if they are here, like.

What are they doing?

Why are you guys here?

And that's why part of me, I wonder, like kind of that way where it's like, I don't know if we figure into the equation at all.

Like, I don't know.

What if we found out that they were here the whole time observing us to start a podcast on their planet?

We wanted to learn.

We're doing a deep dive into humans.

It's a funny take where we have a main narrator writing a straight and two funny ones.

I've seen different versions where they show video clips and also versions where they do deep dives into books.

It's called the deer door and dick formula.

Welcome to cutting up cattle.

We've cut up enough cattle.

Welcome to Cornfield Pizza.

What's up, it's your boy.

Dude, who fucking, you know, I like, that's why you've heard the show.

I still believe, like, in my heart of hearts, all

truths are way more subtle.

and strange and we don't know what's going on.

Like Lou Elizondo, they said the big thing that would shat, there was like a piece, there's one specific piece of information that they keep saying will fuck everybody up.

This is the thing that made Jimmy Carter cry.

This is the thing, and they keep alluding to whatever this thing is.

And the last thing I heard about it was that Lou Elizondo said the key is that it's weirder than anything that you could really think about.

Yeah, because that would make you uncomfortable.

Yes.

And my theory.

is that there are people walking around that are aliens that don't know that they're aliens.

That is like my, that's my most ridiculous theory where it's like...

That's the one that makes the most sense to me.

There is DNA, there is alien DNA that was found in our blood, and we don't know what, we never knew what to do with it.

And we don't want to bring it up because it's going to freak us out.

Yeah, because it doesn't do anything.

It doesn't serve us.

Some alien fucked a chimp.

One of us popped out.

And that's what it was.

And there's pure humans and not pure humans.

And maybe that could also really fuck shit up socially.

Who's a pure human and who's not a pure human?

Because I also feel like, to be honest, I think that the half-aliens are the ones that are going to do really well.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, I think we're fucked.

Otherworldly advice in your DNA, and then you're watching someone that actually came from a chimp.

Yeah, and you're like, fuck you.

Look, you dumb idiot.

Yeah, you're made of star.

You're literally made of star stuff, and you're just some guy.

You know, like, just a guy.

Well, that hurts.

Whatever, I had thoughts.

But

that really is, that would make sense if it was like, oh, there are alien DNA and no one.

Also, it makes sense on why 23andMe exists.

and all that.

Oh, you want to know you're a quarter finish?

Or you want to know, like, they got that info and they're like, there's a lot of these alien motherfuckers.

Oh, fuck another one.

I do not want to do 23andMe.

I'm just like scared.

I'm going to find family members and shit.

Well, you know that they did now 23andMe, one of them's going bankrupt.

And it turns out that they're just selling all that information to pharmaceutical companies.

Oh, yeah, buddy.

Ah, Jesus.

They're just turning around.

Oh, yeah, we did it.

We did it.

There's two more.

They're going like, here you go.

Fucking, here's all their info.

And everyone goes, I just wanted to know if I was full Irish or not.

Like,

yeah, you literally just see another you walking around working at a burger cake on the dude.

He's like, hey, man.

Hey, I know you.

I go, do you like Macho Man?

He goes, I love Macho Man.

Use my sinks.

Yeah.

And I go, oh, no, we did that thing.

There you go.

And then you're all like, well, see ya.

Looks like you're like, socks, bye.

Bye.

Also, I ordered onion rings.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah.

I ordered onion rings and actually didn't receive those.

The weirder thing is, you're right.

I don't think people could handle weird shit.

The weird, I think, is way worse than just the

aliens out there.

And they're mean.

Or just there.

Or that there's a bunch of different teams.

But you know what it is?

It's almost as complicated as the way you look at.

And we've been doing this in the last 20 years through media, like anti-hero, like explaining why the villain is the villain and being like

a plot of this fucking anti-hero shit.

But it's like, it's, at first it was interesting because you're like, oh, I understand how the Joker becomes the Joker and he's mentally ill or whatever.

But you're like, a lot of the times it's so complicated that you won't know that, of course, that weird information, you would be like, oh, this fucks my brain up because I never thought, I just thought they were, aliens were here to come take our leader and to take us over.

That's simple.

That's simple.

That's a system we followed.

Yes.

Where you go, ah, colonization.

They want to take our stuff because that's how we interact.

Exactly.

Or they really go, we don't give a shit about it.

You should see see the stuff we have.

Yeah.

They're like, dude, at our house, we got way cooler shit.

And their version of time has to be ridiculous.

Yeah, they're like, this isn't, we're like, it's seven o'clock.

I better eat.

And they go, what the fuck are they doing?

Exactly.

Why do they have those little circles?

You fucking idiots.

Our time is based off of how we rotate around the sun.

They could give a fuck.

Yeah.

It really is.

They go, I don't know.

We come here.

We have a fucking sun that has like six times your size.

I got eight suns.

That's why whenever the thing that fucked me up was the Fermi paradox that there's just like, oh, there's like all these worlds.

Like there's just like a ton of worlds.

So why haven't we seen them?

But that's the reason, but that's all.

Because we're not strong enough to find them.

And our brain isn't strong enough to handle the weird of it.

But if the, there is one version of the story of like the why is the universe not teeming with life.

Yeah.

Right.

Like that's one thing.

It seems that there is seems there's a tough barrier to entry to gain life on your planet.

You have to be a certain distance away from the sun.

You have to be

a perfect scenario.

That's the chemicals.

We're soufflés.

Yes.

We'd be very careful.

Pastry dish.

Yeah, take it out of the oven.

So maybe it's a little bit less often than we think it is.

We don't know.

Or I still think that if it's all biological aliens, I think that the answer would be that we are...

We're one of the first.

Yeah.

That we are one of the first consciousness points.

Wasn't that the theory that we're either the first or we're the last?

Who knows?

Yeah.

Or maybe there's multiple universes and universes shut down.

The final question I have for you, if there was another world where we were there and there was just like a you, like an Ed Larson or a Henry Zabrowski walk around, would you have gay sex with that person if they dropped you off?

If they dropped that guy off here?

I mean, well, I'm married, but I would.

Thank you, Eddie.

That's first of all, he's small.

And then you start.

If you think that marriage gets in the way of

my paradox, gay sex.

Baby, it's me.

It's chucking off.

You're gonna get barked.

This is fine.

It's me.

He's me.

He's gonna farm.

Wait till it's your turn.

This guy's way better than you.

All right, other Eddie.

Manchin.

This guy's gonna give me lotto numbers.

He's probably a full chair.

Just clapping your cheeks and your life hogs in.

Now you start with a hand job.

See, I would like to hope that that.

You work a lot with your hands on that planet.

I would hope that that Henry's gay.

Yeah.

Because that's the only way it's going to work.

Because if the me, if I met another Henry, we both just score like.

It's the hug scene from stepbrothers.

Yeah, your penis is super gross, Henry.

Yes.

So is yours.

He goes, oh, well, okay.

Look at you.

And you go, oh, your left nut hangs way lower than your right one.

He goes, yeah.

I would like to go, look, both hold it.

Now we're even.

And then the light just goes out.

We balanced each other's sacks.

The fucking light goes out.

Honestly, I think I would probably take him off.

So it's being like, it's time for you to fucking do some work.

Oh, my God.

You're going to work.

I'm going to sit around.

Yeah, I got so much video games to play.

And he's like,

send it to that portal for my world.

You guys fucking rule.

We go back forever.

I miss seeing you guys, but I'm so happy with how much ass you guys are kicking.

Last podcast on the left is the best.

It's just the best.

Thank you for having us.

You too, man.

You're fucking crushing it, and it's beautiful to watch.

I just love you guys and it's uh it's awesome and when ed was like yeah we're gonna be in town i was like fucking please come by dude please you're the only one we called yeah i love you guys last podcast on the left subscribe it's it's just it's a podcast that you just subscribe to side stories all the deep dives they do the full episodes go learn about serial killers there's so many books i have because of marcus oh yeah i bought the um below under the do you read indifferent stars below the yeah the indifferent stars below i oh so many podcasts

it's like you read the, and, but, I will buy a book if you guys talk about it.

Did you buy the book, uh, the Jonestown book by Jeff Gwynn?

No, I didn't.

It's great.

All of his books are great.

Can I tell you something that's crazy about

when you were doing the Jonestown stuff, which is great, but you also did the People's,

what's his name?

Jonestown.

Or no, I'm confused.

Yeah, who's the...

People's Temple is Jonestown.

Yeah.

He started the one that he, you know, he started in the Bay Area.

Yeah.

But my grandmother used to live, she passed away, but she lived in Lake County, which was next to Yukaya, which is where he was the first one.

That's Yukaya, California was where they moved him down.

He was a very, technically, he was a good man when he started.

You talking about Jim Jones?

Jim Jones.

Yeah, well, he didn't, I thought he started in Indiana.

He started in Indiana, but then he moved to the Bay Area

in San Francisco and Oakland.

And then Ukiah, California was the first place that he actually got it off the ground.

Yes, that's when they left, because then he was running a church in San Francisco, and then he built his first

own church outside of it.

And that was still when he was working like with desegregation and doing all this kind of thing.

He was an interesting man that was very bad.

Huge cock.

Huge dick and a terrible lover from what you guys said.

He just would baste it.

Yeah, he just was just

slide it in and go, mummy.

But I have driven through Yukaya over 300 times and never thought about it.

And then I was listening to the last one and I was like, holy shit.

I paused it and went in the room with Katie.

I was like, fucking you.

Dude, now you go back next time.

You can do some Jonestown tourism.

No, now she's dead, so I don't ever have to go back there.

Oh, nice.

Congratulations.

I only go to San Francisco.

That's the north.

I ain't taking a 101 back up through Santa Rosa.

Yeah, fuck that, dude.

I would have to be real bored to go over there.

You're juggling a lot.

Full-time job, side hustle, maybe a family.

And now you're thinking about grad school?

That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

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