59: Luigi in Vermont with Carmen Lagala | Soder Podcast | EP 57

Oh, yeah.

I thought it was unspoken law that you don't snitch in a McDonald's.

No, especially in a McDonald's.

You fight in a McDonald's.

Yes.

And it was somebody who worked there.

Was it?

Yeah, I looked at the notice.

I thought it was an old man having coffee.

That was the first report I read.

Of course, we're talking about the United Healthcare CEO.

His assassin was

at right now.

This is

December, what is it?

9th

yeah it's december 9th

and we just found out they might have caught the assassin yeah they definitely did it's pretty it's him they found him with like three fake ids a gun a silencer he goes oh is that assassin stuff

yeah have you ever been caught by the cops and they go through your stuff and you have to act surprised yeah

oh oh i could see how this would look like i'm an assassin fake ids and a just you have a gun with a silencer that's so funny Mix it up.

Put a sweat, you know.

How did he not get rid of the weapon?

I'm just pissed that he didn't take the necessary steps.

We thought he was a genius.

Yeah.

We had like the monopoly pieces in the backpack.

We're like, my God, he's onto something.

Meanwhile, it's probably just old monopoly pieces from playing with his knees or something.

He's like, whoops, I didn't even know they were in there.

Can I tell you

what also hurts the cause?

They found a manifesto.

Yeah, I know.

Which makes me think the monopoly money is just.

He thought it was real.

He thought it was real money.

He's like, I got all this money.

I've got to spend it.

This isn't real currency.

Yeah, there might be a chance he's nuts.

I don't know.

I looked him up.

He was a valedictorian of his all-boys high school, and he is.

Oh, they have his full name on there.

He's beautiful.

Yeah.

Is he?

He's beautiful.

I'll show you before they take his Twitter down.

This is oh, his tweets.

Oh, my God.

Well, also, I was saying there's the danger in

a hot assassin.

Look at Louise.

Look at those abs over there.

I know.

No way.

No way.

Yeah.

Dude.

So pretty.

Come on.

For a good cause.

Here's my thought on this.

And this is what I said in Chicago, but I meant this.

It's like, it's dangerous when hot.

Oh, where was he?

He disappeared.

Oh, yeah.

Luigi Mangione.

Yeah, just a hot Italian.

Oh, my God.

26-year-old.

Shirtless, just making gravy, just mixing it.

And he's like, I think that CEO needs to die.

What's he going to do in prison if they, I feel like he's

raising his face?

Everyone's going to be trying to fight for him.

Yeah.

They go, I want Luigi.

You know, usually in prison, they rape you.

This one's going to be like the bachelor, but in lockdown.

He's like, yo, excuse me.

Do you mind if I interrupt?

They're just sitting on the bench playing chess.

Yeah,

the danger in having a hot.

assassin is that people will copycat it trying to impress the hot assassin and you're going to get a bunch of botched

attempted murders you think 100

yeah to get the ladies yeah or just to be like yeah i do it too yeah we're all out here killing everyone's bosses it's just what guys do i mean i'm not against it yeah but it's going to be not in the way that you want they're not going to be killing like ceos and stuff they're going to be killing like their boss yeah the guy that does the the schedule at applebee's that's what i said in chicago it's like some guy's gonna be like i got fucking shot because i put derek on brunch but he's like the fact that we got a hot assassin and it was a

oh here we go

now also you should check this is uh from a source on twitter so god knows if this is real

um

he's a

mangione

you're looking at mangion i don't know i don't know mangione mangion luigi mangioni

is described as a sensitive lover the kind that

Wait, this is somebody's review?

He'll kiss the nape of your neck until you're begging for more.

You go, this guy just wants to fuck the assassin.

This is

what's that?

This is fanfiction, dude.

This guy's just writing sexual.

Dude, this guy's about to have so much sexual fan fiction written about him.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I'm going to start tonight.

That's why she's here to promote her new book, Carmen and Luigi, A Story of Murder and Intrigue.

That's what I call it.

He's a former Ivy League student and activist.

Well, clearly, show me any of the other activists that's done half as good as he did with One Morning in New York.

He got everyone to take, every company took the CEO's photos off of the website.

Yeah.

Which is so funny.

You know, you're doing some fucked up shit if you go, dude, get rid of my photo.

He took me off.

They can't be shot.

But it says here,

this is where they're going to get him.

He's an anti, he's an anti-capitalist 26-year-old who shared quotes online from Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.

Oh, no way.

I didn't know that.

And here's the deal about old Kaczynsk.

You go back and you read some of it and you see all the stuff with AI and everything that's happening and you go, he wasn't completely wrong.

Now, granted, sending bombs to universities is super fucked up.

But if you tell me, as a lifelong fan of the Terminator, I'm not going to cheer on the real John Connor.

Kaczynski was fighting the machines.

Yeah, he really did have a good manifesto.

As far as manifestos go.

Well, he's got one.

We don't know how this is.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, but it's so good.

What did he major in?

He's a...

He's a

Jinsei the Major.

But it did describe as a tech quiz in former valedictorian.

Computer science.

Oh, man.

Okay.

Did you see it when they were like, this is where all the buses went?

So we could have been in one of these places.

I was like, it's probably Philly.

He's probably going to Philly.

He's like, yay, I went up there and fucking murdered a CEA.

And then I was like, yeah, fuck that.

I'm making the birds.

We're fucking playing.

We're on a hell of a run, Gum Eggles.

You hear him talking?

It ruins everything for you.

You go, oh.

You go, yeah, you see that chick?

I smiled at her because she had some big-ass tits.

He's just like a Philly scumbag.

Wait, is he on Instagram?

Because that always ruins it for me if they follow.

Oh, you're going to see, ah, this is fun.

This is like, we're doing some little, look at us being little sleuths.

Sleuths on the podcast.

His name, his ex-profile ups to be Pep Mangion.

No, I don't think he's on here.

There's one called Luigi Mangion Shooter.

That's right.

He followed AOC.

Dude, AOC has to be like,

if I'm AOC's boyfriend, I'm nervous.

Oh, no, he's not.

Oh, he followed Rogan.

Interesting.

No one else, Steve-O.

He's like, for my accident, I'm going to have, I'm going to shoot the CEO of United Healthcare point-blank range with a silencer.

Down, down, down, down.

That's so funny.

Dude, yeah.

What if he followed you?

I would be flattered.

Yeah.

I would be like, stop.

Come on, Luigi.

Stop it.

Luigi.

Luigi.

Luigi.

I mean, they're probably going to Epstein him.

They're probably going to kill him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he can't.

Katie made that point earlier.

We were talking about it.

She was like, they had to catch somebody.

Yeah.

They couldn't just let this go.

Yeah.

But man,

he's going to have, you know, how, like,

you had a great joke about Ted Bundy.

Oh, thank you.

About naming his daughters.

But the whole point is that people

loved him.

Like, he got arrested.

And people, like, yeah.

How many women are going to go stand outside the prison that Yuigi

I killed a CEO, Hunkosaurus Rex, is at.

Oh my God, he's going to be doing pull-ups.

What is he going to do?

Get hotter in prison?

Like, how do you even...

He's going to stay shredded.

He's going to come out with, I'm going to tell you right now, either one of those Islamic caps or circle glasses, and he's going to be jacked.

Dude, you should just start an OnlyFans

in prison.

Is there a rule against prisoners starting OnlyFans?

Not in Pennsylvania.

You can find out.

I bet, yeah, it would be funny to see who he followed on Instagram.

He's not on Instagram.

At all.

He's probably got like a very smart.

Maybe he's, yeah, wait.

Maybe he's one of those fake ones that comes and like trolls me.

He's like, shut up.

Women suck.

He's like, WNBA blows.

And you're like, oh, dude, no.

We had the funniest we've ever had.

And that was your thought.

On your side until you hated the Liberty.

What if he actually is into the WNBA, but specifically against the Liberty?

And you go, that almost hurts more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This guy, being 26, he's probably got such a crazy internet footprint.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Because it's not like he was training to do this since he was a child.

It is crazy a young hot dude being into Kaczynski.

I've heard that.

That's a big thing, like younger men being really.

Actually, he has some good points.

Also, sick look with the hoodie and the glasses.

Yeah.

What a fit.

If you look at the sketch, the idea of him being on a date, but being so hot that girls are just going along with everything he's saying, and then him being like, you know, Ted Kaczynski said, like, and she's like, yes,

yes, absolutely.

I don't think he would like my TikTok,

but.

Oh, is he on TikTok?

Oh, no.

That would rule.

Do you have TikTok?

Yes, somewhere in here.

This is his Instagram.

Whoa, what?

I think we might have found him.

Oh, my God.

It definitely is.

How did you you track him down that fast?

2018.

No, it's fine.

We Google over enough women.

Let's let Carmen have this.

Yeah, if we could just...

It's going to be a moment.

Can we get five?

Can we get five on set?

Wait, is it thirst traps?

Let me see.

Now I'll be fine.

I mean, the first picture is 2018.

2008.

Yeah, he's jacked.

He's been

finally got an Instagram to give my sister's blog another follower.

Oh, his sister.

Oh, man.

Who's he follow?

Let's get into it.

Please be you.

There are mutual.

There's four mutual with you.

Who?

Do you know?

I don't know any of these people.

Are there friends of yours?

That's crazy.

What's his

name?

Just like for research.

For no other reason.

Dude,

more women need to be creepy.

I'm so creepy when I didn't see it.

Let's just up the creepiness of women.

That's.

dude, please don't if he's in your DMs being mean, this is kind of rough.

I wouldn't be surprised.

He looks like some of my trolls.

They're usually not this hot, though.

Yeah.

This is like

stunning.

It's all from 2019.

If that's his sister, he might be gay.

Oh, you heard it here first.

Carmen thinks the...

Oh, by the way, I'm watching the comments and the likes go up in real time.

Yeah.

On his...

also, those people that we mentioned might have found him and followed him already.

Oh, that's true.

Free my goat.

Yeah, they're already like the comments are on

Luigi.

We love you.

I don't know.

I'm getting mixed vibes from this kid.

Why does his story sound so narcissistic?

His story?

Yeah.

This is great.

Reading the comments obviously.

I'm like, what?

What do you guys think?

Stud with accuracy.

You're seeing like horny people, people political, everything.

It's a mission.

This is

it.

Everything I want.

And I just want it.

He's like, this assassin has everything.

We're going to bring Stefan back.

An Instagram with abs, a silencer, monopoly money.

A backpack full of monopoly money.

A Puerto Rican flag.

Is he...

He didn't see him Puerto Rican.

Unclear.

His name is Luigi from Fiji, but he lives in Hawaii.

It's said on his Twitter.

And

oh, he has a backpack emoji in his, in his Instagram.

That's kind of funny in an ironic, cute way.

Like a way where you're like, did you know you would affect history with a backpack?

Because, I mean, say what you will, this guy affected history.

He will ever be, he will be known.

And he had a manifesto, which,

man, again, let's go to the BetterHelp ad.

Great.

If you're feeling like broken or whatever,

if his manifesto, his quote-unquote manifesto ends up being a

bipolar break, you're going to be like, oh.

I bet it's going to have good points.

Listen, you're just thirsty for this guy.

Damn, I'm so busy right now.

Don't tell me.

Have you found anything good?

No, I'm just looking at the pictures on here.

I mean, this guy's terrible.

Oh, he looks like a fun time.

He's just like a young guy, 26.

And isn't it funny that flirting is the thing that brought him down?

Flirting?

Yeah, he smiled at the hostel.

He was at

the mask down.

What a sunshiny smile he had.

I was like, yes, he's going to get him.

He knows that.

Beautiful smile.

He knows that he has a beautiful smile.

That's why he's like, you think I'm good with a gun?

And then he was like, wink.

And then that ended up being his downfall.

Luigi.

Luigi, what are you doing?

That and like having the gun on him in McDonald's.

Same coat, I think, too.

Oh, no.

Dude.

He's like, are you guys mad at me?

We thought he escaped like Jason Bourne.

That's what we mean.

We were calling him Jason Bourne.

There was a moment where we went out to dinner the night it happened with our friends.

We were going down to Chinatown and we got on the D-train and it stopped for like a good while, longer than normal, like 10 minutes.

And we were on the train and we're and

our friends Gary and Sarah were like, what's going on?

And Katie and I were already thinking bourne supremacy.

So we're like oh this is a fight on the train tracks that's why the train's down the assassins fighting off all the federal the feds coming after him so exciting and he comes through the train but then when you realize he's just a bimbo and he got caught yeah dude he's like can i get an egg mcmuffin and they're like are you an assassin he goes no because also they said the woman asked for his id

at mcdonald's Yeah, so that makes me think he might, dude, if he's a himbo, if he's just like a hot himbo and he's like, oh, I forgot that you need your ID for Egg McMuffins, here you go.

He did not give his ID.

Please no.

I think what led to his downfall was she asked him for an ID at McDonald's.

I know that from just from what I read online,

which is the biggest bimbo way to go out.

By the way, by the time this episode comes out, they could be like, Yeah.

You are, this is truly a fresh opinion.

Wait, maybe, yeah, this happened like half an hour ago.

What if it's, it's a, a it's it's a decoy?

He's hot, he's just got your brain.

Carmen's just Carmen's.

I've watched guy friends of mine do this with women they're dating, and you go, No, she sucks.

And you go, No, no, no, what if she actually is stripping to go to nurse school?

And you go, No, no, no, she's just a straight-up stripper.

No, she's she's gonna go, yeah, this guy fucked up.

Yeah, he fucked, he he did the hardest part,

obviously, murdering a human being.

Goes without saying.

Morally, the hardest thing to do.

But he escaped New York City.

Yeah.

Altoona, Pennsylvania.

You got to go further.

You got to keep going.

Also, how did he not

disguises?

Luigi.

You had to get distinct eyebrows.

Yeah,

get fake eyelashes, get a wig, get some fake tits, have that backpack set up in the alley where you were making your escape.

You change everything.

You dump everything.

You do not dump the gun in the Central Park.

You dump it in the in the East River.

Where was it found on him at McDonald's?

He's just had it, he's holding it.

Can I get a

swing on around?

He's pointing the barrel.

He goes, Is the number seven available after 10?

I'm sorry, you're gonna need an ID for that, Neil.

And he goes,

Of course,

of course.

The idea of him just walking into the thing going, like, well, of course, you need an ID for that.

Here's my real ID.

How did a McDonald's employee not be on his side?

If I saw him, I would be like, we ignore this.

Yeah, he had a pickup.

And nobody had a dude.

He named Mark Rosario on it, which he did look like.

He does look like a Mark Rosario.

Yeah.

Honestly, Philadelphia,

once at the police station's office discovered, Mangion.

Once at the police station.

So they didn't know he had the gun.

But he did have it on him.

Yeah.

As well as a silencer.

Fool.

Fake gift.

And you're just like the next few days later, just kind of like jazzing around with it.

Wait,

disappointed in you.

He was arrested on firearm charges.

That's what they're holding him on.

And NYPD detectives are headed to Pennsylvania to interview him, which is such a scene out of a movie where they grab their coffees and run.

You know, they grab their coats and they're like, he's down in Alatoona, Pennsylvania.

We can get there by 7 p.m.

And then he's just going to be there.

He's so hot, he might get out of it.

For sure.

What jury are they going to find in New York City?

No women.

No gay men.

You better have ugly men that hate hot guys.

And then he's getting life in the slammer.

Maybe incels.

He's like, yeah, just a jury of incels being like, fuck this guy.

He's like, I think my only problem is I'm too generous of a lover.

These guys are like, I fucking hate him.

I mean, it's the thing that's been

funny to watch is who tries to take the CEO's side.

Like, who's going, like,

guys, it's not cool.

And you're like, no, it is.

It's like super cool.

It's pretty cool.

I brought this point up before, but the people that are like, I don't know, I think it's kind of fucked up.

It's murder.

And you're like, is it?

Now that he's hot, I wonder, I bet he said something cool.

Wait till the movie comes out.

Ooh, who could play him, though?

Who's that beautiful?

Who's got the bod

matched with the face of an angel?

We had Zach Efron

played Bundy.

Yeah.

Who would you cast?

Italian.

As Luigi the Assassin.

I think I would probably,

you know, obviously Timothy Chalamets and everything.

You know, he's on a short list.

But I'm trying to think who else I would cast as the assassin.

Probably somebody from like a CW show that I've never watched.

The C Dub always has really hot guys.

So you go find a guy with because he doesn't need to act a lot.

No.

What you do is you have the detectives.

Those are the ones.

You get the Giamattis.

You get the real serious actors.

Damn.

That movie will be out in less than two years.

There is already a studio

moving on this.

They're so excited.

They have contacted the Thompson family to get the rights to the murder of their father.

I bet someone in Hollywood has already called and been like,

Dibs.

Yeah, that's it.

Hello?

And they're going, Dibs.

Sorry, this is, I'm with MGM.

And I just want to let you know your father's story is about to be a podcast, a movie, a cartoon, and a video game.

Winnipeg, Canada, January 30th, the 31st, and February 1st.

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That's what sucks.

Those are the people I truly feel bad for.

Just the sons.

The wife, they were like separated.

She wasn't even living with them anyway.

But you find out

they're either going to make these kids good guys or

hyper villains.

The kids?

Yeah, like your dad gets murdered.

You're either and you find out that like that'll be their future.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think hyper villains.

I think I don't rich kids don't grow up and go, you know what?

Maybe we were wrong the whole time.

But they're like, someone murdered my dad.

I'm spoiled.

Kill all the poors.

Everybody.

But my argument against that would be when bad shit like that happens to rich kids, sometimes it wakes them up and they go like, oh, shit.

Like murder, your father getting murdered, and then the internet going like, yeah, yeah, super villain.

You're right.

It's going to make him a super villain and be like, I would be, dude, if everyone

celebrates when my dad died when I was 14.

Number one, if we had, we had the internet, but like, it was America online.

Yep.

If I went on the internet when i was 14 and everyone was like yo gary i would be like well they must pay

so yeah super villain it is those those boys are going to get turned into fucking yeah a real problem yeah you grew up did you grow up in vermont you went to college in vermont i went to college vermont i grew up in vermont you grew up in vermont where they're very wealthy because vermont has crazy sneaky wealth it's not people who live there grew up there though i think people have like second houses in the woods because like Vermonters don't bother celebrities.

They can kind of walk around and we're just like, huh, I think that was.

Who's the...

Have you ever like Burton lived, like the guy that invented Burton?

Oh, yeah.

I might have met him.

I did something for Burton.

Yeah.

Did you grow up in Burlington?

I grew up in Montpelier.

Oh, wow.

Capital.

Thank you, seventh grade.

Everyone wants to say that.

Very good.

But you're not going to do that.

But like, yeah, Vermont would be a place.

Why didn't you go to Vermont?

Where did what?

Yeah.

Luigi.

Yeah.

That's the...

yeah.

They would never catch you there, Luigi.

That's so funny.

Oh, my God.

I could have showed you around.

I could have showed you around Mount Pillier.

And then in your head, it's like you guys going through all the places.

Oh,

he's still got the backpack on.

Yeah.

He could have the backpack.

Everyone has the backpack and the coat.

Vermont, he would have blended right in.

Mm-hmm.

You know what it was?

It was too hot for Altoona.

Yeah.

That's why.

That's what it was.

He was too hot.

They went in there.

They went, what is this?

Yeah.

Why are you in McDonald's?

Why was he eating McDonald's?

Probably as a joke to other hot people.

Yeah.

They're in the parking lot.

He goes, hey, look.

Oh,

I'm having a sweet spur.

What the fuck?

He's a big fan of

that blog.

I think, what's his name?

Something urban.

I mean, he is all just retweets.

Dude, is he a reply guy?

This is what you got to look at.

Wow.

Why didn't I?

Yeah.

Followed by Mike Racine.

That is without or doubt.

That is so recent.

That is so fucking funny that you look down at.

Yeah, I'm going to hit the follow.

Well, he might.

Oh, he retweeted Peter Thiel on talking about startups ran by people with autism.

Such a blatant chat GBT, LMFAO.

Oh, he is a reply guy.

No way.

I don't disagree with that.

This is why Jordan Peterson always bothers me, he says.

If I saw, if he had a tweet where he's like, Dan Soder sucks, I'd be like,

Brother,

that hurt.

Brother, you got me.

He has probably come across your stuff.

He doesn't seem like he's a comedy fan, though.

Boo.

No, he doesn't like stand-up.

Damn.

Sam Altman from AI, from

he's an AI guy and AOC, but you know damn they're i mean the the internet detectives are already over this they're already gonna have like one of those things where it shows like the six most offensive tweets of the gunman

the fan fiction will come out faster than the movie

and it will happen damn it you idiot you should have gone to vermont yeah you could have gone to vermont and been hot up there yep and then just chop some wood in the in the that would have been good for his his physique he could have called me and been like I need a place.

I'd be like, I got your farm.

They'll never find you.

Listen to me.

You will be safe.

You put the phone down to your boyfriend.

You go, I have to do this for America.

You understand this, right?

Nothing would make me more nervous if Katie was like, hey, I have to go be with the hot assassin for a week and help him escape.

And I'd be like, why isn't there that,

why isn't there ever that character in an action movie?

You know how they always get like a hot girl and they're like, you got to help me.

And she's like, yeah, but her boyfriend?

boyfriend and he's like um

I don't think I'm okay with this

just one scene with him being like I don't

I don't know babe I've been working on this in therapy I'm not trying to be insecure I just it doesn't feel fair it doesn't feel fair that you're gonna go to Vermont with Luigi

you know I have an anxious attachment style

you're also you've told me I'm not allowed to contact you for two weeks until everything as you said shakes out.

Just like those things.

Then you have to tell your friends.

They come over, they go, where's Katie?

They're like, come over and watch Monday Night Football.

I go, she, um,

she had,

she had to go to the Berkshire's with Luigi, her friend, who's...

Is that the guy?

The assassin?

And I go, yeah.

But they're just friends.

And then your friends are like, what?

You saw it.

He's like shirtless shirtless on his Twitter profile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But,

dude, I have no reason to believe that anything.

Oh, that's so funny.

And then her coming home and be like, how was it?

You didn't call me.

Said you were going to call me when you got there.

Oh, fuck.

They traced it.

It's just like, you're just, why are you being this way?

You always do this.

You all, yeah, dude.

So many fights.

He, if he would have gone to Vermont, he would have been safe.

Fucking idiot.

It really is disappointing that he didn't just, I don't know, yeah, change some stuff about your, your face that you saw that they had your thing on the thing.

I think what it comes down to is he blew it in a way that all of us know we wouldn't have blown it.

Yeah.

Someone would have been like, ID, and you're like, for a Big Mac?

Lady,

there's a sheets across the street.

I'll go hammer out a pepperoni roll and you'll be a thing of the past.

But knowing he was like,

of course,

here you go.

Mark Roncini.

Oh, man.

Because he did the hardest thing that none of us could do, which is murder.

And then get out of New York City.

And he fucking blew it.

Damn.

Well, I'm sure we'll find out a lot about him.

And by the time you watch this episode, you probably already need it.

We don't care about this.

We've already, this is old news.

He's actually, we're mad that he did it.

There's also already been two other assassinations.

And you go, oh, fuck.

God, this really blows it.

You're one of the only people I can talk to about something that they love, that they've had to defend.

I love professional wrestling my whole life.

I've had to defend it

at all times.

Very rarely am I in the solace of other wrestling fans where we just get to nerd out about it and enjoy the product.

I feel like being a WNBA fan.

Oh, I was like, oh, I'm not a wrestling fan.

Yeah, I know.

We were just learning in real time.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God.

That's why I had you on was to talk starcade 87.

i thought we were going to talk survivor series 99.

um no you love the wnba and you're loud about it yeah and and you say it in a way that i appreciate which is like fuck this i love it yeah took me a while to get there with wrestling

were you like that with wmb were you ever like uh sheepish about it No, I don't think so.

No, I used to go to the games when they were in Westchester, which was a high school gym.

The tickets were like 12 bucks and you could sit right behind the players.

Sounds like it was forever going, you sit right behind them.

You could taste their sweat on the clay.

We were bad.

Yeah, that's like how my grandma used to talk about going to see the 49ers in Keesar Stadium in Golden Gate Park.

And you're like, she's like, tickets were $7.

We would bring bread to make sandwiches.

She told me she go in with like a giant bread knife into the stadium for an NFL game.

Yeah.

But that's WNBA.

You were in like, you were that part of the WNBA.

So now it's Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese and all these people blowing it up and making it fucking huge.

Are you like hipster mad about it?

Are you like, I liked the band before they got famous?

I am a little bit in the way that like I'll wear my jersey and I'll be like, no, but I was here before you guys were wearing the jerseys.

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can admit it.

Yeah.

I was, I'm that way with everything.

I was that way with bands, with comics.

Comics was the thing.

I loved Chappelle

like from his HBO half hour, from his one night stand.

Like I saw that and I was like, I love this.

And then obviously Killing Him Softly and all that stuff.

But Killing Him Softly was the first time where I was like, I actually know about this guy.

I actually know about him.

And then everything after I was like, I've been a fan since like 95.

But it makes me understand hipsters more.

Yeah.

Because they do shit and then other people likes it and they're like, I'm actually here for it.

And it's not cool anymore.

But WNBA is still cool, but it's not like, I don't know.

You want them to get paid.

Yeah, definitely.

Like, that's.

Yeah, I kind of got priced out of being a fan, unfortunately.

Did you really?

Yeah, the tickets are too much, and they're so far away.

And I'm like, they used to be able to be right behind them.

You were at a high school gym.

There should be...

That's what sucks when you see with sports when they kind of give up on the OG fan base, where they're just kind of like, oh, we're famous.

It's like the first wife in bio pic movies where you're like, she was with you when you invented the thing.

And then you see the second wife and you're like, you didn't give that first one a send-off.

Why is there just a new lady?

And it feels like they do sports teams do that.

49ers did that when they moved to Levi's.

They like made season tickets for people that were like

beatniks in San Francisco that love the 49ers.

And now they're like, well, they're over $200,000.

And you're like, I can't afford that.

Yeah, then it's just rich non-fans.

Yeah.

That's, yeah.

That's the whole issue right now.

Do you think that's happening to the WNBA?

I think it will.

Not quite yet.

I mean, and I have a lot of friends who have season tickets, and if they can't go to the games, they give me their seats, and it's awesome.

Like Ashley Gavin has front row season.

She's like, I can't make it.

I'm like, I can.

I can't.

I always will.

Always.

Do you, I mean, that's like a thing where

if you made a ton of money, would that be the first thing you buy?

Yeah.

Is season tickets?

Yeah.

I would get those front row season tickets.

Yeah, for sure.

Do you yell at the players?

I yell, but I blend in.

I don't want to be that person who when they're on the foul foul line.

I know that guy.

There is a guy that's like pretty famous with the Liberty staff as the guy who just yells while they're taking foul shots and stuff.

And his voice is very projecting.

So everybody knows who he is.

What is that?

What's up, Frank?

Huh?

What does he yell?

Like bad shit?

Like the stuff to miss.

I don't really.

You fucking suck.

No, he doesn't swear.

I think he'd get kicked out if he swore.

That's so funny that they need fans so bad that they're like, yell at us.

NBA, they kick him out if they don't like their vibes.

They're like, this lady's got bad vibes.

I've seen LeBron boot people.

He's like, I don't know, this guy.

That's so cool.

I didn't know they could do that.

Like a comedian, they can just be like, no.

Yeah, they've kicked out.

I've seen a couple games where NBA players have had people ejected.

What?

Cool.

Now, a lot of times the people did fucked up shit.

Yeah.

Or obviously they said the N-word.

Like, that's like been a couple where you're like, you see how mad the player gets and you go, that guy said the N-word.

Because they're like, get him the fuck out of here.

And then they say something to security and then that guy's gone.

And you're like,

I'm guessing that's the only thing

what is the entire nypd going down to altoona

they're like you guys gotta get there there's like 20 sirens in the budget

like you have to miss out on that you're like just one of the regular cops they're like and you you and you not you and you're staying here no i want to go girdo yeah halluigi

they are who man i know we're jumping around because i want to finish talking about wnba but you got to get back to casting this luigi movie

because it's going to happen.

And I know it's probably going to happen much faster than we think.

But WNBA, there's a thing about it.

This is why we have it.

This is why Mike's so good at editing.

But I feel like with wrestling, it took like the rock getting really famous.

You saw different things happen where people were more accepting.

And then what happened is people got old enough.

When you get old enough, you just don't want to defend anything.

You get old enough and you're like, I just like it.

Yeah.

And people are like, okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

WNBA, though, I feel like WNBA always got a real tough rap of people being like, it sucks.

No one goes.

And then you have these like loud sports guys who love to be like, fuck the WMB.

Like, you don't even care.

I know.

Well, you're not watching it anyway.

Is that how you felt about like all the Caitlin Clark stuff?

About like how like watching people give opinion on something you knew they weren't watching a year before?

Yeah, a little bit.

I'm just happy that they're there, honestly.

Really?

Yeah, I'm just glad that they're so far.

It is weird that they, I'm like, Caitlin's great, but everyone thought that she was like the greatest that has or ever has and ever will.

And I'm like, there are about 40 players in the WNBA who are better than her.

Really?

There's so many that are better than her.

We saw that.

She, you know, she's great, but she's not as good as.

The starting

lineup of the Liberty, you know?

That's yeah, champs.

Yeah.

Love it in.

Yeah.

get it.

Carmen's been with you guys since day one, number one.

But it is really like that.

Comics feel like that a lot.

Where you'll have a friend to be like, I love this person.

You go, they're not like the best, though.

I love that kind of shit, Doggy.

Yes, so much.

I mean, yeah, if you guys want to.

You're going to have to edit the fuck out of this episode.

I used to drop it tomorrow or Wednesday.

Yeah.

Was it vinewalk?

speeches just like, yeah, I don't know, I'm probably gonna shoot someone.

What's better than pussy?

Nothing.

Oh, you'll edit this world here.

How's he open?

Does he open with a joke?

Headmaster Smythe, Mr.

Hubeck,

members of the Board of Trustees,

family, friends, faculty.

Stopping it right here.

Very wedding speech opening.

He's got a very wedding speech opening.

Why does he have a corsage?

Because

it's valedictorian.

You got to let him know.

That's the flower of the valve.

That's the value.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

He looks like he's going to prom.

And fellow students.

And also, cute kid.

Good afternoon.

Good looking kid.

Thank you all for being here to celebrate Gilman's 116th Founders Day.

I'm honored to be speaking to you all today on behalf of the Gilman class of 2016.

2016.

He's got clipped nervous energy.

You know, when...

Why is he not a professional stand-up comedian?

That's a 17-year-old boy.

This guy needs bits.

I could have wrote your speech better.

When I started writing the speech, I talked with several students and teachers and asked how they would describe the class of 2016.

Many of the students characterized our class as inventive.

It's clearly hot in there.

Did you see the guy fanning himself?

Wiping himself with a napkin, this guy?

He looks like he's like, wow, that was a fine speech, son.

I was like, what state is this?

He just wiped his bald head into the back of his neck, and he's like, now don't go out there killing any CEOs.

Now, all you boys are trained killers.

You must understand that.

Throughout its time here at Gilman, the class of 2016 has been coming up with new ideas and challenging the world around it.

Our selling of Chick-fil-A during lunch, arguably the staple of our class, provides a great example.

In our sophomore year, when brainstorming ways to fundraise, we didn't just...

I'll tell you what, he's not killing in the room.

This is such a boring speech.

It's six minutes.

Six more minutes.

Let's cut to the end.

Let's see how he wraps it up.

Yeah.

He's like, just saying, we skip over the part where he's like, one day,

I'm going to get my Blicky

and I'm going to wet the back of a CEO on 6th Avenue.

All I'm saying is, free health healthcare.

Be exploring the unknown.

Whether that be attending colleges across the country.

That's so far.

Or killing a CEO because the healthcare system in America has gotten crazy out of control.

You go,

the guy said he was going to do it and he did it.

I respect the hell out of this guy.

What if he knew that he was going to, oh, what if, like, in this speech, like in the middle, he's like, and the gun is in the backpack in the bottom of the, just see if he had some like cool.

Like when they do that in a movie, you know, where at the end, you you go, you have to re-watch the movie because like Bruce Willis and Six Sense, you go, he's not there.

And you watch, no one looks at him.

And you go, listen, he says backpack six different times.

Why does he keep saying backpack?

I've never been more sure that a speech was written by AI.

You think he used AI in 2016?

So boring.

That was in 2016.

That was a beautiful speech.

Oh, absolutely lovely.

You're going to go on to do marvelous things.

Never take a life.

That's what AI learned from him then.

Yeah, they're like, that was boring damn spice it up yeah ai how do you put in some jokes

yeah this um this is the most fascinating news story of the year and they gave it to us right at the end

the trump assassination attempt was crazy

i didn't think it was going to be outdone this definitely did it yeah we still got days left too

still got about two weeks of cooking to go

it really is one of those things where you're like dude what?

I remember reading it and being like, what is this?

And then now it's,

there's definitely a merch.

Oh, wow.

People got to be selling merch.

That's like an old school thing.

Like when old school shit would happen back in the 70s and shit, they would make TV, like shirts.

So now with the way how quick people can print stuff.

Yeah.

There's an Etsy shop right now that is firing on all cylinders.

They go, I got Luigi did it.

Luigi just like pressing the shirts and sending them out.

Yeah, because people are Myrtle.

The one scratched paw on the door.

That's the cutest sound.

She's like, I want to come in.

Me.

Are you guys talking hot assassin?

She's like, I want to talk hot assassin.

What's Myrtle's voice?

Do you have a voice for Myrtle?

We used to do a Southern voice for her because she's from Tennessee.

And then we kind of dropped that.

Then we gave her a doofy voice of like,

and then now we just kind of do annoyed teenager.

She's like, what?

Because she very much like sighs a lot when we do stuff.

She'll be like,

I love you, Myrtle.

And she's like,

but she, yeah, we don't have like a good voice for her.

Yeah.

Sometimes you get a voice and it sticks.

Yeah.

And that's just the voice.

Our voice hasn't stuck yet.

We'll find it.

We'll find it.

We might find her voice.

She might find her voice on this other.

We're doing another road trip next week.

So that's, that's where we get a lot of Myrtle bits.

That's when we get into it, into the lore.

Open the door and see if she's right there.

Just pop the, just see if she's

Come on in.

Hey, come here.

Myrtle, come in.

Come here.

Come here, Myrtle.

Oh, my gosh.

Carmen and

Carmen and Myrtle hit it off.

And now Myrtle's been.

Most guests don't like Myrtle's crazy energy.

Perfect.

Oh, my gosh.

Because she goes nuts when people show up.

Because she hates Kate.

It's not that she just hates.

She loves Katie and I, but we

got her during the pandemic and she didn't see other people.

That's so funny.

Now he's stuck.

What are your thoughts on Mario?

On Luigi?

She's like, now I cause chaos.

She loves him.

She can't get enough of pimp.

Yeah.

Oh, watch out.

She's in the power cord.

All right.

Myrtle, can you just go in your, go chill in your place?

Aww.

It's a room.

She loves it.

Okay.

Posters up of Luigi.

She just licks it.

Oh, my God.

I go, she looked through another poster, Katie.

So we have to stop it.

She looked through her fucking United Healthcare Assassin.

They don't have a cool name for him yet.

No, they don't.

They don't have a shorthanded name for him.

That's the only thing I've noticed.

They don't have him as like the, you know, the premium killer.

The CEO.

There's no O.

Yeah.

You need to go like the CEO slayer.

Ooh, that works.

We're close.

We're spitballing.

We're getting there.

But what would you call him?

You'd call him like the sympathetic gun

or like

the Obamacare assassin?

I don't know.

You're just trying to find it out.

Oh, she brought her corn out.

Myrtle's got her corn.

She's cool.

She hates Nebraska, but she likes corn.

We've been through it.

Yeah, this is, this is, um, news moves too fast now.

Yeah.

It goes from being like,

oh, here's the story.

Here's all the info.

And then now it's just like, it's already packed up and it's in a Netflix dock.

Yep.

So good luck.

Yeah, I can't even do topical bits anymore because I'm like, by the time I figure it out in a couple of days, it's like, what?

We don't, we don't talk about that anymore.

And I'm like, okay, then fine.

Yeah, and that's what sucks about something like this.

10 years ago, this, you could have got jokes.

If you got a great great joke it would have taken you all the way through the key is finding like little stories that no one has because everyone went to this one i mean shit we we watched his whole valedictorian speech on this podcast it's not good

comedy twitter is just yeah different different takes different opinions

it is i mean it it really is crazy about how everyone can be in on the same water cooler talk yeah and then it's like the next thing's gone it's like what brings us together is very weird now as a society.

Like the things that get you to be like, I know that.

Everybody's got info on this.

Everybody's got an opinion.

Yeah.

Call my mom and be like, what'd you think?

She's like, ah,

she was in the business.

Trish used to work at Aetna.

Oh,

what's her opinion?

Well, I talked to her and she was like, it's crazy.

But I bet now she's got a fully cooked one.

I'll call her.

I'll drop the Trish opinion on another episode.

I'll bet my mom.

Patreon.

Pro.

Your mom.

Luigi.

Yeah.

She's awesome.

Yeah.

She's, I mean, Vermont, man.

Oh, yeah.

Both your parents are awesome.

Your parents are probably.

That's what I thought was interesting: watching the people that were like,

it's sick you guys are celebrating this.

And then even conservatives were like, no, no, no, this is cool.

Like, this thing really brought everyone together.

Look at your eyes.

No, don't, no.

Just recording schedule-wise, you guys should know this.

I'm going to break the fourth wall.

The next guest is Nick Mullen, and there's no way he will be half as engaging with myrtle myrtle soak it up oh my goodness she's like she's making the noise too where she's like

myrtle what are your thoughts on this i know you don't know me that well please stay

i want it too much dogs and cats can sense it and they're like yeah

she goes this guy kind of cares about me

um

we got to find a way to get you wnba tickets

i really want i know all the

worlds are crossing.

The assassinating rich people and getting priced out of tickets.

It's meeting at this weird thing where you're like, get Carmen WNBA tickets.

Jay and I on the bonfire years ago joked around about buying the tickets were so cheap.

Like this is like seven years ago, six years ago.

We were like, let's get a box at MSG for and like sponsor it for our radio show.

Cool.

And we didn't do it.

No.

And I could have turned around right now and gone here's some sweet tickets from the bonfire suite

because we were like let's get into the liberty yeah we picked it we're like we like getting into a team as a shell yeah but

we gave up i think covid ruined that yeah because we were on board in 2019 yeah and then covet hit and you know yep we scrambled for everything but damn i feel bad Could have had you some tickets.

Could have had you some good WNBA tickets.

Damn it.

Yeah.

I'll get them.

Somebody's listening.

Do players ever do you have any like have players ever reached out and seen the comedy?

I have had one did because I was wearing her jersey in a sketch I did.

Yeah.

And somebody tagged her.

Nice.

And she, and she was like, oh, cool.

Be my friend.

I want you to be my friend.

That's the accessibility.

Wrestling in WMBA.

You like the accessibility.

When wrestlers are like, hey, like, you can yell at them and stuff.

Also, when you see low-level wrestling, like indie wrestling, I don't call it low-level, it's still, but it's like

not a shithead.

Bitch-ass wrestling.

No.

Indie, independent wrestling, a lot of times you're in a high school gym.

And so you're just like right there.

And then they sell merch like before and after their matches.

So it is, when they get big, you do have this like sense of pride of like ownership of pride of like, I love this guy.

And then you're like, and now they're no longer mine.

It's kind of what the Liberty did to you.

A little bit, yeah.

They're like, thanks for that.

It's a completely different team, too.

Is it really?

Yeah.

Than the one that you

i don't think there's a single player from when i started watching that's would they fill up the high school gym no

close

just as comics though you you have that feeling when you walk in and they go this is what we got yeah yeah

make the best of it

A lot of people bring like their kids to have something to do.

Yeah, a lot of people that I'm sure aren't still fans.

They were just in Westchester and they're like, what should we?

Do you see, have you seen any of the intense fans from Westchester carry on to The Garden?

That was me.

And they're at Barclays.

Oh, they're at Barclays.

My bad.

Yeah.

They used to be at The Garden.

Briefly, yeah, weren't they?

Yeah.

Like 2009.

Yeah.

I know that because my friend's there for those.

My friend's

my friend.

It's brother, his best friend, worked for the Charlotte Bobcats.

They were the Bobcats at the time.

And as a birthday present for my friend, he got Madison Square Garden to play basketball.

Like, you can do that if you know the right people.

So, his birthday present to my friend's brother was like, You guys have, I think it was like an hour to play basketball on the court at MSG, but it was New York Liberty.

So, all my pictures that I have on my old Facebook from that day, all it's all like laying in front of the Liberty, because it was like Liberty's, that's why I said MSG.

So, yeah, damn, then they got moved to a high school.

That really hurts.

Yeah.

Like, leave the greatest arena known to man and go to fucking central westchester

that's wild but now they're back at barclays and selling selling it out yeah that's all

see it's all up and down baby yeah yeah it's just like comedy it's just it's just that's where you that's how you become friends with them you go it's i pretty much know i have w nba jokes i'm hoping that they i don't know Clip them up and send them.

I don't know.

They're not hurting for fans or anything.

They don't need me.

But this is when they do need you.

So you can ride the momentum together and then you can always be like, you know, hey, I was down with the NBA.

Other sports do that.

They pair up with people.

WNBA, you need fucking spokespeople.

You're doing a good moment.

Carmen Lagal right now.

Go watch her special on YouTube and then call her up.

Call Carmen up to come be at games at least.

Don't leave her out.

Did you play growing up?

Yeah, I still play.

You still?

Uh-huh.

I mean, I'm not like, I play like a 40-year-old.

I'm just like,

do you have knee wraps and specs?

Do you put the specs on?

Just a mouth guard.

You guys ever seen Carmen play basketball?

It's intense.

Hair down.

Yeah.

Did you play all through high school?

Yeah.

And then in college, did you try?

College, I wanted to do D1 sports, and the only one I could do was track and field.

Oh, nice.

You did track and field in college?

Damn, you're like an athlete.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you're a Division I athlete.

They always do this.

They're always modest about it.

I get it.

And you're like, dude, I sucked at sports and I still love them.

I would be so, this is why I wasn't good because I would be bragging.

What did you do in track and field?

800 meters was my specialty.

That's twice around the track.

Damn.

It sucked.

It's the worst.

I wish I had been good at sprinting or anything.

Can you still run?

If you had to run from like a serial killer, would they have picked the wrong one?

They'd be like, I thought you were good at this.

Yeah.

I looked up your old number.

I'm catching up fast.

I wanted a challenge.

but i always think about that like joe list was a long distance runner oh i can see that wow he did cross country ice i can that is one of my fun things is that i can see somebody and i know what distance they probably ran if they were good or not what about

see them run she i know i already know that she was she's like an 800 she's a she does like those i would have been crazy i can't believe i didn't never raced against her i don't think we were quite oh she was at william and mary Yeah, Mr.

We may where were you cross paths?

How old is she?

She is in her 30s, late 30s.

Yeah, so am I.

Okay.

William and Mary, we, I think, only did with cross-country.

Okay.

And where were you at?

I was at Vermont, University of Vermont.

Oh, you were at the, yeah.

That's pretty awesome to go to your home state.

It was just because it was the cost like almost no money for me to run there.

I got college paid for.

Nice.

Burlington's a fucking fun town, though.

It is fun.

That comedy club is great.

Four corners of the earth, that sandwich shop.

I don't know that sandwich.

That must be new.

It's no, it's been there a while.

Four corners of the earth, it's called Yeah, it's one guy, and it's in this like basement.

It's fucking awesome.

Wait, maybe I do know that in Burlington.

It's right down the street from the comedy club.

I think I know what your time.

I think I went on a date there.

Really?

Yeah, it is the best.

It's my favorite place to get a sandwich.

I love it because he makes it.

Oh, yeah, it is.

I went on a date there once.

Yeah, it's a great.

Yeah, that place is.

And

what sucks is if you go and there's a lot of people, it takes forever because he makes all the sandwiches.

Ordering, taking the orders and he takes the orders.

He makes the sandwiches and he has to deal with like refilling this.

It fucking rules though.

If you live in Vermont, go to four corners of the earth.

I hope it's still around.

Someone told me recently it might have closed.

I think it's still there.

That would make me upset.

But Burlington's like, it's a fun town.

Very like,

it reminds me of Boulder, Colorado.

Yes.

We've been described as sister cities or whatever it is.

Yeah.

When I went there, I was like, I walked down.

I think Pearl Street Mall in Boulder was designed by the same guy that did

the thing in Burlington.

Yeah.

The no-walking all-brick road.

Yeah.

It's very fun.

I like cities like that where you're like, oh, you don't care about commerce a lot.

You're like very comfortable with this being like, this is what this part of town's going to be.

Because now everywhere you go, they're like, and it's a Chipotle.

And you're like, fine.

But if you would have kept it, it kind of sucks when you watch towns change like that.

New York has been weird.

I lived in Astoria for a long time and Long Island City was like, nothing but small warehouses and shit.

So you used to get a cool view going into the city on the train.

and then it became like all high-rises and you're like, oh, it kind of sucks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do when you go back to Vermont, do you see it changed at all?

Are you like...

No.

If anything, it's going backwards.

It's awesome.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, my hometown flooded a couple of years, a couple of summers ago.

Oh, damn.

So they're kind of still rebuilding.

How bad of a flood?

Like a biblical?

Really bad, yeah.

Really?

And they're like, we don't know if we can like keep doing this town.

The town is just.

You have a town that almost might give up.

They don't know what to do with all the water.

They're like, this could happen at any time and he you know that is hilarious that they're like guys we can't be a town anymore we flooded they flooded us out of being a town

what the yeah how big was the water like oh it went like all the way it just like took out downtown downtown was underwater and when i was six we had a flood like that where i went to school i live on the hill so i was coming down and when i got to the school the water was at the school and there were people like canoeing up to the school and i was like is class still

They're like, Vermont law, we got to teach it.

If the building...

What's crazy about that is it seems like a lot of towns in the south that are by hurricanes, like they get flooded.

Obviously, like a New Orleans Katrina thing where it like breaks the levees.

But a lot of southern towns get flooded and they're like, we're back up and running.

Yeah.

Like they don't even, we went through Arkansas right after there was a tornado and they're like, well, you know, obviously those stores are damaged, but everything else is running.

And you're like, that's crazy.

So it's, it's weird to think that your town went through a natural disaster, and they're like, We might not town it anymore, we might pack this shit up,

yeah, yeah, too many basements.

I think there's a there's a river underneath the town, so it's kind of just oh, you guys were fucking you guys were playing with fire the whole time.

Yeah, let's build a town on a river, yeah, on and then they go, What happens?

He goes, it floods sometimes.

You go, Well, you fucking did it.

It's like Luigi getting caught with the ID.

Like,

you don't need an ID, what are you doing?

You guys blew it.

Um, well, thanks for uh going through so many highs and lows on this podcast.

The assassin, we learned a lot about him.

We also learned

that he's a terrible public speaker.

Yeah.

Just

no Zaz, no crackle, nothing.

Nothing.

Pop.

I need some Shazam.

Maybe he has a good speech now, though.

We'll find out.

Maybe he's more of a writer.

Manifesto is coming out.

I'm so excited to read it.

It's like a New York Times bestseller.

I'm like, let's get it out.

Also, don't forget to follow Carmen's fan fiction of luigi and vermont

i will write one i'll do one yeah i could do that yeah

this writes itself me kidding all i gotta do is follow the feeling and then i'll end up with with luigi in vermont um your special on youtube right now you can click it we'll put the link below in the video very funny

Did awesome at Town Hall in Toronto.

That was the first time we worked together, but I've always thought you were hilarious, and that was a really fun week.

I had walking pneumonia that weekend.

I was wondering what you ended up having.

I had something like a few weeks later that took me out for a while.

Yeah, I got walking pneumonia.

Yeah, we were in Toronto together, and I was like, I'm wheezing a lot.

And then someone was like, I went and did, we did a podcast with David Borey, and then I did the regs.

And they're like, you need antibiotics.

And I went and saw a doctor, and they're like, yeah.

Whoa.

The day we were supposed to originally do this episode, I went to the clinic and got antibiotics.

Damn.

And then still did shows in Tampa, though.

Shout out side splitters.

You're juggling a lot.

Full-time job, side hustle, maybe a family.

And now you're thinking about grad school?

That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

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