58: Escaping Nebraska

California, 2025, the end of February.

San Diego, February 28th, Los Angeles, March 1st, and San Francisco, March 2nd.

Get tickets on sale now, dansodor.com.

I will see you in 2025.

And then other cities, don't worry.

We're coming.

We're putting it all together.

But California, you're up first on this theater tour.

I'm very excited about this.

Again, February 28th, I'll see you in San Diego.

March 1st, Los Angeles.

And March 2nd, San Francisco.

DanceArter.com for tickets.

Please buy them.

And I'll see you then.

Goodbye.

This is part two.

We're back.

We're driving.

Part two.

We've escaped Nebraska.

We got out.

Honestly, I know the last episode where we were in the parking lot, I said we weren't anti-Nebraska.

I am.

We're full anti-Nebraska now.

Yeah, go buffs.

Going to meet go buffs.

Way to, I got Katie on board with Colorado football.

All the

by us having to sleep in the parking lot of a Motel 6.

I got a lot of people mad at me on Twitter about it, and here's the thing.

This is how I know the heat's real.

I don't care.

Because they're like, they closed the roads for your safety.

I get.

You think I don't know that?

Did a lot of people come back at you with that?

No, just a couple probably that I called a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I get that.

I do that all the time.

Two people say it.

I go the whole world.

You can't get away with it.

You can.

Look.

We'll clean that up in post.

No.

Sorry, guys.

That's a little podcast talk.

Sorry, guys.

I don't mean to talk all biz with you.

I just feel like

the communication from Nebraska sure could have been better.

That's my whole point.

Yeah, they could have had a guy on a donkey with a fucking megaphone, then it would have been better.

Anybody could have told us anything.

I downloaded your goddamn app.

I downloaded Nebraska DOT app.

Listen, if you're a Nebraskan, fast forward at 10 minutes, because these are going to be some hot.

I got to get this off.

It's going to be a hot 10.

We got to get this out, or it's going to turn cancerous.

I.

Two red lights

that a local.

I didn't even learn that one until the morning.

Apparently, there's two red lights that are flashing by the entrance to the highway.

So we didn't even, when they're off, that means you can use it.

I was checking dot.

I was double refreshing dot.

I didn't meet my boy behind the gym.

I didn't meet Jim until after the podcast, right?

Jim is from, I believe, from Motel 6.

Yeah, I believe that meeting was.

I went into piss and to charge the Steam Deck.

Charge your Steam Deck.

By the way, that was a very long piss.

I was skewed.

Play, yeah.

I ended up leaving Katie in the parking lot of a Motel 6.

Real good move, dude.

No, we were safe.

I had a parking lot.

She would have gotten treats out of the guy at least before he took me.

He would have petted her a couple times before he raped and stabbed you.

But I went in to charge the Steam Deck.

By the way, I know it's from 2015, but the video game Mad Max fucking rules.

Tweet at me if you like it because I love it.

Goes away become my birthday party.

You know what?

There's that Jim Gaffigan joke that he did on his Comedy Central Presents where he's like, you ever watch a movie like a couple years late?

And then he's like, how good is heat?

And someone goes, came out in 98.

He's like, oh, I want to talk about it now.

That's how I feel about Mad Max.

It is so fun.

Playing it on the Steam Deck, having a blast, run out of batteries, go into Motel 6, meet Jim, sweet man,

lives locally.

I watched him tell a trucker, this guy that, this trucker came to the lobby.

This is about 11.30 at night.

And he goes, hey, man, I'm just going to head that way and pointed south.

And he's like, I'm just going to head that way.

What's going to happen if I go that way?

And Jim went, you won't get out.

He's like, I'm telling you right now.

I just drove here 30 minutes ago.

The roads are not shoveled.

They're not salted.

It's all icy and snowy.

And the guy was like, all right.

So clearly Jim knew what the fuck he was talking about.

I asked him about,

I was like, does this happen a lot?

And this is the crazy thing about Nebraska.

Nebraska, this is why you're getting heat.

Because it happens a lot.

Without even snow.

It's wind.

And I know it's precautionary, and I know a lot of people don't understand it.

Here's the thing.

I don't think that you saying your state is so effing empty that the wind can't be handled on the highways.

By the way, it's a plus.

It's not a plus.

It's crazy.

You put more stuff in your state so we can drive when the wind fucking blows.

I have places to go.

I will also say, Katie was right with her math.

It is three cows per person.

Three inches.

Three inch change per person in Nebraska.

Three cows and then a small cow.

And again, we're only going to say go buffs a couple times.

Go buffs.

But

I also found out Wyoming, you're in this shit too.

It's okay, we didn't go there.

We're not going there.

But Wyoming will close down I-80 if it's windy.

Because they don't want people coming into Wyoming.

It was just crazy because it was the second we got out of Colorado.

There's a town called Julesburg

that we took a picture of because my sister, my sister-in-law is named Julie.

So we were, you know, hee hee, look at this cool sign.

It's your town.

You're fucking nerds.

We get it.

And then all of a sudden we were stuck there.

Like we got off to P and then could not go.

And it was every single artery that you could possibly go oh well we won't take 80 we'll have to just cut down to oh that one's close to we were in the midst of the shit all of a sudden couldn't move hotels were booked no they know they know

yeah it is good context i mean but it is a good recap no guys you know what click skip

i should have let the previously on handle that

well a couple things have happened we're both anti-Nebraska that's right and we're both

I get what Katie's saying with the wind turbines.

We drove back.

We are currently in Panama.

Previously on.

What happened with the wind turbines is I was skewed.

She got scared of the wind turbines.

Big turbines, little lady.

Freaked her out.

You know, she really freaked out.

And I kind of get it because we were driving through Illinois outside of Chicago, about an hour outside of Chicago at night.

We were driving to her brother's, and there was just a line of red lights in the distance.

Blinking.

So they would turn off and then they'd turn on.

And someone said those are wind turbines.

On the internet.

He googled it.

I googled it.

It just is.

And I get it.

I could be wrong.

What it is is that if you look over there when they're not, when they're blinked off, when they're unblinked, they look, it looks like there's nothing there, and then all of a sudden they blink, and you're like, whoa, there's an army of things to my right.

Yeah, something's going to attack us out of the street.

Yes.

The whole point of this follow-up podcast is just to say: if you are a trucker in America, we love you, we respect you, you're a badass, we respect you, and it's living on the road like this is crazy.

Also,

to the guy that tweeted at Katie, they were right by a truck stop.

They could have gotten a shower in a hot cover.

I saw that.

Oh, you saw that.

I saw that because he was like, I'm not taking, excuse me.

Am I?

Do you think I'm taking a shower at a Flying J in Nebraska at 11:30 at night?

Do you think that's happening?

I kind of wish you would have.

I wish you would have.

I wish you would have sudsed up and gotten all sexy at the truck stop.

Do they make you pay extra to go in there together?

Oh, man, we could have been there.

Or pay less.

Do you save?

What's the opposite of the Mile High Club?

We've been pretty high up altitude-wise, but.

That's true.

Nah.

Yeah, the whole thing, and listen, I know the guy was saying, like, it's not that bad.

It wasn't that bad.

It just sucked sleeping in a car.

We had a couple times.

We said a couple times.

Well, we didn't know we were sleeping there.

But we thought we were.

We knew that.

We thought we were grateful that we had all the things we had and that we're very lucky that our car worked and we had...

And this is why I was frustrated because even what I tweeted was just like, shout out to the Motel 6 guys.

because I could see a world in which, you know, us living in New York, I've met people who would go, you can't use the bathroom unless you're staying here.

And they didn't do that.

They let us use their outlets.

They let us use their bathrooms.

They weren't weird about it at all.

Made us all feel very comfortable.

And I really appreciated that.

That's what I tweeted.

And then somebody was like, ah, you take to Twitter to bitch.

I'm like, is this bitching?

Yeah, we make sure we weren't

those people that you follow on Twitter that bitch about airlines.

Because even when it's tempting, it's like, dude, come on.

It's never worth it.

Everyone's going through it on your plane.

You're not the only person going through it.

We weren't the the only person there stuck.

But in the morning,

we barely slept.

I'm the one.

I think I'm.

You got a little bit more sleep.

Yeah, not a lot.

I'd say you got, in my notes, I wrote, Dan drove 100 hours on

an hour and a half of sleep.

I got about an hour and a half, two hours of sleep.

But not all at once, guys.

Sleeping in your car, we have found out the key is...

Finding a position that sticks, grabbing as much sleep as you can, and then you have to find another position that sticks.

So it's not going to be consistent.

No.

Going to be up, gonna be down.

But not hitting a REM cycle in the car.

We got in the car.

I woke up at around 7:15 a.m., looked over, red lights were off, highway was open.

The whole point of me telling you about Jim was that he taught me the red lights blinking next to the highway through the storm.

That was how I knew the highway was closed.

When those red lights were off, that was the indicator that the highway was open.

Woke up at around 7.05, 7.15, looked over.

People were getting on the highway.

I was like, let's go, go, go, go.

We got so excited.

Drove a couple hours, went to McDonald's.

Man, our theory about McDonald's off the highway was wrong.

Just that one.

Just that one.

We made a bad experience.

Did you guys know

when you order a sausage McMuffin

doesn't come with an egg?

You have to say sausage, egg, and cheese, or sausage, egg, McMuffin.

You have to say the egg.

Same thing with the McGriddles if you're listening to this and you're just gathering info.

I want.

If you say sausage, McGriddle's are just going to give you a sausage.

I want to save someone for doing what we had to do, which is

paying twice for a sandwich.

Who's going to eat a sausage?

And then they were burnt.

They were burnt like a woman.

I'm so sorry.

And it's just, they were burnt.

And it wasn't great.

It was a bad experience.

Listen, took an L, took a mini L.

Yeah.

Got back on.

Right.

And then we had a good laugh.

Big Jay called us while we were driving to Chicago.

I'm sorry.

I think we're going to, I'm going to pull us back a little.

I feel like you're going really far away from when we were sleeping in the car, and I feel like that's because you don't want to talk about what happened when you tried to change your shoes.

When you tried to change in your big boy boots

sitting in the car at Motel 6.

Two things about that.

Yeah.

Did we not, was the podcast before that?

We had not done that yet because I wrote it down.

And I wouldn't have written it down.

Did we talk about it on the last podcast?

I absolutely didn't because I wrote it down.

I wrote it down after two things I want to talk about.

I wrote it down after something I know we haven't talked about yet, which is that I'm doing all of this off of nicotine.

Yeah.

So I know that anything under this we have not addressed.

And yes, that is correct.

I have decided to stop taking nicotine because I'm sick of being addicted to a tiny little candy.

I think it stinks and makes me look like a real loser.

And so I've stopped, and it's been a hell of a time.

On this road trip, Katie has stopped taking Nicorette for the first time in six years?

I mean, it could be longer than that.

Who's taking it?

Possibly six plus?

Yeah, I don't know.

That's, you know.

Keep track.

Because why?

If you have something spicy, you make it hotter.

Right.

When going through hell, keep going turn the heat up put on a jacket a smart man said that I think it was I think so too it was one of the presidents right so no it was Winston Churchill when you took your shoes off and put on your other shoes so it was snowing we had to go to the truck stop to get supplies and by supplies I mean snacks which we will also get to yeah that's what I want to talk about because that revelation was funny so I put on I go get my hiking boots at the back of the car and I put them on I take my Nikes off and put on my hiking boots I put on my right shoe, and my big dumb foot just

I put my foot down.

And then Katie, Katie goes, Is your foot on the gas?

Dan finishes putting on his shoes.

I got it.

Dan finishes putting on his shoes, sits up, because he's been down there for a while.

They're boots, he's lacing those up.

He sits up and turns to me and says, So I'm thinking, like he's about to start telling me the plan, and I hear,

I mean, RPM and the shit, revving the shit out of him.

He's talking to me, and I go.

RPMs are at a good four or five.

So, is your foot on the gas?

I suck.

It was, no, you don't suck.

It was just so funny.

Obviously, very tall man.

Not a lot of room.

We are in a car.

Yes, it's a RAV4, so it's a little bit bigger than a car.

It's this a big one.

A RAV4 is a rogue.

That's what I meant.

A rogue.

Besmirch the Nissan man.

Same class of car, just different companies, or yeah, pretty much.

Also,

if you're a tall guy and you sleep in in a car, don't forget

special too.

The wheel can go up.

Oh, yeah.

Don't let it knock your knees all night.

That's what I'm saying.

Push it up.

Take care of yourself.

You deserve it.

Now, when Dan went to go get those snacks, he came back with a haul.

He got waters, three waters, one for each of us, Myrtle included.

He got Gatorades for us because you need a little bit of sustenance like that, something sweet and tasty, but not a sodi.

And then he got some snacks.

So the snacks I got, combos, because we're white trash and it's the pizza in the pretzel because gotta love it the lord's combo and i was like well that that's great and then you know what let me get something sweet so i got

reese's pretzels reeze chocolates and reese's dipped pretzels right and then you probably thought let me get something a little different savory but a little different so i got dotted

honey mustard pretzel sticks pretzel sticks i don't know if you're noticing a pattern yet but katie goes

she was drinking the water.

She's like, did you get all?

No, no.

I said, what are, I said,

it's crazy.

You got, because I was working my way through the snacks.

I was looking for a taste.

So I was having a little bit of something, and then I would go to the next one.

And by the time I got to the third one, or the second one, I was like,

this is also a pretzel.

This isn't satisfying it because I'm just having another cheesy-ish pretzel.

So if you're ever high sleeping in your car and you go to the truck stop to get supplies, don't just get different delicious forms of pretzels.

Which you didn't notice and you didn't do on purpose, but it was funny because I was like, Well, when I realized that.

Pretzels are making me thirsty.

It's very bad survival food to just load up on salty pretzels.

But it's tasty.

Damn, is it Dottie's?

Where did you come from?

Where did you come from?

Because Snyder's kind of had that game on lock, and I'm pretty brand loyal, so I still do my honey mustard enough.

Bad new bitch in town from Snyder's.

I don't know, Dottie.

I think it's somebody's new wife, second marriage.

I don't know her.

I don't know.

Snyder, I'm familiar with, and he's always been good to me.

You, when you took over.

Hanover.

I know where to find him should I need to complain.

When we were driving to Chicago and you took over, I took down that bag of Dotties in a good seven minutes.

Walked through it.

And I knew it was going to happen because you kept going, you want any of these?

And I knew that was your way of going.

It's get in now or it's gone.

Sometimes, you remember like really bad hangovers where

I remember one hangover specifically where I drank a like

just an ice-cold can of Arizona green tea.

And for that moment, it was the greatest drink I've ever had in my life.

When you took over driving in Chicago, I had that cold glacier frost Gatorade and that bag of Dotties.

Still thinking about it fondly.

Good.

Okay.

So you're a Dotties guy.

So the reason I brought up Jay was...

Because we love him.

Big Jay called to talk about Trish's Craigslist moment.

Oh, my God.

And that's when Katie, I forgot, we forgot to talk about it on the first episode.

And I know my mom's probably going to listen to this.

So, Trish, you know it's true.

Trish, you did this, not me.

Katie was just getting ready to go to my cousin's house before we went to my cousin Andy's house on Christmas Eve.

I think I was getting ready to go to Target.

Or Katie's getting ready to go to Target.

And then my mom just hands her

the dossier.

She just hands her a stack of torn-out yellow legal pad papers folded.

About four or five?

I'd say five or six.

Five or six sheets, front and back, though the,

she seemed to have a consistent system.

She would write their name.

It was always like a Robert, a Dave, a Steve, all those types of names.

A Dale, essentially.

And then she would write their age, and then she would write like where they were from or like a fact about themselves.

Fun fact.

There's always a fun fact.

At first, they had a couple each.

Like, it was like daughter, Lori, something, something, divorced, blah, blah, blah.

And then by the end, it was just like David

68 golf.

Oh my god, it just affronted me.

Turns out, everyone, from the previous episode where Katie was on and we talked about the Craigslist incident, my mom's body count, my mom actually showed the numbers.

She has...

She showed her work, so she gets full credit.

She gets full credit and showed it to Katie.

And on the back of the last page, she had the number that she told us, and it was circled.

And I was like, my goodness.

She really did the math.

Yeah, it's wild makes me wonder if she did that list while it was going or if she did that list recently trying to recount it.

No, I think it was had to be while it was going.

Yeah, it was like a balance sheet.

Yeah, exactly.

It was her ledger.

It was her P ⁇ L.

Yeah, it was her dick ledger.

She was realizing it was bad.

Dude, I'm about to sneeze.

Okay, check this out.

Okay, now if you could know

what experience is like.

It's all on that sweatshirt, which a shame was so clean a second ago.

She just thinks I'm wearing a hanky.

We just got McDonald's in the car.

And yeah, we got McDonald's.

So what, dude?

So what?

Judge yourself.

Oh, fuck you, man.

Slept in this car.

We've been through a lot.

We got McDonald's.

We're on our way home.

We're four hours away.

Do you see your sneeze on the map like that?

Oh, God.

Oh, no, that's just the map.

Thank God.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry, guys.

We're pretty much Francis Victerman Nomad.

Or what's it called?

Nomadic?

Nomad Land.

Nomad Land.

Okay.

He's done talking about whatever it was.

No, I was sniffling snot back into my face.

Oh.

Yeah, I saw the.

Do you think that was maybe a passive or aggressive?

What's next?

Okay.

So Trish

showed us the dossier.

We got the dossier.

I was wild that she had that.

I was pretty impressed.

Yeah.

Glad to see it.

And I said, oh my God, I don't even want to touch this.

This is like Smithsonian.

I shouldn't be allowed to have this.

Okay, next.

Remember when I thought the Wu-Tang clan had a British accent?

Oh, man.

So.

This is after a night in the car.

I am on no sleep.

These are me tossing out all my possible excuses, knowing that what's about to happen ain't a good look for me.

I was very, very tired.

The music was on, not full blast.

And it was a song I'd never heard of before.

Now, I am suburban, and I'm the first to admit that.

So I know a lot, but not enough.

I'm not going to be able to hang in a Wu-Tang, a deep Wu-Tang conversation.

The song was Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck.

No, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't, because I know that song.

Then it was...

I hate to say that.

It was not because it it was either that or Protect Your Neck.

I think it might have been Protect Your Neck, which I also do know, but for some reason, it just sounded like the person was being British.

You're so sweet for me.

I don't know why.

Katie was raised on radio edit music.

Oh, no, he found this out this road trip.

People who have listened to her.

So on a road trip,

she has been rapping the radio edits.

The radio edits.

Confidently.

It wasn't.

Because I know them.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Smoke.

Walk your mom to work every day.

It was just smoke every day.

He didn't say weed.

You think about it, maybe we were.

Eat your vegetables every day.

How did they change their dogs?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Don't forget your keys every day.

It was also, there was a Jay, some Jay-Z song that this happened to take.

Oh, but it was,

I'll tell you what it was.

It was Jigga What John.

It was not Jigga What, Jiggahoo.

It was

not.

Was it Change Clothes?

I don't know.

I wanted to.

It's really funny.

You don't realize how fucking ridiculous.

Using TV edits are bad.

These radio edits on rap songs are...

Man, those guys, when those rappers have to go in there and

dub it, I had to do it a little bit for billions, but it was silly.

But when it's your song...

And that's why I respect people like DMX who don't put the exact amount of syllables and just replace it with a word that's okay.

Like when he says, fuck it, dog, I'm hungry.

I was raised on whatever dog, I'm hungry.

And now to me, that fits better in that space than fuck it.

Fuck it is too short of a.

Who's going to say whatever dog?

I'm hungry.

Me, and I have my whole life.

Fuck it, dog, I'm hungry.

Whatever dog.

We also learned Myrtle, big DMX fan.

Huge.

And that's, I mean, kind of

hit.

It's dark and hell's hot came on, and there was an active response from our dog.

As we drove, was this when we drove through Barksville or whatever?

That was just now.

Barky Town.

We were in Barksville, Ohio.

Or Pennsylvania?

I don't know.

I haven't known what state we're in or what time it is.

It's dark and we're almost home.

Kind of.

I mean, we're four hours from home.

So that wouldn't have been, before this trip, I would not have called that almost home.

But I guess, yeah, we're close.

New York has started showing up on some of the signs.

That's big.

Getting a big pop from us.

When you do a cross-country road trip, you really miss home around,

you miss it three times.

After the first stop.

After the second stop, and in the final stretch.

Like, you really miss.

I'm just excited to go home.

That made no sense.

Of course it did.

Of course it did.

I was like, sometimes I fucking vomit out of my face.

Sorry.

Hey, guys.

Katie, can I have this for a second?

Yeah.

Hey, guys, welcome over to Self-Hate Corner.

It's time for the self-hating part of the podcast, where I just popped up.

Wail on myself.

Are you ready for me to just fucking wail on myself?

Did you hear a man put a cigarette out in his own eyes?

So I fucking deserve it.

This reminds me, I had to apologize to you.

I wanted to formally and publicly apologize to you on the podcast that we recorded before, where for some reason it felt necessary for me to blame you saying you were the reason, you were the person who said that it would be okay for us to drive.

I shouldn't have done that.

In that moment, it was more important for us to be a team.

Where I said it was okay for us to drive.

You said we decided it was safe enough for us to drive, even though we got the warnings of like, careful, rather's going to be bad tomorrow.

And I said, you decided.

And you said, oh, why'd you do that?

You were right.

Why did I do that?

I shouldn't have done that.

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

You got you.

And that shows growth.

Yeah.

And you're quitting nicotine right now, and you apologize.

It sucks.

It sucks.

It really, like, I've gone through the wanting a cigarette and not being able to have a cigarette.

It feels so much lamer to want a tiny little mint and not be allowed to have a tiny little mint.

That shit's lame.

Oh, my God.

But I felt, you and I both talked about that.

That's how I feel about vaping.

Vaping is like standard now, and it's weird to me.

It's like, well, you vaped to quit cigarettes.

Yeah.

Anybody who started vaping, and I know a couple of you.

I think there's an old generation generation that have.

We're old.

No, like.

There's people in our generation.

That's the one I'm more embarrassed for.

My generation, maybe, I guess.

A little, I don't know.

Are we in the same?

Are you a millennial, technically?

Yeah, but I'm an older.

Yeah, you all like to say that because you think it's annoying to be a millennial.

Yeah,

we're millennials.

We're gray millennials.

Sure.

You're the cool ones.

Yeah, you guys don't get it.

I know millennials who never smoked and then started vaping.

And boy, am I judging you.

Crazy.

Because you missed the fucking thing.

I found the dorkiest way to get it.

Smoking.

Starting on mints would have been insane.

I'd be embarrassed to admit it.

This is like I've been trying to quit cigarettes for a really long time.

I don't mind.

For so long, I got addicted to something else.

I don't miss drinking.

Well, I don't miss drinking all the time.

I miss smoking all the time.

The thing about nicotine, though, is you don't feel the negative effects.

I just reached a point where I was like, there's no way.

This is just fine.

Or everybody would always take these.

They would put nicotine in regular gum.

But they don't do that, and they check your ID, so there must not be a, this must be bad.

That's what those Zen pouches are.

They're just getting people hooked on.

I know.

I understand if you do Zen because you used to dip, like Shane or Nate.

Like, they both dipped, like, consistently.

Of course they did.

When I knew them, they both dipped heavy.

Like, had spittoons in their cars.

Spittoons?

It was like, you know, like a Mountain Dew.

Yeah, let's not call it a spitto.

They would have a die of Mountain Dew, but.

That's disgusting.

Anyways, man.

At least he used a soda that could not be confused for soda.

Yeah.

Oh, like a mug root beer?

Yeah.

That's rough.

Have you ever tried dipping?

I know you're a lady.

No, I haven't.

Because once I heard it was fiberglass, for some reason, that was it for me.

I heard that was only in Kodiak.

Oh, really?

Whoever taught me did it right because I was not interested in it.

My junior year during football, I was smoking, but I quit

in the summer.

And I was like, oh, I'll quit smoking for football.

But then

a lot of the guys on the team dipped.

So I was like, well, Let me get that nicotine.

So I started dipping, and I was cool.

You probably looked cool doing it, but no, I hated it.

I uh, here's a here's a story about how big of an asshole dipping made me look like.

Oh,

scroll, it was my junior year, scroll Meredith, who was a senior, was having a house party.

I was sitting in her living room on her white couch on her white carpet,

and I pulled out a can of dip, and I did that

like that, and it opened and flew everywhere.

Oh, daddy!

I'm talking about everywhere.

It flew everywhere.

And you know me, immediately spastic about going to clean it up.

I run to the closet, grab a vacuum cleaner.

Oh, no.

Plug it in.

What?

Start trying to vacuum the wet dip off the floor.

It just smells like wet, burnt tobacco.

Oh, my God, Dan.

Yeah.

How did nobody stop you between the closet?

They did.

They stopped me when I started vacuuming.

Oh, my God.

A vacuum?

Yeah.

Just grab a paper towel.

yeah oh my god yeah yeah

sorry madeline there's meredith meredith she went to u of a oh shout out shout out wildcats did they win they won that game yeah their ball game they beat oklahoma that's right i'm into college football now i don't know never miss a snap no other way to um hate nebraska because they aren't interesting enough to have pro sports and that's the last anti-Nebraska stuff we will say

but it is it is great to get her on board for next season's see you Nebraska game go buffs go buffs

Overall, we just wanted to check in with you guys.

Yeah, we just want to see how you guys were doing.

How are you guys?

It's just a bonus episode, so we've done enough.

Yeah.

Oh, okay, fine.

You're done with me.

Oh, do you have any more notes?

No, I mean, I have a couple, but they might be too long to get.

Do you have any hits?

Do you have anything that need to be talked about?

Well, so here's, this could be cut out if not, but I'm just going to pitch it to you.

Dan saw the ref for the first time.

Unfortunately, since having seen the ref, we got another unhinged Kevin Spacey video, like he likes to put out at Christmas.

It's tough to like a movie that's old for the first time and not be able to tell anybody about it because you can't, because the guy who's in it is kind of a humongous, creepy dickback.

Have you ever seen Naked Gun?

Yes.

Okay.

Because OJ is good in that.

Yeah.

That's a tough sentence.

I know.

It's tough to say.

But he

is.

He's good in Naked Gun.

Right.

And bad.

In general.

Yeah, bad if, you know.

Bad in general.

If you're a waiter dropping off sunglasses, then he's real bad.

But it's a nice thing to do.

Naked Gun,

real good.

The ref.

Kevin Spacey.

Real good.

Great.

Great.

The ref is.

I hate that you just said Kevin Spacey, great.

I don't think we should say that.

I don't think you should.

That's not what you mean.

Performance in the movie.

No, I mean, it was fine.

His performance in the movie was fine.

His actions with young men.

These are the things I approve of.

Great.

But isn't it nuts?

I didn't watch it, and my idea was that we could watch it here, but I don't think it's worth it since you are driving.

But isn't it crazy how he just keeps putting these videos out where he thinks he's House of Cards?

I think it's honestly kind of awesome.

Stop doing what?

Because

it's like Ric Flair.

He's like living the role.

Like, I'm trying to think who else I would want to see just come out in character that's completely fallen off.

Like, Robert Blake just is Beretta the whole time.

Is that too old?

That's an old reference.

I have no idea what that meant.

I gave it a laugh, though.

You did?

Out of respect.

Yeah, it's like it's like a way of pleading insanity without being yeah you know he's just like i'm my character and you're like well be a character for a movie where you were cool yeah can you be is was there a movie where he was the coolest american beauty creepy creepy he was creepy yeah he went to a high school yeah i immediately made the movie win best picture too i don't know usual suspects oh yeah

god damn it he's kaiser sosick well i mean hope you've seen it yeah it's 40 years hope you guys have have seen it.

Spoiler alert.

A 40-year-old spoiler.

Well, hey, Bruce Willis is dead in six seconds.

Excuse me, let's not do this.

Shocking.

Let's not do this.

I don't think we need to do that.

Mulan's a lady.

Dan, I'm going to walk out.

It's like that Adam Sandler sketch on.

Oh, man, this feels like an old man's balls.

Ew,

yeah, that was...

That movie was good.

It's a good Christmas movie.

The reference is a great Christmas movie.

yeah and and none of the others yes to it and no to the rest yeah um

these others were two cod cameras tylertown and phillipsburg those are made up you just you guys are making up places in pennsylvania you're putting made up places between us and our bed which is all we're trying to get oh you didn't go to steve steve atropolis

make sure you stop by steve atropolis for

there was what was the place that was called like wolfcock oh my god it was a road.

It was a road and it was like moose.

Fang, fang, fang blood.

Fang fucker.

Fang sucks.

It was like fang suck.

No, it wasn't blood.

It was like a

violence word and a sex word.

Smash the like button in the comment section.

If you're from that awkward...

Fang sucker?

It might have been fang sucker.

It's in Ohio.

I know that.

It is.

You're sure?

I don't know.

The motor we wanted to go to, did we talk about this at all?

The motor home.

Do you guys know the RV Hall of Fame?

There's an RV Hall of Fame.

And what it is, is like they, it's actually kind of a cool concept, and we were going to swing by until we decided we were doing the drive to New York in just one chunk.

We were not splitting this up into two.

We want to be home.

Yeah, if we were going to do it, if we were going to do the drive back to New York in two trucks, we would have stopped.

We would have stopped.

We would have to go 12 hours straight.

They just have mobile homes from throughout history just set up inside this big museum, and then you can like go inside them and see, like, oh, this is what it was like to live in a mobile home.

or an RV.

This is what it was like to be white trash in the early 70s?

Yeah, you get to be white trash through the years.

We're in the mid-90s.

Right.

And I thought that would have been a pretty cool experience, but they said no dogs.

Well, the dogs can come in, but they can't go into the actual

motor.

And I get that too, but that would have been the photo op.

That's what you wanted.

Was a picture of Myrtle sitting at a table with like

a 70s print behind her head?

I really wanted to go just so I could pick up some lingo from the RV community.

You thought it was going to be bustling?

You thought there was going to be just a ton of people who have RVs at the museum?

I don't, but I think there's going to be a guy there that really wants to talk about RVs.

Closed on Wednesdays, if you're planning,

just keep that in mind.

Heads up.

Closed in the middle of the week.

Heads up.

Plan around.

Sundays, I think they are open.

Can we talk about the water park that's at the Ramada?

Thank you so much for bringing that up.

The end of our life.

Thank you so much for bringing that up.

Where is that?

I have it.

I saved it in a tab because I said we're going to come back to this.

This place.

So we've been just looking at, first off, there's a hotel chain out there by Wyndham.

We think Wyndham might be the devil.

There is a hotel chain by Wyndham,

which now owns Ramada,

but it has a hotel chain called American.

Americ Inn.

Yeah, but that's it.

It's supposed to be American.

The hours on that RV Hall of Fame, Monday through Saturday.

They write this very stupid.

Monday through Saturday is 10 a.m.

to 4 p.m.

Eastern.

Closed on Wednesday, so that kind of voids the thing I just said.

And then Sunday, 10 a.m.

to 3 p.m.

So most of the time it's going to be 10 to 4.

Just try to go mid-afternoon.

Close Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's.

Or, you know, go late morning, early afternoon.

And

this is in

Elkhart, Indiana.

There you go.

So if you're nearby, swing by.

That's adults are going to get in 20 bucks.

Seniors, 15.

Nice discount.

Children, 12.

If you're a group, 14 or more, that's 15 ahead.

And learn some lingo.

Families can get in for $45.

Get out there, start talking.

We wish we could have stopped.

Start talking like you really travel around in one of these things.

Now back to the Ramada.

An hour later, had her ass up in the Ramada.

The Ramada has a

so Katie looked at that and it said indoor water park and they had like a picture on the highway where you're like there's no way it's that elaborate of a water park in a fucking Ramada which the reason this conversation got started was I was like Ramadas used to have they used to throw heat in the 90s and I feel like they've completely fallen off and then she's like look at this one's got a giant water park were we on 35?

Were we ever on 35 i think so because i lost this tab i can't believe it's gone but i just looked up ramada water park and it said des moines ramada by wyndham des moines tropics resort and conference center okay that is it des moines iowa so you're up we i read by the way iowa

you look completely different than nebraska and i say that as a compliment yeah immediately crossing the state lines crossing that river and you get over and you're like this is different we're out sorry i know i said that we were done being anti-Nebraska if if you're from nebraska you can just go sorry if you're from nebraska sorry get out you left you get it shout out to you and if you're still there

i'm sorry yeah i don't i don't have anything against you right

per se keep kill keep stretching i'm trying to pull up this these uh reviews of this ramada

beaver falls yeah all right absolutely not Absolutely not.

This is so much harder than I wanted it to be.

Well, the water park, when I saw how big the water park was, the first thing I said to Katie was you have that big of a water park you have to be on that motherfucker to make sure the maintenance is all right and let me tell you they are not so katie looked up the reviews

across the board one star reviews across the board constant one star and whatever i'm looking at now has a lot of three and five which feels like a that feels faster

whatever

that's good that's that's not true that's a pot farm this is a real uh johnny depp situation here yeah you got

what you got with those Ramada.

I think it was on Google to get it.

I was on Google Maps

because it was near me, so it was easier to find.

You search it on Google Maps.

I just did that.

Damn, are we about to have Fistoco?

Because we're not near a Ramada.

Are we about to have Fistico?

Because we're not near it, it's a lot harder to find.

Got it.

Shout out Richard R.

Whitehead and his Memorial Bridge.

I'm just stretching.

What are you eye rolling me?

I didn't eye roll.

You can't see my eyes.

It's night.

I sighed.

You sighed.

I found it.

A sigh usually goes with an eye roll.

Yeah, well, it did it that time.

Don't you feel foolish?

Oh, man.

Uh, okay, here we go.

Yeah.

Um,

reviews.

Oh, a picture of a cockroach.

I didn't see that before.

Damn.

Do not stay here.

When returning to my room after a concert, the room key did not work.

Multiple trips were taken to the front desk.

I was given different keys to try with no success.

I don't know.

Keep in mind, my room room was on the second floor on the opposite end of the hotel.

Finally, I requested the desk clerk to try it.

After her failed attempt, she explained that it happens quite often.

I was giving

just the hotel manager going, honestly, we can't even get in the room halfway.

It happens all the time.

We found a body one time.

We didn't even know they were going.

The smell of the pool that actually covers up.

One of the reviews that Katie read when we drove through there was like, everything smells like pool.

Everything feels like a pool.

She also said, because you're at a hotel that has a water park in it, you're in a hotel that has children running up and down the hallways at all hours of the night and their parents yelling after them at all hours of the night.

I would rather stay in a haunted hotel.

It is a place like I would rather stay where someone was brutally murdered.

It was a place where I could see it having huge value.

for a traveling team that's in town for like a nationals or a states and they it's like a oh it's a volleyball championship weekend and everybody comes in you want to get it that hotel's filling up first do you know there's an invitate under 12 invitational soccer tournament it's like well book up the ramada yeah because also connected to it they have like a pizza place that apparently has bomb ass pizza so it's like specifically made for kid heaven but there are people who are like i was traveling through des Moines for work and I and like what were you thinking did you not google that I had a water park in it I mean, that's nuts.

Imagine not knowing and just showing up.

Yeah, I don't know.

I got to go meet with the client.

He lives in Des Moines.

Put me in a Ramada.

I got Ramada points.

Just pick the closest Ramada.

I don't know, something with a slide.

Could I have a big inflated dino?

I could love a big inflated dino.

I want tasty square pizza.

I was molested, so my brain is stuck at seven.

Would not recommend this hotel for staying in.

Rooms were small, moldy, dirty, rusty.

We will never stay here again.

Sorry, guys.

I feel like families should know what they're getting into.

Shay's just doing our dirty talk right now.

Moldy.

Oh.

Dirty.

Fuck.

Rusty.

Oh, I'm going to lose it.

I'm losing it in my pants.

Yuck.

Also, this lady goes, yuck, after her whole big spiel.

Yuck.

Also, the staff was not the friendliest.

Well, here's...

So if you are a small business owner

and you want to make money and you live in Iowa, go buy this hotel.

Yeah, dude, they have a full pirate ship.

There's a full pirate ship inside, and that's going to be cool.

Refurbish this bitch.

and also manage it properly.

The reason I say this is one of the Google reviews that Katie Gigami

Doll.

Shout out Pinky Doll.

Google me.

I give you you.

I shoot you, Gigu.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

One of the reviews said this is the only indoor water park in Des Moines.

So go snatch it up.

Yeah.

Go be the water park.

I'm surprised by that.

You think that there would be more?

It's

the only indoor water park in a

wide range of...

How many indoor water parks do you go into?

There should be more.

I grew up going to one in Delhi.

I'm not sure you're driving and podcasting.

Celebrity one.

Okay, so can you not wardrobe change?

You know how I podcast.

You know I warm up, and you know I do several copies.

It'd be funny if the people hear us die.

You do several customers.

We did listen to Stan today, which I haven't heard that song in.

A million years.

Remember at the end when Eminem realizes that it was actually Stan?

Mind-blowing.

At the end when Eminem is writing a letter back to Stan and going, hey, sorry, dude, I got busy.

Like, yeah, sure, Eminem.

You do answer every fan, I bet.

Hey, I was just reading.

He seems like the kind of guy who would see the PS that says we should be together and go, let me get back to this guy.

I got to sit down and put pen to paper and reach out.

Also, when he's like...

I only say that shit.

I'm only clowning, bro.

How fucked up is you?

And you're like, well, well, you say it in songs, and then this man's telling you that it made him want to do it, and you're mad mad at him.

You should maybe, maybe we turn some of this inward.

Wow.

Hey, Marshall.

Wow.

Why don't we listen to a little man in the mirror and do some inner work?

Single tear down Ebin's face.

He goes, my name is.

My name is.

My name is.

I'm sorry.

Will the real Slim Shady finally stand up?

Ebin M breakthrough and therapy?

I was going to do the Jordan piece of the music.

I was going to say, before we, I was going to say this, before we let everyone go, can we let them in on a new impression you've been working on?

I've been doing a lot of...

I've been doing Jordan Peterson talking to Pete Davidson.

But

the Pete Davidson half isn't as good as the Jordan Peterson.

Sure.

The Jordan Peterson is on point.

And I also would like to say, I don't want any of those weirdos coming at.

I don't care.

I don't want to hear from them.

If you like him, that's...

Don't fucking add

him and be like, ooh, this person's...

No, no, I'm not saying I like you if you like him.

That's not what I'm saying.

I don't have friends who like him.

But I do.

That's crazy.

It's wild.

But there are the way he does interviews.

We were making fun of him.

It's like he's an android.

Like he doesn't understand stuff.

So if he was interviewing Eminem, he'd be like, so you rhyme the words together.

Well, that's hard.

That's a hard thing to do to make them rhyme.

And your mother, she caused a lot of damage.

And that's hard for a man to have a mother that took pills whose palms are hairier than you are.

And that Kim bitch.

All right, yep.

And we're good.

And that was the Jordan Peterson.

So look for that in future episodes.

Check me spraying that on all sorts of things.

You want to say some dates?

Oh, yeah.

Come to both.

I'm sorry.

I was just flavor-flaving you in the background.

Yeah, dude, way to hype me up.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, Wilbur Theater in Boston, DanceOder.com.

Also, Cleveland Hilarities, which I love that club.

So I will be there.

Thank you guys for listening to these bonus episodes.

This has just been our road trip.

And so we felt like.

Thanks for giving us something to do.

Yes, gave us something to do on it.

My dates, I'll be sitting on my ass for most of the year, I think.

Check me out.

When does January 9th?

But I think this is going to come out after that.

January 23rd.

January 23rd.

Happy birthday, Kevin.

Happy birthday, Kevin.

And Myrtle.

And Myrtle.

Happy birthday, Kevin.

Watch Katie on

Celebrity Jeopardy Finals,

January 23rd.

She's my Gloria from White Man Can't Jump.

I can't say it enough.

How proud I am of you.

You're sweet.

You kicked ass.

Thank you, Mr.

Speaker.

I know we both make fun of the fact that it's Celebrity Jeopardy,

but you still got the timing of the buzzer on, and that's half the battle.

And as G.I.

Joe told us, buzzing is half the battle.

Hey, we'll probably do another one of these road trip ones eventually.

So hope you enjoyed it.

If not sooner, a year from now.

Like and subscribe.

Like and subscribe on all platforms.

Leave a review.

You know,

even if you just want to give it one star on Apple Podcasts.

Fuck you.

No.

Oh.

I thought you were trying to.

If you want to give it one star on Apple Podcasts, just click the one star that's all the way to the right.

And that will count as one star.

I know it's a little confusing, but if you click the one all the way to the right, that counts as one star.

Thank you very much.

I thought you were trying to sabotage this.

I know.

And that would, what do you think of me?

Why would I do that?

Why would you do that?

You're a king.

Is it because you're worried Myrtle loves Katie more than I?

You gotta make your bed in the morning.

Make your bed, or you gotta walk Myrtle.

I love you guys.

What?

I love you.

I love everybody.

I love you the most.

I'll think.

I love you guys too, then.

Yeah.

I'm kissing you guys.

Fuck you.

I'm kissing you.

No, guys, I'm kissing you on the other side of your neck.

I'm going, what?

No, you're not.

Whatever.

I was your first.

Fuck you.

Get out of here, trumpet.

Fucking Aussie.

Alright.

Thanks, HP.

Thanks, HP.

Bye.

I don't know where the stop is, so I have to turn away.

Thank you.

Stop.