57: Atlantic City Soft Mike Rainey | Soder Podcast | EP 56

Chicago, this Friday at the Vic Theater, the late show, 10 p.m.

Tickets are still available.

Go to dansoder.com and then Milwaukee, Wisconsin, this Saturday, December 7th.

December 7th, this Saturday, Milwaukee, Turner Hall, one show, dansoder.com.

We are close to sold out.

Go push it over the edge.

I'm bringing a great show with me.

Maybe a little Louis Katz appearance, but dansoder.com, go get tickets right now and i'll see you in milwaukee this saturday

inspired you are that you would write on perks dude i was i i feel like dude perks actually like unlocked like everything that was like holding me back really so it was like i just didn't have that thing that like i used you didn't care yeah i just was like fine dude i was like i mean i get it that's what booze did for me it was heaven

yeah yeah i remember just that i took my family to Monster Mania in Baltimore, and I woke up early, and I was sitting like, you know, at MBC Suites, they have like the little like rivers and shit going through the center of the hotel.

I just remember sitting on my laptop.

I'm like, I'm the fucking man right now.

Yeah.

Barely.

Yeah, you felt like fucking

able to stay awake.

Just nodding out.

Well, that's, I mean, I got a lot of questions because.

I'll wait till we're recording.

Oh, you are?

Oh, dude,

I brought you a couple cards, too.

I want to

be at the end.

I got to start putting these up better.

People give me cards and I love it, but then I don't know where to put them.

And so there's just like a lot of free cards roaming around.

This guy gave me the crustiest, because you know, we do the basketball cards at the end.

This guy,

Sergei Bazarevich.

I'll probably fuck up his name, but he's like, check out how crusty this guy is.

I think I know him.

And he looks like he's wearing a disguise.

Like, if you look at him, you like, it looks like he's hiding from his family.

Yeah, he looks like...

This guy's from Moscow and bald.

Played for the Hawks for a couple seasons.

Yeah, he definitely knows like how far 100 yards away from his wife is.

Oh, yeah.

He's at the precipice of like violating that.

Yeah, he knows.

He knows international law better than he should.

But yeah, I mean, it's like, we started doing the card thing just as kind of like a joke.

And then it like, we just got so much cards now.

I'm just swimming in baseball.

I'm going to open my own shop.

When you were, I'm fascinated by this because like, I'll get high and try to write jokes and then I just don't.

But you got high and actually wrote books.

I mean, you wrote, I mean, this is your experience on perks, which you should go get, is hilarious.

It's all the Facebook posts that you made high on Percocet.

Yeah, it's all I would do.

I got heavy in the vinyl, heavy in the documentaries, and heavy into updating everything that I was thinking on Facebook.

Was there an injury?

What got you on perks?

Yeah, I got fucked up.

So

June of 2012, like I hurt my back.

That's always it.

Dude, it's, and it was like, I love drugs and alcohol before that.

Like, I had just committed to getting sober like two weeks prior to this because I had a, I had a crack bender in Atlantic City.

What?

It was my first time smoking a crack.

I mean, if you're going to smoke crack, go on a bender.

Yeah, dude.

It was

like AC2.

What a place to smoke crack.

It's winning the Super Bowl your rookie year.

Yeah.

And I so you just started smoking.

What happened was like I drove down there on the whim.

Like I had been drinking all day and I asked my wife to go out and get me hot dogs because I wanted a grill.

Yeah.

And I was like, while she was out getting hot dogs, dogs, I was like, you know, I'm feeling a little lucky tonight.

So Atlantic City is like an hour away from where I live.

Sure.

So while she was at the supermarket getting hot dogs, I left the kids alone and I drove down to Atlantic City.

Wait, hold up.

So she goes to get hot dogs and then you just peace out and go to AC?

Yeah.

And is 2012?

Yes.

Did you warn her?

No,

I had my phone on the front seat and it started blowing up like a half hour into the ride.

And she's like, where the fuck are you?

And uh, I texted back while I was driving, you're not gonna like this, but I'm headed to Atlantic City.

And she's like, You got to be fucking kidding me.

Had you done anything like this before in the marriage?

Oh, dude, I, I, yeah, I'd go on the rehab when she was seven months pregnant, so like she was aware of the extent of uh what the possibility is.

But I kind of understand the rehab seven months pregnant because you go,

baby comes out, clean dad,

but AC on a hot dog trip

is nuts.

If, hypothetically, let's fantasy book this.

All right.

Let's say you go to AC and you win a ton of money.

That was the plan.

That's the only way you break even in this situation.

Well, once you...

We all know that's not where it went.

But I was thinking on the fly because

once I got into crack smoking, I ran out of money.

So initially...

No, hold on, because we're jumping to a pretty important step, which is

so you drive from Philly to AC.

When does crack show up?

So I get a hotel room by myself.

So you're planning on staying a night.

Yeah, I was.

I knew I was going to find Coke somehow because it was just my, my way of doing it was I would just go somewhere and ask every black guy I saw until one of them got it for me.

Yeah.

And unfortunately, that does work.

So it's like one of those things where like racists say it and then like someone has to go, but it does, there is a completion rate.

And you go,

fuck.

Like, that's got to be one of those things where you go, like, I don't like that that works, but it's effective.

Did you see the promo for the Aaron Rodgers documentary where he's calculating percentages on the fly?

He's like, all right, if I got James Jones out here, I got an 80% of hitting this pass.

Like, that's what I felt when I was looking for a Coke.

You're like, all right, this black dude, he's got gold teeth.

80%.

That's a trick.

Yeah, I would even go higher.

At least he knows a guy.

He knows a guy in a pinch that can get him stuff.

So when you're, you've been drinking all day.

Are you buzzed when you're going to Atlantic City?

Yeah, I was fucked up, man.

Now, fortunately, the Atlantic City Expressway, it's a straight shot.

Yeah.

So I'm cruising.

I got my jams on.

Like, I'm ready to win.

And I'm not condoning this behavior, but I am saying as someone that's been in that kind of situation before,

you feel so good in that moment.

If they could bottle up, that's what drugs and alcohol are.

It isn't the like.

Fucking, oh, I wake up.

I've lost my family and stuff.

It's where you're at right now in that car driving to AC.

You're like fucked up,

but you feel great.

Yeah, it's a birthday weekend.

The world is my oyster.

I know, dude.

And that was my thinking the entire time down there.

God, when I was, when I would drink, I'd be like, this is living.

And then a couple days later, you're like, oh, those are all the wrong decisions.

So you go to AC, you get a hotel, start acting black, start asking black dudes for Coke.

Is there ever a black guy that's like, are you crazy?

Yes.

I'm a professor of African studies at Howard.

Like, he's like a guy.

But I can't get it for you.

Yeah.

He goes, but I got a guy with some fun.

And this shit ain't stepped on.

He goes, that's so funny, him getting mad at first.

Cool.

Now, let me tell you something.

I teach international law at Georgetown, but I got a brother with some shit that ain't stepped on.

He's like, follow me out to the parking garage.

My man.

Dude, Dane, there was only one guy that I can remember that freaked out.

I had a bar show in Lansdale, PA,

and he's like, why are you asking me this?

And I was like, I just thought you might have it.

He's like, It's because I'm a black guy.

It's like, I've asked every black guy in here, man.

Yeah.

Like, you're not special, dude.

Yeah, that's so funny.

It's not racist when you do it to the entire race.

And he goes, oh, I don't know if that follows.

So you get to AC and you start acting black dudes for Coke.

And a guy, dude, it was like,

what's that Christmas movie

where the guy, the family, the town shows him just like how

it's real life?

Yeah.

It was like...

You're looking for Zuzu's pedals?

No, dude, I found my Zuzu's pedals.

I'm looking to meet my guardian angel, if you know what I mean.

Yeah.

I found my black Clarence.

That's so funny.

When you do Coke, you're like Jimmy Stewart.

You're like, but there was one more here.

No, no, I bought a teeter.

That was more than a gram.

Everyone was here.

Yeah, dude, that's nuts.

You're cooked out, Jimmy Stewart.

Oh, Mr.

Potter.

You know, Mr.

Potter, you're going to ruin the whole damn town.

It's like, you just yaked out of your mind.

Dude, Jimmy Stewart on Coke and It's a Wonderful Life.

That's how I'm going to watch it this holiday season.

Well, everyone.

Yeah, you damn bitch.

When he comes off it, how he's mean to his family.

Yeah, dude, we're both having trouble paying our mortgages.

So you're looking for your Clarence, your black Clarence.

And it was like he spells it a way I can't even spell out right now.

He doesn't spell it in a normal Clarence way.

And he just appeared.

He was on a bike on the corner.

And it was one of these motels where it's just like an L-shape and you open the front door and you're in the parking lot.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Anytime, I've never felt safe in one of those.

I've always been like, well, here's where it ends.

You would think I have the world against me the way I sleep in motels like that, where I sleep at the door, like the KGB's coming for me or something.

Cause those are like, that's the shittiest kind of motel.

Yeah, nothing good ever happens there.

And he was out there and I waved him over and he wheels his bike over and I told him I was looking for soft.

And he's like, I can get it for you.

Soft?

Yes, meaning powder cocaine.

Okay.

And he's like, we.

I've never heard that called before.

He's like, we have to drive to get it, though, but I got to put my bike in your room if we're going to go get it.

And it was like...

Collateral.

Yeah, he was playing.

He was doing everything he should have done in this situation.

And we were feeling each other out.

This is all, by the way, for those of you that haven't experienced, this sounds all above board for a Coke deal.

This sounds, this sounds, this is SOP.

This is standing operating procedure at a fucking outdoor motel.

It was just two cats smelling each other's assholes before we agreed to get coke.

So you can get soft.

He He can get soft.

Yeah.

And so he puts the bike in.

Yep.

He puts the bike in, and it was like a red roof in or a motel six just outside of Atlantic City.

Okay.

And he's like, would you mind?

He's like,

whatever his wording was, like, he wanted crack.

Sure.

And I was like, yeah, I'll get you some crack.

And it's like, dude, I had like 600 bucks in my bank account, like, which was like a million back then.

Yeah.

And I was like, I'll get you whatever you want, man.

Baby, I'll buy you crack.

I'll buy you a car.

What do you want?

You want a house?

Why are you living outside?

Get inside.

So he agreed to it.

We went to the Motel 6 or Red Roof It, whatever it was, and he got what I asked him for.

And we stopped to get him a crack stem.

We got his crack stem.

How excited were you when you got that Coke?

Well, anytime, like part of what makes it so exciting is like you're dry heaving the whole time because like the hunt for it is almost as exciting as actually getting it.

So the whole time I'm just sitting in the parking lot just dry heaving like, oh my God, this is going to be so good.

I'm going to do so much blow.

I'm going gonna have so many thoughts that I'm gonna tell people.

And you're gonna go gambling.

Yeah.

I feel like you'd be a nightmare yaked out at a blackjack table.

You're like, I'm not hitting.

Are you hitting?

But, but, like, honestly, like, the gambling was secondary.

Like, if I had money cool, like the Stanley Cup final had just started, it was Rangers and Kings, I think was 2012.

And

yeah, so we get all this shit, we get beer, we come back to my motel.

And when we come back to the motel room, there's a guy sitting outside the room next to me with two ladies.

And he's like, sounds like a party.

Well, it was, I didn't know it was that kind of party.

And he's like, oh, I know where the party's at tonight.

I was like, yeah, if you want to have a few beers, come on in.

So I invited this guy and the two ladies he was with to come hang out with me and this bike coke guy.

Yeah, your new guy, your new best friend.

Yeah.

So I had on the Stanley Cup final.

It was game one, and I'm into it.

It's so funny watching hockey with two, with like a homeless black dude in Atlantic City.

Like hockey.

That's just funny to me that he's like, he's like, oh, oh, man, King's got a crazy fourth check.

Like, he knows, like, like, he really knows hockey.

He goes, what are you going to dump that in, man?

That's blue line, blue line, man.

You can't be doing that shit.

That was offsides.

He knows offsides better than anybody.

My man, you gotta, you gotta get offsides.

You're gonna get an up on the one-time.

Get with the one-time was right there.

Just thinking about black dudes from the street knowing a lot about hockey.

I was willing to teach him that to you.

Yeah, all coked up, and you feel like Michelle Pfeiffer in a dangerous vibes.

Just turn my chair.

There we go.

The original eight.

And you started going off about hockey.

I got a black guy ice hockey teaching leather jacket I put on.

Now, you thought Michael Jordan was cool.

What about Wayne Gretzky?

And they're like, oh, I see what you mean, Mr.

Rainey.

Power play in the money.

Money in the power play.

Dude, I love it.

I love you teaching black dudes about those Stanley Cup finals.

And are you doing the Coke and they're doing the crack so the guy who got me the crack was the only one doing crack at that time i was just plowing through the powder coke that i got were you offering some to your new guests i did they didn't take me up on it which i thought was suspicious because any other time i've offered anybody coke they just snap it right up yeah especially at a motel yeah i would feel like the the cocaine completion rate at a motel hovers around 90

no doubt nine out of ten times people are going i'll do a couple yeah yeah give me a fucking line yep is that soft

is that soft or hard I don't like a hard.

In between.

A little mismatch.

A little dealer's choice.

Yeah, that's malleable.

Yeah, so you're just doing blow, just doing lines, going,

think about all inquest is.

You're not going to score on him.

The guy is

just talking hockey.

And dude, I was super into it because, like, you know, I love the Flyers.

I hated the Rangers.

I didn't want to see them win.

The Kings had a few old Flyers on there.

Yeah.

So I was fired up for the Kings to win the Cup.

And the crack guy was into his crack.

And the guy that was next door with the two girls that came in, they weren't as into it as I thought.

And then at a certain point, he said something to the effect of like, you know, it's fucked up to waste people's time.

And I didn't understand what he meant.

And the guy that I bought the crack for pulled me aside and he's like, he's expecting to be paid.

He's a pimp and these are hookers.

I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't want that.

I really just want to watch hockey.

That's so funny.

And he's like, he made me.

I was genuinely looking for a good time.

Yeah.

I didn't know you got.

Wow, man, I feel so silly.

Yeah, I guess I'm not going to be able to do that.

I just wanted a good time.

You looking for a good time?

Do you want to drink, do you want to crush beers and watch hockey?

Do you want to crush beers and watch hockey in my red room?

And they're like, I guess.

Just the weird shit that hookers have to go through.

They're probably like, I ain't never seen a white boy do this to me.

Usually I just give him a half and half in his car.

I top him off and he drops me off.

I've never had to watch no damn hockey.

120 to put a foam finger in my ass

you better be shooting something at my pose

so what when you tell him oh no i'm innocent i i just want to hang out he wanted to be paid for his time so i don't know how much cash i had on me because i started the night with 600 i got a motel room and then after like my coke his crack and uh a few six packs of coronas that's more than cut in half yeah so whatever cash i had on me i just gave to him just for him and these two ladies to leave the room.

So me and the crack guy could have

watch hockey.

Right.

Yeah.

But aren't you going to go gambling?

Eventually, yeah, that was my plan.

But at this point, like, once I got coke and me, that's all I wanted.

Yeah, resources are gone.

Yeah.

It's all about blood.

Yeah.

And

he took whatever money I had.

They left the room.

So me and this guy.

Did they leave happy?

They were fine.

They didn't cause me any problems.

And I think just because I didn't fight them on being like, you just handed them cash.

I was just like, no, no, no, no.

And then the guy who I got the crack for was just like, you know, this is what they expect.

Yeah.

And I was just like, oh.

So I just took out whatever I had and I gave them whatever cash was in my pocket.

Dude, your clearance really was helping you out.

I know, man.

He really was.

And it's like,

he even helps me out later on in the night.

It could have taken a much darker turn.

But eventually we plow through whatever we had.

Yeah.

And I asked him if he can get me more Coke.

He's like, I can't get that, but I can get more hard.

So I was like,

I don't know.

Now.

What's the milling over process of deciding to smoke crack?

It wasn't too long because, all right, this wasn't my first time ingesting crack.

It's my first time smoking crack.

So you had snorted it?

I had snorted it.

I went to Denver for an Eagles game.

Shout out to Denver, man.

Wow, High City.

5280.

You did crack in Denver?

Yeah, so I had gone to watch the Eagles play the Broncos in like, fuck, it was like maybe 2005.

Fun.

Donovan's still on the team.

You're going against Jake Plummer and Rod Smith.

Great team, man.

You're going against the fun Denver Broncos team.

They were great.

So are the Eagles.

The Eagles had McNabb.

You guys still had Westbrook and Dawkins.

Both teams were fucking cooking.

Yeah.

And the plan was it was like a three-day trip.

And the night before the game,

there was a brewery down by whatever the, is it the Pepsi Center where the Avalanche play?

Yeah.

There's a brewery by there.

Yeah.

In the parking lot.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's called Brooklyn.

I think it used to be called Brooklyn's, but yeah, there's a restaurant in the Pepsi Center parking lot.

And one of my buddies used to bartend there.

Oh, sick, man.

Yeah.

But we were hanging out there, and

I did the, you know, excuse me for a minute, and everybody knew what I was doing.

I was just like, fuck, here we go.

Going to DuBlow.

Yeah, well, I was going to find it.

And there was either an Avalanche game or a Nuggets game going on.

So I wandered up to a guy.

Black guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which tough find in Colorado.

I'm not going to lie.

He was out there.

They're not as abundant as a place like Atlantic City.

I found the one, though.

He was just out there selling tickets, and I asked him for Coke.

He's like, and I don't, he's like, I don't have Coke.

I have hard.

So I was like,

I'll take it.

So I bought however much he offered me.

And it wasn't like what he had.

He had to go meet a guy.

He took the money.

And at a certain point, I think I'm going to get ripped off.

He does come back, though.

And he hands me.

That's amazing.

Putting faith in someone like that to come back with drugs is you go.

Delete all this.

You have some decency in you that you left and you came back with the actual drugs.

But I think I have a certain whimsy about me.

And you're innocent.

I think you have

an innocence.

I think you have a positive light beam coming out of you.

Thank you.

That they go like, I can't hurt this guy.

Like, even the innocence enough for the pimp and the hookers to go like, we'll get it.

Just give me the money.

We'll get out of here.

Because

that guy's like, I could have missed out.

I could have turned them a couple times.

They could have done whatever they wanted to me, and there's nothing I could have done about it.

Yeah, but they go, man, you love hockey.

you love hockey and cocaine give me the 300 you love your kings if you love and i love my king that's what the hooker says and i love mine so i'm gonna let you go so the guy comes back with crack in denver yeah and i don't know i don't remember how much i bought but and it was saturday night the night before the game yeah leading into the game sign so you guys are staying down there because investco is right across the highway from where the pepsi center is so and ilage gardens shout out sorry mom she got me a birthday pass and i never went it was one of of the biggest fights we ever got in.

Still feel bad.

My mom was like, I got you a season pass for illoges.

And I was like, I can't get down there.

Because I was in Aurora.

My mom was like, so I just wasted that money.

And I was like, sorry.

Oh, no.

So the guy comes back with crack.

Do you do it at the restaurant?

No.

So we went back to the hotel.

It's just a pain in the ass to smash up.

Crack's not meant to be snorted.

Sure.

It's a whole fucking process.

Yeah.

So I waited till we got back to our hotel, and I was staying with three guys, two brothers and their dad.

And the dad and the one brother ended up going to bed.

And then, as soon as they went to bed, I knew my real degenerate friend Steve was like, Steve, you're never going to guess what I got.

Oh, so they didn't know that you went and scored that?

They didn't know I had it.

Like, they assumed that's what I was going off to do.

Yeah.

But so when you came back, you weren't like, I got crack rock.

No.

You showed back up and you're like, hey, what's going on with this guy?

Yeah.

No, it wasn't that.

So it was only Steve who knew.

And I told him, I was like, Steve, you want to do this with me?

So we went to the bathroom.

We just smashed it up.

And it took forever to smash it all up.

Yeah.

And because it's cooked into rock, it's a nightmare.

And it's, we ended up snorting all of it all night into the next morning.

And we got up, we went to Tailgate for the game.

That's so funny, though.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

It's so funny to wake up in a hotel room and two of the people have doing crack all night where you just wake up and they go, hey, sleepy.

Yeah.

Hey,

you were fucking getting your REM cycle.

We lifted the bed 17 times.

So the sun comes up you've slept

no and uh i don't even think i tried to go to sleep but we were going to tailgate uh i forget what time the game was but we went down the tailgate pretty early because that was part of the package that you buy to go on these trips yeah and uh

i ran out and i had no money left so there was no chance i could even think about getting more did you immediately feel the withdrawal when you were done it's when the sun comes up um it does something to you like when it makes you realize just how fucked your decisions were and then also you're typically like running out around that time draining so it's like oh my god i'm running out not only that but it's like i can't sleep away the day like i came here to go see the fucking eagles play the whole reason you're in denver is to see and it was nuts and we ended up going to tailgate and i'm just trying to fit in just trying to have a couple beers to be normal but it's like like my brain is just crashing at this yeah and we ended up going in and the eagles get fucking smoked it was like

I think the the Broncos scored like seven touchdowns that game.

It was insane.

Like there was a, one of their, I forget who their tight end was, but he made a one-handed catch in the end zone.

Dwayne's Carswell?

No, it was a white guy.

Fuck, who was their, who's their tight end in 04?

I think

05.

05,

because that's the Jake Plummer Rod Smith year.

I remember because this is when I played fantasy football.

So I'm trying to think who the Broncos' tight end was.

Niners, I could have answered that immediately, but Broncos, I swore I thought it was Dwayne Carswell.

I thought it was House.

But watching your football team get absolutely annihilated.

Oh, here it is.

Yeah, October 30th, 2005, the Broncos offense exploded.

Eagles at Broncos 2005.

Here's all the stats.

49-21.

Yeah, it was bad.

I mean, yeah, you guys got routed in the first half.

Which that should have been enough to like

get me off crack forever.

Mike Anderson.

Oh, yeah.

Kyle Johnson?

That's the only name I don't know.

Stephen Alexander might have been it.

Yeah.

I mean, you guys, Jake Plumber.

Can we talk about Jake Plumber and Tatum Bell?

Just absolutely fucking burning the birds.

Wait, God, now

I got to see this.

Yeah, I feel like Jake Plumber knew I bought crack the night before.

Tight end Stephen Alexander.

I don't remember him.

Sorry, Mr.

Alexander.

At least we didn't open your card and call you Krusty.

So you're at the Broncos game.

Can I ask you a question?

Just as someone that grew up in Colorado, does the altitude affect the crack?

Because it affects

alcohol and weed.

I didn't feel anything.

Did you feel extra crack down?

No, I felt utter devastation.

So I don't know how that paired with the crack come down.

And they lose.

It was the worst possible scenario.

And I have no money.

Oh.

And it's like, even if I want a fucking hot dog, I got to ask my friends for it.

Oh, man.

Damn it.

Yeah, dude.

So the trip ends with the Eagles getting blown out, you flying back to Philly.

Never touching the stuff again.

Because that was your your attitude that was my I mean I had nothing and it's like I'm never going hard again only soft I will consistently stay soft the rest of my life so you think that's it for crack I do man you weren't addicted because they always say the rate of addiction with crack like they say heroin's the worst but they say crack is like pretty close second here's what I didn't like about crack it is like the most intense feeling that I've ever felt but it was so intense that I didn't like it.

Okay.

Whereas, you know, any other, any times where I've smoked it, it was just like standing there in front of like a TV or in some weirdo's room and just not doing anything else other than just waiting for it to be passed again.

And it's like, I get why people just need more, need more, need more.

Yeah.

But it was just too intense.

Whereas with powdered Coke, I felt like I could move around, I could talk, I could have conversations.

Yeah, it's like I'm the man.

People with Coke, there is zero hesitation.

When they're on powdered Coke, they know what they're telling you.

They believe what they're telling you.

And they're going to tell it to you again if you didn't hear them.

Like, that's how coke, that's why I've never liked it.

That's why I never did it because I knew I would be obnoxious on it.

It's brutal, but I mean, I don't know how you were, but like I was, I thought I was the man, but afterward, it's like, oh my God, I hope I never run into that person again.

That's how I felt with alcohol.

All right.

I would drink and I'd be like, no, I got opinions.

And then the next day I'd be like, who the fuck are you?

So that's why that's the same reason I was always afraid to do Coke.

Because I was like, if I'm that bad on fucking booze, imagine Coke.

The times I've done like Adderall and drank, I was obnoxious.

So I get it.

So we

fast forward to 2012.

You're on Coke at this motel with Clarence, your angel, and he says he can get more crack.

Do you think about Philly?

Do you think about, I mean, do you think about the Broncos game at all?

Or are you like, I didn't, man.

You were just so fucked up.

You're like, I just wanted more, but like, I'm running out of money.

And I ended up texting like every person on my phone asking them venmo wasn't a thing so i asked them like yo can you western union me a hundred bucks the only person that called me to find out what the is going on is tim butterly the great one of the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet if you don't know tim butterly look him up i mean dad meet your guys podcast but tim butterly is a genuine person He is, and he's my best friend for a lot of reasons, but like that's a best friend move.

That is what the fuck are you talking about?

A couple guys just me the sent the money to western they're like yo i just sent it so it's like uh i'd never used western union before so how do i get it and uh i think i went to like a 7-eleven or something and and i had to fill out a paper to get it they're like yeah i'll send it no problem but tim was the only one who who called me to say like what's going on why do you need like a hundred bucks at whatever this time was

and uh I was like, yeah, I'm just hanging down here.

I'm partying and I could use a little bit of money.

And he's like, he's like, if I had it, I would give it to you.

And I believed him.

Sure.

He's like, but I do want to to call and make sure you're okay and i was like i appreciate that but i just really need money right now yeah he's like dude i'm sorry it's like if you need a ride or something let me know i'll get you but i don't still a good guy going like i'm not going to give you drug money but i can come pick you up if you need it yeah

and uh yeah we we talk about it pretty often because that was probably my lowest point Really?

It was nuts because I mean I just partied all night and then I had a an iPod touch, which at the time was like a big deal.

That's a huge deal.

It was like

the size of this.

Yeah, it's the iPhone without the phone.

and i just got it like a few days prior and uh i ran out of money eventually and i was like is there a pawn shop we could go to the guy's like yeah i know one and it's open all night you just ring the bell the guy wakes up and he comes down and he praises your shit and uh when i asked how much i can get for it he's like 20

and i was like oh my god like i forget what i paid for it it was probably like 160 bucks or something insane for an ipod and then he started to walk away i was like oh no no no no i'll take the 20 bucks so i took the 20 bucks for that and then we wandered around and i had these bright orange Nikes on.

And that prevented one crack dealer from selling us the crack.

He's like, I'm not doing that.

He's like, why not?

He's like, your man's making the block hot.

Because you're orange.

Because I had my bright orange Nike.

A white guy walking around with basically reflectors on.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys, is this loud enough for you?

And they're like, I don't know.

We have a little conduct here on the corner where we don't.

So you hadn't done the crack yet.

No, no, I've been tearing through it.

Oh, you have?

Yeah, I spent whatever money I had left.

And this guy.

When you do it again, when you do it, just to go back a little bit, when you do it again the second time in Atlantic City, when you smoke the crack, are you like, oh, I don't like this?

Or are you like, fucking, here we go?

I know I'm fucked because, like, when I get home, I know I'm going to, and deservedly so, I know I'm going to hear it.

And

I was just like, it'd be crazy.

Honestly, it'd be crazy if you didn't.

Where is your

dude?

Like, what's your day?

How is AC?

and he's like smoked a bunch of crack smoked my sold my ipod touch and she goes okay

that's

but that was my thinking dude and uh i ended up just tearing through whatever we could get and then the night finally comes to an end and fortunately uh my buddy danny was uh playing poker down there okay and i knew he goes down there often so i just texted him said hey is there anything you can give me to get home because i didn't think i had I didn't either have gas or toll money.

Oh, shit.

And he's like, yeah, just come to wherever he was.

And I went went and I got 20 bucks off of him.

Quick question.

When you show up, is your friend like, what the fuck?

He just showing up like, ah,

you're on crack and shit.

Like, he was just at the casino.

He's like, hey, Mike.

And you're like, ah.

I mean, I would fucking be like, dude, are you on crack right now?

Yeah, dude.

The crack reveal has got to be like as intense as like seeing your bride walking through the stairs.

Just those videos of dudes crying when it's when it's the, but it's not the bride that's your friend aren't crack.

like

and there's another guy

shaking your shoulder like

you look so fucking crazy like

just going to the casino

and he's like that's so funny please someone edit can we edit that

crackhead with a guy going

that classic video

There he is.

So you can go and he gives you toll money?

He gave, I forget how much.

It was like 20 or 40 bucks, but enough to like get me home.

And before I went home, there's a Kmart by our house and I stopped there

because I knew my two boys had sent me money.

It might have been two or three, had sent me Western Union me money.

So I went there.

They had at the customer service desk, you could receive and send Western Union.

Sure.

So I went there.

The lady helped me through the process.

And my thinking was I had to get this money before I went home because any other time I would go in a bender, my wife would be furious in part because I blew all of her money.

Yeah.

And so if you had some money when you came home.

What do you complain?

I've got $200.

Like, what do you have to do?

Oh, I barely did crack.

Oh,

stop.

I had a couple pebbles of crack.

Well, you fucking relax.

You sound like your mother.

Sound like your mom right now.

You're actually acting like your mother.

So you go to Kmart.

See, this is my problem with addiction.

Whenever I was in that situation where something good would happen, I would immediately go,

I just keep getting fucked up.

Like, the day I moved out of Tucson, I woke up, hungover, and instead of packing and being responsible, I just drank the Barton's vodka we had in our freezer because I woke up with a hangover and then I packed blacked out drunk and like called the radio station I used to work at on the way to the airport.

They like they wrote X's on my ticket.

I showed up to the airport blackout drunk and they were like, oh my God, dude.

Hey, Arthur, I don't think we can let you on the fucking plane.

because i had that moment where someone was like oh here's something good and i was like

flight the movie flight with denzel washington does that perfectly where the where the refrigerator's banging and he sees it's all bottles that feeling i've never identified with more than in that movie where i was like this is where and you know as an addict you go this is where it goes bad yep so i'm surprised that you it's smart that you took the money home yeah i think part of it was that like i had gotten so annoying with people and trying to get drugs constantly that most people had just decided not to fuck with me anymore at this point.

And I ended up going home.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Okay.

And I'm convinced it was because I came home with some money.

I mean, you kind of owe those guys that.

No doubt.

I mean, that Western Union, that money.

Yeah.

They might have saved your marriage.

Well, dude, one of them was my wife's cousin.

That's really good.

So he's a solid dude.

That's a great, what a great bonding experience.

Yeah.

Because now when you see him at barbecues and shit, you're like, dude, thank you.

You think you saved his family.

But I stopped at that kmart and i think you stopped her from leaving yeah so you come back and is she just like because she last time she saw you you felt like hot dogs yeah and it's i didn't even check to see if the hot dogs were in the fridge that's so funny because i had it eaten so i probably that is a way to start an argument where you go you didn't even get the hot dogs yeah she was like is there seriously no mustard how long were we you were there just a night yeah i just went overnight okay And then you come back,

have the money, and is she just like,

yeah, I I mean, you just get screamed at.

I don't even remember getting screamed at that.

I think she just left me alone because at this point, like, she had been through the ringer with this shit.

Because I'd gone to rehab in 2006 when she was like seven or eight months pregnant.

Okay.

And there were so many nights where I just like, whenever I get paid, I would just take off and just, that would be it.

And just, we had nothing, man.

It's like we would get, we got evicted, and it was fucking fucked up, man.

Yeah.

Fuck, man.

Yeah.

That's fucking.

It was bad.

It's awesome that you've gotten, though, like this far.

Dude, I feel so lucky for a lot of different reasons, but that's part of it is because like we were so fucking low.

Yeah.

And to go from that, but like at that point, like I was convinced that like, all right, this was so bad.

Like I was smoking crack in Atlantic City.

Yeah.

And I was like, this has to be the end of this.

And it was for like two weeks.

And I started working a part-time summer job.

It was like a UPS style job at like.

just some random shipping facility in Delco.

And I hurt my back.

All of a sudden, my leg was on fire one night.

And then then it just got worse day by day.

And I went to the doctor, and I got an MRI, and he's like, yeah, you ruptured two discs in your back.

And I was like, oh, well, I'm glad I know what's wrong.

But

I was like, you know, I kind of don't have a lot of money to fix this.

I did have insurance, but it wasn't great.

Yeah.

And he's like, you're probably going to have to surgery.

And we were leaving for Disney in like, you know, a couple weeks.

Sure.

And it's like, I had saved up every dollar I had to fucking plan for this Disney trip, which was a lot.

And it's like, I I shouldn't have gone to.

I had a Lone Shark at the time too, which was fucking insane.

And I ended up having to borrow money from him as well.

He's actually going to come on Dad Meet soon.

So look out for that episode.

Watch Dad Meet with the Lone Shark.

Can I also say

that's who should be doing DraftKing commercials?

The Lone Sharks.

Fuck Kevin Hart.

It should be Lone Sharks where they're like, how you doing?

I'm Sal.

You look like you want to take the Jets for two.

I don't want to watch billionaires talk about how fun gambling is.

I want a guy that like, that was gambling.

Like back when you used to gamble, you had a guy that was like, I'll loan you money, but I'll break your fucking legs if you don't bring it to me.

Yeah.

And it's like, I got lucky though.

Like this guy, like, I never felt threatened by this guy.

When I initially met him, the guy that made the introduction wasn't there, but he's like, look, don't be surprised if he puts a piece on the dashboard.

Because that's his thing.

He just, you know.

Let you know he's got it.

Right.

Yeah.

He didn't do that.

I gave him a copy of my first book, which I think he was very endeared by.

And we had a great relationship.

We're going to meet for breakfast next week.

So we still have a nice relationship.

I love that.

Yeah.

I love that.

He is the sweetest fucking person.

You're getting eggs with a guy that is known to put a piece on the dashboard to let you know.

By the way, that's just like his calling card.

And he goes, you do.

You have that light emanating out of you.

That dangerous people go.

I like him though.

I can't hurt a guy.

So you're getting ready for Disney and you know you can't have surgery.

I want to get it just because I just, I can only lay down at this point.

So the doctor's like, well, I'm going to write this prescription.

And initially, it was like 120 pills.

And I think they were like,

the initial one was for 10 milligram Percocet.

And I was like, all right, cool.

I'd only had Viking in it before, and they were great.

I enjoyed them.

It wasn't really my thing, but I did it just because I like getting fucked up.

Sure.

So once I started with pills and everything else was off the table, I was like, this is going to be my thing.

And this is after you started taking them.

Yeah, immediately.

It's like, because I just want booze so bad.

And it's like, I missed it.

The Percocets are man.

It's heaven man.

They go through and you go like

I'm itchy, but not really.

Yeah, I mean Percocets when I was 14 I broke my shoulder and they put me on like hard they put me on like I think 20 milligram Percocettes.

Kitty Prococettes are good too.

And I was fucking loving it.

I stopped taking them for a while so I could build up so I knew I could get fucked up.

Yeah.

Shout out Ryan Huffman.

I used to go to his house and just sit on his deck and crush Percocettes and smoke amelites.

That's a good dirt ball name.

And I was Ryan Huffman.

Yeah, and I was 14 and I could see where football practice was from his porch and I'd just be fucked up on smoking camel lights being like, glad I don't got to run buff reminders.

I'm just smoking cigarettes being like, this is wild.

And then I would go to practice.

One time I took a Percocet and I just like went to practice and I was like, football's cool, man.

But then when I ran out,

I was like 14.

So I didn't have any options.

I couldn't make an adult option to go get more.

I had to go through the, you know, the process of kid withdrawal.

I couldn't imagine.

Dude, it was like at school just being like, I don't want to fucking learn that.

My shoulder's still healing where I'm like, I don't, it sucked.

It sucked.

But I saw how great Percocets were in that moment.

It's heaven.

And especially like when you don't have an alternative.

Yeah.

They're even better.

Yeah.

Especially when you're, you're, you know, you're an addict, you're working on it.

You know, you need to stop.

And now you have a doctor go, these are okay.

And that was it.

Yeah.

And it's like more than that.

then it's basically being like your wife being like you can cheat and you're like oh well now i'm gonna be the biggest dirtbag in the world because i feel like i've been given the okay yeah and that's what it was man it's like when we ended up going to disney i ended up having the surgery and four days later we went to disney

Did you feel, I mean, surge going to Disney four days after surgery.

Dude, I was fucked up.

And right before I got on the plane, I had to take a shit because like they bind you up.

Yeah.

And it's so hard to take a shit.

And I was trying to force one out.

And I knew like we were going to start boarding soon.

and i ended up reherniating my disc oh my god i think you've told me this story yeah dude you reherniated because you were pushing so hard i was pushing so hard and i couldn't get this turd out so i rehernated my disc and i got on the plane and it was like i'm trying not to scream and uh we land in disney and i had it we got to the hotel and uh my wife called 911 because like i was so fucked up like i was screaming and it's like my poor kids were there and it's like and this is for them they're like

we're going to disney and you're like dad is fucking losing it.

But I mean, now when they hear about this when they're older, they're going to understand how much of a champion you were.

That you had back surgery and you're like, no, no, no, we're going to fucking Disney World.

Yeah, and there wasn't an option just because we were so poor and it's like every dollar that I could went to this fucking trip.

Yeah.

And we got there.

So there was no travel insurance.

It just would have been thousands of dollars down the train, down the drain.

And I wanted us all to go there.

It was a massive achievement because I think we had gone down like the jersey shore or something the year prior so that was a big deal sure but disney was like the ultimate saying like we made it and uh we got to disney and uh the paramedics came and i went to celebration hospital and they shot me over dilauded

which was everyone in this room just made the same face oh my

talk about using me the ball

you're gonna be

they hit you with that you go like yeah you can fucking dildo me in front of my kids i don't give a shit.

But you never had my mother's dialogue.

You never had the surreal sauce.

Damn.

So they hit you with that and you're just kind of like.

Well, dude, on top of that, I had a male nurse who was talking Disney with me.

It's like, I was obsessed by Disney at this point.

Yeah.

I had Disney had a, I think it was a book written by Neil Gabler.

It was this massive Disney bio.

And I was just telling him all about it.

I was like, yeah, did you know he was born?

He was raised in Marcelina, Iowa,

Kansas.

You know that he was in the same platoon as the guy that created McDonald's?

He's like, what the fuck?

Yeah, did you know Mickey's real name wasn't even Mickey?

Anyways,

so when you show back up, is your family like, oh, dad's all right?

No, because I had a, all right, so the hotel was very cool.

They actually sent like a car to get me.

Okay.

Uber wasn't around then.

It was just he had to get a taxi.

Sure.

And I couldn't sit in a fucking taxi.

So they were very cool about, they knew the situation.

They got a car there to pick me up.

They got me back up to the room.

And my wife was just like, what the fuck, man?

And I got back and the first thing I did, I was like, I really got to take a piss, but I can't get out of bed.

I felt like I was just fucked as far as movement.

So my wife got the ice bucket and I laid on my side.

And damn, you got a great wife.

I know.

She is the fucking best.

You have a great wife.

She really is.

Any other woman would be like, what the fly and fuck.

And she goes, all right, well, side piss.

She MacGyvers you a fucking bedpan.

But damn, it's like the worst part was it's like, I don't have a lot of meat to work with to begin with.

And now I got fucking shriveled dick.

So it's like.

I ain't med wiener.

Oh, dude, I could barely get this thing over the lip.

You have a mushroom cap going out of your body.

I could barely get this thing over the fucking lip of the ice bucket.

So I'm pissing in it.

And I just like, the weight of the situation just broke on me.

I was like, I can't do anything.

Oh, my God.

I'm crying because I'm barely pissing this ice bucket.

Dude, that's so funny.

You're on that much pain pills pissing and your wife's holding the bucket.

You're going, I don't know.

I want to do this.

So

from that point on, how do you get up and go to the park?

So, it was, we were, we were there for five days.

Uh, on the fifth day, we're supposed to go home.

By like the third day, I was like, I don't know if I could do this.

Like, my wife had taken the kids to Epcot by herself.

She sent me a picture of like my son playing with a stitch, and I was just like, oh my God, this is the worst.

Yeah, I can't do anything.

And then I was like, I'm committed to like getting to a park.

And like, I had two friends that I knew from Helium.

They arranged for a motorized scooter to to be delivered to my room.

Oh, that's awesome.

And it was like, all right, I might be able to do this now.

And as I'm gearing up, and I still felt terrible because I still hadn't shit.

And by like day four, I was like, I have to shit.

And I got in the toilet.

I couldn't go.

And I was like, I'm going to get this shit out of me.

So I fucking put my hand as far up my ass as I could get it.

Shut up.

And I pulled the shit out.

Which, by the way, doesn't feel good.

No, but it's like,

I've done it.

You got to get it out.

You grab it.

And when you pull it out, you go like nothing

nothing you don't get any of the joy of pooping because the whole point of pooping is it leaves your body and you go

but when you pull it out you're like kind of mad at yourself you're like i have to do this dude i'm such a size queen man so you had to so you get up there i pulled it out and at that point i i did feel better i was like all right i think i can do this so we ended up we had one day at the magic kingdom And I got a picture.

It's probably my favorite.

It was Mickey Mouse?

No, not that one.

That was a different one.

It's my favorite picture.

And you can go go if you go to, if you go to, uh,

look, because it's Mickey Mouse looking at your wife's boobs.

Just the most egregious shit that I've ever experienced.

And you're just standing there.

Like.

But that year, like, we got a picture in front of the Magic Kingdom with me in the motorized scooter, the kids surrounding it, my wife just like the most defeated look on her face.

Yeah, she's like, this has been the longest five days of my life.

Yeah.

But the next year that we went, I was able-bodied.

I was committed to getting back there the next year.

Good.

And I was whacked on fucking painkillers, which was heaven, being able-bodied on painkillers painkillers at Disney.

So the perks thing lasted until, so you get through this trip, but that's where the perk addiction started.

That's where it really kicks in.

So where it really started to get bad was, all right, so I would, I used to work

in a, in a

special education program for kids with behavior issues.

Sure.

And so I would have summers off.

And summers were always a nightmare financially because it's like, you got to find a summer job.

And most summer jobs are paying like 12 bucks an hour.

Yeah.

And I couldn't work at all the summer.

I got denied for disability.

And I was like, fuck, what do I have to do do to get this shit and we had no money coming in so i was like all right when i get my next script which i think was like for august i was like i got to sell most of them so then i would keep some for myself i would sell some other ones but then by the time like i ripped through what i already had i was like i have to get more yeah so it's like all right i gotta figure out ways that like i can get these back so eventually it was like this insane game of like keeping some for myself selling the rest and having to spend more money than i would have spent if i had just kept the initial lot of perks and that's where things really spiraled out of control.

Yeah, you became the worst drug dealer of all time.

Yeah, it's like I think I'm getting over on my cell phone.

I'm just like, yeah.

Yeah, most of the time with drug dealers, they're like, oh, I never have to pay for it.

And you're like, I'm paying for it.

And also, giving it away.

I need to go get another day job.

You can't even be a drug dealer.

You're like, I also have to go work at Target for the summer because I didn't fucking sell it.

What was the moment where you

quit?

Where's the moment where you like?

Because what's crazy, what I love about on perks is this is, I mean, this is such a new age thing of you were Facebooking statuses.

Because that was still when Facebook was huge on statuses.

Where it would say, would it say like, Mike Rainey is,

is that how you would complete it?

It would say, like, I forget what the prompt was, but then every fucking retarded thought I would have, like, there was one where I was watching a Packers game and I typed, I love the way Eddie Lacey runs.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Jesus Christ, I love Michael Bolton, and I'm not even fucking around.

It's like stuff like that.

This book is so funny.

It's like one of the best bathroom books of all time.

Because you read it and you go like, I've been that fucked up.

Like when he just wrote, like, not difficult getting around at all tonight.

Just wet.

Drive with some balls.

Like, you're like trying to motivate people to drive through the rain.

This month's Esquire is pretty awesome.

A ton of great insights from creative people I enjoy.

You aren't really like.

I think that's like.

I'm still embarrassed by this shit.

Like, no matter how many times I hear it.

But what's great about it is I think that even shows you what i'm saying is that light that people don't want to hurt you because you're like you you're authentic and genuine in a way that people are like like you were probably very authentic with that pimp in his hookers where he was like no my man just wants to watch the stanley cup and get fucked up like he wasn't like he didn't think you were like trying to go on over on him he's like yeah man give me whatever money you got i'll get the fuck out of here you know because you know they left and they're like what was up with that white boy and he's like i don't know there's something about him something about him that i like just a kindness to his heart

The way he looked at me.

He didn't want to fuck either one of you nappy asshoes.

There's like, that is like, that is wild that all these dangerous people are like, let him go.

Let him go.

It was like an act of God.

And I feel like that way in so many different situations where like shit could have gone wrong because anybody that's like dealt with addiction, it's like, you know, the drugs are one thing, but putting yourself in these fucked up situations is even worse.

Like there's like with Coke.

There's a place like I live in Delco and there's a notoriously bad area called Chester.

Yeah.

And there's a loop you go to

where as soon as the sun would go down, they would stand at the entrance to one of the alleyways.

You drive through the loop, tell them what you want, they give it to you, and then you just drive off and you get back on I-95.

Efficiency.

American efficiency.

It was, but I made the mistake of going there before sundown.

And again, it was just a random black guy walking past.

But I think he knew.

Where's the drive-through?

Excuse me, I'm looking for the drive-through crack drive-through.

You got to go to the second window.

He's like, okay, we're not doing a payment at the first window.

So during the day you went?

I went before the sun went down.

And nobody's around before the sun goes down.

So I went there.

He just happened to be walking past.

And I told him what I wanted.

And he gave me a bag of something out of his pants.

Like, I think he was just a random homeless guy who knew that white people come through there looking for drugs.

And there's a 7-Eleven close by that I drove to.

I went into the bathroom.

I dumped out what it was, whatever was in there.

And it was nothing even close to Coke.

Yeah.

It was just like baby powder, something kind of gummy, and just

like how I felt for that.

Like, but again, I'm not going to argue it in fucking Chester, which is insane.

Yeah.

So, also, in that moment, that guy, what a win for that guy.

Pennies from heaven.

That guy goes, I can't believe it worked.

It fucking worked.

Have you bumped into anybody since?

Because you've been clean.

When did you get clean?

I gave up

fucking booze, Coke, and everything.

Well, Painkillers, I gave up.

I think

maybe March or April of 2015.

And Booze and Coke, I gave up in April of 2017.

Okay.

So you've been stone-sober for about seven years?

I was for six years, and then I started micro-dosing mushrooms.

Okay.

And then...

You worried about that?

I'm not.

I've been doing it for two years now, and I haven't had any issues.

And

I don't know.

I just feel like...

If I ever felt like any kind of hesitancy, I would just leave everything behind.

Okay.

But, you know, I'm a train wreck mentally, too.

So I feel like micro-dosing, the benefit of that has outweighed like anything that I felt slipping back.

Have you recently, like in the past like two or three years, ever ran into someone from that time

like that they haven't seen you get sober?

They don't know where you're at.

Because like running into old drinking buddies for me, it's only happened a couple of times.

But like people I have not seen, I quit 11 and a half years ago.

So there's people I haven't seen where I see them and they're like, oh, we're going to go do the thing.

And you go, I don't do the thing anymore.

I haven't done it for a while.

The first guy that comes to mind is a guy that was like a notorious perk partner.

He's not.

Perk partner.

I love the names you got for him.

It's my PP.

That's my right-hand man.

We smash pills.

We smash and snort him.

He's having a rough go.

Like he

mentally, he's not doing well.

Like

Tim and I linked up with him and he was talking about how his Wi-Fi is being tapped into.

The FBI is watching him.

He emailed them.

They didn't believe him.

So he went to FBI headquarters and said that he had something on him that could potentially get him in a lot of trouble just to have a face to talk to about his Wi-Fi being tapped into.

How'd that go?

Not too good.

I mean, he's.

I don't think the FBI likes when you fuck around with them like that.

No, but it wasn't as bad.

It's like they, I mean, he's out there walking around.

It's funny they go, we actually are tapping your Wi-Fi.

He goes, holy shit.

He goes, no one's going to believe you.

You'd be cool, man.

I mean, it's crazy you found that out.

That's what he sees.

Yeah.

But that's so he's like not, yeah.

When people start slipping like that mentally,

what's crazy is, and they don't ever portray this, or I haven't even seen it portrayed perfectly in TV or movies.

When you see someone that's snapped and they tell you something that they truly believe,

it is, they don't look loony.

They look normal.

They're looking you right in the eye and saying, you're not going to believe this, but this is what's happening.

And there's always like fucking journals and notes.

I had a buddy that I met up with in Florida who had known forever.

I used to work with him at a restaurant.

I didn't know he was spiraling.

I didn't know

he was in an episode.

And we were like having dinner and he goes, yeah, I tweeted about Joe Biden and now they're following me.

And I was like, who?

And he was like, Chinese government.

And I was like, oh.

Like you're like mid-dinner and you go, oh, fuck, my friend's crazy.

Like you have this moment where you're like, ah, shit.

But you're like trying to keep the conversation down.

You're like, that's crazy.

And are they, it's SUVs?

You're like trying not to be like, you can't let them know that you see, like, it's, it's tough.

It's very hard.

Well, there's a guy that, um, just a friend I know right now who I'm not sure whether he, he, if this is really happening to him or he's just really just spiraling downhill fast.

So it's like, you know, having that as a frame of reference, the FBI guy, I'm leaning toward him just like spiraling into like schizophrenia.

Sure.

Yeah, because as you get older, you see more and more people snap especially during the i think the pandemic made a lot of people snap and that's like the that's where like it's dangerous is no one's talking about that i saw i i personally knew four people that legitimately had psychological breaks within 2020 to 2022 where you like watch it and you're like oh fuck but then i've watched them come back i've watched two of them that i know close have came back and that are all right but it there's that moment where you go like oh fuck, you're not connected to reality.

Yeah.

Was there ever anything before that, like your friend who had the Chinese followers, like, was there ever anything where you're like,

we used to party together?

Yeah.

We used to party together all the time.

He was so fun.

I mean,

I actually saw him not that long ago, and he seems fine.

I could tell because he was like mad he had to go to work and he was smoking a cigarette.

And I was like, oh, you're back.

When you hate going to work, crazy people don't go hating to work because they're in like an action movie.

So they're like, it's going to be nuts.

This guy's like, yeah, fuck yeah.

You know, I'm up here or whatever.

And I was like, oh.

And I kind of walked away being like, I'm glad you're back.

Yeah.

It's like, well, yeah, I figured out they were following me because they were trying to deliver my food.

Turns out that order was Sechuan chicken, and it wasn't the government.

It was just the golden dragon that I called the order into.

But yeah, man, it's like

getting sober like that.

Your kids, how old are your kids now?

My oldest is 21.

My middle daughter, she'll be 18 tomorrow.

Yeah.

And my son will be 14 next month.

Do they know about that Disneyland trip?

Are they like...

Yeah, so my two oldest, they were old enough to process what was going on.

Everybody knew it was a fucking horror show, but like my son was still young enough as to where, you know, you throw some whimsy at him and he'll forget about it for a few minutes.

And the oldest wasn't like, dad's going nuts.

No, and it's like, I've talked to, like, I've talked to each of them since then.

Sure.

And they're all as cool as can be because I know it was a fucking nightmare for them.

Yeah.

And it's like, however hard it was for me, like, I know it was exponentially harder for them just because there's no, I mean, what are they, it's your fucking dad.

Yeah.

But I also think that that really helps you showing honesty and accountability.

You going like, I fucked all that up.

Yeah.

And it's like, it's also like probably

got to be good.

It has to be good for your wife to be like, thank you.

Because I, you know, I carried the load and I'm kind of like, it's nice to see that be appreciated.

Yeah.

And they're all like the reaction I got from like kind of getting my shit together was as good as can be.

Cause I know a lot of people, like,

you know, they lose everything.

And then that's when they get their shit together.

That's rock bottom for a lot of people.

They got to lose everything.

So it is, it is incredibly insightful that you jumped on that before

you lost your whole family or whatever.

And you could rebuild with them and be like, all right, I fucked up or whatever.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

And I mean,

when your wife read the book on perks, was she like, I remember this?

I remember this.

Yeah.

And it's like, fortunately, like during that time, like there was maybe like the first years when like she was fighting me on shit.

Yeah.

But as I got deeper and deeper into it, like we just grew apart.

And then as we grew apart, I just got into vinyl.

I started collecting vinyl.

It's such a white dude thing to do.

They're just like, you know what?

Have you ever heard beggars banquet on vinyl?

And your wife's like, I'm losing you.

I'm losing them.

But that's fucking, yeah.

I mean, so you got, how big, how much into vinyl did you get?

Pretty deep.

I was going to estate sales, and uh,

my biggest score was getting like this incredible, like, Grateful Dead collection.

And I'm not a dead guy, sure.

But I went there, and it was clearly just a wealthy guy whose wealthy mother and father had just died.

And he's just like, Look, make me an offer, and it's yours.

And I low-balled him, and he accepted it.

And I got like a couple dozen records.

And at that point, like, I made money because I was putting them on eBay.

And I was like, You see, babe?

Like, yeah, this is your baby.

You stick around, and everything's going to be A-OK.

I fuck it.

That's wild, dude.

That's wild.

But it's also like, well, I love how funny you are and like how great you are at telling these stories because it's like, I think for some people that have that addiction, sometimes like when I talk about it, I don't ever want to do it in like a pity party way because sometimes people going through it.

The thing about addiction that's crazy is sometimes you don't know you have it until someone tells a story and you go, I do that.

And then you go, oh, fuck, I do that.

Oh, fuck, I do that.

And then you're like, am I addicted?

And pulling yourself out of it.

America doesn't make money.

Like, they make money selling you addictions and you don't realize you're getting addictions.

And then you're addicted.

And then they kind of do a thing of like, all right, we'll fucking help you if you're addicted.

But you're like, but you got me on all this shit.

It's very interesting.

The thing I hate the most about the Sackler family and all that opiate with Purdue Pharma is

Beth Macy wrote an incredible book called Dope Sick, which they turn into a show on Hulu.

But if you read the book, it goes much further into the fact that the Sackler family, which are evil incarnate, if any of the Sacklers are watching this, fuck you forever.

You fucking destroyed half this country.

They created Purdue Pharma.

They created OxyContin and then pushed it.

But what they did is once they realized they created a pandemic, they took money and they opened...

treatment facilities.

So they're basically

double fucking you.

Because now they're making money off getting you clean which you need which is a problem they caused so i hope they get butt fucked in court for the rest of their life and i hope all their kids lose their teeth and uh yeah fuck the sackler family forever i used to have a thing where i'd go find some of their relatives on instagram when i was at airports and just write mean things in the comments of their pictures where i'd be like this is all blood money and you'll soon pay and they'd be like why is dan soder up in my shit and they're like yeah i'm not doing a burner account dude i'm letting you straight know how i feel about it because there was one lady from the Sackler family that tried opening a

fashion line.

And the New York Times was like, this is dog shit fashion.

And she's like, this is misogyny.

You just don't like it because I'm a woman boss.

And they're like, no, we don't like you because you're a sackler.

And you've taken all this money from opioids.

And then, dude, I would go to her Instagram.

Like, legit once a week while I was taking a dump.

And I would look because you would see her posts and they'd have like 27 likes, but then 364 comments.

And you'd be like, they're all from you.

Oh, dude.

One of them would be at the top with that blue check.

Did you ever hit the wrong sackler?

It'd be like, you fucking piece of shit.

It's like one time.

It's like Sackler with a Z.

Yeah.

One time a guy, I found one guy and I was like, fuck you.

And the guy was like, I'm not related.

And I was like,

looked it up and I was like, yeah, I'm sorry, man.

But this was back when I was, this was like 2018 that I was like, I got real, because this is before they got punished.

This was before Purdue Pharma got like super blown up.

So I felt like I was like, ah, fuck that shit.

But there's, I'm probably sure you could probably go find some Instagram posts where I'm writing some spicy shit when I was at an airport flying to fucking St.

Louis Helium.

Be like, you fucking bitch.

Well, I definitely want to read that book too, but like, I kind of like checked out.

Like, once I got away from opiates, like the only vitriol I really felt was like

toward like the doctor who was prescribing me.

Yeah, well, they got, they got money for doing that.

Dude, and it's, you know, that's,

it's like, I essentially was ruining my family over this.

And there were never any questions asked.

It's like all I had to do was call on a specific date and then they would call me when it's ready.

Well, dude, there was like guys that, I mean, you know, there's been doctors that have lost their licenses and shit, but there were a lot of people that were, they would go prescription shopping.

They would have like six doctors and, you know, they were in set a lot of doctors were incentivized.

Like they would give them money to prescribe OxyContin to people to be like, no, we need to to keep them.

Like Purdue Pharma is giving us money if we, if we write these prescriptions, they were doing this whole like thing on the pain scale, which I don't know a lot about.

I'm not educated enough to talk about.

But from what I've read, it just seems like it's bullshit.

And they were just kind of like, do you want to feel no pain?

We got a pill for you.

And they're also like, it's not addictive.

That's where Purdue Pharma was evil.

They're like, no, this isn't even a dick.

They like lied.

They knew they were lying.

And people like that, like you got fucking, I mean, you got hooked on perks, but there's so many stories of people who just have Oxycontin that are just like heroin addicts now.

And that was the progression.

Yeah.

And, you know, like I said, like, I got lucky for a lot of reasons, but, you know, when I hit like rock bottom with those, it was just, I remember the weekend it was like, do you remember that?

What was that?

Was it Al Pacino that played Liberace?

No, it was.

It was Michael Douglas.

Michael Douglas.

With Matt Damon.

And behind the candelabra.

Behind the candelabra.

Yeah.

And I was down to like my last pills.

What a dark movie to watch on fucking pills.

It was that and the movie Her.

Where where what's his name?

I just wrapped this up on the rigs.

Yeah, where Walking Phoenix falls in love with AI Scarlett Johansson.

Someone did an edit when that movie came out of the trailer, and instead of her, it's Bill Burr.

So

it's Bill Burr in the trailer talking to Walking Phoenix, and it's fucking hilarious.

It's one of my favorite things because it's just Burr being like, ah, you fucking weirdo.

And it's Walking Phoenix being like, I think I love you.

So you were watching Behind the Candelabra?

That was like my last two.

It was Behind a candelabra and her.

And I was down to like my last pill, and I was trying to wait for the perfect time.

And it was just like, I'm sweating.

Like, I feel like fucking shit.

And I took it out of my pocket, like, after I took a piss, and I dropped it behind the toilet.

And I was just like, I'm putting this in my mouth.

And then, like.

At some point, like the realization set in that like, all right, this is progressively getting more and more fucked up.

Yeah.

And this is going to get past the point where like you can't control it anymore.

And it's like, I knew, like, dude, when I was watching her i was thinking like i i remember googling like is this technology real i need this yeah because i don't have my wife anymore i want to talk to a robot like yeah which is it's now it is oh my god that's scary because now chat gbt would be like what do you want you want to talk about pills you can talk about it i'm programmable baby um

i mean check out the book on perks

um check out everything mike rainey does he fucking rules dad me

little stinkers is was one of my favorite podcasts i did last year it is i mean what what a blast when i was in philly stopping by and doing that dude having you want to do that was a fucking dream for me john delcalo and jake matera but uh part of it was like i had an excuse to order sandusky's autobiography yeah which is wild which i was pissed about though and i think i told you because it said it was autographed i got it off ebay but it was autographed by the person who previously owned it and they signed it to give it as a gift

a forward which by the way jim norton told me recently about he was he was doing this bit about sandusky and then I talked to him about it.

Did you know Sandusky, they say that his penis doesn't work?

That like,

there's like a thing that like his, he's sexually inactive.

Like, he's not able to do that.

So there is a theory that maybe he didn't rape all those kids.

You think maybe he's just trying to get the kids to see if it worked?

Yeah, he's like, come on, just try to get me hard.

If this doesn't work, get kids.

I don't know.

He's like, this is like spite.

This is like when I lost my smell and I was like,

smelling nail polish remover.

I was like, does this work?

He's just like, oh, fucking kid.

If that doesn't work, how does this not even work?

Um, yeah, dude, check out my granny.

Follow him on Instagram.

Buy the book on perks, buy the book Delco Dirt Bag out now.

Um, dude, you're the man.

I thanks so much for coming to the city and doing the podcast.

Yeah, nobody's better than you, dog.

Dude, you rule.

I can't thank you now.

And what we do at the end of the episodes.