48: Mean Middle Schoolers with Anthony Moore | Soder Podcast | EP 47

Well Houston, Texas, I will be at the improv the 10th through the 12th through in five shows and then Salt Lake City October 17th through the 19th and the big one November 8th Town Hall New York Comedy Festival 945 get tickets and Toronto we added a second show on November 9th dansoder.com for tickets we'll see you there

Well, the Diddy stuff, it feels like they're just once you get in that big a trouble, it feels like people just start throwing in extra shit to make you look worse.

Cannibalism-is that what you said?

You heard cannibalism.

I'm just, yeah, I'm just hearing that for the first time.

You're hearing that too?

What did they say?

That he ate

no, I'm saying, I'm just hearing this from him.

Yeah, this is that he would cater to any needs alleged that rich people had.

That's funny.

You gotta be.

I'm trying, like,

When there's nothing left for you to get a rise out of you besides cannibalism.

I hope that was someone fucking with him.

I did yeah, I did just see um

Hell yeah Will Smith was saying like when you hit rock bottom like he said the opposite of that is like cliff top so basically like you just run out of things that you could want So I guess you do get to the point where you just want to eat somebody Yeah, that's like the that was always the theory of why Mick Jagger and David Bowie got caught having sex was that they have had sex with every woman so they were both like let's buy each other and you're like well that's just the end of the line for them but you assume if you're a celebrity and you've gotten everything like your dopamine's been flooded with everything right adoration wealth all this stuff like craziest shit that you can never dream of yeah you'd be like i want to eat somebody yeah let me just take this newborn yeah let me get that adrenochrome

it's so funny because if it was was like if adrenochrome was real, they would market it.

Pharmaceutical companies would market it in a fucking second.

Do you watch regular TV anymore?

Barely.

Like put on like

I put it on as like background noise, but I'm like, I'm watching a bunch of old stuff.

Yeah, you watch like streaming stuff.

Yeah, but like I'm watching like SVU.

Yeah.

Like I guess I'm part of, I'm watching sick stuff.

Like I'm watching SVU.

I'm watching a lot of First 48.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But if you watch any real TV, real TV that's on cable, all the commercials now are pharmaceuticals.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

That's all they are.

Everything is like, I just read something where a lot of ads are like HIV pills.

Yeah.

That's all it is.

Well, now they're going basically like, we can keep you alive with anything.

And you're like, this is fucking nuts.

What happened to fruit snacks?

What happened to soda commercials?

Right.

You don't, what happened to gushers?

Yeah.

I wanted something I can pronounce, not endosylioma and they're like try bigncarol and you're like this is so fucked up Everything is a commercial for something that and as a hypochondriac I'm finding out about these conditions that I didn't think I that I didn't know to worry about yeah like the eye stuff like the bulging eye disease I've been seeing that one all the time I forget what that's called wonk eyes is what we called it back in the day where their eyes like protrude out of their head and they're like now I'm clearing up and they're like stepping through portals and talking shit.

It's It's nuts, dude.

It's fucking nuts.

But I think that's, that's all that, like, similarly to like how famous people get into like cannibalism because that's all that's left.

That's like where we're at with commercials.

They're like, all we're left is giving you these magic pills because you don't give a shit about.

It's cars and pharmaceuticals.

That lets me know that, like, as you say this, I'm thinking, I still got more work to do.

Yeah.

Because I haven't been approached.

I haven't been offered a person yet.

Yeah, me neither.

My career is stalling, dude.

I haven't been offered one human being sexually or edibly.

That's how you got it.

You have to be offered a person.

Do you want to fuck this person or eat this person to eat?

Or you know what?

In that situation, when you do get there, you just can turn them down and go, thanks.

I made it.

Is that a call home kind of thing?

Do you think you call home and go like, hey, mom, your boy did it?

I got offered a person.

I spared them.

But I could have had him.

Because you're such a good mom.

I spared him.

What would be the thing do you think that would make you call home

to brag?

Call home to brag.

That's weird.

Like season one of tires is great.

Yeah.

Awesome job on it.

But even, thank you.

But even that is weird because it's like, I'm on this show.

It's weird being on like a white show coming from a black family.

Because a lot of people saw it, but none of my family.

Yeah.

Yeah.

God damn, I never thought about that.

If you would have been in a Medea movie,

you wouldn't have been able to bid alone at the holidays.

Right, yeah.

But you're in tires.

And so they're like, what?

Yeah, you're not on TV.

I'm like, you could go watch it right now.

Number one show on Netflix.

And they're like, don't believe you.

No, no.

That's so fucking funny.

Are you still teaching?

No, no, no.

When did you quit teaching?

I quit a week before the shutdown.

I quit a week before the pandemic.

And it wasn't even because of COVID.

Really?

It was because

at that time, I was starting to get more college work.

Sure.

So I was calling out of work all the time, like

maybe like once or twice a month just to go on the road for a college gig.

And I had to go away for a week in February because I had like three college shows back to back.

Yeah.

And then

Basically, my supervisor said, next time I call out, they were going to like, let me go.

So I had a college gig.

I'll never forget this, March 2nd.

And I remember telling my supervisor, um, I remember telling another teacher, I was like, Yeah, I don't know what to do,

and she was like, Just tell them you're sick, everybody getting sick right now.

And this one, we heard of COVID, yeah, but nobody believed that this one is still called Corona, yeah.

I was like, Yeah, right, yeah, I forgot that was its original name, yeah, that was like a party, it was a fun party, yeah, that's like

Cassius Clay.

COVID was its Muslim name.

It's like, nah, Corona's the name of the suppressor.

I give it my science name, COVID-19.

And yeah, the teacher, she was like, yeah, just tell them you're sick.

Everybody getting sick right now.

And I was like, there's no way they're going to believe that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I ended up quitting.

And then.

So when you quit, I was actually, I was a no-call, no-show.

So.

For teaching?

I worked one-to-one with a student.

So I worked like with a kid that had some type of behavior problems, intellectual disability.

Damn, I'm just going to tell you right now, you're the most dangerous teacher to call out.

No call, no-show, a kid with issues.

Right.

That kid's spinning.

He's like, I fucking knew it.

I knew Anthony didn't like me.

Yeah, like, I was, I was hoping, I was just praying that another one of my coworkers would be able to cover for me.

Yeah.

Which

I just planned terribly.

So they just like let me go right then.

Did your students know that you were a comic?

yeah they found out after a while how did they find out um tick tock tick tock and look they looked me up online they googled me yeah they googled me that's i think yeah but it was terrible because with them finding out they started commenting mean on my youtube so

like i'm trying to build some type of YouTube presence and it just made me not even want to post because I'm trying to build a YouTube presence but it's like as soon as I upload videos my kids are just telling me this is not funny and they giving me dumbs down.

So it's just killing my algorithm totally.

Were they vocal about it in person?

Oh, definitely.

So you come to school and they'd be like, yo, fuck your YouTube.

Because

kids already don't respect teachers.

Yeah, no.

It's like, if you're not the principal, they don't care what you have to say.

You're a CO.

Yeah.

You're basically, you're a babysitter.

Right.

And so it's like my position, I'm below everybody.

Yeah.

It's like, I'm below, it's like principal teachers, cafeteria workers, and then it's like me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So they didn't.

You can't even tell them what's for lunch on Wednesday.

Right.

Yeah.

You're just going like, hey, act right.

And they're going like, I got something for you.

No, but what I used to get them, dodgeball.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How good is that for you?

That was my release.

When they would tell you Dodgeball was coming up, were you like,

yeah.

And I remember I got one, I got one kid good.

She was running.

She was

I love this.

Yeah, she was like running along the wall.

Yeah, and I just threw it like so like ahead to where I knew she was going, and it just landed perfect.

Anticipation.

Yeah, that should have been the lesson for the day.

You go, now you see, you want to know how I do that?

You want to know why you heard that sweet tongue off her head?

Did it, was it one of those red balls?

Yeah, and it just like the way it just smacked, it was perfect.

That noise of specifically those balls.

Yeah.

yeah like i remember it's funny i remember how those balls smell like i just know how they sound that like

yeah yeah they make such a rubber ting so when you

get found out that you're a stand-up comic

did that make you want to change like i'm just imagining being at school and then seeing my teacher do something else yeah because this is i was you know I was younger in high school, the internet was around, but barely.

But like, if I saw one of my teachers in at the store or like out in public i'd be like damn they're a real person but but to see them trying to live a dream

and and it was also too for me it was kind of like

it was weird it was like the my grind in new york has been weird yeah where like i went from doing lol yeah to the seller that's insane well like for those of you that don't know that's the comedy equivalent of playing single a carnival ball

and then getting called up to like the Casey Royals where you're just in the major leagues.

Yeah, so it would be nice where I'm at the seller doing like a 1230 spot and then the next morning, I got to go deal with these kids.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Fuck.

That's got to be.

I don't, there's probably a lot of jobs that have to suck to go back to.

Right.

I know waiting tables.

I remember one time I got to do a a guest set for Louie in like 2010, and Nate Bargettzi was hosting,

and we were in the back watching Louie, and I was watching one of the servers shovel ice to fill one of the bars.

I go, That's crazy, I'm gonna be doing that in 10 hours.

When right now, I'm like standing against the wall, having a beer, watching Louie.

And then, like, 10 hours later, I looked up at the clock and I was shoveling ice, and I was like, I almost called it.

And it's that feeling where you're like, ah, it's Cinderella quickly going back to being before she finds the shoe.

Right.

It's like before the ball.

You're like, you go right back to that.

And if your kids know it and they're mean about it,

oh, man,

did you ever almost lose your shit?

Oh, a lot.

On a kid talking about your comedy?

A lot, yeah.

Really?

Because that's just...

You're an even keel guy.

Right.

And that shit stinks like kids.

They know what to say to you that hurts.

And it's like, you got to stay respectful the whole time.

yeah and i almost got in trouble because it was one day i was going back and forth with them and they actually one of the students recorded me but i didn't know and they recorded me and luckily the the the principal just happened to be on my side and told the students they shouldn't have had their phones out at the time correct yeah that's the only way out of it what were you getting where were you going back at a voice um

just telling them like they couldn't read

yeah i That does have to be nice.

Yeah.

That does have to be nice when you can turn your skill against them.

Right.

And be like, your mom didn't even want you.

And they're like, oh.

And you're like, yeah.

No, but I would see stuff like that a lot where

these kids,

because like this whole, it's a new generation of parents that lied to their kids.

So

like I remember it was one day it was.

School was ending.

It was me, the principal,

another one of my coworkers.

We were just at this missile just hanging.

And the principal asked this kid, he was like, Hey, how's your uncle doing?

And the kid was like, He's not my uncle anymore.

So now we're confused.

And he was like, Yeah, he's not my uncle.

My mom said, We got a new uncle.

And it's just like, Oh, yeah.

Your mom's fucking your uncle.

Right, yeah.

He just thinks his uncles are just dying.

Oh,

we lost another one.

It's crazy that they look so unlike us.

Right.

Was she, was the mom telling the kid that the uncle was like her brother?

Or?

I'm not even sure now that I think about that.

Yeah, because you got to understand there's like, I was raised by a mom

that dated.

Right.

But she never like lied about it.

She was never like, oh, this is a family.

She would always, she would start by saying it was a friend.

Right.

But immediately you're like, that's not true.

Right.

Men and women aren't friends.

You know what I mean?

You're like, I know.

Come on, mom.

How stupid am I?

But when you guys were sitting there, you and he said that.

He's like, oh, he's not my uncle anymore.

I got a new uncle.

Yeah.

Were you guys all like, uh, right?

Yeah.

How old are these kids?

Um, these were like middle school kids.

Well, I was

the worst.

And the kids that were looking me up online, those were middle school kids.

Um,

that's a nightmare for me.

Yeah, but I'm hearing that.

That's a nightmare.

But I work with like a wide range.

So my first job coming out of college, I was working at a high school in North Philly.

Yeah, terrible.

Terrible.

What the fuck?

Yeah, that shit was terrible.

And you're almost

like they look at you like you're their age.

Right.

Because this is my first job coming out of college.

Yeah, they don't look at you like you're...

You're not an elder.

Right.

I'm 22 working with 16 year olds.

So I'm not that far removed.

Shit.

And that shit, it was terrifying because

I was familiar with the school because it wasn't too far from me.

And like going to the school in Philly, like you, you got to walk through metal detectors.

So it's like right there, you're already depressed.

North Philly is fucking tough.

It is insane.

Is that near Mann's Performing Arts Center?

Yeah.

Dude,

I'm going to tell you right now.

I've gone to concerts there before, and you drive through North Philly, and you're like, holy shit, this is a tough area.

I've driven through rural, bad areas.

I've driven through parts of Brooklyn and shit that I've seen.

North Philly might take the cake for a place that I drove through, and I was like, holy shit, there is no infrastructure here.

Like

if you go to Mann Performing Arts Center, make sure you get right back on the highway.

If you go looking for late night food, you're going to be driving through North Philly.

Yeah.

And you're not going to want to stop.

It's fucking crazy.

So you're working at a high school in North Philly.

Yeah.

And those, and that's like, high school for kids in those neighborhoods are like, oh, I'm away from anybody I'll actually listen to.

Right.

So it was like, but actually, but it's funny because those were the one kids that like actually gave me respect because I was so close to their age.

Yeah, where they're like, I don't know what this guy's capable of.

Yeah, this guy might have some friends.

Also, they probably think you're probably more inclined to fight them than like an old man.

Yeah.

Like an old teacher is not like, I can't fight you, but you're like, that's guy's young.

He's still got elasticity.

Yeah.

That's nuts.

How long were you at that high school?

I was just there for a year.

And then like immediately after that, one year there, that's when I moved to New York.

Okay.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Middle school kids are the meanest because they're the most i was the most miserable in middle school so you when you're in when you're the most miserable you think of the most miserable to say to people right you're trying to bring people down to where you're at so them finding your comedy and then yeah and how did you how did you what was it like discovering it were you like did you look at a video and be like what um did they say something specific that gave it away it was a it was a few times they were like they wouldn't say something too specific but they would say like, I saw your videos, or like, you weren't, like, that's why you're not even funny.

Yeah,

so it would just be like little subtle stuff, yeah.

And then

I would start catching the comments, and it would hurt because

when you new to YouTube, like my first time posting content, that would be the one comment.

Yeah, that's so funny.

It's like 28 views, and just a comment.

It's like, you suck.

Yeah.

It's like, damn, maybe I do.

Oh, man.

I hope you get apologies.

Yeah.

I hope there's like some.

I will say

during the pandemic, that's when they actually did start hitting me up saying nice stuff.

Really?

Yeah, it's like.

So it changed during the pandemic.

Yeah, it's like you were gone.

Right.

Yeah, it's like, oh, they genuinely do miss me.

Oh, that's true.

It was like we had,

it was like a love-hate relationship.

Yeah.

It's kind of like how Tom needs Jerry.

Yeah.

They need someone to chase them around and tell them what to do so that they can rebel.

And you are still young.

Right.

And you're like to them you're the coolest of the shitty people right teachers are the shittiest people you're the coolest of them so when you're gone immediately they're like hey no no hard feelings right yeah you're gonna it's gonna be crazy have you have you seen a kid that you used to teach show up to a show yet not yet not yet that's gonna happen yeah that's gonna be weird That's gonna be weird as shit because you're gonna be like, what?

I've had teachers that I've had come to shows, but I've never.

Yeah, I've had that too.

Yeah.

I've had that too.

And it is like, it was wild to see realizing like once you get older, you realize, oh, this, this teacher is just a person.

Just a dude.

Just a dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, I had my journalism professor from Arizona who I liked, Jim Hickox.

Or no, Jim Hickox is a comedian.

Jim Nenzel.

Yeah, Professor.

He was like a writer.

And I was in San Francisco.

This is like eight years ago doing shows.

And he just Facebooked me.

He did something old.

it wasn't new, but he's like, Hey, I'm in San Francisco covering something.

And I got him a ticket, and he was just like, He was working, and he like came and hung out.

And I was like, Oh, you're like a

real reporter.

He was like, Yeah.

I was like, I thought, because when you have a professor or something, you're like, Oh, you probably did it, but now you're teaching it.

But like, it was nuts, he's like a regular guy.

No, I had my

I remember I went back to my high school and I saw one of my teachers.

This is like one of my hardest teachers ever.

I had pre-calc.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Fuck.

And I did so bad in his class that in order to not go to summer school, he made me do a book report.

A math teacher made you do a book report.

I had to do a five-page paper.

That's how bad at math you are.

He's like, fuck arithmetic, read and write, and I'll let you.

What was the book report on?

It was based on,

I think it might have been based on like the history of math.

That's so funny.

He's like, you can't do it so i guess just learn where it came from yeah and um but we just had a conversation and like and he was he i forget how he found out i do comedy but he started telling me like his favorite chris rock bits

and i'm this is a man that i thought never laughed yeah and it's like wow i finally get to see you as just a human now yeah the human being element of being a teacher yeah i always liked when i found out my teachers liked stuff

there's a teacher I had that liked The Simpsons, like really liked The Simpsons.

And it was great when you would like bring up a specific episode and he'd be like, yeah.

And you're like,

so I'm not that dumb.

So I'm not that stupid.

But I mean, being a teacher and do if I would have found out one of my teachers was like a singer or like an actor or something, you gotta shit on them.

Especially when they're your teacher.

You gotta take the shot.

I don't blame any of those children for what they did.

I get it, because it's like, i'm here making nothing yeah yeah and it's also though like

it fuels you if you're on the kids side and you're making the comments you just have so much room to be like i'm not listening to you yeah did they ever bring it up at school um were they ever like

when they found out after you're a comic were they like fuck you funny man or like yeah all the time all the time but It was funny because as I started to progress more, as I started to get more college shows,

that's when I really started talking shit back.

That's funny.

That's funny.

Because when they first found out, I was like, all right, I got to stay calm.

I got to keep this job.

Every time I would book a gig, you're like, I'm one step closer.

That's how everyone is on leaving a job.

Leaving a job, when you see the daylight of leaving,

good luck getting good work out of me.

Dude, my last like two months waiting tables.

I was shit.

Wasn't bringing refills, was eating eating guacamole over at the computers.

Good luck finding me.

You need an extra side of tortillas, you better hold the fuck on because I'm not coming back.

Because that's what it is.

You're like, I'm out of here.

Why would I try?

Right.

We should start paying teachers.

We should start paying them like athlete money.

It's insane.

It's so many teachers out here with part-time jobs.

That's what I mean.

Like, I know a lot of teachers that do retail.

That's crazy.

I would never want to go to the gap and see my history teacher.

Right, yeah.

Just holding pants.

Dude, just pay them.

Pilots and teachers.

Just pay them.

It's good that you say pilots, too.

Yeah.

Pilots, they give them like 40K a year.

I know some can make more.

And they have, I think they have like the highest depression rate, right?

Yeah, dude.

They're just alone flying everyone to all their vacations and shit.

Like the turnaround on pilots, you see they like land, they have to sleep,

right back up, fly again.

I never thought about it like that.

Like, you're taking other people to a vacation, and then you just got to go right back home.

You're at work, like, you get to see Jamaica for a half hour.

You get to land there, and then you're like, I got to go back to Newark.

Yeah.

That's always how I felt as like a waiter.

Like, you would be waiting on these people at a birthday party, and you're like, Yeah, you guys are having a birthday party.

I got to go refill salsas.

Like, you know, and they're like, Why is your attitude bad?

And you're like, Because I'm fucking working, dude.

Because i caught some habanero salsa in the eye doing trios it just is like pilots should be paid pilots and teachers if you paid teachers and they didn't have to worry about money education would get so good in this country oh for sure because they'd be like it would be

a desirable

job because i think people want to do good i think yeah Naturally, people want to.

And you want to help somebody.

Yeah, you want to help these kids.

i love sports i love sports i think we should cap how much athletes make and take that excess and put it down to teachers i like in those cities i know people will be like nah fuck that that's socialism blah blah but it's like nah man you're there's no point in paying your second baseman who's going to leave in three years 54 million dollars where you could take 54 million dollars and put it into a school district and have teachers that make over 100K.

If you gave teachers over 100K, they would be like, what do you want?

Oh, fuck, I got a lesson plan that's going to knock your dick off.

Right.

And that's why teachers now, they have to like get OnlyFans.

Which is crazy.

Because there's no way I'm going to learn.

If you're hot and you're fucking flicking your bean on OnlyFans, I'm not paying attention to the seven continents and four oceans, five oceans, whatever.

See?

Like, I really do like like empathize with teachers now like you remember having pizza parties yeah in class and you would be mad that this teacher cut up this these eight slices into 30 yeah squares yeah yeah oh my god square pizza when i was a kid i was like spit it spit at me it's like you got this small square in your hand

cup of dr pepper yeah the the cup that's used to rinse out your mouth giving you a dentist cup and you gotta fucking and act like you're at a a birthday party and then when you realize like damn that came out of her pocket i didn't even realize that i didn't even know that till now yeah i didn't know she was buying the pizza party yeah meanwhile she gotta the pizza guy on only fans to make the money to get the pizza this is

it's all

and it's great it's like um i don't know man i think this is why i'll never be wealthy because i would just want to turn around and drop it on someone who you could change their life.

Like Bezos could come in and be like, yeah, I'm going to.

Bezos could fuck fuck up so much shit with how much excess money he has.

And people that are all about stacking money, my only question is, like, at what point does it just,

are you just greedy?

Right.

Like, living a nice life is fine.

And taking care of your next generation is fine.

But from what I've noticed, every time I've bumped against them, rich kids and the kids of rich kids suck.

They fucking suck unless they do a lot of soul searching or have been through a lot of trauma.

Yeah.

That's what's actually, you know, that's what's happening to the NBA now?

Where it's like this next generation is about to be all kids of like

current NBA players.

Yeah.

I mean, Steph Curry's dad was Del Curry, played in the NBA.

You know, he grew up probably real nice.

Because I just looked at, what was it, the, the, the team USA under 17 team, where it's like LeBron's son, Bryce, Carmelo's son, Gilbert Arena's son.

It's just all like former athletes.

Before the league used to be like these kids that had the struggle.

Now it's like the league is about to be a bunch of children that come from like...

They're rich kids.

They're just rich kids.

Six-bedroom homes.

And there's nothing more hatable than a rich kid.

Especially when you grow up, not a rich kid.

That divide will never

because it's like

You're just jealous because they had everything.

Right.

I mean, I always think that's interesting interesting because, especially in entertainment, but athletics, it happens everywhere.

Nepotism is a thing that drives people

nuts who aren't related to anybody famous.

But then the people who are famous and related to famous people, they do this weird shit where they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not that bad.

And you're like, yes, it is.

Because you,

it's not that you don't have to work hard.

Take that out of it.

Take the idea of effort out of it.

It's

where you start.

Right.

If your father is a famous actor, right?

Famous, iconic actor like Kurt Russell, right?

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hahn.

Kate Hudson is their kid, right?

She's a great actress.

But

the whole discovery process, someone went, you know, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hahn's daughters is like acting, and they go, oh, I love them.

And the casting director is like, well, I love them.

And then they see her and they go, she's beautiful.

She can do it.

You're in.

You're in this, how to lose a guy in 10 days or whatever, like whatever.

You know what I mean?

Versus like maybe a woman whose mom was a teacher and dad worked at a factory and she's beautiful and she moved out.

She like studied acting and moved to LA and like made the effort.

And they're like, yeah, well, we just, we don't have time to see you.

We already cast Kate Hudson.

And that woman's like, well, what the fuck?

Right.

She might be a better actress.

I just think that's like, if I were a basketball player and you're like from a bad neighborhood and you found something that can

help the people around you, I don't know.

That's an interesting conversation.

Yeah.

Because

if you were a GM, like, would you want, would you want the Nuggets to take Bryce?

No.

No?

No.

Not at all.

Not to get LeBron?

No.

I would rather.

LeBron's one of the greatest of all time, if not the greatest of all time.

I think it's crazy, but he's at the end of his career.

And I think there's something to be said about people that are trying to prove something.

And I don't think rich kids have,

now, let me phrase this because this is like kind of weird.

I think rich kids are trying to prove something else.

They're trying to prove they're not

their dad.

So that's a powerful drive.

So you can't.

say that's not happening.

But I think

you want someone who like wants to prove that they can do it because that's where you're going to get.

I don't know if you'll ever, but that's hard because Kobe's dad was a pro player.

Would you have to have

you have to have the dad had to be a role player?

Yeah, that

nailed it.

Yeah, the dad can't.

Six man off the bench.

Yeah, the dad can't be like all NBA.

Yeah.

Jordan or LeBron.

Yeah.

Yeah, it has to be.

Because Kobe's dad was a role player.

Right.

Clay's dad.

Clay's dad was a role player.

Steph's dad was a role player.

I mean, Del Curry could shoot the lights out, but

it was Larry Johnson on the Hornets.

It wasn't Del Curry.

Del Curry was playing like, I bet Robert Ory's kid would be like, look him up.

I bet he's fucking nice.

If your dad was a role player, I'm going to draft you.

That's all I drafted.

I'd be like, that was all right.

This kid's probably got to be through their fucking roof.

I always think like,

you know, and maybe that's a pressure that we don't understand understand because we don't have famous parents, but I'm sure it is a pressure to be like, especially go in the same business as your family.

Yeah.

I just,

I was just, I was literally just talking about this story with somebody last night about Richard Pryor's son.

Yeah.

I couldn't imagine that pressure.

He's also got the same name.

Because you know.

Like with this, you have to go through that bombing process.

You have to fail.

Yeah.

You also have to have a lot of,

I think, you have to have a lot of bad shit happen to you that you've learned to make fun of.

Making fun of bad stuff is, I think, for me, the basis of

humor.

It's like, oh, you can laugh at shit getting splashed on you.

You don't have to have like a tone of it, but you have to have that ability.

Yeah, something.

And rich kids, I feel like they grow up being like, no, I...

Tell someone that that's not okay.

And they oblige because my father's powerful.

powerful that yeah is it's good that you say that that actually was my sign that i was funny was what like being able to turn like just terrible situations yeah into like this great story that i could laugh about yeah if you go through something bad yeah

you want to be with you want to be with the comedian because i think they're going to be the first person that's like well this is fucking lame and you're like this is dark you know like you watch someone get hit by a car and then they're like damn they didn't even you know see the way they bounced?

It's like that scene in the departed where he shoots the guy and he goes, hey, fell weird.

Yeah.

And he's like, Francis, you got to get some fucking therapy.

But it's like, I think,

I don't know, but Richard Pryor's kids grew up fucked up because he was addicted to, you know, he was free basing.

Yeah.

So that's like not a good.

I don't know, man.

Here, I think I changed

Peoria.

Yeah,

Peoria.

He grew up in Peoria.

I don't know.

Richard Pryor Jr.

might have, but

I think I might have changed my stance on Nepo babies in this conversation because I'm realizing they are driven, but by something that we don't understand.

Because they're like, you're not as good as your dad.

Yeah.

It's like mafia kids.

Like John Gotti Jr.

You know what I'm talking about?

Like John Gotti Jr., they were like, yeah, you're not John Gotti.

You got everything in your dad.

And then he's like, oh, fucking.

But he fucked up.

I don't know.

Damn.

I'm still out to lunch.

I I don't have an opinion on Nepo babies.

I used to hate them.

But now I'm kind of trying to find some empathy for them.

Because did you see that thing with what Bronny said where he was like,

I've been through shit.

Just because I'm a son of a rich kid doesn't mean I haven't been through shit.

He had a heart attack.

Right.

He

literally almost died.

Almost died on the court.

Same thing with.

Shag's son.

Yeah, dude.

It's like.

Sometimes, though, you worry, like,

I would be scared to be the son of a famous person because you're like, oh, am I going to be the person that dies?

Am I going to get Eric Clapton?

Am I going to have a bad heart?

Yeah.

Do I have a bad heart?

Am I going to fall out a window while no one's looking?

You're just like, fuck, man.

Because it's dangerous.

You make that much money.

But then why don't we do this to teachers?

We should give these problems to teachers.

Being like, yeah,

my father signed a $16.5 million deal with Cherry Creek School Districts.

And you're like, damn, they got the best math teacher in the state.

He's coming in and being like, I know a new way to teach calculus.

That's not sexy.

Doing like

good stuff.

I mean, is that how you felt as a teacher?

Were people like, did you get questioned about why you were becoming a teacher?

Or were they just like, good for you?

No, no, no.

Did I get questioned about it?

Not really.

Because I think everybody knew the reason I, the reason I took my position, I was doing it because I didn't have to take any work home.

So it allowed me to still be able to do this at night.

Brilliant.

Yeah.

So they knew you wanted to be a comic.

Yeah.

But you're like, I'm going to go teach.

So it's funny.

So I went to school.

I went to school for accounting.

Yeah.

I wanted to be an accountant.

And then once I started doing comedy,

Like my grades were just shot.

But you wanted to be an accountant?

Yeah.

What was that dream?

You're just gonna be like, dude, what tax season is gonna be?

It's gonna be nuts.

Yeah,

that was the dream.

What made you want to be an accountant?

Um, I don't know.

I just, it just seemed like I just had to add, yeah, to add, subtract.

Like, it was like, all right, as long as you know the formulas is the basic math.

I love that.

Yeah,

rarely division and multiplication, multiple, addition and subtraction.

So, yeah, the dream, the dream before comedy was to have a private firm.

Yeah, you wanted to be it you wanted to really get into it yeah be doing a lot that's it's it's fun i wanted to be a uh i wanted to do something that didn't feel like work that was always my and i mean i got it but and and now now doing this is like i can't even i respect people that have nine to five so much because i can't even like understand the concept of having a serious job.

I've been saying that for a while, but I think that, I talked about that with Nick Mullen, but I think that's the the next boom of podcasts.

I'd rather have people that have nine to five jobs

talk

openly about

office politics,

sex stuff that's going on, drugs stuff that's going on.

I don't care about comedy anymore.

We've talked about it enough.

Everybody knows.

People who have never done comedy know what it's like to do comedy.

And they do know.

Outside of the physical effects of the rush, they know everything.

What a green room like, what the travel's like, what a festival is like

i it's so funny i literally just said that about an hour ago to to somebody yeah i said the thing i said like the thing people love about my podcast is that we don't do like the ins and out of like behind the scenes of comedy that's been a problem on this podcast

i am

I'm retardedly in the middle of the day.

No, I try so hard not to nerd out about comedy as bad as I want to.

Yeah.

But when I started this podcast, I was like, oh, just hang out on the couch and talk.

And then I realized how much I fucking just gab about comedy.

So we bought a, we bought a cattle prod

that Mike was going to hit me with every time I talked about comedy.

But then my buddy who worked on a farm was like, hey, that'll give you cardiac arrest.

Oh, my girl hates it.

She hates comedy talk?

She hates it.

Cause like, now that I have a pod, it's like, I'm, I'm, we, we might just be having dinner and I'm just telling her clip ideas.

That's so funny.

But I got

that's so funny you go i got a new idea for the podcast he's like

because it's not um

i don't i i i am genuinely more interested by

people i'm more interested by the consumer than i am yeah what we're making yeah because i think we've we've we've done it we've reached the top yeah it's like with my friends I'm in a group chat with like my friends that just had regular lives.

Yeah, me too.

And it's like

the stuff they talk about like trying to figure out mortgage rates and like child care how they're gonna go on vacation like my friend just traded in his car and i'm like you're you're just so responsible what made you make that choice i feel like we should start a pod meeting you should start a podcast network for people who do regular jobs

like just straight up regular jobs and like uh there can be some anonymity if they would like but i would like i want to listen to that yeah because i think what the fuck

really was the first you know marin was the first person to do like here's behind the scenes a comedy did it incredibly created all this other stuff where everyone started talking you know i think the hangout pods still work

you know what i mean this one until a certain time

We're self-diagnosing this podcast, but it might only have a little more than a year left.

I want to kill podcasts.

That's my thing now.

I want to start killing stuff off.

I think comics need to go.

Once I get a comfortable audience selling tickets on the road, I think that's going to be the only way you see me.

I don't want to do other stuff.

I just want to do stand-up.

My goal.

Like, do you have like a goal that you have like once you get to that point?

I'd like to walk away.

I would like to get to theaters selling out theaters comfortably

and creating like really like a really great hour yeah that's like my goal once i get to that point i want to just be able to like just live somewhere

where like i just have a bunch of dogs yes i want to have a bunch of dogs like yes um

like season my line yeah that's the goal dude i would i wouldn't mind having three to four dogs it's ideal for me where uh you know and like a house with a giant yard where if i go like i gotta meet you around back I'll meet you on the side the dogs get a little nuts.

I just want to say that to a lot of people

They might seen how I yell at my dog where I'll be like sit down shut the fuck up just like different names.

Yeah, that's what I

feel like we're drawing close to the end of celebrity culture.

I feel like it's

it's been too much Like Kim Kardashian getting booed at the Tom Brady roast, I think is like one of the signs that people are like, yeah, I'm kind of fucking done with all these people because I think a lot of people are are having a tough time living right now.

And I think they're watching people who are complaining about having a nice time living because they think that, because the people that are having a nice life think that's what the people want to hear, but that's not what they want to hear.

They want to hear like, we see you and we know your life stinks and we want to hear about it in podcast form.

So sign up for More Soder Network, for the Soder Moore Network.

Dude, I feel like we are,

I'm kind of serious right now.

I feel like we're sitting on a huge idea.

Like, I kind of would listen to a guy that works at a tire factory or like a guy that makes refrigerator doors.

Yeah.

Also, be sure to watch tires on Netflix.

Stream it right now.

Stream a show about a guys like us having real jobs.

See what happens when comics pretend to have real jobs.

Man, that show came out so awesome.

I loved it, man.

That was such a fun watch.

Bro, it's crazy because when we shot that,

like, I thought it was just going to be another Gillian Keith sketch I thought it was like just going on YouTube or Patreon well they put the original tires up on YouTube and stuff and when we shot it it's funny I told them I have a hard for out I had a heart out at 430 because I needed to make my spots back in the city that's funny you had to come back up to New York yeah that's really funny which like if I would have known That's it would have turned out that way.

I would have asked for a room, a driver.

I would have went all out.

But you're also

your season one.

When you come back on season two or season three, that's when you start going, like, by the way, you can pick me up at my house at this location.

I'll have a driver.

That's when Shane won't make eye contact with people.

That's how famous he got.

Shane, different?

You go, he doesn't look at anybody anymore.

He talks through McKeever.

McKeever's like, Shane doesn't like that.

I'm like, well, Shane's standing right here.

Maybe we could talk to him about that.

Yeah,

I think you and I should make the push to do podcasts of regular people.

I love that.

Sign up in the comments.

Tell us what job you have and what your podcast would be.

Because if you live in the New York area,

pimpy,

we got to consider it.

Things are going away.

And when things go away, it clears up space.

I would leave this podcast.

I would leave doing this podcast to produce.

A funny person's regular podcast where that's all they wanted to do and they had all these ideas and all you had to do was facilitate it.

Come on, dude.

I know my dad called me.

My dad is 60.

I think my dad will be 61 this year.

And he just called me randomly.

He doesn't know I have a podcast, by the way.

But he called me saying that he wanted to start a podcast where

he just has like a huge vinyl collection.

Yeah.

Right.

So he said he just wanted to do a podcast where he just talks about one record.

Yeah.

Yes.

And like, yeah, done, we'll send the equipment.

We'll get the RSS feed up immediately.

We'll come up with a name.

We'll get artwork done.

Dude, I'm sick of comics talking.

It's time for the other people to get on the mic.

Because I think it'll save comedy.

I think once we go back to just doing stand-up.

Yeah.

Because it's so, yeah, comedy now, the podcast,

the clips.

It's too much.

Yeah.

It's almost made, like, I still find certain people that make me a fan of it.

Funny people are always going to be funny.

Right.

I am

between us.

There are a few that I love, but I'm getting sick of athletes starting to do podcasts.

I love Gilbert Arenas.

I love Gilbert Arenas.

I love Busting with the Boys.

I love, there's a couple.

No, my favorite is Knuckleheads.

Okay.

Knuckleheads with Darius Miles and Quentin Richardson.

Haven't listened to it.

Oh, that's by far the best.

Like, you will love it because

they interview

the people that from that you grew up watching yeah so and they and they started like their podcast is great but it is just getting ridiculous now the people that have podcasts well they just do like you know the the nasis has a podcast who does yana's brother yeah he has a podcast why

why i feel like

there should it should have to be a point minimum yeah where but listen there are some guys i love pat beverly and roan okay yeah I like them.

But then one time after a Clippers game, Pat Bev said to a reporter, he goes, I'm not going to talk to you

because you're not subscribed to my podcast.

But you're like, no, no, no, here's the thing.

That's her only job.

Her job is to cover you.

You got to talk to her.

Don't make her listen to your side shit.

That's like when Billy Bob Thornton did that interview and he wouldn't talk about acting.

He'd only talk about his shit country band.

And you're like, no one gives a shit about your stupid fucking music.

You're here to talk about the thing that got you to where you're at right you know what I mean so that made me mad where I'm like come on I love Pat Beverly and I'm like come on dude and in that that situation pissed me off because I hated Pat Bev up until this year oh he's great I hate

stirring that's why I've always liked

Being on the other side of it when he joined the Sixers.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, I love this energy he's bringing to us.

It's like, dude, it's an enforcer.

It's a goon.

It's that energy in sports where you get someone that is there to start shit.

And when they do it to your team, you hate it.

But when they're on your team, you're like, oh, what?

Come on.

Yeah, Pat Bev, he reminds me of the kid that would get water from the water fountain and put his mouth on it.

Yeah.

And be like, now it's mine.

Yeah.

And like, be loud about it.

Yeah.

I did that.

And you're like, fuck, man.

But he doesn't care about the risks.

You're like, no, 30 of that thing is.

He goes, I don't care.

It's mine.

And I've upset a lot of people in the process.

I do like that.

Because I want more of that energy.

I'm more like, you guys mad?

I want more of that.

I want more like my mouth.

Damn, dude.

With our podcast network making money, we're going to have so many dogs.

Then we're going to start breeding dogs.

Like, remember when Outcast, when Big Boy started selling pit bulls?

That's going to be me and Anthony.

You're going to catch us and be like, we have a beautiful golden retriever, Brad.

What kind of dog you have?

She's a Mutt.

She's like a terrier.

She live different things.

Okay.

We adopted.

We adopted.

We saved her.

We saved her from the.

No, she was a puppy.

She was adorable.

Our friend was fostering it.

We're like, that puppy rules.

And they're like, it's your puppy now.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

What do you got?

I got a cockapoo.

Cockapoos are great.

Yeah.

How's the bark?

Everybody thinks it's something huge.

Yeah.

Because he hates when people, he friendly on the street.

He doesn't like when people get on the elevator with us.

When people go on the elevator or walk by or door in the hallway, he hates it.

Your dog couldn't live in this apartment.

Yeah.

Because our elevator is packed all the time.

And

to get to the, like, to the roof, you have to stop off at our floor.

Our dog hates that.

Because people are just drunk in the hallway.

So he just goes nuts.

Does your dog go nuts?

Yeah.

Yeah, but um it was crazy.

He actually changed me.

I didn't want a dog at all.

Really?

I was never a dog person.

My girl, she made me get the dog because I kept saying I didn't have the money for it.

Yeah.

And then she saw my spreadsheet of my college shows.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, she was like, oh, I see you going to the University of Oklahoma this weekend.

That's so funny.

She saw a check and she was like, we're getting a dog.

Did she pick it out?

Yeah.

Did you have any involvement in that?

The only thing I picked out was I just didn't want a big dog for my first one.

She wanted to get like a full grown doodle.

or she wanted her family has a bunch of huskies.

So she was

huskies are fucking legit.

Yeah, she was.

Huskies are legit.

They're uh

we were just talking about it.

I got bit by a husky chow mix.

So I'm a little leery about huskies because they look a lot like wolves and chows are mean.

Yeah, chows are like the meanest dogs.

Yeah, they're very they're undercover the most the meanest dogs.

Everyone thinks it's like a Rottweiler or a pit.

No, it's a chow, dude.

Chow will fuck your shit up.

It's because chows, they have such beautiful fur.

Yeah, people just want to touch them.

Yeah.

It's like how hot chicks are mean.

Yeah,

it's like when you see a drug dealer in a main coat.

Yeah.

It's like, no, it's still a drug dealer.

A person that could fuck your shit up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And hot girls that just want to get touched, they're like, after a while, they're like, oh, fucking.

Yeah.

I'll take everything you've had.

My girl, she broke her hand from one of the huskies.

Like, it just like darted out the door and she tried to like grab the leash.

Just pulled her.

No way.

Just pulled it down.

Dude, our dog, Katie's mom, came out to Providence to see shows because they're in Massachusetts.

And we were like, the dog was with me because Katie was out doing baseball.

And I just had the dog in the hotel room.

I was like, oh, you want to see Myrtle?

And I go get her or whatever.

And Katie's mom loves the dog, but she's holding the leash.

And Myrtle saw something in the bush and took off and pulled my mother-in-law like on the grass and dragged her.

And I was like,

and she still likes the dog, but I was like, dude, I immediately got on the phone with Katie after she called that game.

I was like, Myrtle dragged your mom in the grass she was like god damn it but myrtle's only like a 45 pound dog 50 pound dog i had a 110 pound golden retriever growing up yeah that's huge that's a big boy yeah but he was so cool he was so less

he was just no drama he would bark when someone would show up but then he was just like oh you're cool once you were in the house he was like that you're fine and then he'd just go lay down and He just did his own shit.

That's the kind of dogs I like.

The dogs that are like, I know what this relationship is.

We'll show each other some love.

You'll fill my dish and I'll leave you alone most of the time.

See, I got a pandemic dog, so.

They're nuts.

Yeah, he's spoiled.

Yeah.

He's always, he's so used to having somebody over.

So for me, when it's podcast time, he thinks

these are his guests.

That's so funny.

So we got to.

I mean,

he watches it all the time.

Myrtle will come and sit where you at at the mic like I'm a fucking interviewer because she lays.

This is her couch she like lays from side to side and like lay this side look out the window and I'm like get the fuck out of here and she's like we know why everyone's here yeah it's me

we just pulled a funny thing because I was gone for a week I was gone for a full week and when I come home she's used to Thursday through Sunday like I'll leave Thursday come home Sunday she still gets excited but when I'm gone for like seven to 10 days, she thinks I'm dead.

So when I show back up, she's like, what the fuck?

And I flew home yesterday afternoon, got got home, and she was like, the fucking guy's back.

The guy's back.

And she like wouldn't leave me alone, was like laying on me, like would not leave me alone.

But we're both going out of town tomorrow.

Katie's gone already.

So we had to go give her to somebody.

So I literally showed up and was like, hey, I'm back.

And she's like, good.

Now you're going to this place in a van.

And she was like, what the fuck?

I watched her energy swing from being like, yeah, to being like, she wouldn't even look at me on the elevator.

I was like, Birdo.

She's like, I don't want to look at you i know i know where we're going but if we're holding this certain bag she knows and she's like this motherfucker and it's so funny because you you can't explain it to him yeah just being like i swear to god i love you i know i wish that's what i i wish me and my dog could have a real conversation yeah just one yeah just to just to get it all out there she's like listen dude that'd be that's the podcast a human and a dog talking that's the podcast i want to hear where he goes listen i'm going to take you for a walk sometimes I want to fuck in the morning.

So the walk.

It's going to be a little delayed.

I didn't forget about you.

You don't need the shit in the house.

Hold it for me, your best friend.

Hold it.

Did you like having a dog when you first got it?

What was the process of you getting into it?

That first week was rough because we got him.

We got him on a Saturday.

We had to drive out to some farm in Pennsylvania.

Got him on Saturday.

She was home with him.

Like we

took him to the park Sunday together.

And then after that, she went right to work.

So Monday, she was at work.

Yeah.

So it was like, she was at work.

So now it's like, I got this dog for you that you just left me with.

And you got to train it to make sure it doesn't piss in the house.

Yeah.

And this is like my first,

I'm enjoying finally being a full-time comic.

Yeah.

So like, I'm enjoying not doing nothing.

Where you can have a writing jokes if you feel like it.

Right.

Now I got to be a dog trainer.

Yeah.

And, you know, know that first week of not wanting to walk on a leash or i'm just on edge because he keeps pissing on the rug when you hear it yeah you just hear that liquid pouring into the rug and you're like i know what that is but then we like growing together i remember that first time him taking a piss lifting his leg up i was so proud

yeah

I was like, my boy's a man.

Yeah.

And what, do you remember the moment where you're like, nah, this rules?

Do you remember the moment that you're like, I fucking love this dog?

Yeah, it started happening when we start taking naps and him just jumping to lay on me.

That like those first naps are like us just laying together.

Yeah.

Yeah, mine was, I was sitting on the carpet, like against the couch, watching TV, and she sat next to me and then like leaned her whole weight on me with being unprovoked.

She like came and sat down and like leaned all the way and I was like, I fucking love this dog.

And then it just gets you.

She was a puppy and you're like,

that moment, you're like, I'll fucking kill for this goddamn dog.

I love it.

I fucking love dogs, dude.

I went a long time without having one.

And then I was like, dude, this fucking rules.

Damn, no, I miss Myrtle.

I wish that fat little asshole was in this apartment.

Fuck, dude, dogs rule.

There really is something about them where you're like, I don't understand how people can hate them.

Yeah, and even watching

i like i remember seeing like i love keano reeves so i'll watch anything keano reeves like just like top i think you're getting to the formula of why they did the john wick franchise yeah so watching the first one before i had a dog i just thought it was a great movie yeah now i fully understand

the concept of murdering a group of people dangerous people yeah dangerous criminals

like i i understand it so well.

They fully deserved it.

Yeah.

There is no justification for what they did.

And also, my favorite part of the first John Wick is when the dad tells him that he fucked up.

Have you seen all of them?

Yeah.

So

you ever have like that moment where somebody likes your Instagram post and like it just blows your mind.

Like, oh, I can't believe this person.

So I put up a joke.

And the guy that was in the most recent one.

Yeah.

The guy that had the dog in the last John Wick,

he liked my post, and that was just the coolest shit ever to me as a dog person.

Yeah, because you're like, yeah, you're in the franchise, right?

Yeah.

Fuck 101 Dalmatians.

Right.

John Wick is the dog franchise.

If you were a dog in that franchise, career's made.

Yeah.

Because you go, you know, that's one of the dogs from John Wick.

If I was like, watch,

I'd be like,

that'd be the only time like around a celebrity where I'd be like, all right, that's pretty fucking cool.