100: The Four Guys with Joe List | Soder Podcast | EP 98

This week it starts the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.

Come on out to a show.

Thursday in LA, Friday in Seattle, Saturday in Portland.

I believe that sold out.

Thank you very much, Portland.

But Seattle, there's tickets left.

In LA, there's tickets left.

Dansodor.com.

Then next week, we got Tucson on Friday at the Rialto, October 3rd.

Tickets still available.

Paramount in Denver, October 4th, might be sold out.

If there are tickets, there are a few left.

Again, dansoter.com.

And then the south, we're coming to to get you knoxville atlanta

i said that correctly

knoxville tennessee atlanta georgia and louisville kentucky are going to be october 9th 10th and 11th danceoder.com for tickets go to danceoder uh slash tour for all dates all tickets buy the tickets through my website don't go to google Please don't go to Google.

This is how secondhand resellers get you.

Just go to danceodor.com and right there on that ticket link, we'll send you there and we're going to see.

These shows are going to be fun as hell.

I'm bringing a lot of fun people.

Sagalo is going to be on a lot.

I'm bringing Matt Ross, a couple surprise openers that are fun that I'm very excited to bring along.

Dansoter.com/slash tour, Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.

Oh, also,

merch.

Might be selling some merch.

We're talking about it.

It's pretty cool.

Might get a hoodie or a t-shirt for you.

A high and tight episode.

By the way, what a funny thing that we've all learned by doing podcasts is after you talk shit, just the clap so you know when to start where you go, this is where it starts.

Start on that.

If you please do not.

Because every, I don't think people realize comedian podcasts, the warm-ups, the like calisthenics are just us talking shit.

Yeah.

Like

someone will breach that and just start being like, I'm putting that out.

No, camera guys for podcasts are like the CIA.

they hold the darkest secrets.

Homeless Pimp has edited shit out that if he wanted to, he could go, I'm gonna let some people know how you really feel.

No, well, I mean, like, I wanted to fire Chuck for 15 years, but he's got 17 hours of us just being like, I'd her if I could.

You guys just laying around in basketball shorts.

You guys just laying around in basketball shorts, going, I mean, I've thought about fucking kids.

You're kind of like, no,

no, the longer bit gives it context.

Yeah, it's terrible.

Yeah, this is.

Are we rolling?

Can we bleep the R-word?

I don't want to get

traumatized.

Grape, we'll just say grape or unalive to say that.

I don't think.

Yeah, I don't know.

Dude, I'm realizing that I just read a news story today that was so wild that I was like, that is the way to go.

There was a woman in a...

elderly care home in Brooklyn who killed another woman by beating her to death with part of her wheelchair.

She was 95 and the woman was 89 and they got into it and the woman that was 95 just beat her to death.

Wow.

And they're just not doing anything.

They're just, I swear to God, they're just going like this.

I don't know.

She's like old, crazy.

They give her the chair, but it's just plugged into a regular outlet.

Just hold on to this light bulb.

Oh, yeah.

We think a massage chair can kill her at this point.

And they just got to take her to, what was that one in the store in the Brookstone?

Take her to a Brookstone and she's like, just jiggle her to death.

Brookstone was big when I was a kid.

You were in there.

They had the thing with the nails that you put your face in.

That was fun.

And then you'd stick your tongue out and realize that was a bad idea.

Yeah, that was fun.

The massage chairs.

I can't remember what else.

The idea of mall culture, people try to act like it still exists, but it doesn't.

You would go to a mall to just maybe see hot girls.

Exclusively.

I went to the mall every Friday for like 25 years straight.

We were like the Cal Ripken of the mall.

We were in there every day.

We had a little 2,130 roll down when we went there.

He's going to show up on this Friday.

I mean, you just went to Friendly's and you went to Record Town or Saturday Matine, whatever it was.

Get a couple CDs, Barnes and Noble.

Go to a Finish Line.

Look at some sports stuff.

Yeah, that was fun.

Courtney Kelly, who was like my big crush, worked at Finish Line.

It was like a big deal.

And I'd be nervous outside.

When a hot girl that is at your high school worked at a store in the mall,

it was like a petting zoo.

I need to think.

You could visit it.

Like going to a zoo for hot women.

You'd be like,

but you'd just be like, look at there she is.

Oh, watch her.

Oh, she's at the counter.

You're like hiding behind a rack of pants.

And you're like, oh, look at her.

Well, this is, I wish I could fucking redo my stupid, fucking pathetic life because I was always nervous.

I walked by.

I'm like, I can't go in there.

I went in there two weeks ago.

I can't buy it.

If I could just do it over, I'd just be like, hey, what's up?

Because you know why?

Because at that,

and you probably, she probably would have gone, I mean, you're from Massachusetts, so she would have gone like, what are you talking about?

Yeah.

You fucking spit in my mouth, you fucking queer.

Oh, don't even say that.

But you know what it is, is when you're that young, when you have those opportunities, you lack the security.

You're just so, it means everything.

It's like, dude, I,

if I had my confidence now, I would walk into Appleby's off Parker Road and go, hey, Stephanie Holmes, I'm calling you on the phone tomorrow night.

I knew I was Stephanie Holmes.

Yeah.

I had a huge crush on Stephanie.

She was a year older than me, so she was a woman.

You know what I mean?

She was a woman when I was a boy.

Wow.

And you didn't do it?

You didn't pursue?

She even told my friend.

And again, this is Ann Pope told me this.

So I got a source, but she was like, I think he's cute.

And I still didn't go for it.

Yeah, I had no fucking confidence.

And I don't know if she actually said that.

That might have been Ann making me feel good because I liked her and she didn't like me.

Well, I look back at, I might have told this before.

I look back at photo, like I have photo albums because I was always the camera guy.

Yeah.

And there's like a photo of this girl, this hot, cute girl who's like a comedy fan.

You know, there's like these people that would hang out.

And she's like sitting across my lap.

I'm like sitting like this.

Yeah.

And you go, she's like, and I'm just like, well, you know, I don't know.

She probably just thinks I'm gay.

I mean, I'm like, she's laying on me.

Yeah.

And I was like, ah.

It didn't start.

I didn't start realizing.

I think that's where a lot of guys go, where we lose guys.

They don't realize they're not unwanted.

You just got to believe in yourself a little bit.

Well, Chris Walsh said this to me because I would always be like, let's get hookers.

Let's get some strippers over here.

But you're a problem solver.

That's why.

Yeah, I just had very low esteem.

you have money they have pussy they take money for pussy i didn't even have money yeah i was like let's collect it all let's all pitch in because we're strippers than hookers but hookers is a funny word but i chris walsh said this to me when i was like 25 years old the great chris walsh a wise man he was like joe you can get laid he was so like earnest he's like you can get laid yeah he's like you're a funny guy you're a comedian a nice guy and a funny guy and i was like huh you just need more guys saying that to young men so they don't go full incel right You just got to go, hey, you can get pussy.

Just be decent.

Maybe an eye contact.

Ask about them.

Maybe ask about them.

I still don't care for that.

They are boring and dumb.

Oh, we get it.

Listen, but I, you know, it took me working in radio, like working at KFMA for older women that were like.

To sit on the speaker.

Yeah.

That really is what it took, though.

It took older women going like, hey, I'd fuck you.

And you go, me?

Ord fuck me.

Ord fuck me.

Or fuck me so hard.

Well, I just last night, Sarah and I were, I was laying in bed and we were having a good laugh.

And I'm also a shave.

So, you know, I've reconnected with my ex-girlfriend from Cherry Creek, Cherry Hills.

Cherry Creek High School.

Cherry Creek High.

Cherry Hills is the neighborhood which that's where she lived.

Where Elway, that was where Elway lived.

If you grew up in Denver, Cherry Hills was where all the famous people lived.

Well, I mean, there's two stories.

I told one on the rigs when I showed her a house in Whitman.

I was like, you want to see the biggest house you ever saw?

It's very charming.

I took her to like, shitty used car capital of America.

Like, look at this house right here.

Can I admit something publicly for the first time of why I

disliked your girlfriend so much?

Yeah.

Wasn't at all her personality.

She was very fun.

She was like, we'd hang out.

She was great to hang out with.

I was always mad because when I found out she went to Cherry Creek, I was like, oh, I grew up in Aurora.

I went to Smokey Hill.

And she confirmed.

that where I grew up was not nice.

Yeah, well.

She went, oh, yeah, I would never go there.

And I was like, well, then fuck you.

Well, that's a weird thing to say.

It was, but it was, as matter of fact, we were at the bar

that night you met her at Caroline's.

She was like, I would never go to that part, like Aurora.

And I was like, all right, well, fuck you then.

And then I just hated her.

I carried that around.

You were like, you got to get rid of this woman.

And I was like, this is the love of my life.

I carried that around a lot.

And she was nothing but sweet to me after that.

Perfectly nice lady.

Well, so I just was in Denver, where she's from.

I did the Comedy Works, best club fucking ever.

I mean, that room.

It was insane.

That room, you go, you're faking it.

That's what it felt like.

I did mothership and comedy works back to back.

I'm like, I'm Richard Pryor.

Build a fucking statue.

This is crazy.

Comedy Works in Madison is, you go like, hey, so do you guys, you guys think that I just am the best to ever touch a mic?

It's crazy.

I mean, Denver Comedy Works is, and then we added a show Sunday, which we shouldn't, like, five, we did five sold-out best shows of my life.

We added a Sunday, and you could just feel, it just wasn't.

I came out and they were like,

they're like, woo, the other shows, they were like oh my god they're on the side of the stage trying to touch you i'm like don't add shows don't add shows um but also doing comedy works and then going i one time i did comedy works and then i did out to like long island and did like brokerage and i was like oh i'm back to earth yeah yeah you go to a tough club and you're like

yeah let me get let me oh i got Soul Jolt.

That's usually hotter than fucking Haiti.

That dude's amazing.

Yeah, yeah.

I got to get

stress factory coming up.

So that'll be fine.

What?

Okay.

All right.

I'm into Alan.

Sorry.

Dude, I saw Big A this morning.

I was fucking rocking off a session.

So you're in bed with Sarah.

Yes.

You're feeling guilt, but you're having a laugh.

No, Shay, not even guilt.

So Becca, I've reconnected with my ex-girlfriend, and she lives in Cleveland now.

And so her brother, who's a big fan of mine.

Who's the one that reconnected you guys, right?

No, no, I bumped into her in yoga.

Remember?

In Cleveland.

I told you that story, right?

Oh, geez.

I walked into a random yoga club.

No one believes me online.

Everyone's like, there's fucking no way this creepy piece of shit.

I'm like, I don't know what to tell you.

But yeah, I was in Cleveland, took a yoga class that she was teaching.

She lives in yoga.

She married a doctor who works at the Cleveland.

She lives in yoga.

She lives in Cleveland.

And she married.

What a life, though.

Good for her.

Oh, yeah.

Marrying a doctor.

And she keeps her pliability?

Well, frankly, I make doctor money.

So she could have...

Yeah, but you're going to play doctor money.

No, I'm not.

I'm home all the time.

He's doing surgery all the time.

I'm a stay-at-home dad, baby.

I am with my son more than any father's ever been with their son.

Well, also, you have a son, so that's also.

Yeah, I'm home.

The only thing I'm not home is when I'm right here.

I'm going to shoot back to him.

I like where guys take their current family as models of why they'd be good in their second family.

While you go, see if I ever leave.

Cut it out.

No, my point is, you know, it's like, you know, I'm,

I do okay.

No, you're a good dad.

So all the way back to, so back to the story.

So her mother came to the show, and then her neighbors who are like family, friend, neighbor, those kind of people.

And this is in Denver.

In Denver.

This is like three days ago.

And the neighbor lady walks up after the show.

And I fucking killed.

And she walks up and she's like, the last time I saw you, you were eating a box of craft mac and cheese out of the pot in my back seat with a PBR.

And I just had this moment of like,

oh,

these are like wealthy people.

I went there to meet my girlfriend's family and I was eating blue box mac and cheese out of a pot

with a PBR.

The last time I saw you was when a motion sensor light went off on the side of our house and you were digging through our trash looking for food.

It made you sound like a human raccoon.

I couldn't sleep.

I'm like, what a fucking moron.

And then I'm like, my parents did such a disservice to me because

I should have brought flowers.

Like they had a family dinner that I didn't eat because I was like, no, no, I brought my own dinner

and boiled and cooked mac and cheese.

Like just the biggest piece of white trash piece of shit.

You did show up demonstrating hobo law where you go, you never come inside on eat someone else's food.

You always have to have a belly full of food if you go in a warm place.

And it's awful.

And I'm like, I'm so ashamed.

It's 20 years ago, and I'm married.

Did you laugh off in the moment?

I was like, oh, my God.

Yeah.

I mean, I laughed and I was like, I'm so sorry.

She's like, oh my God, it's hilarious.

And

now it's funny because,

well, now she's married to like a lung surgeon.

So it's hilarious.

But at the time, they must have been.

You were worried about her.

I must have left, and they must have been like, are you fucking kidding me?

Call him right now and tell him he can't come back here.

I just,

just picturing her dad sitting on the edge of her bed while she's in bed that night at home at her parents' house.

And he goes, what did I do wrong?

She goes, what?

Joe's fun.

He goes, was it...

Was it when I missed the recital in eighth grade?

I think I had holes in my jeans, too.

You were a wild boy back then.

You had a leather jacket.

Yeah, I remember the leather jacket.

We both had leather jackets back then.

You're fucking right, we did.

Yeah.

We were fucking badass.

that's fistbuck jellyfish we were uh we were we were both a problem you know what i thought about the other day do you remember when we got blackout drunk and we slept at annie's my ex-girlfriend's parents apartment on the upper park avenue on park avenue yeah and then we woke up and just spent the day smoking resin and watching save by the bell oh yeah i kind of do remember that we ordered pizzas

Yeah, in the house?

Yeah.

It had like new horses everywhere, right?

It was like a real place.

Did we smoke in the house?

Yeah, in her bedroom, because we could smoke.

Remember, her parents smoked cigarettes.

So we were able to smoke in the house.

And her brother, who was a teenager, had the best time of his life.

He just came and hung out.

Oh, yeah.

Andy told me that for years.

I bumped into her brother a couple years ago.

He was an extra on an episode of Billions.

No kidding.

And he was like, I remember Joe List sleeping on our couch and you guys going through like two seasons of Save by the Bell.

We had so much fun watching Save by the Bell and shitting on it.

I remember that because that was always my favorite thing to do when I smoked weed was to watch something nostalgic that I watched as a kid.

And make fun of it.

It's really, really, I mean, I could do an hour on Save by the Bell.

Every date was at the Max.

They just only went to Burger King.

Do you remember the episode?

I remember this specifically.

We were watching it and we found out that Screech was selling spaghetti sauce in the max.

And you and I were like so high and thought that was so funny that they're like, you're just straight up selling food in a restaurant.

That's really funny.

But I always thought that was fun because, you know, Annie was like, yeah my brother thought that was like the greatest day that's really sweet and i was like what a fun day i remember that day because annie was like we were about to go back to astoria yeah but i was at a windowless room with uh air mattress and you were all the way off ditmars and she was just like why don't you guys just hang out we can order pizza her parents didn't care and she was there too yeah it was me you and annie were watching it then her brother would come out watch and then her parents would like come in and out but they were like super sweet and they're like do you guys want pizza and we were like 24 year old alcoholics with her

19-year-old NYU student daughter.

And we were like, that'd be all right.

Sorry, we got blackout last night at the comic strip.

How did we let these girls out of our hands?

I don't know, but it was so funny because I remember being like, what a monster.

If my daughter had a 24-year-old, two 24-year-old alcoholics just being like, sorry, we were so drunk we couldn't get back to Queens.

Well, then like, it's also just crazy to think about like what's happened with comedy and the business.

Like, I didn't do anything during the day at all ever.

You just wait to do spots.

And also I didn't have a phone or a computer.

I would walk to the internet cafe and check my Facebook messages once a day.

Like I would spend 10 minutes on a computer, no phone, and just be like, all right, well, I guess I'll just go to the world and do the six minute, whatever.

Also, I remember telling people you were a comedian was a lot more shameful.

Like you would do anything but tell them you were comedian.

I'm still like that.

On an airplane, I'm absolutely like that.

yeah cab all that but i even think like now with like friends and family and stuff i'm a little okay about it i'm like yeah do stand-up or whatever like back in the day you'd be like it's a i like it you'd have to lead like well and also it was before you did that's what i like doing a late night before you do a late night there's nothing to show that you're actually a comedian where after you do a late night you can be like i'm a professional comedian i did letterman and they're like whoa but before that you're like i'm a comedian don't worry about it taking about doctors where when do they do they go like i because you have like a residence and you go, I'm doing my residence.

They go, Okay, so you're not really right.

But you have to go like, I saved, I held a dying man, and you go, You're a real doctor.

I think you got to slice open.

Once you've inserted, incised, incisors, yeah, just fuck.

I'm so stupid.

Oh, this is why this is why she chose yoga in Cleveland over here.

Oh, I blew it.

What could you do?

But you never got to.

What did you say to Sarah in bed?

You guys were like, Zock Doc, Zock Doc, baby.

I mean, I probably get in trouble for licensing on that, but you guys should buy that song because Zoc Doc,

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after you purchase they're going to ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we sent you oh we were talking about oh because she was talking about she felt shame about something and i was like time pass and it was like one of those ones where you think we've gone to bed yeah it's like okay good night and then i was like god

I feel like a moron.

And then I started talking about the Mac and she, and she started dying laughing.

And I'm like, I know it's funny, but also I'm having this moment of like oh my god it's one of those things it's a microcosm of your life of the mistakes you made in life where you look back and think like i've met this woman i love this woman i'm gonna go meet her family and just fucking clueless that i'm gonna show up and be like i'll make my own mac and cheese dinner and she's like that's so insane with a pbr yeah six mac well this is the other thing when i met this woman we're talking about and her mother

They were out drinking and it was, I didn't realize, I thought like, oh, her family's like my family.

But this was like her mother's one night ever out drinking in new york city so i'm just moved yeah so i showed up and was like here's a pbr mrs b

i have early polo mouth

yeah exactly i was i just felt like a fucking i

don't drink beer so it all worked out yeah but that is someone's i'm sure you have moments like that a ton of them yeah i have moments where people try to bring up like stuff i did drunk and you go oh man yeah i feel shame when people rightfully call me out on podcasts when I interrupt people because I know that's a thing I do that I go, I do.

I was telling, he gets so many texts from me where I'm like, was I talking about my dead dad again?

I suck.

And I just said it.

It's like, it's all I talk about.

I need to shut the fuck up.

He'll like, I feel bad for Mike because he just hears me being like, did I do that again?

I got, we got to cut.

Like, if we talk about comedy, we were going to do a thing for a while.

I bought it.

I bought a taser where

if we talked too much about stand-up, he was going to lean over and zap me.

But then

I read the instructions and it was like, this will kill a human.

They're like, this is for large, I bought it online.

It's for large hogs.

Yeah, no, now you're into like jackass.

You need a dog collar that buzzes, just like vibration.

Yes.

So we're still in the market.

I think after this LA trip, we're going to figure this out.

But I think what I'm going to get is either a patch.

You can do a thing where it's like, like an electric, where it shocks me.

Oh, God.

But I like that idea.

I like that idea of like

having correction, of like, oh, I'm talking about this too much.

And be like,

all right, guys.

Anyways, let's go back to those old women.

Well, here's a premise.

Here's an idea.

Then the other person, the guest, they have to come up with what their thing is.

Or the crowd votes for it or you come up with somebody.

So, you know, if Norman comes on, he touches his chin.

He's like,

I like that.

Oh, God.

You come back on a second thing.

Yeah.

I'm letting you know.

First episode, pain-free.

But we have Rob Thomas back.

You better not bring up a tour bus or he's getting zapped.

Rob Thomas, thomas the musician yeah from matchbox 20 he did my podcast last week

he was awesome i'm a fan i'm a fan i'm a it's funny as i i do the thing now that i've met him where i like i cate i go hey that's my buddy

i love him i know i'm a hundred that's why i could never be famous or i could never be in that realm because i would just go i've met him he's nice i i can't be mean to him oh yeah i mean i'm like that with the worst people on the earth yeah you meet him and you go like i don't know he's pretty good that's what i always said i said like tim dylan will introduce you go uh you know he used to shoot kids out of a cannon.

And you go, great guy.

Nice to meet him.

Hey, it's nice to meet you, sir.

Everyone's great.

I love all the people.

But I've had that many times where, like, I've just, you know, behind the scenes been like, that guy's the worst piece of shit comic.

He's a hack.

He sucks.

And then he'll send a message being like, that was the best late night set I've ever seen.

I'm like, I think he's misunderstood.

By the way, this is something you and I always used to make fun of Nate about that we all do.

Yeah, of course.

Nate was the guy.

He was the shiny example of a friend where he would go like, I don't like him, dude.

Something about him, don't like him.

And then Nate would do Conan, and that guy would be like, that was unbelievable five minutes.

He goes, good dude.

Yeah, he's a good one.

I think he's a good dude.

I was just with Nate the night before, the day before the Emmys.

Really?

At Denver.

He was doing the arena.

Oh, yeah.

He was at Ball Arena.

It's crazy.

Did you go over there and see him?

I went over.

Yeah, we hung out.

It was the whole thing.

It was fucking fucking funny.

That's fucked up.

How was that?

It was fucking awesome.

How weird is it going from an arena where it looks like he's like the president of the United States to a club?

Because when you do that, I did that with Shane one time and you're like, hey, everybody in my little clubhouse.

Well, that's the thing that's so painful is because like we were talking about, Denver Comedy Works is like the best club ever.

Sold the shows out.

So I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, this is the best weekend of my life.

I'm in the best club.

Nice ass club.

I mean, I would listen to.

David tells Skanks for the memories and be like, I gotta, I want to do this place.

Greg Giraldo, Good Day to Cross the River.

So many.

And I think Rogan did a special there.

Yeah, I was at that.

I was in Denver doing the High Plains Comedy Festival and Ari and I were getting high.

And he's like, do you want to go to Rogan's taping?

And I was like, yeah.

And I just went.

Was it awesome?

Yeah, I didn't know Rogan.

I got way too high with Ari.

And then I felt very insecure half the time because I was like, well, I hadn't worked the club yet.

I was like, I feel very weird here.

And then I also had a show on the High Plains Comedy Festival that night.

So I was like, and I left.

I left like halfway through.

I went like, I'm having a panic attack.

I got too high.

You left a special taping.

Yeah.

That'd be really funny to be like watching watching you see your shadowy big head just kind of move across.

Did I stay?

I don't know.

I went with my buddy Mike, so I might have stayed because of him, but I remember wanting to bail halfway through and then getting that thing where you feel so much anxiety that you're like, I'm just going to leave.

Right.

But you were so.

But anyways, yeah, so I'm doing like five sold-out shows and being like, this is the best weekend.

I'm like, really?

And then you go over, Nate's in town.

So you're like, let me go check this out.

And there's literally 17,000 people there.

I got, this is a, this is a Nate haircut and shit.

Hard sight.

Shout out Barbara Eric,

who's fucking great.

And then Luke Monas, who's my opener, was getting his haircut.

And then Julian McCullough, who's hosting the show, in between acts, comes in.

He jumps the line.

He's like, Luke, can I get a beard shaved?

We thought he was doing a bit.

Like during the show.

During the show.

And Luke's in the middle of a haircut.

So he's got half a haircut.

Julian jumps in and gets his head fucking beard shaved.

They're doing like 3 p.m.

shows.

Yeah, it was literally a 3 p.m.

show.

The whole thing is just topsy-turvy.

There's like people getting haircuts in between sets.

That's insane.

It's wacky.

But it was fucking unbelievable.

It's crazy.

I was blown away that he was doing shows the night before he hosted the Emmys.

Well,

Nate's a real-ass dude, as Lewis would say.

Like, they asked him to host the Emmys, and he had three arena shows, and he's like, I'll host them, but I'm not canceling Denver.

And they were like, well, you got to cancel Denver.

That's crazy.

The show's at 5 p.m.

on Sunday.

And he was like, well.

That's what I'm doing.

And they were like, okay.

So he did three shows for 45,000 people and then flew back and hosted the Emmys.

And Nate probably looks like a great negotiator when really he's just not saying anything.

Right.

Where they go, right, Nate?

And he goes, I don't know.

And they go, this guy does not play easy.

This guy, fuck it.

Yeah, I mean, going, that's fucking crazy to go.

And where Nate does look like I've been to one of his shows before in Atlanta, and it's like he is the leader of a small nation.

That's how it is with Shane, too.

Like they're like, you'll see Shane.

He might come in here.

Right.

And you're like, he's my friend.

I just wanted to say what's up.

No, it's crazy.

And there's like 25 people working for him.

There's like buses and there's like a crew of people in like lawn chairs that like are hanging out because they union guys.

Yeah, did all the rigging or whatever.

And they go, yeah, it's pretty good.

Bit.

It's really insane.

And it was awesome.

And then I sent him a long text yesterday because you forget because you just adapt.

to like, oh, Nate's hosting the Emmys.

Crazy.

And then you realize you're like, he hosted the Emmys.

Like we were hanging out at the World.

He had a whiffle and a fucking Vanderbilt pullover and basketball picture.

He was Queen's Plaza.

And his fucking shitty white, what was that, a cord?

Something like that.

Yeah, he was like a hunt.

It was like a, it was a Toyota Corolla or something with a bumper thing on it on the back.

That's how you knew it was him.

And he'd be like, you'd get in and he'd have his Mountain Dew, his diet Mountain Dew.

And he'd be like, and he'd be like, where are your spots at tonight?

And you're like, I'm at World and Stand-Up New York.

He's like, cool, I'm at Broadway.

And then we'll go, you know, he's like driving.

It's hosting the Emmys.

Emmys.

What was even crazier to me is to watch Kristen Miliatti, my friend Kristen, win an Emmy with Nate hosting.

She won for Penguin.

And then she, and there was Nate that was hosting.

I did a shitty rom-com with her in 2014.

Oh, I really.

She used to like come to the cellar and hang out.

Right.

She's the shit.

Kristen is the shit.

And she's a fucking phenomenal actress.

I thought he said she used to shit.

She used to shit.

I was like, she doesn't shit.

She doesn't do that anymore.

No, Hollywood sewed her up.

She's just filled her.

She just, she has a bag, a colostomy bag now.

No, she was so cool.

And it's awesome.

It was surreal watching Nate host and then her win.

And you're like, all right.

I felt like it was like one of those things where my fourth grade science teacher was going to be there.

I'm like, why is he there?

Why is Mr.

McDonald there?

No, it's crazy.

And we were still at the condo, Luke and I, and you're watching the Emmys and you're like, we were with this guy 21 hours ago down the street.

I went to Colorado to hang out with my friends I grew up with and we went to the mountains or whatever.

And we were going to get pizzas and they were like waiting for the pizzas so we go to a bar so they can have a drink and we're just sitting there and we're just talking there's like 100 TVs around college football and it's just like Shane on 100 TVs on his butt light commercial I'm like hey I was like it's weird I'm with my high school friends and I'm like that that that guy everywhere is my buddy you're like it's just yeah it's it was like when you did the Captain Morgan's commercial that was the first time where I had that feeling where they played the shit out of it during the world baseball class yeah and I would be at dos cominos and I'd be like sitting there at front bar, you know, like when the tables, when the food's out, and you're just sitting there talking to the bartender, and I'd go, that's my friend Joe.

Like, you're one of the four guys.

DiCaprio.

Yeah, I go, oh, oh, with the beer.

But I just have a little, like a fucking, one of those, the paper cups of soda being like,

that's Joe.

Guys, it's becoming winter.

It's becoming that really...

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And you're good.

You can't be wearing your tennis shoes out.

Man, sometimes you got to go do work.

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I realize I'm just a prissy little comedian and I go, I wear sneakers.

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Really?

And they did a new Bevo commercial.

Did you see that?

They didn't cast me.

They didn't cast you.

Wow.

That's true.

I bet you could find it on YouTube.

It's on there.

It's called Red-Handed.

Joe did a

ESPN commercial, which was so funny because knowing you, I was like, Texas football and Joe do not.

And we shot it at Duke.

You really?

Yeah, it was a weird time.

And also, it wasn't

technically or officially a commercial.

It was a

promotion.

So

it was before ESPN and only aired on ESPN.

And my manager at the time, that fucking pimple, great guy, he was like, oh, man, he's like, I'm doing the math.

This is going to be huge.

And I was, of course, we were truly broke.

I completely.

Can I just tell you?

Please.

From my perspective, I'm sorry to interrupt.

I know I'm going to hate myself for later, but I remember being at a bar with you when you got it.

And it's before it settled how much money you were actually getting.

And you were like, dude, they play this.

And then they play it all the time.

I could be sitting on $100,000.

Well, that's what he said.

He said something like that.

And I was like, this is nuts.

Like, I'm going to go.

We were doing it like.

Mortimer, we're back.

Well, it's like good fellas.

You're like, motherfucker, we got him now.

It was like we were all being made.

Yeah, it really is how it felt.

And it was only like two weeks later that he's like, okay, so it actually was a promotion.

So it was a one-time, I made $1,000.

which if at that time, if someone said, like, we're going to fly you to North Carolina and give you a thousand bucks, I would have shit ice cream for a month.

But because he was like, you're going to make six figures, I was like, this is the most devastating thing that's ever happened.

It's where when you play a game with somebody, it's this the age-old thing where you go, guess the number, and someone goes way too high.

And you go, well, now you've blown the thing.

I just had that.

I do a bit about how long

Green Eggs and Ham is, the book.

Oh, I love that bit.

And oh, thanks.

And I'm like, I can take a guess how long.

And then some guy just yelled from the back.

It wasn't even the person I was asking.

And he just said the number.

And I was like, well, you fucked up my whole, I'm talking to him.

Yeah, why'd you do that?

He blew it.

Yeah.

I saw you do it at Sesh and someone went with a number way too high.

And you were like, it does feel like that.

Like, I watched you do the thing.

And you had to do like a.

Yeah, where you go.

Oh, well, okay.

I'm going to adapt to it.

But when someone goes like, guess how much they paid him?

500 million?

You go,

40,000.

Jesus.

Yeah.

Make me feel like a fucking dickhead.

Yeah, you blew it.

Yeah.

I, um, but I remember that, dude.

You getting the Captain Morgans.

Well, the Captain Morgan's coming.

Well, that one did.

I made like 40 grand off them or something like that.

They also, if you don't remember, they told you this was the first of many that you guys were going to be the four guys.

Yeah, we thought it was going to be a thing.

And didn't you celebrate with the other guys?

Weren't you like, look at us.

We're in a band.

We're in a boy band.

Well, I don't remember.

Another crazy thing about that, by the way, the bartender in that commercial.

Just happened to be dating.

I only found this out recently.

My now best friend, Karen Feehan.

What?

Isn't that crazy?

What are the chances of that?

At that time?

At that time,

she was dating him.

And he was like, I did this Captain Morgan commercial.

Yeah, where he pushes over the things and then you guys all stand like Captain Morgan.

Because that's how you guys get in.

Isn't that how you do it?

You do the fake posters.

We made a poster, which I still have some of those posters.

And the other thing about that was that was the first audition I ever did in my life.

Yeah.

And I got it.

And evidently, that's not a thing you're supposed to say on set.

I was like, I've never even done this.

People were like enraged.

These guys are like, what?

And I was like, first audition.

Yeah, look at that.

Look how little you look.

Boy, dude.

You're really hot.

Yeah.

Look at you in the back.

I'm peeking in.

I think I overdid it with the eyebrow.

I love it.

Oh, you guys hit the pipe.

I forgot to do the thing.

I also did him the first take, and he was like, that was the best take we've ever had.

Did you guys have to practice the choreography of all you guys doing at the same time, or did you do it separately and they lined it up?

We did it separately.

Okay.

But also, Captain Morgan was my drink, which was amazing.

I remember.

And so I had done that a million times, the fucking thing.

So I had already rehearsed.

Well, what I, the reason I remember doing that was I used to have an argument with you when we were very little and friends and we would be drinking.

I wouldn't touch Captain Morgan's because I got sick off it at Arizona, at the University of Arizona.

And you were like, you would insist the only way through the storm when going through hell is to keep going.

Like a buffalo.

And you would go, get a Captain Morgan's.

And I'd be like, Joe, I don't think you understand.

I could still smell at the time.

I was like, this smell of it makes me want to throw up.

And you were like, get this guy a captain and coke and i was like please don't do that and i remember like having to tell you like joe i can't do it boy you have great memories of i used to love it i used to love i mean you know why moving to new york city and this is why i say when anybody loves something and they start doing it go be completely surrounded by it right even if it really sucks because

in hindsight

The being surrounded by it helped me get over the sucky part.

Right.

Because we were just out every night.

What I loved about it was meeting you, Bulger, and Ira, and also meeting Norman, Ruby, and Joe Alexander.

Oh, yeah.

I just talked to him on the phone today.

Oh, I love Joe.

Joe's the fucking man.

He was the funniest guy that just stopped doing it.

That's how you feel like a bitch.

It was when you see a guy that's great at it and he goes, this shit's kind of gay.

And you go.

All right, well, we're going to chase it the rest of our life.

And he was like, Joe is so funny.

And he was like, yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to go get some pussy in the Bronx.

And we were like,

we're going to go do open mics.

Joe Alexander did one of my favorite things that people do, one of my favorite comedic things in life is when you steal from a bodega by just opening the thing and start eating it.

He would just do that.

Endlessly funny to me when someone's just like,

that was fucking crazy.

And you almost, in your mind, you go, well, practically, it would make sense to not get in trouble because you ate it in the store.

Yeah, you just walked right out, and I was like, that's fucking hilarious.

Yeah.

But I remember getting high at the bodega or your house and going to the bodega and coming back.

Yeah, hot bagel.

Yeah.

I think that place is still there.

But we uh

uh i just remember being like

around you guys then seeing like i'd never been around people from new york city people from boston yeah it's like colorado arizona and all it kind of gets like after a while you're like i know it it's boring so it was fun and then we're just doing stand-up every night and then you knew nick depaulo you knew fucking uh like a tel i remember you in meeting colin quinn for the first time Do you remember that?

You were about to audition.

Oh, I do remember that.

You were about to audition at the cellar the next night.

You and I were sitting at the bar drinking a pitcher of beer each,

and he didn't know.

And you didn't want Colin to know we each had our own pitcher.

Well, Colin, I remember early on drinking at the cellar, and Colin came up and was like, Don't drink here.

This is not the place you come to drink.

Yeah, and I was like,

Which, by the way, is the equivalent of the mac and cheese in the back seat.

Like, I'm just like, I'll just go down and throw down beers at the cellar.

Dude, we used to fucking, and we were drinking, they had these little mugs, and we were drinking pitcher.

We had our own pitchers, and Colin came up, and we were watching watching him on the TV or whatever.

And then he came up and he had a like a red sweatpants and a red hoodie on or whatever.

And his joke on stage was he's like, hey, when you're out of shape, you wear the most gym wear.

The fatter you are, the more workout clothes.

Yeah, the more workout.

And then he came and put his arms around us and he went, hello, boys, like that.

And he went, Joe List.

And you went, this is my friend Dan Soder.

And he goes, what's your last name?

And I went, Soder.

He goes, ugh, change it.

And then he talked to you and you were auditioning.

And he went, don't fucking drink beers when you're auditioning tomorrow.

And you go, no, no no no this is his picture i had to slide over the picture to make it look like i had two pictures of beer in front of me and you were like that's his picture and we were banging these little beers man i remember that night oh i just and then the next night you went and auditioned got passed and then you came to my apartment we got high and went to neptune Wow.

I remember that specifically because we danced in the street.

You came and you're like, I got past the cellar.

We were like, let's fucking go.

We were so fucking hype.

Oh my God.

On my stoop.

I was such a piece of Why?

Why are you all?

No, you're not.

I just look back on all that, and I was such a cunt because I was like, ah, you know, I'll be nice to the young guy.

You hang out.

You answer phones.

I know DiPaulo.

I know Quinn.

And I just thought, I don't know.

I thought it was just going to all be easy.

And I fucked up.

But what was great was...

No, but then I think the best part was that you, I like...

Watching you stop drinking and then become incredible at stand-up and then just getting everything you had, but for real now.

Yeah, I just went, I could have done it a little earlier, maybe.

But yeah, it all worked out.

It all worked out.

You could have hit on that girl at the mall.

Could have hit on that girl at the mall.

Yeah, and I would have never left Whitman.

It would have been with her.

Could have never left a girlfriend from Denver.

You'd be unhappy.

And you'd be still eating mac and cheese and PBRs in the back of a car.

And they'd go, we know you love him, but he's a lot.

That was the other thing is when I was thinking about the mac and cheese, I was like, I should get a box of blue, a little blue craft mac and cheese.

That could be fun.

I could eat that again.

That is delicious.

You know what's funny is there was a place when I lived in Hoboken that I would stop off the train and I would get these like fried egg sandwiches with steak on like a Kaiser roll with cheese and shit.

I mean, it fucking even describing it, I'm like.

But I used to get it after we do Monday nights at the Comedy Villa.

Yeah, that was fun.

And I'd get blackout and I'd go eat these sandwiches at like two in the morning and fall asleep on this futon.

And whenever I'm near there in Hoboken, when I'm like doing work on the condo and I'd like go to Walgreens or something, I'll I'll be like, pick up one of them fucking Friday steak Sammy's.

Go and get me an under 30, dude.

Well, we can't go to Neptune anymore.

It's gone.

I didn't believe it until I drove by.

It's sad.

It's very sad.

Neptune Diner was the fucking best.

That was fun.

You, me and Dan Hershawn would spend a lot of time.

Dude, I remember laughing with Joe.

They would hate us because we would be drunk and we would go get chicken and rice.

but cups, not even bowls.

And then we'd ask for extra crackers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they'd just give us crackers and then we'd just break them into it.

Oh, that was great.

That's all we could afford.

Well, that's the thing is I was so obsessed with the fun and the hangs.

I was too much obsessed with the hangs.

You were created embarrassing Hirshon, which was great for more laughs.

And you had your impression of...

I mean, that's kind of a little through that.

That's if you see me in person, ask me and I'll tell you what it was.

And hand me two straws.

No, it was great.

I regret how much I was in.

I mean, I watched everything.

I got no guidance.

Yeah, yeah, no.

I think that's the thing I'm telling you as your friend is let go of all that shit.

We're through it.

Well, you're married.

You got a great wife.

You got a great kid.

You got a great career.

You're one of the best working stand-ups.

I only think about it when we're talking about it.

And then you're like, oh, my God.

The cringe.

You feel the cringe of.

Yeah.

And.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I mean, I remember, see, I'll cringe thinking about bombs.

Right.

Of, like, shows.

I'll go, oh, why did I say?

I'll remember things I said, and I'll be like, trying to get out of the bomb.

And you're like, oh, God.

Well, just the mindset.

I remember I did live at Gotham in 08.

I was there.

And I was like, I sat at a table with Uncle Dale.

Micah Sherman.

Michael Sherman, me and Uncle Dale.

And

Hershon.

It was me, Hirshawn, Michael Sherman, and Uncle Dale.

That's so fucking funny.

I went to the taping, and it was...

I went to your episode and the episode before Kevin Hart hosted yours.

Hosted mine.

Yeah.

And I remember being bummed because I was like, I got some guy that no one's ever fucking heard of.

I mean, a billionaire.

I was like, literally, who is this guy?

I've never heard of him in my life.

He had just done Soul Plane.

That's so funny.

But I remember doing that show and being like, well, now I've made it.

Like, now just let it all come to me.

Meanwhile, it was like a showcase show that like 75 comics did.

Half of them don't do stand-up comedy anymore.

It's crazy if you look at the roster of, because I did, you did season three, I did season four.

Right.

It's also crazy is when you look at the, at the people that did season four of Live of Gotham with me, there are some people like Kumale Nonjani, kyle kinane there are like people that are huge wow joe mandy was on my end well nate did my season yeah i because you know why i opened for nate right after he taped his episode wow justin silver got me a gig mceing for uh it was i was mceeing justin silver was featuring and nate was headlining And it was for Anthony Zenhauser, had the show.

Oh, I remember Anthony.

I saw Anthony not that long ago.

Yeah, Anthony.

I saw, I bumped into Anthony at Cast Digital, but I remember that.

And he was talking about he did the episode and he taped either with Schumer or was the episode before, and he was like, She's funny, dude.

Like, I remember him being like, She got jokes.

Wow, it is so crazy to think about all that.

And I was so naive and drunk and stupid, and I was so full of myself.

I was blackout drunk that I was the day I taped Live of Gotham that I was mad.

None of the managers wanted to talk to me.

I was like sitting there like this, hey,

just drinking a beer and being like, You don't fucking care about you fucking pieces of shit.

Well, I had like the classic alcoholic thing where I had like ego, like, I'm going to be big because I'm friends with these guys and I'm the hot shot from Boston.

But at the same time, I'm like, I'm a complete piece of shit.

And I'm like, I'm never going to ask for anything or try to get anything.

And I don't deserve anything.

One of my, one of the memories that isn't like that, but it just makes me laugh was Big J came to my taping.

of live at Gotham and I was first up on a Thursday night.

I was on like the early show.

And so we, I went first, first.

And so I was done first.

And I go outside to smoke a cigarette with Big Jay.

And Big Jay's like, dude, let me buy you a drink.

Come on, let's go to a bar.

But we're in Chelsea.

So we go into this gay bar and there's just all these

rainbow flags around.

And Big Jay goes, what's up, girlfriend?

Can I get a shot at Jack Daniels?

And the guy goes, I swear to God.

The guy goes, I ain't nobody's girlfriend.

And Jay goes, my bad.

It's just like, but Jay, the way he slapped his hands down, he goes, what's up, girlfriend?

Can I get a shot of Jack Daniels?

That reminds me of so fucking funny.

The DePaulo classic when we were walking in Minneapolis at Acme, we were walking up the street and two like butched lesbians walked by and he goes, fellas?

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

And they laughed.

They did?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, dude.

Those were like, I mean, I told the people, people bring it up now in the comments, the Louis, the villages working story.

Because you were like, DePaulo's around the corner, and you went and saw him.

You go, Louie's there working out.

Go get him.

We used to get drunk and put ourselves in positions where we were like, oh, God, we embarrassed ourselves.

You know, it was a great story, though.

This is the worst podcast of my life.

No.

You only got 10 more minutes.

I got to start letting go.

I'm letting go.

It all worked out.

What about the funny?

What about one of the funnest stories of all time, which the lady that ran the Monday Night Show?

Yes.

It was a bringer show.

You'd have to bark.

Joe would, so I'll give you the background.

Joe at MC.

We didn't tell the story on the first day.

I got the house MC gig.

Joe.

What's that?

She taps Joe to host the show.

And she promised you like $100 a Monday and never paid you.

It was enough money that both of us were, I was upset.

$750.

$40.

But it was something.

So the whole point was Joe would have to MC and the show would start at 8.

But here's the thing.

The show would go till 2 in the morning.

Right.

Because she would get whoever's at the cellar or whoever was around, like, come up and do a spot, like Jim Norton or Keith or Bobby or Voss.

And I was barking.

I was one of the barkers.

You know who else was one of the barkers?

I think for a couple of weeks, Schultz.

Yeah, that's where I met Andrew Schultz and Mike Vecchione.

and graham k graham kay thomas dale thomas dale but we would all go vecchion wasn't barking but thomas dale no i wasn't barking but i was

graham kay and i would all be out there in the west village barking right and then i learned the secret was if i stood in the front i could hang out with you i could put my beer right inside that door and i could just smoke cigarettes and then also it didn't really feel like barking and then people would come by and go hey come see a comedy show technically i was barking right so that was my workaround but dude uh the lady that booked the show would always talk about doing stand-up but she never did it and then these shows were brutal and finally one monday night it's like oh man yeah two o'clock it's like maybe 1 30 2 o'clock in the morning all that is left in the audience are three new york firefighters fdny

and they're up there and she's drunk and she's like wine drunk and she's like I'm going to go on stage.

And Joe's hosting and Joe's like, okay.

I was, I remember this specifically.

I was outside smoking a cigarette and Joe you came out you go so she's gonna go up and I was like I don't know how you remember this shit because this is one of my favorite memories and I went what and you were like she's I'm about to bring her up I'm not gonna say her name we're gonna keep the name out and I was like well I got it because the way she would talk to me about comedy you would think she had six HBO specials right so I was like Let's go.

I am so excited to finally watch her do stand-up.

And I know she's drunk because I was at the baggage in drinking with with her half the time in between barking.

So I go on stage.

And again, it's three firefighters, F-D-N-Y.

She gets on stage.

She sits down with her wine and she grabs the mic and she goes, are you guys firefighters?

And they go, and she goes, do you know 9-11 was an inside job?

And you hear him go, God,

like that.

And Joe and I are by the door where the lights and the music are.

And there was a back stairwell that would go to the bar that was under it.

And Joe goes, Joe looks at me and goes, when I count to three

you hit play on the stereo i'll get the lights and he goes one two three and she's on stage going anyways that 9-11 you can tell that the government did it and then he turns down the light and i hit play and it was black dog by zeppelin and it goes hey mama say will you move go make you dance go make you groove and joe and i go down the stairs to the bar we get a beer and get a fucking empty beer and we split it because that Irish guy that boxer was the bartender.

Yes.

Terry from Derry.

And I was like, dude, can we get a beer?

And we split it.

And we're sitting there.

Dude, people from the, that work at the club, like 10 minutes later are coming in going, did you guys hear about that shit?

Someone turned the lights off and turned the stereo on her.

And we were like, what?

And they were like, whoa, that was crazy.

I remember that night.

I remember us leaving and going to Astoria and laughing like the entire trainer.

I'm actually very proud.

Yeah.

I feel like a patriot.

Dude, we did it.

Yeah.

We were like, fucking, you were like, you hit play.

Because I remember being such a pussy that you were like, just hit play on the stereo.

And I was like,

and then you fucking dimmed the lights and the lights all went out.

Just hearing fucking Robert Plant over that.

Because we didn't cut her mic.

Right.

But it was just zeppelin over her.

But did it, so how did that not come back to us?

Because the show got canceled like two weeks later.

She stopped working there.

Everything fell apart.

And we were like, we never had to answer for it.

But that was a big deal because I remember thinking, like, all right, I got a regular gig.

I'm at a club.

Monday nights in the West Village.

And we and I became friends there.

Yeah, Vecchion would always be that.

Mike D would always be there.

Stefano.

And then you remember we talked Bulger into coming into it, but he got too drunk.

Yeah.

And he was out front.

It was like Labor Day.

And he was like passed out wine drunk holding the American flag.

I think he got thrown out of the actual comedy cellar, too, like Jazzy Jeff style.

Yeah.

And then he came over there.

Yeah.

he came around the corner because he was friends with Geraldo and he was like, I wanted to go see Giraldo, but Bulger was just blackout.

And he was like, I don't even know.

Oh, we really fucked up.

That was so fun.

Where did we fuck up?

We didn't fuck up anything.

I fucked up a lot.

All those stories I'll answer for.

And I think all of them were funny.

And I don't think we did anything wrong.

But I could have had a career.

What are you talking about?

You're fine.

You live in Manhattan with your wife and your baby.

Well, now I'm fucking 75 years old.

You're 40.

And I could have been making a living when I'm 43.

Jesus Christ.

48.

I could have been making a living.

I could have been John Mulaney.

Don't you see?

You don't want that.

You don't want to go to rehab again.

Who gives a shit, dude?

I was about to say.

You got the movie.

You made a movie about Tom Dustin.

I know.

I made a movie about this.

Portrait of a comedian.

Yes, go fucking watch it for the love of Christ.

You can order it right now.

What's that?

You're in it.

Because I bring him up on Rogan.

Very briefly, yeah.

That was my only goal when I first did Rogan is how many names can a guy get in?

I got in Tom's.

I got in Sam Murrills.

I got in a couple where I was just kind of like, I'm going to say names that I feel like should be said on Rogan.

Yeah, it gets exciting for people to hear.

But also, I,

what

I don't know what I was going to say, I'm just regretting my whole life: the mac and cheese, the alcoholism.

But anyway, so we made a movie.

Here's my thing: I'm telling you, I'm your friend.

I've known you for close to 20 years.

Yeah, I'm telling you, you're full of poop.

Poop.

Let it go.

I gotta poop it out.

Poop it out.

Okay, forget it.

Poop it out.

It's your parents' fault.

Go buy Portrait of a Comedian.

It's out now.

It's a fantastic story about a fucking hilarious human being and the route that Tom has taken.

Everything that we have talked about here is preamble.

It's funny because I'll...

By the way, Tom Dustin, let me just say my favorite Tom Dustin story.

Please.

One of the dangers of inviting Tom Dustin into the house is that he will go for jokes.

I'm not going to bring up dog's mouth.

That's one of my favorite stories.

One of the all-time classes.

Changed a human being's life.

He called someone with bad teeth dog's mouth.

He goes, you have dog's mouth.

And the guy went, what?

He goes, you have the mouth of a dog.

And it fucking changed that guy's life.

But then Tom Dustin, this is my favorite Tom Dustin story.

I used to live with a guy, my first year living with a story, who was Toughhang.

Nice guy, Toughhang.

Do you remember when we watched Packers Giants and we went to go buy beer and it was snowing outside and we walked outside and I lit up a cigarette and you go that's the unfunniest person I've ever been around.

It was that old roommate.

Do you remember that?

No.

I literally.

I don't remember any of this.

I don't remember Dog's Mouth.

That was at Stand Up New York at the end of the bar.

We were going to get more beers at the Bodega, and I walked outside because of my old roommate, and I lit a cigarette.

We were watching Brett Favre's last game as a Packer, and you went, God, that guy's unfunny.

And I went, right?

I was like, I have to look to him.

He was a very nice guy.

Yeah.

Very sweet guy.

Great guy.

So we go in, and I'm telling him, we're coming from the city, Tom and Alvin and everyone's in town.

And we're going, we did Monday nights.

And then we're like, you know, that old Joe list energy where you're like we'll go to sonars we'll smoke a bowl we'll go to neptune woo we're like we'll go

yeah so we we we go to my house and i tell him before i go listen my roommate's gonna be there he's a tough hang we're kicking him out at the end of the year

i go but don't say anything i go just don't say anything and then we go into my room my windowless room and we smoke a bowl and then we're leaving everyone's like lined up to the front door and we're leaving we're going to the diner and tom goes great to meet you he goes are those is that we had a sheet over our front window because we were on a busy street we had no money so we just put a bed sheet over the window to block it and there's a bed sheet and tom goes nice to meet you is that your sheet on the window and the guy goes yeah it is and tom goes huh they're gonna let you keep it when they kick you out and then i was like tom i like ushered him out like a politician and i was like dude i was so mad but also thought it was the funniest thing in the world that he did that yeah he's got a he's got a lot like he goes they're gonna let you keep that sheet where they kick you out and i was like why would you he by the way the guy didn't know we were gonna kick him out yet of course oh my god the next day i had to walk with him to subway and put a bullet in his head and he go by the way he wasn't wrong i would like you out i don't know that guy's crazy i don't know where he got that from i couldn't even do that i couldn't even do that and i go well he brings up a good point and then i had to kick him out so thanks tom but tom dustin is Fucking hilarious.

Yeah, one of the funniest people ever.

So we made a movie and it's funny.

It's ironic because I'm just sitting here being like, I fucked up my whole life and career.

And the whole plot of the movie is

how much better I did in my career.

That you want to help him.

Yeah.

Well, so yeah, we started together and I moved to New York and eventually got sober and

it was Joe's best friend, Tom.

Like that's how everybody, when Tom would come to me, like Tom Dustin, also Everett House of Comedy, which I'll say.

Very early in my career made me feel like a comic.

I would go to Boston with you.

I would go

do these shows, Uncle Dale's Fire Benefit or whatever, or do also these like random ass one-niners you would get.

And I would go up there and stay on the couch at the Everett House Comedy and it made me feel like a comic.

Yeah, it was funny.

Talking softball when he was the commissioner of the league.

Yeah, yeah.

And it was like, I love Tom Dustin.

And so I was very happy you made a movie about him.

And then you sent it to me and I got to see it.

It was fucking great.

Oh, thanks.

You know,

I'm really, really, really proud of it.

And people have been

overwhelmingly positive about the Letterbox reviews.

They're great.

Yeah.

So go check it out.

Go buy it.

Listen to Tuesdays with Stories.

Listen to The Regs.

Go watch all of Joe's specials.

His latest one is on YouTube.

Go give it a click.

Yeah, Smallball.

Go watch all of them.

He's one of the best working comics.

One of the best comics of all time.

He's just one of my favorite comedians.

He's a person that I watch and I go like, I'm so.

fucking happy and proud to be your friend because of how good at how funny you are.

You're just like one of the best.

So go watch Portrait of a comedian joe list's movie about tom dustin and uh listen to the regs go buy regs merch

baby regs merch go buy regs regs

the goddamn dime of it

go buy a dunking moose sure get it and uh yeah it's a great show go watch my special on youtube for the love of cracks oh and uh the movie's on uh a punch-up live punch-up live website ever made it i mean yeah go watch movie review we do movie watch we got to do a movie watch along i'd love to watch a a movie with you.

Oh, dude.

I got a lot of opinions about movies.

Bull Durham or Hoosiers?

Hoosiers might be fun.

I'd like Hoosiers.

Give me Bull Durham.

I want to do Bull Durham.

Well, it's not.

We're going to make fun of it.

It's a movie you've got to be able to make fun of.

What about Top Gun?

I got all kinds of Top Gun bits.

I'll do Top Gun.

I got a new Top Gun bit.

I mean, don't do the new bit.

Don't burn the bit.

Don't burn the bit, but I would watch Top Gun with you.

I'd love to get it.

I'd watch Top Gun 2 with you to really shit on it.

I don't care for Top Gun 2.

Good.

Hated it.

Good.

I'm the only one guy that didn't like it.

Good.

Let's go through it.

Let's go through it and watch it.

This is one of my beefs with it.

Well, first of all, the plot is Star Wars.

Like, the whole movie is like the first Star Wars.

Like, we got to go up here, and there's this one spot we got to shoot.

We got to all funnel in.

Put a pin in that.

Okay.

Sorry.

I think we just found our next watch-along.

I got one other thought, too, real quick, is I hate how they depict it.

I sound like a Republican guy, but I'm like, why do they depict...

They're like Navy fighter pilots and they're like, there's no way we can do this.

They're all like, Zox.

I'm like, why are they a bunch of fucking

before it?

Yeah, I've never flown a plane.

Oh, I've got notes on it, especially about where he lands, that there happens to be a jet that he can fly.

Right.

All right.

We might have to do Top Gun 2, Maverick's Boogaloo.

But go do everything.

Go watch Tortured of a Comedian first.

I love it.

I came on to plug a movie and I'm just trashing the most successful movie of the last 20 years.

No, this is how you whet the appetite for us to do a movie watch along.

Jolis is the man, and we both are very happy that you watch this podcast.

Thank you very much.

goodbye

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