101: Plastic Furniture with Earthquake | Soder Podcast | EP 99

The golden retriever of comedy tour come on out to a show.

We got Tucson on Friday at the Rialto, October 3rd.

Tickets still available.

Paramount in Denver, October 4th, might be sold out.

If there are tickets, there are a few left.

Again, dansodor.com.

And then the South, we're coming to get you.

Knoxville, Atlanta.

Louisville.

I said that correctly.

Louisville.

Knoxville, Tennessee, Atlanta, Georgia, and Louisville, Kentucky are going to be October 9th, 10th, and 11th.

Dansoder.com for tickets.

Go to Dan Soder slash tour for all dates, all tickets.

Buy the tickets through my website.

Don't go to Google.

Please don't go to Google.

This is how secondhand resellers get you.

Just go to danceodor.com.

And right there on that ticket link, we'll send you there and we're going to see.

These shows are going to be fun as hell.

I'm bringing a lot of fun people.

Sagalo is going to be on a lot.

I'm bringing Matt Ross, a couple surprise openers that are fun that I'm very excited to bring along.

Dansodor.com slash tour, Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.

Oh, also,

merch.

Might be selling some merch.

We're talking about it.

It's pretty cool.

Might get a hoodie or a t-shirt for you.

What I love about the Commanders specifically is that you genuinely had a head vampire situation where you killed the head vampire.

Yeah.

And then everything, you know, when like in movies where the light returns to the forest and all the darkness goes away, Snyder selling that team, the entire NFL was like, well, let's see Washington win now.

Right.

Everyone was ready for that.

Yes, he was terrible.

And when you guys got Jaden Daniels, who I love,

and then you guys just got a team where the NFC East is filled with a lot of like bad guys.

Cowboys, the Eagles are getting cocky.

I love you guys.

I think Commanders, man.

Eagles is Doc Vader, man.

Yeah, they are.

Well, the way they're built.

Doc Vader.

Through like 2028.

Doc Vad Vader.

And I'm a 49er fan, so when we got, when Purdy broke his arm, it'll take us three years to beat

the Eagles.

Yeah.

It's going at least three years.

Or a major injury on their end.

Oh, yeah.

Either or.

Either or.

Evil or.

If Saquon or Jalen goes down?

The foundation is so strong.

When did you move to L.A.?

2000.

2000.

So is it being an East Coast, a fan of, because I'm going through the opposite.

I'm on the East Coast, but I love the the Niners.

Yeah.

You go through these pains of like hoping they come to your town.

But do you do the road where you go?

Yeah,

when the schedule breaks, then I'm like, I can go to this game.

I can go to this game.

I can go to this game.

But I don't

rearrange my schedule for them.

I ain't got that kind of money.

I know.

That's where you get crazy.

I will never.

It's got to match up.

Oh, yeah.

If it doesn't match up, you're like, well, then...

You can't lose money to watch them make money.

That's the rule.

That's the way to say that because I spent so much when I first, I saw Bill Burr do that the first time of being like, yeah.

You joke with Bill?

I know him, but like, I'm a huge fan, just like a big fan of yours.

But coming up watching comedy, especially being a younger comic, I remember listening to Burr be like, yeah, plan my schedule around games.

And I was like, the thought of that to me was like, and then I tried doing it too young, headlining, and it ended up costing me money where I was like,

this is stupid.

I predict in another two years then that'll be I'll be able to just like

I'll let you know what my fall schedule is gonna be

that's pretty crazy

yeah I'll let you know you know what that's kind of like that's the hope young comics should get is that you go you can control as I remember when I was a waiter right one of the best parts about being a senior waiter was you would get to control your schedule right and i feel like that's like being a senior comic when you get and you put enough time in the business you go i'm going to let you know when I'm going to be there.

Well, it's certain caveats that, you know, benefits.

It's like

I always say it's like American Express, certain levels and I think membership has its privileges.

And you become a demand

headliner that you can say.

I'm waiting to the NFL schedule.

You know when you'll get my schedule?

It's when they announce where the commanders are this fall.

Okay, I would would do Tampa in September the 5th.

You go, oh, it looks like they got the Bucs.

Yeah, you got the Tampa.

I'll see you down there.

How do you see you down there?

You know what I mean?

That's what I'm going to strive for.

So I can go, where are the Niners at?

Addy, Indianapolis?

Yeah.

All right.

I do.

Get on your agent.

Yeah.

Okay.

Take the sooner.

Or just forward them the schedule.

Forward the schedule.

Match it up.

And match it up.

Yeah.

Looks like I'm doing the Bay Area.

I can't do this.

I think I'm about to leave.

What's CAA up there?

Yeah,

let me see what we're Morrison is.

I mean, that is one of the things where you go like, I made it.

That's it.

Like, you know, I made it.

There's no

you can have all the cars, all the money, or whatever, but when you go, like, oh, I can go to all these games.

Yeah.

That was like in my head, a thing that I would be like, if I could grow up to even go to two 49er games a season.

Right.

And now I'm like, I could probably go to like four or five and sit in nice seats.

Right.

That was like the best part to me.

Right.

Being a sports fan is you just want to make your life outside of sports catch up to where you can go watch the teams you want to see.

Yeah, you want that accessibility

of,

you know,

hit the field.

Oh my God.

I mean, I'll tell you right now,

I got spoiled.

Like I told you, my buddy Mike is the head coach for the Dolphins.

Yeah.

But he was bouncing around the NFL.

And then when I got the call that he was going to San Francisco, I was like.

Let me go.

He's like, do you need stuff?

I was like, yeah.

Yeah.

Everything.

One of everything in XL.

I'm trying to track down Magic Johnson.

We're friends, but I just can't.

You know, Magic went from millionaire to billionaire.

Is that a different phone number?

Yeah.

Certificate.

You don't get a call back on that millions.

When he had just the theaters and the sound box, I can get him.

He'll pick it up.

You can get tickets to Rush Hour too for free.

Yeah.

He'll pick up the phone.

But you think if you got a hold of him now, what would you want?

You know, he's part owner to let him know

the accessibility.

Wait, part owner of the Dodgers, right?

No, he's part owners of the commanders.

Oh, he is?

Yes.

I didn't know that.

Yes, he's a part owner.

Yeah, Magic, pick up.

If Earthquake is calling you, man, I've been.

Pick up.

No, I ran into him and I looked at him six months, eight a month, and told him.

And he's like, I got you.

Gave me a number.

And I ain't got him since.

That motherfucker reads like a suicide hotline.

He's going to have one of those numbers that

girls give out at bars where you call your girlfriend.

Something.

You've You've been tricked.

Yeah.

I've been knowing Magic so long.

I mean, I've been knowing him since the Lakers.

That is insane.

And when he bought in into the cat, I was like, I got to get it down to him.

And I seen him.

And we talked and rapped and said, take the number.

And

I haven't yet be able to talk about it.

How many times do you press that number?

Once, twice?

I get you.

It's certain people don't call you back.

Like, Kevin don't call me back.

Dave Chappelle calls me back.

He does.

Yeah, Dr.

Dre calls me back.

already two great ones yes but i understand what a cool list of people to call you back yeah i i i call down dre will call me me and dre uh

um dave yeah we got to hit dave on time is chappelle one of those guys where if he calls you you're in like uh you know those friends when they call you you go i'm gonna be in a conversation No, Dave is one of the most sincere people in the world.

Yeah.

But everybody pulls him.

So you have to understand, it's only 24 hours in a day.

And he has multiple people such as me in his life.

Absolutely.

So I have great, even for Kevin, the rest of them.

But, you know, I mean, the special he produced to yours was fantastic.

Yes.

And I started

that whole series he did off with, like, being like, oh, this is fucking great.

Everyone, I know New York comics, we were like, did you see the earth?

Immediately to tell everyone's like, you see Earthquake set?

Just being like, fantastic.

Because I do feel like there is, the idea idea of the special isn't what it was.

Because it's just you're able to release it now.

Right.

It's kind of like what like SoundCloud did to like rap, where you're like, well, now an album isn't as important because people are just putting shit out all the time.

So when you see a good special now, I think it means more.

Well, I think, you know, you're a comic, so you understand some of us stick with the job description of it is.

It's comedy special.

Yeah.

And your words have meaning.

Yeah.

You want to take a couple of years to work on it.

Well, whatever way, you just want to make sure, whatever your process is, that it's ready.

Yeah.

And

unfortunately, with the new one I got right now, the only thing bad about it is, you know, how being a comic, I had a respiratory infection, so I had to pull through at the same time while I was getting it done.

But you know how it is.

And, you know, my son was like, oh, we just reschedule.

I said, well, you got the production money to get this all together.

When people find out how much specials cost, they go, holy shit, and you ain't got no time.

And it's something we all do.

I try to explain on my radio show that,

you know, there's a lot of times comedians, we didn't got the deposit.

That money is already accounted for.

It's gone.

Ain't no sense you're talking about.

Let's reschedule.

Yeah, you can't get that back.

I can't get that January 15th date back.

Explaining to my friends that...

don't work in the entertainment business like what it costs to actually like the difference between touring in a comedy club versus a a theater and how there's money that you have to pay that i'm renting the microphone right i'm renting the fucking stool right i'm renting the lights you hiring your hiring

camera the people that are taking the tickets and they not coming back next week for the same money that you gave it for no so if you reschedule you are gonna take such a hit oh a hit and that is the thing where you go i i would you don't think i would love to be at my best health

dude we shot me and mike shot our last thing that i put up on youtube at a comedy club and i got that was at a comedy club and i got covid and i was like i'm gonna have to fight through it got to fight through it i got and i i mean i was over it by the time we filmed it but i was still sick i was still coming through it still getting i wasn't like clocking positive but i was still resolving breathing weird and you're like we got to do these three shows we got to do it because it's set up he brought the camera out he hired the people to film it That's why I call it

my flute game, Michael Jordan.

Yeah, hell yeah.

It's my flute game.

Don't you feel like you do a better job in that situation?

Because you almost can't think about anything but that.

Well, it's bad when your voice is gone.

You know how your voice cracks?

You can't get the reflection that you want.

Oh, man.

If you go high and then you're going to be honest,

you hurt your head and you can't.

But it's just like, with no disrespect to a woman, just sit back and relax and take it like it was.

Take it to the face.

You understand?

You just

take it to the base.

Put it on your kits and just get it.

Let's get on out of here.

I ain't going to be back.

Just put it in.

You understand?

I'm hurting.

You help me.

Go ahead.

You do all the work.

So you want me to turn over, put my leg up?

Give me a minute.

I can't do that.

I'm not bulldogging you tonight.

Yeah.

I got a layer.

You got my leg here.

You got to get it.

What's funny is after we filmed one in one night and then we filmed two the second night.

And after the first one, I felt so good about it that I feel my body was like good.

And then the next night it was the,

you know, sounded like Steve-O hitting notes, being like, I'm a panel.

And you're like, I'm fucked up.

I can't be doing this.

Right.

But the adrilling of it and the understanding and the opportunity, very few people in our career, in our profession, I'm sorry, has

the clout to say.

Yeah.

I see y'all in two weeks.

I'm not feeling good.

You know who did that prior at Live at Sunset Strip?

Yeah.

But that was like the last guy to do this.

You know what I mean?

He bumped on that.

And I see y'all come back.

I'm going to come back.

I come back.

Hire them again.

Hire them again.

We're going to reshoot this shit.

But he was already pry.

Yeah, I mean, that's what I mean.

He had the clout to go.

He had the clout.

We're going to fuck him up.

I think we got a couple people.

Dave could do it.

Dave Adams could do it.

Chris could do it.

Seinfeld could do it.

Louis could do it.

Louis could do it.

Burr could do it.

Burr could do it.

I'm trying to think who else has that kind of power.

Gaff again, I feel like, could do that.

That can look the...

He could shut down.

Shane can do it.

Shane's up there now.

Shane could probably do it.

But you're right, to shut down a whole production or something.

And then sit back there and renegotiate.

Well, what I mean by,

of course, you can do it.

These are the people I feel that can do it and don't have to take on the financial responsibility.

They don't sweat about it.

Not only sweat about it,

the network that they're, the distributor doing it, would eat it just for the relationship of it.

You don't understand what I'm saying?

I'm not there in my career.

Had I been Dave.

I mean, you know, they were like, don't worry about it.

I feel like Dave could shut down a whole production and they would like enjoy it.

He could go, like, you know what I mean?

I don't feel like doing this.

I'm going to take a nap.

And they'd go, we're going to watch you take a nap.

We're going to watch it.

And that's, I'm bleeding out of my ear.

And they're like, the show's on in five minutes.

That's another achievement.

Like,

the sports thing.

The sports thing.

That's another

degree of

money, fame.

You go, I want to shut down production.

I want to baby walk in that motherfucker and say, not today.

Joe, I don't like the wind.

The wind is blowing weird.

Yeah, it's the true story.

Yeah, it is funny because you know what's even funnier is

the longer you're in comedy and you do watch someone, you know, like people that you know raise up to these levels that

you've never seen anybody go to, watching the like people, like the networks and stuff the way they go.

Yes.

They're just

see that started with me in the business when Only reason why I wanted to be a headliner, because they had to come to the club early.

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, no, because you know,

you had to be there when you're the opening.

You had to be in there with the waitress and shit.

And then this motherfucker just walked in here.

You're rolling silverware with the white staff.

How he come?

Well, he's the headliner.

Well, how you become that?

I remember at the first club I started at, I wasn't allowed to sit in the green room.

It was a small green room.

I wasn't allowed, as the MC, sit in the green room.

And then the feature wasn't allowed to sit in the green room.

And you're like, all right, so being a headliner means I get a little small room where I can hang out.

Right.

And that's why that's important.

You're right.

You like to to be able to do that.

So you want

those perks.

Yeah.

That perks, and I'm there with the waitress and ain't no crowd here.

And I'm sitting in the corner.

Yeah.

And then this motherfucker just walked in like 15, 20 minutes before he go on stay.

And I'm like, hey, man, why he?

They already got him a drink.

They got him a drink.

He's ready to go.

He don't have no drink ticket.

Everybody's sitting there kissing his ass.

They're not marking it down.

Yeah, they ain't marking it down.

When you get a beer and they go, all right, that's one.

That's one.

You get one.

Oh, no, they give you the ticket.

Yeah, dude.

They give you the ticket.

I came up in New York doing bar shows where it was like the second someone handed me money, I was like, this is incredible.

Right.

I'm used to getting to admit one movie ticket to go get a ticket.

Exactly.

That's the one that admit one.

And you got a tip on that, so now I'm losing money.

Not only that.

A beer with the admitted one is a beer, but if you want a strong drink, you need both of your tickets.

Yeah, that's hilarious.

Holy shit, I haven't thought about that in a while.

Rum and Coke.

Rum and Coke.

I need both of them tickets.

You couldn't get one yeah that's just for that's just bumpy that is

it's so funny because you're right we're talking about all these big steps of like rearranging your schedule and stopping production but you don't realize that it the most important part is when you're young getting that like can i get two drink tickets yeah you're like oh my god i can go later in the show yes this is larry flick owner of the floor store leaves are falling and so are our prices welcome to the floor stores fall sale now through october 14th get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

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I can do all that.

I mean, you've been, you know, I think you've affected definitely my generation, the generation before me, and the generation after me.

Are there people that come up to you and go, I'm a huge fan of you?

That blows your mind.

That you're like, I never thought you would be a fan.

It's always humbling with anybody.

You know what I mean?

Especially people that shoot.

Like, Dr.

Dre, I'm a fan of yours.

Crazy.

Different people that you're a fan of.

Yeah.

And different people that you knew them.

Yeah.

They didn't know you.

Yeah.

And now they know you.

Yeah.

You understand what I'm saying?

And

it's very humbling.

Did you ever have one like a Martha Stewart or someone where you were like, what the fuck?

Yeah, I had a couple.

Like, just out of right feel.

Yeah, out of fucking right feel.

Because, I mean, I had pastors.

That's fun.

You know what I mean?

That's fun.

Yeah, I had fun.

Because

there's something about

outside of the actual description of the job.

Right.

But a pastor.

You don't understand.

They have crowd control better than any comedian.

True.

Like the way that people listen to them is like, if they say you're doing a good job, you're like, oh, damn.

Damn.

Yeah.

And you're moving.

I mean, they said

they're telling you that you're also doing God's work through laughter.

Yeah.

And to acknowledge our genre and put it on the same level as a man of God is the most humbling thing.

But that is, from a from a black pastor, unbelievable.

A white pastor, you go.

If it's like a Joel Osteen, you go.

Yeah, yeah, you bastard.

Just a white, a white pastor with big white teeth going.

And what you do for the Lord?

And you go, I don't believe any of this shit.

None of this shit, right?

If I had an old black pastor tell me good job, I'd be like, this is odd.

I knew I was feeling myself on stage, but I didn't know I was doing that good.

But a white pastor, you go, what the devilish intentions do you think I have?

You go, Kristen Nexon.

Yeah, they go.

I think you are doing a fantastic job.

When I was at Sirius XM, when I was doing the bonfire, I tell this story, but it's true.

Joel Osteen came through the lobby

when I was walking in to do the show, and I've never seen someone with more heavy artillery around them

in that building.

I'm talking about rappers, movie stars, politicians.

I've never seen someone with, he just had like a

circle of people that got into a bulletproof SUV, and you're

dude.

The energy was wild to the point where you're like, that man is worth a billion dollars.

No, but see, that it reminded me of one of my jokes before.

I said, I always had a problem with religious leaders, but I wrote it for the Pope.

I said, the Pope is in a bulletproof living.

Dude, I mean, I'm upset.

That's your Comedy Central Presents.

Where he goes, he's coming out there tossing out pieces.

Where's your face?

Dude, that's crazy.

That's the best so good.

Why are you trying to delay your day to meet him?

I was, as someone

I used to come home,

Comedy Central presents was so important for my generation.

Right.

Because I was just like a teenage pothead and I would come home and put on Comedy Central and then I would see like

David Tell's or yours.

I used to think that was that hit me in a way when I watched that the first time that I was like, that's the funniest shit in the world.

And so then whenever it would be hot at night, I'd be like, they got a different sundown.

When I was living in like Tucson and shit.

Yeah, Tucson.

But that is like you see those pastors and you're like, why do you got bulletproof?

Don't you have trust?

No, where's God?

Shouldn't you be shaking hands?

You say you talk to God every day.

He don't tell you what the assassin is.

You don't think they're going to move the bullet?

Yeah,

not only that, he don't go there myself.

There's nothing that he put in

the universe.

You know, to say, no, I don't think I want to go there at that point.

Jesus didn't have his apostles and he goes, I need all of you heavily armed.

Yes.

And I need you to walk around.

You know what I mean?

Where's your faith?

That's what I felt when he walked through the lobby.

I was always like, that doesn't seem Christ-like.

No, that's not.

If you say you talk to him, and if heaven's so beautiful, it's the best, then put me there.

Why are you delaying your day?

You get what I'm saying?

I would tell my security squad, I go, you guys got the day off.

If I had that, which I have my connection with my Lord and Savior, don't get me wrong.

But the direct, what you say, because you're a man of God and you say you talk to him all the time, and you anointed with the Spirit.

If I know that you got his phone number and you got it.

He's going going to call you back.

He called you back.

You told me to go on record.

He's not the owner of the commander.

He is the commander.

He is the commander.

So he's going to have to go home.

You talk to him every day, but you don't believe he's going to tell you.

That's such a good part.

This devil

is going to

you out of anybody should be walking in the light.

No, we're not going to close up.

Yeah, you're going, listen.

Hey.

Ain't no problem.

And I do want to go see him, but I don't want to go see him right now.

And he told me it's a little hot right now.

Sam Stein the one.

That is so funny.

Especially if you're a preacher, you could probably mess with the people around you by going, Lord told me it's probably not a good idea.

See, you don't have faith, but you tell me, hold on with it.

It's coming.

Put your last in this basket and everything else.

There you go.

And you will be blessed.

Because I talked to the Lord.

Yeah.

You go, I'm telling you.

But he didn't tell you where that sniper was at.

He didn't let you know that it was up there in the fucking.

He didn't tell you what, right?

He didn't even give you a heads up.

He ain't telling you.

That would make me think God hated me if he didn't give me a heads up.

Well, that would let me know.

I don't know if you talked to the same lady.

God goes, yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Oh, God said, come on up here.

I need to see you.

In the office.

Yeah.

Today.

That was the thing I think that soured me on Osteen was there was that flood in Houston, and people didn't have anywhere to go, and he wouldn't open his church up.

Oh, I heard he said, look here, don't come this Sunday.

He said, yeah, I ain't want to come last Sunday.

Don't make this Sunday.

That reminds me of like when your grandma wants you to come visit, but she doesn't want you to go in the living room.

Yeah, exactly.

Where do you go?

you just, I thought you were just so excited to see me.

Why can't I go in this room?

Just this little section right here.

I'm going to visit you under these terms.

Dude, when my grandma passed away, taking the plastic off some of that furniture was wild.

Just as a science experiment.

I'd be like, this couch hasn't breathed air since 1975.

And then you took it off and you watched it like...

like expand.

You watched it go like

I was just taking stuff off being like, damn, this couch has never felt

just rubbing it because we were like going to donate it.

And you're like, well, look at this shit.

It was totally going in the room, checking she's dead to make sure to be like, I'm in the room.

Right.

Yeah, it was wild, man.

My grandma was, uh, she died at 97 and she had like held on to everything.

So we were going through like decades of stuff.

Finding out that like she held on to like birthday cards that me and my cousins gave her when we were like six.

Damn.

And then you have to decide what you're going to keep.

Yeah.

Because the house got foreclosed on.

So we were like, we got to get everything through.

We got to get it out of there.

And then you're like looking at it and you go, this is nice birthday cards, but who's going to ki out?

Exactly.

I barely have room for my own.

That's the part that no one talks about when you're cleaning out a house and someone dies is you go, it is sentimental, but you go, I just don't have the room for this.

I can't go back in there.

We just got to donate it.

Let them take it off.

I left stuff that I was like, I just don't even want to go through with it.

Yeah.

And when I found out it got cleaned out, I was like, thank God.

I just didn't want to.

You just don't.

Because I think when you're young, you're like, we'll divvy it up and we'll have this thing.

And then me and my cousin were like, let's get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I didn't have nobody.

We have everybody in my family.

We got one family member that he going over there to scavenge.

I'm not going to give names because I don't think she watches the podcast.

But we had one cousin specifically that started making...

We went up there.

My grandma broke her hip.

We put her in the hospital.

This is in California, like up north.

And we put her in the hospital.

And and then we go to her townhouse to get her clothes and stuff so that's what we're doing right but we're also making sure the stove is off the water is turned on you got to make some of this because she might not be coming home right no time soon no time soon one of my cousins is going like oh that's great grandma's china and she like puts it in a little pile and me and my other cousin are going are you noticing this shit because she was doing a little like

so this is mine this is mine preparing for the stuff when they die Yes.

And fight over lawnmower.

Yeah.

And me and my cousin Lisa are going like, well, we're just here to grab our other stuff.

And our other cousin's going like, huh, these plates are.

And just keeps returning to the same pile.

Got a little pile.

Yeah.

And when she died, we didn't want to tell her.

And this is the thing about it.

Grandma would have wanted me to have this.

Yes.

She told me I could have this.

Well, it was.

When she was living, she said, these are my.

Earthquake, you're saying exactly what she was saying.

Grandma wanted me to have this.

Yeah, the wife was going to to be this.

Because in the will, it says it's all mine.

You know, grandmama didn't like it.

Right.

She didn't want to get the will.

You all told her hitting.

I'm not joking when I say this.

You're almost

beat for beat, hitting the excuse.

Of course.

Where you go.

That sounds true.

And they go to every relative.

Yeah.

And then the best part is.

And they always get them when they're in hopster's care.

That's it.

It was exactly in the hospice.

Yep.

Where they go.

We're just going to come by and get the plates.

Get the plates.

So then what happened was we kind of got hip to it and we're like, all right.

And then we went down to see my my grandma at the hospital and then as shit progressed i called my other cousin that was talking to her like we're not letting her know when she dies no and we're gonna go up there you gotta go get it before the birth certificate i mean the death certificates are signed because she's gonna be over there taking it all waiting and we got one family member got everybody's stuff when they die we got we got in there we got our stuff we got the the u-haul filled right then i hit her with the text nana passed away.

Yeah.

She was like, I got to come up.

I got to come up with it.

I got to come up there.

I go, you know what?

Crying on the way.

I was like, dude, I have so many missed calls from her.

Because she was like,

where are you guys?

When are you guys going up there?

Can I get the key?

I'll go in there myself.

That's exactly right.

You understand?

Let me just, y'all got, I know y'all ain't gonna go in there.

You guys are going through a time.

Y'all are going through a telephone.

Let me go.

Just give me the key.

And I'll go in there.

And I'm telling you right now, we got in there, got the stuff, got out, like a heist.

Yeah.

And then we called her.

We're like, it's done.

I felt like Ocean's 11.

I was like, it's done.

The key part about it is that, and you get it, and then let them come over your house and they see it.

They didn't try to steal it.

Dude, if she tries to take that gravy boat from my cousin Lisa that we had, it's going to be the funniest thing of her going, like, so this looks familiar.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, it was, man.

Going through a house like that, there is this like weird thing of you're sad, but then you're also like, do I have room for that?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That moment where practicality breaks into emotional response where you go, I could fit that in my living room.

I'm thinking,

I know I'm in a one-bedroom, but that poo table, I can fit it somewhere.

Tape measure out, and you go, it is wide enough.

Kite shots.

Get rid of the dining room tape.

You go, is it three pieces of slate?

It might be heavy going up my walk-up, but I got this.

Got it.

Yeah, that is the one thing that no one ever told me about with family dying is like it almost becomes a flea market.

Yes.

Instantly.

Instantly.

Yeah, that's the thing.

With your kids, how many kids do you have?

I have three.

You have three?

Yeah.

Do you think which one of your kids is going to angle for your stuff?

Because you know the best.

All of them.

See, I got a wife now.

Okay.

There you go.

So that trumps the kids.

The wife, yeah.

I just got married about a month ago.

Oh, really?

Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

So I have a wife.

And she goes, that's my stuff.

They're not even going to get inside.

You know what I mean?

Do they?

They're all grown up, right?

Yes.

When you get married, when your kids are all grown up is there like what is the because i was raised by a single mom so i remember the introduction process when i was little yeah versus when i'm grown right when i'm grown up there's this little of like the it's more like this is so-and-so this is so when you're a kid you do like the i want you to meet somebody right because you're looking for the approval of

the older as they get like listen you fucking up on your dating allow me to fuck up on mine And hopefully, we both get it together.

And you just said, man, once you get to a certain age as a kid, to me, in my humble opinion, as a parent, how you feel about who I date has no concern on me.

Because you're out of the house.

You're out of the house.

We already did this.

You understand?

Yeah, our time in our band is over.

You're not on the album anymore.

And I'm not recruiting you a new mama.

You've got your mama.

Yeah.

You understand what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And so have a good time.

Did they get along in a way that...

Yeah, they get along, but i don't expose to them too much anyway i you know what i mean smart you know i don't expose them at that point

because your kids will fuck your relationship up

they will just what just like talk shit no just

they territorial yeah you know what i mean you're you're they're possessive of you exactly and if someone's coming to take that away yeah and they feel there's not enough of you to spread sure and if you get a strong woman which is your woman yeah they'd be like, listen here, motherfucker.

This is mine now.

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I guess my question is, does that ever get confused as like

possessive in a way where they get combative, where they get like, she's not right for you?

Like they don't.

Oh, definitely they're going to sabotage it.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

At that point,

again, the opinion don't matter.

Yeah.

That's got to be a great thing to say to your kid after a certain age.

Well, you don't even.

You just live it.

You just live it and let them catch you you don't even introduce them you you they it

they they catch you at rouse or whole food

oh this is my wife the fuck you know you got married you got fucking

you should have been

ceremony with

oh cabo san lucas oh oh

you like mahi mahi we had mahi mahi

sea bass oh it was perfect that's like i was wondering where you was at i remember when i was very little one time time i fell asleep on the couch where i was staying with my dad and him and my grandma had dinner while i was asleep right and the feeling of betrayal that i had when i woke up was like you just ate a full meal and i was just sleeping here and they were like well you're asleep we don't want to wake you up which is a rational answer true but i do feel like i still felt betrayed well no me where's my plate yeah yeah that's i should have just woke up and been like where's my plate where i think i was little enough that i was like still in shock that they would do that well i understand.

But that's the feeling of if they don't meet your girlfriend until they see you at Ralph's and then they're like, but I don't want to give them the false sense that their opinion matters.

Sure.

You understand?

Very smart.

You understand?

So if I don't introduce you, then that always

letting you know.

Live your life like your daddy's living it.

I'm going to introduce her when I need you to meet her.

Well, when you catch us.

You understand?

And Whole Foods.

Does she have kids?

No.

Okay.

So that's.

Because Because I always wonder with grown adults, the introduction of grown adults to grown adults.

Kind of like you have a stepbrother now, but is that really a stepbrother?

It's just a guy that my dad married your mom.

Well, the dynamics is different when you're the male.

Yeah.

You get what I'm saying?

True.

She has a kid.

She has to make sure she's a mom.

It's a protective thing.

A protective thing.

That was the very,

that's the exact way my mom was.

You know what I'm saying?

So she was kind of like, he's going to meet you, especially when I got bigger and I grew up.

It was more of like well this is a security check right like i'm coming through just to make sure that because you're the custodian parent see i was never the custodian parent i was always the financier for the you know the adus yeah but now that's fun as hell though you know what i mean then you're coming through off the road being like what do you guys need yeah financiers back financier is and you you know you decide

we got the financier coming through if you guys have a pitch for new shoes or anything you want to get and you had to do none of the discipline because you only get to see them for that weekend.

Yeah, that's true.

You don't want to spike the person, your kid, if you only got them for that Friday and Saturday.

You know, I do regret my dad never

actually doing parenting, but the older I get, the more I understand that he was like, I'm just here to be fun.

Yeah.

I just go out to the Bay Area and he'd be like, we'll go to a Giants game.

You'll be fine.

Yeah.

And you're like,

it did rule.

Because...

To be honest with you, from a man's point of view, is

safety for yourself because nine out of ten, you might be dealing with a woman that'll be holding your kid as a hostage.

Yeah.

And then the package deal aspect of it.

So, you know, you know.

Oh, I mean, they were very honest with that being the case because my dad wasn't paying child support at all.

My mom was like, well, then you're my bargaining chip.

Exactly.

I was the bargaining chip.

Exactly.

Where she goes, well, then why am I letting you go see them if I'm not getting my money?

Exactly.

And then I'm in the middle of like, well, this sucks.

I want to go to a Giants game.

Yeah.

And if you want to take them to a Giants game, I need that $400.

It's negotiating with a terrorist.

dude i it really is so funny where they're like if you ever want to see your son again pay me my child support child support or he's never going to go to a 49ers game with you ever again never and i'm gonna let him know exactly how i fuck i'm gonna turn him into a broncos fan right if you don't let him yeah

dude that was that was the being

in Denver as a 49ers fan, just trying, because my mom was raising me in Denver, but my dad was in the Bay Area.

Right.

And I was always trying to go out to Niner games.

And that really was the thing where it was like, what if I pay the child support?

You know, I'm like, I got a summer job.

Yeah.

What if I save up and I pay his part so I can get out there and catch a game?

Yeah.

And what's she say?

No.

She's like, I'm going to, I believe the answer was, I'm going to garnish his wages.

Oh, yeah.

She was like, if I find out where he works,

I'm going to fuck it.

Fuck that up.

Before the internet, they had to be like private investigators.

Yeah.

She had to like call around.

Yeah.

She couldn't Google where my dad was working.

No.

She was calling random bars and seeing if he was bartending.

Right.

You got a Gary there?

You got a Gary there.

You got a Gary Soder?

Yeah.

She's like, all right.

Well, guess what?

I need to fill out some of his paperwork.

I'm his ex-wife.

And don't tell me you're only making $2 and $13 an hour.

Put them tips on that goddamn financial.

I'm going to come down there.

I need you to pour the tip jar out, and we're going to go through it together.

My mother said,

bless his heart.

She said to get her child support,

she would dress all of us up in the raggliest clothes and take us down there to his job at lunchtime

and say go say something to your daddy that is yeah daddy and we in there looking like huckleberry fin that is you understand what it was

with the pants cut off that is the thing off of it and the cia would pick up something like that you understand and the raggly shoes with the hole in she'll put all of she'll go to thrift store

and buy all the stuff cheap and dirty it up buy it take it too small and take it down too small and everything and take us down there yeah and wait till everybody's in the breaker or lunch.

And run them in there.

And they said, Richie, is those your kids?

Yeah.

And you know, he just wanted a relaxing lunch.

He and then shopping in the chat.

I mean, he shopped.

He got everything going.

And she ended up funny.

And the next day, she got all her money.

Yeah.

Because he's going to be like, hey, let's not do that again.

Let's not do that.

Let's not do that again.

I remember one time visiting my dad, and it was like bringing up child support was a cock block

of going like, well, mom says you you don't pay child, and he's like, Trying to fuck another lady.

He's like, What are you doing?

Yeah, this isn't how we're doing it.

What are you doing?

You're here right now.

Why don't we keep this between us?

That's right.

And you're going to believe your mother.

Yeah, dude.

That was real big of my house.

I gave her money two years ago.

That was real big in my house.

Yeah.

Are you going to listen to her?

You're going to listen to her.

Or my mom would go, you know, your dad's a liar.

Now that I'm a grown man

and

a father,

I always say I at least should have heard heard his side of the story.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because you took your mother's side like it was the gospel.

Yeah.

You know what?

That wasn't the thing.

My dad died before I could get his side of the story.

Yeah.

Because I was 14.

So we weren't at that age where I was talking to him differently.

I was still a kid in his eyes when he died.

But see, you come to the realization as you mature and you become a man that two things can be true.

Absolutely.

Your mother's a good mother, but she also can be a fucked up girlfriend.

I could also,

yeah, you also, that's so perfect because you do you grow up in a listen my mom's the best i love her to death yeah and i believe her

i believe her perspective right but i also can think that his perspective had some truth to it but see if you get honestly if you really be objective yeah look at your mother not through the son's eye but just

just as a man

As being out here experiencing women and don't look at it with your mama's your mommy eyes.

Yeah, you look back and say, My mama is a scoundrel.

My mother been shaking down motherfuckers for life.

My mother is the type of motherfucker going there and say she pregnant, give me the money for the abortion and go to the club.

I'm just not saying mine is personal, but if you sit back, you just start looking at the characteristic of the

you like, she was a loving mama, but I wouldn't date her ass.

I wouldn't date that scat.

If I did, I'd put all my money and leave it in the car while we sleep together.

There was a moment

before my stepdad and my mom broke up where my stepdad and I both had that moment of being like,

I can see she's running you down.

Yeah.

And he was like, she is.

And then, you know, you give him that like, I see it.

And you look him in the face, say, leave.

Yeah, just get out of here.

We're good.

Get out of here.

We're good.

Take you to the street.

Listen, I'm full.

We can pick this back up when I'm 18.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Let's be friends when I'm older.

Yeah.

I'm not going to hold it against your daddy.

Just get out of here.

You got caught in the trick bag.

You know what I mean?

Just pack it up, pack it up, get out of here.

She's never going to appreciate it.

I'll tell her, I don't know, that you disappeared.

I tell her,

I tell her, look, I put myself up

for adoption.

Yeah, you really don't look at your parents until you get older.

I think that's a big thing with a lot of people: they keep the perspective of their parents from when they were kids, and then they never let it evolve so you see your parent for who they really are.

Well, especially in my community, you can't tell nobody about their mama.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Their mama could sit around here and shoot everybody in a synagogue.

And they'll steal that.

What did they do to my mama?

It's so funny because it is polar opposite with white.

White people would be like, mom!

Yeah.

Stop.

And you're like, well, you can't do that shit.

Nah, black people be sitting there.

That's my mama.

They must have did something to her.

I bet my mom was a bitch.

White people were giving the absolute opposite energy.

Y'all role models for us.

The way y'all have the reaction and the candor and just the openness.

She's calling your mom by the first name.

Yes.

Hey, Trish.

And she'd be like, Trish.

Excuse me.

What's funny is

she did check me on that.

One time I called her and she was like, what is this?

She goes,

if you're referring to me to someone else, you can call me that.

Right.

I'm mom.

Always.

Always.

And let's not get dismissed.

And she said it very sternly once.

Then I was like, hey, that's a good rule.

We ain't got it.

And I'm never breaking that rule.

Hey, mom, I'm never going to be like, hey, Trish.

You know what I mean?

It's funny to say her name in jokes and stuff.

Right.

But to her, I'm always calling her mom.

I'm never like, hey, late.

I had a friend that called his parents by both their first names, and I thought that was the weirdest shit in the world.

Yeah, and I don't even know how you get into that.

What moment do you break into that?

When does she say, look, fuck it, don't call me moms.

I'm Linda.

I'm Linda.

And we're going to.

I'm the club tonight.

That's Ron.

I'm Linda.

We're going to go get fucked up.

You just hang out here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, where do you get that?

I think that that's either, you know what's interesting?

That's either a very rich white thing or a very poor white thing.

Like, trailer trash will do it

because the parents do the, I'm not your parent, I'm your buddy.

I'm your buddy.

We'll smoke cigarettes, we'll drink beers, and they go, I love Cindy.

Cindy, that's my mom.

I love it.

Or very rich kids where they're like, Diane.

Diane is rich or dumb.

That's what it is.

Middle-class kids, white kids will always call their mom mom.

But you get the like, very rich or very poor, and then they're going like, oh, where's Stephen?

Yes.

I'm here to talk to Stephen.

And you're like, dad?

Dad?

Yeah.

He's out on the golf course.

He'll be back.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Tell him to come to my chambers.

I'll be in the East Wing.

Upon his return.

Tell him my polo match got rescheduled.

Yeah.

And I don't want to do it.

And also my trust fund money is a little short.

Yeah.

Now, you've gotten decades on the road.

Yes.

Are you sick of it at all?

No.

What is getting time for now?

The mode of transportation.

Okay.

That's another thing.

Yeah.

I want a jet so I can just...

Not for.

The simplicity.

Not for the status of it.

Yeah.

For the convenience of the track.

That's exactly it.

Just show up somewhere.

Man, when you go on the road with someone that has a private jet, I was opening for Shane Gillis.

I did a couple gigs with him, and we were flying private arena to arena.

And you go, the travel's nothing.

Yes.

Show up when you want to leave.

You land.

You go right to the hotel.

There's no de-planing.

There's no baggage claim.

There's no fuckery.

And in certain places, you don't want to stay there that night, but you can't.

You got to stay because the first flight is in the morning.

Yeah.

Man, I'm going to tell you right now, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

I'm sorry, but that 6 a.m.

will always be the flight I take.

I mean, first thing smoke.

I do that for every show.

Yeah, every show.

People don't understand.

People think it's crazy.

I'm always blown away when people in comedy are blown away by people that take the first flight out.

First flight.

There's never delays.

Never.

That plane is going to leave.

Yes.

Because it has to.

It has to.

Because there's a flight in the city that you're going home and they need that plane.

So it's gone.

And it's less delayed.

Yes.

And it has to go.

And I have have learned it keeps you out of trouble being on the first thing.

Because you don't stay out Saturday.

Saturday you can't stay.

And you have to tell the hooker.

I would.

I would.

I snuggle on Fridays.

I snuggle on snuggle on Fridays.

And you're a working girl.

You're going to find it.

There you go.

That's a new one coming in.

Yeah, that is.

I've noticed that with taking the first flight out, the Saturday night, the last thing is the show.

You're eating earlier.

You're eating better.

Right.

And you go to your hotel.

You're already packed up and you're like, let me just get out of here.

And you want to get the hell out of there quick.

Yeah.

And

what I like doing is

if I'm east of the Mississippi, I'm getting back to New York before noon.

And then I have a whole day at home.

Right.

But you do be dragging.

Ass.

That's why NFL season.

is the best.

Yes.

Because you go, all right, when is my team playing?

Like Niners would be the 4 p.m.

game.

And I'll go, great.

I'm going to put the 1 p.m.

games on.

True.

And I'm going to fall in and out of sleep.

In that game.

And then my adrenaline will carry me through the 49er game to the show time.

And then 8 p.m.

show, you go, all right, great.

Okay, I'm ready.

We're great.

Yeah, and that's the beauty of it.

Yeah.

Because you go, I got something that'll,

I'm still entertained.

Right.

I mean, I'm lucky with my fiancé now that she understands the road schedule where I've dated women where you come back on a Sunday and they go, I have a whole day planned.

We're going to go to the farmer's market and get dinner.

And then now with my fiancé, she's like, you good?

You want to sleep?

I walk the dog.

What do you need?

You need a meal or anything?

And you're like, I'm just going to hang out.

Everyone I have ever dated, I let them know after I come off the road, I need 24 hours to decompress.

Thank you.

All my ex-girlfriends that are hate watching my podcast, listen to Earthquake.

I don't want to talk.

Listen, I've just been talking to 4,000 people.

I don't want to see no people.

I just want to sit in front of my couch, on my couch, lay on my couch in my house.

Find me something that allow my mind just to rest.

I'm not

going to be worth shit until Monday morning.

Monday morning if I'm not going to be worth shit until Tuesday morning if I did a show Sunday.

Yeah.

And I came back on Monday.

I stopped doing the, oh, dude, the Sunday show is.

coming back

coming back on a Monday.

You know what it reminds me of is when I would be out drinking in New York so late that people would be going to work.

Yes.

That was, like, I remember one time I got, I drank with this, the wait staff from Caroline's on a Sunday show till like

five in the morning.

Yes.

And then I walked this girl home and then I took the train back and I'm on the four train and people are just in suits going to work and I'm standing there like.

You stand there just.

I'm trying to get in my bed.

That is it.

You're going to work.

I just got off work.

I remember that day so specifically because that was when they put out that 30 for 30, June 17th, 1994, about the OJ chase with the

Rangers winning the cup.

They did that beautiful documentary where it jumped from thing to thing.

And I remember being sighted that came out.

So I came home and watched that immediately till like eight in the morning.

And I was like, what am I doing?

I'm a piece of shit.

I got to go to bed.

Well, you had interest.

Yeah.

That's what it was.

You're just like,

I got to do.

So for you, the road is you want the convenience more.

You're wore down on the whole airport.

Well, I mean, I like traveling.

I just want more effective traveling.

You know what I mean?

There's no reason for me being to Tulsa, Oklahoma after the show.

Why?

I mean, how much it costs for you to fly me back home?

You know what I mean?

Today.

Yeah, right now.

After I say goodnight, I want to say goodnight.

Say goodnight.

To your whole city.

You know what I'm saying?

Say goodbye.

Bye.

Good night, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Bags already on the plane.

There is something that always is funny to me about Saturday late crowds.

If they are tough in any way, I always remind them that my suitcase is packed.

And in a lot of cases, the check is in my pocket.

So this doesn't have to go well.

At all.

I want it to.

Yes.

But it doesn't have to.

The mere fact that I am talking to you.

Mean I got my money.

Yeah, that means that that check

is somewhere.

Have you ever had a city on the road that you just don't want to go back to to do comedy?

No, because

my mentality of to check right quake there every night.

Yeah.

You know,

I love the business, and I think you should always.

I'm not a Christopher Columbus type guy.

I don't go all out in the city that I'm in.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you go in, do your job.

Do my job, and I'm gone.

Did that start at a certain age, like after a while of touring?

Because I think always.

Once I stopped getting high.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Once when I was high, you go to the club, fat, rock and roll, drug, sex, roll, rock and roll.

You know, what's funny is that's how I was with drinking.

When I was drinking, when you, I quit drinking about 13 years ago.

When you quit drinking, when you drink and you go to a city, everybody wants you to show you that city.

Yes.

Because when you, they go, no, no, no, I don't care if you were in Tulsa last night.

Tonight you're in Buffalo.

Yeah.

And we're going to show you what we do in Buffalo.

So for them, it's this big event where they're going out.

But for you, it might be the third night in a row that people are showing you.

And you're like.

Because you got different friends.

And then you drink with one, and they give you always this sad-ass story.

Man, I might not see you again.

That's it.

We got to celebrate.

I ain't seen you in five years.

Come drink with your boy.

You had a great show.

You had a good show.

We come knee-high up.

You ain't drinking with your boy.

I ate one drink.

And then that one tastes good.

And you start talking.

Here come the second I jumped the gun early in my career headlining I was in Washington doing shows I was outside of Seattle doing shows this is like Facebook is pretty new and I

see this guy that I used to real little knee-high guy I haven't seen since sixth or seventh grade follows me on Facebook I don't think much of it month later I'm in Seattle outside of Seattle and I'm drinking and I'm doing the thing where I'm I'm drinking too heavy in between shows right so the late show.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

I get through it, but I'm blasted.

Plastered.

Then the staff is done.

So the staff's like, no, now we want to go out because they're watching you.

Yeah.

So we go out.

More drinks.

More drinks.

And then the lights go out.

And then cut to me waking up on a futon dressed with my winter jacket on.

And I'm like, the fuck?

It's maybe like 8.30 in the morning.

And I'm like, where the fuck?

It's in my hotel room.

Yeah.

I go to smoke a cigarette and you know those picture frames that are like long and they have like six different pictures?

Right.

I'm looking at this picture and I'm going, who at least?

This motherfucker looks like Scott Thompson.

I haven't seen him in 27 years.

And just from behind me, I hear, hey, what's up, dude?

And I look around and I go, oh, Scott.

And then it turns out he came out to the bar.

It was blacked out.

And he was like, do we talk till like four in the morning?

And on my back patio drinking whiskey.

And I was like, oh, shit.

There it is.

There it is.

And that was one of those moments where I was like,

man, it's time to take a meet.

I might need to start going anonymous and meet with some people.

But you're trying to get it.

That was the worst hangover I've ever had on the road.

Really?

I remember the football game I was throwing up to.

It was Notre Dame, Pittsburgh.

And it was an overtime game.

And I remember being in the bathroom of the shitty hotel being like, this is the worst day of my life.

Yeah.

And I had had shows that night.

Yes.

Where you're like, oh, God,

to get it back up.

Because as you get older, you're like, I don't want that ever again.

No.

If I'm on the road, I want consistency.

And then this,

for me, even with everything is.

The reason for doing it no longer occurs to wait for doing it.

So anyway, the hangover, the feeling,

the anxiety,

oppression.

And

it was not that good to deal with all those repercussions.

As a white guy, what am I giving?

Four woohoos?

Yeah.

Four woo-hoos in a night, and then I'm spending the whole next day hurt.

And then when you stop drinking in it, then you start looking around and say, find out, I was only hanging with you because we drink together.

That's awesome.

I only go to this part, this place, or this bar because I drink.

And then you're sitting there and you're in there like an old man.

Can y'all turn that music down?

Dude, dude, you know what?

Also, is the worst part?

The worst part that no one talks about is when you disappoint the the staffs of the clubs when you go back and you're not partying.

Oh, yeah.

And they go back and they go, we've been talking about you.

We couldn't wait.

And you go, bad news.

I'm going.

I'm going to get a sensible meal and go to my hotel early.

You sick.

That's what it is.

But they're like.

Last time you fucked a midget.

Yeah.

They're like, last time we had to pull you out of an applesauce wrestling tournament.

And this time you go, is there anything like,

I don't know, light that I could eat around here?

Yeah.

And they're like, that's a nice fucking guy.

Yeah, salad, put some avocado in there.

But it is, I mean, you are one of the guys, man, that you are like a guy that we all look up to.

And it is nice to know that you still have the love of comedy and the touring of it.

And I think that's what makes you still relevant and still good at it is that you still love it.

Well, it's

who I am.

Yeah.

I mean,

I love the crap.

I love where I'm at him now.

Okay, the process of it, you know.

Yeah.

I dropped the special.

It comes out on the 30th.

Okay.

So now.

What's it coming out on?

Nextflip.

On Netflix.

Yeah.

Netflix.

Nextflip.

Earthquake special the 30th of September.

Yes.

Okay.

It's called Joke Telling Business.

There you go.

What a plug.

Joke, joke telling business.

I'm fucking pumped that you have a special coming out.

Yes, it's coming out.

I just, because honestly, when they were like earthquakes available, I was like, no fucking way.

When I was in L.A.

and I gave them like, they were like,

here's who we can book.

And they go, we have earthquake.

And I was like, there's no way Earthquake can do my podcast.

And they're like, earthquake can do my podcast.

And then to find out that you have a special.

Yes.

I'm very happy.

It's coming out on the 30th.

All right.

So I'm at the process.

Where'd you film it at?

Atlanta, George.

Okay.

Birthplace of my comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm from D.C.

But,

you know, you had this process and now they're building it back all up again.

And that's what I mean.

Yeah, it gets a beautiful thing.

I think when early on, especially, I mean, I'm speaking for myself, but early on, it was terrifying.

You release an hour and you go, what the, how the fuck am I going to do that again?

But now as you get older in the game, it's the process of it.

Yeah.

It's to me,

to me,

boxing metaphor.

I'm in training camp.

I love it.

I'm sparring.

Doing role war.

And I haven't signed another fight, aka, which is another special for it.

So I'm just training.

And also, you get to do this fun thing where, you know, I feel like as you work an hour, you get tight till it's like a train tracks.

Right.

Where you go, I have the train.

It's on the tracks.

You want to watch me run it?

Right.

There it is.

Yeah.

My favorite part is when you're just in a field.

After you put out a special, you can just run whatever direction you want to go.

Yeah.

Or you can run it off or not at all.

And just sit right there.

That's all I want to talk about.

Exactly.

And that's the beautiful part of it.

But there is, you're right.

There is this like cyclical thing where you learn the next time you go, enjoy this part of just sitting in the field.

And then I'm at the part right now where I have the hour.

We're going to tape it after this tour, but I have it where all the work is done.

So now it's just the fun part.

So now I can just fuck with it and make it better.

After you get rid of that hour and you sell it

anywhere at a time, do you allow yourself the grace to say, all right, I'm working this?

Because see,

every comedian feel every time they see you, you post a slam.

yeah there is you know what there is that's the thing that i'm working with i'm in my 40s now and i would tell you in my 20s i would keep jokes just to kill right just because i want that impression but i feel now in my 40s that i'm i actually kill harder when i'm not trying to true when i just go like this is if i'm entertaining myself right it's better than right when i was in my 20s trying to entertain all the guys in the back of the room and go like look at me well you you certified.

You made it.

You done it.

There's nothing else.

I think that's what it is.

It's the confidence of like.

It's like almost like being like a restaurant.

I assume when you're a restaurant and you're new, you're trying to make good dishes all the time.

Exactly.

But then when you get that rating and the neighborhood knows you and the people, you become the favorite restaurant.

You go, I'm trying something new.

Yeah.

We're interested.

You want to try this?

We got special.

Try that.

Exactly.

You don't like it.

But then they go, this is the best thing I've ever had.

And you go, great.

I'm going to put it on the menu.

Yeah.

I'm going to put it.

Put it on the menu.

That's probably the way I think about it: where you go, oh, shit, okay.

Well, I never did a swordfish before, but it looks like I know how to do swordfish now.

So I'm going to put that on the menu.

And then when it's done, I'm not going to do the same dish again.

So you move on to something else.

Yeah, and you continue on to just sample, sample.

And you're at the ability now where

you're like a chef where you can come in and do the, you know, when they do the back, the bottom of the spoon, the handle part of the spoon, and they do the taste, and they go,

no, needs more.

Like you can do that.

And that's where, that's the point where I'm looking up to now.

Right.

Where you come in calmer.

You don't have like, I still have the chef energy of like, I need that.

Where's 26 minutes to go?

Like, that frantic.

I still have a little.

Look, step, left, left, kitie.

Come on.

I said 10 minutes, damn it.

You're like, I need it.

Fire it.

Fire it.

But you're the chef that you come in and the sous chefs have it all down and you go.

That's pretty good.

We can work on that.

Yeah, we can work on it.

Yeah, let me get behind there.

And then when you're on the line, people go, he's on the fucking line.

He's cooking it up yeah that's the best part that's why I love living in New York is because the comedy seller you see chefs working the line you see

you see guys going down going like you see a tel you see rock you see Louie right you see him coming in the or even kev Kevin Hart when he comes in you see him going like let me get on the line let me try to cook this right they're not doing the like welcome to my big fancy establishment right they're like no I'm down there I'm cooking right and that's what I love to watch yeah I mean because everybody had a process.

Yeah.

And I

will always do comedy clubs because that's where the creation is made.

It's the kitchen.

It's just perfectly built.

It's the kitchen.

It's just the way they design it.

Everything's built.

You can go and you can build it.

And then you take it to the, you know, when you go to the theater, that's like you open in your own restaurant.

True.

Where you go, look at all the bells and whistles.

This is fucking neat.

But you're right.

You want the comedy club to go, like, come in, sit down.

What about this?

What about this?

What about this?

And it is fun.

It is a very because I think growing up, I always was envious of bands for having the ability to go to a recording studio, right?

And then they write something and then they go in the room and then they plug in and they go, that's pretty good.

We have to wait for a whole new crowd to sit down, get their drinks, then we try it.

Right.

You know what I mean?

We don't have that thing where you can just go like, try that again.

Do that again and do it like this.

Right.

You have to wait for a whole other show.

True.

Do it again, do it like this.

But the comedy clubs is the closest we get.

It's the closest you get.

And for me the intimacy of it gives me the best place to create yeah you know what i mean yeah you can't create in no theater no or no arena i mean arena is wild yeah and i've only been doing i've you know opened only a couple times in arenas and you see that and that whole feeling is like

like a like just a a morpheus blob

laughing at you and you're like, this is crazy.

I'm like looking up at jerseys that are retired while I'm telling jokes.

And you're like this is fucking strange right a comedy club you're like looking at them right and even in a smaller theater you're like yeah what i like about theaters and i'm doing i'm i'm on my first theater tour so i've never even done it congratulations thank you no no no it's it's it's you need to be um applauded for that thanks because that's no small feat uh you know people don't understand it's you in the theater see how we talk it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger yeah and you're going like come on by but come on i but you know what's interesting about it is the different growing pains.

It's a little hard.

You got to work harder to sell tickets.

Yes, you do.

You got to work.

But then what's great is the act is, the act is locked.

So you just go, oh, well, the energy isn't like a comedy club where you're putting all the energy into the act and what the jokes are.

Now you go, well, I got those.

Right.

Now I got to like, hey, come, come on in.

Come on.

We got a restaurant.

They're looking, the promoter said.

I've never been so scared of so many promoter emails being like, here's the numbers.

And you're like, you can always tell when the show is doing well when you don't hear from the promoter dude there's a couple cities that i haven't even heard peeps from and i'm like there you go you're good great you're like

i'm so glad denver i haven't heard anything from denver i'll see you there on october 4th you know and you're like

how long is is what is your favorite market though i mean for me it's it's interesting because i have family in denver i grew up there and my friends are there it's a great comedy did you start there no i started in tucson okay i started in tucson and that's fun to start.

I'm going back there.

I'm doing the Rialto Theater October 3rd.

But then

my favorite markets are the ones where I don't know anybody.

Because I feel like I go in, like Madison, Wisconsin, or like

I love like Chicago.

I love just going in and being like, hey, it's just us.

I'm here for you guys.

You're here for us.

I don't have to worry about after the show, so-and-so is going to come back and say hello and do this.

But I would say like probably Portland, Oregon, and Chicago, Illinois are my two favorites.

And Sacramento.

Sac is getting better.

I used to go upside early.

I haven't been to Sacramento in a while.

You know what Sacramento's got?

The Bay Area got priced out, so it's got all the regular people from the Bay that couldn't afford to live.

Because East Bay, you can't even afford that anymore.

So now they go up to five and they're right in Sacramento.

And I like what I like about it:

they're close enough to a big city to have big city sensibilities, but they're farther enough away to have like a little like you can get

a little nasty and the prices are not what it is exactly and they come out and they come out and it's not struggling off so I'm looking but I do love go back to SAC give some

give Sacramento another chance

come on they can't well you know as soon as they send off

the special is out November uh sorry September 30th.

Yes, it is on Netflix.

The joke business.

Oh, no, joke telling business.

The joke telling business.

Yes.

I mean it's earthquake.

Watch it.

It's going to be fucking great.

I can't thank you enough for coming on, man.

Well, thank you for having me, man.

I've been a fan.

Like I said, I was obsessed with the Comedy Central presents.

Everything you watched, it was just, you were always a guy that if you came on the TV or I saw something, I'd be like, I'm going to watch this and learn.

But you're the man, and I appreciate you coming by.

Thank you, man.

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