105: Cigarette Bidet with Derrick Stroup | Soder Podcast | EP 103

Speaker 1 Hey everybody, I'm on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. It's been awesome so far.
We're having so much fun going and doing these shows in these awesome venues.

Speaker 1 Friday, November 7th at the Empire Theater in San Antonio, Texas. Gonna have a hell of a time.
I'm excited for this show. November 8th, the Paramount Theater, Austin, Texas.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite theaters in the country. This shit rules.
I got to open for Hannibal Burris there like 10 years ago and I loved it. Came back, did it at part of his Moon Tower.
Well, guess what?

Speaker 1 I'm back, baby, with a full new hour. Going to be with Brendan Sagalow and Matt Ross November 8th at the Paramount Theater, Austin, Texas, as part of the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour.

Speaker 1 Go to danso.com to get your tickets. Go to dancoter.com.
Don't go to Google. Don't be an idiot.
Dansota.com. It's for the best deals.

Speaker 1 It's my great-grandfather's from like alt, Colorado. Alt.

Speaker 1 It's very high.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you're not in denver or any of those like top three cities it immediate it's the most rural place on earth it is i mean there's just absolutely nothing which is interesting that's what i love because you're we just by the way we just start recording we don't like do an intro or anything okay cool but um you're from alabama and people don't realize they think colorado is like mountains and denver and they don't realize it's just so much flat oh there's so much of nothing have you did you drive there from alabama when you moved no no took the first flight i'd ever been on to denver Really?

Speaker 1 I was 30 years old. Yeah, yeah.
What's the first flight at 30 like?

Speaker 1 Really awkward because your mom still walks with you at the air. My mom came with me.
To the gate? Yeah, yeah. And she was like, all right, this is it.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was literally like at this point, I was going, like, you know, it's so funny. It's a time, it's a tale as old as time.
I was headed west to chase my dreams. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I'd already burned everything down. And so you just head west.
And that's what I did. My mom put me on an American airline flight and I went out.

Speaker 1 Were you nervous the night before? No, no, I was so pumped. I was like, it kind of felt like

Speaker 1 it felt like a pardon or something. Like I was getting out of Alabama.
I'd screwed up a bunch and now I was going to get another chance. You're like, the Stroop family will not be.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm leaving the night.

Speaker 1 The only thing I was nervous about was just like,

Speaker 1 that's just not knowing anybody really and just kind of going out there. So you're moving to Alabama to, you grow up in Alabama.
What part of Alabama did you grow up? Right outside of Huntsville.

Speaker 1 Okay, which is great. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Great city. Which is crazy because people are, it's like the science capital of the South.
Thank you, Dan.

Speaker 1 The first thing we want as people from Huntsville is to know that we're not like the rest of the immediate. I go, I'm from Huntsville.
Very different than the rest of the city.

Speaker 1 And nobody ever buys it.

Speaker 1 It would be fun to go to like Montgomery or something. And they're like, great.

Speaker 1 Eric Stroub. Oh, the old fancy fucking fancy pants.
You flew off to the mountains on a plane, mind you.

Speaker 1 Exactly. I mean, you nailed.
I mean, I went to to school in Jacksville, Alabama. It was only two hours south, and it was a huge difference in that.
I mean, it's Huntsville is.

Speaker 1 It was very, I mean, great club. Yeah.
Great club. Very smart people.
But very smart people. The only Alabama thing about them was I have a joke about my hair transplant, and I talk about veneers.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it didn't.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 nobody.

Speaker 1 You were there. And then on the Saturday show, I go, you guys don't know what veneers are.
And they laughed and they went,

Speaker 1 I don't even know.

Speaker 1 And then I felt like a future future man explaining science. That is hysterical.
And some of these guys are working on like rockets actively. They go, oh, you're telling me they can make teeth now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is hysterical.

Speaker 1 It's a unique place because I've never seen so many engineers in lifted trucks. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 This guy's into Legos, but he only wears camo. Yeah, he's a good one.
That's such a unique place. It's crazy to look at a microscope and then spit.

Speaker 1 Go like, you go, yeah, the amoeba's in there. No.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 They go, oh, you know what? I think it looks like we're going to be able to maintain an altitude of that. Roll Todd.
Exactly. Looks like Hiss Rocket's giving them hail, Chris.

Speaker 1 I love that. I did a show on Burt's tour on the Fully Loaded Tour.
We were in Alabama. We were in

Speaker 1 where Florida, Alabama is. Oh, yeah.
Like Orange Beach Air. Yeah, Orange Beach.

Speaker 1 And we were doing it. And when I was on stage, I said, that is Alabama autism is go tide.
Oh, for sure. That's like how they like do.
They go like, roll tide.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in any any situation, baby's born, somebody dies. Roll Todd.
There you go. He's communicating.
He is. Roll Todd.
He wants to be friends, y'all. This is Doug.

Speaker 1 Roll Todd.

Speaker 1 And then, are you Alabama or Auburn?

Speaker 1 I root for Auburn because you got to pick one. But here's kind of the twist.
I was born in Charleston, West Virginia, and lived there till I was nine. So you're a Mountaineers guy.
I'm big time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So you're like, fuck Pitt.
I don't give a shit. I mean, I hate him.
You know what's so funny? I was watching the coach do a press conference earlier. Their coach.
I can't stand the guy.

Speaker 1 I mean, he said something today about, I don't think the Mountaineers even want to play us anymore. And I mean, we lost to Ohio last week, so it's not like we're riding any.
I know, the Bobcats,

Speaker 1 the school that's named after the state that nobody knows about.

Speaker 1 Got them Bobcats coming after you.

Speaker 1 It's tough. But yeah, big Mountaineers fan, Dan.
Love them.

Speaker 1 The one thing about sports that non-sports fans don't understand is if you you are into college athletics, you will hate the rivals on a different level than pro sports. Oh, it's not even close.

Speaker 1 Because it's truly about like family at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pro sports, like you got a Nuggets hat on. I'm a lifelong Nuggets fan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck the Lakers forever. Yeah, I feel the same way.
But the hate that I feel towards Nebraska growing up a Buffs fan. Yeah.
The hate that I feel towards

Speaker 1 how good they were in the 90s, how they used to just bully us, and then we would win some, and you're like, fuck, and it's great. It's so intense.

Speaker 1 It's almost a sexual relationship where you have this, like, like, like with an ex, where you're like, oh, what do you want to do? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you going to do about it? Yeah.
I was trying to explain to my wife just like a few nights ago, there was a college football game on.

Speaker 1 I think somebody had won in the last seconds of the game, Florida State or something, whatever. And I was trying to explain to her the atmosphere.

Speaker 1 And I was standing up in the living room and I was going, it's just everybody's losing their mind because pro sports do not reach reach very rarely the chaos of a college football game yeah when rivalries are playing I would I would argue that college football over the NFL hits like Colombian soccer level of like someone might get killed if something bad happens totally man and I mean people you lose your I mean I've lost almost consciousness in the stand a fumble on the ground

Speaker 1 I mean you're just grabbing you've been drinking bourbon for two days

Speaker 1 I'm jealous that I never I went to Arizona so obviously I like the Arizona Wildcats grew up a Colorado Buffs fan, so I like that. But the thing that hooked me with sports was the 49ers.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So that is my lovely. Sometimes in pro sports, it's like the only thing that can jump college sports is the familial connection of a pro sport.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Like Yankees fans have it a lot.
Yeah, they do. You see that a lot when they're like, my fucking dad was like,

Speaker 1 my fucking grandpa used to watch Joe DiMaggio. And you're like, I get it.
It is real. You're right.
Because I went to a Yankees game. I experienced it.
And they're great. But

Speaker 1 I'm so interested about it because, I mean, dude, first off, you have a football coach. If you were not being a comedian,

Speaker 1 you would have been a coach. I'd be an offensive line coach.
You would be.

Speaker 1 And the right one with the nice mix were some zingers in there, Dan.

Speaker 1 I got them laughing, but I'm really mad. And I'm going to run y'all until you puke.
It's not a joke. You gave up.
It's not a joke. Four and a half sacks.
Yeah, it's going to run too puke.

Speaker 1 We lose another game. I'm going to leave my wife.
I promise y'all. I'll leave her and I'll bring her here and you can watch her cry.
This is what America is missing:

Speaker 1 there's too many people in this world that don't have

Speaker 1 or have had a football coach oh yell at them and then bust their balls to pull them back golly that's what america's missing real finesse yeah real criticism yes mixed in with some ass slapping jokes yeah yeah yeah hey buddy but i know you get that next time yeah yeah yeah and it because now you've got the point and it and it feels good it rounds the edges i mean i had some coaches that could have done stand-up but they didn't know what it was yeah or they thought it was gay yeah for sure

Speaker 1 Were you going to go do your little speaking tour? For sure.

Speaker 1 I remember one of our offensive linemen, 6'7, 300 pounds, Dan, and he was soft as tissue, and he was smart, man. He's smart.
He has a great job. But I remember the coach just losing his mind.

Speaker 1 He goes, I bet you if it was on a floppy disc, you'd know every play. And you got to sit over there.
Nobody can laugh. And you're like, my God, that was pretty good.
Oh, bars. Yeah, bars.

Speaker 1 This guy's getting roasted. Yeah.
Yeah, I sucked at football,

Speaker 1 but I was funny. So I appreciated the jokes more than the criticism where they're like, you got to get back to hook the curl.
You got to get back to hook the curl.

Speaker 1 He's like, God damn it, you run like my wife with her dildo still in her ass. And you're like, that's good.
That's good. I'm more focused on that one.

Speaker 1 Like, I was absolutely just like the,

Speaker 1 I found out the term for it later in life, but like glue guy. Oh, yeah.
Like, I was just like the locker room guy where I would just be funny, but I sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that was.

Speaker 1 I mean, but

Speaker 1 you got to have that guy. Yeah.
I mean, I was similar to that. I was playing, but I was definitely the glue guy.
And I found, like, I went to a school where our athletics, it was all black dudes.

Speaker 1 So we were pretty decent.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like our basketball, like when I came into the game, place went nuts. Yeah.
Yeah, nuts, like,

Speaker 1 make-a-wish nuts. Yeah, we had one of those guys on our basketball team, and it was, they chanted his name.
And I remember for the first time in my life feeling bad for a guy getting applied. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Because you could tell he was embarrassed. Oh, it is.
Because you want a little bit of love. They were like, Richie, Richie.
And he was like, fuck, all right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. 6'8.
Yeah, I know. He's like, I don't have a caretaker.
Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, it feels.
But I say that to say that, like, I found a lot of my humor in those locker rooms. Like, black dudes would be cutting each other down, torching me, torching me.

Speaker 1 And I'd get brave enough, I'd go, I'm going to throw one in there. And it would land.
Everybody would run around. I still, I'm chasing that high to this day.
I mean, that's where

Speaker 1 locker rooms where I've been

Speaker 1 in a locker room with black football players getting a big pop of laugh. You'll never know that.
Dude, it's unfortunate. He's not wrong.
I've been chasing that my whole life.

Speaker 1 7v7 football camp at Colorado State. We went up with our high school and I put on a clinic in the dorms of prank phone calls.
Oh, my goodness. And I'm going to tell you right now.
I love it.

Speaker 1 That first week of school, walking through as a sophomore and having senior black dudes going, soder. And you're like, Yeah, and you're like, I'm on top of the world.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Just because I was prank phone call. Oh, man.
And all they'd have to say, they'd go, man, you're dumb as hell. You go, I am, dog.

Speaker 1 I'm dumb as hell. Oh, little black boys and little white girls.
They just call me dumb, and I fucking feel I believe in Martin. I believe in Martin Luther King's dreams.

Speaker 1 They go, Stroop's stupid. I go, I'm so stupid.
Oh, man. I'm fucking dumb as shit.
I love it. And then your teacher goes, are you? And you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's different.

Speaker 1 That's code. No, I know I'm a poor test taker.

Speaker 1 There's a difference between what they're calling stupid and what I actually am. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I watched your Don't Tell set, which is fucking phenomenal. Thanks, man.
Go watch everything Derek Stroop has online. He's got a full hour up there from a year ago, but a ton of great stand-up clips.

Speaker 1 But you had two DUIs in six months. Yeah, man.
And I say it on stage. I say six months because it sounds better than four, Dan.
Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It was a nightmare. Damn, so you got a court-ordered bike ride? Oh, man.
No, it was a nightmare. The first one I got in Alabama, and it was like some real like small-town good-oh boy treatment.

Speaker 1 Like they didn't even put me in the jail. They were like, we were just cutting it up.
I'm serious. They had pie.
They go, you can't drive drunk, man.

Speaker 1 We're going to get you every time.

Speaker 1 And then when I got one outside of Atlanta about four months later, they were pissed. I mean,

Speaker 1 day and night. Day and night.
I mean, the first one, because I ran the local bar in town. So they kind of already knew me.
You're the norm of their cheers. 100%.

Speaker 1 And they're like, what do you, you know, we're out there. What are you doing? What did you, were you, were you, were you like blacked blacked out?

Speaker 1 Uh, no, on the first one, uh, I was the manager of the bar in town, and I'd told my ex like a hundred times, because we had a, my alma mater had a home game that day.

Speaker 1 So it'd been an all-day drinking day. So I don't drink anymore, but you know, back in the day when you did an all-day drive, I was pretty good.
I was drunk, way too drunk, but still pretty leveled.

Speaker 1 I'd eaten a lot of rotail. I'd had a lot of, you know, pig in the blankets.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you right now, as a former drinker, people don't understand that to to be a good day drinker is to be a good long distance runner. That's right.

Speaker 1 Pacing. That's right.
But you have to keep up a certain pace because if you fall below it, you're going to cramp up.

Speaker 1 It's going to go bad. You go too from afar, you're going to black out.
I'd had a Gatorade or two, like I said, some snacks.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, and I told her several times I couldn't drive, but she put me in her friend's car. I drop them off.
I'm coming back to the bar to hang out.

Speaker 1 I get pulled over. There was a headlight out.
You know, it was one of those, like, I got pulled over. I remember thinking, I can't wait to talk to this guy and find out what I'm in trouble for.

Speaker 1 And I was hammered. Because you were confident? Yeah, because I was driving perfect.
I mean, I knew that everything was perfect.

Speaker 1 And he comes up, he's like, you got a headlight out. And I was crushed, man.
There's nothing better than

Speaker 1 white confidence with an authority figure.

Speaker 1 Where you go.

Speaker 1 And what did I do wrong? Yeah. What did I do wrong? I'd like to know.

Speaker 1 He's like, you're holding a Miller light. I go, besides that.
Besides that. Secondary offense, please.
Your headlights out. And then you go, fuck.
I know, exactly. Were you, was it your girlfriend?

Speaker 1 It was your girlfriend's car? Her friend's car. Did you drive it? Because my car wasn't there.
My car wasn't there because I wasn't driving drunk. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I didn't have that plan, but it was one of those things where she didn't want to. You know, looking back, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I haven't called her about it recently and just been like, so what's your story again?

Speaker 1 Because I'm rethinking it. I would be doing that every week.
And it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 But it was her friend's car,

Speaker 1 like a 4-runner, classic. It was either a Tahoe or a 4-runner.
We were driving drunken back in the 2000s. But anyways, yeah, I had a headlight out.
I'm still friends with that officer till this day.

Speaker 1 He's a fan of my comedy. We message each other.
It gets even crazier. I'm not going to say his name because he gets in a fight at the bar two weeks later.
He beats the hell out of a college kid.

Speaker 1 And they were already going to let me off, but boy, did I have some leverage? Yeah. Wasn't that at the bar that you managed? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I've got the tape and like of the whole fight that happens because this is pretty much the only bar in town. I mean, this is the only Jacksonville, Alabama.

Speaker 1 There's 5,000 people in the town at the time. Now it's kind of blown up.
But anyways, yeah, so I've got some leverage.

Speaker 1 So they go, hey, what we're going to do is we can't like erase this DUI, but this will never show up unless you get another DUI.

Speaker 1 Well, the problem is, is I did get another one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you didn't even make it a season of TV. No, no.
It was four months later. You didn't even hit the finale

Speaker 1 season. No, and when I get this first DUI, that day, my mother, she's driving down to like cook me my favorite meal and hang out.

Speaker 1 I just gotten a promotion like I'm the general manager of this bar all this other stuff so I tell my I have to I use my one call out of jail and tell my mom hey instead of 10 a.m can we do 1 p.m because I get out at 12 p.m.

Speaker 1 on bail she comes in I have to spend the whole day she makes homemade vegetable soup cleans the home that I had just bought and she's like Derek I just I never knew like you've turned out so great like this is crazy and I am just I mean I had was just in jail what a day you're like hung over and you're like oh yeah be crazy if I ever got pulled over.

Speaker 1 What would you think of me if I ever got a DUI? And she's like, it would break my heart. Yeah.
And I go, well, thank God that'll never happen. And you know that I'll always get a ride home.

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Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 And I really, really,

Speaker 1 really, really appreciate that.

Speaker 1 So the Atlanta one, you're coming off one, but it's a hidden one. Yeah, yeah.
It's a bonus track. Yeah, and the Atlanta one's totally different.
I'm the drunkest man on planet Earth.

Speaker 1 My old fraternity brother of mine got married that night. Good guy, great guy, Jake.
We really celebrated, man.

Speaker 1 And so I'm heating up the vehicle for the same lady that I'd gotten the first one with.

Speaker 1 And so I run out there and I turn on the vehicle and I sprint is what I'm told.

Speaker 1 And I'm out there and the officer comes up and I learn a lot of this later on and she asks me what I'm doing and I tell her, I go, I'm not driving at all. I promise you.
I just got a DUI.

Speaker 1 I'm just warming up the vehicle.

Speaker 1 And yeah, well, damn, that's so illegal to be intoxicated in a running vehicle.

Speaker 1 Really? Really, yeah. And I was in a parking lot.
I told her, I go, I was at a wedding. I'm blown away.
I know there's a wedding. She goes, I know there's a wedding.
And I go, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm not going to drive. And she's like,

Speaker 1 I saw you start the vehicle. You're in the vehicle.
And so this thing, it gets crazy, man. I mean, I'm so, I'm so, I barely remember any of the conversation.
I had to learn a lot of it on video.

Speaker 1 So I hired. It's tough when they bust out the video.
Oh, man, I would not let her talk. I had to pee so bad, I wouldn't let her talk.
She's like, now let me, I go, can I please pee?

Speaker 1 She goes, let me tell you, I go, I got a piss so bad, my face is hurting. And I mean, I would not quit bringing it up.

Speaker 1 So that looked good.

Speaker 1 She pushes your stomach to make you

Speaker 1 funny talking. You go, don't do that.
Oh, I mean, I'm telling you,

Speaker 1 I was in bad shape. But long story short, they take it to court.
I hire a lawyer. We go to the distance.
My lawyer is very confident. He's like, we're going to nail him for this.

Speaker 1 Well, the cop, they had me come to seven arraignments, which I've never heard of that. That's the most I've ever heard, seven of them.

Speaker 1 And they would, and he would always address me, never by my name, only as the man from Alabama.

Speaker 1 And he would bring up and taunt, he would tell the courtroom, he'd go, this gentleman here runs a college bar, second DUI in five months. Is this the type of person that we want part of our society?

Speaker 1 As somebody that's, I mean, talking to the court, it was the most lifetime Southern movie small town thing I'd ever been a part of. What if that boy was Wyatt? He has the time to kill him.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you. Now open your eyes.
It's, yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you want to fight him? Oh,

Speaker 1 I was so frustrated. I mean, I really got to watch the good old boy system happen in per seven arraignments, Dan.
So I would drive to Cartersville, Georgia.

Speaker 1 I mean, time after time, watch him just hammer people for nothing over and over. And then he'd always bring it.
And we got the man from Alabama here today.

Speaker 1 College bar. Likes to drink and drive.
How about that? I mean, had like a foghorn leg horn. He goes, now, yeah, now here we got the man from Alabama.
Oh, I get it. I mean, it was like out of a movie.

Speaker 1 And then it would be funnier if you found out that he dropped the accent.

Speaker 1 And he goes, anyways, I think that was, that really helped. I love that.
The accent brings effect. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like the death penalty, even though it's not on the table.

Speaker 1 Who's on the dock? Oh, hold on.

Speaker 1 The man from Alabama. I mean, really.

Speaker 1 Here's a man that believes children should be touched by adults. And you go, I've never even said that.
Why would you put that in there? Here's a man who says burning the flag is good for heat.

Speaker 1 And you're like,

Speaker 1 you are just painting this shit. I'm telling you.
He celebrates the loss of Vietnam. Yeah.
Which I fought in. Yeah.
If you're picturing Colonel Sanders, you're nailing it.

Speaker 1 I have 11 spices that'll blow your mind. I mean, that's what was going on.
And so they are a little mad that we're pushing back. My lawyer, he's a pair of people.
Well, it's also you have a case.

Speaker 1 I have a case. So what they do is they go, the DA says, if we take this to a jury, which we wanted to, they go, we would like to have maximum penalties if he is guilty.

Speaker 1 So we would like to do two years in prison if he's found guilty. So what they, so we step out of the courtroom.
This is really like, he's talking to me. He's like, here's what they want.

Speaker 1 He goes, they're trying to scare you off. They go, because

Speaker 1 they're scared and I already know the situation.

Speaker 1 He goes, they don't want to go to trial. And I go, either do I.

Speaker 1 And he's like, no, no, no, no, no. You've already paid me all this money.
He goes, we're going to win this case. We've talked about this.
We've got the evidence.

Speaker 1 She, you know, he's going down the line. And I go, you're not the one that could do two years.
I go, I'm not doing two years in prison. I said, I'll take all the fines.

Speaker 1 I'll take everything else they want to give me.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to jail. Because, I mean, I was at home just watching locked up like a psychopath, psychopath like like doing push-up this was a different stroop I was in the floor doing push-ups

Speaker 1 your mom comes in you're just sharpening a toothbrush I mean you go

Speaker 1 I think the proper shift technique yeah I want to go up and into the neck yeah

Speaker 1 so oh my gosh so you're freaking yourself out oh yeah yeah and I'm not going through with this I'm not gonna try to uh I'm not gonna try to fight it.

Speaker 1 So I just, I take all the fines, I take all the probation, they take my license, all of that.

Speaker 1 And you're exactly right earlier, I was so so mad i was even though i had caused this situation i mean i don't really even not knowing what it is now yeah

Speaker 1 i don't blame you i mean i i you know how many times i've been at parties and been drunk and gone and sat in someone's car and turned on the radio and smoked a cigarette yeah like i've never i with without driving yeah sometimes i just want to go sit somewhere when i'm drunk and be like i just want to listen to a song and cry absolutely i can have some sad beers yeah dude yeah yeah no and and you're right but in hindsight man it's like some type of fate or something i can remember sitting in the apartment that i was being actively evicted in uh where you know i had lost all my money i was truly homeless bouncing couch to couch picking up cigarettes outside of mcdonald's and smoking them damn riding a bicycle and i remember and i have always i've always wanted to state this out loud because i remember going there's no way that things are this bad and there's not something insane about to happen in my life because nothing made sense yeah nothing made sense what

Speaker 1 yeah i go i go it's gotten too crazy It's gotten too crazy. Something good's happening.
You know, I'm outside of a McDonald's. People are like, no, here's the dog.
This is why he's doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I knew, I go, man, this is nuts. This doesn't make.
And that's kind of when I started dreaming of moving out west. And, you know, here's a good thing.

Speaker 1 The ex that I had at the time, she moved to Denver to be a massage therapist. She went to school out there, and that's what brought me there.
And she was like, I think you would love it out here.

Speaker 1 The people are great.

Speaker 1 And Denver, as you know, it's a great place to restart, reinvent yourself, start a new life. I mean, it is,

Speaker 1 you know, when I grew up there in the 80s and 90s, it was like still kind of a small town. It was a city, but it had like a small town feel to it.
It just had different parts.

Speaker 1 And then like this boom of people moving there, because I think people really did see the value in, I can start a new life in Colorado. It's affordable.
Everyone's nice. It's beautiful.

Speaker 1 Good city.

Speaker 1 And so there became all these people

Speaker 1 that moved there. And there were the only people that I had a problem with was when I would come back.
Because I left Denver when I was, I left Aurora when I was 18.

Speaker 1 And I moved to Tucson to go to school. And when I would come back, people would do this thing where they would like

Speaker 1 act like they loved Colorado more than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they go, I could never leave. And it's like, well, you're from fucking a shit town.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I grew up here.

Speaker 1 I mean, I love it, but don't act like I fucking abandon it. No, no.
You're like, I left to go do something else. But I get, when people move there, I'm always like really happy for them.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a great place. My buddy Al Jackson, hilarious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he moved to Denver, and it's like, I love that he lives there. I forget that he's there.
Yeah, for sure. Oh, dude, yeah, go to Denver.
Denver's great. The scene's great.
Great company.

Speaker 1 The people are great.

Speaker 1 The food's touch and go, but you'll figure it out. You just got to know where to go.
If you like green chili, it's on everything. It's on everything.
Love green chili.

Speaker 1 If you pretend that you're in a wagon camp, the food is phenomenal. Oh, absolutely.
And thank you. I got so much pushback because I was telling them, I was like, your food here is not great.

Speaker 1 It's not great. And I know people will get mad at me because I grew up there, but

Speaker 1 I remember catching that when I would go to San Francisco to visit. That's where my dad was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a food city.
And what a food city. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you come back to Denver and you go, it's all right. Yeah.
And they go, it's this, this. And then I moved here and I was like, oh, yeah, it's always.

Speaker 1 Even moving to Tucson, I saw the best Mexican food I've ever had in my life. Oh, absolutely.
And let me tell you, Denver doesn't give itself enough credit for what it's good at.

Speaker 1 And this is what my opinion is. Micro brew.
Okay, well, yeah, the strongest beer in the country at altitude. What a blessing.
I mean,

Speaker 1 turned me into a super soul. Oh, yeah.
21% alcohol. It's called the Devil's Dick.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's insane. I mean, the home of the leg cramp.
Yeah, I used to train on fat tire and whiskey when I was growing up there.

Speaker 1 The beer there is so. I mean, I, you know, I quit drinking while I was there and partly it was because I missed having 11 Coors Lights and telling old stories.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There you have three IPAs and you go, I'm gonna go home. Yeah.
You know? There is nothing better than taking someone who has never been to Colorado and watching them drink. It's

Speaker 1 best. I had an ex-girlfriend that I took home for Christmas and she was from the East Coast and I was like, listen, watch.
My family loves to drink. I just recently quit drinking.

Speaker 1 And I told her, I was like, my family loves to drink at this this Christmas party. Be careful.

Speaker 1 And she was like,

Speaker 1 they don't understand. They don't get it.
They do not understand it. She had.
I don't get it. I think I remember specifically two glasses of wine.
And then my mom was like, are you a martini girl?

Speaker 1 I'm a martini girl. My mom had a fucking vodka martini and the girl I was dating was blacked out.
Like we went to a bar and I was like, yo, you're like called.

Speaker 1 Do you remember her being in my friend's car and she was in shotgun? My friend's driving and she changed the radio station And

Speaker 1 one of my oldest best friends goes, Don't do that. Yeah.
She was just like blacked out. That is true.

Speaker 1 Ah, anyway,

Speaker 1 don't do that. That is so.
Oh, no. Then we took her to a bar downtown and she was like blackout.
And you're like, no.

Speaker 1 I mean, I would have friends come visit. They wouldn't stand a chance.
I used to love to walk around living downtown, Oktoberfest. Yeah.
You'd just see somebody face down.

Speaker 1 I'd go, give it up for Des Moines, Iowa.

Speaker 1 Thanks for visiting. But what you don't understand is when you drink there after a while, you become.

Speaker 1 it's the reason the Olympic training centers are Colorado Springs. Dude, 100%.

Speaker 1 You become a superhuman. You do.
I would go down. I remember the first time I loved going to Pensacola, and I'd go a couple times.
I went to Pensacola from Denver. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I was a superhero. Just kicking people off of stools.
I'm like, I've been drinking on a mountain, my man.

Speaker 1 They thought when I moved to Tucson and started drinking, they thought I was a 60-year-old non-vet. The way that I drank, they would be like, how are you putting this away?

Speaker 1 And you're like, I don't know how you guys are such big pussies.

Speaker 1 It really does. That muscle is...

Speaker 1 It's crazy. And people who grow up there don't really realize.
No. That's why there's a lot of deaths, drinking deaths at Colorado State.
Dude.

Speaker 1 Which used to be, I don't know if that's still a thing, but when I was in college, like six kids a year or something

Speaker 1 would die of drinking at Colorado State. And it's like, oh, they were out of town kids that moved to Fort Collins.
And Fort Collins is mainly flat. You were like pretty close.

Speaker 1 You can see the mountains, but you don't realize how high up. Oh, absolutely.
No, it sneaks up. When you first move there, you think everybody's holding a Nalgene bottle to look cool.

Speaker 1 I go, what a dumb accessory. Yeah.
Didn't take long before I go, I need a Nalgene bottle.

Speaker 1 Water all the time. No, man.
And but it's a good practice. I mean, I still drink a good bit of water to this day because when I first moved there, I got a kidney stone within like five months.

Speaker 1 I was working at Big Lots doing overnights in the warehouse, drinking white monsters like four at a time.

Speaker 1 Not drinking any water because I'd never been at altitude, got a kidney stone,

Speaker 1 you know, no insurance, just bit bit a towel and passed that thing. Really? True story, big dog.
I called my mother. I called my mom.
I go, mom, I think I have a kidney stone.

Speaker 1 I was pacing, holding my back, and she, I like, tell her, my, she goes, Derek, you're 30 years old. You don't have a kidney stone.
And then she did her little Google search and she called me back.

Speaker 1 I'll never forget it. And she goes, hey, honey, I need you to be tough for me tonight, okay?

Speaker 1 And I'll never forget that. I could have, I wish she'd have never said anything.
A southern mom wishing you that is so

Speaker 1 scary.

Speaker 1 I just want you to just trust in God. Yeah.
And you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? What does that mean? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
Yeah. How long did it take you to pass the kidney stomach? I mean, I think like six or seven hours.

Speaker 1 I was drinking water to the point to, I mean, just,

Speaker 1 and then cranberry juice, water, cranberry juice. And I can remember passing it.
But I mean, I was just, I eventually passed out in the bed, just covered in sweat. I mean, the bed was just drenched.

Speaker 1 Sure. And I was just laying there.
And I woke up about, I mean, probably after I passed it, probably like eight or nine hours later, I woke up.

Speaker 1 I was, I, I, the closest I'll ever get, I'm assuming, to birth. That's what I've heard.
You know what I'm saying? Did you see how big the rock was?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it was tiny, and it was like a boomerang shaped, and it was like thin. But that went through the urethra.
Yeah, yeah, it was tiny, tiny. I did actually see it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it was tiny. Can I ask, because I've always been interested about this, about kidney stones.
When you pass it, is it similar to the relief of a dump?

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Speaker 1 Plus, guided learning paths with content designed to fit your unique interests no sifting to find exactly what you need so you can spend your time learning to trade brilliantly learn more at schwab.com slash trading or what's the what is it is it just i didn't i mine wasn't uh like that huge relief or huge pain i had just drank so much water i mine kind of was like hutch it hutch it chit chit like the the the and then Blah, you know, and it just kind of, and I could tell by the stream that I had like

Speaker 1 something had, yeah, and I looked down there and it was like swirling and then set on the bottom of the but I was done I didn't like fish it out or like I looked at you just want you just went and laid down I looked at it really hard you know here I am over the toilet I'm like looking at it and then I like I flushed it I was so exhausted and plus I couldn't believe I was 30 years old and passed a kidney stone yeah well I was like my God because I was just pounding those I mean those those monsters man they had me in a headlock monster energy is the I'm so lucky I never liked the taste of it yeah I worked at uh I used to do receiving at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I would work overnights at the radio station.

Speaker 1 So I'd be up till like two in the morning, three in the morning, and then have to be at Bed Bath and Beyond by like 7.45.

Speaker 1 So I would sleep only a couple hours. And that's when I started going like,

Speaker 1 well, I'll drink monster energy. Like the guys in the warehouse would drink monster energy and I'd be like, I like it.
And I hated the taste.

Speaker 1 And that's when I started drinking coffee. That was when I was like, all right, well, I'm going to do coffee, cream, sugar.

Speaker 1 And then that was the first time in my life I ever got, I was, I had been smoking smoking since I was 12. Yeah.
But the mix of coffee and cigarettes, and I was like, this is why they do this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Like that first time where I got into coffee, I was like, oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, baby, you guys.
I smoked for a few years for sure. I mean, being in the bar business.

Speaker 1 You have to. Yeah, yeah.
You don't get any breaks unless you have a cigarette. Cigarettes are the way to get out of any restaurant or bar job.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, I had roommates my whole life, and you're not going to sit out on the porch and come up with great ideas without me. No.
I'm going to be on that porch.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be out. I'm not going to hear laughter while I'm playing Xbox through the wall.
I'm going to be part of the conversation. And

Speaker 1 when you smoke with a roommate, you live with a certain level of gross that you both accept. For sure.

Speaker 1 I remember I lived with my friend Mike and Chad, two guys from Aurora I grew up with, but we lived in Tucson together.

Speaker 1 And from one of those college bars on 4th Avenue, we took a University of Arizona Bud Light basketball bucket.

Speaker 1 So we were like drinking beers, and I did that thing when we were like four buckets in where I was like,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 and I put it under my chair but it became our cigarette butt thing and we lived together and we filled it with cigarette butts and I remember being like that's disgusting I've seen so many of those in my life it was just disgusting right on the porch right by the door usually it was like usually it was on our patio in between two chairs can you believe at one point in our life we thought it was so cool that it was filling up with cigarette buttons

Speaker 1 I was like we're gonna fill this to the top I remember bringing girls home in Tucson and being like eh yeah

Speaker 1 bring you to a little spot come on in that's a little thing called commitment yeah if you're looking for me, check out the Arizona basketball bucket filled with cigarette butts. That's commitment.

Speaker 1 That is so great. Just letting you know I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah. That shows you.
Yeah, that shows you. That shows you the character of a man I am.

Speaker 1 But when you moved to Denver, are you like, what were you expecting out of Colorado? Were you expecting it to be all mountains?

Speaker 1 Well, the first thing I think you get surprised about, speaking for myself, is the weather is way better than you could ever imagine. Ever imagined.
Ever imagined. It's the best.
It's still the best.

Speaker 1 I miss it. I just went back.
Yeah. I did, I had to go to LA for some stuff.
Yeah. And then I went and hung out with my friends at his house

Speaker 1 in Breckenridge. Oh, my God.
And when I landed, I put on a hoodie and I was like, oh, this is...

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, when they find a fish and then they put it slowly in water and then

Speaker 1 that's how I felt. What a what a description.
I was like, ooh. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I like put my hoodie on and I was like, ooh, it's crisp. Goodness.
Ooh, it's crisp and it's fucking August.

Speaker 1 It's so.

Speaker 1 No humidity. No humidity.
Which you're coming from fucking Alan. No, man.
I went from being inside of people's mouths to being outside. It was unbelievable.
I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 You know how much confidence it gives a big guy when you take away sweat? Oh, man. When you take away sweat? Oh, my God.
It's like taking acne from a 16-year-old. You can't stop me.

Speaker 1 Oh, find yourself, Angus. Oh, my God.
Find yourself.

Speaker 1 And no, what I thought is everybody was going to be riding an elk covered in snow. Okay.

Speaker 1 And the weather was... great.

Speaker 1 The people were much better than I thought. I don't know what I expected, but there was this bunch of cool people in Denver.
Some of my favorite people I've met.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're going to get more fleece than you realize. Yeah, yeah.
And you're going to get a lot of people on bikes. Yeah.
But for health reasons, not because of DUI reasons. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was blending right in. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And it's a scooter city now, which elevated my life.
I mean, I'm going to doctor appointment. Me and Alyssa, we'd go to steak dinners.

Speaker 1 We'd go to bastions. I love it.
I'd be on a lime scooter. I'm going to get the ribeye.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The worst part I tell people about the scooters was getting groceries because I'd be driving home. I'd have like five bags on each handle.
Yeah. Jug of milk between my legs.

Speaker 1 I mean, people thought I was struggling. I was doing decent.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite internet videos of recent that a couple people on Instagram have tagged me in is that there is a couple with a scooter. They're on a lime scooter.
Yeah. And it's

Speaker 1 a guy and then a girl's behind him. And then she's got a newborn in a thing on the scooter.
And they said only in Aurora, Colorado. And it was like.

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from South Aurora, but I was like,

Speaker 1 shout out.

Speaker 1 Shout out Chambers and Sable.

Speaker 1 You're probably going through some shit. I see you.
I see you. Chambers in Mississippi getting nuts.
Dude, it is. It is.

Speaker 1 Traveling the country, there's nowhere that has embraced scooters like Denver, Colorado. Because it's, I had a joke in my HBO special about the accent is like an X-Games accent.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where they're just all like, what's up, dude? We're going to fucking throw this bike off the thing. They're always looking for like some sort of extreme

Speaker 1 game.

Speaker 1 I can tell who's a native of Denver by how they ride a scooter because they don't take the ramp. They jump the curve.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just jump back up.

Speaker 1 It's a snowboard, bro.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm going to fucking probably go rip it up at A. Basin, but first, got to take scoots.
Down to go get some new parts.

Speaker 1 Aurora was the only place I knew where there was like dudes who wanted to be black, but also were snowboarders. Oh, that's very like disco.
I think that's the exact demographic. Aurora.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just like guys who snowboard who also think they're black. Wearing Jinko jeans.
I'm like, is that 3.6 mafia?

Speaker 1 Love Tech 9. Yeah.
Just can't get enough Tech 9. And they're fucking right scooters, dude.
I absolutely love it.

Speaker 1 And it is a place where, like, people always ask me, would you ever move back to Colorado? No. Yeah.
Because I love visiting it so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love living in New York, but I love going back and being like, I miss this.

Speaker 1 And then I hit a point where I go.

Speaker 1 Okay, I do miss New York. I miss the conveniences of New York City.
Do you miss Alabama? I was about to say, I feel the exact same way about Alabama.

Speaker 1 I don't think I'd ever move back, but I love visiting it, especially where I'm from. It's just such a great area.
The food, I miss the food so much, the people. Yeah.
What about West Virginia?

Speaker 1 Do you ever go back to West Virginia? I mean, no, but I often, and I'm not even like, I don't even make that much money, but I'm constantly on Zillow going, I could buy some stuff in this state.

Speaker 1 Hey, sorry, West Virginia. You're very affordable.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, Zillow for anybody. Yeah.
If you're feeling down and out, but you have a little bit of money that you squirreled squirreled away, just go pick a rural ass town and Zillow your budget.

Speaker 1 You will feel better. You feel me? I'll be on the road and I'll be like, Katie, I just found a house in like fucking Utah that we could buy

Speaker 1 free of. It's the best.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but no, West Virginia,

Speaker 1 I never, in hindsight, I don't think my mom ever knew that moving from West Virginia to Alabama would have been such a, you know, an upgrade in hindsight.

Speaker 1 What a Sophie's choice. Yeah.
West Virginia to Alabama. You go, so I'm not reading either way.
Yeah, I mean, either way, I'm illiterate.

Speaker 1 I mean, when we moved there in like 92, everybody was like, all right, so

Speaker 1 what's with the lateral move? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? You're just going to the side. Yeah.
What made you guys move from West Virginia? My dad got a job. My grandfather started a company in Huntsville.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And it was great, and it changed our lives.

Speaker 1 Was Huntsville back in the 90s? It was still like the NASA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was way more, even more NASA back then.

Speaker 1 It was much smaller. Now, you know, Huntsville is the biggest city in the state.

Speaker 1 Birmingham by far was, and even Montgomery back then. It was very rural.

Speaker 1 Like, I grew up around a lot of cottonfields, and I didn't realize how weird that was to the rest of the world until I moved to Colorado.

Speaker 1 And I went, hey, I lived by a cottonfield. And they'd be like, they'd go, oh, cool, we're on stolen land.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 no, they'd go, well,

Speaker 1 they wouldn't talk to me anymore. I never realized how, yeah, no, no, no.
Dan, I wish you could put a GoPro on me and watch me bring up living by cottonfields in Alabama to just people I meet.

Speaker 1 I don't do it anymore. And I didn't just throw it out all the time.
I wouldn't be like, well, you know cotton's pretty good.

Speaker 1 I don't really know how you take it off the plant, I guess. And everyone goes,

Speaker 1 everyone wants to look away. There's one part I haven't figured out.
What did he do before? Eli Whitney? And you go, I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But no, it really was. It was just cottonfields and NASA back then.

Speaker 1 But that's interesting you say that about the cottonfields, especially when you're bringing up Colorado.

Speaker 1 Because something that I've known, or that I've known, the way you feel uncomfortable about, or people in Colorado would feel uncomfortable about you talking about growing up around cottonfields, is like when I explained to people on the East Coast that when I was growing up in Aurora and there was all these fields that like now they're housing developments.

Speaker 1 But when I was a kid, there was a lot of fields. You would find arrowheads, legit arrowheads.
And people on the East Coast would be like, what do you mean? You're like.

Speaker 1 It's from a fucking Native American. This was like from a tribe.
And it would be not that far in the dirt. Yeah.
Because however many years ago. Absolutely.
And people are going like, whoa, okay.

Speaker 1 It's the same kind of, it's like that historical bummer. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So this was someone else's house. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Alabama, I found a lot of arrowheads because of so much plowed land around.

Speaker 1 We would find them. But I'd never met like real Native Americans until I moved to Colorado.
Yeah. Like the first time in my life had met them.

Speaker 1 I worked with a guy, a Native American Arapaho, awesome dude. But first, it was like the Dave Chappelle bit.
It really was. Yeah, he's like, I met him at a Walmart Walmart in North America.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I threw a piece of trash on the ground. A tear ran down his eye.
I go, oh. I go, oh,

Speaker 1 I said, what tribe are you? He said, I am an alcoholic. That's like one of the best.

Speaker 1 That's for what it's worth. That's one of my favorite spies.
Yeah, but that's really, for me,

Speaker 1 and I got, you know, and I got, I became friends with this guy. It was at Sports Authority.
And I remember I wanted to bring up that I was a lifelong Redskins fan. Okay.

Speaker 1 So I bring it up to him and I go, hey, I want you to know, because we had a good rapport, and he knew that I wasn't coming from a malicious place.

Speaker 1 And I go, hey, what do you think?

Speaker 1 I've been a Redskins fan. What do you think about this name? This is in 2015.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you know, I really, I don't, I don't have a huge problem with it. He said, in my area, we feel like it's some

Speaker 1 representation. Sure.
And he goes, and, you know, I know it bothers some tribes and some people, but he goes, I don't see a. And I go, I go, I knew it, man.
That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 And I promise he stopped. He goes,

Speaker 1 I'll be honest, your reaction made me kind of hate it.

Speaker 1 And he was like, and he didn't laugh. He goes, you want to talk about deadpants? Oh, dude, don't.
Yeah, you can do it.

Speaker 1 Well, they're very, they're very, they can, what they, like, what's interesting is if you read enough books about Native Americans, which I became fascinated with it when I got older, because when you realize, like, he was Arapaho, what people don't realize is everything is named Arapahoe when you grow up in Denver and you get to know.

Speaker 1 Oh, it is. It's like one of the main roads.
Yeah, Arapahoe Road. Arapahoe Crossing where the movie theater, the chinese man arapahoe parker

Speaker 1 but you don't realize it's like named for the people that used to live there yes so if you go this is doug street and you go why is this doug street you go we killed doug yeah that's doug street yeah yeah but we gave him a street name so yeah so did we kill doug come on everyone knows the everyone knows the good times off doug street but you're exactly right but what's interesting is when you read about them uh native americans listen they would like listen and then form opinions before they speak but white guys we thought they were just being disrespectful yep we're like why are you just staring at us?

Speaker 1 And we're like, no, they're actually thinking about their response.

Speaker 1 Taking a second, putting their emotions to the side and going, I'm going to try to make a level head. White guys are like, say something to us.

Speaker 1 I want it all. I want it all.
And they're like, I was just thinking that was pretty fucked up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's so funny, though.
He's like, man, your reaction really made me. It made him hate it.
Made him hate it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then our, I mean, our relationship was decent after that, but it wasn't the same.

Speaker 1 I got too excited. I go, I knew it.
I go, and I like the name. The helmets are classic, right? You hate it now? Okay, oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 it is one of those things where when American history is right in your face and you don't realize it, you go like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So playing Cowboys and Indians, a little different for you guys growing up than it was for us.

Speaker 1 Totally different.

Speaker 1 But it is, I mean, I think living from Alabama to Colorado, you had that great line where you're like, I got to see time travel in real time from fucking plowing horses to plugging in cars yeah because what's interesting about denver is it does have this like very liberal

Speaker 1 you know people are very uh earth conscious there is like a big liberal and then you go outside of it and you're like no it changes brothers immediately farmers yeah yeah yeah immediately going like i don't no one come near my land yeah yeah no one come which made comedy in that regard uh pretty fun because you got the you know the best of both worlds you know you'd go do a mountain show and it was going to be very red sure very red and then you would you know do a Denver show.

Speaker 1 And, you know,

Speaker 1 Dan, I really, I'm thankful I went to Denver. I didn't like plan this out and didn't know it was going to work out the way.
But Denver made me write very smart.

Speaker 1 There's no punching down or low-hanging fruit in Denver. That scene and those people.

Speaker 1 It's a phenomenal scene. And the guys that have been a part of it, you know,

Speaker 1 as far as my life goes, like the Gralux guys, like Adam Catenholland, Ben Roy, Overdahl, Andrew Overdahl, but then also like the gentleman, the Fine Gentleman's Club, Sam Talent, Chris Sharpty, David Borey,

Speaker 1 all these guys, and they just do a good job of like setting up the next class. And Wendy does a great job at Comedy Works

Speaker 1 of keeping it like the scene, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, she's great. And all those guys inspired me.

Speaker 1 John Novosad,

Speaker 1 who's been there forever. He was hilarious.
I really looked up to. He's very funny.
And

Speaker 1 I remember coming up, seeing guys like Troy Baxley and guys that I like loved, that I would like. Troy was a killer.
Yeah, I still talked to him. Yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 1 just seeing him being like, I would come to Denver and be like, and I wasn't in the Denver scene. I started in Tucson.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I come back to Denver and I'm just like, oh, you guys got a good, you guys built a great thing where I live. The indie scene there is so strong.
Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 1 there's shows everywhere you turn. And it's just the people there are what make you write smart.
It's a very progressive, smart city, so you can't get away with. with any of the punching down.

Speaker 1 Do you visit ever?

Speaker 1 No, I don't. I'm just too busy to visit.

Speaker 1 And I have a doctor that I go there. I kind of tie in visits with every three months or so.
But

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 I don't like consciously visit. Hopefully one day, you know, my schedule's.
You like living here? I love it. Yeah.
I love it. It's great.
It's the best. It's the greatest.
I love your story.

Speaker 1 I love doing comedy here. I love living here.
When I'm at the airport and my gate says I'm going to New York to go home, I go, man, that is cool as hell. That's what, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 That is the best. You're going, hey, that's crazy, dude.
You know, you're going to Lincoln. That's crazy.
I'm going to New York.

Speaker 1 I've made this point. I don't think I've done a good job of

Speaker 1 putting it in the right words. But like, he's from Queens and people I know that are from New York.

Speaker 1 What a great city to grow up in and have all this stuff. But there's an appreciation, kind of like what you're talking about of Denver, of the way that I appreciate New York moving here.

Speaker 1 Cause I just like, and also there's these moments where you're like, I'm in New York City. Yeah.
Like, I'm in

Speaker 1 one of the most legendary cities of all time. Up there with Rome, up there with the fucking hanging gardens of Babylon.
Like you're like up there with like an all-time city.

Speaker 1 And what I love about it is it just, if it fits your personality, it fits your personality. Yeah.
There's people that I know that move here that don't like it. It's too crowded.

Speaker 1 There's not enough space. It doesn't, it moves too fast.
Like my mom's visited and she's been like, I love that you live here. I don't like living.
I don't like visiting here. It gives me anxiety.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She's older.
She can't move as fast. Yeah.
But I'm like, dude, it just hit my, it's like a thing where I love it. I love staying inside.

Speaker 1 But I love the way the comedy works. Yeah.
I'm just going to be able to do a bunch of stuff. You can do a bunch of stuff in a day and still have time.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And I mean, for me, you know, coming, I didn't move here unless I knew I was going to be passed by the comedy seller. And that place has helped me tremendously.
So doing sets there.

Speaker 1 I, you know, and people, it's not about the audiences, it's your peers. Yeah.
You never know. It's also who you get to watch.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What I like about the seller is you get to see old school guys that are phenomenal, that are inspiring, and then you see younger comics that you're like, whoa, fuck. That guy's really good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it makes you want to write more. It makes you want to, because you see what, but yeah, the city is

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 1 The food's great. Astoria is you got.
Yeah, Astoria is crazy. I'll trip and fall and do a beautiful sandwich.
It's nuts. There's an episode.

Speaker 1 I think it was like Bourdain did an episode, and it was just Queens. Yeah.
Like he was like, you can just go to everywhere in Queens and find everything. Easily, easily.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 The best LaOcean food. You can find the best fucking anything you need.
My question is, you were doing,

Speaker 1 you said your dad was a Bill. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is your dad still around? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Is he billing it? Oh, dude, he's billing it so much. Because I wonder if, me and Big J always used to joke, we were raised, we had shitty dads that abandoned us.
We called them gay.

Speaker 1 I have one of those too. Bill is a great stepdad.
Oh, that is. Yeah, yeah.
He's now with that. I don't know my biological father.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a real comedian. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If this was 600 years ago, the way that they would do the Spartan rituals, where they would find a boy and give them to the Spartans,

Speaker 1 that's what it's like with us, where they go, clowns,

Speaker 1 a boy without a father. Exactly.
And they go, I'll teach him how to mock everything. That's exactly right.
No, no, I'm not. So you don't.

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Speaker 1 so bill isn't your biological no no he's my stepdad he's been my stepdad my whole life love it when did they get married how old um when they got married i was uh nine and they met when i was like six brothers brothers and sisters yeah i got a younger brother and a younger sister will and sarah so you're the oldest i'm the oldest i'm my i'm 16 years older than my sister 12 years older than my brother so they're bill's biologicals they are yeah so what so you were an only child when you met bill yeah i was an only child till i was 12.

Speaker 1 yeah so you that counts yeah you grew up an only child Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That's the same with Jay.
Jay was like 11 when they had his little sister. For sure.

Speaker 1 And you're like, no, no, no, you're an only child. Yeah, I mean, I spent...
You did your developing without anyone there. Without anybody, my mom said she'd walk by the bedroom.

Speaker 1 It sounded like there were seven people in there. Yeah, that's exactly it.
That's the same with me. Yeah.
When you met Bill,

Speaker 1 what were your first, did you, was it smooth sailing the whole time? Well, the very first time we ever met, he was picking my mom up for a date. It was like in 1990, something like that.

Speaker 1 And back then, Invisible Inc was really popular. I remember that.
So I was running around in my little whitey tighties, and my mom said he walked up and he shot me with the invisible ink.

Speaker 1 And when I looked down and I saw the ink on my underwear, she said that she had never seen me lose my mind.

Speaker 1 She said I essentially tried to run up the wall.

Speaker 1 I couldn't believe this man just walked in and sprayed me with something on my underwear that I could never get out. And then when it disappeared, she said I took it to another level.

Speaker 1 Now it was voodoo. What source rude is you bringing around? I'm like in in there like ah

Speaker 1 get this man out and poor bill is like man i thought this invisible ink would really set things off i was just trying to get that this would lead to you know something really fun for i'd get a little invisible ink

Speaker 1 i was just trying to get get you a little fucking bill hey hey what's up big dog no no i was banging my head off the cabinet yeah i lost my mind he's just looking at your mom like what the fuck and you're like you should have shot him with the ink yeah yeah yeah that's exactly but no our our relationship was great he was a great dad i mean his temperament and and how he is is the complete opposite of me.

Speaker 1 He's very quiet, very laid back. My mother is the emotional, you know,

Speaker 1 fun one. When he would be quiet and angry, would that be terrifying? No, no, it would just drive me crazy because I wanted communication.

Speaker 1 And I would like mock him from the other room and he would just drive him. I'd be like, hey, mom, should we sit in here and just sigh really loud? Just

Speaker 1 and, you know, because I'm 13 and my wit is further than what the check my ass can, you know, you know, or the, you know, so being out of your depth.

Speaker 1 Being out of your depth with your mom's boyfriend when you're a teenager is something special. Yeah, and then, I mean, he became, you know, he's the dad, but I mean, it was,

Speaker 1 I made his life really, you know, in hindsight, I really try to take care of Bill these days. I made his life tough.
I was not easy on that man at all. Just talking back, mocking him.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, and he would lose his mind every once in a while, but it didn't matter with me. Do you have a different,

Speaker 1 you know, I don't know if this is an obvious question or not but do you have a different relationship with him than will and sarah like that

Speaker 1 like they're more like dad and you're like bill yeah no no that you nailed it he's bill and he's dad to them but it's also i mean i'm sitting here acting like i was talking back my dad would not handle any of that nonsense he's a very stern sure dude and he was way harder on me than he was to them i would be like oh whatever and i mean he'd be like oh what and he'd lose his mind my younger brother would be like dad that's so lame man every day you're you're like, lame, lame, lame.

Speaker 1 And he would just smoke a cigarette and walk away. And I'd go, what's that?

Speaker 1 You know, my favorite joke about that is Nate's joke about the oldest sibling versus the youngest sibling. He wasn't allowed to say

Speaker 1 sucks. Yeah.
And she got a tattoo with the parents. I mean, it was, it was.
That's always to me as someone without that grew up just completely an only child.

Speaker 1 I love that bit because you're like, that's fascinating to me.

Speaker 1 How much different your relationship with is Bill versus Will and Sarah, who are like, dad, stop. yeah bill's like I swear to God Derek yeah no

Speaker 1 and and my dad is my stepdad is not a big dude at all he's like five seven okay so I was taller than him in the like the eighth grade so we were already I mean we were we were passing each other in the hallway and he'd be like hey buddy I pay the power bill big dog you know and I'm like I didn't say anything to you you know what I mean I'm like I didn't say anything my mom's boyfriend had a he was bald but he had a cul-de-sac yeah so he had the hair and um me and my friend Byron Byron were in the back seat and we were driving back from the mountains because in Colorado yeah people don't know this but in Colorado you just drive up to the mountains yeah just I never appreciated it yeah just hated it because my mom and her boyfriend would be like we're gonna go up to like conifer or we're gonna go to like Georgetown and I'd be like I don't want to go to the mountains yeah but last week

Speaker 1 when I went back last week I was like on the phone with her just being like it's beautiful and she's like shut up uh and then I'd lose the call but we were driving back from the mountains and we took turns touching where his bald met his head.

Speaker 1 Oh my goodness. And giggling.
13 years old. Yeah.
Just touching it, being like,

Speaker 1 and then just touching it. And then it's that moment where you break him.
Oh, my mom and I still talk about it. It was on 225 right by the damn road, right before the Parker exit.

Speaker 1 And he pulled over on the side and turned around and fucking screamed at us. He's like, what the fuck are you guys doing? I'm driving.
You're touching my fucking head. And then I look over.

Speaker 1 My mom's not trying to laugh. My mom's like, like that.
And I was like, okay, so it is funny. Yeah.
Because we were going, boop. And we were just like touching his head.

Speaker 1 But I remember him, that step, that like mom's boyfriend's stepdad energy of like, I fuck out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're like, yeah, get it out.
Dan, I have such a similar story. Me and my best friend, Jeremy Williams, he, he took us fishing.
Grew up going fishing with my dad. It was like my favorite.

Speaker 1 We go out on the boat. We're like 15 years old and we keep messing with the worms.
Sure. I don't know We're laughing uncontrollably.
I mean, back then, it was like truly like laughing gas.

Speaker 1 Like, well, you have the elements of you're not supposed to laugh. Yes.
Your best friend is laughing and it's funny. 15 years old.
True story. Let me tell you this.

Speaker 1 He goes, If y'all knock that can of worms over one more time, I swear to God, I mean, Bill's losing. I'm never taking y'all fishing again.
So help me, God. Jeremy goes,

Speaker 1 just knocks it over.

Speaker 1 No, he gets in the boat. We drive 80 miles per hour to the dock.

Speaker 1 He puts that boat in the back of the trailer. We drive home.
I have not been fishing with him since. No way.
I'm 40. No way.
I'm 40. No way.
25 years. No way.
I have not been on that boat.

Speaker 1 I have not been on that. We've gone fishing at the beach.

Speaker 1 But you've never been back to that beach. I never got on that boat again.
And I mean, I will never forget that for the rest of my life. Were you quiet on the ride back?

Speaker 1 Like, did you, did it get serious? Because when they get mad, you get serious. You have to go like that.
No, no, no tears of, we just couldn't keep it.

Speaker 1 Me and Jeremy had been best, we're best friends to this day. Third grade, we have laughed in situations like this.
It's the worst. It's the worst.
I mean, basketball, other things.

Speaker 1 But I mean, he said, I will never take you out on this boat again. Stood by it? I have to.
He's a great stepdad, by the way. He's selling the boat right now.
He's had it for 30 years, so he won.

Speaker 1 I never got on it again. He meant it.
He meant it. Believe people when they tell you who they are.
Bill doesn't play games, man. Bill's like, you're never going to fishing on this boat again.

Speaker 1 You go, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 I can remember going down 80 miles as fast as this boat would go. He was still trying to smoke a cigarette.
And I remember thinking, how mad do you have to be? Yeah, to be like,

Speaker 1 just, just, it's not even work. And he's just, eventually, I think he was just like,

Speaker 1 just, just ate it. It's like,

Speaker 1 just a boat going back. Like,

Speaker 1 fuck, dude. Yeah.
Just trying to get some sort of relief. So mad.
Could you imagine a 15, not even your son, the kid just knocks it over in front of you?

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh, you think I'm playing games? But you can't hurt him. You think I'm playing? Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 1 And you want, now that I'm this age, I go, oh, I would have wanted, I would have, Bill did better than me. I would have flipped the button.
I know.

Speaker 1 I would have gone, hey, dog, you think this is, I'm going to beat your ass, homie? I'm going to take two 15-year-olds to the bottom of the lake. Yeah.
Under each arm. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm jumping in and I'm taking you guys to the very bottom. And, you know, and I can, and I can remember being aware enough to even know then that

Speaker 1 Bill loved my mom so much because I was not easy.

Speaker 1 And that was like my favorite thing about him. Still is to this day probably is he's always been a great husband and a great man to my mom.
And that's like most of the grade.

Speaker 1 That's really all it is. That's really all it is.
You're the side. I'm the side.

Speaker 1 And he's always, they've always had a great relationship. I mean, you ever talk about it when he sees you do stand-up and you talk about him.
Yeah. Does he talk about it with you?

Speaker 1 A little bit, but he, you know, it's one of those things where my mom has to be like, no, he likes when you do that, honey. He thinks it's funny.
So she gives you the reality.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he never compliments me like directly like that like he's not like that he's very proud of me but that's step dad it's through it's through my mom and also

Speaker 1 you know with that

Speaker 1 you know he didn't know that this was going to happen he he he would probably if he was doing a podcast and he was being honest he'd go let me tell y'all derek stroop never saw that coming never saw it coming he goes

Speaker 1 stacy will tell you i told her if he's a manager of a retail store we did pretty good i mean but especially when you talk about the two duis yeah you're right you get the two duis back to back you move to denver yeah did you start in denver or did you start comedy in alabama i started in at the bar that i uh ran i was you were doing like open mics yeah but i would just put myself up like i i didn't i i would just do like an hour completely blackout Yeah, and it wasn't funny.

Speaker 1 I mean, people tell me it was all right, but I would just do an hour. I would take like seven Jaeger bombs, four or five bourbons, and I would get up there and I would just ride some lightning.

Speaker 1 You know what's really fun about that is if someone tried to do that with music, how much more ridiculous that would look.

Speaker 1 If you didn't know how to play a guitar and you're just going like, I'm thinking about love.

Speaker 1 I love love.

Speaker 1 Now I'm sad. And people are like, shut the fuck up.
Yeah. You're like, I am sad and now I'm happy.

Speaker 1 That's what you do with comedy. That's my first open mic.

Speaker 1 Me,

Speaker 1 PC Pete and my friend Sully just sat out in my Dodge Stratus in Tucson and I drank a 40 and smoked like a joint of shitty weed and I was like, I'm going to go in and talk. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then I bombed like six.

Speaker 1 For me, running a bar, I was just, it was just country music every night. And I like country music fine, but I was like, if I hear Wagon Wheel again, I'm going to kill myself, you know.

Speaker 1 So I would just, and I, what I would do is, I would also, that same night, I'd make pictures a dollar. Yeah, so I was a draw.
Oh, I love it. Yeah, the place was.

Speaker 1 I'm the general manager. And I would post on Facebook.
I'd go, another sold-out room for your boy. Crazy.
I guess they can't get enough.

Speaker 1 Also, 50 cent shooters

Speaker 1 until my set's over.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's almost a situation where you want hecklers. Yeah.
Because then you're showing the generic

Speaker 1 reason of why you're funny. Yeah.
You're like, this is just my sense of humor. Instead of like them seeing you don't know how to write a bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would just get up there and rant, essentially, just with no punchlines. So you quit drinking in Colorado.
Yeah. And then you come back.

Speaker 1 Have you done a show in Jacksonville, Alabama, since

Speaker 1 like 2018? So not like not any time

Speaker 1 super, super recent. It's always interesting when you come home and you're better at it.
I don't think they expect that. Yeah, no, they don't.

Speaker 1 I mean, and you know, going to Birmingham and Huntsville, you also lose, you also burn some people in the beginning because they come watch you too early. That is,

Speaker 1 then they never come back. So that is such a fantastic point that I try to talk to people about about stand-up.
What fucked me specifically was I

Speaker 1 aurora to tucson start stand-up in tucson tucson to new york work on stand-up so the first time i come to denver people's expectations are like he's gonna be awesome yeah he's been in new york yeah but i'm only

Speaker 1 four years in yeah but five years in i shouldn't be headlining and i do a headlining set and watching them burning them too late later than you should yeah hurts more absolutely because they go oh not really and if they would have done that when i first started i would have been like well i just started i don't know but now you go well i'm starting to kind of figure it out yeah yeah

Speaker 1 it's not for me yeah i know you can't you can't get some of them back yeah you can't i mean i'm doing the paramount uh in october and i'm like congratulations i promise guys if you haven't seen me yeah yeah come back it's way better for sure yeah because you burn it you burn it you do man i've lost a good bit and i was so ambitious coming up like i i would just do any room i would ask for any like on the road you know i would just be like i'll do you don't have to pay me i'll i'll get up and uh people would come out and it would be uh horrendous i mean it would be horrendous what it is is there's i would say this to younger comics if they watch this like it's good to burn those off in the beginning yeah because then they will come back around 10 15 years later and go oh i remember when you started and you sucked and then that's only the story but if they come in like i'm talking about a little too into it they go

Speaker 1 that's exactly right you go i'm better at it yeah subtle but i'm way better yeah yeah yeah yeah it's bombing in front of your family hurts yeah it hurts on a different level it does.

Speaker 1 I mean, I did that. I finally got my grandmother back, but I burned her pretty bad, pretty early.

Speaker 1 What's the show? Well, the guy that owned the bar that I ran in Jacksville, Alabama, also was part owner of Smith's Old Bar in Atlanta. Okay.

Speaker 1 And there's this really cool upstairs room where they would do this 1 a.m. show, the local Atlanta scene would.
And he would rent it out for other stuff. Well, he gave me a night there in like 2013.

Speaker 1 I'd been doing comedy for like two years. Great.
Yeah. Got an hour.
I get the whole room. Saturday night.
Gets me a hotel. I've been doing comedy for two years.

Speaker 1 But you feel you're like, this might as well be Mass Square Garden.

Speaker 1 Might as well. And like, I'll go, you know, if I drink enough, I bet you I'll find something.
I'm going to get that sweet spot. Yeah, that's exactly.
Sweet spot never happened. Never.

Speaker 1 No jokes ever happened. I blacked out on stage.

Speaker 1 I mean, I walked half the crowd. I got done.
The girl that I brought to the show, I'm pretty sure left with somebody else. It couldn't have gotten any worse.
Like, I was just in the hotel room.

Speaker 1 And what's crazy about comedians and it, you'd think, well, that would be your last time. And I go, I got to figure this out.
Yeah. You know, I was like, I got to, you know, but it was a nightmare.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. And then your grand, your grandmother.

Speaker 1 My grandmother didn't watch comedy for like another, of mine for another six years or so. Her and my grandfather were in the first row.
I don't even know what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 I am so lucky that that never happened. Yeah.
Your story about that. I'm like, I'm so glad my grandmother didn't even acknowledge I did stand up.
No, she couldn't even look me in the face.

Speaker 1 My grandmother didn't even know what I did. Yeah.
She just knew, she was like, I swear to God,

Speaker 1 I've told that story on the bonfire, but it's true. My grandmother had no idea what I did.
And I have bits about her. I have long bits about it.

Speaker 1 And someone showed her me on Conan on their phone. And she was like, what did he do this?

Speaker 1 And you're like, I told you about it. You just didn't record it.
You didn't care.

Speaker 1 But I remember

Speaker 1 I went to the bank with her one time. This was after Billions was on the air for a couple of seasons.
And we're in my grandma's town in California.

Speaker 1 And she's like, the lady at the bank wants to meet you. And I was like gosh in my head I'm like she's a billions fan or whatever.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I go into the bank with my grandmother and I'm like hey nice to meet you.

Speaker 1 I'm Mary Lou's grandson and she was like I just want to I cash her check every month that you send her and I just want to say like I think you're a great grandson and I was like oh this is because I'm a good grandson

Speaker 1 and she goes yeah and then the lady goes what do you do and my grandmother interrupts and she goes he's a writer and I was like

Speaker 1 I'd probably say that's the worst part of my stand-up. Yeah.
Yeah. I'd probably say I'm a voice guy first.

Speaker 1 But that was like like, that felt so disrespectful. But the flip side of that coin is her watching me early going, nah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly right.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. So I almost think it was better for me just to go, don't worry about it, Nana.
No, that worked out way better. Now she finds you and she's like, wow, he's brilliant.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now she's in, I don't know, purgatory, looking down going, okay, he's got bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right. Yeah.
He's got a couple. And that's it.
You have a great, that grandmother named Mary Lou.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's really what a what a great grandmother from Oklahoma. From Muscogee.
Mary Lou from, my God. Loki from Muscogee.
I love that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My grandmother, Brenda, it's a good one. That's a good one.
That's a good one. Brenda is a good grandma.

Speaker 1 A southern grandma? Yeah. Do what? A southern grandma named Margaret.
Oh, yeah. She's a West Virginia.
I don't know if they consider that.

Speaker 1 We do that stuff. Everyone else does.

Speaker 1 The rest of the country goes, West Virginia. I know geographically it's not there.
Your heart is in the South. Yeah, you know, you're 100% right.

Speaker 1 West Virginia is a very interesting state because you go there and you go, like, might be some of the hardest toughest people in the world no doubt who are also aware of it oh yeah they're going like shit's tough here i i want somebody one day to go growing up in alabama all my family is from west virginia and lives there they're all there it's just me my siblings and my parents in alabama um

Speaker 1 hillbillies and rednecks okay let me tell you something Everybody goes, I'd like to see a hillbilly would beat a redneck's eyes out of its head. Okay.
Hillbillies do not play games. No.

Speaker 1 rednecks are actually can be a lot nicer and better people than what they i've met some rednecks that give to lots of charity they're just they're just not wearing shoes at kroger's and you know driving their trucks at a hillbilly if you turn around in their driveway and they don't know you you are gonna have a conversation because you're in a hauler yeah and haulers are dead ends west my family where i'm from in west virginia is is mill creek elkview it's a very country part of west virginia sure and and all the time people and why i said they're not the south South, is because Southerners will go, West Virginia is not the South.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, let me tell you something about my family in West Virginia. Okay? All their flowers are inside of tires.

Speaker 1 Y'all don't, don't make this a southerner. Who's more country? I think that the Appalachian people are the most country.
I think they are without a doubt. And the toughest.

Speaker 1 They're our most dangerous folks. Absolutely.
I mean, I think you could take Appalachia.

Speaker 1 You take Appalachia and you go, verse anybody. Verse anybody.
I'll take Dagestanians.

Speaker 1 I know they can wrestle. And there's some people in a haller hauler right now watching.

Speaker 1 They're grabbing their guns listening to me talk about this. I just fucking fucking

Speaker 1 telling you. Don't fucking dag.
Yeah, fucking dog. But it is, I mean, you watched, you know, that documentary.

Speaker 1 Big Jay and I were obsessed with on the bonfire, the weird and wonderful whites of West Virginia. What's my favorite documentary of all time?

Speaker 1 Jessica White and the Jessica Whites and all the whites.

Speaker 1 The line that always gets me that Jay does perfectly, he goes, Mousey about to get some death.

Speaker 1 When she gets out of jail.

Speaker 1 Mouse about to go get some dick. Mouse about to get some dad.
Yeah. When she's snorting the oxy and she goes, she's going to be the next president of the United States.

Speaker 1 She's a newborn and there's an election in two years. I don't think that's possible.

Speaker 1 But Johnny, do you know the behind-the-scenes story that Johnny Knoxville and Dick House wanted to make that a show? Yeah, yeah. But it was so dangerous that they were like.

Speaker 1 We're not going back in there. The crew, I'm saying this to Mike.
The crew is like, don't, do not put us back there. Yeah.
Because it was, I mean, you go, it was the boone county mating call yeah yeah

Speaker 1 shakes the fucking oxytils absolutely you're like dude these people are what's crazy about rural is everyone expects the south to be

Speaker 1 i think the idea of dangerous rural

Speaker 1 has been kind of co-opted by the south yeah where they go oh the south but there's parts of northern california where you're like these are dangerous hillbillies yeah yeah that's right hillbillies aren't just west virginia no no no no there's hillbillies in oregon kentucky oregon there's there's lots and there's rednecks everywhere, too.

Speaker 1 Rednecks in Western New York? I was about to say, I've ran into a few in Albany. Yeah, yeah.
You go all the way, you go to like some, Poughkeepsie's a tough town. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You go, damn, there might be some Hillbillies in the world. Everybody wants to put it in the South, but you're so right.
It's not.

Speaker 1 It's a way of life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's some real rednecks in Colorado. Yeah.
I mean, absolutely. Go to Sterling.
I was just about to say Sterling.

Speaker 1 That is insane. That's so funny.
I mean, that is insane.

Speaker 1 So my dad and my grandmother lived, and I've talked about this ad nauseum on this podcast, but they lived in San Francisco, then they moved to Lake County. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lake County in California is the second,

Speaker 1 or used to be the second poorest county

Speaker 1 in California, which is most of the West Coast. For sure.
You got hillbillies. For sure.
There are hillbillies in Lake County where you're like, I'm scared of you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I took her when we visited my grandma. This is always the story I love telling people.
But, you know, she's from Massachusetts. Yep.
She's lived in New York. She's lived in Long Island.

Speaker 1 She's all over. And I took her to Lake County and she was in the car while I went into the gas station to get ice for a 4th of July barbecue.

Speaker 1 And I come out and Katie just looks at me and I get in the car and she goes, this might be the scariest place I've ever been in my life. And she was like,

Speaker 1 the look of people that look at you coming out of the gas, this is what she's going off of. Of people coming out of the gas station and mad dogging whoever is in the fucking passenger seat.

Speaker 1 She was like, four people look like they wanted to kill me.

Speaker 1 Oh, they probably did. Absolutely.
Yeah, because they're fucking hillbillies. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Hillbilly is a way of life.
It is. Turn that into a no-fear shirt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you easily could. Put it on a Mountain Dew bottle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, I always tell people, I'm proud to be born in West Virginia and have family from there, but I would not have the sense of humor I have if I was not. raised in the South.

Speaker 1 They're some of the funniest people. Yes.
Storytellers.

Speaker 1 I mean, Southerners are.

Speaker 1 It's very funny. They're very, very funny.
Nate was the first Southerner that I really got to meet and know, and you're like, oh, one of the funniest human beings of all time. Just talking.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, dude, he would say stuff that it was like in the moment.
You're like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Speaker 1 Nate would just look at you and go, what? Yeah. And you're like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, a relentless roaster. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've never, it's been a long time since I've had somebody that makes fun of me at the pace he does. It's great.

Speaker 1 I used to love going over and watching football when Nate and Laura lived in Queens, when they lived in Woodside. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And watching like Laura be funny and southern yeah to people like specifically what i'm talking about is alabama played texas in the national championship in 2011 maybe 2010.

Speaker 1 joe list nate bargetti and i drank about 80 beers watching that game and alabama started pulling away and joe list just made a joke where he goes come on texas make this a game and laura yeah put him in the ground with words she was like what's wrong with you why would you say that at someone's house watching alabama and joe's like is she fucking mad at me You know, like we said, he's like, pretty serious.

Speaker 1 You go, well, she's busting your balls, but I think there's some real shit behind that. Yeah, yeah.
It was, it's the best. It's the best, man.
And, dude, you're so funny.

Speaker 1 I'm so glad you moved to New York. Thank you.
Like, having a guy like you, you fucking absolutely hilarious. Every time I watch it at the cellar, I'm like, this guy's so funny.

Speaker 1 Go watch Derek Stroop's specials. Follow him.

Speaker 1 Check out everything he does. He's the fucking best, dude.
Thank you, buddy. I'm a big fan of you, too, man.
Thanks for having me. Dude, absolutely, man.
We were trying to get this a while ago. Good.

Speaker 1 because I mean, Pimp loves you. Pimps, I love you.
I love this fucking man, and I was like, wow, we had him on, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I appreciate you coming on, dude.
Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 Check him out. See, I didn't do an intro, but I did a wonderful outro.
You did.

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