049. Steve Byrne, Dusty Slay, & Dave Smith | Drinking

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dallions with a duke, or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like like Bridgerton and Outlander.

And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wondery.

That's audible.com slash wondery.

Skank Fest New Orleans is happening November 14th through 16th.

Get your tickets right now.

There's only individual day passes left.

All access is sold out.

VIP is sold out.

It is the largest lineup we've ever had.

Favorites like Tim Dylan, Shane Gillis, nick mullen joe list robert kelly sam hyde obviously the legion of skanks and many many more over 150 comedians six stages three full days of comedy fighting music and everything else you love about skankfest go to skankfest.com right now and grab your single day passes

Great news, everybody.

Story Wars merch store now up and functioning, everyone.

Get your goddamn merch right now.

Represent the show that you love.

Show that you are yourself a story warrior.

We got t-shirts.

We got hoodies.

Maybe socks one day.

StorywarsMerch.com is the way

plugs.

That thing you can put inside of a woman and you control it from your phone.

The Story Wars breakfast cereal.

The Story Wars flamethrower.

Go to storywarsmerch.com and grab your merch today.

What's going on, Story Warriors?

If you love Story Wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7.45 p.m.

to be a part of the show.

Don't be a piece of shit.

Just get your tickets and come.

It's fun, Buckface.

New York Comedy Club.com.

Hey, before we start today's Story Wars, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors, and that, of course, is Yo Kratom.

Long time.

Long time sponsor.

We give Yo Kratom double points.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yo Kratom.

Home of the $60 Kilo, everybody.

That price never changes no matter how many things in the world do change.

Presidents, time,

assassination attempts, Gaza wars.

What else?

There's something else going on over there.

I don't know, man.

You've been listening.

I ran.

You've been listening to part of the problem too much.

I've been digging into the part of the problem.

It starts playing after my last video sometimes.

Yo, creative.com, home on the $60 kilo.

Let them know that we sent you no promo code needed.

All right, let's start the show.

Fill her up.

You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

Nashville Comedy Festival.

Welcome to Story Wars with the Story Warriors, Big J.

Oakerson, and Louis J.

Gomez.

What's up, Nashville Comedy Festival?

Welcome to Story Wars.

Make some fucking noise in this room right now.

Night two of the festival.

We're so excited to be here with you, Hillbillies.

What's up, Hillbillies?

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for pulling your wieners out of your cousins for five seconds to come enjoy a story about books.

That's got to be big here.

Now a book is something with words in it that tells a story.

Not a guy reading it to you, nerds.

How many people here are familiar with the show Story Wars?

Everybody, Jay.

It's everybody.

They're here for us.

Well, we say that, but there's always one.

Who's not familiar with Story Wars?

There they are.

That's okay.

We'll explain it once we get our very esteemed panel up here, everybody.

We have an amazing, amazing lineup tonight.

Our first guest coming up here to the stage, our first contestant, you know him from his podcast, Part of the Problem, and you may know him as one-third of the Legion of Skanks.

Everybody, how about it for the hilarious Dave Smith?

What is the music that you chose for Dave Harrington?

That was crazy.

He's a Jewish wigger.

What are you doing?

We're in Nashville.

Okay.

I'm transitioning.

And your second contestant, very excited to have him his first time on Story Wars one-hour special working man streaming on Netflix, clap it up for Dusty Slay.

Okay, we're having a good time.

And last but not least, our third contestant, everybody.

He is now local right here in Nashville.

Everybody, he's one of your own, everybody.

I've known him for a long time.

One of the funniest motherfuckers working out there in the world.

Make some noise for Steve Byrne.

Welcome to the show, everybody.

Real quick, before we start the game, we'll explain for the two people who are unfamiliar with the game and the people listening at home for the first time what this game is.

Probably a lot of them.

It's probably a lot of them.

Story Wars is a very simple game.

All five five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject.

Tonight's subject, Lewis?

Drinking.

Drinking.

That's a fun one.

Look at all the drunks in the crowd.

They're like, yeah.

Our lovely producer, Alex, will read these stories off one at a time in no particular order.

We will see that here on the screen.

If it's your story, you're the only person who knows that.

It's your job to fool everybody else in the panel that it's not your story.

And if it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

For every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points.

For every person you fool, you get one point.

Now, once you write the name on this dry erase board and put it in the little slot right here, remove your hand, that is your final answer.

You cannot change it.

And I'll tell you right now, the game is a lot of fun.

Everyone knows the game is a lot of fun, but we're not playing for fun.

We're playing for real-deal prizes.

Jay, tell me what tonight's prize is.

Tonight's prize.

We are always playing for a book in the Story Awards library, and tonight is no exception.

Tonight, you are playing for We Should All Be Feminists by

Chimamondan Ghazi Adichi.

Yes.

Question: If you already own that book, can we play for something else?

It's a short, powerful essay adapted from her TEDx talk of the same name.

In it, Adichi explores what feminists means today, drawing from her own experiences growing up in Nigeria and navigating gender expectations.

It's not for nothing.

It's not for nothing.

Yeah,

I'm going to be fighting very hard to keep that book in the Story Wars library.

Man, you guys have really classed this joint up since I bailed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We love books over here, everybody.

So if everyone's in and we're all ready to go, drinking is the subject.

Is this audience ready for war?

And then with no further ado, Alex,

story number one.

Story number one

When I was 15, I got shit-faced at a party and puked on a table in front of the hottest girl in my school.

This sounds like this is pulled out of Lewis's brain.

It sounds like you so much.

This is an everybody's story.

It's a story that every dude can just immediately relate to.

Never got shit-faced when I was 15.

I'm Korean, so I wasn't drinking at 15.

I believe you.

You were fucking in lessons all day.

Yes.

He's playing the viola.

I've met Steve's mother.

She had him in lessons for sure.

He was in lessons.

I know Jay enough to know that he was not drinking at 15.

I believe Steve.

He also wasn't hanging out with any hot girls from his school.

Well, it didn't mean I was at a place where she was at.

Maybe I drank to

get the confidence to talk to her, and then I just yaked on her.

This story maybe happened to Jay last week, but not at 15.

Strong chance I do not know how to drink.

Cheers, everybody.

I think

there's a possible Lewis.

I mean, I drank very few times before I was 21 years old.

Because one of them, you got shit-faced at a party and puked on a table.

He didn't say no times.

I can see this being a Dave Smith story.

Dave was a cool kid.

I'm telling you right now, Dave was an old school wigger.

I'll vote for Dave.

I'll tell you right now,

this absolutely could be a Dave Smith story.

It's not, but that sounds just like one of my stories.

Dusty, you're sober, right?

I am sober.

But I did drink.

No, that's what I'm wondering if you went hard too hard at one point.

No, I did go too hard at one point.

And, you know, this could be my story.

But this is a very mild story to stop drinking.

Like, if you stop drinking, it's because you killed somebody or spent some time in jail.

You're just in puke.

Well, yeah, like even the people in AA, if you told them this was why you stopped drinking, they'd be like, you should keep drinking.

You stopped drinking.

Did you

greet you in jail?

I grew up in Alabama.

The hot girl was puking too when I was young.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was her name.

Yes.

Pukin 2.

Yeah.

Pukin 2.

Hey, Pukin 2.

What's up, Pukin 2?

Hey, Dusty.

Hey, Dusty.

Steve, were you a cool kid when you were younger?

No, that's why I wasn't invited to the party.

No, come on.

You are handsome always.

No, no, no.

No, I was.

When I was in high school, I was like, you know, I didn't even know what hair product was.

I didn't know what conditioner was.

My dad was bald.

So I didn't know what shampoo and conditioner was.

It just like, it would just dry out and fucking poof out.

It was awful.

Dude, I'm starting to think this is Steve and he's the best actor ever.

I was telling you.

He was really good at this game.

I had like mad scientist hair with just like.

He puked, but it wasn't drinking.

It was from the beatings.

My mom's beatings.

That's why I puked.

No, but I didn't.

No.

Wouldn't get invited to a party.

wasn't drinking.

And he's getting invited to a party that takes me out.

Dave, though.

Dave was a party.

Dave was pretty popular.

I would certainly have been at a party at 15 where I could have puked on a table.

I didn't,

but it could be me.

Dave's breaking.

Look at the corners of his mouth going out.

That's what I thought.

Yeah.

His mouth's quick.

All right, you guys got me.

But this also.

This is Lewis.

I think it could be Lewis very much.

Well, which is why I didn't like Lewis's.

I only drank a few times.

I did.

You're my best friends.

You guys know that.

No, I know you only drank a few times, but this could be one of those times.

Maybe, but it wasn't.

Well, that's helpful.

But that's what you would say.

I believe him, because I want to.

My vibe is going towards Dave.

I don't know Dave or I don't know Dusty or Steve as well as I know the rest of the panel.

But I will tell you.

I'm going, Lewis.

I know that.

Look, Dave's trying to defer right now.

No, no, no.

I just think you're lying.

I think Dave's lying right now.

I don't know which one of you is lying.

And it's really going to suck when this is Dusty and he kicks off our ass in the first round.

Hold on, hold on.

You're a clean comic, though, right?

Yeah.

So he wouldn't put, I got shit-faced.

So I would eliminate him.

Dusty.

God, these Asians are smart.

They are, so fucking.

Great.

Now it's back to Dave and Lewis.

The two other pieces of shit at this table.

I'm going Dave Smith.

He was cool.

He went to parties.

He was getting shit-faced, doing drugs, banging hot chicks.

That's Dave's origin story.

All right, you're making it sound way cooler now.

Dave, remember you never had a bad day in high school and everything was awesome and so much pussy in sports?

Listen, if you guys want to let Lewis lead you down this trail, go for it.

I was a dork.

Dave had a big dick.

He had a cool attitude, great car.

Dave, by the way, Dave was like half bald.

You had a big forehead.

And as you gotten older, you've had a pre-seating hairline.

Not that far forward.

So I.

You know what?

Dave Smith's a clean comic.

I'm going going to say this is Lewis.

Jay, idiot.

Lewis

Jay Gomez.

Wow, Dave just fooled you into that, Jay.

Good job wasting your vote, you fool.

It's too late.

It's already done, and you know I'm right.

All right, we'll see.

Ooh, okay.

Jay, I'm not going to lie on today's episode at all.

That's my promise.

All right, so I go.

I go, Dave.

I may have gone too early.

Sorry.

No, I don't know.

And Dave's voting last, which fuck makes me think it might be Dave, you cocksucker.

Everyone's answers are in

Alex.

That story belongs to Dave Smith.

What did I tell you?

Totally belongs to me.

Oh God, dude, it was so bad.

I knew it right away.

Dude, it was, I was 15 and we went to this house party and me and my buddy, we were so new to drinking.

And we got a bottle of vodka with a fake ID that I had that said I was 21.

When I was 15, like if you saw me at 15, there's not a shot.

Like there was this Asian lady behind and she was like, all right.

And so we just start drinking literally from the bottle of vodka something i couldn't do today as a professional drinker and we get to and i've at a certain point i just realized i've drank way too much of this bottle like i i think i put half of it away myself and then i just happened to like have an interaction with the hottest girl in our high school and it was going at least as i remember really good And I was like, wow, that's fucking awesome.

And then

shit goes back.

If you had a real video of it, you're probably just going some

titties

there's i says i'm sure it was awful i thought i was making a mouse titties you use it with me in the mouth then okay so i end up getting fucking like just retardedly drunk i fucking puke everywhere i get home it was the next day i started having like a flashback And I was like, shit, I remember being outside and we were just sitting around this table and everything's blurry.

And then I just go blah puke right on the table right in front and then I asked her about it at school and she confirmed it was real.

That happens.

Hey, I hit it up the next day.

Well, maybe a couple days later, I don't remember, but back at school, I asked her about it at some point.

But you threw up in front of her after you had been drinking.

Did you?

Yeah, that night at the party.

Oh, shit.

You know, I couldn't give you details like that.

That's not.

It's quite possible.

What does she look like today?

I don't know.

But it's probably.

But Dave, describe her hotness as a teenager.

Yeah.

How hot?

I mean, she...

Oh, man.

First crop.

I was younger than her, so there's no way.

I'm sure you were.

Oh, first crop bush, dude.

Like extra virgin olive oil.

I mean, it is even...

This is a real...

All right.

I'm just not going to say it.

Forget it.

But you know, like when you remember being in the eighth grade or like ninth grade and thinking of like an older chick and you're like, oh, she was so hot.

And then you have a moment where you're like, I'm talking about a child.

Yeah.

But, like, in my mind, she was old.

Yeah.

But yeah, no, she was great.

So great.

You're still allowed to go back there and think she's hot.

There's nothing against it.

I was a child.

Nope, nope.

I think this crowd and society will tell you, you can't think that.

They can't.

You can't be the thought of that.

I don't think you know, you haven't been paying attention to the title of the book.

We should all be feminist, Dave.

Alex, where are our points?

Maybe Dave needs this book more than anybody.

On the scoreboard with one point, Dave Smith.

With two points each, Louis J.

Gomez, Dusty, and Steve.

How does Louis have two points?

Big J, you have zero points.

How does any of that make sense?

What do you mean?

Because you get two points.

You fooled one person.

But you get two points for a correct guess.

You guys have fucked this thing up.

No, well, Dave, you're on the board.

Now, I'll tell you this.

Lately, I've been coming out of the gate strong and then never score again.

So this is good for you.

It's a long game right here.

We're fine.

Twos, ones,

we're good.

Yo, it's Lewis Jay Gomez and Big Jay Okerson bringing you the madness on Story Wars with a Z, the sickest game show podcast around.

My old wallet was a disaster, bulky, falling apart.

Give me a crooked spine.

Jay, what trash were you carrying?

Lewis, my wallet was a saggy leather mess, like a sad taco stuffed with receipts.

Now, I'm all in with Ridge wallets.

You see that new titanium black beast they got on the website?

That's my new go-to bathroom site by the way.

So long world star.

Hello Ridge.

Slim as hell holds 12 cards plus cash made with badass aluminum and carbon fiber over 50 styles and that RFID blocking tech keeps the digital pickpockets out of my booze.

Yo, Ridge actually gave me an idea with their carbon fiber air tag wallet.

I'm gonna put an air tag attachment on everything I own.

That's right, Ridge gave me that idea.

Ridge's lifetime warranty means it's the last last wallet that I'm ever going to buy.

And their suitcases and key cases, same sleek, tough vibe.

With over 100,000 five-star reviews, you know it's legit.

Jay, that air tag give you a peace of mind or what?

Hell yeah.

No more freaking out at the bar or when you get home after the bar.

For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using code WARSWITHAZ.

Make sure you go check out ridge.com slash wars with a Z to grab a perfect upgrade for your summer.

That's ridge.com slash wars with a Z.

At checkout, tell them that Story War sent you to support the show.

Crowd cheers.

Alex, story number two.

Story number two.

The first time I had tequila, I fought a Black Dog.

Oh, man, when you can get him in one sentence like that, it's great.

I want to believe this is Dusty Slay for some reason.

I have to go Dusty on this, but that is such a funny fucking sentence.

It's a great sentence.

It definitely makes you want to know more.

Dusty is from the South originally, so this totally.

It gets wild.

Yeah, when Tequila, I either fight or fuck on Tequila, so I understand.

And both black guys.

Yep, both black guys.

Give me the opportunity.

He goes, hey, brother,

your call, fight or fuck.

He goes, excuse me?

I said, fight or fuck me.

You black bastard.

You black son of a bitch.

I had tequila, and I'm ready for both.

But here's the thing.

Dusty seems like a very nice guy.

Dusty doesn't seem like a fighter.

No offense.

Right, but maybe tequila made him fucking wild.

Tequila does get you wild.

Tequila is the alcohol that most people say they don't drink it.

It's like that's the one that causes the problem.

Yeah, Dusty's a nice guy now drinking water around white people.

Steve doesn't seem like a fighter either, though.

Steve, when's the last time you got a talk?

Are you out of your fucking tree?

Steve Byrne, Marshall Arts.

Dusty racist.

I've seen Steve Byrne fist fight more than I've seen him on stage, and I've known him for 25 years.

Is that true?

Steve's a fighter.

I've always thought Steve is always from.

Steve's a father now and a married man.

He was a hot-headed youngster.

I've known Steve for many years.

He's remembering from Pittsburgh.

I don't remember Steve as a tequila guy, though.

No, I don't see him as a tequila guy.

No, I mean, look,

at the cellar or at the strip, you saved me that night.

A part of the story.

That was wild.

Got hurled at me at the back of my head.

Steve was doing the right thing.

He was on stage.

The crowd, this one group of young Hispanics.

were helling.

I say young in their 20s, late, mid-20s.

Well, today I'd call them illegal.

True.

Probably.

You're not wrong.

Yeah.

there was one table and man you hit some i'll never forget this night they were saying fucking uh they were just heckling they were being shitty and steve goes they were a bunch of like uh pretty puerto rican dudes and their girlfriends and steve goes hey o-town shut the fuck up yeah and then the escalation from there was so immediate they threw a table menu at steve And then they were kicking them out.

And when they were leaving, Steve goes, get out of here.

You and your fucking cunt girlfriend.

And that girlfriend, the guy was leaving.

The girlfriend looked at the boyfriend with a face of,

you have to fight him or you can't come home with me.

And the guy reluctantly ran on stage and grabbed a stool on the way up and swung it and hit Steve on the top of the head.

And then I hugged Steve, which is the not right thing to do.

You're supposed to grab the other guy.

Steve just went full retard on that.

I love you.

You're my friend.

I grabbed Steve as if to hold his arms down to not defend himself from this guy.

I don't know why.

Thank God God somebody else grabbed the other guy.

I don't know why I went to grab Steve.

Steve, enough.

You're bleeding.

Yeah, Steve, stay down.

I saw Steve chase two guys out of the Boston Comedy Club once and throw a parking coat at him.

Steve's a hothead.

Youngster.

Well, now you're making me think this might be Steve Story.

Could be Steve.

But

I don't drink tequila.

Because of this.

I don't.

No, no, no.

I don't associate with black people.

Well, I don't drink tequila.

You know, I don't like them.

I don't like them.

I don't like them at all.

Damn.

That's not bad at all.

That's the ultimate Trump insult.

A Chinaman doing the impression.

Young lady, could you please join the show?

Thank you.

No, I've always been a beer guy, and then I made the transition to

Jameson on the Jameson Whiskey Tour.

So I've only like literally in my life had two liquors.

It was always beer, whatever beer there was, and then the Jameson.

Whiskey tour we did and I went two years on the whiskey tour without ever trying Jameson.

and they flew us to Ireland, and the head of Jameson said, you got to have one to keep or one

the whiskey.

Oh, interesting, interesting fuck-up, Steve.

Interesting fuck-up.

Wow, Steve is...

What we're talking about, Takila.

Steve is a liar.

You were on the Casamigos tour.

I think we are overlooking the possibility that this is Lewis.

You think it's me?

I think that's kind of sounds like the type of shit you do.

Fight black guys?

Now I think it's Dusty again.

God damn it.

Listen, this could be Lewis.

I've finished

all along.

This very well could be Lewis.

Lewis always looks like he's ready to fight anyways.

But white guys.

Yeah.

You want to go?

You want to go, you black piece of shit?

You talking shit?

Someone give me a shot at Tequilla.

They're all black guys to me.

I'm going to go with Dusty.

You're going with Dusty.

I think Steve also is like the most accomplished actor on the stage as well.

I think Steve is a fucking man.

I don't agree with that.

I was on TBS for three summers.

We've been on nothing.

Three seasons.

That was your show, though.

I was on a fucking.

I'm going you.

I think it's you.

Ooh.

I think you've been

a fair share of dust-ups.

I've been to a few dust-ups in my day, but never with a black guy.

I only fight down.

I think I'm going to regret Lewis is over talking and made me switch.

I was going to go with Dust.

I'm going Lewis.

It's either Dusty or Steve.

It's not Jay.

Jay's a pussy.

Jay wouldn't find anybody.

I thought black guys.

Sober, motherfucker.

I'm going, Steve.

Final answer.

Everyone thinks it's me on that side.

Not me?

I went.

Well, dude, this panel over here thinks I'm so tough.

No, it didn't say you won.

It says you were crazy enough to try.

Fuck, it's going to be Lewis.

Alex, all of our answers.

All of our answers are in.

That story belongs to Steve Byrne.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, Steve Brown.

You accomplished actor.

Oh, I did some summer stuff one summer.

You motherfuck.

I believe.

You look me right in the eyes.

All right, so what's the story here, Steve?

The story is I was on.

How did I not know this was Steve?

I just told you eight fighting stories.

I told you the one fighting story I didn't know.

You literally convinced me it was Steve.

I even said to Keela, and I go, uh-oh.

I watched Steve not be able to handle a hot pepper.

I never thought, I never saw this.

I never saw this coming.

No, I did Mike Young's Young American tour when he was like, he was, he was bringing like Brett Ernst and Sebastian and Kreischer and me.

And we went to Phoenix.

I never had tequila before, and Mike Young, that's all he drinks.

Tequila's like, let's do tequila.

So we did tequila, and then Sebastian and I met these girls years ago before we met our girls, like new to L.A.

We bring these girls back to the hotel have a blast I'm like all right I'm gonna walk the girls back Sebastian's like go ahead take them so I go to walk them

back would you do that why would you do that you're gonna walk them home

you already fucked them why

would you do that

So I was trying to be a gentleman and I catch up to them in the lobby.

There's a black guy holding the door open and four dudes behind him.

And he's talking to the girls, trying to flirt, and like, come on, girl, come on, come on.

Right in front of you.

Well, I hadn't been there yet because they left.

And so I was catching up to them.

So I caught up to them.

And then the guy's like, come on, give me your number.

Give me a number.

Come drink with us.

She's like, nah, I'm okay.

He's like, come on, come on.

And so I dip under his arm.

I go, I get it, guys.

We're all here to have a good time.

We're just wrapping up the night.

The ladies are spoken for.

Excuse me, homeboy,

but the ladies are spoken for.

So he's ignoring me, and I'm just like, all right, we're trying to wrap it up.

His boys are pulling him aside.

And then he's like, come on, girl, give me your number.

She's like, I'm not giving you my number.

He's like, come on, come on.

You want this bling?

She goes, I don't want your bling.

He goes, come on.

She goes, I'm not giving you my number.

You

drops the end bomb.

Come on.

He walks in.

And you didn't marry this chip.

Dude, I was going to say, you just, she dropped the end bomb when you go,

she's like,

the one who got away.

The door shuts.

My wife has never done anything near as cool as that.

Never.

Never.

Door shuts.

I'm there.

He walks to the girl.

I step in front.

I played hockey all my life.

And obviously he's black, so he never.

So

I grabbed the back of his shirt.

Wasn't that expecting the fucking jersey over the head?

I pulled the jersey over the head.

I pulled it.

Ah, come on.

You're doing white people moves.

What's this fox like?

So I just start drilling, drilling, drilling, drilling.

I'm just pounding him as hard as I can because I'm like, this is it.

It's like, we're in a thing.

So I'm hitting him.

He goes, chill, dog, chill.

I go, you done?

He goes, chill, dog, chill.

I go, are you fucking done?

He goes, I'm done.

The girl chimes in again.

No, he's not.

He's a dumb.

Fuck.

Stop he's saying that.

Now here's the part, right?

His heads are super hard.

He's fine.

What happened now is that we knocked the elevator off the mooring.

So now we're stuck in midair.

Okay.

So elevator stops.

Sarah Smiles is playing from Hall of Oaks.

That's nice.

That's good, dude.

To this day, when I hear that song, I'm like, fuck.

Even in that moment where you're like, good tune.

Even the black guy's like, right?

By the way, I was just playing.

It's like the slow mo that goes, If you want to be free,

you know

all you got to

say so

when you feel warm.

Oh, you,

and when you feel you can't go for

you really know all the lyrics,

it's you and me together,

Sarah.

So then, so

that happens.

He gets up, pulls his shirt over his head, and

the girl's crying.

The other girl's comforting her.

I'm in the corner.

He gets up, pulls it over, and he's just looking at me.

He's looking at me, and I'm like, he's going to fucking come again.

So I'm kind of like bracing up against the wall, and he's just staring at me.

He goes, were you on BT's Comic View?

Yeah.

He goes, you do the Bruce Lee thing?

I go, fuck yeah.

He goes, oh, shit, I love that.

And I was like, oh, thanks, man.

What What are you doing in town?

I was like, well, I was at the improv, and I met this girl who's apparently racist.

I had no idea.

All of a sudden, the door goes, okay?

Door goes, opens.

The door opens.

His four boys heard everything.

They rush in, pulled my shirt, popped me here, popped me here.

I got like cut here, cut in the lip.

And he goes, whoa, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

Remember BT's Comic View, Bruce Lee?

The Bruce Lee bit?

And they go, oh, shit.

And they go, yeah.

So the lobby guy comes over.

He goes, I call the cops.

These guys bolt down the thing.

The girls go back in the elevator.

I'm standing in the lobby, and the attendant goes, Are you okay?

I'm like, Yeah, I guess I'm just bleeding here and stuff.

And that's when Sebastian Menescalka comes out.

He comes out of the business center holding a Frappuccino,

dressed in all Adidas nightgear.

Just looks at me and goes, What the fuck happen to you, guy?

So that was the last time I had tequila.

The last time you had tequila.

The last time I had tequila.

That was it, yeah.

Man, great.

What an amazing story.

Who'd have thought B.E.T.

Comic View would get you out of violence?

God bless America.

God bless America.

It looks like it worked out, though.

You should drink tequila more, I think.

It really worked out more.

More stories in the end.

The story is I drank tequila one time and beat a black guy until he loved me.

Yeah.

Shit, that was good.

And then I wrote Rush Hour based off of that.

Alex, you had a buddy cop in you the whole time.

I know it.

Alex, where are our points at?

Well, in last place with zero points.

Oh, yeah.

Big Jay Ogerson.

It's patronizing.

Thank you, Roots.

In fourth place with one point, Dave Smith.

Come on.

I got time.

They really only clap for less than first place.

In third place with two points, Dusty Slay.

In second place with four points, Louis J.

Gomez.

And in first place with five points, Steve Byrne.

I hate to set the bar today,

but I said a very high bar, Jay.

Be water, my friend.

Be water.

Alex.

Are we sell?

Alex.

Story number three.

Story number three.

I was so drunk during one hookup that I took a break from going down on her to go puke, rally, and get back to eating her hoo-ha.

That's big Jay.

It's got to be Jay.

That's big Jay.

No one here says hoo-ha.

That sounds like something you'd say.

I will say it sounds southern, but that doesn't mean that

this is Dusty's going to be.

Jay would never say hoo-ha.

Who-ha is Chusty?

To throw off the scent?

To throw off the scent.

Mate.

They changed it?

They didn't change it.

Who the fuck are you?

You have no information, lady.

It's not wrong.

Why did this woman from the table that all just came back from Lens Crafters just know?

What are you talking about?

Elviron, how do you know they changed it?

I I believe them.

They just came from a current disturbed show.

I'm saying hoo-ha, Jay, because it just sounds like a funny word, and I could hear you.

No,

Jay would say, pussy.

Hoo-ha.

Unquestioned.

But I'm saying in this game, to throw it off.

It's just not really a Jay story.

Jay's also terrible at this game.

He wouldn't think that far ahead.

He's not.

It's just not Jay being like hammered.

I should start writing in someone else's voice.

Well, the story starts, I was so drunk.

So you you got to go right here.

Dave Smith.

I'm the fucking drunk here.

I mean, I will say

you started drinking it.

What's that?

The topic is drinking.

Yeah.

I think he's the one that's.

And we know he pukes.

I mean, so does he's a clean comic comic as well.

Hoo-ha is a clean

term for me.

I don't think you would say

going down on her.

Yeah, the topic doesn't sound right.

Hold on.

I don't know who uses hoo-ha.

Even as a clean comic, you wouldn't use her.

Say vagina first.

Yeah.

I don't.

Alex doesn't take those type of liberties either.

She would change like a couple of verbs.

She would say sibling instead of brother or sister to not give away stuff.

It's not going to change a whole word.

This is something that comes up with her.

And by the way, it could be Steve.

This could be Steve throwing us off right now because there can be two stories in a row.

This could be the same night.

Could be Steve's voice in a row.

That's why he had to walk her home.

He had to puke.

She had a puke, rally, clan rally, and get back to Ian Herhooja.

Yeah, that's the rally.

That was the rally.

I understand.

I'll be back in an hour.

I mean, my instinct says Dusty, but it's just because...

I mean, Dave Rejay would not write Ian her hoo-ha.

That's crazy.

I think it's Dusty.

Yeah.

I think it's Dusty.

Yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

Now I'm thinking it's Steve.

God damn it.

Exactly right there made me think it's Steve.

Steve's really pushing hard for me.

I'm also a writer.

This is too much information here.

My last sentence: nice, compact, to the point.

This is way too much.

Well, that is way too much.

It's a lot of information.

You got to get a lot of information.

You got to get it all paused.

Ah, shit.

Steve would have trimmed that fat.

Plus, it's all about me in the bedroom, so I don't do that shit.

I work too hard.

Take care of yourself when I fall asleep.

I'm putting Dusty, too.

Asian people don't eat pussy.

They eat cat, but not pussy.

So I don't believe this is Steve.

I'm saying Dusty.

I don't think it's Dusty.

My instinct is Dusty here.

I think Dusty's a dirty little liar.

Yeeks.

I'm going to go.

I think this is about to get you.

Can I change mine?

I'm sick of it.

No, once your fingers are on.

You can't change it.

I'm sickening with it.

I think I'm wrong.

God damn it, I'm wrong.

I know I'm wrong.

You think me, Jay?

It might be Jay.

This might be you.

It might be Jay.

Did you learn how to play the game?

I think it's Lewis, and I completely fucked up the minute I turned around.

I'm like, I think it's Lewis.

Okay, well, we'll see.

It might be Jay.

No, it's not Dave.

If Dave wrote hoo-ha, I'll never respect him again.

The hoo-ha.

You don't have to worry about that, sir.

Alex.

That story belongs to Big Jay.

Oh, yes, Big Jay.

He was right.

He learned strategy.

Fuck!

Alex, did you write hoo-ha or did she change it to who?

Alex, do me a favor.

Read the text I sent you.

Read the story again and

read it in full.

Sure thing.

Jay said.

I was so drunk.

You can read the story.

I was so drunk during a hookup that I took a break from going down on her to puke, rally, and get back to eating her hoo-ha.

Then in parentheses, it says, purposefully not written in my voice.

Wow.

All right.

Holy shit.

Jay has turned a corner in Star Wars history.

He's finally learning to play the game.

Smart move, Jay.

I don't even know if I could look at you as a friend friend the same way.

I don't know.

Wow, you could just fucking be this manipulative.

I don't know.

Maybe you're cheating on me all these years.

It was a girl me and Christine were hanging out with, and I have very few drunken hookups in my life, but I got drunk this night at the stand, and we went home.

When I was going down, and I was like, I went, I go, ooh, I have to go to the bathroom, actually.

And I went in the bathroom and violently puked

and felt way better.

better.

And then got back to work.

On her hoo-ha.

What?

I don't even know what to do anymore.

She came.

Everyone was great.

She came.

Everyone had a great time.

It was a fantastic night.

Alex, those scores, please?

I'm pissed.

Feeling pretty good.

Dusty, what made you just last second, that was a fucking...

Well, I don't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't say hoo-ha.

That's fair.

It just seemed like your story, though.

Yeah, if you took hoo-ha out of it, though, this does read me.

From what I know about you, that felt like your story.

That's also the sound that he made when he was speaking.

We spent a cumulative two hours together.

I think he does know me pretty well at this point.

That does people see.

Alex, Alex, yeah, why don't you go ahead and read them scores?

Wow.

In last place, with one point, Dave Smith.

Wow.

Boo.

Boo.

Libertarian Jews.

Boo.

A lot of time left on the clock.

In fourth place with three points, Big Jay Ogerson.

He's not last.

He's not last.

I have a tie for second place with four points each, Louis J.

Gomez and Dusty Slay.

All right.

All right.

And in the lead with five points, Steve Byrne.

I'm angry.

I should have gone with my instincts.

I had it.

I fucking cracked the case.

It goes me right away.

By the way,

what happened tonight is a real microcosm.

What happens here every fucking week was I told everybody three stories back to back of why that fighting a black guy thing was you.

Yeah.

And then I voted for Lewis.

I do this and I fucked everything up.

Damn.

You hear the crowd.

They're like, he does it all the goddamn time.

It's insane.

All right, Jay, let's take a quick moment and talk about our chubbies.

My favorite fucking thing to wear this summer is my chubby shorts, okay?

They have swim shorts, they have regular shorts.

If you want to show a lot of thigh, and I know you do, now that you have those little skinny thighs.

I don't.

You do.

I go for the eight-inch inseams.

Sure, you do.

More like the four-inch inseam for you.

But chubbies really is going for the guy who wants to show you the full gam.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, without a doubt.

The four-inch inseam, you got to be wanting for your pecker head to pop out of that.

Yeah, dude.

muscly thighs in a big dick.

Four inch all day.

I wish I could wear the four-inch.

Yeah, it's a fucking fire island sale.

Yeah, I'm wearing the Jenko style down to the ankles.

No shit, dude.

I'm a clam diggers fella, but you know what?

If you want to see all my inner thigh discoloration.

Truly incredible products, just incredible styles, colors, very, very comfortable.

All you got to do right now is go to chubbieshorts.com, C-H-U-B-B-I-E-S Shorts.com, and use the promo code WARSWITHEAZ for 20% off your order today.

Once again, that is chubbieshorts.com.

Use the promo code WarsWiththeZ to save 20% off.

All right, where were we?

Alex, story number four.

Story number four.

Once while day drinking, I used a hand dryer in the bathroom stall to dry pee off of my khakis.

Well, everyone's done that.

I mean, that's got to be Steve.

Steve's wearing khakis right now.

No, these are like cargo pants.

I'm not a youth pastor.

I thought khaki was a color pants.

The color is khaki.

Oh, really?

Well, khakis are a type of pants.

Yeah, it's like a pleated or straight.

It's that colored pants.

That pants are color, though, too.

I'm now, that's the first I've ever heard.

Khaki is the color?

No.

Khaki is a type of pants.

I always thought khaki.

Khaki was the type of pants.

They call them, but it's a color.

I think you could have black khakis.

If you're wearing khakis, I don't think so.

I think brown black khakis.

If it's black, like cargo pants, but I thought khakis were.

The first time I heard about khakis was like when the gap sold khakis, and it's like frat boy pants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I call them date rapers.

Well, it's got to be Dave.

Oh, if it's date rapists?

Why?

Because Dave has the haircut of a date rapist.

That's not unthinking unknown.

Sure, would Dave be voted most likely to date rape on this panel?

Sure.

But I don't think that makes him a date rapist.

I'm sorry, my parents could afford roofies.

I'm looking at Dusty Slate over it.

Me too.

Do I look like a khakis guy?

Kind of.

Maybe at some point.

He doesn't really look like a khakis guy.

At one point when you were drinking, you were maybe wearing some khakis.

Yeah, maybe this was the day you had short hair and no beard and used to wear khakis.

And then you were like, you know what would hide this?

Long hair, a beard, and jeans.

Well, that would be a real long game to play.

Yeah.

This is how you got to your current look through pissed khakis.

It is a good disguise, though.

I'll give you that.

But I will say, Asians do wear khakis.

That is a very Asian thing to be wearing.

But I'll tell you this: and full disclosure: I do not day drink.

I do not day drink.

Yeah, but you also don't drink tequila, you fucking liar.

We've learned today that you're a liar, Steve.

Can't just ask us: why the attitude?

Where's the tone?

Like, this is a comedy thing.

What about when you got drunk and rode that tricycle in the Revenge of the Nerds race?

Day sheet.

I know the whole thing.

You guys never saw Revenge and Nerds is the only legal rape ever in a movie.

I think Steve dresses the nicest, though.

I'm going Steve.

Dusty rushed.

And it lets me know it is definitely Dusty.

I'm always first.

I think it's Dusty.

If you're not first, you're last.

That's right.

Oh,

going Dusty.

Oh, everyone's going Dusty.

Yeah, it's clearly him.

You know what, though?

We've trained this audience to think that it must be the clean comic if it doesn't have the word cunt in the story.

So that could be throwing us off that one of us just didn't write a filthy story.

This could be.

Were you a big day drinker back in the day?

I don't even know what khakis are, apparently.

I think none of us know.

And by the way, our crew didn't tell us.

Are we all dusty?

I'm locking it up.

I was a drinker of any time.

I mean, I

All right, Steve or Dusty.

Steve or Dusty.

I think it's Steve.

You guys think it's Steve, right?

It's got to be Steve.

Did you take your hand off that, Jay?

Not yet.

It's totally Lewis.

Khakis?

Khakis?

Not a day drinker, not a khaki wearer.

Yeah.

Don't be a racist, sir.

If it's Lewis.

Out of surface area.

If it's Lewis, sir, I'll whack you off in the bathroom just to hard.

I'm not going to finish you off, but I'll get you fully hard.

It's not Jay.

Jay's never worn khakis in his life.

I have, but this is not

this name.

I think this is Steve.

I think Steve, I'm looking at his face.

He looks like he's lying.

Yeah, this guy.

I'm going with my instincts.

I'm going, Steve, the fucking khaki burn.

This could.

This could be a Joe DeRosa hang.

All right.

Everyone's answers are locked in.

Alex.

Shit.

That story belongs to Dusty Sled.

Come on.

Let's go.

That's what we need, Alex.

I guess it was too obvious, but.

You really nailed it, though.

I had short hair, no beard.

No shit.

Yeah, I mean, I did that many times, and not just the one time.

But,

you know, you're drinking, and you go to the bathroom, you pee, and you don't shake well, and khakis, it spreads pretty fast.

And

you're having a good time.

You're talking to some women out at the barn, and then you're like, oh, no, I have pee all over my pants.

And so you have to hang under the hand dryer for a while and clear yourself up.

It's like...

you know, puking and then going back to the hoo-ha.

No doubt.

Very similar.

My question is, if one of these girls comes home with you though at night, you have to do something about your pissy wiener.

Oh, yeah, but that dries too over time.

I mean, pea dries.

If I've learned anything, pea dries.

And you've traveled the world.

Yeah.

And if you've learned anything.

And you're drinking margaritas, you're like, that's why it's so salty.

I had spilled salt everywhere.

Damn it.

Alex, where are our points at?

All right, on the scoreboard in last place with three points, Dave Smith.

Wow.

Idiot.

What an idiot.

I got the last round right.

You feel like a dummy right now, probably.

I do.

I do, kind of.

With four points, Louis J.

Gomez.

Oh.

And it is game, folks.

Oh,

Tied for second place with five points each.

Big Jay Okerson and Dusty Slay.

Okay.

It's the best Jay has done in months.

Hell yeah.

I feel like she said Dusty Slay, which I like.

And in the lead with seven points, Steve Burns.

All right.

We all knew coming in that they're very good test takers.

I got to tell you.

If If you don't let him win, he'll fight you.

It's a very tight game.

It's a very tight game.

This has been a good one.

It is halftime of the game.

That was our fourth story.

We do go around now and do plugs.

Mr.

Byrne, anything you want to plug?

Dusty's got a book coming out.

Well, that is true, but no real date for it.

Yeah.

Steve, you've got multiple specials.

You've made films.

Yeah, nobody gives a shit.

You know, nobody cares.

It's fine.

Happy to be here.

Seems bitter.

No, I think it's like.

Steve does a show here in the lab called Steve vs.

Nashville.

Steve Vernon.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Let me tell you something.

Got full curtain pole here.

Steve is doing a brilliant marketing tactic, which is that now it puts the audience on the back foot and they're like, well, I want to find out what this motherfucker's doing.

He's not just in the list of plugs.

You're like, this guy doesn't even want to plug his own shit.

He's so

amazing.

I'm too Western to understand his mysticism.

Dusty, what are you plugging?

Well, I have a show tomorrow night, 6 p.m.

at the Zane's right next door.

I have more drunk stories, maybe some pee stories.

I've had a lot of pee incidents over the years.

I pee a lot.

Big pee.

I got a pee right now, to be honest with you.

Dave Smith.

Check my website, comicdave Smith.com, has my dates for the rest of the year.

I think the next thing I got is the other.

It's great being here at Zaney's, and I'm going in a couple weeks.

This won't be out for like a month.

Well, then, thanks for coming out.

That was fun, wasn't it?

Catch you guys back.

I don't know that.

I got a bunch of stuff coming up.

ComicdaveSmith.com, partofftheproblem.com.

That's all.

Hell yeah.

Thanks.

Big Jay.

Thanks, BigJComedy.com for all my dates.

Or punchup.live/slash BigJ Oakerson for all my dates.

Coming to a city near you.

Big Jay Oakerson's Peter North American tour.

Coming on a city near you.

If you get it, you get it.

Right in the hoo-ha, baby.

Right in the hoo-ha.

The hoo-ha is right.

I keep it all filthy.

And of course, listen to the bonfire five days a week, Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly.

Dude.

And of course, the flagship show right here on the Guest Digital Network, the Legendary Legion of Skanks.

And

this is out already.

So that means both parts of my double crowd work special, Them They, is available right now on YouTube.

Check it out again.

Watch it again for the first time.

Thank you guys for all the support.

Come see me on the road, the Bring Five Friends tour, guys.

Coming to a city near you.

Please bring five friends at least.

And I'm going to Europe at the end of the month with Scott Japland.

Going to be a blast.

Amsterdam, Glasgow, Dublin, Manchester, and London.

And then I'm filming my next special in July in Tampa, Florida.

So get tickets for that.

The London part, the England part, you should make like the conversion, like bring five friends, but like bring seven because it's there, fucking people.

Okay.

Thanks, Jay.

I was right there with you, brother.

Make sure you get tickets at Lewisofskanks.com and check out all the other pods that we do, the Regs, Legion of Skanks.

And sign up for my mailing list on my website.

If you guys love this show, though, the most important thing you can do is subscribe to Gast Digital.

You get the pre-release on all episodes, uncensored, ad-free versions of the show, plus an on-demand library.

There's a bunch of episodes of Story Wars that are not available anywhere else just for Gast Digital subscribers, plus thousands of hours of other uncensored podcasts.

Gastdigital.com, use the promo code WARS with a Z to save a little bit of money and support the show directly.

And yeah, that's that.

Gast Digital, the last place you can hear Steve Burns say the N-word uncensored.

So, yeah, we go.

Second half.

Second half of the show.

Now, listen, I understand

that a lot of you here are worried that you're not going to be able to take home this book.

We're all pretty excited about this book.

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi.

Chimamanda Ngozi highlights the everyday sexism women face and argues for a more inclusive, culturally relevant feminism that benefits everyone regardless of your gender.

Okay, it's about time.

It's about time.

Bitch, you used to live in Nigeria.

True.

True.

Count your blessings.

No, so I'll take the book.

But

are you the girl that Steve fucked?

Jesus, Dave.

Dave.

Dave, I understand why.

Steve, fight these guys.

Steve, you're going to let these feminists talk to us like that.

Play some hollow notes.

Here we go.

Dave,

you're probably feeling a little low right now.

Like, you're not going to be able to take home this book.

I mean, he's only four points behind Jay.

I mean, I feel like I could still buy it on Amazon, but yeah.

not

thrilled with the first half if that's your point.

Buddy you could pull away big in just one round because for the final four stories over here at Story Awards we go double points.

Thank you Roots.

Now I understand there was a controversy about double points where Lewis announced there were no more double points and then there was a mutiny amongst the audience.

First of all, I never said there was no more double points.

I don't understand a lot of the things that happen on this show now.

It wasn't like this last time, I was serious.

There was a mutiny, people were upset.

We've now given, if you win Story Wars, you can trigger double points.

But we're saying, use it sparingly.

Don't overdo it, or we're going to maybe take them back, take the privilege back from you.

We could, because some people are getting out of hand.

Yeah.

But

just walk lightly and we'll keep it around.

Sorry, just one more reminder.

This round is what?

Well, if before you fooled somebody on a story, you would get one point.

Got it.

And if you missed somebody's correct story, you got two points.

But now that goes double points.

Oh, fuck.

What?

Now I get it.

Now I get it.

Sorry, it just took.

I got it.

I'm sorry.

No, it's good.

It's good.

We like to make sure everyone understands what's going on.

Thank you.

Truly, anybody's game, we still have four more stories, and anybody's story could come up next.

By the way, when I fought the guy in the elevator, it wasn't Sarah Smiles.

That was the actual song

on a loop.

Alex, story number five.

Story number five.

I got drunk at a high school party and drove my car across the host's lawn.

Oh, another high school party.

This was the lamest party I've ever heard in my life.

Is that fair to say?

This party sucks.

I hope whoever's story this was was in high school at the time.

Because that's not clear.

Yeah, it doesn't say.

Well,

I didn't really, I drank maybe three times before 21 years old.

I want to give you my train of thought.

You said that earlier in the show.

You keep hammering that one home.

Well, I'm just saying that.

Sure.

Well, none of us, me either.

Maybe you guys should travel separately.

I think you've spent a little too much time together.

Yeah, I don't like how Lewis also like put like the theme is drinking.

And then he's like going across the drink.

I never drank.

I never drank.

Sorry.

Yeah.

I started drinking as a man.

I drank across my own lawn.

I only drank three times.

So all three of my stories are By the way, I'm Korean, and I would drive my car across everybody's lawn anytime.

God damn right.

And by the way, when they go, hey,

I go, Sayanara, suckers.

And I drive my Hyundai.

Dude, fucking drift, dude.

Just drift across lawns.

I just don't feel drifted.

What are you doing?

Sayonara, suck.

Here's the secret is all in the break.

Dude, that's my favorite line of this entire festival.

Steve, that's just normal Asian driving.

Describe it right there.

There's no need to get drunk at a high school party for all that.

Here's how you have to break it down.

Well, I guess my mom's here.

I got to break it down.

High school party.

I didn't go to many high school parties, but the ones that no one, the lawns weren't like that in Philadelphia.

Dave, same thing.

Brooklyn.

He doesn't currently drive.

He's never had a license before.

No, but if I did, this is probably how it goes.

This is how it would go.

Lewis did grow up in a neighborhood where there was lawns and people had cars.

It's just not a Lewis story.

I would have heard, I know that's kind of cheating, but I would have heard this story from Lewis.

It's not Lewis story.

Well, I mean, it's not really, it's kind of uneventful.

Drove across their lawn.

All my stories are extremely eventful.

Steve, where'd you grow up?

I grew up in Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh.

There's a lot of lawns in Pittsburgh.

There's a lot of lawns in Pittsburgh.

It's very hilly in Pittsburgh.

It is hilly in the hills.

It's the Monongahill.

It's very hilly, so

not a lot of

front lawns.

You could do that.

Front lawn.

All right, and that settles it for me, Steve.

It doesn't seem like it's not.

Front or back, it just says lawn.

Steve's like, seems like there's mountains, you know, I can't really.

There's a, really, if you want to get into a conversation about topography, my car wouldn't, no lawns be good.

If you think about it, we're all driving on tectonic plates that are constantly shifting underneath us.

Spinning on our axes.

Technically, nothing still.

Steve really showed his ass there.

Okay.

Alex, all of our answers are in.

It's probably Dusty crushing our asses right now.

Dusty, my brother,

that story belongs to

Lewis J.

Oh!

Fuck!

Oh, Lewis!

Damn!

This is the best game ever!

Wow.

Situations.

You get to just ruin.

Yeah.

I really want to just be like, I don't even care that I'm in last, but I care so much.

I'm so upset.

My fifth

ruined.

By story three, you're like, I want to win this thing.

An hour ago, Kid Rock told me he really enjoyed my comedy, and I wish I never came to Nashville after this.

Yeah,

it wasn't a cool kid party.

I was in musical theater at the time, and it was a musical theater kid party, and I got fucked

across the lawn.

This is what we do at the end of a house party.

And yeah, I got it.

It was one of like the three or four times that I got hammered in my youth.

And I got hammered, and then I got in my big old shitty Chevy Caprice.

I was like, watch this, guys.

I drove across the lawn.

And my buddy James Meekum was like, what the fuck is wrong?

Like, nobody laughed.

Nobody go to the corner.

Call the cops.

I don't care.

Call the cops.

I don't care.

And I drove across this chick's lawn.

It was her, her family's house.

And everyone was like, you're a fucking idiot, dude.

No one thinks this is cool.

No one said, do this or thinks it's cool.

It was bad.

But yeah, I did just score a shit ton of points.

Fuck, dude.

Alex, where are points at?

All right, on the scoreboard in last place with three points.

All right.

Dave Smith.

He also only makes three political points.

Folks?

No, I got to lose this game.

I'm going to let you sit in that one for a minute.

Tied with five points each.

Big Jay Okerson and Dusty Slay.

All right.

Five's not bad.

In second place with seven points, Steve Byrne.

And in the lead with 12 points,

Louis J.

Gomez.

Double points, baby.

Big on double points to clean up.

It's a crazy shift brought to you almost exclusively by double points.

So we'll be right back after this break.

So is that what you wanted to get rid of double points because you just felt like you were doing that way too much?

No,

Aaron Berg and Felipe Esparza went a little crazy with it.

They got out of hand where the audience was starting to do like the,

I was like, oh,

stop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was really Felipe.

But nobody wants to just blame an ethnic.

Yeah, but you got to know how to play it.

Was Aaron in his fur jacket?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was.

My God.

And was it summer?

Yep.

Yo, it's Louis J.

Gomez and Big Jay Oakerson coming at you from Story Wars with the Z.

Man, we're hyped to talk about Brunt Workwear, the boots that got our feet feeling like they're on vacation while we're dodging verbal grenades up here.

Jay, what's to do with your brunt kicks?

Yo, Lewis, I'm rocking the Marin six-inch soft toe.

Check these bad boys out.

Oh, straight out the box.

These things are comfier than my couch.

Most boots I've worn, weeks of break-in torture, like walking on bricks.

Brunt, it's like they hugged my feet day one.

Hell yeah.

I've got the Toe's waterproof safety toe.

Look at this beast.

I'm zombing around like I'm ready to build a skyscraper, but they feel like my favorite sneakers.

Other brands, forget it.

Blisters for days.

Brunt's built for real work, no break-in BS.

And they've got pants, jackets, the whole deal.

Tough as hell, but comfy.

Jay, you think these boots can survive your stand-up rants?

Survive.

They can survive your Puerto Rican temper tantrums, Lewis.

Crowd laughs.

Guilty.

Look, Brunt's founder Eric Gerrard grew up blue collar and named these boots after his trady buddies.

They're legit, waterproof, safety toe, whatever you need.

Brunt didn't just make a durable work boot.

They reinvented comfort for the hardest workers out there.

For a limited time, Story Wars listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using code WarsWithaZ at checkout, W-A-R-Z.

Just head to BruntWorkwear.com and use that code WarsWithaZ and you're all set.

After the purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them.

Please support the show and let them know Story Wars sent you.

All right, let's get back into it.

Alex, story number six.

Story number six:

A drunk Irish guy started an argument with me while I was in my car.

I got out to fight him, but ultimately.

Every story is Steve kicking somebody's ass.

I got out to fight him, but ultimately ended up hugging a small gay man who I think was going home with the Irish guy.

That's the story.

This is just, this is,

there's a lot to process here.

Yeah.

I got it to fight.

I'm not a hugger.

Okay, I'm good.

Thank you.

I'm not a hugger or a fighter.

I mean,

it's a lot.

It does.

It's got, from what I understand, by the way, if you had asked me before the show today, I thought Steve was like one of the just sweetest people I've ever met.

Probably never been in a fist fight.

He's a loose cannon with a short fuse.

He will go through you and anyone he has to to keep his family safe.

He has a long history of wildly aggressive behavior that always ends up in friendship.

So that does seem to be his

Irish, right?

Also Irish.

Yeah.

The gay guy recognized you from Chelsea Handler, and then that was all.

And I was like, I'm not Joe Coy.

I think we can all agree that the Irish are the blacks of Europe.

Oh, I'm sorry.

There was consensus on this a few decades ago.

This is a lot.

This is a lot.

So I'm going to go down the line here.

Oh, boy.

Well, I'll save you time.

I think it's you.

Well,

the person who wrote the story wasn't drunk.

The guy in the other car was drunk, the Irish guy.

A drunk Irish guy started in our.

It's a story about drinking, though.

No, of course.

I'm saying it's above board, but maybe it's not, Steve.

Steve's more like a problem when he gets drunk.

Tequila, specifically.

Yeah, but look, I.

Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.

I mean, the person in the car is sober.

And hugging a game.

Well, assumingly, I guess.

So he ended up hanging.

He hugged

the bottom where the top.

Yo,

Steve.

Dude.

There's a lot.

There's a lot.

So then the Irish guy must be.

I can almost see this being Big Jay as well.

This could be Big Jay.

This could be a Big Jay service.

Big Jay will get out of a car story.

Big Jay is quick to get out of a car and could end up in a hug.

Yeah.

I just told a story about getting out of a car recently.

Yeah.

My last time ever.

Yeah, but Jay will get out of the car.

Jay's a road rage.

Jay's a road rage.

Get out of the car and fight somebody gay.

I'll tell you something.

It could be Lewis.

Road rage.

It also could be Lewis.

Road Rage.

Let me defend myself.

I'm not hugging a gay person.

Just not without fucking them.

I don't hug him.

I don't kiss him.

What is the sex with?

What are we, teenagers?

We have hooker rules.

No kissing.

I will jump out of a car for sure, which is dumb.

I can't argue that.

I just told a story of it recently, but I almost for that reason I won't.

You're a hugger.

I'm also a hugger.

I think you'd be quick to pivot.

Maybe that's what that girl said.

Maybe she said hugger and you misheard her.

You filthy hugger with your extra ankle for hugging better, with your extra ankle bone.

Get out of my neighborhood, hugger.

Steve was like, please, at least say hug up.

Saw a couple of huggers down at the shopping market.

Well,

I guess the Sullivans finally sold.

I mean, it could be anybody.

This is a tough story.

My instinct was Steve.

Now, is this good strategy?

It's been a while since I played the game, but I almost feel like at this point, like, if you're all picking someone, I got to pick someone else.

You can.

Because I got to kind of try to, like...

Get ahead.

You know,

you're going to pull ahead, Dave.

You're in dead last.

This woman has a paper.

Yeah, I got to go for it.

I

like you're a fucking insider here.

You don't know this game.

She does the same thing when she watches Jeopardy.

I'm saying

you're 701.

I'm thinking

you're throwing off a bit

more center than I think normal on this one.

Come on, Dean.

I think you're

because

I'm.

Every time Steve talks, I'm convinced it's him.

Steve.

I'm trying to play poker and pay attention

to.

I'm learning my lessons up top and and i'm looking i'm trying to find i've never seen you stumble this much to finish a sentence in my life me for 20 years

big jay always tries to trick me is like bad move dude

you are whiffing hard i think this one's big

take your fingers off it you dumb

i i

wait hold on i think this is big j you can't take it back once it's in no you can't take it back once it's in i think this is big jay smooth

he does yeah yeah he convinced me it's you big j and the little gay

I don't mind that.

That was really good.

Alex, all of our answers are in.

That story belongs to Big Jay O'Connor.

Big Jay gets his car.

I'm destroying it right now.

Jay just cleaned up with some points, though.

What happened here, Jay?

You got out of your car because you're a lunatic?

Sort of.

And you hugged a gay dude.

No, it was all so fast.

That's the best

explanation for a gay thing.

I don't have any explanation of this story other than tell you these are the situations that happened and it ended quick.

But a guy, a drunk guy, I have a black SUV, so a drunken Irish guy in a suit, like older.

Oh, you're a fucking confident.

No, he was like, she just started getting out of my car.

Yeah.

And he's like, well, yeah, open the door.

And I'm like, no, dude, I'm not.

I'm not your Uber.

And he's like, and he's like, and he's kind of just doing like, shut the fuck up, open the door kind of thing.

And I was like, buddy, get away from my car.

And he was like, ah, fuck.

And then, so I drove off.

And as I drove, he kicked my car.

So then I got out of the car.

And out of nowhere, I got out of the car to go get, walk around it and fucking like hit this guy.

Yeah.

But when, as soon as I get out of the car, comes around, coming around the corner of my car is a little,

I mean like Jeffrey Dahmer victim gay person.

I mean like dressed like Captain EO, super flamboyant gay, tons of girls.

Is there a chance it was the Irish guy's leprechaun?

Wouldn't that be amazing?

It was a

She was so flamboyantly gay.

It was what and he just came over and I mean he goes you ain't gonna get the fuck out and started like barking at me in the face like right in my face and I didn't know what to do.

So I just hugged him and I went, it's cool, guy.

It's cool.

And then I just, and he was like, I thought so, and blah, blah, blah, and talking shit and walked and I used he wasn't just trying to hug my car.

He did not want to hug

I Hugged him to subdue his flamboyance

And I go it's cool dude.

It's cool.

I don't even know and I got back in my car and drove off I'm like what happened back there?

It was crazy

I Felt so like disarmed.

I was like I can't I mean, this was like would have been it was it was somebody came to hear on me.

I was like, motherfucker but I was like,

come on, man, chill out.

It was so besides that.

Well, dude, that was an insane retard reaction that you had to just hug your problem away.

I started the story by saying, I don't have an explanation for it other than it just happened the way it happened.

You just started aggressively petting this little gay, didn't he?

Yeah.

I was angry, and then I was like, calm down, you little fucking firecracker.

And then when he did calm down, I was just like, I'm leaving.

It was over.

Damn, it was weird.

Wow, great story, though.

Alex points

on the scoreboard in last place.

All right.

Three points.

Dave Smith.

All right.

I stayed out late for this.

With seven points.

Steve Byrne.

All right.

That was a nice story about you and Kevin Hart reconnecting.

It's our first hug in years.

In second place, Tyde with nine points each.

Big Jay Ogerson and Dusty Slay.

Baby.

And in the lead with 16 points, Louis J.

Gomez.

I know Lewis would keep this book in-house, but I am telling you, I want to win it so bad.

Do you understand the book calls for raising boys and girls differently, encouraging equality, and challenging traditional gender roles?

It's clear, accessible, and most importantly, thought-provoking.

It's an awfully small book.

Oh, it's a one-shit read.

But.

Like, I mean, it's a small number of pages and teeny tiny pages.

Dave, but the words are mighty.

I'm so intrigued, I can't wait to go to Barnes ⁇ Noble and ask them if they have this book, and they say, can you spell the author's name?

And I go, is there a fucking Indian in here that can lay out with this?

Chimamonda Ngazi Adichi.

Well, that's your accent.

And they go, how do you spell it?

You go, like it sounds.

Don't waste my time.

Like it sounds.

Type it in, please.

All right, let's take a quick moment to thank Cornbread for supporting today's show.

We love cornbread.

They make incredible THC and CBD gummies that are organic.

They're the best in the business.

Truly the highest quality organic THC and CBD gummies that you will get.

And I'll tell you right now, we fucking love them.

They're America's only USDA organic THC gummy, Jay.

Fucking sick.

100% legal hemp.

Fast and free shipping.

It's a one-to-one ratio of THC to CBD.

And it's the only USDA organic THC gummy in the land.

Well, they're really working good on you.

You just repeated my line.

Yeah.

You're high, dude.

Oh, my God, dude.

I'm so whacked out on cornbread.

Yeah, it didn't work the first time because I was just eating cornbread.

Well, look, alcohol does not have to be your default anymore.

Whether you're going dry to be healthier or you're just looking for a healthier way to relax and have a guilt-free good time, you got to try cornbread THC gummies.

And right now, Story Wars listeners can save 30% on your first order today.

Go to cornbreadhemp.com/slash wars with the Z and use code wars with the Z to save 30% off your order today.

That's 30% off at cornbreadhemp.com slash wars with the Z.

Alex, story number seven.

Story number seven.

My first ticket was for underage consumption of alcohol.

I had to cut school to go to court.

Let me just say something.

I only drank maybe three times before I was 20 years old.

I'm telling them.

It's Lewis.

It's honestly fucking Lewis.

Son of a bitch.

It's worked every time to throw throw me off the scent.

Steve,

ticket for underage consumption.

Steve's tellers he does start putting lipstick on.

Sorry, I'm putting on.

Boys, that couldn't be me.

I'm a vivacious lady.

I don't get tickets for drinking.

I'm a lonely boy looking for a hug.

I'm so cussed it with Steve.

Steve would toh wong foo his way out of every ticket he gets.

Come on, officer.

You don't mean it.

Pittsburgh doesn't feel like...

Actually, you know what?

Actually, it does feel like a town where you get a ticket for underage drinking.

They don't bring you in for that.

Well, I wasn't a boozer in high school.

He was a loser.

I really was.

I totally was.

I didn't get my confidence until the latter half of college, so this is definitely.

Every time Steve talks, I think it's him.

But then last time I was convinced it was him, and it was fucking this guy.

I had to cut.

Yeah, you don't get tickets in Alabama.

Underage is not even a thing.

That is a good point.

Yeah, you might get a ticket for being a pussy if you're sober.

Exactly.

But I mean,

I mean, look, I feel like.

Here he goes.

Here he goes.

What?

What?

Fucking Lawrence Olivier over here about to lay it out.

Go ahead.

Do your fucking Oscar moment, you piece of shit.

Maybe this can be a Dave Smith story.

New York City does give out a lot of tickets in New York Smith.

Okay, that's true.

But I'm convinced now it's Lewis.

I think Lewis got it.

I rebels every time.

It's Dave.

Oh, look, he panicked and started writing your name quick.

It's Dave.

His hands are shaking.

I've never been more right than it is Dave.

Dave is just giving his heart out.

That's right, Dave.

No, I was just saying, like, thanks for flying to Tesla.

It's good to be here today.

His heart goes out.

Seriously, he's probably stopped, you know, defaming them.

Stop guessing.

Dave, and in case you guessed it, the artist formerly known as Dave.

All right.

I'm actually.

Dave's.

Putting it in so fast, dude.

It's so Dave.

If it's Lewis, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face, dude.

I'm so sorry, but I have to.

I'm going Dave.

You were a little too quick after that.

Dave was a little quick after, but I can see it being Dusty as well.

Dusty had a great excuse that in Alabama they don't give out tickets to drive, but that's not true.

That's just not true.

But I think the chances of getting poached are probably a lot stronger.

East Coast.

In New York Dusty, in Brooklyn, Dave would sit in high school.

He would drink on stoops with his friends.

That is true.

Sorry, Jay's got to get more drunk.

I didn't.

Look, you want me to hang with you?

Yeah, Dusty is in the woods.

I wouldn't ask for this.

They just brought it, right?

Yeah.

You'd be in the woods.

Yeah,

you're in the woods.

You're

in the back of a truck.

There's no tickets for that.

Why is Lewis voting?

I think it's Dave still because Lewis hasn't voted yet, and Dave is still confident in his Lewis vote because he's a liar.

I think that this is Dave the Jew Smith.

Ooh.

If this isn't Dave, I'll wear a Jewish star armband like I'm in the Holocaust for the rest of the year.

I'll get numbers tattooed on my arm if this isn't Dave.

Alex?

This story belongs to you.

Lewis being Holocaust tattooed?

This story belongs to Dave Smith.

That's a Brooklyn story.

I'm having a rough night, guys.

Fuck yeah.

It is true.

It is the first, it was a summons, not a ticket.

And the fucked up thing is they would give you, so you just get caught drinking, and then they give you a summons on a fucking school day.

They're like, the crime is that you're a high school kid drinking.

And they go, show up at 9 a.m.

on Wednesday.

Three days.

I was like, well, I'm not going to tell my mom about this.

So you was like, I guess I just have to go.

So I had to cut school to go to wait in line with like just a, you know, a bunch of thugs.

Whoa, who are all easy, Dave?

All right.

A bunch of thugs.

Thuggers, Dave.

And they're,

no, they were thugs of all colors.

But the good news is you know plenty of attorneys.

As a Jew, there's one related to you.

I know none somehow still.

And they, so I, yeah, I had to cut school and I went there.

And then they just, the judge just asked like the most basic questions.

Like there, he was like,

there was one thing where they asked you, the judge actually asked me to read.

Like there was a, like a paper they gave you.

And he goes, can you just read the first?

And I just started reading it.

Like, why am I doing it?

And then I realized, oh, he was just seeing if I could read.

And then he goes, I was like 17.

So he goes, he goes, are you going to college next year?

And I went.

You're like, sir, my high top fade might be confusing you, but I am quite Jewish.

Yeah, well, that's basically what.

And then I went, like, I was like, two, I was like, oh, I'm supposed to like, I'm applying to schools like in the fall or whatever.

And he went, case dismissed.

And that was it.

They literally just made me come in there.

No, she, I did get in trouble for cutting school.

They called

home.

And then I was just like, oh, I cut school.

I was just drinking the streets.

No, no, no, stop what you think.

I was getting a girl prank.

Yeah, like I made up some other excuse for cutting school.

Did they fool anybody with that?

I think so, yeah.

No, he did not.

Nobody.

Everyone voted Dave?

I couldn't.

Listen, guys, I had a.

They told me I was on this last minute.

I don't know.

I should have thought of better stories.

That's good story.

Alex, points?

In last place.

All right.

with three points,

Dave Smith.

All right.

Yeah.

I always thought this show sucked.

Next up with 11 points, Steve Byrne.

All right.

Okay.

Hair Hitrar.

That was a tweet Christine stopped me from sending out years ago.

Oh, that was the little boys from BTS did a thank you video for the Grammys once.

And when they were saying goodbye in the video, one of them just unfortunately did this.

And I did that and tagged it, Hair Hitrar.

And I go, this is going to be great.

And Christine goes, yeah, that's funny.

And she goes, wait, who are you sending it to?

I went, the world.

And she goes, don't, don't.

And that was probably one of many times Christine saved my ass from being killed.

But that was a good back during cancel culture.

That was good.

But these days, you could send that out.

Yeah, that could go down.

Isn't that time?

You can get booked on Netflix.

Alex.

Tied with 13 points each.

Big Jay Okerson and Dusty Slay.

Wow.

Come on, strong.

Yeah.

And in the lead with 20 points.

It's not over.

It's not over.

It's anybody's game still.

Louis Jay Gomez.

I assure you, it's

game.

What do we got?

Like five, six more stories?

Nope.

But Dave, can I tell you something?

How many more we got?

It doesn't matter because you, as being in very last place, still have the chance to play Giant Killer.

What's that?

Nobody knows.

You know sports.

I do.

Yeah, I'm familiar with you.

Ditchwear's a shoehorn giant killer.

No one's ever heard the term giant killer when you come in towards the end of the season and you have a team that's like still competing and a team that doesn't give a fuck their season.

You can fuck up their season.

Yeah, but you weren't even playing any of your starters.

My point is, you could still ruin one of our nights.

How many more stories are there?

One more story.

One more.

You're done.

I mean,

hold on.

Give me a second for the math.

You still have to play.

Yeah,

I think we're going to look to get a draft pick.

But I'm trying to just give you encouragement to let you know that you can still ruin it for somebody else.

You're not important.

You just can't win.

Okay.

It was Lewis.

That's a good guess.

Alex, story number eight.

Our final story, everyone.

Story number eight.

My bar bill once forced my girl to get a text alerts from our bank.

It just sounds like words.

Oh, your bar bill?

So, oh, so you overdrafted your account with the bar bill?

Is that

force?

I will tell you that for a while, I had my bank account garnished when I had the first $200 I ever deposited.

So I was afraid of the bank for a long time after that.

And most of my shit would be.

Are you afraid of the banks?

Impossible.

Terrified.

They didn't, my last.

Were you afraid of the weather?

Yes.

Sorry, Dusty, this is not me.

There's a situation where this could have been the thing.

This is Big Jay or Lewis.

It's a confusing sentence.

My bar bill once forced my traffic

to get text alerts from our bank.

This has been a bad thing.

So he spent so much money at the bar that his girl found out and she got a text alert.

Yeah, Lewis is explaining it to us because it's his story.

That's reported, Jay.

Listen to me.

Do you think I had a

joint bank account?

You think I had a joint bank account with any girl?

No, I went from my son's mother, I just used her bank account, and she didn't give me her debit card.

Sounds like she might get in the loan.

So me being completely the breadwinner and supporting all these dumb whores afterwards.

Our bank,

I get you, but.

This is Steve or Dusty.

Nope.

I can write a fluent sentence.

This is horrible.

I'm like literally reading the sentence.

I don't even know what to do.

If Steve wrote this first, if it ends up being Steve that wrote this, his mother will come out and hit him.

Dusty, when did you stop drinking?

Well, many reasons, but not because

when?

2012.

2012.

And how long have you been with your girl?

2015.

Yeah, but he's not going to say my girl.

It's just.

Lewis,

this is Lewis to me.

This is retarded.

I always kept enough drinking money.

This was never an issue.

Nice.

This has Steve written all over it.

Steve,

Steve, he's married.

He's got a chick.

I'm going Lewis just because of Jay's whole giant killer thing.

I might as well try, right?

You're not going to kill me by getting it wrong, Dave.

No.

Yeah, but I'm not going to change anything.

I'm going to stop him from getting the points of you.

So

here's what could happen, okay?

The only people here...

All right, so if nobody votes for the person whose it is, I'm saying a lot of what would happen right now.

If it happens to be Dusty or Jay, then they can beat me.

Right.

But in the second round, if Steve beats Dusty, then I think Dusty has one more chance to stay in the tournament if he beats Dave.

If I married my cousin's brother's sister

and then she were told to give tough birth to my cousin to Buffalo.

Lewis, you just tried to jumble fuck my brains.

I'm not listening to your bullshit anymore.

Jay again.

You're telling me a single bullet came from the sixth floor of the depository building.

It's zig left, went through his wrist, in Governor Conley's leg.

It's ludicrous.

Hold up.

I mean, Lewis, you are a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle.

Whoa, easy, enigma.

Fuck it.

You don't love chanting fuck music?

So, hold on.

Hold on, man.

Could it be Jay?

Could they give Jay three stories today?

Do you remember when they said that when I write bubble letters that the story's me?

I said that.

Boop.

Boop.

I gotta say, I've gone down the thing.

Dusty's the quietest on this panel.

I'm gonna tell you right now, it might be Dusty, because he's eating shit with that guess.

All right, I like the the fact that he chose Jay, so Jay can't win if it's Jay.

I like that.

Beautiful.

I'm going to go with Dusty or Dusty or Steve.

I'm going Dusty.

I'm going Dusty.

I had good stories.

These aren't it, though.

Here it is.

Final answer.

Everyone's answers are in

Alex.

That story belongs to Steve Byrne.

Nobody chose Steve.

Nobody chose Steve.

Wow.

Steve, did.

What are the numbers Steve won?

But I got to say, tell the story first, Steve.

I was in Cleveland.

It was the first time I ever had 1941 tequila.

Is that what it's called?

1941?

1942?

Whatever.

1941, if I was Japanese, I'd remember it.

But I have another tequila story.

Another first time.

Tequila.

And I racked it up.

All these, the bachelorette party came in after the show, got them around.

Another group of dudes came in, got them around.

Then at the end, the staff came in.

I'm buying it because I'm like, this shit's fucking delicious.

It's like water.

This is dangerous.

And I got round, round, round.

And then at the end, I bought everybody that was at the show around.

And nobody told me it was $40 a shot.

So my bar bill was

over

$1,500.

And I remember my wife woke up the next day.

What the fuck is this?

And so

she got text alerts then after that.

And then I learned the text alerts are at 1.25.

So I'd drink up until like 1.20,

and I'd cash out, and then I'd start drinking again.

Fuck you, Jess.

Enjoy your Lexus, bitch.

Pre-owned.

Alex, where are our final points spread out?

Oh, my.

In dead last.

Yeah, we could skip over dead last, Alex.

We all know who's in last, so like, whatever.

You still have to work with me on another show.

With three points, Dave Smith!

Thank you.

Thank you, Nashville.

I do appreciate that.

It was fun.

It's so low, it's almost like first place, really.

True.

In a way.

Yeah.

It is one of the lowest scores in Star Wars history.

It's the most unique score.

tonight.

I think, I believe it's tied for the lowest score ever, right?

With calm turns.

Tide for the lowest score ever, guys.

That the mix.

And also, Dale Earnhardt, number three.

Alex.

Tied for third place with 13 points each.

Big Jay Ogerson and Dusty Slay.

Lucky 13.

That's a place.

We placed.

He placed

In second place with 19 points, Steve Byrne.

Making your winner tonight with 20 points.

Louis J.

Gomez.

Thank you, double points.

Oh, my God.

We should all be feminists.

The book has not only been praised, not just as a book, but as a cultural artifact.

Overall, critics see it as vital compelling and impactful Lewis ah

I did it this time no get it on you I

you shouldn't be able to save it before it gets on you

Louis Jay Gomez keeps the book in the Story Wars library everybody make some fucking noise

How about a big round of applause for everybody who joined us tonight on this panel.

How about it for Steve Byrne?

Dusty Slay.

our skank brother Dave Smith?

We got two more nights here.

Two more nights, two more shows here of Story Awards.

Thank you guys for hanging out with us.

We'll catch you next time.

Until then, peace.