046. Steve Rannazzisi, Lev Fer, & Xia Anderson | The Internet

What's going on, Story Warriors?

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you're listening to the gas digital network

ladies and gentlemen it's story wars with the story warriors big j overson and lewis jake oman

What is up, everybody?

Welcome to Story Wars.

Make some noise in this room, please, on a Sunday night.

Thank you.

Thank you all.

We're only starting an hour late.

48 minutes, but it feels like an hour.

Sorry, everybody.

Can I say if one of the stories is, I drove illegally five miles on the shoulder of the road to get to Story Wars tonight, that was my story.

That one will be you.

How many people here are familiar with the show Story Wars?

How many people are not familiar with Story Wars?

Turn on those baby ball.

No, you're going to enjoy the show very, very much.

We're going to get our esteemed panel of contestants up here, and then we will explain the show for the people that are,

oh, yeah, new.

Our first contestant coming to the stage, everybody, from the show Cock Fight, the co-host of Cock Fight, you know, the hilarious Lev Fur, everybody, Lev Fur.

Lev, welcome to Story Wars.

What's up, buddy?

Good to be here.

I'm very excited to have you on the show, my friend.

Our second competitor for the evening has a brand new podcast right here on the Gas Digital Network called True Dat.

She's also a star on OnlyFans, where she does get naked.

Ladies and gentlemen, clap it up for Zia Anderson.

I've never done this in front of people before.

Sweet Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

We're excited to have you, Zaya.

Thank you for having me.

This guy right here, it's so funny.

He looked at your tits and then he realized his girlfriend was sitting next to you and he's looked down.

He just can't look at you now.

This guy's reaction was so fucking funny.

God.

Babe, don't you hate that girl's tits, too?

Thank you so much for being here.

Our third and final contestant, you know him from the league on FX.

How about it?

For the hilarious Steve Renazizi.

Busty, Renazizi, OG Story Wars.

Hell yeah, dude.

I'm going to fucking win this time.

I think you've been on Story Wars more than anybody else without a victory.

Dude, no.

Yeah, maybe.

This is my fourth or fifth time.

Has he won?

No, never once.

Just so you know, I've done 50 some.

Oh, we talked last time how bad you are, but you've won.

Three or four times.

Shockingly low amount of times.

Three or four times.

I come every week, I put.

Dude, are those readers?

Yeah.

I didn't know we could.

I got readers too.

I should really be wearing them, but I didn't want to be the first gaylord to fucking wear the readers.

So now I should go get my readers so I can see what I'm doing.

All right.

Thank you all three so much for being here.

If you're not familiar with the show Story Wars, you're a new listener at home.

It's a very simple game.

All five of us up on this panel, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one given subject.

Tonight's subject, Lewis?

The internet.

The internet.

Spooky.

It's all porn stories.

And there's probably going to be a lot of porn stories.

I didn't even think about that.

I didn't.

What?

I really never thought about that part.

Oh, yeah.

Pornography is on the internet.

Yeah.

If it is, Alex, our lovely producer, is going to read those stories off one at a time, eight of them.

And if it is your story, you're the only person who knows that.

So it is your job to fool everybody that it is not your story.

If it is not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.

And for every person you fool, you get one point.

Every time you guess a story correctly, you get two points.

Once you put your answer on the dry erase board, put it in the slot, take your hand away.

That is your final answer.

You cannot change it after that.

It sounds very confusing, okay?

But I'll tell you right now, it's very easy.

You guys are going to follow along.

You're going to get it.

And I'll tell you right now, the game is fun.

It's unquestionably the most fun podcast and game you'll ever watch in your entire life and the most fun game you'll ever play.

But we're not playing for fun.

Jay, let them know what we're playing for.

Every week, our winner goes home with a book from the Story Wars library.

Tonight,

your winner gets a deadly inside scoop by Abby Collette.

That's beautiful, dude.

If you're not familiar,

Braun Wynne, Wynne, Cruz, has just returned home to Chagrin Falls, Ohio, to take over her family's beloved but struggling ice cream shop.

Only to discover.

Lev really wants his book.

I'm going to text my girlfriend.

Don't hit my wish list, Jeff.

Might score tonight.

Wynn only discovers a dead body near the shop on opening day.

The victim?

A man with ties to her family's past.

Can she clear her name and keep her scoop shop from becoming a crime scene fixture?

Deadly Inside Scoop.

We're going to give that away.

I don't think so.

I think I'm winning this thing.

This is

win five.

It is our job to keep it in the Story Wars library.

We don't play together, but I do root for Jay if I'm not going to win.

You just do that because I don't.

It's never because...

Fuck you, dude.

I do feel bad with how bad you are at this game.

I don't know how I'm so bad at the game.

Yeah.

And Jay's very competitive.

He's like a sore loser.

He genuinely goes home bummed every week.

It's a long drive home.

I just listen to sad music.

How many shows could you do a day?

Like, you do two shows tonight.

Like, could you do three, or would you be like, it's too much losing in one night, dude?

I can't lose three times in one night.

Every time we do two, I lose two in a row, and it feels double the worst.

I'm like, what the fuck?

It's like four hours in my night?

Yeah.

It's the double points of losing.

No way.

Jay's been losing so much.

You got performance-enhancing readers.

Yeah, I'm like, maybe I'm not seeing the words.

Good idea.

That's the best time I've ever heard you read out loud, by the way.

That was good.

Ah, so

without any further ado, this crowd's gonna get it.

Everyone's gonna get it.

If you're listening at home, you're gonna get it.

Alex, without any further ado, story number one.

Story number one.

I used to Facebook message my above my league crushes songs that reminded me of them at three in the morning.

That's me.

That's Big Jay Arker's.

It does sound like Big J.

That really sounds like me.

And it's always a Marilyn Manson song.

But like a slow macabre.

I want to know if any of them ever responded.

Like, I want to know what the responses were to this.

Oh, it wasn't actually me.

No, no, I know.

This is just if anyone ever took debate of, like, damn, that song's the jam, and I love you.

Yeah.

Probably not.

I don't think this ever works.

This isn't a girl move.

This is a fucking

sappy shit guy move.

This is a guy.

I don't know.

I know Lewis is a sap.

Girls aren't up at three in the morning.

No, but I know, but then you think about it, it goes when they wake.

First of all, you can't get immediately rejected then.

And then when they hear in the morning, they're going to go, oh, that's what you think.

You know what I mean?

You don't have to hear them go, like, what is this?

You understand the psychology of this a lot for a guy that didn't do it.

I can't believe this isn't me.

I know.

So here's the thing.

Zia does not like guys that she would consider above her league.

Zia's the type of person that likes ugly dudes.

I guarantee it.

I just like nice guys.

But I'm so bad because your husband's watching.

Zia dreamers.

I just like

there.

What are you doing?

I just like someone I have stuff in common with.

Music, actually.

That's important to me.

Yeah.

If we don't have music in common, there's going to be a problem.

I agree with that, but I still don't think this is you.

Lev is a cocky son of a bitch.

He also, he's so delusional that he doesn't think that women are hotter than him, even though he's a fat piece of shit.

Above my league is not terms I'd use.

He's at 315 pounds.

The guy's got a stunning face, no matter what happens to the body.

He's a handsome guy.

There's a handsome hot-looking dude, Lev.

Thanks, buddy.

You're a professional liar.

No, dude that's

i'm pretty good at it but not just not at these games i think i think this is jay but facebook though that's older who facebook exactly that's how i'm doing i was i was my space before that yeah i didn't have facebook till that when it was facebook 2003 yeah probably i was engaged

i think it was steve

definitely wasn't me steve is a real deep smirk that he's trying to push away right now look at his face

What are you talking about, bro?

See what happens to Steve?

Vaynestar popping out his head when he's trying to hide his smile and his face is turning bright red right now.

I spent the whole day at a baseball field, okay?

That's why I'm bright red.

I don't even know if I believe that.

He's probably on Facebook all day looking for songs.

You son of a bitch.

I'm telling you.

This is to me, this is, I know it's not me, so it's Steve or Lewis.

This could be Lewis.

I was leaning lewis i don't know leis been very quiet more quiet than usual i think it's you two

i was the girl he was messaging

i'm telling you if you guess me my mind ain't blown yeah no i mean jay here's the thing jay also played it very smart right away but the first thing he said he was like this is me which might have been strategy very early coming out swinging with a slick little reverse psychology move i should start doing that but It's just not me.

That was another reverse psychology move right there.

If you're watching it unfold before our very eyes,

I think these glasses are making you think I'm pulling some flim flam that I'm not.

This is hard.

I was thinking Jay, but now I'm thinking Lewis.

That was some pretty good fucking karate chopping right there.

Lewis.

Look, it could be me.

I'll tell you right now.

Side note,

as we keep looking at the story, do you see that guy's dong just gripped up in his pants?

Holy God.

Hey, move that table, sir.

We don't get the dog view over here.

That thing was hell.

Pleats.

Pleats on both sides of it.

Those are four-way stretch pants, aren't they, sir?

Damn, dude.

Are those athleisure wear?

Those are.

This guy really loves tits, and Lev is sitting right there.

Man.

Damn.

Two racks like this back to the bottom.

Yeah, between Zia and Lev?

I'm showing out Zia tonight.

That's why I wore this bra because I was like, I need to be able to compete.

I got a sports bra on.

What a fat, soft dick that guy has.

Dude.

Heavy cat, heavy weights are in the front row.

I like that.

It looks like his balls aren't speaking.

Yeah.

Anyway, do you have beta fish in your ball stack?

Keep them separate, then they fire up real big.

Now I think it's definitely Jay.

It's Jaylu.

You talked a lot on that one, but I know who I'm going for.

Well, you talk a lot.

The guy's over here is in my face.

I had to bring it up.

I mean, to be fair, it is a podcast.

Do you get extra points if you're the first person up and you're right?

No.

Nope.

We could always change roles here.

That's a good idea.

That's a good idea.

I just had.

Whoa, Steve.

Yeah, I think that, or it's Steve.

Whoa, Zia.

Well, I don't think we've ever had all three of the guests vote before.

Yeah, but Zia shouldn't be able to have this in front of her.

This board.

There we go.

No, she's got to vote.

Put it back up, dude.

Should we have been voting?

Yeah, Zia, please.

I'm trying to watch this guy bone up.

Yeah.

Big Jay is musical.

I feel like that's his move.

Jay's a romantic sap.

And just knowing who he is as a person, this is the vibe that I'm getting.

The only other person that could be besides me or Lewis is Steve.

So Steve, by the way,

Lewis.

No, it's not, dude.

I promise you, Lewis.

His face started going.

I was like, where's Steve just?

Because you're looking at him.

He's ran shop, dude.

Steve just ran shop if it's not, if it's him.

I'm telling you, it's not.

You should say that's the whole game.

I know, but I'm telling you, it's not.

Oh, never mind.

It would be.

Come on, bro.

You know it's you.

It would be sad.

Why would you fuck with me now?

You already won.

But Big Jay is very.

Big Jay.

I don't think Big Jay was pulling a reverse psychology.

I think it could be Steve.

It's Steve or Big Jay.

That's unquestionable.

I'm going, Big Jay.

It is so fucking happy right now.

There's no way that's not.

It's not.

It's not me, dude.

I'm in your fucking heads.

Everybody's in.

Alex, all of our answers are in.

Wow, you guys.

Story number one

belongs to

Leb Fur.

Fucking bad.

I think I'm in your heads right now, motherfuckers.

I came to play, bitch.

Clean house.

Well, first

story.

Jesus.

Undefeated Lev.

What is going on here?

Who is this out of your league, bitch?

This is in high school.

I was a fat kid that wore fedoras.

Whoa.

That's a power move, dude.

Now you're best confidence, though.

I was so.

Now you're a fat kid that just bores us.

I might maybe get a guess right.

Then talk shit.

I thought it'd be funny.

You guys were like, fuck you.

No, so I was such a fucking fat virgin that I would like, girls that I had crushes on, I would be up at like 3 a.m.

and I'd be like, I'd send them Bob Marley, is this love?

To a person I've never talked to in person before.

And going, she'll pick up on this vibe for sure, right?

And yeah, I tipped my fedora.

They did not budge.

and that was it.

Oh, that sucks.

That's sad.

Never worked once.

Well, doing that and wearing fedoras in high school, didn't kiss a girl until 18.

Whoa, I am shocked.

Very surprised.

So, really?

But you're very handsome, dude.

It didn't help.

All right.

That fedora just covers.

Was your family like Orthodox religious or anything at all?

No, no, I was just a fucking loser.

I did it on my own.

Well, you are not a loser right now, my man.

You have to take a look at those scores.

Web is deeply in the lead right now.

Alex.

All alone on the scoreboard with four points, Lev Furr.

Let's fucking go.

Great beginning for Lev Furr.

Wow.

Hey, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at Story Wars, everyone, and that is Brunt Workwear.

We're very hyped to talk about this.

Lewis is wearing them right now.

I really am.

And by the way, we say this, we say this every week, but this week I really am.

He actually is wearing them.

How cool are these boots?

That's the Marin six-inch soft tokas.

He's a slut.

Those are his fuck-me work boots.

Oh, yeah, they look great.

They feel great.

It's like putting on an old pair of sneakers that are already broken in, except they're made for a tough job on the job side or just coming and being a Story Warrior.

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Code Wars at checkout checkout for $10 off.

All right, let's get back into it.

Alex, story number two.

Story number two.

When I was 13, my family staged a confrontational intervention with me because they found out I was looking at porn on the family computer.

That's my gut.

My gut says Zia.

That's Zia.

This is a girl.

No one would have an intervention for a boy looking at pornography.

Well, what if it's like a really religious family?

Did anybody come from a religious family?

I mean, kind of.

You could if you were like looking at porn, like if your family computer was in the living room and everyone's having dinner and you're just like watching porn aggressively while they're like, hey, we got to talk to the buddy.

Mine was in the dining room and what I would do is it faced out.

Would you have a del?

I had an old del.

Yeah, I think I had a del, yeah.

I had a shitty, like a shitty del, and it was facing the dining room.

Like, so if people walked behind me, they could see what I was looking at.

And I fucking swear to God, I just, this is how much we love porn as teenagers.

I just risked it every day of my life.

You were like, bam.

That's like one of the top questions on whether you're a pervert or not.

Like, have you ever, do you ever have risky

sexual things?

Yeah.

You're like, yeah.

I started when I was 13 years old.

Fuck yeah.

This, you know, this, this could be any of us.

We're all from this generation generation of, you know, watching porn.

Lev's young, though.

No, I had.

Lev, when he was at the Jerking Off the Porn age, cell phones were already out.

Yeah, you wouldn't have to.

I did get caught one time doing this, but this was not me, and I was like 10, and both my older brother and dad covered for me.

Nice.

They pulled out their dicks.

Like, it's us.

Don't worry.

No, get in there, Lev.

You're good.

Are you guys not like too old for this to be like a story?

This field?

Yeah,

I was 13 in 1989.

So, unless there was a

unless Al Gore fucking moved that fucking internet,

I dial up internet in my room, my bedroom, and then,

but it did suck.

When I had like, when Joe DeRose was my roommate, and this is still before like laptops available everywhere, we just had a regular computer.

And I always remember the worst feeling was like, oh, I think I'm going to jerk off some porn right now.

And then Joe would come out of his room and be like, I'm going to watch a Woody Allen movie in the living room.

And I'll be like, oh, why am I so not successful in comedy yeah

I can't even jerk off in my own place Zia were you watching a lot of porn when you were 13 I mean I found porn when I was six under my dad's bed oh that's

hold on everyone calm down I have to jerk off yeah

but an origins wait what did you find it was

magazines yeah it was my sister and I so I was like six and she was probably like three how'd you get the story to be hotter

Her hot sister and her were thumbing through her dad's magazines.

One day we'll be like these girls.

Damn.

Well, Zia

and OnlyFans.

I think that's a factor.

So I think that

she got caught and she was like, guys, I'm doing research.

It's fucking me off.

One day I'm going to be the best at this.

When I get you a new Honda Accord, you're going to look stupid health.

I had notes.

I had a notebook.

I was like, all right, this position's great.

I'm going, Zia.

Yeah, I think.

Yeah, I'm going.

Listen to me.

Big J is a fucking pervert.

He always has been, always will be.

Fuck you, dude.

He's a the hitman heart of perf.

The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be.

The excellence of execution, for sure.

I'm getting a big J vibe on this one.

I can see your family being like, hey, you got to stop looking at

it.

Yeah.

I've met your mom.

I've met your stepdad.

Yeah.

Turn it off to both.

Hope it'd be good.

I'm telling you, my family didn't give a shit about

you.

But watching on the family.

I'm sorry.

I have a better one.

This isn't me.

We didn't have a family computer.

I have a better one.

This isn't me.

I didn't have a family.

I don't think my parents.

I think my

I don't think this is you, but my parents didn't.

I think they still don't have a computer.

I think we did.

I think another Story Wars we did.

You told a story about, I think your grandmother sold the family computer, like it got robbed or something like that.

No, no, no.

My mom lied about me having our Atari stolen out of the trunk of her car the night before Christmas.

I was like, we believe my junkie mom for 20 years, I was like, yeah, my my Atari got sold.

I was like, Oh, that bitch never bought me an Atari.

That was just her story.

You didn't even have to have her tell you that.

Knowing Lewis's past, I think Family Computer is not in there.

If it was like Family Magazine or something like that, sure, yeah,

Family Reel to Reel,

Family Calculator.

And I'm sincere.

Yeah, I gotta say.

I just don't know because I don't know you guys that well.

So I don't know who had a family computer.

Jay just, or I mean, Lewis just said he had one.

I did have a family computer.

Okay.

I was going to say Big Jay.

Yeah, but Lewis is fabulated.

I own a family computer in 1995.

Lewis had no family that loved him that would have an intervention about this.

Yeah, my mom was a heroin actor.

I was like, fuck you, bitch.

You need an intervention.

They were busy.

You know, your fucking mind.

They were busy on drugs or dead.

Steve, how old are you?

I'll be 49.

That's a bit.

Yeah, that's a bit old.

13, yeah, 13.

That doesn't match up.

13 is my age.

I told you.

It's my age.

Big Jay's a little bit old on it, too.

Zia, how old are are you?

Can you say?

Does OnlyFans allow to say?

I'm not allowed to say.

I'm not.

Yeah, it's a mistake.

Neither am I.

Zia's young.

Yeah, super young.

Do you remember Alf?

No.

It's her.

It's hard.

It's just because of age things.

I think Lev's a little too young.

Big Jay and Steve are a little too old.

I think I just have to go with Zia on this.

I'm really bad at this game.

Alex.

Did everyone guess Zia?

Yeah.

That story belongs to Zia.

I'm very excited to hear the story.

A confrontational intervention.

Which is hilarious, by the way.

Hold on, Alex.

Can you make the lighting a little more sexy?

Don't cover up, sir.

Let it breathe.

No, it's hilarious.

Like, I just was searching free porn.

A little sausage for the Sunday sauce.

Apologies.

Apologies.

I was just searching free porn.

Like, I was just looking up free porn, and my parents found out because they piped in the F.

And now you charge us for it.

I was 13.

Ain't that some shit?

I didn't know, Lev.

I didn't know.

Piracy is a crime.

No, and so they like sat me down and had this whole talk with me, which is hysterical, by the way, because this was around the same age that my dad like did cocaine to sober up to drive us home a couple of times.

And so they sat down and like, it does.

But he's like, that's his worry.

He's like, well, you shouldn't be watching porn.

And I was like, you drove on the other side of the, you crashed.

I thought you were going to say you drove me into pornography.

Well, he did.

You crashed your STI the other day and ran from the cops.

I don't know if you're the person to be lecturing me.

Yeah, no, probably not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

But they yelled.

And did you continue to look up?

Yes.

I just learned how to delete the browser history.

That's all it takes.

Yeah.

Well, look at that.

Zia didn't get any points.

I got no points.

But everybody else is on the board.

Thank God.

Alex, what are our scores?

All right.

On the scoreboard with two points each.

Louis J.

Gomez, Big Jay Ogerson, and Steve Ranazzizi.

To be fair, Zia also has two points.

Nice.

And in the lead with six points, Lev Fur.

House.

Pitching a perfect game so far.

Alex?

Story number three.

Story number three.

Years ago, I got in trouble for watching some pretty graphic porn on my significant other's roommate's computer.

This is terrible.

This is the awful behavior of a Louis J.

Gomez.

Lewis all day, dude.

Two reasons.

Graphic porn, also, he fucks people that have roommates.

And we just use their computer to whack it.

Look at Louis' faking thoughtful look.

Some of that does add up.

I mean,

I have a very similar story to this.

I bet.

It's this story.

But I didn't get in trouble.

I just got caught.

Oh.

And what was it cool about it?

Oh, dude.

Awesome.

Sweet.

Well, I'm going to get in trouble.

I'm a fucking adult.

Beat it, you fucking idiot.

That's what you were doing.

You were beating it, you idiot, on a fucking roommate's significant host.

Oh, God, Lewis.

How could you?

I'm getting big lying vibes from Lewis right now.

I told you the truth.

This happened to me.

This is not my story.

So much right now.

You fucking...

Oh, you're done.

You're done, dude.

Back to El Salvador, bitch.

You're done.

Pack it up.

Liv

is so right about you, I'm starting to think you might be Salvadorian.

This Puerto Rican bullshit you've been feeding me all these years.

You're done, bro.

I mean, I'll tell you right now, I did not submit this story.

You can wish your points.

That's fine.

Yeah, you told me to be on time today, too, Cocksucker.

Look at us now.

Man, you are full.

Lot of full bullshit.

Lev is on fire right now, and he's in the lead.

It's pissing me off.

God, it's pissing me off.

Damn, dude.

If that girl on Facebook could see you now,

I'm going to send her this at 3 a.m.

Talked about you.

Santanas, I'm winning.

I'm winning.

Jay, I don't think Jay ever had

a girl with a roommate.

You lived with your wife wife since you were like 19.

22.

Oh, you had all your sisters.

Wait, did you live at Bargatzi?

No, we all lived in the same neighborhood.

Damn.

All right.

Yeah.

But I cracked it.

No,

I've had a.

Wait, my significant other's roommate.

No, I never dated anybody.

Well, you were cheating on your wife with multiple.

I did cheat on my wife with girls that had roommates.

No doubt.

But was that your significant other?

Or it was your significant other or your other significant other.

Right.

My significant other yeah

would often have roommates see if you were you when you were in college no you would this ain't me bro you ain't gonna turn this thing around you're not don't make me into a witness for your defense i don't think steve is a graphic porn not

still to this day still to this day i'm ungraphic maybe they were maybe it was uh maybe it was like graphic it was like drawings yeah yeah that's it's chinese

trust me dude i'm sweating every story that comes up here, waiting for mine to come down the pike, and then I got to defend myself.

But this one's easy.

It ain't me.

Yeah.

What if you just got good at this right now?

No, I didn't.

Bro, I'm telling you.

Trust me.

I will fold when it's me.

You will beat me into it.

I know it.

I'll tell you what.

I can tell when Steve's lying.

It doesn't seem like he's lying.

I'm not.

You'll know.

How's my face?

Is it red?

Steve, your face is always a little red.

No, I have Rosacea.

I told you.

Your fucking fans bullied me into...

They told me last time, and I'm getting it fixed.

But it's been four months.

Let the medication work.

Wait, first it was the sun.

Now it's Rosacea.

This is getting better.

It's never getting any better.

This is as light as it's ever going to be, I think.

There's laser treatments.

Really?

Hold on.

It could be Lev.

Lev went so quick to vote for me.

This could be a Levitor.

So Lev's had plenty of girlfriends over the past few years.

It's so obviously you, though.

I just don't know if you're stupid enough to put graphic porn in your prompt because that's such a Lewis thing.

And you know, Alex edited it because it originally said illegal porn.

I got a trophy

porn.

Real dark wimps.

And she's changed FBI to significant others roommates.

I mean, Lewis has no

thought about doing something.

outlandish in a moment.

Like he doesn't overthink a stupid decision like this.

I agree with you.

What is this?

Hold on, I'm going to defend this guy, whoever did this.

What's a stupid decision?

It seems like a pretty cool, seems like a pretty cool move, if you ask me.

It's a crazy move.

Whoever did this is a pretty real-ass dude, if you ask me.

All right, now I'm starting to think it is.

Well, you were definitely whacking off.

You didn't just check some porn.

You know what?

Let me watch some porn in my downtime.

Fuck.

You know what this might be?

It's already over for you, dude.

Yeah, you can't change your ass.

I can't change, but

Zia might have been like

on Twitter, some promoting some other chick or something on somebody else's computer.

I do have to be very careful where I open Twitter.

Work stuff, you know?

This might have been a work type thing.

Maybe.

I still think it's Lewis.

Lewis did have liar face.

You had that same face when he told me I was doing Skank Fest this year.

This is just.

We have a weight limit.

That's fair, dude.

This is a like Lewis would do, do, and come tell us a story.

And then when everyone else is like, you just used porn on your fucking, you know, your chick's roommate's computer, he'd be like, what?

They weren't, you know, I was by myself for like 15 minutes.

Like, he's like, we defend this.

This is him.

I feel good about my answer.

Yeah.

You know what?

I'm following the fucking master.

All right.

Left.

I'm following Steve Ramsey.

I just want to be the last one because I feel like I don't want to give Big J for some.

No, I'm going to go Lois

I can't be the only one that's no somebody just clean the fuck up that's what I'm worried about it's possible oh it's Big Jay son of the cunt

I wouldn't do this

did you do it

I wouldn't do this.

I can't see the truth behind those readers.

The readers are, you look so goddamn sophisticated.

I can't tell if you would do this.

i wouldn't do it alex alex that story belongs to lewis john

yo i will say though that little move at the end where you said somebody's about to clean up that was good yeah just to try to get what you

uh so first of all alex that's not the story that i submitted

Can I tell you, I was actually speaking truthfully because I was like, maybe somebody had a very similar story as me, because that's not what I wrote, Alex.

Do you want her to read exactly what you wrote?

Alex, read exactly what I wrote.

I will.

I want to protect you.

Let's say.

Any lawyers?

Because it was more.

Years ago, I killed my girlfriend's roommate and raped her computer.

I am a rapist.

That's it.

Yeah,

you want to run this by a lawyer first before she beats this out loud?

So, what you said, I left the part out that I thought everybody knew about you because you've said this before.

So, word for word, what you said is, I didn't know how to delete my search history or use incognito mode until very recently.

Years ago.

There's a lot of detail that you left out, you bitch.

You said,

Years ago, I got in trouble for watching porn on my girlfriend's roommate's computer.

You added pretty graphic, you dirty bitch.

It was pretty graphic porn.

You idiot, back to El Salvador Lewis.

Oh, maybe I did write that.

It was pretty crap.

It was my, all right, so it was my son's mother.

Whoa.

That before we had a kid, we first got together, and her roommate was Nikita, who used to work at the comedy seller.

And I use their communal laptop, and it was really Nikita's laptop.

And I was just like, I need to look at some porn.

But I had no idea how to use incognito mode or he jerked off on a black woman's computer.

You lunatic.

And then, yeah, like she went to my son's mother.

She was like, your boyfriend's looking at porn on my computer.

And then Beatrice came to me and she's like, why are you looking at porn on my roommate's computer?

And I was like, I did not do that.

I made the same face I made at you guys.

And they were like, you definitely did it, Lewis.

They all got double points.

She's like, who could it have been?

Put them off.

I'll tell you what, I know this girl.

She was a short-haired black woman, so you know she don't play that shit.

Yeah.

Lewis, like, it's not me, and the two searches are like teen gets railed and then gasdigital.com.

I got G-Mike pretty good.

God damn it.

Wow.

No fucking points there.

Alex, where are the points at?

On the scoreboard in last place with two points each.

Louis J.

Gomez and Zia Anderson.

Hey!

At least I got some points.

Tied with four points each.

Big Jay Okerson and Steve Round is easy.

Let's go.

Making moves.

Strong moves.

And in the lead with eight points, Lev Fur.

All right.

Yo, it's Lewis Jay Gomez and Big Jay Okerson here bringing you the Madness on Story Wars, the sickest game show podcast around.

My old wallet was a disaster, bulky, falling apart, giving me a crooked spine.

Jay, what trash were you carrying?

Lewis, my wallet was a saggy leather mess, like a sad taco stuffed with receipts.

That's how I describe an old lady's puss.

Now I'm all in with Ridge wallets.

You see the new titanium black beast they got on the website?

That's my new go-to bathroom site.

So long, WorldStar.

Don't you dare.

So long, WorldStar.

I hate saying it out loud.

Hello, Ridge.com.

So long, WorldStar.

I don't mean it.

Hello, Ridge.com.

Slim as hell, holds 12 cards plus cash, made with badass aluminum and carbon fiber over 50 styles and that rfid blocking tip keeps digital pickpockets out of my biz yo ridge actually gave me an idea with the carbon fiber uh air tag wallet i'm gonna put an air tag attachment on everything i own ridge's lifetime warranty means that it's the last wallet that i'll ever buy their suitcases and key cases same sleek tough vibe with over 100 000 five star reviews you know it's legit jay that air tag gave you a peace of mind or what yeah i actually air tagged your girlfriend.

How crazy is that?

No, now I know where she's at at all times.

I'm going to let you know if she's being good to you.

No more freaking out of the bar, y'all.

Just in time for summer, Ridge is going to have a huge sale up to 40% off right now.

If you go to ridge.com/slash wars to grab the perfect gift for dad or get it for yourself, that's ridge.com/slash wars with a Z.

W-A-R-Z at checkout.

Tell them Story Wars sent you to support the show and give Dad the upgrade he deserves.

Where were were we?

Alex has a

story number four.

Story number four.

I use ChatGPT to have pre-arguments with my significant other.

Two in a row, Ludovic?

I mean, yeah.

I mean, that's...

You ready to pack your other bag?

Look,

you're the only person I know who uses Chat.

I love ChatGPT.

Chat GPT.

It's my best friend.

Why?

You gave us a whole dissertation about ChatGPT today.

Today, today I gave him a whole dissertation about it.

I went into my backyard and I started because

I want to redo my backyard.

So I started taking pictures of different sections and having ChatGPT show me images of what it'll look like with my sauna right there.

Panicky?

Because you know, I know you're lying right now.

I think it's you, Lev.

I think it's specifically you.

Here's why it's true.

Lev's got a hot girlfriend who hates how fat he's gotten.

These are facts.

That's true.

And he...

That is true.

He is too busy with greasy McDonald's fingers to spend any other time to think about an argument.

So he just has ChatGPT do it for him.

Here's why it's you, Lewis.

One, the only thing you love more than ChatGPT is arguing with significant others.

So it's either you or it's clever, clean Steve over here.

Now,

good point.

This could be me.

This could be Steve.

Yes.

Do you use ChatGPT, Steve?

It is not, but I'm definitely going.

This is...

You know how, like, do you ever see those things pop up on your Instagram?

Like, you're using the AI wrong?

Yeah.

This is game-changing to me.

Yeah, yeah.

You could do it.

Every argument.

I'm going to, this is whatever.

I'm doing this.

I had it write a message on the way home today.

We were flying back from Mexico, me and my girlfriend.

And then I was like, ChatGPT, me,

write me a loving text that I can send my girlfriend right now that'll make her heart warm.

And then I literally just copy and pasted it.

And she looked at me.

She was like, oh, my God.

I was like, yep.

This is game-changing.

This is definitely not me.

I'll make it easy for all of you because Lewis knows this about me for sure.

And when someone's like, ask ChatGPT, I go, I think it's how Terminator starts.

So

I don't understand any of that.

I don't use AI.

This could also be Zia, though.

I don't use ChatGPT.

I use Grok.

What's Grok?

Yeah, Zia's a Nazi.

It's ChatGPT, but it speaks in a German accent.

Yeah.

I feel more.

But maybe you wrote in Grok.

Yeah, who knows?

They could have changed it.

I wish I knew what Grok was, too.

Grok is the Twitter AI.

X is AI perfect.

X-rated?

Lewis, pack your shit, brother.

Oh, my God.

Pack his shit.

Lev is playing a high-level game right now.

I also think it could be Lev.

We have a second level.

We've also got none wrong yet, though.

That's why I'm like...

Lev is playing a perfect game right now.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

Steve, do you use?

No, I don't use ChatGPT.

I wish I did, but I'm going to do this from now on.

Can I see your phone right now?

Yeah.

Do you?

That's nice.

Is that 15?

Do you have ChatGPT on your phone?

No, I do not have the app.

You don't?

No.

I swear to God, I don't know.

Do you go to

search your app?

Not without a warrant.

No, you're right.

I'm not going to say that right now.

I'm not stupid.

Not without a warrant.

So I think Steve is lying about having ChatGPT right now.

I promise you, I'm not lying to anyone chat GTT.

I don't want to say it.

I'm going by age of me and you.

I'm like, I think ChatGPT, it just confuses the fuck out of me.

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

It's not going to.

How do you explain to it what,

like, you, do you have to, like, whoever this person is, do you have to say, like, this is what's going on in my life right now?

You're really acting like you don't know how it works.

I honestly do not know how it works.

You can give it a few bullet points and be like, this is what happened.

This is what said, what should I say that would leave her with, like, give me a checkmate argument that she'll have nothing to come back, and they'll lay it all out for you.

And then you don't got to say anything to her.

You can just send it to her and then play video games.

All right.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

Lewis.

I've come to believe.

Oh, wait, it's not me, though.

I've come to believe.

I've started to think it might be Zia,

actually.

No, Steve.

And

they changed the name.

But I will say, my gut is telling me that this is two times in a row, Lewis.

Oh, Jay, J, Jay.

It's not me.

I'm letting you know, my brother.

Talk to me.

Bro, bro, look at me.

I think it's Lev.

I'm going to put Lev because everyone keeps on accusing me of voting Lev.

There's no reason for it to be me.

It's obviously you.

You're young.

You use Chat GPT.

I like it.

When you're doing the fake, your cheeks go dead when you lie.

And I'm seeing it right now.

Every time.

Lock it in, Jay.

Just so you know.

Hey, like the Hulk, I'm always lying.

You've heard me before.

I've heard you before.

I'm letting you know right now.

It's not me.

You're wasting your vote right now.

Lev is pulling so far ahead right now.

Nobody's voting for Lev.

I'm letting you know.

He's going to pull so far ahead that we're not going to be able to catch up.

It's either Steve or Lev.

The only reason I think it could be Steve is because he won't let.

It's not Zia.

Women don't use computers to fucking make it their arguments.

Women love to fucking argue.

I use Grock all day long.

For arguments.

For everything.

For everything.

I love it.

I really do love ChatGPT.

It's incredible.

Guys, there's so many uses for it.

You have no idea.

Like, if you just start getting in there and messing with it, you'll figure out different prompts.

Dude, do EV, not L-U-I-S, dude.

I'm telling you right now.

I wrote the L.

You wrote the L.

It's Lewis or Zita for sure.

You don't want to see me rise.

You want to keep me me down.

No, I don't.

I love you.

I don't want Lev to be this far ahead.

Nah, you're lying, dude.

You're fucking lying.

And first of all, it's not Steve.

He has a pool.

They don't argue about shit.

They're living a good life.

I also have a pool.

We argue about who's above grounds.

This one's underneath.

That causes arguments.

Above ground pools cause arguments.

It's Lewis, dude.

Locked in.

It's either Steve or Lev, Jay.

After El Salvador, I'm sending you to Venezuela.

I know it's not.

Putting you on a tour.

I know it's not Jay.

He doesn't use ChatGPT.

It could be Steve.

He would not let us see his phone.

He was hiding the fact that he has ChatGPT on his phone.

None of us would let anyone see our phone.

I know.

Let me see your phone.

I'll let you see that I have ChatGPT on my phone.

No, thanks.

I want to see some other shit.

Open up some photo files I want to look at.

Actually, I'd be really embarrassed about my prompts.

You guys, I wouldn't show my ChatGPT prompts.

Some of them are pretty fucking tough.

Or Tiger's Gay.

I swear to you on everything, this is not me.

You wouldn't hurt me.

Swear to you.

I would not.

Jay, no, no, no.

No, Jay.

Jay, no, no.

Idiot.

You're an idiot.

I can't let Lev pull this far ahead.

Oh, he's playing a fucking beautiful game right now.

You fat little bitch.

You little bitch boy.

How can I be fat and little?

Oh, I'm pissed.

Lev, Lev.

I mean, Lev is so far ahead.

You're an idiot, Jay.

You're an idiot.

You swore to my face.

Oh, it could be Steve.

This might be Steve right now.

Oh, it's it's Steve.

Oh, it's Steve.

Oh, it's Steve.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh!

This story belongs to Steve.

Steve!

Steve!

You're damn right!

Zia!

You played that like a fiddle.

God damn it, Zia.

Zia, quietly.

I almost snapped your neck and she put my name.

Early, quietly, she just went.

I have a feeling.

I don't know.

I just have a feeling.

She just looked at me.

She went,

and then she started writing my name.

I go, oh, this woman.

This woman ruined it.

I thought you were going, everybody again voted for me now.

Thank God.

How could it be you?

Did you lose the pool?

No, dude.

This is game-changing.

This is amazing.

I run everything before I go to my wife through ChatGPT.

I tell them what's going on, what she's like, what the argument's about,

what my angle is.

And then sometimes, like, you think this is a good point?

I go, not good enough.

Go back again.

Give me another good point.

Sometimes you're going to be like, give me five more points better than that.

Yes, I go, I need like four or five because she's going to go up this thing.

I go, bam, I got one for that.

I got an argument over there.

Chat GPT.

I love her, but I really want to bury this bitch.

I want her crying at the end of this argument.

It's fucking awesome, dude.

And that's the only one I use.

I don't use it for anything else besides argument.

But I will try to do it.

If you want to remodel your kitchen, just be like, be like, hey, put it in this color.

You take a picture of your kitchen.

Yeah.

It's sick, dude.

Really?

Okay.

I'll try it.

You have any idea how nice his kitchen is?

I'm trying to remodel.

Stop it.

I think it's awesome to try.

You could all do it.

It works.

Has chat GPC ever told you you're wrong?

Sometimes, but they go like in a nice way like, hey, her angle's this.

And you go, but how do I?

And I go, but yeah, I don't want to do that.

That's not what I want to do.

How do I tell her I don't want to do that?

They give me like, it's almost like to massage your angle into what is, what I think is palpable for her.

Oh, really?

I don't think you'd be like, it's like, I want her to be hurt, but not know I'm hurting her.

Yeah, no.

I use it it for like just victories and arguments.

Wins, wins, wins on the board, dude.

Love it.

Whole

shit.

Steve just put a lot of points on the screen.

Plus, you change up your vocabulary.

You know, you use the same shit in an argument every time.

It's like boring, but use words or phrases.

She hasn't heard your children.

Pet Judy's like, do not say cunt.

Yeah.

Call her a see you next Tuesday.

That makes him giggle.

Alex, where are our points at?

All right, on the scoreboard in last place with two points, Louis J.

Gomez.

Next is a tie with four points each.

Big Jay Ogerson and Zia Anderson.

Take it.

Couple of OnlyFans gals, just hanging out around the corner.

In second place with seven points, Steve Renazzizzi.

Coming back.

I'm coming back.

That's right.

Get ready.

And in the lead with eight points, Lev Fur.

Let's go.

Wow.

That was our fourth story, correct?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy.

It's time to go around, do some plugs real quick, Mr.

Renazzizi.

I'm going to be, oh, this is.

Okay.

I'm going to be at

the Dojo next weekend, next Saturday, night before Father's Day.

Will this be out then?

Nope.

Perfect.

Well, you fucking missed it.

It was all this pageantry.

Yeah, then check Steve Ren is easy because I take it a summer off, so I go back out in the fall and then Zaney's and all the places and stuff.

Very cool.

Yeah.

Zia?

Well, first, you have to check out the new podcast on Gas Digital called True Dat with Naeem Ali.

Hell yeah.

It's comedy and

true crime, which is a weird combo, but it's awesome.

It's been a lot of fun.

And then I have a YouTube and OnlyFans.

It's X-I-A-L-A-N-D for both those.

Yeah.

All right.

Lev, check out Cockpike Podcast.

It's me, Column Turtle, Drew Dunn.

We got Nick Mullen coming on this week.

It's going to be fun.

And please follow my Instagram.

Also, Minnesota, July 24th through 27th.

That's it.

Second,

Big Jay.

BigJComedy.com for all my dates.

I'm all over the place looking for a city near you on the Big Jay Oakerson, Peter North American tour coming on a city near you.

If you get it, you get it.

And then

Bonfire five days a week, Faction Talk Series XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly.

And of course, right here on Gas Digital Network, the legendary Legion of Skanks.

Oh, yeah.

Check me out on the road July 4th a week, July 5th and 6th, I should say.

I'm going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Then I'm filming my special, my next special, the next weekend in Tampa.

The actual special taping is sold out, but there's still tickets for Thursday and Friday that night.

So come out to Side Splitters in Tampa.

Bunch more dates.

I'm touring for the rest of the year, basically every weekend.

Make sure you guys subscribe to Gast Digital.

If you love this show, you should know that we do a pre-release of Story Wars.

It comes out every Monday before it goes anywhere else, and it's uncensored and ad-free on GastDigital.com.

Use the promo code WART.

You save a couple bucks a month on the premium membership.

You get the entire Iron Demand library.

There's like 20 episodes that are no longer on YouTube or anywhere else.

And there's a bunch of amazing podcasts on the network.

It's uncensored.

It's ad-free.

It's a great platform to support.

So go to gasdigital.com and make sure you sign up for my mailing list.

I got a coffee brand that boosts testosterone.

If you guys don't want to use steroids, you would just rather just drink some coffee in the morning.

Steroid coffee.

Steroid coffee, as Jay calls it, bodybraincoffee.com.

And I have a book that I'm just about finished with that is officially available for pre-order on Amazon right now.

Mostly pictures.

You wrote it.

It's a coloring book.

And

the last thing I just thought you would have to do is

a book.

It's called Knives and Spoons.

It's a memoir about my childhood.

Big J's in the last chapter.

It's pretty fucking sick.

So yeah,

go grab that and pre-order right now.

A forward by ChatGPT.

Oh my.

Now, Lewis, I know you feel like this book is slipping out of the library, and we want to keep it.

You love ice cream.

We all love ice cream.

Ice cream for ice cream.

When Wynne Cruz steps back into her hometown to run her family's ice cream parlor, she expects a little nostalgia, a lot of hard work, and maybe some sprinkles of success.

What she doesn't expect is murder.

A local man with a complicated story turns up dead, and Wynn's family becomes a prime suspect.

And the killer may be closer than she thinks.

Uh-oh.

And Lewis, you know very well as one of the creators of this game that you know you and I are pretty far down from Steve and Lev

up into this mountain.

We're only a good round or two away from winning this thing because of, of course, the last four stories, we go double points.

I'm gonna dig in.

Yeah, so you know Steve, you played the game before.

Zia is your first time, Lev.

Before, if you guessed someone's story correctly you got two points and you got one point if you fool people now that goes to double point

alex

let's kick into high gears story number five

story number five

I met someone online for a hookup, and when they showed up, they were much, much less attractive.

I faked an orgasm because I was staring at their gross body hair.

Okay, I know this sounds like it's probably me, but it's not.

That was my early guess.

Faked an orgasm was a pretty big give.

Yeah.

You guys can do that too.

I've faked an orgasm.

For sure.

Sometimes my arms are just sore and I'm like, I'm done with this.

I can't hold myself up anymore.

I've had sex before.

I get it.

It'll happen again.

This is Zia or Lewis.

The only two people who fuck men on this panel.

Lev was.

This could be a hooker story.

This could be an online hooker story.

That's great.

Oh, yeah.

I met someone online, but for a hookup, you would call that a hooker.

Hookup.

Maybe Alex change it because hooker is obviously you.

Don't be that way.

You love prostitutes.

You also love prostitutes.

Nice.

We all love prostitutes.

They seem nice.

They seem pretty cool, dude.

Hookers are pretty fucking sweet.

All the ones I've ever met are pretty cool.

They're pretty fucking sick.

They're pretty sick, like AIDS.

Yeah.

Like AIDS.

I think this is Lev.

Lev is part of young online hookup culture.

Jay's never done that.

He's never met a chick online to hook up.

This is a a tough one for me.

I mean, actually, that's not true, like Facebook or Instagram, but that wouldn't that wouldn't happen.

Um,

yeah, Steve is a fucking no, I've never faked an orgasm.

I just stop.

If it's, I'm, I'm with my wife, I go, I'm good.

I'm just gonna, I'm done.

That's it.

She's fine.

It's awkward breakfast, though.

Yeah, it's all right.

I'm not a, if I'm not attracted, I don't fuck.

I just put my fedora back on and I,

yeah, you know, and then

you just click your heels and bounce on out of there, right?

Better do to you, my lady.

This is tough because it's, I mean, this reads you completely, but this is like

body hair.

Who's what chick?

She had a mustache.

Lewis, did she have a mustache?

By the way, I've been with girls with body hair.

It has to be,

because how would body hair on a man turn off like

does she have a book?

I don't really like a lot of body hair.

I know, but you don't like what?

A lot of body hair.

All right.

That's all she's steering us to you.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

You know, the game works.

This has to be someone with a chick with a mustache.

Yeah, Lev's family is from Russia.

Those bitches have mustaches.

I mean, it fucks someone in my family.

Maybe.

You're black.

Is that a Russian thing, dude?

I do live with an Armenian, but I mean,

we didn't meet online for a hookup.

We have to shave her down definitely once a week.

I wonder if they're grossed out by Bush, because that's not cool.

Jay loves a Bush.

Yeah.

That is true.

That probably wouldn't be Jay, then.

It's not Jay.

It's definitely not Jay.

Oh, God.

This is you, Lewis.

This is Lev.

By the way, Lev is a terrible actor.

This way, he's never been booked in anything.

I was in Ray Donovan, Lewis, for two episodes.

I want to say, Lev, he played the cam for no other reason if it's him.

And I don't say it.

He's cracking up.

Hey, Jay, Jay, Jay, J, Jay.

I swear to you the first time it wasn't me.

I swear to you again, this is not me.

And I was like, you can't swear twice that to you.

you fall as you want

lewis it's loud no it might be zia it's lewis or zia i'm telling you i i everyone thought zia right away i think it's lewis or lev i don't know i don't like how confident you're feeling right now that's making me think it might be you don't jiggle to distract me

I'm getting major Lev vibes on this.

Young people, hookup culture, online.

You know, everyone's voting for him.

Jay, that's how you get points.

You don't have to vote for somebody different.

Just do you not know how the eye works?

I didn't think it was Lev at first.

I thought it was zero,

bro.

I'm telling you.

Faked in Orgas.

Lev isn't betting.

He's reading it over and over again like a liar.

He's not voting, and it's because he's waiting to see what everyone else wants to do.

That was just for me.

I'm going, Zia.

Jay.

All right.

All right.

You're going to regret that, brother.

I hope it's me, and she just reworded it again.

It is?

Come on, Alex.

Tell me you just completely just made up your own story and said it's mine.

Alex.

That story belongs to

Big Jay Operson.

He's back.

He's fucking back.

He's in my fucking game.

Big J, my fucking fucking game.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Damn it.

That was really good.

Fuck you, Lewis.

You really fucked that up, dude.

You did.

You look right at him and you go, it's not him.

By the way, I felt so good.

I do that to poor Lewis by accident so much that it felt good that he did it.

He deterred you all from that.

You fucked that up, Lewis.

I mean, would you?

When do you hook up with girls online?

What are you not telling me?

What is this?

I know it.

I knew all you stories.

When does this story happen?

When I very, very first came to New York.

And this is still like chat room shit.

AOL chat rooms?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Jay, it was like age, sex, location, please.

You probably

want a cyber?

I was chatting with this girl and she sent like a picture.

You know, it takes like fucking five minutes to come through.

And it was like a nice picture.

It didn't seem gorgeous, but I mean, I was a big fat.

I was a big fat idiot.

I was just like, I can't believe somebody wants to come over and fuck right now.

And she showed up, and I was like, oh, it makes more sense now.

It was Kurt Metzger.

She goes,

she just goes, she just wanted to get to fucking.

And she goes, I like to get fucked from behind.

And she lifted a skirt.

She had no underwear on.

And she bent over.

Oh.

And she had hair.

It wasn't even that she had, she did have hair all up her pussy and an ass crack.

Oh, but on to the ass cheeks and like top of the thigh.

And it was long.

And I,

I went.

You didn't say she was Italian.

Did she have a pussy?

It was in there.

It was in there.

And I, I, I fucking put on a condom.

And whoa.

It was so, she like presented.

It's such a weird thing to go.

It's like, you can't go like, I go, I got my period.

Like, there's nothing I can say.

So I put a conjugate, yeah,

I stuffed it in.

Oh, soft.

Oh,

as,

and then I just went, I just made a noise and was like, oh, it's been a while, so I'm sorry.

I fucking, you gotta go, you gotta get out of here before my roommate or whatever gets home.

Oh, my God.

And it was

awful.

And I mean, even that I did it for those few pumps

was all worth it for what just happened on the score.

Talk your shit, Jay.

Alex.

Jay, just clean the fuck up.

Run it off, Alex.

He's in first place.

All right.

In last place with two points, Lewis.

Shut the fuck up.

Thank you for everyone that came out tonight.

Thank you.

In fourth place with four points, Zia Anderson.

In third place with seven points, Steve Ranazzizzi.

Ranizzizzi.

In second place with eight points, Lev Fur.

And in the lead

with 12 points,

Big Jay Ogerson.

He's getting emotional.

He's never been in the League.

I haven't heard Alex say those words in, I mean, months.

I've never been in the lead.

I've never been close to getting in the lead.

This is big.

Just like your story, this real come from behind me.

Oh, but this is real.

But this is real.

Oh.

Oh, that feels so good.

Is this what it feels like to be in last place?

Yes.

Every week?

Remember, you broke all those driving laws to cut your time to get here.

If this was my life every week, I would quit the show.

You guessed one obvious Zia story with the rest of us.

It's like you haven't been playing.

That's how I feel every Wednesday.

All right, let's take a quick moment and thank yokratom.com for supporting today's show.

We love Yo Kratom, longtime sponsors of all the shows here at Cast Digital.

The marquee sponsor for SkankFest for, I think, five or six years in a row now.

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Oh man, $60 kilos.

Can you do any better than that?

Nope.

Do you know what a kilo of cocaine costs?

Thousands, I think.

This is way less, $60.

But you could tell people it's cocaine when you're carrying it around in a briefcase, fucking handcuffed to your wrist.

Lewis?

Look, just go to yocreative.com.

There's no promo code needed.

They already have the best deal possible.

$60 for a kilo, 2.2 pounds of pure Colombian cut kratom yeah

it's fucking uh I believe they call it disco shit

all right where were we

Alex

story number six

story number six

I have used the public computers in hotels I was staying at to watch porn.

I would memorize the scenes and run up to my room to masturbate

can i say

yo hold on

fuck you dude

you don't get to vote i i heard this guy go it's steve to his girlfriend horsecock over here is making fun of me dude i swear to god his dick is pointing at you i know

it did it's like those chickens that guessed the super bowl dude whichever way it goes that's what can i say this this

is all smacks to me of Zia because

she's very into using

public space computers.

I don't like the way they're looking at me.

And having everybody, this is like her thing.

She's like, this could be what the intervention came from.

I don't.

Can I say

upstairs?

I'm thinking Steve.

I would say Big Jay.

He just got, they wouldn't give him two.

I mean, it is all random.

They could have two Big J stories in a row.

They're older.

So since I've been going on the road and since Lev's been going on the road, we all have computers and phones.

I'm just watching you.

You think I'm that brazen, though?

To watch, to a hidden, like one of those offices?

Yeah, I can see that.

I don't think it's you.

I think it's.

If it makes more sense, I would go in.

You should think it's me, dude.

This reads me.

I would more like try to jerk off in the center.

It would be my story of mishap.

Before I would go in my head, like, let me look at it and then memorize it.

I'll just like jerk off to the girls going on.

I can't even remember what room I'm staying in.

I can't memorize the scene.

Now I think it's Steve.

Steve.

I'm getting fucking Steve vibes on this one.

Bring it on, dude.

You're going to lose.

I got to figure out who the fuck it is for real.

Memorizing?

Lev.

Memorizing porn.

It's not me.

Running makes me think it's not you, Lev.

Memorizing.

You've forgotten?

Damn it.

Oh, God.

He's like, I can't even jerk off.

I got to drink some water.

I could never, I couldn't run fast enough to jerk off to a memory myself.

That's for sure.

Lev runs a 4-440 when he fucking has a thought in his head.

Yeah.

All right.

Memorizing porn is very feminine.

I would think this is either Zia or Big J.

That's fair.

Lewis thought it was me right out of the gates, but he said it wouldn't be two at once.

But I'm also...

It could be.

No, no, no.

I'm

randomly chosen stories.

I'm not very brazen.

I'm not very like, I have, I go into this story.

I don't think this is that brazen.

Oh, it's going to be porn.

I'd say, what if somebody walks by, dude, and I'm the guy?

I can't.

I'm too nervous and shit.

I don't don't think this is that brazen.

I don't think this is that brazen.

And also, you are the public computers in the hotels?

Most likely to use a hotel computer.

I did not have a laptop on the road for many years of being out on.

Yeah, this is an older guy's story.

Yeah.

May I ask a question?

No.

Have you guys ever done this where you've asked the audience to go down and cheer for the person before me?

Yeah, we've done it.

You can ask.

You can call.

You can ask the audience.

I will when I get all the information I want.

Dude, I will.

Say no more.

Listen, I'm feeling good, baby.

I'm on top of the pile and I'm feeling loose.

You know what it is?

Like, when a player just gets, I'm fucking hitting three pointers.

The fucking, the hoop is an ocean right now.

And I'm just throwing pegs at it.

It might be Lewis, though.

It's Lewis or Jay.

I know.

Ben Devin Lewis.

It might be Lewis.

It's me.

Ah, shit.

Steve, dude.

I had a feeling.

Steve's face right now.

You've already voted, dude.

Yeah.

Keep your...

Yeah, you're done.

You feel good about it.

That's a guilty man.

Shut up.

Yeah, you're already.

Steve, by the way, Steve with the chat GPT round really fucking suckered us.

He's on another level.

Look at his face.

I know.

I'm playing loose.

I'm wild.

Last time I had sunglasses on, I played too tight.

This time, loose and wild.

I mean,

I don't think it's Big J again.

I do think it's an older person story.

I'm going going to see Renaissance.

Another person that's wrong.

I'm telling you, dude.

You're all wrong.

Okay.

Great.

Another idiot.

You want to be, yeah.

Another idiot.

Another fool.

Another dummy.

Lewis or Jay.

God damn it.

It is, dude.

Lewis.

Nah, it might be you, you motherfucker.

I didn't like the tone there.

What?

It could be Louis.

I think it's Steve still, but it could be Lewis.

It could be Lewis.

And it could be Zia possibly.

But I do think she's.

You voted for me?

I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say nothing else.

I'm just saying who it could be.

It could be any of us,

but it's definitely Steve.

Great.

I really felt like you were lying initially, but your whole top of the pile.

Oh, you're a fool.

I do feel comfortable on Steve for sure.

It's you know what?

It's changing.

I'm changing.

Definitely, Steve.

Wait, wait, wait.

I didn't go in.

I know.

Yep.

Hey, left, left, left, wait.

I swear to you, dude.

I wouldn't lie to that face.

I wouldn't lie to that face.

You know what?

It's fine.

You'll trust me after this now.

Oh, if it is Big Jay and he fucking got...

I would like to ask the audience.

How many people here think it's Lewis?

Clap your hands.

All right.

How many people here think it's Zia?

Clap your hands.

He's fucking showboating.

It's fucking

dancing into the end zone.

How many people think it's left?

How many people think it's Big J?

And how many people think it's me?

Go!

Go!

Steve can't write himself.

Who do you wrote?

Big J.

I hope it's Big J.

He's just lost all of his points.

It's not.

Alex.

Wow, everybody.

The story belongs to Louis Jay Gomez.

You idiots.

You guys are fucking idiots.

I erased you to put Jay.

Lev wrote Lewis, and I was like, ah, here we go.

And then he erased it.

That felt great.

Damn.

Oh, that felt good.

You know, I would never lie to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm also an old man.

I was literally saying it, like, you guys are that much older than me.

When I first started going the road, I didn't have a computer, so I would go to the public section where it was like enclosed, and I would just watch a ton of porn, take a mental image, run upstairs, jerk off, and I was like, no, I got to get a different one.

I'd run back down.

I'd watch it.

Wow, dude.

I'd fucking

rub my dick in my pants.

I didn't take it out, but I'd rub my dick in my pants.

It's like human buffering, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you ever come in your pants running?

Yeah.

She wasn't it.

Was she black or Hispanic?

He's running with a rod back and forth through a Hilton.

Did you ever train just to run faster?

36 tips?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I lived in a hotel for a little while and I would do that as well.

I would go to the lobby and I would watch the porn and then I run up to my room and jerk off.

It was a regular thing, guys.

That's gross as shit, dude.

That's a good word.

That's gross as shit.

You're a piece of shit, but that is gross.

What does that scoreboard look like?

He's out in first place now.

He leapfrogged the scoreboard.

No, I don't think so.

I think I know the answer.

But Alex, Reader scores.

All right, on the scoreboard in last place with four points.

Zia Anderson.

That's you, bro.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

I'm right fucking behind you.

In fourth place with seven points, Steve Ranazzizi.

The jerk off.

In third place with eight points, Lev Fur.

Serial fall from Grace.

And those two fucking idiots.

In second place with 10 points.

Louis J.

Gomez.

And still in the lead with 12 points.

Big Jay Okerson.

Get out of here.

This is it.

I feel it, dude.

I feel it.

This is your night.

Two more.

An hour and 45 minutes in traffic.

This is your night.

It's all come to this.

God makes me earn it every time.

Alex.

Story number seven.

Story number seven.

I once gave a pedophile my address for free trading cards.

Trading, but what are trading cards?

Look at Steve.

He was trying to keep his eyes in his head.

I got to pee badly.

What are trading cards?

Like baseball cards?

Yeah.

You seem like a sports card.

You never heard the term trading cards?

I don't, I don't, I don't.

You're right.

It's old as shit.

It's Steve.

It's not, dude.

Top of the mouth.

Hold on.

I can see this

being Zia as well.

No, but hold on.

Isn't that also like Pokemon cards and shit?

I did have a lot of Pokemon cards.

Yeah, she's like a fucking weirdo, like,

oh, yeah.

And she's also, if you ever watch her OnlyFans, I've heard she's also,

she does like pedo-bait shit.

She'll dress up with like a little girl and eat candy and shit.

Yeah, this is some fucking, I can see this being Z on a heartbeat.

Huh?

Oh shit.

That might have been the tail.

I still, I want it to be Steve.

Dude,

I'll tell you this.

If I ever do something wrong, I'm not going to trial because I'll get fried by a jury.

Yeah, you're going to crumble.

I got crossed.

Yeah.

Close.

That was a good voice.

Do people call

trading courses all all those service cards?

Yes.

Yeah, all cards.

Yeah.

Wrestling cards,

fucking baseball.

Collect anything?

I played Magic the Gathering in high school.

What's that?

What is that?

High school.

Gay trading cards.

I also, I also, this is true.

I played Magic the Gathering in high school.

This is what a dork I was.

I used to do like close-up magic tricks, and I saw in a window at a local comic book store, it said magic tournament.

And I showed up with my magic tricks thinking that

I shit you not, dude.

I was like, I was like, I'm gonna go win this magic tournament,

and then they were like, Oh, no, no, it's a game, and I was like, No, no, I knew that, I'll buy some of those cards, and that's how I got into Magic Game.

God, what a story sketch, that's hilarious.

Yeah, amazing,

what an idiot!

But I'm getting

Zia or Steve over here.

It's definitely one of those two.

Oh man, don't make it.

But why does Steve give it to a pedophile?

That's whatever.

I think Steve didn't know.

Like, Zia is the thing, it's a pretty girl who a pedophile might happen to be.

YouTube, wait.

Oh, you pulled your hand.

We got it.

They can't.

If they get it right, we're fucked.

It's over.

We have to not let these two.

Can I say something?

I am wigged out at Lewis's

lack of understanding of what trading cards are.

Makes me think he's trying to divert, which is scary.

And he wanted me to vote for Zia, and I'm not now.

It's not for me.

I mean, you know, I never collected trading cards.

I never really seriously collected cards ever either.

I would hang out with a pedophile.

Yeah.

They have great ideas.

I gave pedophiles my address so they can come fuck me as a child.

I mean, this sounds like a gal story.

A girl who's online, some pedo showed up.

She fucking Zia's also a terrible liar.

I'm looking at her face right now.

I think it's, she knows the person.

She's having a real hard time just not showing her game page.

It was an online sort of knowing somebody and then found out later or that this guy was already convicted.

It's like, you know, when you look on a

citizen app.

Or that it was Zia.

I could never do that.

My dad was a giant bodybuilder.

He would just beat the shit out of whoever came over.

Like, that was.

I don't think this is when you were a child.

I think this is when you were an adult.

Wait, as an adult?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It just happened to be a pedophile who come to give you weird adult trading cards that you like.

Yeah.

I'm getting Zia vibes.

Dude, if this is Steve, though, he's cleaning the fuck up.

No, it's not, dude, but that's why we have to make sure that's spread out.

Zia, Zia.

I think Steve's too old.

Oh, if we get it all.

I got to.

What if it's got to go?

I don't think it's Lewis.

It's not me.

If it's those two, it's over.

All right.

Let's do it.

Let's fucking sink the ship.

Are we sinking it?

Alex.

Holy shit, everybody.

That story belongs to Lev first.

Nobody voted Lev.

Woo!

You're so good at this.

Lev, wow.

That was a crazy move right there.

Wow.

Tell us this story.

What happened?

So I fucking love trading cards.

I mean, you can't put me and Fedora together.

Those are two.

I was so into Yu-Gi-Oh!

way too late into life.

Hell yeah, lesbians.

And

when I was, I must have been like 13 or something, and people would post like videos on YouTube, like, here's all my cards if you want to trade.

So I found this one like guy, and he was like, I'm doing a giveaway of these cards.

And so I messaged him, and he's like, you just got to jump on a Skype call with me.

And I jumped on a Skype call with this balding, fucking fat 45-year-old.

And he's flipping through.

He's like, what do you want?

And I'm like, give me these and these.

He's like, all right, I just need your address and the hours when your parents are gone.

No.

And I was like, I'm willing to risk it.

I would have spread my asshole on camera for two dark magicians at the time.

I was going for it.

So he's like, all right, I got you.

He's like, shipped, confirmed, right?

Like two weeks pass by.

Every day I'm checking the mailbox.

Finally, I'm like, I think this guy pulled a fast one on me, you know?

And then I messaged him.

I go, hey, man, you didn't send me these cards.

I gave you my address.

What the fuck?

And I'm like, I'm going to fucking, should I tell the cops or what?

I just wanted the cards.

I was trying to angle them.

Yeah, he goes, I'll tell everyone you fuck children the way you've told me if you don't give me my cards.

And he goes, he goes, look, man, don't, please don't tell anybody I'm sorry.

And then he wrote, also, I have cancer.

I'll be dead soon anyway.

Which is the most like, leave me alone to die in peace.

You were like, the cards.

Where are the cards?

There were no cards.

And that guy went on to fuck 10,000 more children.

I turn him in.

He fucked the whole county.

Lev could have saved so many lives.

Yeah, could have stopped all that horrific nonsense.

Alex, where are our points at?

I think Lev just took the lead.

Yeah, of course he did.

All right, on the scoreboard in last place with four points.

Sia Anderson.

I feel like I should have trained for this or something.

No,

you're doing perfect.

In fourth place

with seven points.

Steve Brown is easy.

Stop.

Third.

It's over.

We missed it, guys.

Fucked up again.

In third place with 10 points, Louis Jay Gomez.

Anybody's game still?

In second place with 12 points, big Jay Ogerson.

It's starting to sink in, isn't it, Jen?

And in the lead.

Long ride home.

Lev's talking about his chair.

In the lead with 16 points.

Lev fur.

Let's go.

I feel it slipping through my fingers.

All Wynne Cruise wants is to renovate and reopen her grandparents' fucking ice cream shop with fresh flavors, classic charm, and a big old scoop of pride.

But a blizzard blows in a corpse and stirs up old rivalries.

Wynn has to crack the case before anything she's worked for melts away because in this town, secrets can be just as cold and deadly as the Ohio winter itself.

Wow.

I can picture myself reading it already, dude.

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All right, where were we?

Alex, our final story, story number eight.

Story number eight.

What a game.

You were just leaned leaned in.

Someone close to me enjoys pranking me by leaving my phone

open to Google searches of explicit super BBW images.

Sometimes there is shit involved.

I have these things on my phone.

This is Big J, and that's someone's Ari Shafir.

Well, I was going to say,

no matter what, it's Aria Shafir, but it could be Steve.

And Steve is touching his face right now.

Very, very bashful.

Oh, it could be.

It's Ari and Staff.

It's Ari and Steve.

It's not the...

It's not Lewis, because if you try to do this to Lewis and you open Google, there's something so much worse already

on his screen.

Yeah.

I can see this.

It's definitely Ari, because that's our friend that does this.

It's Ari or DeRosa.

And Ari would do this to all four guys on this panel.

But Ari goes where.

Ari would more like send those images to your mother from your phone.

That's how he operates.

This is a little.

This is a little.

But again, this could have been back in L.A.

when he was warming up.

Steve just nodded at me while I'm saying this.

Nope, this does read Ari,

but it's not me.

He knows my kid could grab a phone at any time.

That means nothing.

He's going to

care at all.

He drugged Bert while his family was waiting for dinner in the room.

So here's the thing.

Who's more likely to leave their phone out and open?

Steve's is the only one out right now to the boys.

Might be Steve, then.

Might be.

It is.

Nothing to say, huh?

Steve.

No, I'm a big fan of it.

Beat him in that nice pool, you got, huh?

I really wish this was my story because I could fool all of you and win, but I can't.

You fooled nobody.

We all think it's you.

You wrote Zia.

No, this is my last.

What?

I never, I never took it.

Take the tapes.

Jay, when it's not Jay, he does a lot of talking.

This one, he's been quiet.

It might be Jay.

This just wouldn't.

I would find this funny.

This wouldn't like

to be.

Just what Ari does is goes and like emails people like important in my business world and says like I've quit SiriusXM and shit.

He's done that stuff.

And then I think back and remember Ari saying earlier in the day, hey, can I change your computer real quick?

Oh, God.

So, yeah, I know not to let him do this.

Ari took my phone recently and tweeted out that I'm attracted to big black women.

There you go.

Someone had to say it.

Someone had to say it.

I think.

I'm getting a vibe with Steve.

Now, here's, Jay, I will tell you, just strategically speaking, if Lev votes Steve, there's no way for you to beat him.

So you also voting Steve, I would wait for Lev to beat him.

You would whisper that in my ear next time?

Lev votes Steve.

Just so you know, wait to see what Lev does.

I'm going to lose anyway, so.

I'm going, Steve.

This seems like an Ari and Steve story.

This is the type of friendship they've had for a long time.

It does read me, but again, it's not.

It's not.

It is not me.

I'm telling you right now, I know you don't know me.

I know.

That makes this so much harder.

It is.

It is very hard to defend yourself.

But it's not.

I got to go first.

No, you don't have to go first.

Wait for Lev to go.

What are we going to sit here all night?

I think it's Steve.

You haven't written shit either.

What are you fucking?

I got to wait to figure out which one of these two it is.

I don't think it's Lewis.

Lewis isn't giving me lying voice.

Or he could be fucking with Lev, too, the seller.

This could be a bit of a phone.

This could easily be Lev.

I don't know if you were leaving your phone out.

I'm not going to leave a phone, guys.

Jay, look at me.

I know it's you.

Oh, God.

No, it's not.

I can't quote never lie to you.

I don't.

Would you swear?

Absolutely.

I swear.

I swear.

My phone.

I'm not not gonna leave my phone out me either yeah jay is terrified to leave his phone out i don't want friends or anybody look oh it's steve then for sure boom

yeah it's fucking steve oh no no

i think big jay may get his first win here

Oh, if it's Big Jay.

Oh, my God.

Why are you guys booing it?

Why?

Oh, if it's Big Jay, that'd be fucking wild.

It's going to be.

It's going to happen.

We're about to witness it.

Unless it's you, Lewis.

And then you win.

Oh, dude.

Imagine it was me, Jay.

Jay would cry his eyes out.

Audience vote.

Steve or Big Jay?

Clap for Steve.

Clap for Steve.

Clap for Big Jay.

No, I'm going with the house on this one.

You guys both seem like you're lying.

I'm going, Big Jay.

Wow.

Jay's doing the math in his head right now.

Those glasses don't make it any smarter.

Alex?

He's having a real hard time with this math.

Wow, you guys.

This story

belongs to

Zia Anderson.

I got one.

Yes.

I can't believe Ari Shafir does that to you.

Now I'm scared to meet him.

Who does this to you?

My husband does that to me constantly.

And he like lull me into a false sense of security.

Like he won't do it for a while, but he's so good at it because I just don't pay attention.

He'll do it right in front of me.

He'll just pick my phone up and I'm just like not.

If my girlfriend picks my phone up right in front of me, I will fucking bite her on the face.

Be out of your fucking mind.

I've seen so many, so many naked fat ladies.

And then lately they've been chitting.

It's, oh, God.

I've seen so many.

That's what they do.

You got to ramp up.

Wow.

Alex, where are our final stories?

Zia comes in at the end with a perfect fucking round.

Where was this energy all night, Zia?

You could have won this whole game.

I was so nervous.

This is my first time.

This is great.

You did great.

You did better than me.

You did great.

Alex, what is our final story count?

Point score, something?

There it is.

All right, our final scores in very last place.

The El Salvadorian.

That's not me.

The losingest guest in Story Wars history.

Yes.

Don't worry, Steve.

Just guests.

With seven points.

Steve, right as easy.

You know, someone at the bar came over to me early and they go, we believe in you tonight.

We think you're going to win.

I've let everyone down

Steve's gonna chat with Chat GPT on the way home about this.

How do I win?

He is upset.

He finally went soft.

Finally.

He finished

Alex in fourth place with 10 points.

Louis J.

Gomez.

It's respectable.

It's respectable stolen.

It's respectable Double digits.

Double digits.

Yeah.

Not a loser.

We had a tie tonight for second and third place.

So I'm going to announce your winner tonight with 16 points.

Lev Furr.

Wow.

Oh, it was a tough game.

Put ice cream on the line.

I'm not fucking around.

No one's fucking around.

It makes a noise for Lev Furr, your newest story warrior.

Lev,

you now have the ability to spark the...

You know what it is?

Double point.

Yeah.

Welcome to the Story Wars family.

Lev Fur, having a big round of applause for all of our contestants tonight.

Steve Renezi.

Gee Anderson.

Your newest Story Warrior, Lev Fur.

Thank you guys so much for hanging out and coming to hang with us here at Story Warriors.

We'll catch you guys next time.

Until then, peace.