696 - Bo Gritz - Part One

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you

are listening to the dollop on the all things comedy network this

is an american history podcast where each week i

dane anthony read a story from american history to my worker gareth reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about

uh and how do you feel today working uh for the dollop uh i have a i'm furious at luke and have a new respect for him.

There's a lot of wires.

A lot of wires.

There's software happening.

There's cameras.

There's a lot going on.

There's a freaking

smiley face balloon for Cry Pete.

You brought that in.

No, this is just

right through the door with it.

And I said, why are you doing that?

It doesn't sound like me.

Where did you get the smiley face balloon?

I don't want to tell you.

Well, we're just going to sit here quietly then.

I will do a balloon off

any day of the week, my friend.

Well, welcome to the dog.

Yeah,

let's say this is someone's first episode, and we the intro is pretty clear, but uh, you, you, I know nothing, you're gonna walk me through it.

Um, we've been doing this for almost 11 years, 11 years over 2017, yeah.

So, this over, huh?

We've been doing this for 11 years, um,

you know, and uh, it's just, it's fun.

We're going to have fun with it.

I think you're going to like it.

And if you don't like it,

all right, you know, that's fine.

It's not a big deal.

But

I think if you hang in there, I understand.

I think if you hang in there, I think you'll learn to like it.

And give it a minute.

Do you consider this to be a sales pitch?

Well, you know, I started thinking that I'm telling the new listener, hey, welcome here.

You're making the podcast

broccolini.

Broccolini is delicious.

Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprout is delicious.

No, people do not start out.

Most people are like, all right.

That's a great appetizer.

Aragus, also an acquired appetite.

Dave, please, right now,

new listener is not a food show.

So you're probably a little thrown and you're going, hey, I thought they said there is some history in here.

There is.

Dave just took it to a Brussels sprout level, ignoring the fact that Brussels sprouts are often a fantastic app at any good restaurant that many people.

That's not what I said.

I said that's an acquired taste.

It's not an acquired taste.

You can go there and have it for the first time because they put so much stuff on it.

It's delicious.

So, but that's not what it is.

You tell me I'm blowing the sales pitch.

You're blowing the sales.

I'm adding sauces.

I'm adding eight.

So think of this show like Brussels Sprouts and I'm the Sauce.

Boom.

Go, go, go.

All right.

We're going to be on tour.

Oh, my God.

Nor Stop.

We're going to be on tour.

Yeah, we're going on tour, man.

So go to dollarpodcast.com/slash tour and there be all our tour dates.

Going through the Midwest.

Midwest.

Indianapolis, Chicago, places like that.

But let's just take a minute to say to Milwaukee, this is your last chance.

There's a balloon string hanging off your shit.

This is it for you, Milwaukee.

It's really bad.

Okay.

You better show up to Turner Hall.

Yeah, Milwaukee, you're...

Because you're embarrassing.

I'm from there.

Yeah.

Where's this treatment of...

Come on.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

You, it's

I've been to, I'm from there, you're not saturated with entertainment to the point where you're just going, like, nay, go to Turner Hall.

My God,

that I don't know if that's a sales pitch.

I know, I'm blowing it.

I just, it's all things bad.

Do you think that was better with the balloon?

Yeah,

you can't really control a balloon, a balloon control.

On the contrary, hot air controlled.

Go ahead,

January 18th, 1939, year of our Lord, J Town.

James Bo Greitz was born in Enid, Oklahoma.

James Bog Wrights?

James Bo Greites.

Bog Gritz.

Bo

at five, Bo's dad disappeared flying a mission in World War II, becoming missing in action, or as it's known, M-I-A.

He had a mission in action.

His mom wasn't around much as she worked full-time as a wartime fairy pilot.

Go ahead.

We're taking questions.

What

is it?

In World War II, there were fairies, and they needed people to pilot them.

Gigabelle, move.

That's correct.

Okay.

So he's mostly raised by his grandparents.

Okay.

All he wanted to talk about as a kid was the military and his dad.

He was obsessed.

Okay.

Grandma read him stories of fictional war heroes, and Bo would like to say he was going to be a real-life war hero like his dad.

Okay.

So grandma sent him on nightly make-believe missions with the ghost of his dead father.

Well, there we go.

So,

there it is.

I was letting you cook for a minute, and there we are.

So

yeah, go ahead.

So well ghost ghost ghost dad and regular boy off on war mission.

That's right.

Yes

1910 roughly.

Yeah night nighttime

ghost ghost dad war mission war mission.

So that's not gonna fuck up a kid at all.

That's gonna

I No, I think you know, that's one of those things where it's like in the moment you're like, yeah, he's happy.

He's happy.

But long term, maybe just talk to him a little bit.

As an adult, he's gonna be weird.

Dad, what do you think?

I can't right now.

My dad and I have to go around the neighborhood to make sure there's no enemies.

Dad, we got a trench over there.

He's like 35.

So

she encouraged Bo to recreate his dead dad's flights with his father's spirit beside him in an imaginary cockpit.

It's like there's a thread there that I understand.

But again, when you see it once, you'd be like, this is horrible.

This is a terrible thing to do.

What do you think, Dad?

Here we go

dad here we go oh okay

all right on another mission a boy and his dad

buddy so listen uh

oh look at this scum more air scum dad yeah we've talked about this before but i wouldn't anything i should put on

son i wouldn't bring a child with me on a couple of missions

Look, Dad, I don't want to be rude to you, but right now we're on a mission.

It's not time for stuff like that.

Might never be time for stuff like that.

Boo.

Huh?

i'm a ghost yeah dad focus what's with you today well i'm a ghost oh boy

oh dad they got us on the wing what should we do i'm thinking water landing i don't know oh dad here we go is any of this real like

what is real oh no there's so much water coming in i would like to here dad get out of the class with me whatever spiritual yeah i'm in trapping here the further we swim into the ocean the further away we get from our actual feelings and I am down here, there's not feelings.

I have come to the conclusion down here, there's not feelings.

The reason down here, there's not feelings.

I am still bound to this hell earth is because you won't let me go.

Dad, and a boy, boy, and a dad, fly in the plane that he once had.

Boy and a dad, fly in the plane.

Oh, dad, looks like he's going insane.

I hate the song.

But long term, I'll be fine.

You're not going to be fine.

This will turn out and I'll shine.

Oh, yeah.

Boy and ghost dad.

Yeah, okay.

I wish I could take the plate down again.

We should drown grandma.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, don't you think?

No.

She's coming up with a lot of stupid ideas lately.

Well, okay.

You and I can figure it out.

Nope.

Can you cook?

I don't think I can lift things up.

Teach me how to shave.

Other, so other than like the ghost dad stuff he had a pretty normal childhood okay

but

then he starts to act out as a teen okay so he did pranks uh he built hot rods and he'd speed around town stole motorcycles blew up the school auditorium with fireworks just things that kid hijinks that kids get into

one's bigger like stuff like that one's bigger yeah but you were a rascal.

I'll be honest, I love fireworks.

How old were you when you blew up the school auditorium?

I was born in my house burnt down once, but it wasn't me, but everyone in my school thought it was me.

Of course they did.

Yeah.

But Bo loved fireworks.

Yeah.

Well, so in 1953, he was 14 years old and he was expelled from school.

Okay.

So he's got no father to discipline him.

Yeah, you got ghost dad.

Yeah, they kicked me out.

Yeah, that's true.

But ghost dad doesn't discipline.

He goes along with you.

Exactly.

That's why I love you, Ghost Dad.

So Bo had to sort of

turn himself, and he picked,

he decided to go to military school.

Oh, boy.

He's like, that's what I need.

Discipline, maybe his dad's future.

Well, it worked.

In what way?

Well, in his senior year, he was offered a spot at West Point Academy.

Goddamn, I'll tell you what.

We keep going to that West Point one.

It watches up a lot.

And it seems to be a bit of a

bit problematic.

A lot of fucking weirdos go through West Point.

Seems like it's not great.

Yeah.

As he was considering it,

going to West Point, he saw a Greenbury

poster on campus, right?

So a poster for the Green Brays.

And he asked his recruiter, he goes, what do those guys do?

And the recruiter said, quote, they go out into the woods, live off bark and lizards, snoop around, blow up bridges, and garret people.

And Bo could not sign up fast enough.

No, Garrett.

Garrett.

No, it's not you.

It's the action of Garretting.

Garrothing.

Bo enlisted in 1957 and enrolled in officer candidate school.

Because this guy sounds like officer.

For the Green Berets.

Yes.

Oh, boy.

By 1963, he was a captain, just in time for the Vietnam War.

So he's good.

Whatever he's doing, he's good at it.

You know, he's good.

Quote, I used to test my people once they said they wanted to volunteer for my unit.

I would sit across the table, take a hand grenade, place it on the table, and say, pull the pin and let it go.

I don't think you're allowed to do that.

I knew I had taken the blasting cap off the grenade, but they didn't know it.

And when you're on special operations, they cannot let common sense rule their judgment.

They have to believe in me.

I mean,

I don't know, man.

I feel like a lot of it is common sense, too.

You got to, like,

you know, there's got to be.

By the way, I would definitely be like, he's full of it.

I'll do it.

Yeah, I think most people would think, well, he's not going to blow us both up.

Yeah.

Right?

If you were like leaving there, you'd mouth to the other guys, like, the grenade band up.

Probably everybody, probably everybody knew going in.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, no.

He does this stupid grenade thing.

But I need you to.

Oh, you pulled that pretty quick, huh?

Yeah, I don't care.

I trust you.

I think out there, I've really got to listen to what you think.

That's right.

So,

Bo didn't command many U.S.

soldiers.

Instead, he was given a detachment mostly of Cambodian mercenaries.

So that's cool.

That's a signal.

A feeling that, well, I think in retrospect, we've been quite good to Cambodia.

Thank you.

If there's one country America has been good to, it's Cambodia.

Yeah.

No, I believe Anthony Bourdain's quote is, if you want to hate America, go to Cambodia.

Yeah.

Indeed.

In 1966, a U-2 spy plane crashed in Cambodia, and its black box full of secret codes could fall into the hands of the USSR.

Real easy, too.

Is our enemy.

Yep.

Yeah.

Aren't you?

Who's on your shirt?

That's Karl Marx.

Well, what's your deal?

What's the shirt say?

Told Told you so.

Yeah.

President Johnson wanted the black box back, so he called in special

forces, and that means Bo Greitz.

When I was growing up, I always thought his name was Bo Gritz.

I've never heard of him.

You've never heard of Bo Gritz?

No.

Or Bo Greites?

No.

Bo said he led his team behind enemy lines to the crash, but the box was gone.

Cambodians.

Cambodians.

It didn't take him long to find sandal tracks leading to an enemy camp.

Or as we call them, just Cambodians.

Yep.

But yeah, a Cambodian village.

An area of Cambodian people living their lives.

I have the feeling this isn't going to go great.

Well, he led a raid on the camp, successfully recovered the black box.

Okay.

Now, other Green Brays who were on that mission say that his version is absolute bullshit.

They said the black box was just at the crash site and they got it without firing a shot.

Or they had to attack an enemy camp.

He said that they went in there just attacking and that's how he found it.

So he went on a Rambo mission to find the black box.

He followed the sandal tracks.

Now, can I

you've seen uh you've seen

video of a jungle.

You've seen

Vietnam War movies.

How do you think following sandal tracks goes in the jungle?

Well, I think you're probably looking you're you're looking for

some depressed leaves

some areas of

you know, I think you could I could probably figure it out and probably follow it, but it's not the easiest it's and here's why Dave.

It's it's quite quite leafy and foresty and the ground is and moist

and uh and and it's probably not that easy and even if you can follow it for a minute it's probably difficult to keep going yeah but interesting yeah

uh

so anyway that's what happened bow on uh

some fellow soldiers quote there are soldiers like myself who are not staff pukes

we didn't come up the ranks slow stroking the generals instead we came up in the

hand job yeah wow instead we came up in the foxholes and the field.

We will not sell our time, our talent, our resources to anyone, regardless, but we'll give them if the cause is right.

Who jacked off a general?

I knew it.

I got.

These generals have an insatiable hunger for hand jobs.

Can I be a colonel?

Can I be a colonel?

Drop and give me it.

Oh.

Yeah.

General Westmoreland wrote of the raid in his memoir and portrayed bow as a hero okay

even though it's clearly not real i'm still i'm i'm open francis ford coppola wanted to use a picture of bow and his mercenaries for apocalypse now

bow's rose up to lieutenant colonel in vietnam

Time magazine said he became, quote, the most decorated soldier in American history with over 60 medals, including the distinguished flying cross, two purple hearts, two legion of merits, three silver stars, four bronze stars, and 26 air medals.

I mean, that's crazy.

That's a lot.

You could.

You're happy now, Daddy?

You could probably sell that for a lot.

Two purple hearts?

Yeah, well, yeah.

But I think you get those pretty easy.

I don't think you do.

I think you can get them pretty easy if you know the right people.

I got a bunch of them.

I think if you know, I think if people like you, you get those easier.

Yeah, yeah, I got a bunch of purple hearts.

You want one?

No.

No problem.

That's not how you get them.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do.

You can steal a purple heart, and then you are

officially injured in Vietnam.

People don't know that.

Were you alive for Vietnam?

No.

Isn't that crazy?

But a Freedom of Information Act request later seemed to show that Bo basically gave himself many of the medals.

Oh.

Sometimes awarding himself twice for the same thing.

Oh, my God.

People just aren't checking paperwork.

How is he able to do that?

He's just...

Do it.

Send in paperwork once, get in medical, send in paperwork again, change some of the details, get it again.

Jesus Christ, this guy needs a lot of purple hearts.

Imagine what his uniform looks like.

Oh, that whole thing is like grown-up Cub Scouts.

After the war, he had a crisis of conscience, and he said he had killed 400 men.

Jesus Christ.

And he was trying to grapple with it, but couldn't.

Can you imagine killing 400 people?

Yes.

Okay.

I mean, I have a list.

But I mean, you've never killed.

Well, okay.

No, I have not killed a human being.

Yeah.

I accidentally killed a possum once.

Ah.

That was sad.

Ah.

Quote, I went to the top of a mountain in Mexico.

I had one bullet in my nine millimeter.

I come to shot one Mexican.

Dirty, dirty Mexican I saw from the bluff and I shot him.

I had come to some sort of realization.

Had all of the loss of life that I had precipitated in Vietnam, was it excusable?

No.

Luckily, Bo came to a conclusion, quote, searching back, if you take life and do it in the course of duty, that kind of wrongful death is excusable.

How can you possibly

I did soul searching is what I did.

But imagine if, I mean, look.

What I realized was if you're wearing a uniform and you cut off someone's head, be it a

soldier or a child, you're doing it for your country.

And therefore, it is what is officially termed okie-doki.

What you don't understand, God, was I was told to.

Oh, mama's told me.

Well, go on.

I've been here.

But I really think, like, I mean, there are so many soldiers who have come back from, you know, fucking whatever war.

And they're like, what the fuck?

What did I do?

I I mean, they and you have,

I mean,

how are you gonna, you gotta like find a way to be like, All right, I'm just, I mean, they told me to, they told them to, they lied to him, yeah.

And, but although he's not lied to, no, he's he's the liar, right?

A lot of them are lied to, and they have to do stuff that's absolutely horrendous.

Yeah, and then you have to like come back and actually, like, you know,

figure that out, which is impossible.

And then you become a cop.

Oh, Bo started doing a karate,

and that

is when he met a beautiful woman he gave him something like four black beautiful woman okay

they were married that year okay she's 16 20 years younger 16 20 years younger 16 fertile gareth 16 she's 16 she is uh uh just had a childhood you know the the whole the

how long until trump just lowers the fuck age

i don't think they call it the fuck age

well soon enough It's called the fuck age.

We'll call it the fuck age.

That's how we might get around everything.

Yeah, you really might.

Bo was transferred to Special Forces, commander of South America, where he served until 1977.

Okay.

Now, if you have heard the doll before, you'll remember some very bad shit was going on in South America at that time.

May I say very, very bad shit, concentration camp shit.

Right.

By us.

okay all right

uh so amazed and frustrated he watched the u.s shield ruthless panamadian dictator manuel noriega have i down a dollop on noriega i don't think so no

um he had a major role in a joint operation by the cia and the mossad to create the cocaine boom in the u.s which led to millions of dollars going to buy weapons for anti-socialist contras in central and south america it it really is like shocking to me once again the length of time we've just been doing the exact same and being lied to about a company i mean over massad and cia are pip and jordan i mean just one's always like i'll cook yeah

um from panama bow learned quote 10 of acquired cia covert funds come from congressional appropriation the other ninety percent is made up from extra extra-legal means.

Extra legal means?

Right.

So, if you really look into the CIA, you'll see that they do get a lot of money from the government, but they make a lot of money on their own.

Is that right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How are they making that money?

Well, right here, it's drugs.

Hello, CIA.

I'd like to donate.

Drugs.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

Shortly after.

I've never liked them more.

Yeah, they're pretty fun.

They do drug deals.

Shortly after, his 22-year career ended under mysterious, mysterious mysterious circumstances so bow said a general asked him to retire to focus on civilian prisoner of war uh pow rescue missions let me guess he was forced out but the general died right after that

pull this pin so bow showed people a letter he said proved the general wanted him doing POW rescue missions.

And the FBI said the letter was a forgery.

What do they know?

Who's to believe?

Who are you going to believe?

This decorated, this guy's got 7,000 medals.

He's got 15 purple hearts.

Three on the same day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Really tossing them out.

Pentagon sources said Bo retired because his superiors pressured him into leaving after believing that he'd done a Colonel Kurtz.

A Colonel Kurtz?

Go ahead.

Colonel Kurtz.

I will show you.

Oh, God.

Josh is going to be mad at you.

Josh is pretty much constantly mad.

It's true.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dear.

So he did a Colonel Kurtz.

He did the Apocalypse Nod.

Yeah, so Colonel Kurtz is Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now.

As I call him, the straight man in the movie.

Just like a real chill character.

Okay, so I'll read it.

Walter Kurtz was a career officer in the U.S.

Army.

He's a third-gener West Point graduate who had risen through the ranks and was seen to be destined for a top post in the Pentagon.

So, yeah, so,

and then he goes, uh, bananas and mom.

Um, so they think that this, so they think that's what happened.

Right.

So the, that's, that's what some people in Pennington say that they were like, okay, yeah.

How you go, buddy, bro.

That's a bit like, we love a lot of shit in

the army.

Wow.

We were meant to do it.

Tell them, dad.

The issue of prisoners of war,

the soldiers missing in action who were left behind in Vietnam was pretty big amongst veterans.

And now he's going to be involved in that and the.

Amongst veterans and their families.

So Colonel Kurtz is like, I was reassigned.

But it's a sham.

They're just people having hope, right?

And they can't go

families and whatnot.

Here's how it happened, though.

So in 1972,

the Knicks administration lied.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

He did one bad thing, and it's this, but he didn't do anything.

So he did tell a lie.

He was on the up and up for the most part.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But this is one thing.

Everything I've heard has been pretty soft.

Straightforward.

So he said there were around 1,300 prisoners of war.

Is he just trying to cover for death?

No.

If you can imagine this, so he wanted to say there were prisoners of war so he could justify a Christmas bobbing campaign.

If you can imagine a country saying there were

and he would use it as leverage in peace talks.

So that's what.

So he lied.

Right.

This is Kissinger shit.

Who else could it be?

It's so crazy how,

like, if we could just put our minds towards doing proper things that help people, but instead we're like, how can we bomb my Christmas?

Like, it's just the most evil shit.

There were actually half as many POWs, according to both North Vietnam and American intelligence.

After the war, Nixon only brought home 591 soldiers, which is probably the amount there actually were.

But now people are like, well, there's 700 still there because of the fake numbers.

So Nixon now says, no, all POWs have been freed, which makes everyone super suspicious.

Why is he saying that?

And created a cottage industry of people determined to bring our boys home.

Oh, no.

No, not a cottage industry of POW hunters.

Oh, no.

Ross Perot.

Oh, my God.

A short Texas billionaire obsessed with bringing every prisoner of war back.

We're going to find him.

We are going to find your boys, okay?

He called the Nixon White House so often that an exasperated aide finally said, quote, God damn it, stop calling.

Now, hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute.

Hold on a minute.

Put me on hold.

I like the music guys, babe.

He organized a private

paramilitary operation

to free two employees from an Iranian prison.

Now, we're going to find these boys.

But in an incredible, in an act of incredible timing, someone else freed the prisoners right before Peru's team arrived.

I think we still go.

Okay?

I think we should still make the trip.

Get the ghost one.

All right.

The only thing that we're looking, we might find more pals, okay?

Yes.

I think we'd look over,

turn over every rock, every stick, every log, everything we can find.

Every tree trunk.

May a guy be under our shoe.

Can I just...

We got to find them.

Can I just ask you to stop calling them pals?

Pals?

No.

What are you talking about?

What do you call them?

Never mind.

It's like the Batman cop.

P-W.

I call them P-O-W.

It's like when Batman hits a guy, pow.

How am I going to get him?

It's not really.

And when we break the door down, we're going to make a pal on the pal, okay?

We're going to find these boys.

no matter what.

I've never seen you so excited to be able to do Ross Pro.

I don't know what you're talking about, man.

I've never, never done, I've never brought back a character and seen you.

I mean, you're now hold on, you're floating.

Hold on a minute, you're floating.

Hold on a minute.

You're calling me a balloon?

Yes, I might be a little balloony right now.

I'll tell you what, I got it.

I have more helium inside of me than a big bunch on a birthday bash.

Okay,

according to Bo,

the director of the Defense Intelligence Agency, which is the Department of Defense's own CIA.

What the f- Why?

Everybody needs wine.

We're good.

Everybody needs wine.

We're good.

The end of this country will just be everyone's in a military

service.

So he asked Ross Pro, the director of the Defense Intelligence Agency, asked Ross Pro to fund Bo's first POW rescue mission.

Absolutely.

You got it.

You absolutely have a deal.

As

Bo entered Pearl's office, the first thing he saw was a massive bronze statue of John Wayne atop a majestic steed with his gun out, looking very...

Now, how good is this, huh?

From

Bo's autobiography.

So Pearl gets right to the point.

I should just have you read this.

Sheriff.

Okay, wait.

Yeah, so there's two sentences here, but I'll let let you read both

okay

now i want you to go over there and do everything necessary you come back and tell me there aren't any powws left alive i'm not interested in bones that's bones b-o-n-e-s

now how crazy is that that i just said that

there's a second one oh and and and i apologize a little more rospro goes on to say quote quick when you get back i have an additional task for you governor clements and the head of the DEA have given me permission to have one man operate outside the law.

I know you have extensive contracts in Central America.

I want you to uncover and identify everyone dealing with cocaine, everyone dealing with cocaine between Columbia and Texas.

Once you're sure you've got them all, I want you to wipe them out in a single night like an angel of death.

Okay?

Like a little thing, that little guy said that.

I want you to ride in on like you're one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Take your sword out of your sheath.

And I want you to cut the heads off these boys.

You understand?

And when the heads are off, I want the blood drained out of them.

And I want you to put it in a big bucket.

And I want you to cut the skulls out of the skin.

And then I want you to

drink the blood out of the skulls like wine from a craft.

Okay?

You understand?

Yeah, but the skulls, so they have the skull.

You will take the skull out of the skin.

I'm holding it.

Are you slow?

I'm holding it upside down.

So it's upside down.

The skull?

There's no way it would hold.

Of course it is.

The water.

It's like a head bowl.

Blood.

A head bowl.

It's like a bow.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm just thinking of the particulars of drinking.

Well, some of it's going to spill down your neck.

Yeah.

But that's okay.

You will be covered in blood at that point anyway.

Okay.

So there's no need to worry about a napkin or anything like that.

Okay.

Are you slow, son?

No, no.

I'm just.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

I'm just thinking this through.

You will drink the blood out of the skull like it's wine from a big old bowl.

Okay.

And that's what you'll do.

And this is legal?

You said something about legal.

Oh, you're you're not going to say that.

Legality of all this.

Outside the law.

But that is not illegal.

Illegal is illegal.

You're just working a little bit outside the law.

I guess my question is.

I would rather you not have a question, but go ahead.

If you say the DA says they give permission to work outside the law,

can they actually give that permission?

It seems like

from a government perspective, you can't actually say work outside the law because then they're not saying it.

I'm saying it.

They gave me a head nod.

I said to them, can these boys work outside the law?

And one of them opened a window.

Okay.

So we're 100% clear on this.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

I want you to do stuff you've never done before.

Make it dirty.

I've done most of this.

And by the way, I want some of the skulls.

I've killed 400 people.

That's awesome.

I never drank from a head, though.

Yeah, this is going to be good for you.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, I never drank wine out of a skull or blood out of a skull or anything like that.

Now, what if I get...

But you know what I did have once?

An old bottle of Merlot.

1951.

Okay.

Yeah.

Real good.

But they left it standing up, so it's kind of vinegary.

But I didn't even care.

Were they making Merlot in 51?

What kind of question is that?

How would you even, what, what year do you think Merlot was invented?

Are you actually going to Google this?

That is an inappropriate Google right now.

We have bigger fish to fry.

Right now, we're a grill covered in fish, and you're telling me you're making room for a little bit of a Google?

That doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, they probably had it, right?

Probably.

Of course they had it

uh i can't wait for you to eat crow

yeah it doesn't really say oh history here we go here you go history of merlot yeah no it's uh ha ha

now look at you boy 1824 yeah 1820 what do you think they just made merlot in like 1975 it seems like it's not sun kiss fool yeah yeah it seems like uh

out here acting like merlot's cheetos it's been around for a long time monks probably made it monks probably drank it speaking of monks i want want you to take a vow of silence when it comes to talk back with me.

Now, on my table, I have a grenade.

I want you to do me a favor and eat it.

I'm not eating the fucking grenade.

Eat the grenade.

Okay.

I will eat it.

Okay.

All right.

So there's no record of this

being true at all.

There's no record that.

Most of the stuff that Bo says, there's no record of it being true.

Is that problematic?

Well, there's no record of pro ever giving Bo a dime, but I, my memory is of

Pro

backing Bo and liking Bo a lot.

Like, he pushed.

But how was he involved?

Like, well, the same way Elon gets involved in the money.

He's just a rich billionaire.

Yeah, he was.

He's just a rich guy who's just now like having fun.

Yeah.

Now you listen to me.

But Bo did get a quasi-go-ahead from the Army's version of the CIA, the Intelligence Support Agency.

Oh, my, what?

It's got to have another one.

The ISA was formed in 1979 to plan the failed rescue of American hostages in Iran.

Oh,

when we sent two helicopters and they weren't

running for the desert and they crashed.

Yep.

In two years, the agency outbore its welcome in the Pentagon, mostly because...

Can you imagine the Pentagon being like, you're a little, what the fuck are these guys doing?

You're a little crazy.

It was deemed a rogue operation accountable to no one so they got rid of it it's the perfect organization however for bogue rights oh geez i how are they this is they're just fighting each other yeah like a war crimes bumble

bow's old army buddy at the isa codename shipman hello

gave him the green light and bow was ready to form his first big mission operation velvet hammer velvet hammer soft fucking hammer That's what Mel Tourme called his cock.

I'm going to.

What happened, bud?

What happened?

I'm going to hit you with a soft hammer so fucking soft.

Velvet hammer.

You're going to want this hammer to hit you over.

And in this corner.

Oh, and 51.

So the velvet,

based on the findings of a Vietnamese man named Lowe,

who approached U.S.

agents about a POW camp in Laos.

Okay.

So the U.S., when they hear this, they send a spy plane to take a picture.

And the picture shows there is a large facility with walls, fences, and guard towers.

Well, well, well, well, welly, well, well.

Hold ya.

There were standing figures

whose shadows seemed to indicate that they were, quote, taller

than Asians.

How do you make spy plane pictures racial?

Jesus Christ.

It is just.

You know what?

It's actually kind of nice to see the racism trip up in television.

And there were sitting figures who, quote, don't squat like Asians.

Mother of God, get it all out.

This is called proof.

That is,

hey, no.

That guy's sitting like a white.

No.

So we analyzed the photo, General, and you can see here that this is white sitting.

Absolutely.

Those men are not squatting, and they're tinier than regular men.

Asians sit with their bottom down and their legs over their shoulders.

These men are sitting with their just legs out.

Yep.

That is not an Asian.

They don't even know about that technology yet.

They haven't heard about legs going straight out.

And

Ruskis.

One more thing, Gareth.

The symbols B and 52 seem to be stamped out in the grass.

B and so they're saying

the stamped out.

What do you say?

They're saying they saw someone stamp out an imprint.

No, they didn't see it, but someone had done it.

Someone had done it in the grass.

Right.

But they're saying it's a part of.

It's the code.

The prisoner of war is sending a message.

Oh, the prisoner of war.

Did he?

He didn't stamp out SOS.

No.

He stepped out B-52.

He's the

spy plane.

Love Shack.

Love Shack.

Oh my God.

So the military hire Thai and Laotian operatives.

I have a

low bar for the

military war crimes.

And oof.

The military hire Thai and Laotian operatives to stake out the camp.

And they find no evidence of POWs.

They're compromised.

In fact, it looks like it's been deserted for a long time.

Just like they want you to believe.

Yeah, you fell for it.

The DIA.

The DIA?

That is the Defense Intelligence Agency?

Yes, which the Department of Defense is CIA.

Cool.

The DIA asked Lowe to take a lie detector test.

Okay.

This will do it.

Did lie detectors work or not?

This will do it.

Well, he did fail several times.

Okay.

In this case, I guess it did.

Okay.

I think they do sometimes, but I think there's a way to

switch to drain it.

Yeah.

Like I put something on my ass.

Huh?

There's a particular butt plug.

Huh?

You can also just press, put a pebble under your toe and push on that.

Why would you not go with that route?

Don't answer.

Do not answer.

Don't answer.

It looked as soon as there, okay.

The DIA concluded that the figures had been set up by Lowe

or they were just shadows.

I want to talk about technology at this point because

why are you even

doing it?

Because

if you can't tell the difference between a shadow and a man

and you are pretending you can tell the difference between a white guy and an Asian guy.

Maybe you shouldn't be using that technology.

Maybe that technology is not actually that good.

Now, look, we're all excited for you guys to come up with that tech, obviously.

The drone era, we're all very pumped up for it.

But right now, it feels like maybe you're not there yet.

The

ISA, however, by the way, it's not only Asians that can be tiny.

Ross Pro is Asian-sized.

I don't think you're allowed to say something like that.

According to this.

I don't think you're allowed to say something like that.

Oh, according to this.

There's many things you can compare me to.

According to Spy Fire, Dressage Pony.

Perozation.

I'm the size of a fire hider, but not one of those ones that's in the ground fully.

It's got the little base sticking up out like it's a little dress.

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm half a mailbox.

I'm a newspaper stand size.

Okay.

I'm pocket friendly.

So the ISA, which is the Army's version of the CIA,

feels differently.

Shipman thought that Shipman is his contact at the ISA.

Shipman thinks it's an active camp and sends the classified picture to Bo Greitz.

Bo

let me guess what Bo thinks.

Well, he agrees.

He's like, This is a fucking active prison camp.

Look at it.

You give him the ink blood test, everything.

He's like, Camp, we need to go in.

And clearly, some of her boys are there.

They're sitting down.

They're making B-52 in the grass.

Bingo, baby.

Get moving.

What's taking so long?

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Yeah, we do a hydro built for two.

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So, Bo gets funding and starts putting together a team.

I need a team.

So, news of this gets to the DIA's admiral, who hates Bo.

So, right now, you have the

Department of Defense's CIA now working opposed to the Army's CIA.

Yep, which is cool.

He would later, the Admiral would later tell Congress, quote, the best thing Grites could do for the POW issue is find another activity.

It's just something else.

Oh, because you don't want them to be rescued because you left our boys.

They're not there.

Never stop.

No matter what they say, you can never

end.

You can't win.

And all because

Nixon said there's 1,300 there.

Jesus.

And this went on for, this was like

a lot.

It started in my childhood, but went on and on for years.

The POW thing, there's POW.

Dude, there's movies, Missing in Action with Chuck Norris.

That's all based on this shit.

That's crazy.

But it was a great movie.

I mean, those are old movies.

I mean, it's just like you would watch war crimes and be like, let's go.

Like, that was like the 80s and 90s.

You were like, awesome.

Our guy just killed a bunch of villagers.

Well, have you ever seen Black Hawk Down?

Oh, yeah.

It's crazy.

They're like who am i supposed to be rooting for yeah

um

so

the admiral declares that no one in the government is allowed to cooperate with bow and ordered bow to return the photo no that's right bow refuses

and now because he said that he's more motivated to carry on he's like these motherfuckers i will show them so he called old special forces buddies and offers seven

and offers seven thousand dollars

for a cool secret mission.

Do you guys want to go on a mission?

I don't have a lot.

That's actually a lot back then.

Is it?

That's a pretty good amount of money back then.

Okay.

The new team

also has green, it has green berets, but it also has some unconventional type of people you might not expect to be on a POW rescue mission.

This is ARM.

They had a famous POW MIA advocate and Mills Griffith.

Hello.

A psychic.

I sense that there are war crimes coming.

A hypnotherapist?

I

look into the.

Where's that watch?

Look at the watch.

There you go.

They all got together at a.

So you're going to take a psychic to find POWs that don't exist?

Yeah, you bring a talking head lady who's just like, I don't know, Ann Coulter of POWs, and you take a hypnotherapist.

And a psychic.

And a psychic.

What do you think?

We're ready to go.

They're definitely Asian.

Are they Asian?

You two don't work together anymore.

You two sneak clear of each other.

You're kind of ruining each other's JoJo over there.

So moving forward.

So they go and train at a Florida cheerleading camp.

All right, guys.

Now,

we're doing a pyramid.

And we're going to get it right.

And we're going to beat those girls from Clarkton.

Fuck Clarkton.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Hypnotherapy lady.

Bo invited two reporters to watch the training, as you would do for a secret mission.

Well, he's probably just trying to get ahead of the terrible things.

No, this is a PR stunt.

Well, he threatened to kill them if they compromise it by reporting too early.

He was like, we're going to rescue POW guys.

So we want someone to get the whole story.

So when we get back, we'll be superheroes.

A-side, right?

Where other missions like this involved rehearsing raids in exact replicas of prison compounds, which is harder because a trailing camp doesn't really,

it's not really the same.

So Bo did it differently.

He refused to show anyone the surveillance photo.

So all of the guys

who are working with him.

Can we just see the picture?

He won't show them the photo.

No.

But trust me, it's real bad.

Then, can we see it?

Can you draw a picture for us?

Like, make a map?

No.

No.

But believe me, we got to get these guys out of there.

We really got to make a map.

Can you give us some indication of where we're going in and how to get out?

I can't compromise the mission right now.

We're.

Part of it.

Yeah.

A big part of it.

Well, we're going to have to do it.

Boys, a big part of it.

But I will not be.

This isn't picture time.

Trust me.

Okay.

I know what I'm doing.

Okay?

It seems like not.

I want you to take this gun on my table.

So instead of showing everyone the photo, he turned things over to the psychic, who described the layout of the camp as she saw it from a vision.

There are many POWs and many Asians.

Oh, it's bad.

At this point, how bad do you need $7,000?

I guess you're doing it because you really think there's POWs over there, but

maybe

some are probably just like, I had something to do.

There are red flags.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

A psychic is a red flag.

How sure are we in the mission?

Well,

this lady can count guards pretty good.

Are we going

through?

Are we going to

come up in boats?

Are we going to go by foot?

I'm seeing us on rockets on our backs.

What's your son named Tony?

I think he's here.

It's a T-name.

She described barbed wire tunnels, cell doors with dog tags on them, and seeing soldiers out in the jungle digging up bamboo shoots.

They're in the jungle.

Bamboos

mainly grows underground.

is there bamboo is bamboo a mostly japanese thing is it in vietnam not right now i'm seeing a lot of bamboo but the vietnam bamboo grows underground towards the earth's core and they're making our poor boys dig it up why

because they want them to go make really cool

uh a really cool tiki bar

they really want a tiki bar do you see pandas?

There are a lot of pandas there too, and they are eating the bamboo.

And oh no, one of our boys is in trouble.

Is it Tony?

Is it my son?

It is Tony.

Tony's there.

And the panda is trying to get the bamboo out of Tony's hands.

But Tony turned it into like a bow weapon.

Oh.

And he's poking the panda with it, the vicious pandas.

Pandas have a taste for

humans and fighting and flesh.

And

he put it through the panda's heart.

And the panda's dead.

And Tony's okay.

And he's taken the heart out.

Tony's seven, by the way.

And Tony, Tony took the heart out and he's playing with it like it's a little train.

Okay.

He's on the ground and he's making choo-choo noises.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's

my Tony.

And wow, what a, I'm, whoo.

You tired?

Very tired.

Yeah.

It really takes it out of me.

Yeah.

There's so much creativity I have to do.

Yeah.

It's difficult.

Yeah.

Why don't you take a nap for a long time?

Now that they know exactly what to expect at the prison camp from the psychic, we've got this.

I know just where we'll park.

It was time for Bo to reveal how they'd get there from the jungle.

Bo just received a state-of-the-art experimental transportation device, an inflatable airplane.

So,

just think about that.

No, no, think about it from a physics standpoint.

It's all I'm thinking about.

So

we will be floating over there.

Yes.

A 747 balloon.

Well, it looks like a big flamingo.

Yes.

It's also in the summer, it's using a pool.

Is this,

what does it, what am I,

I don't know.

I have no answers.

One team member, if you weren't, you're like, man, I'm kind of getting cold feet.

Hey, hear a mouth.

We will be leaving the jungle on an inflatable plane.

Will they be shooting at us?

Yes.

We will all have to stop down and blow it up, and we'll probably get a little lightheaded from doing it.

And when you take your lips off, make sure to put your thumb over the little pluggy bit, otherwise you'll lose your breath work.

Okay.

All right.

This is going to be great.

This is going to work out good.

One team member imagined hiding in the jungle under the cover of darkness, fervently blowing air into the nozzle.

Morale was not great.

Nope.

Now, once they made it into the enemy camp, Bo had a plan for the assault.

They'd kill the guards, rescue inflatable guns.

Rescue the POWs.

Everything here is inflatable.

Yeah, it's

easy to get in.

Picture a pool party for an eight-year-old.

Everything here will be blown up on our mouths.

They'd rescue the POWs, easy as that.

But how would they get out, you might ask?

Bo imagined it going like this:

the team would send word through a series of relay stations to the base commander at their hotel, who would call

Anna Mills Griffith, who is in Washington, D.C.,

who would call her people at the DIA, who would call the White House, and then the president would call the Seventh Fleet to send in helicopters to rescue everyone.

It's a good, it's solid.

It's a solid, there's no way that communication

could break down.

To preserve.

I'm starting to think this guy doesn't know what he's doing.

To preserve mission secrecy, nobody in the government, including the president, was to know anything about the mission until those calls went out.

Now, see, that's a problem.

No.

No, no.

The president's supposed to know that stuff.

That's how you get reassurance.

They'll come pick you up.

No, it's outside the law.

Oh, no, that was the other thing.

But this is also outside the law.

The president can't know

because it's, you can't have soldiers in another country.

Well, boy, do I have a future for you?

So, Bro, Bo brings in more reporters to observe the training, which consisted of more than.

The White House can't know about this, but he's doing press conferences.

No, no, he's just bringing the reporters, like

embed him.

Yeah.

Oh, are they going with him?

No, well, they're just coming to the training camp.

Right, okay.

They might go with him.

But still, it's like you're like, if you have a couple, yeah, a couple reporters know about it.

You're good.

Now you're just like, we need a team.

We need a bunch of reporters.

So who is not familiar with inflatable plane?

It's pretty exciting.

So

the training consisted of morning and evening exercise sessions, group hypnosis, and church.

It's like an eat, pray, love.

Well, if they had done this from the beginning of Vietnam, they would have won.

Absolutely.

Bo was the preacher

telling his team, quote, he had been ordained by God to rescue POWs and that team members were his disciples.

So it's fine.

It's all, this is what you want to hear when you're about to go on a mission of this type, which isn't real.

Who ordained you?

God.

God.

Don't you have to take some sort of training?

God said, I don't.

No, he's good with it.

We're fine.

One reason you don't invite journalists to secret training,

kind of obvious.

They check your sources, right?

So, Bo bragged that the operation was being funded with

$300,000 from Federal Express.

What the fuck?

The shipping company.

So, he's just out of his mind.

This guy's just out of his mind about to go rescue POWs that don't exist

on a plane that is inflatable, and it's all funded by somewhere that mails packaging.

Federal Express.

Like, if you're a reporter and you're like, I'm a little skeptical.

Don't worry.

This whole thing's being funded by Arby's.

Federal Express obviously heard about the operation when reporters called to ask them about it.

Before?

That's how they found out about it.

That's how the.

Oh, okay, right.

No.

Yeah, before it's happened.

Yeah.

The reporters called.

So the White House can't know about this, but Federal Express is like, wait, sorry, there's a POW issue.

Wait, what?

We need to seal every lift, except for these 18 journalists who can follow the source.

We'll get it there overnight.

Including POWs.

If the plane doesn't inflate, Federal Express has agreed to shift bus at half the rate.

Bo still sent

two team members to collect the money

from Federal Express?

So he lied.

Reporters checked up on it and said, Federal Express doesn't know what the fuck you're talking about.

And he was like, and to double down, he sent two men to get the money.

Go get it.

Where do they go?

Just to a Federal Express

headquarters.

What the fuck?

We're here to meet Mr.

Federal Express.

And the two team members get screamed at by a corporate executive, and then they quit the mission.

Not Federal Express isn't every part of it, the two team members.

Are you guys hiring?

Oh, my God.

We're not UPS.

Oh, my God.

So, broke.

Why are you quitting?

What do you mean?

It's all been pretty good so far.

So, broke and nervous that word of the mission would get out, Bo changed course and moved them to a hunting lodge.

So, now they're out of nature,

and Bo felt the word of the Lord running through him.

How old is Bo right now?

I'm going to say

no, no, no, no, no.

45?

Yeah, around

middle age.

Wow.

So he feels the Lord running through him being in this nature sort of area.

He held services.

He forced the men to hold hands and sing hymns.

Five men quit.

They're like, okay, that's, I was with you everything but the holding hands thing.

The chairman of the National League of Families, which is the biggest organization

devoted to POWs and MIAs, came to visit the camp.

Don't tell anyone.

He was immediately horrified to learn that zero of the men had been paid.

So no one's been paid.

These guys have been at training camp for a while.

Nobody's been paid.

And a bunch of been convinced to quit their jobs to participate.

So the chairman right there writes a check for 20 grand for them and their families.

Wow.

And three days later, the Orlando Sentinel went ahead and published their story on the front page.

This is for the mission that we can't tell anyone about.

That's right.

So

Bo scraps the mission.

Well, I guess you didn't want the P.O.

Duffy to be a W's enough.

Imagine when someone tells him it's on the cover of

an Orlando paper.

Like, wow.

Oh,

shit.

It's like you can't invite reporters to your clandestine training camp anymore.

How the hell did they find out?

Someone here squealed.

So he didn't kill a reporter.

He didn't kill a reporter.

Remember, he said he was going to kill a reporter, but he didn't kill a reporter.

So

Bo canceling the operation isn't great news for the remaining mercenaries, operators, wherever they are.

They're stuck in Florida.

They have no money and they have no way home.

They're just stuck.

So the National League of Families chairman, again,

opens a checkbook and writes them all checks so they can get home to their families.

Like if you're there where the guy's like, dude, I'm going to fucking buy them plane tickets.

They don't need to fly home.

I have an inflatable jet.

They can all go on that.

It'll be fine.

But also, embarrassing for the guys who did this, going back to the families and going, You make it up.

You make it up.

You make it up.

You make it up.

How was it?

You look great considering what you must have gone through.

I didn't eat much.

Oh, my God.

Well, you know, we trained and we were.

What is it like in the jungle?

Well,

you must have.

Oh, come here, you.

You need a nice clean bath.

So there was in a blowjob.

Yeah.

How tough was the mission?

Well, it was like being a cheerleader in a camp, really.

What?

Yeah, it was hard.

Wow.

And then we were camping in a forest.

Ah, the jungle.

No.

And then how did you get to the POW base?

We didn't.

How many guys did you release?

You say nine.

Nine men.

Yeah.

Well, get that dong out of your pants

okay it might not work because it's sad what

it's been humiliated by

our country are you looking directly into your camera yeah isn't that what we do for this kind of thing no

um

12 years later 12 years later okay the guy was still mad at Bo, the guy who wrote the checks.

Yeah, fucking, but he's furious.

He told the Senate committee that Bo had hoodwinked him and the men, and he wasn't angry about wasting $30,000 on a mission to never get off the ground.

He just wanted accountability.

Quote, this committee has a responsibility to investigate and, where necessary, prosecute these incredible liars.

Because

when there's something like a belief that there's POWs out there, then and there isn't, then all that comes out of the woodwork is grifters.

Yeah.

That's it.

Now, he's a grifter for sure.

Well, that's a.

I mean, I don't know.

He's also just maybe nuts.

He's war nuts.

Yeah, he's nuts.

Like, he's nuts.

He wants there to be a mission.

Yeah, he does.

Big time.

Boat quickly recouped.

Dad, what do you think?

Where are you at on this one, Dad?

I'm just

really disappointed, and I

wish I had died twice, once as a person, and then again as a ghost, so I didn't have to see any of this.

My father thinks two men should go to Federal Express.

Fuck.

So he recoups his losses and sets off on another mission, officially called Operation Grand Eagle, code name Bohica.

Bend over, here it comes again.

What,

like,

come on, you're doing concept wars?

Former Laotian General Vang Pao and Congressman Robert Dornan.

Okay, that's a bad sign when Robert Dornan

comes in on.

Robert Dornan was one of the OG MAGAs.

Oh, wow.

Before MAGA, he was MAGA.

Congressman Robert Dornan were both behind the plot, as was the CIA.

When Dornan called the CIA to get a lowdown on the funding, CIA deputy director Bobby Ray Inman told him this is the first he was hearing about it, and the mission was immediately canceled.

Oh, what?

The bend over one?

So he did it again.

He did it again.

He started up another one.

No one was actually doing it.

He started to do it.

He keeps saying there's funding and there's never funding.

Yeah, yeah.

And he's doing pyramid missions.

Bo,

he's not going to give up on the POWs.

No.

He's going to take another crack at it, this time from money he would raise himself.

Oh, no.

He called this Operation Lazarus.

No.

He made contacts overseas like the deputy premier of Laos, who would rent Bo his army.

Rent Bo his army.

That's correct.

An American professional POW hunter and Lowe, the guy who had grifted everyone about Peto Coke in the first place.

Yeah.

So Bo Bo is, you know, the CIA or the DIA or any other three-letter group get in his way this time.

Nobody's allowed to, yeah, there's really.

Obviously, that means he has to go straight to Reagan.

He just needs someone who can access

the president.

Yeah.

Somehow, some way,

he finds one.

Actor Clint Eastwood.

What?

Right-wing lunatic who would later talk to a chair.

Clin was so into the idea of his mission that he gave Bo $30,000 to fund it.

We will find them.

We're going to get them.

Bo now realizes Hollywood is a good source for money.

Oh, my God.

So

he sets up a $10,000 sale of a book and movie rights with another actor, William Shatner.

I

will get them.

I can't believe there's P

O Ws.

Hollywood likes Bo,

which is why

he would later say they made the Rambo's movie after him.

No, because he went on missions.

Of course, the first Rambo movie is based on a book written before Bo did a POW rescue mission.

That doesn't mess with what I said.

But Rambo 2 kind of seems based on the type of operation Bo was raising money for.

Right.

So Lydia Industries, which is now part of Northrop Grumman, which is a weapons maker,

one of our best, ponied up 50 grand.

and the use of their high-tech equipment.

This is again to go find people who aren't there.

Yeah.

Including a set of sophisticated communication devices designed for use in a nuclear war, and they are worth millions of dollars.

Bo must have jizzed his army for him.

Oh my god, he bowed all over his pants.

Oh, he bowed a load.

It bowed a load.

From Prisoners of Hope by Susan Katz Keating, quote, through a series of mishaps, Greites wound up grossly unprepared for a cross-border foray.

The former deputy premier swindled, so the guy who was going to help and give him men, swindled Greites out of 6,000 and reneged on the offer to rent Greites' army.

So he just...

This is...

This is before the mission, though?

Yeah.

So the Grifter got Grifton.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where are the men?

The professional POW hunter who was paid $5,000 for use of his boat and never got the boat.

Clint Eastwood did not tell Reagan to send in rescue helicopters.

A contact who was supposed to supply guns apparently lost the key to the locker that held the weapons.

What

happened?

This is like

this is the opposite of the Ocean's 11 crew.

How are you going to get into a gun locker if you don't have the key?

There's no way.

It's over.

The mission's over.

Yeah, unfortunately.

All the guns are in there.

I'd shoot the lock off.

That's a combination.

Yeah.

Sucks, too.

You were so close to being able to do this.

And finally, the $27,000 payroll for the men of Operation Lazarus mysteriously disappeared.

FedEx.

Go get it, boys.

So it's looking like the

mission, like the other ones, would end before it even started.

Damn it.

This is Lazarus.

Yeah, but Bo makes up his mind.

They're going to go on.

Well,

none of this shit's going to stop them.

Why would it?

Because of everything that they need is gone.

Well, they still have feet.

And so they marched through the jungle 65 miles.

Despite vocal objections from the men,

between the 19 of them,

they had three weapons.

Well, because the guy lost the key.

So

the rest of you boys just hold leaves.

We're going to snap necks.

The others will massage the others.

We'll do massage trains.

They were going to meet with a team of hastily hired Laotian mercenaries at a rendezvous point and then march to the rescue site at

which at this point doesn't exist.

There's no rescue site.

So that's a problem.

I think everything's a problem, but two days in, they were ambushed.

It must have been the easiest ambush ever.

They're like, lay down your guns.

All of you.

That's all.

That's all we have.

All of you.

We were sharing.

Put all of you.

There's only three here.

There's 19 of you.

Put your guns down.

We are, we believe in sharing.

Put your guns down.

We did.

Search them, boys.

They don't have any guns.

You have three guns.

Yeah.

You didn't.

What are you doing?

We're going to get...

We're going to let you go.

I just want to get paid, man.

I just want to get paid.

I left my job.

That's what we want, too.

I worked at handles.

Handles?

Ice cream.

Handles, ice cream?

Yeah.

I'm barely speaking English.

I'm just not doing the accent.

But you're not doing it.

Why aren't you doing the accent?

Stop asking.

Please do your Laotiana.

No.

Please do your Laotian.

I will will not be doing that.

How about improv is a little more real than this?

I don't think it is.

Okay, so

one American is captured.

And the team gets ready for a counterattack, but Bo, finally for the first time in a position to actually rescue a POW, orders them to retreat.

He has a POW.

I think they got guns from the Laotians that they met up with.

They must have had more guns at this point.

Anyway,

they leave the guy behind.

That's what you're supposed to do.

They run back to Thailand.

Help!

And that

actually, escaping didn't go well.

For example, one of the guys impaled his foot on a tree branch.

Other men got swept away by the Mekong River and almost died.

So the retreat was also bad.

So he's losing men on a mission to save men that don't exist.

That's right.

So they get back to Thailand.

The good news, bad news situation here.

The good news is the prisoner's okay.

The prisoner they created.

Yeah.

The bad news is that he's being held for ransom for $17,500 now by the former deputy

premier who had helped plan the mission.

Oh, my God.

So he's this guy who was like, where do you think you'll be?

Where are you looking to meet up?

So

he's the one who said the, he's the one who answered.

So clearly.

So So he got he already got 6,000 by scamming them, and that is getting okay.

By the way, there's our hero.

Yeah.

That guy is the best.

So Bo doesn't have the money,

and he's too embarrassed to tell anybody that he didn't just fail the POW rescue mission.

He created a mission.

He created his own mission.

Well, now there is a mission.

He went on a fake mission, and now he has a mission, and now he doesn't know what to do.

And now there actually is a POW in the Southeast Asia.

Finally, there's,

we got to find money.

Wait, why don't we go break him out?

What are you talking about?

We can't do that.

That's impossible.

So he just goes, he just leaves.

He goes back to America.

What the fuck?

What the actual fuck?

What are you going to do?

This is like what you've been training everyone for for like 20 years.

So the family's like, how did the mission go?

Your son's a POW.

What?

The opposite happened.

We made one.

We made one.

We went there to stop him, but we made one.

Did you try to rescue him?

We just ran.

We took off.

They were tree branches.

We went to Tom.

Well, Clark hurt his foot real bad.

So we had to go back real quick.

And then.

We had three guns.

Well, no, we got more eventually, but

that guy, the guy we got the guns from eventually,

well, he ripped us off and he took him back and then he took a BAW.

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, that's where you're, yeah, so people are playing fair, yeah.

But the good news is, if we get a little bit of funding, we can get over there and probably try to get your boy back.

Yeah, no man left behind.

That's what we say, man.

That's what we say, except for him.

Well, yeah, yeah, him we left behind, we left him behind, but because again, Clark's foot was so bad.

I mean, like, a tree went through it.

It's a freak accident.

I've just seen it, freaked me out.

I don't know what you want, like, us to do, but he really hurt his foot.

So

do you have any money?

We really need some.

So

he's back in America trying to get money for his next mission.

This motherfucker.

Called Operation Lazarus Omega.

Oh, because it's better.

But an opportunity presents itself.

Lytton Industries came calling after their million-dollar equipment, sending an executive to Bo who would ban a POW.

So this guy's been a POW.

And Bo told him he

kind of lost one of the million-dollar boxes in Laos.

He did?

But he would give the rest of the boxes back for 50 grand.

Dave, there are flashes of me liking this guy.

The executive disagreed with this on grounds.

On the grounds that they loaned it to him and he lost one and they're not going to pay him for the stuff they already have.

And he asked for his property back.

He's like, That's my property.

So Bo goes to the LA Times

and places an ad for a one-day discrete sale of highly valuable military equipment.

And the executive caved and gave Bo $40,000.

Gareth,

Operation Lazarus Omega is a go.

We're going to save POWs.

Woo!

Finally, you have funding.

Oh, my God.

So,

with this money, right now, this is official.

He's got real money now.

So, he brings in two blonde women.

Once they were in Thailand, another team member asked Bo why he's bringing two young, attractive blonde women on a covert mission.

And Bo said that the girls needed him to be their Lawrence of Lulaos.

In part to shut that team member up, Bo used operational funds to send sex workers to his rooms.

So Bo brought two sex workers with him.

And then when the guy was like, what are you doing?

He was like, take sex worker.

Wait,

trust me, we have money this time.

We can have a little fun before we go on the mission.

And is the mission, what is the mission now, to go save the guy that's behind?

Yeah, probably, yeah, maybe.

Among others.

He's still trying to go get the ones that don't agree.

Well, yeah, he's still trying to to get the ones that don't agree.

The guy, finally, the guy that Bo abandoned is released, but not had nothing to do with Bo.

He was like, hey, we did it.

We did it.

Hey.

Well, while the prisoner is being held, he found an explosive device and he put it around his neck.

And he said he'd blow the place up if he wasn't freed.

So they let it go.

That's the grenade trick.

Just like I taught you.

So Bo is determined to get to that prison camp and free those POWs.

So he and his team leaps.

But instead of going to the jungle, they just hung out in a series of safe houses and a rock quarry.

These are all owned by Lowe, the original grifter guy.

Meanwhile, the Bangkok Post runs a front-page story about Bo's current mission.

And because of the story, Thai authorities have reason to believe Bo

has had smuggled in illegal spy radio equipment.

100%.

He had, or he had before.

If he didn't this time, he did before for sure.

So his missions,

there's no covert nature to any of these missions.

Everyone knows.

Everyone's talking.

That's a problem.

I mean, you're on the front page with your covert mission.

You would think once burned,

you would literally.

You would be like, we got

bat in the hatch.

So here's what I'm thinking.

So I know we got burned because we brought in reporters.

So this time I'm thinking reporters and sex workers.

So we're just going to bring sex workers for this one.

Right.

Because they don't say that.

They famously.

As we all know, they don't say anything.

They remember

tight-lipped.

Absolutely.

Well.

So the Thai government raids one of Lowe's safe houses where they found a blonde woman, a team member, and a shit ton of radio equipment, and they charge them.

And Lowe posted their bond.

So one of the sex workers got

arrested for having spy radio equipment yeah she was just like wait what still hiding in a rock quarry bow wrote never leave a sex worker behind

still hiding in a rock quarry bo wrote a letter declaring that he had found proof of pows

He also said he was working with the DIA and CIA, and he handed the letter to a courier to give to the Bangkok correspondent of the LA Times and made him tell the correspondent that Bo brought this letter all the way from a secret camp in Laos.

What?

On the day his team members were supposed to turn themselves in, because obviously the word's out now, Bo showed up, allegedly right from the jungle to surrender.

But photos taken of the event show Bo as completely clean-shaven and freshly showered.

I was at a holiday in.

I'll be honest.

I bear grills did.

Nobody thought he was more ready to believe his own defense attorney in a Thai courtroom than Bogritz, ready to be his own.

He's going to be his own.

The dude is checking every box.

Yes, every box.

Of course he's going to be his own.

If only we could have, if I could have a thimble size of the confidence his pants.

So he tries to show up in his military uniform with all the medals, right?

See that?

But the Thai government won't let him.

I got a lot of these from from killing people.

I know, it's not going to help you in a Thai courtroom.

You know,

I guess in retrospect, you guys probably don't love this.

This is for killing some of the people you know.

I killed 400 people.

Thinking quickly, Bo did the next best thing: naked.

Have Lo show up to the courtroom with the uniform and parade it around.

So he couldn't wear it, but he had him.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, come on.

Oh, well, that's mine.

Xantix went on there from there.

He was basically so annoying that the Thai government promised to give up on any other punishments if he just left and never came back.

No.

That's their thing.

They're like, you can never come back.

If you leave and go away forever, we will end this.

Objection.

He took the deal.

Bo arrived back in America.

There's a media firestorm.

He does a tour of national TV shows promising that he'd reveal real evidence of BOWs still being held prisoner in Laos.

And when asked to produce the photos, Bo said the role of film they were on was undeveloped.

And this, I remember, when he came, I remember this specifically

because he is on all the shows and he is being talked about as this.

He's being treated like a hero instead of what he is, which is a fucking

lunatic.

Everyone's like, what's it like?

So that's the end of part one, Bo.

Part one is crazy.

Bo returns a military icon, a hero.

But that, what

is wrong?

We are so incapable of anything.

Yeah.

I mean, it is shocking.

Yeah.

Talk shows.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were so primed for Trump.

We were.

I mean, we've just been like, we've just been

making it, just putting the butter in the pan for, it's time.

Yeah.

It was time.

Yeah.

God, are we seasoned?

This isn't the only one.

I'm currently writing one up of another guy that's just like this.

Sources or whatever?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, sources.

So this was written by Josh and Adrowski.

And

Revolution of Small Guns by Adam Parfay.

Prisoners of Hope by, that's in the San Diego reader.

Prisoners of Hope by Suzanne Katz-Keating.

Ruby.

Oh, no, I don't want to read that one.

That one's not a source yet.

It'll be a source in part three.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

America, we did it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gear Force.

Come on, go to Garethrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th, Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd.

Two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Join me.

I was sipping my latte when my friend gasped.

Her phone had just alerted her to a data breach.

Again, that's when I told her about CAPE.

It's not just another app, it's a mobile carrier built to protect your privacy.

No name, no address, no data collected.

Cape offers premium nationwide service for $99 a month.

First month, just $30.

Use code CAPE33 and get 33% off your first six months.

She signed up that afternoon.

And now, no more gasps.

Go to CAPE.co.

Privacy starts at the source.