695 - Albert Okura

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You're listening to the dollop on the all what's wrong with you, things comedy network.

This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a pig.

Gareth Reynolds, Oinky Oinky, listeners who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

I want to tell you about my day before we start.

Okay,

I

drove from new york and i'm headed to nashville and i mean the fire smoke

yeah yeah

so

so bad

that it was like my you know it was apparently this it's not good for you

so um

Well, wait, though, you know that Republicans are taking care of this because they sent a letter to Canada, state of Congress.

No, because sent a letter to Canada saying that they have to rake their forests and stuff.

Yes.

However, on top of that, the problem is that

they're not going to, it's very complicated and nuanced what's happening with the

I think it's safe to say the Republican government right now.

If you're a state that is

anti-Israel,

you're not going to be getting help when it comes to your own disaster, you know, relief efforts.

So, I might have been driving through some of these democratic horseshit zones.

So, they're kind of screwed in their own right.

But obviously, look, we're all for fighting Canada.

But so, I'm driving to

avoid the fires.

And I'm just, I'm like with Luke, and I'm like, we just have to head south.

I'm like, we like we're going along like, you know, Ways is taking us

kind of west before we go and I was like

because you're you're driving right into it then it's it's so bad

and um

and it's depressing obviously and my eyes are really red

because it's it's the fact that it's it's you know it's that it's happening so it's like really happening and um and that's depressing

AI

is great AI's got a good plan obviously um AI's got a great plan.

But so then we find, so I'm like, so we find this little town called Worcester in, I guess, in Ohio.

I don't even know.

I don't think it's.

Oh, it's not Massachusetts.

It's not.

No, no.

Like, in like,

so it's like,

so we're going to be able to do that.

It's a fake Worcester.

Yeah.

It's, look, it's got.

a really good mall energy.

And

so we drive here and then, dude, I'm at the front desk.

And, you know, it's like,

you know, I mean, I'm just, I said we would start at whatever time we were going to start at.

So I'm like, I have plenty of time, 20 minutes.

I'm like, that'll be fine, all that.

And

man, the front desk experience was like, wow.

So fire drove me to here.

And then I had this experience with the woman who was checking me in who literally with my California ID three different times confirmed that the address on the ID was was in the United States.

And I, the third time,

I go,

I go, Miss, it is a California driver's license.

I was like, that, that address has to be in the United States.

And she was just confounded, like, I don't know.

And then, uh,

and then offered me an extra bottle of water as a maya culpa, which I was like,

well, you sound really sick.

So,

uh, but yeah, well, she was the picture of health for sure.

Well, it sounds like you had a true American experience.

And

I think you should be happy that you got to experience freedom.

It's December 3rd, 1951.

Year of our Lord J-Town, who's taking some time off.

Yeah, we're in.

Let's go already.

We're like, it's time, dude.

albert ryu okura

was born in wilmington california near long beach

okay

his grandparents uh left japan uh for southern california in 1910 and albert's father toyoshi was a star player on the san pedro skippers

which is a semi-pro Japanese american baseball league team Okay.

So I like the dad.

Who cares?

He's a star player.

So

when World War II started, he was already in the dad.

He's already in the army.

I have a bad feeling.

He avoided being sent to Japanese internment camps because he's already in the army.

All right.

That's right.

And I think that let that be a message.

Thank you.

Future

internment

possible entrants.

If you can embrace our sport well enough,

no, no, no,

hold on, yeah.

No, it's not because of the sports, it's because of the

he's in the army, not because he's a baseball player.

Okay, so all right, all right.

Oh, let's just rejigger this.

Yeah, so if you're willing to,

if you're willing to fight on our behalf in a war,

you're fine you're good to go

although not really because now guys who did that are still being rounded up and put into concentration back then

back then back then that was i'm not saying now

now

just it's time for white face

Albert had an idyllic childhood in Wilmington.

He had a bicycle, a paper route.

Mostly spent his money on baseball carts.

Typical kid, right?

Sure.

Comic books.

He loved hamburgers.

Well, I love hamburgers.

Yeah, I know.

That's definitely.

Now,

Gareth, in the 1950s, a burger was about 29 cents.

Yeah, okay, sure.

Oh, boy.

What's

and when Albert was 10, the first McDonald's opened nearby.

It sold 15 cent hamburgers.

Okay, that's cheaper.

Hella cheaper.

About a buck 59 59 today.

That would be the comparison.

Okay.

So every Sunday, Albert's family went to McDonald's to the drive-in for dinner.

To the drive-through or the drive-in?

Drive-in.

Okay.

So they got McDonald's and then went to the drive-in.

No, the McDonald's was a drive-in.

A car.

Drive-in.

Oh, oh, like a little, people come to the window.

Yes.

All right.

We're on the same page.

I don't know if we are.

And so, Albert loves me.

Can I take a timeout?

Come on, let's connect a little bit.

You seem to be a fan.

You seem like you came out of a fire and you haven't recovered.

Yeah, but you're attacking me for something that's out of my power.

Knowledge.

It's not my fault that I drove through fire.

Be my buddy.

Look.

Be my pal.

I don't give sympathy to comics on the road.

What does that even mean?

What is wrong with you?

who are you

brothers richard and maurice mcdonald opened the original mcdonald's barbecue in san bernardino in

1940 yeah well yeah

how you guys like those ribless rib sandwiches

you muted yourself

or maybe god finally stepped in now luke listen luke can you mute mute him in the background

That's not possible.

There should be one of those.

Yeah.

So it's a drive-in with car hops, as we explain, and it did very well, but the brothers got tired of constantly looking for new car hops and new short-order cooks because the old ones would leave for higher-paying jobs.

Okay.

Disgusting.

So instead of because

there is an answer here.

Do you see the answer?

Yeah, kill the kill the kill the

stop them.

Nope.

They are they are

they are your enemies.

Once you hire, no, hold on.

Once you hire a person, they are your indentured servant forever.

You're lucky to get any scraps.

No, you could just pay them more.

Leave me, boy.

Leave me, boy.

You pay them more, so they stay.

Burgers?

Well, I've touched a burger to the back of my hand.

Taste it.

Yeah.

Okay.

You.

Dirty

brothers were also tired of taking

a dick, boy.

What are you doing?

How dare you?

Higher wages.

I'll take your penis.

Okay, so far,

it's weird.

Why would you

do it?

Okay, all right

uh the brothers are also tired of teen customers breaking or stealing the glasses and the dishes

the glasses you can and the dishes

yeah they they it would come out on a tray and it was glasses and dishes

i mean again that's what you do i remember when they do you remember when they used to have the like foil ashtrays at mcdonald's

oh boy did i steal a lot of those

uh i think i might have two from a jack we were a jack in the Box family.

You people.

Yeah.

What?

In 1948, the McDonald's brothers fired.

Oh, I already did that.

Oh, sorry.

So I didn't do this.

In 1948, they fired their car hops and they closed down for three months.

So they shut everything down.

Okay.

And they revamped McDonald's.

And it came back as a self-service drive-in, no car hops, cut out the labor,

and they had a radically new way of preparing food with the division of labor, like a factory assembly line.

Now employees only need to be trained to do one task.

Skilled and expensive short-order cooks no longer needed.

So they figured out a way to get around the labor.

Right.

So the brothers also replaced dishes and glassware with paper cups, bags, and plates.

Okay.

All great.

Items eaten with a knife, spoon, or fork were gone.

The menu is now down to just the top-selling items you can hold in your dirty little hands.

Yum.

To attract the young families, they stopped hiring women, worried that they'd attract the teenage.

all the teenage bros to the restaurants.

So they got rid of, get rid of the teenage bros.

What a great barometer for a functioning society.

The women will be harassed.

They're unirable.

Well, then we can't have women around.

Young men will come.

Look, look, look.

Men are rapey.

No more women.

So with the new small menu and the patented speedy service system,

it does better.

A lot better.

And pretty soon they expand to seven locations across Southern California and Arizona.

Let's go.

And the McDonald's method becomes a blueprint for the rapidly growing fast food industry, which directly inspires Taco Bell and Carls Jr.

and obviously many others.

Disgusting.

So now, Gareth, in 1954, Ray Kroc comes to a McDonald's for the first time.

He's

52 years old.

He's diabetic.

He's an alcoholic.

He's a high school dropout.

He's a man

in the 1950s.

It's getting it done.

He's a 1950s white man.

He's a sales guy.

That's you don't need a background.

You just got to talk.

Yeah.

The past couple of years, he had been selling a milkshake machine called the multi-mixer.

Sure.

Sure, sure, sure.

And that could make six at once.

Six milkshakes at once?

Malts.

Malts.

Six at once.

Called malts then.

The San Bernardino McDonald's had 12 of these machines.

And so Kroc

just couldn't believe that a place needed so many.

So he went there to see why they needed so many of these machines.

That's crazy.

Sure, it hits a lot of malts.

So adding to McDonald's corporate

history,

according to McDonald's corporate history, Kroc,

quote, had an epiphany and he was determined that his future would be in hamburgers.

I mean, that's a big moment for a young

old man.

Yeah.

Yes, it's very dumb.

My future's hamburgers.

Are you going to order?

Sir.

No,

I'm thinking of the future.

Hold on.

I'm not going to order.

I'm going to order all of them.

Sir.

Sir.

Every hamburger from now

until hundreds of years, honestly.

The guy in front of me is having a stroke.

I foresee hundreds of thousands of franchises as well.

This guy comes in every Thursday.

Just tells me the future's burgers, and he's the guy who's going to bring them together.

Money.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

He just houses the free ketchup.

Jesus Christ.

Why?

What are we doing?

Trying to.

You just were saying that your future is hamburgers.

And we're all trying to.

Is this the origin of the hamburgler?

This feels like his story.

Well, he's going to come up.

Oh, good.

So

he

convinced the brothers to let him open franchises in other states.

Interesting.

And Kroc and the brothers opened the first national McDonald's franchise in De Plains, Illinois.

By the end of the year.

That was where Gerve Valeches was from.

Oh,

is it really?

Oh, I see what you're doing.

No, no.

By the end of.

Can you enjoy it?

It's a good little bit.

It's a nice one.

Talk about nuggets.

By the end of the 1950s, there were over 220 McDonald's in the USA.

Okay.

So that's that's pretty massive expansion.

That's sad.

Yes.

It's sad how hard it catches on so quickly.

Yeah, it is.

It's sad that we're just

groveling pieces of shit for just burgers.

It's all about the weight.

And without the weight,

right?

It's not.

But without the weight comes the weight.

Think about it.

I did.

I didn't.

It doesn't make sense.

Without the weight

comes the weight.

In 1961, the year Albert ate his first McDonald's hamburger, Kroc borrowed money to buy out the McDonald's brothers for $2.7 million.

Okay.

The brothers sold the McDonald's brand and the name, but they refused to sell...

Stupid.

Yes.

They refused to sell real estate rights to a few of their old restaurants, including the original San Bernardino location.

So they basically gave away everything except for a few restaurants.

Well, they made a lot of money.

I mean, that's retire money.

Sure, they were done.

They made it.

Yeah, they definitely made a lot of money.

So Kroc opened a McDonald's franchise nearby.

And because he owned the name, he made the brothers change the name of their restaurant to Big M's.

Big M's.

So he's a dick.

It's a dick move.

Yeah, okay.

That's just a dick move.

Yeah.

Well,

like when a fucking piece of shit capitalist comes along to like regular people, it's not

a competition.

You're like, oh, ever.

Yeah.

This guy sucks.

So

Kroc is a very good promoter, and he turned McDonald's into the world-destroying thing it is today, the beast.

Nightmare.

Now he had met Walt Disney

in World War II.

They were both training to be ambulance drivers, so they were friends.

That is crazy.

And Kroc and Walt Disney both obsessed with cleanliness and control

and very good at selling products to parents or kids or whatever, right?

Sure.

So his marketing innovations like publicity through charity, like the Ronald McDonald McDonald house,

he had tie-ins with Disney movies, the NBA, the Olympics.

It makes McDonald's the most recognizable thing.

It's all about his ability to promote.

Today there's 13,000 in the U.S.

and 40,000 in the world.

That's awful.

Really awful.

Awful.

So now Albert,

he's a student still.

He's okay.

He's not a great student.

He went to junior college because he didn't want to be drafted into the Vietnam War.

Yeah, he's back.

So he doesn't want to be drafted into Vietnam.

So he goes to junior college, which I highly recommend for everybody if there's a war.

In 1971,

Nixon dropped.

Can you what?

Could I do it?

No, no, you're too old.

They don't want you.

Who, the Juco or the draft?

The draft.

Nobody wants you.

The draft would be lucky to have me, First of all, I'm not going to serve.

The draft would be lucky to have me.

No, you would be totally useless.

Absolutely not.

I would be

Mel Gibson and make a movie about me.

That's how good I'd be.

Anyway, we don't need to get derailed.

Let me tell you why I wouldn't get drafted.

Well,

here's why I wouldn't get drafted.

Just ask me.

You're the draft board.

No, no, just ask me.

Yeah, so yeah, we're pretty excited about you.

Is there anything we should do?

Yeah, yeah, I'm really, yeah, I'm looking forward to getting in.

I want to kill as many officers as possible.

Yeah.

Not in training.

I'll wait till we're out in the field, and then I will.

Is it called Frankie?

You wouldn't be able to kill the enemy in our bears.

No, no, no, not the enemy.

My own.

You're talking about killing

American soldiers?

Yes.

Well,

sir, you're going to fit right in.

You're going to fit right.

You're going to fit right in.

All right, now do me.

Now try me.

Is there anything we should know about you?

I'm super in

to poop.

Well, welcome.

Thank you.

Welcome.

We call you Ted Nugent.

Thank you.

Did you think that would get you out of this?

No.

I mean, yeah, let me try again.

Go ahead.

Uh, go ahead, anything you want to say?

Yeah.

I'm not into poop

at all.

Well, we aren't either, sir.

Welcome to the military.

God damn it.

Do you know how many, do you know how many, if a war happens and they start the draft, how many trans people there will be in America?

Oh, yeah.

That'll be

amazing.

Boy, oh, boy.

That'll be amazing.

It'll be fine.

You fucking watch

fucking like Chevy Silverados with the pride flag on the back finally covering their Declaration of Independence vocab.

It's just like...

All right, no, no, we're just going to need you to say that trans life matters.

Of course.

I'm very.

I'm trans.

I am a trans.

I'm a trans them.

We looked on your Twitter bio and it just said he, him still.

I'm changing that.

This just hit me.

Okay, so in 1971, Nixon dropped the draft and then Albert dropped out of school because that's the only reason he was in school.

Sure.

And he starts working as an assistant manager at Burger King in Torrance.

So he's

kicking ass.

He really loves hamburgers.

He really wasn't kidding when I said hamburgers.

Yep.

He quickly, he moves up the ranks.

He becomes a store supervisor.

Now, at the time, he was the only non-white person

in

BK management meetings.

Okay.

But they don't talk about him in history books as far as like being that groundbreaking of a,

you know, that's, you know, first Asian American to be in Burger King.

Jackie Robinson of Burger King.

Yeah.

Thank you.

It's weird.

But Albert never,

he doesn't really think of himself as a minority,

just a regular American.

That's how he views himself.

He's just a regular old American.

I'll be honest.

That makes you not American.

Ah, shit.

Yeah, that's a big part.

A big part of being an American is recognizing the race.

So unfortunately, we're going to have to let you go.

Later, he would write, quote, I spent my whole life here, so the only thing I know about Asian countries is they are proud people and they don't like each other.

Okay.

Unlike Americans.

Yep.

Unlike Americans.

Albert became friends with one of his regular Burger King customers, as we do.

There's so many things wrong with this.

No, no, I know my local Taco Bell cashier.

He's always asking if my

address on my driver's license is located in America.

How sad is your life if you, if anyone at a fast food place becomes your friend?

Well,

it's like if you're the employee and there's some weird guy who keeps coming in and he's like Is Kathy working and you're like oh god this poor man.

Oh god is Kathy there.

How are the fries?

There's

maybe can you make me have extra crispy bags

No what a dairy queen what

I Think you'd become the people at a dairy queen because it's a different animal crazy statement It's a it's a friendly joint where everybody's family no like if you're talking about like you're BFFing with like an employee at Schlotzky's Delhi, well, now I get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Schlotzky's you're in the middle of the future.

Der Wienerschnitzel?

No.

What about Derwienischnitzel?

Nazi.

Panera definitely can be a BFF.

I don't know if you're not a Panera.

No, I won't.

Do you have anything to say about Der Wienerschnitzel?

You're an idiot.

Anything to say at all?

What do you mean?

Stupid.

You're a Nazi.

What did you say?

What did you say about Derwier Schnitzel?

Enjoy your Reichy waiters.

The last time I said it, what did you say?

Last couple of times, I said Derwienischnitzel, and you said fucking made-up Nazi propaganda's bullshit.

And then I showed you a picture of the actual Derwieneschnitzel that it was called Derwinischnitzel.

And what'd you do?

You yelled at me.

You have the way to go, Klaus.

What do you want from me?

I don't care.

You're still a Nazi when it comes to hot dogs.

Put on the mustard, Hans Iin Ketchup.

So the guy he meets and befriends is a real estate agent named Ray.

And Ray talked Albert into buying a two-bedroom house in Torrance for $69,000.

But Albert still lives with his parents and rents the Torrance house to friends

who trashed it and never paid him rent.

So business-wise, he's good.

He's great.

That's not what you're supposed to do.

He's good at business.

But inflation is high and real estate's booming.

So Albert still sells the house and makes a little bit of profit a few years later.

Okay.

So one day Ray told Albert that he had one big real estate regret.

In the late 1940s, land in California was very, very cheap.

So cheap that Ray could have bought his own town and

been the mayor, the chief of police, just been his whole, his whole empire did town.

But he never did it.

And he regretted it to this day.

And Albert never would forget Ray's story.

He was always like, That's an amazing idea.

I'm going to take a city called hamburger.

I would go to a city called Hamburger.

Yeah, well, you'd probably go to Der Wienerschnitzel and you'd do whatever they told you to do.

Be a good little soldier, wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you?

When I was a child, I went to Der Wienerschnitzel quite a few times.

Is that right?

Because it's real.

It's a real teacher.

Huh?

Did you get a little like armband?

Huh?

Did you join their little program?

Huh?

Did you?

You're 19.

19 little boy, David.

You're such a terrible person.

You're such a good boy.

Now, eat the Venus.

Eat the Venus.

I don't like it.

Now, remember, there are certain people who won't eat the Vienna Schnitzel.

They're not the chosen people, David.

They don't need you to help with that.

They must be dealt with accordingly.

Disgusting.

You and your drunk dad, your dad drunk on gin, taking you to Derwin or Schnitzel.

No,

first of all, my dad drank cheap whiskey, and secondly, he would take me to Taco Bell.

And why did he take me to Taco Bell, Gareth?

Because Matucci's was next door, and he could go in and drink while I went to Taco Bell.

How many drinks can he drink during a Taco Bell order?

Well, he'd stay in there for two hours.

Look at that burrito.

Dad, this is my fourth meal there today.

In 1981, Albert was managing a Del Taco in Carson.

Boy, he really was real about this.

He really, this was

a path.

A young boy fell in love with fast food.

What are you going to do?

They don't have burgers, though.

So an El Pollo loco

franchise opened up across the street, and it's the first El Pollo loco that Albert has ever seen.

And customers were lining up around the block two hours before the restaurant opened.

There's so many indicators for why this country should have been nuked, and this is a money.

It reminds Albert of when he was 10 years old and the first McDonald's in Wilmington opened.

And there were lines that night for the McDonald's.

It brings back his childhood.

This is one of those wonderful, wonderful moments.

Friend of show, Dill, has that story about when the first McDonald's opened in Sri Lanka and his parents allowed him the day off of school, and he was fifth in line for McDonald's, and he went up and he ordered like a Big Mac and nuggets, sat down, and then so the line was like two and a half hours after that.

He ate it and then got to the end of the line to go get another meal there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, Dill had a weight problem

later on.

And that's where it started.

But now he's better yeah he's much better now he's just fat on the inside that's right el pollo loco was founded in sonola mexico and sold mexican styled grilled chicken its first u.s franchise was in macarthur park los angeles and in 1983 denny's bought el pollo loco changed the recipe raised the prices and expanded so quickly they almost bankrupted the company And then they sold it to a private equity firm.

So that's the American dream right there.

That's horrible.

That is psych

the thing that el pollo used el pollo loco used to be good yeah well dave if i'm being honest when i first moved here boy did i love el pollo loco so did i i mean

you know what el pollo loco the quality was much better back then it's it's yeah horrendous i have not been anywhere near one in it's it's really it's Really tough.

But years ago, 20 years ago, whatever, it was amazing.

It was really pretty good.

And it was cheap.

And if you got the receipt, you could go online and take a quick survey and then you get a dollar off your next order.

And I did that every time.

I was never that sad.

Yeah, I've been pathetic for a long time.

Albert was inspired by the success of El Pollo Loco.

And he's also a fan of Napoleon Hill's book, Think and Grow Rich.

And Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

And of course, Ray Kroc's book,

his 1977 autobiography, Grinding It Out.

Yeah, right.

So he's just reading books about rich guys and wanting to be rich.

That's the

rich men riching.

Yeah.

Yep.

So he watches the movie.

J.P.

Morgan's book.

Fuck everyone.

So he watches the movie Patton, and he starts to think pretty strongly at that point that every man has a destiny.

Patton's destiny had been to be a great general.

Sure.

Ray Kroc's destiny, hamburger

empire genius.

Yes.

So Albert starts to think that maybe his destiny is to sell more chicken than any human being in the world.

Man, it's just what an off-kilter dream.

Makes sense, right?

No, no, not at all.

That that would make sense.

That makes total sense.

Nope, absolutely not.

Not at all.

Like, how about

no, we're not.

How about like helping, like solving world hunger or,

I don't know, like,

I don't know, making equal rights for everybody or

stopping war.

No, no, get meat out fast.

Fast meat.

I need to kill more chickens than any man before me.

So Albert starts to make plans to create his own chain of grilled chicken restaurants targeting Latino customers and develop a cult following in Southern California, just like El Pollo Loco had.

I'm trying to think what the hell this could be.

Well, now he's not Latino, Gareth.

No.

He's an Asian fellow.

He doesn't speak Spanish.

And he didn't really eat chicken.

He was more of a burger guy.

Yep, obsessed with hamburgers.

So he

talks to his girlfriend's sister's husband.

You're a chicken guy.

Armando Para.

And Armando is from Chihuahua, Mexico.

Right.

Known for

six.

I think I said that incorrectly.

Chihuahua.

Okay.

Absolutely.

And he told Albert

that the rotisserie chicken was more common than grilled because grills took up too much space.

And Albert agreed that their new venture should be rotisserie chicken.

He's like, that makes sense.

We won't grill rotisserie this shit.

So for the name,

they came up with Juan Pollo, which Albert thought sounded noble when spoken.

Right.

It's also

like when, well, no, it's like P.F.

Changs, how that stands for Paul Fleming.

Changs.

Yeah, it's yes, except this is John Chicken.

So

noble sounding.

How are you?

Good.

Thank you.

The story of

John Chicken.

John Chicken.

So Armando's brother Fernando designed a mascot for them, which was a cartoon chicken wearing a sombrero.

So they're killing it right now.

They're hitting all the everything's getting hit out of the park.

Robert Smeigel did that hilarious fake chicken commercial where it's like the chicken keeps talking about how good he tastes.

It's always weird when the spokesman is the thing you're eating.

Like when the chicken is like, come on in here, my brethren are being genocided.

Yeah, like Ronald McDonald.

No,

I'm in the burgers.

This is made from 100% clone me.

So he looks for investors.

His first investors were Uncle George Komatsu and his son, Robert Komatsu.

George is a distant relative who owns a strip mall in Ontario, California.

Now, Albert had been to Ontario once, and it was over 100 degrees, and he got lost in a sandstorm.

That's good.

That's great.

Yeah.

But George was willing to invest because if the restaurant failed in the strip mall, well, then it could be a tax write-off.

So it works.

Oh, I didn't even realize how any of that worked.

Okay.

Yep.

So Albert had a lot of respect for George's ability to avoid paying taxes, and he called him the human computer.

Sure, absolutely.

So Albert moved to Ontario and

he lived in a trailer park behind the restaurant.

At any point, is he trying to

the human computer?

He's like, maybe the human computer isn't so awesome.

So not a trailer park.

In a trailer parked behind.

Oh, yeah.

Just parked a trailer out back.

That's where he lived.

By the way,

we're pretty close to doing that.

Pretty close.

This is, yeah.

You and I specifically, I mean.

Yes, yes.

So Albert buys a rotisserie oven and Armando created a marinade and the Juan Pollo restaurant opened in January 18th, 1894.

1894?

That would be amazing if that's it.

Sorry, 1984.

That'd be great back then.

This chicken is unfucking believable.

Whoa.

Going to my trailer.

Whoa.

What the fuck?

This is unbelievable.

But that's all chicken was rotisserie chicken back then, unless you boiled it.

I can't even imagine the quality.

I can't even.

They would just be like, take off the feathers.

What are you super?

Feathers are the best part.

So at first, he makes too big of a menu.

I had a lot of sides, like french fries and jello.

Yeah, it's dye.

Boy, I really should have got a better side.

I'm just

a six-piece

and a large

ba-ba-ba jell-o.

I'm looking to

declaring a civil war inside of myself a little bit.

What flavor?

I'll do orange jello, please.

I really.

I'm going through a pretty bad divorce.

You know what?

Let me...

Do you guys do just skin?

Could I just get like a bag of chicken skin and then a bunch of orange jello?

I'm going to go to the car and take my own life.

That's fair possible.

We have a special parking lot over there for life takers.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, that's

perfect.

Oh, I can see.

Yeah, that looks like a cemetery.

That'll be great.

You know what's interesting is everybody who does that orders the jello first.

Well, jello is a must.

I mean, it's just, it's just,

it's, you could really get it down you with a lifeless chew.

That's what I love about jello.

Like, if you don't want to chew jello, just keep keep your mouth shut.

It'll liquefy and do its own business.

That's right.

That's right.

By the way, the chickens to put on my face.

Okay.

I don't need to know anymore, actually.

Yeah.

Thanks.

I'm going to pretend to be

a severely dehydrated man.

Okay.

And then I'll go to the car.

Well,

our chicken's very moist.

So,

wow.

After a few months, he scales down the menu and he just starts selling the top-selling items, just like the McDonald's brothers did, right?

He cooked thousands of chickens to perfect his rotisserie method.

And Juan Pollo starts getting really great reviews in the local press.

And they built up a loyal customer base and they expanded to more locations in the interlinear.

The local press being like, wow, this fast food blaze is really good.

I mean, that's what it used to be.

It's really weird.

But I mean, it was a better quality of food, obviously.

It was.

The chicken, all of our food tasted better back then.

In 1991, Albert wrote and copyrighted what he called his legal, he called it his legal pyramid scheme.

Absolutely.

A key part of that is that word legal.

Yes.

Because that helps you a lot in court.

So it goes like this.

The more chicken I sell, the fresher the product.

The fresher the product, the better the quality.

The better the quality, the more people talk about us.

The more people that talk about us, the more people find out about us.

The more people that find out about us, the bigger our customer base, the bigger our customer base, the more our sales, the more our sales, the fresher product, et cetera, et cetera.

So what he's going for is he's basically saying, I'll be really good at this and that'll help.

As opposed to now, when they're like, how do we fuck everyone and still make it?

How do we shit?

How do we fuck everyone so hard and we still make everything and they get shit?

How can we put the cheapest worst food in these fucking idiots' mouths for the fucking thing?

What is the bare minimum standard that we can put in these fucking slaves?

And then when they get sick, it's not our fault.

That's right.

So a pyramid scheme is fraud, right?

You bring in investors and you defraud everybody.

But Albert's legal pyramid scheme is not actually a pyramid scheme, but he arranged the text in the shape of a triangle anyway.

Sure.

I don't know why he's like so like

there's a really great way to do this with arrows connecting to each other.

It's like it's a it's an evolution.

It's a it's it's just the passage of time, how this affects each other positively.

But he's like, no, I want to show that it gets you look, I want to get all that pyramid scheme clout without all that nasty ripping off.

So he comes up and write with and writes a 50-year business plan

and outlines the plans for one post

he outlines the plans for one pollo's growth decade by decade from 1991 through 2051

uh he'd be 100 years old at that point so he did it all the way up until he's 100.

sure

Now,

a key is for him, a key of his part of his business plan is for him to become the recognized spokesman like on par with

Colonel Sanders.

Colonel Sanders, sure.

The ultimate is Colonel Sanders.

Yeah.

I'm in the chicken.

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Oh, Dave.

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By the 2010s, Albert wrote he should, quote, become recognized as figurehead and founder of the company, need to start becoming larger than life.

I like the idea that that is a like a 25-year, 30-year plan for him.

Like he's not able to pull that off like in five years, 10 years.

Now I unveil who I really am.

In the 2020s, quote, in order to maintain control of Juan Pollo and stay in power to accomplish my goals, I need to become so closely identified with the company that we become synonymous, similar to Walt Disney and Disneyland.

At this point, it'll be difficult because I'll be wrapped up in that whole Epstein thing.

But I think Trump will win the 2020 election.

And if he doesn't, it will have been stolen from him.

At 2030, I become president of the world.

2030, I become the president.

By 2050, at 99 99 years old, he would, quote, become the number one seller of chicken in the world.

It's just such a dumb thing.

It makes me

bad.

This is sort of stupid.

Then, when I'm 150,

I will become part chicken man.

So he sets it into motion.

And Juan Pollo became a Southern California chain.

And

it's expanding through franchises that are mostly owned by employees who had started entry-level positions.

Okay.

And he creates a profitable restaurant supply company and he expands into catering.

Sure.

He and his wife have kids.

With each kid, his wife's family consults an Indonesian religious seer for predictions about the child's destiny.

The best job in the world.

The best job in the world.

I mean, like the lowest stakes,

he's going to become a figure skater.

Could I ask you a question?

Does he enjoy hamburgers?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

His kid loves hamburgers.

And he's going to become a.

Okay, go ahead.

I'm seeing hamburgers and I'm seeing a crown.

Oh.

So, yeah, what are you doing?

I said, because I asked you, why would, if I'm not the seer, why would I ask you a question about him?

Like, does he enjoy hamburgers?

That would be something the seer would ask.

Not necessarily.

That seems like something a father who's got a burger obsession would ask.

Why would

all right?

Look, it's pretty obvious what's going on here.

This kid doesn't have a date.

We're just too much.

He's been raised in a room.

We're just too

fake Indonesian.

Indonesian sick.

We both know the truth here.

This kid's super sick.

And he's not going to make for very long.

So, Albert interprets one Sears' prediction about his second son to mean the boy was destined to oversee a Juan Poyo operations in overseas markets, which is part of the 50-year plan to expand worldwide.

What a nightmare to be like growing up in the shadow of your dad being like, you are going to be in charge of our Middle Eastern Juan Poyo locos.

I don't want to go there.

No, you'll like it.

It'll be better there.

Learn how to speak Syrian.

You'll go there and we would be great.

How's your Farsi coming, boy?

So

he starts putting money into publicity.

And then one day this guy, Jack Marcus, comes into the San Bernardino Juan Pollo and he tells Albert that he wants to make a series of Juan Pollo pogs.

Wow, we really are in a rare time.

Dave, are you seriously not going to tell people what pogs are?

Why don't you explain to me?

I am.

Albert doesn't know what a poor doesn't know what a pogs are.

Well,

they're little round.

I mean, how do you describe it?

It's like a little ragged.

It's like the dumbest.

I don't know.

It's like, I mean, so

when this is explained to you, if you don't know what it is, you're going to be like, why was this a thing?

And nobody has the answer to that question.

No.

They basically looked like casino chips of like popular things.

And you'd get like a pog of like ALF or a pog of whatever it was.

People would do it for a promotion.

And I'll tell you what, it made more sense than an NFT.

Oh, I've made a lot of money off NFTs.

I know you have.

I mean, I haven't checked the numbers lately, but

when I sung.

fortunes, let's talk off air because I think it might be time for you to dip back into some of those and have a little game.

I mean, the one I bought for $250,000 has got to be worth like $5 million by now.

So he doesn't, so he never, he doesn't really explain to, he just says they're going to become a craze, a big thing in Southern California.

I'd love to.

And so Albert's like,

let's get involved.

So Jack designs the Pogs,

original cartoon, original cartoon characters.

They're so successful that Albert made Jack the marketing director for Juan Pollo.

Wow.

Just some guy.

I looked him up.

I can see them all.

Make a chicken pog.

Right.

So Jack and Albert developed other marketing things like the Power Pollo Rangers and the Pollo Men, like Pokemon, Pollo Men.

That's so good.

Eventually,

they came up with the annual Miss Juan Pollo Beauty Pageant.

Oh, sweet God.

Are you ready to see these chicken tits?

I'm trying to find a Juan Pollo pog.

And then the Miss Teen Juan Pollo Beauty Pageant?

I'm excited to meet all the contestants.

I'm going backstage at the chicken pageant.

You can't find them.

I found them immediately when I.

Is that some sort of of I only use AI and it's just showing me a chicken?

Reassuring me, these are the pogs.

Oh, interesting.

Now they aren't coming up.

Well, well, well, not so hot now.

But I found them yesterday.

Oh, I might not have used Google.

That might have been what it was.

I might have used something that actually works.

Not sure what your problem is.

Is anybody using Google anymore?

I am.

I'm hanging in there.

I'm not using the AI part, but I'm still using it.

You're still using Google?

What are you using?

Yeah.

I use

Brave or I use DuckDuckGo,

but I like Brave.

Brave seems pretty good.

I do a lot of Pornhub search engine stuff.

Nothing's coming up with the 1.0.

What are we doing?

But I am doing it.

I am huge, Don.

I saw

1.0.

Oh, I got the Nong.

Yeah.

This is good radio right here.

Yeah.

Well, we're not doing radio.

Just Pogboy.

So

they got the Pollomen, like the Pokemon.

They got the beauty pageants.

And then they came up with the Juan Pollo Chicks,

which were an all-female promo team that wore mini skirts and would go to local events.

I love how, like,

this is genius shit.

It's just like, you know, we'll go, we'll have women pretty naked go places.

I think the men might respond to that.

It's like, yeah, no, it's, yep, way to go, genius.

Literally, what took 10 years for you to just be like, yeah.

It's like the guys, like, it's great that, like, Hooters is, is failing now because it, it feels like finally, maybe people are like, that's pretty weird.

But, um, there were like so many rip-offs of it.

And they were like, like, the guy who was like, I came up with, I call it Twin Peaks.

It's a bar,

and you can see down women's shirts and when they work there it's like wow way to go where'd you come up with this

yeah this is like all bar stuff everything they've said um so the inland empire

there's it's car it's car country right so there's always a car show or a card parade happening so albert made sure to get at least one a one pollo vehicle in every single parade uh it's usually a truck plastered with Juan Pollo decals, and occasionally they'd put Albert's cell phone number on there.

And of course,

Miss Juan Pollo would ride in one of the parade cars.

Sure.

And

Albert then buys the yacht car that was in the Gallagher movie.

Huh?

I don't know what that is.

I didn't know there was a Gallagher movie, but there's a yacht car from the Gallagher movie.

And you've not looked at it.

I haven't looked that up.

And he bought it.

The yacht car from the Gallagher movie.

So this becomes like a legendary presence at car parades in the empire.

Those things are so the yacht car is always going to be there.

Albert bought four eight-foot-tall

used Warner Brothers cartoon character statues.

I think I'm seeing it and it is the dumbest thing I've ever ever seen.

The yacht car?

Well, it's because it's a Gallagher joke made into a

thing from a movie.

It's a big thing, right?

And he's like, it's like something.

So, wait, what did he buy from Warner Brothers?

Sorry, I was in Gallagher yacht car mode.

Used cartoon character statues eight feet tall.

The Tasmanian Devil, Sylvester, Bugs Bonnie, and Daffy Duck.

And he put them on parade vehicles.

And this works.

Why can't you...

Why aren't you seeing the vision?

Because it just seems like if a five-year-old had limitless money in a restaurant.

Okay.

Yeah, I admit that's a pretty fair indictment on what's happening right now.

It's a huge hit, Reynolds.

It's because we're so dumb.

Because everyone's a fucking hit.

Because I just tried to check into a Hampton Inn, and while the woman was looking at my California driver's license, she kept asking me if the address was in America.

And Juan Boyo's reputation grows.

It's so dumb.

Becoming legendary in the Indonesian island.

He's going to get into this chicken until he put a cartoon character on a car.

This guy is the real deal.

In 1998, the site of the original McDonald's barbecue in San Bernardino went up for sale in foreclosure.

Now,

the restaurant's gone.

It's been gone for a while.

It's been replaced with an office building.

But Albert buys it and turns it into Juan Pollo corporate headquarters.

And Carter's.

And

a McDonald's history museum.

Oh, my God.

It's free.

It's free to go.

And there's historic photos and new slippings and old menus,

a lot of happy meal.

uh collections other promotional stuff it's really great really dumb and there's a big headshot of albert

And outside, there's a big

hamburgler in a cage.

It was brutal what Ice did to him.

So McDonald's lawyers are not happy.

Oh, this is a non-sanctioned McDonald's museum.

Yeah, it's a free, it's a wildfire

museum.

Welcome to my Tom Cruise Museum.

Because I can.

Well, the other problem with this is that McDonald's already has a

McDonald's History Museum in Illinois.

I was going to say, there's the original rock and roll McDonald's or whatever the fuck it's called back there.

So Albert is

told he's forbidden from profiting from the name.

And he's like, yeah, it's free.

So that's fine.

And then they also said he has to stop calling it the McDonald's Museum.

And

he can, they tell him to call it the historic site of the original McDonald's restaurant.

Wordy.

Can't tell a guy who put a Tweety bird on a car and is doing well that this is not okay.

You can't tell him anything.

No, you can't stop this guy.

Well, Albert compromises

and he calls it the historic site of the original McDonald's Museum, which is what they told him to call it.

So they made him remove a link link

on the Juan Pollo website to the museum website.

And McDonald's corporate history does not acknowledge Albert's collection or the San Bernardino Hills.

Or the San Bernardino site.

I don't know who's stupider.

The guy who's just opening the McDonald's museum that nobody asked for, or the company who's not just like, let him do it.

It's not, it's not like it's not

there.

As far as we're concerned, it doesn't exist.

It's not real.

Okay.

I would just put in the.

I wouldn't go in there if you want to learn the real history about McDonald's.

What?

Wouldn't go in there.

You're not going to have all your McDonald's facts straight.

Hey,

hope you like McDonald's misinformation because that's what you're walking into right now.

Excuse me?

What?

See,

I don't know.

You want the real deal?

Go make a little trip to Illinois.

That's where you're going to find a a bunch of stuff that actually is going to inform you as far as McDonald's goes.

Are you standing out in front of this museum in a trench coat telling people stuff?

Free country.

Do whatever you like.

But I'm just telling you, you'd be better off just getting your McDonald's information from a nobody, which is basically what you're about to walk into.

I'm just taking the kids to see the old happy meal stuff.

Like, I don't care about it.

I hope the kids like a little.

How are you kids doing?

I hope you like a little misinformation meal because that's what you're about to get rammed down your goddamn throats.

What are you doing right now?

You guys are about to walk into a McDonald's house of lies.

Okay.

What if I told you?

What if I told you

I could show you the real Ronald McDonald

and that he's okay?

Where is he?

Is he around here?

He's really sick.

Two-hour drive.

I could take you and the kids out to the middle of the desert and show you the real Ronald McDonald.

I need you to get, I need to,

Instead of wasting everybody's afternoon inside of a fabrication McDonald's layer.

I came here to get some chicken.

I saw the doctor.

Could you get away from our kids?

Do you have a car?

Why don't you get out of here?

Do you have a car?

No, we walked.

I saw you drive.

Okay, we drove.

So you have a car.

Yeah, I need you to get away from me.

Well, it seems like you like lions, so maybe you go inside there.

Go inside there.

You're going to see a bunch of menus without the McDonald's logo.

You know why?

Because McDonald's has asked this place to not exist.

If you want to see Ronald McDonald, if you want to see Ronald McDonald's, do you work for McDonald's?

I'm a friend of the family.

Now, if you want to meet the real Ronald McDonald,

just get me in, you get me in your car, and we're two hours away.

You can go meet him.

And he is super sick.

He is very your life.

Your life is fucking pathetic.

I'm just trying to take down what is

a house of misinformation.

Did you hear what I'm saying?

You're a jack.

We are a jack-in-the-box family.

Did you hear what I said to you?

Yeah.

I can get you to Ronald McDonald in two hours, and he's...

I don't give a fuck.

He needs help.

Good.

He needs a new heart, if you must know.

That's fine.

Let him die.

What if I told you fucking weird?

Okay.

I'm either not not going to let you go in there or I'm going in there with you.

Period.

I have a handgun.

Here it is.

So,

so

they're not acknowledging whatever.

It's just weird.

But

they don't make him, they don't force him to shut it down.

I think that would have brought more publicity.

So in an interview, Albert said, said, I feel it is my destiny to own this property, buddy.

I don't think you know what destiny is.

I think it's meant for loftier ambition.

So,

there's a town, a roadside town in the Mojave Desert called Amboy.

It's three hours east of Los Angeles.

It was a mining camp in 1858.

In 1883, the Southern Pacific Railroad bought it to turn it into a water stop for trains.

In

1939, Herman Buster Burris moved to Amboy with his wife and in-laws,

thinking

his in-laws, Roy Crowell, and they hoped it would become a boomtown.

That's why they moved there, and it did.

The next year, it did.

A mill was built to process gypsum and salt.

The population exploded to 600,

and it's on Route 66.

So drivers are stopping there all the time.

Sure.

It has church, a post office, a school, an airplane hangar.

Water came by rail and Buster Roy built a garage and a diner and a 30-room motel.

They sold tires and gas and milkshakes.

Business is booming.

Sure.

But in 1972, Interstate 40 was built 10 miles north, just killing Route 66.

Sure.

No longer the primary east-west highway through the U.S.

Road and traffic just plummets.

And in 1980, the population is down to 150 people.

10 years later, it's down to 24.

That's a sad 24.

But now, Route 66 tourists are coming, like people who love the old routes and want to, yeah, that whole thing.

And they're keeping the buster.

People still are into it.

Yeah, they're keeping Buster's business alive.

It's kicking along.

Diners

downgraded to a convenience store.

After 50 years, Buster decides he's going to put the town up for sale.

Jesus Christ.

90 acres.

Gas station, motel, a diner, hangar, water towers, everything

for $2.5 million.

Now, he doesn't want to sell it to just anyone, Gareth, because it's a wonderful.

Amboy is a wonderful town.

Sure.

And he wants someone that's not going to tear down the motel and the diner, keep the spirit of Route 66 and Anthony.

I don't want a diner anymore, as you've acknowledged, but okay.

You stop it right now.

Well, I'm just saying.

Buster.

Buster, quote, if I was 20 years younger, I wouldn't sell under no condition, but I can't get people to do things.

The younger generation doesn't want to work.

They're not reliable.

I love that

argument that just is always there.

Always.

Young people hate working.

They hate working.

I love that.

Like Gen Z people are just like,

they say we don't want to work.

And it's like,

they literally called us slackers, our entire generation.

They called us slackers.

Well, and I also like, if you were Gen Z, wouldn't you just be like, yeah, no, it's like, there's like nothing good.

There's no reason.

There's no reason.

There's no point.

Yeah.

Don't you want to get a good job and retire?

Buddy, I'm going to be fighting marauders.

don't you want to use your car to drive strangers around so that you can get sick and not have health care and then you won't even have enough to afford a place to live come on

and then if you do it burns down huh and then nobody will take care of you because you didn't support israel

So Buster found a buyer, but the new owners,

they got foreclosed on really quickly.

So Buster dies, and then his widow puts it back on sale.

Same terms.

In 2003, Amboy was then one of three towns listed on eBay as a promotional campaign for the website.

What a weird

word.

Right.

I'm going to go buy Amboy on eBay.

Well, I just bought a city.

Of course, he did.

Of course, Albert bought it for $425,000 cash.

Sure.

Others offered more money, but Albert promised Bessie he would restore and reopen the Motel Cafe.

And that was enough.

Albert, quote,

I believe my destiny involves that town.

It's hard to investigate.

It's destiny

people.

How many people can say they own a town?

Destiny.

It isn't, you idiot.

Everything that I think I want to do is destiny.

Everything I do, I was meant to do.

My son will be running my franchises in the Middle East.

He spent at least $1 million

restoring Amboy.

Oh, my God.

He had to redo the electric, water, and septic systems.

He reopened the gas station.

He restored the lobby of the motel and cafe.

It's so funny to just be like when he buys it, then he's like, wait, what?

Yeah, the whole septic system's totally screwed.

Oh, my God.

So that's going to be like $1.2 million.

Otherwise, your town's going to be covered in boop.

Do you think this was in his pyramid scheme plan thing?

No, in his destiny.

Or way off.

It's really way off.

Not sure what's happening anymore, to be quite honest with you.

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to own an old ghost desert town.

Yes.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely, Albert.

This is your destiny.

I keep hearing that voice in the back of my head.

It just keeps saying yes.

Yes.

Every time I'm up.

Yes.

This is your destiny, Albert.

Everything you do is right.

Now,

where are those jars with your pee?

Oh,

I've been saving them.

Good boy, Albert.

They're in the bunker.

Good boy.

As you requested.

You're a good boy.

I wish you would stop saying that, though.

Please, God, stop saying that.

You're daddy's little baby.

In 2014, he self-published an autobiography, Albert Okura, the chicken man with the 50-year plan.

It includes his legal pyramid scheme and pictures of Miss Pollo, Miss Teen Juan Pollo, and Miss Amboy winners.

Yes, there's now a Miss Amboy.

That is correct.

Around 2018, Daredevil and stuntman Mad Mike Hughes was launching a homemade rocket in the desert, but he needs a launching pad and he needs sponsors because that's expensive to launch a rocket.

You can't just.

Now you can actually, but go ahead.

He's an ex-dirt bike racer and and race car mechanic, and he had set a Guinness world record in 2002 for the longest limousine ramp jump.

Uh-huh.

Just how limos are supposed to, by the way,

that's too that's I know, but that's

it too.

That's like if the if they had a water bed in the back, they'd be like the 80s, the 80s in one action.

Guess how far he jumped it?

It's a stretch limo.

Fucking

10 feet 103

that's pretty far that's

a stretch limo that's shocking

uh he was mike is obsessed with publicity because he wants to be as famous as evil can evil sure oh i actually think i know who this guy is

i genuinely think i know who this is okay

So sometimes he would say the earth is flat and he was going up in a rocket to prove it was flat.

Other times he said that his belief in quote flat earth has nothing to do with steam rocket launches.

It never did, it never will.

I'm a daredevil.

His PR guy later said he just said that to get PR, but whatever.

Mike and his friend, former daredevil Waldo Stakes,

worked for years building a rocket in Waldo's garage that could take Mike into space.

So the plan is to attach a huge helium balloon to a steam-powered rocket called a raccoon.

Go ahead.

Proceed.

I'll stop you if something's striking me as odd.

And the blue would take Mike 20 miles into the air, and then he'd ignite the rocket.

Oh, so he self-ignites the rocket once he's up there.

I'm guessing by fuse.

That would take him another 40 miles

across the Karman boundary into space.

So we're hearing a plan for death.

No, you're hearing a plan for going into space.

Right.

Okay.

And once it peaked and started coming down, Mike would inflate another helium balloon/slash parachute thing called the Balut.

Names are

going to be.

He'd float down to Earth.

Yep.

Where he would die because

that's probably not going to work.

No, then he gets just sponsors and contracts and money, and he's famous.

So this man is about to die.

No.

Yep.

They need about $3 million to do this.

Yeah, well, when I heard the scientific method they were using, I thought price tags should be pretty large on this one.

Yeah.

So they raised it from sponsors who would get advertisements on the rocket.

They should have just started to go kill me.

Like a NASCAR sorta.

Right.

Yep.

Of course.

So it's a rocket.

Yeah, he definitely.

Because going up into space, people see it.

And then as it floats back down, they see it again.

Right?

Yep.

Yep.

Twice the punch.

And again, it's called the

raccoon.

Yep.

Absolutely.

And

they did raise money from sponsors.

Sponsors came to advertise on the rocket.

One sponsor was a dating app, HUD, H-U-D.

and on the side of the rocket was supposed to say dating isn't rocket science.

Right.

So they're looking for a big, big portion of it.

By the way, HUD sounds like the, it doesn't sound like a dating app, it sounds like the discharge that comes from an STD.

So that's

what's

another sponsor was an Inland Empire window tinting service.

That's right.

And another was Juan Pollo.

Like that he's getting his, he saw the tentic business.

He was like, we better move.

This thing's really taking off, pardon the pun.

Mike and Waldo did a test launch in 2018.

It didn't go well.

Really?

And

Mike ended up with a spinal injury.

Oh, Mike was on it for the test launch.

He did a

just do the launch if you're going to do that.

What's the point in testing it?

That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me.

Well, you know, you do it with a dummy.

Oh, that might have messed up, but okay.

Interesting.

He's a man.

He's not a coward.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Yeah, for sure.

So he has a spinal injury from his launch.

I think when we sent men into space, there were no tests, anything.

We just put a man right in.

No, I think we put a chimp in.

Put a guy right in.

Nope.

In 2019 they did a second launch this time from amboy because oh right perfect albert's albert's there to watch sure uh this one though you're right it was unmanned let's just see what it can do okay good

it's essentially they're just doing this one for publicity for the next launch right to kind of drum up and that one will happen soon right that one michael be in and he'll be kind of right he'll die yep right uh unfortunately the second launch did fail.

It didn't go well, but it did lead to more publicity.

Right.

And more money.

Train wreck.

Oh, yeah.

I definitely.

Yep.

Yeah, like maybe a casket service could put their name on the side or maybe a cremation business or something like that.

Or a balloon company or like a balloon company.

Like

a mattress company.

Maybe the balloon company that they don't use, you know, and you could be like, our balloons actually work.

A mattress company for when you land, like software.

window therapy yeah tons of stuff could go on there that i think would make a ton of sense well

a will notary

a science channel reality show

came on called homemade astronauts

so now they that now they're filming this absolutely so it's all it's all this is going as this is legitimately a good idea that it's happening yes so the third launch was outside of barstow on february 22nd 2020.

Now, is Mike a part of this one?

Yes, the reality show is filming.

And so Mad Mike is a part of it.

And the rocket goes up.

He goes up in a fucking homemade rocket.

And then he comes down in his homemade rocket and he dies.

Yeah, right.

Oh, wow.

Really shocking that

crazy that that didn't work out.

I'm fucking floored, obviously.

That's crazy.

So can I ask you this?

What did he die from?

I don't know.

I think maybe COVID.

It seems like.

Yeah.

Wow.

So crazy that

this plan didn't work.

Yeah.

Gosh, I could only imagine that Albert would

wonder how he felt about this whole thing.

Because

he basically paid to have a man killed.

Well, we don't know if Robert was there.

There's no

for sure confirmation that he was there, but there were a lot of reporters and Albert did put money in.

So he's probably there, but we don't know.

Right.

The rocket and Mad Mook's jumpsuit, just like a NASCAR team, displayed the names of his sponsors, which included Juan Pollo.

So he's probably there.

Yeah.

Now, Albert's father, Tiyoshi, lived to be 100.

Great.

So this is perfect for Albert's plan.

In his destiny chart, did it show that Mad Mike was going to die from a rocket that he took a balloon to try with?

It didn't, actually.

Interesting.

Yeah.

100-year Tioshi came to work with Albert regularly until he was 99 years old.

Great.

So you can see where he got to be an idiot.

Why don't what do you people?

Stop working as early as you can.

The whole game is to not work.

That's what you should be doing with life.

The lesson is.

Well, this is a conversation for 30 years ago, but the whole point of this should be that you go, At this age, I don't have to do it again.

I believe the uh generation before us or two before us called it retirement,

and it was like this whole point of everything.

It's like when people look down on sex workers, and you're like, That sex worker is making more in a day than you make in a week at a factory work in an hour.

Like, what are you

who's winning there?

No, it really is.

Again, I mean, it's down to Grubhubber only fans you pick.

So,

so Albert does not take a day off work for 40 years.

See, this, but this to what you're sort of alluding to is what's so stupid.

It's like, this is the American dream of like,

look at him.

He just did so good for so long.

And it's sad.

And it's ridiculous.

It's like you're in a money cult, you idiot.

Yes, he worked on holidays.

He worked on his kids' birthdays.

He worked every day.

He was a delinquent father.

In January 2023, he got sick with what he thought was a stomach bug.

Now it's January 2023.

So that's most probably COVID.

That's when maybe

that was a big spike.

By the time he went to the hospital, he had sepsis and he died a few days later at 71.

Juan Pollo still has 23 locations in Southern California, but has not expanded to any other countries.

I've never heard of it until this.

I've never heard of it.

No.

I've never heard of it.

No.

Albert's son Kyle became the owner/slash mayor of Amboy,

and social media upped Amboy as a tourist destination.

So Europeans going to national parks are the most frequent visitors to Amboy.

This is what they call their best chicken.

Olivia Rodrigo filmed a music video there.

Wow.

Kyle plans to restore the motel and is in talks to have a portion of Route 66 renamed the Albert Okura Memorial Highway.

And recently he unveiled a 15-foot-tall sign portraying Albert Okura with the text, Restoring Amboy was my destiny.

If Carl has

1951-2023,

and he's wearing a Roy's

Motel Cafe Route 66, and holy shit, is it a big sign?

Gareth, if Kyle has a

daughter, he plans to name her destiny.

Well, I would name my son Mad Mike.

Yeah, I'm just checking it all out right now.

It's really quite stupid.

But it's also, it really is, it really is also so American.

It's so perfect.

It is the most

American thing of all.

Yeah, we are just, I actually think Kyle's all over the social media, to be quite honest with you.

Is he?

Yep, their February 14th Juan Pollo post.

It's him and a woman feeding each other drumsticks like lunatics.

And come celebrate Valentine's Day with your special someone at Wampollo.

It's really not come celebrate Valentine's Day.

It's come serve your future ex with papers at Juan Pollo.

Well,

what a strange little

story.

And I have to say, if you go on their social media, it feels like they don't really know how memes work.

Seriously, it's that bad.

It should be.

It's pretty bad.

It should be awesome.

Like, they've had enough time.

I gotta say, it's oh, here's a

It's just a Felice Navidad.

Yeah, bring bring Wampollo home for everyone on Christmas.

Yep.

Coleslaw looks good.

The

research is done by Sarah Shabsi

sources.

Albert Okura, the Chicken Man with the 50-year plan by Albert O'Kurra, Fast Food Nation by Eric

Slosser,

LA Times, New York Times, Orange County Register,

Obama giving Obama the Congressional Medal of Freedom.

And it says ordering Juan Pollo.

Instead of cooking dinner.

Well, they're not good at that, are they?

Orange County Register, Orange County Sun, Sam Bernardino Sun, People Magazine, Wired Magazine, Alta Magazine, SF Estate,

sorry, SF Gate, and The Guardian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just

American.

It really is like they're just really abusing this.

Oh, this one.

They're really abusing their like their meme generator.

It's a woman whispering hotly into a man's ear, very close up, Juan Pollo, Rituserine chicken.

And then his armhairs are standing up.

His armhairs are standing up because

that's good.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

America.

But

it's such a, America is such a great place.

We are so, our brains are so fucked up and scrambled that this is like considered a great story.

It's a guy who

worked every day for 40 years.

It's a tragic, horrific story.

You don't want that.

It's like, what's the point of being rich if

you

don't do any leisure?

And it's also sad because

was the chicken good?

I don't know, but it's all about PR.

And literally, you you can do anything and get PR.

Well, if you look at the most successful businesses in the country,

they really are not.

Like, look at the biggest beers in the country.

They are not the best beers ever.

They are the worst beers.

Like,

so

it clearly is not.

The capitalist thing is that it's like it

incentivizes the best product.

And it's like, no, it doesn't.

It incentivizes monopolies and,

you know, slave wage labor.

And,

and that's really what breeds success, bribing the government.

Yeah.

Like, Coors Light

is everywhere.

It's, it's not even beer.

It's not.

It's just like beer-flavored water.

Yeah.

And like, well, I like it.

Well, that's not

McDonald's.

I mean, that food, like,

I think that all the time when I like, like, anytime anytime I'm in a 7-Eleven and someone's ordering dinner, I'm just like, sir, literally walk a block.

There's,

don't eat at Walgreens.

Like, I'm just telling, like, there is a better option.

I know it seems like this is, but, but we're just wired to ubiquity is the best.

And it just isn't.

It's, I've never, like, I don't

understand people have ever eaten out of 7-Eleven.

Like, what are you doing?

It's like, you, there's no lower form of food.

Like, you're at the bottom.

It's really bad.

If you're eating wings from a 7-Eleven,

like, you, you really, if you see someone ordering wing, and this is not even down to price, because some people could be like,

you could go get cheaper wings somewhere else.

Yeah.

Like, it's like, why are you doing it there?

Only if you're shit-faced out of your mind.

Even then, drunk you should be like,

I can do better.

I saw a guy ordering wings in front of me at a 7-Eleven, and as he was getting the box, I just hugged him, and I just go, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

Well, there you go.

USA, hey, okay.

Thanks for stopping by the dollop.

We'll see you next week.

Is that our dine in or take out?

That's it.

Rotisserie chicken.

Hey, dollop fans.

I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop.

Do you want to watch the dollop?

You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So, if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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