694 - John Considine - Live

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You're listening to the dollar.

This is an American History Podcast, or each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to this thing.

Thank you, sir.

Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

Thank you, David.

A lovely intro, as always.

You're going to learn a lot tonight, shithead.

Seems like a highly aggressive start.

September 29th, 1868.

I probably should have looked up how to pronounce this guy's name.

John Considine.

Could be Considine.

It doesn't matter.

It's Spokane, Spokane.

Whatever.

It's a fucking Potato, potato.

They don't get mad when you call it...

What did he call it?

Spokane?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Boy, you guys didn't care for that, did you?

But nobody, most people don't know where your city is, so be happy that he knew the name.

Yeah.

Get famous for more than trout.

Maybe we'll learn it.

Two, three, four.

What's his name?

Shea?

Matt Shea and Trout.

That's all you got.

By the way, we have a famous woman here tonight who ran against Shea.

Oh, yeah.

Got you?

And he doxed her.

He doxed her.

Matt Shea doxed her.

She's up there?

Oh.

Thank you for coming.

Sorry we didn't get you a better seat for this event.

Just to let you know, someday I will get vengeance and kill Matt Shea on your behalf.

And

after I kill him, I will write your name and blood on the wall

as sort of an honorarium, right?

Like this.

I won't be involved in any of that.

This is for you, ma'am.

And I also will cover Gareth in blood also.

Nope.

That's really...

I don't know what you said.

Also, don't care.

It's nice, though.

I do believe it was like playing a record backwards when he spoke.

Okay.

Here's the deal.

Two people have microphones.

The rest ruined the event.

John Considine was born in Chicago in 1868 to Irish immigrants Mary and John William.

Oh, whoa.

That baby.

Whoa.

What's it coming out of?

Oh, a hole.

That's a baby hole.

Oh, okay.

I didn't know they came out dressed.

I just always assumed.

Oh, no, when I say a baby hole,

some, particularly in the Northwest, when they have their babies, they put them underground.

Oh, they can't see it.

I swear to God, I was like, we're bombing so hard early.

I did, yeah, I told you not to talk.

Yeah, remember when I told you not to talk, sir?

That still holds.

We got there without you.

It was up there earlier until you kicked it.

Until I kicked it?

What are you talking about?

But you kicked the computer

as hard as you could.

Oh, well, this show's not going good.

Yeah, turn around.

I'll go take a look.

How's that?

Is that good?

Can you actually fucking see anything there?

All right, so let's go from baby hole.

I didn't know they came out clothed.

See, that was funny.

In Spokane, they put...

That was funny.

Ah!

Don't touch it!

I like how Luke, Luke.

Luke, Luke, Luke,

Luke, it's not working.

I just showed him my balls.

That was why they're doing that.

I'm so nervous to move it.

May I see closer?

I'm very nervous to move it.

Yeah, that's good.

Don't push it.

This is like, remember antennas?

This is what that was like.

Stay there, honey, the golf's working.

Anyway, we were making jokes about that fucking baby.

Oh, no, no, we'll go from the top.

Is that how they come out?

Okay, so just.

So I guess the bombing wasn't the picture's fault.

What's that?

I thought we were having an epic comeback.

People are like, still not very funny.

John Constantine was born in Chicago in 1868 to Irish immigrants Mary and John William.

He went to Catholic schools.

The family was devote Roman Catholic.

He went to St.

Mary's College in Kansas and then spent a short time as a cop in Chicago.

That's correct.

But he had the acting bug and was offered a job with a traveling acting company and this is how he made his way to Seattle in 1889.

He was a tough

teetotaling, very religious, and pretty broke 21-year-old.

So he was not so much an actor as a showman.

He was a very good talker, and he was a networker.

Same.

Yeah.

When I think of you, I think of...

The performance is the problem, but networking is what I do.

Connections.

And the what?

Connections.

Do that again?

Connections.

That's how I fixed that.

Connections.

And let's not sleep on when I saved the laptop.

You sat idly by.

You kicked the laptop.

Shut the fuck up about your made-up kick.

John was also very large.

He was six feet and muscled.

He wore, now we say people like, that's not that large, but back then you were a giant at six feet.

Yeah.

He wore suits and loud ties and white gloves.

Oh, wow.

All right.

That's not a great energy.

Nope.

I might bring that back.

I think that's an intimidation for my networking.

Yes.

Yeah, I just have, and I might go elbow length.

And do this, like, no, don't dirty them.

Yeah.

Away, boy.

Yeah.

And then I'll have a third for fucking that across people.

A third glove.

Because I don't want to go elbow down.

Is that one here in the pocket, the breast pocket of the...

No, that's where my kerchief will be.

And then the back pocket will be a third.

What if you pull it out of your asshole?

Huh?

What if you pull it out of your asshole?

The human tissue declares a duel.

And he chewed gum constantly.

They had gum.

Yeah, they had gum.

Well, they had gum.

They had gum now.

Now it's like doing a podcast with my mom.

They had gum.

That's an, trust me, I'm the voice of the people.

That's interesting.

We're all wondering when gum got invented.

And I actually do think we talked about it on the show before.

I think so.

He rarely swore, and he had a bad temper.

He was smart.

Within two years of landing and, yeah, by the way, I couldn't find any shit about Spellcan, so this must be about Seattle.

Oh, is there nothing about fish?

Fuck off!

Why don't you tell that story about that real big trout?

Tell the story of the famous tree

within.

I mean, we are here.

We are here.

We probably shouldn't back up so bad.

I mean, it's great to be here.

This is the first time I've been here.

I've driven past here.

I've been here a bunch.

And honestly, it's one of those towns where like after the show, people are like, why are you here?

Are you okay?

You should go.

So within two years of landing in Seattle, he was managing the People's Theater.

Nice.

So Seattle had been established in 1851.

When the city was 12 years old, Miss Edith Mitchell was stranded there waiting for a ship.

And the Washington Gazette called her, quote, an actress of noted ability and favorable celebrity.

Interesting.

She put on what is considered the first professional performance in Seattle, doing, quote, readings and personations of characters from Shakespeare and other great poets.

Oh, it would have been awesome to watch that.

You'd be like, this is fucking horrible.

Yeah.

Like, now your brain's so rotted, you'd be like, this is terrible.

Yeah,

it's crazy.

She's going to read this shit over and over.

And now now I'll be Juliet.

Christ.

She also read from other great poets.

Honestly, I mean, it's awful.

Yeah, my brain is just, it's rotted, I'll be honest.

Watching someone read poetry, I'd be like, stop.

This is horrible.

If it doesn't rhyme, what are you doing?

Right?

Anyone could do that if it's not rhyming.

They're like, that makes it better.

Wrong.

No.

As an audience member, it's just not as good.

It's terrible.

Anyone could do that.

You're just talking.

It's just weird.

You have a weird point.

Say it right or make it rhyme.

What do they do?

Pick a lane, lady.

Locals watched it in a small hall above a store.

1865.

Henry Yessler built the first hall.

It was 30 by 100 feet.

And the first professional play was put on in 1871 uncle tom's cabin oh dear

so now talks became very common in um seattle uncle tom's cabin a magnificent production

oh no art

of life among the lowly wow that's cool

High-class entertainment.

The historic slave market.

There's a lot of good stuff on this bill.

A pair of full-blooded bloodhounds trade to take part in the drama are used in the thrilling scene showing Eliza escaping from the slave hunters.

Why did you read it, dude?

Why the fuck did you read it?

It was small enough for no one to read.

And you pushed it.

You wanted to know.

Well, guess what, asshole?

Fine print back then is not good.

Their headlines are bad.

Their fine print is awful.

They're like, mind if I drop a couple of N-words in here real quick in this tiny little font?

It was a great show tonight.

There was a young lady in blackface, and they had animals chase her across the stage.

The room was about 20 feet by 80.

She got eaten by.

Yeah, she couldn't run very far.

I don't think those hounds were actors.

Anyway, it's a great and moral play.

Okay, so talks became very common in Seattle.

There was one on phrenology.

Oh, great.

Physiognomy?

What is physiognomy?

Well, that's where that guy putted out.

Physiognomy?

I don't know how to pronounce words, but fuck you for asking what they mean.

I don't even think what I suggested is a word, to be honest, or that you just took the bait,

which is common in these parts.

Anthropology, love, love, this is just one, but

yeah, this is one talk.

This is the advertised bunch of stuff.

This guy's covering a lot of topics.

Now, see, this show I'd see

now, love

that's pretty crazy.

Sorry.

It's okay, buddy.

Getting it back.

Phrenology, physiognomy,

anthropology, love, courtship, matrimony, the transfusion of desired qualities from parents to children, laws of health, diet, bathing, exercise, intellectual, moral, social improvements, ethical science, moral philosophy, universal reforms, etc.

By...

Etc., there's more

and other things.

Well, why didn't you finish the list?

Holy fuck.

That's one performance.

By

Courtship.

By Dr.

C.

Pinkham.

C.

Pinkham?

Pinkham.

Pinkham.

Pink'em.

Pinkham?

Pinkham.

Okay.

And he closed the show by examining two heads.

Can you imagine going up on stage for that and having a guy be like, she's got a small head?

She's unlovable, unmotherly.

Do you have a big round head in the back?

Well, you're a good mother.

Do you have a flat head?

You are fucked.

Can I get two volunteers with different heads?

Trust me, this will be worth it.

All right, now you can see this lady has a big large head that beats a good mom.

No chin.

Whereas this next lady's got a tiny head and no hair.

She shouldn't have kids.

But I can tell where her throat starts.

Hey, how good is this show?

Read what it says under parental love.

Where it's,

oh, fuck me.

It's parental love or the study of philoprogenitivisus.

Phylloprogenativis.

Yeah.

I think.

So, entertainment was not great in Seattle.

That's what we're saying.

So in 1871, oh, I already did that.

So in 1875, the Daily Pacific Tribune reviewed a show, quote, their performances were all good, especially those of two or three of the horses.

That's the problem.

Yeah, you can't beat that.

What in the fuck is happening?

What do you mean?

That's way better.

On stage?

Yeah, they probably did the fake counting thing.

There was probably a lot.

Even if they didn't, you were like, this horse is unbelievable.

I don't know if it's in a different hall, but the first hall they built was on the second floor.

Buddy, horses are very capable of climbing.

Have you ever watched Tressage?

Nope.

Well, brother,

run, don't walk.

The John Jack Theatrical Company formed and the first performance was East Lynn.

Quote, in the third act, little Willie refused to pass his checks.

Being frightened and unaccustomed to the business, the child couldn't see the utility of shuffling off the coil thusly.

What?

He wouldn't leave the stage.

He wouldn't leave the stage.

Notwithstanding the desperate efforts of his heartbroken mother, Madame Vane, to make him lay down and die.

So I guess he's supposed to die.

So

his part in the play was that he dies.

But he's like, no.

He was like, nah, yeah, it's awesome.

See, that's better than a horse.

Watching a kid refuse to do the stage direction.

No, I don't want to.

You have to die now.

The horse didn't have to.

Yeah.

Mr.

Jack was reluctantly obliged to bring down the curtain.

Oh,

that's great.

I like the idea that

that show had a very weird ending.

I didn't understand it.

You know, that's what I liked about watching those two horses.

It made sense.

It did make sense.

This show was very strange, how the boy wouldn't pass away.

And she kept saying, die.

Die, boy, die.

He said, you're not my mom, but that was his mom.

But not his mom, mom.

Well, that's where it lost me.

Strange.

Jack then took the troop on the road to places like Spokane, where he lost money.

In Victoria, two cast members got drunk and refused to perform.

Nice.

Jack tried to juice up the show on their return to Seattle.

The dispatch, quote, it is of the dime novel melodrama description and consisted of four abductions, one attempted poisoning, two bowie knife combats, one chloroforming, and 24 harmony.

This is in the play.

What?

This is the play.

This is how he spiced it up?

Yes.

It was like, guys, I've been doing rewrites and we just didn't have enough chloroforming.

We're four shy of a show.

A lot of people gotta die.

So everyone's gonna get chloroformed at least once during the performance.

I'm not gonna do that.

You'll be first.

Consisted of four abductions, one attempted poisoning, two Bowie knife combats, one chloroforming, and 24 homicides.

It's an intense.

So, like, people were like, I gotta go on stage and get killed again.

It's probably just people coming back on as different characters and dying.

Yeah, right, for sure.

Just people like, hello, I'm walking.

Oh!

Not a chloroforming.

Oh, now I'll probably get stabbed.

And from beginning to end, there was a running fire of revolvers.

A lot of shooting.

Are they shooting?

I don't know if they would have blanks back then.

What the fuck?

Well, that's going to help with the murder count, really.

Perfect.

It didn't work.

Jack went broke.

Oh,

he only had three suits left.

By the 1880s, Seattle could draw bigger names, opera companies, violinists, a guy who had, quote, trained a cat to perform the marvelous feat of picking up soda water bottles and carrying it off stage.

That guy.

Now there, that's why I got the.

Yeah, you are 100% in now.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's awesome.

I mean, the idea that a cat could carry, that would be amazing.

Yeah.

Well, amazing's not maybe the right word.

What?

It's a cat carrying a bottle off a stage.

What the fuck?

You're just being an asshole because that would be incredible.

If you saw someone train their cat to do that, you'd be like, that's shocking.

If you saw that on Instagram, you'd send it to me.

Shut the fuck up.

That's amazing.

So boxing's illegal, so only private clubs could have fights.

So, boxers came and joined clubs, and then someone realized they could write a play that the boxer would star in, and then the final act would be him fighting a local boxer.

All right, that's fucking awesome.

That is

the cat water bottle can take a backseat to the idea that you write a show all about an ending where your main character might get the shit kicked out of him.

Yeah.

I put it all on myself for this match.

So all I gotta do is go beat the local legend.

So, uh, menu.

Come on, Baldy, let's go.

Jesus Christ, he's beat.

Well, fuck, he just got the shit kicked out of him.

So the ending doesn't make any sense.

Bring the curtain down.

Chloroform the other boxer.

This is just.

I'm in the hole a lot of fucking money.

No, I'm not gonna do that.

Oh my god, we're in the hole a lot.

We're really I'll kick the shit out of you too.

Who are you right now?

I'm the boy who wouldn't be clerk.

You're the boy who wouldn't fall early.

Jesus Christ, will you focus on the theater and what we're doing in it?

Look, I'm doing a lot right now.

I'm trying to revamp a show that's not going well

by adding a lot of characters in it.

The last show I wrote was a choose your own adventure boxing match.

So with this setup, a lot of big boxers come through.

They would act and then fight.

One was Ruby.

The acting part had to be so good.

It would have been so bad.

Oh my gosh.

What I was trying to tell you from before, Mom.

I forgot it.

I forgot it again.

Hold on.

I'm going to go talk to the guy in charge.

Hey.

What am I supposed to say?

It doesn't matter.

Just whatever you want.

I'm an actor in a play.

No, hey, no, Bob.

No, just like make stuff up.

Like, not about who you really are.

Like, make like a character up and then just go, whatever.

My name is

I am the charge of this play.

I'm on stage talking to this boxer.

Bob, Bob.

Yeah.

Call me Ruby.

Stop saying.

Call me Ruby.

Ruby?

Yeah.

Stop saying that you're in a play and just go out there and make some stuff up.

My only problem is I don't know if you can see where my dog's from.

I think everyone's confused.

That's Australia.

Huh?

I'm Australian?

Yeah.

The character or me in real life?

No, you're from Australia.

I know, but I'm a character.

You said I was supposed to make it up.

I can't work under these conditions.

You keep asking me to be inventive, and I am.

I'm gonna fight you in a second.

Now that's a production.

So a lot of big boxers came through, like Ruby Rob Fitzsimmons.

The ad said, quote, spar three rounds, make a horse.

Three rounds?

Spar three rounds, make a horseshoe, punch the bag, shoe a horse, sing a funny song.

This is so great to not know what performance is in any way.

Like to have not figured it out.

Didn't other countries not have shows?

I mean, we had, I don't know, it was performance.

I mean, performance existed, but America's like, justice.

What you need to do is put a carnival on stage, but it's scripted.

Come on stage, fill a cloud's mouth with water.

Put a shoe on a horse.

I shoe a basket.

I don't want to go to your stupid play.

There's a shoe on a horse.

Trust me, you do.

Make taffy.

What's a play?

We don't know.

Quality actors also came through now.

Irving Barrymore, W.C.

Fields, Sarah Bernhardt.

Sarah Bernhardt

told locals that she wanted to go hunting.

Quote, they obligingly took her to the shore of Lake Washington, put her safely in a blind, and ushered into her sight an ancient bear that had been left behind by a circus.

She killed the bear

and carried his skin back to France.

There she told people she'd come across the bear in a forest and killed it with her bare hands.

Jesus Christ.

What the fuck?

She Donald Trump junior the bear and that was just like

You know, I actually kids this with my bare hounds.

Imagine that.

So far, I mean, she is an actress, so yeah.

Yes, it came upon me, and I made myself look bigger.

Then I cut his throat, skinned him, and customs did not care.

I love that the bear is just an old bear who's like, okay, I'll go.

Ancient bear who's like, it's nice to finally be out of the circus.

Not so fast, my buddy boy.

We don't have any morals.

I finally feel the sun on my body.

Yeah, stop pretending like he just walked out that day.

That is worse.

In my version, he's been there for a couple weeks, and he's like, this is nice.

Maybe you could find me a lady bear?

For sure.

There's a lady bear in heat over there.

All right.

Woo-hoo!

Oh.

Oh, oh,

wait, hey,

there's no lady bear at all.

You're waking up bear.

Well, now there's a lot of blood going, to be honest.

I'm acting.

Someone's kidding.

So theater isn't going great in Seattle.

And the whole Northwest, troops are folding.

Their owners are fleeing in the night because they're in debt.

That's fucking hilarious.

Come on, let's go.

The cultured class complained that only scandalous shows made money.

Yeah.

It's just like you're watching online content now.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

All right.

So I got to get abs and do stand-up.

I can't do this.

In 1885, the Post Intelligencer warned readers that a show of 20 women was on the way.

Quote, this is about the show of 20 women coming.

The chief and only attraction being its purpose and the practice of its actors to pander to the depraved tastes of the spectators.

It is an indecent exhibition of a lot of women who, for what they can make out of it, parade their half-naked forms on stage.

It is needless to say that the show draws immensely.

Well, because fucking morons keep putting articles in the paper of outrage that sound like ads.

Yeah.

These hot fucking women are pretty naked.

You see outlines, you know what's there.

I wasn't going to go because it just kept talking about horse ladies, but now

this says that the half horse ladies.

Nobody's talking about horse ladies anymore.

We were shut down.

That production closed.

Well, it says in here you can see her ass.

Yeah.

So, Seattle Shows had

shows in what were called box houses on Skid Row.

And a box house was a saloon that had a theater attached.

And they were usually found in basements.

By the way, we've performed.

That's the ideal situation.

Yeah.

Waste that people are like, what is this?

Holy shit, horse girl.

Ma'am, are you really a chimney sweep?

Because I got a smokestack that is filthy.

What did you charge?

You should probably put on a couple more layers.

You might get hurt.

They were usually found in basements and had to close during the rainy season because the floors were covered in water.

What?

It got wet.

Okay.

See, it's down there on the.

It's in the wetland.

Right.

Some box houses were built on pilings on the Elliott Bay tide flats.

That way they could drop just a drunk through the trap doors and then they'd wade ashore or float or whatever.

Wait.

What?

What What do you mean?

One of the reasons they built them on title flats is because if someone got too drunk or whatever, they could just open up the trapdoor.

Why did that stop?

Why did we get rid of trapdoors?

It feels like there's never been a better time to bring back the trapdoor.

I think because people died.

I'm not saying it's a perfect system, but I am saying that

right now we need some Hail Marys.

And trapdoors, really, considering what's going on, can be pretty helpful.

There should be a lot of trapdoors.

Yeah.

More trapdoors?

Oh fuck.

How great would life be?

Great.

We all need more of a purpose.

Yeah.

Hey, if in your house you're like, I'm going to invite Clark over.

I'm sick of him.

Come closer.

Little more.

Little more.

Put on the horse head.

And then it just drops it.

You're in an apartment.

It just drops it in your neighbor's place.

What the fuck?

Ah!

Hello, come closer.

Little more.

I just did this upstairs!

I don't have a trapdoor.

A little more, idiot.

Who are you?

Step back a little bit.

I'm not, no!

I don't have a trap door.

Yes, you do!

All right, I do, but leave through that door.

I don't know who you are.

Leave through the regular door.

I prefer the trap.

That's my boy.

Everyone's an inventor.

So, a description of a box house from Coast magazine: quote:

Nervous opium-eating individual was hammering away at the piano.

In the hall-like space before the stage were a hundred or more men and boys.

Not a woman was to be seen in the row of seats, only men smoking and chewing tobacco and boys eating peanuts.

So there were no women in the box house?

Well in the theater part of the box house.

Right, it's just men eating peanuts and smoking.

Boy there's a real nice smell in this room.

Sickly men who are smoking and crushing peanuts.

Okay, around the sides of the room and at the end opposite the stage were built out thin pine board small apartments with an opening towards the platform and a barn-like door leading into the narrow passageway along the wall.

So you could have a home?

So there's little rooms that are.

Yeah, that you could just kind of walk out and be like, cool.

No, it's not a home.

That's the box.

Those are boxes.

And the boxes are what?

They're the.

This is a box house, so there's little tiny box rooms up there.

So like a few little, like, yeah, theater.

Okay, so you could be like, ooh,

what's in here?

This is horrible.

In each room was an electric torch button, which communicated with a bar set up behind the stage.

The boxes were unlighted, save

a stray bee might enter at the window.

In these boxes were women.

I mean, I understand being disappointed, but also, you know.

Look at this room.

What did you think it was going to be?

Boy, they're doing some great checkoff upstairs.

One in some, more in others, women with dresses reaching nearly to the point above their knees, holding.

Oh,

buddy!

You know what that's close to?

With stained and sweaty tights.

Oh, why?

Huh?

What?

Read it again.

With stained and sweaty tights.

Okay.

Someone do a wash.

With bare arms and necks uncovered over halfway to their wrists.

Oh, whoa.

Wait, elbow?

Did we not know what an elbow was yet?

Buddy, the fabric goes halfway down to their wrists.

So, half the way down to the arm?

You do the math.

All I know is it looks like they pissed themselves.

And you come in stinking of grits and peanuts, the vibe, electric.

With blonde hair and some with powdered wigs, with faces rouged and powdered, eyebrows with winkers mutted up and blackened, there stood the female contingency at the doors and in the boxes.

So this is the kind of place that John Constantine is running.

The people's theater, as we said at the beginning.

Profits came from booze and gambling, and women would perform and then go into the boxes and get men to buy drinks or sex.

So it is a brothel, essentially.

Yeah.

Okay.

But they're fucking.

But the theater part of it, you're like, well, it's also a show.

No, it's.

There's a kind of a show.

Well, there's a costume.

Yeah.

Sort of.

Yeah, there's like a, there's, there's a.

I like how he's like, I'm still a director of theater.

Hey, there's a drunk man full of peanuts in your room.

Go fuck him.

It took me a while to find my voice as a playwright.

Didn't come easy.

So John is an actor, so this is kind of offensive to him.

So he decided to get more customers by having professional actresses

while others ladies work the boxes.

So instead of like having them perform and then the guy's going, I a that one, fuck, wanted sex,

they just have women who are actual performers do a show and then those guys go, want other woman, and then they go, fuck a lady in the back.

So it was kind of like a bait and switch.

You'd be like, women on stage performing, and then they'd be like, I'm all riled up from all that acting.

Now I'm going to go to the fuck room.

It's very similar still to me.

The only difference is there's like some women up there like, mom, you don't do that to me.

He's like, this is a good play.

I should fuck someone.

Yeah.

I'm so full of peanuts and tobacco and ale.

This place must have smelled so bad.

Oh, unfucking godly.

God, godly.

You'd walk in and you'd be like, and they'd be like, well, fancy boy.

Not an ogre room where you could flick your butts and your shells on the ground.

Well, we're doing a performance tonight, just so you know.

So it works.

There's better shows, more people come, he's making $2,000 a month.

There's often fights in the box houses because it's a rough environment.

Sure.

Not everyone's happy with the box houses, right?

The refined

folks, the church going folks.

The women working in the boxes?

They're fine with it.

They're making cash.

Okay.

They took over city government in 1894 and passed an ordinance forbidding liquor sales in theaters.

Well, that's going to change a lot of stuff.

So John moved to Spokane and set up shop.

Some people not so proud of that.

People like, quit, don't be happy.

So he went to a place where laws didn't matter and nobody gave a flying fuck about anything.

Here.

So he was here for three years

and doing the same shit, box houses, until Spokane barred women from working in box houses.

Okay, now what is what's worse?

No booze or no women?

No women.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Because you just get, I'm going to get shit faced to go to the box houses.

Now you're just like, now I'm drunk and I don't know what to do.

Are we allowed to jack off in here?

Oh my God.

We live in hell.

This is hell.

I'm paid to go jerk off in a room.

I'm going to go into that

empty box house and eat peanuts and jack off.

We've lost what made us America.

Will they at least leave some of their horribly sweaty clothes behind?

Maybe I could form it into, if there's a powdered wig, I could form it into a lump of something

Try to fuck that

I'm just saying we'd like you to leave I'm just saying hope's not dead Jimmy we'd like you to leave actually I can't leave Yeah, you can't we gotta make this work trapdoor

Can I get a handful of peanuts for my death?

I'll throw them in your fucking face.

Hey,

finally done it.

Hey, I survived the fall.

Oh, fuck.

Dress him up like a bear.

Oh, boy, that sounds erotic.

So.

Hey, I'm okay.

Get the fuck fuck out of here.

Hey, I'm okay still.

I don't care.

Give me a cigarette.

What?

Give me a smoke, you fuck.

What the fuck is happening?

Hey,

I'm gonna die real soon.

I'm dying.

It doesn't seem like it.

Take me up to one of them box houses to die.

I have a final request.

Ah, ah, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh,

hey,

hey,

hey,

we should

put a woman back in one of the box houses

Could be good

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So John goes to

the mayor of Spokane and asked if he could shut down the boxes and just have women in the theater selling drinks.

But the mayor's like, no.

So he closed his theater in Spokane and went back to Seattle.

Where it was just no liquor.

Well,

after John's...

Did he know about other cities?

No.

He was like, well, you got to pick.

There's only two I've heard of.

There are no other cities in Washington.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

I know it's true.

It is amazing.

It is amazing to just be like, well,

that's it.

Yeah, that's it.

Nothing.

Are we going to call Everett a city?

Yeah, see, they exist so you can feel better.

Bellingham, basically, fucking Canada.

Pitching against it?

What?

Huh?

Every city has a taco belt.

And that's what's nice.

We are a country.

Yeah.

So after John had left Seattle, the People's Theater was empty and it was full of vermin and filth and cobwebs and it, quote, resembled a place where pigs hold forth.

And then hobos took over the boxes and were living in them.

And

hey,

someone's in that box up there.

Oh, no.

I think they reopened it.

How the fuck are you alive?

Well, it's a wild story, Jamie.

But I went up there and had my way with one of the box women.

That's a hobo.

Oh, boy.

That explains so much.

By the way, I am dead.

Isn't that crazy?

It's pretty crazy, yeah.

It's been a wild run for me.

I've had my weirdest year yet.

Why are you talking to me?

I have unfinished business here

in this realm.

I need you to help me solve something so I can ascend.

Oh, I don't want to do this.

What am I supposed to help you solve?

Come on.

If you help me, I'll help you.

Nah, I just

I can't ascend until one if we set one what

I gotta have a handful of peanuts

that's it

here

well no not no

but I I can't grab anything I can't grab anything

it's gonna be so hard this is This is really hard.

So you're a ghost and the only way to get off this earthly

is to get a handful of peanuts for me to eat one more handful of peanuts.

But you can't hold peanuts because you're a ghost.

Bingo.

Talk about a conundrum.

We're about to go on a ride, Amigo.

I don't think we're going on anything.

I'm just going to leave you

here.

Oh, wait.

Oh,

why would I help you?

I don't have uh

I'll give you a million dollars

you don't have your

I don't have any

give my best friend

okay I gotta go I gotta go too trapdoor

how did that work

So there's all these hobos living the boxes, but then gold is found at the Klondike and thousands of bros pour into Seattle.

And the box houses reopen because the city council are okay with the box houses taking advantage of like non-locals.

Right?

It hasn't been open.

That's hilarious.

You can come in here if you don't live here.

Outsiders only.

We don't want our kind.

So the People's Theater reopens and the new renters spent thousands cleaning it up and then that's when John comes back into town.

Now, he knew the People Theater's owners, and he bet that the new renters only had a verbal agreement with them.

So, he goes down to San Francisco and undermines the deal and signs a year lease for the theater.

And to start, he brought the most famous variety performer of the time,

Belly Dancer Little Egypt.

Okay, so she's there.

So, she's known nationally.

She's a very well-known dancer.

Well, she also is known because she got arrested in New York for dancing nude at a party.

So she's not just Belly.

So when she got to Seattle, the press is there very excited, which just helps business, obviously.

And the People's was once more the top box house in Seattle, and John's status shot up.

Now, the fourth ward where the theater was delivered more votes than any other part of the city, and John now controls a lot of votes because he's rich and he's from that area.

So the rich and powerful of Seattle are coming to him, and papers described him as the statesman or the boss sport.

So, he wore expensive suits and gaudy ties and high collars, and he only drank ice water and chewed a shitload of gum.

He chewed five sticks of gum at once.

Oh, wow.

What?

That's crazy.

That is crazy.

Yeah.

It's also, it's aged him.

Yeah.

You think he'd have a stronger lower half?

Strong jaw.

He could bite, but he didn't bite.

He looks flappy.

Yep.

His sidekick was.

Ah, the best.

Already awesome.

It's what you need.

You always need a gunboat.

What are you talking about?

Come on, I'm the boss boy.

Well, his sidekick was his brother Tom, who was a known tough guy.

And then also a guy named Doc Shaughnessy was John's bodyguard.

That's, yeah, all right.

That's a crew.

Now, Doc opened a gym where he would, quote, remove fat fast from fighters and men under 40.

For those over 40, I'll just try.

It's tough to hear.

It's tough to hear.

Back then, I was like, yeah, you're fat for life, sir.

You're over 40.

This is before eugenics.

That's right.

It's before guys like Doug Fluti and, you know, Frank Thomas could just go golfing and talk about how hard their dicks get to each other.

It's a different time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, where you're just like, man, how fucking good is it now?

I can't stop getting hard-ons.

Alright, should we start golfing?

I think most people don't know what you're talking about.

I am fully aware that, but there's like six people are like, that's pretty good.

But the rest are like, what's happening?

It's definitely an indication of

what sports you watch and where.

Wait, what?

Like, that commercial doesn't run most places.

That's an ESPN commercial.

ESPN, yeah, I'm their demographic.

Yeah.

But they're like,

looking to fuck more?

Sick of your belly, want harder dicks?

You're like, I'm listening.

Here's two guys playing golf from the late 80s.

Like to golf with your old friends?

No, but

back to the belly dick stuff.

That was awesome.

So, John bought ownership in a saloon and a gambling hall and he bought real estate.

He's rich now.

Yeah.

The Star Newspaper.

I mean, he didn't buy that much gum.

Yeah, they have a little bit of scrunchie.

No, it's okay.

A Star Newspaper reporter heard a sailor lost $2,000 in a roulette game, and he asked the owner

of the

saloon about it.

And the owner said, quote, yes, that's true, but I didn't think think anybody'd find out.

Here we are having a moment.

So then he offered the reporter free room and board if he would write some really good stories about the hotel.

This is the story of the New York Times.

And the reporter.

Why, okay.

The reporter was offended and he went and told this editor, and the editor never printed the story and moved into a room in the hotel.

I mean, what do you want?

We're humans.

We're going to do this shit.

This is it.

Got to find a way around that.

Got to get rid of that stuff.

So, a new mayor, Tom Humes, has opened up the town.

By opening it up, it means for vice and stuff.

He wants to be governor.

The post intelligence.

But me governor meant you were the mayor of two cities.

Yeah, kind of.

He's like, I have higher ambitions.

I'd like to be the governor of the two towns in this enormous Pala La Plain.

The Post Intelligencer owner, John Wilson, was behind the scenes, was a behind-the-scenes power broker and wanted to block Hume's nomination for governor, so he got his own guy nominated, but his guy lost.

And Wilson blamed Hume's and started attacking him in the Post Intelligencer.

for running an open, corrupt city government.

So Hume was put the blame on the police chief and made him resign.

And then he picked a new guy, a connected guy, is Chief William Meredith.

What's his angle here?

Whoa, never mind.

Whoa.

Well, so he's just trying to take the heat off of him and blame

him.

But what is the

what is Hume's, maybe you said this, but what does Hume's like want to turn

open it up for like he wants to go back to the old ways.

Well, he has.

He made it more corrupt and the the city more corrupt, and everybody making money.

Okay, so not right, okay.

But anyway, this guy's cool.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we're good here.

Absolutely.

By the way, he should chew a little gum on the right side for about five years.

Strengthen that side up a little bit.

Get that jaw a little bit more in line, you know what I mean?

You know, you know, Billy.

He's got one dumb side and one smart side.

You know, Bill Meredith.

He's got that little chin to the left.

He looks like he always just finished saying, hmm.

You know, Bill.

So Meredith had once worked for John, but they were no longer friends.

Okay.

So no one knew why.

Now, as a cop,

Meredith had arrested a pickpocket friend of John's, and John sent Meredith to protection money from the pickpocket, but then still arrested him.

Well, so that's fucking what a moral town.

I paid you off to not arrest my pickpocket buddies.

So John made that a public accusation, and then...

What kind of public?

That's crazy to be like, this man has low character.

I bribed him to let illegalities continue.

And he made that illegal.

You fucked me, Meredith.

So Meredith was then put on a desk job, and he blamed John for that.

Well, yeah, he did it.

Publicly.

Yeah.

And so now he's police chief.

Uh-oh.

And he used the laws that had not been enforced to keep it an open town, and he went after John.

Okay.

So, like women working in box houses that served alcohol, he used that against John.

So cops were enforcing the law only at John's theater.

Well, that's going to be bad for business.

This is trapdoor right there.

And Wilson, the editor of the Post Intelligencer, wanted even more done, and his paper kept writing stories about the Vice problem that was going to destroy Seattle's amazing reputation.

And so a Law and Order League formed.

The league presented a long list of crimes by Chief Meredith and Mayor Humes to the city council.

And then the council held secret meetings on vice, but everything leaked anyway.

And so John testified first, and he said one of Chief Meredith's men had demanded $500 for protection, which he paid, and then followed the guy he paid, and then he saw him hand it to Meredith.

Okay.

And on the stand, Meredith called John a liar and said he was a bad influence on women, young women, especially.

And he brought up Mammy Jenkins.

Mammy Jenkins?

Mammy Jenkins, who was a 17-year-old contortionist.

Jesus Christ, there's a lot coming at us.

17-year-old contortionist.

Yeah.

So Meredith said she had been ruined by John and had an abortion.

By genetics.

She had an abortion.

Oh.

Because John ruined her.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Tried to talk over it.

Okay.

That

the same day that he was accused of ruining

Mammy Jenkins,

the chief Merith, sent a cop to order John to stop selling drinks or be arrested.

And John's like, I'm going to keep doing it.

Quote, it will only be a few days before they get that shrimp anyway.

So he's saying, we're going to take down Meredith.

Okay.

A few days later, the city council sent a report to the mayor saying Chief Meredith was unfit for duty.

Quote,

Money has been paid to Meredith and Detective Wapenstein

and Detective Wappenstein for the privilege of being permitted to conduct bunko and sure thing games in this city undisturbed.

So the mayor told, after that report came out, the mayor told Meredith to resign.

Okay, what was the game you said?

Bunko.

Bunko.

Sure.

The next morning, Meredith, do you not know what Bunko is?

I do not know what Bunko is.

What is Bonko?

I don't know.

It's the dice game, right?

Where you switch the...

Yeah.

What?

It's where you swap the...

It's where the cups, right?

And you do the...

Oh, it's not the cups?

Yeah, you, I was, yeah.

She's like, it's a dice game, yeah.

Exactly, it's dice.

You have to get groups of dice.

Oh, okay.

All the die have to be one number.

You're going to Yahtzee.

Okay.

You know way too fucking much about Bonko.

You lied about how much you knew about Bunko.

I was just trying to fuck you.

Ah.

Uh.

You know, Dave used to have trouble fucking me.

Then he took eugenics.

Hold on.

Oh yeah.

So Meredith resigns,

and then the next morning, Meredith has

one of his cops go to a secondhand store and buy a saw-off shotgun.

Okay, secondhand store.

And when the cop came back, he asked Meredith what he was going to do with it.

Now you do it in the reverse order.

You don't buy it and then go, what's your plan?

You go, well, why?

Oh, no.

You don't go, now that you have it, what are you going to do?

Oh, no.

I'm complicit.

Well, he said, quote, I'm going to get my man.

That's adorable.

We've all been there.

Go ahead.

John's lawyers now had affidavits stating this 17-year-old contortionist did not get an abortion, but ruptured herself doing a contortion.

Boy, can we just admit that her, she was having a fun week as a 17-year-old where they were like, now,

how did you rupture yourself?

I'd really rather not do this anymore.

Legally, we have to know.

Is it a contortion rupture?

If you can't show us how you bended, we're gonna think you got fucked.

Oh,

what?

Your partner is trying to say, Al, take a step out, take a fiver.

That was.

I'm gonna stare at her more.

Nope, all right.

Oh, boy.

Al, goddamn it.

Why else do white men run things?

Trap door, trapdoor, trap door, trapdoor, trap door.

They told Meredith he had to write an apology and

put it in the paper or John would sue for libel.

Meredith, quote, I've already lost my job and now this.

An hour or so later, John was on the street when a friend asked if he was carrying a gun.

And John said, no.

And the guy said, quote, Meredith's after you.

Get a gun for God's sakes.

So John got his 38 revolver and he and his brother left the theater, and when they did, Meredith was out on the streets with a shotgun wrapped in butcher paper.

In what?

In butcher paper?

Yeah.

That's fucking a little bit.

This is a long piece of meat.

I got a pound of shaved lid.

He also had a Colt 32 and a 38 in his pocket and a dagger in his other breast pocket.

All in like butchers, like paper.

I'm having a barbecue this weekend.

Everybody's coming.

It's going to be great.

Yeah.

He also had four silver dollars in his breast pocket for armor.

Well, if I know one thing, it's that he'll probably shoot me right there.

And just to be safe, I put a little butcher paper behind it.

He asked a real estate agent if he'd seen it.

I'm looking to buy property.

I know this

seems oddly timed timed because of all the gun and butcher paper but

where would you buy right now what's the market like

down by the people's theater

interesting well

he asked the real estate agent if he'd seen the considine boys and said quote this town isn't big enough to hold us both

I can't believe it that actually got said

well yeah we're building a bunch more towns soon this whole state is we're gonna make more cities so far, it's just two.

So, if you wait a minute, there'll be more.

You can have your own town.

Probably within a year, there'll be a lot of towns.

What the fuck are you gonna call it, Topeka?

Sure, what's that about?

What is that?

I don't know.

It's the only other city I could think of.

But it's not anywhere.

No, there's a Topeka.

Right now?

I think so.

I don't think.

Maybe there is.

Not here.

It's.

Yeah, no, I know.

Yeah, it's in Kansas.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Are you trying to alter reality?

I don't know what reality is anymore.

People had to shout at you, it's in Kansas.

Huh?

Let them shout.

So

Meredith hangs around where John and his brother usually caught a streetcar.

And he hangs around there for an hour.

That's like just keeping him waiting.

God, there's a lot of butcher paper.

And John.

Hey, Bill, what do you got in the butcher paper?

It's a shot.

It's meat.

Whoa!

I love meat.

Let me look at it.

No.

Okay, have a good day.

So John went and met with his lawyer, and he found out Meredith had resigned as chief.

And the lawyer wanted the brothers to celebrate, but John had a sore throat and wanted to get some medicine.

So they went to a drugstore.

While he's like, there's a guy who's trying to kill me, I'm going to go get some Robotusin real quick.

This is

scratchy.

Meredith saw them and moved quickly toward them.

As the Considines entered the drugstore, a cop was walking out of the drugstore, and above the signs read, quote, Eurusa cures piles or $50 forfeited.

There's a hemorrhoid.

Yeah.

You don't cure your piles, you're in the money.

Just setting the scene.

And the cop reached out to shake John's hand because the cop also hated Meredith

for pocketing protection money from a pimp.

So

okay.

So he didn't see Meredith behind them, and he, quote, pushed the shotgun over Tom's shoulder at a range of about two feet and fired at John Considine.

So that's pretty close for a shotgun.

Yeah, yeah, right there.

Yeah.

Yeah, he missed.

He missed.

He missed.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, no.

Hey, that wasn't barbecue at all.

What kind of meat do you have?

Bill, the butcher ripped you off.

That's a gun in there.

Didn't you see when he was putting it in the paper that it was not meat?

No.

It was a gun, you big oaf.

Gosh, I swear.

You almost killed that poor man with what you thought was a weekend's worth of barbecue.

Yeah.

This is we're gonna be telling this story for quite a while.

That much I know.

So the buckshot did not scatter, but instead just passed over John's shoulder.

John was dazed by the blast and staggered through the wooden screen doors into the store.

And Meredith pushed past Tom and the cop, who were just standing there, completely shocked.

John was wobbly, but he ran by the glass counters, and Meredith shot again, but right as the swinging door came back and hit his elbow.

You mean halfway down to his wrist?

This guy's having a bad time.

My God!

It's like, you rip, you tried to, you're for the last time, Bill, that's not barbecue in there.

You don't have meat.

That's a gun.

Be careful.

You shot it again.

Oh boy, this story just got a lot richer.

One bullet hit John in the back of the neck and, quote, flattened against the bone at the base of a skull.

The rest of the shotgun blast hit the arm of a guy sitting there enjoying a sarsaparilla.

It's the most 1880s shooting of all time.

I got hit with buckshot while having a sarsarilla at the drugstore today.

We've all been there.

Meredith now dropped the shotgun and pulled his Colt 32.

John yelled for Tom to help and then jumped at Meredith and he grabbed him and hugged him so he couldn't point the gun.

Oh, look, they're making up.

Tom ran in and grabbed Meredith's hand, twisting the gun out.

And then he grabbed it and beat Meredith brutally on the head with the gun.

His jaw straight.

He fractured his skull in in two places.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Two cops rushed in, and one grabbed the gun from Tom, and Tom yelled, quote, Give it to me.

He's got another.

Meredith was now leaning against a counter, and Tom yanked the gun away from the cop.

And John yelled, quote, give it to him, Tom.

People were now crowding into the store.

Of course, people are running in.

They're shooting.

Hurry.

I need my pile pills.

Oh.

Tom spun around and pointed it at the people coming in.

Quote, stand back, you sons of bitches.

All right, Tom, let's all cool out.

We're all heated.

Someone grabbed Tom from behind, and Meredith got on his feet.

And John wrestled himself loose from the guy holding him and pulled his 38 and shot at Meredith.

It hit his torso and went through his liver.

The second shot went right into his heart.

No, no, no, that's where the money is.

Yes.

Well, maybe in the other pocket.

Oh.

He put it in the non-heart pocket?

Trust me.

I know where he's at.

He'll think it's like a mirror thing, so he'll think it's on the other.

You gotta be two steps ahead.

Why don't you put two coins in each pocket?

No.

You sound crazy.

Why don't you go get more money and load all the pockets?

Stop.

Enough.

So when the shot went into his heart, Meredith said, quote, oh.

That's when a French lady was like, skin him.

I'll say I did it.

Oh!

The great last words.

Oh!

Ow!

John was so close that the shot set Meredith's coat on fire.

Oh my god.

Well, I I don't, I mean, that's awesome.

Look,

you know, look,

I'm not saying I support the action, but if you shoot a guy in the heart and then he catches on fire, you start to believe you're a god, period.

100%.

If you shoot someone and they catch you, you're like, well, what the fuck am I?

Ah!

And you won't let me have a box house with booze and women?

So he shoots one more time and that one went into his collarbone and then Meredith fell dead and the sheriff arrested John who just nodded.

Five months later, John went on trial.

Now, Meredith was hated when he was alive, but now that he was dead, he was a martyr hero.

America's princess.

Always happens.

The trial became about an open city versus a closed city.

Cop versus box house operator and John claims self-defense.

But the prosecution went with the argument of limp hands.

Huh?

The prosecution went with the argument of limp hands?

That's right.

What do you mean?

Meredith was alive, but helpless and on the ground after Tom cracked him on the head with a revolver.

But wait, Meredith tried to kill him.

Well, Tom, remember Tom beat him?

Yeah.

But then Tom beat him on the head, and then he was basically incapacitated, and then Meredith shot him.

Yeah.

He tried to kill him.

I mean,

then he caught on fire.

God decided this was okay.

What are you talking about?

Your Honor, I'd like to point out that when we shot Meredith, he shot Meredith, he caught on fire.

We're good here.

Well, if he caught on fire.

Obviously, if he caught on fire, that sounds awesome.

That's God.

It's like, well, that's godness.

This is like watching an ACDC show.

I haven't seen such an obvious, justified killing since that actress killed that.

You're allowed to kill other people, yeah.

So,

oh, but so while they're saying that,

uh, Meredith had been going around town saying he was armed and telling he was going to kill John.

So, yeah, he was like,

So the trial took 15 days, and John was found not guilty.

Yeah.

And afterwards, he wept, and the Times said it was open season on law officials.

The fucking paper said that?

Yeah, well in like a bad way.

Right.

Oh, yeah.

They're not saying like, hey,

I thought it was like, oh, you can kill the police now.

Honey,

pay attention to the punctuation.

Honey, the punctuation.

Do, do, do, do, do.

Well, just shot the sheriff.

What's for supper?

So moving pictures became a thing, and venues now show very short movies with a live show and John thought everyone showing the same

with everyone showing the same movies the way to get on top would be to offer a live show of the best live show along with the movie so he wait what do you mean people are starting to show movies uh-huh but it's all the same movie right they don't have different movies so he offers a live show and the movie yeah and the best live show right right right So he bought half an interest in Edison's unique theater in 1902, and his plan was very successful and it took off.

But it was hard to get the best acts to come to the East Coast and entice them.

So to entice them,

he set up a

Northwest theater circuit.

And this was the first legit, decently priced vaudeville chain.

Okay.

So he cuts off all connections to the People's Theater to become legit.

And he gave to charities and he got elected as president of a fishing and hunting club.

So he's becoming like a top fucking dude around the town.

Right.

Some years before, a musicians union had gone on strike against three main city theaters.

And so the owners and managers met on a dock to talk about the strike.

They chose a dock so union spies couldn't see them.

Sure, no.

Doc chats are always on the up and up.

Yeah.

100%.

They ended up losing the strike, but the owners and managers then formed a club

called the Independent Order of Good Things.

So, is this right around when people naming nefarious things nice things started?

Well, the magic club for everyone's happiness.

Waiting to crush unions.

Their motto was skin them.

Okey-dokey.

Don't mind if I do.

But a month later, they thought the name seemed kind of dumb, so they changed it to the Eagles.

Oh, I knew I hated that band.

Because there was a picture of an eagle on the stage curtain in the room where they were meeting.

So that's why they call it the Eagles.

Smart.

Story checks out.

They were foes.

So membership grew, and they called their meeting houses Lodges, and they expanded to other cities.

And after a few years, they were in over 100 cities.

And the third owner split off and formed his own group called the Moose.

Oh, my God.

And in 1906, John was a delegate for the fraternal order of Eagles convention in New York, where he connected with Tammany boss Big Tim Sullivan.

Or Big Tim or Big Feller.

Okay.

And they formed a partnership and ran the Sullivan Considine Vaudeville Circuit.

And John bought theaters in Portland and Butte and San Francisco and Tacoma and more.

And he supplied acts to.

Yeah, don't ever.

Just fucking lost your mind over hearing Bud.

I wouldn't.

We drove by that today, and Luke just went, but, and that's all that was said.

That's all that was said in the van.

But.

So he supplied, also supplied acts to other theaters around the country.

And while he was building his empire, another man...

was coming up in the business, Alexander Pantages.

Oh my lord.

Now, he came from the world of saloons and pimps and gamblers and decided to take over a theater in Nome, Alaska and got some entertainers to back him, one of who is Klondike Kate, who I love.

I love Klondike Kate.

She's Alaska's most famous dancing girl, but she never got her money back from Pantages.

So for all of his life, men over all over Alaska hated him.

I like that he picked Alaska.

He was like, trust me, I know where we're going.

The big city.

Nome.

People will be coming all over that place once we build that bridge.

So he charged 10 cents and other theaters charged 25.

He was just all about turnover.

The shows were shorter.

He opens a theater in Seattle in 1907.

And now Pantagius and John start trying to destroy each other.

Jesus Christ.

Is this a two-parter?

No.

John had money and connections, but Pantages is a genius.

He spoke six languages and he hung out amongst the lower classes so he knew what people wanted and didn't care about famous names, just good shows.

So, whenever John announced a new star was coming, Pantagius would find someone better and put him on just before John's star arrived.

And performers knew the situation, so they would make tentative agreements with both, and then they'd come into town and see what offer more money.

Sometimes actors would sign up, John would sign up with John, but then their equipment wouldn't end up at the Pantagius, and Pantages wouldn't let the equipment leave, so they'd have to go to his theater.

I don't think you're allowed to do that.

In 1909, a xylophone trio came to town.

I mean, I don't even know.

That's the craziest thing in the story.

We are the Blue Man group.

A xylophone trio.

Well,

we had to kick one guy out.

John offered them twice the money of Pantages, and they told Pantages they were going to John's.

So Pantages called his stage manager and told him to burn the xylophones.

And one of the players cried, quote, my life, my soul.

I gotta tell you,

Pantages coming in at the end for MVP contention in the story.

Big bang at the end.

Lighting xylophones on fire.

I swear to God, it would be horrible, but if that guy saw a guy do that over a xylophone, I'd be like, what the fuck?

My life!

My soul!

Dude, it's like eight pieces of wood.

Shut the fuck up.

No, it's so much my fan.

It's got a whole thing inside.

All right.

Fucking nerd.

Get a drum, you loser.

So the xylophone trio ended up playing in the Pantages.

Wait until one of the guys just says...

And then Todd, why don't you sit at the end and just cry?

My life, my soul!

By 1911, John could offer Axe 70 straight weeks of work and Pantages 60, but Pantages booked better acts and they battled it out for years.

Big Feller, John's New York partner, was declared insane due to syphilis and put in an institution.

And then

he liked a fuck.

The New York Sun.

The New York Sun said he suffered from.

You know what he could use?

Eugenics.

It cures syphilis too.

Nope.

Hey, wait, it's me.

Trapdoor.

Ah!

The New York Sun said he suffered from, quote, religious mania.

So that'll happen.

Religious.

So does the Pope.

Like, what are you talking about?

So he couldn't help with the business business now, and the theaters John had were all mortgaged to build the next one.

And he went on on the road, traveling hundreds of thousands of miles a year to keep it afloat, but finally he couldn't take it anymore.

And he sold to Marcus Lowe in 1914.

Fuck

4.5 million

to split, but paid over years.

So he was going to slowly pay it off over time.

Uh-huh.

But Lowe could call off the contract,

and when World War I came, he did.

And John had the chain again, but Lowe's and Lowe's down payment, but he couldn't get vaudeville going again.

His biggest theater was foreclosed on.

And then the entire chain fell apart.

Pantagius, still killing it, though.

In 1929, just before the crash, he sold it to Radio Keith Orpheum for $24 million.

Ah, and then that guy was like, we're about to have a big year.

Oh, fuck.

But through it all, John and Pantages were friends.

In 1943, John,

sorry, and John Pentagon Pantages' daughter married John's son

in Los Angeles, where both families lived, and John moved into motion picture producing, and he died February 11th, 1943.

Holy shit.

Jesus Christ, what a run.

And Pentagus never died.

I like that a lot.

That was wild.

Isn't that a crazy story?

That's crazy.

I can't believe that it was...

It feels like we just covered 200 years.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Yeah, see you later.

All right, later, guys.

See the end of the show.

Source, Murray Morgan Skid Road, an informal portrait of Seattle.

Facebook in.

You got a little something there, right?

It's not.

Yeah, I think that now you can be known for more than just your trout.

Right, sir?

All right.

The fuck's wrong with you?

Yeah.

Chat's a cheap, weak fish.

Uh, well, thank you guys for coming out.

We appreciate it.

Thank you.

Sorry about our technical difficulties.

Blame Luke.

Hashtag blame Luke.

Hey, dollop fans.

I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop.

Do you want to watch the dollop?

You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of The Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of The Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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