135 - The Past Times with Mike O'Brien

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Speaker 39 All right, everybody. Welcome to the Pastimes Podcast.
Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

Speaker 39 I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week, the great Mike O'Brien.

Speaker 38 Hi, guys. Thanks for having me.
Mike, it is a pleasure. It's been a long time,

Speaker 38 but it's good to see you in the podcast world. You have a podcast with Brad Morris.
That's right. Business trips.
Yep. Everyone, check it out.
There's 18 of them out already,

Speaker 38 and it's improvised. We have fun guests.

Speaker 38 Among the ones out, there's Vanessa Bayer, Beck Bennett. Great, great.

Speaker 38 And then we're going to start releasing new ones, which will include,

Speaker 38 let's see, Lisa Gilroy, Fred Erson. Lots of good people.
Aha! Yeah, all right.

Speaker 38 Ah, it's fine. Just it's hay.
I got a whole bunch of hay in me.

Speaker 40 I haven't heard of any of those people.

Speaker 38 Yeah, no, me.

Speaker 38 No, that's great.

Speaker 38 And you're on the All Things Comedy Network. That's right.
I'm a proud ATC. I've heard of that.

Speaker 38 Yeah, we're ATC people. And you and I used to open for Steve Byrne, which means we used to do the

Speaker 38 dance on an audience member bit at the end. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Still do it. I do it on my own shows now.
I've sort of taken it. Really?

Speaker 38 No, no, no. That'd be amazing.
I think that's

Speaker 38 allowed. Pretty much burns.
I was inspired by it. Okay.
It's different. Well, when we were doing that, because you had really not done,

Speaker 38 you had kind of, I think you'd been,

Speaker 38 you weren't off SNL for that long, but you were just starting to do it and you were so immediately good at it. And then you sold AP Bio.

Speaker 38 And then you were like, I'll actually be really successful instead. And it was an interesting choice.

Speaker 38 It's a strange decision you made. Yeah, during that whole thing, I thought you meant I was good at the male dancing.
That's what I mean.

Speaker 38 I was like, I don't think that's a good thing. That's all I've ever heard about you.

Speaker 38 Yeah, you were so good at dancing.

Speaker 40 That's all Gareth says about you.

Speaker 38 Immediately good. A lot of people.
Well, look, you've produced a lot of stuff. And yeah, that's great.
But man,

Speaker 38 you really danced at the end of Steve Burns' show as well, man. Never, never comfortable, always finding reasons to be like, I don't know, Steve, I'm kind of sick tonight.

Speaker 38 Kind of sick after doing stand-up. I'm a little too sick for the stage tonight, to be honest.

Speaker 38 It seemed like you were fine a minute ago. I caught it during your set, whatever it was.
It's going around during your set.

Speaker 40 Everyone was catching it.

Speaker 38 Well, Mike, thank you for being here. We're excited to have Brad on, and everyone should go check out business trips.

Speaker 38 We are,

Speaker 38 you know, we're going to go through an old newspaper. And I think when we say that, people go, that's not exciting.
It's exciting because we said so. So

Speaker 38 you get to guess what year this paper is going to be from with no context. Okay.
Dave, stop. Dave, stop every face.

Speaker 40 That's the magic that we do here.

Speaker 38 You get to guess what year this paper is from. I'll also guess.
You'll probably win because Dave is passive-aggressively

Speaker 38 not letting me win this anymore.

Speaker 40 We have a new, we have a new wrinkle. If you don't guess it, we don't do the podcast.

Speaker 38 okay right and you have to get it the exact year yeah but it could be could be 1700s 1800s could be 1900s we had one in the 2000s but it's i would favor 1800s 1900s if i were you okay

Speaker 38 any year mike just a year oh do i guess it now yeah yeah oh i thought you could yeah yeah i think you can actually know president roosevelt well do you want to do do you want to do a headline from it dave that doesn't give away too much i will i will give a hint Okay.

Speaker 40 There was a president.

Speaker 38 Interesting.

Speaker 38 1912. So it's not now.

Speaker 38 Damn. 1912 is good.
And I like it a lot, Nick. I really do.
Well, thank you guys for having me.

Speaker 38 Yeah, of course. Thanks for coming by.

Speaker 38 Good luck with everything.

Speaker 38 I'm going to guess 1881.

Speaker 38 You're wrong.

Speaker 40 Mike

Speaker 40 is closer. It is 1900.
So congratulations.

Speaker 38 Now, that's a legitimate win, Mike.

Speaker 38 But

Speaker 38 even if I won, you would win. But that's a legit win.

Speaker 40 So good point. Well, it depends on what is, you know, what are the,

Speaker 40 you know, every week is different.

Speaker 38 It could be the metrics have been the same. And the number.
Nope. The metrics can be different.

Speaker 40 Nope. Could be the vibe.

Speaker 38 It definitely seems like a thing that hearing a couple headlines would affect the guessing, but it's.

Speaker 38 And you know what?

Speaker 40 Now, we don't need...

Speaker 40 I get it.

Speaker 40 Dave, I think it's a great way to to do it.

Speaker 38 Dave, I think it's a great way to do it if you want to.

Speaker 40 We don't need, you know, keep your producing stuff in your own.

Speaker 38 We don't need to do it. Dave, I think it was a great way to do it that way.
I think you got it. Yeah, I think you heard.

Speaker 38 I really respect so much about you, even outside of the way you orchestrated that. Yelling.
You're yelling. David, Dave, read.
Dave, look at my text. Look at my texts.

Speaker 38 It's sending you a bunch of texts.

Speaker 40 I'm good.

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck. All right.
Let's start. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 Did I say? I didn't say what it is. It's the Kalespil B or Cali spell.

Speaker 38 I never heard of it. You're from Kalespil, right, Mike? Yeah, I grew up in Cali.
It is Cali Spell.

Speaker 40 It is Cali Spell?

Speaker 38 Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 We like to cater it to each guest. So this is...
You can,

Speaker 38 any of the problems we're having, you can maybe fill in some of the issues.

Speaker 40 So you grew up there.

Speaker 40 Was it nice growing up in that state?

Speaker 38 Yeah, it's a, you know, it's a big state. I'll give it that.

Speaker 38 Yeah, the shape of the state is the only state that's changed. That's

Speaker 38 they got a different and you like being

Speaker 40 from that area of the country.

Speaker 38 Uh-huh. It's cool.
Yeah. Shout out to all my family.
Spell bees.

Speaker 40 And you guys were into what'd you

Speaker 38 what's the first headline, Dave?

Speaker 40 Did you have horses or what'd you have?

Speaker 38 He had horses. What's the first headline?

Speaker 40 It's the Cali spell, as Mike says, Montana, June 15th, 1900. The first headline is Friday, June 15th, 1900.
So had I done that, it would have been terrible for the guessing game.

Speaker 38 That's true.

Speaker 38 You don't have to go with the first one. You could have gone with like the third or something.
Unless that's every headline. Unless this is just some editor's descent into total madness.

Speaker 38 Just run the date again. Run the date.

Speaker 38 We lose the date.

Speaker 38 And look, the last few papers haven't been selling well yet. Every day's the date.
Give them the date. That's what they want.

Speaker 38 And then say the date again. Say it again.
Say the date. All the ads are the date.

Speaker 40 Oh, Gareth, my glasses. Remember the glasses I lost on tour? Yeah.

Speaker 40 The new ones are ready, although I just found them yesterday, the ones that I lost on tour.

Speaker 38 mike the search for these glasses was just i'm texting the staff at this theater in san francisco

Speaker 38 hey

Speaker 38 any anything turned up do you think the janitors might know all this to just find out where the were they

Speaker 40 well they were in my head first of all it was in it was in three pieces but it was in the bottom of a bag that's why i didn't find them because they were okay you shattered them slowly smaller than they usually are okay good good you think a janitor got into your bag

Speaker 40 it's not crazy that's the guess tell you what it's not it's crazy

Speaker 40 that there will be vengeance all right it's a fine theory it is customary for a new aspirant for public favor in the newspaper field to make known with its first issue its business and political policy so it this is the first this is the first uh edition of the of the paper.

Speaker 38 You know,

Speaker 38 I have a theory that people from the past were way dumber than we are now, but this person sounds pretty smart. I didn't know a lot of that.

Speaker 38 No, it's good to peel back the curtain of the newspaper business for those who.

Speaker 38 Because I think a lot of people want to escape when they read the newspaper, but a lot of us are curious, how's the sausage made? So

Speaker 38 it's kind of nice to hear the process a little bit.

Speaker 40 The custom is a good one. It avoids the possibility of future misunderstandings.

Speaker 40 So you tell the people what you do, and then someone's not picking up a Democratic paper expecting Republican news.

Speaker 38 Right. Or wig.
This is probably a wig paper. Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 40 It lets people know what to expect and enables them to judge of the propriety or policy of extending moral and financial encouragement.

Speaker 38 So this is just sort of, this really is like a set of directions on how to make a paper. Is he supposed to be printing this? It feels like you're

Speaker 38 lighting a fire on our competitors' asses.

Speaker 40 Some people don't know. They pick up a paper and they're like, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 38 Yeah, right. Oh my god.
Oh my god.

Speaker 38 This is the second page, and this will be a little less important than the first, but still super cool.

Speaker 38 So just to let you know.

Speaker 40 Okay, so right off the bat, the B will be, first of all, a newspaper.

Speaker 38 Yikes. Feels like,

Speaker 38 you know, we could. Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah, if you're holding one and got to sentence four, you got that part already. Yeah.

Speaker 38 If I were the network, I would be like, we can get to it.

Speaker 38 We can get to it. There's a trip.
We get it. Yeah, it's a trip.

Speaker 40 It expects to give the people of northwestern Montana more and fresher news for the price asked than they have ever had before.

Speaker 38 Now, that is not catchy. Then the price asked than they've never had before?

Speaker 40 They've never had to pay.

Speaker 38 We got a slogan. Now we make the paper around it.

Speaker 38 Democracy dies in darkness. A price that they will have never paid before.

Speaker 38 Asked. Asked.
Been asked to pay before.

Speaker 40 As fast as arrangements can be made, the B will have correspondents in every part of the country who will be expected to do the full justice to the various sections they represent.

Speaker 38 Sure. All right.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 In short, the Calispel B will endeavor to give full value.

Speaker 38 Short is not how you start any of this. Inches pretty long.

Speaker 38 Cut some of this out already. Fuck me.

Speaker 40 And when it fails to do this, it will not expect the patronage of people who look to get value for what they pay out.

Speaker 38 This is starting to take on like a riddle cadence. It's a crazy person for sure.

Speaker 38 By the way, the date was the easiest part of this whole thing so far. Yeah.

Speaker 40 The BS started with the purpose of going ahead, not standing still. It will give its readers such a newspaper as they are willing to pay for, but it is not in a position to give something for nothing.

Speaker 40 In this office will be found a printing plant equal to that of any country newspaper in Montana.

Speaker 40 Call in and see them. If you know anything about printing plants, it will do you good to look over this outfit.
All right. So we got a...

Speaker 40 We learned a little bit about what's coming.

Speaker 38 It's going to be a newspaper. Yep.
And it's going to cost a little money. Yes.

Speaker 38 And the reason it's going to cost money is because they bought a big printing thing. Yep.

Speaker 38 And

Speaker 38 he's pretty pissed off about the whole thing. It's really not.

Speaker 38 It's not a labor of love. This is like, I'll show you, Janet.

Speaker 40 It sounds like he might have come from another town where he set up a paper and everyone was like, what is happening?

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 38 Come out of here.

Speaker 38 It's not free.

Speaker 38 When I first got hired to write at SNL, I didn't really know what joke writing was. Like,

Speaker 38 I'd come from Chicago improv and I was, you know, knew how to do a sketch, sort of, but not really like update jokes.

Speaker 38 And they'd always tell new writers, if you don't get something on, like, write 10 update jokes. And I was like, I don't know what those look like, really.
And then

Speaker 38 I was watching Seth, and I was like, it seems like it's just a lot of similes. You get some headline, and then, you know, Obama's trying to pass health care.

Speaker 38 And then you say, that's like when my wife tries to convince me to eat vegetables.

Speaker 38 So I just would write like 10 of those every week.

Speaker 38 But

Speaker 38 this is reminding me that I almost did. I was like, this sounds like a guy on this first date saying all the problems he's got

Speaker 38 in the relationship.

Speaker 38 And I'm like, oh, God, that's my bad weekend update. By the way, we'll take it.
That's pretty, we'll take the scraps of SNL on the show. No problem.
Yeah, we'll take it.

Speaker 38 That is so funny to start on that show and be like, all right.

Speaker 38 Now, how do you write jokes? How does this, what's this whole idea for? What is the show really? I've never seen it.

Speaker 38 Honestly, like breaking down, just having those headlines in front of you is intimidating. If you haven't done a lot of stand-up or something, it just says something like, you know,

Speaker 38 the oldest man in the world died. And you're like, I don't have a second half for that.
That's impossible.

Speaker 38 It's already pretty good. Yeah, it's fine.
I think just turn these back in.

Speaker 38 Maybe snitch in an accent.

Speaker 38 That's pretty much what my stand-up is. You just keep saying.

Speaker 38 I'll just say it in an accent. Repeat it in an accent.

Speaker 40 Explosion of dynamite.

Speaker 38 Now we're fucking talking.

Speaker 38 That should have let you lead with that.

Speaker 38 Without question. What is a newspaper?

Speaker 40 Without question.

Speaker 38 This is

Speaker 38 your opener.

Speaker 38 What you read is how you end it to be like, if you're bored, here's some. Here's what I thought.

Speaker 40 A terrible accident occurred today at the hail mine three miles from here in which five men were instantly killed by an explosion of dynamite.

Speaker 38 Hail mine?

Speaker 38 What? Hail mine? They're getting

Speaker 40 H-A-L-E hail mine.

Speaker 38 Still not helping me a ton, if I'm being honest. Oh, Tony Hale.
Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 40 Tony Haley.

Speaker 38 Burkey gesturey performers. Okay, got it.
That's right. Got it.
That's right. Okay.
But they're mining gold. They just do it like Tony Hale.
They are mining gold.

Speaker 38 So five died.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that's it. Anyway, so five men are dead.
Anyway.

Speaker 38 Anyway,

Speaker 38 that would be a good SNL one. Anyway, they all died.
If you just kept pitching that every time, yeah, it could be. It's fun.
They all died, you see? Yeah, underline. It's good to end it.
Anyway,

Speaker 38 it's good.

Speaker 40 It's going to end the sketch. It's just a little bit of a sketch.

Speaker 38 Anyway, it's underline.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Want Seth to really hit the anyway?

Speaker 40 Gas explosion. This is Alberta.

Speaker 38 Fuck that. That was taking so long.
What the fuck?

Speaker 40 An explosion of gas occurred in the Canmore coal mine today, killing eight and injuring seven.

Speaker 38 Jesus Christ. Unrelated mining explosions.
And I mean, to get there, you really had to sift through some just weird, like a diary. Yeah,

Speaker 38 everyone is reading the diary, going, like, is he going to talk about the fact that our whole town blew up? There's been nine explosions in different mines today.

Speaker 38 When do we get to it?

Speaker 40 Miner killed. PC done.
A miner was instantly killed by an explosion of giant powder in the Gagnum mine.

Speaker 38 Ah, the uh, that's the Korean guy. Yeah, yeah, Sai.
Yeah, Cy.

Speaker 38 Wow. I thought here I was thinking I might be alone.
And holy fuck. Talking about Sy there.
You're talking about Sy.

Speaker 38 That guy had a very there will be blood name, too. What was it? PC Dunham or something? This is when everyone was initials.
It was only initials. That was all you were legally allowed.
Yeah.

Speaker 38 But yeah, he had, what was he in There Will Be Blood, HW?

Speaker 38 Yeah,

Speaker 38 I think HW. Oh, he was Daniel Plainview.

Speaker 38 And his son was maybe HW or HW. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 38 It's not funny, but it's interesting.

Speaker 38 It's just a fact. It's just kind of an interesting.
Now, Mike, you bring the joke on that. How make that funny now? Sounds like when my wife goes by her initials.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Anyways,

Speaker 38 why is anyways underlined here?

Speaker 38 British accent. Ah, sounds like my wife goes by to me.

Speaker 40 It's better.

Speaker 38 See?

Speaker 40 how about German accent?

Speaker 38 It sounds like when my wife goes by,

Speaker 38 pretty good.

Speaker 40 I like British better. I like the British.

Speaker 38 Well, we're not here to do that part of this.

Speaker 38 France.

Speaker 38 It sounds like when my wife goes by, but I'm worried you're going to, I'm worried you're going to start.

Speaker 38 I don't. No, I'm going to stop it now, to be honest.

Speaker 38 I like that it wasn't French. He just said France.
It's France. It's France.

Speaker 38 Do France. Do France now.

Speaker 40 Well, I didn't want him to do a Canadian French accent. I wanted it to be very...

Speaker 38 Right. He knows I can really get into the minutes.
The Quebecois. Yeah, exactly.
The Quebecois.

Speaker 40 Marriages invalid.

Speaker 40 San Francisco Judge Beecher today rendered an important opinion in which he holds that marriages between divorced persons in the state consummated within one month after the decree of divorce has been granted are invalid and that in the eye of the law, such persons are unmarried.

Speaker 38 Consummated?

Speaker 38 Okay. So.

Speaker 40 That consummated, as far as I'm.

Speaker 38 It throws me off.

Speaker 40 Yeah, because that test means banging, but I don't know if that's what they're talking about.

Speaker 38 Feels that's, I mean, that's the only one I know. But it feels like what they're saying is if you got

Speaker 38 married a month after your divorce and fucked.

Speaker 38 No. But if you don't fuck,

Speaker 38 then yeah?

Speaker 40 I mean, that's kind of what it's

Speaker 38 oh

Speaker 38 no, they're saying if what if Dave was just making this whole thing up and it was just like his dissent

Speaker 38 after this, Dave tells me he's leaving the business. I can't get to the man.
I can't catch you. This paper didn't even exist.

Speaker 38 No one blew up. Nobody blew up.

Speaker 38 That's no city. Okay.

Speaker 40 They're saying if you get it basically, if you get married

Speaker 40 within a month after getting divorced, then that

Speaker 40 divorce is invalid.

Speaker 38 No, then the marriage is invalid. The new one.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah. Sorry, right.
Sorry. Then they're not married.

Speaker 38 It'd be great if the divorce was invalid. Well, now you're married to the woman you divorced again.

Speaker 38 You're back to being married. Unfortunately, you really fucked up.
Not only are you not married to her, you and your ex are back together. So

Speaker 38 our law is a little different out here in the country.

Speaker 40 Over 1,300 California couples have been married at Reno since the enactment of the law. Oh, so now people are running to Reno to get married, which is a great place to get married.
It's so beautiful.

Speaker 38 Oh, God. It's beautiful.

Speaker 38 Is it just about the one-month thing that they're like, wait a little while.

Speaker 40 Yeah, they're like, come on.

Speaker 38 I feel like I'm kind of with them on that.

Speaker 38 I mean, I wouldn't make it invalid, but it does seem odd that so many people would. It's rare to get divorced and then remarried within 30 days.

Speaker 38 Well, Mike, now you're taking shots at my dad, and uh, that's

Speaker 38 I'll be really upfront with you. That's not okay, okay? We're not gonna dip into that because I'll tell you what, it worked out fine for everybody, okay?

Speaker 38 Okay, so it's uh it's actually the best way to do it, pretty quick, pretty quick. Might I suggest having a baby in that first year? That works out pretty good, too, by the by.
Okay,

Speaker 38 worry about a thing. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy, oh boy.

Speaker 38 That's weird. Boy, I wish this law was around when I was 14 years old.

Speaker 38 Holy fuck.

Speaker 40 But that's a great age for that to happen.

Speaker 38 No, it's just probably I had no notes on that. The one thing I thanked them both for was like, look, what I will say is you timed it out right.
And I do appreciate that. This is right now.

Speaker 38 I'm looking for something like this. Junior high is a little tough, but you guys are making it easier with this whole brand new sibling.

Speaker 38 Now I have something that the people at school want to talk about, which is cool because

Speaker 38 this feels cool. I love the energy around this.

Speaker 40 Mike, do you know what a divorce colony is?

Speaker 38 No.

Speaker 38 It's awesome. So back

Speaker 40 then, and I think it was still going, I think it was still going on at this time,

Speaker 40 you couldn't get divorced in a lot of places. So people,

Speaker 40 there were like divorce destinations where you would go, you'd have to live like three months and then you could get a divorce.

Speaker 40 So it was like a way for Vegas and Denver and places like that to attract people to spend money and help the economy. So, this probably was going on.

Speaker 40 And then, because sometimes you would bring your new bride out and she'd just wait for you to get the divorce, and then you'd come back

Speaker 40 to Cleveland married or whatever.

Speaker 38 As someone who finds even Love Island too trashy to watch, I would watch a show about that, about the

Speaker 38 three months of waiting between couples who are done. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Divorce.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Divorce quality would be amazing.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Probably really good sex, I imagine.

Speaker 38 They're great. They're kind of just done, but they're like, but you have to still pee around each other.

Speaker 38 Well, you would also probably find that like you're starting, some of them would start to fall back in love a little bit. Right.

Speaker 38 Or at least like they'd be mic'd up and there'd be, you know, there'd be stuff. It'd be a good show.
Mic'd up? Yeah, mic'd up.

Speaker 40 It would also be, it would also be a great place to be a single dude.

Speaker 38 I don't know if that works for the show.

Speaker 40 It's a different show.

Speaker 38 Maybe you have a single guy in there.

Speaker 38 maybe like a gardener. Maybe.
I

Speaker 38 gardener, great,

Speaker 40 just a guy with a horse cock.

Speaker 38 Is this what it was like in the writer's room of AP BioMike? Was it?

Speaker 38 Are you getting it?

Speaker 38 It was

Speaker 38 this, but more similes

Speaker 38 because that's what you're demanding. Yeah, I was like, guys, I need jokes.
Guys, hard jokes. What's it like?

Speaker 38 Should be a relationship thing. Come on.

Speaker 38 That would be the greatest. The simile writer's room.
What's it like?

Speaker 38 Every note on his script. I like it, but it's not.

Speaker 38 You know what I mean?

Speaker 38 Slapping a chalkboard that just says, what's it like? What's it like?

Speaker 38 Come on.

Speaker 38 Related to something. I'll start it off.
That's like when... Go, go, go.
Come on. Come on.
You, what's it like?

Speaker 40 When you lick a frog, you're out of the room.

Speaker 38 We sent you home yesterday. There was a reason why.
Get out.

Speaker 40 There's the one guy who just keeps pitching the same

Speaker 38 like licking a frog. They can all be like licking a frog.
I mean, pitching that is like ordering the same thing at lunch every day. That guy's got it.

Speaker 38 Bingo.

Speaker 38 Bingo, put it in. Put it in.

Speaker 1 Hey, yeah, the dollop is brought to you by mood.

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Speaker 4 Moods don't have sponsors. No.
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Speaker 9 You know, you got sleepless nights.

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Speaker 38 Uh,

Speaker 38 Made a catch.

Speaker 40 The following dispatch from Deadwood, North Dakota will be read with interest.

Speaker 38 Deadwood was real.

Speaker 40 By many people of Calispel who knew Coventry when he was a resident of this town several years ago.

Speaker 40 He was not particularly prosperous. The eldest daughter of Otto Grants, the owner of the million-dollar mine north of Lead, was married yesterday afternoon to Henry Coventry.

Speaker 38 City of Lead.

Speaker 40 What else are you going to call it?

Speaker 38 How are the people of Lead doing? They seem very ill, quite an infirmed area.

Speaker 38 I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 38 Well, we left Lead and we went right to Mercury. We were just so sick of whatever was happening.

Speaker 38 Did you notice the headlines don't have nouns?

Speaker 38 They don't say, oh, yeah.

Speaker 38 They just go,

Speaker 38 made it big or whatever.

Speaker 38 Yeah, they're like, find out below who or where.

Speaker 38 It's really, they're just like, want to know the noun?

Speaker 38 Keep reading.

Speaker 38 Pay for the newspaper. Pay for the setup.
Get the noun.

Speaker 40 An hour before the ceremony, the groom was arrested for practicing medicine without a license.

Speaker 38 By the way, that was legal then. Stop.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that was okay.

Speaker 38 You could try to fix people.

Speaker 38 It's like mainly,

Speaker 38 are we not in the era of where being a doctor was just sort of like being like a race car? You were just like, I do it.

Speaker 40 I think that it ended very recently before this. Very recently.

Speaker 38 But that's how you become a race car driver. You just say, just.

Speaker 38 You notice I cut myself off before I got it all out, probably for a reason. You know, honestly, when I started thinking, I was like, you are simply just thinking of the Days of Thunder.

Speaker 38 And that's not the regular story. I want to be a race car driver.

Speaker 40 Isn't that more comedians? You do one open Mike, you're like, I'm a comedian.

Speaker 38 Well, I mean, you know, that's how Mike and I started. Yeah, let's stop.

Speaker 38 There's a woman at my dog park who's a recently retired accountant who now just is like, I'm a stand-up now. And

Speaker 38 she does a lot of classes. Did you guys ever do classes growing up?

Speaker 38 Not for a stand-up, no.

Speaker 38 And I'm always fascinated by these classes. and I'm like, what did he do in class today? Because

Speaker 38 it seems like a little bit,

Speaker 38 I was going to say a scam, and I don't know if she'll listen to this, but she can get something out of it. It's at least practicing and having other people give feedback, I guess.
But it's a little...

Speaker 38 I don't want to ask how much they are because that would maybe make me worried about it.

Speaker 40 $7,000.

Speaker 38 It'll make you sad. It will make you sad.
It will. Oh, yeah.
It'll be way, way more. I think the only real benefit is that you're in a warm room for like your first 20 sets.

Speaker 38 And then when you do your first show show, it's like you're all putting on a play together, you know. But either way, at some point, you're going to go to an open mic and want to eat poison.

Speaker 38 And that's when you're really going to be like, oh, fuck. That's the first real feedback.
Yeah, that's where you're like, oh, no. Is that the dog? Yeah, he's growling at a person walking by.

Speaker 38 I'm on the dog's side 100%.

Speaker 40 Interesting. Interesting.

Speaker 38 Keep an eye on on whoever that is. Yep.

Speaker 40 Yeah, he does not care for it, does he? Good.

Speaker 38 Good.

Speaker 40 How many people has he killed?

Speaker 38 He's killed four thieves.

Speaker 38 And so, if this woman is about to take a left and try to jimmy my door open, she's gone.

Speaker 40 You can find out.

Speaker 38 I didn't know people were still Jimmying. That's awesome.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I didn't know there was still a Jimmy. That's like,

Speaker 38 I don't have it.

Speaker 38 That's like looking at a frog.

Speaker 38 Stop. No more.

Speaker 38 Christ. And then you get into like a vicious cycle where every time he says that, the other guy has to say.
And that's like ordering the same lunch every day.

Speaker 38 And that's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Simile hell.

Speaker 40 Doctor, we're stuck in a simile loop.

Speaker 40 Okay, so his bond was placed at $250, which was furnished by the the father of the bride, and the wedding went on. The couple started for a year's trip through Scotland.

Speaker 40 The Duke claims connection with the Duke of Coventry of Scotland. This guy's just a liar.

Speaker 38 He says he's a doctor.

Speaker 40 He's related to a Duke. Yeah, this guy's a comet.
She married a comment.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 38 So much easier.

Speaker 40 So

Speaker 38 he's the music man. He's got a.
Yeah. He's like, the shipment of trumpets is coming tomorrow

Speaker 38 from the Duke.

Speaker 38 Is that what that plot is? He just says they're coming soon.

Speaker 38 I think so.

Speaker 40 If you ask me what a plot is for a musical, I have no idea.

Speaker 38 You loved Hamilton, though. Dave's a big Hamilton.
Oh, I loved.

Speaker 38 So great. So great.
We watched Hamilton to raise money for a charity like three years ago. I watched it with Dave, and it was genuine hell for him.
I mean,

Speaker 38 I hated it, and I'm the only one who. No, you're not.

Speaker 40 No, there's a lot of us.

Speaker 38 It's very,

Speaker 38 you have to keep it pretty quiet. Like, speaking of a writer's room, like the AP Bio Writer's Room was so mad that I didn't like it.
And

Speaker 38 first, I just didn't like the idea of it. I was like, well, it's like rapping about, you know,

Speaker 38 presidents, and that's not cool. But

Speaker 38 then they bought me a ticket to go as like the end of the year gift. And I was very, I was like, I'm going to

Speaker 38 fucking love it.

Speaker 40 They were sure it was going to flip you, right? Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah. And I kind of thought so, too, because anytime you see an actual production of anything, it's like, wow, the whole stage turned or something.
And I don't think the stage turned.

Speaker 38 And they did just rap about like old stuff. And I was able to report back to me.
Like, I was right. I was right before.
Well, we did. Dave was so pissed because

Speaker 38 Hamilton is not the awesome figure as portrayed. Like, Dave's like.

Speaker 40 He's a piece of shit.

Speaker 38 Dave's like, he's such a piece. He's like, Burr's great.
Burr was great. Like, and I was like, everyone was like, buddy, shut the fuck up.
And he was like, we're doing the Hamilton thing.

Speaker 38 And then, and then, man, he did a three-parter. Well, I think a three-parter on Hamilton, and you are, and on Burr.
Like, he was fully on Burr. He was fully like, Burr was the one.

Speaker 38 And by the end, you were like, man, Hamilton sucked. It's so crazy.

Speaker 38 Not like Burr was one of the first guys who was like, shouldn't women have equal rights?

Speaker 40 And like, you know, it was like that guy.

Speaker 38 I did not think you would dislike it because you thought Burr was getting the short end of the stick. It's classic days.

Speaker 40 There are many reasons. There are many reasons I dislike it.
I dislike all musicals. I can't stand them.

Speaker 38 Well, you're right.

Speaker 38 The rapping at the beginning. I watched it over

Speaker 38 2020 or whatever, and I would think I was just starved for anything because I was just getting drunk alone. I was like, this is good.

Speaker 38 And then on the rewatch, I was like, was I going through? To be like, yes.

Speaker 38 There is one part where I laughed out loud because it was

Speaker 38 the son dies and he used to practice French, run around practicing French, and the mom scream cries, counting to 10 in France and says, Cat sin,

Speaker 38 or something. And I was like,

Speaker 38 were you alone no

Speaker 38 okay that it would be so great if you were alone because you're smoking is he smoking

Speaker 38 you're like Robert Je Niro and Cape Fear

Speaker 38 smoking his cigar in the front row

Speaker 38 counting to 10 stupid stupid

Speaker 38 oh fuck

Speaker 38 oh shit anyway

Speaker 38 all right.

Speaker 40 Great president. Sandy Ten Brook is the proud possessor of a young alligator about 10 inches long,

Speaker 40 which he received on Monday from Florida.

Speaker 38 Of course.

Speaker 38 I like how that still tracks Florida. Yeah, yeah.
Sure. It's been going for a while.
I like that. Obviously.
Yeah.

Speaker 38 The least curious part of it for me was what day she got it. It's just that she has it in Montana.

Speaker 38 Oh, she got it Monday. Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 I mean, imagine that to start your week off. That's crazy.
I had a way different Monday. Yeah.
Monday. Mondays are known for being pretty boring.
Not hers, Mike.

Speaker 40 I think the best thing about Mike's assumption is that a woman would be a professor at this point in time.

Speaker 40 Well, Sandy has christened his alligator Senator Clark

Speaker 40 and has further carried out the idea by keeping it in a soup tureen.

Speaker 38 A soup tureen?

Speaker 38 Yeah. Like a big bowl.
Do we know what that is?

Speaker 40 Yeah. I think it's like a big bowl, yeah.

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 40 Interesting. But again, there's a lot of stuff there that we don't know what they're talking about.
We don't know who Senator Clark is.

Speaker 38 So the joke is missed.

Speaker 38 I think the clear part that matters is that she got an alligator.

Speaker 38 And it's he, it's a he, yeah.

Speaker 38 Like, you're not allowed to correct me on that.

Speaker 38 Quick misgendering Sandy.

Speaker 38 I think that's a guy. Think about it.

Speaker 38 But

Speaker 38 I mean, that thing, don't they need lots of water famously?

Speaker 38 Well, there's water in Montana.

Speaker 40 It's cold, though. I think they like warm water.
I don't think they like really cold water.

Speaker 38 I don't like snow. I've never seen one in snow.

Speaker 38 No, yeah, that's not snow gators. That's not a term I've heard of.

Speaker 38 By the way, how fucking awesome would that be? Let's get it. Can we get that going?

Speaker 40 I bet it's a sci-fi movie already, like when they used to make those films.

Speaker 38 Now, see, Dave, I don't mean to give you notes, but you start this paper off with those explosions and a snow gator.

Speaker 38 Hey,

Speaker 38 I'm liking what I'm hearing.

Speaker 38 All right, you're talking Hamilton numbers. They're all black and gray.
I picture them black and gray, and they're like fast. They can go across the top of the snow.
That'd be a good idea.

Speaker 38 But you just see eyes kind of pop out from a snowbank a little bit. You're like, oh, snow gator.

Speaker 38 I like coming up with new animals.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 We were laughing about in Gremlins that they're like for the first 10 minutes of the movie, people have to keep seeing a new animal, basically. And they're like, oh my God, what is that?

Speaker 38 It's like a new animal.

Speaker 38 And then

Speaker 38 by the halfway point, new people are seeing them for the first time, but they aren't surprised anymore. They get more.

Speaker 38 People are like, anyway, how's Gizmo? Yeah. It's pretty cool.
Did you see the game? Yeah, that new talking bear.

Speaker 38 That's so fucking

Speaker 40 This is why you shouldn't watch movies with writers. Oh,

Speaker 40 that's kind of stuff. That's kind of stuff.
My wife would just be like, you can't talk.

Speaker 38 No, I just literally,

Speaker 38 when I'm with a normie, and we call you normies, but when I'm with a normie watching a movie, the whole time I'm just sitting there. I just do a lot of this.

Speaker 38 I don't think they developed that character in the right direction. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Or I do this one. How much?

Speaker 40 They clearly dropped a scene from this movie right there?

Speaker 38 Yeah,

Speaker 38 you know what? I this is what I do: ADR. I do a lot of that.

Speaker 38 That's ADR.

Speaker 38 Here, I'll show you. Rewind it.
Look how we can't see his mouth. Can't see his mouth.
See how his head's not moving to what he's saying. ADR.

Speaker 38 Who mixed this?

Speaker 38 Can you look up who mixed this? Hit pause. Does Prime tell you the mixer or just the actors?

Speaker 40 John Fogarty.

Speaker 38 Wow.

Speaker 40 He was back then.

Speaker 38 Yeah, he's so good. Yeah.

Speaker 40 John Fogarty, a miner, fell 45 feet in the never sweat mine in Butte Saturday and was instantly killed.

Speaker 38 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 38 Just a brute. So here's one of my things.
Yeah, just mine deaths.

Speaker 40 I feel like mines are like hard enough to deal with as it is, but you probably shouldn't have 45-foot holes in them.

Speaker 38 Yeah. But that's what they are.
Isn't that the whole

Speaker 38 thing

Speaker 38 down?

Speaker 38 I believe it does.

Speaker 40 Sideways, or there's an elevator if it goes down.

Speaker 38 There's not just a hole.

Speaker 38 I believe it. Dave,

Speaker 38 I don't know a lot, and I famously know very little, but I think a big part of the mine is the hole that goes down.

Speaker 40 I think it's been in mines, and a lot of the mines go sideways.

Speaker 38 But if you go down, that's a cave. You went on a cave tour.
You didn't go mining.

Speaker 40 I've been in the Darwin quadrangle. Don't start with me.

Speaker 38 Super awkward okay

Speaker 38 all right doctor in the quadrangle what yeah what

Speaker 40 don't make me tell you about a gypsum mine in the darwin what are you doing have you just been sitting

Speaker 38 what

Speaker 38 it goes sideways all the mines in the quadrangle go sideways like every one of them's up you're going up the mine ends in the sky You're in God's country by the end.

Speaker 40 What did you just say?

Speaker 40 It's a place where there were a lot of minerals mined at one point in California. So there's a lot of abandoned mines out there.
And I've been in the mines. Yeah, I went in there a little bit.

Speaker 38 Right now you're acting like you're best friends with Matthew McConaughey and you're proving it, but you're talking about going into a mine.

Speaker 40 Yes, I've gone. Yes.
I actually

Speaker 40 man has gone into a mine.

Speaker 38 Good simile. Any man.

Speaker 38 Anyways. Also, this one they named the Never Sweat Mine, I noticed, which is,

Speaker 38 I guess, like

Speaker 38 a selling point, yeah, to get people to start working there. And then they're immediately like, ah, no, you sweat in this one.
You sweating all of them. That's what said, no coal.

Speaker 38 Yeah, they're all coal. That's spoiler.
They're all coal. The no back pain mine.

Speaker 38 Everyone gets laid mine.

Speaker 38 Come on down.

Speaker 40 The committee of the State Board of Education appointed to investigate the trouble among the faculty at Montana State College of Bozeman said they are unable to find anything to investigate.

Speaker 38 What?

Speaker 38 So

Speaker 38 there is nothing to this news story.

Speaker 38 So, what does that even mean?

Speaker 38 That's like a fireable,

Speaker 38 that's a fireable return.

Speaker 38 Well, there's nothing to investigate. You're the investigator.
You don't need me on this.

Speaker 40 Well, they sent them to find what all the trouble was, and they're like, yeah, there's nothing here.

Speaker 38 There's no trouble.

Speaker 40 No trouble. Why'd you send me?

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah, go send them to the bottom of That's not a different people.

Speaker 38 No. Yeah.

Speaker 38 All right. Well, anyway, that guy died.

Speaker 38 John Filbert is.

Speaker 40 Helena and Anaconda are at it again. This time, baseball is the bone of contention.

Speaker 38 The other person's name?

Speaker 40 Helena and Anaconda? It's a town. They're towns.

Speaker 38 I know.

Speaker 40 And they hate it.

Speaker 40 There were snow Anacondas.

Speaker 38 By the way, what I was picturing just now,

Speaker 38 real different.

Speaker 38 Two guys that hate each other, and every week they get together and they're like, what will be our point of contention this time? Yeah. Like, how about baseball?

Speaker 38 Well, one of them's a snake in my head. Right, right.
Yeah, all right. All right.
We're back.

Speaker 40 At the first game between the two clubs, one of the Helena players abused the umpire and was ordered out of the game and off the grounds.

Speaker 38 Abused the umpire. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah, well, he was giving him shit for bad calls.

Speaker 38 It's like

Speaker 38 Dave's kid plays a lot of baseball. You can see he's got that.
Yeah, he's talking to him as you're supposed to. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Oh, no.

Speaker 40 I don't do that. It's very dumb to give the umpire shit because then he makes calls against your team.
So, no, it's dumb.

Speaker 38 You follow him home. I heard that was a regional thing.
I don't have kids.

Speaker 38 But is that true that California, the parents don't yell at the umps and refs the way they do in the middle of the country?

Speaker 40 I don't know. We don't.
We mostly don't yell at the,

Speaker 40 I mean,

Speaker 40 at the age of 12, everybody does because it's like, it's very animalistic at that age with the parents.

Speaker 40 It's fun. But once you get past that, no, nobody really yells at the umps.
Every once in a while, maybe you might be like, blue, like you might hear that once in a while.

Speaker 40 What's that?

Speaker 40 Yeah, nobody.

Speaker 38 Blue.

Speaker 40 Blue. It's what you call the umpires blue.

Speaker 40 Yeah, so that's, it's not that much.

Speaker 40 I wouldn't be surprised if they did it back east more, though.

Speaker 38 So what Mike's getting at is we would love to come to one of these games and maybe

Speaker 38 have a couple pops and,

Speaker 38 you know, let the ref know, ump is it, whatever it is, yell at the guy who's in charge a little bit.

Speaker 40 Did I ever tell you my

Speaker 40 did I have I ever told you the story of my greatest comeback ever at a

Speaker 40 drunk guy at a baseball game?

Speaker 38 I thought it was going to be a spoiler. We were down 30 points and I was on fire.
No.

Speaker 40 Okay, what's your comment? There's a thing. There's a thing called Big League something,

Speaker 40 and it's basically they've created these parks where their little stadium, they look like your favorite ballpark. And it's so 12-year-olds and 11-year-olds can go play.

Speaker 38 Like replicas.

Speaker 40 But in the middle, in the middle between all the fields, they put a bar.

Speaker 40 And all the, they have them all over the place, and they have bars in every one. So the parents get shit-faced.
And so we are at this game, and this guy is plastered, and it's like 100 degrees out.

Speaker 40 And he keeps heckling one of our players.

Speaker 38 He's like, you panty waste.

Speaker 40 Like he's doing all this, you little sissy.

Speaker 40 And none of the parents, and we're just waiting for the parents on their side to be like, hey, Frank, chill. And nobody does anything.
So he yells something.

Speaker 40 And I finally stood up and I went, hey, my dad used to come to games drunk too. And it was embarrassing as shit.

Speaker 40 And then all the other parents go, hey, that's not cool.

Speaker 38 And I was like, he's calling our kids. He's calling a toddler on the pantyways.
Come on. What are you talking about? I mean, you went like clinical, though.
That is fucked up. You went.

Speaker 38 You went to the heart.

Speaker 40 I went where you belong. You hollow that man out quickly and you leave him for dead.

Speaker 38 See, there's that mind talk. Yeah.

Speaker 38 There's that Darwin quadrangle. Yeah, you quadrang him.
That would be like Darwin quadranting him.

Speaker 38 But don't say a thing about him,

Speaker 38 but

Speaker 40 But they took that guy out of there immediately after that, and he was gone. So it all worked out.

Speaker 38 It's tough on his son, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 38 One great. That's

Speaker 38 one great.

Speaker 38 One great.

Speaker 40 Someone had to get hurt.

Speaker 38 Jesus.

Speaker 40 The kid was already in hell with his dad up there calling

Speaker 38 candy witch. I mean, it's just a kid.
Kenny's like, I bet, yeah.

Speaker 38 Hopefully people don't really know he's drunk though. And then

Speaker 38 everybody knew he's drunk.

Speaker 40 I mean, just that maybe they're

Speaker 38 thinking that.

Speaker 38 I will say putting a bar in the middle of that is

Speaker 38 a great decision. It's crazy.

Speaker 40 It's a great decision. It's one of the crazy.

Speaker 38 It's a great decision.

Speaker 38 I've never thought about being a parent until I heard that. Now I'm like,

Speaker 38 I could probably pull it off.

Speaker 40 It's up there with like, yeah, you can bring a gun into a bar. It's like one of those incredibly dumb because people are always like, parents are terrible at games.
And you're like, How about booze?

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Wow.

Speaker 38 There's a another dog. I'm going to try to go through my whole dog park group.
Another dog park. Yeah.
And really slow play. Don't be afraid.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Mike, what's your dog park?

Speaker 40 Is it the Los Los

Speaker 40 Silver Lake one? The Los Velise one?

Speaker 38 No, I used to do that Silver Lake one, the big hot dirt circle. Yeah, the hot dirt.
Yeah.

Speaker 38 Now I do the Eagle Rock, Fake Grass, or Field. Oh, okay.

Speaker 38 But there's a retired cop there, and he comes to a lot of my,

Speaker 38 or comes to like a comedy show once a year or something, which is nice. But he always is like, they're going to have a metal detector? Can I bring my gun?

Speaker 38 And I'm like, does UCB have a metal detector? No, man.

Speaker 38 But also,

Speaker 38 no, I don't know. No, maybe? Maybe.

Speaker 38 Not really the vibe. Second City does.
Second City. UCB doesn't.

Speaker 38 Right.

Speaker 38 Right.

Speaker 38 I know you can bring firearms into Second City.

Speaker 44 I'm just trying to think about UCB.

Speaker 38 The old one, I know you could. I don't know about the new one.
It's always the biggest bummer to, I'm backstage and talking to the other comics, and I'm like, my friend's here. He's got a gun.

Speaker 38 It sucks.

Speaker 38 What?

Speaker 38 No, just do your regular stuff. Like, don't.

Speaker 38 I probably should have brought it up. Don't get thrown off.
But this guy definitely has a firearm. He's to the right.
So don't even look. I'm sorry.
I should have said where he's sitting.

Speaker 40 All right. Back to the Helena

Speaker 40 Anaconda

Speaker 38 baseball thing.

Speaker 40 At the first game between the two clubs, one of the Helena players abused the Empire, was ordered out of the game and off the grounds. To get even, he assaulted the Empire after the game.

Speaker 38 That's how you handle it. He'd already been abusing him, I guess.

Speaker 38 Well, to get even with himself a little. No, but I see what he's saying.
He's saying, like,

Speaker 38 he abused him, so to kind of make it better, uh, he beat him up. He beat him up, which is, yeah, he beat his ass.

Speaker 38 Now things are good. Now it's even, Steven.
Now, now he's like, no,

Speaker 38 don't do that again.

Speaker 38 Okay, it's fair now, right? Yeah,

Speaker 38 now we're even

Speaker 40 for this, he was suspended for two weeks and fined $50,

Speaker 40 whereas the Helena managers sulked and said they wouldn't play unless McCarthy was reinstated.

Speaker 40 To the discredit of the league managers, be it said that the Helena Club had its way and McCarthy was allowed to play again pending an investigation. That's like an appeal.

Speaker 38 It's kind of like an appeal.

Speaker 40 Most Montanans would have been pleased to see President Lucas insist on McCarthy's suspension, even at the expense of Helena's withdrawal. The the loss would not have been irreparable.

Speaker 40 So they're saying...

Speaker 38 I'm a little lost because this story is pretty inside baseball. Well,

Speaker 40 what they're saying is it's like, it's like, you know, they started, something got a little heated in the middle.

Speaker 38 Dave, Dave, did you hear the.

Speaker 40 He ended up licking the frog.

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 38 Jesus Christ. Same lunch.

Speaker 38 How's the writer's room on that show? It's good, but but it's a lot of pressure. It's like every day I have to create a diamond in my hand.
I don't know.

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 40 Down in St. Louis, the wives of the employees have taken a hand in the streetcar strike and are assaulting those of their own sex who patronize the street railway.

Speaker 38 All right. So

Speaker 38 women are beating up women over the

Speaker 38 strike.

Speaker 40 You're not supposed to go out on strike.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 40 when people go on strike, you're not supposed to use the

Speaker 40 railway. You stay off it.
So ladies are going to get beat. Ladies are going to get beat.

Speaker 38 I don't think that quote will age great, but we have the clip. No.

Speaker 40 No, ladies going to get beat.

Speaker 40 Show the clip. Run the clip.

Speaker 38 No, no, this is the clip. This is the Instagram clip.
Just you.

Speaker 40 No, show the clip.

Speaker 38 No, it's not that tonight. What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 38 Now you have to go track down footage of women beating up women around 1900s.

Speaker 38 Show the clip. I think we have a clip.
I think we have a clip of this. And you're involved with that footage? Yeah.

Speaker 38 That's what I'm here to promote. Do you want to tee up? Yeah.
Do you want to tee up the clip? Yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 38 So in the 1900s, a bunch of women beat up other women because they were kind of crossing the strike line. So I think we have, I think that's what this is.
But it was a great project to be involved in.

Speaker 38 Are you in there? No. No.
I just, no, that's it. So,

Speaker 38 yeah, there you go. That's it.
Oh, Dave, you're muted, which is the best part.

Speaker 40 Even the school ma'ams have been warned that it will be safer for them to walk to the scene of their labors than to use the streetcars.

Speaker 38 Under circumstances, it will be in order.

Speaker 40 It might have been school, yeah, school ma'ams.

Speaker 38 Either way, school ma'ams is better than moms. I don't, yeah, maybe.
I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Under the circumstances, it will be in order for the teachers to strike for an increase of salary to cover the cost of the carriage hire and life insurance.

Speaker 38 Now I'm a little lost

Speaker 38 in strike logic.

Speaker 38 Yeah, they always have something fun and cool, like umpire gets beat up and then it gets into they go wandering off. Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah. This is a little inside strike.

Speaker 38 Nice. No? Anyone?

Speaker 38 I agree that one didn't worry. Well, let's just revisit the last one because I think that one really didn't.

Speaker 38 Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 40 Calispel should feel proud of its band. There are a few musical organizations in Montana of the size and age of the local band that render such good music.

Speaker 40 There is no better advertisement for a town than a good band, unless it be a good newspaper.

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck off. How dare you?

Speaker 38 Key to a good newspaper, a good writer.

Speaker 38 That guy's definitely one of the guys going through a divorce. I mean,

Speaker 38 and the band didn't do anything. He just likes them.
I thought it was going to be,

Speaker 38 they won something, but no.

Speaker 40 No, he's just saying every town should have a town band.

Speaker 38 They sound pretty good. I actually am a little bit for bringing that back.
Like having a town band would be, yeah, just kind of like, you know, in your town. You're like, all right.

Speaker 38 Fuck yeah. Hey, hey, things are going to be all right.
You know, I would like that a little bit. Is that how it works? Yeah.
You just hear bam and you're like, hey, this town's coming along.

Speaker 38 Hey, it's not so bad. That's me.
Yeah. Hey, hey, it's not going to be that bad for long.

Speaker 38 You just got on the march down Main Street playing.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Although, like hour two, I'd be like, these guys need to shut the fuck up.
This is ridiculous. Yeah, they do.
I've heard Dixieland over and over again. This is crazy.

Speaker 40 God, that's a little harsh.

Speaker 38 What? Fuck him.

Speaker 38 Things are not going to be okay.

Speaker 38 Things are back to how they were before I liked the band.

Speaker 40 Buffalo for calispel.

Speaker 40 Mr. C.E.
Conrad has purchased one-eighth of the Allard herd of buffalo, which have been ranging for a number of years, past on the Flathead Reservation.

Speaker 38 This is my son, C.E.

Speaker 38 He's a good boy. He's a buffalo man, like his dad.

Speaker 38 He can't hear because of a stampede.

Speaker 38 We do the whole. You guys did the whole movie, but buffaloes?

Speaker 38 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 38 It will be. It's a four-hour podcast.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 I mean, the only, we kind of Mel Brooks that in the middle with the whole he can't hear the herd sort of.

Speaker 38 I don't know what we were kind of going for there. We got a little deep.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 38 Do it

Speaker 38 Every time.

Speaker 38 We got tired by the end, and a lot of it became oil again. Yeah, the milkshake.
Well, we couldn't figure the milk, like the milkshake stuff was not working at all with the buffalo.

Speaker 38 This makes no sense. So then we kind of like,

Speaker 38 I don't, honestly, I don't know. I don't even know why we edited it.

Speaker 38 We were all kind of, it was attrition.

Speaker 40 The buffalo don't seem to lose much of their wildness by the herding process, and Mr. Conrad wisely nominated the bond that the shaggy creature should be delivered.

Speaker 40 It is expected that this part of the contract will be somewhat difficult to fulfill, as the buffalo will be much harder to handle than the ordinary range steer.

Speaker 40 And it will be a ticklish job to get them from where they are ranging now to the pasture.

Speaker 38 That's definitely something I'm going to start incorporating into my life.

Speaker 38 Go ahead. This could be a bit ticklish with the traffic and all.

Speaker 38 I don't know.

Speaker 38 I don't love it, guys. This could get ticklish.

Speaker 38 What? Could be a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 I think the whole evening is going to be pretty ticklish.

Speaker 38 I think next time the guy with the cop with the gun shows up to your show, hey, things might get a little ticklish out there tonight. There's a guy with a gun.
There's a guy packing.

Speaker 38 Could be a bit ticklish, but don't be thrown off.

Speaker 38 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 40 The present plan of transportation is to load the battle.

Speaker 38 That is a big word for me, not to cut you off, Dave. This is a big moment.

Speaker 38 You're going to see a newbie.

Speaker 38 Ticklish.

Speaker 38 You're going to hear this a lot from me. It was a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Things could get a bit ticklish.

Speaker 40 A bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 You're going to hear me say that.

Speaker 38 I don't know. I think it might get a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Only if you tickle us. No, no, I could just.

Speaker 38 That's that's weird. That's not what this is.

Speaker 38 I'm pissed off by that. Now, stop saying that.
That's not what I'm talking about. You keep doing that.
Things could get a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 I'm not happy.

Speaker 40 The present plan of dressing

Speaker 38 things could get a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Jesus, I'm going to go see a comedy show.

Speaker 38 Things might get a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Covered in blood. Things got pretty ticklish out there.

Speaker 38 Officer, that is when things turned a little ticklish.

Speaker 38 Sorry, what?

Speaker 38 That's when things

Speaker 38 got ticklish.

Speaker 38 Your Honor, my client was in a ticklish mood.

Speaker 38 And things turned ticklish.

Speaker 38 What are you in for? Yes, things got a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Let's just leave it at got a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Let's just say things got a little ticklish on the outside.

Speaker 38 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 38 Moving buffalo will be more ticklish than

Speaker 38 steers. Than steers.
It's more ticklish.

Speaker 38 It's a bit ticklish considering they are enormous beasts. Getting

Speaker 38 stampeded to death. Man, that did did it a bit ticklish on him, didn't it? That's why you work with horses.

Speaker 38 Cows, whatever they are. I don't know.
It's a bit ticklish.

Speaker 40 The present plan of transportation is to load the buffalo on a barge at the foot of the lake and have the steamer tow the barge to Demersville, which will be only about five miles from their destination.

Speaker 38 Five miles transporting buffalo on a steamship.

Speaker 38 No, no.

Speaker 40 Then they're only five miles. I think they're coming from a lot further away than five miles.

Speaker 38 Oh, and then they have five miles to walk.

Speaker 38 This ends with them going, what if we just killed them all instead? That was a good idea. That's way better.

Speaker 38 So they're having to move them all over the place. That's a way better idea.
Because

Speaker 38 hey, look, meat. Yeah.

Speaker 38 There aren't any anymore, are there? I mean, I know, like,

Speaker 38 I drove through like a weird living zoo thing once that has like a couple of people. I I like a dead zoo.

Speaker 38 This is a bit of.

Speaker 38 You should have said that on the outside of this place. Do you see the rotten tiger? Things got a bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 I think they're a buffalo. Just like in the wild? I think.
Not a ton. I mean, there's, you know, it's.

Speaker 38 I think we're diminishing everything.

Speaker 40 They are considered near-threatened. There's 200.

Speaker 38 Gotta love our world.

Speaker 38 Plains. 2,500 2,500 left.
Conservation.

Speaker 40 There's 420,000 in commercial herds. What the fuck are you? Oh, so they're still killing them for food?

Speaker 38 Well, that's for Rogan. Outside of Rogan, how many are there?

Speaker 40 I mean, look, they're not extinct because you can see them on Catalina Island. So,

Speaker 38 right?

Speaker 38 Come on. They're in a mine? Come on, boys.

Speaker 40 What do you mean? Yeah, they're in a mine.

Speaker 40 There's Buffalo in Catalina. Did you not know that?

Speaker 38 No. No.

Speaker 38 There are. There are some in the living zoo I drove through.
Yeah.

Speaker 38 You know, life's a living zoo. There was like three of them, and then you go through another gate and there's like four wolves.
It's pretty cool. You know,

Speaker 40 your whole story is a little bit ticklish.

Speaker 38 Where was this?

Speaker 38 It was in between, I was driving to Michigan from LA, so it was in between there. This is, I see this a lot driving on the road where you'll be in Kansas and you'll be like, giraffe.
Oh, God.

Speaker 38 I don't feel good.

Speaker 38 Oh, no. They're like, one giraffe.
You're like, that's horrible.

Speaker 38 Come see one giraffe and a jaguar. You're like, oh,

Speaker 38 yeah. No.

Speaker 38 By the way, they're threatened.

Speaker 40 The Allard herd is probably the only buffalo left in the West outside of those in the national park.

Speaker 40 The close visitage of a herd of buffalo will add in no small degree to the attractiveness of ball as a point of interest to visitors.

Speaker 38 Yep.

Speaker 38 Sure.

Speaker 38 So they kind of acknowledge this is our last batch of them.

Speaker 38 We got to get them on that boat. Hold on.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 38 Well, there you go. That's it.
That was fun. Well, that's the end.

Speaker 40 That's the pastimes.

Speaker 38 That's the pastimes, Mike. You did it.

Speaker 38 So now, Dave, you can finally tell us who won the guessing of the year.

Speaker 38 I think that'd be a good way to end.

Speaker 40 Yeah, that was Mike.

Speaker 38 Interesting. All right.
well i heard the yes uh it's mike

Speaker 38 mike o'brien thank you for joining us business trips your podcast with brad morris who will be on uh this show soon uh anything else to have people follow you when's that next when's the next show you're doing with the armed officer um that that

Speaker 38 would be a lesion in like two weeks so hopefully this comes out before but in la if people are around check that out where can people get tickets alysion website Yeah.

Speaker 38 And there's a link in my Instagram bio. And yeah, I think things are going to be a lot of fun.
Will you say what your Instagram is? Mike O'Brien12345.

Speaker 38 It is. A lot of mics.
You're probably, you're one of the

Speaker 38 really,

Speaker 38 you have one of the funnier Instagrams. Just very quickly,

Speaker 38 Mike did sort of

Speaker 38 like catalog modeling for a while, but then the best thing he would do is he would

Speaker 38 into like

Speaker 38 a live feed of someone famous.

Speaker 38 I might not even be able to get through it. He'll go in a live feed of like DJ Khaled or something where he's like, you know, DJing.
And Michael will be like, all right, this is going to be awesome.

Speaker 38 And then the next screenshot will be like, I ate a bunch of crab meat earlier today to get ready for tonight. And the next one will be like, oh man, really digging this event.

Speaker 38 Stomach's a little gurgly. And then the next one will be like, oh, man, I'm in the bathroom.

Speaker 38 This is surrounded by thousands of comments.

Speaker 38 He's just having some little meltdown.

Speaker 38 You rolled it out perfectly.

Speaker 38 Yeah, always some

Speaker 38 second or third one has to mention what was eaten. And then

Speaker 38 there was one specific one that always had a shout out by the DJ to Donnie Wahlberg.

Speaker 38 And so after I'd like blasted my pants or whatever, I'd always say, Is Donnie Wahlberg in here?

Speaker 38 That was such a like they were always like, Michelle Obama's in here, and Donnie Wahlberg. And you're like, What? I bet that

Speaker 38 don't announce when Donnie's in here.

Speaker 38 Well, this guy's having horrendous food poisoning.

Speaker 38 Ah, shit. Well, thank you so much, Mike.
Thank you for having me. This was so much fun.
Yes, come back. Please come back.
Would love to.

Speaker 38 Awesome. Good to see you guys.

Speaker 22 Some of these days.

Speaker 22 You'll miss me, honey.

Speaker 22 Some of these days.

Speaker 45 Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop.
You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

Speaker 45 By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

Speaker 45 So if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of The Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of The Rube.

Speaker 45 It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

Speaker 45 And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

Speaker 45 We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.