689 - Larry Craig - live

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 the dollop is brought to you by mood.

Speaker 3 Not just like moods, because

Speaker 4 they don't moods don't have sponsors.

Speaker 5 No, we're talking about mood.

Speaker 4 Correct.

Speaker 7 Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

Speaker 4 You know, you got sleepless nights, you can't sleep a little bit.

Speaker 11 You got stress-filled days, you're a little bit freaking out on edge.

Speaker 14 How about a little mood, Gareth?

Speaker 5 Take it, enjoy it mood mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100 federally legal thc blends they'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep that's discreetly oh yeah you don't even know this person's been there no no one walks up and screams there's stuff in here

Speaker 25 it's like santa That's right.

Speaker 27 And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Speaker 12 Yeah, they got gummies. They got everything.

Speaker 28 It's the stuff. It's the gummy.

Speaker 2 It's the way to go.

Speaker 2 Big fan.

Speaker 17 Big fan. Totally.
You got sleepy time gummies that'll put you in.

Speaker 24 Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I can.
Yeah.

Speaker 24 Many people struggle with sleep.

Speaker 15 Get a sleepy time gummy.

Speaker 21 What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

Speaker 30 people shoot

Speaker 32 with herbs and adaptogens.

Speaker 8 You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Speaker 30 Special stuff.

Speaker 19 And they have gummies for literally everything.

Speaker 34 Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy.

Speaker 17 But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

Speaker 2 And each one

Speaker 31 is tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

Speaker 36 No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Speaker 3 Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code DOLUP.

Speaker 13 Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

Speaker 37 And remember to use promo code DOLUP.

Speaker 10 at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

Speaker 38 Big changes at Wobble Bonds Dickinson. With the addition of Louis Ropa, we've expanded our capabilities to help your business thrive in an increasingly complex world.

Speaker 38 Our 1,300 attorneys in 37 offices across the U.S. and UK bring a wealth of knowledge and diverse perspectives in areas like litigation, IP, and cybersecurity.

Speaker 38 Are you driving innovation, navigating challenging deals, or protecting your company's growth? We're here to help you move forward with confidence.

Speaker 38 Discover what Better Together means for your business at wobblebondickinson.com today.

Speaker 39 Oh, I read it. You're listening to the DOIP!

Speaker 39 Is there a reason that you two aren't clapping? Everyone clapped.

Speaker 39 Okay, go ahead, keep going.

Speaker 40 This is an American History Podcast. For each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History, just me in the eye.

Speaker 39 And Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about, hashtag ketamine.

Speaker 39 The story. Yeah, that was the...
Sure. Let's do that.
Thanks, man.

Speaker 39 139712. July 20th, 1945.

Speaker 39 Larry Craig.

Speaker 39 Jenny's dad

Speaker 40 was born to Dorothy Lenore and Elvin Oren Craig on a ranch 24 miles from the nearest paved road near Midvale, Idaho.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 He's not even from there. He's from like close to there.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 39 Well, it is very mid.

Speaker 40 Very mid.

Speaker 39 I like that, though. I like that space there.
That's what I'm after. That's what we need.

Speaker 39 Don't acknowledge what I said. Keep going.

Speaker 40 The ranch was homesteaded in 1899 by his grandfather.

Speaker 40 That means he stole the land from the

Speaker 39 am Gutfeld next Thursday, so chill.

Speaker 40 Larry grew up on the ranch and was educated in a one-room schoolhouse.

Speaker 39 Nice. We'll get back to that.
We'll get back to that.

Speaker 40 So he's raised Methodist. He was accepted into the University of Idaho where he was student body president and a member of the Delta Chi.

Speaker 39 Delta Chi, the Delta Chi Chi boy. Fraternity.
Sure. Whatever.
They're all bad.

Speaker 40 Stop. He became president of the frat.
Nice. That's impressive.
That is. His fellow frat members called him Mother Craig.

Speaker 39 Huh? That doesn't bother me.

Speaker 40 Well, because he was so on top of things.

Speaker 39 You know what I mean?

Speaker 39 No.

Speaker 40 Very on top of things. What do you mean? Just

Speaker 40 always on top.

Speaker 40 The way it should be.

Speaker 39 That's the man's role.

Speaker 40 A man would come forward years later to say that when he was considering pledging the fraternity, Larry took him into his bedroom and, quote, made what

Speaker 40 made what said he. No, that's not written right.

Speaker 39 Made what he said.

Speaker 40 Oh, made what he said,

Speaker 40 what he, sorry, I'm trying to read this.

Speaker 39 Here he goes, we're okay. Everyone back to one, three, two.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 Made

Speaker 40 what he took to be an invitation to sex.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 39 Yeah, now the name rings a bell.

Speaker 39 Now that we're at that part.

Speaker 40 During this time, he served as future farmers of America national vice president.

Speaker 39 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 40 It's fucking sweet.

Speaker 40 Are there any future Farmers of America members? No.

Speaker 39 You don't need to shout out no. Somebody yelled, I know, someone answered for the whole group and were like, no.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Well, one woman, one woman he dated on and off for a year said, quote, I don't imagine that he ever held my hand. I always felt like I was an accessory.
I might as well have been his briefcase.

Speaker 39 It's fucking hot.

Speaker 40 Some hot shit.

Speaker 39 Women expect too much from me.

Speaker 39 I mean, would you just give us a break?

Speaker 39 Holding your hand, treating you like a perk. Come on.
We're busy. Just let me put it in the future.

Speaker 39 We're future farmers.

Speaker 40 Let me put these papers in you.

Speaker 39 I'll open you with a code.

Speaker 40 Larry graduated with a degree in political science. He was trained by an old school speech guy and won speaking contests.
His bedroom at the ranch was filled with trophies.

Speaker 39 You're a little too impressed by what you just heard.

Speaker 39 Carl, you ever been in someone's room with trophies? You're like, that's a sad little life you got in here, huh? A lot of ribbons. What's your plan?

Speaker 40 Like, how many college guys in that time are going to speech contests? It was like him and like a lump of shit

Speaker 40 named Bob.

Speaker 39 Second place.

Speaker 39 I keep thinking about why people had a lock on their, like, how important you have to think you are to have a lock on your briefcase with your three little digit passcode.

Speaker 39 The fucking balls on you to be like, there you go.

Speaker 40 Well, you don't know. I mean, I.

Speaker 39 No one can get my printed papers.

Speaker 40 You have a lot of stuff in there.

Speaker 40 Remember the guy who turned his briefcase into a suck machine?

Speaker 39 We're not allowed.

Speaker 39 Quit kink shaming that guy.

Speaker 39 Man's an American hero.

Speaker 40 We did get a lot of shit for kink shaming.

Speaker 39 Don't make fun of the guy who's got a dick-sucking briefcase.

Speaker 39 It was tough.

Speaker 39 We both were like, I think I feel okay going back at these people and being like, look, God bless him. I'm glad he got to do it.
But he was married with his wife in his house.

Speaker 39 He went to his garage and like he was rebuilding a Trans Am made a suitcase that sucked his dick

Speaker 39 That is that's funny. It's very funny That's a funny setup

Speaker 40 So he Larry is clearly going to be a politician

Speaker 40 And he went to George Washington University in D.C. to pursue a graduate degree but bailed after just months and came back to the ranch in 1970.

Speaker 39 Okay, he failed. Okay, so he went back to his trophy room.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 I can talk good.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 40 He then joined the Idaho National Guard. Okay.
And in 1970...

Speaker 39 I think that's pretty cool.

Speaker 39 That's what makes it an action verb.

Speaker 39 And I think that's pretty cool.

Speaker 39 It's probably the only thing you can do. I think that's pretty cool.
It's probably the only thing you remember. Oh, shut up.
Last night you gave me like a fucking, you were like, ooh, you pneumodicum.

Speaker 39 Ooh, I did. Yeah,

Speaker 40 last night he said,

Speaker 40 and the whole place came, it went quiet because everyone's like, wow.

Speaker 39 That is not what happened. Only you.

Speaker 39 Only Dave was like, hold on a minute, boy. Have you been opening those things with pages in them?

Speaker 39 That's my work.

Speaker 39 Go work on your Swedish accent, you fool.

Speaker 40 In 1974, he ran for the state senate, and the incumbent had retired, so he runs unopposed.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 39 And he got 700 votes. That's still, that's, why don't, can I do that? Can I run unopposed? Can we make a documentary called Running Unopposed? Yes.
Where I just run for something unopposed?

Speaker 40 All you have to do is be a Republican, and no Democrat runs against you anywhere.

Speaker 39 Well, I'm out.

Speaker 40 He opened a donut shop.

Speaker 39 Uh-huh, sure.

Speaker 40 Oh, sorry. He serves three terms in the state senate.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 And while he was in the state senate, he opened a donut shop called Donut Haus.

Speaker 39 Donut Haus, like it's like a German, like okay, the Donut Haals.

Speaker 40 With two other guys.

Speaker 40 It went bankrupt in 1978.

Speaker 39 Oh, wow. Yeah.
Yeah. It's okay.

Speaker 40 He ran for Congress in 1980, pivoting to

Speaker 40 be more conservative for the Reagan Revolution.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 40 Greatest president.

Speaker 40 His Tem opponent brought up the bankruptcy because Larry had taken out a

Speaker 40 $70,000 small business administration loan for the donut shop while being against bailouts.

Speaker 39 But that's. Look, this is what I think people need to understand.

Speaker 39 If you're in government,

Speaker 39 you love socialism for yourself. It's just we don't get it.

Speaker 39 Right? So they,

Speaker 39 there's a safety net for you, and when we need it, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 I wish they just had a modicum of, oh, never mind.

Speaker 40 So Larry won with 54% of the vote, because it was a big Reagan.

Speaker 39 Because he's a Reagan guy, sure.

Speaker 40 He's a classic Reagan Republican. He wants to sell the public land, make people on food stamps work, balance the budget, et cetera.

Speaker 39 That just sounds big and beautiful to me.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 40 he did sponsor a bill to ask Reagan to name a week as National Old Time Fiddlers Week.

Speaker 39 What the actual fuck are you clapping for? Did it happen?

Speaker 39 You don't even know if it happened. Listen to you, weirdos.

Speaker 39 Did it happen?

Speaker 39 Lady who came in super late knows everything. Is there a National Fiddlers Week?

Speaker 39 There's what?

Speaker 39 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 39 I was like, what is she talking about? There's a pirate. I mean, he's kind of a pirate.

Speaker 40 He's an old guy with a pirate.

Speaker 39 That is so.

Speaker 39 That's what we call piracist.

Speaker 39 Not just any guy who loses an eye as a buccaneer, you asshole.

Speaker 39 Some of these people don't have fiddles.

Speaker 39 Guys.

Speaker 40 Look, if you don't have a fiddle, you could just be a person getting in the picture.

Speaker 39 Excuse me, some of us are here to fuck the fiddlers.

Speaker 39 Old time.

Speaker 40 No young fiddlers.

Speaker 39 Get the fuck out of here with your young bullshit.

Speaker 40 In the summer of 1982, CBS broke the news of gay sex between congressmen and underage congressional pages. CBS interviewed a 17-year-old male page who said he had sex with congressmen.

Speaker 39 A male page.

Speaker 40 There were absolutely no allegations made that Larry was involved. As far as anyone knows, he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Speaker 40 And the next day, he issued a public denial.

Speaker 39 That's awesome.

Speaker 39 I wasn't there.

Speaker 40 We have learned that several congressmen are having sex with the person.

Speaker 39 Well, not me. Excuse me.
And I wasn't even near that. Right.

Speaker 39 I didn't even know they were doing that.

Speaker 39 They are gay and with the other men gay.

Speaker 40 I'm saying that we.

Speaker 40 Who are they?

Speaker 39 Hold on.

Speaker 39 No.

Speaker 39 No. No.

Speaker 40 Okay, we're not actually talking, we're just saying in Congress. We don't know who any of the.

Speaker 39 Oh, I don't know who they are either. I have no idea.
I have no idea.

Speaker 39 I don't know anything about it, and I wasn't there. I'm not gay.

Speaker 39 So let's stop that right now.

Speaker 39 You know what I'm into?

Speaker 39 Vagina.

Speaker 39 That's a passion of mine.

Speaker 40 When you say it like that, I disagree.

Speaker 39 No, I love a bit of

Speaker 39 grandma's old medicine. What? Vagina.
Vagina. That's what we used to call it.
Did you say grandma's old medicine? Well, it's not grandpa's. That's disgusting.

Speaker 39 And I just want to make sure you understand.

Speaker 39 Trying to figure out if I was involved in that would be a waste of your time.

Speaker 39 Because I wasn't. I like ladies.
A lot, actually.

Speaker 39 And I like men to do stuff to ladies. But I don't want to watch.

Speaker 39 And if I was, I'd be watching the woman.

Speaker 39 For you see,

Speaker 39 I'm not a guy who likes to be with men.

Speaker 40 Quote, I have done nothing that I need to be either publicly or privately ashamed of.

Speaker 40 I am guilty of no crime or impropriety, and I am convinced that this is an effort to damage my personal character and destroy my political.

Speaker 39 Really? Nobody was saying anything?

Speaker 40 Nobody said anything to him.

Speaker 40 No one said anything.

Speaker 40 Of course, this caused the Idaho Statesman newspaper to question why he made that statement.

Speaker 39 Oh, my God.

Speaker 39 What are you even talking about? I've already cleared this up. Why are you even asking a question when I've already told you? That's not something I'm into.

Speaker 39 I like women a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 39 Here, go find me one. I'll kiss her right now.

Speaker 40 Okay, no, we're good.

Speaker 39 And I love it. I don't want to do any other stuff with her, though.

Speaker 39 With you here.

Speaker 39 Later.

Speaker 39 I think I'll figure it out.

Speaker 39 I don't think you will. Oh, I think I'm going to be very good with it.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 Don't come on knocking.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 Larry's district administrator said, quote, We do not know.

Speaker 40 We do know there is no substance to them. I mean, he's a farmer and rancher from Midvale, for God's sake.

Speaker 39 So, what do they think? He can't be out there. gay he's airborne he's not in the water in mid-vale like an M-Night Shyamalan movie

Speaker 39 do you see that mist

Speaker 39 look out some of the city gays coming it's airborne well the corn's ruined it's gone gay this year

Speaker 39 what are you talking about papa it's inedible

Speaker 40 His mom and dad wrote a letter to the Idaho statesman chastising the paper for its coverage.

Speaker 39 This is

Speaker 39 okay. Because they were like, Why are you saying you're not gay when you're doing it? I didn't.
Why do you keep saying the word gay around me?

Speaker 40 Larry said he had to come out and deny it because there were a lot of people.

Speaker 39 I'm coming out

Speaker 39 and denying it. Let me finish.

Speaker 39 Good lord. Can a man take a breath before the rest of his sentence?

Speaker 39 I've never felt so good and free about coming out

Speaker 39 As a straight man.

Speaker 40 He had to come out and deny it because a reporter had questioned him. But the New York Post said they just asked him standard stuff, like, have you heard anything? Who have you heard about?

Speaker 40 Any names mentioned? No.

Speaker 39 He denied something no one accused him of. No.

Speaker 39 Larry.

Speaker 40 Now feels boxed in, so he asks the FBI to interview him.

Speaker 39 Get your best gay squad on me. Not like, hold on, I said that wrong.

Speaker 39 Get.

Speaker 39 Can you imagine?

Speaker 39 Like, the FBI probably went from speakerphone to like, hold on, what are you asking for?

Speaker 39 I want a group of you to come interview me about being gay, which I'm not, and I'll say that.

Speaker 39 We're kind of busy with other stuff. Yeah, I just need like two guys down.
Doesn't need to be guys, can be girls too, but I don't know if they're

Speaker 39 ideally guys, younger ones. But

Speaker 39 come down here interview me I'll deny the whole thing try me right now ask me if I'm gay and and they should have mustaches yeah

Speaker 39 ask me if I'm gay are you gay

Speaker 39 no

Speaker 40 The FBI report said Larry went on record stating he had never had sex with either a page or, quote, engaged in a homosexual relationship with any person.

Speaker 39 It's a lot of of smoke.

Speaker 40 It's weird.

Speaker 39 Absolutely weird.

Speaker 40 Well, it gets weirder. Larry then hired a polygraph examiner to give him a test.

Speaker 39 I was literally going to suggest that he takes a poly.

Speaker 39 This is crazy. I mean, I'm not gay.

Speaker 39 Jesus, what the fuck?

Speaker 39 I'm from fucking Midvale.

Speaker 39 I'm a farmer.

Speaker 40 The examiner concluded, quote,

Speaker 39 This was weird.

Speaker 39 This whole thing was super strange.

Speaker 39 I honestly don't understand it. He asked himself the questions.
I just stood there.

Speaker 40 The examiner concluded, quote, Craig is not a homosexual.

Speaker 40 Proof.

Speaker 41 Case fucking closed.

Speaker 39 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 39 He's holding up the paper. Look at that.

Speaker 39 Look at how balanced I was during that question there.

Speaker 40 He gets the newspaper headline framed and put on his wall.

Speaker 39 Well, well, wow.

Speaker 39 Looks like somebody's not at all gay.

Speaker 39 Isn't that right?

Speaker 40 Larry then sent the statesman his military records to counter rumors that he left the National Guard because he was gay.

Speaker 40 The record said he was honorably discharged for having flat feet.

Speaker 39 Which was really disappointing because I couldn't go to the gay clubs and date, or nothing, nothing.

Speaker 39 Okay, so

Speaker 39 just

Speaker 39 outsider POV, it seems like Larry's not gay.

Speaker 39 I mean,

Speaker 40 at this point,

Speaker 40 every gay person in America is like, oh my god, he's so fucking gay.

Speaker 39 And

Speaker 39 they're like, oh no,

Speaker 39 he's gay.

Speaker 39 So later, the page,

Speaker 40 the 17-year-old page came forward and said,

Speaker 40 later he comes out and says he made it all up.

Speaker 39 Oh, okay.

Speaker 40 But in 1983, the Ethics Committee recommended reprimands for two congressmen, a Democrat and a Republican, for having sex with pages. It wasn't criminal because the age of consent in D.C.
DC

Speaker 40 was 16 and the pages were 17.

Speaker 39 Wait say that again yeah

Speaker 40 so two two

Speaker 39 I think I'm gay

Speaker 40 two congressmen had sex with pages

Speaker 40 and the pages were 17 and that's consent in DC 16 legal I'm not saying you know what hey you're puritanical

Speaker 39 I'm saying, and that was okay,

Speaker 39 question mark. Jeez, stop talking.

Speaker 40 I just can't believe you're saying it's okay. No.

Speaker 39 It's not okay. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 39 But the legal age

Speaker 39 you're saying

Speaker 39 was 16.

Speaker 40 So it's, yeah, so they can't kick him out of Congress because,

Speaker 40 I mean, they should have.

Speaker 39 But and they're just male pages.

Speaker 40 I think they were both just male pages.

Speaker 39 Yeah, because I guarantee you there were like a lot of like underage women who were like

Speaker 39 pardon? Yeah. No, that's fine.

Speaker 39 But

Speaker 40 so the page banging, 100% happening. A year later, Craig married and adopted

Speaker 40 adopted married a woman and adopted her kids, three kids.

Speaker 39 See?

Speaker 39 That'd be a pretty crazy move for a gay man to make, wouldn't it be?

Speaker 39 Look at that. Susan.

Speaker 39 Poor Susan.

Speaker 39 Poor, poor Susan. As Larry's cutting that cake, like,

Speaker 39 oh.

Speaker 39 I'm still going to eat it. Maybe I shouldn't have followed Reagan.

Speaker 40 I'm going to get my cake and eat it too. You know what I mean, honey?

Speaker 40 Who was the guy?

Speaker 39 What? The guy who just came up here and handed me wine. Who was he? No one did that.

Speaker 40 That didn't happen.

Speaker 39 Oh, dear.

Speaker 39 No one did that. It was my page?

Speaker 39 It was pretty cute.

Speaker 40 Rumors quickly began.

Speaker 39 Sir, shut up.

Speaker 40 Rumors quickly began that it was a sham marriage to derail gay rumors. Larry supported any anti-gay legislation that came along.

Speaker 39 I mean, that.

Speaker 39 And

Speaker 40 he went after Barney Frank. Frank was a Massachusetts congressman who came out as gay in 1987.

Speaker 39 Now,

Speaker 40 so what had happened with Barney was he had hired a male escort and they became close over time, as you do.

Speaker 39 It's like a pretty woman.

Speaker 40 Well, you finally meet someone who looks at you and is like, I like you.

Speaker 39 What?

Speaker 39 What's it like?

Speaker 40 You got to pay.

Speaker 40 You got to pay to play, buddy.

Speaker 39 I'll pay.

Speaker 39 I have paid.

Speaker 39 How much to pretend you like me?

Speaker 39 We don't even need to do anything.

Speaker 40 There's not enough to do.

Speaker 39 I just put on the dollop. Will you just enjoy this in front of me?

Speaker 39 Oh, my God. I'm pausing.
Can I bring an escort? Amp it up a little, will you?

Speaker 40 That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Hiring an escort to listen to your own podcast with you?

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 And then I pay her more to just laugh harder.

Speaker 39 I'm on a good run.

Speaker 40 She's like, I can't fake it that much.

Speaker 39 I'm out of money.

Speaker 40 All right, so Barney hires a male escort.

Speaker 40 He falls in love with them, it sounds like. He moves in with Frank.

Speaker 40 Frank is paying for the... Escort's living, basically, right? Everything he wants.

Speaker 40 But then he finds out the escort is still escorting on the side so frank gets mad and kicks him out so the escort now goes and tries to get a bidding war going for his story but no one bites and and the washington times ends up printing it for free cool that's cool There are then calls for a house investigation into Barney Frank.

Speaker 40 Some believe he had used public money to pay for the escort, which is the issue.

Speaker 39 But, you know, they're making it up. Yeah, they're making it up.

Speaker 40 Yeah, like he's going to be like,

Speaker 40 I'm not going to pay this $200. I'm getting this out of someone write me a government check.

Speaker 40 Make it out to

Speaker 40 sexy Bill.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 It's going to be a bit difficult for me to make out that check for you.

Speaker 39 That's my body Frank impressed him.

Speaker 39 I can't believe that this F-court had betrayed me.

Speaker 40 So House Minority Whip Newt Gingrich did not want Republicans.

Speaker 39 I can't wait for the end of this. Go ahead.

Speaker 40 I guess we're booing great Americans now. Is that what we're doing?

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 40 So he does not want Republicans to go after Frank, but Larry is on the ethics committee and he is demanding that it happen.

Speaker 39 Well, there's a gay man in the house. We need to stop it.

Speaker 40 So Republicans start floating rumors that Gingrich is trying to avoid going after Frank because Frank and his people were

Speaker 40 because Frank and his people were threatening to name all the closeted gays in Congress in both parties.

Speaker 40 So they're saying that, yeah, so

Speaker 40 there's a lot of gay members of Congress that are in the closet and

Speaker 40 Frank's like, if you come after me, I'll fucking out all you Republican hypocrites.

Speaker 39 Because a Democrat being gay is fine because they're not

Speaker 40 passing laws to fuck with gay people.

Speaker 40 But anytime a Republican is gay, they should be outed.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 40 And then burned alive.

Speaker 39 Because they're Republican.

Speaker 40 Right, not because they're

Speaker 39 legislative.

Speaker 40 Not only because they're gay, because they're Republican. Come on.

Speaker 40 We only burn Republicans alive, you guys.

Speaker 40 My God.

Speaker 39 I can't believe any of you. I'm sorry.

Speaker 39 I'm going to stop you.

Speaker 39 Isn't that scary?

Speaker 39 Why does it sound like every person in the audience also has a microphone?

Speaker 40 Well, guess what? They used to build theaters better. That's why, Gareth.

Speaker 40 So Gingrich eventually wins, and Frank was just censored for fixing parking tickets for the escort.

Speaker 39 For fixing parking tickets?

Speaker 40 Yeah, he got them out of parking tickets.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 39 Jesus Christ. Who paid for the fucking escort's parking tickets?

Speaker 39 Also, I'd be like, look, just park closer to where I live.

Speaker 40 Right? Just fucking park where it's legal.

Speaker 39 I said, park me in. You can park behind my car.

Speaker 40 But Larry Craig's final vote was for more punishment. So he was like, I'm not gay.
Just can't stop. So after four terms in the House, he runs for the Senate in 1989.

Speaker 40 Now, he's all about passing a balanced budget amendment, but was also very opposed to tax increases. He's into guns and digging up minerals and getting more oil and logging the forests.

Speaker 40 So he won 61% of the vote. He wins.
You guys love that here.

Speaker 40 What the fuck? And now he is a senator.

Speaker 40 The Idaho statesman asked Larry about an allegation that he was gay made by his opponent in the Senate race, and Larry said, Why don't you ask my wife

Speaker 39 who I am fucking

Speaker 40 ask my wife if I give her dick all the time.

Speaker 39 Huh?

Speaker 40 Mr.

Speaker 39 Paperman. Ask my wife. I mean, that's what he's saying, right? It's amazing.
It's just. He's.

Speaker 39 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 40 And look, he's a classic Republican. In 1991, he blamed environmentalists for causing the Exxon Valdez

Speaker 39 oil spill.

Speaker 39 Well, to be fair, I mean,

Speaker 40 think about it.

Speaker 40 If they hadn't stopped all the precious pipelines well, yeah, they wouldn't have to use ships

Speaker 39 Well, if it's an oil company's fault, why wasn't the vessel named after an oil company?

Speaker 40 I don't know what he's talking about

Speaker 39 What the fuck is happening tonight? I just want you to have that is this are you just people from the audience

Speaker 39 Are we that are we that available to be murdered on stage?

Speaker 40 Thank you

Speaker 39 Like,

Speaker 39 have you? This is how Caesar dies.

Speaker 40 Okay, number one, you are not Caesar.

Speaker 40 Stop it. You're nothing like Caesar.

Speaker 39 And they all keep going back through that portal back there.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 Continue on no, it's too long. We're not gonna read it.

Speaker 39 You know what? We're gonna set that precedent that if someone comes on stage and gives us a letter, we read it like Santa

Speaker 39 Yeah, you're right. Yeah, good instincts

Speaker 39 quote

Speaker 40 had the environmentalists

Speaker 40 Let a pipeline be built, there would never have been a chance for a drunken captain to get his hands on that oil.

Speaker 39 Oh, I forgot he was drunk. He's that drunk.
Yeah, he was ripped. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 39 Well, now, I mean, I'm not so mad at it.

Speaker 40 Yeah, I know. You feel sorry for me.

Speaker 39 It was just a little greased up.

Speaker 40 He wanted to have a nip.

Speaker 39 Yeah, he's out there nipping.

Speaker 40 Larry said he preferred the

Speaker 40 U.S. drill for

Speaker 40 oil in Alaska's National Wildlife Refuge.

Speaker 39 Oh, he'd rather do that. Yeah, than men.
But didn't the X-Xine, the Exxon guy came out and he was like,

Speaker 39 I never had a drink in my life.

Speaker 39 I'll take a lie detector about it.

Speaker 39 I'm not drunk I am. If I'm so drunk as this half-drunk bottle of Jim Beam,

Speaker 39 if I drink it. Exactly.

Speaker 40 Look at all those birds.

Speaker 39 That's where, that's the first time when I was like, wait, what's I was like, what are we doing? What's going on? And they were like, we're trying to clean the oil off of all these birds.

Speaker 39 And you're like, is this a good thing we're doing?

Speaker 39 better than solar yeah and that's why that's why dawn now has ducks on their their packaging because they're just yeah yeah that's where it started dawn dawn was like for a while dawn was like we're the oil spill dishwashing liquid

Speaker 39 And everyone was like, okay. And then that transferred to two ducks are now on their bottle.
And you're like, why are there two ducks?

Speaker 39 It's like, well, when we completely ruin the oceans, Dawn really gets the grease out.

Speaker 39 Right?

Speaker 40 What are your plastic bottles made out of?

Speaker 40 Ducks.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 40 the Idaho Democratic senator responded to this and said Craig's logic was twisted, but then he immediately praised Larry for working to get the lower Salmon River federally protected.

Speaker 40 Because that's a Democrat. They can't just go, no, he's fucking crazy.
They got to go, he's crazy.

Speaker 39 But one time he helped a river.

Speaker 40 Larry strongly opposed prohibiting job discrimination against gays and strongly opposed expanding hate crime legislation to include crimes against gays, and strongly supported legislation and a constitutional amendment to prohibit same-sex marriage.

Speaker 40 Ugh.

Speaker 39 Yeah, I mean, the manifestation of thou doth protest too much

Speaker 40 in 1995 at New Hampshire Senator Bob Smith's birthday party, four senators sang happy birthday.

Speaker 40 And when they were asked to sing at another event, one said no, and Larry stepped in.

Speaker 39 What?

Speaker 39 Oh my god, and he's with fucking

Speaker 39 John Ashcroft.

Speaker 39 Who sang who sang that, like, wrote the song about the eagle?

Speaker 39 Oh, the threesome here.

Speaker 39 Oh, hi, everybody. We're the totally unfuckables.

Speaker 39 We're here to give you tonight a red edition. This is going to be unbelievable.
Songs called, I'm Not Gay, I've Never Been Gay, and I don't even know what it is.

Speaker 40 Trent Lott said he formed the singing group to improve relations between right and moderate Republicans.

Speaker 39 Right?

Speaker 39 We want to cover the spectrum

Speaker 39 of complete, total fascist lunacy to pretty bad.

Speaker 40 They were called the singing senators.

Speaker 39 Oh, fuck me.

Speaker 40 They sang Elvira at a Kennedy Center fundraiser.

Speaker 39 What is that? Elviru.

Speaker 39 Is that real? Elvira, yeah.

Speaker 40 Okay, how does it go? Let's see if I can pull it up here.

Speaker 39 I mean, I can't sing it for you, but I would love for you to sing it.

Speaker 39 I don't think this thing is loud enough. I'm not hearing myself enough.

Speaker 40 You're a Westerner.

Speaker 40 This is called a country western song. Okay, so it's already an old man who can't hear.

Speaker 40 That's how this started. It was an old man going, I can't hear in my what?

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 We're going to

Speaker 40 get it guys to Elvira here.

Speaker 40 Elvira.

Speaker 40 Elvira

Speaker 40 My heart's on fire

Speaker 40 Elvira

Speaker 39 It's pretty good

Speaker 39 she's got eyes that look like diamonds

Speaker 39 Lips like cherry wine

Speaker 39 That girl sure enough make my little heart shine

Speaker 39 I got a funny feel

Speaker 39 up and down my spine

Speaker 39 because I know that my Elvira's mine,

Speaker 39 I'm not gay, I'm not gay.

Speaker 39 Elvira,

Speaker 39 my heart's on fire,

Speaker 39 Elvira.

Speaker 39 Oh my god, end it.

Speaker 39 Giddy up, oh, bop,

Speaker 39 It's pretty good.

Speaker 39 It is pretty good.

Speaker 39 It makes me think of how like Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries should start something.

Speaker 40 A poetry jam.

Speaker 39 No, they should go singing. It'd be great.
That was pretty good. I'm not going to lie.
I mean, aside from everything else outside of there, that was okay.

Speaker 39 It's a shame they're human demons.

Speaker 40 So

Speaker 40 that was Elvira at the Kennedy Center, which was at a fundraiser, which was put on by Ray Ivey of Consolidated Natural Gas.

Speaker 39 Well, that's not fun anymore.

Speaker 40 They perform with the Oak Ridge Boys in Branson, Missouri.

Speaker 39 Sure.

Speaker 39 So they're, you know, his life is great.

Speaker 39 Things are good.

Speaker 40 Things are good. In 1996, they sang at the Republican Convention.
In 1998, they released an album called Let Freedom Sing.

Speaker 39 Oh, this fucking, this freedom shit. The fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 40 But when Bush became president,

Speaker 40 Ashcroft became attorney general, so he left the group in 2001. So the group ended.

Speaker 39 Oh, Ashcroft.

Speaker 39 They ended. Ashcroft was that good.
Yeah. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Gareth, we are brought to you by Mint Mobile. And with plans starting at just 15 bucks a month, Mint Mobile is going to give you premium wireless service on the nation's largest 5G.

Speaker 39 Say it.

Speaker 40 Say it. 5G network.

Speaker 40 You get the coverage and speed you're used to, but you spend less money.

Speaker 39 Yeah, I don't know what the hesitancy is. It's just, let's go.

Speaker 40 Yeah, your friends are sweating over data outages and surprise charges and you'll just be hanging out just counting the money counting your sweet sweet cash yeah

Speaker 40 we want you to uh toss out get rid of your overpriced wireless plan the crazy insane bill and uh unexpected overage and and use mint mobile it's going to save you It's going to rescue your sweet, sweet cash.

Speaker 39 You know, I think it's like the lottery. If you switch to Mint Mobile, you don't want to tell too many people because they're going to know that you got some extra cash in the pocket.

Speaker 40 You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 39 Just switch to Mint Mobile and vanish.

Speaker 40 I have been using Mint Mobile.

Speaker 40 It's great.

Speaker 40 It works perfectly.

Speaker 40 Zero issues.

Speaker 39 Zero issues with the phone and the wireless. You personally.

Speaker 39 I'm a problem. You have more issues than people.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 40 And

Speaker 40 people should do it because it's like, why are you, you're just throwing money away. You're literally just throwing money away.

Speaker 39 And it's not, there's a a great service. I think you're right.

Speaker 40 The wireless service, it's quality. It's the same as my old provider.

Speaker 39 But you lose your number, right? You can't take your number with you?

Speaker 40 No, you take your number, Gareth. Everything's the same.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 You take your number. There's no reason not to do it is what we're saying.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 I was paying

Speaker 40 like I was like 90 a month on my old bill.

Speaker 39 That was less than what, yeah, I was over 100.

Speaker 40 Now it's 15. 15 is less.
Yep. So look, here's what we're saying.

Speaker 40 This year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank and get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com slash dollop. That's mintmobile.com slash dollop.

Speaker 40 Up front payment of $45 for three month five gigabyte plan required, which is equivalent of $15 a month.

Speaker 40 New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra see mint mobile for details i will gladly

Speaker 40 gareth it we're also brought to you by a neutrophil neutrophil is uh i'm going to call it a hair inspiration product

Speaker 40 uh it's a it's a sweet sweet supplement and what it does is it makes your hair uh vibrant and uh it feels fuller it looks you've been going shirtless a lot more since you've been taking these because you have locks uh yeah um they're hanging low a lot of people compared me to fabio a lot of people and so i have i have great hair uh i didn't before i had what i would call a

Speaker 40 scrubby bush like a brillo pad situation and now i look like a like i i should be a model

Speaker 39 i think both of those are extremes and but okay the point is that you since you started taking it many people have commented your hairdresser who's in the hair business she works in the hair business business.

Speaker 40 My friends have commented. My wife has commented.
People at shows have made comments.

Speaker 39 People at shows have made comments. At the after-show part.

Speaker 40 You can see that my hair looks fuller and more healthy from a distance and from up close.

Speaker 40 That's what we're saying.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 40 You may have heard of Nutriville's hair growth supplements and wondered, do they actually work? Well, that's a fair question.

Speaker 40 Many hair supplements over promise and under-deliver, but Nutriville is different as the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand.

Speaker 40 It is trusted by over 1.5 million people and is clinically tested to deliver real results in just three to six months, which I experienced is about four months for me. Yes.

Speaker 40 Before people started making comments and saying, look at your head. It's gorgeous.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Well, Neutriphal's hair growth supplements are physician farm related and using 100% drug-free ingredients and their patented technology provides consistent, reliable results.

Speaker 40 Neutriful men is clinically tested to improve hair growth and quality. Plus, men also reported no impact to sexual performance.
If anything,

Speaker 40 it's better. It's hotter.

Speaker 40 Because the hair, the hair is awesome.

Speaker 39 Something to hold on to during it. For you, you hold on to it.

Speaker 40 I hold on to my own hair.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 39 Is that true that before Coitis, you say, hold on to my hair?

Speaker 40 Yeah, I do. Start your hair growth journey with NutriFol for a limited time.

Speaker 40 Nutrival is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to NutriFol.com/slash men and enter the promo code the dollop.

Speaker 40 Find out why NutriFoll is the leading hair growth supplement brand on the market at Nutrivol.com slash men, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com slash men, promo code the dollop.

Speaker 40 That's neutral.com slash men, promo code the dollop.

Speaker 39 And Dave, 2025 tour dates in October, we're going to be on the road, the 20th of October, Chicago, Cleveland the 21st, Columbus the 22nd, Indianapolis the 23rd, Madison the 26th, Milwaukee the 27th.

Speaker 39 Now, let me say this, Dave. I'm from Milwaukee, and all we ever get told when we go to Milwaukee is, eh, people aren't buying.
You know how personal that is?

Speaker 39 We go to San Francisco, the people turn out for you. We go to Milwaukee, nobody cares.
Milwaukee, we're calling you out. October, thanks, Dave.
October 28th, Minneapolis.

Speaker 39 Kansas City, October 29th, and then the 30th, Denver, Colorado. Dolloppodcast.com.

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 yeah the dollop is brought to you by mood

Speaker 15 not just like moods because yep they don't moods don't have sponsors no we're talking about mood correct online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges you know you got sleepless nights can't sleep a little bit you got uh stress-filled days you're a little bit freaking out on on edge how about a little mood gareth take it enjoy it mood mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100 federally legal thc blends they'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep that's discreetly oh yeah you don't even know this person's been there no no one walks up and screams there's stuff in here

Speaker 26 it's like santa that's right and you can get 20 off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Speaker 12 Yeah, they got gummies. They got everything.

Speaker 28 It's the stuff. It's the gummies.

Speaker 2 It's the way to go.

Speaker 2 Big fan.

Speaker 17 Big fan. Totally.
You got sleepy time gummies that'll put you in.

Speaker 24 Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I can't.
Yeah.

Speaker 24 Many people struggle to sleep.

Speaker 15 Get a sleepy time gummy.

Speaker 21 What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

Speaker 30 people shoot

Speaker 31 with herbs and adaptogens.

Speaker 29 You're not not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Speaker 30 Special stuff.

Speaker 19 And they have gummies for literally everything.

Speaker 34 Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy.

Speaker 8 But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

Speaker 2 And each one is

Speaker 31 tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

Speaker 36 No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Speaker 3 Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code DOLUP.

Speaker 13 Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

Speaker 37 And remember to use promo code DOLUP at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

Speaker 42 So, what do this animal

Speaker 42 and this animal

Speaker 39 and this animal

Speaker 39 have in common?

Speaker 42 They all live on an organic valley farm.

Speaker 42 Organic Valley dairy comes from small organic family farms that protect the land and the plants and animals that live on it from toxic pesticides, which leads to a thriving ecosystem and delicious, nutritious milk and cheese.

Speaker 42 Learn more at ov.co-op and taste the difference.

Speaker 1 The dollop is brought to you by mood.

Speaker 3 Not just like moods.

Speaker 4 Yep.

Speaker 4 Moods don't have sponsors.

Speaker 5 No. We're talking about mood.

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 7 Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

Speaker 4 You know, you got sleepless nights, can't sleep a little bit.

Speaker 11 You got stress-filled days.

Speaker 12 You're a little bit freaking out on edge.

Speaker 14 How about a little mood, Gareth?

Speaker 15 Take it.

Speaker 2 Enjoy it.

Speaker 17 Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends.

Speaker 21 They'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep.

Speaker 22 That's discreetly.

Speaker 23 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 24 You don't even know this person's been there.

Speaker 12 No, no one walks up and screams, there's stuff in here.

Speaker 2 It's there.

Speaker 23 It's like Santa.

Speaker 25 That's right.

Speaker 27 And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Speaker 12 Yeah, they got gummies. They got everything.

Speaker 28 It's the stuff. It's the gummy.

Speaker 2 It's the way to go.

Speaker 2 Big fan.

Speaker 17 Big fan. Totally.
You got sleepy time gummies that'll put you.

Speaker 24 Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I can't.
Yeah.

Speaker 24 Many people struggle to sleep.

Speaker 15 Get a sleepy time gummy.

Speaker 21 What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

Speaker 30 people shoot

Speaker 32 with herbs and adaptogens.

Speaker 8 You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Speaker 30 Special stuff.

Speaker 34 And they have gummies for literally everything, immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Speaker 2 Oh boy.

Speaker 17 But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

Speaker 2 And each one is

Speaker 31 tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

Speaker 36 No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the US.

Speaker 3 Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code DOLUP.

Speaker 13 Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

Speaker 37 And remember to use promo code DOLUP at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

Speaker 43 When disaster takes control of your life, ServePro helps you take it back. ServePro shows up faster to any size disaster to make things right, starting with a single call, that's all.

Speaker 43 Because the number one name in cleanup and restoration has the scale and the expertise to get you back up to speed quicker than you ever thought possible.

Speaker 43 So whenever never thought this would happen actually happens, ServePro's got you. Call 1-800-SURVPRO or visit SurvePro.com today to help make it like it never even happened.

Speaker 44 The Mercedes-Benz dream days are back with offers on vehicles like the 2025 E-Class, CLE Coupe, C-Class, and EQE sedan. Hurry in now through July 31st.

Speaker 44 Visit your local authorized dealer or learn more at mbusa.com/slash dream.

Speaker 40 Before Bush became president, Bill Clinton was consumed by the Monica Lewinsky scandal in which he got blowjobs from an intern and once put a cigar in her vagina, removed it, put it in his mouth, and said, quote, it tastes good.

Speaker 39 Hey, our hero. Democrats.

Speaker 39 It's like, I didn't put a cigar in her pussy, just ask my wife.

Speaker 39 How could I be a sexual assaulter? I'm married.

Speaker 39 It's impossible.

Speaker 40 He was 49, she was 22.

Speaker 39 Oh, man. But I bet he was really empathetic and really counseled her through it and didn't.
And that the media didn't ruin her or Jay Leno.

Speaker 40 Oh, he didn't put it it in the thing. Okay.

Speaker 40 So

Speaker 40 obviously this consumes everything. Republicans are trying to impeach Clinton.
It's led by Gingrich,

Speaker 40 who at the time is having an affair with Callista Bissick, a house aide, and told his wife he wanted an open marriage.

Speaker 39 And didn't he leave his wife on her deathbed?

Speaker 40 No, I think that was the first wife he did that to.

Speaker 39 Oh, right, yeah.

Speaker 40 He said to his wife, quote, you want me all to yourself. Callista doesn't care what I do.

Speaker 39 The idea that he, like, I need to be able to play the field. Look at me.
Look at all that cum I have stored in my torso.

Speaker 39 Call me NASA because I'm going to be shooting rockets all over D.C.

Speaker 39 The idea that this man leaves anyone is shocking, let alone because the new woman will let him fuck others.

Speaker 40 Well, it's not fair to keep that to yourself.

Speaker 39 Oh, God.

Speaker 39 God made so much of me to spread around.

Speaker 39 Jesus.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 40 their affair was well known in the house for years. Everybody knew.
So now he's

Speaker 39 telling us he's been after Clinton.

Speaker 39 Which, again, he's no fucking hero, obviously. No, they're both awful.

Speaker 40 So then he marries Callista.

Speaker 40 Oh, and the representative Callista worked for was outed gay Republican Steve Gunderson.

Speaker 39 Oh, okay. So

Speaker 39 what's the connection?

Speaker 40 Well, just because the whole thing is. It's just that

Speaker 39 they're all legislating against what they actually are.

Speaker 40 That's another level of fucking bullshit.

Speaker 40 So Larry comes out and says,

Speaker 40 I can't find it. So he comes out and says terrible things about Clinton.
He's like, you know.

Speaker 39 Yeah, he's like, he's missed. Yeah, he's the institution of marriage, it's unchristian, it's blah, blah, blah, all that shit.
Something like that.

Speaker 40 So the Senate certainly can bring about a censure resolution.

Speaker 39 And it's a slap on the wrist. It's a bad boy, Bill Clinton.
You're a naughty boy.

Speaker 39 You're a bad boy, Bill Clinton. You're a naughty boy.

Speaker 39 You're a bad boy, Bill. You're a naughty boy.
Allow me to use that huge hand.

Speaker 39 Ah, Bill, you're such a bad boy, Bill.

Speaker 39 I mean, that is.

Speaker 39 Let me get that cigar. Ew, tastes nasty.

Speaker 40 He is clearly thinking about.

Speaker 39 Boy, I mean, again,

Speaker 39 not that we have to bottom line the idea that

Speaker 39 who could give a fuck be gay. Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 39 I don't want to. I don't know what you.

Speaker 39 Not you.

Speaker 40 No, but I'm just not gay. Like, I don't have to be gay.

Speaker 39 But watching this play out over decades in public is torturous. Yeah.
You're just like, you.

Speaker 40 But he's raised.

Speaker 39 He's a farmer. I know he can't be gay.

Speaker 40 He's a farmer. He can't be gay.
But like he's raised very religious. And that's what this comes down to.

Speaker 39 Yeah, that's wrong.

Speaker 40 Methodist.

Speaker 40 Okay, so Larry got an industry partnership award by the Mining and Minerals Education Foundation for his work on behalf of mining companies.

Speaker 39 Nice.

Speaker 40 What a great senator.

Speaker 40 That same year, he voted against a bill to extend a federal definition of hate crimes to cover sexual orientation. He took in thousands of dollars in donations from Enron.

Speaker 40 A year after 9-11, he said there were probably Al-Qaeda cells in Idaho.

Speaker 40 It's true.

Speaker 39 It's true. Al-Qaeda cells in Idaho.

Speaker 40 It's true.

Speaker 39 Oh, God. Where else would they go?

Speaker 39 Can you imagine? I mean, honestly, the idea that they would be here. I know it's so funny.
The plan is pretty simple. We'll go to one of the whitest parts of America

Speaker 39 where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons.

Speaker 40 He was opposed to Iraq at first, but then he came around saying,

Speaker 40 Saddam himself is a weapon of mass destruction.

Speaker 40 A review of the weapons issue is fine, but not the continued haranguing from war critics who underestimated the prospects for success in Iraq.

Speaker 39 Yeah,

Speaker 39 well, we've been eating a lot of crow.

Speaker 39 Anti-bigot. Yep.

Speaker 40 In both 2004 and 2006, Larry co-sponsored constitutional amendments to ban same-sex marriage. Both failed.
In September 2006, a gay man said he was in a men's restroom at the Denver airport

Speaker 40 when a man in the next stall moved his hand his hand slowly palm up under the divider.

Speaker 40 Yep.

Speaker 39 Which we all know is the universal sign for toilet paper.

Speaker 40 Freaked out, the man waited outside the restroom and recognized the palm-upper when he came out. It was Senator Larry Craig.

Speaker 39 But wait, didn't he...

Speaker 39 Was this the... Is there another incident after this? I don't know.
Okay.

Speaker 39 By the way, imagine cruising at the Denver airport. Like, I've been to the Denver airport.
The last place you want to see what's going on in anyone's pants is the airport.

Speaker 39 The sounds coming out of the Denver airport men's room. It's so hot.
The amount of times where I've been like, oh my God, the shit line at the men's room at the Denver airport.

Speaker 40 I can't go in there and not get on.

Speaker 39 Every time I go in there.

Speaker 40 Hard as a fucking rock.

Speaker 39 There should be a line of women who want to remain celibate, straight women women who want to remain celibate at the Denver airport. And just shove them in there.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 39 And just watch the men waiting, like, are you almost done shitting?

Speaker 40 It's so hot.

Speaker 40 It smells like farts inside of urine. It's just sex.

Speaker 40 Pure sex.

Speaker 39 It's just cattle.

Speaker 39 Oh, and he's there like, you want to fuck?

Speaker 40 In 2006, Trent Lott and Craig announced they were putting the singing senators quartet back together.

Speaker 40 Fuck yeah. They had two really solid prospects, Senator Bennett and Senator Thune.
Larry quotes, Senator Thune has a lovely tenor voice.

Speaker 39 Beautiful mouth.

Speaker 40 So around this time, there is a gay blogger named Mike Rogers.

Speaker 40 His blog was called Blogged Active, and he outed closeted Republicans who voted against gay rights.

Speaker 39 Great.

Speaker 40 So Rogers went on the Ed Schultz show, the radio show, and claimed Larry had gay encounters and accused him of gross hypocrisy, quote, without a doubt in my mind, I am absolutely solid about the sources.

Speaker 40 The greatest defense against libel and slander is the truth.

Speaker 40 So he says he's done extensive research and he's taken trips to the Pacific Northwest and he's interviewed men who said they had sex with Larry.

Speaker 39 But did they talk to his wife?

Speaker 39 He has a wife.

Speaker 39 You know, that means you can't be gay.

Speaker 39 Good for him. By the way, on the Ed Schultz radio show, Ed Schultz had a show on MSNBC that was canceled when he talked about how going into Iraq was a bad idea.

Speaker 39 Wow.

Speaker 40 Way to bum everybody out.

Speaker 40 So he also said he met a guy in D.C. who said the same thing.
And a guy said he'd had sex with Larry in the bathrooms at DC's Union Station.

Speaker 39 Oh my God, it's worse than the Denver airport.

Speaker 40 Larry's staff said that Larry...

Speaker 40 Larry's staff said Larry is married. And the accusations have no basis.

Speaker 39 In fact, he's married. Yeah, I know.
He took a fucking lie detector to me. No, no, no.

Speaker 39 Hold on a minute. I bet, now, just because I bet there's some people listening who are saying he could be hiding the fact that he's having a gay lifestyle outside of his marriage.

Speaker 39 No, he can't.

Speaker 40 Because we said so.

Speaker 39 Right. And he made a promise.
Right. To a woman

Speaker 39 who's in hell.

Speaker 39 And once a year on the anniversary, Larry gets some sort of secret injection into his ball bag so that his penis will stay hard for eight minutes and he fake orgasms inside of this poor lady.

Speaker 39 He's not gay.

Speaker 39 And he married a briefcase.

Speaker 39 A woman, a mayor, he's married to a woman.

Speaker 39 He's married to a woman. For the love of God,

Speaker 39 it's crazy.

Speaker 40 The Idaho statesman then began an investigation.

Speaker 39 Oh, for God's sake, he's married.

Speaker 40 About this time, on the congressional website called Congress Cooks,

Speaker 40 Larry unveiled the famous Idaho super tuber recipe.

Speaker 40 Take a whole Idaho potato and core it, then slide an entire hot dog into the wet, moist hole

Speaker 39 from the back

Speaker 40 and bake it.

Speaker 39 This guy likes hot dogs too much. I mean, he's just...

Speaker 39 He's crying to be outed.

Speaker 40 In May 2007, after several months of investigation, questioning 300 people,

Speaker 40 the Idaho statesman sat down with Larry and his wife and asked Larry if he had been doing it with dudes.

Speaker 39 I'm married.

Speaker 40 He told the paper he had never had sex with a man

Speaker 40 and you know his wife's right there.

Speaker 39 So comfortable for her.

Speaker 40 He said, quote, I've been in this business 27 years in the public eye here.

Speaker 39 I don't go around hitting on men.

Speaker 40 And by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise Idaho, Jiminy.

Speaker 39 I wouldn't do it in Boise.

Speaker 39 I'd do it in Mansey. I'm not going to fuck here.
I'm going to fuck at some weird airport or something. I wouldn't do it here.

Speaker 39 I'd do it in the the Denver airport and put my hand under the stall like a pauper begging for pecker. Terminal three

Speaker 39 Terminal three outside the Delta. Good lord.
Desk

Speaker 39 If a man drinks at the water fountain for 30 seconds or more and goes in the bathroom, then maybe you go in and follow him in. Let me ask you this.

Speaker 39 If you suck a man's dick and picture it as your wife, is that gay?

Speaker 39 I didn't think so.

Speaker 39 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prep for Tuber Month.

Speaker 39 I do mouth kegels.

Speaker 39 Oh, stop it.

Speaker 39 Disgusting.

Speaker 40 So now, Larry plays.

Speaker 39 I bet he does.

Speaker 40 Sorry.

Speaker 40 The statesman plays an audio recording of a man describing having sex with Larry.

Speaker 39 It was really bad because he kept saying, this isn't gay.

Speaker 40 The man was a Republican who said they did blowjobs in bathrooms.

Speaker 39 I like the way you put the. That's like how eight-year-old me would say it.
Those guys did blowjobs in bathrooms.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 As the recording played,

Speaker 40 Larry's wife teared up and said,

Speaker 39 quote,

Speaker 39 I'm incensed that you would even consider such a piece of trash as a credible source. And then Larry yelled, Jiminy God!

Speaker 39 This guy's got to stop saying Jiminy so fucking much.

Speaker 39 Jiminy, Jiminy, I'm bringing it back.

Speaker 40 In June 2007, Larry had been in the Senate for 18 years. Ashcroft, Larry, and Lott put on a performance of the singing senators.

Speaker 39 And was Santorum one of them?

Speaker 40 No, Larry said it's now a trio.

Speaker 40 Lot often compared being gay to alcoholism, kleptomania, and sexual addiction. So that's one of the guys in his singing group.
On June 11th, Larry was flying from D.C.

Speaker 40 to Idaho and had a stopover at the Minneapolis airport.

Speaker 39 I love a laid-over.

Speaker 40 He stopped to drop a deuce in a bathroom. Did he? But before he went in the stall, as we do, and ladies don't know this, but you're in a male bathroom.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 You stop and you look through the crack of the stall next year's for about two minutes.

Speaker 39 Yeah, and

Speaker 39 I don't know where you're going, but allow me to jump in. We like to look at it, and if you're in there, you like it when people see you like that.
That's

Speaker 39 it's awesome.

Speaker 39 Whether Whether you're the showman or the one watching the performance, both are awesome. It's

Speaker 39 you at your best moment, and whenever you see that little eyeball go up there like it's a retinal scan, it's awesome. Yeah.
And you go like, no, and someone's like, oh, sorry.

Speaker 39 And you're like, it's fine. That's cool.
That's right. So we do a scan.
Go ahead. It's called a man scan.
Go ahead.

Speaker 40 Then,

Speaker 40 he went into the stall next door and sat down.

Speaker 39 Yeah, and by the way, just to be clear, if there's other empty stalls, you still want to go as close to the other fella doing the stuff. Right.

Speaker 39 It's very important that you kind of, we call it the buddy system in there. And it's not crazy to be a little chatty with your bud.

Speaker 40 Your colons will sync up.

Speaker 39 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 39 Well, I don't know, and I don't know if women know it, but it's based on the moon. Yeah.

Speaker 40 That's right.

Speaker 40 So he taps his foot several times.

Speaker 39 Yeah, well, again, he's a showman. He's a music man.
He's probably thinking of Elvira.

Speaker 40 And the man in the other stall would later say, quote, I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to be using the restroom for its intended use.

Speaker 39 Well, that's a,

Speaker 39 by the way, that's a great way of putting it. There were other people in there doing what they thought, doing what we are used to doing in there.

Speaker 39 And then one guy who had a different agenda.

Speaker 40 So he's in the bathroom.

Speaker 39 The men are making regular man noises. Larry then locker room talks.

Speaker 39 He bumps feet.

Speaker 40 With the man in the next stall. Yeah.
Which happens.

Speaker 39 That's like the kid and play.

Speaker 40 That's just like standard bathroom stuff.

Speaker 39 Anyway, they're tapping feet, which I love. I do that sometimes.
Another guy in a stall. Okay, hold on.
It's just like a foot five. It's fine.
You're like, hey, cool.

Speaker 39 Hey, nice shitting over there. And that guy's like, hey, man, you'll start shitting soon.
That's awesome. And you're like,

Speaker 39 thanks, brother. That means a lot to me right now.
Hey, man, I heard that thing flush. Are you done? No, man, it just went off on its own.

Speaker 39 I dropped my phone and I had to pick it up. And that thing thought I was done.
Hey, man, hang in there.

Speaker 39 Make sure to white your bubb cheeks because they might be wet now. That's a really good point, my man.

Speaker 40 Okay, so Larry bumps feet with the guy. In the next stall.

Speaker 39 Is this who you named your dog after? Yeah.

Speaker 40 and then he swipes his hand under the stall like he did in Denver. Yeah, but he keeps speaking ones without any TP.
Well, this is, yeah, this is just I need toilet paper.

Speaker 39 You got any TP?

Speaker 40 And then he does it again.

Speaker 39 Got any TP?

Speaker 40 And then he does it a third time.

Speaker 39 Come on, man. I need some TP.

Speaker 40 This is just normal stuff. And then Larry said, quote, Next thing I knew, under the bathroom divider comes a card that says police.

Speaker 40 And Larry yelled, No!

Speaker 39 Jiminy!

Speaker 39 I gotta tell you, look,

Speaker 39 I'm not pro-law enforcement, but the under-the-stall badge drop

Speaker 39 is fucking awesome.

Speaker 39 Just they let him do three swipes, too, to like, yeah, keep going, motherfucker. Yeah, and then be like, oh, I get it.
Uh-huh. And he's like,

Speaker 39 am I about to suck a cop's dick?

Speaker 40 Tell me you're in the YMCA. Tell me you're in the YMCA.

Speaker 39 Tell me you're village people guy.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 40 he had the misfortune of bumming feet with an undercover cop who was in a toilet stall because there had been complaints. of men having sex in that public restroom in the Lindbergh terminal.

Speaker 40 The police had already made 41 arrests.

Speaker 39 That's fucking...

Speaker 39 All right, I got a couple things. So first of all, there is a forum.

Speaker 40 There is an internet forum that's like, go to fucking stall four in the Lindbergh terminal.

Speaker 39 Also, the idea that he probably picked that layover to be like, that's the best place. And then they were probably like,

Speaker 39 the travel agent was like, oh, we have a layover of an hour. He's like, anything like six, seven hours you got to go?

Speaker 39 Like, I'll hang out there. But on top of that, fucking shout out to anyone who works undercover, sitting in an airport shitter all day.

Speaker 39 Like, they must have had one of those ceremonies where that dude got some metal and he like walked out like

Speaker 40 What's going on there with your leg?

Speaker 39 Unfortunately my leg doesn't work too. I had to sit

Speaker 39 20 hours one day in the Lindbergh terminal in

Speaker 39 Minneapolis bumping feet with people who work in government legislating against their own personal interests

Speaker 39 because they've been taken into a neo-fascist cult pretending that that's the only way to survive.

Speaker 40 He was taken to the airport police station.

Speaker 39 Also hilarious. Larry.
APD.

Speaker 40 Larry handed the cop his U.S. Senator business card and said, quote, what do you think about that?

Speaker 39 I think you're a real fucking prick for saying that you don't like A people.

Speaker 40 The cop just was the cop just asked for his driver's license and told him he could plead guilty and go home or plead not guilty and deal with what comes.

Speaker 39 Oh.

Speaker 40 So he was charged with peeping and disorderly conduct, a gross misdemeanor. Very gross.

Speaker 40 Very gross.

Speaker 39 Look at his flag pin.

Speaker 39 Fuck. So can we get rid of the flag pin now?

Speaker 40 That's how I know to fuck him.

Speaker 40 He was photographed, fingerprinted, and released, and he went about his way back home to his wife, back to his life.

Speaker 39 I wonder when he told her.

Speaker 40 On June 22nd, probably on the return flight, he came back to the airport police station to complain about the way he was treated.

Speaker 39 And I might be in the bathroom for a little while.

Speaker 40 And he said he wanted information from them for his lawyer. And on August 1st, Larry signed and mailed a guilty plea.
and paid a $575 fine.

Speaker 39 Which, by the way,

Speaker 39 for whatever they're, I mean,

Speaker 39 okay, yeah, you're a senator. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Part of the plea stated that he was not innocent, so he has to say, I'm definitely guilty. Right.
And on August 27th, Roll Call published a story about Larry's arrest.

Speaker 40 The next day, the Idaho statements dropped the results of their gay Larry investigation.

Speaker 40 It included the dude from the fraternity, a guy who said Larry cruised him at the Boise REI in 1994.

Speaker 39 Boise.

Speaker 39 Who knew that was such a hot bed?

Speaker 39 You need a spotter? Anyone need a spotter?

Speaker 39 Just putting chalk on his hand.

Speaker 39 He said Larry followed him around RAI for about 30 minutes. That's fucking crazy.

Speaker 39 You look at canoes?

Speaker 40 You look at the canoes?

Speaker 39 What? What's that?

Speaker 40 You like canoes? What?

Speaker 40 What? You want to get a canoe? You want a bicycle?

Speaker 39 No, I don't need it. Do you work here? No.

Speaker 39 Yeah, no, I'm good. I'm figuring out what I need.

Speaker 40 Camping, you like, okay, you want want to go camping equipment? You want to check out camping equipment?

Speaker 39 So I'm curious, what is your role? Do you have this tent here?

Speaker 39 What is your role here at REI?

Speaker 40 See if it's comfortable. See if you can sleep in your campaign.

Speaker 39 I don't need a tent. I'm not here for a tent.

Speaker 39 What is your role here at REI? Hey.

Speaker 40 You know what my role is? Yeah. Blue eyes.

Speaker 39 Yeah,

Speaker 39 I'm... I'm good, dude.
I'm just shopping, okay? Oh, you're good. You've been following me for 30 minutes around REI.

Speaker 40 Like, that's crazy. You want to go to the airport?

Speaker 39 Why would I go to the airport?

Speaker 39 I'm in a fucking REI.

Speaker 40 Just saying, airport's pretty hot right now.

Speaker 39 I'm just gonna, I'm looking for an algene.

Speaker 39 You go to the bathroom ever? What do you mean?

Speaker 39 What is your question?

Speaker 40 Just asking, you go to the, you ever go to

Speaker 40 airport bathrooms? No.

Speaker 39 No, I don't travel a lot.

Speaker 39 No, I'm here for rock climbing, so I'm gonna

Speaker 39 get out of here. Leave me alone.
For real.

Speaker 40 REI.

Speaker 39 Huh?

Speaker 39 Just saying. Did you just say REI? Yeah.
So do you work here?

Speaker 39 I don't know.

Speaker 39 Why do you keep saying REI?

Speaker 39 Maybe I work here in some way. Do you work here?

Speaker 39 I'll tell you what, you don't look like you work here because you're wearing a fucking suit with a flag pin.

Speaker 39 So I don't think you do work here.

Speaker 39 Should I put the pole up? Put the pole up?

Speaker 40 Flip the flag over so the pole's up. Should I put it up?

Speaker 39 What, like you're mailing something? The staff.

Speaker 40 the hard part of the flag should I put it up

Speaker 39 should I

Speaker 39 I'll tell you one thing yeah this is the weirdest REI I've ever been to

Speaker 40 There was also a 40 year old.

Speaker 39 I'll check out the 10.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 Also, the 40-year-old Republican who said he had sex at DC's Union Station. So that day, Larry holds a press conference.
Hilarious.

Speaker 39 Jesus Christ. This dude needs us to stop being on record.

Speaker 39 Hey, Larry, less is more.

Speaker 39 If he just sang Elvira.

Speaker 39 Elvira.

Speaker 39 Elvira.

Speaker 39 Where's Trent Lott?

Speaker 39 Where are my friends?

Speaker 39 Thank you all very much for coming out today.

Speaker 39 I will read a statement.

Speaker 39 First,

Speaker 39 please let me apologize to my family, friends, and staff and fellow Idahoans for the cloud placed over Idaho.

Speaker 39 The cloud he got over Idaho.

Speaker 40 Why would he apologize? Can you guys hear it at all?

Speaker 39 Yeah, you can be good kind of.

Speaker 40 So, why would you apologize for, but you didn't do anything?

Speaker 39 Well, I think it's because he was entrapped. Okay.
And so he's brought a lot of negativity because of all this gay stuff that he's not involved in.

Speaker 39 At the Minneapolis airport,

Speaker 39 I did nothing wrong, and I regret the decision to plead guilty, and the sadness that decision has brought on my wife, my family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans. And for that, I apologize.

Speaker 39 In June, I overreacted and made a poor decision.

Speaker 39 While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else, I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in hopes of making it go away.

Speaker 39 I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, staff, friends, or family. That was a mistake, and I deeply regret it.

Speaker 39 Because of that,

Speaker 39 I have now retained counsel, and I am asking counsel to review this matter and to advise me on how to proceed.

Speaker 39 You know, you know who, you know, here's the thing.

Speaker 39 He opens it by saying he did nothing wrong. And you know who agrees that he did nothing wrong? Are your friends on the left, Larry? We agree.
You didn't do anything.

Speaker 39 Maybe you're cruising in a bat, but there are people who accept you for you.

Speaker 39 You just refuse to join the people who actually will give you empathy, and you decide to stick in your fucking weirdo cult and pretend your whole life is something that you're not.

Speaker 40 So he goes on to blame the Idaho statesmen for relentlessly and viciously harassing him.

Speaker 40 And he ended by saying, quote, I am not gay and never have been gay.

Speaker 39 That is iconic. I remember that one.
I'm not gay. I never have been gay.
Like, one of them will work, Larry.

Speaker 39 I'm not gay. I never have been gay.
I never tried gay. I've never been with a gay.
I'm not a gay.

Speaker 40 But he now has to step down as a senator liaison with Mitt Romney's presidential campaign. Mitt said, quote, he's disappointed the American people.

Speaker 39 Which is also

Speaker 40 Larry, yeah, you know, but Larry.

Speaker 40 They're fucking, that's who they are.

Speaker 39 Didn't, I don't want to ruin anything, but didn't he have an excuse for why he was, didn't he say? We'll get there. Okay.

Speaker 40 Larry would later say Mitt

Speaker 40 threw him under his campaign bus and quote backed up and ran over me again.

Speaker 39 Well, you'd still rather be that than the dog he left on the roof for six hours driving through the mountains.

Speaker 40 The statesman called for him to resign. The Minneapolis airport cops then released the audio of his interview, and that made the story go fucking crazy.

Speaker 40 One big reason being that during the interview, Larry said when he shit, he had a wide stance to keep his pants from falling down.

Speaker 39 I have a wide stance. Which may have been

Speaker 39 Combine.

Speaker 39 Like, he's a training camp. I have a wide stance.
I have a wide stance when going up.

Speaker 39 What are you? I mean, the idea. Yeah, I gotta, I'm launching.

Speaker 39 I sort of, I really,

Speaker 39 when I go to the bathroom, it's like this. Yeah.
Mostly.

Speaker 39 I either.

Speaker 39 I call it the bird.

Speaker 39 I do a wide chaplain, or sometimes I do the catcher.

Speaker 39 You don't do the catcher?

Speaker 39 Not in that way.

Speaker 39 I have a wide stance.

Speaker 39 I do what they call sumoing.

Speaker 40 So Republicans now start turning on him and saying he should resign.

Speaker 40 McCain, Susan Collins, but Arlen Specter.

Speaker 39 But I'm not sure if he should resign.

Speaker 40 Arlen Spector said he should withdraw the guilty plea and fight it.

Speaker 40 McConnell and Lott asked him to step down

Speaker 40 as the top Republican in three committees, which he did. Right.

Speaker 39 So stay in the party, just don't be pressed. Yeah, don't.

Speaker 40 On September 1st, he held another press conference and said he would resign as of September 30th.

Speaker 39 What year?

Speaker 40 This is 2006, I think.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 40 Maybe seven.

Speaker 40 But on September 10th, his lawyers filed a motion to withdraw his guilty plea, saying it was, quote,

Speaker 40 not knowing and intelligent and therefore was in violation of his constitutional rights.

Speaker 40 So the New York Times is now running headlines about Republicans who are saying they're disowning him. They're like, done with him.

Speaker 39 For those of you listening, the signs read, it's 12.15 p.m. Do you know which stall your senator's in?

Speaker 39 Craig is a nasty, naughty boy,

Speaker 39 and Craig is not gay. He's a pervert.

Speaker 40 The late night shows and other shows made endless jokes about Larry's wide stance. Larry got two of his kids to go on, well, adopted kids, on ABC's Good Morning America.

Speaker 40 And they said their dad isn't gay.

Speaker 39 That is fucking child abuse.

Speaker 40 No, they're adults now.

Speaker 39 That's still child abuse.

Speaker 39 Making your fucking kid...

Speaker 39 My dad has never jerked a guy off.

Speaker 39 What?

Speaker 39 I can't say that. Talk about a Hail Mary, yeah.
I mean, honestly, imagine like if you would,

Speaker 39 if your dad was like, will you tell these people that I'm not gay? Uh, all right,

Speaker 39 I feel like it's possible.

Speaker 40 Okay, what if they get what if they start grilling me? Like, I don't even know he's not gay. Because my dad,

Speaker 39 I want my dad begs the shit out of my mom.

Speaker 39 I hear it, I hear it. I hear it

Speaker 39 the whole time.

Speaker 39 He's talking shit, he's telling her to change because he's fucking

Speaker 39 alpha in there, dude.

Speaker 39 Trust me, dude. There's no buy at most.

Speaker 40 So his son, Michael Craig, said his dad was a victim of circumstance who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Speaker 39 Over and over again.

Speaker 40 And the two kids said they sat down with their dad and he told them the truth and looked him in the eye.

Speaker 39 Looked them in the eye. Yep.

Speaker 40 Michael, now probably not a great character witness because two women had restraining orders against him.

Speaker 40 One for breaking a woman's nose and he was once charged with statutory rape.

Speaker 40 Larry's other kid, Shay, had a warrant warrant out for her arrest for breaking into her ex-husband's house and destroying his property.

Speaker 39 Well,

Speaker 39 look, that, look,

Speaker 39 what does that prove besides their characters completely in question?

Speaker 39 You're being pretty unfair, my guy.

Speaker 40 Larry, Ben Larry and his wife had to issue a statement to ABC News, quote, Let her stop.

Speaker 40 Senator Craig and his wife said, raising children in their teens and as they become adults is never an easy task. Few people have gone through life without a few bumps.

Speaker 39 So now he's throwing his kids into like

Speaker 39 he's just ruined his kids lives. This guy's truly, this is what's crazy.

Speaker 39 This guy's in charge of like government strategy.

Speaker 39 And all he's doing is screaming without words, actions that he's gay and then making his throwing his kids under the bus.

Speaker 39 Yeah, Michael broke a woman's nose, but

Speaker 40 kids go through a few bumps.

Speaker 39 It's a couple bumps, okay? We've all been there.

Speaker 40 But the scandal helped salmon.

Speaker 40 Larry, what? Salmon.

Speaker 39 Salmon?

Speaker 40 Larry was a very powerful politician who backed big oil and big timber, and leaving the committees left a void so Democrats are able to push legislation to preserve endangered salmon.

Speaker 39 That's why the world is dying.

Speaker 40 The Minneapolis airport announced the bathroom where Larry was arrested would get stall partitions down to the floor.

Speaker 39 By the way,

Speaker 39 that's great. That's the best thing he got done in Congress in the Senate.

Speaker 39 That is a way better experience.

Speaker 39 And some places they ended up putting like little ways to cover the little slit there, yeah, which is the best. Because

Speaker 39 I know how to pop it out, yeah, I know, I definitely, yeah,

Speaker 39 yeah,

Speaker 40 but that was because the bathroom had become a tourist destination.

Speaker 40 A common question at the information counter at the airport was:

Speaker 40 Can you please tell me where the Larry Craig bathroom is?

Speaker 39 I want to visit it.

Speaker 40 But, okay, so here's my question though.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 40 how are you having sex in there?

Speaker 40 Like

Speaker 40 is one guy getting up on the toilet?

Speaker 40 But then the other guy, so the other guy, is he supposed to look like he's peeing?

Speaker 39 That's not me.

Speaker 39 I will tell you.

Speaker 40 Somebody really knows.

Speaker 39 I know.

Speaker 39 My gay hairdresser buddy told me one time about

Speaker 39 a Macy's that was a total cruising destination. And what he said was that you would buy something cheap and get a big bag.
And you'd get two big bags and then you'd put your feet in the bags.

Speaker 39 So if someone looked under, they'd just see two bags and both sets of feet were in the bags.

Speaker 39 To which I said, genius.

Speaker 39 That's why the gays should be running everything and not.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 39 and not these gays. That's the real ones.

Speaker 39 Genius.

Speaker 39 Genius. He was like, you buy a fucking pair of socks.

Speaker 39 He's like, you're up there, you bank fucking in.

Speaker 39 Because they were looking. So if anyone looks in there, they're like, oh, those bags are just shuffling around a little bit.

Speaker 40 Hey, that Macy's bag is squirting.

Speaker 39 Guy's really enjoying what he's trying on in there.

Speaker 40 But yeah, because you can moan because you might be.

Speaker 39 Yeah, you're trying.

Speaker 39 I can't fit into this anymore.

Speaker 40 Okay, so

Speaker 40 the guy who ran the nearby shoeshine shop said, quote, people have been going inside, taking pictures of the stall, taking pictures outside the bathroom door. Man, it's been crazy.

Speaker 39 That's also horrible if you don't know about that and you're just

Speaker 39 dropping a deuce and you're like, all right, now do one of me saying cheese.

Speaker 39 Hey, no, hey, no.

Speaker 40 Oh, fuck. So

Speaker 40 on September 26th, after officially filing his motion to withdraw the guilty plea, Larry said he would not resign and would wait for the court's judgment. A week later, the judge denied it.

Speaker 39 All right, now I'm out of here.

Speaker 40 Larry then said he's still not going to resign and would serve out his term and then retire because

Speaker 40 he had to clear his name in the Senate, and the only way to do that is to remain in the Senate.

Speaker 39 And I think that tonight

Speaker 39 is good proof that that did happen.

Speaker 40 Yes.

Speaker 39 His name was definitely cleared.

Speaker 40 He also appealed to the Minnesota Court of Appeals. In December, the statesman reported eight men said they'd had sex with Larry.

Speaker 39 This is

Speaker 39 eight men in. This is why

Speaker 39 this is why his strategy is unbelievably stupid in all this. He's like, I will clear my name by making you never forget about what my name is associated with.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 I mean, he made it worse. The longer he stayed in, the more attention it was.

Speaker 40 So one was an ex-sex worker, Mike Jones, who had, he's the guy who took down the Reverend Ted Haggard. Larry paid him $2 for a bang in Denver.

Speaker 39 By the by.

Speaker 40 I know, but it was years ago. We've had inflation.

Speaker 39 There was probably a lot of inflation that night.

Speaker 40 Another was an Idaho Republican who was an IT guy and a bear.

Speaker 40 He met Larry at a D.C.

Speaker 40 strip club, and they went back to a house on Capitol Hill and Larry took off his suit coat and then blew the guy and then the guy blew Larry and then Larry left the room and came back with condoms and lube and then they had anal sex and then Larry became agitated quote after the sex he just wanted me to get out of there Larry put $20 in my pocket and said quote I can buy and sell your ass a thousand times over you were never here

Speaker 39 Jesus Christ you were never here

Speaker 40 look that's fucking alpha shit, man.

Speaker 39 That's some.

Speaker 39 Who's the dad in that front? That's bad pillow talk.

Speaker 40 $20.

Speaker 40 Yeah, fuck you, buddy.

Speaker 39 Yeah, why can't he just say, why can't he just say he has to get up early in the morning?

Speaker 39 I mean.

Speaker 39 Yeah, you could also just be like, hey, man,

Speaker 40 I'm a center. Can you not tell people about this?

Speaker 39 Yes. I could buy and sell you.
Here's 20 bucks, motherfucker. But there is probably some weird.
He's probably got some.

Speaker 39 It has to be so distorted at this point what he's going through when he's fucking. Yeah.
like he's probably just like, I'm a big, brave, straight man now.

Speaker 39 And the guy's like, bro, what the fuck? We just sucked each other. What are you talking about? No, you get out of here.
My wife will tell you I'm not gay.

Speaker 39 Really, like, I see your cum still.

Speaker 40 Senator, I can see your cum still.

Speaker 39 That's not mine. This is all a trap.

Speaker 39 I have a wide loogie.

Speaker 39 I'm crazy.

Speaker 39 And that's why we don't need a public.

Speaker 39 The paper reported a lawyer for one of the pages.

Speaker 40 Okay, so now we're back to the 1982

Speaker 40 where he first flipped out.

Speaker 39 Where he freaked out.

Speaker 40 Here's why. So the lawyer of that page

Speaker 40 now said Larry was named by his client and was in a December 1982 Health Ethics Committee report as Congressman C.

Speaker 39 But nobody knows who the fuck Congressman C is.

Speaker 40 Surprise they're keeping him anonymous at that time.

Speaker 39 Even in the internal investigation, is he Congressman C? So nobody knows his name.

Speaker 40 No, the House Ethics Committee is only reporting him as Congressman C.

Speaker 39 So he's just completely fucking freaked out.

Speaker 40 Yeah, so he flipped out for no.

Speaker 39 Yeah, he was named like he was told he was named, but nobody else did. And then he he was like, I will take a polygraph.
And they're like, Are you Congressman C? And he's like,

Speaker 39 That's cuckoo.

Speaker 39 I'm married soon.

Speaker 40 Quote, Williams said he had sex with them two or three times. I can't remember, two or three.

Speaker 39 I get it.

Speaker 40 The statesman compared travel records and sex times,

Speaker 40 and it all synced up. So they,

Speaker 40 so the

Speaker 40 so the guy's like I fucked him in an airport bathroom and then they're like let me see your travel and they show him the travel records and then they would look at Larry's travel records and they were there at the same time.

Speaker 39 So

Speaker 39 fucking funny. That's when you're like, that's why I'm a reporter.
Checking boarding passes like this, their layers

Speaker 39 matched.

Speaker 39 Some rumors. So

Speaker 40 Larry said this statesman had lowered itself to tabloid journalism and then he had a college girlfriend, but he wouldn't name her.

Speaker 39 But even if he did, who fuck, that's all he does.

Speaker 39 I was with a woman. A woman was in the room.

Speaker 40 In February 2008, the Senate Ethics Committee admonished Larry for improper conduct and trying to evade legal consequences. On top of the gay stuff, he used campaign funds to pay his legal fees.

Speaker 40 And you can only use campaign funds to pay legal fees if they are official senator duties. And most of the 200,000 had gone to the appeal.

Speaker 40 So in November, it was announced the defense fund Larry had set up six months earlier had only raised $4,645.

Speaker 39 Too much still.

Speaker 40 The St. Louis Saints, a minor league baseball team in Minnesota, announced Larry Craig Baublefoot night.

Speaker 39 I take it, I'm gonna add an addendum to my pitch of gaze should run everything

Speaker 39 and whoever came up with that.

Speaker 40 Quote: The keepsakes consist of a miniature bathroom stall with a couple of lower legs and feet. One of the feet is spring-loaded and taps.

Speaker 39 That is fantastic. That's fucking good.

Speaker 40 Fantastic.

Speaker 40 Through all of this, the Idaho Republican Party does not call for Larry's resignation. And he retired in January 2009 when his term ended.

Speaker 40 And in 2012, the FEC sued him for misusing campaign donations.

Speaker 40 Larry argued it was official business and reimbursable because he was traveling between Idaho and D.C. quote he cites a U.S.

Speaker 40 Senate rule in which reimbursable per diem expenses include all charges for meals, lodging, hotel fans, cleaning, pressing of clothing, and bathrooms.

Speaker 39 And bathrooms.

Speaker 39 What is he talking about? What does that even mean?

Speaker 39 What is he talking about?

Speaker 40 Sounds like he found a loophole.

Speaker 39 By the way, you put that one in the middle if you're going to have it in there. Cover your tracks a little bit better.

Speaker 40 Larry was fined $45,000 and ordered to return $198,000 to Treasury.

Speaker 40 Now, out of government, he starts a lobbying firm, New West Strategies. It's basically for mining companies.
He keeps dipping into his old campaign funds for expenses.

Speaker 40 He gave his wife Suzanne $1,000 a few times using vague descriptions, which is wildly illegal.

Speaker 40 FEC rules state ex-lawmakers should close down their accounts six months after leaving office, but he's far from the only one who broke that law.

Speaker 40 Larry to this day continues to work as a lobbyist on on behalf of mining interests.

Speaker 39 I was hoping he was gone.

Speaker 40 The bathroom was demolished around 2015.

Speaker 39 That's a shame. That is a shame.

Speaker 40 In 2016, the bathroom that replaced it won the 15th annual America's Best Restroom Contest, hosted by Syntus, a company that cleans and provides supplies to bathrooms.

Speaker 39 A happy ending,

Speaker 39 Which Larry loves.

Speaker 39 Oh my God. What a fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 39 Just, what an

Speaker 39 abysmal piece of shit.

Speaker 39 Yeah, outside of even all that, like the leading the double life and legislating,

Speaker 39 even outside of that,

Speaker 39 all the ethical illegalities and lapses that just don't ever get punished, and you just now, we are, we still deal with this. They are never actually punished for shit.

Speaker 39 And if they are, it's so rare and so small. And that's why we live in what we live in now, which is just like endless.
It's a great country. Exactly.
Thank you for bottom lining it.

Speaker 39 It's a great country.

Speaker 40 It's a great country.

Speaker 39 But, you know, fucking, what a huge piece of shit.

Speaker 39 What an enormous piece of shit who sets just sets the whole movement back as far as possible and yet he's one of the people who would benefit from the rights of it the most.

Speaker 40 We're not going to read it on stage. We're not going to read it in front of people.

Speaker 39 Okay. Sir, this would be a very strange thing to read.

Speaker 40 Okay, the sources are the Idaho Statesman, the Spokesman Review, the Times News,

Speaker 40 a lot of Idaho Statesman,

Speaker 40 ABC News, MiningeducationFoundation.org, KTVB.com, MPR News, USA Today, Fox News,

Speaker 40 CNN, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Now, The Smoking Gun,

Speaker 40 Towler Road.com, Gainesville.com, and Allison Dagnus, Sex Scandals in American Politics: A Multidisciplinary Approach to the Construction and Aftermath of Contemporary Political Sex Scandals.

Speaker 40 Shorten that shit, Allison.

Speaker 39 Well, Dave,

Speaker 39 we're not going to ever read anything anyone hands us on stage again.

Speaker 39 But maybe we end with this because this one might have a little bit of value.

Speaker 39 As a 14-year-old, I participated in a federally federally funded civics education program. It was essentially civics debate.

Speaker 39 We did competitions and as a junior in high school we won the state of Idaho. We got paid funded to compete in Washington DC against others as the youngest team to make it to D.C.

Speaker 39 During our trip we got the privilege to meet senators and representatives in their D.C. Capitol offices.
Craig insisted on meeting our eight student team.

Speaker 39 One by one, 14 to 15 year olds allegedly, alone in his D.C. office.
I entered, he put his arm uncomfortably around me, and told me how important it was to tell my parents to vote for him.

Speaker 39 While I tried to put physical distance from him, read this. I have a lawyer on retainer and don't really care.
This should have been on the behind the bastards.

Speaker 39 That's the full truth.

Speaker 39 Wow.

Speaker 39 Well, that's an ending. Well, have a a good night, everybody.
Thank you for coming out. Appreciate it.

Speaker 45 What's up, doll heads? Join the Gear Force. Come on, go to Garethrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

Speaker 45 That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

Speaker 45 But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th. Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Speaker 45 Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th. And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.
on September 21st. I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Speaker 45 Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th. Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th. Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.
Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd.

Speaker 45 Two shows. And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.
And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeers.

Speaker 45 Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Speaker 39 Join me.

Speaker 46 It's time to head back to school and forward to your future with Carrington College. For over 55 years, we've helped train the next generation of healthcare professionals.

Speaker 46 Apply now to get hands-on training from teachers with real-world experience. And as few as nine months, you could start making a difference in healthcare.

Speaker 46 Classes start soon in Pleasant Hills, San Leandro, and San Jose. Visit Carrington.edu to see what's next for you.
Visit Carrington.edu slash SCI for information on program outcomes.