129 - The Past Times with Gianmarco Soresi

Hey,

the dollop is brought to you by mood.

Not just like moods, because

they don't moods don't have sponsors.

No, we're talking about mood.

Correct.

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

You know, you got sleepless nights, you can't sleep a little bit.

You got stress-filled days, you're a little bit freaking out on edge.

How about a little mood, Gareth?

Take it, enjoy it mood mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100 federally legal thc blends they'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep that's discreetly oh yeah you don't even know this person's been there no no one walks up and screams there's stuff in here

it's like santa That's right.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Yeah, they got gummies.

They got everything.

It's the stuff.

It's the gummy.

It's the way to go.

Big fan.

Big fan.

Totally.

You got sleepy time gummies that'll put you in.

Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Yeah.

I can.

Yeah.

Many people struggle with sleep.

Get a sleepy time gummy.

What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

people should

with herbs and adaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Special stuff.

And they have gummies for literally everything.

Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Oh boy.

But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

And each one

is tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code DOLUP.

Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use promo code DOLUP at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

So, what do this animal

and this animal

and this animal

have in common?

They all live on an organic valley farm.

Organic Valley dairy comes from small organic family farms that protect the land and the plants and animals that live on it from toxic pesticides, which leads to a thriving ecosystem and delicious, nutritious milk and cheese.

Learn more at ov.co-op and taste the difference.

Yeah, the dollop is brought to you by mood.

Not just like moods.

Yep.

Moods don't have sponsors.

No.

We're talking about mood.

Correct.

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

You know, you got sleepless nights.

You can't sleep a little bit.

You got stress-filled days.

You're a little bit freaking out on edge.

How about a little mood, Gareth?

Take it.

Enjoy it.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep.

That's discreetly.

Oh, yeah.

You don't even know this person's been there.

No, no one walks up and screams, there's stuff in here.

It's just there.

It's like Santa.

That's right.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

uh yeah they got gummies they got everything you it's the it's the stuff it's the gummy way to go

big fan big fan totally you got sleepy time gummies that'll put you sleepy time gummies are so helpful yeah i can't yeah many people struggle with sleep get a sleepy time gummy what makes these different is how they've paired thc and other canabinoids which is a word that you're comfortable

with herbs and uh adaptogens uh you're you're not just gonna find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter special stuff and they have gummies for literally everything immune support menopause relief pms symptoms mental clarity sexual arousal oh boy but you can get that from just listening to my voice

and each one is adapted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code dollop.

Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use promo code dollop at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

The Man in the Arena by LifeVac is a new podcast from the founder and CEO of LifeVac, Arthur Lee.

Shines a light on real people saving lives, standing up, and stepping in when it matters most.

From everyday heroes to the moments that define us, this is what resilience, faith, and purpose sound like.

Listen today to The Man in the Arena by LifeVac on the iHeartRadio app.

That's The Man in the Arena by LifeVac, because doing the right thing still matters.

At Larsen, we've perfected storm storm doors, like the Larsen 60 Maximum View with Surelatch.

It's a guardian, keeping your little escape artists securely inside.

The Defender, protecting against what you don't want with the most secure, first-ever magnetic latching technology.

When you hear, you know, your 60 Maximum View is secure with Surelatch.

Larson, it's not just a storm door.

Find us in aisle or learn more at larsondoors.com/slash Surelatch.

All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast.

Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week, the great John Marcos, Sorosi, Sorresi.

Sorrezi, but it's

been fine.

I was nervous about that.

No, no, no.

You did great.

Yes, I'm happy to be here.

Okay.

And you have a great time.

I do an Italian.

I do a really great Italian.

Do not do it on this show.

Do not ask him to do it.

John Marco.

No.

No.

It's a spicy meatball.

Oh, wow.

And

that's what we talk about.

Yeah.

You nailed the whole thing.

Yeah.

It's such a shame.

That's...

Did you only do this podcast so you can go back to newspapers where people are still racist against Italians?

Yes.

And you're like,

and others.

Yeah, what is that?

It's a spicy meatball.

Is this awkward for everybody?

On a gondola?

That's a meatball on a gondola.

Jesus Christ.

That is brutal.

Someday that will be a problem.

That is.

That will be.

That'll be like when they find someone had an attic of that kind of stuff.

And they'll be like, they should not be on the Supreme Court then.

Dave's running for Senate, and that picture gails it.

That's a minor league ball club hat.

I don't remember.

Jesus Christ.

and they're the spicy meatballs,

yeah.

Yeah, this is

look, it's all it's all terrible.

Everything I'm saying, I mean, it feels like you're being very rude to the company.

We have a guest, and you're jumping right.

I'm trying to relate, listen.

It's better to make fun of the Italian side than the Jewish side.

I mean, I would not want to see that hat, whatever that might be.

I think, Dave, throw on the Jewish thing, you wear.

Do it.

So, John Marco, your podcast, The Downside, is great.

Everyone should give a listen.

I think our audiences have very

similar philosophies politically.

Yeah.

And then you're going on tour.

You're brave enough to leave the country and try to come back.

Where can people get information on that, your European tour dates or any of your tour dates?

Or as we're calling it, the final tour.

The final tour.

The last time.

Anywhere on social media, it's my name, John Marco Serresi, and I'll be, you know, London, Italy, Germany,

Amsterdam, all that stuff.

Oh, wow.

You're doing all of Europe.

Well, if you're going to do it a month and a week, yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Because otherwise, you don't know.

I think once Hasan Piker got sort of detained and held, it was like, oh, fuck.

They really, they really don't care.

Like, they don't care how well known the person is.

I think you're going to be fine.

I don't care what Dave says.

I was surprised that Sammy.

Obed got through with no question.

Like, he just.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Well, I was very surprised by that.

I think it's a sign of how far you've gotten.

If you don't get stopped, I'd be offended.

I'd be like, do you not know my work?

Let me pull up some of these reels.

You should not let me back in.

That is so funny to be bitching yourself for detaining.

Sir, I'm very vocal.

All right.

So here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go through this old newspaper.

Dave's picked it out.

You and I have had no prep.

We'd like to guess what year this paper could be from.

It could be from as early as the 1600s, but probably not, because then it's like a lot of warlock stuff.

It could be the 90s for fuck's sake.

Who knows?

So as the guest, you're allowed to guess first.

Winner gets nothing.

Dave has started to weaponize this part of the show to make it so the guest always wins.

So it really doesn't matter if you're off or not.

I've never...

Don't listen to him.

So go ahead.

By the way,

he's it's he's in it looks like a sauce.

He looks like he's he's in a sauce, the little

gondola, like a spaghetti sauce.

He's in a sauce canal.

Yeah.

It gets worse.

The more details, the more offensive time.

If you look in the sauce, there's a mobster who's sleeping with the fishes.

Show him the back where you can grape parmesan on the hat.

What do you want to see?

But go ahead, John Marco.

What do you think?

Oh, I'm truly guessing sight unseen.

I'm guessing a year.

A year.

Sight unseen.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

Guys, stop.

What are you doing?

You have so many.

Please stop.

Do you play for the team?

I bought the jacket.

I bought the hat.

I bought the bedspreads.

I bought the drapes.

No, I just think it's important for me to wear it around Gareth to upset him.

I mean,

I just find the accent offensive, and I'm Welsh.

So I can only imagine how this feels for you.

I'm going to guess

1843.

That's a great guess.

That's a good guess.

Gareth's probably going to be wrong.

1895.

No.

It's 1890.

So you lose because what was yours, 1843?

That was under.

So you lost.

Yep.

So you lost.

Underwins.

Congratulations.

It's like Blackjack.

You win over.

We've never discussed the rules.

I've been under and close.

It's really, there's not, there's not, it's like a game that's never been invented and wouldn't be invented.

Well, it's it's May.

So

May rules.

Uh, March 4th, 1890, that's a Tuesday, Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Oh,

which no one has a connection to here.

Where are you from?

Potomac, Maryland.

Beautiful.

Kind of the same thing to me.

Two M M states.

That's true.

Way to go.

I'm just trying to make a clear.

You're good with East Coast.

No, Michigan.

Where's Michigan?

A little north?

It's mid.

To me, it's East Coast.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right.

Right?

And you guys, there's water.

There's water.

I do gigs in Detroit, and I've gone there to Canada.

It's right there, and I did something there.

That's all I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm from Wisconsin.

It's pretty much the middle.

So

it's a little, it's further east than you guessed, but it's, it's, no, no, it's not.

It's middle.

Midwest.

Yeah.

Actually, Midwest is the term.

So anyway.

It's the Cal, it's the Kalamazoo Gazette.

Gareth, where's Kalamazoo in relation to like Detroit?

You're from the mid, you're from the Midwest.

Is it left?

Yep.

Hey.

Hazed professors.

Hazed.

Okay.

That's no, it's not something that that happens.

Professors don't.

Oh, man.

How much?

We should.

We're kind of doing it now.

A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College,

Baptists.

Baptist hazing.

They're a problem.

Yeah.

Give them a swirly in the holy water.

Did I ever tell you the Craig Anton story?

Craig Anton, a comedian.

He stopped doing comedy, but he was very funny.

And he was very, very popular at one point.

He was like the biggest college touring comedian.

And he goes to a Baptist college and they say, Hey, no swearing.

If you swear, we will immediately end the show.

And Craig starts his show every single

exact same way.

Every single show, he walks on stage and goes, How the hell are you?

Lights off.

Curtain down.

Oh my God.

That's amazing.

To make the trip.

He's in the green room an hour before.

He was like, I still got paid.

He still got paid, my God.

Genius move.

That's awesome.

So good.

A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College, when they came to their senses, if they have any, so already we're not on the side of the students.

There's an editorial, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

will find themselves in a peck of trouble.

A number at various times have shown a disposition to be smart and smarts

quotation marks, meaning they're not, if you guys understand quotation marks.

But it took no decided form until late Saturday night.

At that time, professors Ferry and Trowbridge of the college faculty were late in keeping the engagement to dine with one of the students.

That's shady.

Mr.

Des Attels.

I don't trust that name.

Okay.

Later, Mr.

Des Atels and Miss Sabin called on the professors at their room on Locust Street and invited them up to the dormitory for a call.

Trap.

Hazing Trap.

So, yeah, that's weird, right?

It's already weird.

Yes.

They made the call and on their way home stopped into Mr.

Attel's room in the boys' building.

They'd been there but a short time when the door suddenly opened and two young college and the two young college professors were considerably frightened at the white cap scene which met their eyes.

Well, that's

white caps.

What is that?

That's not clan to me.

No.

I think it's...

It might be.

No, the clan's around.

Well, white cap.

That is a hell of a praise.

Hey, we're in the Klan.

Hey.

Those, the Baptist professors definitely thought this was going to be sex.

I could see they said they're like, no Klan at school.

And they were like, we're not the Klan.

We're the Whitecaps.

We're the WC, WC, WC.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Clan Jr.

There were 20 masked boys who quietly made a rush and bound their hands and blindfolded them.

This is leaving prank territory into kidnapping territory at quite a pace.

This is like what they do before lynching.

Yeah.

Hey, we're going to murder you, huh?

This is the pre-come of a lynching.

Yes.

A solemn march led them over the hill west of the Montaneholm Cemetery.

What the fuck?

Why is this being framed as hazing when it is a buried alive situation?

It was a goof.

They called the halt when in the middle of a cornfield.

The professors then had their feet bound and they were left to freeze for all the cunning young men who were in for some sport, which may have proved serious, seem to care.

So they left them.

So they left them.

It's like, it's attempted murder.

It is 100% an attempted murder.

Question.

Well, what month is this?

This is

March, so it's fucking cold.

It's going to be cold in Michigan.

In March.

Yeah.

So the hazing was that they coerced them into the room.

As soon as they got there, they were in white caps.

They bound them.

They blindfolded them.

And then they eventually left them in a field.

with their feet tied.

So they couldn't bound.

Right.

20 of them.

That's a lot.

20 of them.

Yep.

Absolutely.

That is a mob.

That's a legal mob.

But

that is a tiki group.

Did you guys not do this in college?

No.

I don't believe I did.

Not to the teachers, my God.

I mean, to my friends, to the freshmen.

Sure.

I killed five freshmen in a field.

Yeah.

But no, there was a line.

Yeah, I get it.

All right.

The professors were not injured, but were thoroughly chilled.

They worked hard and patiently to secure their release.

So they're just like chewing on each other's ropes.

Finally, Mr.

Towbridge secured his knife and liberated himself

and the unfortunate fellow sufferer.

They were both mad.

Yeah.

Yeah, their lives were almost taken.

Yeah, they would be, I'd be rubbed.

Especially because it's students.

Like, it's like you're supposed to be treated with respect as the professor.

Did every teacher have a knife on them back then?

Because this was happening frequently.

They had that on them.

He did just say he secured his knife as if they all.

Yeah, of course he had a knife.

Well, it's how we manage school shootings now.

It's like we just got to arm the teachers to make sure that we can nip these in the butt.

So,

yeah.

They could not see where the joke came in.

Oh, but good lord, those old businesses.

Yeah, so the professors don't have a sense of humor.

Honestly,

it's funny.

Yeah.

But they quietly sought the seclusion of their room and spent the greater part of the night in deep meditation.

So they were just

trauma.

They were meditative.

The plan of action was decided upon.

Mr.

Trowbridge was at his post, as usual yesterday, and taught his classes while Mr.

Ferry made a complaint to the sheriff requesting the arrest of the unknown parties.

He did not know any of them.

Yeah, because they had clan hoods on.

Sure.

That's how the clan thing works.

You're highly smart about their little plan.

Sheriff Dix advised them to lay the matter before the college faculty as there did not seem to be a case, even

were the parties known.

Wait,

there's not a case?

They were kidnapped and left in a field.

I don't know.

I don't know, guys.

It seems

it's hazing.

So

run it by me again because I'm not really seeing the crime that you're talking about.

So 20 guys came in in hoods and they

found us, gagged us, left us in a field to die.

We got.

They didn't slit your throat.

No,

that part did not actually.

No, because we're here.

So obviously.

Yeah.

My deputy brings up a really good point.

So

let me ask you this.

Do you fellas have a sense of humor?

It's a fair end.

We are Baptist professors, so it's a fair indictment.

One of us gets out of here.

Curtain down.

Deputy Sheriff Smith went into the college, and his presence there created not a little commotion.

The boys agreed to give away the participants.

Oh, a fucking quick snitch.

Fucking quick snitch.

There's 20 of them.

That's too many.

Yeah.

I got in trouble at school once, and it was so many of us.

We all got a lighter punishment

because

it would hurt their college admissions.

It was in high school.

I tricked a teacher into coming to my house, and 20 of us were wearing white caps.

Hey,

this is very.

Were you listening to the story?

Because this is very similar.

This is back in 1890.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Wow.

Then that's fine.

You look good.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

God damn.

Yeah, it is true, though.

If there's 20, you're like, well, fuck.

No, truly.

I mean, it was like, it was a private high school.

So it was like 100 people each grade, and it was like 50 of us.

Theater, we got drunk high after the, you know, taking down the sets.

And it was like, you can't suspend all of us.

It would be disastrous.

Disastrous in what way?

For like the theater program, or there just wasn't that?

Well, certainly.

Yeah, certainly if I'm not there, Little Shop's not going to be as good that year.

Very true.

But secondly, it's for their college admissions.

Their whole thing is how many kids get into Harvard?

How many kids get into this?

Right, right.

Precedent to set, too.

Yeah,

I think there's some issues with academia, if I might say.

I would guess that.

Well, that, like, my son's baseball team.

on the varsity team, they just took one of the players' bats and they spray painted it white and then they painted a dick on it.

And the coach was like,

whoever did this, I'm suspending you.

Like, you're not going to play in the playoff game.

But then he found out like a bunch of them did it.

And now it's just like, well, I mean, boys will be boys.

How many boys did it take to spray paint one dick?

Were they each?

I got the left ball.

How many of the veins?

More notes?

Yeah, these few guys have notes too.

The foreskin's a little clutchy.

Guy comes in with hair.

Okay.

Yeah.

I assume there are balls.

Probably wasn't just a dick.

It probably had balls, right?

It's interesting.

There's no, there is a video.

Apparently they took a video.

There's a video of the

video.

Apparently they took a.

Of course they took a video.

They all take videos of their crimes these days.

These kids now, it's all evidence.

Was your son involved?

No.

No.

He wasn't there.

He's not on.

He's on the JB team.

He's not on the varsity team.

What better way to get him with the older guys than be involved in the dick construction, though?

But he enjoyed it because nobody likes the guy who's battered.

Sure.

He's a dick.

You're revealing so much about your child's basement.

This is entering Brendan Schaub levels of specificity.

So

I'd

move carefully.

That is the craziest baseball thing.

It makes me want to show you the show.

I don't think I know the Brendan Schaub.

baseball story.

I've consumed all of his work, so I'm surprised.

I'm afraid you're a little dying if you consider consider yourself a cat.

He just went on his podcast and said how his son, who's nine,

was pitching against,

quote, a fat kid.

And he told his son that he can't get a hit off of him because fat people are slow.

Well, to be fair, he really hammered this fat kid for a long time.

Like, he really, and you're just like, well, someone's going to,

you know what I mean?

Like, other people probably listen to CTE the podcast and are going to pick up on the fact that this, this kid's on your, on your side, against your son.

Yeah, people are going to know.

And then he also let it be known that he yells so much that he is,

he has to sit out in left field now.

He can't, he doesn't sit with the other parents because he's such a dick.

I'm going to start going to these games.

I want to.

I know where the league is.

I know exactly where it is.

You've got to.

I so want to.

You've got to start a web series about going to watch makes

baseball games with Shob.

That is your final form.

And then you're going to come back and be like, let me tell you, this kid,

he was huge.

I mean,

you can't not talk about it.

It is.

It is time for baby Ozempic.

This kid is, he's a fat fuck.

And by the way, Shob's pretty cool.

He's a pretty cool guy.

We painted the kid's bat to be a dick.

Yeah, so he's the worst parent category.

So the boys agree to give away the participants on condition that the college faculty handled the case instead of the courts.

All right, okay.

Good move.

By the way, the sheriff already tapped out, but sure.

Well, you know, cops and clan.

Yeah.

They will appear before the faculty to answer for their fun.

What action the faculty?

The writer of this article is so pro the mob.

It feels like the writer is bitter that he was left out.

Like he was 21 and they said, oh, we ran out of caps.

It's just like these smart kids.

It sounds like fun, though.

I wish I'd been his.

Just nailed it.

He almost killed two people.

Like, two people should have died.

Yeah.

In some colleges, such indignities heaped on a member of the faculty would be severe, no matter how harmless the fun.

The boys say, however, that the two professors thus stolen are popular with the students, and no idea of humiliating them was intended.

This is what they do to the guys they like.

Yeah,

there you go.

I mean, it does sound fun.

And to be fair, that does sound fun.

Yeah, it sounds like if you didn't murder them, you do that to a teacher that you were like, ah,

Mr.

Cutler, you are.

binding your feet, y'all scamp.

So that's the end of that story.

Well, I wish I knew how it turned out, but sometimes we don't know.

Hazing's different now.

Yeah.

Oh, another successful operation.

It's really

tells you a lot about the times.

1890.

This was the second one.

The second successful operation.

Woo!

Miss E.S.

Bissell.

Like when you finish the the surgery, you're like, holy fuck.

She's

who?

Holy shit.

Whoa.

Miss E.S.

Bissell,

714 Village Street, has had a tumor for several days.

That's what they did.

They put the address of every participant in every article in the paper.

Up until the 70s.

Yeah.

Really?

Really?

Yeah.

They like literally were just like, yeah, go kill him if you want.

Anyway, here we were.

And like every woman, they're like, good tits, nice eyes, big ass.

Yeah.

Any woman they put in the paper, like nine dudes would write to her and go, I want to be your husband now.

Yeah.

No, every guy that would be like, he wears big glasses.

And every woman would be like, little dumpy, I'd do her.

Anyway,

they'd be like, this tumor is big, guys.

This is a big tumor.

You find one more tumor, you could tumor fuck this.

Yeah.

Hey, where are your tumors, young lady?

Is that a tumor, or you just have three tits?

Excuse me, sir?

Sorry, that's my pickup line.

Yeah, I'm like trying to think of one that's trying to do some cancer pickup stuff.

It's kind of difficult.

It's an odd needle to thread.

She had a tumor for 16 years, which had grown to an enormous size, measuring 10 inches in diameter and had 23 separate and distinct roots.

Oh, wow.

Some of which are as large around as a lady's wrist.

What?

I can't even.

How many roots?

I didn't know tumors had roots.

I didn't either.

23.

I didn't either.

Put her down.

This is too much.

For the 1890?

Oh, my God.

Roots, like a potato that you left out.

Just spudding.

How many eyes did it have?

Yeah, the tumors.

I'm sorry.

Hello, I'm Frank.

Let me live.

Dr.

Wilbur removed it, being assisted by his wife.

This is all crazy.

Like,

you want your wife's in there with you?

Like, what about an actual assistant?

That, like, hey, Gladys, come in here.

We got to take this tumor out.

No, I want your wife there.

It looks like an immense crap.

Oh, fuck me.

That's not good doctor stuff.

It looks like an immense crap.

Is that serious?

Yes.

It says crap.

Crap.

It looks like an immense crap.

Crab.

Crab.

Oh, crab.

Oh, crap.

Oh.

I thought it looked like

an immense crap.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ.

This lady is crap.

Holy shit.

This lady is just poop.

Oh, God.

We went in the back.

We went in the wrong way.

I said this ass tumor.

Look at all these roots.

Now, because you heard crap, it really does steal the valor of crab, which is also

pretty bad too.

Yeah,

crab is worse.

Crap would be better, obviously.

I'd rather have a crap in me than a crab.

Imagine a doctor being like, look, it looks like a crab.

You're like, doctor,

focus.

You're like, no, see it.

Look at it.

Look at it.

Come here.

Bring the monitor there.

Give me the cracky things.

I'm going to eat one of the arms.

Yeah, start boiling the pot.

There we go.

And we are brought to you by Cash App.

Look, the Cash App, it makes sending money easier.

I end up paying a lot of people in my line of work and sending, receiving, any way you want to send money just becomes very difficult.

Sometimes you're waiting days for money to show up.

Sometimes you think the money's been sent.

Check your bank account.

You think it's fine.

It's not fine.

Someone hasn't cashed it.

It really has just become so difficult.

And sometimes you get hit with fees or you sent the money to the wrong person.

You can't get it back.

We all know what that's like.

We've been through that.

But with Cash App, it just makes it way easier.

It is a safe, easy, and fast way to send and receive and transfer money to family and friends.

You get a very quick setup.

You know, put your email in, set up your password.

You get a code, blah.

You know what it's like.

It's that version.

It's that easy version.

And your money shows up right away.

There's no waiting around for days.

It's your money.

You shouldn't be waiting.

Luke, I pay you through Cash App quite a lot.

Do you agree to this?

Yeah, I definitely do.

I'm power of money right there.

Okie dokie.

We're done with that.

If you're just paying someone for business or someone for pleasure, it's no problem.

For a limited time, only new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash.

I'm being for real.

There's no cash.

There's just cash.

Just download Cash App and sign up.

Use our exclusive referral code, dollop, in your profile.

Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped off right in your account.

Terms apply.

That's money.

That's Cash App.

Join us.

It looks like an immense crab with 23 legs stretched out in different directions.

Well, then that's not a crab.

That's crazy, then.

That is also.

It looks like a giraffe, but with eight short necks instead of one long one.

Then maybe that's the wrong animal to go with.

I think that's fair.

I think I've never seen it.

That is fair.

I've never seen a crab.

Didn't you put a gun to his head and said, you have to think of an animal that it looks like.

And he's like, oh, I mean, 28 legs.

It's not a centipede, so I guess you got to go with crab.

It's like a crab.

A cancer crab.

It looks like a crab with a tumor.

Yeah.

Anyone can see the monster tumor by calling at her residence as she has it preserved in a large jar.

Oh, fuck.

Come on.

What?

That was in me.

And you gave her a dress, and it's 1890.

So so many people are like, this is the greatest thing that'll happen this month.

You want to prove it looks like a crab?

Put it in a crab tank and see if someone picks it for the restaurant that night i'll have that i'll have the one with 28 legs that looks good

i knew it i told you look at that huh it fits right in now ladies and gentlemen one of these is a tumor i want you to pick it out of this crab lineup

i i'd pay to see the tumor i i mean

that's again probably didn't have insurance This is how you made your money back then, back from the surgery.

Was it for money?

It was, she was charging people to see it?

Oh, I don't know.

It doesn't say.

It depends.

I would too.

But I don't know if it's just the sort of thing where you're just kind of, you know, a neighbor.

It just seems like a lot of people would always just knock on the door to see the tumor at weird hours.

Like, you get drunk at the pub, and then

if I was walking by a residence, I'm just trying to think, and someone said, hey, I just had a tumor removed.

It's got 28 legs, kind of looks like a crab.

How much would you pay?

And I had a five around me.

I could see you like, okay.

I'll see.

And $5 back then would have been a million.

It was a million.

I would pay $20 in today's money.

Really?

Yeah, if I was walking by and someone was like, hey, this lady's got the fucking craziest tumor.

I might pay a lot for that.

Yeah.

And like you said, if I had a couple pops, I'd be like, yeah, right.

Let's go check out this weird lady's fucking

jar crack.

I knew, I knew, I knew this

when I was seeing open mics, this,

she was probably like 23 or something, and she was really skinny, and they took like a 10-pound tumor out of her.

And she was like, she just, she just started getting a little, like a little bump in her stomach.

And she's like, oh, and she went to the doctor.

He's like, yeah, no, you got a

tumor.

Like, I couldn't believe a 10-pound tumor is crazy to take out of somebody.

Oh, they'll hide.

They're sneaky.

Those tumors are real.

That's part of the whole, Dave, part of the whole issue with them is just how they could camouflage themselves inside of your body.

You can't tell.

That's a big problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And does it grow?

I guess it grows long and slender.

I don't think you're allowed to say the things you're saying, to be quite honest.

I think you've got to be very careful.

The way that you visualize that woman, she was a tube.

Yeah, honestly.

Popeye is how you picture most women.

Yeah.

I think she's got to worry less about the tumor, more about the lack of rib bones that she seems to possess.

She's like a hot dog-shaped.

Yeah.

You just take the tumor out and it's like,

I thought it wasn't a woman at all.

It was a tumor in full disguise.

He was running the school.

One day last week, Miss Kitty Brainerd, a teacher in the

Oneida school.

Oneida.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, but it was also a culty-like thing.

Oh.

Well, yeah.

I don't think we'd appropriate cults in that way.

Attempted to chastise a big boy who had

Trump was describing his fat friend with the Ozempic?

That was what he was doing.

He was just a big boy.

Oh, yeah.

He said he took the fat, the fat shots.

He took those fat shots, and I'm like, they're not working.

Yeah, he's just like

because if his friend heard it, he'd be like, Jesus, dude, I'm trying.

He'd be like, he's a big fat fuck.

And he's taking the shots.

attempted to chastise a big boy who had occasioned her much trouble the boy showed fight and was getting the best of the teacher when the principal Andy Brown a recent graduate of Knox College appeared on the scene He seized the unruly youth by the collar and taking the rawhide from the teacher's hand administered a thrashing that the boy is not likely to forget.

Okay, abuse.

That's abuse.

It was legal then, just what you did.

It's still legal in some states.

Were papers back then like more like it feels like there's like a moralistic like and he got a punishment that surely will make young men take a second thought before they stand up to their teachers again.

Like there's kind of this tone of like paternalistic morals.

Yeah, there's a lot of dudes who started papers so they could like chastise people or get their...

It's takes.

They're takes.

They're all doing takes.

That's okay.

As opposed to today's objective media.

Cardio.

When it lays out the facts.

Yep.

Facts, and that's it.

Nothing but the facts.

Let's you decide.

And all the facts, not just selected facts.

Right.

Yep.

Absolutely.

Isn't that Fox's?

I feel like the more a channel says we're nothing but the facts, the more full of shit they are.

Yeah, that's Fox's like, we're just the facts here.

I remember in high school when I was talking to a friend of mine's mother and she goes, well, I watch Fox News because it's fair and balanced.

That's it.

Fair and balanced.

I was like, But that's literally their singing.

That's the slogan.

I was like, I like Pepsi, it's the choice of a new generation.

That's why I drink that.

I like Gatorade because it is it in you.

How's your McDonald's?

Bada ba, ba, ba.

I'm loving it.

I like it because I'm loving it.

I like it.

It's pretty good.

You miss it.

Not bad.

When the boy went home at noon, he told his father, Isaac Rucker, how he had been whipped.

Rucker at once hastened to the schoolhouse, announcing his determination to whip Brown.

I like that.

I mean, I get it.

That's a dad.

That's a dad.

Yeah, I get it.

Go beat the shit out of your teacher the same way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As soon as he entered the room, he made a rush for the principal who promptly knocked him down.

Okay, so that didn't work.

Didn't think about that part.

Don't worry, son.

I got it.

No,

it's so much worse to have a principal beat the shit out of your dad, too.

It's like, now you're like,

two generations got whipped.

Rucker rose to his feet and again rushed Brown with the same result.

Wow.

This is bad.

So your dad's just weak.

So bad.

Yeah.

This is his principle.

He's pretty awesome.

He rose again, but concluded he'd had enough and hastily beat a retreat.

This is just

the next day at school for the big boy was rough.

When your dad comes home severely beaten from the principal, you've got to lie.

You can't be like, he's really good at beating.

I feel like a teacher should get to hit one student every year.

I agree.

I think it would, you know, it's, it's not good, but like, can you imagine if you had a teacher hit a student, You'd be like, I'm never fucking around.

I can't.

I'm never fucking around.

I agree.

And what, and as someone who hated attending school, to be there for the one day to watch the kid get beaten would also be, I mean, that would be like, ah, this is, it's like, you know, when people put on, when teacher would put on a film, you'd be like, today will be good.

Like, when the teacher's like, that's it, Anderson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck you.

My dad talks about the nuns and the rulers.

Like,

I mean, he talks about it sometimes where I'm like, okay.

Yeah.

How hard?

How hard did they hit you with the ruler, though?

How hard?

You're dubious.

Come on.

No, I know.

My mother will talk.

My mother grew up, like, went to an English school in what, like the 50.

I mean, they just fucking beat the shit out of them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're just like,

they got to murder one student in a year.

Like, I get why you'd want to be a teacher back then.

And again, it's horrible to beat them.

But as far as like, if it was permitted in society, you'd be like, ah, I mean.

so what you're saying is the only thing preventing you from being a teacher is that you don't get to physically abuse the children.

That's right.

I'm trying to think of what I'm saying, and I gotta be careful.

I think you said it.

I think you said it.

You might not want to say it, but you said it.

You're like, wouldn't it be amazing, though, to have been a teacher back then, though, and you could just hit kids?

I think teachers should be paid more.

And if we're not going to do it, you're not going to do it.

You're the dude.

You started with the one a year.

Don't get come.

How dare you?

I didn't say I wanted to do it.

I said it's a necessary evil that I don't want to participate in at all.

Look, look,

we were hazing and having some fun, and it got a little out of control.

Dave, put the goddamn meatball hat on.

We need some.

I can't help you out.

The meatball moment has passed.

Oh my god, this is tough.

Anyway, I'm sure I have teachers and teachers' unions.

Keep going, Dave.

I'm sure I have some other racist stuff around here.

I could work on it.

We're good.

This room is filled with racist perfectly.

Sure.

It's

a museum.

Okay, so

the school board

sustains Brown in his treatment of the boy who has been suspended.

Brown says he will not let him return unless he makes a public apology.

Rucker has hired a lawyer and will try to make trouble for Brown.

But it was legal to hit kids.

It still is in a lot of states.

I just think it's disgusting, and I just do not support it in any way.

And anybody who does that to a t even back then i think it's aged horribly and anyone who would be inclined to do that at any point is a problem and we need to kind of dig into that for them um but it's cool

it's not cool no it's not gonna be singing that yeah so alex can you just grab the clip where gareth said um like a couple minutes ago that you know beating kids and then just throw it in here i don't think that's cool why

why i don't think that's cool

anyway it's all been misinterpreted it's you guys are all woke you're trying to woke what i I didn't say that.

You guys are woken me.

This is just so stupid.

Three sisters made insane.

I'm guessing this is going to be a really terrible story about a dude.

What's their address?

Do we have where they live?

It does not say where they live, sadly.

How are they going to get married now?

Officers arrive from Saybrook in this county, having in custody three young women of that place.

Sisters Miss Mary Smith, Mrs.

Julia, and Emma Raines, who were suffering insanity of the wildest and most afflicting character.

Hmm.

Yeah.

So you buying it?

Well, I don't know.

There's no details, which I don't love.

Wait, so the whole article just says three

crazy bitches.

Yeah.

Three.

Okay.

That's other.

Here's more.

They are members of the best families of Saybrook and have lost their reason from attendance upon meetings conducted by advocates and disciples of the doctrine of Christian science.

Oh, they're Christian scientists.

There we go.

There it is.

The married sister was the first to embrace the new doctrine and was soon joined by her sisters.

All the efforts of the relatives to control them have proved futile, and it became necessary to put them in the the county jail there.

Wow.

Well, look, they're Christian scientists, so we got to just lock them up.

I mean, this is fucking nuts.

They Christian so hard.

What, what's Christian science?

Is that the one they don't take any medicine?

Yeah.

They're, yeah, you can only, you're healed by God.

And so they don't have to do any medical interventions.

But is there anything else to it?

Like, did they say Jesus said this, Jesus said that?

Is it just about.

I'm sure there is, but the flashy headline is no, no medical intervention.

So they said, ah, no, we don't want any aspirin.

And they said, well, then you're going to jail.

Yeah.

That's the only way to fix it.

That seems right to me.

I mean,

I'm not a doctor, but that

seems right.

Yeah.

But it is very...

It's maha.

It is.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess it is.

It would have been really cool back in the day where you could just put women in prison for no reason.

That would have been cool.

Yeah.

Or deport.

You can quote me.

I was going to say,

you're the one who's.

That would have been really cool.

Listen,

I can't weigh in.

I've already dug my own grave.

Christian Science is a Christian denomination founded by Mary Baker Eddy in the 1870s.

It's basically on the idea that the

material world is an illusion and the real world is spiritual.

Central to Christian science is the belief that illness and sins are mental errors, not physical problems, and that healing can be achieved through prayer and understanding of God.

I do love when those people die.

Like, I mean, not to be horrible, but I love when they say, like, they're like, we're going to let her work it out on her own.

And then, like, a week later, they're like, she passed away.

We can't.

I think if the world's an illusion, then they shouldn't be able to be imprisoned.

They just walk through those birds.

Like the terminator yeah they're not there i'm sure they tried that the first day they were like i'm sure now i was starting to think that maybe it is real at least the prison real world is hard i can't fit through the bars

are we saying that terminators are christian scientists

that's i mean we've i think that biblically we've been talking about that for a long time i don't think we know i mean there's so many different interpretations on that

it's like jesus's last words i'll be back Yep, that's true.

Remember, yeah, that right before you went behind the little rock or whatever.

Yeah.

Well, he was dead at that point, but yeah.

Yeah, he was dead, but I still think he kind of shut it.

Like, he was like,

I don't think, I don't think he rolled.

He did.

He was goofing around.

No, he was.

He was at that point taking off the cross.

And he had been straight into that.

100%.

I like the way that you just said it as if he was like, I'll be back.

Yeah.

Well, he didn't.

I'll be back.

He was.

I'll be back.

I don't even think he looked at him.

He did the behind, like, I'll be back.

Yeah, I'll be back.

I'll be back.

Well, he didn't do the short.

He wasn't that dramatic.

He was very light and kind of jokey, you know.

Yeah.

Whatever.

Like an effeminate southern guy.

No, I'm not.

No, you're not.

Look, I don't know why you guys are trying to cancel me.

I'm not going to work.

And then when he comes back out of his confetti, it was a whole thing.

Any of you guys remember?

It's the New Testament.

No.

I'm writing a testament.

Yeah, no, I'm sure you are.

It's pretty good.

A lot of holes.

Yeah, a lot of holes.

A lot of holes.

He wrote insulting letters.

Jesus?

Yeah.

John Long of Porter County was before a United States Commissioner Saturday morning for sending through the mails insulting letters to Anna Hatfield, a respectable young lady of Goshen.

Nice.

Well, what'd she do?

That's the word.

Right.

Before the court, what did she do?

Good, good.

I mean, it's good to know that even before YouTube comments, that there was a way for men to just

send loads.

And that's what it is.

That sounds like what it was like.

Exact same.

Yeah.

It's, yeah.

These are DMs of the 1890s.

It is just like, kill yourself.

Miss Hatfield, having refused to accept his

attentions,

Longben addressed her a number of very insulting letters.

So she rejected him and he's like, Really?

Well, here you go.

You're sad and stupid.

I love how when that happens, the male instinct is to just prove them right with their action.

Like, it's like, man, I don't love it.

It's like, you don't think I'm good enough for you?

Now I'm going to harass you and dress you down because I'm a horrid person.

He admitted the authorship of the letters and was sent to the Noblesville jail to await grand jury action.

Why would you admit it?

This is when you could get put in jail for shit DMs.

Now Elon gives you an office at Doge.

Sure.

I don't know why would you admit it, though?

Back then, there's no forensic evidence unless you were just

wrote it.

Yeah.

Yeah, but is that evidence?

Like, you could just say, any, I didn't do that.

Someone else signed it.

That's what I mean.

That's like when you could just literally write a check and be like, hey, this guy gave me $1,000.

And the bank would be like, like, here you go, sir.

On your honor.

Do you get a lot of crazy DMs, John Marca?

Do you, like, I would imagine you probably get some people who get pissed off.

We get.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's, I mean, listen, it's nothing compared to.

I get as many in a year as a woman probably gets in a day on the internet.

You know, so I get a lot of, but it comes to mean stuff, maybe politically.

Politically is what I mean more than anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

i've gotten a couple from like uh what do they call me a capo a capo oh you get capo yeah yeah yeah i get called a capo or they or you know they i've gotten somebody like you're not actually jewish and which is so crazy because i spent my whole life trying to get away from it and it i mean

these hasidic i mean my whole life hasidic jews they go are you jewish are you jewish and now you change your mind like get the fuck out of here yeah you can't you cannot you cannot shift course because we disagree about this one thing.

It's insane.

Yeah.

A lot of our stuff, I, for some, we think that some right-wing lunatic has just started posting our shit in right-wing chat groups because

like anytime we talk shit on Elon or Trump, it's like it we get a lot of like way more comments.

Way more views and comments, and they're all just like, yeah, and then it's just like the like,

you know, I'm going to shoot you in the face sort of stuff for like a few days after.

And even Elon?

Elon has people making threats?

Oh, yeah.

Because I know.

Yeah, you must have gotten into some

of those things.

If you go under the radar, it's like, you know, I've made fun of Elon for sure.

And I've done, you know, stuff about Israel that goes under the radar, but then just takes that one that everyone sees.

Everyone sees it.

There's got to be like some bigger right-wing account that just keeps doing it.

And we're just happy to have the views, to be honest.

But it really is.

It's like they are.

they just don't.

Do you think they're coming

here to hate watch it or whatever?

And then they hear you say, I want to hit kids.

And they go, hold on, hold on, hold on.

No, because that's not.

That seems like a really good show.

You can't do a callback for something that's going to be cut out.

Okay, it's not even going to make sense.

Yeah, but then it's not going to make sense why I started calling you kid hitter Reynolds.

Well, and you shouldn't be doing that because now you're just making the editor.

Now you're just being anti-editor, which I don't know why you do that.

That's the name of our podcast.

I'm going to AI it into your voice.

How about that, asshole?

Crazy.

It's called History Guy and the Kid Hitter.

Do you think we're, are we at that point?

You remember when Trump, not to get your dox by this right-wing person again, but do you remember like way later, like way after he was president, he was like, maybe that Hollywood reporter thing was AI chat GPT'd.

And like, just like just throwing it out there, see if anyone bought it.

And you're just like, man, oh, man.

And it got no traction.

And that was

like, he was like, a lot of people are saying that maybe I didn't even say that.

And then everyone's like, he said it.

And then he was eventually like, all right, we'll quit it.

He was workshopping.

He's so comic.

He's so good at it.

He's working new stuff.

He's just doing new material nights, and he knows how to pay attention.

The first thing that gets a laugh, he goes, there's a new slogan.

Yeah.

No, it didn't even work.

Like Qatar play.

And he's like, I didn't even think that was a good bit.

But

the second I said it, it just hit.

Accidentally stabbed his playmate.

What?

We've all done that.

Jesus Christ.

It's dark.

Ford Jacobs, age 16, the son of a prominent merchant, was stabbed.

to the heart by Ellis Adams, same age, and died almost instantly.

the boys were at play and the stabbing was accidental no again this is the same guy who wrote the mob article where he's like

his crime is goofing around

you stabbed the guy in the heart and he's like but they were mucking

you ever play make-em-ups they were fun and in the yard They're like, they're like, Alice went on to become a journalist who is actually writing this very article right now.

Oops, I slipped into first person.

You stopped.

At 16, you can't have playmates.

You're all the way in the heart.

Through the heart.

To punch it through is so fucking hard.

To kill someone through the heart is not easy.

No.

You got to go through the rib.

It's not like there's rib canal.

You can use the terms.

Go ahead.

Yeah, the rib canal.

You get it.

Well, you know it from hitting kids.

You know what the terms are.

What are we doing?

Why are we doing it?

It's just a wasted time.

The weapon was a small

pen knife and the wound little more than a puncture.

It doesn't take much.

It's like he breaks the heart.

It's like he got.

He instantly die.

Did he instantly die?

Did he instantly die?

He said instantly.

He got killed by an assassin.

I don't know how the body works, honestly.

And this is assassin shit.

No, I think that's like the other one says it was instant.

No, no.

Oh, you heard him scream.

Why did you do this?

That was not an accident.

Help!

We have time!

Help!

Yeah, that's this is

he killed the other guy.

He killed him.

Yeah, but again, quite literally.

Yeah, no, yeah, you're not being hyperbolic.

His life was facing.

Is that it?

Yeah, it's the end of the story.

Jesus Christ.

I love how short these articles are.

Yeah, that is like, I mean, you're really getting like, I mean, a guy,

a friend killed his friend with a penknife.

Like, anyway, tire sale.

It must have been such a huge, like, change in newspapers when someone realized, like, we can do continued on next page.

Oh, God.

The confusion.

Yeah.

The confusion when it was like, what the fuck?

Go to get my head.

It was broken.

Wait, I already read this story.

What?

Continue.

What?

Got drunk and were cremated.

This is.

Come on.

This is...

What?

Accidentally?

M.

O'Malley and Peter Faley were burned to death here Saturday night at 8 o'clock.

Fally lived in a little shanty, which was located near the railroad track.

The two men mentioned and a third party, name unknown, were on a spree Saturday night.

So they're partying.

Sure.

Having a good time.

Yep.

O'Malley and Fally.

Faley, Faley.

Amalian Faley is.

A Fally, I like.

It's better.

O'Malley and Fally.

That's a nice run.

Amali and Fally repaired to the shanty about nine o'clock in the evening and retired.

During the night, one of the men, while yet under the influence of liquor, must have turned on more gas.

I like the way that, and if burning alive is cremation at any point.

Because this is a shanty fire.

I was really expecting a guy to pass out and then they were like, I think he's dead and burned.

But no, they didn't.

So now

what could have been a great story has been hijacked

by words.

This was a feel-good story.

Yep.

Wow.

It's just described the New York Times.

The overpressure set fire to the building and it burned to the ground together with its occupants.

And one guy, they don't even know one guy's name.

They're like, well, I mean, good luck figuring it out.

One guy turned the gas on in the shanty.

And then that's

now they're all dead.

And then the overpressure set fire to the building, which I'm not sure is a thing.

Sure.

Well, it was also a shanty.

And I didn't picture a shanty like a shed.

Yeah, it's like a

little shitty shed.

Yeah.

It's made out of different types of wood.

And they usually use human skin as the roof.

All right.

Stop helping, maybe.

A man or woman now living will.

Oh, sorry.

No man or woman now living will ever date a document without using the figure nine.

It now stands in the third place where it will remain 10 years.

It will then move up to the second place, 1900, and there will rest 100 years.

So they had pot back then.

And my bro just smoked it and was like.

Two stories ago, a guy killed killed another guy with a penknife.

Well, now we're on to nines.

That sounds like the editor was like, we need another story.

And they said,

at some point, the nine is different.

I have a theory that we're all going to be using the nine.

That's good.

What is that?

Is that

you muted?

Probably for the best, but still.

Yeah, I get it.

What were you

I was just going to say, I mean, he's right, but it's not a news story.

No.

Well, what does he say?

But we

lived.

Oh, I was going to say we lived through that.

I guess we didn't, because the nine didn't move to.

I was like, we lived in the 90s.

Oh, yes, we did.

We're past nine.

We're post-nine.

Well, we, okay, we lived in the 2000s.

And then the zero.

Yeah, it didn't move.

It it was always there the two it's the two now the two took over for the nine

two is the new nine

two is the new nine

brutal a woman is woman's worst enemy guys am i i'm in brother i've been saying it for years i'm out woman on woman crime we never talk about the woman on woman crime we don't we really don't and it's a thing i feel like

the right way, you're right.

The right-wing group, when they see this, they're going to be like, These guys are all right.

I don't hate these guys.

I mean, they're off on Elon, but they get it.

In a civilized way, some of them seem to have declared war on themselves.

For every time she strikes a blow at another woman, it is done with a moral boomerang that comes back and hits the offender.

What is this?

Is just absolutely like

to think that 1890s women is the a woman is the enemy of another woman in the 1890s that's the problem it's other women yeah yeah as opposed to

like no pants women can't wear pants

a man does not with a cold eye and critical bearing stare at the made over dress or ask personal questions that make the tears come to somebody's eyes and cause a sharp pain in somebody's heart.

Men, okay, so I think.

Hasn't every story before this been men committing horrible crimes?

That's different.

They're the victims of that situation.

They had to.

Yeah, yeah.

But

not with the vicious words.

You know what I mean?

Like, men are more caring.

We literally read an article about a man who wrote mean words to a woman and mailed it to her.

one time

yeah i mean that was he was exploring it's a nature nurture yeah he was

all that guy we don't know much we just only heard a slice of that story she could have been she didn't she didn't have a good sense of humor yeah true so

uh

Women fight with each other altogether too much with the needle of envy, hatred, malice, and uncharitableness dipped in the poison of scandal.

Hey, did a guy write this article?

Do you have a name for it?

You do.

Oh, that's weird.

Chuck it.

This is so vague.

This is so vague.

I know.

He's just

all at once.

In many ways, paperback pens were just like white dudes' journals, and it was just kind of them just overall.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like you're saying to your wife, like, hey, honey, look at this article over here.

Oh, my God.

Look at that.

That's why it was written just for guys to be like, Look at that.

You are.

Did you know how bad you all are?

There's a lot of divorce dad energy to 1800s papers.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

A lot.

Yeah.

A very peculiar animal.

A

the woman.

A Cantini of Fargo, North Dakota has a curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and a tan terrier.

I think that's the guy's name, A.

A.

Cantini.

Oh.

A.

Cantini?

Yeah.

Oh, we're

probably an Italian fella.

Easy does it, Dave.

What?

I said it all right.

Take it easy, buddy.

Well,

we're book

book.

No.

What's the fucking.

Can't even think of the book.

Booking.

Bookending.

Book ending.

Yeah, we're bookending.

Wow.

Probably going to get some racism here.

Use a book term and

not be able to piece it together.

It is not great, is it?

I mean,

we're going to turn the thing that's in a book.

What the fuck is that?

This Christ.

The paper.

The book paper.

The shit in the book that you flip.

Fuck.

Got one more in you, David?

I'm still doing this one.

Oh, sorry.

Has a curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and tan terrier.

So this guy

has

he has an animal.

It is a kater.

Why not call it a rat terrier?

Or a tan.

No.

It's a cross between a rat, a pig, and a kangaroo.

All right.

Stop.

What are we doing?

Well, that is like the first, they do say the first time time the guy picked up the platypus, he thought like someone was pranking him.

Yeah, the first time an Australian guy picked up a platypus, he was like, all right, who's doing, who's drawing a pull one out?

What is that?

That's the craziest animal on earth.

It's up there.

It's a beak on an otter.

It's fucking nuts.

It's not okay.

Can you play with them or are they like...

I thought I read like they're...

I read that they're like poisonous.

I think you can't touch them, actually, now that you say it.

I do think they're poisonous?

Yes, I don't think you're supposed to touch them.

Which also makes that guy think it was a prank the first time he picked it up.

He's like, I'm quite woozy.

Oh, I'm dying from the

purple duck.

I'm dying.

I'm talking about putting a bill on an order.

Trey's gone.

I can't believe that.

I know it lays eggs, but

yeah, the eggs is not helpful in the.

Yeah, the whole thing is.

It's.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, right.

The spurs of a mature adult male are designed to inject venom

produced by paired glands

located in the upper thigh.

Platypus

is going to stick one up.

Yeah.

Definitely going up.

Platypus venom is a clear, sticky fluid containing a different suite of

my thigh.

He's got the mouth of a duck and the cum of a man.

The mouth of the duck and the cum of the Weinstein.

The first time the guy picked it up, he thinks it's fake and then it's like, come on him.

And he's like, what?

And then he dies.

What a life.

What an end.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, by the way of compromise, it is called the Honduras rabbit.

Okay, what are you guys doing?

It's just knocking on the door of racist every chance.

which it the least resembles it was brought from honduras no shit

oh you know what it's is it do you think it's the capybura thing i can't even picture the things you've said so far me trying to imagine it has i stopped trying

Mr.

Catini keeps his pet in a large cage,

occasionally letting it out for exercise when it scampers about the rooms, hunting dark corridors to to hide in when strangers are around.

This is

like a cat.

It's a cat.

No, this is like what, yeah, it's like this is this is like in Florida where someone just houses something.

This is like Tiger King.

It slices the jacket from the fruit like a patent apple core, eating only the heart for which it seems to have a particular

penchant.

That's it.

That's the story.

That is.

Fucking.

It's got to be a cap of that's all I wanted to know, frankly.

It is a night, Marco.

That's good.

Well, a solid way to end a very strange trip into Cal.

I want to go to Kalamazoo more than I did before this paper, I'll be honest.

So it's upsetting.

It's not good.

But

my understanding is there's no women left.

Why would there be?

Well,

that's it, John Marco.

So thank you for joining us.

Yeah, thoughts on 1890s.

I think it was great.

That was a good way to

stop the final part of a book series.

What do you call that?

Stop

fucking the thing where they do a bunch of them.

Books stop.

Conclusion.

Yeah, right.

The

finale zone thing.

The finale zone.

Book finale.

Final books.

And I don't think

the last one,

you know, we should

put the thing that reminds you where you're going to.

The book starts.

Yeah, the book starts.

Start the book, the beginning part.

And then you have the

reverse the start, start

book starting stoppers.

And then you go to the book rental.

Trotskub.

Trotsky.

Tratskub.

Either way,

three straight whites doing the work of gods on this show.

People could just Google you and go watch you on tour in Europe for a month.

Very funny comedian.

Very funny.

Really funny.

Very funny.

You're one of the few people on Twitter who's still finding ways to crush.

Yep, funny.

So a great follow, a great guest.

People say me, they say I have the moves of a flamingo and the cum of a fully grown man.

That's right.

See, I thought there might be a twist, but there you go.

That's good.

The twist is no twist.

Thank you for joining us, man.

Very appreciative.

Thanks, guys.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, honey.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gare Force.

Come on, go to garethronals.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th.

Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California.

at RoosterTFeers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Join me.

Start your journey toward the perfect engagement ring with Yadav, family owned and operated since 1983.

We'll pair you with a dedicated expert for a personalized one-on-one experience.

You'll explore our curated selection of diamonds and gemstones while learning key characteristics to help you make a confident, informed decision.

Choose from our signature styles or opt for a fully custom design crafted around you.

Visit yadavjewelry.com and book your appointment today at our new Union Square showroom and mention podcast for an exclusive discount.