687 - Larry Sullivan - Live

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since you've been gummy What if Juliet got a second chance at life after Romeo and Juliet, created by the Emmy-winning writer from Schitt's Creek and pop music's number one hitmaker, playing October 7th through 12th at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts.

You're listening to the dollop.

This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American

history to a guy with TikTok hair.

Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. 1863.

Year of our Lord.

Listen to all the followers we've created.

This podcast is spreading the message of Christ. No.

This is a doll-related podcast. I'm not going to argue anymore.
This is a show about doll heads. You know who was a doll?

No.

Jesus Christ.

Or Jay Tizzle. We can call him Jay Tizzle.

That's a new low.

Lawrence McCullough Sullivan, also known as Larry,

was born in St. Louis.
Now,

no one knows anything about his childhood at all, because he's poor.

Nor should we. Yeah.

But at 20 years old, he ventured off to... So nobody knows about his adolescence either.

The whole way. Okay.
So at 20, we start to get some ideas. Yeah.
Okay. Well, that's when he came to Oregon.

Little city called Bend.

We back.

Nobody knows why but there's a pretty good chance it's because he was escaping something. He was getting out.
Sure. Because this is where he came.

Oregon, really the closest you could get to the wild frontier while still living in a city. Okay.
Or state? City.

It was a city? Oregon was a city.

Trust me. Sure did spread.
Trust me.

The city of Oregon. Yeah.

Well, it was a place you could hide out, but still have all the city stuff

that you wanted. Okay.

So Larry landed in Astoria.

Is that part of Portland? Is that nearby? No.

Shit.

The woman who cheered was like... Oh, it's the coast.

That way.

That way?

I don't know where I am in the theater right now.

Run outside and then just figure it out.

Okay.

So it's where all, yeah, you guys are up the river. Right? So it's down the river?

All I know is the Oregon surfers are fucking dicks.

Orange surfers terrible reputation. You're going to have to.
All right. All right, Dave.

Come on, buddy. We were rocking and rolling.
David, put your goddamn finger down.

Put it down. The other one was better, I guess, honestly.
I don't know why.

You really are

the bad boy.

Astoria is a very tough, working-class port town. Badass.

That looks perfect. Murders all the time.
So what?

But Larry was very tough himself, and

he had no skills.

So he decided to become a boxer. A boxer? Yeah.
Oh, okay.

Now, most boxing back then was.

That's like now, but it's podcasts.

I got nothing. Start a podcast.
It's a good idea.

Work for Rogan.

You know what?

That's not fair.

He was a comedian. What happened to you?

Just.

What's your deal today? You just came to burn any bridge near you? Oh, no, am I going to burn a Rogan bridge?

You're in.

It's just.

I burned the Rogan Bridge.

You've also come here and complained about it five different times at the beginning, where we are. I'm just saying, it's a...
I didn't complain about it. You're drinking Hatarade today.

You hate their surfers?

Yeah, the surfers are a problem. Oh, that's what I'm talking about.
No, no, no. I don't want to.
I'm not. You're right.

We should go ahead. Oh, so you're for the people who beat people up on the beach.

If you're the people on the beach, yeah, I'm for that.

No, just a nature photographer. A what? A nature photographer? Yeah, get them out of here.
I don't need it. What the fuck?

All right, so now you're burning.

We got enough nature pictures. Go home, loser.

Oh, luck a tree. Yeah, we got it.

We've got Google Maps. They'll redo it in five years.
Fuck off.

Now, most boxing back then was done under what's known as London rules, which was basically two things. Bare knuckles.

And a round goes as long as it takes for one of the guys to get knocked on their ass.

So Larry beat his way up the totem pole until he became the top prize fighter in Astoria, which.

Like, I don't know how big it is, but how many fucking people are in Astoria?

It's like he beat how many? 10,000?

Okay, so back then it's like eight. Yeah.

She's here to defend Astoria's honor. No, you can defend Astoria every step of the way.

Look, in every audience, there's people who are wrong.

No, I honestly don't know anything about it. We found it's normally the Astoria people in this area.

If I know. That's why they call it Astoria, because you believe a line of bullshit.
That's a fairy tale.

It's a big Astoria for you to believe.

If I could imagine Astoria, it's a port town that over the years was working class, and now it's been gentrified, and it's very expensive.

Okay, so. You got a target?

You got a target?

Brewery? You got good brewers? All right. So, yeah, it's classic

poor people go live inland. So,

back in the late 1800s, Oregon prize fighters were the biggest celebrities in town. Nice.
And Larry enjoyed all the fame that came with it in Astoria. He was like a big man.

Top of his game. So now there's only one place to go.

Try his luck in the big city, Portland. Nice.

That's much bigger. Yeah.

It's much bigger. Yeah, it's bigger.
Yep.

So things did not go as he planned. Larry got the shit beat out of him regularly

with his best showing reportedly being a loss after 72 rounds. Oh my God.

What?

Legit rounds? It was an undercard.

That's when the feature runs the light. Imagine watching a 70.
You're just like, okay, guys, like, seriously, I'm here to watch Big Philip, not whatever the fuck you guys are doing. 72 rounds.

72 rounds. All right, lunch.

We're going to take a lunch break.

It's crazy.

Yeah, that's a long time.

That's where the comedy's coming from. Apparently, after 72 rounds, quote, Larry threw up the sponge.

I guess that's how you ended the fight.

Dude, I was picturing something completely different.

Yeah, I was picturing, like, all right, that's it. Larry just barfed the sponge.

Larry, you were eating sponges? I didn't know what else to eat. Larry, what are you doing?

I got so hungry. You don't eat sponges.
I ate some of my teeth, too. Jesus Christ.

You doing?

I ate a dish rag. What?

The hell are you doing? Is that a fork in your puke?

I had a dinner set.

Eventually that became a towel.

What? Well, when you... Yeah, a towel, yeah, right.

A sponges.

It should still be a sponge.

I mean,

I guess you're right, but I also imagine. I mean, they do have sponges sometimes, don't they? Yeah, well, I've seen that.
That's the whole thing's weird in the corner.

Whatever's happening in the corner, you're always like, What is he doing? Like, the guy's concussed, and this guy's like, All right, remember, keep trying to beat the shit out of him. It's really,

he's beating the shit out of you a lot. Try to beat the shit out of him.
We're gonna put Vaseline and water on your face.

You gotta go back in. Well, what was this? Goodbye.

Did that even just happen?

So it was reported.

I ate a bunch of mud. Larry!

I mean, I literally read it in papers across the country.

Like,

it was written up, even though it's not really a big fight. It's an undercard in Portland.
Right, 72 rounds. But 72 rounds, and everyone's like, well, that's fucked.
That's crazy. Yeah.

The Evening Star of Washington, D.C. had the headline, quote, Larry Sullivan whipped in 72 rounds with bare knuckles.

I don't know if you could say anything to those 72 rounds as whipped.

Like he lost, but 70 whipped is like three rounds or something. 72 rounds? He barely lasted out there.

Weak-willed Larry.

He was so focused on towel munching.

I mean, their faces must have been coming off. Off.
Completely. Yeah.

He probably didn't eat the sponge and throw it up. It probably just went in through a wound.
It was like...

It's Christ. Larry's, I just ate the sponge.
How am I doing? You got to go back out there. What?

Yeah.

My watch. Larry.

It's Christ. He's jiggling like treasure.

That's why he's a prize fighter. He's full of goodies.

That's how piñatas were created.

So because he sucked at boxing against actual boxers, not just guys in Astoria,

he had to actually find work.

So luckily for Larry, he had made friends with two brothers while in Astoria whose dad owned a sailor's boarding house and he had been a pioneer in the art of shanghaiing. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, Larry.

No, Larry.

No.

Shanghai means kidnapping or coercing a random guy into forced labor on a ship.

It was usually done by preying on an unsuspecting bar patron or slipping knockout drugs like chlorhydrate or doses of opium or laudanum into their drinks.

There are even stories of putting opiates in cigars.

Oh, that one you wouldn't see coming.

Keep your hands on your drinks, boys.

Good work.

Yeah,

huh?

Sometimes the Shanghires would knock them out with a blackjack like in a cartoon or drop them through a trapdoor. I mean,

we've already done a trapdoor rant this week, so I'm not going to get back into it. I was pro, very pro seeing this.
I'm not anti, but I do wish people would only use trapdoors for good. Yep.

Also, I would imagine it would be back then pretty easy to spot the trapdoor. Yep.
Hey, weren't there a guy standing here?

Not anymore. Why don't you stand there?

Cigar?

So the poor guys would wake up with a nasty headache on a ship in the middle of the ocean, pressed into work as a sailor, and they wouldn't come back home for years.

I've woken up hungover in some bad zones. Yeah.

But

I've always been like, I just got to get out of here and figure it out a little bit. To just be like, what? You're a sailor.

Huh?

Now you work on this ship for not much, too.

So there you go. What?

Like with a hangover? Oh, my God. Yeah, that's, yeah.
You're hungover. Here, have some lemon.

Is there a poo-rope?

Learning about that hungover.

Time to teach you the poo-rope.

So there are plenty of stories of Shanghai going wrong,

even the Shanghai's being scammed themselves. The Shanghai.
Oh, okay.

Why don't you smoke the cigar first? Don't mind if I fuck. What the fuck? Oh, no.

Ah, fuck.

Like once a guy desperate to fill his crew quota wrapped a wooden cigar store Indian statue in blankets and managed to get it on board a ship with the skipper being none the wiser or another

None the wiser the skipper's got problems. Well, they think it's a knocked out guy and he's probably just wrapped in a blanket.
So all the guys came on wrapped? That's good

It's a stiff tiny one, but all right

Another guy guy found that 22 men who accidentally consumed embalming fluid, thinking it was a party drug, and sold them mostly corpses to an unsuspecting captain.

So there's a captain who took 22 dead guys on the ship. Yeah.

He was just like, this is the laziest group of shits we've ever bought.

Wake up, losers!

Hey, Captain, all these guys are dead.

Oh,

oh, God.

This one's missing a head.

Yeah, that one looked off to me the whole time.

All right, well, get that wooden Native American up here. You, get to work!

He's made of wood, sir.

We got really ripped off back there.

Sometimes the poor victims would be tricked into it. Larry is responsible for perhaps the most legendary example of tricking.

A teenager named Aquia Ernest Clark left the farm where he worked in scapoose. Mm-hmm.

Scapoose?

I don't know if you do the question mark ending. Scapoose?

I think that's just how you say it in general. Scapoose.
Welcome to Skapoose. Scapoose?

Ready to enjoy his off time in Portland. This is such a horrible setup.
Finally, a little downtime in Portland. This will be nice.
I'm going to have a fun time.

I've been working hard on the farm all week. Just a few days in Portland.
And he went to the waterfront where the action

was happening, and he got to drinking. And he met a nice guy who suggested he stay at a particular sailor's boarding house because, quote, it's the best place to stay in Portland.
Fuck me.

Couldn't have a conversation.

The fella told Clark that the owner, Larry, was throwing a huge party on a riverboat cruise

to Astoria and back. Whoa, I gotta be the luckiest guy to walk into a huge party.

I was just fixing to do something fun.

I love boat parties.

So Clark and 10 other guys were like, yeah, we'll go on your boat party.

Party has everything. Beautiful women, a live band, food, and booze, especially booze.
So from Clark, quote, we all had a few snorts of hard liquor, so they don't know what they're doing.

Line them up, boys.

Let's drink a little cocaine.

And also one each of the justly celebrated peach blow cocktail. Peach blow cocktail? Which was the invention of H.C.
Malcolm, manager of the Portland Hotel Bar.

Okay. I came up with a peach drink.
Sure.

There was steak if you wanted it, or there was pork, or you might order oysters, crabs, or fried salmon. Along with the midday dinner, they served rye, whiskey, rum, and three kinds of wine.

So it was a sizzler. It was a sizzler.

It's a sizzler.

It was a boat sizzler. We're also going to get fried salmon.
Yeah, it was the SS Sizzler.

Fried salmon, just how we like it.

I mean, it's literally the only thing I think we don't fry in America. Oh, we fry it.
Do we fry salmon? Oh, you're goddamn right we do.

Better than anybody, too.

You're on notice.

So before they went ashore in Astoria, all fucked up from the tons of free booze, the friendly man who brought them on the boat requested that they sign their name on a passenger list just to make sure they had a headcount of everyone before they went back to Portland.

Wait, you want to get a headcount before we go back?

Wouldn't you want to do that before we left in the first place? No, we're doing it now. Don't worry about it.
It just seems a little strange. Here, have more.
Oh, sweet peach weird thing.

No, that was a clam. Oh, sweet clam.

Oh, man. I'll tell you what.
I gotta go. It was a very good time.
I'm drunk out here today. Here, sign this.
Ah, who should I make it out to? No, just

go ahead and sign your name. It's just a list.

You guys are

my best friends.

Today I left the farmer. I took it away.
A boy.

And

I didn't know what to expect.

I made 15 of 15 pals that I plan on keeping in touch with forever. Amen.
What's going on over there? And I'll never...

Even though I will not

know you you by name.

By spirit,

we shall forever be bound.

My best friends, may I pitch a name for our group? Okay.

The Glossy Posse.

Because we got a nice scene.

I don't even remember what... How did I start to write it into this?

whatever my name was

great

okay

don't

I have a confession

I threw up a sponge

I know I know

I put it in oh go ahead

So what they did know is that the paper they just signed was an agreement to become sailors on an English grain ship.

So it was like their iTunes agreement. Yes.
It was just like, yeah, yeah, I was here, I was here. Or like, I won't sue Disney.
I just want to watch Andor. Like, what?

Whoopsie poopsie.

They were on the ship the TF Oaks. Nice.
Wow. That was big.
Yeah, it's big. Looks like it's got horns, too, which is never a good sign.
Don't worry about that. So did they just get loaded up that?

That's the, when it first was, that's the, what do you call it?

Christening, yeah. Oh, that's.

It's the first time it's but that's but so they just go from the party boat to this boat yeah okay and it's clearly very large so whoa we're about to hit an even bigger party

oh boys i can't believe we hit a bigger jackpot after a gin rummy

So

back then, anyone who bailed on an agreement was hunted down by the police, so they're now indentured servants.

So the party sucked.

Wow, it says a lot about you'd rather go work four years on a ship than deal with the cops.

Imagine. So they were tricked to get on the they were convinced that they were going to take a tour of the TF Oats.

So then things start to dawn on them. They're like, wait a minute.

And right when they started to realize it, four cops jumped out, each holding two Colt 45s. So eight guns pointed at them to make sure that this happened.

And the skipper approached them, quote, now, young men, you are sailors on the TF Oaks, and you're going to France.

Just to make sure you're going, I'm going to sort of tie you together for a while.

that happens

that happens does it you ever been on a boat

tied them together

like fucking three stooges it's like that well then they can't run away because they're all well you already had all those cult 45s you had like yeah but the cops aren't going to stay there they were just making sure they actually got doesn't the ocean work for that

isn't the ocean like nature's rope they're still not on the boat they're still they're trying to

get on the boat.

But yes, the ocean does. I feel like the guns would just be able to go up that ramp.

I have notes. Look,

they got it down.

It doesn't need to be questioned.

These guys know what they're doing. Oh, well, look who's on the side of the police again.

Very interesting, David. Very interesting.

Yeah, I know. And this guy, everywhere we go, hey,

boo him, absolutely.

You back the boo.

You.

So Clark wouldn't step foot back in Oregon for seven years. Oh, my God.
It's all totally legal. This is all completely legal.
Well, I mean, no, no,

it's just, I know it's legal. Obviously, it's legal.
As it should be. It's just a shame for him.
He really fucked up by getting drunk once.

In 1895, four sailors tried to get off a ship in Astoria and were arrested.

So they filed the lawsuit, which everyone just assumed it would be a slam dunk because it's slavery to force men to work on a ship. But the Supreme Court ruled in Robertson v.

Baldwin that the 13th Amendment, with its prohibition

with its prohibition of slavery in all forms, mostly, applied to Americans no matter their race, as long as they weren't sailors.

I'm surprised they didn't loophole that harder back into regular slavery like you know in them they'd be like uh-huh we call it the boat plantation

now a lot of podcasts have done cruises we could do it I'm just

I'm just coming up with ideas

to increase our profits. I don't, and that's our main goal, and I don't hate the idea.
So pitch it just cleanly, Sharpie. So we have like a three-day cruise.
Uh-huh. The doll-up cruise.
Yeah, great.

Invite our fans. Yep, the doll has a couple thousand fans come on board.
Sure.

Then we make them slaves.

It's pretty good. Portland's out because we just revealed the plan, but other places are...
Right.

But it's fun. It's a good time.

We could get her. We'd be like, well, this boat's going to Astoria.
She'd be like, finally, a a shortcut.

We don't even bother with any activities. People are like, this is pretty scant.
Quiet.

You make those J-Town shirts, you hear?

What?

Get back to work.

Where's my Hillary Clinton research?

Dave, I misunderstood. I'm a centrist.
You do it.

Oh, no.

You were a centrist. I'm mixed among them.
Wait, what the fuck? Shut up. I want 50 bad puns by four.

But I'm part of the plot.

Are fucked up.

So Larry.

Larry is the perfect Shanghai or crimp, as it was known. Crimp? Crimp? Crimp.

He was the best of the crimps. And the best crimps were were X-Boxers, since the people they were trading were

unenthusiastic about

the process. I like how you don't want to get sued by the crimps.

How do I put this carefully?

But it wasn't just Larry's fighting skills that made him the number one in the game. It was his political savvy.

Larry was the first crimp to figure out the true value of owning a sailor's boarding house.

So it's just a bunch of of transitory men with no local ties, and they could be used for one really important thing, that's voting.

So they'd go from ballot box to ballot box across town voting as many times as they'd like because, as complete unknowns, they were impossible to trace.

This

completely sounds like something from Trump's speech.

They're going door to door. Okay.

Soon Larry was part of the local political machine because he was using his boarding house, and now he he had political cover and the backing of local law enforcement.

And around 1897, Larry has it all.

He's got the full support of the powers that be in the city, a tacit but working arrangement with the other powerful crimps, and an alliance with the district attorney.

Plus, he has it all. Yeah, it's all.

Yeah, he's got the piece of shit collector's kit. Okay.

Plus, he'd also just beat the shit out of anybody who got in his way until they gave up. Right.
That's an important part of all of this. Yeah.

In the 19th century, Portland,

you could pretty much get whatever you wanted if you punched someone enough.

I like the early woo. Woo-oh.

The captain of the German ship Alstrofer. That's right.

The Ulster.

So in December 1900, the captain wrote, quote, you cannot believe how these fellows are working. It almost seems as though they hold the whole law and authorities in their hands.

Larry Sullivan himself said to the German consul, I am the law in Portland.

It's fucking

not good when the Germans are like, this feels very illegal and immoral.

Feels like you've removed the rights from a lot of people.

Anyhooz would be

So now Larry starts to organize and discipline all the crimps in Portland into what was basically a cartel. Oh man, I really thought it was going to be a crimp union.

What do people do?

Okay, a cartel. Well, he's at the top, obviously.
Sure.

Any crimp who refused to to get on board would get knocked around until they agreed. Okay.

So similar tactics. Yeah.

They set the prices to make sure nobody is undercutting the group and they work in unison for Larry's next plan which is robbing the robbers. Robbing the robbers?

So the crimps work hand in hand with the ship's captains to kidnap men to replace deserters or dead crew members. Well, there's an opening.

So fucking dark.

Okay.

So the boarding houses would let men stay on credit, rack up a big tab, and then the only way they could afford to clear their debt was by signing up on a ship.

Sure. So the captains would reimburse the room and board.
and pay a headhunter fee to the boarding house, which was known as blood money. Okay.

So Larry realized the treasure wasn't the crew's wages. If a crew member deserts, the captain keeps their pay.

That means if a few of them split, that could add up to hundreds of thousands in today's money.

So Larry and his fellow crimps began teaching sailors how to commit petty crimes like public drunkenness that would get them sent to jail. but just for a little bit of time.

But wait, walk me through that one more time. Okay, so the captain's on the hook for the fine?

If people

split or die,

the captain keeps their money for their

right.

So now Larry starts getting sailors to commit petty crimes, so they get put in jail. Right.

Then, when it was time for their ship to set sail, the captains would realize that all their men are in jail for 30 days.

And this is a disaster because technically it's not desertion.

If a sailor's in jail, and if the ship leaves without the crew, the captain would have to pay them their wages right then and there. Gotcha, okay.

But the skippers couldn't wait a month to leave because then they're losing thousands of dollars every day. So they're fucked either way.
Right.

Instead, Larry and his gang forced the captains to hire a brand new crew at a higher price. Well, we actually just stumbled upon a full crew ourselves.

These men are dead. Oh,

well, I could see you've got a good eye.

These men are dead.

Being picky again, aren't we?

So

they hire a brand new crew at higher cost,

and they have to release a sailor's wages.

Often six figures. So

instead of the captains stealing it for themselves, now they're having to give it up. And it's a shitload, right? It's a shitload of money.
Yeah.

So this new arrangement was way better for the workers because, unlike before, they were now actually getting at least some of the money that was owed to them. And what? They're just like, jail?

Yes, please.

Yes, what a dream jail is.

And then Larry would get his cut. So everybody's fucking happy except the captain.
Yeah, right.

So one captain sues Larry for this, and he wins. And Larry had to pony up $200

but when the skipper was ready to sail suddenly his entire crew is staying at Larry's boarding house and the new fee for each man was $117 so

he ended up

doing a lot of money yeah don't fuck with Larry yeah

so this

this thing where he lost the suit and then and then made the captain pay $117 for every guy causes an international scandal. Really? Yeah.

So the British consulate blacklists Portland as a shipping destination.

The French and German embassies formally protest.

So French and Germany embassies.

But they're not

asking for better treatment for their countrymen. No.
No.

They want the money. Yeah, they don't care about the sailors.
They just want the commerce.

They want the crooked captains to keep keep the racket because the captains are all from, you know,

higher up. Right.
Yeah.

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So Larry's hustle couldn't last forever, and a new progressive reformers were elected to clean up the town.

And it didn't help that the lewis and clark centennial exposition was coming to town what the fuck

what what what in the fucking cosplaying horse is this

everybody came down to the docks and they gave indigenous people syphilis

actually that is the other way around but whatever. That what? It's the other way around.
Oh, right. What? Indigenous people gave the syphilis to the, and they brought that back to Italy.
Yeah, yeah.

Spread it around.

Nature's weapon, syphilis.

The naughty revenge.

So, yeah, it seemed like a really fun time. Yeah, it sure does.
A couple people got real upset at that crack.

Okay, yeah. Who wouldn't want to go back in time in this time?

Sia Lewis and Clark Centennial Exposition hit the trail. But by the way, as we've talked about before,

it was probably the most exciting shit in the world back then. Oh, yeah.
They're like, oh, fuck, this is awesome. God, I hope they walk backwards.
Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop.

Stop.

Come on, don't get your hopes up. Let's just enjoy it.
Let's just enjoy it this time.

Everyone got their compasses?

So it doesn't help that the exposition is coming to town, and the tourists who came would exit the railroad station right into Larry's like rough and tough area.

Oh, the greatest. Excuse me, gentlemen.
I'm looking for the Lewis and Clark reenactment. Have you seen it? Oh, ah, what?

Wake up on a ship. Ah!

I heard you liked exploring. What is this?

Go downstairs, explore where all the the diarrhea is and clean it. What?

Sir, this is not on my map at all.

Well, it's the worst part of town. There's junks peeking on the sidewalk and sex workers on second floor balconies and

fighters throwing fists at each other in the street. Like, it's just a horrible.
It's a horrible thing. It's so great to be looking for the Lois Clark, the Lewis and Clark Exposition.
Excuse me.

I'm a bit lost.

And I'm supposed to be Clark.

Pardon me, you just knocked my friend Clark over. I'm a fake Lewis.
Now,

just, oh my god, I love fake Lewis and Clark's.

I didn't even think of that. There would be a ton of guys dressed up like Lewis and Clark.
Yeah.

And just like, I'm a little confused. It seems like your downtown has has changed since the last exposition.

Now, pardon me, sir.

You've hit a number of Lewises and five Clarks.

Now, hold on there, sir.

We're just trying to have a little fun. It's Lewis and Clark.

And we've lost 100,000 Lewis and Clark

reenactors.

I'm going to go

all waking up on chips.

So Larry reaches out to his buddies on the East Coast, the mafia basically, and asks them how they are going legit. And they told him it was very simple, get a monopoly on the garbage hauling service.

Sure. So Larry cashed in the last of his chips and went for it.
But the papers got a whiff of it and they blasted it out to the public. Okay.

And there was a huge outcry, and Larry's plan fell apart. And so he realizes it's time to leave Portland.

Damn.

Did he go to Astoria?

And Oregon.

Now.

while reading a newspaper Larry saw a story about a new mining

a story

no say everything you just said a story

ah no

about a new

boom town in Nevada called Goldfield

okay

With its new money, old West lawlessness, and really filthy clientele, Larry knew it was the spot for him.

Nice.

Together with the brothers who helped him start up his boarding house, he opened a casino, the Palace. There?

The idea of being like, this place needs a Harris.

But look, Nevada is awful.

So you can't make it look good. What are you talking about, sir? It's a gorgeous state.
We have the luxury of driving through it quite often. Yeah.

And it is fantastic. Yeah.

It's like, imagine if Arizona died.

So the big fanciness of the palace impressed the miners. The gaming is better.
The girls are prettier. It's a hit immediately.
People love it.

It was at the palace that Larry met a man who looked like he hadn't told the truth in years.

What does that even look like?

He's got fib wrinkles.

The kind of guy you could

sell you your own coat and leave you thinking, thanking him for the bargain, George Graham Rice.

George is a gambler. When he was down to his last seven bucks, he got a hot tip on a horse that was sure to win and pay out 10 to 1.
But instead of betting,

he used the money to place it on an ad

in the paper telling other people to bet on the horse and subscribe to his tip sheet. And it worked like a charm.
Jesus Christ. Interesting.
Yeah.

So he's on top of the world. He's a high roller.
But within three years,

it was shut down for mail fraud.

What a run, though. Yeah.

So George blew all the money, but came out of the experience with the skills to be an excellent copywriter. Quote,

by the end of the run, he was maybe America's best writer of a swindly ad copy.

It's like if pop-ups were a guy.

Yeah.

Good for him.

So he tried to break his gambling habit by moving to the West Coast where he heard about Goldfield. And his friend convinced him to come out.
And then Larry opens a casino.

Oh, man. Oh, boy.

I think God's trying to tell me to get back in and fucking game.

His friend convinced him to come out and be the press agent for a mining property and make a ton of money by suckering Rubes into investing in the claim.

Nice.

Cool. By the time George met Larry at the palace, George had built up his own ad agency and innovated a new way to generate excitement and investment, the human interest story.
Oh no.

We've been doing it ever since. Yes.

It's really terrible.

He placed tall tales of the old West, as if it was the truth, into East and West Coast papers, gunfights, striking gold, rescuing the damsel on the railroad tracks, every stupid.

That one was still playing?

Yeah. Every like stupid trope you could find.
Was there an era where damsels were really on railroad tracks? All the time.

It was an epidemic? Yes, constant. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Crazy. Yeah.

They all featured George's clients as heroes, and it worked.

Larry realized these stories were the ones that he had read in Portland and the ones that convinced him to come out to Goldfield in the first place. Oh, so he fell for the bullshit.

These myths created a parasocial relationship between the audience and the mine owners, which made the readers even more eager to invest.

And Larry knew he had to go into business with this bold young genius.

So Larry and George partner up. Good.
This is a good duo.

And they invested a mine for $1.7 million in today's money. Okay.

And they created a corporation called the Sullivan Trust Company

and split it into a million shares. Jesus.

George got to work on the ad game, drumming up interest, but things started to smell a little fishy.

Sizzler boat. And then

fried salmon. Fried salmon.
Here at Sizzler.

The new steak fish.

Sizzler. Did you say steak fish? The steak fish.

Fresh caught steak from the ocean.

What the fuck is Sizzler doing?

Shrimp fingers. What?

Sizzler. Is anyone listening?

Pasture fish. Pasture fish.
Grown in the mountains of Montana.

Pig lobster.

We don't even know. Every Tuesday.
Maybe. What the fuck?

Sizzler. Sizzler.

We don't know what we're doing. My God, Sizzler, help me.
Sizzler. When we fire an employee, you eat him.
Sizzler.

Sizzler.

Sizzler, there are literally no rules. Sizzler! Sizzler! Sizzler! If you go to the bathroom, we kill you and cook you.
Yeah, and whatever you flush goes on a plate. Sizzler!

Are there?

Hi, I'm Tom Sizzler.

Some of our ads got a bit aggressive recently,

which is why the people who wrote them will now be served to you at Sizzler!

Hi, it's I, Satan.

When I became a majority owner of Sizzler,

a lot of people wondered what direction I would take it in.

But like we always say in hell, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Which is why all the souls of the damned will now be served at the buffet at Sizzler. Plus, we've removed the sneeze guards.

We're encouraging sneezing and coughing and ejaculating for some of the the men.

Sizzler, please take this company away from Earth. Sizzler.

Are there still Sizzlers? Yes. There are.

I could say with great confidence some are hanging in there. Well, it seems like they do go bankrupt a lot.
Yep, that's a part of their business model.

I remember one

tour we were doing, I stayed at the airport LAX

and I stayed overnight because we had to get up at like 6 a.m. for a flight.

And I went down the street to eat and I looked in the sizzler and it was just packed.

Like, those are prisoners.

Those are prisoners.

Help! Help!

We're making salmon.

Release the pink spray.

And then it rotates, and there's a new sizzler. Yeah.

You didn't see anything, did you, sir?

Did you, sir? Welcome to Sizzler.

Do you like your food?

That's the end of it.

Fucking red lobster went out of business before Sizzler. How the fuck is that possible?

Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Couldn't Sizzler was like, we literally don't have shit and we're still doing it.
Sizzler, now for dogs. Bring it.

Just the Sizzler truck driving on the road, grabbing roadkill. Yeah.

Yes, it's steak. Sizzler.

Shut up, eat your sand. We have guns.
What?

It's all you can eat until you can't, Sizzler. Sizzler.

We say when it's all you can eat.

You can fit more.

What?

Eat more.

You're not done yet, Jim.

Sizzler, are you crying? Does it hurt? Sizzler, do a line of breadcrumbs. Pick yourself up off the goddamn mat.
Your dad fucking ate your guts, you little bitch.

Sizzler.

Sizzler, sorry. Sizzler, sorry.
Sorry about that.

Apologies. Sizzler, Sizzler, my love language is aggression, and I got it.

Sizzler, Sizzler, Sizzler.

I've been drinking. Sizzler.

I shouldn't have drove.

Sizzler.

Anyway,

I feel like we just lost one of our sponsors.

That's what we should do. Every time we lose a sponsor, we should just fucking rip them.

I did that, and I got in trouble. Yeah.

I remember.

What?

No, it was.

We've never worked with BetterHelp, but it was like a BetterHelp.

No, we love BetterHelp. They're great.

No, what we love about podcasting is it's a space where you can talk.

What the fuck, what is the story? Hey, buddy.

Oh.

There was one.

So

they started

Larry and George partner up and they vested in a mine for over 1.7. I don't think we need to keep going.
I think we're good. I think we can end that.
Honestly,

I think it's over.

It just sounds so complicated now that we're like,

coming back to it.

They created a corporation called the Sullivan Trust Company, split into a million shares, and then George got to work on the ad game, drumming up interest.

But things began to smell a little fishy. That's where we went.
There it was. That's where we went off target.

I just got a text from Finn. Are you doing a show?

Yes.

If you're hungry, go to Sizzle.

No, no, no.

We're not.

It's time to eat your grandpa no

Can't go back

Then Larry gets his first telegraph bill it was almost $50,000 holy shit

quote when Sullivan learned of its size he nearly collapsed

And then George

swindled him out of another $10,000 for ads he had placed

in papers, and Larry is very worried that he was the rube.

Finally, I got Shanghai.

But 10 days later, the orders start coming in. Okay.

Almost $1.3 million at $0.25 a share,

$13 million in today's cash. So

what the fuck? They cleaned up. Yep.

And they went on a buying spree.

From George, quote, that week and the next,

Sullivan gave me carte blanche to speculate in local mining stocks with partnership money. And within a fortnight, we had made another small fortune from securities.

These were advancing in price on the San Francisco Stock Exchange by leaps and bounds. So they're just fucking rolling in money.
Yeah, now that they have money, they can actually make money.

And the mines don't need to be productive because everyone's just throwing money at them and everyone knows it's speculative. So when most of it didn't work out, nobody told the law enforcement.

Everyone's just like, yeah, okay, I got fucked again. Right.
And they got away scot-free. Of course, some of their big-time investors did have to be convinced that they weren't getting screwed.

So when VIPs from back east would come to check out their investments, Larry and George would salt the mine. Uh-huh.

So they put gold and other whatever gems inside the mines to make them. Why the fuck would you announce that you're going to go for your mine? It's like be like, I'll be there two weeks.

Let's, I guess we'll put gold all over the floor. Yeah.

You got to bar rescue the mine. You just show up.
They're like, oh, fuck. This is fucking Baron.
What the fuck are you guys talking about? I'll be there soon. I'm excited to see gold.

I don't know if you could, I don't know if you could, because anybody rich coming, they would,

once they got off the train, they would know and they would just salt the mine. How fast can you salt a mine? Matt, throw fucking diamonds and whatever.

I mean, this makes the case that the rich should not exist more than anything I've ever heard. Yes.

Just.

Eegads, it sure is sparkly down there.

Oh, we haven't looked in that one yet. Oh, well, boys, you sure should have.
I think I found a humdiger.

What the fuck?

But George and Larry had legitimate productive minds as well. What it was, though, was a speculative bubble.
So other mining stock investments contributed to it. But Goldfield was like the

main

place. Yeah.
Sullivan Trust Company collapsed in 1907 and George went on to try and swindle other investors, even though he's fucking just a crazy millionaire. Yeah, that's the problem though.

It's not

it's not security. Yeah.
It's a compulsion. Yeah.
It's a disease. He tried it with copper mining where he was caught and arrested for mail fraud.
So why the fuck what the fuck? Why would you do it?

Because it's the thrill. I already answered it.
Yeah, exactly. Larry tried to do the same in Mexico, but the mine he bought was a dud, and he just didn't have that.

It's so funny to imagine the Mexicans just like, quick, throw diamonds.

This is a winner, boys.

And he didn't have that magnetism or flair like

George did for PR. In the end, he went to LA.

Yeah, hey!

No!

It's a great town,

the prick capital of the world,

Smogsville,

Afterland.

You heard of Tom Cruise?

That's right.

Well, he lives there. Yeah.

And he's got a bunch of religious McDonald's places opened up everywhere. Right.

And guess what? They're going pretty good.

Pretty good. Pretty good.
A lot of people are listening. Okay? Sorry, Parlin.
And neighboring areas?

You know, my favorite Tom Cruise thing is...

Have you seen... Go.

Have you seen the show Reacher on

a fucking great show? The guy is like...

He's too big. He's the size of a house.
He's too big. What I like is a little Reacher.
Well,

so...

Reacher in the comic is a huge person. And a friend of mine was writing a screenplay for the first Reacher movie years ago.
And then Tom Cruise read it. And he was like, I'll be Reacher.

I'd like to try.

Give me some. So

the whole thing about Reacher is he's big. And then they're like, well, Tom wants to do it.

So then Reacher was tiny.

But that's why I'm reaching so much.

I can't get to it.

It became a different kind of reach. Could you help me get to Souway?

Give me that little ladder so I can reach the cookie jar.

Yeah.

All right, so Larry ends up in L.A. and he works as a private detective because, yeah.

Yeah.

And he works with perhaps the greatest lawyer of the 20th century, Clarence Darrow. Whoa.

Who

defended evolution in the Scopes Monkey trial and countless unions against tyrannical bosses and Eugene debs during the Pullman strike.

So Larry was suspected of trying to bribe the jury in the famous case of the McNamara brothers, who

blew up the LA Times building, but it was never proven. That could happen again.
I wouldn't care. So

he then, Larry then got involved in Mexican lotteries around Southern California, but they local authorities

put the kibosh on that. So then he came back to Portland.

But the only three things he was good at.

Have you been listening?

That's right, LA. Second.

You were too moral for this prick,

Sizzler.

the only three things he was good at running casinos rigging boxing matches and serving liquor were all illegal now in Portland well did he not know that he came back and he was

fine came back to his peeps he's rich though so whatever it didn't stop him from trying though so he's in and out of jail for years

And when World War I erupted across the globe, Larry got a job as a security man at his shipyard, perhaps the very same one he used to run with an iron fist. And Larry died in 1918 of kidney disease,

probably from drinking, you know, having lived

more in his 55 years than most would in his lifetime.

So that's it. That's Larry's soul.

Jesus Christ.

We lost the real one. We lost the real one.

So that's how Sizzler started.

It's crazy.

The research was done by Josh Androwski. Sources, Larry Sullivan, boxer Connor, Shanghai baller.
Riverboat Party turned out to be the Shanghai trick. Larry Sullivan, notorious P-Town Shanghai cartel.

Boss Shanghai Sullivan's mine stock fraud career. These are all four by Finn JD John.
And Shanghai Days: A Rogues to Rich Rags, Story of Portland Seeding Seafaring Past by Dale Bates.

And Tunnels Get to

Underbelly of Portland's Lavous Past by Joseph Frazier. My Adventures with Your Money by George Graham Rice.

I don't know if we've ever had a source giggle.

The Evening Star and the Tillamook Headlight Herald.

Yeah, so that's it. Wow.

It is so,

it's almost, I mean, it's so stupid at this point to even talk about like how money is the ultimate corruption. It never ends.

And then we're at like peak austerity again now. Yeah.

And then we're just totally fucked again. Yeah.

Thanks for coming out, everybody. Appreciate it.
Thank you.

Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop.
You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So, if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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