126 - The Past Times with Katie Nolan

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Speaker 39 All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

Speaker 39 I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week,

Speaker 40 the great Katie Nolan. Hi, Katie.

Speaker 41 Hi, why great? That felt like you are great. Yeah, you're very

Speaker 41 talented.

Speaker 40 Katie, you've done every podcast.

Speaker 41 Are you tired? Yeah, I'm tired.

Speaker 40 Because you're promoting casuals, which is your new podcast, which everyone should go listen to and support. But I,

Speaker 40 just as someone who does a lot of podcasts, I'm like, you must be fucking tired. And you probably are like, I'm doing another podcast right now.

Speaker 41 Shut up. This podcast.
You shut up. Dave, shut up.
I told you. Jesus Christ.
Sorry, shut up. Sorry.
I told you this already. I know.
But I go to sleep with the dollop.

Speaker 41 And I don't know if you can want to sound offensive.

Speaker 41 I listen to you guys a lot. So, this is an honor to be here.
But yes, I'm doing too many podcasts because I just Sirius keeps being like, We put you out to these five.

Speaker 41 And I'm like, When does this stop? I thought it was like the launch, the roller goes, and then it's every week.

Speaker 40 Are you going in studio and doing most of these, or are you doing them?

Speaker 41 No, I try to schedule them so that I'm in the studio doing our podcast, and then I stay there to do the so that I don't have to be responsible for the hitting record or the lighting or any of that.

Speaker 41 It's like taken care of because I'm actually incompetent.

Speaker 40 No, because you just said you built your fiancé's podcast set, so you seem very

Speaker 41 wrong.

Speaker 41 You built it incorrectly. Does he point that out? Does he buy it? No, no, no, no.
Oh my god, no, he's the sweetest. No, he was like, I think it make it gives it character.

Speaker 41 Yes, yes, that's sweet. This is a sweetie podcast.

Speaker 41 Well, and then does he go into it?

Speaker 42 Does he go into another room and like punch pillows out?

Speaker 41 Punch a pillow. Oh, he hits me, but he's not.

Speaker 42 Okay, okay.

Speaker 41 Yeah, he's kind with his words, but not with his fists.

Speaker 40 We call hitting a woman here the other room, just so you know.

Speaker 41 Oh, sorry, sorry. I knew that.
I knew that. Yeah, if you're a listener, I think you'd be.
Gary, I'm sorry.

Speaker 41 Katie,

Speaker 40 Catherine, don't do this.

Speaker 40 So, all right, so everyone should go

Speaker 40 listen to casuals wherever you get podcasts. And

Speaker 42 tell people what happens on casuals.

Speaker 41 Listen, I don't want to scare people away with the word sports, but it is a sports podcast for people that think that they don't like sports or like feel like sports talk doesn't talk to them.

Speaker 41 It's a palatable sports podcast. Yeah, it's like it's we do it one way, sports, and I feel like they do that really well.

Speaker 41 But I want to do it a little different way because I have a lot of friends that I feel like would be into this stuff if somebody helped them get into it. So that's the goal.
Okay.

Speaker 40 I think it's great. And I have a Packer tattoo.
And I also find it's not just for people who don't like sports. Like people who like sports also can listen to casuals.

Speaker 41 It's for sports and comedy. Two things that should go better together and don't often go together that well.

Speaker 41 Yeah, it's just for people who like

Speaker 41 history and comedy. Sure, yeah.

Speaker 42 I also have a Packer tattoo, by the way.

Speaker 41 Interesting. It's very suruma.
It's a rummy and it goes. You're just a big Gareth fan.
Yeah. It's around.

Speaker 41 Oh, so you do know the name, Katie. It's so interesting.

Speaker 41 Now it's Gareth. And that's,

Speaker 41 oh, fuck.

Speaker 40 All right, listen, Katie, here's what we're going to do.

Speaker 41 I know you like the dollop. I don't know if you like this show.
That's okay. I hate it.
What you're going to do. I hate it too.

Speaker 40 What you're going to do is you're going to guess what year this paper is from. Now,

Speaker 40 listen, here's the good news.

Speaker 41 Dave.

Speaker 40 In the past couple years, has found ways to fight me through the show.

Speaker 40 And you'll win. No matter what year you guess, you're going to win.
I'm going to guess too, and I might be closer. Doesn't matter.
You're going to win. Now,

Speaker 41 Dave, now,

Speaker 41 David,

Speaker 40 now,

Speaker 40 if I were you, I would guess 1700 to 19 mid-1900s. That would be the zone I would go in, but we did do a 1600s one once with Adam Kahn over, and he just kept going like, that's fake.

Speaker 40 So it kind of removed the stakes.

Speaker 41 He ruins everything. So he kind of removed the stakes.

Speaker 40 So I think that Dave has shied away from that. But again, I only can give you so much information.

Speaker 41 So you get to give me a step. You've just basically given me none.
Any that you did give me, you then deleted. So I

Speaker 41 okay, let's go. I'm going to go with

Speaker 41 1892.

Speaker 40 It's a great guess. It's a great guess.
It's right in the zone. It's right in the pocket.
Since you did 1890s, which I've been accused of doing a lot, I'll go 1912.

Speaker 41 You're wrong.

Speaker 40 Well, is she wrong too?

Speaker 42 No, it's 1887. She's like right on.

Speaker 41 Oh, that's really close.

Speaker 41 You won legitimately.

Speaker 40 Yeah, that was a legitimate win.

Speaker 42 Does anything you have to say, Gary? I'm fine with it.

Speaker 40 I love it when the guest wins. Because it's fair.
Because it was a fair win. It wasn't one of your bullshit ones.
I've gotten the year right before, and the guest has won what?

Speaker 41 Well,

Speaker 42 did you get it right when your vibe is all off like this?

Speaker 40 I don't want to do vibes. We're not going to have the vibe conversation again.

Speaker 41 Okay. Katie's here.

Speaker 41 Traffic control hat. Just a quick question.
Sorry, you ran. Yeah, no,

Speaker 40 I don't know if you've seen what's going on lately with landing planes, but I'm doing that. So if during this I mute, I'm just trying to land a couple guys.
Bring it up.

Speaker 41 Got it. Bring it up.

Speaker 41 That explains a lot of current events. We just lost it.
Honestly.

Speaker 40 We just lost them.

Speaker 41 Sean Duffy's over here.

Speaker 40 He's on the couch watching Clueless.

Speaker 41 We're having a hell of a time.

Speaker 41 We're having a hell of a time.

Speaker 40 All right. Dave's having gin.

Speaker 42 Let's... It is.
Oh, God, I wish I was. I could do some morning drinking right now.
If I didn't have to go to a baseball game at 345, I would maybe morning gin.

Speaker 41 Sports.

Speaker 42 Yeah, my son. My son is a baseball player.

Speaker 41 He has a game at 345.

Speaker 41 Well identified. What position is he playing?

Speaker 42 He's a catcher, a third baseman, and

Speaker 41 the four-later. Yeah, I mean, I was going to say strong, strong kid.
Yeah,

Speaker 41 we're raising him strong.

Speaker 42 We want him to be strong yep nice oh boy uh january 28th 1887 that's my birthday

Speaker 40 so wait a minute no wonder she got it right not that year sorry oh

Speaker 41 okay oh cry i was gonna say there's a lot going on i thanks for letting me know i did my makeup like today i thought it looked good oh katie no

Speaker 40 katie no

Speaker 40 it's fine i just look a hundred years old you did know it was her birthday You're full of shit.

Speaker 42 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it was.
That's why.

Speaker 41 Boston Globe, January. And that's where I'm from.
I'm just confusing. Very rich of this.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Have you heard of a stalker?

Speaker 41 I'm stalking through an old paper. I'm so bored with stalker.

Speaker 41 Dave, I'm a lady that works in sports. Have I heard of a stalker? It's a very funny question.

Speaker 41 Please continue. Oh, my God.

Speaker 40 I can only imagine.

Speaker 42 Yeah, I didn't think of that combo before, but that's really terrible.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 40 What a nightmare.

Speaker 42 Indigent. Oh, indignant.
Sorry, that's totally a different word.

Speaker 41 Indignant pastor Whatemer. Wittemere?

Speaker 42 Oh, that's his name.

Speaker 41 Wittimere. Sure.

Speaker 42 He has one alleged defamer, Pat Under Bail and Restraining Others. Put under bail.
Sorry, it's hard to read this.

Speaker 41 What's going on? What's going on? It's hard to read.

Speaker 42 The letters are a little smudged, so it's difficult.

Speaker 41 Are you on a microfiche? Yes.

Speaker 40 Put your jeweler's loop on. That normally helps you.

Speaker 42 I'm at the library looking at the microfiche.

Speaker 40 Yeah, that's why you can't drink gin.

Speaker 40 Yeah, the library is fuck.

Speaker 41 They're pricks about that.

Speaker 42 He has one alleged defamer put under bail and restrains others.

Speaker 42 This is out of Philadelphia. Reverend Howard Wittemere, rector of the Protestant Episcopal Church of the Beloved Disciple.
You know what? Just fucking, you don't need to. What?

Speaker 42 The name of your church can be smaller.

Speaker 41 It's got to be a sentence, I think. I think that's God law.

Speaker 42 Yeah. It's just, it's a lot.

Speaker 41 Yeah. I don't need.

Speaker 41 Personally, I like to get specific.

Speaker 40 I like to get in the weeds. Let me know what version of this area.

Speaker 42 Yeah. Do you want to get really specific about that?

Speaker 40 To me, religion's like Adobe. I want a new version every week.

Speaker 41 Keep asking. When did we learn what all those words mean, by the way? Episcopal, what was the other one? Protestant.
I think I'm I'm Episcopal.

Speaker 42 I know what Protestant is because those are the guys, those are the ones who broke everything.

Speaker 41 And it was over what?

Speaker 41 Of course? No, that's the other one. No,

Speaker 42 the English church.

Speaker 41 Okay, let's not start doing the country thing.

Speaker 41 We've all made some goofies. We've all made a couple goofies.

Speaker 42 Anyone in Ireland right now is like, what the fuck?

Speaker 42 Yeah, we don't really know. But yeah, basically, the English church split off and started their own church.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 41 So that's the Protestant. And then Episcopal.

Speaker 41 What's that?

Speaker 42 No idea.

Speaker 41 Okay. Same.
Yeah, me either. Yeah.
And

Speaker 42 anytime something comes up, I don't care.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I was just going to say, we never asked Paul. We're like, okay, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, I'll do less of that. I just feel like everybody knows what that means.
And I go, I don't know what that is.

Speaker 40 I think it's a fair point because it is like, I've heard it a thousand times and never have I been like, walk me through it.

Speaker 42 It's like the way that the super hot uh girls in high school didn't want to know about hobbits same thing Dave be very careful they never wanted to hear my hobbit conversation Dave be very careful

Speaker 41 Dave

Speaker 41 I know I know I that was it's like how chicks in high school are hot still

Speaker 42 go ahead Dave I wasn't saying now I said when I was in high school Dalia baby oh God

Speaker 41 he is a god is he still going

Speaker 41 uh well stop in what way he's unstoppable oh I know he's still going in I think it always yes girls way of course yeah no he's still doing stand-up too for some reason on this show he comes up weekly at this point so I don't know I think it's because you're on the show every week that's it that is what it is that is what it is that's it that's exactly what it is

Speaker 41 sorry about that church you were saying something happened if anybody doesn't know who Chris DeLee is, just go look at some crime reports.

Speaker 42 Save.

Speaker 42 Okay, so the church of the beloved disciples. So the rector, Whittemere, asked Judge Biddle today.

Speaker 41 Every name is getting worse. I know.

Speaker 40 I was letting it slide, but now you're doing Biddles.

Speaker 42 It sounds very much like the Hobbit stuff I was talking about, doesn't it?

Speaker 41 Easy.

Speaker 41 It sure does.

Speaker 42 Biddle could be a Hobbit.

Speaker 40 Biddle's actually when two Hobbits fuck.

Speaker 41 I don't know. Whittemere is where the is where hobbits live i think that's right they live in the wittemer yeah uh

Speaker 42 he asked the judge today that jesse barker an ex-warden of the church be held to bail for publishing a libel

Speaker 41 so he wants he wants

Speaker 41 talking shit yeah he's yeah yeah go to jail yeah talking shit well they are the chosen disciples Okay, fair point. So, fair point.
Right.

Speaker 42 The complainant swears that Mr. Barker Barker has published a letter of Reverend George Dean,

Speaker 42 Chancellor of All Saints Albany, which again.

Speaker 41 A man who needs no introduction. No.

Speaker 42 No. In which he says, under date August 6th, there is unfortunately not the slightest doubt that Reverend Howard

Speaker 42 Whittemere is an adulterer and a perjured man.

Speaker 41 There it is. There it is.

Speaker 41 Shit. There it is.

Speaker 41 So he's fucking.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 40 So that's where he kind of comes from. He's sort of, yeah.

Speaker 41 And that was, he said, and you know, a lot of times now people will say allegedly and thinks that, and think that covers them. That was the opposite of allegedly.

Speaker 41 He said there is no, no doubt at all ever on earth.

Speaker 42 Not the slightest doubt.

Speaker 41 Not the slightest doubt.

Speaker 40 Well, we should say allegedly too. We don't want them to come after us.
I understand it's very litigious.

Speaker 41 Yeah,

Speaker 40 the church can be quite litigious.

Speaker 41 Allegedly.

Speaker 42 Allegedly. I would never say anything bad about the church is great.
They've never done anything wrong. Nope.

Speaker 41 I've biddled a couple of kids, though. Hey,

Speaker 41 hey, right in their rectors.

Speaker 40 Why do so many church terms are right around

Speaker 40 where you're like, sounds like Buddha?

Speaker 42 Are you trying to say that Biddle is not a church term?

Speaker 41 No, no, I don't believe Biddle to be a church term.

Speaker 42 Okay, slightest doubt that Reverend Howard Wittemere is an adulterer and a perchured man in the eye of God and the church's law, if not a bigamist by the law of the land.

Speaker 42 He is a shameless, he is a shameless scoundrel and hypocrite who should be summarily driven from the church's ministry, which he pollutes.

Speaker 41 All right, so he's

Speaker 41 with his chest. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Yeah, he's stuck fucking around.

Speaker 41 Wow.

Speaker 41 Yeah, we need more of that. Yeah, I was gonna say, we I'm missing this.
This sounds nice. We tiptoe now.
Yeah, it's a whistleblower.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I like it.

Speaker 41 If he's right, I don't know if he's lying. That's right.

Speaker 40 I do like the religion, like you have to get married. Like if you're fucking around, you have to just get married to kind of be like,

Speaker 40 I'm trying to limit my sins from this.

Speaker 40 We got to get married now.

Speaker 42 So, this guy is being

Speaker 42 the complaint is that he published it, not that he wrote it.

Speaker 41 The other guy wrote it.

Speaker 42 So, he's not going up.

Speaker 42 So, that's another reverend said that or wrote it, and then this guy just published it.

Speaker 41 And that's who he wants in jail? Yeah.

Speaker 42 That's who the adultery is.

Speaker 42 Mr. Fuck around.

Speaker 41 Fuck around. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 It's a Nissan, in my opinion.

Speaker 42 And then he did it. Judge Biddle placed the bail at 3,000.

Speaker 41 Fuck, back then. It's a lot of money.
That's a lot of money. What's the conversion on that?

Speaker 40 I'll do it right now, Kitty.

Speaker 41 It is.

Speaker 40 $4,500

Speaker 41 in today.

Speaker 41 Isn't that crazy? After the tariffs, it's not that

Speaker 40 opposed tariffs. I know you're trying to bring in a wide net, Katie, but I'm anti-tariffs.

Speaker 41 No.

Speaker 42 The tariffs are bringing in money.

Speaker 40 Well, look, we like to relate it to a surgery. Right now, the patient's guts have been taken out and an orderly slipped on them and threw up in them.
But soon enough, hang in there, okay?

Speaker 40 Soon enough, we got some good news coming.

Speaker 40 Dave's 100% doing a calculation.

Speaker 42 I am.

Speaker 42 Now I need to know. Somebody asked me.

Speaker 41 I wouldn't even know where to start.

Speaker 42 That's just a little thing. It's $100,000.

Speaker 41 Whoa.

Speaker 42 For fucking printing some shit about this.

Speaker 41 This guy's fucking everybody.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 41 That's crazy.

Speaker 40 Well, eventually we stop doing that sort of.

Speaker 41 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Reverend Wittemere also filed a bill in equity

Speaker 42 in which he complains that on October 11th, he wrote to Josephine Wittemere, his then wife,

Speaker 42 a private and confidential letter, which he sent to Reverend Hobart Brown.

Speaker 41 What?

Speaker 42 With permission that Bishop Doan might read. These guys, this is Christian.

Speaker 41 This is not housewives. I can't keep

Speaker 41 it about who and who did what.

Speaker 40 It really is a lot.

Speaker 42 This is the cattiest little reverends.

Speaker 41 This is just a little bit of a teacher. Honestly, honestly, the real reverends of the Episcopal Church.

Speaker 42 This letter came into possession of Jesse Barker and John Hibbard, who caused it to be printed in the reverence.

Speaker 41 Caused it to be printed.

Speaker 41 Hibbard?

Speaker 42 He prayed the court to restrain Barker and Hibbard from further use and publication of this communication. So he wrote a letter saying he was fucking around.

Speaker 42 He sent it to other reverends or whatever, the bishop. And now we know that the bishops usually are like, yeah, do whatever you want.

Speaker 41 Fuck, fuck whoever.

Speaker 42 But he's mad because someone else got a hold of it.

Speaker 41 So somebody published the group text.

Speaker 42 Yeah,

Speaker 42 basically.

Speaker 41 It's a signal. Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 42 A signal. And now he's mad.
It's not even a signal, though. It's just a letter.
It's just.

Speaker 41 It's crazy to think people used to write down what they did wrong to communicate it to other people. They couldn't, like, I don't know.
What year was this again? There was phones?

Speaker 42 1887.

Speaker 40 Well, the diaries, too, like the diaries that people left behind where you're like, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 41 Why'd you write that?

Speaker 40 Yeah, like some of those explorer diaries where he's like, well, I ate Ted, had no choice. Oh, my God.
I'm dying. This is the worst.
I jerked off in the snow. I'm going to die out here.

Speaker 40 And then they like find them.

Speaker 41 And the guy's like, publish this.

Speaker 40 It gets pretty crazy.

Speaker 40 And then a year later, he's doing it on Broadway. Yes.

Speaker 40 Everyone always did a play.

Speaker 42 Everybody always did a play.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Well, that's the end of that story. Whatever the fuck just happened.

Speaker 41 Oh, thank God. That was the whole thing?

Speaker 40 I'm so glad.

Speaker 41 Huh?

Speaker 42 There were too many names for it was bad.

Speaker 41 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was fair enough.

Speaker 41 Boring birthday news. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Not a lot going on on my day back then.
Well, hang in there. Hang in there.

Speaker 40 Just be the lead story does not mean it's the biggest story. Okay.
Come on, Dave, show her.

Speaker 41 Come on.

Speaker 42 New New York society sensation.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 42 A dispatch from Parance. Paris announces the marriage on Tuesday of Marquis de Talleyrand Perigore.

Speaker 42 Talleyrand Peragor and Miss Adele Livingston Stevens. Miss Adele Sampson was the daughter of Josiah Sampson, a Connecticut manufacturer.
She married Frederick Stevens of an old New York family.

Speaker 42 About five years ago, society was shocked to learn that Miss Stevens had deserted her husband and got to Europe to join the Marquis, who was himself married.

Speaker 41 Oh, yeah, this is very scandal. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Yeah, I like it.

Speaker 40 There were letters.

Speaker 42 Yeah. Whoa, there were letters.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 42 His wife having been

Speaker 42 Miss Curtis of the old Boston family of that name. Oh, so he likes Americans.
He's got an American fetish,

Speaker 41 right? Yeah.

Speaker 42 Marquis who likes Americans. The couple traveled openly together all over Europe.
Wow, scandalous for that time.

Speaker 40 Openly, yeah.

Speaker 42 Openly, yeah. Two years ago, she returned and persuaded her husband to agree to a divorce and return to the mark.
Marquis, whose wife had also secured a divorce.

Speaker 42 Mr. Stevens still resides in New York.

Speaker 41 Wow. All right.
Okay.

Speaker 42 It's costing

Speaker 40 convince your husband to get divorced, and you're like, I'm fully dating a French man in another country. And he's like, I don't know.
I'm just not sure that it's not going to work out for us.

Speaker 41 I'm going to need to see more evidence. We're not made for each other.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Here he is. I am fucking here.

Speaker 41 Well, I don't know.

Speaker 40 I'm not sure still.

Speaker 41 How did she meet the Marquis?

Speaker 40 That is a good question.

Speaker 41 She must have gone over there.

Speaker 40 Yeah, well, every night from what I hear.

Speaker 41 Hey, sorry. The past times will be right back.

Speaker 41 Yeah, but it is interesting.

Speaker 40 I wonder how that did happen.

Speaker 42 They would come over on ships at this time and, you know, hang out in society in the other country. Sure.
So the Marquis was probably...

Speaker 42 He's probably, I mean, if he's got an American thing for, he clearly likes American ladies. He's talking trips over here.

Speaker 41 Now,

Speaker 40 what's the Marquis? We're talking about religious titles. What is he?

Speaker 42 I don't know who the marquee is.

Speaker 41 You know, Desaud.

Speaker 42 Yep, Desaud.

Speaker 41 Right.

Speaker 40 So, if it wasn't for Desad.

Speaker 41 That's it.

Speaker 42 I'm sure it's just like a

Speaker 42 lord, I would imagine.

Speaker 41 Sure. Or like a vassal?

Speaker 41 Is that how you say it? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Speaker 42 I don't know. We're not worried about it.

Speaker 41 I just realized, as I said it, that I've only ever read it. I've never heard anybody say it.
So it's one of those things.

Speaker 41 Yeah, you worry someone's listening. I'm a bitdle.
Idiot. Yeah.
I've always said that. I've always.

Speaker 40 About you, yeah. I'm a biddle.

Speaker 42 Okay, Gareth, you should have known because a marquee is a title of nobility ranking above an earl but below a duke in European peerages, including the United Kingdom, where you have citizenship.

Speaker 41 Above an earl, but below a duke. I feel like I've that's they skip it a lot.
It must not come up often.

Speaker 40 I'll tell you, when I was religious for a little while, I was above an earl and below a duke. Damn.

Speaker 41 That was the 80s.

Speaker 42 So I just want to break down what you said.

Speaker 41 That was part of your religion.

Speaker 42 That was part of your religion. Well, you said when I was religious for a little bit.

Speaker 41 Dave, it's all

Speaker 41 just a lot of pipe. Let's move on.

Speaker 41 Come on.

Speaker 40 Dissecting it isn't worth it.

Speaker 41 Part of your religion is. We have company, Dave.

Speaker 40 We have company.

Speaker 41 Double penetrated? Dave, not necessarily.

Speaker 40 Can a guy be once penetrated and lay his junk upon another's?

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 40 It's called roast beefing. Katie, I'm sorry.
Thank you for coming over.

Speaker 41 I'm a lot. All right, there we go.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 41 This is what

Speaker 41 I'm doing. It's the way you're sitting close up.
Isn't that good?

Speaker 40 I'm seeing myself close up. I'm not into it.

Speaker 41 No.

Speaker 42 The pores. The pores.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 40 You hate them, don't you? You wealthy asshole.

Speaker 42 I don't have pores. I had mine all closed up.

Speaker 42 Gareth, the pastimes is brought to you by Factor. Factor meals.
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Speaker 40 I will not apologize for loving the Factor's juices. They are delicious.
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Speaker 42 Sure.

Speaker 42 A victim of cocaine.

Speaker 41 now

Speaker 41 yeah yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 42 dr cee d bradley formerly

Speaker 40 dr seedy i'm a cocaine doctor

Speaker 42 dr cee d bradley formerly a well-known northside physician was found insane today by a jury in the county court in order to be sent to jefferson

Speaker 42 sir you are fucking nuts dr CD.

Speaker 40 So is he the co he's on cocaine or he's prescribing cocaine?

Speaker 41 Because cocaine is about to find out. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, wait, can we just, what was the status of cocaine back at this time?

Speaker 41 Legal. It is.
Legal. And prescribed.
Used for.

Speaker 42 Yeah, they would prescribe it to cure different illnesses and whatnot.

Speaker 41 Sick. Let's go back.
I honestly know, right?

Speaker 40 Let's go back. Knowledge is the problem.

Speaker 41 We need to know a lot less than we know.

Speaker 42 I've heard what's going on with your knee and it sounds really bad. and i think you need to party yeah i think so too

Speaker 42 party a little bit yeah

Speaker 40 two lines what's the what do we prescribe seven seven a day seven lines a day and i should start a company with my friends you're saying yep that's right great absolutely you guys have come up with some great ideas the idea that imagine prescribing like take two lines a day you'd be like doctor i was unable to stop at two lines for some reason

Speaker 40 what you're gonna want to do is give yourself a gummer um that's gonna help you a little bit.

Speaker 42 It must have been so amazing to just go into some doctor's offices and they just won't stop talking. You're like, what?

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I'm a little sick myself, so I had to give myself a little bit of the prescription medication.

Speaker 41 But anyway, I got to go. I got to let up appointments today.

Speaker 42 Dr. Bradley is a victim of the cocaine habit.

Speaker 42 It is said that his practice two years ago was worth $10,000 a year. About 16 months ago, he began to experiment

Speaker 42 himself with cocaine.

Speaker 40 I'm going to call it that next time I do boy.

Speaker 41 I'm just experimenting a little on myself with cocaine.

Speaker 40 I'm experimenting on myself with cocaine a little bit.

Speaker 41 Sorry if my energy's off, guys. I've been running some tests on myself with cocaine.

Speaker 40 Sorry if I'm hogging all the air in the conversation. I'll be honest, I went to the bathroom a little while ago and experimented on myself with a lot of cocaine.

Speaker 42 Okay, from the start, he acquired a liking for the drug and it ruined him.

Speaker 41 No shit.

Speaker 40 He did it. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 41 That's the findings of the experiment. Loved it.
I have yet to meet anyone who's like, bah, this is terrible.

Speaker 40 Yeah, nobody's like, I tried it once.

Speaker 42 His wife is now lying ill at the county hospital, suffering from the drug, which was administered to her for experiment by her husband.

Speaker 41 Okay, now that we're crossing the line,

Speaker 41 sweetie, sweetie.

Speaker 42 Hey, baby, you got to try this shit.

Speaker 41 You know what I mean? Okay.

Speaker 42 Let's do it. Let's do it together.

Speaker 42 I got to sniff it off your tits.

Speaker 41 Medically.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 42 Medically.

Speaker 40 Can you imagine being in a relationship where one person's not doing cocaine?

Speaker 41 That's, I think, with the problem they ran into. Yeah, eventually who's like, you have to too.
I can't. You need to get on my page.
Let's go. Let's experiment with you being on the same page as me.

Speaker 41 Yes, yes.

Speaker 42 I'll never forget

Speaker 42 because we did a lot of cocaine cocaine in high school. In high school, I went to a, all my friends are doing cocaine and I couldn't, I couldn't, I don't remember why I couldn't, but I couldn't.

Speaker 41 I know why. You were in high school, I think.
Oh, I started with four. Imagine being like, I couldn't.

Speaker 41 I can't tonight.

Speaker 42 And I, for some reason, I was at their house, and my buddy Eddie just kept talking about how he wanted to open a bank that makes change.

Speaker 42 And I kept saying, How would you make money?

Speaker 41 He's making money by making it into change. Change is money.
It's a fee.

Speaker 42 No, but he just

Speaker 42 someone brings a dollar and you give them four quarters.

Speaker 40 No, because think about like a Thomas Cook or something like that. They take a cut.

Speaker 41 There's a cut. You're not thinking about the cut.

Speaker 40 I've got a little bit of the, I've been experimenting on myself this morning.

Speaker 42 Dr. Bradley is a graduate of the Harvard Medical School.

Speaker 41 Wow, prestigious. Maybe it wasn't yet.
I think it was, or was it the only one?

Speaker 42 It was. It was kind of always the school.

Speaker 41 It might be the only medical school at that point.

Speaker 42 Yeah, it's not a lot, honestly.

Speaker 41 I do like the experimenting on with cocaine is a way that, because that story told now is that the lady did too much Coke and went to the hospital.

Speaker 41 But now the story is that he experimented on me and put me in the hospital. It's like Coke, but it's not your fault.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 40 I think what you're saying, Katie, I completely agree with this, is we've kind of lost the plot when it comes to ownness.

Speaker 40 And, you know, blaming the men blaming as we're calling it is so wrong, it's so involved, and it's so wrong.

Speaker 40 Am I doing the thing again?

Speaker 41 Yeah, you are. Oh, you are.

Speaker 40 I've been experimenting on myself with Molly lately, too, if I'm being honest.

Speaker 42 My name's I wish you'd. I need you to do Molly when you do the podcast,

Speaker 40 buddy.

Speaker 40 Let's talk off air

Speaker 40 because I got a bunch.

Speaker 42 The next headline is wonderful.

Speaker 41 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 42 German and Chinese.

Speaker 41 That's it. That's the headline.

Speaker 40 I'll do the German. Katie, you take the other impression.

Speaker 41 Three, two, one, go.

Speaker 40 That'll be doing.

Speaker 42 Your turn, Katie.

Speaker 41 Go ahead.

Speaker 42 Just do the...

Speaker 41 Katie, I think she can't hear us today for some reason.

Speaker 41 Are you guys hearing me? Yeah, we got you, Katie. Loud and clear.

Speaker 41 I don't know what the problem is.

Speaker 42 Me, Sin, and his German wife, Alvina, were arrested yesterday on a charge of miscegenation. Is that how you said?

Speaker 40 Misogenation?

Speaker 42 Miscegenation. Misgenation.
Someone's getting mad at me.

Speaker 41 Does the next sentence clear it up?

Speaker 41 That's a great question.

Speaker 41 I know what it is. That could be an alternate title to the show.

Speaker 42 It's when you're doing

Speaker 42 naughty with someone of another

Speaker 42 color, basically. Oh.

Speaker 41 That was a crime. It was a fucking...
What the fuck?

Speaker 41 The German guy's in trouble for having sex with a Chinese person?

Speaker 41 Is that what's happening?

Speaker 42 Yeah,

Speaker 41 it's a crime.

Speaker 40 Give us 18 months until we start floating this one out again.

Speaker 41 Yeah, seriously. Oh, my god.

Speaker 42 He filed into Justice Kirsten's courtroom this morning and took seats. A moment later, they were brought before the justice to show cause why they should not be fined for disorderly conduct.

Speaker 41 Well, are you guys popping the by what kissing? Yeah, I was gonna say, like, what is look, we love each other.

Speaker 40 This is so good.

Speaker 41 Look how good we are at it. This is the

Speaker 41 different colours.

Speaker 40 This judge is good.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 42 Quote, I continued the case, said the justice, to give you an opportunity to find the marriage certificate, which you yesterday claimed you had.

Speaker 41 Have you got it?

Speaker 40 So they're saying we can do this because we're married. And the judge is like, that will work.

Speaker 42 I'm going to need to prove. Prove it.

Speaker 41 Crazy.

Speaker 42 There better be a law that you people of different ethnicities can do stuff.

Speaker 41 Wow.

Speaker 41 It's a good time. Yeah, that that is cool.
It's a good time. Yeah.

Speaker 42 But also, in some places, it was illegal to marry someone of a different race.

Speaker 40 Well, that's what I was imagining would be also an issue. But for him, he's like, that's okay.

Speaker 40 I've never been married. That's less disgusting to me.

Speaker 42 I believe that

Speaker 42 until like the 60s, I believe that was illegal in a lot of states. Yeah.

Speaker 41 States?

Speaker 42 Yeah, a white person, a black person could absolutely not marry for a very long time in a lot of states.

Speaker 40 Sometimes it feels like racially we have a real real checkered past.

Speaker 42 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 41 I know. I, I, and I, and I, you know what, Gareth, I will encourage you not to look into it.
I really don't think it's helpful to learn about it or

Speaker 41 look into it at all, like live in the now, you know, you're right.

Speaker 40 My instinct is that we didn't, but you're right. The idea that I'm trying to put a final

Speaker 41 past, stop worrying about it, dude. Just chill.
Yeah, just chill and write it out. Thank you for

Speaker 41 having such a kind of

Speaker 41 unusual.

Speaker 42 What's your last name for the list, Gareth?

Speaker 41 Nolan.

Speaker 40 First name, Katie. I've been going by Katie a lot.

Speaker 42 The document referred to was handed to his honor and found to be in regular form. These people are legally married, and unless you have more evidence against them, I shall discharge them.

Speaker 42 There being no further evidence, the Chinaman and his wife were told to go.

Speaker 41 Just

Speaker 41 that was a non-story. I mean, what a

Speaker 42 total non-story.

Speaker 41 They had to prove it. They proved it.
And he was like, they're good.

Speaker 41 That story is basically these two allowed to fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 42 Yes. They're allowed to.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 You can go back to fucking. Yeah.
Essentially. Yeah.

Speaker 40 It's the double discharge. I'm sorry.

Speaker 42 A crowd of women again ejected from the church.

Speaker 41 Oh, no.

Speaker 41 Well, hold on. This could be good.
Let's see where this goes. About the fakes.

Speaker 42 The Committee of Parishioners of St. Stephen's Church held an informal meeting tonight and made arrangements for the discussion.

Speaker 40 Let's not do the robes.

Speaker 41 Whatever you want to wear.

Speaker 42 Zoke over shorts and a tank top?

Speaker 41 Absolutely.

Speaker 40 Can I sit my, can my pew be backwards and I put my legs around it?

Speaker 42 Yes. Absolutely, Chuck.

Speaker 41 It's informal. There we go.

Speaker 42 And made arrangements for the distribution of the books for the collections for the

Speaker 42 McGlynn fund. Dr.
Schrady stated that Dr. McGlynn was greatly improved, but that he would not make his statement public for several days.

Speaker 42 An exciting scene occurred at St. Simon's Church tonight that might have culminated in a big row had it not been for the arrival of the police.

Speaker 42 The basement of the church was locked all day, but the body of the church was left open.

Speaker 41 What the fuck?

Speaker 40 That's a really weird

Speaker 41 body of the church. That's the regular part? I don't think I need to know.
Well, then why is it a basement? Call it an asshole.

Speaker 42 Well, they're talking about the upstairs.

Speaker 42 Yeah, that doesn't even matter.

Speaker 41 The feet of the church were locked. Yeah, the body

Speaker 41 of the feet. Sorry, you're right.
I don't know why.

Speaker 41 I don't know. We're built differently.
How do you get rid of your worms?

Speaker 41 Oh, god damn it. I forget that you're a stump, Gareth.
I completely forgot.

Speaker 40 Well,

Speaker 40 not only a stump, but

Speaker 40 I do the scoot and I make eye contact with Dave when I do it.

Speaker 41 I'm like, come out.

Speaker 40 I'm curing myself, father.

Speaker 41 Okay,

Speaker 40 the body's open.

Speaker 42 The body's open. A large crowd assembled this evening, and about 9.30,

Speaker 42 200 women succeeded in forcing their way into the basement where they surrounded Dr. McGlynn's confessional.

Speaker 41 Let's go. What's about to go down? I'm into it.
Ty and

Speaker 41 something.

Speaker 40 I like that he went in the confessional like it was like a time booth.

Speaker 40 He said, damn it, the women have figured out that this is just a regular box.

Speaker 42 I mean, what is going on?

Speaker 40 It's awesome, though. It really is great to be surrounded by 200 fear.
Now, what has happened? there's

Speaker 42 like a i hope it's a seance i hope something's going down this man's we're not getting we're not getting any answers oh we aren't dr dr donnelly went downstairs and asked them to leave he was driven out and called to the police who finally succeeded in clearing the women out the women hissed father donnelly and made fun of the officers Good.

Speaker 40 What in the fuck?

Speaker 41 You called the cops because a bunch of girls showed up to your party?

Speaker 41 Well, I I mean, put up that.

Speaker 42 I mean, yeah,

Speaker 42 that sounds not as good as.

Speaker 40 You're right. You have a very good point.

Speaker 41 There's too many women at my event.

Speaker 41 It's horrifying. Hot ones.

Speaker 41 Oh, my God.

Speaker 40 I'm going to prescribe myself a little bit of the cocaine.

Speaker 41 Bunch of too many hot girls in my basement. Please clear them out.
Like they're cockroaches.

Speaker 41 Handle it.

Speaker 42 Oh, he was a big, he was a big muckety muck.

Speaker 41 And that and that were to mean, if that were to mean something, it would be.

Speaker 40 Let's say the listeners who don't know what you're saying,

Speaker 40 tell them specifically so that Katie and I can just not worry about their experience the whole show.

Speaker 42 He was a very big

Speaker 42 Catholic priest and social reformer in New York.

Speaker 41 Big, big, big

Speaker 40 muckety muck. So, idiots listening, are you happy?

Speaker 41 Thank you.

Speaker 41 We do that for you. Yeah.

Speaker 40 it's just obviously we know this whole thing is two experts explaining stuff to people that's right this whole ruse of the show

Speaker 40 jesus christ two geniuses hanging out good lord chewing the fat over stuff they know

Speaker 42 i mean just

Speaker 42 just stop it what

Speaker 42 uh miss kemper's plea

Speaker 42 An immense throng was attracted to the law and equity court this morning to hear the arguments of Miss A. C.
Kemper in the Anderson Will case. The case has been on trial for several weeks.

Speaker 42 Miss Kemper, who is one of the litigants, has been managing her own part of the case, springing rules of evidence and interrogating the witnesses.

Speaker 42 Miss Kemper was seated in front of the jury and she read her argument in a clear but tremulous voice.

Speaker 42 It's tremulous. You mean to know what tremulous is?

Speaker 41 Yeah, it's Catherine Hepperner.

Speaker 41 I was going to say unwavering, but I feel like tremulous sounds like it's full of wavering. Yeah.

Speaker 41 So no, I don't know what that means.

Speaker 40 But, Dave, for the idiots, listen.

Speaker 41 No, I'm ending the problem.

Speaker 41 I can do tremulous. I can look that up.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 Just because these fucking shaking. I'm just listening to this show.

Speaker 42 I got it already.

Speaker 41 Shaking your quivering. Ah, it's Catherine Hepburny.
In Golden Pond. Yeah.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 41 On Golden Pond? In on Golden Pond. I'll tell you.

Speaker 42 So she was sitting for the jury. She read in a tremulous voice.
She then stated to the jury that she was no lawyer and no advocate for women's rights.

Speaker 41 Okay. Interesting ending.
That's popular. I'm no feminist.

Speaker 41 She's one of those. That's going to pick me.
But I guess when you're representing yourself, you are hoping they pick you. So I guess it does make sense in the comments.

Speaker 40 It was probably the only way to sway the men and the jury.

Speaker 41 I'm not a woman or a lawyer. Listen, I hate ladies as much as you guys.

Speaker 41 All right.

Speaker 41 I'm listening.

Speaker 42 I would imagine the jury's all men, right? At this point.

Speaker 41 Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 42 She was simply a plain woman managing her own case and appealing to a jury of sensible men for what she considered her dues.

Speaker 41 And it works, too. The guys like that.
And they're like, oh, shit. She's not like other girls.
She's great.

Speaker 42 She doesn't want to be doing this.

Speaker 41 She wants to be at home baking pie.

Speaker 40 Look at these beautiful men.

Speaker 41 Well, all right.

Speaker 41 Let's eat her out.

Speaker 41 All right.

Speaker 42 I will not insult your intelligence by arguing any points of law, she said.

Speaker 41 That is the best.

Speaker 41 Brilliant.

Speaker 40 That is how you do it.

Speaker 41 That's how you do it.

Speaker 40 That's the way you get into the male brain. I'm not going to bore you geniuses with details and facts.

Speaker 41 Well, thank you.

Speaker 41 Good.

Speaker 41 She gets it.

Speaker 42 This is a law and equity court, and I give my case into your hands resting on the law of the evidence.

Speaker 41 Huh?

Speaker 42 Smaller words, lady.

Speaker 40 Tiny words, brain too big.

Speaker 42 The suit was to break the will of James Anderson, who had left Miss Kemper and a brother out in the division of his property.

Speaker 41 Uh-oh.

Speaker 42 The jury decided against Miss Kemper.

Speaker 41 Uh-oh. It didn't work.
All that

Speaker 41 fool. You said women suck.
You cozied right up to power. And what did it do? It left you.

Speaker 40 At the end of the day, I still remember her to be woman and that not okay for me

Speaker 40 even though woman wise she not worst one she okay terrible but other guy man too he win my brother

Speaker 40 your honor i rest you're not a lawyer i'm tired

Speaker 40 exhausted

Speaker 41 that is

Speaker 41 Just a beautiful story. Just a beautiful story.

Speaker 41 It sums it all up. It sure does.
It's exactly how it goes. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Oh, sister, believe me, we've been through it.

Speaker 41 And then she's going to come crying back to us, going, oh, men, right? And you're going to go, well, hold on.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 41 Well, now hold on.

Speaker 40 Well, listen, I think

Speaker 40 as a cis man on the show,

Speaker 40 all the genders have been through a lot.

Speaker 41 And

Speaker 41 it's really hard. Important to remember.
You're right.

Speaker 40 It's been tough for Dave and I. Yeah.

Speaker 41 The whole thing.

Speaker 41 So

Speaker 42 I feel like you're not giving us enough.

Speaker 40 Yeah, it does feel like

Speaker 41 you're being throwing up a lot of womany about

Speaker 41 multiple thumbs up.

Speaker 40 We love those.

Speaker 41 We love the thumbs.

Speaker 40 There you go. Good.
Okay. Those, yeah.

Speaker 41 All right.

Speaker 40 For those listening and not watching, Katie just gave the records in.

Speaker 42 Romeo is very despondent. This is out of Lewiston, Maine.

Speaker 42 Romeo Dussette, whose wife pretended to have committed suicide by drowning and then stole away from town, returned this evening from Manchester.

Speaker 41 What?

Speaker 41 You can't do that.

Speaker 40 You're not.

Speaker 41 You can?

Speaker 42 No, he circled back. She's the one who she didn't circle back.

Speaker 41 Say it again. She pretended to kill herself.
Yes.

Speaker 42 By drowning. Romeo's wife pretended to have committed suicide by drowning and then stole away from town, returned this evening from Manchester.
I think that is him returning, not he returns

Speaker 41 from Manchester. Then how do we know she's not dead? Yeah, how do we know she's not dead? Good question.

Speaker 42 He was not accompanied by his wife. Well, yeah, because she like

Speaker 42 she didn't want to be with you so much. She pretended to drown in the lake.

Speaker 41 Or literally killed herself. I'm still waiting to see how we know she was joking.
I agree.

Speaker 40 I think there is an element of him being like, the whole thing was a big goof, but I'm letting her go.

Speaker 41 No, no, it's a gone girl situation. You don't know what that is yet, but you've got to take my word for it.
This is a real gone girl situation.

Speaker 40 Trust me, this is funny, not sad.

Speaker 41 It's a funny gone girl.

Speaker 40 There's no, I feel like she's definitely dead. And this guy's just full of it.

Speaker 42 He says she was at work in a hotel at New Boston, but will give no particulars of their meeting. He is very despondent, and it is not likely that she will ever live with him again.

Speaker 40 You don't say because she's or anyone.

Speaker 41 So, is he saying he met with her in a hotel?

Speaker 41 Yes, and then they'd have no record of it happening. And he's like, No, she said she's not coming back.
So, that clears up that. Yep, that's exactly the whole thing.
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 40 She died. I think he killed her.

Speaker 42 He's sad, you guys. Yeah,

Speaker 41 it's true. Man's the way and woman lies.
Yeah, thank you, Katie.

Speaker 41 Thank you for getting it.

Speaker 40 I definitely think that he killed her and then he was like, she faked it. I talked to her today.

Speaker 40 We're very happy, but not getting back together. I saw her.

Speaker 40 She's well.

Speaker 42 She's very well.

Speaker 42 Woodhaven snake story.

Speaker 41 That was end of story, you're saying. That was end of story on that.
That's all. That's all we are.

Speaker 40 What more do you want out of it?

Speaker 41 You're a good question. You're right.
Thank you.

Speaker 42 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 42 we got total resolve on that story.

Speaker 42 The man said.

Speaker 41 We've moved on to snakes.

Speaker 40 We've moved on to snakes.

Speaker 42 Woodhaven snake story.

Speaker 42 This is out of Brooklyn, New York. T.
Brett and Company's chemical works are situated in the village of Woodhaven. Celestial Burdoyne.

Speaker 41 That's a terrible name. Is the Night Watchman.
Celestial. Celestial is the Night Watchman.
That's amazing.

Speaker 41 Yeah. That's a

Speaker 40 celestial burdoin.

Speaker 41 What else are you going to do?

Speaker 42 What else are you going to do?

Speaker 41 What else are you burdoing at night other than staring up at the stars?

Speaker 40 What are you burdoing doing in the day?

Speaker 42 Burdoyne is the night watchman and lives with his wife and two daughters in an old dilapidated frame house on the

Speaker 40 I invited you over for an interview.

Speaker 41 He lives with his family in a big old shithole.

Speaker 41 His wife can't cook. His wife can't cook.

Speaker 40 His kids are ugly and his house sucks.

Speaker 42 The younger of the two girls is a pretty and healthy looking child.

Speaker 41 Easy, buddy.

Speaker 40 Don't pull a Dave Anthony with the high school girls who every road.

Speaker 42 And has reached her 12th year.

Speaker 41 Easy Christ. No.

Speaker 41 What? In the paper? This is in the Boston Globe?

Speaker 42 All he said was that

Speaker 42 she's pretty and healthy.

Speaker 41 Listen, he's got a shit house and a hot 12-year-old. Turkey navigator.

Speaker 41 Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 42 That's how you describe a young lass.

Speaker 41 Yeah, what else do you want him to talk about? Her precocious personality? What she was doing for fun? She's supposed to be seen.

Speaker 40 She's 12. Gonna be pretty hot.

Speaker 41 Anyway, what was this article about? Anyway, Dibs, but she's 12. Probable Dibs.
So I'm at this guy's shithole house where his wife can't cook and he's got a hot daughter in the future, probably.

Speaker 40 No shame.

Speaker 42 Miss Burdoyne, for many years, has made up her own wine from elderberries, the girl in the woods nearby. Sure.
And yeah, that's what you do. That's what you do.

Speaker 41 I would not drink that.

Speaker 40 Want some elderberry juice?

Speaker 42 Yes.

Speaker 42 Get loaded, Gareth.

Speaker 40 I would do it for sure.

Speaker 41 Makes your 12-year-old look a lot hotter if you drink a little bit of hot wine.

Speaker 40 You have to excuse me. I find you're a 12-year-old attractive.
I've been drinking forest elderberry.

Speaker 41 What's this?

Speaker 40 And I was prescribed cocaine by my physician this morning.

Speaker 42 Does your daughter like cocaine yet?

Speaker 40 Every man hopped up on forest wine coked out of his face.

Speaker 41 Kids are hot.

Speaker 41 Is that crazy?

Speaker 41 Am I nuts?

Speaker 42 The work of gathering the berries fell upon Christina, and when she returned home from one of these errands a little over a year ago, she complained of pains in the stomach.

Speaker 41 Is Christina the 12-year-old? Sorry, I think I talked through that. Or is that the wife? That's the 12-year-old.
The hottest, the little hottie.

Speaker 41 A little hot, hot stuff.

Speaker 42 Little, little miss, you know, showing it off.

Speaker 41 Whatever, you know. Totally.
The more you say, the less I want to be here anymore.

Speaker 41 Hey, I like younger bears.

Speaker 41 When you do it, it makes me scared. I agree.
I agree.

Speaker 40 Katie, I agree.

Speaker 41 It's very funny. It just makes me feel unsafe.

Speaker 40 When you say it, I'm like, okay. And when

Speaker 40 Dev says it, I'm like, are we going to be able to do this show next week?

Speaker 42 fine. I'm just saying there's a precocious young lass in the forest, David.

Speaker 41 David, run and direct. She came back, shouldn't feel good.
Shouldn't feel good. Sounds like a prime candidate for experiment.

Speaker 40 None of us do when you talk, Dave.

Speaker 41 If we want to toss cocaine in a kid, the usual house remedies were applied, but they failed.

Speaker 41 I hate to know what those are. What are those at this point?

Speaker 41 Put some beetles in your eyes. Yeah, honestly.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 Here, swallow this trout whole. Now, take the blood out of her.
There we go. Remove her blood.
Just for a moment.

Speaker 40 And now we'll replace it with goldfish.

Speaker 42 But as they failed to give any relief, a physician was called in. Oh, so they did that without the physician.
That was just the hospital.

Speaker 40 They're trying home remedies first.

Speaker 41 Of course, that's why they're home.

Speaker 40 And then the doctor comes in and gives her Coke.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 42 His medicines also failed, and other physicians were consulted with the same result.

Speaker 41 Awful.

Speaker 42 Acting upon the advice of a friend, Miss Burdoyne took the girl to a hospital.

Speaker 41 You needed a friend to advise that maybe the next step here would be hospital.

Speaker 42 Hear me out. You should go to a place where there's people who help sick people.

Speaker 40 Well, but let me ask you this, Dave. Back then, are you better to go to a doctor or to just give yourself the best chance by just going through it?

Speaker 42 I think with something like this, I think you're okay going to a hospital because I think it's more when you get into the surgery thing that

Speaker 41 I was going to say, is this back when they thought bad smells made you sick? Is this that time, period, or is this after

Speaker 42 on the edge?

Speaker 41 On the edge. Good.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 You're telling me bad smells don't make you sick?

Speaker 41 I don't think. But COVID, I mean, what was that if not a smell? We got it in the air.
So

Speaker 40 here's the fucker for me. I love the smell of COVID.

Speaker 41 So I just, it's really damning for me.

Speaker 40 I don't want to get it, but honestly, sometimes I'm out and I'm like,

Speaker 41 same about Coke. That's how I feel about Coke.
I just like the way it smells.

Speaker 40 Completely agree.

Speaker 42 That's how I feel about what comes out of the forest

Speaker 41 when we're picking berries. Dave.

Speaker 41 David.

Speaker 42 This was on Saturday last.

Speaker 42 And from then until Tuesday, the girl's suffering were intense. She occasionally remarked

Speaker 42 that she, oh, sorry, I missed this part. A physician took charge of the case at the hospital, tried several experiments, and as a last resort, or the girl.

Speaker 40 That's not what you want to eat here. We're going to try some stuff I've only dreamed of.

Speaker 41 On your hot 12-year-old. Your 12-year-old's so hot.

Speaker 40 Let me see if I can punch her up a little.

Speaker 42 Order the girl too fast for three consecutive days.

Speaker 41 So she should stop eating right now. That's what they're doing to us now on TikTok.
That's true.

Speaker 41 They're really pushing that. Hey, what if you just didn't eat for four days? That'd be really cute.

Speaker 41 I'll tell you. That's so great.
I'll tell you.

Speaker 42 TikTok's great for body stuff.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 40 I definitely was floating out there to people I know that I might try to not eat for a week. And everyone's like, should you, what are you doing? My algorithm's hurting my life.

Speaker 41 It's fine.

Speaker 42 No, I think it's really important to take a society that has a really terrible problem with young teen ladies having body issues and instead of fixing that, just making the boys have them also.

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 41 Intermittent fasting.

Speaker 41 Yeah. It's different.
It's not anorexia. No, no.
You just don't eat for most of the day.

Speaker 40 I'm in high ketosis.

Speaker 41 I am ketosis.

Speaker 40 I just become a god.

Speaker 41 I am ketosis.

Speaker 41 Oh, God.

Speaker 40 On a cliff's edge.

Speaker 41 Poseidon.

Speaker 40 Join ketosis.

Speaker 41 We shall own everything.

Speaker 41 All the elements.

Speaker 42 So I stopped following that guy.

Speaker 41 I am ketosis.

Speaker 42 This was on Saturday last, and from then until Tuesday, the girl's sufferings were intense.

Speaker 42 She occasionally remarked that she, quote, felt something alive inside of her.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 41 No.

Speaker 41 I don't know. I don't want.
If we hadn't started where we started, I agree. I'd be where I am right now.

Speaker 41 I don't want to do it either. I don't like it.

Speaker 40 We're not going to do it.

Speaker 41 Going to a good place.

Speaker 42 Which she claimed rose in her throat at intervals.

Speaker 40 All right.

Speaker 40 I'm actually going to take a 20.

Speaker 41 you guys finish intervals like in and out and in and out of her throat you're saying something alive

Speaker 42 up and down come out for a little light and air and then go back in.

Speaker 40 I literally had to look up to see if he was reading.

Speaker 41 I was like, please come reading. I was like, is he fucking reading? It's crazy that the best case scenario here is that you're about to reveal they put like a bug in her or something.

Speaker 41 The best case scenario

Speaker 41 is, oh, that's right. Wasn't this all about? It's got to be a snake.

Speaker 40 Oh my god. But does it happen?

Speaker 40 katie please i'm trying i know okay here's what's gonna happen we're gonna delete the episode because we can't do it we can't do this quit sipping gin weirdo why do you guys hate doctors and medicine dave it's just a traditional medical story please finish this one or end it thank you

Speaker 40 sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i have to go to the rectory after this

Speaker 40 no

Speaker 42 Tuesday? Tuesday came at last, and the girl and her mother visited the hospital. To the physician, the girl gave a description of her sufferings, and the doctor forthwith began his work.

Speaker 42 The girl was compelled to open her mouth as wide as possible.

Speaker 41 Hurry. While the physician...

Speaker 42 Get it open more.

Speaker 41 It's half wide. It's fine.

Speaker 40 Treat it like a straw, then maybe you'll find it. I'm sorry.

Speaker 42 While the physician continually slapped her on the back.

Speaker 41 What the fuck? I think that's now they're trying to get her to cough. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 Fuck.

Speaker 42 This was repeated several times until the doctor

Speaker 42 hurriedly seized a pair of pincers, placed them in the girl's mouth, and drew from her throat a snake fully eight inches long.

Speaker 41 What the fuck?

Speaker 41 So average. What?

Speaker 41 Oh, my God, no. The worst part.

Speaker 41 Look,

Speaker 41 the good news.

Speaker 41 And it was in her, it's dead, right? It's got to be dead. It's been in there for a week.
week or so. It's not in your stomach acid.
No. What the fuck?

Speaker 42 Because it's not a snake. It's a snake.
What is she?

Speaker 41 David Blaine? Oh,

Speaker 41 parasite. I thought you said it.

Speaker 40 Oh, like a tapeworm.

Speaker 42 They're calling it a snake, but yeah, it's like a tapeworm-y type. Yeah.

Speaker 41 They're idiots.

Speaker 40 I actually love eating snake. May I?

Speaker 40 For some reason, I've got it too. Yeah.

Speaker 41 I'm not feeling so good about it. I went out, took it right, put it right back in.

Speaker 40 Don't mind if I do. These are quite a delicacy where I'm from.

Speaker 42 I think that's how you get some parasites out. It's like you put like a milk or something in front of you.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 No, there's like you day, truly, you dangle like something in front of it, and then the tapeworm's like, what's that going on out there?

Speaker 41 I think it tastes a little bit more mammal. A dessert's out? Oh, okay.

Speaker 40 And then it comes out of you and you're like, that queen a lot.

Speaker 41 Oh, no.

Speaker 42 How do you get the, how does the tapeworm happen in the first place, though?

Speaker 41 Elderberries. Yeah, it's a pretty big tape.
And if you pick in elderberries

Speaker 41 in your back forest, don't go.

Speaker 41 Don't do it.

Speaker 42 The cool thing is with RFK, we're going to learn how tapeworms happen again.

Speaker 40 But I believe he is a tapeworm.

Speaker 41 We're about to know.

Speaker 41 There's one in his brain. I don't know if they still do.
I should tell everybody right now I'm actually a parasitic worm.

Speaker 41 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 42 At the site, the girl fainted away, and it was a long time before she could be restored to consciousness.

Speaker 42 She was taken home and was seen

Speaker 42 by a reporter this afternoon.

Speaker 42 cried bitterly when the subject of her trouble was broached. Yeah, she's 12.
She doesn't want everyone to know she had a fucking snake inside.

Speaker 41 Listen, we booked an interview with this broad, but when I tried to bring up the only thing I wanted to ask, she cried like a bitch.

Speaker 41 Fucking little babe. What's this hot 12-year-old? Oh my god.
Sexy 12-year-olds really hold on to trauma.

Speaker 41 They just pulled a worm out of this girl's throat and

Speaker 41 doesn't want to talk to me about it.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God.

Speaker 41 Good luck to whatever man marries her next year.

Speaker 42 Yeah, right?

Speaker 40 Which is going to be me.

Speaker 42 You better not have been ruined by a snake already.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know if we could top that, Dave.
Is that you have one more, or are we done? I mean, that's.

Speaker 42 We're not done with this one.

Speaker 42 She said the doctor's theory is that a very small snake must have been on a branch of a bush, and that in eating the berries, as I did, I must have swallowed the reptile, and it has been growing ever since.

Speaker 42 Absolutely.

Speaker 41 Damn, she was eating while she was picking. You're not supposed to do that.

Speaker 40 No, that's how a snake could jump through your throat without you knowing.

Speaker 41 It was in an old rhyme that they taught us. Maybe it wasn't around yet, but absolutely.
Eat the berries. You know, you know, it goes gears.

Speaker 40 Yeah, otherwise, the snake will bury inside your tummy and you won't know. That's why in the forest you shouldn't go.
If you're doing it right, then you'll feel okay.

Speaker 40 Don't let the snake bury away inside your esophagus and your tiny guts. Boy, these girls look like they're hot.
Anyway, we got to go.

Speaker 41 And we can't.

Speaker 40 We're unable to.

Speaker 41 We are.

Speaker 40 I don't.

Speaker 41 That one was fucking horrible. Yeah.

Speaker 40 That was a horrible story. So what better way to end a show of nightmares?

Speaker 41 Yeah, that feels like it. Gareth has to go.
Gareth has other stuff to do.

Speaker 40 Well, actually, Sheriff's here. I don't know what his deal is, but he's.

Speaker 40 The taser's out, and they seem pretty upset. I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm almost done, assholes.

Speaker 40 Katie, thank you for joining us.

Speaker 40 People should go listen to casuals.

Speaker 41 Yeah, Dave.

Speaker 42 Katie, as a sports lady, and when this comes out, people are already there, but the next three episodes of the dollop are Pete Rose.

Speaker 41 Oh, my God.

Speaker 41 Like, you get into it, into all of that.

Speaker 42 Speaking of 12-year-olds.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 41 it turns out

Speaker 41 that's exciting. That's good, exciting stuff.
Spoiler alert, the good news, he's dead.

Speaker 41 Yeah, he is dead.

Speaker 41 Also, wait, I said, oh, you recorded it already is what you're saying. I was going to say, Kirk isn't supposed to know, I thought.
This is really ruining the TV match.

Speaker 40 We recorded it.

Speaker 41 But you recorded it already.

Speaker 40 Thank you for doing it, Katie. Will you send Burns your audio?

Speaker 41 Yeah, I will. How do I do it? Oh, I think you get...

Speaker 41 Did you send me a link? I think he was a link.

Speaker 42 He should have.

Speaker 41 Let me look. Can I look? Or do I need to run away and hide? No, I don't have a link yet.

Speaker 40 Okay, I'll text him to send you one.

Speaker 41 Okay, cool. I love this echo.
It rolls. Okay, bye.
This was fun.

Speaker 40 Thank you so much, Katie.

Speaker 41 Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 40 Bye, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 41 Some of these days,

Speaker 41 you'll miss me, honey.

Speaker 41 Some of these days.

Speaker 40 What's up, doll heads?

Speaker 46 Join the Gare Force. Come on, go to Garethronnes.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

Speaker 46 That's That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

Speaker 46 But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th. Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Speaker 46 Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th. And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.
on September 21st. I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Speaker 46 Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th, Columbia, Missouri, September 28th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th, Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st, Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

Speaker 46 And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows. And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeers.

Speaker 46 Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. Join me.

Speaker 41 It seems everyone gets a tip these days. Deliver food? Get a tip.
Drive around town? Get a tip. Serve a drink? Get a tip.
But here's one tip that can help you find a higher-paying career.

Speaker 41 Merit America can help you get the training and support to find and succeed in an in-demand job, like data analytics or HR admin or supply chain planning. It may be the last tip you ever need.

Speaker 41 Learn more at meritamerica.org.