126 - The Past Times with Katie Nolan

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All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes Podcast.

Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week,

the great Katie Nolan.

Hi, Katie.

Hi, why great?

That felt like you are great.

Yeah, you're very

talented.

Katie, you've done every podcast.

Are you tired?

Yeah, I'm tired.

Because you're promoting casuals, which is your new podcast, which everyone should go listen to and support.

But I,

just as someone who does a lot of podcasts, I'm like, you must be fucking tired.

And you probably are like, I'm doing another podcast right now.

Shut up.

This podcast.

You shut up.

Dave, shut up.

I told you.

Jesus Christ.

Sorry, shut up.

Sorry.

I told you this already.

I know.

But I go to sleep with the dollop.

And I don't know if you can want to sound offensive.

I listen to you guys a lot.

So, this is an honor to be here.

But yes, I'm doing too many podcasts because I just Sirius keeps being like, We put you out to these five.

And I'm like, When does this stop?

I thought it was like the launch, the roller goes, and then it's every week.

Are you going in studio and doing most of these, or are you doing them?

No, I try to schedule them so that I'm in the studio doing our podcast, and then I stay there to do the so that I don't have to be responsible for the hitting record or the lighting or any of that.

It's like taken care of because I'm actually incompetent.

No, because you just said you built your fiancé's podcast set, so you seem very

wrong.

You built it incorrectly.

Does he point that out?

Does he buy it?

No, no, no, no.

Oh my god, no, he's the sweetest.

No, he was like, I think it make it gives it character.

Yes, yes, that's sweet.

This is a sweetie podcast.

Well, and then does he go into it?

Does he go into another room and like punch pillows out?

Punch a pillow.

Oh, he hits me, but he's not.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, he's kind with his words, but not with his fists.

We call hitting a woman here the other room, just so you know.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

I knew that.

I knew that.

Yeah, if you're a listener, I think you'd be.

Gary, I'm sorry.

Katie,

Catherine, don't do this.

So, all right, so everyone should go

listen to casuals wherever you get podcasts.

And

tell people what happens on casuals.

Listen, I don't want to scare people away with the word sports, but it is a sports podcast for people that think that they don't like sports or like feel like sports talk doesn't talk to them.

It's a palatable sports podcast.

Yeah, it's like it's we do it one way, sports, and I feel like they do that really well.

But I want to do it a little different way because I have a lot of friends that I feel like would be into this stuff if somebody helped them get into it.

So that's the goal.

Okay.

I think it's great.

And I have a Packer tattoo.

And I also find it's not just for people who don't like sports.

Like people who like sports also can listen to casuals.

It's for sports and comedy.

Two things that should go better together and don't often go together that well.

Yeah, it's just for people who like

history and comedy.

Sure, yeah.

I also have a Packer tattoo, by the way.

Interesting.

It's very suruma.

It's a rummy and it goes.

You're just a big Gareth fan.

Yeah.

It's around.

Oh, so you do know the name, Katie.

It's so interesting.

Now it's Gareth.

And that's,

oh, fuck.

All right, listen, Katie, here's what we're going to do.

I know you like the dollop.

I don't know if you like this show.

That's okay.

I hate it.

What you're going to do.

I hate it too.

What you're going to do is you're going to guess what year this paper is from.

Now,

listen, here's the good news.

Dave.

In the past couple years, has found ways to fight me through the show.

And you'll win.

No matter what year you guess, you're going to win.

I'm going to guess too, and I might be closer.

Doesn't matter.

You're going to win.

Now,

Dave, now,

David,

now,

if I were you, I would guess 1700 to 19 mid-1900s.

That would be the zone I would go in, but we did do a 1600s one once with Adam Kahn over, and he just kept going like, that's fake.

So it kind of removed the stakes.

He ruins everything.

So he kind of removed the stakes.

So I think that Dave has shied away from that.

But again, I only can give you so much information.

So you get to give me a step.

You've just basically given me none.

Any that you did give me, you then deleted.

So I

okay, let's go.

I'm going to go with

1892.

It's a great guess.

It's a great guess.

It's right in the zone.

It's right in the pocket.

Since you did 1890s, which I've been accused of doing a lot, I'll go 1912.

You're wrong.

Well, is she wrong too?

No, it's 1887.

She's like right on.

Oh, that's really close.

You won legitimately.

Yeah, that was a legitimate win.

Does anything you have to say, Gary?

I'm fine with it.

I love it when the guest wins.

Because it's fair.

Because it was a fair win.

It wasn't one of your bullshit ones.

I've gotten the year right before, and the guest has won what?

Well,

did you get it right when your vibe is all off like this?

I don't want to do vibes.

We're not going to have the vibe conversation again.

Okay.

Katie's here.

Traffic control hat.

Just a quick question.

Sorry, you ran.

Yeah, no,

I don't know if you've seen what's going on lately with landing planes, but I'm doing that.

So if during this I mute, I'm just trying to land a couple guys.

Bring it up.

Got it.

Bring it up.

That explains a lot of current events.

We just lost it.

Honestly.

We just lost them.

Sean Duffy's over here.

He's on the couch watching Clueless.

We're having a hell of a time.

We're having a hell of a time.

All right.

Dave's having gin.

Let's...

It is.

Oh, God, I wish I was.

I could do some morning drinking right now.

If I didn't have to go to a baseball game at 345, I would maybe morning gin.

Sports.

Yeah, my son.

My son is a baseball player.

He has a game at 345.

Well identified.

What position is he playing?

He's a catcher, a third baseman, and

the four-later.

Yeah, I mean, I was going to say strong, strong kid.

Yeah,

we're raising him strong.

We want him to be strong yep nice oh boy uh january 28th 1887 that's my birthday

so wait a minute no wonder she got it right not that year sorry oh

okay oh cry i was gonna say there's a lot going on i thanks for letting me know i did my makeup like today i thought it looked good oh katie no

katie no

it's fine i just look a hundred years old you did know it was her birthday You're full of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why it was.

That's why.

Boston Globe, January.

And that's where I'm from.

I'm just confusing.

Very rich of this.

Yeah.

Have you heard of a stalker?

I'm stalking through an old paper.

I'm so bored with stalker.

Dave, I'm a lady that works in sports.

Have I heard of a stalker?

It's a very funny question.

Please continue.

Oh, my God.

I can only imagine.

Yeah, I didn't think of that combo before, but that's really terrible.

Okay.

What a nightmare.

Indigent.

Oh, indignant.

Sorry, that's totally a different word.

Indignant pastor Whatemer.

Wittemere?

Oh, that's his name.

Wittimere.

Sure.

He has one alleged defamer, Pat Under Bail and Restraining Others.

Put under bail.

Sorry, it's hard to read this.

What's going on?

What's going on?

It's hard to read.

The letters are a little smudged, so it's difficult.

Are you on a microfiche?

Yes.

Put your jeweler's loop on.

That normally helps you.

I'm at the library looking at the microfiche.

Yeah, that's why you can't drink gin.

Yeah, the library is fuck.

They're pricks about that.

He has one alleged defamer put under bail and restrains others.

This is out of Philadelphia.

Reverend Howard Wittemere, rector of the Protestant Episcopal Church of the Beloved Disciple.

You know what?

Just fucking, you don't need to.

What?

The name of your church can be smaller.

It's got to be a sentence, I think.

I think that's God law.

Yeah.

It's just, it's a lot.

Yeah.

I don't need.

Personally, I like to get specific.

I like to get in the weeds.

Let me know what version of this area.

Yeah.

Do you want to get really specific about that?

To me, religion's like Adobe.

I want a new version every week.

Keep asking.

When did we learn what all those words mean, by the way?

Episcopal, what was the other one?

Protestant.

I think I'm I'm Episcopal.

I know what Protestant is because those are the guys, those are the ones who broke everything.

And it was over what?

Of course?

No, that's the other one.

No,

the English church.

Okay, let's not start doing the country thing.

We've all made some goofies.

We've all made a couple goofies.

Anyone in Ireland right now is like, what the fuck?

Yeah, we don't really know.

But yeah, basically, the English church split off and started their own church.

Okay.

So that's the Protestant.

And then Episcopal.

What's that?

No idea.

Okay.

Same.

Yeah, me either.

Yeah.

And

anytime something comes up, I don't care.

Yeah, I was just going to say, we never asked Paul.

We're like, okay, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I'll do less of that.

I just feel like everybody knows what that means.

And I go, I don't know what that is.

I think it's a fair point because it is like, I've heard it a thousand times and never have I been like, walk me through it.

It's like the way that the super hot uh girls in high school didn't want to know about hobbits same thing Dave be very careful they never wanted to hear my hobbit conversation Dave be very careful

Dave

I know I know I that was it's like how chicks in high school are hot still

go ahead Dave I wasn't saying now I said when I was in high school Dalia baby oh God

he is a god is he still going

uh well stop in what way he's unstoppable oh I know he's still going in I think it always yes girls way of course yeah no he's still doing stand-up too for some reason on this show he comes up weekly at this point so I don't know I think it's because you're on the show every week that's it that is what it is that is what it is that's it that's exactly what it is

sorry about that church you were saying something happened if anybody doesn't know who Chris DeLee is, just go look at some crime reports.

Save.

Okay, so the church of the beloved disciples.

So the rector, Whittemere, asked Judge Biddle today.

Every name is getting worse.

I know.

I was letting it slide, but now you're doing Biddles.

It sounds very much like the Hobbit stuff I was talking about, doesn't it?

Easy.

It sure does.

Biddle could be a Hobbit.

Biddle's actually when two Hobbits fuck.

I don't know.

Whittemere is where the is where hobbits live i think that's right they live in the wittemer yeah uh

he asked the judge today that jesse barker an ex-warden of the church be held to bail for publishing a libel

so he wants he wants

talking shit yeah he's yeah yeah go to jail yeah talking shit well they are the chosen disciples Okay, fair point.

So, fair point.

Right.

The complainant swears that Mr.

Barker Barker has published a letter of Reverend George Dean,

Chancellor of All Saints Albany, which again.

A man who needs no introduction.

No.

No.

In which he says, under date August 6th, there is unfortunately not the slightest doubt that Reverend Howard

Whittemere is an adulterer and a perjured man.

There it is.

There it is.

Shit.

There it is.

So he's fucking.

Yeah.

So that's where he kind of comes from.

He's sort of, yeah.

And that was, he said, and you know, a lot of times now people will say allegedly and thinks that, and think that covers them.

That was the opposite of allegedly.

He said there is no, no doubt at all ever on earth.

Not the slightest doubt.

Not the slightest doubt.

Well, we should say allegedly too.

We don't want them to come after us.

I understand it's very litigious.

Yeah,

the church can be quite litigious.

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

I would never say anything bad about the church is great.

They've never done anything wrong.

Nope.

I've biddled a couple of kids, though.

Hey,

hey, right in their rectors.

Why do so many church terms are right around

where you're like, sounds like Buddha?

Are you trying to say that Biddle is not a church term?

No, no, I don't believe Biddle to be a church term.

Okay, slightest doubt that Reverend Howard Wittemere is an adulterer and a perchured man in the eye of God and the church's law, if not a bigamist by the law of the land.

He is a shameless, he is a shameless scoundrel and hypocrite who should be summarily driven from the church's ministry, which he pollutes.

All right, so he's

with his chest.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's stuck fucking around.

Wow.

Yeah, we need more of that.

Yeah, I was gonna say, we I'm missing this.

This sounds nice.

We tiptoe now.

Yeah, it's a whistleblower.

Yeah, I like it.

If he's right, I don't know if he's lying.

That's right.

I do like the religion, like you have to get married.

Like if you're fucking around, you have to just get married to kind of be like,

I'm trying to limit my sins from this.

We got to get married now.

So, this guy is being

the complaint is that he published it, not that he wrote it.

The other guy wrote it.

So, he's not going up.

So, that's another reverend said that or wrote it, and then this guy just published it.

And that's who he wants in jail?

Yeah.

That's who the adultery is.

Mr.

Fuck around.

Fuck around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's a Nissan, in my opinion.

And then he did it.

Judge Biddle placed the bail at 3,000.

Fuck, back then.

It's a lot of money.

That's a lot of money.

What's the conversion on that?

I'll do it right now, Kitty.

It is.

$4,500

in today.

Isn't that crazy?

After the tariffs, it's not that

opposed tariffs.

I know you're trying to bring in a wide net, Katie, but I'm anti-tariffs.

No.

The tariffs are bringing in money.

Well, look, we like to relate it to a surgery.

Right now, the patient's guts have been taken out and an orderly slipped on them and threw up in them.

But soon enough, hang in there, okay?

Soon enough, we got some good news coming.

Dave's 100% doing a calculation.

I am.

Now I need to know.

Somebody asked me.

I wouldn't even know where to start.

That's just a little thing.

It's $100,000.

Whoa.

For fucking printing some shit about this.

This guy's fucking everybody.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Well, eventually we stop doing that sort of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Reverend Wittemere also filed a bill in equity

in which he complains that on October 11th, he wrote to Josephine Wittemere, his then wife,

a private and confidential letter, which he sent to Reverend Hobart Brown.

What?

With permission that Bishop Doan might read.

These guys, this is Christian.

This is not housewives.

I can't keep

it about who and who did what.

It really is a lot.

This is the cattiest little reverends.

This is just a little bit of a teacher.

Honestly, honestly, the real reverends of the Episcopal Church.

This letter came into possession of Jesse Barker and John Hibbard, who caused it to be printed in the reverence.

Caused it to be printed.

Hibbard?

He prayed the court to restrain Barker and Hibbard from further use and publication of this communication.

So he wrote a letter saying he was fucking around.

He sent it to other reverends or whatever, the bishop.

And now we know that the bishops usually are like, yeah, do whatever you want.

Fuck, fuck whoever.

But he's mad because someone else got a hold of it.

So somebody published the group text.

Yeah,

basically.

It's a signal.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

A signal.

And now he's mad.

It's not even a signal, though.

It's just a letter.

It's just.

It's crazy to think people used to write down what they did wrong to communicate it to other people.

They couldn't, like, I don't know.

What year was this again?

There was phones?

1887.

Well, the diaries, too, like the diaries that people left behind where you're like, Jesus Christ.

Why'd you write that?

Yeah, like some of those explorer diaries where he's like, well, I ate Ted, had no choice.

Oh, my God.

I'm dying.

This is the worst.

I jerked off in the snow.

I'm going to die out here.

And then they like find them.

And the guy's like, publish this.

It gets pretty crazy.

And then a year later, he's doing it on Broadway.

Yes.

Everyone always did a play.

Everybody always did a play.

Yeah.

Well, that's the end of that story.

Whatever the fuck just happened.

Oh, thank God.

That was the whole thing?

I'm so glad.

Huh?

There were too many names for it was bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it was fair enough.

Boring birthday news.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Not a lot going on on my day back then.

Well, hang in there.

Hang in there.

Just be the lead story does not mean it's the biggest story.

Okay.

Come on, Dave, show her.

Come on.

New New York society sensation.

Okay.

A dispatch from Parance.

Paris announces the marriage on Tuesday of Marquis de Talleyrand Perigore.

Talleyrand Peragor and Miss Adele Livingston Stevens.

Miss Adele Sampson was the daughter of Josiah Sampson, a Connecticut manufacturer.

She married Frederick Stevens of an old New York family.

About five years ago, society was shocked to learn that Miss Stevens had deserted her husband and got to Europe to join the Marquis, who was himself married.

Oh, yeah, this is very scandal.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like it.

There were letters.

Yeah.

Whoa, there were letters.

Oh, yeah.

His wife having been

Miss Curtis of the old Boston family of that name.

Oh, so he likes Americans.

He's got an American fetish,

right?

Yeah.

Marquis who likes Americans.

The couple traveled openly together all over Europe.

Wow, scandalous for that time.

Openly, yeah.

Openly, yeah.

Two years ago, she returned and persuaded her husband to agree to a divorce and return to the mark.

Marquis, whose wife had also secured a divorce.

Mr.

Stevens still resides in New York.

Wow.

All right.

Okay.

It's costing

convince your husband to get divorced, and you're like, I'm fully dating a French man in another country.

And he's like, I don't know.

I'm just not sure that it's not going to work out for us.

I'm going to need to see more evidence.

We're not made for each other.

Yeah.

Here he is.

I am fucking here.

Well, I don't know.

I'm not sure still.

How did she meet the Marquis?

That is a good question.

She must have gone over there.

Yeah, well, every night from what I hear.

Hey, sorry.

The past times will be right back.

Yeah, but it is interesting.

I wonder how that did happen.

They would come over on ships at this time and, you know, hang out in society in the other country.

Sure.

So the Marquis was probably...

He's probably, I mean, if he's got an American thing for, he clearly likes American ladies.

He's talking trips over here.

Now,

what's the Marquis?

We're talking about religious titles.

What is he?

I don't know who the marquee is.

You know, Desaud.

Yep, Desaud.

Right.

So, if it wasn't for Desad.

That's it.

I'm sure it's just like a

lord, I would imagine.

Sure.

Or like a vassal?

Is that how you say it?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I don't know.

We're not worried about it.

I just realized, as I said it, that I've only ever read it.

I've never heard anybody say it.

So it's one of those things.

Yeah, you worry someone's listening.

I'm a bitdle.

Idiot.

Yeah.

I've always said that.

I've always.

About you, yeah.

I'm a biddle.

Okay, Gareth, you should have known because a marquee is a title of nobility ranking above an earl but below a duke in European peerages, including the United Kingdom, where you have citizenship.

Above an earl, but below a duke.

I feel like I've that's they skip it a lot.

It must not come up often.

I'll tell you, when I was religious for a little while, I was above an earl and below a duke.

Damn.

That was the 80s.

So I just want to break down what you said.

That was part of your religion.

That was part of your religion.

Well, you said when I was religious for a little bit.

Dave, it's all

just a lot of pipe.

Let's move on.

Come on.

Dissecting it isn't worth it.

Part of your religion is.

We have company, Dave.

We have company.

Double penetrated?

Dave, not necessarily.

Can a guy be once penetrated and lay his junk upon another's?

Yes.

It's called roast beefing.

Katie, I'm sorry.

Thank you for coming over.

I'm a lot.

All right, there we go.

I'm sorry.

This is what

I'm doing.

It's the way you're sitting close up.

Isn't that good?

I'm seeing myself close up.

I'm not into it.

No.

The pores.

The pores.

Oh, yeah.

You hate them, don't you?

You wealthy asshole.

I don't have pores.

I had mine all closed up.

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Going back.

Going back.

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Oh, yeah.

You don't even know this person's been there.

No, no one walks up and screams, there's stuff in here.

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Sure.

A victim of cocaine.

now

yeah yeah yeah yeah

dr cee d bradley formerly

dr seedy i'm a cocaine doctor

dr cee d bradley formerly a well-known northside physician was found insane today by a jury in the county court in order to be sent to jefferson

sir you are fucking nuts dr CD.

So is he the co he's on cocaine or he's prescribing cocaine?

Because cocaine is about to find out.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, wait, can we just, what was the status of cocaine back at this time?

Legal.

It is.

Legal.

And prescribed.

Used for.

Yeah, they would prescribe it to cure different illnesses and whatnot.

Sick.

Let's go back.

I honestly know, right?

Let's go back.

Knowledge is the problem.

We need to know a lot less than we know.

I've heard what's going on with your knee and it sounds really bad.

and i think you need to party yeah i think so too

party a little bit yeah

two lines what's the what do we prescribe seven seven a day seven lines a day and i should start a company with my friends you're saying yep that's right great absolutely you guys have come up with some great ideas the idea that imagine prescribing like take two lines a day you'd be like doctor i was unable to stop at two lines for some reason

what you're gonna want to do is give yourself a gummer um that's gonna help you a little bit.

It must have been so amazing to just go into some doctor's offices and they just won't stop talking.

You're like, what?

Yeah.

Sorry, you'll have to excuse me.

I'm a little sick myself, so I had to give myself a little bit of the prescription medication.

But anyway, I got to go.

I got to let up appointments today.

Dr.

Bradley is a victim of the cocaine habit.

It is said that his practice two years ago was worth $10,000 a year.

About 16 months ago, he began to experiment

himself with cocaine.

I'm going to call it that next time I do boy.

I'm just experimenting a little on myself with cocaine.

I'm experimenting on myself with cocaine a little bit.

Sorry if my energy's off, guys.

I've been running some tests on myself with cocaine.

Sorry if I'm hogging all the air in the conversation.

I'll be honest, I went to the bathroom a little while ago and experimented on myself with a lot of cocaine.

Okay, from the start, he acquired a liking for the drug and it ruined him.

No shit.

He did it.

That's what I'm saying.

That's the findings of the experiment.

Loved it.

I have yet to meet anyone who's like, bah, this is terrible.

Yeah, nobody's like, I tried it once.

His wife is now lying ill at the county hospital, suffering from the drug, which was administered to her for experiment by her husband.

Okay, now that we're crossing the line,

sweetie, sweetie.

Hey, baby, you got to try this shit.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

Let's do it.

Let's do it together.

I got to sniff it off your tits.

Medically.

Okay.

Medically.

Can you imagine being in a relationship where one person's not doing cocaine?

That's, I think, with the problem they ran into.

Yeah, eventually who's like, you have to too.

I can't.

You need to get on my page.

Let's go.

Let's experiment with you being on the same page as me.

Yes, yes.

I'll never forget

because we did a lot of cocaine cocaine in high school.

In high school, I went to a, all my friends are doing cocaine and I couldn't, I couldn't, I don't remember why I couldn't, but I couldn't.

I know why.

You were in high school, I think.

Oh, I started with four.

Imagine being like, I couldn't.

I can't tonight.

And I, for some reason, I was at their house, and my buddy Eddie just kept talking about how he wanted to open a bank that makes change.

And I kept saying, How would you make money?

He's making money by making it into change.

Change is money.

It's a fee.

No, but he just

someone brings a dollar and you give them four quarters.

No, because think about like a Thomas Cook or something like that.

They take a cut.

There's a cut.

You're not thinking about the cut.

I've got a little bit of the, I've been experimenting on myself this morning.

Dr.

Bradley is a graduate of the Harvard Medical School.

Wow, prestigious.

Maybe it wasn't yet.

I think it was, or was it the only one?

It was.

It was kind of always the school.

It might be the only medical school at that point.

Yeah, it's not a lot, honestly.

I do like the experimenting on with cocaine is a way that, because that story told now is that the lady did too much Coke and went to the hospital.

But now the story is that he experimented on me and put me in the hospital.

It's like Coke, but it's not your fault.

Yeah.

I think what you're saying, Katie, I completely agree with this, is we've kind of lost the plot when it comes to ownness.

And, you know, blaming the men blaming as we're calling it is so wrong, it's so involved, and it's so wrong.

Am I doing the thing again?

Yeah, you are.

Oh, you are.

I've been experimenting on myself with Molly lately, too, if I'm being honest.

My name's I wish you'd.

I need you to do Molly when you do the podcast,

buddy.

Let's talk off air

because I got a bunch.

The next headline is wonderful.

Okay.

Okay.

German and Chinese.

That's it.

That's the headline.

I'll do the German.

Katie, you take the other impression.

Three, two, one, go.

That'll be doing.

Your turn, Katie.

Go ahead.

Just do the...

Katie, I think she can't hear us today for some reason.

Are you guys hearing me?

Yeah, we got you, Katie.

Loud and clear.

I don't know what the problem is.

Me, Sin, and his German wife, Alvina, were arrested yesterday on a charge of miscegenation.

Is that how you said?

Misogenation?

Miscegenation.

Misgenation.

Someone's getting mad at me.

Does the next sentence clear it up?

That's a great question.

I know what it is.

That could be an alternate title to the show.

It's when you're doing

naughty with someone of another

color, basically.

Oh.

That was a crime.

It was a fucking...

What the fuck?

The German guy's in trouble for having sex with a Chinese person?

Is that what's happening?

Yeah,

it's a crime.

Give us 18 months until we start floating this one out again.

Yeah, seriously.

Oh, my god.

He filed into Justice Kirsten's courtroom this morning and took seats.

A moment later, they were brought before the justice to show cause why they should not be fined for disorderly conduct.

Well, are you guys popping the by what kissing?

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, what is look, we love each other.

This is so good.

Look how good we are at it.

This is the

different colours.

This judge is good.

Yeah.

Quote, I continued the case, said the justice, to give you an opportunity to find the marriage certificate, which you yesterday claimed you had.

Have you got it?

So they're saying we can do this because we're married.

And the judge is like, that will work.

I'm going to need to prove.

Prove it.

Crazy.

There better be a law that you people of different ethnicities can do stuff.

Wow.

It's a good time.

Yeah, that that is cool.

It's a good time.

Yeah.

But also, in some places, it was illegal to marry someone of a different race.

Well, that's what I was imagining would be also an issue.

But for him, he's like, that's okay.

I've never been married.

That's less disgusting to me.

I believe that

until like the 60s, I believe that was illegal in a lot of states.

Yeah.

States?

Yeah, a white person, a black person could absolutely not marry for a very long time in a lot of states.

Sometimes it feels like racially we have a real real checkered past.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I know.

I, I, and I, and I, you know what, Gareth, I will encourage you not to look into it.

I really don't think it's helpful to learn about it or

look into it at all, like live in the now, you know, you're right.

My instinct is that we didn't, but you're right.

The idea that I'm trying to put a final

past, stop worrying about it, dude.

Just chill.

Yeah, just chill and write it out.

Thank you for

having such a kind of

unusual.

What's your last name for the list, Gareth?

Nolan.

First name, Katie.

I've been going by Katie a lot.

The document referred to was handed to his honor and found to be in regular form.

These people are legally married, and unless you have more evidence against them, I shall discharge them.

There being no further evidence, the Chinaman and his wife were told to go.

Just

that was a non-story.

I mean, what a

total non-story.

They had to prove it.

They proved it.

And he was like, they're good.

That story is basically these two allowed to fuck.

Yeah.

Yes.

They're allowed to.

Yeah.

You can go back to fucking.

Yeah.

Essentially.

Yeah.

It's the double discharge.

I'm sorry.

A crowd of women again ejected from the church.

Oh, no.

Well, hold on.

This could be good.

Let's see where this goes.

About the fakes.

The Committee of Parishioners of St.

Stephen's Church held an informal meeting tonight and made arrangements for the discussion.

Let's not do the robes.

Whatever you want to wear.

Zoke over shorts and a tank top?

Absolutely.

Can I sit my, can my pew be backwards and I put my legs around it?

Yes.

Absolutely, Chuck.

It's informal.

There we go.

And made arrangements for the distribution of the books for the collections for the

McGlynn fund.

Dr.

Schrady stated that Dr.

McGlynn was greatly improved, but that he would not make his statement public for several days.

An exciting scene occurred at St.

Simon's Church tonight that might have culminated in a big row had it not been for the arrival of the police.

The basement of the church was locked all day, but the body of the church was left open.

What the fuck?

That's a really weird

body of the church.

That's the regular part?

I don't think I need to know.

Well, then why is it a basement?

Call it an asshole.

Well, they're talking about the upstairs.

Yeah, that doesn't even matter.

The feet of the church were locked.

Yeah, the body

of the feet.

Sorry, you're right.

I don't know why.

I don't know.

We're built differently.

How do you get rid of your worms?

Oh, god damn it.

I forget that you're a stump, Gareth.

I completely forgot.

Well,

not only a stump, but

I do the scoot and I make eye contact with Dave when I do it.

I'm like, come out.

I'm curing myself, father.

Okay,

the body's open.

The body's open.

A large crowd assembled this evening, and about 9.30,

200 women succeeded in forcing their way into the basement where they surrounded Dr.

McGlynn's confessional.

Let's go.

What's about to go down?

I'm into it.

Ty and

something.

I like that he went in the confessional like it was like a time booth.

He said, damn it, the women have figured out that this is just a regular box.

I mean, what is going on?

It's awesome, though.

It really is great to be surrounded by 200 fear.

Now, what has happened?

there's

like a i hope it's a seance i hope something's going down this man's we're not getting we're not getting any answers oh we aren't dr dr donnelly went downstairs and asked them to leave he was driven out and called to the police who finally succeeded in clearing the women out the women hissed father donnelly and made fun of the officers Good.

What in the fuck?

You called the cops because a bunch of girls showed up to your party?

Well, I I mean, put up that.

I mean, yeah,

that sounds not as good as.

You're right.

You have a very good point.

There's too many women at my event.

It's horrifying.

Hot ones.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to prescribe myself a little bit of the cocaine.

Bunch of too many hot girls in my basement.

Please clear them out.

Like they're cockroaches.

Handle it.

Oh, he was a big, he was a big muckety muck.

And that and that were to mean, if that were to mean something, it would be.

Let's say the listeners who don't know what you're saying,

tell them specifically so that Katie and I can just not worry about their experience the whole show.

He was a very big

Catholic priest and social reformer in New York.

Big, big, big

muckety muck.

So, idiots listening, are you happy?

Thank you.

We do that for you.

Yeah.

it's just obviously we know this whole thing is two experts explaining stuff to people that's right this whole ruse of the show

jesus christ two geniuses hanging out good lord chewing the fat over stuff they know

i mean just

just stop it what

uh miss kemper's plea

An immense throng was attracted to the law and equity court this morning to hear the arguments of Miss A.

C.

Kemper in the Anderson Will case.

The case has been on trial for several weeks.

Miss Kemper, who is one of the litigants, has been managing her own part of the case, springing rules of evidence and interrogating the witnesses.

Miss Kemper was seated in front of the jury and she read her argument in a clear but tremulous voice.

It's tremulous.

You mean to know what tremulous is?

Yeah, it's Catherine Hepperner.

I was going to say unwavering, but I feel like tremulous sounds like it's full of wavering.

Yeah.

So no, I don't know what that means.

But, Dave, for the idiots, listen.

No, I'm ending the problem.

I can do tremulous.

I can look that up.

Yeah.

Just because these fucking shaking.

I'm just listening to this show.

I got it already.

Shaking your quivering.

Ah, it's Catherine Hepburny.

In Golden Pond.

Yeah.

Yeah.

On Golden Pond?

In on Golden Pond.

I'll tell you.

So she was sitting for the jury.

She read in a tremulous voice.

She then stated to the jury that she was no lawyer and no advocate for women's rights.

Okay.

Interesting ending.

That's popular.

I'm no feminist.

She's one of those.

That's going to pick me.

But I guess when you're representing yourself, you are hoping they pick you.

So I guess it does make sense in the comments.

It was probably the only way to sway the men and the jury.

I'm not a woman or a lawyer.

Listen, I hate ladies as much as you guys.

All right.

I'm listening.

I would imagine the jury's all men, right?

At this point.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was simply a plain woman managing her own case and appealing to a jury of sensible men for what she considered her dues.

And it works, too.

The guys like that.

And they're like, oh, shit.

She's not like other girls.

She's great.

She doesn't want to be doing this.

She wants to be at home baking pie.

Look at these beautiful men.

Well, all right.

Let's eat her out.

All right.

I will not insult your intelligence by arguing any points of law, she said.

That is the best.

Brilliant.

That is how you do it.

That's how you do it.

That's the way you get into the male brain.

I'm not going to bore you geniuses with details and facts.

Well, thank you.

Good.

She gets it.

This is a law and equity court, and I give my case into your hands resting on the law of the evidence.

Huh?

Smaller words, lady.

Tiny words, brain too big.

The suit was to break the will of James Anderson, who had left Miss Kemper and a brother out in the division of his property.

Uh-oh.

The jury decided against Miss Kemper.

Uh-oh.

It didn't work.

All that

fool.

You said women suck.

You cozied right up to power.

And what did it do?

It left you.

At the end of the day, I still remember her to be woman and that not okay for me

even though woman wise she not worst one she okay terrible but other guy man too he win my brother

your honor i rest you're not a lawyer i'm tired

exhausted

that is

Just a beautiful story.

Just a beautiful story.

It sums it all up.

It sure does.

It's exactly how it goes.

Yeah.

Oh, sister, believe me, we've been through it.

And then she's going to come crying back to us, going, oh, men, right?

And you're going to go, well, hold on.

Yeah.

Well, now hold on.

Well, listen, I think

as a cis man on the show,

all the genders have been through a lot.

And

it's really hard.

Important to remember.

You're right.

It's been tough for Dave and I.

Yeah.

The whole thing.

So

I feel like you're not giving us enough.

Yeah, it does feel like

you're being throwing up a lot of womany about

multiple thumbs up.

We love those.

We love the thumbs.

There you go.

Good.

Okay.

Those, yeah.

All right.

For those listening and not watching, Katie just gave the records in.

Romeo is very despondent.

This is out of Lewiston, Maine.

Romeo Dussette, whose wife pretended to have committed suicide by drowning and then stole away from town, returned this evening from Manchester.

What?

You can't do that.

You're not.

You can?

No, he circled back.

She's the one who she didn't circle back.

Say it again.

She pretended to kill herself.

Yes.

By drowning.

Romeo's wife pretended to have committed suicide by drowning and then stole away from town, returned this evening from Manchester.

I think that is him returning, not he returns

from Manchester.

Then how do we know she's not dead?

Yeah, how do we know she's not dead?

Good question.

He was not accompanied by his wife.

Well, yeah, because she like

she didn't want to be with you so much.

She pretended to drown in the lake.

Or literally killed herself.

I'm still waiting to see how we know she was joking.

I agree.

I think there is an element of him being like, the whole thing was a big goof, but I'm letting her go.

No, no, it's a gone girl situation.

You don't know what that is yet, but you've got to take my word for it.

This is a real gone girl situation.

Trust me, this is funny, not sad.

It's a funny gone girl.

There's no, I feel like she's definitely dead.

And this guy's just full of it.

He says she was at work in a hotel at New Boston, but will give no particulars of their meeting.

He is very despondent, and it is not likely that she will ever live with him again.

You don't say because she's or anyone.

So, is he saying he met with her in a hotel?

Yes, and then they'd have no record of it happening.

And he's like, No, she said she's not coming back.

So, that clears up that.

Yep, that's exactly the whole thing.

Hold on, hold on.

She died.

I think he killed her.

He's sad, you guys.

Yeah,

it's true.

Man's the way and woman lies.

Yeah, thank you, Katie.

Thank you for getting it.

I definitely think that he killed her and then he was like, she faked it.

I talked to her today.

We're very happy, but not getting back together.

I saw her.

She's well.

She's very well.

Woodhaven snake story.

That was end of story, you're saying.

That was end of story on that.

That's all.

That's all we are.

What more do you want out of it?

You're a good question.

You're right.

Thank you.

Yeah, I mean,

we got total resolve on that story.

The man said.

We've moved on to snakes.

We've moved on to snakes.

Woodhaven snake story.

This is out of Brooklyn, New York.

T.

Brett and Company's chemical works are situated in the village of Woodhaven.

Celestial Burdoyne.

That's a terrible name.

Is the Night Watchman.

Celestial.

Celestial is the Night Watchman.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

That's a

celestial burdoin.

What else are you going to do?

What else are you going to do?

What else are you burdoing at night other than staring up at the stars?

What are you burdoing doing in the day?

Burdoyne is the night watchman and lives with his wife and two daughters in an old dilapidated frame house on the

I invited you over for an interview.

He lives with his family in a big old shithole.

His wife can't cook.

His wife can't cook.

His kids are ugly and his house sucks.

The younger of the two girls is a pretty and healthy looking child.

Easy, buddy.

Don't pull a Dave Anthony with the high school girls who every road.

And has reached her 12th year.

Easy Christ.

No.

What?

In the paper?

This is in the Boston Globe?

All he said was that

she's pretty and healthy.

Listen, he's got a shit house and a hot 12-year-old.

Turkey navigator.

Isn't that crazy?

That's how you describe a young lass.

Yeah, what else do you want him to talk about?

Her precocious personality?

What she was doing for fun?

She's supposed to be seen.

She's 12.

Gonna be pretty hot.

Anyway, what was this article about?

Anyway, Dibs, but she's 12.

Probable Dibs.

So I'm at this guy's shithole house where his wife can't cook and he's got a hot daughter in the future, probably.

No shame.

Miss Burdoyne, for many years, has made up her own wine from elderberries, the girl in the woods nearby.

Sure.

And yeah, that's what you do.

That's what you do.

I would not drink that.

Want some elderberry juice?

Yes.

Get loaded, Gareth.

I would do it for sure.

Makes your 12-year-old look a lot hotter if you drink a little bit of hot wine.

You have to excuse me.

I find you're a 12-year-old attractive.

I've been drinking forest elderberry.

What's this?

And I was prescribed cocaine by my physician this morning.

Does your daughter like cocaine yet?

Every man hopped up on forest wine coked out of his face.

Kids are hot.

Is that crazy?

Am I nuts?

The work of gathering the berries fell upon Christina, and when she returned home from one of these errands a little over a year ago, she complained of pains in the stomach.

Is Christina the 12-year-old?

Sorry, I think I talked through that.

Or is that the wife?

That's the 12-year-old.

The hottest, the little hottie.

A little hot, hot stuff.

Little, little miss, you know, showing it off.

Whatever, you know.

Totally.

The more you say, the less I want to be here anymore.

Hey, I like younger bears.

When you do it, it makes me scared.

I agree.

I agree.

Katie, I agree.

It's very funny.

It just makes me feel unsafe.

When you say it, I'm like, okay.

And when

Dev says it, I'm like, are we going to be able to do this show next week?

fine.

I'm just saying there's a precocious young lass in the forest, David.

David, run and direct.

She came back, shouldn't feel good.

Shouldn't feel good.

Sounds like a prime candidate for experiment.

None of us do when you talk, Dave.

If we want to toss cocaine in a kid, the usual house remedies were applied, but they failed.

I hate to know what those are.

What are those at this point?

Put some beetles in your eyes.

Yeah, honestly.

Yeah.

Here, swallow this trout whole.

Now, take the blood out of her.

There we go.

Remove her blood.

Just for a moment.

And now we'll replace it with goldfish.

But as they failed to give any relief, a physician was called in.

Oh, so they did that without the physician.

That was just the hospital.

They're trying home remedies first.

Of course, that's why they're home.

And then the doctor comes in and gives her Coke.

Yeah.

His medicines also failed, and other physicians were consulted with the same result.

Awful.

Acting upon the advice of a friend, Miss Burdoyne took the girl to a hospital.

You needed a friend to advise that maybe the next step here would be hospital.

Hear me out.

You should go to a place where there's people who help sick people.

Well, but let me ask you this, Dave.

Back then, are you better to go to a doctor or to just give yourself the best chance by just going through it?

I think with something like this, I think you're okay going to a hospital because I think it's more when you get into the surgery thing that

I was going to say, is this back when they thought bad smells made you sick?

Is this that time, period, or is this after

on the edge?

On the edge.

Good.

Yeah.

You're telling me bad smells don't make you sick?

I don't think.

But COVID, I mean, what was that if not a smell?

We got it in the air.

So

here's the fucker for me.

I love the smell of COVID.

So I just, it's really damning for me.

I don't want to get it, but honestly, sometimes I'm out and I'm like,

same about Coke.

That's how I feel about Coke.

I just like the way it smells.

Completely agree.

That's how I feel about what comes out of the forest

when we're picking berries.

Dave.

David.

This was on Saturday last.

And from then until Tuesday, the girl's suffering were intense.

She occasionally remarked

that she, oh, sorry, I missed this part.

A physician took charge of the case at the hospital, tried several experiments, and as a last resort, or the girl.

That's not what you want to eat here.

We're going to try some stuff I've only dreamed of.

On your hot 12-year-old.

Your 12-year-old's so hot.

Let me see if I can punch her up a little.

Order the girl too fast for three consecutive days.

So she should stop eating right now.

That's what they're doing to us now on TikTok.

That's true.

They're really pushing that.

Hey, what if you just didn't eat for four days?

That'd be really cute.

I'll tell you.

That's so great.

I'll tell you.

TikTok's great for body stuff.

Yeah.

I definitely was floating out there to people I know that I might try to not eat for a week.

And everyone's like, should you, what are you doing?

My algorithm's hurting my life.

It's fine.

No, I think it's really important to take a society that has a really terrible problem with young teen ladies having body issues and instead of fixing that, just making the boys have them also.

Yes.

Intermittent fasting.

Yeah.

It's different.

It's not anorexia.

No, no.

You just don't eat for most of the day.

I'm in high ketosis.

I am ketosis.

I just become a god.

I am ketosis.

Oh, God.

On a cliff's edge.

Poseidon.

Join ketosis.

We shall own everything.

All the elements.

So I stopped following that guy.

I am ketosis.

This was on Saturday last, and from then until Tuesday, the girl's sufferings were intense.

She occasionally remarked that she, quote, felt something alive inside of her.

Okay.

Okay.

No.

I don't know.

I don't want.

If we hadn't started where we started, I agree.

I'd be where I am right now.

I don't want to do it either.

I don't like it.

We're not going to do it.

Going to a good place.

Which she claimed rose in her throat at intervals.

All right.

I'm actually going to take a 20.

you guys finish intervals like in and out and in and out of her throat you're saying something alive

up and down come out for a little light and air and then go back in.

I literally had to look up to see if he was reading.

I was like, please come reading.

I was like, is he fucking reading?

It's crazy that the best case scenario here is that you're about to reveal they put like a bug in her or something.

The best case scenario

is, oh, that's right.

Wasn't this all about?

It's got to be a snake.

Oh my god.

But does it happen?

katie please i'm trying i know okay here's what's gonna happen we're gonna delete the episode because we can't do it we can't do this quit sipping gin weirdo why do you guys hate doctors and medicine dave it's just a traditional medical story please finish this one or end it thank you

sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i have to go to the rectory after this

no

Tuesday?

Tuesday came at last, and the girl and her mother visited the hospital.

To the physician, the girl gave a description of her sufferings, and the doctor forthwith began his work.

The girl was compelled to open her mouth as wide as possible.

Hurry.

While the physician...

Get it open more.

It's half wide.

It's fine.

Treat it like a straw, then maybe you'll find it.

I'm sorry.

While the physician continually slapped her on the back.

What the fuck?

I think that's now they're trying to get her to cough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck.

This was repeated several times until the doctor

hurriedly seized a pair of pincers, placed them in the girl's mouth, and drew from her throat a snake fully eight inches long.

What the fuck?

So average.

What?

Oh, my God, no.

The worst part.

Look,

the good news.

And it was in her, it's dead, right?

It's got to be dead.

It's been in there for a week.

week or so.

It's not in your stomach acid.

No.

What the fuck?

Because it's not a snake.

It's a snake.

What is she?

David Blaine?

Oh,

parasite.

I thought you said it.

Oh, like a tapeworm.

They're calling it a snake, but yeah, it's like a tapeworm-y type.

Yeah.

They're idiots.

I actually love eating snake.

May I?

For some reason, I've got it too.

Yeah.

I'm not feeling so good about it.

I went out, took it right, put it right back in.

Don't mind if I do.

These are quite a delicacy where I'm from.

I think that's how you get some parasites out.

It's like you put like a milk or something in front of you.

Yeah.

No, there's like you day, truly, you dangle like something in front of it, and then the tapeworm's like, what's that going on out there?

I think it tastes a little bit more mammal.

A dessert's out?

Oh, okay.

And then it comes out of you and you're like, that queen a lot.

Oh, no.

How do you get the, how does the tapeworm happen in the first place, though?

Elderberries.

Yeah, it's a pretty big tape.

And if you pick in elderberries

in your back forest, don't go.

Don't do it.

The cool thing is with RFK, we're going to learn how tapeworms happen again.

But I believe he is a tapeworm.

We're about to know.

There's one in his brain.

I don't know if they still do.

I should tell everybody right now I'm actually a parasitic worm.

Oh, fuck.

At the site, the girl fainted away, and it was a long time before she could be restored to consciousness.

She was taken home and was seen

by a reporter this afternoon.

cried bitterly when the subject of her trouble was broached.

Yeah, she's 12.

She doesn't want everyone to know she had a fucking snake inside.

Listen, we booked an interview with this broad, but when I tried to bring up the only thing I wanted to ask, she cried like a bitch.

Fucking little babe.

What's this hot 12-year-old?

Oh my god.

Sexy 12-year-olds really hold on to trauma.

They just pulled a worm out of this girl's throat and

doesn't want to talk to me about it.

Oh, my God.

Good luck to whatever man marries her next year.

Yeah, right?

Which is going to be me.

You better not have been ruined by a snake already.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I don't know if we could top that, Dave.

Is that you have one more, or are we done?

I mean, that's.

We're not done with this one.

She said the doctor's theory is that a very small snake must have been on a branch of a bush, and that in eating the berries, as I did, I must have swallowed the reptile, and it has been growing ever since.

Absolutely.

Damn, she was eating while she was picking.

You're not supposed to do that.

No, that's how a snake could jump through your throat without you knowing.

It was in an old rhyme that they taught us.

Maybe it wasn't around yet, but absolutely.

Eat the berries.

You know, you know, it goes gears.

Yeah, otherwise, the snake will bury inside your tummy and you won't know.

That's why in the forest you shouldn't go.

If you're doing it right, then you'll feel okay.

Don't let the snake bury away inside your esophagus and your tiny guts.

Boy, these girls look like they're hot.

Anyway, we got to go.

And we can't.

We're unable to.

We are.

I don't.

That one was fucking horrible.

Yeah.

That was a horrible story.

So what better way to end a show of nightmares?

Yeah, that feels like it.

Gareth has to go.

Gareth has other stuff to do.

Well, actually, Sheriff's here.

I don't know what his deal is, but he's.

The taser's out, and they seem pretty upset.

I'm not sure what's happening.

I'm almost done, assholes.

Katie, thank you for joining us.

People should go listen to casuals.

Yeah, Dave.

Katie, as a sports lady, and when this comes out, people are already there, but the next three episodes of the dollop are Pete Rose.

Oh, my God.

Like, you get into it, into all of that.

Speaking of 12-year-olds.

Yeah, I mean,

it turns out

that's exciting.

That's good, exciting stuff.

Spoiler alert, the good news, he's dead.

Yeah, he is dead.

Also, wait, I said, oh, you recorded it already is what you're saying.

I was going to say, Kirk isn't supposed to know, I thought.

This is really ruining the TV match.

We recorded it.

But you recorded it already.

Thank you for doing it, Katie.

Will you send Burns your audio?

Yeah, I will.

How do I do it?

Oh, I think you get...

Did you send me a link?

I think he was a link.

He should have.

Let me look.

Can I look?

Or do I need to run away and hide?

No, I don't have a link yet.

Okay, I'll text him to send you one.

Okay, cool.

I love this echo.

It rolls.

Okay, bye.

This was fun.

Thank you so much, Katie.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

Bye, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, honey.

Some of these days.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gare Force.

Come on, go to Garethronnes.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th.

Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th, Columbia, Missouri, September 28th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th, Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st, Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

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