684 - Pete Rose - part three

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You're listening to the dollip on the all things comedy network.

This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to what is essentially a plant.

Plants are awesome.

Gareth Reynolds has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

If I'm a plant, I'm providing a lot more than a fucking comedian.

How dare you?

Well, here we go.

The last episode of the show.

All time.

Of all time.

It's been a good run.

I've enjoyed it.

It was great meeting you.

But look, I'm retiring upstate.

I'm Montana, I mean, with your mom.

And we're just going to get a little cabin there.

Nope.

Stabbing cabin is what it's called.

Yuck.

This is just terrible.

Well, you went to a stabbing cabin with my dad.

I did not.

Well, that's not what the police say.

I went to a strangle yurt.

That's not cool.

What?

I miss him more than you.

Just so you know.

Well, yeah, everybody does miss it more than me.

Yeah, so there you go.

I miss my dad the least.

It's a shame that he had to go.

You know what's interesting is when people go, well, you just, I mean, you just need time to feel it.

Like, it's not.

Spent a lot of time.

It's not, it's not there yet.

People who are okay with

parents dying.

Favorite memory of him?

Fuck.

What was his name?

Michael.

Michael James Anthony.

MJ.

Oh, sorry, James Michael.

He never used James.

He went by Michael, but James Michael.

Favorite memory.

Wait, so his initials were

JM.

JM.

JMA.

J-M-A.

Yeah.

Boy, favorite memory is a tough one.

All right.

I thought it would come quicker, but I guess

not.

That's interesting.

I wonder how fast my...

Same thing would happen with my sister.

She'd be like, well.

When he gave you the quarters?

He gave them to her.

Postumous quarters is pretty cool.

Yeah, he gave...

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Fuck, dude.

I really.

My favorite was when he and I one time, we went went fishing and he threw the pole and he jumped in and he came out with a fish in his mouth like a bear.

That's a movie.

Oh.

That's not.

It's a great scene.

That didn't happen to you.

No.

Okay.

My favorite, my, my, honestly, my favorite moment that I ever had with your dad was

this one time we were.

We were on a train and we had an argument and we ended up on the top of the train while it was moving and we just fought each other.

And then

as we were going through,

as it was getting intense,

he was on top of me and he's going, I'm smarter than you.

I'm better than you.

I'm better than you.

And I just kind of held his head up and his head got taken off by a light.

And I said, yeah, well, I'm taller.

That's also a movie.

Oh.

None of your memories of my dad are actual memories.

1985.

Let me do this five more times.

Pedros

has now broken the all-time MLB hit record.

Right.

And he wants to capitalize.

Sure.

He also needs money because he can't stop gambling.

Yeah, because he's in with a gym coke head.

He met a 19-year-old memorabilia dealer dealer.

He met a 19-year-old memorabilia dealer named Berto and moved him into the house with Tommy,

Gia Sa, and it was a sidekick Aaron Boy.

So now there's three guys living in the place.

Well, you know, you're probably inviting too many people into your house when the memorabilia guy is one of them.

Excuse me, who's that?

He has relics.

So Berto takes pictures.

He sells autographs.

He makes Pete's bets with two mob connected brothers in New York.

I got to say,

all I knew was that Pete Rose was a gambler.

Yeah.

That really doesn't do it justice for

what is actually happening.

Chaos around.

Chaos.

He's now regularly betting on baseball, the Braves, the Mets, the Phillies, the Yankees, and the team he plays and manages for, the Reds.

He has relatively good success because it's a sport he knows.

Wasn't his whole contention that he never bets on his own team?

That's correct.

So he is betting on his own team.

And baseball.

And baseball.

I didn't.

Okay.

So he said he never bet on baseball.

Right.

Right.

Okay.

He bets on football and basketball and has him in deep for $250,000 to the New York mob.

So he's good at it.

Yeah.

So this is why sports

leagues ban gambling for players

because now the bookies own you.

And Pete has long said,

and a book obtained by ESPN's Outside of the Line corroborates that Pete always bet on his team to win.

But,

quote,

a manager betting on his own team could harm the game, even if he was betting on the team to win.

He could overuse a pitcher or refuse to test or to rest a starter in pursuit of his own financial gain.

And what he wagered or didn't wager could move markets in the underworld.

The boogies in New York surely noticed when Berto was betting against Pete.

So not Pete, but when Berto made his own bet.

Any bookie would wonder if Berto had inside information.

It would make it worthwhile to go against the Reds that night.

The bookies also surely noticed when Pete didn't bet on the Reds.

He wasn't betting against his team.

He was just betting on them.

So until I read this, I've always been like, who cares if you bet on your own team?

But that argument,

my argument is gone.

That's exactly what I just went through.

Completely gone.

Because that was what he always said.

I always bet on him to win.

Yeah.

My own team to win.

But now you read that.

You know that if, especially if you're the manager, you could definitely be fucking early.

It's true.

When you don't, then people are like, oh, they're going to lose us.

So, yeah, because I have always made that argument.

And now, like that paragraph, I'm just like,

yeah, it's fucking crazy.

At this point, for me,

it's just crazy to bet on your own team.

I mean,

the idea that you're going to be like making any decisions

it's just what a crazy energy you'd be like man coach is intense today i mean he's a when you're an addict we gotta win yeah no he imagine how crazy they're gonna take my big toe imagine how crazy he was if he bet on his team and they were losing imagine how crazy he was in the dugout and the shit you do like because there are games you just you it's a it's a it's a hundred and

um 82 game season so you're resting players a certain time you're doing certain things so you don't want to wear them out out.

But if you bet on that game, you're going to throw everything out like it's the game set in the World Series.

Yeah.

Because you made a fucking bet.

Is he still playing?

Pete Rose?

Yeah.

No, he's dead.

No, no.

And in this

just happened.

What the fuck?

Sorry.

Oh, man.

That'd be awesome if he was still playing.

Yeah, he's still playing.

I think, yeah, he's still playing.

Okay.

I think so.

Well, I know he's the coach, the manager player, but it's like.

I don't know how much he's playing.

He's probably not playing nearly as much.

um

so

at this point

i mean who who knows why pete cuts tommy out of his life in favor of tomo tommy steroid dealer paul jansen so this kid he's he's just ruined this kid's life he's had this kid around forever he

the kid's path probably went different he'd probably want i want to be baseball player oh my god i'm not a good baseball player instead he gets pete rose who puts him on a minor league team and then the kid starts doing steroids to like like, whatever.

I mean, he's around drugs because of Pete, he's around the lifestyle because of Pete.

So,

who knows what the kid's life would have been?

Sure.

And now he just cuts him out.

Sure.

And who knows why?

Sure.

And now it's the steroid dealer that takes Tommy's place.

Pete told Tommy it was because he was acting crazy in front of a racetrack owner, but everyone was hooting and hollering and acting the same.

Yeah.

It seems as if Pete was.

It's like a racetrack owner's like, a little decorum, please.

Okay, we're trying to run a classy establishment here.

Now, excuse me while I go kill four horses

because they didn't run as fast as I thought they would.

Give me the bat.

Yeah.

It seems as if Pete was just tired of him, had used him up.

Right.

There was only one job left for Tommy, picking up a check for $34,000 and splitting it with a bookie and then getting out of town.

And the $17,000 were all Tommy had.

Tommy's an addict.

His longe girlfriend was threatening to leave him and he has no friends.

Now, through Paul, the new dealer,

Pete finds another, sorry, the new Tommy, old dealer.

Sure.

Pete finds another bookie in Staten Island.

I mean, imagine how many bookies he's gone through.

Yeah, well, but again, but I mean, the idea, again, it's just like you're doubling down.

Yeah.

Because some bookies are probably like, no.

You can go to the new book.

You go to the new book.

You're going to pay off the old bookie.

Pete stiffs him, as he does.

Sure.

But this guy, he's not down.

Right.

He threatens violence, and he tells Paul it's his problem.

He's going to hurt you.

I'm going to hurt you.

But Pete's like,

yeah, I'm not.

Okay, it's you, not me.

Yeah.

So Paul has to cobble together 34,000 from savings, friends, and family.

Fuck.

Meanwhile, the police are closing in on Rhode Island mob bookie Joe Cambra.

Hey, I don't know.

It seems like

I guess this new guy, the guy who's wearing the hat, that's a satellite dish.

You think he's a little strange?

Mine seems a little weird.

A wiretap records him talking to his boss about Pete wanting to play $6,000 on a football game, but even more damning, when they kick down Camberra's door, the phone is ringing.

Oh my God.

Hello.

Hey, this is Pete Rose,

Future Hall of Famer.

Listen, I want to put $15,000 on Granson in the high-light championships.

One of the investigators picks up and says Camber can't come to the phone, and the voice says, quote, just tell him Pete Rose called.

Oh, Pete.

Why don't you use your full fucking name?

Pete.

Have a code name.

Holy shit.

Hey, it's Pete Rose.

Is my bookie there?

How are you, Pete Rose, Cincinnati Reds player turn manager?

That's so dumb.

Did anyone ever call Cheat Rose?

Does that ever catch up?

I don't think so.

That was a good one.

Hello, Crime House.

Yeah.

Hello, this is the New York Police Department.

Hi, this is Pete Rose.

How are you?

Are you guys taking any bets?

I'm in deep.

The FBI had finally figured out what was going on at Gold's gym, and they wanted to take down every person involved in the cocaine and steroid ring.

Okay.

They started with the owner, made a deal with him to set up a supplier who they popped and confiscated millions in cash.

So next on their list was Pete's new buddy, Paul Janssen.

Hmm.

When the FBI knocked on his door, Paul was polite, but were Paul living with him?

I don't know.

I think he might be living with his girlfriend at this point.

Okay, okay.

Paul was polite, but no, you're thinking of the other guy.

Okay, the I don't think Paul ever moved in.

Okay, okay.

It was Berto that moved in.

Okay.

Paul's polite, but very curt because he wants to protect Pete.

Sure.

The FBI suggested that maybe it's time Paul gets a lawyer.

And Paul and his girlfriend went to Pete's lawyer, Ruben Katz,

and told him everything.

And

he's like, I need a lawyer and I need money to pay for the lawyer.

And the money I need is the money that Pete owes me.

So Paul said he bet on baseball and on the Reds

that

Pete had.

And Paul said of the lawyer, quote, he put his head down and made a gesture with his hands and he said, That's it.

It's over.

Sorry.

That's my lawyer.

Sorry.

Are you going to take our case?

Can you put an ice pick into my brain?

Okay.

Just kill me.

Well, we really, we think we have a shot.

I'll take your case.

Okay, great.

My God, pick up that stool and bash my head in.

No, I can't really.

The best lawyer.

In a world of bullshit to hear the lawyer like, we're dead.

Now, all Paul wants is the money.

And Pete has a net worth of at at least $3 million and he owes him like $34,000.

But to Pete.

I don't understand.

Explain that to me.

Why he doesn't pay him?

Yeah.

Because it's the thing where he just, I don't need to.

He's gotten away with not paying people for so fucking long.

I mean, Terry wasn't going to be able to do it.

But even all of his gambling debts, he's still just trying to kind of pay them off because he doesn't want to take the hit.

But this isn't a gambling debt.

It's just...

money that Paul paid to cover his gambling debt because Paul is going to get hurt.

Right.

And Paul to him is just another friend to use up and cast off, right?

So Reuben calls his lawyer, calls Pete, and tells him what Paul said.

And Pete gives Paul $10,000.

How's this?

This is not enough.

There you go.

Is not enough good?

Here's a third of what I owe you almost.

Here's nowhere near what I owe you.

There you go.

Sorry about all that.

Here's a small part of it.

Here's almost nothing.

You have $3 million.

Here's a little bit.

Here's way less than what you need.

It's three-quarters less what he owed.

So it's a, that's a slap in the face to Paul.

And as soon as he opened the check.

Does he know about the FBI coming after him?

Paul?

Does Pete know that the FBI?

Yeah, because he went and told the lie.

Why the fuck would you not give him $34,000 fucking dollars?

Shut up right away.

Just be like, bro, shut him up.

Yeah.

This is the one guy you pay off.

He's the guy.

Yes.

Well, it's the same thing with Tommy.

You just cut Tommy out.

Tommy could also fuck him up.

Yeah, but this is a direct, like, the FBI is contacting me.

All right, I'll give you a little bit.

Yeah.

So

as soon as Paul opens up the check, he knows exactly what he has to do.

He walks downstairs to a payphone and calls the FBI.

So Paul starts cooperating with the feds, helping them take down the crazy cocheb bookie from Gold's Gym, the cocaine supplier.

He did everything he could, except right on Pete.

God, these people are such stockholmy shit.

This is why the whole Otani thing makes me go,

right?

Because this has happened many times.

Yeah, right.

When the gym was busted, Pete denied ever going there,

which was very strange because he let the owner-walk him to the Pete Rose cocaine room

because he let the owner put out ads with his picture on them saying, I'm Pete Rose, and I only go to Gold's Gym, this one specifically.

Saying he exercised there, let him make Gold's Gym sweatshirts with his name on them, and even let them call it Pete Rose's Gold's Gym.

I've never been there.

Pete Rose's Gold's Jim?

I've never even been there.

I don't even know what Gold's Jim is.

Where's a bunch of merch with your face on it?

I didn't do cocaine at the juice bar.

I don't know what you did.

I'd never been there before.

Oh, it's fucking great.

So

a year has gone by

since Paul talked to the lawyer, right?

Katz.

And Paul wrote him a letter now, quote, I have a feeling that you and Mr.

Rose discussed our meeting and concluded that a non-committal stance by yourself might discourage me and I'd dry up and blow away.

Well, I don't intend to.

He went on to say Pete was too ignorant to recognize the damage that Paul could do if he went public with these claims and then got to the point.

Quote, I'm prepared and anxious to prove this in court if necessary.

I wasn't put on earth to be Pete Rose's doormat.

It is time for him to take responsibility for his actions and if need be, get some professional help along the way before he has nothing left.

Wow.

So that's a threat.

Yeah.

That's a genuine.

I like the idea of saying he needs help, too.

Yeah.

But it's too late.

Rumors are swirling.

Sure.

The rumors are that someone named The Skin Man has recordings where Pete admitted to gambling.

Jesus, the fucking skin man.

I knew I shouldn't have trusted the guy dead skin man.

I mean, he sounds like such a comforting good name, the skin man.

It's like when I, my old buddy, the kidney guy.

I told the skin man everything, Pete.

I really let him know everything.

I mean when you hear a guy named the skin man and you're like, just let it out.

I mean, really, I'm just picturing a naked guy full of folds.

How are you, Pete?

Hey, skin man.

It's just he takes like a hit.

It just like takes a hit of something and the skin man appears.

Hello, Peter.

Hello.

It's the skin man.

The IRS agents were circling to nab Pete for lying about gambling wins and his taxes.

Even though the FBI ultimately chose not to press charges because they, quote, didn't want another John DeLorean situation.

Oh, my God.

What if the fuck?

We all want a John DeLorean situation.

Keep giving us John DeLorean.

How do we get Dallas?

If it ain't broke.

Crikey.

They did hand the investigation over to the one place Pete did not want it to go.

Major League Baseball.

Oh, fuck.

You don't fuck with the baseball guys.

So, tired of waiting for Pete's lawyer.

It's crazy that the FBI turns an investigation over to MLB.

I think it means that,

so

for a federal prosecutor to go after you, they usually have

like their success rate is crazy on prosecutions.

That's why.

That's why I think Elon Musk was going down because the DOJ.

All right, let's not make this political.

We don't see eye to eye on Elon.

Been able to do a podcast despite that.

So they probably

were a little worried about witnesses, or, you know, it's probably all sort of nebulous.

You could tie them together.

Like, maybe you could do it in like a city court or whatever, but feds really want to lock it down before they go after you.

Right.

So they probably didn't have it.

Probably easier for MLB, too, because they're like.

Yeah, MLB can, it's a private corporation, so they can just do what they want.

Right.

So Paul's tired of waiting for Pete's lawyer to get back to him.

So he calls Sports Illustrated.

Nice, smart.

There have been rumors about Pete's gambling problems for years, but nobody in the press had anything concrete.

Okay.

Now Real Witness who was involved just waltzes up to Sports Illustrated writer Robert Sullivan with this story.

After a few conversations, Sullivan is convinced Paul's telling the truth, and the magazine assigns several writers to fan out across Cincinnati in what is going to become one of the most explosive stories in the history of sports.

Oh, my God.

They had to move fast, though, because

of other outlets heard about it.

You know, they'd get in there quicker and maybe do a shittier job.

But the problem was, there was a mole inside of Sports Illustrated's newsroom, and he tipped off MLB about

the same thing happened with uh David Stern in basketball with the Donaghy shit.

Oh, yeah.

There was like a they rushed to get out their own investigative findings before

I can't remember whatever the FBI did.

Yeah.

And then it was sort of, it became a little like it became harder for to win that narrative anyway.

Right, right.

So Pete is at spring training, and he gets word while he was running wind sprints and making fun of his his players for getting fat during the offseason.

You are a psychopath.

You are out of your fucking tits if all this is going on and you still feel comfortable doing wind sprints, busting chops.

It is so funny.

You would not see me.

They'd be like, where is Garrett?

They'd be like, oh, do you see that like pile of cigarette butts with hair poking out of it?

That's him.

He gets word that the commissioner wants to see him in New York tomorrow.

So if they, if the commissioner, if you're in spring training and they're like, Commissioner needs to see you tomorrow, you're fucked.

You're fucked up.

No, I have a depth of Pete Rose.

Pete Rose would be like, It's got to be good news.

I'm going to win an award.

I think he's got a teenage daughter he wants me to pork.

They're going to declare me Mr.

Baseball and let me fuck their kids.

I think I got a good feeling about this, everybody.

He's putting out a bib for no reason.

So, the next morning, Pete is sitting across the table from three men, Faye Vincent, who

looks like a thumb made out of marshmallows.

Dave, I hate to do it, but

it's a very

specific thing you've said.

Faye Vincent.

Faye Vincent.

And then there is

Soon.

Am I right?

Josh right?

Josh wrote that.

He really.

He does, right?

Yeah.

He's not.

It's not.

I don't want to be too rude.

It's not great.

I don't want to be too rude.

I don't want to say this, but it looks like if

Sloth from the Goonies got a makeover.

I mean.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, no,

it's like, hey, part of you is melting.

So

the next guy at the table is the soon-to-be baseball commissioner Bart Giamatti, who was an odd guy for his time and a man who would never be chosen to be a commissioner of pro sports today.

Okay.

Now they're all finance guys or union-busting lawyers working inside, whatever.

Bart Giamatti had a doctorate in comparative literature and was an expert in Renaissance epic poetry.

Whoa.

But he was a union-busting ass when he was was a president of Yale.

But he's an intellectual.

Italian-American.

He was greeted as Yale's first ethnic president.

He's Italian.

The first ever to not come from the wonderful Anglo-Saxon stock.

His portrait was hung in local Italian bars.

Okay, sure.

He worked at Yale for three decades before joining MLB as the president of the National League, and then

Oldemann became commissioner.

And then the third guy, he's also Paul Giamatti's dad.

The third guy was Commissioner Peter Uberoth

from the Dollop L.A., LA 1984 Olympics episode.

He increased revenue for the league.

He ran the 1984 Olympics.

Yeah, right.

A business guy for

Kill the Eagle.

Right, yeah.

Increased revenue for the league to a degree never before seen.

He facilitated collusion between the owners to violate the league's collective bargaining agreement, which means helping owners work together to steal money from the players, which led to over $280 million

in fines.

But he did one thing that is relevant to Pete Rose.

He reinstated two baseball legends, Willie Mays and Mickey Mantle, who had been banned.

by the prior commissioner because of their

association with casinos.

Oh, wow.

Which I did not know.

I didn't either.

So he let them both come back in.

Yeah.

How old?

Like.

They must have been retired when that happened.

Oh, okay.

I get it now.

I think.

Right.

That'd be amazing.

Or it must have been retired when he let them back in.

I mean, right.

That's what.

Yeah, right.

Commissioner Uboth.

I've been waiting for this call for a long time.

No, no, it's just performative.

All right.

Commissioner Ubroth wanted this whole mess to go away.

All he needed was for Pete to just sit there, admit he had done something wrong, get treatment, and not do it again.

Then he'd avoid being banned for life.

Instead, Pete sat there and told them he had never betted on baseball.

Jesus Christ.

Sure, maybe put some money down on football and basketball, but never baseball.

Uber off didn't want this hanging over his head at the end of his tenure,

but he had no choice.

So he set up an investigation led by a really big lawyer, John Dowd.

Dowd is an interesting choice.

He was an attorney who took down mafia guys,

but he also protected scumbags like an Air Force colonel who secretly gave weapons to the murderous rapists in the

Nicaragua Contras.

To be fair,

if it's war-based, it is.

It's not good.

No, that's okay.

No, it's not, actually.

Yeah, it is.

I mean, nuns.

Huh?

He spilled everything to Dowd, sparing absolutely no detail.

So Pete's old little buddy, Tommy Giosa, is a very emotional guy.

He's also a steroid guy.

Yeah, he's now 700 pounds and crying.

He's the Hulk.

He's an emotional Hulk.

I'm all back acne.

Yeah.

He loved Pete for taking him out of obscurity and introducing him to the whole million.

It's been very difficult to be cut out of Pete's life.

He got a shot at playing pro baseball.

He loves Pete for this stuff.

Sure.

Also, booze, women, drugs, like the whole thing.

But now he's living in his parents' home with his girlfriend.

Let me just, the unsung heroes of this episode are his parents who let an emotional Coke giant come live in their house again.

Mom, where's the milk?

Just moving in your parents' house with your girlfriend girlfriend has got to be such a power.

But to be 400 pounds of Roy.

Yeah.

Like, maybe you don't really need to be that big anymore, honey.

I gotta lift the house.

Yeah, I'm gonna try to grab a plane out of the sky.

So the FBI comes to the door.

John Dowd calls, and Tommy's just not gonna rat on Pete.

Sure.

That's sad, too.

But he also knows Pete would never.

You should tell on him.

He's my best friend.

He's my best.

But would Pete do that for you?

No.

No, well, maybe.

I don't know.

He won't answer my call.

He knows Pete would never do that for him.

People rat him out in a heartbeat.

Tommy's prized for standing by his friend, two years in prison.

Wow.

Finally, it comes time for Pete to sit down with Dowd.

Go one-on-one with the guy who's running the investigation.

Who's going to basically decide his fucking legacy?

Right.

Dowd

has a seven-hour deposition

where Pete.

How How long until Pete just runs through him?

Where Pete refuses to acknowledge anything about betting on baseball.

He said he was only guilty of, quote,

being a horseshit selector of friends.

He's well, by the way, he was supposed to be able to pick a pony, but

the hubris

is off the charts, obviously.

And you understand where it's motivated from, but that's still amazing to think that you could get away with that shit.

It's insane.

What are you, a president?

What do you run a car company?

Yeah.

Dowd could tell he was lying.

He said if Pete's lawyer was any good, he'd wring Pete's neck until he realized his best option was to cut a deal.

And there are many deals there offering.

No fewer than four deals are on the table.

How about the investigation goes away if the Reds win tonight?

Peter, come on.

Trust me, I know how to get these guys working if I need to.

Okay, two deals on the next game.

Okay.

How about we do a parlay, all baseball-based?

If I win, I'm the commissioner of baseball.

If I win, I never gambled on this sport.

Yeah, so.

Uberoth has now stepped out.

He's been replaced by Giamani.

All Pete needs to do is admit his wrongdoing, work on being a better person, and he's not going to be banned for life.

That's what I'm saying.

I mean, they're giving him

the biggest, but it's the biggest get out of jail car.

Oh, my God.

It's crazy.

Especially knowing how it plays.

I mean, it's just like, bro,

he can't lose.

He cannot lose.

He cannot lose.

That's right.

Yeah.

Not only did Pete refuse, he went to war instead.

Pete found a local judge who was up for re-election

and got him a ton of positive press by having him place a restraining order on pete's case

blocking the commissioner from ruling on it wow

that's so crazy uh

that to me like

it doesn't even sound possible it's yeah it's really just like i'm putting a restraining order on this this case can't come within 300 yards of pete rose

so giamati is livid uh which we've seen on screen many times.

It's a dynamic performance.

If you want to imagine what it looked like, picture Paul Giamatti going nuts.

Oh, hey.

There you go.

Hey, Joshi.

Yeah.

Miraculously, Pete's ploy worked.

Crazy.

For about 24 hours.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

The commissioner couldn't rule on the report, but a lawsuit by the Cleveland plane dealer forced the MLB to release it.

I'm sure MLB was like, yeah.

Yeah, we're ready.

I'm sure they weren't.

They were on there like, oh, you know what, we're going to drop all of our resistance to that.

3,000 pages on Pete Rose's just being a scumbag.

Anyone can look at it now.

Starting the

night of Monday, August 21st, 1989, five things happened in order.

Pete and the Reds defeated the Chicago Cubs six to five.

Okay.

Got to win.

Sure.

Pete's wife, Carol, gave birth to the fourth child Pete cared about, but fifth one overall.

Jesus Christ.

Pete signed an agreement that he would be banished from baseball forever.

Holy shit.

Pete spent two hours in Minneapolis with a nice man named Alan selling memorabilia on a home shopping channel.

Oh my God.

What a day, right?

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He signs a lifetime ban deal.

Yeah.

And that's for what?

No criminal prosecution or what?

It's got to be.

I don't know how they, I don't know why he signed the deal.

It's, it's got to be.

Once that report, it's a 3,000-page report that just

damns you completely.

You're done.

But it also just shows you, like, why the fuck would you not take one of those earlier deals?

Reporters met him in the shopping network.

Well, that's right.

Now I remember why.

Reporters met him in the shopping network studio parking lot, and they knew.

Everyone knows at that point.

MLB had called a press conference for the the morning.

Pete then had to

call his own press conference.

He fought to include language in the agreement that ensured it wasn't a denial or admission of guilt.

So he thinks that's how he his

legacy save.

He's threaded the line, right?

He's got this, what a genius idea.

He thought, he thinks it's going to protect him, that he would ride the line.

So he's shocked when the commissioner goes on TV and said he believed Pete bet on baseball and more specifically the Reds.

And Pete's like, how could he do that when he signed language saying that that wouldn't happen?

But he had it totally fucking wrong.

He thought that he and the MLB were committing to some sort of

opinion-based

NDA type thing.

But that's not a thing.

Right.

Well, you want to make sure of that before you are like, all right, good, that'll never get out.

There you go.

The commission was allowed to say whatever he thought.

Pete's only move was to deny that he bid on baseball while also having sign on to a permanent ban.

I cannot believe thinking that that is how an investigation works.

It's so dumb.

It's so fucking dumb.

Like, I would even up to this point, there is footage of so many investigations.

But it's not even so much an investigation.

It's the court of public opinion that

he wants to like but even then the idea that a prosecutor or someone investigating you can't say what they think no it's insane like that's all they do yeah

yeah

okay so dumb um

so

so

he's

he's gonna deny that he bet on baseball but he signed the permanent ban

you would only in the public's eye you would only do that if you bet on baseball and didn't want any more information to come out that's extremely i thought of without question why would you sign if you didn't do it you'd fight it you'd be like that so pete didn't just look wrong now he looks stupid yeah right nobody thought pete would actually be banned for life though they're like well they'll come around everyone assumed he would repent apologize and become a better man the only punishment that fit the crime for giamatt was to put on on baseball's banned list uh-huh And Giamatti made his ruling and then just a few days later died of a heart attack.

Whoa.

He was only 51.

What the fuck?

That's weird.

Giamatti, quote, baseball will break your heart.

Everyone blamed Pete for Bart's death.

Good.

Especially new commissioner and human marshmallow thumb, Faye Vincent.

Sure, absolutely.

I mean, everyone but Pete.

Quote, nobody ever said anything about how he smoked five packs of cigarettes a day and was 65 pounds overweight.

I don't think it had anything to do with me, but hey, he's the one who started the investigation.

You gotta, dude.

By the way, by the way,

you're so right to be like five packs of cigarettes a day.

However, funny, read the fucking room.

The guy just died.

What are you doing?

I didn't kill him.

He's fat.

He smokes.

He's a fat cancer boy.

Yeah.

No, this is such a great example of why all these athletes have PR now.

Yeah.

And it is like, I mean, that is what you think about is like the level of sanitization that these athletes now go through.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They are social media, all that.

They're unable to.

So much of it is about, like, that's what made the Harrison Butker shit where he was like giving that commencement address where he's like, women, stay in the kitchen.

That's what makes your marriage strong.

Don't be stupid.

It was like so rare because you're like, holy shit.

Yeah.

But the amount of stuff that keeps coming out from like the Chiefs where you're like, guys.

Yeah, enough.

Wow.

Yeah.

How's it going back in the 1300s?

I mean, I don't know.

I figured like, we'd throw her in the water and see if she sank.

So now the IRS hits Pete on tax evasion.

Another hit.

And he pleads guilty to two counts of filing false tax returns and was sentenced to five months in a white-collar prison camp where he worked at the welding shop with another superstar criminal, John Gotti.

Oh, man.

The facility had one TV.

So Pete and the other inmates gathering.

That's an HBO limited series.

Yeah.

Rose and Gotti.

Yeah.

Pete kicked off.

So they'd sit out and watch the Cincinnati Reds a year after he was kicked off the team win the World Series.

Oh, that had hurt.

That had hurt.

The hardest part was not to call you the bookie from the joint.

He was like, oh, God.

Just crap.

I want so much money.

Oh, my God.

When Pete was let out of prison, he still had to complete 1,000 hours of community service, and he teached PE to underprivileged kids.

So the best thing to do, kids, is bet.

Dodgeball is fun, but do you know how fun it is to bet on your team winning or kicking the shit out of another team?

Mr.

Rose, hold on.

Hold on now.

On one of his first days, he called up his...

He called up his son to grab a Bic Mac at a nearby mall for his lunch break.

I bet you I can meet you in 15 minutes.

At the McDonald's,

he kept looking over his son's shoulder asking, quote, what's back there?

Pete shook his head.

Pete Jr.

shook his head.

No, what's back there?

What is it?

Pete Jr., quote, dad, come on, you know what's back there.

Batting cages.

Pete walked past the 55, 65, 75 pages to the cages to the 85 mile per hour fastball cage.

And a crowd formed because Pete fucking Rose was going to do batting practice at the mall.

He turns on the machine, and the first pitch shot up like a cannon, and Pete smacked the shit out of it, hitting a laser.

And then Pete turned to the crowd,

Something's never fucking changed.

And then he exited the cage and finished his Big Mac.

You know,

I'd call it pathetic.

Just having your son along on that fucking, you knew what you were going to do.

You wanted your son to see it.

Like, it's just all so pathetic.

Yeah.

It's so fucking pathetic.

Performative.

Yeah.

Pete being banned from baseball didn't mean he couldn't make the hall of fame.

Separate institutions.

The hall didn't usually discriminate based on inductees' personal lives.

As Pete loves to point out, the hall is full of drug abusers, cheaters, and wife beaters.

So Pete should just waltz on it.

First ballot, he should get put in.

It's so cool that he's right.

He is right.

And that

it's just

validating to just be like, yeah, it's full of a bunch of pieces of shit.

What's one more?

Yeah.

Good point, Pete.

But there should be.

There should be, the Hall of Fame should have a room.

Yeah.

For dickheads, Barry Bonds and Pete Rhodes and all these guys.

Who are fucking assholes.

Yeah, why not?

Why not have that?

This is a room of what it's like when you're a fucking asshole, but graded baseball.

Because otherwise, you're just acting like that doesn't exist and it does exist.

Yeah, and I think it is so, like, there is the argument, like, there were no rules against, like, this was an undefined.

It's like, look, there were guys who knew about the existence of these PEDs.

and didn't take them because they're like, yeah, it's fucking shitty.

And then Barry Bonds, his head was a blimp.

But the thing about that is baseball encouraged them to take steroids.

Yeah, right.

So what are you going to do about that one?

Barry Bond shouldn't, shouldn't, Barry Bonds'

problem wasn't that he did steroids.

Barry Bonds was a fucking asshole.

And that's his biggest problem.

He was a fucking piece of shit

to other human beings.

But you can't, in sports, you're not going to be able to not let someone in because of their personality.

You know what I mean?

Otherwise, you'd be like, there's just three people in the Hall of Fame.

But he's

rarefied.

He's a rarefied.

I don't know enough.

I'll tell you a story.

There was a guy in Pittsburgh, and he worked in the media room.

And a guy,

some worker at the Pittsburgh Stadium died.

And the guy was like, we need to raise money for his family.

So when a big star would come through, he'd be like, hey man, can you send a ball and a bat?

We're going to auction it off for this guy's family.

And when he went to Barry Bonds, he told him so-and-so died and we're doing this.

And Barry Bonds looked at him and said, fuck you.

And that guy who was said to be the nicest human being in the world and never said a bad word about anybody, for the rest of his life, anytime someone bought up Barry Bonds, he said, I hope Barry Bonds dies.

That's how Barry Bonds affected people.

He is a bad, bad person.

Wow.

And there's so many stories like that.

I would hear them in San Francisco, like how much of a piece of shit he was.

He was a terrible human being.

Anyway.

Nice head, though.

Yeah, great head.

Thick.

Very,

so he should get it on the first ballot, right?

So you vote if you're going to get in the Hall of Fame, people vote, writers vote.

And then usually there's, I think there's five ballots, and then you're not, or something like that.

There's a, there's a number of times they can vote on you over the years.

And then you're, then you're no longer eligible, except there's another, this one other option they can do.

But so they vote.

And first ballot, if you're really good, they make sure it's the first ballot.

Right.

Ricky Anderson, your first ballot, like guys like that.

Pete should be based on what he did.

Sure.

He's the hits leader.

Yes.

But everything changed the year before Pete was eligible when they added a rule banning anyone on MLB's ineligible list from being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Clearly about Pete Rose.

I was going to say, I mean, obviously directed to him.

And reporters are now pissed.

They're supposed to have the keys to the Hall of Fame.

Oh, you little one.

Yeah, they're such a

those people are so like, excuse me.

You're a fucking right fuck off.

It shouldn't be done by reporters anyway.

No, I agree.

Even the ones who would have voted against Pete were pissed.

But

Chinless Toadman Faye Vincent believed it was Bart Giamanti's dying wish to keep Pete away from baseball forever.

And he did everything he could to make sure it came true.

Also, did I mention Pete is still gambling?

Oh, fuck me.

Well, the truth is, I mean, I'm shocked, but the truth is, it's like, in an addict's brain, it's like, well, now I can really go.

Yeah, I'm not, why stop now?

Yeah.

He needs money.

He took gigs on sitcoms like Arless and Veronica's Closet.

He played asshole Ty Cobb.

He played asshole Ty Cobb in a movie about Babe Ruth.

He became a recurring character on WWE.

He dressing up like the San Diego chicken, receiving a chokeslam, a tombstone pile driver, and enduring a 300-pound Samoa and rubbing his ass in his face for a very long time.

Whoa.

WWE Hall of Fame voters were less uptight and enshrined Pete in 2004.

They didn't know he was betting on it, though.

2004 was also when Pete, after 15 years, finally admitted to betting on baseball.

Okay.

By putting it in a tell-all book.

If Pete was going to come clean, he was going to make money doing it.

Yes.

Debuted on the New York Times bestseller list over the years, the Veterans Committee of Hall of Fame, which was led by his friend and ex-teammate Joe Morgan, tried to get Pete into the hall.

So they're trying really hard.

I remember.

I mean, I remember that being like...

It was a big thing.

Yeah, it was huge.

Yeah.

But every single time, Pete did something to fuck it up.

Pete got a job on the Fox telecast of the World Series and managed to actually be likable enough to keep the the gig.

Until Pete heard a radio interview with the man whose investigation got Pete booted from baseball.

John O'Dowd mentioned something that had been kept out of the report.

He told the radio host that in his deposition with Pete's 19-year-old memorabilia dealer, quote, he told us, you know,

he not only ran bets, but ran young girls down at spring training, ages 12 to 14.

Holy fuck isn't that lovely so that's statutory rape every time you do that

holy fuck so this guy dowd clearly hates

and he sees

that the tide is turning a little bit people are starting to like peter gent people are like yeah right he's not the bad of a guy he's got all these players coming out for him and then he hits and he's just sitting there waiting for it and he goes when you're ready i got this fucking thing and then as soon as he, just at the right time, he drops a fucking bomb.

And that's your statutory rapist.

You know, it's just whenever you talk about a grown man

sleeping with a 12-year-old, it really does, I think, publicly, it affects the optics.

It's so fucking gross.

That is fucking, it's really fucked up.

Like, oh, fuck me.

You just start to get the age at some, I mean, it's like not, obviously not right, but 12 is.

So disgusting.

12 is fucking ludicrous.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Instead of letting it go, keeping his lucrative job and becoming an liked figure in sports.

So this was on an obscure radio show.

He could have just ignored him.

Try Sand affected.

Pete sued him for defamation.

Oh, fuck me.

Now you're suing a fucking lawyer, an investigator.

He's a prosecutor.

So, of course, he has evidence.

He had sworn testimony from a woman who claimed Pete slept with her when she was underage.

What would have just been a little anecdote on the radio is now front page news on every sports site.

Pete was fired from Fox.

The Phillies scrap plans to honor him, and he's back out.

It's that athlete mindset.

Yeah, it is.

Where they kind of are just like, I don't lose.

Yeah.

It's like, sometimes you're beat.

And not only is it, I don't lose, but they are raised to get away with.

every

infallibility.

And never forget, like, Luis Suarez was a very good soccer player,

but he, like, bit people.

Dude, he was like a known biter.

And the only way you get like that is if you just are allowed to get away with everything.

And then you're allowed to get away with it until one day you can.

And then you can't.

Yeah.

Still, Pete's old teammates and friends kept trying to get him.

And by we say biting people, he would bite defenders on the field.

Oh, dude, he was like...

Fully biting people.

It didn't help that he looked like Batboy from the weekly World News, but he was fully biting people.

It was like, people were like, he's biting people cameras got better eventually people like holy shit he just bit the fuck out of that guy imagine how many times he bit people before you dude so many times when people are like god damn it and people are like what are you doing he's like

just bit my nips like guys come on

still pete's old teammate and friends kept trying to get him back in baseball's good graces that's also so funny isn't it crazy isn't it crazy yeah but that just but that just goes to show like how much that behavior was acceptable.

Because remember the famous Chris Collinsworth thing is he's like a rookie and he's being interviewed oh yeah and he's like in some fucking it's like he's being interviewed in a bar and he's like you know he likes him underage

because it was common yes

well you know we really had uh we we had a like it's been framed as cancel culture but it was just like accountability time it's accountability there was like accountability time yeah and there they're the we really

of all the terrible things that have happened in recent memory it's that if you like the person, you want them to get away with it.

And if you don't, then

you're okay with someone being held accountable.

And that's on both sides.

Yeah, both sides.

You have to have just

this line where you just go, look,

we don't accept shitbags.

But instead, it just gets pushed as,

yep, you just go, I mean, the amount of times where you're just like,

Donald Trump raped way more people than Bill Clinton.

And you're like,

how about this?

Let's just do this.

If you rape, you're out.

Yeah, you're out.

You're done.

That was the thing about when Hillary was running against Trump.

Either way, you would have a rapist in the White House.

It was either Trump, the rapist, or the first man, the rapist.

Well, because Trump, I mean, Trump is, look, Trump is like, Trump is going to fucking hit in the balls.

When Trump brought all those women to a press conference who Bill Clinton had sexually harassed or assaulted or whatever, I mean, that was fucking effective.

It was effective because there were skeletons in that closet.

Yeah, of course it's effective.

Yes.

And then you just have it now with like,

I mean,

comedy is funny politics.

It's just like same shit.

Sorry, some of you are getting fucking, some of you are getting hit and then others you're going to be allowed to keep going.

Yeah.

It's just how it is.

And that's okay.

We sit.

We just live in it.

Still, Pete's old teammates and friends kept trying to get him back in baseball's good graces.

And in 2022, he was allowed to participate in a celebratory reunion of the 1980 Philadelphia Phillies championship team.

There, a young female reporter brought up these statutory rape charges to him.

His response, quote, that was 55 years ago, babe.

I just,

I just,

I look,

can you not?

Yeah.

And you, no, you can't because it's within you, it's in you.

It's in, yeah, it's in your, yeah, it's impossible if you're not.

It's chemically made up like this.

When the AP followed up, he quipped, quote, who cares what happened 50 years ago?

You weren't even born.

I know who did.

So you shouldn't be talking about it because you weren't born.

Gareth, you're not going to believe this.

This wasn't received well.

By whom?

I mean, we're talking about middle of the Me Too movement, right?

2022.

Yeah, but still, I mean, he's so charming.

He could hit a ball.

Any growing momentum to get Pete in the Hall of Fame was over.

So Pete did what any person who needs money does.

I'll bet you $100,000 I don't get into the Hall of Fame.

He moved to Las Vegas.

Oh, fuck.

There he signed

memorabilia for a living.

Anything people brought for five hours a day for 15 days a month.

He's OJing.

Yeah.

Pete did this until he died.

He signed balls with his name.

The hit king,

404,192,

but also

I didn't do steroids.

What?

He's saying,

I'm not as bad as those guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well,

that lane is left open, but it's an angle.

I was the first man on the moon, and I'm sorry I shot JFK.

Oh, so he's being what he's like, just like, oh, I'm the victim of all these crimes that I did.

Oh, did I really do anything bad?

Yeah, dude.

Statue Ray, but turns out it's really fucking horrifying.

Yeah, but to be fair, that was 55 years ago

one of his bestsellers sorry i bet on baseball which you can buy on ebay right now for about 350 dollars wow

pete rose represents the true heart of america oversell what little talent you have lie as much as you possibly can and if you ever get in trouble monetize it

uh he died last year yeah

who cares

he had a daughter on melrose place oh really i looked her up and then she vanishes.

I looked her up to see her career.

She's an actress, actress, and then she's just gone in like around 2004 or something.

I think when

I feel like she didn't want to be in the public at some point,

sources: Charlie Hustle, the rise and fall of Pete Rose, and the last glory days of baseball by Keith O'Brien.

Charlie Hustle and the Matter of Pete Rose by Mark Monroe, The Hit King, Pete Rose in Purgatory by Scott Rabb, Baseballrevence.com, and research by Josh and Josh.

You know what I always remember remember is

I remember why

I never watched a lot of baseball, but

when Jim Gray

asked him a question during like an all-star game,

and it was like

it was

he

Jim Gray like asks him

like Jim Gray.

Thank you very much, Anna.

Pete, congratulations, it was quite a motivation for our stars.

Pete, let me ask you now: it seems as though that there is an opening.

The American public is very forgiving.

Are you willing to show contrition, admit that you bet on baseball, and make some sort of an apology to that effect?

No, no, Jim, not at all.

I'm not going to admit something that happened.

I know you get tired of hearing me say that, but I appreciate the ovation.

I appreciate the American fans voting me on it all-century team.

I'm just a small part of a big deal tonight.

With the overwhelming evidence that is in that report, why not make that step with the

festive night to worry about that?

Because I don't want to have what you're talking about.

I mean, show it to him.

We don't want to make that people.

Well, why not?

Why do we want to be everything he says?

Well, you signed a paper acknowledging the ban.

Why did you sign it if you didn't agree?

Yep.

And it also says I can apply for reinstatement after one year.

If you remember being a press conference, matter of fact, my statement was I came here for my little girl to be a year old so I can apply for reinstatement at my press conference.

So you forgot to add that clause that was in there.

Well, you have reapplied, or you have applied for reinstatement in 1997.

Have you heard back from Commissioner Selich?

No, and that kind of surprises me.

It's only been two years, so he's got a lot of things on his mind, but

I hope to someday.

Pete, it's been ten years since you've been allowed on the field.

Obviously, the approach that you have taken has not worked.

Why not at this point take a different approach?

Well, when you say it hadn't worked, what do you exactly mean?

You're not allowed in baseball, you're not allowed to earn living in the game you love, and you're not allowed to be in a home playing?

That

He just he keeps hammering him

and

I remember after that everyone was like what the fuck is Jim Gray's problem?

Right.

Like it was like so much of it was just like Jim Gray is such a fucking asshole.

That's his job.

Yeah, and Jim Gray is a dislikable piece of shit.

Like he's done a lot of stupid shit.

He's fucking annoying.

But I like I had a bias against Jim Gray for so long because I was just like,

Pete Rose seemed like nice and Jim Gray seemed like a prick.

Now you know why Pete Gray

justifiably Jim Gray justifiably hated Peter.

Yeah.

Justifiably.

And he's hammering him at the moment he gets.

Because like the news,

I mean, first of all, that news about the 12 and 14 year old girls thing that dropped, like that was in the middle of all these guys

having it dropped on them.

Yeah.

You know, like that was like the Me Too shit was like, it was coming from every.

yeah.

So you can get lost in that a little bit.

Yeah.

You know,

it was,

you know, that it just, it, it is,

it is just

so fucked up.

And this just happened.

This is basically the history of America to some extent is

you have these moments.

It feels like there's a cultural shift.

And as soon as there's an opportunity to weaponize it against the movement, that happens, momentum stops, and there's some sort of counterculture against it.

And we're in this fucking phase now where it's like you could not be more

in the

tide is going back in the other direction of even the modest gains we made,

it doesn't feel like it matters anymore.

That's why there's

re-education camps and leftists when leftists take over.

Yeah.

It's true.

Like, you're like, what do I do with you?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you really are just like, what the fuck?

Like,

I don't know.

I mean,

yeah.

Well, what a despicable piece of shit.

And

there we go.

There we go.

Pete Rose, all-time hit king of Major League Baseball.

So a lot has happened in the two weeks.

But this episode isn't done.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

It's been two weeks since since we recorded and a lot has happened.

One of the reasons that I did choose now to do it was because I knew that

Trump was pushing for Pete Rose to be reinstated into baseball.

And I also saw how MLB was immediately caving on that.

So I thought it might happen.

And

what do you know?

Yeah, I think you,

as usual, have a good eye towards that stuff, but it is the timing is.

Did you think it was going to be happening that quickly?

no no but i knew it would it would i thought it would take a little bit longer i thought baseball wouldn't you like just roll over that fast but you know they're all pathetic and they did so he just got reinstated

yes he's not in the hall of fame but he's reinstated now he's going to be in the hall of fame Now he can be, but not necessarily because the writers still have to vote.

And remember, the writers haven't voted for some of the greatest players ever because they took steroids back when baseball wanted them to take steroids.

I actually believe one of the bigger reasons why they can't get them into the Hall of Fame and they won't elect them is because the busts would take up so much room because those heads

got so big during the Reuters.

Also, what color would Sammy Sosa's bust be?

That is hard to know.

Well,

it could over time start to fade.

It would be the greatest if they found a way.

They found a material where Sammy Sosa can slowly blanch.

So, yeah, so, and look, like I've said this, I think I said it on the podcast, but you know, I think that all players should be in the Hall of Fame who are good enough.

And then

you put on their plaque the bad things they did.

It makes no sense to have a Hall of Fame without the best players in it just because they're bad guys.

It's the Hall of Fame.

It's not the good guy fame

walk of

studs.

What's up?

Yeah.

So,

so, yeah, so that's, that's my feeling on it.

Like, like, Barry Bonds is just like a notorious piece of shit, and he should be in the Hall of Fame.

They're like, well, he did steroids.

And it's like, yeah, he might get a dollar.

But, um, but, uh, but, like, you know, all these guys throughout baseball have done drugs and been racist.

And, like, there's some terrible fucking people in the Hall of Fame.

Yeah.

So it's really arbitrary.

Yeah.

And people, and people say, like, well, this one's about betting.

Okay.

So let's take that argument.

So we don't allow people who bet on baseball in the Hall of Fame.

So we kick them out of baseball.

So let's say there's the best player in baseball and he's in a betting scandal.

We already heard how baseball, the first time Pete Rose got caught, they covered it up.

So let's say the best baseball players hits tons of home runs, pitches.

Let's say he's caught in a betting scandal.

Does baseball want that investigation to just happen and figure out what the truth is?

Or does baseball want to hide it?

So that's what happens when you

take a thing like this and say, he's out of baseball.

Well, now you're talking about fucking money.

And it goes a very big player.

It's so similar to

this country's inability.

to actually want truth.

Just doesn't want it.

Done want it.

Thinks it gets in the way.

Thinks it makes us feel bad.

So we're not going to do it.

I mean,

it's a really

sort of tough position to be in because you shouldn't be allowed to bet on baseball, as we talked about in the thing.

But also, like, if a guy is betting on baseball and he's judge or Otani or whatever he is, one of the big guys, they're going to fucking cover that shit up.

Yeah.

They're going to cover it up.

No, they do.

So, you know, that's, I mean, that's, that's where I'm at.

I'm out with it.

Like,

yeah, so whatever.

He's reinstated.

Okay.

He's reinstated.

Well, speaking of your prescient nature, we should just quickly allude to the fact this was Preston's idea that we made a joke about

Christy Noam and Trump coming up with a show where you really made, you, you basically said that this show is going to happen, where it's going to be five families to see who can get citizenship.

And from your lips to the production company of the guys who did Duck Dynasty's ears,

because now there is actually

this idea of a reality show about get your citizenship for families that are

not do not have legal status.

DHS is now denying it, but like it's so funny to me.

Like, oh, no, we're going to believe DHS.

Like,

yeah, this seems obvious that they do it.

Personally, I think it was Christine Ohm who pitched it.

Like, I don't think it was DHS.

I think it was just her on her own.

She's cosplaying all over Instagram.

Yeah, it's all about fame for her and like getting out in front.

She probably wants to host it and everything else.

So yeah.

Can't get over the fact that Christy Noam shot her puppy.

Just cricket's gone.

Cricket's gone and now.

Just kill the dog.

Killed the dog.

She killed the dog.

She killed her own dog.

There was a goat, too.

And a goat as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She killed the dog and a goat.

And she's like, that's what we do on a farm.

And all the farmers are like, she was like, I do it 100 times out of 100 times.

Well, keep this woman away from dogs.

And now she's in charge.

She's got our ethical standard of what to do with fake criminality.

Yeah.

Anyway,

we're excited for that show.

So anyway, there you go, everybody.

Enjoy everything.

Pete Rose is going to be in the Hall of Fame, probably.

And Christy Noam,

known, admitted killer of cricket, the dog, and a goat,

is running the secure.

Oh, my God.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gare Force.

Come on, go to gearthrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows at 7.15 and a 9.30.

But before that, you can see me in in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th.

Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

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I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeathers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

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