125 - The Past Times with Naomi Ekperigan

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All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast.

Each week, we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week, returning champion, Naomi and Perrigan.

Hello, Naomi.

Thank you for coming back.

We found love in a hopeless place.

So, we found love in a lovely place.

Don't stop.

What the the fuck is happening?

Don't stop.

That is how I feel about us.

We're finding love in a hopeless place.

That's right.

And this, you are our first guest in our studio.

This is beautiful.

Beautiful.

Nobody gives a shit.

It feels like I'm the only one who finds this to be momentous.

This is a big thing.

Well, this is landing.

Well, no, I feel the difference.

Well, I'm not.

Never happened.

Can confirm.

I mean, I will say this, right?

As the person still on Riverside, you know, because that's how I roll, I do feel this, I feel the difference.

I feel the difference having you guys side by side.

It does feel a little bit like I have been called in for an intervention

in a way.

That's right.

And I'm nervous.

I'm like, I'm like, wow, okay, I better step it up.

I mean, we both look like hobos.

So may I ask, is it because

it's cross-legged white

with very serious expressions.

You know, those white expressions.

Excellent.

Very serious expressions.

Cross-legged white should be the name of this podcast.

Well, Naomi, this is actually,

we are hiring you full-time for the pastimes.

You are listening to CLW.

Yeah.

Cross-legged what?

Cross-legged whites.

Oh, cross-legged whites.

Cross-legged whites.

Did you get the whites part of that?

Yeah,

I don't see or hear race.

That's not my thing.

Naomi, you're thriving in a time when so few are.

You have a baby dog.

You have St.

Dennis, which is on NBC Peacock, which is picked up for a second season, which is

fucking hard.

Your husband made it another year.

He had another birthday.

Your husband had another year.

He made it another year.

He was married to Andy.

We have to have Andy on at some point.

We do.

Andy's a good one.

Yep.

Or with you.

It'd be funny if we

three whites on together.

Yeah, you can.

Legally, we've had that.

Well,

this shows should be a lot of people.

It's also cross-legged white, so why wouldn't we?

Well, I think you can have up to three.

I think any more than three, and then you do have to apply for a permit.

Yeah, well, then it's a clan meeting.

Well, then it starts to get, then we start going like, well, no, no.

I mean, like,

you know, Elon's not that bad if you think about it.

After three whites, you're like, what?

I can't say that?

Okay, I realize another part of it, too, right?

You're both obscuring your heads because you said clan.

I thought hoods.

I said, Garrett, put your hood down because that's aggressive.

Dave and the knee, you've got your baseball cap.

It could be tipped up a little bit higher just to like not worry, you know what I mean?

Like not to set off any triggers.

You know what I mean?

But I think that like overall, I was like, these guys are backwards.

Now I don't feel right with Dave Anthony backwards.

Now I feel like he's my kid named Spanky.

And then people should listen to your podcast that you do with your husband, Andy Beckerman, which is called Couples Therapy, which is also fantastic with the message.

You guys have done it a couple times.

Yes.

The second time we got in there.

The second time I said, I'm not scared anymore.

A few

No, yeah, you dug.

You dug deep.

All right, well, Naomi, this is your 84th time on this show, so it has to be the most

guests.

You definitely are number one in appearances on this show.

This is the dream.

This is the dream.

Not really for anybody, but I think it's again, it's worth pointing out.

A lot of people will say

a lot of people will say, come to our podcast and they'll say, oh, it's not the dollop.

We had Kechner on, and he literally, like, we started, and then he was like, wait, what is, is this a paper?

We were like, yeah.

And he's like, I thought this was the dollop.

And we were like, oh, no.

Oh, no.

And he was like, what?

He was like, kind of confused.

Will you guess the year you think this paper is from?

And then I'll

go a little bit closer and Dave will say you are.

1952.

Interesting.

Let me just say something.

The ring light, sometimes you match it up with your eyes.

It looks like you have crazy demon eyes.

I know.

Well, you notice the glasses, right?

I try to tilt the glasses up to see that you can't get it, but you can't.

You can't be yourself and not have those eyes.

Yeah, it's hard.

1891.

Naomi, it's 1922.

She won.

It's very close with who won.

It's like a middle.

I mean, I was over, right?

If we were doing prices right.

We don't do prices right here.

She won.

Okay.

But nobody wins both showcases.

I'm going to guess 1922.

I won.

Yeah, okay.

All right, 22.

Here we go.

March 18th.

Flock it in.

1922, the Brazil Daily Times.

From Brazil, Indiana.

The, you know, the classic Brazil, Indiana.

Absolutely.

Where all the people are not from Brazil.

Yep.

What's that about?

It's also like Paris, Texas.

You know what I mean?

It's like Manhattan, Kansas.

Who are you fooling?

What is the thinking behind it?

I guarantee you, some guy rolled in from Paris, like a French dude rolled in.

He's like, ah, and he named it that.

And then everybody else who came wasn't France from France.

And they said, okay, this is called Irving, Texas.

He was like, no, no.

This is just like Paris.

Are you sure?

You got a lizard on your leg.

Oh!

Okay.

Battle on the roof with criminal.

Okay.

That's how.

That's how you do it.

I will say we're doing a watch of Steven Seagal movies today, and that is something that just happened in Above the Law, where he did a battle with a criminal on the roof of a cart.

It was truly one of the greatest fucking things I've ever seen.

It's pretty.

Wait a minute.

Okay, y'all.

Do y'all fuck with Reacher?

I know this is not about the newspaper, but do you watch Reacher?

Oh, yeah.

I love Reacher.

Oh, my God.

Reacher is the fucking best.

Okay.

All right.

Reacher is everything.

And then also, what's so fun, too, in real life, Alan Richen is actually on the right side of history.

And so all the like right-wing conservative alpha males who love Reacher are very mad at Alan Rich.

Yes.

That's great.

Because he's a left

gentleman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so fun.

So I have a friend who was writing way back when Reacher Movies.

And he was...

brought into the project to write Reacher and then the studio was like,

we just got Tom Cruise.

And Reacher in the colour

giant human being, and Tom Cruise is like 5'3.

Yeah.

And then

they kicked him off of the project and they brought in Tom Cruise's own writer.

It was just like,

nobody enjoyed the movie.

No, no, I remember everyone.

That's the same thing happened with Interview with the Vampire.

Everyone was like, Lestat is not like Tom Cruise.

Like, I'll do it.

People like, Tom, listen, fuck off.

Let us have a movie without you.

I got to watch Reacher.

Okay.

Okay.

Severely Wounded by Bullet.

That's the same article?

Yep.

Okay.

That's a double headline.

Okay.

It's happened in Indianapolis.

Police and fleeing alleged Czech swindler.

How do you spell it?

Czech swindler.

I should say and a fleeing alleged Czech swindler.

Okay.

Fought a pistol battle at 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon up a fire escape of the Circle Theater and across the roof to its edge where the fugitive fell severely wounded.

I mean, that's a good chase.

I was going to say.

That is a set piece.

That is a set piece.

This is a set piece.

That's how it is.

In the middle of the day.

Also, how are you doing this?

Like 4 p.m.

at a theater.

So my question is, was he at, exactly, was he at the theater cake in a show?

And they were like, we see you.

A legend sprinkler.

Better set piece.

I mean, the budget's going up, but it's a better set piece.

I see someone sort of buccaneering across the stage on a curtain.

The main cop.

Hey, freeze.

And they're like, and the director's like, cut, cut, what are we even doing here?

And someone's like, you don't need to say cut, it's theater.

And then he like ran in the back, like he runs outside in the alley.

And then the guy goes by, and the costume designer goes, you're not going to wear that for the performance, are you?

And he's like, get out of here.

And then he's just going to run out and chase the guy up the fire escape and he's shooting and he's just missing.

And then he pulls the ladder down and the guy's like running.

He's like,

Then he's like, you son of a bitch, come back here, freeze.

And the guy's like, I'm not freezing, pig.

Can I read the story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think you need to, but yeah.

What do you yell if you don't yell cut in the theater?

You go, everybody, stop.

Have you ever done theater?

Yeah.

Francis, what was that?

Everyone

stopped.

It's always Francis fucking up, too.

A large crowd that was sent scurrying for cover as the man scrambled up the fire escape, sent several shots spattering down at his pursuers,

watched the fight.

Okay, so the crowd watched the fight.

That was a a really bad sentence.

The man who gave his name as William Hansen 25 years, so he lived because he gave his name.

I was going to say he gave his name.

I'm like, you are, you need to be like not letting people know your name.

Maybe when he's falling, my name is William Hansen.

Or his last words.

We don't need it.

I am

William Hansen.

Yeah, we have your D.

Cut.

Cut, cut

of Terra Hope.

That's what the doctor should say when a patient dies on the table.

Gut.

Of Terre Haute, Indiana, continued to fire after he had been wounded.

Wow.

All right, yeah.

That really is a movie.

This is a cigar.

Yeah, that's a bad bitch.

This is so good.

I agree.

That should have been the headline.

A bad bitch.

A bad bitch.

An alleged chick swindler and a bad bitch.

Alleged chick swindler and confirmed bad bitch.

The battle ended a break for Liberty after a policeman had placed the man under arrest after he had attempted to cash a fraudulent American Express Company check.

So they were shooting him for a bad check.

Yeah.

So this was very much like now.

It feels like we had a break in that where it was like a cop would be like, yeah, he got away.

Like we had like 40 years where they're like, yeah, he got away.

And now they're like, you could shoot him if they did anything.

Yeah, just stop.

But also, it's a bad check.

Wouldn't you just be like, it's a bad check.

No, thank you.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, don't cash the check.

Yes, it's a bad check.

This is over.

Well, he got arrested.

He got arrested for cashing the check.

They arrested him.

Okay.

Another man,

Joe Lewis, 23 years old of Montgomery, was arrested with Hansen by traffic policeman Howell in front of the Wasson store.

Both are being held under high bond, Hansen at the city hospital and Lewis at the prison.

When Howell started to walk the men toward Meriden and Washington streets to call the patrol wagon, Hansen jerked away and ran up Meridian Street.

So he's an escape prisoner.

Yeah, but so like in handcuffs.

He's in cuffs as he's doing this Ron.

He can't possibly do a fire escape with no hands.

Well that's what I'm saying thinking.

I'm like, okay.

Remarkable.

This guy deserves it.

Maybe he has an extra set of hands.

He can shoot his feet.

This

bitch had feet for hands.

Yep, he had monkey feet.

He had what we call monkey feet.

He kicked his shoes off and he had

Jesus Christ.

He's got monkey legs.

No!

Followed by an ever-increasing crowd attracted by the officer's shouts.

This is such a movie.

Okay, so people start coming because they hear the cop yelling, and there's nothing to do in 1922.

So if you hear, yeah, of course.

Yeah, you're coming.

You're running.

Yeah.

Right.

You're coming.

I'm not that excited.

You're coming as well.

No, you are coming as well because there's this excitement that is freaking

new.

Awesome.

I need to lay down.

Everybody came.

I need to lay down.

That's just a bunch of of guys smoking.

That was awesome.

And all the women are like, I'm not there yet.

Hansen darted east into Court Street, the alley in the rear of the con building.

Okay.

On the nose.

Don't go in the con building, babe.

Not with your bad checks.

Not with a bad check.

Not through a penitentiary hall.

Captain Michael Glenn of the Police Traffic Force.

Is this the second traffic cop?

These are.

I was going to say, also, is this separate?

Traffic Force is separate from

the B cop.

I mean, it's a lot going on in Brazil, Indiana.

There really is.

Jungling.

It's really weird.

Okay.

Militarized, heavily militarized zone.

22.

We got to bring more cops into Brazil.

Glenn saw the crowd and started after Hansen, who darted up an alley between the Circle Theater and the Western Union building.

Trapped in the court, Hansen sprang to the fire escape on the side of the theater and when Captain Glenn reached the alley was on the first landing.

Drawing his revolver, Hansen turned and fired two shots at the crowd.

At the crowd.

Yeah, you got the crowd.

Hey, quit watching.

Ah, die!

Everyone's a cop!

Oh, it's dickheads with money!

The shots went wild, and Captain Glenn, also drawing his revolver, started up the fire escape after Hansen, firing as he climbed.

So he hasn't been cuffed if he has his grabbing a weapon.

Yeah, it sounds like he was just taking them.

Yes, he has no.

But also, they didn't stop to see if he had a weapon on him.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, the cops not do that back then.

Yeah, get a gun.

These cops are like, all right, you want to sit in the front seat with us?

Or how do you want to do this?

Hey, I have

really bad news.

That's the end of the story.

Oh, my God.

What?

what okay no this newspaper is trash it's missing it's missing whole letters prepositions stop when the story gets good that is not okay the guy was writing it he was like all right i'm tired i'm tired credits

um it's interesting because

not cuffing like i wonder what would you rather if like

If cops didn't cuff, I feel like I would rather a society where cops didn't cuff you and they were allowed to shoot at you i'm kind of a site i'm kind of more into a society that just doesn't have cops oh i'm into that for sure way more into that but i'm saying it's like in this one they didn't cuff him so he was like all right cool i'm going with you and then he's like whoa and like took off but then you got to like outrun the cop like i would rather that scenario than go through the judicial system under yeah dude you should be able to yeah yeah yeah yeah see how far 10 second head start like let me apocalypto they should not be allowed to cuff you and you should be able to try to escape.

Yes, right.

And if they can find you, and quite frankly, a lot of them wouldn't be able to.

No.

Go live your life.

You'll be like, hey, I've been free for 15 minutes.

Technically, this now doesn't count.

Yeah, there's a time limit.

There's

a time limit on the how

before they catch you again.

Until dark.

Yeah, until dark.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So you got to make it till dark.

But then can you just like, you just go into hiding somewhere, right?

Like, you can just like go in a crawl space.

So there's and just be like, I'll wait this out.

There's a guy named Amigo Chino.

Do you know who he is?

Yeah, I don't think you should have said that.

Is this guy named Amigo Chino?

And he was on TikTok and he like drove his car for TikTok, like into a closed McDonald's, just because he was like, Let's see.

Gets arrested, somehow gets out on bail or whatever.

He's on house arrest,

and on TikTok, he's like, Should I cut my ankle bracelet off?

And everyone's like, Fuck yeah.

And he did.

And he's been on the run for like a year.

No, and he's now uploading videos of himself

on the run, and he'll just be like at a party, and he'll be like, Amigo Chino, where should I go next?

And he like keeps going, play it's the fuck out.

And then

so last night, I messaged him.

No, yes,

he's got like two million followers.

I messaged him.

Of course, he does, of course, he has.

He's president.

I messaged for you and

he's a business listener.

Yeah, I messaged him, and I'm like, no way.

And he wrote back the smart.

I was like, You're a goddamn legend.

Everyone should know your story.

He's like, I couldn't agree with you more.

I wasn't even drunk.

Holy shit.

But wait, he's filming all this, posting videos, and they still can't find his ass.

Well, the other night there was one where he was in a house.

He was in a house, and he's like,

He's like, shit, the fucking cops are here.

And he's looking at this cop looking in the wrong house.

He goes, This motherfucker's looking in the wrong house.

The cop's like, they like, know he's like there.

There was one where he was just like, hey, should I go to Belgium?

And he's like in an airport.

You're like, Amigo Chino.

So he's got to have a fake passport.

I don't know what the fuck is going on.

He's got to.

Right.

He's got to.

There's no way you're getting to Belgium without something.

But he just keeps uploading videos just like, where should I go next?

What was his original crime?

Just being awesome?

He, like, for TikTok, you're like, I'm going to drive my car into this McDonald's.

It was something like that.

That's it.

Drive his car into McDonald's.

Which you should also be able to do legally.

What's up?

Do we know what state that was in?

Where did he drive into a McDonald's?

Oh, fuck.

I don't even know.

I mean, I mean, it's giving Florida.

It's giving Florida.

This guy's story is phenomenal.

God bless him.

I mean, he should have his own podcast.

He really should.

He should have his own cryptocurrency.

Yes.

I don't agree.

Chinook.

That's it.

Yeah, do a pump and dump, you know,

pump and dump.

And then that's how he like gets to Belgium.

Do you know what I mean?

He's like, pump and dump scheme.

I got to get some money in my pockets.

Oh, here it is.

This is what he did, okay?

Wow.

He just drove it in there.

He just decided to drive it in.

He drove it in.

And it was the best decision he ever made.

I mean, he's like the ultimate reality star.

He is like if social media could drive.

Yeah, yeah.

God bless him.

Yeah.

He's a bless him.

Dystopia.

Dystopia in a nutshell.

Someone who just said, I want to do this to go viral.

It does happen for him.

Yeah.

And then eludes the authorities.

It's like when a guy's just like, I'm going to take my clothes off and jump into all these cactuses.

And you're like, Jesus Christ.

And then it's like, the video is like 10 million views.

But you're like, buddy, that is like a life-changing pain right there.

One of my favorite Instagram accounts is the pranks versus people where

the pranksters just get beat up.

That's the best.

Not the best.

Oh, when they like try to do something to someone.

Oh, wait, you know about that guy who fully shot somebody in the mall.

Yeah.

Because the guy, he was like, he came up on somebody who was like, you know, a postmates or door dash basically.

He was picking up food, right?

So he's like, I'm not even in here for the vibes of the mall.

I'm here to work.

And he got in this guy's face and this guy fully shot him in the stomach.

And it was like,

you should have left me alone.

Yeah,

they're always, they're always like, no, no, it's a prank.

It's a prank.

And you're like, it's not a prank.

You just grabbed a guy's phone.

The last words being, it's a prank.

It's a prank.

You got in a stranger's face and then just violated them in their personal space in some way.

And then you're like, and he's like, I shot you.

And then I think he even got off for shooting.

I think he got off for shooting.

I think he should.

Any jury would be like, I hate you.

Oh, no.

Every jury would be like, yeah, we should do this a little bit more often to make it up.

Well, a lot of people are going to be able to do it.

Some people say Luigi Mangioni was just a YouTuber.

Just pulling a prank.

Yep, he was pranking.

He was pranking CEOs.

When he he was running away, he said, please like and subscribe.

I don't know if you heard that.

And you know what?

It happened for him.

He's now a star.

He's now a star.

The gun thing is so great that they throw the gun out.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's so, it's like fun.

It's fun.

Like, watching this whole thing unfold is so fun to me.

It's crazy.

Someone took a shot at a

CEO in Oregon, a healthcare CEO, but they missed.

I know, yeah.

They broke it.

I saw that.

I was like, like, huh?

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

A couple days ago.

We got him to his house.

Yeah.

Get ready for it.

Let's go.

All right.

William Gasaway falls 70 feet down a mountain.

He used to take gas away from our road trip, didn't he?

Yeah, take gas away.

See, it's a lot.

William Gassaway, aged 43, of 1415 West National Avenue.

Wow.

Put his whole business out there.

Yeah, right.

As was the way back then.

Docs.

And David Hoffman of Turner, Hoffman does not get an address.

Had a narrow escape from being killed at the heck mine, heck mine yesterday, west of the city, at noon when Gasaway fell a distance of 70 feet to the bottom of a mine.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, he broke his neck and all that heck.

Oh, boy.

Just when we had buckets of heck ready to be lifted up.

Oh, no.

Hey, boss.

Yeah.

What are we doing with all this heck?

It seems like it's not profitable.

We take the heck and then we send it to the plant where the heck gets processed and turned into hell.

I don't know why we want to.

Just get down the fucking hole, John.

Okay.

Hoffman saved himself by grasping the rope as he was precipitated down the shaft.

I've been precipitated down the shaft.

They were at work at the time at at the mine hoisting water out of the mine by the means of a water box.

Hey,

we're a water mine.

We can't find this liquid anywhere else.

We got to go in there, dig it out, put it in the water box.

It's wild.

When you think about technology that we have now, to think that like a hundred years ago, somebody was fucking with a water box.

You know what I mean?

Like your job was get the water out with the water box, and now I have the internet on my phone.

That's wild.

I got an idea to get the water out of the mine.

What if each guy take a mouthful and then climb up and squirt it?

No,

that's a very good idea, but that's 20.

That's like 20 years ago technology.

I'm thinking we put the water in our butts, and then when we come up, squirt it out.

Another good idea, but I think this is better.

We kill a guy, hollow him out, and fill him up like he's just sheepskin.

That one's not as good because the fella that you're hollowing out may not.

Yeah, there's some flaws with that one.

No, I'm thinking you put it in a water box.

We should go back to the everyone puts it in their mouth

and spit it in the water box.

And then you fill the water box up and you take the water box and you take the water

to the top.

Take the water on the top and then you pour it out and then you put the box

back down.

Put the box up.

Fill it up.

This mine sucks.

But also, they very fully failed doing this, which means the water box is actually not the best idea.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, it did not work out very well, given that they fell 70 feet.

I told you we should have hauled out and filled up Larry.

I'm the guy who said we'd kill a guy and fill him with the water.

At least one of them, we could use this guy.

After hoisting the box to the top of the mine, they were propping the box up with blocks of wood.

This is so

when

the blocks slipped and the box fell down the shaft, carrying Gasaway and Hoffman with it.

What?

Why are they?

I think they're tied to the box.

They're tied to the box.

Okay, you know what?

You cannot work at Heck Mine, okay?

What the heck?

It's really, it's heck.

What the heck?

Okay, you cannot work there.

This is not on the up up and up because you can't tell me that you a mining job is about water.

You put the water in a box, okay?

Then you put the box on top of some wood.

Do this thing

tie to it.

Okay, Billy, I'm just going to go ahead and tie you to the water box now.

No flags here.

Oh my god.

And hopefully, these wood, these little wooden blocks underneath don't fall down.

Billies,

absolute.

Oh, my god.

Naomi's what?

Really?

Yeah.

It's a good what.

Just imagining those guys like, oh, shit!

That sucks.

It's too much.

Okay, so it falls down the shaft, carrying Gasaway and Hoffman with it.

Hoffman only fell a short distance as he reached out and grasped the rope as he fell and saved himself.

But the rope burned a deep gash in his hands as as it slipped through

before he was able to stop himself.

That's an Indiana Jones shit.

That is Indiana Jones shit.

Indiana Jones and the watery box.

Water box.

He then grasped the bunting and was able to climb back to the top.

Gasaway

was not so fortunate.

Yeah, but how were his hands?

Exactly.

He fell to the bottom with the box, but on reaching the bottom, he was lucky in striking the water, which broke the force of his fall.

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

That came out better.

That's why they were using the water box in the first place.

Yeah.

He's probably down there.

He's like, should I fill it up while I'm down?

Gasaway alighted on his head and back.

Wow.

Alighted is not the correct word.

What does alight mean?

Look,

this newspaper is obviously written by toddlers because we've missed a couple of key words and prepositions thus far.

We had a double headline, a story stop in the middle.

Yeah, yeah.

Alighted.

He suffered severe bruises and a long gash was cut in the scalp.

Was cut.

Gashaway.

Passive voice out.

Gashaway, yeah.

Gashaway is what I'd call him.

I'd be like, hey, Gashaway's back.

Hey, you got a new nickname.

I know your brains came out a little.

He also suffered severely from the shock and was taken to the community hospital in Miller and Son's ambulance.

Miller and Son's gonna nod.

Yeah,

shock sending you to a hospital.

Now you feel like I'll just push through.

Right.

He was attended by Dr.

Elliott, who said that Gasaway would probably be able to be out in a few days.

And back to work.

Back to that water box, boy.

You owe me a water box, Gasaway.

Doctor, I fell 70 feet on my head in water.

Yeah, and you owe me a gas box.

Monday night, worst case.

Yeah.

Time to get back and get wet.

I should point out Elliot's my first name.

Isn't that strange?

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Ross acquitted.

Oh, this is the best friends.

Killed brother.

That's the best friends.

Wait, what?

I'm sorry.

What?

I remember Ross killed his brother.

Ross acquitted, killed brother.

Ross acquitted, killed brother.

Okay.

Okay.

It should be the other way around, right?

Killed brother.

Ross acquitted.

Right?

I like the way this one went, though.

Why?

I'm like, this story's...

Oh, wow.

It's like a better ending.

Nice punch.

It's a worse ending.

No, no.

Read it again.

Read it this way.

Ross acquitted, killed brother.

What happened?

Now read it your way.

Killed brother.

Ross acquitted.

Yeah, so we're going to do it.

I don't know.

I think Ross acquitted, killed brother is like kind of like, what?

Yeah.

I got to take a look at this.

The record scratched in my head.

You're fucking sensationalist assholes.

It's about the facts.

Hey, we're Amigo Chino guys.

Give it the tags, old man.

After being out all night, a jury in Warren County Circuit Court returned a verdict today acquitting Ralph Ross.

Terrible name.

Ralph Ross.

Terrible name.

Of a charge of first-degree murder for the slaying of his brother, Claude Ross.

What?

Claude Ross!

That's sweet.

I like his watercolors as well.

Yeah.

In a garage at

Marshfield on November 21st, Ross's defense was temporary insanity.

The best.

What?

You should be able to kill that.

Yeah, but everybody's brother makes him a little crazy, so you should be able to kill him once in a while.

Temporary insanity is such a great, like, it's just like, I got anger issues.

Yeah.

Like, that is such an amazing defense to me.

I lost my mind for like 10 minutes.

I killed the guy.

Okay.

And everyone's like, well,

he lost his shit.

So you get out of here.

That's okay.

It happens.

It happens.

Take a value.

He alleged his wife made a confession to him that his brother had committed an assault on her.

Ross armed himself with a pistol and went to the garage at Marshfield where he shot his brother down without uttering a word.

Your older brother.

Without uttering a word.

Yeah, it's great.

That's how you do it.

Wow.

Cold.

Cold-hearted kids.

Not Timothy.

He didn't want to hear a word.

He didn't want want to hear a word.

He was like, I don't want to corroborate this.

I don't want details.

She said what she said.

I'm going to the garage.

Yep.

I wish more men.

Excuse me, Naomi.

I wish more.

No, listen, this is to the fellas.

I wish more fellas would just do this.

Don't kill them.

Believe all women.

Kill all brothers.

I think more men should be shooting.

They're not enough men shooting guns.

You know, shooting first, asking questions later.

You know, that's what should be happening, and it's not happening enough.

January 6th was the shoot first, ask questions later event of the century.

And for those of us who are there,

that crew.

That crew.

That's why I do this podcast because I'm trying to get in with y'all so that if they bring back slavery, you can pool your resources and buy my freedom.

Okay.

I would like my freedom sponsored by the dollop.

Okay.

I will.

In Squarespace.

In The Hague.

uh where we will be in guantanamo

we will not be available to help anyone yeah we're going down first i mean come on it's gonna be very quick and bad for us

yeah you you'll you could pull some strings help us to get y'all out yeah

you're connected in hollywood come on you're oh dave is dave is too mouthy he would just talk some shit

and he would undo all my hard work it's true it's true if he takes his gas away he's a little better on a long trip i'm escaped

Gareth is trying to hold Dave's hand, and Dave's not having it.

It's just really sad.

Not why we're in the studio.

He then surrendered, but made no statement until the state had concluded its evidence.

Ross left Williamsport immediately after the verdict.

He, accompanied by his wife, went to their home on a farm.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

That's nice.

So that was a nice sex he had with her that night.

She was like, you really love me, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And it's like, you're into me.

Yeah, that completely is like, wow.

Are you the one or what?

My God.

Your brother's dead.

You know they had good sex that night.

Yeah.

I mean, if I were him, I'd be like, unless he couldn't get it up.

That's a lot of pressure the post-cheating sex.

Well, I just blame you.

If I can't get it up, I call it temporary insanity.

I don't really want

This is going to change.

This is just temporary insanity, brother.

The radish is practically a universal vegetable.

Okay.

What the fuck?

I'm sorry.

Is that the headline?

There's no headline.

We're just getting into some facts.

What?

It's been murder the whole time.

And it's like,

it's just like some weird guy at a bar is like, do you like radishes?

I got a bunch in my van.

Sometimes you gotta talk to the common guy.

You know, the radish is known throughout the world.

Isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Boss,

can I pitch a story?

Yeah, we're looking for a lot of murder.

We got a lot of murders, so the more crime, the better.

So I was out in the garden yesterday.

Yeah, all right.

Would you find a body?

You saw some legs sticking out from a planter's box.

And I took out of the ground.

Oh, boy, here we go.

Get ready, everybody.

I took the most succulent radish.

And I'm thinking, everybody loves these guys.

Everybody loves a radish.

So why don't we do a story on the radish?

Right.

Like, what's going on with it?

Right.

Where is it from?

If this is not, if this is more than 50 words, I will eat my hat.

Okay, go ahead.

This better not be more than a space colour.

You are not wearing a hat.

You ate it on the show before.

Well, I'll go get one.

I'll eat a hat after I get one.

The radish is practically a universal vegetable.

It is now in the market the year round, and rarely is there a garden planted without at least a short row or small patch broadcasted to these pungent appetizers of the garden.

Radishes are maybe the worst vegetable in existence.

You disagree.

Wait, radishes are

disagree, Dave?

What are you talking about?

Dave's weird.

I'll pop him and eat them straight.

That's a fucking shit.

You will not.

You're being kind of like.

You like spicy shit.

God damn it.

Don't fucking come down.

A jalapeno I'll fuck with.

What is a radish doing for you?

It's like, hey, I'm trash carrot.

It's dry as hell.

It's not just, it's not even spicy.

It's like a peppery dryness.

Yeah.

Okay.

Horseradishy shit.

Bring it.

What are we doing?

What are we doing?

I'm not eating it.

No.

Oh, but like raw?

You're eating it raw, David?

It's crazy.

You are,

you people are acting like the radish has gone away.

The The radish is fucking here for a reason and it's been here for centuries for a reason.

So is every vegetable.

What the fuck are you like?

Are you still reading the stupid articles?

I love them.

Now that, now that's a vegetable I can get behind.

You want to know why?

You roast up a Brussels?

Now you're on a journey.

With a balsamic Brussels.

Honey.

A honey?

Putting a little drizzle of honey.

A maple syrup?

The baking, the broil.

I'll take a pan-fried.

I'll even take a fucking, I'll take one.

I'll take one that's been boiled.

Okay, well, I can just cook it.

Just put the right season in the middle.

I can just pull a radish out of the ground and hose it off and put it in my

fucking raccoon.

Put it in my mouth because it's good.

Yeah, because the raccoon is a good one.

It's a smart fucking animal.

The defense, Naomi, you would agree, falls far short.

Yeah, well, I can take one out of the ground and eat it.

Yeah, same with a fucking Brussels sprout.

You can take it out of a garden and eat it.

No, you can't.

You got to cook that shit.

You can't eat a raw Brussels sprout.

It'll taste better than a radish.

A raw sprout

ever said on this podcast.

you're just trying to you're just he's gaslighting you know why he's gaslighting because he just is the guy who said radishes are awesome they're awesome right right right right it's an alternate reality and it's like you know what dave whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day we are in a stressful time so this is what you need that's why i don't fight you know when a white man takes a stance i just step back because i say you know what i'm not fighting with him he is stuck to a thought and i'm not getting involved so when y'all two start yelling i go okay we'll see which one takes the other out first that's how i handle it i see him yelling i go somebody's gonna kill somebody, and I'm gonna be right over here.

It's very much like the brother garage shooting.

Exactly.

One brother's coming back.

Then I get acquitted because it's like, yeah, no, the radish was correct.

That's just crazy.

Yeah, temporary radish is your brother.

We call him the radish.

Because he's spicy.

There isn't a great difference in the various kinds of radish offered for sale by the Seedsmen, and almost any of them will be successful.

Are you seriously looking at

me like Told Youso right now?

Yeah.

Because you're reading a 1922 paper from Brazil.

Are they still around, motherfucker?

Is a radish still here?

Not the fuck.

But they're not going to.

This is SpawnCon.

This is sponsored content by Big Radish.

They say, give us a

quarter of an inch in the paper.

Give us a third of a page.

Because this is not news.

This is not news.

This is somebody's opinion on a radish.

And dare I accuse someone else in this room of being sponsored by Big Radish?

The man who's continuing with these stupid talking points.

Look how long they've been around.

We're talking to a lady who's about to eat her hat.

I'd rather eat a hat.

Better than a radish.

Better than a radish.

I'll say that.

The main difference is the type of roots.

Oh, good lord.

Shut up.

Stick a pencil blindly on almost any of them and order the one spiked, and you will have a good radishes

if the garden conditions are suitable for growing good radishes at all.

What?

Stick a pencil in it and get a spike?

What is happening?

You can eat it on a pencil like it's a fucking popsicle.

How about forks?

How about fuck forks?

Okay, crazy.

Crazy that you're now anti-fork, pro-pencil.

Well,

if forks are on the anti-class,

go fuck.

You're losing the thread.

Nobody said that forks and radishes were not aligned.

The food.

I don't think y'all should be in the studio.

I think you're in the studio together.

You are combative with each other.

Spicier than a woman.

There are radishes that nobody wants to eat.

So the thing is, is I am, my son's on the baseball team.

There's like 60, 70 kids.

Wow, did your son do baseball, Dave?

I didn't know.

In the baseball program.

I'm going to shudder.

How do we shut her up?

I'm going to shudder.

And I'm the gossip guy.

You're like the radish article.

You just started with no headlines.

I'm the gossip guy.

So now I just got a text from a parent on the team and he's like, just call me.

That was the text.

Oh, that's going to be good.

That's going to be good.

That's going to be good.

There is nothing better.

It's like when you try to get C and you're like, what happened?

And the person just texts back, call me.

You're like, let me kick off my feet.

Oh, yeah.

It's all good.

Love the gossip.

That's all I got.

This one is very blurry, but I have to read it because of the headline.

So it might be hard to read, but the headline is.

Insane patients dance in glee as hospital burns.

I mean, I am with them.

I mean,

insane.

So they're in the asylum.

It's a mental.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I get it.

Because they were probably being electrocuted from their head.

And

having their teeth pulled out.

Having their teeth pulled out one at a time.

Oh, my God.

Back then you're just

tortured.

Would lobotomy have happened?

Not yet.

I don't think they're around yet.

Some guy was probably trying.

Chicago, half a hundred insane men and women cheered and danced.

It's amazing that you used to just be, it was like a clinical

state.

And by the way, a guy just got off for temporary insanity.

Yeah.

And now

they're just very much like, insanity is airborne.

You can catch it.

Cheered and danced in glee while a fire they

could

be.

Yeah, it might be.

I think it says suspected of starting.

Nice.

Well, yeah, they probably did if they danced.

Yeah, fuck you.

I would too.

Yeah, they're like a dude.

Destroyed their quarters at Sunnybrook Farm Sanitarium and

scary name.

That looks like attaches, but that can't be attached.

And something believes that.

Next page.

Hopefully, this page is not as blurry.

The sanitarium is in ashes today.

Dr.

C.

Payden, who conducts the sanitarium, although that looks like contentarium.

Also,

have you ever been there?

Yeah, I have, actually.

Like Willy Wonka, but for vaginas.

God damn it.

It's great.

You ruined it.

No, it's attached.

So the word is A-T-T-A-C-H-E-S attaches.

Attaches.

Attaches is a word.

And attaches believe.

No, it's people that they're talking about.

Oh, the attachés believe?

Is that these people attachés?

It must be.

Completely.

But is attachés the correct word for what we're talking about?

Absolutely.

Is it?

They already used a lighted to describe a man falling 70 feet on his hand.

So

you know they don't know all the words.

Okay, so the attachés believe that the fires that destroyed three buildings of the institution were set by the lunatics with the purpose of escaping.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah, that's great.

And that sounds like it worked, but they forgot the part of the escaping where you leave.

Right?

I was like, you can't just be outside dancing.

Yeah, but it was

so

right this way.

That was so great to see.

That was awesome.

That was awesome.

Fire was discovered in the main building the inmates were taken to another building and a few minutes later fire broke out there so someone had matches yeah someone absolutely which one of you that's it spread your butt cheeks we know someone's behind them

everyone spread the cheeks now

oh gosh taken to a third building the patients had been there but a few minutes when it too burst into flames Okay, someone has got to fix their protocol.

You got to check the patients.

Check your check the patients.

This time I'm digging.

Okay, outside.

All right, look.

Someone's got strike anywheres up their butthole.

Nurses and guards were forced to abandon their efforts to put out the fires and give their attention to preventing the escape of the patients who manifested high glee at the

can you imagine when the third fire's going like all right so we're gonna stay here because of the two

Jesus

good for them yeah honestly

that's also really

it's I know I I know we never got it right but to have places where people it wasn't jail is you know I mean we're bringing it back in California we're trying to are we yeah they're they're like that's gonna go mad though we'll just put all the homeless people where they need to be because they're all mentally unstable and you're like they're not yeah that's what I'm they're not gonna they're not Anytime you're like, that could be good, you're like, it's not going to be good.

It's not going to be good.

It's not going to be good.

It's not going to be good.

Very soon, there's going to be like, my DoorDash was delivered by a man who seemed quite disgruntled this afternoon.

Is there something going on with him?

Well, that's a homeless person that we're rehabilitating in a facility where we torture.

My wife wants a divorce, you know?

Cool.

Put her away.

Okay, put her away.

Then the best part is, of course, rent is $9,000 for a two-bedroom after the fires especially did y'all i was like all i was like looking at the rent gouging and like adding stuff to the spreadsheet that like first couple days because it felt good it felt so good to do and there was like one guy in particular in silver lake and he literally had four of the ugliest homes and he had jacked them up for like eight from eight thousand a month to twelve thousand a month oh my god and it was literally all like january 8th january 9th january 10th was he he put these places up and he was like and i called him and he goes,

Well, they're a furnished rent, they're furnished.

So that's why I put up the price because they're furnished.

And I said, I said, sir, this is a black leather couch.

Nobody wants to sit on your pornographic furniture.

This is not something you should be charging extra for.

Black leather?

Broken in black leather?

These people have been through enough.

What did he say?

He hummed up.

Why?

porto.

I mean, it's a porto couch.

It is.

When the leather couch starts to kind of age and it's like, I'm wrinkled now.

Jesus Christ, Granny.

Yes.

Can you imagine you've lost everything in a fire and now you've got to live for $12,000 a month sitting on a wrinkle soft wearing a leather cracker with the little like the little stitching that'll like bite your leg once it starts like going off or something

now I bite

Yeah, I know people that lost their houses and they just can't find places to stay.

No, it really, I kind of for a while was like thought to myself there is

genuine human decency in most people.

Yes.

And capitalism is just destroying it.

And then you start to go like, well, I don't know.

Obviously, the people at the top of the pyramid right now are evil fucks.

People who want to make a lot of money off of land and houses are

inherently not as good as people who don't want to do that.

There's no part of me that's like I want to buy a house,

charge people as much as possible because I would feel bad doing that.

But if you have that compulsion to some extent, it's sort of like you got to wonder, is that birthed out of you're just a greedy fuck?

Or you've just been raised in this world where greed is just an established thing as soon as you start your life.

And then so you're just you're trying to get you're trying to run up the score in the video game because that's what everyone told you to fucking do, yeah.

Yeah, but no, because think about the three of us, right?

Like, we grew up in that same time, but none of us are like, I want to be a landlord, you know what I mean?

I think there's like we're, I wonder if we're outliers or

regular.

I've honestly

thought about like, I should, we should turn our garage into an ADU and then I'll rent it out.

I want to buy it,

and then I'll rent it out at lower rates and I'll be able to have a cheap place to live.

Right, right, right, right, right.

I'd like to rent it.

I'd like to rent this one.

Well, not you.

I'm not a bad person.

I will say, I got a band called Chicken Fingers, and we will be practicing in there.

Old man.

If you take care of the radish garden out back, then you definitely can have...

Wow.

Dave's kicking it with a raven in his yard.

A raven's becoming my friend, and now when I walk outside, he comes down on the lawn.

Oh, Lord, honey, I hope this isn't going in a Poe direction.

I want you to be careful.

I want you to be careful.

I really, really need you to be careful.

Look, we're becoming buddies.

Please let Dave Poe.

A house sold in Santa Monica last week for $600,000 over the asking price.

Oh, man.

See, that's why I like how Amigo Chino does it.

Uh-huh.

Yep.

Yep.

That's the future.

That's real life.

Here's.

what they're called.

The part where they have all the little ads in the paper.

One ads.

Classifieds.

Classified.

Remember Classifieds?

That's how people found stuff?

Yeah.

I found some stuff at Classifieds.

Well, how about this?

We will remove your dead animals free of charge to you.

Call

phone county 888 ring 21 or Harmony switchboard.

Brazil Taggage Company.

Next ad.

Notice.

We will remove your dead animals free of charge to you.

Call phone 394, Stevenson and Armstrong.

So

it's two places that

apparently there's a lot of dead animals in this town.

Rival dead animals.

Rival

carcass removal.

Rival carcass removal companies.

Okay, that could actually be a fun rom-com.

Think about that.

Like, there's like two, yeah, two people, rival carcass removal.

They reach for the same raccoon.

Their hands touch.

It's electric.

And then, can we be in love?

You know, is it Romeo and Juliet?

Like, you know what I mean?

I was going to say, I was going to pitch Montagues and Capulets.

I think it starts with the businesses,

the dads or

the patriarchs who are running it.

And they charge $10 for animal removal.

But then they keep undercutting each other just to kind of fuel the antagonism.

And then one day when it becomes free, they sort of lose the lust for the job.

And that's when they just go, why don't you go do it, Charlie?

And this guy goes, Alice, you go get the raccoons.

And that's when they go out and they sort of share a vermin handshake that's on the build and but what about a guy who comes into town and goes i don't even watch this money i just do it for free jesus christ this guy this guy's gonna ruin everything

it's although there's something about the way too dave like went to wipe his nose as though this man is smelling his hands yeah after he does it like after he picks up a carcass that's like what he enjoys

yeah he's like that's nice

that's really i don't wash this one because it's the one i pick up the dead animals with

I would recommend someone wash the raccoon because it's covered in me.

Gareth!

What?

Gareth!

What?

This is in my ears, Garen!

This is in my ears!

What?

Come on!

It's a safe space.

We're in the studio.

What?

One head smells like me and the other one smells like the animals.

You guess which one.

Come play hand sniff.

I'm also offering that game free of charge.

Oh my gosh.

One hand.

It's just like one hand is like fully just necrotic.

Pitchable.

One hand decaying.

I got waiver and lefty.

Four sisters are 281 years old.

That's just to grab you.

They're like, that's not a lot, Cume.

Mr.

and Mrs.

D.

H.

Kutchell of 628 South Lambert Street entertained with a 12 o'clock dinner yesterday.

12 o'clock dinner?

What?

12 o'clock dinner?

That's what's known as lunch.

The vampires.

Wakan lunch, 12 o'clock dinner.

I'm 281, and we can only eat in full darkness.

Tom Cruise is playing the husband.

In honor of Miss Cutchell's.

By the way, Naomi, this is the first time I've ever been in the...

He's just on Amazon.

Are you making all this shit up?

No, this is

not quite a revelation.

This is a newspaper.

Oh, my God.

Her three sisters, Miss William Hoke, Miss Furness Merson.

I'm Furnace.

My name's Furness.

It's Furnace.

It's spelled Furnace.

F-U-R-N-U-S-E, N-A-C-E, Furnace.

Oh, my God.

Furnace Merchant is so funny.

And my sister Kiln.

And Miss A.J.

Kidd, the combined ages of the 14th.

Miss A.J.

Kidd is 281 years old.

Okay, so isn't that like 54?

Isn't that like 50 something each?

I mean, it's like I don't know bad.

60 something.

You definitely don't know.

70 something 70 something each.

70 something each.

She is.

They're 70.

They're all 70.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

It's not that old.

It's not that old.

That's old, but

someone was at the house and they're like, god damn it, I just sing it.

Hold on, ladies, stop your chatting.

I just did math and all together you're 281 years old.

And then someone's like, call the paper.

I've got something to tell you, ladies.

You want to spell something that's old?

I need...

the listeners to know that, no, I don't know quick math and I don't know slow math either.

And I need you to just have some grace with me because I'm going to hear about it in the comments.

I know you.

I'm going to hear about it.

Yep.

Naomi, let me tell you a little something about who you're on the show with.

Yeah.

Me.

Okay?

You're fine.

Don't you worry about a fucking thing.

Oh, Benjamin Franklin was a president.

I've done math on the show before.

This guy's 200.

30 minus 10.

That's six.

People are like, buddy, what's going on with you?

I was like, I was high.

I'm sorry.

Don't worry.

We're good.

Naomi's a writer and a comedian.

She doesn't know shit about math.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

Leave alone.

This whole movie.

Naomi is a math dummy.

Stop it.

I'm sick of the move list.

People are going to be tweeting algebra problems at her.

Try this one.

God damn it.

God damn it.

Gareth, don't you add no fuel to the fire?

Because I will come up in here at your house.

I'm going to call the Bible.

And I will call you.

You call me a fuckboy, and that still follows me on your podcast, Couples Therapy.

He is a fuckboy.

It's still following.

Well,

you know what I was going to say, though?

I was like, I know it's following you.

I said, don't make me look you in the face and and call you Benji.

Okay?

Don't do that.

Because if I'm popping up at shows, that's got to be.

People really like that one.

Shut the fuck up.

You know what I am?

Is a fuck dad.

You don't get that very much.

No.

But it's the new thing.

Well, I remember we saw Bill Burr in the airport once.

He goes, Jesus Christ, Dave, you are really rocking dad boss.

That is quintessential fucking dad boss.

Yeah.

Well, we all can't be millionaires and work out all the time.

We'll be right back.

Woman mayor 80 wars on male vamps and hits wets.

What the fuck was that?

You know.

Fridge magnet.

80-year-old lady mayor.

I'm in.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Wards off male vampires?

Wars on.

Wars on.

She's going to war on male vamps.

Oh, okay.

I don't know what a male vamp is, but we're going to find out.

And hits wets.

Wets are

the people who drink.

Wets.

Oh, hits wets.

Wets?

Oh, wait.

Seriously?

They were just a drink.

1922, yeah, they were called ots, yeah.

Wets and dries.

Okay.

Jesus.

That would have been soaking.

That would have been.

Just because your dad was sopping, relax.

My dad was basically a sponge that took a dip and your dad was the sponge that

was sinking itself.

Magnetic Springs, Ohio.

Wow, what a name.

Declaring the efforts of the government to enforce the 18th Amendment reminded her of a small boy trying to dry up Lake Erie with a one-ounce sponge.

Miss Mary McFadden, 80, who recently became mayor of this little village, last fall for the benefit of a band of church members who visited her, such pearls of wisdom as would do credit to the late King Solomon.

Okay, so she gave a speech.

Yeah, a speech, and they were like, that was good.

How was that King Solomon?

She gave a speech, it was good.

Yeah, they liked her speech.

It was good.

Yeah, don't you calm down with the King Solomon.

Exactly.

Hyperbole.

King Solomon.

Yeah.

Prohibition, this is her.

Prohibition leaders must remember that Rome wasn't built in a day, and they can't expect the few thousand agents now employed to enforce the law among all the millions of inhabitants of this country.

The effect of the prohibition law will be most noticeable 20 years from now when children will not know the meaning of the term whiskey.

Hey, dumb lady, wrong!

That did not happen.

And then,

okay.

Is this last?

No, this is still her going on.

Replying to a question regarding her attitude on the present-day girls

gone wild.

Something for bobbed hair.

So it must be a style, right?

Sure.

Yeah, 20s, they all had bobbed hair, right?

Right, Nanny?

Sure, sure.

Yeah, I was there.

I was there.

Yep, yep, yep.

Short skirts and rolled stockings.

Okay.

What's a rolled stocking?

Like rolled down so that they're not all the way up.

So I think they're kind of like around the knee or like a little below the knee, which is obviously sexual.

That's sexual in nature.

Because that's what you do when you get get a lady and you're going to bang her.

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, the story.

You roll

it.

Dave, David.

David, Dave.

Dave.

Miss McFadden said no real mother would appeal to the authorities or the press for assistance in rearing her own children.

Okay.

Okay.

Brag.

I think she's saying that no mom needs

advice.

They won't help.

Yeah.

However, this is her.

However, i believe that some of the mothers whose skirts are just as short as their daughters should encourage the daughters to bob their hair as a mark of distinction between parent and child see this is okay she said y'all both hoes she said y'all both hoes i can't tell so one of y'all needs to be a hoe with short hair i can't tell who she's shaming

It's like, this is when you, since you're not of the time, you're like, so you want little girls to have longer skirts?

No!

What?

You want little girls to have shorter skirts and bobbed hair.

No!

No!

It's so clear!

I mean hyperbolic, you fools.

Think about it.

The mothers don't wear panties.

Jesus Christ.

No, this speech.

It's good.

Go on.

No.

It rivals King Solomon.

Yeah.

This speech.

Miss Mayer, may I ask you about radishes?

No.

Oh, my God.

But wait, you guys, she's a lady mayor.

Isn't that a big deal in 1922?

That's probably she's an old lady.

She's a kooky.

She's a kooky old lady.

Like the fact that you're even living to 80 years old in 1922, it's like amazing, right?

My sisters made the paper for 70.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

So I'm like, she's 80, and she's a mayor.

And she was like,

it's very like, pull up your pants, son.

You know what I mean?

Like, she's become this old person where everyone's like, everyone's untoward.

You're all too.

Turn that down.

They're like, everybody.

They're like, shouldn't young women wear bobs?

And she's like, well, if

the mom doesn't have one, then throw it on your head.

I can see where your bub cheek might be beginning.

You prostitute.

Mayor, Miss Mayor.

No!

Miss Mayor.

They're all fanny dancers.

It's disgusting.

Miss McFadden also outlined the principles which will govern her as the chief executive of this village, one of the most famous health resorts of the Central West.

They are

one

war on all male vamps.

That's it.

I think it's time.

Yeah, go after the vampires.

Why wouldn't you go after the vampire?

The vampires.

Yeah, it's vampires.

I mean, that makes sense.

It's 1922.

Stop shock for number one.

That is so.

How long until the Republicans are like, we're just trying to stop the vampire.

It's very straightforward.

This bill gives a lot of good to the American people, but it also defends us against the male vamps.

Two, enforcement of the curfew law.

Okay.

That's helpful with the vampire one, too, because

that's going to work hand in hand.

Exactly.

If you're not out there, the vampires have nothing to snack on.

Yep, yep.

Three, good roads and more of them.

Sure.

That's general.

That's general.

That's infrastructure.

Good roads.

Build back, sort of.

Four, harmony with council.

So get along with the council.

That's fine.

Yeah.

That's great.

Five, stop the leaks in prohibition.

Right.

So no more drinking.

No more drinking.

So a lot of control.

And she says, men are only boys with beards.

Well, it's very much like the bop shirt, short skirt kick.

So

it's all in there.

Yeah, yeah.

It's all in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's very clear in her messaging.

I've always found that they are very reasonable after they are fed

by the way

i was gonna say i don't feel like she's that wrong i feel like you know what i mean the hanger is like

yeah there's no like mass shootings where the guy's like i just had pasta

i'm fucking starving

right right right just give them a sandwich give them a sandwich then ask for the board you know what i mean like do what you want to do yeah

i'm sure there'll be a a long, full season of council as long as I'm mayor.

Of course, I'll study their tastes and foods.

And if

some of them don't care for donuts, we'll have apple pie or cake for them.

That is absolutely fucking hysterical.

Okay, this is fun, actually, because this is now giving mayor grandma, right?

She basically was like, my job will be, I'll be mayor, and in exchange, I will feed y'all foods and cakes and breads.

You know, I had a journey because it started off with like, I'm going to kill every vampire in this town.

And I'd be like, man, I'll have pie, donuts, okay.

There'll be a range of baked goods, a range of baked goods.

And they're happy.

They're just boys with beards, after all.

Yeah.

One small one.

Okay, so

we're past.

Oh, we are past.

I think so, yeah.

We're in an hour.

Well, let's just do this one.

It's really quick.

Okay, all right.

Dur says, there's no headline or anything.

It's just Durr says the hens thought it was daylight and went to work.

The hens think they're living two days when they're actually living but one, and many of them lay twice a day.

Oh, that was B.

Sorry,

that was the second part of the story.

So we'll

get results in fooling biddy.

Electricity is increasing the egg production.

George Durr had 120 hens during January of 1921, but had no

electric lights in his henny.

During the month, he gathered 1,154 eggs.

Last December, he placed electric lights in the hennery, and during January of 1922, with the same number of hens, he collected 3,489 eggs.

This is just kind of bad for this time to be showboating how many eggs this guy had.

I turned on the lights in the middle of the long January nights.

So, so he, because he

tricked him, he tricked him.

Poor fucking hens.

Yeah, his hens are like that.

The hens thought it was daylight.

I'm going to keep shooting these out.

There's no yoke in this one.

The hens are rushing them.

This egg's just empty.

The hens are like, no, what the fuck is happening?

I gotta get my eggs.

Love, blah, blah, blah.

Again?

Again?

I just laid an egg.

And then that's freaking out.

I barely took a break.

One, I barely slipped.

Bro, bro, bro.

All right.

Well, what a ride.

Thank you, as always, for joining us, Naomi.

Thank you.

The best.

It's the best.

You guys, you keep me young.

You keep me young.

You enjoy your experience here.

Are you tired of us yet?

No, as long as you're not tired of me, you know, because

you guys are the faves.

You're my faves.

All right, good.

All right.

All right, well, you'll come.

We want to do another one right now?

All right, and send pictures of you eating that hat.

I think you are legally bound to do that.

Yeah, you have to eat that hat.

All right, I'm going to do an internet video.

Okay, I'm going to do a video where I'm driving through a McDonald's and a half, and then we'll just kind of see what happens.

Yes, all right.

McDonald's has really good deep-fried radishes for you.

All right, everybody.

We'll cut that part out.

Go enjoy St.

Dennis and go listen to Couples Therapy.

And go listen to the dollop.

It's

hey, it's been quite a ride.

I mean, we've been doing this fucker for a long time, and we've learned a lot.

And we continue to learn, but we only learn with your help.

Help us.

Huh?

Help.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, anyway, fuck off.

Bye.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, honey.

Some of these days.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gare Force.

Come on, go to gearthrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th.

Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at Rooster T Feathers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Join me.