125 - The Past Times with Naomi Ekperigan

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Speaker 43 All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week, we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

Speaker 43 I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week, returning champion, Naomi and Perrigan.

Speaker 40 Hello, Naomi. Thank you for coming back.
We found love in a hopeless place. So, we found love in a lovely place.
Don't stop. What the the fuck is happening? Don't stop.
That is how I feel about us.

Speaker 40 We're finding love in a hopeless place. That's right.
And this, you are our first guest in our studio.

Speaker 40 This is beautiful. Beautiful.

Speaker 40 Nobody gives a shit. It feels like I'm the only one who finds this to be momentous.
This is a big thing.

Speaker 40 Well, this is landing. Well, no, I feel the difference.

Speaker 40 Well, I'm not.

Speaker 40 Never happened. Can confirm.

Speaker 40 I mean, I will say this, right? As the person still on Riverside, you know, because that's how I roll, I do feel this, I feel the difference. I feel the difference having you guys side by side.

Speaker 40 It does feel a little bit like I have been called in for an intervention

Speaker 40 in a way.

Speaker 44 That's right.

Speaker 40 And I'm nervous. I'm like, I'm like, wow, okay, I better step it up.
I mean, we both look like hobos. So may I ask, is it because

Speaker 40 it's cross-legged white

Speaker 40 with very serious expressions. You know, those white expressions.
Excellent. Very serious expressions.

Speaker 44 Cross-legged white should be the name of this podcast.

Speaker 40 Well, Naomi, this is actually,

Speaker 40 we are hiring you full-time for the pastimes.

Speaker 44 You are listening to CLW.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Cross-legged what? Cross-legged whites. Oh, cross-legged whites.
Cross-legged whites. Did you get the whites part of that? Yeah,

Speaker 40 I don't see or hear race. That's not my thing.

Speaker 40 Naomi, you're thriving in a time when so few are.

Speaker 44 You have a baby dog.

Speaker 40 You have St. Dennis, which is on NBC Peacock, which is picked up for a second season, which is

Speaker 44 fucking hard. Your husband made it another year.
He had another birthday.

Speaker 40 Your husband had another year. He made it another year.
He was married to Andy.

Speaker 40 We have to have Andy on at some point. We do.

Speaker 44 Andy's a good one. Yep.
Or with you. It'd be funny if we

Speaker 44 three whites on together.

Speaker 40 Yeah, you can. Legally, we've had that.

Speaker 44 Well,

Speaker 44 this shows should be a lot of people. It's also cross-legged white, so why wouldn't we?

Speaker 40 Well, I think you can have up to three. I think any more than three, and then you do have to apply for a permit.

Speaker 44 Yeah, well, then it's a clan meeting.

Speaker 40 Well, then it starts to get, then we start going like, well, no, no. I mean, like,

Speaker 40 you know, Elon's not that bad if you think about it.

Speaker 44 After three whites, you're like, what? I can't say that?

Speaker 40 Okay, I realize another part of it, too, right? You're both obscuring your heads because you said clan. I thought hoods.
I said, Garrett, put your hood down because that's aggressive.

Speaker 40 Dave and the knee, you've got your baseball cap.

Speaker 40 It could be tipped up a little bit higher just to like not worry, you know what I mean? Like not to set off any triggers. You know what I mean?

Speaker 40 But I think that like overall, I was like, these guys are backwards.

Speaker 40 Now I don't feel right with Dave Anthony backwards. Now I feel like he's my kid named Spanky.

Speaker 40 And then people should listen to your podcast that you do with your husband, Andy Beckerman, which is called Couples Therapy, which is also fantastic with the message.

Speaker 40 You guys have done it a couple times.

Speaker 40 Yes. The second time we got in there.
The second time I said, I'm not scared anymore.

Speaker 40 A few

Speaker 40 No, yeah, you dug. You dug deep.

Speaker 40 All right, well, Naomi, this is your 84th time on this show, so it has to be the most

Speaker 40 guests.

Speaker 40 You definitely are number one in appearances on this show.

Speaker 40 This is the dream. This is the dream.
Not really for anybody, but I think it's again, it's worth pointing out.

Speaker 44 A lot of people will say

Speaker 44 a lot of people will say, come to our podcast and they'll say, oh, it's not the dollop.

Speaker 40 We had Kechner on, and he literally, like, we started, and then he was like, wait, what is, is this a paper? We were like, yeah. And he's like, I thought this was the dollop.

Speaker 40 And we were like, oh, no. Oh, no.
And he was like, what? He was like, kind of confused.

Speaker 40 Will you guess the year you think this paper is from? And then I'll

Speaker 40 go a little bit closer and Dave will say you are.

Speaker 40 1952.

Speaker 44 Interesting. Let me just say something.
The ring light, sometimes you match it up with your eyes.

Speaker 44 It looks like you have crazy demon eyes.

Speaker 40 I know. Well, you notice the glasses, right? I try to tilt the glasses up to see that you can't get it, but you can't.
You can't be yourself and not have those eyes. Yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 40 1891.

Speaker 44 Naomi, it's 1922. She won.

Speaker 40 It's very close with who won. It's like a middle.
I mean, I was over, right? If we were doing prices right.

Speaker 44 We don't do prices right here.

Speaker 40 She won. Okay.
But nobody wins both showcases.

Speaker 44 I'm going to guess 1922.

Speaker 44 I won. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 40 All right, 22. Here we go.
March 18th.

Speaker 44 Flock it in. 1922, the Brazil Daily Times.
From Brazil, Indiana.

Speaker 44 The, you know, the classic Brazil, Indiana. Absolutely.
Where all the people are not from Brazil. Yep.

Speaker 40 What's that about? It's also like Paris, Texas. You know what I mean? It's like Manhattan, Kansas.
Who are you fooling? What is the thinking behind it?

Speaker 44 I guarantee you, some guy rolled in from Paris, like a French dude rolled in. He's like, ah, and he named it that.
And then everybody else who came wasn't France from France.

Speaker 40 And they said, okay, this is called Irving, Texas. He was like, no, no.

Speaker 40 This is just like Paris.

Speaker 40 Are you sure? You got a lizard on your leg. Oh!

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 40 Battle on the roof with criminal.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 44 That's how.

Speaker 40 That's how you do it.

Speaker 40 I will say we're doing a watch of Steven Seagal movies today, and that is something that just happened in Above the Law, where he did a battle with a criminal on the roof of a cart.

Speaker 40 It was truly one of the greatest fucking things I've ever seen.

Speaker 44 It's pretty.

Speaker 40 Wait a minute. Okay, y'all.
Do y'all fuck with Reacher? I know this is not about the newspaper, but do you watch Reacher?

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 44 I love Reacher. Oh, my God.

Speaker 40 Reacher is the fucking best. Okay.
All right. Reacher is everything.
And then also, what's so fun, too, in real life, Alan Richen is actually on the right side of history.

Speaker 40 And so all the like right-wing conservative alpha males who love Reacher are very mad at Alan Rich.

Speaker 40 Yes. That's great.
Because he's a left

Speaker 44 gentleman. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah. It's so fun.

Speaker 44 So I have a friend who was writing way back when Reacher Movies. And he was...
brought into the project to write Reacher and then the studio was like,

Speaker 44 we just got Tom Cruise.

Speaker 44 And Reacher in the colour

Speaker 40 giant human being, and Tom Cruise is like 5'3. Yeah.

Speaker 44 And then

Speaker 44 they kicked him off of the project and they brought in Tom Cruise's own writer.

Speaker 40 It was just like,

Speaker 44 nobody enjoyed the movie.

Speaker 40 No, no, I remember everyone.

Speaker 40 That's the same thing happened with Interview with the Vampire. Everyone was like, Lestat is not like Tom Cruise.
Like, I'll do it. People like, Tom, listen, fuck off.
Let us have a movie without you.

Speaker 40 I got to watch Reacher. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 44 Severely Wounded by Bullet.

Speaker 40 That's the same article?

Speaker 44 Yep. Okay.
That's a double headline. Okay.

Speaker 44 It's happened in Indianapolis. Police and fleeing alleged Czech swindler.
How do you spell it? Czech swindler.

Speaker 44 I should say and a fleeing alleged Czech swindler.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 44 Fought a pistol battle at 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon up a fire escape of the Circle Theater and across the roof to its edge where the fugitive fell severely wounded. I mean, that's a good chase.

Speaker 40 I was going to say.

Speaker 40 That is a set piece.

Speaker 40 That is a set piece. This is a set piece.
That's how it is. In the middle of the day.
Also, how are you doing this? Like 4 p.m. at a theater.

Speaker 40 So my question is, was he at, exactly, was he at the theater cake in a show? And they were like, we see you.

Speaker 40 A legend sprinkler.

Speaker 40 Better set piece. I mean, the budget's going up, but it's a better set piece.

Speaker 40 I see someone sort of buccaneering across the stage on a curtain. The main cop.

Speaker 40 Hey, freeze. And they're like, and the director's like, cut, cut, what are we even doing here? And someone's like, you don't need to say cut, it's theater.

Speaker 40 And then he like ran in the back, like he runs outside in the alley. And then the guy goes by, and the costume designer goes, you're not going to wear that for the performance, are you?

Speaker 40 And he's like, get out of here. And then he's just going to run out and chase the guy up the fire escape and he's shooting and he's just missing.

Speaker 40 And then he pulls the ladder down and the guy's like running. He's like,

Speaker 40 Then he's like, you son of a bitch, come back here, freeze. And the guy's like, I'm not freezing, pig.

Speaker 44 Can I read the story?

Speaker 40 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I don't think you need to, but yeah.

Speaker 44 What do you yell if you don't yell cut in the theater?

Speaker 40 You go, everybody, stop.

Speaker 40 Have you ever done theater?

Speaker 44 Yeah. Francis, what was that?

Speaker 40 Everyone

Speaker 40 stopped. It's always Francis fucking up, too.

Speaker 44 A large crowd that was sent scurrying for cover as the man scrambled up the fire escape, sent several shots spattering down at his pursuers,

Speaker 44 watched the fight. Okay, so the crowd watched the fight.
That was a a really bad sentence. The man who gave his name as William Hansen 25 years, so he lived because he gave his name.

Speaker 40 I was going to say he gave his name. I'm like, you are, you need to be like not letting people know your name.
Maybe when he's falling, my name is William Hansen. Or his last words.
We don't need it.

Speaker 40 I am

Speaker 40 William Hansen.

Speaker 40 Yeah, we have your D.

Speaker 40 Cut.

Speaker 40 Cut, cut

Speaker 44 of Terra Hope.

Speaker 40 That's what the doctor should say when a patient dies on the table.

Speaker 40 Gut.

Speaker 44 Of Terre Haute, Indiana, continued to fire after he had been wounded.

Speaker 40 Wow. All right, yeah.
That really is a movie. This is a cigar.
Yeah, that's a bad bitch. This is so good.
I agree.

Speaker 44 That should have been the headline. A bad bitch.

Speaker 40 A bad bitch.

Speaker 40 An alleged chick swindler and a bad bitch.

Speaker 40 Alleged chick swindler and confirmed bad bitch.

Speaker 44 The battle ended a break for Liberty after a policeman had placed the man under arrest after he had attempted to cash a fraudulent American Express Company check.

Speaker 40 So they were shooting him for a bad check. Yeah.
So this was very much like now. It feels like we had a break in that where it was like a cop would be like, yeah, he got away.

Speaker 40 Like we had like 40 years where they're like, yeah, he got away. And now they're like, you could shoot him if they did anything.
Yeah, just stop. But also, it's a bad check.

Speaker 40 Wouldn't you just be like, it's a bad check. No, thank you.
Do you know what I mean? Like, don't cash the check. Yes, it's a bad check.
This is over. Well, he got arrested.

Speaker 44 He got arrested for cashing the check. They arrested him.
Okay. Another man,

Speaker 44 Joe Lewis, 23 years old of Montgomery, was arrested with Hansen by traffic policeman Howell in front of the Wasson store.

Speaker 44 Both are being held under high bond, Hansen at the city hospital and Lewis at the prison.

Speaker 44 When Howell started to walk the men toward Meriden and Washington streets to call the patrol wagon, Hansen jerked away and ran up Meridian Street. So he's an escape prisoner.

Speaker 40 Yeah, but so like in handcuffs. He's in cuffs as he's doing this Ron.
He can't possibly do a fire escape with no hands.

Speaker 40 Well that's what I'm saying thinking. I'm like, okay.
Remarkable. This guy deserves it.

Speaker 44 Maybe he has an extra set of hands.

Speaker 40 He can shoot his feet. This

Speaker 40 bitch had feet for hands.

Speaker 44 Yep, he had monkey feet.

Speaker 40 He had what we call monkey feet.

Speaker 44 He kicked his shoes off and he had

Speaker 40 Jesus Christ. He's got monkey legs.
No!

Speaker 44 Followed by an ever-increasing crowd attracted by the officer's shouts. This is such a movie.
Okay, so people start coming because they hear the cop yelling, and there's nothing to do in 1922.

Speaker 44 So if you hear, yeah, of course. Yeah, you're coming.
You're running.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Right.
You're coming. I'm not that excited.
You're coming as well. No, you are coming as well because there's this excitement that is freaking

Speaker 40 new. Awesome.

Speaker 44 I need to lay down.

Speaker 40 Everybody came. I need to lay down.
That's just a bunch of of guys smoking. That was awesome.
And all the women are like, I'm not there yet.

Speaker 44 Hansen darted east into Court Street, the alley in the rear of the con building.

Speaker 40 Okay. On the nose.
Don't go in the con building, babe.

Speaker 40 Not with your bad checks. Not with a bad check.
Not through a penitentiary hall.

Speaker 44 Captain Michael Glenn of the Police Traffic Force. Is this the second traffic cop?

Speaker 40 These are. I was going to say, also, is this separate? Traffic Force is separate from

Speaker 40 the B cop. I mean, it's a lot going on in Brazil, Indiana.
There really is.

Speaker 40 Jungling. It's really weird.
Okay.

Speaker 40 Militarized, heavily militarized zone.

Speaker 40 22.

Speaker 40 We got to bring more cops into Brazil.

Speaker 44 Glenn saw the crowd and started after Hansen, who darted up an alley between the Circle Theater and the Western Union building.

Speaker 44 Trapped in the court, Hansen sprang to the fire escape on the side of the theater and when Captain Glenn reached the alley was on the first landing.

Speaker 44 Drawing his revolver, Hansen turned and fired two shots at the crowd.

Speaker 40 At the crowd. Yeah, you got the crowd.

Speaker 40 Hey, quit watching. Ah, die!

Speaker 40 Everyone's a cop!

Speaker 40 Oh, it's dickheads with money!

Speaker 44 The shots went wild, and Captain Glenn, also drawing his revolver, started up the fire escape after Hansen, firing as he climbed.

Speaker 40 So he hasn't been cuffed if he has his grabbing a weapon.

Speaker 44 Yeah, it sounds like he was just taking them. Yes, he has no.

Speaker 40 But also, they didn't stop to see if he had a weapon on him. Do you know what I mean? Like, the cops not do that back then.

Speaker 40 Yeah, get a gun.

Speaker 40 These cops are like, all right, you want to sit in the front seat with us? Or how do you want to do this? Hey, I have

Speaker 40 really bad news. That's the end of the story.
Oh, my God. What?

Speaker 40 what okay no this newspaper is trash it's missing it's missing whole letters prepositions stop when the story gets good that is not okay the guy was writing it he was like all right i'm tired i'm tired credits

Speaker 40 um it's interesting because

Speaker 40 not cuffing like i wonder what would you rather if like

Speaker 40 If cops didn't cuff, I feel like I would rather a society where cops didn't cuff you and they were allowed to shoot at you i'm kind of a site i'm kind of more into a society that just doesn't have cops oh i'm into that for sure way more into that but i'm saying it's like in this one they didn't cuff him so he was like all right cool i'm going with you and then he's like whoa and like took off but then you got to like outrun the cop like i would rather that scenario than go through the judicial system under yeah dude you should be able to yeah yeah yeah yeah see how far 10 second head start like let me apocalypto they should not be allowed to cuff you and you should be able to try to escape.

Speaker 40 Yes, right. And if they can find you, and quite frankly, a lot of them wouldn't be able to.
No.

Speaker 40 Go live your life. You'll be like, hey, I've been free for 15 minutes.
Technically, this now doesn't count. Yeah, there's a time limit.

Speaker 44 There's

Speaker 44 a time limit on the how

Speaker 44 before they catch you again.

Speaker 40 Until dark. Yeah, until dark.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Okay. So you got to make it till dark.
But then can you just like, you just go into hiding somewhere, right?

Speaker 40 Like, you can just like go in a crawl space. So there's and just be like, I'll wait this out.
There's a guy named Amigo Chino.

Speaker 44 Do you know who he is? Yeah, I don't think you should have said that.

Speaker 40 Is this guy named Amigo Chino? And he was on TikTok and he like drove his car for TikTok, like into a closed McDonald's, just because he was like, Let's see.

Speaker 40 Gets arrested, somehow gets out on bail or whatever. He's on house arrest,

Speaker 40 and on TikTok, he's like, Should I cut my ankle bracelet off? And everyone's like, Fuck yeah. And he did.
And he's been on the run for like a year. No, and he's now uploading videos of himself

Speaker 40 on the run, and he'll just be like at a party, and he'll be like, Amigo Chino, where should I go next? And he like keeps going, play it's the fuck out. And then

Speaker 40 so last night, I messaged him. No, yes,

Speaker 40 he's got like two million followers. I messaged him.
Of course, he does, of course, he has. He's president.
I messaged for you and

Speaker 44 he's a business listener.

Speaker 40 Yeah, I messaged him, and I'm like, no way. And he wrote back the smart.
I was like, You're a goddamn legend. Everyone should know your story.

Speaker 44 He's like, I couldn't agree with you more.

Speaker 40 I wasn't even drunk.

Speaker 40 Holy shit. But wait, he's filming all this, posting videos, and they still can't find his ass.
Well, the other night there was one where he was in a house.

Speaker 40 He was in a house, and he's like,

Speaker 40 He's like, shit, the fucking cops are here. And he's looking at this cop looking in the wrong house.
He goes, This motherfucker's looking in the wrong house.

Speaker 40 The cop's like, they like, know he's like there.

Speaker 40 There was one where he was just like, hey, should I go to Belgium? And he's like in an airport. You're like, Amigo Chino.

Speaker 44 So he's got to have a fake passport.

Speaker 40 I don't know what the fuck is going on.

Speaker 44 He's got to. Right.

Speaker 40 He's got to. There's no way you're getting to Belgium without something.
But he just keeps uploading videos just like, where should I go next? What was his original crime?

Speaker 44 Just being awesome?

Speaker 40 He, like, for TikTok, you're like, I'm going to drive my car into this McDonald's.

Speaker 44 It was something like that.

Speaker 44 That's it. Drive his car into McDonald's.
Which you should also be able to do legally.

Speaker 40 What's up? Do we know what state that was in? Where did he drive into a McDonald's? Oh, fuck. I don't even know.
I mean, I mean, it's giving Florida. It's giving Florida.

Speaker 40 This guy's story is phenomenal.

Speaker 44 God bless him. I mean, he should have his own podcast.

Speaker 40 He really should. He should have his own cryptocurrency.
Yes. I don't agree.
Chinook. That's it.

Speaker 44 Yeah, do a pump and dump, you know,

Speaker 40 pump and dump. And then that's how he like gets to Belgium.
Do you know what I mean? He's like, pump and dump scheme. I got to get some money in my pockets.

Speaker 40 Oh, here it is. This is what he did, okay?

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 44 He just drove it in there. He just decided to drive it in.
He drove it in.

Speaker 40 And it was the best decision he ever made.

Speaker 44 I mean, he's like the ultimate reality star.

Speaker 40 He is like if social media could drive. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 God bless him. Yeah.

Speaker 40 He's a bless him. Dystopia.
Dystopia in a nutshell. Someone who just said, I want to do this to go viral.
It does happen for him. Yeah.
And then eludes the authorities.

Speaker 40 It's like when a guy's just like, I'm going to take my clothes off and jump into all these cactuses. And you're like, Jesus Christ.
And then it's like, the video is like 10 million views.

Speaker 40 But you're like, buddy, that is like a life-changing pain right there.

Speaker 44 One of my favorite Instagram accounts is the pranks versus people where

Speaker 44 the pranksters just get beat up.

Speaker 40 That's the best. Not the best.
Oh, when they like try to do something to someone. Oh, wait, you know about that guy who fully shot somebody in the mall.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Because the guy, he was like, he came up on somebody who was like, you know, a postmates or door dash basically. He was picking up food, right?

Speaker 40 So he's like, I'm not even in here for the vibes of the mall. I'm here to work.
And he got in this guy's face and this guy fully shot him in the stomach. And it was like,

Speaker 40 you should have left me alone.

Speaker 44 Yeah,

Speaker 44 they're always, they're always like, no, no, it's a prank. It's a prank.
And you're like, it's not a prank. You just grabbed a guy's phone.

Speaker 40 The last words being, it's a prank. It's a prank.

Speaker 40 You got in a stranger's face and then just violated them in their personal space in some way. And then you're like, and he's like, I shot you.
And then I think he even got off for shooting.

Speaker 40 I think he got off for shooting. I think he should.
Any jury would be like, I hate you.

Speaker 44 Oh, no. Every jury would be like, yeah, we should do this a little bit more often to make it up.

Speaker 40 Well, a lot of people are going to be able to do it. Some people say Luigi Mangioni was just a YouTuber.

Speaker 40 Just pulling a prank. Yep, he was pranking.
He was pranking CEOs.

Speaker 40 When he he was running away, he said, please like and subscribe.

Speaker 40 I don't know if you heard that. And you know what? It happened for him.
He's now a star.

Speaker 40 He's now a star.

Speaker 44 The gun thing is so great that they throw the gun out.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God. Oh, it's so, it's like fun.
It's fun. Like, watching this whole thing unfold is so fun to me.
It's crazy.

Speaker 44 Someone took a shot at a

Speaker 44 CEO in Oregon, a healthcare CEO, but they missed.

Speaker 40 I know, yeah. They broke it.

Speaker 40 I saw that. I was like, like, huh?

Speaker 40 Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

Speaker 44 A couple days ago. We got him to his house.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 Get ready for it. Let's go.

Speaker 40 All right.

Speaker 44 William Gasaway falls 70 feet down a mountain. He used to take gas away from our road trip, didn't he? Yeah, take gas away.

Speaker 40 See, it's a lot.

Speaker 44 William Gassaway, aged 43, of 1415 West National Avenue.

Speaker 40 Wow. Put his whole business out there.
Yeah, right. As was the way back then.
Docs.

Speaker 44 And David Hoffman of Turner, Hoffman does not get an address.

Speaker 44 Had a narrow escape from being killed at the heck mine, heck mine yesterday, west of the city, at noon when Gasaway fell a distance of 70 feet to the bottom of a mine. Oh, my God.

Speaker 40 Oh, no, he broke his neck and all that heck.

Speaker 40 Oh, boy. Just when we had buckets of heck ready to be lifted up.

Speaker 44 Oh, no. Hey, boss.
Yeah.

Speaker 40 What are we doing with all this heck?

Speaker 44 It seems like it's not profitable.

Speaker 40 We take the heck and then we send it to the plant where the heck gets processed and turned into hell.

Speaker 40 I don't know why we want to. Just get down the fucking hole, John.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 44 Hoffman saved himself by grasping the rope as he was precipitated down the shaft.

Speaker 40 I've been precipitated down the shaft.

Speaker 44 They were at work at the time at at the mine hoisting water out of the mine by the means of a water box.

Speaker 40 Hey,

Speaker 40 we're a water mine. We can't find this liquid anywhere else.

Speaker 40 We got to go in there, dig it out, put it in the water box.

Speaker 40 It's wild. When you think about technology that we have now, to think that like a hundred years ago, somebody was fucking with a water box.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 40 Like your job was get the water out with the water box, and now I have the internet on my phone. That's wild.

Speaker 44 I got an idea to get the water out of the mine.

Speaker 40 What if each guy take a mouthful and then climb up and squirt it?

Speaker 44 No,

Speaker 44 that's a very good idea, but that's 20. That's like 20 years ago technology.

Speaker 40 I'm thinking we put the water in our butts, and then when we come up, squirt it out.

Speaker 44 Another good idea, but I think this is better.

Speaker 40 We kill a guy, hollow him out, and fill him up like he's just sheepskin. That one's not as good because the fella that you're hollowing out may not.
Yeah, there's some flaws with that one.

Speaker 44 No, I'm thinking you put it in a water box.

Speaker 40 We should go back to the everyone puts it in their mouth

Speaker 40 and spit it in the water box.

Speaker 44 And then you fill the water box up and you take the water box and you take the water

Speaker 44 to the top.

Speaker 44 Take the water on the top and then you pour it out and then you put the box

Speaker 40 back down.

Speaker 40 Put the box up. Fill it up.

Speaker 40 This mine sucks.

Speaker 40 But also, they very fully failed doing this, which means the water box is actually not the best idea. Do you know what I mean? Like, it did not work out very well, given that they fell 70 feet.

Speaker 40 I told you we should have hauled out and filled up Larry.

Speaker 40 I'm the guy who said we'd kill a guy and fill him with the water. At least one of them, we could use this guy.

Speaker 44 After hoisting the box to the top of the mine, they were propping the box up with blocks of wood.

Speaker 40 This is so

Speaker 44 when

Speaker 44 the blocks slipped and the box fell down the shaft, carrying Gasaway and Hoffman with it.

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 44 Why are they? I think they're tied to the box.

Speaker 40 They're tied to the box. Okay, you know what?

Speaker 40 You cannot work at Heck Mine, okay? What the heck? It's really, it's heck. What the heck? Okay, you cannot work there.

Speaker 40 This is not on the up up and up because you can't tell me that you a mining job is about water.

Speaker 40 You put the water in a box, okay? Then you put the box on top of some wood. Do this thing

Speaker 40 tie to it.

Speaker 44 Okay, Billy, I'm just going to go ahead and tie you to the water box now.

Speaker 40 No flags here.

Speaker 40 Oh my god.

Speaker 44 And hopefully, these wood, these little wooden blocks underneath don't fall down.

Speaker 40 Billies,

Speaker 40 absolute.

Speaker 40 Oh, my god. Naomi's what? Really?

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 44 It's a good what.

Speaker 40 Just imagining those guys like, oh, shit!

Speaker 40 That sucks.

Speaker 44 It's too much.

Speaker 44 Okay, so it falls down the shaft, carrying Gasaway and Hoffman with it. Hoffman only fell a short distance as he reached out and grasped the rope as he fell and saved himself.

Speaker 44 But the rope burned a deep gash in his hands as as it slipped through

Speaker 44 before he was able to stop himself.

Speaker 40 That's an Indiana Jones shit.

Speaker 44 That is Indiana Jones shit.

Speaker 40 Indiana Jones and the watery box.

Speaker 40 Water box.

Speaker 44 He then grasped the bunting and was able to climb back to the top. Gasaway

Speaker 44 was not so fortunate.

Speaker 40 Yeah, but how were his hands? Exactly.

Speaker 44 He fell to the bottom with the box, but on reaching the bottom, he was lucky in striking the water, which broke the force of his fall. Oh, wow.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God. That came out better.

Speaker 44 That's why they were using the water box in the first place.

Speaker 40 Yeah. He's probably down there.
He's like, should I fill it up while I'm down?

Speaker 44 Gasaway alighted on his head and back.

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 44 Alighted is not the correct word.

Speaker 40 What does alight mean? Look,

Speaker 40 this newspaper is obviously written by toddlers because we've missed a couple of key words and prepositions thus far. We had a double headline, a story stop in the middle.
Yeah, yeah. Alighted.

Speaker 44 He suffered severe bruises and a long gash was cut in the scalp.

Speaker 40 Was cut. Gashaway.

Speaker 44 Passive voice out. Gashaway, yeah.

Speaker 40 Gashaway is what I'd call him. I'd be like, hey, Gashaway's back.
Hey, you got a new nickname. I know your brains came out a little.

Speaker 44 He also suffered severely from the shock and was taken to the community hospital in Miller and Son's ambulance. Miller and Son's gonna nod.

Speaker 40 Yeah,

Speaker 40 shock sending you to a hospital. Now you feel like I'll just push through.

Speaker 40 Right.

Speaker 44 He was attended by Dr. Elliott, who said that Gasaway would probably be able to be out in a few days.

Speaker 40 And back to work.

Speaker 40 Back to that water box, boy.

Speaker 40 You owe me a water box, Gasaway. Doctor, I fell 70 feet on my head in water.
Yeah, and you owe me a gas box.

Speaker 40 Monday night, worst case. Yeah.

Speaker 44 Time to get back and get wet.

Speaker 40 I should point out Elliot's my first name. Isn't that strange?

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Speaker 44 Ross acquitted.

Speaker 40 Oh, this is the best friends.

Speaker 44 Killed brother.

Speaker 40 That's the best friends. Wait, what? I'm sorry.
What? I remember Ross killed his brother.

Speaker 44 Ross acquitted, killed brother.

Speaker 40 Ross acquitted, killed brother. Okay.

Speaker 44 Okay. It should be the other way around, right? Killed brother.

Speaker 44 Ross acquitted.

Speaker 40 Right?

Speaker 40 I like the way this one went, though. Why? I'm like, this story's...
Oh, wow. It's like a better ending.
Nice punch.

Speaker 44 It's a worse ending.

Speaker 40 No, no. Read it again.

Speaker 40 Read it this way.

Speaker 44 Ross acquitted, killed brother.

Speaker 40 What happened? Now read it your way.

Speaker 44 Killed brother.

Speaker 44 Ross acquitted.

Speaker 40 Yeah, so we're going to do it. I don't know.
I think Ross acquitted, killed brother is like kind of like, what? Yeah. I got to take a look at this.

Speaker 40 The record scratched in my head.

Speaker 44 You're fucking sensationalist assholes. It's about the facts.

Speaker 40 Hey, we're Amigo Chino guys.

Speaker 40 Give it the tags, old man.

Speaker 44 After being out all night, a jury in Warren County Circuit Court returned a verdict today acquitting Ralph Ross. Terrible name.

Speaker 40 Ralph Ross. Terrible name.

Speaker 44 Of a charge of first-degree murder for the slaying of his brother, Claude Ross.

Speaker 40 What? Claude Ross!

Speaker 40 That's sweet. I like his watercolors as well.
Yeah.

Speaker 44 In a garage at

Speaker 44 Marshfield on November 21st, Ross's defense was temporary insanity.

Speaker 40 The best. What?

Speaker 44 You should be able to kill that. Yeah, but everybody's brother makes him a little crazy, so you should be able to kill him once in a while.

Speaker 40 Temporary insanity is such a great, like, it's just like, I got anger issues. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Like, that is such an amazing defense to me. I lost my mind for like 10 minutes.
I killed the guy. Okay.
And everyone's like, well,

Speaker 40 he lost his shit. So you get out of here.
That's okay. It happens.
It happens. Take a value.

Speaker 44 He alleged his wife made a confession to him that his brother had committed an assault on her.

Speaker 44 Ross armed himself with a pistol and went to the garage at Marshfield where he shot his brother down without uttering a word.

Speaker 40 Your older brother. Without uttering a word.

Speaker 44 Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 40 That's how you do it. Wow.

Speaker 40 Cold.

Speaker 40 Cold-hearted kids. Not Timothy.

Speaker 40 He didn't want to hear a word. He didn't want want to hear a word.
He was like, I don't want to corroborate this. I don't want details.
She said what she said. I'm going to the garage.
Yep.

Speaker 40 I wish more men. Excuse me, Naomi.

Speaker 40 I wish more. No, listen, this is to the fellas.
I wish more fellas would just do this.

Speaker 40 Don't kill them. Believe all women.
Kill all brothers.

Speaker 40 I think more men should be shooting. They're not enough men shooting guns.

Speaker 40 You know, shooting first, asking questions later. You know, that's what should be happening, and it's not happening enough.

Speaker 40 January 6th was the shoot first, ask questions later event of the century. And for those of us who are there,

Speaker 40 that crew.

Speaker 40 That crew.

Speaker 40 That's why I do this podcast because I'm trying to get in with y'all so that if they bring back slavery, you can pool your resources and buy my freedom. Okay.

Speaker 40 I would like my freedom sponsored by the dollop. Okay.
I will.

Speaker 40 In Squarespace. In The Hague.

Speaker 40 uh where we will be in guantanamo

Speaker 40 we will not be available to help anyone yeah we're going down first i mean come on it's gonna be very quick and bad for us

Speaker 40 yeah you you'll you could pull some strings help us to get y'all out yeah

Speaker 40 you're connected in hollywood come on you're oh dave is dave is too mouthy he would just talk some shit

Speaker 40 and he would undo all my hard work it's true it's true if he takes his gas away he's a little better on a long trip i'm escaped

Speaker 40 Gareth is trying to hold Dave's hand, and Dave's not having it.

Speaker 40 It's just really sad.

Speaker 44 Not why we're in the studio. He then surrendered, but made no statement until the state had concluded its evidence.

Speaker 44 Ross left Williamsport immediately after the verdict. He, accompanied by his wife, went to their home on a farm.

Speaker 40 That's awesome.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 44 That's nice.

Speaker 40 So that was a nice sex he had with her that night.

Speaker 40 She was like, you really love me, huh? Yeah.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 40 And it's like, you're into me. Yeah, that completely is like, wow.

Speaker 40 Are you the one or what?

Speaker 40 My God.

Speaker 40 Your brother's dead.

Speaker 40 You know they had good sex that night. Yeah.

Speaker 44 I mean, if I were him, I'd be like, unless he couldn't get it up. That's a lot of pressure the post-cheating sex.

Speaker 40 Well, I just blame you.

Speaker 40 If I can't get it up, I call it temporary insanity.

Speaker 40 I don't really want

Speaker 40 This is going to change.

Speaker 40 This is just temporary insanity, brother.

Speaker 44 The radish is practically a universal vegetable. Okay.

Speaker 40 What the fuck? I'm sorry. Is that the headline?

Speaker 44 There's no headline.

Speaker 44 We're just getting into some facts.

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 40 It's been murder the whole time. And it's like,

Speaker 40 it's just like some weird guy at a bar is like, do you like radishes?

Speaker 40 I got a bunch in my van.

Speaker 44 Sometimes you gotta talk to the common guy.

Speaker 40 You know, the radish is known throughout the world. Isn't that interesting? Yeah.

Speaker 44 Yeah. Hey, Boss,

Speaker 44 can I pitch a story?

Speaker 40 Yeah, we're looking for a lot of murder. We got a lot of murders, so the more crime, the better.

Speaker 44 So I was out in the garden yesterday.

Speaker 40 Yeah, all right. Would you find a body? You saw some legs sticking out from a planter's box.

Speaker 44 And I took out of the ground.

Speaker 40 Oh, boy, here we go. Get ready, everybody.

Speaker 44 I took the most succulent radish.

Speaker 44 And I'm thinking, everybody loves these guys.

Speaker 44 Everybody loves a radish.

Speaker 40 So why don't we do a story on the radish? Right. Like, what's going on with it? Right.
Where is it from?

Speaker 40 If this is not, if this is more than 50 words, I will eat my hat. Okay, go ahead.
This better not be more than a space colour.

Speaker 40 You are not wearing a hat. You ate it on the show before.
Well, I'll go get one.

Speaker 40 I'll eat a hat after I get one.

Speaker 44 The radish is practically a universal vegetable.

Speaker 44 It is now in the market the year round, and rarely is there a garden planted without at least a short row or small patch broadcasted to these pungent appetizers of the garden.

Speaker 40 Radishes are maybe the worst vegetable in existence.

Speaker 40 You disagree. Wait, radishes are

Speaker 40 disagree, Dave?

Speaker 44 What are you talking about?

Speaker 44 Dave's weird. I'll pop him and eat them straight.
That's a fucking shit.

Speaker 40 You will not. You're being kind of like.

Speaker 44 You like spicy shit. God damn it.
Don't fucking come down.

Speaker 40 A jalapeno I'll fuck with. What is a radish doing for you? It's like, hey, I'm trash carrot.
It's dry as hell.

Speaker 40 It's not just, it's not even spicy. It's like a peppery dryness.
Yeah. Okay.
Horseradishy shit. Bring it.
What are we doing? What are we doing? I'm not eating it. No.
Oh, but like raw?

Speaker 40 You're eating it raw, David? It's crazy. You are,

Speaker 44 you people are acting like the radish has gone away. The The radish is fucking here for a reason and it's been here for centuries for a reason.

Speaker 40 So is every vegetable. What the fuck are you like?

Speaker 40 Are you still reading the stupid articles?

Speaker 40 I love them.

Speaker 40 Now that, now that's a vegetable I can get behind. You want to know why? You roast up a Brussels?

Speaker 40 Now you're on a journey. With a balsamic Brussels.

Speaker 40 Honey. A honey? Putting a little drizzle of honey.

Speaker 40 A maple syrup? The baking, the broil. I'll take a pan-fried.
I'll even take a fucking, I'll take one.

Speaker 40 I'll take one that's been boiled.

Speaker 44 Okay, well, I can just cook it. Just put the right season in the middle.
I can just pull a radish out of the ground and hose it off and put it in my

Speaker 40 fucking raccoon.

Speaker 44 Put it in my mouth because it's good. Yeah, because the raccoon is a good one.
It's a smart fucking animal.

Speaker 40 The defense, Naomi, you would agree, falls far short. Yeah, well, I can take one out of the ground and eat it.
Yeah, same with a fucking Brussels sprout. You can take it out of a garden and eat it.

Speaker 40 No, you can't.

Speaker 44 You got to cook that shit.

Speaker 40 You can't eat a raw Brussels sprout.

Speaker 44 It'll taste better than a radish.

Speaker 44 A raw sprout

Speaker 44 ever said on this podcast.

Speaker 40 you're just trying to you're just he's gaslighting you know why he's gaslighting because he just is the guy who said radishes are awesome they're awesome right right right right it's an alternate reality and it's like you know what dave whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day we are in a stressful time so this is what you need that's why i don't fight you know when a white man takes a stance i just step back because i say you know what i'm not fighting with him he is stuck to a thought and i'm not getting involved so when y'all two start yelling i go okay we'll see which one takes the other out first that's how i handle it i see him yelling i go somebody's gonna kill somebody, and I'm gonna be right over here.

Speaker 40 It's very much like the brother garage shooting. Exactly.
One brother's coming back.

Speaker 44 Then I get acquitted because it's like, yeah, no, the radish was correct.

Speaker 40 That's just crazy. Yeah, temporary radish is your brother.

Speaker 40 We call him the radish.

Speaker 44 Because he's spicy.

Speaker 44 There isn't a great difference in the various kinds of radish offered for sale by the Seedsmen, and almost any of them will be successful.

Speaker 40 Are you seriously looking at

Speaker 40 me like Told Youso right now?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 40 Because you're reading a 1922 paper from Brazil.

Speaker 44 Are they still around, motherfucker? Is a radish still here?

Speaker 40 Not the fuck. But they're not going to.
This is SpawnCon. This is sponsored content by Big Radish.
They say, give us a

Speaker 40 quarter of an inch in the paper. Give us a third of a page.

Speaker 40 Because this is not news. This is not news.
This is somebody's opinion on a radish. And dare I accuse someone else in this room of being sponsored by Big Radish?

Speaker 40 The man who's continuing with these stupid talking points. Look how long they've been around.

Speaker 44 We're talking to a lady who's about to eat her hat.

Speaker 40 I'd rather eat a hat. Better than a radish.
Better than a radish. I'll say that.

Speaker 44 The main difference is the type of roots.

Speaker 40 Oh, good lord.

Speaker 40 Shut up.

Speaker 44 Stick a pencil blindly on almost any of them and order the one spiked, and you will have a good radishes

Speaker 44 if the garden conditions are suitable for growing good radishes at all.

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 40 Stick a pencil in it and get a spike? What is happening?

Speaker 44 You can eat it on a pencil like it's a fucking popsicle.

Speaker 40 How about forks?

Speaker 40 How about fuck forks? Okay, crazy. Crazy that you're now anti-fork, pro-pencil.

Speaker 44 Well,

Speaker 44 if forks are on the anti-class,

Speaker 44 go fuck.

Speaker 40 You're losing the thread. Nobody said that forks and radishes were not aligned.

Speaker 44 The food.

Speaker 40 I don't think y'all should be in the studio.

Speaker 40 I think you're in the studio together.

Speaker 40 You are combative with each other. Spicier than a woman.
There are radishes that nobody wants to eat.

Speaker 44 So the thing is, is I am, my son's on the baseball team. There's like 60, 70 kids.

Speaker 40 Wow, did your son do baseball, Dave? I didn't know.

Speaker 44 In the baseball program. I'm going to shudder.

Speaker 40 How do we shut her up?

Speaker 40 I'm going to shudder.

Speaker 44 And I'm the gossip guy.

Speaker 40 You're like the radish article. You just started with no headlines.

Speaker 44 I'm the gossip guy. So now I just got a text from a parent on the team and he's like, just call me.
That was the text.

Speaker 40 Oh, that's going to be good.

Speaker 40 That's going to be good.

Speaker 40 That's going to be good. There is nothing better.
It's like when you try to get C and you're like, what happened? And the person just texts back, call me. You're like, let me kick off my feet.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah. It's all good.
Love the gossip. That's all I got.

Speaker 44 This one is very blurry, but I have to read it because of the headline. So it might be hard to read, but the headline is.

Speaker 44 Insane patients dance in glee as hospital burns.

Speaker 44 I mean, I am with them.

Speaker 40 I mean,

Speaker 40 insane. So they're in the asylum.

Speaker 44 It's a mental. Yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah, and I get it. Because they were probably being electrocuted from their head.
And

Speaker 40 having their teeth pulled out. Having their teeth pulled out one at a time.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 44 Back then you're just

Speaker 44 tortured.

Speaker 40 Would lobotomy have happened?

Speaker 44 Not yet. I don't think they're around yet.

Speaker 40 Some guy was probably trying.

Speaker 44 Chicago, half a hundred insane men and women cheered and danced.

Speaker 40 It's amazing that you used to just be, it was like a clinical

Speaker 40 state. And by the way, a guy just got off for temporary insanity.
Yeah. And now

Speaker 40 they're just very much like, insanity is airborne.

Speaker 40 You can catch it.

Speaker 44 Cheered and danced in glee while a fire they

Speaker 44 could

Speaker 44 be.

Speaker 44 Yeah, it might be.

Speaker 44 I think it says suspected of starting.

Speaker 40 Nice. Well, yeah, they probably did if they danced.

Speaker 44 Yeah, fuck you. I would too.

Speaker 40 Yeah, they're like a dude.

Speaker 44 Destroyed their quarters at Sunnybrook Farm Sanitarium and

Speaker 40 scary name.

Speaker 44 That looks like attaches, but that can't be attached.

Speaker 44 And something believes that.

Speaker 44 Next page. Hopefully, this page is not as blurry.

Speaker 44 The sanitarium is in ashes today.

Speaker 44 Dr. C.
Payden, who conducts the sanitarium, although that looks like contentarium.

Speaker 40 Also,

Speaker 40 have you ever been there?

Speaker 40 Yeah, I have, actually. Like Willy Wonka, but for vaginas.

Speaker 40 God damn it. It's great.

Speaker 40 You ruined it.

Speaker 44 No, it's attached.

Speaker 44 So the word is A-T-T-A-C-H-E-S attaches.

Speaker 40 Attaches.

Speaker 40 Attaches is a word.

Speaker 44 And attaches believe. No, it's people that they're talking about.

Speaker 40 Oh, the attachés believe?

Speaker 44 Is that these people attachés? It must be. Completely.
But is attachés the correct word for what we're talking about?

Speaker 40 Absolutely. Is it? They already used a lighted to describe a man falling 70 feet on his hand.
So

Speaker 40 you know they don't know all the words.

Speaker 44 Okay, so the attachés believe that the fires that destroyed three buildings of the institution were set by the lunatics with the purpose of escaping. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah, that's great. And that sounds like it worked, but they forgot the part of the escaping where you leave.
Right? I was like, you can't just be outside dancing.

Speaker 40 Yeah, but it was

Speaker 44 so

Speaker 44 right this way. That was so great to see.
That was awesome.

Speaker 40 That was awesome.

Speaker 40 Fire was discovered in the main building the inmates were taken to another building and a few minutes later fire broke out there so someone had matches yeah someone absolutely which one of you that's it spread your butt cheeks we know someone's behind them

Speaker 40 everyone spread the cheeks now

Speaker 40 oh gosh taken to a third building the patients had been there but a few minutes when it too burst into flames Okay, someone has got to fix their protocol. You got to check the patients.

Speaker 40 Check your check the patients. This time I'm digging.
Okay, outside. All right, look.
Someone's got strike anywheres up their butthole.

Speaker 44 Nurses and guards were forced to abandon their efforts to put out the fires and give their attention to preventing the escape of the patients who manifested high glee at the

Speaker 40 can you imagine when the third fire's going like all right so we're gonna stay here because of the two

Speaker 40 Jesus

Speaker 40 good for them yeah honestly

Speaker 40 that's also really

Speaker 44 it's I know I I know we never got it right but to have places where people it wasn't jail is you know I mean we're bringing it back in California we're trying to are we yeah they're they're like that's gonna go mad though we'll just put all the homeless people where they need to be because they're all mentally unstable and you're like they're not yeah that's what I'm they're not gonna they're not Anytime you're like, that could be good, you're like, it's not going to be good.

Speaker 40 It's not going to be good. It's not going to be good.
It's not going to be good.

Speaker 40 Very soon, there's going to be like, my DoorDash was delivered by a man who seemed quite disgruntled this afternoon. Is there something going on with him?

Speaker 40 Well, that's a homeless person that we're rehabilitating in a facility where we torture.

Speaker 40 My wife wants a divorce, you know? Cool.

Speaker 40 Put her away.

Speaker 40 Okay, put her away.

Speaker 40 Then the best part is, of course, rent is $9,000 for a two-bedroom after the fires especially did y'all i was like all i was like looking at the rent gouging and like adding stuff to the spreadsheet that like first couple days because it felt good it felt so good to do and there was like one guy in particular in silver lake and he literally had four of the ugliest homes and he had jacked them up for like eight from eight thousand a month to twelve thousand a month oh my god and it was literally all like january 8th january 9th january 10th was he he put these places up and he was like and i called him and he goes,

Speaker 40 Well, they're a furnished rent, they're furnished. So that's why I put up the price because they're furnished.
And I said, I said, sir, this is a black leather couch.

Speaker 40 Nobody wants to sit on your pornographic furniture. This is not something you should be charging extra for.
Black leather?

Speaker 40 Broken in black leather? These people have been through enough.

Speaker 40 What did he say?

Speaker 40 He hummed up.

Speaker 40 Why?

Speaker 40 porto.

Speaker 44 I mean, it's a porto couch.

Speaker 40 It is.

Speaker 40 When the leather couch starts to kind of age and it's like, I'm wrinkled now.

Speaker 40 Jesus Christ, Granny. Yes.

Speaker 40 Can you imagine you've lost everything in a fire and now you've got to live for $12,000 a month sitting on a wrinkle soft wearing a leather cracker with the little like the little stitching that'll like bite your leg once it starts like going off or something

Speaker 40 now I bite

Speaker 44 Yeah, I know people that lost their houses and they just can't find places to stay.

Speaker 40 No, it really, I kind of for a while was like thought to myself there is

Speaker 40 genuine human decency in most people. Yes.
And capitalism is just destroying it. And then you start to go like, well, I don't know.

Speaker 40 Obviously, the people at the top of the pyramid right now are evil fucks.

Speaker 44 People who want to make a lot of money off of land and houses are

Speaker 44 inherently not as good as people who don't want to do that.

Speaker 44 There's no part of me that's like I want to buy a house,

Speaker 44 charge people as much as possible because I would feel bad doing that.

Speaker 40 But if you have that compulsion to some extent, it's sort of like you got to wonder, is that birthed out of you're just a greedy fuck?

Speaker 40 Or you've just been raised in this world where greed is just an established thing as soon as you start your life.

Speaker 40 And then so you're just you're trying to get you're trying to run up the score in the video game because that's what everyone told you to fucking do, yeah.

Speaker 40 Yeah, but no, because think about the three of us, right? Like, we grew up in that same time, but none of us are like, I want to be a landlord, you know what I mean?

Speaker 40 I think there's like we're, I wonder if we're outliers or

Speaker 40 regular. I've honestly

Speaker 44 thought about like, I should, we should turn our garage into an ADU and then I'll rent it out.

Speaker 44 I want to buy it,

Speaker 40 and then I'll rent it out at lower rates and I'll be able to have a cheap place to live. Right, right, right, right, right.
I'd like to rent it. I'd like to rent this one.
Well, not you.

Speaker 44 I'm not a bad person.

Speaker 40 I will say, I got a band called Chicken Fingers, and we will be practicing in there. Old man.

Speaker 44 If you take care of the radish garden out back, then you definitely can have...

Speaker 40 Wow.

Speaker 40 Dave's kicking it with a raven in his yard.

Speaker 44 A raven's becoming my friend, and now when I walk outside, he comes down on the lawn.

Speaker 40 Oh, Lord, honey, I hope this isn't going in a Poe direction. I want you to be careful.
I want you to be careful. I really, really need you to be careful.

Speaker 44 Look, we're becoming buddies. Please let Dave Poe.

Speaker 44 A house sold in Santa Monica last week for $600,000 over the asking price.

Speaker 40 Oh, man.

Speaker 40 See, that's why I like how Amigo Chino does it. Uh-huh.

Speaker 40 Yep. Yep.
That's the future.

Speaker 40 That's real life.

Speaker 44 Here's.

Speaker 44 what they're called.

Speaker 44 The part where they have all the little ads in the paper.

Speaker 40 One ads. Classifieds.
Classified.

Speaker 44 Remember Classifieds? That's how people found stuff?

Speaker 40 Yeah. I found some stuff at Classifieds.

Speaker 44 Well, how about this? We will remove your dead animals free of charge to you.

Speaker 40 Call

Speaker 44 phone county 888 ring 21 or Harmony switchboard. Brazil Taggage Company.
Next ad. Notice.
We will remove your dead animals free of charge to you.

Speaker 44 Call phone 394, Stevenson and Armstrong. So

Speaker 44 it's two places that

Speaker 44 apparently there's a lot of dead animals in this town.

Speaker 40 Rival dead animals.

Speaker 44 Rival

Speaker 40 carcass removal. Rival carcass removal companies.

Speaker 40 Okay, that could actually be a fun rom-com. Think about that.
Like, there's like two, yeah, two people, rival carcass removal. They reach for the same raccoon.
Their hands touch. It's electric.

Speaker 40 And then, can we be in love? You know, is it Romeo and Juliet? Like, you know what I mean? I was going to say, I was going to pitch Montagues and Capulets. I think it starts with the businesses,

Speaker 40 the dads or

Speaker 40 the patriarchs who are running it. And they charge $10 for animal removal.
But then they keep undercutting each other just to kind of fuel the antagonism.

Speaker 40 And then one day when it becomes free, they sort of lose the lust for the job. And that's when they just go, why don't you go do it, Charlie? And this guy goes, Alice, you go get the raccoons.

Speaker 40 And that's when they go out and they sort of share a vermin handshake that's on the build and but what about a guy who comes into town and goes i don't even watch this money i just do it for free jesus christ this guy this guy's gonna ruin everything

Speaker 40 it's although there's something about the way too dave like went to wipe his nose as though this man is smelling his hands yeah after he does it like after he picks up a carcass that's like what he enjoys

Speaker 40 yeah he's like that's nice

Speaker 44 that's really i don't wash this one because it's the one i pick up the dead animals with

Speaker 40 I would recommend someone wash the raccoon because it's covered in me.

Speaker 40 Gareth! What?

Speaker 40 Gareth! What? This is in my ears, Garen!

Speaker 40 This is in my ears! What?

Speaker 40 Come on! It's a safe space. We're in the studio.

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 40 One head smells like me and the other one smells like the animals. You guess which one.

Speaker 40 Come play hand sniff.

Speaker 40 I'm also offering that game free of charge. Oh my gosh.
One hand.

Speaker 40 It's just like one hand is like fully just necrotic. Pitchable.
One hand decaying.

Speaker 40 I got waiver and lefty.

Speaker 44 Four sisters are 281 years old.

Speaker 40 That's just to grab you. They're like, that's not a lot, Cume.

Speaker 44 Mr. and Mrs.
D. H.

Speaker 44 Kutchell of 628 South Lambert Street entertained with a 12 o'clock dinner yesterday. 12 o'clock dinner?

Speaker 40 What? 12 o'clock dinner?

Speaker 44 That's what's known as lunch. The vampires.
Wakan lunch, 12 o'clock dinner.

Speaker 40 I'm 281, and we can only eat in full darkness.

Speaker 40 Tom Cruise is playing the husband.

Speaker 44 In honor of Miss Cutchell's.

Speaker 40 By the way, Naomi, this is the first time I've ever been in the... He's just on Amazon.
Are you making all this shit up? No, this is

Speaker 44 not quite a revelation. This is a newspaper.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God.

Speaker 44 Her three sisters, Miss William Hoke, Miss Furness Merson.

Speaker 40 I'm Furnace.

Speaker 44 My name's Furness. It's Furnace.
It's spelled Furnace. F-U-R-N-U-S-E, N-A-C-E, Furnace.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God. Furnace Merchant is so funny.

Speaker 40 And my sister Kiln.

Speaker 44 And Miss A.J. Kidd, the combined ages of the 14th.
Miss A.J.

Speaker 40 Kidd is 281 years old.

Speaker 40 Okay, so isn't that like 54?

Speaker 40 Isn't that like 50 something each? I mean, it's like I don't know bad. 60 something.

Speaker 44 You definitely don't know.

Speaker 40 70 something 70 something each. 70 something each.

Speaker 44 She is. They're 70.
They're all 70. Yeah.

Speaker 40 All right. Okay.

Speaker 40 It's not that old. It's not that old.
That's old, but

Speaker 44 someone was at the house and they're like, god damn it, I just sing it. Hold on, ladies, stop your chatting.
I just did math and all together you're 281 years old.

Speaker 40 And then someone's like, call the paper.

Speaker 40 I've got something to tell you, ladies.

Speaker 40 You want to spell something that's old? I need... the listeners to know that, no, I don't know quick math and I don't know slow math either.

Speaker 40 And I need you to just have some grace with me because I'm going to hear about it in the comments. I know you.

Speaker 40 I'm going to hear about it. Yep.
Naomi, let me tell you a little something about who you're on the show with. Yeah.
Me. Okay? You're fine.
Don't you worry about a fucking thing.

Speaker 40 Oh, Benjamin Franklin was a president. I've done math on the show before.
This guy's 200. 30 minus 10.
That's six.

Speaker 40 People are like, buddy, what's going on with you? I was like, I was high. I'm sorry.
Don't worry. We're good.

Speaker 44 Naomi's a writer and a comedian. She doesn't know shit about math.

Speaker 40 Yeah. Thank you.
Absolutely. Leave alone.

Speaker 40 This whole movie.

Speaker 40 Naomi is a math dummy. Stop it.

Speaker 40 I'm sick of the move list.

Speaker 44 People are going to be tweeting algebra problems at her. Try this one.

Speaker 40 God damn it. God damn it.
Gareth, don't you add no fuel to the fire? Because I will come up in here at your house. I'm going to call the Bible.
And I will call you.

Speaker 40 You call me a fuckboy, and that still follows me on your podcast, Couples Therapy.

Speaker 44 He is a fuckboy.

Speaker 40 It's still following. Well,

Speaker 40 you know what I was going to say, though? I was like, I know it's following you. I said, don't make me look you in the face and and call you Benji.
Okay? Don't do that.

Speaker 40 Because if I'm popping up at shows, that's got to be.

Speaker 44 People really like that one.

Speaker 40 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 44 You know what I am? Is a fuck dad.

Speaker 44 You don't get that very much. No.
But it's the new thing.

Speaker 40 Well, I remember we saw Bill Burr in the airport once. He goes, Jesus Christ, Dave, you are really rocking dad boss.

Speaker 40 That is quintessential fucking dad boss.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 44 Well, we all can't be millionaires and work out all the time.

Speaker 40 We'll be right back.

Speaker 44 Woman mayor 80 wars on male vamps and hits wets.

Speaker 40 What the fuck was that?

Speaker 40 You know.

Speaker 40 Fridge magnet. 80-year-old lady mayor.
I'm in. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Wards off male vampires?

Speaker 44 Wars on.

Speaker 40 Wars on.

Speaker 44 She's going to war on male vamps. Oh, okay.
I don't know what a male vamp is, but we're going to find out.

Speaker 44 And hits wets. Wets are

Speaker 44 the people who drink.

Speaker 40 Wets. Oh, hits wets.
Wets? Oh, wait. Seriously? They were just a drink.

Speaker 44 1922, yeah, they were called ots, yeah. Wets and dries.

Speaker 40 Okay. Jesus.
That would have been soaking.

Speaker 40 That would have been. Just because your dad was sopping, relax.

Speaker 44 My dad was basically a sponge that took a dip and your dad was the sponge that

Speaker 40 was sinking itself.

Speaker 44 Magnetic Springs, Ohio.

Speaker 40 Wow, what a name.

Speaker 44 Declaring the efforts of the government to enforce the 18th Amendment reminded her of a small boy trying to dry up Lake Erie with a one-ounce sponge.

Speaker 44 Miss Mary McFadden, 80, who recently became mayor of this little village, last fall for the benefit of a band of church members who visited her, such pearls of wisdom as would do credit to the late King Solomon.

Speaker 44 Okay, so she gave a speech.

Speaker 40 Yeah, a speech, and they were like, that was good. How was that King Solomon? She gave a speech, it was good.

Speaker 44 Yeah, they liked her speech. It was good.
Yeah, don't you calm down with the King Solomon.

Speaker 40 Exactly. Hyperbole.
King Solomon. Yeah.

Speaker 44 Prohibition, this is her.

Speaker 44 Prohibition leaders must remember that Rome wasn't built in a day, and they can't expect the few thousand agents now employed to enforce the law among all the millions of inhabitants of this country.

Speaker 44 The effect of the prohibition law will be most noticeable 20 years from now when children will not know the meaning of the term whiskey.

Speaker 40 Hey, dumb lady, wrong!

Speaker 40 That did not happen.

Speaker 44 And then,

Speaker 44 okay.

Speaker 40 Is this last?

Speaker 44 No, this is still her going on. Replying to a question regarding her attitude on the present-day girls

Speaker 40 gone wild.

Speaker 44 Something for bobbed hair. So it must be a style, right? Sure.
Yeah, 20s, they all had bobbed hair, right?

Speaker 40 Right, Nanny? Sure, sure.

Speaker 40 Yeah, I was there. I was there.
Yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 44 Short skirts and rolled stockings. Okay.
What's a rolled stocking?

Speaker 40 Like rolled down so that they're not all the way up. So I think they're kind of like around the knee or like a little below the knee, which is obviously sexual.
That's sexual in nature.

Speaker 44 Because that's what you do when you get get a lady and you're going to bang her. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, the story.
You roll

Speaker 44 it. Dave, David.

Speaker 40 David, Dave.

Speaker 40 Dave.

Speaker 44 Miss McFadden said no real mother would appeal to the authorities or the press for assistance in rearing her own children.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 Okay. Brag.

Speaker 44 I think she's saying that no mom needs

Speaker 40 advice.

Speaker 44 They won't help.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 44 However, this is her.

Speaker 44 However, i believe that some of the mothers whose skirts are just as short as their daughters should encourage the daughters to bob their hair as a mark of distinction between parent and child see this is okay she said y'all both hoes she said y'all both hoes i can't tell so one of y'all needs to be a hoe with short hair i can't tell who she's shaming

Speaker 40 It's like, this is when you, since you're not of the time, you're like, so you want little girls to have longer skirts? No!

Speaker 40 What?

Speaker 44 You want little girls to have shorter skirts and bobbed hair.

Speaker 40 No!

Speaker 40 No! It's so clear! I mean hyperbolic, you fools.

Speaker 44 Think about it. The mothers don't wear panties.

Speaker 40 Jesus Christ. No, this speech.

Speaker 44 It's good. Go on.

Speaker 40 No.

Speaker 40 It rivals King Solomon. Yeah.
This speech.

Speaker 44 Miss Mayer, may I ask you about radishes? No.

Speaker 40 Oh, my God. But wait, you guys, she's a lady mayor.
Isn't that a big deal in 1922? That's probably she's an old lady. She's a kooky.
She's a kooky old lady.

Speaker 40 Like the fact that you're even living to 80 years old in 1922, it's like amazing, right? My sisters made the paper for 70. Yeah.
Yeah. Exactly.
So I'm like, she's 80, and she's a mayor.

Speaker 40 And she was like,

Speaker 40 it's very like, pull up your pants, son. You know what I mean? Like, she's become this old person where everyone's like, everyone's untoward.
You're all too.

Speaker 40 Turn that down. They're like, everybody.

Speaker 44 They're like, shouldn't young women wear bobs? And she's like, well, if

Speaker 40 the mom doesn't have one, then throw it on your head.

Speaker 40 I can see where your bub cheek might be beginning.

Speaker 40 You prostitute.

Speaker 40 Mayor, Miss Mayor. No!

Speaker 40 Miss Mayor. They're all fanny dancers.

Speaker 40 It's disgusting.

Speaker 44 Miss McFadden also outlined the principles which will govern her as the chief executive of this village, one of the most famous health resorts of the Central West. They are

Speaker 44 one

Speaker 44 war on all male vamps. That's it.
I think it's time. Yeah, go after the vampires.
Why wouldn't you go after the vampire?

Speaker 40 The vampires. Yeah, it's vampires.
I mean, that makes sense. It's 1922.

Speaker 40 Stop shock for number one. That is so.
How long until the Republicans are like, we're just trying to stop the vampire.

Speaker 40 It's very straightforward. This bill gives a lot of good to the American people, but it also defends us against the male vamps.

Speaker 44 Two, enforcement of the curfew law.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 40 That's helpful with the vampire one, too, because

Speaker 40 that's going to work hand in hand. Exactly.
If you're not out there, the vampires have nothing to snack on. Yep, yep.

Speaker 44 Three, good roads and more of them.

Speaker 40 Sure.

Speaker 40 That's general. That's general.
That's infrastructure. Good roads.

Speaker 40 Build back, sort of.

Speaker 44 Four, harmony with council. So get along with the council.
That's fine. Yeah.
That's great. Five, stop the leaks in prohibition.

Speaker 40 Right. So no more drinking.

Speaker 44 No more drinking.

Speaker 40 So a lot of control.

Speaker 44 And she says, men are only boys with beards.

Speaker 40 Well, it's very much like the bop shirt, short skirt kick. So

Speaker 40 it's all in there. Yeah, yeah.
It's all in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's very clear in her messaging.

Speaker 44 I've always found that they are very reasonable after they are fed

Speaker 44 by the way

Speaker 40 i was gonna say i don't feel like she's that wrong i feel like you know what i mean the hanger is like

Speaker 40 yeah there's no like mass shootings where the guy's like i just had pasta

Speaker 40 i'm fucking starving

Speaker 40 right right right just give them a sandwich give them a sandwich then ask for the board you know what i mean like do what you want to do yeah

Speaker 44 i'm sure there'll be a a long, full season of council as long as I'm mayor. Of course, I'll study their tastes and foods.
And if

Speaker 44 some of them don't care for donuts, we'll have apple pie or cake for them.

Speaker 40 That is absolutely fucking hysterical. Okay, this is fun, actually, because this is now giving mayor grandma, right?

Speaker 40 She basically was like, my job will be, I'll be mayor, and in exchange, I will feed y'all foods and cakes and breads.

Speaker 40 You know, I had a journey because it started off with like, I'm going to kill every vampire in this town. And I'd be like, man, I'll have pie, donuts, okay.

Speaker 40 There'll be a range of baked goods, a range of baked goods. And they're happy.
They're just boys with beards, after all.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 44 One small one. Okay, so

Speaker 44 we're past. Oh, we are past.

Speaker 40 I think so, yeah. We're in an hour.

Speaker 44 Well, let's just do this one. It's really quick.
Okay, all right. Dur says, there's no headline or anything.
It's just Durr says the hens thought it was daylight and went to work.

Speaker 44 The hens think they're living two days when they're actually living but one, and many of them lay twice a day. Oh, that was B.
Sorry,

Speaker 44 that was the second part of the story. So we'll

Speaker 44 get results in fooling biddy. Electricity is increasing the egg production.
George Durr had 120 hens during January of 1921, but had no

Speaker 44 electric lights in his henny. During the month, he gathered 1,154 eggs.

Speaker 44 Last December, he placed electric lights in the hennery, and during January of 1922, with the same number of hens, he collected 3,489 eggs.

Speaker 40 This is just kind of bad for this time to be showboating how many eggs this guy had.

Speaker 44 I turned on the lights in the middle of the long January nights.

Speaker 40 So, so he, because he

Speaker 40 tricked him, he tricked him. Poor fucking hens.

Speaker 44 Yeah, his hens are like that.

Speaker 40 The hens thought it was daylight. I'm going to keep shooting these out.
There's no yoke in this one. The hens are rushing them.

Speaker 40 This egg's just empty. The hens are like, no, what the fuck is happening? I gotta get my eggs.
Love, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 40 Again? Again? I just laid an egg. And then that's freaking out.
I barely took a break.

Speaker 40 One, I barely slipped. Bro, bro, bro.

Speaker 40 All right. Well, what a ride.

Speaker 40 Thank you, as always, for joining us, Naomi. Thank you.
The best.

Speaker 40 It's the best. You guys, you keep me young.
You keep me young. You enjoy your experience here.
Are you tired of us yet? No, as long as you're not tired of me, you know, because

Speaker 40 you guys are the faves. You're my faves.
All right, good. All right.
All right, well, you'll come. We want to do another one right now?

Speaker 40 All right, and send pictures of you eating that hat. I think you are legally bound to do that.
Yeah, you have to eat that hat.

Speaker 40 All right, I'm going to do an internet video. Okay, I'm going to do a video where I'm driving through a McDonald's and a half, and then we'll just kind of see what happens.

Speaker 44 Yes, all right. McDonald's has really good deep-fried radishes for you.

Speaker 40 All right, everybody. We'll cut that part out.
Go enjoy St. Dennis and go listen to Couples Therapy.
And go listen to the dollop. It's

Speaker 40 hey, it's been quite a ride.

Speaker 40 I mean, we've been doing this fucker for a long time, and we've learned a lot. And we continue to learn, but we only learn with your help.

Speaker 44 Help us. Huh?

Speaker 40 Help. Yeah, exactly.
All right, anyway, fuck off. Bye.

Speaker 40 Some of these days,

Speaker 1 you'll miss me, honey.

Speaker 1 Some of these days.

Speaker 46 What's up, doll heads? Join the Gare Force. Come on, go to gearthrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

Speaker 46 That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

Speaker 46 But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th. Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Speaker 46 Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th. And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.
on September 21st. I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Speaker 46 Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th. Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th. Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Speaker 46 Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows. And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

Speaker 46 And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at Rooster T Feathers. Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.
Join me.