119 - The Past Times with Ronny Chieng

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All right, everybody.

Welcome to the Pastimes Podcast.

Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week, the great Ronnie Cheng.

Ronnie, thank you for joining us.

Thanks.

Thanks for having me on this thing.

I have been on this before.

We talked.

Yeah.

You've been on all.

Who said you had?

You just said finally we have this guy back.

Finally, we have this guy on.

Back, back.

No, you said finally we have him on.

I'll play the tape again.

I mean, I'll stop the whole fucking radio.

Anyway, I'm just going to

take the side of our guest, and I just say, You're being rude.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

That's fine.

All right.

And

I do take your point, though, that Dave is becoming sexier.

I haven't seen him in person in a while.

Something's working for him.

We had dinner the other night at a friend's house, and he showed up like he was going to try to fuck.

And it was like there was

one woman and she was married.

And Dave showed up, he's drinking gin.

So he's always been like that, but now his face matches the Poisson, right?

That's basically it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now he's got that pervy gray beard.

Ronnie, you're, listen, I, you're doing very well.

You're doing so well

that you're, no, no, no.

You're now in the stratosphere of when we ask what you want to promote, you don't even need any.

That's that is success.

No, it's just whatever.

We have such a meager follow.

What's the point of even

promoting?

Well, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

The truth is I got nothing to promote.

So thanks for having me on.

Well, you're great.

You are crushing it.

So there's no point.

I would like to promote the dollop tour.

We're going on tour.

This will probably be out after that.

Who gives a shit?

Okay.

Life's a prison.

Life is hell.

We're all going into it.

We have another tour.

No, no, no.

Fuck it.

Let me guess, you're going to Australia?

No, no,

actually, no, I don't want to go out of the country because we might not be able to get back in.

Oh, okay.

What a journey that would be.

You guys were like the forefront of touring podcasts in Australia.

Yeah.

You guys were that first wave.

Yeah, we were.

Yeah.

Since then, there's been so many waves that that first wave gets kind of, it's not as big of a wave as it used to be.

And then that wave's drinking a lot more because the wave's like, I used to be so big.

And now I'm just like a regular wave.

You know what I mean?

No, you guys in Australia.

You guys, everyone loves you.

We're very big here too, Ronnie.

Yeah, you're big in America too.

Living in America too.

We're so big we're promoting on the podcast.

I mean,

people call us the Joe Rogan of podcasting.

Yeah.

Which is huge.

That's a huge problem.

You're the Joe Rogan of vintage newspaper podcasting.

It's a niche Rogan.

We're a niche Rogan.

Yeah, we're a niche.

We still love mushrooms.

Ronnie, the way, I don't know if this was the way we did it the first time you were on the show, but

we're going to guess what year this paper is from.

And the winner gets nothing.

So that's exciting.

So if you would like, you can guess first.

No, I will say.

No clues.

Just guess.

Yeah, I will say you'll win no matter what, because Dave's a shithead.

Oh, wait.

Am I supposed to guess without hearing Dave at all?

Yeah.

Yes.

Just guess.

What the fuck is this?

Price is right without the

clues.

That's right.

Wouldn't the price is right be better?

So I have nothing to read off of other than Dave's face.

Okay.

Dave's face is looking pretty way back.

It seems it's going to be pretty far back.

I'm going to go with 1930.

That's great.

That's great.

And that is what Dave's face to me is screaming 1872.

Dave?

No.

No, it's 1900.

Okay.

We're close.

So Brody wins.

No, he doesn't.

Okay.

No, I don't think.

Boom.

Okay.

Yep.

January 5th, 1900, the Hollis Times from Hollis, New Hampshire.

Close to where this cat is from.

Oh, yeah.

I used to live there.

New Hampshire.

Yeah.

Okay.

I used to live there.

And only now as an adult back in America do I know how random a place New Hampshire is to be from.

Yeah, right?

But when I was there, I thought it was great.

Here's a pitch.

Can we drop the new?

Hampshire do.

I mean, we're out.

it's not we're not really right do we need a separator yeah back then everything was new everything yeah back then i get it back then they're like holy fuck new york now it's like yeah it's hampshire i'll fight this and i'll fight you day you you want to drop the new from new hampshire yeah i'm ready to go hampshire

and york new york too it's just york now what about jersey keep it jersey jersey kind of already is nobody calls it old jersey that's what i want to call it old jersey

Because that's the smell.

Well, then, how are you going to differentiate it from your homeland in England?

Nobody's making it.

Look, if someone's that lost, then we don't need them to survive.

All right.

Hampshire.

No, the new makes it.

Dave is right.

You can go Jersey without the New Jersey.

Hampshire is...

No, Hampshire sounds weird without it in English.

It's weird, yeah.

Yeah, it's weird.

It doesn't roll.

I think the people listening are, yeah, we're off topic, but the people listening are on my side.

Go ahead, Dave.

Well, should we call Maine Ain?

Like, what do you want to do?

How far do you want to take it?

Call it Manus.

You want to call it Michigan?

Please start reading.

Please start reading.

Hollis Time is,

there's no headline here.

Miss Phoebe Hunt, known as Grandma Hunt, was 100 years old Wednesday.

That's old for then.

Yeah.

1900?

100 years old?

Yeah, that's

200 in today's years.

Yeah.

She was born in Wyndham Wyndham on January 3rd, 1800.

She is the only centenarian in this section, if not in the state.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Not surprising.

There's like eight people in New Hampshire at that point.

Right.

And one of them was 100 is crazy.

She had to be very ready to die.

Man, I think

at this point, you got to wonder if she's a witch.

Yeah.

Especially from the northeast.

Like,

100 years now, like, I wonder if,

like, you know, if you're you're born in in

if you were born in 1924 and you live till now, you'd be like, the world is different.

Oh, my God.

But if you're born in 1800 till 1900, you're probably like, ah, it was pretty much the same.

Yeah, you're like, oh, there's

kind of a car.

Yeah, we had horses and wheels and fireworks.

Yeah,

there's better holes to poop in.

That's it.

That's the biggest thing.

The poop holes are better and the whiskey's better.

Whiskey's worse.

And now up to 50% of your kids live.

Crazy.

Crazy.

We're going back.

The event brought much joy to herself as well as to relatives and friends.

She kept open house and arrayed in her best cap and dress.

She greeted all who came in the same cordial manner, which has made her so well beloved about here, and which many society people might well imitate.

Okay.

She's lived strictly a temperate life, never smoking as do some old-time ladies always cheerful she's fond of standing erect before one and saying ain't i straight which indeed she is and i do that and that's a crime i mean isn't that like times

i know i know english is my third language but i have no idea what that meant like i've no i've never heard of it in my life ain't i straight ain't i straight she's talking about posture she's like wow

yeah because she's old so she's like her spine should be curving and she should look like scoliosis under skin.

But instead, she's just like, I ain't astrite.

Again, in the 1900s, even if you're perfectly healthy, you probably look like you have scoliosis.

You got to look horrible.

Yeah, everyone has scoliosis.

They did

abnormal babies look like.

Yeah, regular spine.

People are like, look at you, John.

You're ill.

She made a visit to Pelham last fall riding in a wagon both ways.

Many of our pastors have reason to thank her for the socks.

She has knit them.

All right.

So, a life well lived.

I mean, that's a nice story to start out with.

Yeah, this very small town paper,

boring.

She was, yeah.

Well, she was an entrepreneur.

She made her own socks.

She had a car.

She was still going around.

She went to Pelham.

I wonder how far that is.

On a wagon?

It's got to be a ways.

She is very big.

And also back then, you know, you go on a wagon ride to Pelham at 100 years old, you probably would die.

So she, you know, she was adventurous is what I'm saying.

Yeah, and straight.

And really, and straight, very straight.

Erectile.

Curved.

Yeah.

Yep.

She's a straight, old, alive thing.

That's very heartwarming, actually, to live to 100 in America now, much less.

Now it's shocking.

Well, I remember seeing like something where there's some city that has the most, like in Japan where it's like the most hundred-year-olds.

And they have like, they have a parade for you.

So you're like, people are like, I'm going to do it.

And then they get a parade and everyone's like, way to go.

No.

I think

they're called like blue zones where people live to be 100.

I can't believe New Hampshire was a blue zone in Chicago.

No, no, no way.

No way.

No,

there are probably a...

couple of blue zones in America, but they have to be like Hawaii or they have to be like separated from

the mainland.

Yeah, they cannot

be attached to this tumor.

I mean, when you're in Hawaii, you're like, oh,

air's clean.

Yeah.

How about that?

Yeah.

And the thing in that, in the blue zone thing, when you talk to the old people, a lot of them are just eating sweet potatoes.

They're just like, potatoes.

You're just like, wow.

The secret with potatoes.

Yeah, always.

British soldiers at play.

Nice.

There is one thing, and not a new thing, to be noticed about the British soldiers in South Africa, which bodes ill for the Boers.

Oh, God.

It is that Tommy Atkins takes his luck in the field with the same matter-of-fact ease, which in other times has made the British soldier seem unbeatable by any save of his own blood and bone.

What?

They're not.

I think Tommy Atkins is some kind of athlete, right?

That's what I would.

Well, he's the Atkins diet.

Yeah.

This is maybe.

Wait, that's him?

It's also weird for you Americans at 1900s to praise the British.

They were unbeatable, but America beat them.

It was tough because we loved their colonialism, but also,

you know, we're happy to be away from them.

But we were like.

You hit it at the T, yeah.

Yeah.

But we,

we were back.

We were back on board at this point.

We liked them again.

Right.

Because at some point we were both like, hey, we both like killing.

Yeah.

We both like killing them.

Yeah.

Will they, won't they?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just classic.

It's, you know, I mean, it's something you can't understand, but killing non-white people,

it's a really bombing.

It's addictive.

Yeah.

It is.

It is.

I know.

I read the 1776 book.

And man, they were fighting, man.

The English and the, so this is 100 years earlier.

They were like when the, I don't need to tell you guys this, you guys are well-educated Americans who deal with history every single day, like week.

But, like, when the U.S.

declared independence from the UK,

Great Britain sent everybody to invade New York.

Yeah.

Like, the book describes New York Harbor as like the hundred ship invasion.

It was just all British ships.

Everyone was shitting their pants because the British were like, you guys want to be independent?

Okay, well, fuck.

We're sending everybody.

They sent everyone to invade it.

Yeah, and they still lost.

It was crazy.

It was crazy to fight a superpower and win.

America fighting that was insane.

But anyway, now they're friends.

Now we lose wars all the time.

To ourselves.

We're losing a war inside of ourselves.

Yeah.

Pretty handily, too.

Yeah, we're fighting wars that are just intangible cultural wars and we're losing.

Yeah.

It's good.

His generals may walk into ambush and get him jolly well peppered with Mauser-led pencils.

Jolly well peppered

with Mauser-led pencils.

So shot.

That's what.

Right?

That's what that is.

Jolly well peppered with Mauser.

But he keeps his appetite and spirits and indulges in his sports.

Whether it is in

the point of this article, this article is

about, it's like a happy piece about a college.

It's a fluff piece.

It's a fluff piece for the British about how

it's like Stephen Miller on the cover of Vanity Fair.

What makes it tick?

Sorry.

Sporting was the headline.

Was that a headline?

The headline was British soldiers at play.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Whether it is in Lady Smith, Kimberly, or Miff King, the Britisher's chief concern when he is not rushing out to fight is that when off duty, he may indulge in the same pastimes which would fill his chunky 12-stone body with joy on the green of his home village or in the fields of his squire.

Holy shit.

I guess Chunky was

like positive.

I don't know.

I think there it sounds like he was just like skin and sausages.

What, Gareth, what's 12-stone?

Oh, fuck.

Well, it's 14 pounds of stone.

Wow.

Yeah,

he's a big boy.

Yeah.

And he's indulging.

So what he likes to do is fight, and then he's like Peter Dinklage, but fat and big.

He's pounding one.

one.

Yeah, what's that in?

What's that in kilograms?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, boy.

Oh, we can't do it.

Converting stunning.

Okay, I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

Come on, baby.

Come on over.

Pounds, baby.

Pounds.

I still can't figure it out.

You can't?

No, I can't figure out the.

Yeah.

That's got to be tough.

There's no reason to.

Look, it's all going away.

We're going to stop existing soon, so you don't need to keep knowing it.

Here we go.

You learn it just in time to

learn Fahrenheit.

Yeah.

The sons of most other races lie behind siege walls with straightened faces, tense nerves, and beating hearts while they expect new strife.

Wait, are we in a, what are we in right now?

An article?

So now he's talking about, yes,

in the fighting with the British, the other side are very tense and nervous, hiding behind walls in the war, while the British play sports.

Right.

But your blooming British beggar

hides?

H-I-E-S.

Is that a word?

I don't know.

Never heard of that.

Hides himself to a comfortable corner behind the battlements where he may cut cards or shake the dice pot.

That's not a sport.

His sport is cheating.

His sport is degenerate gambling.

His sport is rolling dice in a corner.

That's awesome.

That's really funny.

And also, I think they were talking about if I the article they say that this is British station in Africa, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

So, who are they fighting in Africa?

Well, the boars, yeah,

it's the Boer War, so it's the yeah, you're fighting

people who want to want to live there.

Oh, fuck, okay, ridiculous.

It's such a funny, it's even war is such an unfair term for what that is, right?

Fighting a war, we the cause of having everything and them wanting to exist,

jolly on then

here's some dice yeah

and then you like see him out like playing dice and he's like hello and they're like jesus fucking christ

oblivious assholes

between scraps he plays polo golf and football just as he does at home while shells are dropped around him and irish scotch or english he thinks he is the luckiest soul on earth to be what he is and as he is this is crazy

yeah

what puff puff plays.

Yeah, it is.

It's amazing.

It's an amazing puff.

Yeah.

They play golf and what was that?

The other two?

Polo.

Polo.

Polo and football, yeah.

Wow.

The big three.

They had a full-on, you know, it was like, they had like an English country club

in the war zone.

And they're also actively,

you know,

killing.

Yeah, killing, probably like nearing genocide.

Yeah.

And they're just like, I say, fancy a bit of a pony golf, do you?

Yeah.

To play golf in a war zone is very bad.

Crazy.

Shells dropping around him.

Dude, he's fucking trying to drive this thing.

You're trying to hit a

nine-iron into the hazard.

The horses spooked again.

For some reason.

Good lord.

Well, I wonder why, what was the, do you guys know the context of like

America's attitude towards that particular war in that in the Bar War or the

pro?

Oh, they were.

Oh, they were Dutch.

So, so the Boers were Dutch.

Okay.

So I take it all back.

Oh, so they're what they're so the English and the Dutch are fighting over Africa.

Yeah, of South Africa, yeah.

So classic.

It's cool.

Classic Europe.

It's just classic white.

Yeah.

It's just

white Europe.

What makes you think this land that isn't ours at all is yours?

It's ours.

I'm sure people are screaming about that, that I didn't know that.

But again, you'll find that I don't read about war.

It is now so in South Africa.

We're still in the same story.

It was so in Spain when waiting behind their entrenchments for Napoleon to come and

eat them, the British soldiers chased their foxes sent for from home, ran foot races, wrestled, and played their games.

It was so when they followed Marlborough to meet the great Louis, taking along with them their spurring gamecocks and fighting dogs.

That's not, that's, I feel that's not as sportsmanish.

Wow, these British really liked their games, right?

They were like, yeah, we're gonna war, we're gonna bring our fucking games.

It's written like that Rolling Stone article about Burt Kreischer that got Van Wilder made.

He's a cuckoo.

And what is that about Napoleon eating?

What does that mean, Dave?

Yes, for Napoleon to come and eat them.

Napoleon.

Are we

forgetting that?

Yeah.

And I mean, they're obviously referring to when the

French attacked England.

Were they cannibals, though?

Sure.

Napoleon wasn't eating people.

Are you saying sure?

Yeah, why not?

Okay.

Feels like...

Pretty ambivalent.

I mean, most people aren't cannibals that you accuse of being cannibals, so why not accuse the French?

Trump will be doing that in no time.

Eating people.

No, it's saying other people are eating them.

And while eating people, though, he's okay.

Yeah, right, yeah, right.

Well, he'll eat people.

Yeah, so the British are fun-loving warmongers.

That's true.

Yeah.

Good attitudes about it.

It was so when Charles watched Cromwell and the king killers' ironsides chased the royalists.

Only then both sides by turns fought and played their games and loved their sports, betweets their bloody battles.

Do you think the

superior officers were like yelling at them the way people yell at people using phones now?

It's like, stop holding your Gamecock and fucking stand to post.

We got people coming in, cutting cards, yeah, still war, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, seriously.

It sounds like this article actually makes if I was the Dutch reading this, I'd be like, let's just attack these fucks.

Yeah,

we're overestimating their power.

Yeah, they're all playing games all the time.

They're playing games.

solo.

Yep.

War sounds okay.

Yeah.

Sounds.

It's like

a nice camp.

Yeah, exactly.

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The member hastened to obey.

Former member Reed had a great moral influence over the members, and whether willingly or unwillingly, they were wont to obey his requests.

One afternoon, when the house lacked a quorum, one of its messengers was dispatched to hunt up an MC at Harvey's, a famous restaurant in town.

Quote, the speaker would like to have you come up to the house as there is no quorum, said the messenger to the member who was enjoying a broiled lobster.

You tell the speaker to go to thunder,

he said.

I'm going to finish my lobster.

I don't know, but I hate government, but love this guy.

Yeah.

Bring it back.

Go to Thunder.

Bring it back.

That needs to be a saying that we see.

So he can eat lobster.

Yeah, but that's a good New England man right there.

It is.

Yeah, he's eating lobster and he's telling the whatever to go fuck himself.

Yeah.

He's not going to, they need a cold.

Some things never change.

That'd be Ted Kennedy in like 50 years.

Like, I'm having a blowjob.

Can't you see I'm in the middle of having my cock sucked?

I mean, famously, you guys know, you guys know that, like, lobsters were like

trash.

Pests.

Yeah, they're trash.

They still are to me.

I think it's

like eating a rat.

Like, why would you eat it?

It's gross.

I would eat rat.

You eat a cockroach.

You would eat rat.

Well,

it's just an excuse to eat butter, right?

That's the whole thing with the lobster.

Yes, it is.

It's very much like the oyster.

We've talked about the oyster before, where it's like anything where they're like, douse it so you don't taste it.

But lobster is still.

Gross.

Okay.

I mean, I think the

thing with lobster is that the amount of meat you get per lobster is so, you know, you kill this thing and it's like, you get to eat like a tail.

That's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's a lot of fucking work.

Yeah.

It's to crack it open.

And also, by the way, lobsters are biologically...

Lobsters are biologically immortal.

So if we didn't eat them for their tail, they would live forever.

Is that true?

Yeah.

We should not be eating them.

Well, fucking, we kill them.

They could live forever, but we kill them.

That's why

we're not taking the earth.

You can take over the earth.

Humans, it is amazing because if we were ever to actually like dip into that philosophically, we would be like, this is, look, we believe in balance, but these, if they live forever, we should not eat them.

And instead, we have them in tanks like, help, help.

We're like, that one looks juicy.

Yeah, it's awful.

Awful.

Well, I don't eat them, so I don't know what, you know.

Well, I remember.

Well, you should.

It's actually delicious.

They're fucking tasty.

Yeah, they're tasty.

You live forever.

I like the smaller version.

I like the crawfish.

Crawfish is even worse.

It's like you kill like one million of them to have like a bite.

Anything where people are like, eat the brain, suck the brain.

I'm like, that's where I'm like, not in.

Grow up.

That's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's crazy that you're anti-the thing with more meat and no brain sucking and the tiny little version where you got to eat brains.

You're like, now that I like.

I love sitting in some weirdo's yard eating off a newspaper.

Yes.

So the speaker would like to have you come up to the house as there is no quorum, said the messenger to the member, who was enjoying his broiled lobster.

You tell the speaker to go to thunder.

I'm going to finish my lobster.

Very well, sir, assented the messenger.

I will do so.

And he left the room hurriedly.

But as soon as his back was turned, the belligerent member rushed down by the backstairs through a side door into a cab and was up at the house long before the arrival of the messenger.

What the fuck just happened?

He chickened out.

He talked tough, and then he got scared, and then he went to work.

Yeah, he told the messenger to tell his boss to go fuck himself.

I'm eating lobster, and then he was like, Actually, I'm a pussy.

And then he jumped in the cab and got there before the message.

Yeah, he was probably eating with someone who's like, that's pretty important.

He's like, I should go.

It's the 1900s equivalent of unsending a message.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

He unsend the message and he went to the middle.

And

you just see that that's what I love on WhatsApp where it's like someone deleted it.

You're like, that's even worse.

What the fuck are you doing over there?

Yeah.

What did you say to me?

He got there before his own fuck you got to his boss.

Well, yeah, and it must have been so satisfying when the messenger came in and was like, he told me to go to Thunder.

He was eating lobster.

He's like, boy, what are you talking about?

I've been here for 10 minutes.

Yeah.

Christ.

The butter shining on his double chin.

Sound like me?

Do you want to know the, you know, one of the topics that are hot right now on newspapers.com?

Sure.

Is this okay?

I just noticed it.

Number one is bread recipes.

And then

so you're looking, you're looking through newspapers for old bread recipes?

No, people, I think I could see someone going like, I want to make a vintage bread.

I could definitely see that in Silverlake.

Yeah.

I could definitely see that.

Some hipsters going like, I want to make bread the way they made it in 1800.

How do I make it awesome?

When yellow fever was a thing.

Oh, typhoid loaf.

Yeah.

When scarlet fever was a thing.

I want to taste what that was.

Anyone want a scurvy roll?

Yeah.

Also, Thomas Edison, the invasion 1939 invasion of poland bonnie and clyde the ed gein murders and humphrey bogart that's what's hot ed gein murders yeah those are good also so many nipple belts

yeah was it a nipple belt he made a nipple belt yeah he also made uh lampshades from uh skin things i love i love how long you guys have been doing this that you guys know all this is great is getting sad Look,

you know how sad it is when I know things?

That's how we know the show's gone on too long.

Like, if I know things, it's probably time to call it.

Like, if I'm saying stuff like, wasn't that right when the canoe was invented?

Yeah, it was.

And I'm like, I remember that.

It's like, what are we doing anymore?

The whole ruse of this is knowing nothing.

Look, Ed Gein used the whole body, which is, which is what, like Native Americans did with the buffalo.

See, I'm not saying too much.

Maybe he was more advanced than we give him credit for.

He was many things, but he was also environmentally conscious.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, he was.

Yeah, he used it all.

Yeah.

Ate the teeth, everything.

One-fingered gloves.

Wow, that is mind-bending.

I can't really wrap my head around that one.

Right.

Is that a mitten?

Is it a mitten?

I don't know.

No, because is a mitten two?

Well, I could see them having the great thumb debate back then.

Is the thumb included in the one-finger glove or is the thumb separate?

That's what we're going to find out.

It's a glove with a penis.

Yeah, that's true.

The penal gloves.

Penal glove.

I've come up with a one-fingered glove.

Oh, it fits here, too.

I'm not straight.

Gloves have long been made in very great variety, but a novel thing.

What an awful stuff.

Like, if I was reopening this paper, I'd be like, I'm not reading this.

You would scroll.

You'll scroll.

Yeah, I would be like, yeah, it's that.

No, let me get this a bread recipe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what it is like?

It's like whenever you do open a recipe online and the first fucking page of it is just some weird dive into this weirdos world where they're like, I've always really enjoyed eggnog, but the holiday season is so much more.

And you're just like, where's the fucking recipe?

Like, that's what this is.

Intro's too long.

Intro's too long.

The history of gloves is pretty fascinating.

Do you know why they do that?

I found that.

You want to kill them?

Because Google made some sort of thing that your recipes would only get bumped up if you included

a story or some sort of narrative before you got to the recipe.

That's crazy.

So they made all of the people sharing recipes who wanted to get hits create.

It's terrible.

Everybody hates that.

Absolutely awful.

That's so stupid.

And I also, on a kind of separate point, like I also hate how we all talk about the algorithm like it's a mystery.

It's like some human wrote it.

So just tell us what the fuck you want.

Honestly.

Yeah.

Stop with the caginess.

Yeah, stop with the mystery.

And we have a whole sub-industry of people who are hired to help you figure it out.

Some guy made it.

He just tell us what it just tells us what it is.

And then we'll do it.

Guy.

Oh, that guy.

The guy who is like,

I think recipes need a short story at the start.

So we're going to like, just fucking tell us that.

It's so musky.

Just be like, and then there'll be a short story at the beginning of every recipe.

Like, okay.

Now people need to show the end of what they're putting up first.

They're like, Al, are you okay?

Do you think people will buy fewer musk-flavored treats in Australia now?

Musk.

Oh.

What, like musky, the scent musk?

It's a flavor down there.

Is it?

I don't know.

Yeah, like candy and stuff.

I don't know.

Musk is a candy.

Am I thinking of Musk?

Musk is a scent.

Musk is a scent.

I don't know about candy.

I've never heard of musket.

But I mean, maybe I'm not.

If you go to Australia, I think you'll be unfortunately surprised surprised at how many people outside of America are fucking MAGA.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

No, Musk, a musk stick.

A musk is a

thing.

Oh, man.

You know about Australian either.

I never heard of a musk stick.

Never heard of a musk stick.

Well, there's a whole there right here.

That's what impregnated grimes.

Yeah.

Hello.

My microphone.

All right.

Gloves have long been made in very great

struggle.

Gloves have often been made.

Why?

Just tell me what's happening.

Gloves have always had quite a ride.

But a novel thing in this line is a one-fingered glove, or perhaps it might be called a one-fingered mitten.

In which the thumb and first finger are provided for precisely as they would in any glove with a covering for each, while the other three fingers are enclosed in a mitten-like part.

It's actually very lobstery.

It's a very lobster-clawed design.

So you get a free finger, a thumb, and then you lump in the three.

Ronnie is doing actually a very impressive job.

There's really good dexterity on that hand.

It's Star Trek-y.

This is Ninja Turtle.

Yeah, that is Ninja.

That's what they, yeah, that is what it is.

No, this is dumb.

I agree.

Pick a lane.

Are you a glover or a man?

Because what we're saying is just do a glove, right?

Well,

I'm saying if you want to do some dexterity,

put some articulation into your glove, you wouldn't do

thumb, first finger, and then three fingers, because that's uncomfortable.

You would do thumb, two fingers, and then another.

Oh, you're pitching hoof.

Okay.

Yeah, but even that is.

Yeah, it's not great, but I get that a little more.

Yeah, the spot clock.

Yeah, this.

I say pick a lane.

Well, look, obviously it didn't last because

I've never heard of this fucking style of glove or mitten.

I guess, yeah.

It's a glitton.

Maybe it's time to bring it back.

No, that's not what anyone's saying.

It's like the Japanese invented the boot that had a separate toe.

I think it's called a Tobi thing where they were the first people to like put a slit in the boot, the army boot, so that the toe was separated.

Yeah.

And then that allowed them to basically conquer half the world because they figured out wait what just happened so

because it was more comfortable for them to no because they were able they were able to grip slippery ground more in southeast asia and so they just had a grip advantage and they they just defeated half of asia

these are the kind of facts that joe rogan loves

if you separate the toe you conquer the world you separate the mitten and you get nothing Yeah,

you get like a you get arthritis, you know.

I mean, because you got to do that the whole time, and then yeah, it hurts.

You get finger pain.

Good idea, wrong body pot, and it's the difference between you know that's what the American was doing.

He was like, What happened?

Uh, with this, we're gonna do, we're gonna conquer the world with our free-fingered mitten.

It's like Shark Tank.

They're like, We see your margins, they're not good,

dude.

Shot tank is hilarious.

If this was the first first Schotte.

That would be so great.

Welcome to Glitton.

Everyone's out right away.

Mittens are warmer, but a driver must wear gloves or have at least one finger free to enable him to handle the reins.

Oh, so this is for cars.

So you got to have

holding the reins.

Yeah, have a glove.

We have it.

Have a glove.

Have a glove.

It's a backward step.

We don't need it.

The one-fingered glove is made for the special convenience with the thumb and forefinger free.

He can handle all the lines

all right while his hands love.

He can do way more.

For the rest of them, protected as they would be by mittens.

Yeah, you guys just don't get it.

Yeah, it's just obviously very stupid.

Okay.

One-fingered gloves are also bought by shipping clerks and bookkeepers and others around markets.

Yeah, because you got to...

Yeah, but again, you cannot pitch me on the great advantage of having one-fingered free when we have five.

Well, maybe you don't want these three fingers to be lonely.

Super weird pitch.

You know what I mean?

I take it back.

I was being stupid.

I said you should go one, two fingers, and two fingers.

I'm assuming your hand is open all the time.

But if your hand is closed all the time, then the one, one, three actually,

you know, if you do finger, if you do finger guns and add it.

It's for points,

it's for pointing.

Finger guns.

Yeah.

Yeah, finger guns.

I don't hate the double.

I still like like this.

Yeah.

I don't think that's as useful as the, yeah, because the finger pointing.

What if you're a guy who does this all the time?

Yeah, that's like literally the target is like the shooter audience.

Unfortunately, the mitten does not provide me my separating point.

And sir, let me show you the glitten.

Now, this is great.

Where more or less of the business must be attended to outdoors, a man can't very well handle a pencil with mittens on his hands, but he can swing

all right with the hand.

You gotta pick a lane.

You gotta pick a lane.

Are you writing or are you, you know what I mean?

You take it off.

It's actually very similar.

You know the glove technology now where they're like, you can use your phone with the glove.

They don't work either.

You know what I mean?

It's gloves.

It's just gloves.

It's just gloves.

Pick a lane.

Yeah, it's gloves.

We don't need to reinvent the glove.

No.

You don't need to revoke the lines.

Trying to like text with a glove on is very maddening now.

They're like,

Yeah, go ahead.

No, no, you go ahead.

I have nothing.

Sorry.

No, I was just going to add, Dave, is this like an ad or is it like an article?

No, this is just a story.

Oh, okay.

It's probably an ad.

No, it's really not.

It's just, it's just a guy.

Because the next story is about a rough rider's bicycle.

A cycle designed to go over rough country has been tried on the horse guards parade.

For the purposes of the trial, the parade was made into rough country with slabs of timber and miniature heaps of brick the machine is said to have cleared these with ease and its writer to have cleared them with comfort if this be so the public will soon be a better customer for the invention

than the war office half success is better in such a contrivance than none at all the cycle is exceptionally sensitive to obstruction and anything that tends to brace its nerves against ordinary difficulties of that sort will be a great boon

Dirt bike.

It was like reading, not many people could read back then, and

they also made the language really tough.

So even if you could read, you couldn't understand what was going on.

I know.

You know,

they put way too many words in constantly.

Too many words.

And it's, yeah, it's very like.

This is how you do this story.

Hey,

they made a bike that can go over a rough road.

It ran over like bricks.

Yeah.

It rides over bricks.

This might have been like the Tesla of the day.

People were like, whoa, this bike can go over rocks.

Because if you tried to take it up a rock, it wouldn't move.

Yeah, but this one could.

Yeah.

I guess.

Was it like a penny-father thing one with the big front and the small bag?

I don't know, but I will say that I do believe the Boer War

was the first time that people used bicycles in the war.

That's hilarious.

Which one?

So that's in the Boer War.

Oh,

okay.

The one we were just talking about.

The bicycle, but that didn't last very long, it seems.

Did it?

The bike in war?

Yeah.

I don't know, but I feel like.

It feels like the tech moved past that.

I mean, imagining people on bikes for war

is good times.

It was a good, like, two months of that tech

before it became.

Well, imagine like trying to bat.

Like, I think that would, like, the horse does all the work for you.

You don't need to like focus on what the horse is.

The bike, I would imagine when there was incoming fire, you would just be like, oh, shit.

Yeah.

It just result in a lot of British people on there like, ew, damn.

Harder to shoot out from under you.

Harder to shoot on the bicycle as well, because you got a bad business.

Yeah, harder to shoot on the bicycle.

Maybe.

I love how, like, you know how, like, 90% of our society and technology is from military.

technology?

It's pretty cool.

Yeah, it would be pretty wild if like bicycles were invented for war.

I didn't even feel like

something like Q would pitch to James Bond.

Like, his next item, James.

It's called a wool box.

Oh, and that's how, like, and that's how, like,

what's it called?

Like, X Games BMX biking was came from that.

From war.

Yeah.

You know, you know, those, what do you call the dressage?

You know, dressage.

Yeah,

Dave is a big dressage guy.

Yeah, the horses.

The little dancing horses.

Yeah, and then someone was asking

what that was.

Like, how does that relate to war?

Because all the Olympic games are like war games, right?

you know like javelin is like you know throwing the spear and then you know and marathon was like scouts scouting and then running back to tell the general the information

yeah so dressage was was it yeah it was it was after you killed someone on your horse you train your horse to stomp on them so they would die oh that's just way fucking darker than what i imagined yeah yeah so dressage was like if you injure your opponent the horse will come and finish the job by like stomping on his head yeah man I get really mixed feelings about that, but I'm pretty much in.

And I think we should bring it back.

Where if you're performing dressage, you should have someone you don't like under your horse.

Yeah.

And if you're in competition, it should be allowed to stomp that.

Well, I'm sure that's what they're visualizing.

The competitors.

They're like, wow.

This guy.

Has a sport ever become less exciting?

from one move?

You take out the horse murdering dressage is like, what are we watching?

Yeah, just horses doing the tango.

Yeah, yeah, that's really

insane.

That's awesome.

This is just a blurb.

Since the dawn of history, those nations which have flourished most have cultivated some form of athletics.

Man, really on this.

But everybody does

all fucking all countries have athletic.

Everybody has that.

There's nobody.

Is it the New York Post?

Why is this so pro sports?

And a man is a man when he's doing it.

Period.

Good.

You guys just love sports.

Yeah.

The next article is about kids using litter bottles.

The cocaine habit is spreading death and desolation throughout this country.

It would seem about time that the lawmaking process, both state and national, should make some move.

to prevent the spread of the nefarious traffic in the drug.

Wow, 1900s?

I thought they were all down with cocaine.

But I think they're now starting to realize, like, hey, man, this is getting kind of weird.

Really?

In the 1900s?

Wow.

I thought that was prime time.

Cocaine was like sugar.

They just

put some Coke in your, you know, whatever.

Doing bumps off of lobsters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought that, man, 1900s,

some guy was like, hey, listen, this is a problem.

Great run, though.

I mean, it really takes so much for us as a society to be like,

everyone's getting a little crazy.

Everyone at 5 a.m.

is like, they're kind of geeking out a little bit.

Like, they're getting annoying.

Like, just in a saloon with some guy, like, dad, I ever also tell you about the time that I drank all that ale out of a barrel, but the guy didn't even know.

Like, yeah, I ever tell you about that time.

You're like, Jesus Christ.

Everything in this saloon's weird.

Where did they?

Did you guys know where they like?

Cocaine wasn't coming from Mexico back then, right?

I think it was.

It was?

Oh, okay.

Okay.

All the way to Northeast.

Wow.

Yeah.

You couldn't get a cook.

Yeah.

You couldn't get it.

Well, because it was a pharmaceutical.

So the pharmaceutical companies would have been the ones buying it and pushing it.

Handing your pharmacist the prescription for cocaine.

So, doctor, listen, on Friday, I have, it's called a party.

Well, yeah,

you want to have a good time?

Yeah.

I'm going to write you eight milligrams.

We're calling this this an eight ball.

Eight milligrams of chach.

And I'm going to Vegas also in the next week.

Here's what I do.

If this chach is too much and they don't have it, get low-grade booger sugars to say.

Do you think those guys who were like, were thinking, hey, we should just produce this in the U.S.

Was there ever U.S.-made cocaine?

I mean, I've had it, and it's pretty much baking soda.

It's like

somehow it doesn't make you chatty, but your dick still shrinks.

You're like, this is all downside?

Wow.

And this guy who was writing about was probably in the minority, right?

He was like, hey, cocaine might be bad for us.

I was like, shut up.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up, Chuck.

Fuck this guy.

What are you doing, Larry?

Or the pharmacist has to explain to you, like, has anyone explained to you how to use cocaine?

All right.

You're going to want to, if you're at a bar, go to the bathroom, put it on the toilet seat.

Can I put some bags?

Sasha bag.

In my gums?

Can I put it in?

Yeah, you want to do it.

It's called a gummer.

That's a good idea.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Can I put some in a cigarette?

Yep.

Yeah.

You can actually snow cap it.

We call it.

Go for it.

Okay.

It's best if you have a looking glass and you put it on your looking glass.

Yeah, that's a perfect thing.

Can I mix it with a downer?

You're going to want to if you want to try to go to bed about five, six in the morning.

You're going to want to take a little Xanax.

Let me write you a little prescription for that.

Hey, how great is our society, by the by?

Yeah.

Now we do this with fentanyl and Oxy.

Anywho,

a citizens of Eldard, Pennsylvania has started and carries on a nitroglycerin and dynamite factory.

Sorry, a citizen S.

So a lady, a citizen S

has started and carries on a nitroglycerin and dynamite factory.

A miss of Rochester owns and operates a butcher shop.

Two women of Passaic, New Jersey have just been arrested for turning an illicit distillery.

And yet, there are some men mean and prejudiced enough to deny the advantages of female higher education.

Wow, what a weird turn of the article.

It became a pro-female education article.

I mean, is he saying that ladies can be a good person?

It's going to go to a recipe at any second.

This guy is pro-suffrage.

He was like, women should be in school.

Look, they made illicit nitroglycerin and explosives.

So clearly they can handle the workload.

Yeah, and they're not doing it without cocaine.

Yeah.

But yeah, that is very, very progressive for 1900 to be like, man, let's educate women.

It was like, I told you we shouldn't have let them wear pants.

Listen to what's happening now.

Now they want schools.

Then they're going to stop fucking us.

It's also amazing that they like in the that they got arrested for it.

Because you figure in the the 1900s, nobody was arresting anyone for anything.

I mean, it's so.

And these dudes were, they got arrested for making explosives.

Like,

that's such a specific.

Yeah.

You know, like, someone had to, like, someone had to

find out, and then they had to alert someone who cared.

Yeah, it had to be.

It has to be egregious for them to be.

Like, even murder, they'd be like, stop doing that.

Yeah.

They were like, either handle it yourself.

So, man, these women, I wonder if it's good for them, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Judas the betrayer, the decoy steer of the Chicago stockyards and his work.

One of the sites of the great cattle yards in Chicago is an old white ox named Judas.

An ox may rise to eminence by his cunning and wisdom, as well as a man, and Judas has risen.

This is such a weird.

This is like a Disney plot.

He came to the yards a good many years ago, and while he was yet a frisky steer, and he was immediately purchased by one of the great packing houses and driven from the train

to a distant yard.

The life of most animals at the cattle yards is very short, a week at most.

A few days after the arrival of Judas, the herd of cattle which occupied the pen with him was selected for killing.

Select it.

Select it.

Congratulations.

Boys, it's time.

How's that a good week?

The way to the packing house led down a long alley, way

an alleyway with high fences on each side, then up a narrow chute and into the building.

And for some reason, the cattle seem to know what is coming, for they always object to being driven up the chute.

Well,

they smell the death.

That would be the thing.

Animals don't run towards death, so that would would be the thing as they're like, it smells like death.

So they had this amazing cunning where they're like, don't go to the bathroom.

You can probably hear the screams in the screams of the other cattle.

That's probably next.

I also,

I know, I don't want to preempt this story.

I don't know how it's going to end.

But like, you know, considering how religious everybody was back then, why would you name something Judas?

Yeah, it's throwing me off a little bit.

Yeah.

I guess there's going to be a betrayal that's coming up.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's got to be.

Judas was no exception.

He plunged madly about among the herd, and the cattlemen had more trouble with him than any other.

And now there's a little illustration of Judas in action, and it's basically just a steer walking down an area near a building.

But you gotta love the illustrations.

I know they were like saying to the artist, Look, we don't have time, but he was supposed to be like really upset.

I don't know what to fucking tell you, dude.

At last, however, he seemed to realize that sooner or later he must must go, and he made a

virtue of a necessity, trotted quietly up the chute, and the other cattle followed after him.

Thus he ran until he had just reached the door of the packing house.

Then he turned and galloped down a side passage and escaped while the other cattle went onward into the building.

So he found a...

Okay, so I just want to say like as a heartwarming story.

I'm not a guy.

Yeah, it is a heartwarming heartwarming story.

I'm not a guy who's a kid.

One cow lived.

But if you're killing cows, would you not have a door for one

to run out?

What do you mean?

Would you not have an escape door?

Oh, obviously.

Yeah, you've got to have it.

Yeah, no, if they want it bad enough.

Well, the escape door is for the breeding.

That's the one you select to breed the next batch because this guy's the strongest.

Yeah, this guy's the smartest and strongest.

Judas had been so very clever that the good-natured-natured cattleman let him go for that day.

Okay, they're killing hundreds of cattle, the good-natured cattlemen.

Yeah, they're what a bunch of sweethearts.

They're being nice.

Yeah, so sweet.

For geniuses to be appreciated in a steer as well as a man.

The next day, however, they drove him up again.

with another herd, and this time he made not the slightest objection, but trotted forward quietly with the other steer.

Horrendous.

This is a confident leader.

They behaved admirably.

Okay.

This is probably going to end like Charlotte's web, I guess.

I mean, honestly, like the fact that there was one feel-good moment and they're like, and the next day, Judas was ground beef.

Okay.

Awesome.

What the fuck?

Just as Judas reached the door of the building, he dodged again so suddenly that the men couldn't turn him and escaped as he had done before while the herd behind him went creating into the killing room.

Jesus Christ.

We know what's happening.

Just

highlight Judas.

Stop telling us that every other one was dead within 30 seconds.

And 80 others went on what they call the shock floor.

This is like the movie

The Killing Field where that lady wakes up in the killing field.

It's something.

But Judas got out again.

Since then, Judas has been a regular employee of the cattle yards.

Every day he's horrible.

We now have him shepherd his friends.

That's why they're calling him Judas.

Every day he leads up a herd of cattle and every day he dodges just at the door of the building.

So he's leading his fellow cows to their death.

Wow.

So Judas is a fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, what a piece of shit.

That's awful.

Jesus Christ.

That's awful when, you know, desperate times, people duel cows.

Yeah, that is.

We've heard of this, but we don't even need to cite the nightmarish people who take that role.

But Jesus Christ.

He is safe.

It's fine.

He is sick.

I I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?

Trust me.

It's awesome.

He has saved the cattlemen no end of trouble and delay with a riotous herd since he began his service.

He has grown fat and sleek on the good living in the yard.

Judas, so Judas, the cow, is now like eight cow sizes.

And they're like, Judas, what's going on?

He's like,

hey, fellas,

let me show you the paradise.

Just follow me over this way through this alleyway and ignore the blood and the screams

why are all these

it's just it's just screams of joy

follow me a little further oh you're gonna love what's beyond these doors it's blood of blood of joy too

oh you're so excited you're gonna squirt some out of you

you boys are about to have the time of your life no man

just like gets handfuls of more grass like

So highly are his services regarded that the cattlemen provide him with a white blanket on cold days to keep him comfortable.

This is fucking insane.

I'm sorry, boys.

It's time to put on my smock.

I mean, he's like Cruella Deville.

He's like, I have a coat of Dalmatian.

Judas, what's going on?

Don't worry about it.

He's got like chilling rings.

Is that your chillo coat?

The pimp cane?

Follow me, fellas.

Let me show you how to dig this cool cats.

Judas, what's going on with you?

Judas took a human wife.

Oh, you fucker.

You got blood on my chinchilla coat.

You're going to be murdered extra.

I mean, you're going to go extra paradise today.

By the way, I've introduced y'all to Shelly.

We're engaged.

And thus he is living to a green old age, but he bears the disrespectful name of Judas, the betrayer.

Wow.

I see.

He was named after the fact.

I thought, I was like, why would you call this cow before?

Yeah.

That's a real nature nurture if you name him Judas.

Yeah, I guess.

Become a real betrayer.

That is fucking nuts.

This is this is a little section called

News and Notes for Women.

It's going to be awesome.

Keep those legs together, girls.

No one wants to sniff the clam.

God did it.

What?

It's 1900.

New jewel boxes.

Treasure boxes.

Blinking is a huge turn off.

Treasure boxes, for the odds and ends that get lost so easily if scattered about the dressing table are circular in form, of substantial Russian leather and fitted with a glass-topped cover.

Though this circle of glass, one can see what is in the box without unscrewing the lid, which is an advantage for the time-pressed modern butterfly.

That's good news.

This was for women.

I guess that was the like the page that the husband would be like, You can read this.

Yes,

here's your section.

Read about yourself.

Here you go, Gladys.

Now, shut up for eight minutes and read that, would you?

There's some shit in this about your knick-knack box.

Yeah, good news.

Now you can finally see through it without unscrewing it, you idiot.

One woman's pleasant occupation.

Raising mockingbirds is furnishing a southern girl with an interesting occupation and good income.

Her brothers catch the young birds in the nest before they learn to fly and convey them to the cages where, as they grow, they are taught nearly everything in the way of a song or whistle that a mockingbird can acquire.

And that is a great deal.

Let me just say not for the mockingbird that well the mockingbird is the worst bird there's no worst bird on earth the mockingbird is a hellish nightmare

they never shut the fuck up they are just constantly screaming other bird noises they're a terrible bird and they they should all be caged like this they're

the ones that featured in that looney tunes cartoon where those two black birds were being total dicks i think they're crows i've

seen it.

I think they're crows.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

No,

the mockingbird literally.

I forgot about those.

The mocking bird literally is a mocking bird.

It just hears another bird and then does their sound.

That's awesome.

But the problem is a lot of times they like to do it in the middle of the night because that's when they do their mating shit.

And they wake you up.

Eddie Murphy of birds.

Yeah.

They can do anyone.

If they listen to it for five minutes, they can do anyone.

They mimic it.

Yeah.

I love it.

In the middle of the night to do another bird's mating call to try to fuck other birds.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

Is that why they're doing it?

That's so great.

Fuck the fuck boy of birds.

Yeah, the fucking bird.

That would be so awesome.

Yeah, just like a woman's like, oh shit, I think there's a cardinal up there.

Hey, it's like catfishing.

It's OG catfishing of birds.

You're not a cardinal.

I'm not, but I'm really not a fuck.

How are you?

Oh, no,

they could just keep it on.

It'd be like,

I am a cardinal.

What a cardinal.

That's why they do it at night.

Yeah.

Come out of the shadows.

I shouldn't.

Now lift up your feathers or whatever, however we do this.

However we do this.

Show hole.

After a course of instruction, the birds are rented for $50 a season to...

the visitors who winter at the hotels and cottages.

The birds furnish pleasant entertainment for invalids who spend a large part of their time indoors and will pay a price for the companionship of these faithful creatures.

That is wild.

Wow, they were like the first like Spotify or something.

Yeah, that's

seriously.

And 50 bucks was a lot of money, man.

Yeah, yeah.

In 19, it's a lot of money now.

In the 1900s, 50 bucks was like, you could buy a house or something.

Yeah.

Invalid.

Ah, shit.

We want to do one more real quick, Dave.

One last one, yeah.

Okay.

A new veil.

This is also in the ladies' section.

A new veil recommended especially for driving has a transparent eye shield underneath, which is silent.

The sheets?

What innovation is it to have a veil you can see?

Good news, ladies.

You've all been whining about how important vision was while operating a motor vehicle.

Well, those days are over.

Yeah, the seeing is believing.

Yeah, a transparent eye shield underneath, which it is said to protect the eyes from the dust,

it has becoming qualities too, without which a a veil must not seek favor no matter how useful it may be as a screen so it it

it's amazing that it's for dust that's like the saddest it's just so weird what about goggles people like goggles yeah dry hey girls how about some driving goggles

a veil yeah

but why but so men are just driving around without

the dust really throws me for a loop in this dude your face is getting dusty yeah.

Sure, but like, I mean, these, these want, they want driving Ferraris, you know?

Yeah, that's that is very true.

Like, what?

Well, I mean, you're talking about dirt roads, so I just think there's dust everywhere.

I mean, but there was dust everywhere outside the roads, too, you know?

Yeah,

it would be worse walking while cars are.

Yeah, no, that's true.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's just, and our solution is veil only the women.

Yeah.

Here you go, girls.

Cover those stupid eyes.

When I think 1900s, I do think Dusty, though.

I do too.

Yeah.

No, I remember one thing I remember about, like, I don't even know.

I don't remember what year the Dust Bowl was, but the one thing that always sticks with me is that if you had any plates or anything, everything had to be turned upside down before you used it.

And I'm like, I just can't wait to get back to it.

Yeah, we're coming back.

There was a big dust storm in Dallas last week.

It's going to be fucking exciting.

there we go perfect ending uh ronnie thank you for joining us um how far learned so much and i learned so much thanks so much for having me on i love these uh i think you guys uh really educating everyone on how much it sucked to live in the world in the past times well we're that's if we were to cut a promo that would 100 end up in it yeah it's like

that's like when they say the name of the movie in the movie it's just like, I don't know, I just have a beautiful mind.

Well, thanks so much, Ronnie.

Appreciate you.

No, I love you guys.

Thanks so much.

Go fuck yourself.

Oh.

Some of these days,

you'll miss me, Ronnie.

Some of these days.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gear Force.

Come on, go to Garethrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7:15 and a 9:30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th, Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st.

Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd.

Two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeathers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Join me.

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