700 - Bill Clinton - Part One

Hey,

the dollop is brought to you by mood.

Not just like moods, because

they don't moods don't have sponsors.

No, we're talking about mood.

Correct.

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

You know, you got sleepless nights, you can't sleep a little bit.

You got stress-filled days, you're a little bit freaking out on edge.

How about a little mood, Gareth?

Take it, enjoy it mood mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100 federally legal thc blends they'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep that's discreetly oh yeah you don't even know this person's been there no no one walks up and screams there's stuff in here

it's like santa That's right.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Yeah, they got gummies.

They got everything.

It's the stuff.

It's the gummy.

It's the way to go.

Big fan.

Big fan.

Totally.

You got sleepy time gummies that'll put you in.

Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Yeah.

I can.

Yeah.

Many people struggle with sleep.

Get a sleepy time gummy.

What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

people shoot

with herbs and adaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Special stuff.

And they have gummies for literally everything.

Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Oh, boy.

But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

And each one

is tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code DOLUP.

Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies, and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use promo code DOLUP.

at checkout to save 20% on your first order.

From Australia to San Francisco, Cullen Jewelry brings timeless craftsmanship and modern lab-grown diamond engagement rings to the U.S.

Explore Solitaire, trilogy, halo, and bezel settings, or design a custom ring that tells your love story.

With expert guidance, a lifetime warranty, and a talented team of in-house jewelers behind every piece, your perfect ring is made with meaning.

Visit our new Union Street showroom or explore the range at cullenjewelry.com.

Your ring, your way.

Coming to you live from the All Things Comedy Studio with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds.

The dollop, dollop, dollop podcast.

Yeah, it's a lot better than what we do.

Way better.

You're listening to the dollops.

There's your Clinton.

All Things Comedy Network, American History Podcast.

Each week I read a story from American History.

Have a little fucking.

His is better.

Still,

you know, 700.

Wow, this is the 700th episode, everybody.

We're celebrating.

Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about, and our guest for all three episodes,

the great James Adomian.

Thank you.

It's an honor to be inducted into the 700 Club.

Finally.

Yeah, welcome.

That's right.

It's a 700 Club.

Basta.

It's exciting.

That's where he is now.

Where?

That's the 700 Club, Correct.

Pat Robertson?

Who knows, Pat Robertson?

Pat Robertson.

No, I'm thinking of the other guy.

I'm thinking of Jim Baker who does Basta.

Oh.

You know what Bosta?

Basta is.

They sell these.

Oh, yeah, you showed me that stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Emergency goo.

Yeah, it's like a bucket of emergency stuff.

Gays or blacks or whatever.

Basta!

Basta's also stop in Italian.

Vic Berger was very obsessed with that for a while.

Seems just perfect.

Now I find most of my information.

A Vic Berger edit.

Shit, one of my neighbors, all of his cars licensed by his boss.

Is that weird?

Yes.

Yes.

What?

Oh, shit.

You need validation on that from us based on that?

I had no idea what it meant until just now.

It's very bad.

Oh, shit.

Well, let's play the theme song.

Oh, I made a new theme song.

Oh, fuck.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

It's a big spice in me.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor!

Hang isn't me!

Hello!

Hello Governor!

Hello Governor!

I like a Swash in Meet Ball!

Hello Governor!

Hello Governor!

Hello Governor!

Hello Governor!

Hello Governor!

That's right, but longer than that.

Footy good right?

Someone

read it.

It's really bad.

Holy shit.

Wow.

What a terrible start.

It's called, well, you'll figure out how to do impressions sometimes, but that's Margaret Thatcher.

Jesus Christ.

It is pretty good.

We should just dive into it.

Too bad.

Too bad.

She's in hell where she belongs.

Do we need these if we're not going to listen to anything else?

Well, I wish I hadn't had them for that.

Yeah.

To be honest with you.

The only reason I put them on was for that.

Cands off.

Oh, there's no other audio?

Yeah, that was it.

That's it.

I didn't have time to get together any audio.

Waste of cans off.

Also, like, you know, who would have to?

Well, it's great to blow that surprise for the people that were only watching for audio.

Yeah, for pre-recorded audio.

I did have a little, some sound bites of Monica orgasming, but

because he recorded it.

That sounds like something you would hear back in the day on like Tom Lykis.

Um, Tom, can you take me out Monica Lewinsky's style?

You got it,

you got it, dude.

1-800-5-800 tough.

Last Friday, or whatever it was called.

Jesus Christ.

All right, well, let's just get going because it's going to be a long day.

I know some people need to sleep.

Okay.

August 19th, 1946.

William Jefferson Blythe III.

What?

Yeah.

Wow.

Didn't know that.

Yeah.

Already.

Known as Billy.

Was born in Hope, Arkansas.

Okay.

His mom, Virginia, was a 23-year-old nurse.

His dad died in a car accident three months before he was born.

Oh, wow.

There's conspiracy theories

that I was behind that.

Anyone who is a witness to that will end up dead on a train track.

I did not.

We know that Hillary is behind his death.

Hillary killed Bill's dad three months before he was born.

In utero.

In utero.

The Clinton death machine was working.

So

Bill's mom and dad met when his dad brought his girlfriend to the hospital his mom was working at, and then he immediately dumped his girlfriend and got together.

So no need for any sort of DNA test.

We know it's like his dad.

Well,

so he was conceived in a uh in an uh an affair in the

in the fraternity ward basically it began

here

well uh so they got together and got married pretty quickly but he was already married oh shit so he had a girlfriend

and then he met a mistress mistress yeah

he routinely impregnated married and abandoned women wow wow i mean that's cool sure yeah he's like pollinator Virginia was his fourth or fifth wife.

We're not sure.

Wow.

What's the dad's name?

The dad's name,

the new,

the guy who died is Jefferson, William Jefferson Blyth II.

Okay.

Yeah.

So Billy and his mom moved in with her parents, Edith and Eldridge.

And at one point she left Billy with them and went to New Orleans to study to become a nurse anesthesiast.

Okay.

And then she met a guy named Roger Clinton.

Oh,

wait.

I'm confused.

I know you are.

But it's early for you to be confused, but also, I know.

Okay.

Well, your attitudes.

What?

What are you confused about?

His mom.

He had the basic.

He's with his mom's parents.

Yeah.

And then she goes to New Orleans

and meets Roger Clinton.

Yeah.

So

his dad was Blythe, Mr.

William Blythe.

I forgot

that's correct.

William Blythe.

Okay, gotcha.

Not the

gotcha, got you.

That's

of the Arkansas blocks.

So his whole life,

he had the Obi-Wan Kenobi of his father over his shoulder.

Get in there, Tom.

Come harder, boy.

Billy, there's a hole you're going to want to get there.

Phil.

Phil.

Use your force.

Outside of consent rules.

Use your force.

You mean use the force?

No.

So she meets Roger.

Roger's a flashy car salesman who also sold bootleg whiskey and gambled.

Nice.

He's a catch.

Yeah.

I'm a fantastic stepdad.

This is perfect.

Already the elements are perfect for that.

He's also married.

Okay.

So

this is in New Orleans, Texas?

I forgot.

New Orleans.

Yeah.

But then they go back to Arkansas.

Well, okay, so he is also married.

He is accused of domestic abuse with his wife.

Virginia marries him.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, he's awesome.

And then they move into a small house in Arkansas, and Billy calls him daddy.

As you would, because he's a baby.

Yeah.

Sure.

I like my new dad.

But Roger doesn't really care about Billy.

Sure.

he's just no time for him.

Sure.

So, Roger was a drunk and he was violent.

Uh, is it weird?

I already feel bad for Bill Clinton.

That'll change.

I mean, he's like one.

Everyone's dying, abusive, drunk.

Yeah, it's not a good start.

My father, one time, when he was caught cheating on my mom, to distract from that scandal, ordered an airstrike on the Sudan.

I learned some terrible, beautiful techniques from my stepfather.

So

Roger was a drunk.

He was violent.

Once he shot at Virginia and five-year-old Billy.

God damn it.

Why do you keep him in line?

That should be from the 1800s, not the 1900s.

When it was legal.

He shot at the five-year-old.

So Billy was chubby.

His grandma liked to feed him a lot.

He blamed her for it.

Well, he probably ate his feelings.

Everyone he loves is dead.

Yeah.

Billy, you want some more corn sauce?

Come on over here, Billy.

We got plenty of cheese.

You haven't had enough mountain dew today, have you?

He was teased by classmates.

Once

they chanted sissy as he cried after breaking his neck.

Oh, fuck.

So Arkansas's hard.

It's a hard place, is what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Wow.

There's other paths to redeem the Arkansas in you, though.

Yeah, that's true.

You don't have to go down the Clinton path.

You don't know where this goes.

I think it's going to be all right.

I'll balance the budget.

So the family moves to Hot Springs after Roger bankrupted his car dealership.

Fuck me.

And Virginia and Roger would fight constantly, and they're always accusing each other of cheating.

And it sounds like they both were.

Sure.

They had a second kid.

If they were living through this now, they would have constantly microphone packs on the back of their pants falling off as they fought each other.

Yeah, that's right.

Fuck you.

Yeah.

The learning channel.

Let me show you how I make macaroni cheese with beef and pork and chicken.

I'm going to shoot my son.

So there's another kid.

Yeah.

This is a Roger.

They have a second kid.

Yeah.

Right?

And, yeah.

So Billy's very smart.

At eight years old, he starts dressing in a suit to walk alone to the Baptist church.

Yeah, super smart.

I'm not scarred.

I'm not scarred.

I'm fine.

That's what we call growing up in an alcoholic home.

Wow.

Is that what you did?

I'm off to church.

No, there's one of two ways you go.

I went the other way.

He was popular in his new elementary school.

A schoolmate said, Billy, quote, just took over the school.

He didn't mean to, but he just took the place over.

That's weird.

This should not seem like a positive.

It's very authoritarian.

Yeah, right.

It's not great.

The kid in the suit is taking over the school, and you're like, this is awesome.

This kid kicks ass.

Plus, he laid one on the teacher.

We have suffered under 12 months of the student jurisdiction of

Kimberly.

Bill, sit down.

Now, hold on.

Kimberly Jenkins must go.

He was the smartest kid in class.

Sure.

Well, this was Arkansas.

I'm sure.

Big Charles Portis fan, but that's my favorite thing that came out of Arkansas.

The humor author.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing else?

I don't know much else.

Billy Wayne Davis is from close to there.

Jesus Christ.

He's from Memphis.

He's from State nearby.

Yeah, I don't know if he's not a human.

He's from Tennessee.

Yeah, but what's the difference?

Sure.

So Rogers boozing

makes Billy,

he tries to become someone his mom can be proud of and not have to worry about because there's so much chaos going on, right?

So he's going to be the straight and narrow kid.

They divorce, but Billy spends all the time after the divorce pleading with his mom not to get back together with him, and she does within six months.

Please.

We're better off.

Now, to protect his little brother, Billy changes his last name to Clinton.

That'll help.

That'll help

so they don't look like a certain issue.

It's a marketing issue.

Yeah.

We're the Clintons.

Marketing.

There's a marketing problem.

There is a third way.

There's another way.

There is another way.

Path of moderation.

We will take on the name of the right-wing patriarch.

Figured out a way out of this.

Pretend to be for the people.

I'm also a Clinton.

I know we all feel better.

But I'm going to act just like like Roger.

Billy was.

Billy was junior class president and picked for the American Legion program that sends him to D.C.

And there he gets to shake JFK's hand and that's the thing.

That's a famous picture.

Sets him off to want to be a politician.

Because JFK was like, you can get so much tang, son.

How much puss are you getting?

That was the question.

I recommend that you follow my personal failures as an example and abandon entirely my progressive

positions that are the good part of

my personality.

That sounds fantastic.

Do as I fuck, not as I campaign.

Mr.

Kennedy.

Mr.

Kennedy.

President Kennedy.

Those are nine-year-olds, President Kennedy.

No, I'm good.

I'm advanced.

I'm the smartest kid in my class.

No, let him finish.

The president told me to do as I fuck.

Mommy.

The two of them hanging out later having scotch.

You are an unbelievable child.

I love you so much.

So he got really high grades without really even studying.

He was just really smart.

He was also one of the best young saxophone players in the state.

And he decided to go for a career in law.

So he goes to Georgetown School of Foreign Service.

He brought with him a book called What Presbyterians Believe.

As most kids will do getting out of high school, you just pack that bad boy around.

And

he would reference it in debates about original sin in the dorm.

And nowhere does it say he was beaten up, but he should have been beaten up.

Well,

this guy is not someone you want in the dorm.

At this age of development development in my life,

I am a nerd about Calvinist theology.

And I do believe in original sin, but I take a little left turn from that.

Since we have original sin, we might as well jump in with both feet.

Let's go.

Balls deep.

New spin-off.

Yeah.

With the balls deep set.

So for speeches,

when

he was running for freshman class president, and for speeches, speeches he brought his own cheer squad of musicians

remember how much you love me he won yeah it's like a young it was like the muppet babies there was like a young james carville

it's the economy stupid

So he's well liked,

but also some people just tolerate him because he's like super.

fucking nerd he's always in a good mood he's super positive and it drives people crazy right

uh he was already acting like a smooth politician he was competitive when meeting people he'd sometimes i met her first i shook his hand best when he meet people he'd sometimes ask what their gpa was gpa

wow how forward

He got a girlfriend, Denise.

And then during the summer at home, he convinced a girl who lived nearby who had a crush on him to practice her wife skills by being hostess and paying for a party he threw.

Wow.

It's very...

Why don't you practice your wife skills?

Okay, what would you like to do?

We're off for the summer.

Well, you got to host things.

Okay, well, sure.

You got to make sure that we have

a party where we look like dignified members of the community.

Absolutely.

And you got to have a bedroom door that's slightly ajar on the second floor after half the guests have left, and then we don't talk about what happens in that room.

And I'm in there

and you pay for it all.

He was elected sophomore class president.

And that summer in Hot Springs, he joined the campaign of Democrat Frank Holt, who was running for governor.

And then

he got Bill a part-time job in Arkansas Senator James Fulbright's D.C.

office.

Fulbright's like a big

influence on JFK's foreign policy.

Although Fulbright is very against the Vietnam War

at this point, which JFK started.

Right.

So Bill becomes anti-war also.

And he had a two-year student deferment from the draft.

And then after that, he'd be draft eligible.

So he had 18-hour school and workdays with the job and the school.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

Well, he's running away from his childhood.

But he still made the Dean's List junior year.

So he's fucking smart.

Yeah.

He's a smart guy.

Yeah, he's crushing.

He's still wearing the same suit from when he was eight years old.

Just kind of like

plumping out of it.

It's like shorts now.

Amangus Young.

He ran for student council president, but some thought he was a bit too slick.

And his campaign manager tore the opponent's posters down and threw them onto the parkway.

Okay.

So he lost.

Bill Clinton lost.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, for cheating in the election and throwing the posters away?

I'm not sure if he lost because people found him a little bit too slick and annoying or for throwing the posters away.

But either way,

people didn't vote for him.

We have a four-year journey here.

I'm not even old enough to drink alcohol, but I already have the manipulative thumbs up in everything I say.

He focused on getting a Rhodes Scholarship, which sends 32 postgraduate U.S.

students to Oxford.

And then Roger got cancer.

And Bill would go back and visit him a lot.

And then he died just before Bill became a Rhodes scholar, which upset Bill.

So he missed that.

Yeah.

Bill chased women, if you can believe it.

Oh, yeah.

He loved women, and women loved him.

So LBJ abolishes draft deferments.

Low blowjobs.

LBJ

abolished draft deferments for grad students.

Is that when you come up from the bottom?

What?

A low blowjob?

Love blowjobs.

Oh, I thought he said low blowjobs.

No.

There is a path for that as well.

Now we got we got we gotta cover up some of the things we've done here

We got we got we got we just killed a president barely got away with it.

We need to stop these draft affirmers to look like a good guy

Yeah, well he does he stops for grad students.

They don't have draft affirmants anymore.

So Bill's eligible He graduates at 21.

He works on Fulbright's Fulbright's re-election campaign in the summer.

He's a terrible driver, apparently.

Bill Clinton is a terrible driver?

Well, he talks too much when they're in the car together.

He fucked up the AC and the whole car flooded, the floor flooded.

It's impossible.

I don't know how he did it.

Was he a cartoon?

And then he drove up.

Dill Griffith.

You broke the seat.

You broke the goddamn seat.

No, I didn't.

My jacket's caught.

And then he drove 100 miles in the wrong direction.

Wow.

Which is far in Arkansas.

Sure.

Well, he doesn't seem to know roads for a scholar.

So Fulbright just ends up driving himself.

Okay.

Wow.

He was trying to turn left, and I kept saying we need to turn right.

They're going to the hard left to ruin this.

Stay center.

Bill dated multiple women, including the girl who footed the bill for the party.

Denise.

No, Denise was a girlfriend that's gone now.

Yeah, Denise got out.

Yeah, Denise.

Her life, I would love to know about her life.

She's like, it's pretty good.

Yeah.

She's way better.

She thought the girl thought they were a couple until she saw Bill making out with another girl.

Is that wrong?

It happens.

Bill told her he wanted to marry a woman who was, quote, very independent.

She's going to work outside of the house.

She needs to have her own interests and her own life and not be wrapped up in my life.

Yeah, on an island, in a way.

So, in a way, I taught you to do the wife stuff so that I could then dump you like

a good wife gets dumped.

Now I know what I don't want.

His

stepfather's brother, so Roger's brother,

pulls some strings with a draft board chairman and said, quote, put Bill Clinton's draft notice in a drawer someplace and leave it for a while.

Give the boy a chance.

Wow, that's great.

Yeah, it's true.

Give that boy, give a boy a chance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The rest of them, fuck him.

So off to Oxford he goes.

A student said Bill, quote, had a way of making you feel you were the most important friend in his life.

So sociopath.

You are awesome.

Bill looked up every Arkansas,

every Arkansas, is that Arkansan?

Arkansan.

Arkansan?

I'm not sure.

Every Arkansan studying in Britain.

And

he would call them on the phone.

Who are you?

I'm from Arkansas, too.

And sometimes he'd invite himself over.

I'll come over tonight.

That'd be like four.

Wow.

How many people from Arkansas in this town?

Rhodes Colin?

Few.

In England.

Very few.

My name is Harry Dean Bean.

I'm down here researching Chaucer.

Just as the English are around.

My God.

What?

Awful.

That's like our Birmingham.

I say, these are Kansans.

They're infesting the area.

One of them ate a dog the other day.

So he partied.

He was a partier there.

Bill later said at this time, this is when he smoked weed but never inhaled.

Ugh.

The most centrist bullshit

bullshit thing anyone.

The weakest way to say you smoked weed.

Yeah, you okay.

But he got a friend to say,

We spent enormous time trying to teach him to inhale, and he absolutely could not.

So it is legitimate.

No, this guy's just backing it up as bullshit crazy

over and over.

He called the friend.

He's like, Could you say something really dumb?

Only women can swallow.

The guy that made that statement was, oops, somehow came into a mansion in the Hampton.

Now I'm an arms dealer.

So

on May 1st, 1969, he got a draft notice.

Uh-oh.

So the semester had just started, so he could finish out the semester, but then he has to go in.

So he's trying to figure out how to get out of it, and one way he can get out of it is to go into an ROTC program.

Okay.

So he figures he'll go to a University of Arkansas and sign up for the ROTC,

which would keep him out of the war.

But ROTC, because of that, ROTC programs are awful.

Everybody wants an ROTC program.

And you got to, you know, you call someone to get in, right?

Like, it's not just like, you can't just show up now and say, I want to join the ROTC.

So Fulbright's office helps him get into the University of Arkansas law firm, a law firm,

law school.

And then

someone else in an office, or maybe Four Bright himself, pressured the ROTC until they gave Bill a spot because it was full.

So

there was a multi-year conspiracy to keep him out of the military.

That's right.

It was just definitely not laying a great foundation for this guy to do things on the straight and narrow.

So

the idea then was you would do ROTC for two years, but then you'd have to go into the war, but then you could go in as an officer.

Okay.

So you're not going to be in the war.

Well, at least then you're telling people that they need to die.

And then after all that, he goes back to Oxford.

Huh.

He's like, I'll start ROT next summer.

I remembered, oops, I had a girl that was still locked up in a closet.

You have to just go back she can't finger herself oh well she can bill well

no not look

um yeah so he goes back now so they pull all those strings and he's like fuck that i'll just go back right

so while he's there he gets into the protest movement um

and he's like he organizes he's like

really protesting

uh but he's protesting vietnam yeah because he doesn't want to go but his war is bullshit his chances of getting drafted

go way down

because, again, they make more changes with grad students and then there's troops being withdrawn.

So he kind of puts the math together like my chances of going are because by this time Nixon's president.

And it's going well.

Yeah.

69, so it's

things are going well.

69 was a very lucky year for me.

Some people say I'm always living in 69.

Last year I came up with a low blow job.

Look,

if you're practicing 69, it's important to remember you're not locked into any kind of reciprocation.

You're okay to just be down there making coffee.

You can look

and not inhale.

So

he

gave up the ROTC spot officially.

He's like, I'm not doing that because he knows.

He's like,

they're not going to pick me.

So a biographer said, quote, Bill played the draft like a chess player and withdrew his deferment only when he thought it was safe to do so.

And the colonel, who had gone out of his way and given in and let him into ROCT, thought Bill tricked him into getting out of the draft.

We kind of did, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's like, this guy.

And this was Colonel Sanders, right?

Yes.

Yeah.

There's 11 herbs and spices, and he went outside of that recipe and cooked him up a devil's dish.

So he applies to Yale Law School.

At this point, fully bearded, long hair, dressing like a lumberjack, you know, type guy.

He doesn't study much, mostly just, quote, reading and tooling the sacks and talking politics with buddies.

He loves getting the sex tooled.

I like to prop up on the steps outside of skull and bones and just, you know, toot off a few notes.

I'm like you.

So classes are pass-fail.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah.

A biographer quote, the prevailing sentiment at Yale law was that you truly had to put your mind to it to flunk out.

He missed most classes his first semester because he worked on a campaign, but he still passed because of his amazing memory.

Right.

So Bill was into a woman on campus, and he would wander behind her as she walked to class.

Which is cool.

Which is, I think,

that has gone out of style for a little while now, The Trail.

But The Trail is a great play.

Women love fear.

Yep.

The corner.

We also love a corner.

Yeah.

Unless you find a woman who

has no sense of fear, and then that one's like, hi.

That's a turn off.

So she finally got annoyed by the following, and she

walked him up at the library and said, quote, look, if you're going to keep staring at me

and I'm going to keep staring back, we should at least introduce ourselves.

I'm Hillary Rodham.

Our hero enters the picture.

Wow.

What a crazy, what a crazy start to a love story to be like, he was following.

My stalker and I need to know who each other are.

I don't have a flight response.

A friend, quote, Clinton had the charm and the sex appeal, whereas Hillary

didn't

so much.

Hillary was straightforward, articulate, and self-possessed.

I just, I saw, I, you know, Elton John said, you see your future in the water.

It reminded me a lot of that.

I saw her and I said, this is a woman who I can be with and cheat on for the rest of my life.

What a lesbian.

What a 100% lesbian.

She was raised by staunch Republicans,

but now is anti-war, and she was co-publishing a liberal answer to the prestigious and conservative Yale Law Journal.

This is hot stage.

She had been...

A response to it.

She had been like a Goldwater girl, right?

Yeah.

In 64.

Yeah.

As a teenager, I I guess.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I think now she's, you know, anti-war.

But yeah, I think at the beginning of college, she was

a Republican Goldwater girl.

And Goldwater was a fucking monster.

Was a great guy.

So, oh, right.

Good guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Super

progressive.

A lot of people talk about the horseshoe theory and the red-brown horseshoe.

There's also other paths.

There's deep red to

lukewarm.

That's where that's the path I think.

So

he spent hours, sorry, she spent hours advocating for children's rights and providing legal aid to the poor,

which is an assignment she's going to go into politics too.

I would think that's a good thing.

Sure, sure, right, yeah.

A little bit more time.

Yeah, that's good.

They moved in together.

In the summer of 72, Bill worked on George McGovern's presidential campaign in Texas.

He was a state coordinator, and Hillary got a job in Texas with the DNC.

It's great.

Wow.

Just been changing things so positively since 72.

They would argue constantly, and they nearly broke up, at one point even seeing other people.

Well, to be fair, that was

still the arrangement.

I didn't understand.

You mean we're only doing that when we're apart?

I didn't understand.

But they always worked it out.

They'd always get through it.

Now, Bill graduates with a law degree at 27 years old.

And he goes back to Arkansas.

And the law school of the University of Arkansas hires him as a professor.

They're a little worried he might leave and start trying to run for office, but they're like.

Sure.

You know, he's a smarty pants.

Sure.

He looks more like a student with long hair.

That's going to come in pretty handy when walking campus.

I think we could do some private tutoring.

I'm also a student.

This is the key.

He hung out in the student lounge.

Hey, how great is this?

Just a bunch of kids going to college.

Nothing predatory here.

I look cool.

You don't need to worry about my status as someone with power over your dreams.

I'm just like.

Just hanging out.

I'm not fucking every girl here at all.

That's fine.

Yeah, there's only one reason this professor hangs out in this city.

Super weird.

Yeah.

There was a

I saw this clip of Friends the other day where Ross, like,

he's like hooking up with a student as a college professor.

It's so funny that, like, when that show is on, you're like, that's hilarious.

Who wouldn't?

What the fuck?

I think that's why a lot of guys become professors.

Damn right.

Professors, other professors didn't like his style or his grading system.

You get an A if you fuck me.

It was really easy.

His final exam is

we put down a game on the floor.

Women only.

Women only have to take the final.

It's called Twister.

It's called Keester.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Looks like you passed.

It's called Keester, but it's a Twister with your ass.

Whoops, I'm in you.

He was at times so unprepared that he wrote the next exam question as students were answering the previous one.

How is that even possible?

You can do it if you're super smart.

Okay.

And lazy.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, that sounds like my career.

Make it up on the spot.

So he is very popular.

So his family was

very much not racist for all that chaos that they had.

Sure.

Not racist, like super like

segregation.

segregation is bullshit like treat everybody the same like right so that's like the one redeeming thing about his family sure um so he's very popular with black students who nicknamed him wonderboy

strange it seems

a former student quote in the south at that time whites would say one thing but their deeds and words were often different at that time that one time one time yeah thank god the whites have changed that a lot that's good so they used to be misleading

So here comes a person where no matter what your relationship with him was, he was not prejudiced.

He did not let your race treat you different from anyone else.

I'll fuck black,

Asian,

you name it.

I'm happy to bring everybody in.

I'm trying to manipulate things on a much higher, longer scale.

There's a big tent when it comes to manipulation.

I got a big tent we need to take care of.

All right.

Fellas, get out.

He's not let your race treat you different from anyone else.

That's why we call them Wonder Boy.

It was a miracle the way he was.

It's so funny to think of.

It just, but it just, to me, after having done this, I just think like, yeah, because he was trying to fuck everybody.

Yeah, he was probably, I mean, he must have just been severely damaged, obviously, from the beginning.

He's just learning now how to do it.

Like, I think he's our horniest president.

even what was the guy well there's jfk i think jfk and hoover but the difference between i think jfk no hoover was a horny boy oh hoover was a horny boy yeah yeah yeah

he was like i know there's a depression but uh isn't he more important things to handle here i feel like he's the one who was who banged his

his like assistant when she was like in a closet in

off the main room while his wife was in the house no wait wasn't that the one we did?

Wasn't that Hoover?

No, that was, I can't remember which one it was, but Harding?

Yeah, it was Harding.

Maybe I'm thinking of Harding.

It might have been Harding that I'm thinking of.

The return to normalcy.

Yeah, yeah, I think you're right.

I think it is Harding.

And it was Harding was the horny.

He was a venous all the time.

Yeah, Harding was a horny, horny boy.

But the difference is,

I think

they would fuck a lot, whereas Bill was always trying to fuck, no matter where he was and whatever he he was doing.

I think he was always.

He liked the chase.

Every single, I think every moment in his life, he was like, how do we get in bed with that one?

How do I get in bed with that one?

That's how it seems.

Maritime Law.

I know two women he met, and he shakes your,

shake my hand.

This is what he does.

He comes in, and then he puts his hand up to the elbow and slides his other hand down the.

That's like some weird

game stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, Yeah, it's very like, if you saw him shake your wife's hand, you'd be like, all right, look, I've never seen someone rape a hand.

That's not pretty fucking close, my guy.

What are you doing right there?

No elbow tugs.

Just later.

I love to stroke

the arm of a possible wife or career lady.

I've got things you can stroke in return as well.

All right, Mr.

Clinton.

Right this way.

I'm just saying.

Okay, so.

I'll never get over what just happened on my arm from you.

Yeah, me neither.

So he tutored and he helped black students who felt like they were being graded unfairly by other professors.

So then he decides to run for the house.

And he hits the road, shaking hands.

He's an amazing campaigner.

Takes forever because he's stroking elbows.

Yeah, he's always stroking the elbow.

But everyone who's with him, he makes them feel like they're the only person on earth, right?

He's just got this thing.

Yeah.

He's winning over voters a a lot.

Hillary goes to DC and she's working on the Watergate impeachment staff.

She is also talking constantly about Bill.

And Bill's campaign staff knows he has girlfriends around the campaign trail.

So this,

this is the plan.

This is it.

We're in.

We're in.

The plane is taken off.

Yeah.

He was reportedly having sex with a volunteer on the campaign.

I'm sure it was a lot more than one.

A lot of this didn't make it in the news because these are

dog bites man stories.

Course, yeah, a volunteer,

a random girl that knocked on a door.

Somebody that lived upstairs or downstairs.

Somebody had no connection to it all.

Yeah, I was fucking all of them.

So, Hillary sends her dad and brother to volunteer on the campaign to watch Bill.

Wow.

And

they were going to sit in a chair across the hotel room, watch Bill.

That's nice.

These are the classes.

I don't mind it.

You can watch.

There you go.

No noises.

This is great.

So that doesn't work.

So Hillary threatens, she calls him up and she threatens she's going to fuck someone in DC.

And then Bill cries and begs her.

I have no idea what that'd be like.

He begs her not to, quote, make his life miserable.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Can you imagine the messages they left each other at this time?

Oh, Knights and White Sats.

never reaching the end.

Just what the truth is.

I can't say anymore.

So she, everyone at this point is like, I mean, she's on the, she's on the Watergate.

Yeah, she's doing stuff.

There's like three women out of like 40.

So she's like on her way up.

Like it's very clear she's going to have a big career.

And yet she's still in a bill.

And her friends are like, it is crazy that you would follow that guy to Arkansas, like stay here in D.C.

where you're taking off.

It is crazy because I think at least it's so hard to think back on them legitimately being an actual couple because it's felt so fake and

just for political gains for so long.

To imagine a time when she was like, I'll bail.

Well, yeah, they're they're advanced.

He's been wearing a suit since he was eight years old.

Yeah.

So already now in his early 20s, he's like, well,

I've got

a middle-aged marriage.

But then she applies for and gets a job as a professor at the same school.

Wow.

Which he was on.

In Arkansas.

Oh, great.

That's great news.

Oh, hell yeah.

I'm going to go to the quad.

Hack it with some of the girls.

All the Watergate guys, the senators, and they were like,

well, we're going to miss you, sweetheart.

Yes.

So

she's not as popular as Bill.

She's a normal, challenging law professor, and he's like this.

I also like to hang out in the student union.

Look at Christ.

Uh-huh.

Look at the narc.

And I'm going to grade hard.

Really hard grades, okay?

When Hillary would go to campaign headquarters, Bill had staff take the volunteer he was banging out back.

Ah, fuck.

Like a sitcom.

Why don't you stay here?

I'll take her out back.

Yeah.

I took her out back twice.

It's also amazing that, like,

it's so, I mean, he's just so damaged already.

Yeah.

Like, why be with her?

I mean,

it's crazy that she.

How old is he now?

What is he like?

No, God.

28.

He's like 28, yeah.

Wow.

And, but she, but my, my,

like, at this point, you're like, well, what's wrong with her?

Like, she's chasing this.

What's wrong with her?

Like, this is, there's every red flag in the world that's being thrown up.

I am smart.

I am an intellectual.

And I understand that it takes a sociopath to rise.

That's why.

Quote, Bill would say, go take her somewhere, get lost, and Bill and Hillary would then fight in front of staffers.

A friend said, quote, they'd have the biggest damn fights, just shouting and swearing.

Okay, so that's what he saw in his childhood, right?

Yeah, and so he's repeating it, but she must have too.

Because that's like a level of just like, it's only us in the world and no, because they'll fucking fight in front of people.

It's crazy.

My wife was like,

like a couple of days ago, she was like, have you ever seen me and your dad fight?

And my son was like, no.

I seriously thought she was asking you if you've seen her and your dad fight.

That I've seen.

I would love to have a look at that.

No, my dad loved her because she has a PhD.

He was like, look at you, smarty pants.

Oh, a woman.

She's on my level.

I'll show James the picture of your dad.

You two keep talking.

Bill's campaign was about saving the working class from greedy corporations and shitty Republicans.

Pastors called him a dope-smoking homosexual.

Wow.

This is Dave's dad, Justina.

So.

What is he wearing?

What are you talking about?

What's he wearing?

Is it a Masonic thing?

Sort of.

He was part of the.

He's a native son of the Golden West, and in that picture, he's a president?

A native son of the Golden West.

That's right.

He had a drinking problem with Canadian Mist.

That's not affiliated with the Grangers or something like that?

No, they're their own thing.

Okay.

They're native sons of the Golden West.

Sure.

So Dave is technically a native.

Do you have this?

I don't think.

No, because you have to pay dues every year, and he signed me up, but I never went.

The password, though, trucky.

That'll get you any Adip Sun's place.

Wow.

Probably shouldn't have said that.

Yeah, there's a hit on you now.

So

his opponent said he was saying he has affairs with his staff, which is true.

It was already

already an unhideable scandal in his first election.

Well, think about this is a small state.

And even back then, there's not as many people as now.

So everybody fucking knew.

None of them were dogs.

Bill loses, but comes within 2%, which is considered at that time a victory for another.

And that's when I realized we need to triangulate.

He won the love of Arkansas Dems and decides he's going to run for attorney general.

He asks Hillary to marry him three times, and she finally says yes on the third.

Jesus Christ.

I see it all.

I see someone, I see someone whose intelligence I can milk

for the next 40 years.

And then, who will then, I promise you, you will follow, you will ride my coattails to do.

His mom's not happy.

His mom thought she was too ugly for Bill.

Jesus Christ.

The mom's great.

Maybe our hero.

They marry in a simple ceremony on October 11th, 1975.

For Attorney General, he only runs against Dems in the primary.

Organized labor pulls support when he refuses to sign a statement to repeal the state right of work law.

Look, you got to triangulate.

triangulate.

There's me, and there's my opponent, and then there's Mephistopheles.

You see, he's running to the right of all the other Dems.

Right.

29-year-old Bill wins easily.

No Republican runs in the general, so now he just has to wait for the general election

to win.

Yeah, he's going to win.

He's just got to wait.

That's great.

It's still at the tail end of

some of the former Confederate Confederate states where they were just run by the Democratic Party.

Certain offices would be.

So he works on Jimmy Carter's campaign.

Hillary gets a job at the Rose law firm.

In 1977, Bill runs for governor.

A reporter, quote, he looks you in your eye and for a short period of time makes you feel like you're the only person in the room.

Yeah, everybody says that about him.

I love that story you wrote about me, honey, and I really appreciated that buried lead.

I've got something I'd like to bury a couple paragraphs in, too.

So he's elected easily, and he is the youngest U.S.

governor in 40 years.

Wow.

Since the 30s, huh?

Yeah.

Since the new fuel era.

He should still not be hanging out in the student union.

40s, I guess.

Wait, no, you're right.

30s.

What do y'all kids feel like getting into tonight?

I'm the fucking governor.

You want to come over to the Twister house?

What do you guys want to do?

He's just got a whole floor of this Twister.

I got a Ouija board that always seems to suggest a blowjob.

It's a Ouija board with two letters on it.

Move it around.

Hit a BJ.

There you go.

Here, let's get real high.

I don't inhale.

The Clintons invested $700,000 in property in the Ozark Hills on the White River with friends Jim and Susan McDougal.

That early.

That's a lot of immediately they did this.

Yeah.

And already,

early on in my political career, I got seven large to just throw around here and there.

Where the fuck?

Yeah, obviously.

Well,

she was actually a good investor.

We know that.

But, yeah, I don't know where all that money came from.

They either.

You know?

Your attorney general and you get elected governor.

It rains.

I mean, she was a lawyer he they did work at the law 700 grand and 75 that's a lot of money a lot of money they did take out some loans sure

uh

so they formed the whitewater development company because they're going to build and sell vacation homes on this property

but the real estate market tanks interest rates go up and the mcdougalls and the clintons now have to use their own money to pay interest payments

as governor bill pulled everything he wanted to do

So he's not just like, I want to do this.

He's like, find out what the people think first and then do it.

He polled it everything.

Yeah, which is just not always this.

Yeah, no.

That's what the Democrats do.

Yeah, yeah.

Not,

that's great.

The dollop is brought to you by Nutriphal.

Look, Gareth.

Yes.

Nutriphal is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand.

It's trusted by over one and a half million people.

A million.

It looks like it's getting more and more popular.

Do you know who one of those people is?

You.

Me's.

I use Naturefold.

I've been using it for, it seems like a couple years now.

Yep.

And it took at least over a year.

It took, you know, it takes between three to six months for it to show up, but I feel like for me, it started showing up less than six months.

But by six months, people are like, what happened?

What are you doing?

And a lot of that hair was from another part of your body.

It sort of just migrated to your head.

I have no hair anywhere else now.

Which is another benefit.

Yeah.

But it's, yeah, it's great.

People compliment me on my hair.

People,

my friend Josh is like, are using Rogaine.

My hairdresser noticed it.

My wife's noticed it.

Everybody's noticed it.

They're calling me.

They're calling me a hairy SOB.

We're all yelling it.

So I recommend it.

It's working.

Yeah.

This is all you can ask for.

You can feel great about what you're putting into your body since NutriFull Hair Growth Supplements are backed by peer-reviewed studies and NSF content certified, the gold standard for third-party certification for supplements.

So, look, you're going to see thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutriville for a limited time.

Nutrival is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrival.com and enter the promo code THE DOLLOP, which is our podcast.

Find out why Nutriville is the best-selling hair growth supplement brand brand at neutrifill.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com, promo code the dollop.

That's neutralful, promo code the dollop.

This time of year,

you're putting a lot of, a lot of, a lot of years into your life.

You're traveling, uh, just and everything, non-stop everything.

It's just non-stop.

Yeah.

So look, you don't need to even add in running around just to get a workout in.

And that's why, Gareth, you love hydro.

Love.

Use the hydro this morning.

You just hop on.

You get an amazing workout.

It fits into whatever kind of day you're having, right?

The best.

The best.

I love the hydro so much.

Would you call it a game changer?

I would definitely call it a game changer because,

well, there's a number of reasons, but instead of just sitting on a rowing machine toiling away, they have...

I don't even know how many.

Hundreds, thousands of

row-alongs where you just pick which one you want.

You can do distance, you can do time, and they've just got tons of classes.

And it keeps getting better and better.

I've been with Hydro for a while, and

the whole thing just keeps getting better.

Love Hydro.

It's slick, too.

Yeah, and they got slick rowing machines.

They got like workouts filmed in places all over the world, right?

If you want to have someone doing it on a river or a body of water, they have that option.

It also shows you how to do correct form, but it's not even just rowing.

There's like warm-ups, there's cooldowns, they just have tons and tons of great stuff.

Yeah, Hydro offers free shipping, a 30-day risk-free trial, and a one-year warranty.

And it's low impact.

It's low impact.

High burn, good for your arms, everything, but you're not going to be like, I just don't imagine getting injured doing a hydro row.

So skip the gym, not the workouts.

Stay on track with Hydro.

For a limited time, go to hydro.com and use code DOLP to save up to $450 off your Hydro Pro rower.

That's h-y-d-r-o-w.com.

Code dollop to save $450.

Hydro.com.

Code Dollop.

Gareth,

we are also brought to you by me

Undies.

Fall's here.

Beers are getting beers are colder.

The football, Gareth, the football's back.

Do you think beers are colder than football?

No, beers are getting colder because outside it's getting colder.

No, and football's back.

Well, what is your comparison?

We're talking about underwear.

It's fall.

Things that happen in fall.

Yes.

Beer.

Beer is not influenced by the football.

It's influenced by the weather.

Yeah, that's why I would be like.

And football's back.

That's why we use the word and.

And me undies is great to watch football and drink beer.

And so you're starting to layer up, is what I'm saying, because it's getting cold.

But, Gareth, if you're still just wearing those old beat-up boxers under flannels and jeans, you know, we ought to talk.

You and I have to talk.

I agree.

I stopped.

It's time to upgrade.

And you know what we're going to upgrade to?

Me undies.

Me undies.

Super soft.

Super soft.

You don't want to take them off soft.

Like, you just want to wear them in the shower.

You must take them off.

Wherever you're in the bath.

You just want to never, you want to wear them when you're making love.

They will be washed.

They're made with a micro-modal fabric that

feels like a cloud

on your area there.

But then they breathe when things heat up.

Yep.

It's like being able to breathe in a cloud.

It's like being able to allow your

great designs.

Yeah.

There's so many options to pick from.

They get 20 different styles, 100 different colors.

If you want to be like a quirky boxer person, that's available for you.

And guess what, everybody?

I'm a quirky boxer person.

Yeah, they're super comfortable.

They're responsibly sourced.

They use sustainably source materials and work with partners that care for their workers.

So, you know, 300 million pairs sold.

That's a lot of pairs.

That's a

lot of people like it.

So, yeah,

I'm wearing meundies.

Gareth is wearing meundies.

Gareth is wearing my undies.

We're doing we undies.

We do enjoy meundies and we're wearing them, and they're soft, and we like each other.

Right now, as a listener of our show, you can get very cozy and spooky for less

with deals up to 50% off at meundies.com slash dollop and enter promo code dollop that's meundies.com slash dollop we're doing some spooky stuff right promo code dollop for up to 50% off me undies comfort that's made for fall i want to wear your underwear

hey yeah the dollop is brought to you by mood

not just like moods because yep

moods don't have sponsors.

No, we're talking about mood.

Correct.

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges.

You know, you got sleepless nights, can't sleep a little bit.

You got stress-filled days, you're a little bit freaking out on edge.

How about a little mood, Gareth?

Take it.

Enjoy it.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep.

That's discreetly.

Oh, yeah.

You don't even know this person's been there.

No, no one walks up and screams, there's stuff in here.

It's there.

It's like Santa.

That's right.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code dollop.

Yeah, they got gummies.

They got everything.

It's the stuff.

It's the gummies.

It's the way to go.

Big fan.

Big fan.

Totally.

You got sleepy sleepy time gummies that'll put you in.

Sleepy time gummies are so helpful.

Yeah.

I can.

Yeah.

Many people struggle to sleep.

Get a sleepy time gummy.

What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canabinoids, which is a word that

people shing

with herbs and adaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

Special stuff.

And they have gummies for literally everything.

Immune support, menopause menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

Oh, boy.

But you can get that from just listening to my voice.

And each one

is tested using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20 off their first order with code dollop head to mood.com browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with and remember to use promo code dollop at checkout to save 20 on your first order

school's back and so are the sweet moments right now at crumble you can get a chocolate chip four pack for just 9.99 freshly baked warm and packed packed with melty chocolatey chips.

Perfect for after-school snacks, study sessions, or family time.

Order in-store, online, or through the Crumble app today.

That's a chocolate chip four-pack for just $9.99.

Only at Crumble.

So

his plan to fix roads that he was a he campaigned largely on our roads are terrible.

We got to fix them.

It was ruined when he tried to appease everybody.

So no one's happy at the end.

It's like tax, but the business, like everybody doesn't get what they want.

Right.

So

he also wants to stop clear-cutting of forests, but then big timber attacks him.

Well,

so he changes it to not stopping it and just having them ask not to clear cut.

That's classic dev.

Please don't.

Please don't clear cut.

Sorry.

Look, you can't build the pyramid of the Pharaoh without several triangles that are triangulated.

Power is built on failure and compromise.

So it's not going well.

His governorship is not going well.

So he starts to avoid people.

That's the way to do it.

Yeah.

I'm going to go hide.

Well.

I'm going to the quad.

Staff is now lying about where he is and where he's going to be.

He's always late.

This became known as Clinton time.

And instead of apologizing for being late, he'd rage at staff.

How dare you be on time?

What the fuck?

A temper tantrum would be followed by joking and chatting, and this drove his staff insane.

Right.

When an aide was told a dangerous visitor was downstairs threatening to kill Bill.

A dangerous visitor.

Oh, no.

Bill asked the scheduling office if they...

Bill asked the schedule office if they could work him in.

What?

Wait.

Look.

Not to be killed, just to have a meeting with him.

I mean, but just playing.

Let's play wild.

Let's play.

Look.

We're down big.

We could just kick him out.

Let's start rolling the dimes.

I don't know.

He says he wants to kill you.

Machiavelli said your greatest allies are people that used to try to kill you.

You have a break from 2.30 to 3, but I really think we should just have lunch.

What if he wings me?

Get him up here.

Well, he sucked my dick.

Well, I fucked him.

Well, I bit him up and made sweet love to him.

He's great.

On February 27th, 1980, Hillary had a baby, Chelsea Clinton.

So he was governor for like 12 years?

He was governor for a long, long time, yeah.

Four terms, three or four terms?

Five terms, I think?

Okay, okay.

Yeah.

Just hiding?

Yeah, hiding the whole time.

Well, there's a okay, so Cuban immigrants escaped a resettlement camp in Arkansas

back to Cuba, and that leads to this large battle with police.

Locals get freaked out, they're all

armed groups are forming.

So, Bill activates the National Guard, and he actually handles this really well, and it calms down.

But critics use the footage of the rioting and the, you know, whatever, the disorder to say everything's falling apart under bill what a time

so republican frank white runs against bill and bill seems off

uh he's not paying attention when people speak i've been cheating not just not at all like five days i'm all i'm mad

he seems frantic Even eating is off.

Staff are unnerved.

Eating is off.

Yeah, I'm just having tomatoes and mayonnaise.

Mr.

Clinton, you have turned red,

sir.

Well, that's why I'm having the mayonnaise.

I get a whopper, and then I just

the slop that falls out of it.

I throw the burger away.

This guy came up with the slop diet.

You throw the burger, and then you eat everything that remains in the package.

I'm a bottom-of-a-bag eater.

Staff were unnerved that he inhaled apples in a few bites of the house.

I did inhale.

I did inhale.

I did not inhale.

Core and all.

Yeah, like a pig.

There you go.

It's like a horse.

You guys want to see me horse an apple?

Well, why would you?

He doesn't seem well.

Oh, my God.

I'm fine.

Bring me more apples.

Rod me.

One night he stayed up till 2 a.m.

to win back his high score on a pinball machine after a seven-year-old beat it.

What the fuck?

He's out of his, whatever's happening.

He's fucking lost.

Give me an apple.

Damn, it would have been so much better if he stayed in this failure zone.

Yes.

God, we'd all be so much better off.

He couldn't handle people not liking him.

Right.

Look, I don't know what it is.

If I go left-wing, they call me a pot-smoking homosexual communist.

And then if I go right-wing, they say I've sold out.

Nobody's happy.

I haven't figured out yet how to pretend to be one and actually do the other.

Excuse me.

Anybody want to ride me on a saddle?

So he doesn't know how to emotionally or politically deal with the public backlash.

And he's heard walking around saying, God, I'm an idiot.

Wow.

He's farleying around the office.

Oh,

idiot.

Then he became America's youngest ex-governor.

Okay.

Wow.

82, he lost.

Yeah.

And he tries to blame others.

He screamed at the Little Rock Associated Press Bureau Chief saying he plotted against him.

You did this.

He blamed Jimmy Carter.

Jimmy Carter.

So he gets a job at a law firm, and he hates that.

The marriage is not going well.

Has it ever?

I think it did for a little while.

Okay.

A friend saw Bill rocking baby Chelsea while gently singing, I want a divorce, I want a divorce, while Hillary was in the other room.

Wow.

Jesus Christ.

No, babies love that song.

You know, that's an album track off the Doobie Brothers.

Wow.

I want a divorce.

Ah, fuck.

Michael McDonald does the guest vocals.

So Bill reaches out to an ex-political advisor named Dick Morris.

Oh, fuck.

And he also reaches out to Betsy White.

Bill said Morris was, quote, something dirty that he didn't want to touch without gloves.

That's who you invited.

Yeah, look, I've lost once,

so I'm ready to do whatever deal with the devil needs to happen.

Get me Gollum.

Yeah.

Well, Carville.

I got a text from Carville.

Like, I've gotten so many Democratic texts today, and I got one from Carville.

And I'm just like, man, you guys just don't know who you're texting.

Some very, usually I ignore it, mark it as spam, and move on.

But sometimes I can't help myself where it's like, I wake up to like, hey, it's Pete Boudigez.

You have a moment?

So for the small number of them like Pete Boudigez, I'm like, I will never forgive you for the Iowa Caucasus.

I go worse.

I will be like, eat my asshole.

No, that's what you said to me.

Yeah, no.

Well, you're all, yeah, yeah.

Well, you're always trying to get me to join the Democratic Party.

Yeah, true.

But early on when they were doing those, I did write back.

You're from the Rodham,

Illinois Rodham Republican family.

I'm a Rodham Republican, yeah.

But I wrote back to one early that was like offensive, and someone did write, like, obviously not the person, but someone was like, really, take it easy or something like that.

What?

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, my God.

And then it never happened again.

No.

Like, early in the spam text game.

No.

Yeah.

They don't read them anymore.

No.

Okay, so

Dick Morris joins up.

Betsy Wright is a D.C.

political organizer, and she moves into his guest house.

I realized that I had reached a point of flaccidity in my career, and I needed an injection of some dick.

I need a lady in the guest house that I can just go hammer at any time.

And she's the longtime strategist as well.

Yes.

She's been forever.

Yeah.

I thought she was a golden girl.

So Bill Courts Labor, who

he really pissed off in his first term.

But the new governor, Republican, hates unions, so they're like, okay, we'll support Bill.

The pattern we've seen for the past 50 years.

You're not going to do better than this.

Do the math that Hillary did.

You're not going to do better than this.

To the left of the right.

So

the labor money helps fund his exploratory campaign and pay Betsy's salary.

So once against mudslinging, he is now for it.

Quote, when someone is beating you over the head with a hammer, don't sit there and take it.

Take out a meat cleaver and cut off their hand.

Bill?

First of all, I don't.

I guess you cut off their hand, right?

Well, it feels like it's beyond mudslinging.

It doesn't sound like a guy who does a lot of physical fighting in a personal fight.

That's what I was going to say.

Hold it up like this and I'll swing.

No, put it down on the table.

He blames his old, he puts the for losing, he blames it all on his staff.

He's like, they told me what to do.

I didn't want to,

but I didn't fuck enough of them.

Quote, one of them said, quote, all of a sudden, I'm getting the feeling that for his own well-being, the staff becomes expendable.

Voters hated that Hillary didn't take Bill's last name.

Of course.

And at this time, fuck yeah.

They probably were like out of their minds.

Yeah, right.

Was she still Hillary Rodham?

Yeah.

She wasn't even Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Didn't she did the Hillary Rodham Clinton like late?

Like, wasn't it already.

This is when she does it.

A state house member said, quote, Hillary's going to have to change her name and shave her legs.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, fuck me.

Everyone was like, wait, what was that last part?

She's got fucking hairy-ass legs, so she's going to need to take care of that.

Plus, her glasses are like dark.

Damn it.

So they weren't just evil out of nowhere.

It was also done to them.

And this is probably a guy on their side who's like trying to give advice.

Let me give you some advice.

I'm a little older than you.

I helped Huey Long navigate politics back in his day.

Let me give you a little advice.

Woman's going to have to have your name, and you're not going to want to see nothing on her flag.

She begins going by Miss Bill Clinton.

Oh, she overcorrected me.

Miss.

Misses.

Sorry.

I'm single.

I'm a single Bill Clinton.

I'm Bill Clinton.

Yeah.

Mrs.

Bill Clinton.

That must have been a tough one for her.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Bill Clinton would cordially like to invite you.

So Morris had Bill apologize for the last term without actually using the word apology.

Smart.

Damn.

Very Democrat.

You learned things during your Saturn return.

You learn things about how to change your life for the better and everyone else's for the worse.

It wasn't right.

So they do it an ad, and the ad causes Bill to drop 20 points in the polls.

Wow.

But Morris is like,

it's going to pay off.

Hang in there.

It's going to pay off.

And he's correct.

So because of that ad, mudslinging doesn't work.

So everything they try to attack him for, he's already apologized for.

So Bill then attacks his primary opponent for

being in the pocket of big labor.

What?

And a bleeding.

No, hear me out, guys.

I'm going to attack him for being on your side, and then you're going to come back because I'm the best that you're going to get.

I mean, he just, for the exploratory campaign, he got labor money, and now he's fucking.

Plus, look at her legs.

Huh?

Oh my gosh.

She's shaved.

I'm not going to give you

everything you want or any of it, but I'm going to wear a hard hat and play that game.

Ask the foreman.

I'll be one of those guys with a suit and a yellow hard hat on and you will say, wow, it looks like he's on my side.

Look at him cosplaying.

And I am going to shave Hillary completely.

We're having her industrially shaved right now.

We dropped her into a foghorn leg horn machine.

We're going to nair her in front of the state.

Oh, shit.

So he also calls his opponent a bleeding heart on welfare, and he wins the primary.

Good God.

I mean, it makes sense then.

This all tracks.

But this is, yeah.

I mean,

this is when it's like, it's like in L.A.

We have Democrats, right, in every office, but half of them are Republicans.

Yes.

Right?

Yes.

Like their people.

Or and then Newsom.

I mean, even Newsom now, where you're like, everyone is so many of the people who hate Trump are now just like.

He's so good.

Yeah, and you're like, Newsom is awesome.

He doesn't use the army to get home.

When I was talking to my mother the other day, my brother and I were both, she was like, I really like Newsome.

My brother and I were both like, like, kind of like, who wants to just fucking hammer, shatter this apart in two sentences?

If you don't follow the news about everything that's going wrong, I can make you like me a lot.

Yeah.

I mean.

So he wins the primary.

And then they go to the general and the apology.

86-ish?

I think,

you know, I don't know what year it is.

The

apology video works again in the general.

He's such a man.

And he's elected governor.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Wow.

It's crazy.

So Arkansas is not doing well.

Farms are failing, high unemployment, recession's going on.

Education is 49th in the country.

Nice.

So Bill wants to become the education governor.

Turn that shit around.

And he and his team began a permanent campaign while in office, which is to constantly shape the narrative.

always gauging the public to decide the next thing to do.

And it's a new way of running an administration, and it becomes synonymous with Bill Clinton.

And it's one of the biggest problems with the party today because then they're never actually making

long-term choices for the better.

It's just knee-jerk reaction to what is.

I'm smart.

I'm a good student.

Nobody ever said I was wise.

That word's never been used.

That's why I'm still in the quad, hanging out, lava lamping.

Wise boys don't get late.

So the state is last for teacher salaries.

Some teachers are on food stamps.

Hillary chaired education hearings.

One parent said.

Look at those games.

Nice.

She had her legs up on the table at the game.

You're a liar.

Miss Clinton.

The bee's the same.

Miss Clinton, I just wanted to thank you for shaving.

Mrs.

Bill Clinton.

A parent said her kids' teacher kept calling World War II World War 11.

Ooh, ah, yee, yikes.

You can see how the mistake could be made.

Yeah, for sure.

Because in the books.

Yep.

Oh, no, it's right there.

Yep.

Well, it's one in one.

That's a forward-thinking child.

We will get there.

Yeah,

sooner than you think.

So Bill wants teacher competency tests and smaller class sizes.

And conservative voters are like, yeah.

And the teachers association is like, what the fuck?

So Bill attacks the union, and it passes.

Bill convinced huge corporations like Walmart to expand in Arkansas.

A labor leader said, Quote, Bill Clinton is the kind of man who will pat you on the back and piss on your leg.

That's the only way I can come.

There you go.

That's not all piss.

There's some other fluids mixed inside inside of that.

I'm a squirter.

Excuse me.

In 1964, Arkansas got into the business of selling plasma donated by inmates.

God

donated.

Yeah, donated.

Donated.

Donated.

Voluntarily donated.

Yes, what good people.

Wow, that's quite a fucking statement.

Selling plasma.

And they have a huge prison population, of course, this whole time.

It's not sold in the U.S., though.

Oh,

because the dangers of inmate plaza who have a higher level of having things wrong with the blood.

Infected hepatitis.

And then now in the year, we've moved on to HIV, right?

Jesus Christ.

I mean, that is, that's like some teal shit.

So,

wow.

It's centered in Cummins Prison.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I've been there.

This is a terrible name for a prison.

The bedroom is called the Cummins Prison.

What were they thinking?

And

it's overseen by the company Health Management Associates, HMA,

from 1978 onward, which is the year Bill got into office.

So

because they can't sell in the U.S.,

they sell it to a blood broker in Canada.

Hello.

Type A.

Who then sells it worldwide?

Blood broker.

And

you got to meet him in a cafe in Cairo.

Just got a jacket.

Yeah, everybody's doing hookahs.

I can't believe Blood Broker.

So the broker is not told that the blood is coming from prisoners.

Look, we've got grade B plus blood

coming out of Arkansas.

We've got so much of it.

We are thick with blood.

I can't believe how much blood Arkansas is sending us.

Well, it's the Red River, sweetheart.

We've got more than we know what to do with.

So

prisoners with hepatitis C are allowed to donate.

Hep C is a big indicator of HIV plus.

So they're also just like not screening for these things.

Sure.

In 1983, the FDA issues a recall.

The FDA's recalling plasma blood?

What the fuck?

It's not like bird's eye vegetables.

This sounds like

the Hairy Lime scam in The Third Man, with Orson Welles, where it's like water down the penicillin and kill some babies, but who would care?

Do you really care if any of those dots stop moving?

That's the whole, the whole, that's there's several scams like that going on.

I cannot fucking believe the FDA is like now hold on

If you're taking prisoner blood from Arkansas, we have bad news for you

Well, they recall it and they say it's from Cummins prison and that's when Canada realized the blood's coming from inmates.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry where well listen

bad news

Well, I'll not be tolerating this.

We thought it was was

these prisoners

blood.

So we are just as mad at ourselves as you are at us.

We had hoped that there was some kind of ethical way that you were providing the blood.

A lot of those fellows work out.

They look good.

We'll do a makeup with seminal fluids.

And I will handle that.

I'll handle that.

I got a bunch of it.

How big of a bucket?

So the FDA revokes HMA's license.

To help with the license issue,

Bill says they should hire an ombudsman to oversee things for $60,000 a year in our money, who is his friend.

To oversee.

Let me tell you:

what solves a lot of problems is an ombudsman.

Wait, people around the world are dying from tainted blood.

What about an ombudsman?

Get yourself an ombudsman.

Bill orders an investigation into HMA

by the state police.

Right.

Right.

Now, I'm issuing an investigation from the state police that are my private army.

You guys are going to leave no stone unturned, but when you do turn over some stones, you're going to turn them right back over.

Another investigation was started by the Institute for Law and Policy Planning, and that investigation found it was extremely negligent hiring staff, health screening, record keeping, and repeatedly violated its contract.

Bill State Police found out that there was gambling amongst the employees.

What just regular gambling?

I am shocked.

Shocked to find that there is gambling in this establishment.

The gambling ring, they have like a gambling operation set up.

I bet bet he's got HIV.

50 on that guy having Hep C.

Yeah, I got a side bet here.

I'll take that.

So

that's all that the

police found.

Leukemia insurance, leukemia insurance.

No, it's not terrible.

The state police only found the gambling.

The other agency found all the other stuff.

Yeah, right.

The state police only found gambling.

Right, yeah.

There was nothing else going on.

Yeah, yeah.

And then an Arkansas state senator who is part of the scandal pushes Bill to end the investigation.

So Bill does.

Yep.

Why wouldn't he?

So since the police found no issues with the actual quality of HMA, they got to keep their contract.

Boom.

Beautiful.

And the HMA president later worked on Bill's next campaign for governor.

There you go.

It's so great.

Look, this is how it comes together.

Private industry, public resources.

That's perfect.

But HMA gets dissolved when the Institute for Law and Policy Planning releases their report, which took a lot longer because it had all the other fucking

actual shit.

The good guys are always slow.

Like, we're doing it correctly, legally, so it'll be, we're going to be done after the relevant election.

We already figured it all out.

It's fine.

They were gambling a little bit.

Sean Blood on half Canadians.

Well, they was really, they were playing,

they were doing more pie gal than anything.

So they bring in another contractor, Pine Bluff Biologicals, which is just no better.

It's the same thing.

Okay, they're out of business.

They're going to change their name, and all the same people are going to work there.

Problem solved.

The Arkansas Department of Corrections plasma business would sicken and or kill.

Easy start to

fucking shocking.

The Arkansas correct plasma would sicken and or kill thousands of people with HIV, hepatitis B, and hepatitis C.

One report estimates it has or will kill 7,000 Canadians and nearly 2,000 British

and more around the world.

Thousands were sickened.

And then, of course, they sickened other people.

Like it wasn't just like that guy got HIV, that guy got HIV and then spread it.

Like it's tons of people getting, and kids, like, people just getting blood.

Like,

it's fucking horrifying.

Well, there's no reason that that border at the 44th parallel should be an artificial border of HIV on one side and the other.

They can join us in hell.

I'd rather dream of a world where everyone is getting AIDS.

I'm not going to Canada.

They got HIV up there.

So, Bill continues to womanize.

State troopers on his security detail said he used them to proposition women.

I remember this.

I remember this.

One.

Hello, you have any idea why I pulled you over?

Bill Clinton's looking to bang you.

He's over there.

He's half-cocked in the back of the car.

This is actually a fuck-stop, ma'am.

How are you?

One trooper said he approached 100 women for Bill in two years.

Wow.

Everyone on his staff.

And it's also, I mean, a cop approach.

I mean, it's just so, I mean, it's even beyond Bill Clinton being an elbow-grabbing, hands-haking pervert if cops are going up to you and being like.

And was he doing ride-alongs in the back seat?

Hello.

Bad girls, bad girls.

What you gonna do?

Hey, while we got you pulled over, pull it up.

I think it was like

Deaf Leopard at a concert where you go, that one, and then you have a guy go into the crowd and pick her out, and he says, hey, the lead singer Death Leopard wants to meet you.

Come back.

And I think it's that.

I think it's that kind of thing.

Yeah.

But even

stronger with people in uniform on behalf of a class.

That's much weirder.

Yes.

So everyone on the staff knew, including Hillary.

Reading this, I really have to believe that Hillary was okay with it.

Like it was.

Has to be.

It was an early version of open marriage, right?

Like it was just like,

it's what happened a lot back then where

the guy's cheating all the time, and people are like, I can't believe he stays with her.

It's like, well, she knows

she accepted it.

It's like NBA, where you're like, you're hanging in there because you're benefiting, like, she's benefiting from what's happening with him.

And like you said, he's crying on the phone if she's cheating or wants to cheat.

She can't cheat.

So she's just basically like, look, it is what it is.

It's like, I'm dying inside.

Let him do what he's going to do.

Yeah.

Thank you.

That's where I need you.

I mean, or else it's just insane.

So

the governor's mansion is staffed by mostly, quote, African Americans.

He just had a glory hole installed.

How good is that, huh?

The governor's mansion is staffed by mostly, quote, African-American men in their 30s.

Hillary, quote, using prison labor at the governor's mansion was a long-standing tradition, which kept down costs.

Wow.

Because

that's slavery.

Oh, yeah.

So our 13th Amendment allows allows for us to use prisoners as slaves.

And

she wrote this recently.

She's saying, yeah, we had slaves, and that kept on.

Paula Dean admission.

Yeah, it's really crazy.

And I think this came out during her last run.

Amazing.

It just shows you how sloppy she is.

I don't know what problem you have with a loophole.

That is a loophole.

Well, I didn't write the amendment.

I just abused it.

She also said the men were black, and

she had a strict policy to send them back to prison if they broke the rules.

Wow, that's fucking.

She wrote that.

Yeah, recently.

It might have been after the election.

Trump was like, well, she's winning that part.

I agree with her there.

In 1986, Bill wins another term.

Now, he was considering running for president, but he didn't because he thought Chelsea was too young, and then there was all the affairs that everyone knew about.

Yeah, right.

And he said, oh, he's thinking about that 88.

He's thinking about that 88.

In 88, he gave the nomination speech for Michael Dukakis.

Remember that?

Yep.

It was a famous speech.

Was it?

Well, I don't remember.

That was like his Obama.

It is a historically bad speech.

Oh, bad.

Uh-oh.

We are coming together to try to

tank this one and be in the running for the next.

Well, I have slaves.

An aide called it to Dukakis.

An aide called it one of the quote most miserable political experiences he ever watched.

Wow.

On TV, delegates were slashing their hands across their throats as he spoke.

Wow.

Like, cut it, cut it.

Yeah.

People were yelling, get the hook.

Wow.

Now, I might disagree with Michael Dukakis, as many Americans do,

on issues related to budget, social issues, crime, warfare.

But I'm voting for him.

Why?

Because I get to stand here if I say that.

Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to turn down a bush?

When Bill said in closing, mock applause

broke out.

So after the speech, he is ridiculed across the country.

Wow.

Like

Carson, like everybody's making fun of him.

But

he goes on the tonight show and makes self-depreciating jokes and plays his saxophone

and enhances his likability with voters.

Because I watched it.

He is just like, yeah, the speech is terrible.

How bad was that?

Like, it just goes on and on, like, which is what you want to see at that time, right?

You don't want to see it.

You're right, Johnny.

You're right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I could say it a little bit better with maybe some keys.

In 1990, his patience and peace of mind were fraying.

Some think he's in a midlife crisis.

He's been in a midlife crisis since he was six.

During an argument with Dick Morris, Bill punched him in the face.

After his next election win, he calls Jennifer Flowers.

Uh-oh.

Maybe they're two-year governor terms or something.

Yeah, they must be, right?

He had been sleeping with Jennifer for like 12 years.

She recorded the phone call.

Soon after, Bill went to a governor's conference in Little Rock, and 24-year-old Paula Corbin was working reception.

She claims a trooper gave her Bill's room number and said,

The governor says you make his knees knock.

So she went to his room and he made sexual comments.

When I get horny, I look like the cartoon turnip that tells kids to eat vegetables on Saturday morning cartoons.

Knees start knocking, you know, like any healthy and healthy male sexual appetite.

Bang, bang, bang.

He said he made sexual comments, touched her,

and tried to kiss her neck before taking out his dick and asking her to kiss it.

Well, now, look, let's, at least he's following the regular protocols for how you court, which is a neck kiss, take your dick out, and then ask if you want to kiss it.

This is how my daddy taught me.

Look, you might be fantasizing about 69, but let me tell you we can compromise have you heard of a 92

i'm the best you're gonna do kick out your dick and ask you if someone wants to kiss it would you like to kiss it i mean that is six-year-old is there any other governor you have a chance with

understand the troop was the trooper not clear see what it does if you kiss it

oh would you like some champagne i have slaves

if you notice uh right around the shaft there, I got a little, I got a little tiny state trooper badge that I pin, I pinned to my own penis.

How about that?

So, you can sit and pull you over.

Watch out, don't disobey.

It's deputized to protect

the snakes throwing up.

There you are.

She refused to kiss it.

Bill said, quote, Well, I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do, and he put his dick away while you're in a room with him and his dick's out.

Well, look, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

Want to watch the three amigos?

So that he denies all that.

When Chelsea was 11, I did not kiss her neck.

When Chelsea was 11, Bill decides to run for president.

That's perfect because that's when she's an awkward teenager.

That's when you want your kid to be

exposed to all this.

I mean, that's one thing.

I was a fucking right wing is so brutal to Chelsea.

Like, it was crazy.

Oh, yeah, it was fucking nuts.

On October 3rd, 1991.

It's It's a good thing they didn't know about him eating those fucking apples whole.

That would have been a whole other nightmare for her.

It's like a fucking snake.

On October 3rd, 1991, 45-year-old Bill announced

and said he was concerned about, quote, middle-class people spending more hours on the job, spending less time with their children, and bringing home a smaller paycheck to pay for health care, housing, and education.

Problems the Democrats have been good at seeing for a long time.

We make those things happen and then we notice that they have happened.

Those realities exist.

That's where this ends, the speech, that is.

So recession is in full swing.

Bill is a, quote, New Democrat.

Yeah.

So from the DLC, the Democratic Leadership Council, which formed in 1985.

And by New Democrat, what we mean is the older Democrat that predates Franklin Roosevelt.

Back when it was a right-wing party.

That's what we mean by new, old.

New to you.

It's like Dick Ebhardt, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Lieberman, those types.

The

DLC wants to move Dems away from unions, from progressive radicals, from FDR's New Deal, and to the center and more to corporations so then they could pick up suburban white voters.

Is it truly for vote?

I mean, they're just corporatists.

Is it really, like, is that just the outside just that's like their talking point justification?

No, this is why I always say Democrats are dumb.

I do think they truly believe this is the way it is.

It's amazing to be like, all right, let's get away from FDR.

Right.

But they like, if you, you can trace their, the beginning of this thought process to McGovern losing, then they decided.

They were all horrifically traumatized by McGovern losing.

Yes.

A whole generation of baby boomers

was like, oh, we won't be that anymore.

Right, right.

And they, and they blamed the older FDR guys who were still in office and had been

union guys and gone to Congress.

And they thought, well, no, it should all be run by lawyers and professionals.

Strongly antitrust, too.

Yes.

Yeah.

And so, yeah,

this is what sets it all in motion.

So he does run on progressive stuff like health care for all.

Any couple of words you can put together that match what our polls say that people want, just say it.

Just say it.

They don't read the news enough to notice you're not doing it.

But not single payer, healthcare for all.

Nope.

Bill said.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not those two words.

Bill said people, quote, need a government that offers a hand-up, not a hand-out.

Which is just ragging language.

but he is for choice affirmative action and to let gays serve in the military

which is also an amazing one

he had an early lead in the polls and then on January 23rd 3rd the star tabloid dropped a story about his affairs

they paid Jennifer flowers

And Bill denied it and said she was paid and had been pressured.

Is it paid or pressured?

So now Bill, he's on the campaign trail.

This happens.

Now he's pro-death penalty because he

doesn't want to seem like a soft liberal.

And Ricky Ray Rector is a 31-year-old guy.

Ricky Ray Rector?

Ricky Ray Rector.

He's a 31-year-old guy in 1981, and he has a lot of anger issues.

He was teased a lot as a kid because he had a learning disability and because he's black.

A lot of racism, obviously.

So during an argument in 81 over a bar cover charge, he shoots a guy and kills him and then spends three days on the run.

What was the cover charge?

Do we know?

$7.

Yeah, I'm just saying.

And it's already after midnight.

Come on.

Yeah, I'm a good man.

And

you should have a half-price covered.

Good lord.

Yeah.

I can see nobody's in there.

So his family talks him into turning himself in, and when the cop comes to get him, he shoots and kills the cop.

Okay.

The shame the cop was like,

Bill Clinton would like to meet you in his suite.

After he shoots the cop, he shoots himself in the head.

Fuck.

So

medically, they basically said he lobotomized himself.

Medically, that.

He didn't die.

He hung on for 10 years.

Yeah, the medical professional.

Well, what kind of lobotomy?

Like the Rose Kennedy or

the one where your frontal part is going.

It's just easier.

He would pay the cover charge going forward.

He had an IQ of 70,

which is

extraordinary.

That's like George W.

Bush low.

So he's totally incompetent.

I would not pay the cover charge.

But they still put him on trial, and he got the death penalty.

Wow.

So his execution is scheduled two days after the star tabloid story comes out about affairs.

Oh, fuck.

What do you know?

You lean on some of those state troopers.

I've got the pardon telephone, but I can also

make other calls to that same phone line.

And I say, I want you guys to be very well aware of when the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primary are.

I apologize, Ricky.

So, like I said, liberals are seen as soft on crime, so Bill rejects clemency and he flies to Arkansas to be there for the execution.

That's fucking weird.

Rector's last meal: fried chicken, steak, pecan pie.

Oh, but he doesn't eat the pecan pie.

Don't.

And he tells the guards he is saving it for later when he comes back.

Arkansas Encyclopedia, quote, Rector's obvious inability to comprehend the fact that he was about to be executed unnerved a number of prison officials.

Technicians could not find a vein.

Quote, Rector attempted to help them find a vein that would work.

And witnesses stated that he seemed to be innocently cheerful as though he believed that the technicians were performing a simple everyday procedure.

And then he was killed.

Ah, fuck.

One prison official was so horrified that he quit.

Oh, that's fucking brutal.

And Bill was not soft on crime, was he?

Today, the Supreme Court ruled, so if this happened today, that would be considered cruel, unusual punishment.

He could not be executed.

And that's in today's world.

Yes.

That's fucking crazy.

And that's this current Supreme Court that's building concentration camps everywhere.

But I mean, they have a line.

They're not.

They're just keeping, they're stopping the bad people.

I mean, they're like, I love that so many people are always like, I now realize what my parents' generation did wrong.

And I will not do that as I do something much worse that won't be noticed until the next generation.

Two days later, Jennifer Flowers held a press conference to explain the affair.

I'm killing a prisoner tonight.

Yeah, and I said, hey, is there any more room in that execution chamber?

A couple other people have loud mouths.

I called a number of bars and speakeasies.

We told them to raise the cover chart.

We've got Super Tuesday coming up real soon.

All right.

We're going to need one for each state.

Drinks twice the price.

She had recordings of conversations with Bill.

Oh.

He continues to deny it.

His lead in New Hampshire shrinks.

He shrinks the saxophone out and starts playing it.

How about that?

Here's my new song.

I'm sorry.

His lead in New Hampshire shrinks.

He and Hillary go on 60 minutes to refute the accusations.

And this is a big moment for Hillary because,

you know, she is

considered this feminist icon but this moment is like stand by your man yeah right like

and she and her being there shields him from what could have been a lot worse right

yeah they started playing that card now and then but that card only lasts so long

who was the 60 Minutes interview with

well it was just Bill and Hillary yeah but who interview her oh I don't know

who do you want it to be

what are the names there Mike Wallace Mike Wallace, yeah.

Ed Bradley.

Mike, let me tell you, as a feminist, I have a career, and it's attached to him.

So he takes second in New Hampshire.

Now, some staff think behind Paul Tsongus.

Oh, shit.

Am I wrong?

Silent T.

You're right.

Silent T.

Or Dick Gephardt, right?

I think Gephardt was maybe also.

Paul Tsongus, he's wrongus.

He's hot and teased.

He's got letters that ain't pronounced.

He's got T's that he's not allowing to speak.

Paul Songus.

He's like, I think we should lose in the same way that the last Massachusetts got.

Dukakis will seem amazing when I'm done.

God, they always just have the worst candidates.

What was the one?

The California governor who was

Jerry Brown.

That was when

he was the left-wing guy that year.

He had like a blue bus that he drove to D.C.

or something.

Yeah.

You know, Jerry, it was like downtown Jerry Brown, you know.

Yeah.

So some staff think Bill is clinically depressed and maybe not mentally fit to take on the stress of the presidency.

What do you mean depressed?

I fuck whenever I want to.

And I smile all the time.

I haven't felt since I was five.

The only time I feel happy is when I'm cuming at a woman.

I ate that pecan pie.

How about normal?

The worst thing about cum is that it goes.

And once you have that, then it's good.

Lipetimuir is what the French say.

A congressman recalled a hoarse, quiet bill repeating, quote, I'm all right.

We'll get through this.

We'll get through this over and over in the back of a car.

I want a divorce, I'll be okay, I'm gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right, Bill.

Bill, you're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay.

Give me an entire gala apple.

Somebody get that woman.

He's just looking out of the back of a limousine.

Her, I want her.

Her,

whatever.

Communications director George Stephanopoulos was disgusted when he saw stress eater Bill inhale a box of donuts.

There we go, that's better.

That feels nice.

He won the Democratic nomination, but he lagged in the polls behind President George H.W.

Bush and Ross Perot.

And then he chose

Tennessee Senator Al Gore for his VP.

Gore had originally wanted to be Perot's VP,

and the Gore pick causes Bill to pass Bush in the polls.

Wow.

The economy is bad, and Bill's

driving theme is, quote, it's the economy stupid.

This is gore mintum.

1992, gore mentum.

I take you from third place to second place.

Gonna put it in a lockbox.

He pushed increasing wages for working class, health insurance reform, and targeted investment, and he talked a lot about investing in America.

Bill was elected on November 3rd, 1992, and that is the end of part one.

He had a lot of back channels going like, let's make sure Ross Bro's in that debate.

Let's make sure.

This is a three.

If I've ever seen a three-way fight, it's this.

I appreciate everything you're doing for me there, buddy.

And I don't disagree with you.

Now, wait a minute here.

Hold on a second.

It was so amazing.

That was the only three-way debate of my entire lifetime.

Well, the only way to get it is to, it has to be a billionaire.

The only way to make that happen is a billionaire has to buy his way.

Right.

And then they were like, okay, well, then the normal fake rules that are illegal don't apply this time.

Yes.

Yeah.

No nader.

And this was the first election where they got rid of the women's

League of Women Voters.

Who used to do the debates.

Oh, and they were.

Then they just have the CNN guys or whatever.

And then the networks take over.

Yeah.

Wow.

And then questions got really bad.

That's when the questions got bad at.

They turned into garbage, yeah.

But before that,

the League of Women Voters had great questions.

When I was a very, very young kid, and then just seeing even even in the older days before my time, you would have questions and debates where they were like, this important topic to democracy and our Republican system of government deserves an answer from both of you gentlemen.

And they would have to answer it.

Yes.

First of all, great shirt.

I can see your areola.

And that's fantastic.

Oh, fuck.

All right.

Well, there you go.

Brittany Cohen Brown did the research.

sources.

The survivor, Bill Clinton in the White House by John F.

Harris.

First in his class, a biography of Bill Clinton by David Marinus.

Look, it might be nice for you to eat a possum candy cane over there while we're wrapping out.

A vast conspiracy: the real story of the sex scandal that nearly brought down a president by Jeffrey Toobin.

Bill Clinton, new Gilded Age president by Patrick Maney, The Life of Bill Clinton, 2004, Living History by Hillary Rotten Clinton, Shattered Inside Hillary Clinton's Doomed Doomed Campaign by Jonathan Allen.

Monica's story by Andrew Morton, The War Room, The Clinton Affair,

The Linda Tripp Tapes, footage of Bill Clinton's testimony to the grand jury, footage of Bill Clinton's testimony and Paula Jones' deposition, the Star Report,

transcript of Monica Lewincy's grand jury testimony, AP footage of Bill Clinton's address to the nation,

articles, how the Clintons went from dead broke to rich,

the Washington Post,

1994 crime bill and beyond, how the federal funding shapes criminal justice.

The 08 race.

The other Clinton steps up.

Clinton's camp seeks gentler role for ex-president in the New York Times.

Clinton campaign advisors Bill Clinton needs to stop CNN.

The

1994 crime bill did the 1994 crime bill cause mass incarceration?

The Brookings Institute Brookings Institute is a really great one to cover up really bad shit that's happened.

Can Biden center hold?

New Yorker Magazine.

I know the answer to that article.

Bill Clinton concedes role in mass incarceration.

CNN.

Trump offers no evidence for a claim about Bill Clinton in Epstein Island.

Factcheck.org.

Confessions of a Clinton World Exile.

Vanity Fair.

The Politician, Bill Clinton's Life, The New Yorker, Arkansas Prisoner Blood Scandal, Encyclopedia of Arkansas.

The Bloody Truth, Examining America's Blood Industry and Its Tort Liability Through the Arkansas Prison Plasma Scandal,

Mary Business Law Review, Testimony by Kelly Duda, created the Factor 8 documentary for the infected blood requiring.

The blood thing is crazy.

Yeah, thebaffler.com, casualties of Clintonism, Politico, Hillary Clinton email,

monthly review, neoliberalism from Reagan to Clinton.

That's a good title.

Remarks Signing the Telecommunications Act.

Remarks signing the Telecommunications Act at the presidency.ucsb and how Monica Lewinsky Saves Social Security on Counterpunch.

What's up, doll heads?

Join the Gear Force.

Come on, go to Garethrones.com for tickets and information like going to see my new special taping.

That's right, I'm taping a new hour on October 4th at the Den Theater in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows, a 7.15 and a 9.30.

But before that, you can see me in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th and September 6th.

Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion Theater, September 13th, September 16th.

Then I'll be in Pasadena, California, September 17th.

And then I will be in San Diego at the American Comedy Co.

on September 21st.

I'll be in Chandler, Arizona, September 24th.

Kansas City, Missouri, September 26th, September 27th.

Columbia, Missouri, September 28th.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th.

Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st, Fort Wayne, Indiana, October 3rd, two shows.

And like I said, the special taping, October 4th, two shows.

And then in November, November 6th, 7th, 8th, I'll be in Sunnyvale, California at RoosterTFeers.

Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.

Join me.

Snoring ruining your sleep or someone else's?

Mute by Rhinomed is the simple science-backed solution.

Just insert, adjust, and breathe.

Mute is a discrete nasal device proven to increase airflow and reduce snoring.

No batteries, no noise, just better sleep.

Find Mute at Amazon and Walgreens.

Try it risk-free and sleep soundly tonight.

Learn more at mutesnoring.com.

That's mutesnoring.com.