702 - Bill Clinton with James Adomian - part three

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Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

It's a big spicy meatball.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hang isn't me.

Hello.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

I like a spicy meatball.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Hello, Governor.

Footy,

you are listening to the dollop.

This is America.

We will have you do that in a sec.

This is an American History Podcast where each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a boob.

Gareth Reynolds has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

Now you do the better introduction.

From the all things comedy studio in Burbank, California.

It's the dollop, dollop, dollop with Dave Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds.

Ah!

That's better.

It's better than that stupid fucking song,

which we didn't play during the last one, mind you.

No, we just did it for the first one.

Good.

It's a good song.

You guys should come out with the Bill Clinton balloons sometime.

No!

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

No!

That would be fun if you could.

Look at the size of this rain.

If you could clean it up easily, just have that go for an hour and a half, the balloons, and have some people have people like I'm having a heart attack because there's too many balloons

boy that was such a fucking that was crazy all right here we go part three all right we are in December 1995 right he still isn't busted Monica Lewinsky after she did the blowy uh time a couple days she a couple of blowjob um situations now she doesn't see President Clinton alone for weeks

She's convinced he's forgotten after he sees her in the hallway and calls her kiddo.

That's definitely not.

So you shouldn't.

Well, there are certain circumstances, probably a kink thing, you would like it, but normally

if you see a lady that's blown you, you don't call her kiddo.

Yeah, absolutely not.

And especially a guy who's never been to a particular island of

women that are of a particular age that is below the age of legal consent?

I mean,

you know what I mean?

That's about to start, right?

Has he been there yet at this point?

He has not been there yet, no.

Coming up, that's his mostly post-presidency, actually.

Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

Nice and nice.

Yeah, I figured there was a lot less attention on a private island.

Well, they're all going to be in trouble because today

all the victims came out and said, we're putting out our own fucking list.

Yes, did you see that

during the press conference, Trump ordered a military flyover?

So they're like

loud jets interrupting

bombing sexual assault victims.

Get them out of here.

What they're doing is a genocide.

Carpet bomb the sexual assault victims.

Okay, no.

Q's like, this is not what we had in mind.

We've got terrorists, victims.

The victims are terrorists.

They're communist victims.

Oh, so.

First they came for me, and I said nothing.

Because I was the Nazi.

Because I don't.

This is not even a poem.

This is a tweet.

So Monica gets hired in the office.

Remember, she was an intern.

Now she's hired in the office of legislative affairs, and she's watching Bill from afar.

But one day she reintroduces herself, which leads to that night a sex romp.

Right?

That's so fucking crazy.

So hey, do you just?

I want to just start things over again if we can't.

If we can.

Who are you?

Do you remember me?

Hey, it's Bob Dahl.

I'm going to go.

Do you remember that?

I love, I love, hey,

I forgot your name, Kink.

That's what it is.

That's my favorite roleplay.

And when you came back, did you notice I was slamming it in a book?

But that just means he is fucking so many women.

He's constantly fucking around with them.

I bet it's not just Monica.

I bet he's got other ones that didn't get caught in.

I think

that

I think he remembered her and something else was going on.

Personally.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Well, she didn't introduce herself.

Whatever.

Monica, it, quote, blossomed into a relationship.

They talk about their day day and politics, and it goes on for 18 months.

She's 21?

She's 22 when she got there.

God.

Corey, fucking nuts.

Bill once put a cigar into her vagina, then put it in his mouth, but he didn't smoke it because smoking in the White House was not allowed.

Oh.

That's nice.

You got to take it out to the rose garden.

Oh, that's tasty.

No, they did not have sex in the Oval Office because, you know, respect for the the office.

No one's done that in here.

Bill thought he was coming up with clever cover stories for when she came.

Staff was trying to keep him away from women because he would clearly flirt in front of the cameras.

He's already suspected of having affairs with several women, including Barbara Streisand,

who at one point, the chief of staff, stopped a dinner that they were going to have together.

And I never made it a scandal.

I never complained for one bar.

When you're a president, you can fuck who you want.

And I'll never say it went too far.

Mr.

President, Mr.

President,

give me his Willie.

Give me his dick.

Mr.

President!

Nobody's in here.

It's just me singing in the shower.

White House volunteer Kathleen Wiley accused Bill of groping her while they were talking.

Other women had similar stories of inappropriate touching or propositioning.

Bill's loyal secretary, Betty Curie, was setting up meets with Monica, and Monica would call her up sometimes up to 12 times a day to see what Bill was up to.

Oh my God.

So he had a secretary that was closer than his wife.

Yes.

And anyone else.

It's like, I am here to do exactly everything you tell me.

Yeah.

12 times a day.

12 times a day.

Which means she's.

She's 22.

She's 22.

Yeah.

She's a young girl with a crush

who's.

At that point, you don't know boundaries that well.

You're taking

a goddamn president.

I mean, it's insane.

It's so.

I mean.

yes,

it is legal in the sense that it's legal, but I'm like older now, so I know that you would be like, that's great.

I'm very flattered, but no.

Because she's 22.

You get your dick sucked and don't finish.

Thank you.

It's a respectful thing to do in that situation.

Respect for the office and the Constitution.

Yeah, the Constitution, because when she leaves, then you jerk off onto the desk.

I don't want you to have a mouth, baby.

That's what Teddy Roosevelt used to do.

Oh, my God.

Abraham Lincoln proudly jerked off under this.

Why do you think he had a hat like that?

The hat could be used to disguise a whole stovepipe.

Sometimes Monica would scream at Curie if she didn't get the info she wanted.

I got a weakness for a screamer.

And she's like, she's calling 12 times a day.

Boy, she is really into me, huh?

In April 96, Monica's superiors moved her job to the Pentagon to keep her away from Bill.

So a lot of people know what's going on.

The Secret Service definitely knows what's going on.

Right, you're not alone.

They're watching the whole time.

So that's another thing.

It's hard to have an affair without somebody knowing.

Is he allowed allowed to be alone?

I mean, does he sleep?

They sleep alone.

Yes, but other people coming in, they know.

Yeah, they stand out in front of the door.

They know everything.

And so he keeps meeting this woman alone.

Dark.

Boy, she's got some great ideas.

So

they move her to the Pentagon to keep her away.

When she tearfully told Bill this, he said, quote, why do they have to take you away from me?

I promise if I win in November, I'll have you back like that.

Oh, maybe it was his idea to send her to the Pentagon.

It's called

Operation Maker Pentagon.

Maybe they did this.

Oh, my lord.

Oh, but honey, I'm letting you down easy because if I win, if I win, meaning you don't come forward, then it's all going to be wine and roses.

And maybe you'll be old enough that somebody else has figured you out.

Monica

joked her job would be assistant to the president for blowjobs, and Bill replied, quote, I'd like that.

When you say replied, what is this?

Via note, via phone call?

No, they're talking.

They're texting.

They're face-to-face, I think.

Oh, they're okay, yeah.

Texting.

I'd like, I'd like eggplant, eggplant, eggplant all day.

Eggplant.

I would very much like if you were assistant to the president for blowjobs.

Wouldn't that be nice?

That'd be great.

I think it should be a cabinet-level secretary.

Coming down.

I think you should be

either the Secretary of Fallatio

or the cocksucker general.

We are going to have a Department of Rim jobs.

You are ambassador to the balls.

A scrotum divided against itself will not come.

I could literally do this part all day.

Oh, fuck.

But their meetings became less frequent.

They had some phone sex.

Monica found ways to see him at events.

She could think of little else.

She gave him gifts, including a book about.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah, she's 22.

Hi.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, honey.

No, no, because the footage of those public meetings, there's like two or three.

Yeah.

And man, oh, man, did you get used to that B-roll where she's like standing in line?

Like, hey, I want me to do a quick hug or something.

Monica, I don't know if you're old enough to be aware of the idea of a rotation.

Have you heard of

the NBA?

Have you heard of a bench?

You got your starting five.

Okay.

Now you've had some great playing time out there.

I'm not sure.

I'm believable, but I just don't know if we're the right squad.

She gave him gifts, including a book about phone sex.

Oh, that's nice.

She loved his gifts.

One was a hat pin.

There you go.

Kill yourself.

Don't poke it.

Don't stab your neck.

Stab your voice box with it.

Bill was focused on.

He gave her a copy of Walt Whitman.

That's right.

Leaves of grass, I remember.

Yeah, yeah.

You'll love this.

Get out of here.

Bill was focused on welfare reform during this time.

He promised to, quote, end welfare as we know it.

Yeah.

Well, I'm getting laid.

I'm sexually gratified, so I think maybe

we could finally approach this administration.

I've been too far left, and I think it's time to swing right.

Look, the first part was left, and we tried it.

He thought free trade would lead to jobs at Walmart and McDonald's so they could get rid of welfare.

Well, I mean, even

thinking that is just like, okay, so

what?

You like that idea?

Everyone's going to benefit from free.

That's a great slogan, too.

Walmart, it's like being on welfare.

You can do both.

His plan was to limit time on welfare and add work requirements.

So liberals are upset, Republicans want even more.

And Bill wanted to offer child care and training to get people off welfare and also give legal immigrants welfare.

And Republicans end up sending a plan that would put 60,000 kids into poverty.

Advisor Rah Emanuel and Al Gore both urged Bill to sign

the bill.

Wow.

Well, I've surrounded myself with right-wing Democrats.

I want to hear from every side of the party.

I want to hear from Wall Street Democrats.

I want to hear from Southern Democrats.

Not just the Yankees in Wall Street, but also the Southerners who live in old plantation houses.

Oh, fuck me.

Despite saying it was, quote,

okay.

You heard him.

Everybody gets that consent.

Leave, leave, leave, leave.

Give me a jizz book.

Despite saying it was, quote, a decent welfare bill wrapped in a sack of shit, Bill signed it.

Wow.

Welfare for legal immigrants was gone.

Stephanopoulos had to tell him not to go golfing because it would look bad.

Bill.

That's so funny.

Bill said, quote, you want me to wear a hair shirt, don't you?

A hair shirt?

So apparently that's like an old saying for when someone wants you to be uncomfortable or like not experience joy.

I bet you anyone who heard that was like, what?

I'm sorry.

Let me guess, you want me to get my dick sucked till I don't come.

Oh, you're not allowed to go golf and enjoy yourself because of this welfare bill.

Yeah, because it, yeah, right.

Yeah.

Okay, so

I'm the victim.

How dare you?

It's such a crazy thing to say.

So his approval numbers go up.

The 1996 election nears, and Bob Dole's the opponent.

He has a hard time hanging the crazy liberal label on Bill because he's not a crazy liberal.

I have not accomplished a single thing

to the left

of Reagan and Howard.

Hold on a minute there, because yes, you have.

Name one thing good I've done.

Then go.

Yeah.

I am a Nazi.

Like, even by the sort of classic definition of what we thought of liberals back in the day, he's not even that.

It's so funny, though, because I, like, as this was going, I mean, I was young, obviously, but like, didn't really know shit, but I,

even for a while, even for like eight years after his presidency, was like, he was really good.

Like, I really did think that he was like, well,

he balanced the budget.

I mean, the guy did it.

We, we were, I always, I always

say it like this.

The, the 90s were like a cocaine party.

Yeah.

And then everything after that has been like the cocaine's running out, the cops are coming, and like now we're out of cocaine and we're addicted.

But the 90s were just like good fucking time.

The 90s were the cocaine party.

The 2000s were the day after where you had like two bumps left to clean up the place.

And then since then, we've just been like, fuck it, let's just fucking

get it.

Let's eat the garbage.

Let's eat the garbage.

Egyptian meds we can crumble up.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

He's he's fucking awesome.

Okay, so

let's go for a jog.

Let's go for a jog.

What do you think?

Oh, he's getting rid of the deficit.

So, the deficit is on track to be gone by 1998.

Right.

That's true.

That's true.

Bill Sun.

A great conservative accomplishment.

Yep.

A hollow accomplishment.

Bill Simon.

That's a sign of cutting welfare.

The Defense of Marriage Act, defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

Well, the sanctity of marriage is very important to me.

It's very important to me.

One man and one woman.

One man.

That's what defines a marriage.

One man, one woman, other women, if they will kiss his penis.

That means that there's two names on the document.

The two names on the document.

The man and woman.

Now, sometimes you might have a witness.

She can blow you.

She can blow you.

You're not married to her, but you can call her

friend.

Okay?

And she cannot take you to the finish line.

That's very important.

Unemployment's low, 11 million new jobs.

He spoke to adoring crowds campaigning.

Now, Dick Morris gets caught going to a sex worker.

And so Bill.

So Bill can now fire him without issue, which is what he wanted to do anyway.

So it took care of that problem.

Wow.

He was like, What are you firing me for?

You're disgusted.

What?

Get out of here.

Get out.

He easily beats Bob Dole.

Dole's a bad candidate.

He once gave a speech about family values next to a line of Hooters waitresses because his team had picked a parking lot by a Hooters to hold a rally.

By the way, Bill Clinton or Bob Dole?

Bob Dole.

That is also all these things, like, they are so, it's very funny to listen back to what foolishness or scandalous was then to think, like, like, Rudy Giuliani giving a press conference in a four seasons parking lot, like, like, the level of stupidity

and the deterioration of it, but also Dole when he tried to shake hands and he fell over that little fence that wasn't, like, glued to the stage properly.

That's right.

He just appeared like the oldest man ever, which is shocking now in retrospect.

Yeah.

It's me, Bob Dole.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the hand, like you were saying, the hand, his hand didn't work, so he put a pen in it.

It was all very puzzling.

The entire campaign was, we've had too much America with a president who's always getting his pecker slobbered over.

Yeah.

I'm a man who's only had sex four times.

And by the way, when he didn't win, then he started doing Viagra commercial.

Yeah, which was right after.

So embarrassing.

Yeah, and he would be like, let me tell you something.

I finally put something that's not a pen in that hand.

Bob Doll's hard.

You can be too.

It was like the craziest.

That was like when whatever he was running on, you're like, oh, that was bullshit.

In case there was any subtext to the me not getting laid information, I am now putting a real point on it.

And his wife's behind him in the Biography commercial, like,

I'm going to go bang the shit out of her.

There's someone with a clipboard

trying to get her to sign something, and she's like, We don't need money that bad.

All right, tell me if you want another take.

I got a couple more in me.

So Bill says that his win shows how important the vital American center is.

You know what?

We won again.

I'll never forget I was in Comms in San Francisco.

They had an election night party and everyone is celebrating.

And I'm just sitting there.

like not celebrating.

And I look across the room and David Cross is also not celebrating.

And we just look at each other and go, no one gets it.

Yeah.

No one gets it.

Yeah, but you didn't sign up for the team.

It was a sporting event.

Yes.

That's what it is.

A campaign is a sporting event.

And are you for the fucking

New York Yankees?

Are you for the fucking Atlanta Braves, bro?

Well, are you for the

new right wing or the old right wing?

Like, and I don't know.

I think for a while, like, yeah, it was like you celebrated the new right wing thinking it was the left yeah

so Republicans just keep hoping people are gonna care about Bill's personal failings his approval rating is in the mid 60s but personal ratings are in the low 40s

So a deregulation bill makes its way through Congress in 1995.

We need a new focus.

It's a second term in office.

It's time that we abandon this left stuff.

And maybe

we can govern both sides by giving the right wing something that they want.

The issue's been regulation.

So it is a telecommunications

deregulation pill.

And both Bill and Gore love it.

It's...

Yeah.

Tell me more.

It's what Reagan was trying to do, but times 10?

Yeah.

Great.

I'm in.

It's anti-consumer legislation being sold as encouraging competition that would lower prices and increase choices.

The Perot pitch now.

You're like, wait a second.

Now down a minute.

But it's actually going to create huge concentrations of media power in radio, print, and TV.

It eliminates antitrust regulations created in 1934 to promote local community.

Is this

Harding?

Yeah.

Before, no company could own more than 40 radio stations across the country.

That's a lot.

But now that was gone.

They couldn't own radio or TV and a newspaper in the same market.

Now one company could own all three.

It laid the path for mega media corporations.

The lobbying for the bill was unparalleled, and Bill signed it on February 8th, 1996, killing one of the New Deal's longest-lasting

regulatory frameworks, quote, this law is truly revolutionary legislation that will bring the future to our doorstep.

We want more Hearsts.

I have two questions.

Well, a thought and a question.

Why did the why?

FDR was the most successful Democrat, and yet they found, was it just the passage of time that allowed them to run away from his record for so long?

And then for Bill Clinton, what is the benefit of this?

Is it just personal financial gain?

It's just

win.

A win.

A win.

A win.

And I don't count the long-term viability of my party.

I just mean me winning.

Yeah.

I mean, winning meet the press that week.

Seriously.

Of all the research I did, the best description I heard was Bill Clinton

was

short-term gains for long-term losses.

Well, that explains a blowjob where you don't come.

And if you don't love me now,

you'll never love me again.

I love,

this is, this is, that,

the, the deregulation is what, that set up a lot of very bad, that NAFTA plus that set up this Trump world that we have now.

Oh, 100%.

Those two things.

Where it's like, oh, not now, Detroit was already destroyed by Reagan, but then now

the entire state of Ohio went down the Detroit pit.

It really.

And then they're like, well, oh, we've got these right-wing propaganda silos now to tell you what happened after your dad died.

That's the thing.

It's like it, it ruined his life, too, eventually.

Like that, the ability to allow that.

That caused his wife to lose her election when like the right-wing, like, I don't think that we'd have have a Trump if it wasn't for the megala mega company

those two and Citizens United is kind of the trifecta and those are two things that he signed in

you're telling me you're telling me that

my abandoning of the working class caused the working class to abandon my family and my political party

well what can I say I was seduced by the dancing baby in the late 1990s and that internet needed to be deregulated.

We all were.

It was a baby that danced, and it twirled in a circle.

And if you don't know what I'm talking about.

So much like free trade, they believe that the internet is going to lead to abundance.

And they thought, quote, well, this new technology, everyone will be making a lot of money and have great jobs.

So the telecommunication, because

so the telecommunications are.

Because we would rather an unknown.

We'd rather what's in the box.

Yeah.

So it's what killed.

So now there's really no local news anymore.

It certainly killed local newspapers.

And then that also killed unions.

Well, all the telecommunications unions were murdered.

Sinclair Broadcasting was Sinclair Broadcasting is the great example.

And Sinclair Broadcasting came super fast because

in

94, or sorry, 2004,

Kerry,

the whole

Swift boat was done by Sinclair Sinclair did Swift Boat they aired it on all their local stations yep

so it was it had already the monster was already there it happened really fast

whoops whoops sorry about that whoopsie boopsie

May 27th 1997 the Supreme Court ruled that no president would be protected from civil suits while in office

it's almost like the opposite has happened with our current president.

Yeah, it's such a

some of this is so quaint where it's like, oh,

the House of Representatives had the power to

fund something or not fund something.

I mean, literally, yeah,

that is the point of them, essentially, is to decide

the court allowed a president to be sued.

So

this was a result of the Paula Jones lawsuit.

The woman who said Bill asked her to perform oral sex and kiss his penis in the Arkansas Hotel.

Begged her.

Begged her.

I just asked her if she wanted to kiss him.

Well, look, she looked like someone that had said yes before.

I mean, honestly, in my defense.

So Jones is suing for $700,000

and an apology.

Now, that's the amount of money that I dumped into whitewater.

And with inflation, it's not what it used to be, but that is a hefty sum.

And by the way, at the end of a blowjob, you do make white water, which I've always found coverage.

Isn't that wild?

So the public doesn't think much of Jones' case.

People didn't believe that he just exposed himself and asked for oral sex.

Could you believe that about this guy?

Jokes on TV made fun of both of them.

An ex-boyfriend sold partially nude photos of her.

So she's really getting taken advantage of and fucked over.

And people really think, like, well, that little white trash.

Like, that's really how it was.

It's a tough thing when you come out.

I have a terrible position.

Have to come out about, like, I was wronged by this powerful person.

Then

the crowd full of clowns goes, like, well, you're a fucking whore bitch, too.

And so, well, nobody you can't win, even if you're right.

And it doesn't even take, like, nude pictures or something, obviously, goes in the that gives them firepower for that sort of stuff.

when you think of like Tara Reed Tara Reed who came up against Biden there was really nothing negative like she just came out with a story and then they all jumped on her yeah with they just were like liar you're fucking liar like it ended me too

that's right yeah

um

so yeah the expo the expo what a fucking scumbag yeah um

So a poll showed me those pictures.

A poll showed half Americans saw the case as just, quote, an effort to undermine the president funded by the right wing.

Isn't it funny?

My whole career, I listened to polls.

I was guided by polls.

But the thing is, it was because she first accused Bill at a right-wing conference.

So she's also being used by the right-wing because who else is going to help her out?

Right-wing commentator Susan Carpenter McMillan became Jones' handler, and she told people she didn't think Jones was smart.

Jeffrey Toobin wrote that she routinely used baby talk to Jones on the phone, like, quote, hi, my Paulapoo, I dubbed.

This is, by the way, fair.

That's how publicists talk to their clients.

That's how you know you got a good one.

I didn't connect that that was baby talk.

Also, we should point out to people not familiar with Jeffrey Toobin.

He was fired for three months on CNN for masturbating on a Zoom.

Well, but not on purpose.

He just

thought that he thought.

Yeah, he thought he was on a break and he wanted to jack off.

To Bin went full tube out.

Am I wrong?

Toobin was Lubin.

Toobin.

Toobin.

And then, oh, that fucking clip.

I apologize.

So Jones lawyers seek out Juanita Broderick to discuss rumors that Bill raped her in 1978, and she denies it.

Years later, she would recant and say Bill had raped her in a hotel room.

The Supreme Court ruling meant Bill could be asked very detailed questions in court, and his advisors thought he should settle instead.

But neither Bill nor Hillary wanted a settlement that would make him look guilty.

I want to prove I'm guilty.

American justice.

Monica had only told her mom and some friends about the affair, including

a Pentagon co-worker as old as her mother, Linda Tripp.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As Monica became depressed and desperate over the affair, she told Tripp more details.

He's fucking these other women.

Oh my god.

I was the other woman.

Oh my god.

Hold on.

Let me flip the tape.

Man, the affair.

I remember Linda Tripp.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I get that, like, maybe you're desperate for love with her, but the whole mindset of just like

of having an affair with someone and then also complaining that you're not getting enough attention or whatever.

It's just like, you're the sidesteck.

But like we said, I mean, she is so fucking young.

She's so young.

She's so young that, I mean, I like, if you are tortured, even if it's not like,

if you're tortured in any way and you find someone who will like listen to you, endlessly let you like blather to them about it, you do it.

And this person obviously was like fully taking advantage of that.

So taking advantage.

Well,

look, if someone was calling me being like,

yeah, I'm like fucking the president, I'd be like, but all right, how did the day go?

Go on.

What are you doing?

How big's his dick?

Yeah, I think anybody would.

But what anybody wouldn't do is tell New York lit agent Lucianne Goldberg, who dangled a book deal.

Goldberg, of course, was a conservative.

So Goldberg told Tripp to record conversations and that it was legal in Maryland, but it was not legal in Maryland.

She had Jones lawyers.

Well, very often if somebody tells you it's legal to do,

you don't look it up.

No, you go, oh, okay, all right.

Yeah.

Well, as long as you say it's legal in Maryland, book person, conservative book publisher.

She had Jones lawyers contact Trip.

Trip even got,

so she's getting her to talk, right?

Yeah.

She's wearing a wire.

Trip recording it.

Trip even got Monica to make a spreadsheet of her meets with Bill to look for patterns in his his attitude.

Look, spreadsheets had taken off in the tech boom of the 1990s.

A lot of Microsoft's

success

is due to me.

That talking paper clip.

Clippy.

By the way, please stop saying spreadsheet and meets.

Tripp is just a monster.

Yes.

Like, Trip is like,

even if you didn't know who she was, and then you saw her picture and you were like, yeah.

Well, when I pull up Microsoft Word, Clippy goes, hey, it looks like you're here to write another NDA.

Oh, back off, Clippy.

But all the vitriol directed at, well, we'll get to it, but Linda Tripp got a lot of

bullshit, but she is a villain.

She's a villain.

But nothing like what

Monica's not.

Monica's not a villain, and even slightly close to one.

Monica is a character dragged on stage

in a Moliere play.

Like it's it's with these middle-aged assholes, and she's this young person that was just not doing anything intelligent, but really being taken advantage of by

an evil man and then his enemies.

Yes.

She's being, I mean, honestly, she's being a kid.

She's being a 22-year-old person.

Like, that's what you do.

And you are being manipulated by the most powerful man in the world who's made a life of manipulating.

Now you say that, but that hurts me.

No, why?

I'm saying that I think that that is like you, you are.

You're manipulating.

The most powerful man.

Yeah.

Well, not to say nothing of the Pope.

Wait, that's what.

I dare you to criticize him as much as you do me.

I really feel like I

feel like there's skeletons in both closets, sir.

Well, there are catacombs underneath the Vatican.

You don't want to investigate in Little Rock.

I've got catacombs.

Ah, shit.

So, yeah, so Linda Trip enters the picture.

Blunderson.

Yeah.

Blunderson.

This is the opera and her character.

Buddhum, Buddhum, Buddhum.

The Kool-Aid man as a woman.

Through the wall.

Like

the Mozart play.

Oh, like...

What is it?

Which one?

Thricks!

Chitty, chitty, bang-bang.

Yes, chitty, chitty, bang-bang.

Oh, I'm thinking of a different one, but good stuff.

The thing about 22-year-olds, and this is what I always tell my wife about kids, like their job is to make mistakes.

Your job is to make mistakes, and it's older people's jobs not to fucking take advantage of them.

In college and all that, but I mean,

immediately out there bumbling around, like you're figuring changes.

Yeah.

But imagine being in the fucking White House.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

So Monica, I mean, sorry, Tripp already hates Bill

because she had worked in the White House under Bush.

And then when Bill came in, she was forced out.

One of those things.

So she's already talking about it.

She's got a fucking grudge.

So Monica said Bill came after a blowy and it got on her dress.

And Tripp said, don't clean it, quote, it could be evident someday.

And Monica was like, That's ridiculous.

Quote, you think that I can hold on to a dress for five or ten years with the president's cum?

I have.

I've got a whole closet full of dresses and cums.

I've got an apron with Nixon's load on it.

I've got a dress made out of FDR semen.

I've got a taint splotch from Gerald Ford's Chevrolets, let's say.

It's just the craziest conversation.

You can hold on to a dress for 10 months with cum on it.

So now

Bill's kind of distancing himself, and she's starting to feel brushed off.

So Monica writes Bill a letter and said she might have to tell her parents everything.

And he calls her into the Oval Office the next day and yells at her, but then she starts to cry and then he softens.

Well,

that means it worked.

When a woman starts crying, that means that you did the job.

You can be the nice guy.

What we call the closing zone.

And then they kept talking, and he gave her hope of them having a future together.

Look, maybe I'll nut on another dress in a month.

She thought he was in love with her.

Bill's lawyers agreed to a settlement of $700,000, but no apology.

In the apology, Jones came in.

That's so funny.

But he will not say he's sorry.

And Jones' husband was like, no, rejected.

And it pisses off her lawyers because there's absolutely no fucking evidence.

It's just her word against his.

Except for the trooper, I guess.

But the trooper, that guy's been disgraced a little bit, so whatever.

So her lawyers quit.

They're like, fuck this.

This is crazy.

Damn.

And then her case is just taken over by right-wing activists.

So they leak that Jones said he had a, quote, identifying characteristics on his genitals, a curved penis.

I've got interesting news for you, Miss Jones.

Most penises have a bit of a curve.

Bill's lawyer.

When you play with it, it gets hard.

Well,

my penis,

it starts.

It announces that it's swinging to the left, but then it makes a a hard, sharp right turn.

I call it the S.

Oh, while I keep saying it's pretty left.

When I get you into the bedroom, I tell you, it's got a hard left bend once you're there.

So, Bill's lawyer responds, quote, in terms of size, shape, and direction, a normal man.

Do you remember this?

I remember the penis, the penis.

It was like a ridiculous opera.

Yeah.

Where the whole country was talking about the shape and size of the president's penis.

And I never thought he was hot.

I never thought he was a hot guy.

And I was like a teenager having to be like, all right, we're talking about this fat guy's dick.

But I do remember, I don't remember that, but I do remember like you'd be watching the news and Broca would be like, I'd update it as far as how big Bill Clinton's penis is.

You were just like, it was the first time you were like, penis is just getting said by all these sort of iconic people on the news so regularly.

Did he have a bone or did he shoot a load on the dress?

Sherman-esque question.

Are you cut or are you

uncut?

How hooded is his penis?

So, because of the court case, he ends up being examined by urologists.

Oh, that's like, it's so fucking crazy.

They found no curve.

That guy's crazy, too.

But then conservatives were upset because they said it was soft.

John Cochrane was his urologist.

If the shaft does not dip,

then the president is no crip.

So conservatives are like, no, it's soft.

It has to be hard.

That's not going to be an issue.

Then the next show, the next year all the time.

So part of this was,

part of this was,

once you've allowed the,

to be pulled into a public scandal like this, that was delicious for them because now they're saying we're demanding that the president jerk off yes

well another day it's like we i i we know what you're doing you're just making the president jerk off yeah i mean the whole thing effective yeah oh very

effective

uh so joan's right-wing lawyers are also making fun of her the whole time quote paula can't even spell politics They hired private investigators to get information from other women about Bill's sexual history, and they got details on a few consensual affairs.

The stress is eating at Bill, especially when he saw Monica's name pop up on the witness list.

He was shocked.

That's the first time that her name had spilled out.

Yeah.

He told his lawyer, quote, Bob, do you think I'm fucking crazy?

I know the press is watching me every minute.

The right has been dying for this kind of thing from day one.

No, it did not happen.

I'm retired.

I'm retired from cheating.

I'm retired from cheating.

So maybe that's what he thought that once he got into the White House, he wouldn't do it anymore.

I think to some extent he must have because when it came to Mike.

He never got credit for almost keeping good on that promise.

Because when it came to Monica, it was like

he really, it feels like the fact that he came on the dress says to me it's not a fetish.

He just was really trying to not come for whatever reason, like probably because of something like this, but also maybe because in his weird head he's like that it isn't cheating which is what the sexual relations thing leads to we came to that agreement when we entered the oval office together Hillary and I we agreed we had some some rules I wouldn't I would never cheat on her again no no now anything on the road doesn't count

So you'll notice there was a lot of trips to China and Russia.

A lot of them.

Every time we went to London, let me tell you,

You could go to London and end up in Dublin and then make your flight out of London the next day.

I got so invested in Serbia.

They had this woman there.

Oh, fuck.

So anyway,

being on the list, also Blindsides Monica.

Bill called her at 2 a.m., quote, it broke my heart when I saw your name on that list.

Got so tough for you.

Starr would later.

Did you come here so I can poison you?

Star would later call this call obstruction of justice.

But he never asked her to lie in an affidavit or under oath so then it can't be obstruction well so i am an attorney so i know how to say things without saying that exactly it really made me very sad that i saw that you had done something yeah wow that's exactly right um they talk cover stories but they left out the oral sex and also what are the cover stories for the trial or just my wife?

So you can't actually say it's obstruction of justice because the cover story could be for anybody.

Right, for his wife, right?

I'm just a piece of shit.

So now Monica is frantic and in tears and she calls Trip.

Trip.

Oh, you got to trust somebody.

Trip chastised her for upsetting her with the news.

Listen, listen, you little whore bitch.

Trip is also a very undersexed angry woman on top of it.

Like, she doesn't look like she's had an organization.

That's so fucking amazing.

She looks like somebody on one of those daytime talk shows.

She looked like a Jerry Springer guest.

Yeah, right.

Where you were waiting for the chair at some point.

Yeah.

She was going to flip out at some point.

But it's also amazing for her to be like a

like

She's she's she's a mole.

She's a rat.

And yet she's also like getting valuable information.

And she's like, leave me alone.

I know, right?

My shows are on.

I'm watching my stories.

Good God.

Hold on.

Let me get the tape recorder.

Now, Trip tapes this conversation, even though she now knew it was illegal to tape.

And Monica.

She was in Maryland.

Yes, and she looked it up.

She finally Googled it.

The publisher was like, no, you are allowed to.

Keep doing it.

Okay.

Monica asked Bill to help her get a job in New York.

She's like, it's over.

I'm leaving.

Absolutely.

And he gets a friend to hook her up at Revlon.

Revlon?

Revlon.

Where else?

From Pentagon to Revlon.

Monica signed an affidavit denying a sexual relationship.

And when Tripp heard that, she called Star's team and told them what she knew.

And she played the recordings for them and was offered immunity for making the illegal recordings.

That's not how it works.

What is the fucking point?

That's not how it works.

What is the point for Linda Tripp at this point?

A book deal.

It is still a book deal.

It's a book deal.

Okay.

And she wants to get subpoenaed to put her name out there so she can make some of them.

right.

If her game had played out more to her interest,

you would have a TV show now that would be like, it's the, it's, it's, it's the, welcome back to Tripwire.

It's, yeah, weekend trip on Fox News.

Day trip.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, God.

Uh,

yeah, she's fucking just.

So anyway, she plays the recording.

She goes off her immunity.

She told them of the come dress, and she gets the subpoena she wants.

Trip then invites Monica to lunch at the Ritz-Carlton wearing a wire.

Yep.

This is all over a fucking affair that doesn't.

It's literally an HR issue.

Yeah.

It's not...

It's not a...

Can you imagine her?

It's just like...

She's like, I'm sorry, I got a little bit of my tit milk on the microphone.

Can you still hear me?

Yes, we can, Linda.

Stop talking.

Monica's walking over right now.

I think she has pussy juice on the the bacon okay all right just just act normal please Linda act totally normal she's sitting down in a second okay uh fuck

Monica got suspicious when they were talking

I'm sorry and you said it his name was what

Bill no I know Bill but I'm saying that the the the official that had told you uh that the Pentagon move which which what was his name again William Cohen I told you that that's right you know him

that's very good very good very are Are you okay?

What's with your posture?

What's with your?

Why are you talking and dear?

When you get older, too, things start moving differently.

Okay.

They could move in if they wanted.

Yeah.

They could move in if they wanted.

They could move differently if they wanted.

They could move in, move in, move in.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go.

We have her.

What are you doing?

We have her.

We have her.

We have her.

I'm just wondering if I can have more champagne.

Can we have more champagne?

Move!

Move, bullies!

Move!

Get the squad in here!

Well, you're almost right.

While they were talking, Tripp kept saying, quote, stop whispering.

I can't hear.

Oh, louder, please.

Talk into the plant.

Trip went to the bathroom and Monica searched her purse for a recorder.

But Monica didn't lie in the affidavit.

She said, quote, I never had intercourse.

I did not have a sexual relationship.

Oh, God, because they were coming on each other's clothes.

They didn't fuck.

Yeah, well, that's the whole gray zone of this fucking conversation.

This whole relationship.

What is sex became the question?

Because

Hillary said that

she would walk away from our sexless marriage if I didn't honor it.

Imagine.

After the lunch, Tripp told

one of the independent counsel what she wanted out of all this.

And the independent counsel went to Starr's chief deputy and said, quote, that woman is a fucking cunt.

If you want to get in bed with that bitch, you're going to pay for it eventually.

Any jury would hate that woman.

Linda Tripp.

Yeah.

That's that was America's verdict, too.

America, she is one of those people you instantly don't like.

You just go, This is an awful person.

She just, she, she oozes.

I'm awful.

What do you mean?

What?

You mean someone who's like, I used to work at the White House and now I'm an analyst at the Pentagon?

That's not like

that doesn't have sunshine written all over it.

So

Starr asks Attorney General Reno to let him expand it and investigate obstruction of justice by Bill.

And Reno does, and it has nothing to do with Whitewater.

So now

what the guy

said, yeah, he was like, they're going to open it up.

Yep, just settle.

And sure enough, they did.

Thinking

she was meeting Trip, Monica was confronted in a mall by the FBI and prosecutors.

And they take her up to a hotel room.

And Trip's there.

And Monica now realizes that Trip is the betrayer.

I don't understand why they had Trip there.

I'd like to be there.

Maybe to throw her off?

Maybe to throw Monica off.

And then she would understand everything they know.

Probably.

Probably to make a very quick, like a short route to her being like, oh they were like we actually just want to make sure you know we're the bad guys yeah

hi monica hey we suck so i told them everything

so they tell trip to leave and told monica she was going to be charged with crimes can i take some of these waters from the fridge to win before i go oh whoa they have toblarone may i they tell monica she's gonna be charged with crimes and is looking at 27 years

for fucking what for

not fully sucking his dick you're looking

You're looking at crimes, Miss Lewinsky.

We understand that the balls were not cradled at all.

There were pubic hairs that were spit out disrespectfully.

We know he ate the cigar, ma'am.

We know he ate the cigar.

Yeah, but from the Department of Blowjobs, what'd you think we're from?

So

they had nothing.

They're no blowjob investigators.

DBJ.

They have absolutely nothing.

Monica asked to call her mom, and a prosecutor said they might prosecute her mom, too.

And now Monica just.

That's not what you say when someone wants to make a phone call.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, completely.

And she just flips out and starts sobbing.

It takes an hour for them to calm her down.

And then she goes to a payphone to call her mom.

And as she leaves the room, a prosecutor says, quote, well, that's it.

She's never coming back.

But she does come right back after talking to her mom.

Now her mom's going to come out.

I think her mom was West Coast.

So I think they waited a really long fucking time for her to fly out.

And like, they spent a day at the mall.

They like went shopping with Monica and like the fucking them?

Yeah.

And they went to a movie.

They watched a movie.

The FBI took her to a movie.

Yeah, they went to a movie and they went

to Disney store.

Do you want to go in there?

Do you think they were like, do you think there were some like creepy FBI guys that were like, you remember one

of my popcorn?

Yeah, I know she's easy.

I mean, it sounds like she's easy.

You know, I love to come on dresses.

What?

Is that your thing or what's going on?

You're under arrest.

All right.

So

her mom does come out.

That must have been the weirdest fucking day.

That's the movie, the day of them just.

Oh, my God.

Right.

Purpose of your visit, business or pleasure?

My daughter has been having sex with the president.

The president's pleasure.

So when her mom arrives, she was told Monica could have immunity, and the mom's like, okay, put the deal in writing.

And then they all got really quiet, and they said no because they didn't have a typewriter.

What the fuck?

This is not the 1930s.

They're like, we actually want

to have none of this admissible in court.

Do you understand?

Our goal here is a mistrial.

Are you actually prosecutors?

We don't know.

We'll be honest.

We all work at Spencer's Gifts.

What's the the thing that you type out on that you take the paper out of?

We don't have one of those.

These guys sound like in space balls where it's like,

yeah, major asshole, sir.

Yeah.

I'm an asshole.

Hi, sir.

The typewriter is the best thing in this hole.

A typewriter in 1997 or something.

Yeah.

Post internet.

Monica and her mom just leave then.

Oh, wait.

You can't keep them there.

So Bill is practicing for the deposition with lawyers for about six hours.

And the lawyer.

I mean, truly, just sitting there learning how to very lawyerly lie.

Yes.

And the lawyer said some of his denials are, quote, frankly unbelievable.

And he warns them about lying.

You can't lie.

Right.

And they had no idea about Tripp and Monica.

So he really got blindsided.

So Bill is questioned about seven different women that he had affairs with all seven and you watch them fall bang bang

the judge is judge right she was bill's student

at the uh you know arkansas law school probably shouldn't have showed her my pecker at the same time she worked in the campaign of the guy opposing him

so uh

Right?

How are you?

She thought Jones, the judge thought Jones should take the settlement and was worried what the case would do to the country.

The judge and the lawyers agreed to define the term sexual relations as

contact with the genitalia, anus,

groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of a person with an intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person.

Well, then he

really tried to expand it.

Yeah, they did.

What about a judge?

What about a...

That's sex.

Let me show you.

Let me show you, Judge.

She kissed my buttocks.

Oh, and

a judge woman could be like, I would like a demonstration.

And then Bill Clinton just wakes up from a wet dream.

And then the gavel is like, and they're like, Your Honor?

She's like, no, no, no, that was just me.

Sorry, excuse me.

Your Honor, I'm going to wet my finger right here.

And you go ahead and get that butthole up.

Permission to bang you like a gavel.

Yeah, so that must have been a weird fucking day.

Well, then he definitely had sexual relations.

Well, that sounds like it, right?

Yeah, there was fucking thigh, penis,

thigh, breast.

He definitely was grabbing her breast and fingering her, the whole deal.

Bill denied asking Jones for sex.

He said he didn't remember being alone with Monica.

You can't.

He might not.

Yeah, I called her kiddo.

I have nut amnesia.

I love that they were like, let's expand this investigation to just everything I've done.

Let's get it all out there.

Make this like a preview of my judgment in the gates of heaven.

When I was 11, I played ookie kookie at a slumber party.

The worst thing about the right

is that

they make you have to defend people you hate.

Yeah, right.

That's their fucking talent.

They do the craziest shit, and you're like, no, not that.

Yes.

There's so much stuff to get him on.

Leave his dick alone, you fucking weirdos.

And then after all that, to have Trump.

After all this.

Trump.

To have Trump.

Rape him McRape.

The biggest rapist.

You couldn't have Trump without Bill Clinton coming for him

in many different avenues.

Yep.

Including getting him to run.

Yes.

Yeah, right.

Yes.

Well, no, they're the fucking Pippin and Jordan of Epstein Island.

I mean, those two were fucking like, we're putting up some numbers.

My guy, we really are housing him.

They should do 90s basketball ads where like the Larry Bird and

Michael Jordan and things where it's like Trump and Bill Clinton.

Like

we're both all-stars, right?

All right.

I'm going to throw her off the bed, scream the N-word at her, and still fuck her.

Now, hold on a minute.

Now, I'm going to do that, but I'm not going to come until she's in the next room.

McDonald's.

It's my thing.

My thing is not coming.

When they asked if Bill had taken Monica to the private hallway by the Oval office and about gifts, like the hat pin, he knew they had more info than he'd assumed.

He he apparently went super quiet for a long time

um

he was asked about monica quote i have never had sexual relations with monica lewinski i have never had an affair with her

after

bill told an advisor quote it went great it really did

but he knew it hadn't By the way, there was a four, I think I took it out, but there was a four-hour time limit on

tock so he was you just asked a question you shouldn't have because i'm gonna sit here can i have another glass of water to pound so he was running off i'm gonna pee myself unless you let me take a break you want to piss you piss here it's up to you you guys want to watch that sickos

um he talked to curry and kept saying, we were never alone, right?

We were never like,

and now he's like in panic mode.

Later, when told

some of the things that he had said at Curry were false, he said, quote, that depends how you define a loan.

Yeah, he was in big

verb and define mode.

Yeah, is this the same deposition where he's like, the organization?

The news exploded.

Oh, sorry.

Matt Drudge broke that Newsweek had a story about the affair.

Drudge?

So Newsweek had contacted Tripp about

the woman, Wiley,

who he grabbed,

because she just worked there, and then she told Newsweek there was more going on.

Drudge Report 1999

breaking news.

I've got some more information you might like.

So he put that up, and then

he put the Kathleen Wiley story up, and then now the national news just fucking goes crazy, rumors and trying to figure it out.

How big is his load?

And that's when Bill.

It was like a fictional movie that happened on the news

every night for months.

Cultural shift point.

But people were exhausted by it and just like, yeah, I don't fucking care.

Well, no, because it was in the...

That was the end result.

Like any affair.

After a while, everyone gets tired of arguing about it.

But it was.

It was like the media.

embraced it for what it was and ran with it.

And by the end, yeah, we were all like, shut the fuck up.

Right.

Don't care.

Unions are more important than his load.

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So Bill learns that Starr is going after him for obstruction of justice.

He's frantic.

He talked to lawyers for hours.

You can't get him on the thing.

And then he had to go wake up Hillary.

At 3 3 a.m.

2 a.m.

I think 3 a.m.

Yeah, it was in the middle of the night.

Who would you rather have answered?

Why in the middle of it?

3 a.m.

That's like

a dragon.

Because she was going to wake up and find, and the news is everywhere, so he has to tell her.

Well, it's like that commercial for the three.

Who would you rather have answered the phone?

That's what she was talking about.

The 3 a.m.

phone call.

He called her on the quiet phone from downstairs.

I was at the Atlantis in the Bahamas for an event.

Tough stuff that's going to drop tomorrow.

Marmaduke might be the best thing you can find in the paper tomorrow.

Skip the first 20 pages.

Yeah.

Speaking of pages.

You know how I promised you?

The promise is a living document.

Well, he did tell her it was all lies.

I know, I just want you to know it's all bullshit.

I want you to know that all seven of these women are lying.

And this is what you know to be true about me from our young years is no longer.

Do you understand how complicated this will be for you mentally?

This is the part I don't believe, that she believed him.

I don't believe that.

I think she knew.

No,

I think they had a marriage of convenience for sure.

Political convenience.

There must have been.

Well, not even convenience.

I think he could mess around.

And also.

Well, whatever it is, yeah, but just to be able to do that.

That made it very inconvenient for her, though, at that moment.

Even if they're not.

Well, I think the agreement is, yeah, you can fuck around, but don't let it get out there.

Which is exactly what he did.

But then she stood by him, and it did make her a sympathetic figure.

It felt like it softened her

in the media for a minute.

Sure.

You know.

Yeah.

But

when he had to break the news to her, that must have been NASA must have seen the radiation of the, are you fucking kidding me that came out of the whole thing?

The fact that you fucked up.

Yes.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I didn't do it.

You can check the desk.

It's still crusty.

So the story is that she believed him and told an aide Monica was a troubled woman, and Bill must have been ministering to her.

Quote, he ministers to troubled people all the time.

Ministering?

Jesus Christ.

That's why I think this is just total fucking horseshit.

So I don't, yeah, I don't believe that.

That's

you can't

get on your knees.

You're dragging God into it?

Get on your knees and get ready to take the body.

Well, he's obviously a very religious man.

Yeah, clearly a pious man.

Bill told senior staff he had no sexual relations and didn't tell anyone.

We heard you.

Well, all right, you leave.

And didn't tell anyone to lie.

He told one aide Monica came to him, but he turned her down, came on to him, but he turned her down.

And he called her a stalker who threatened him unless he had an affair with her.

So he's got two different stories going on there to different people.

But it's also amazing.

Well, you gotta have

these stories are very adjacent to what may have happened.

It's amazing for the president to be like, I was in fear for a lot of stuff over this 22-year-old intern.

And

they were trying to have like revenge on Nixon's resignation.

They were like trying to make Bill Clinton resign.

Oh, yeah.

They were like, we got nothing.

Try it anyway.

Yeah.

He lied about not lying.

Yeah.

Yes.

So he had interviews lined up that day because he was about to do the State of the Union.

And he told PBS's News Hour, quote, there is no improper relationship, using the present tense.

And when pressed, he said, quote, there is not a sexual relationship, an improper sexual relationship, or any kind of improper relationship.

And then afterwards, his press secretary pulled him aside and said, look, people are going to think the present tense thing is pretty weird.

Yeah, I'm trying to get away with it.

Is that obvious?

I'm going to do future tense, too.

I'll never fuck her again.

Yeah, I will never fuck her.

It will have never been.

It will have never been.

It will have never been at this now.

Do you understand?

Now, why are you looking at me confused?

What is time?

Time.

All right, now hold on a minute.

Let's get into this.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Time has come today.

You know, I did not serve in Vietnam, but I felt the pain of those soldiers.

The songs of that time.

Of those songs.

Tom.

Tom.

Tick, tick, tick.

Just dancing around.

Time has come today.

Mr.

President.

After that, he had an interview with the paper, and he said, quote, the relationship was not sexual, so now he went to pass.

So, Poles.

You got to do a press tour.

When you got big news,

you got to get out there.

So polls are still okay.

People didn't think having an affair was relevant to his job, but they didn't like the idea of lying under oath.

So his staff said to take a forceful stand if it's not true.

Go out there and fucking.

His staff took a forceful stand.

So he came out swinging in a TV appearance about child care with Hillary and Gore, and he looked into the camera, pointed, and said, quote, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.

I never told anyone to lie, not a single time, never.

These allegations are false.

And then he walked off.

It was pretty shocking because

when you saw it, you were like, all right, that seems like he's being pretty fucking serious about this shit.

Like, I would imagine that that is really true.

I mean, as a, yeah, as a child, you were like, you were like, well, okay, he's so angry about it.

Obviously, he did it.

And also, there was this long history that was like,

it was public

right up to the point where he wasn't openly joking about being a guy jerking off on other people.

Like, if it had been any book, if he had been even more of a sex weirdo, he would have been bringing it up at like shows with a microphone.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

But, but, so it was like, it was like right up till that point.

And then he was like, I did not.

And it was one of those things I remember where like the click of the cameras was almost louder than the microphone.

You can hear him going.

It was an iconic moment.

Yeah.

And it is crazy that he was so full of fucking shit.

So full of shit.

That's where it's crazy.

Like, you, like, what man can go to this?

Like,

how do you muster this kind of aggression for a lie?

But it's also Whitewater, again, it's him saying, I would rather fight it than get rid of it.

Yeah.

Make it worse.

You know, I'll clean this thing.

Yeah.

So, meanwhile, everyone painted Monica as a ditzy, emotionally unstable slut who maybe stalked the president.

And Hillary was doing a lot of

behind the scenes.

That was her back channel.

She was really going hard at fucking.

To all the Hollywood connections.

Yeah.

She had Jay Leno on speed dial.

I mean, they're huge, fat bitch.

Look at her.

And we got a bunch of people dressed up like Miss Piggy to walk around on stage.

The wig works for Jay Leno at the same time.

Jay Leno wig now.

Hey, I tell you what,

unbelievable what you're doing right now, huh?

Hey, Kevin, you see this?

Kevin, you seen this?

Yeah, I went to a barbecue over the weekend.

There was Spitfire Roasted a Pig.

I walked over to it with an intern at the White House.

So Bill nails the State of the Union.

104 applause.

Not all he nailed.

Even Republicans say it's good.

He keeps his.

This is into the year 2000 or into 97.

No, we're not.

We're in like 96, 97.

Like, we're not that far.

Oh, no, no.

We're in 97, maybe.

97.

I think it's 97.

And

the Republicans say it's good.

67% approval rating.

Hillary calls Starr's investigation part of a, quote, vast right-wing conspiracy.

Vast right-wing conspiracy.

That has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced president, which is true.

That's the thing.

That is true.

Yes.

It was a right-wing conspiracy.

It's true.

Yeah, two things could be true.

Yeah.

Starr was working with right-wing anti-Clinton activist lawyers who called themselves the Elves and worked to make sure the Jones case didn't fade.

What?

Yeah.

Were they volunteers?

I think, yeah, I don't think they were getting paid.

So they were like non-profit friends of the court or something like that.

Yeah, they're a group of right-wing lawyers who are enjoying.

Yeah.

We hate him, so we'll work for free, which we never do.

This we will.

Right, yeah.

James Carville named one of the men Brett Kavanaugh.

Do you want to hear the name of another one?

George Conway.

I can never get over the fact that liberals love George Conway, a motherfucking federalist judge who did shit like this.

He is a piece of shit.

Because he was married to Kellyanne and he was anti-Trump.

And he talked shit about Trump.

He is a fucking, he built the fucking castle, you fucks.

Well, it is like when you watch, if you watch MSNBC, it is the right wing from 20 years ago.

Yep.

That should be their slogan.

We are the right wing from 20 years ago.

Hey, did you?

MSNBC lean back and to the right.

Have you figured out you're a fucking right winger yet?

So now Bill has a pre-planned trip to Africa, and he stops in Rwanda, and he's there for three hours.

He never leaves the airport.

He meets genocide survivors.

And after, he spoke to a larger group and said he realized he was in part responsible.

He and other leaders didn't understand the depth and speed of what was happening.

That's the most guilt he's ever admitted for anything.

I am partly responsible.

Yeah, and he's...

If I can blame other powerful people with me, I might admit some of it.

How is it possible?

for the person, the most powerful person in the world to be like, we didn't know.

So

the whole basis of this.

Bill Clinton knew less about Rwanda than Dave Anthony, a fucking middle comic in San Francisco.

Middle comic with a dad who's cosplaying as some sort of knight of the round table.

Yeah, we all fucking knew.

There's no, you don't get to rewrite genocide.

But that's what they'll be fucking, that's what they're Biden, Kamala, they're already doing it.

Who shot the plane down?

I always wonder that part.

Oh, yeah.

We don't want to get into that.

I wonder who did that.

Here we go.

Here comes Conspiracy Jimbo.

Now, hold on a minute.

Yeah, but it's like a true conspiracy, so Alex Jones would never be interested.

Yeah.

We're not interested at all in what happened with the Rwanda genocide.

In fact, I've never even brought it up.

It's definitely shady as fuck.

100%.

And don't get me started on the senator from Minnesota.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, they kill Wilston.

That was pretty obvious.

That's one of the few conspiracies.

I'm like, yeah, I'm going to give you that one.

That's.

Okay.

So

he speaks to them.

He says it's a lie.

And then after,

he goes to a game reserve with Hillary, and they're seen snuggling and dancing on a boat.

And then he gets word that Judge Wright

had issued a summary judgment in his favor saying Jones failed to prove she experienced employment discrimination.

And that night he was seen smoking a cigar and banging an African drum on a hotel balcony.

This is drum.

Yep.

That was when he was on his vacation in Bosnia or something?

I don't know where they are at that point.

There was some news about the Yugoslavian conflict

around the same time.

No, we'll get to that.

Yeah.

I didn't want to mix them up too much because it was confusing.

Yeah, so there, so he's having a great old time.

He thinks he's free, he thinks he's free as Starr's investigation.

But then he gets back to D.C.

and Gingrich said, Quote, Mr.

President, we are going to run you out of town.

Monica makes a deal for immunity, and she's turning over the come dress.

Starr asks for a blood sample from Bill.

Give him some prisoner plasma.

I got a lot of blood.

Give him the prisoner plasma.

So Monica is now being hounded and confined in her DC apartment.

Her neighbor, Bob Dole,

feeds reporters gossip and gives them donuts.

She has a townhouse that's adjacent to Bob Dole.

I think she is from a well-off family.

It's fair to flag it.

But it's a fair flag.

But also, a lot of these guys just live in cheap, shitty places while they're here.

In D.C.?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They just live in some house.

Yeah,

they don't care.

Some of them live, like four of them in a place.

Right, yes.

Some even senators

have like roommates.

Leonard, you're not washing the dishes.

I told you I'll get around to it.

I'm not passing your fucking crime bill.

Would you guys be quiet in there?

I'm watching my shows.

My shows are on and you're ruining them.

Your shows are garbage.

You don't even know what you're talking.

That's it.

I'm the only one who pays the Hulu Live bill, and I'm done doing that.

We all suffer now.

Now, hold on a minute.

So, I just can't believe Bald.

What a fucking dick.

So, Monica is so depressed, she has to be taken to a psychiatric hospital.

Her lawyer then gets her to do a photo shoot with Vanity Fair, which is hugely mocked.

So, she fires her lawyer.

Right.

Well, hey,

don't you want to be magazine cover model famous for this?

I mean, Jesus Christ.

It's fucking crazy.

The way people take advantage of people in fucking bad situations is crazy.

Or even try to like

just read the fucking room.

I mean, she obviously goes into hiding, you know, for fucking ages because this is crazy.

But to think that you could do Vanity Fair and be like,

it's funny how Vanity Fair's career wasn't ruined after that.

Or ever it gets fucking ruined.

You hear they're doing Joe Biden, like, our family's going to decide what's right for us.

It's like, yeah, sorry, that's not the fucking deal.

So she gets a new lawyer and she answers posts.

You should do a people cover.

If she hadn't fired the lawyer, we've got Disney Adventures lined up for you.

Rolling Stone, anyone?

Disney Adventures.

Cat fancy.

Don't get too excited, but I have

one word:

Penthouse.

What?

Queen,

man.

What do you think?

I'm sure she got an offer from Penthouse.

Oh, yeah.

That was still when Larry Flint was alive.

Yeah, that offer came in immediately.

Oh, he's coming up.

Larry Flint will be in the story very soon.

So, so, yeah, her life.

Jesus Christ.

So

as

she gets a new lawyer, she answers prosecutors' questions.

And as far as Bill and obstruction, she gives them nothing.

Questioning goes on for days.

And Starr's team threatened her parents with legal action and IRS audits.

That's illegal.

So illegal.

You're not allowed to threaten the family with prosecution and tax audits.

No, it's insane.

That's illegal.

I mean, that's the kind of thing Trump does now, but legally.

You're not allowed to, the IRS cannot be used politically.

She said she'd give a statement saying Bill told her to quote deny a relationship if ever asked about it but who's she talking about it's not like she's saying that he told her do that in court so Monica then went before a grand jury and she said no one asked her to lie and quote I hate Linda tripp

Bill's DNA was matched to the come dress he'd already lied so much to the public and days later Osama bin Laden attacked US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania killing hundreds oh yeah and Saddam Hussein is refusing to comply with UN weapons inspectors.

So Bill had, during all this, Bill has to appear before the grand jury, but before he had to come clean to Hillary.

So he tried to get other people to tell him.

You know what's fucking amazing?

Here's what's fucking amazing.

It's amazing to be in the position that he has gotten himself.

He's the fucking president of the United States, and he still is terrified.

He's absolutely terrified of his wife.

He's like, fuck, I'm so fucked, man.

I'm so fucked.

You did what?

How dare you?

Send Al Gore to do it.

Now I have some interesting news for you, Hillary.

And she's so mad at him, she's like, I will make sure that you lose the next election.

That's impossible.

I'm a lock.

So I just love that there's a cum dress.

It's awesome.

That made a lot of comedy careers at that time.

Well, Halloween that year was spicy.

So he tries to get other people to tell her.

A friend agrees to give her a heads up, but Hillary says, quote, my husband may have his faults, but he has never lied to me.

What?

And they went, Bill, isn't that crazy?

He's never fucking lied to me.

Like, this is where you're just like, I don't believe that.

that.

What is the picture you're trying to paint of this person?

Either she is wildly ignorant and easily duped, or she's fucking lying or titting.

Think of the balloons.

Duh!

Like, neither one paints a picture of a person that you want, like, in charge of anything.

No.

It's the same thing with Bill.

Like, at the end of the day, why would you want a guy in charge of he was this bad of a person?

Yeah, a cum clown.

Yeah.

So Bill tells her, and she is stunned.

She later said, quote, I started crying and yelling at him.

What do you mean?

What are you saying?

Why did you lie to me?

I couldn't believe he would do anything to endanger our marriage and our family.

I was dumbfounded, heartbroken, and outraged that I believed him at all.

This part I just don't believe.

I don't either.

I believe being wanting Chelsea to not have to go through this, but everything else I think is bullish.

Totally.

I think she's mad at the damage to the political family.

Yes.

That's all it is.

You fucking idiot.

You did this, and it got out, is what it is.

Oh, boy, howdy did it.

Bill said he was trying to protect Hillary, and he also then went and told Chelsea.

How often did Bill and Hillary go to their separate bedrooms?

Oh, my God.

Almost certainly they had separate bedrooms.

Oh, right.

So how often would it have to be?

Could I have 15 minutes?

15 minutes long.

Jesus Christ, what?

I want to see how you are.

It's another woman, believe it or not.

Hallmark made a special card for him.

There better not be a come dress this time.

Well,

the card says, I'm sorry again.

I'm sorry, I blanked on blank.

Well,

so now that he's told

Chelsea and Hillary he can testify, and he admits to inappropriate intimate contact that did not consist of sexual intercourse, nor did their contact fulfill the definition of sexual relations of the Jones hearing.

And he also refused to give detailed descriptions to, quote, preserve the dignity of the office.

Honestly, I would do it if I wasn't president.

Prosecutors have

a huge load.

This is a civilian.

This is when they had the forum.

Ah, because they would, the right-wing prosecutors would have won also if he defended, if he successfully got himself off

but also embarrassed himself so much where it was like look look my dick was on her on her pants right that's right that that he would have gotten off he would have gotten if acquitted or the charges dropped but politically that would be devastating yes right so okay you have to preserve the office of the presidency meaning yes you can't say that right

okay so i'm sorry this is where he had a four-hour time limit and he tries to run out the clock.

He was very good at muddying the waters with his answers.

Like, he agreed she had had sexual relations with him with the Blowies, but that didn't mean he had sexual relations with her.

Genius.

It is genius.

There's a passive and an active role, and I think it's essentially sexist to say that the man is always the active partner.

Something was being done to me.

She had sexual relations with me

oh shit uh he i just jizzed on her dress he was asked if it was a lie when his lawyer said quote there is no sex of any kind in any manner shape or form between bill and monica and bill replied quote that depends on what the meaning of the word is is with the best when when he said that i was like okay he's a fucking genius he's a crazy fucked up dude but he's really fucking smart well if you're that smart smart, you know, the law doesn't really apply.

It depends.

Because you realize you can wiggle out of anything if you don't feel guilty or afraid.

Right.

Die inside, you will win.

It depends on what your definition of jiz.

After this, Starr was very happy thinking they had him.

We've got him.

We've got him.

What he is, he is.

I'll tell you, Mr.

President.

Take on form of worm.

The next night, Bill told the nation he had lied to them.

But I shot a big old boy.

I shot a big old boys.

My fellow Americans,

I come to you tonight, not in the same way that I came several months ago with a young lover.

And I'm instructing the Justice Department to release the dress because you should see the size of the stain.

It looks like it has been under a seagull's nest for a year.

It really does.

I challenge Speaker Gingrich and

Majority Leader Bob Dole to come forward and come forward and show this country the size of their semen stains.

We will do it on the American Gladiator set.

One of us will walk out, come champion.

You will be balancing on a plastic bar

and there will be a large beach ball that comes down that will knock you over as you come.

We're going to do the Eliminator, but with a semen.

Do you understand?

A country that jizzes together.

Does all their stuff together, I guess.

All right.

Sorry, I'm going to go back to the prompter.

I'm way off script.

Fuck.

And this has got to be...

This has got to be 98 by now.

I think so.

Yeah, it's not

even the impeachment was originally.

It's the end of 98.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah, that says impeachment time.

Yeah.

So he tells the nation he lied, says it's been going on for a year.

People don't care.

People are fucking.

This is when you said people are done.

They're just done with it all.

It had dragged on too long.

And right.

Church people were like, wait, oh my gosh, got him.

But they lost the room because everybody else is like, oh, we're not church people.

We get it.

He's embarrassed enough.

Yeah, we get it.

We got it.

It's not enough.

It's not like Nixon.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

Yep.

And he said he didn't lie under oath.

He never said he was sorry.

And then he said it was a a Republican conspiracy.

And then after that, he went to Martha's Vineyard.

And a lot of angry Dems refused to take his calls over the next few days.

Bill ordered attacks on Bin Laden's training camps and an attack on a pharmaceutical plant in the Sudan.

Yep.

Classic.

Classic.

Way to go.

I mean, just.

What come?

Okay, I get the bin Laden stuff.

The Sudan thing, fucking crazy.

They must have learned.

I mean, Trump learned a lot from him.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's a really, like, it's just so.

Nope.

I mean, even having the fucking plane fly over the Epstein plate.

I mean, it's just like...

That

blow up a boat and just say they're drug dealers.

Right?

Yep.

Yeah.

He did understand the threat bin Laden posed, but he didn't do much more than attack the training camps.

I think right-wingers think he could have taken him out.

I don't know.

I've never really looked into it, but the right-wing thing is like he had bin Laden and decided to kill him.

Yeah, whatever.

But yeah, I mean, bin Laden's a hero.

We don't need to go into that.

I'll be

gearthrones.com for privilege.

I could see Rogan saying that in a few years.

That's interesting.

Oh, that's interesting.

Jamie, we look that up.

I looked at some of what Bin Laden stood for, and I didn't know this.

Huh, that's interesting.

He has Graham Hancock on going like, it turns out that there was an ancient civilization.

There were two bin Ladens.

One was inside the home.

You know, I believe that, because I think I saw that when I was on Mushrooms one time.

Look at the water damage on bin Laden's legs.

There's two.

So Bill gets back to D.C.

and he's hounded by angry Dems and a lot of them are asking him to resign.

And he makes a tearful speech to his cabinet, apologizing.

Some forgive him, some didn't.

Women in his cabinet did not buy his bullshit excuse, which was the devil made me do it.

One of them, like, fucking yelled at him.

Like, they're just like, this is really what you're fucking going with.

Like, did he, what?

He said the devil made me do it.

But, I mean, that was what it got.

Hillary didn't do anything to you, asshole.

That was what it boiled down to.

Like, I got a little monster inside of me, and he makes me do bad things.

It's, I have a problem, and I had it under wraps for a minute, but somebody needs to stop.

Complete fucking Billy Graham shit.

Yes.

Now, if the women could just expose their cleavage a little more, I think I could find my way back to the flock.

The next day, Starr gave his 452-page report to Congress.

Some of those are stuck together.

Fucking crazy.

It was published, if I recall correctly.

Like you could get it at Barnes and Noble.

His team, especially Brett Kamanaugh, put in every salacious detail they could.

And then the House just put it up online.

A bipartisan decision that even Kenneth Starr thought was irresponsible.

Oh, go fuck yourself.

Polls showed people thought he lied but should stay president, which is when the Republicans are just like,

What are we, France?

Republicans are shocked.

People were upset that Republicans had spent $70 million to go after the president over consensual sex.

I remember then the line that went out among the Democrats.

Many of them had disappointed.

But then the line with the impeachment thing started, and you had people like Barney Frank going, like,

I'm disappointed in the president.

Do I think it rises to the level of impeachment?

No.

Yeah, that's right.

The line was, I'm disappointed, but I don't think it rises to the level of impeachment.

And you got to see every other Charlie Wrangell was like, I'm disappointed in the president, but I don't think it rises to the level of impeachment.

Every single Democrat went on the Sunday shows and said that.

Oh, my God, Barney Frank.

Barney Frank.

But at that point, from a political perspective,

to let him get impeached and Gore become president and then run the country for a year, and then he's probably a shoe-in to win again.

It's dumb.

Yes.

Oh, you think he should have gone ahead and resigned?

I think that they should have let Gore take over, yeah.

Yeah, that would have probably been smart.

That would have been a smart move to keep the succession of

Al Gore was very comfortable having a limited amount of middle-aged sex.

And he also distances self-fully from Clinton when he ran.

He was never going to win on his own.

I don't even remember him to be a man.

He ran such a terrible campaign.

We're against explicit lyrics and loads.

So is an election a Republican?

I'm married to a woman who's afraid of sex.

I mean, good lord.

So is an election a Republican?

We have a whack closet where I go for my purpose.

Republicans the I'm lucky to be one of those American men that can take care of it in the shower.

All right.

As long as Tipper gives me a minute.

Every now and then she gives me a minute in the tub to get it done during the shower.

She knows that if it's a Saturday or a Sunday morning, it might be a longer than usual.

We call it a rainjack, okay?

So Republicans lose five seats in the House.

They still have the majority.

It's just smaller.

Gingrich resigns, and they still pursued impeachment.

This is the 98 election.

This is like, why are you still pursuing impeachment?

Everyone's like, told you that they don't care.

Stop, stop.

Worse than don't care.

They're against it.

He reaches a settlement of $850,000 with Jones.

Two articles of impeachment are brought with votes along party lines.

They're obstruction of justice and perjury, which aren't treason.

They're not high crimes.

So, Bill bombs Saddam's nuclear weapons sites.

Republicans called it a diversion.

Bob Livingston, who was acting Republican speaker, demanded Bill's resignation.

But Larry Flint had found four women Livingston had affairs with.

I remember.

After Livingston announced he was retiring,

Republicans started screaming at Democrats on the floor, quote, Are you fucking happy?

Is this what you motherfuckers wanted?

And they were the ones that were doing it.

They started everything.

Yeah, Bob Livingston was speaker for like a week or something.

He was Louisiana, right?

I think so.

He was Louisiana, and his whole thing was like, he was like, I'm resigning because I've done the same thing the president's done, but that means the president should also resign.

Right, right.

He thought he could like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The nice pivot.

And just the fact that Republicans are screaming, it's like, motherfuckers, you've been doing this for fucking two years now.

Well, yeah, well, aren't you the moral superior, not the equivalent?

Republican Dennis Hastert became Speaker of the House.

He was a pedophile, and we'd be imprisoned in 2011.

Now, there was no way, so right now a pedophile is running the Republican House.

Sex crime impeachment.

But yeah, it's amazing.

It probably taught him a lot about how to be quiet about it or something.

Or he's like, oh, I better really keep going.

That's just fucking crazy.

So there's absolutely no way they're going to reach the two-thirds majority in the Senate needed to remove Bill as president.

He is acquitted on February 12, 1999, and soon after, violence grows in Kosovo.

Serbian President Milosevic.

He still has two years left in office.

A year.

It feels like that's the end.

Yeah.

Oh, well, it also feels like it's been like a 15-year presidency.

Oh, no, he's got something really horrible that he's going to do.

Milosevic wants control of Kosovo.

His troops massacred men, women, and children in Reichvik, Reich,

Rei Rechik.

Recic.

Bill threatens airstrikes.

Milosevic ignores him.

NATO starts bombing.

Bill says, we...

We did the Haiti thing.

But Jimmy Carter didn't go.

Jimmy, blame him.

Jimmy didn't go.

I'm available.

Hey, I'm here.

Bill's like, I'm not going to use ground forces.

And that just emboldens Milosevic.

And he gets more brutal.

Three thousands of civilians.

We are not going to use ground troops.

And that's not because this country is terrified of civilian casualties and our own guys getting killed.

It's because

it's easier for him.

Thousands of civilians are put in camps.

So Bill finally prepares to send troops.

And that's when Milosevic pulls his military out of Kosovo.

And also, Russia was

distancing itself from Milosevic, which was probably a bigger part.

But still, the war is over.

No American soldier sent.

Now, with more corporate Dems in Congress, everyone agreed it was time to deregulate the financial industry.

Yep, now look,

we've just gotten through a really tough constitutional crisis, and I think it's time that this administration pulls back from this left-wing tradition, and maybe we try to be president of of the entire country and do something right-wing

yeah

so Glass Steagle

was passed to prevent FDR was a piece of fucking shit you understand me it was passed to prevent federally insured commercial bank deposits from being used to finance riskier investments it opened the door because this fucking stock market crash it opened the door for more conglomerates and increased risk-taking by allowing banks to become more more complex and leverage their positions.

I mean, that's what the over, the

getting rid of it did.

So,

yeah, so we just took out the basically putting the brakes on the thing that put the brakes on crazy financial lunatics from just fucking looting the country.

And we're like, yeah, let's get rid of that.

He just undid it all.

Yeah, that was.

I mean, he just primed it all for a complete and total.

It was rapids.

I mean, really, because obviously obviously it's very obvious what you're doing, and then it's so easy if you're like, well, I mean, look at what who could have seen this coming.

I mean, the whole point was that this was coming, just not on his watch.

Like you're saying, it's a short-term gain.

Yeah, sure.

But it isn't even really a short-term gain.

No, it's a long-term gain for the richest people.

If you transition from having

a healthy country with

long

expected lifespans and community power and stuff.

If that's not what you want, if you want a few people to have a states that they helicopter between, then they worked.

We're headed that direction.

It's a short-term game for his political goals, which is a win.

Yes.

Right.

It's a win.

It's something that he's like, no, we did a good thing.

My head on that.

Yep.

So, yeah, it opens the door for more conglomerates and increased risks.

This feels like they should have just been allowed to come in mouths a little bit more.

Maybe it would have been like a little bit better long-term.

Yeah, well, there should be we should have a White House sex worker or two, yeah.

We do

it's a first lady risk-taking by allowing banks to become more complex and leverage their positions.

Hillary decided to run

this is the this is the germ of uh the collateralized debt obligations, yeah, the the the banks chopping up something absurd and calling it a valuable investment, yeah, and and that's kind of like the last thing he did uh

in office that was, you know, of

substantial.

And it led to the housing crisis.

Hillary decided to run for the Senate in New York in 2000, even though she'd never lived in New York.

And he goes,

okay, this, well, let's pivot to Hillary.

Right, great, great, great.

It's like a wrestling tag team where the one guy

barely survives tapping out.

And then he goes, okay, now it's your turn, honey.

Senator Hillary, I remember this.

Yeah, New York.

So they buy a house in Chappaqua, and Hillary moved there in January of 2000 and announced she was running for Senate a month later.

That to me was one of the craziest things to watch.

Like, you're just not from New York, but everyone's like, yay.

It didn't matter.

What are you doing?

No, it didn't matter.

That wasn't the first time in history someone had done that.

Not to that.

Yeah, I mean, probably not, but it's pretty egregious.

Yeah, it is like, oh, now I'm from your state.

Yeah.

I didn't know.

I thought you had to live there for a certain amount of time.

It's like four years or something.

No, everything's different.

Maybe they had a P.O.

box.

That's like what

Cheney had.

In Wyoming?

I think, or was it one of them had a P.O.

box in another state because you can't have two guys from the same state.

But Bush and Gore were living in the same state.

I mean, Bush and Cheney were living in the same state.

Bush and Cheney were both Texans.

Yeah.

And then.

Cheney pretended to be from Wyoming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So she

just sign me up for the post office box that I keep up in Laramie.

It's where I have all the penthouses sent.

Granger catalogs.

Sons of the Golden West.

Hey!

Invites and memorabilia.

So Bill is ecstatic that she's running for the Senate.

Thank God.

Her campaign apparently brought them closer together.

She sent him her speeches, and he'd write, I love yous in the margins.

Despite people's beliefs, advisors and friends said there was a genuine love connection between them.

It's very hard to believe.

I think love.

Look, it depends on what your definition of love is.

There is erotic love.

There is Platonic love.

There is

many other loves described by the ancient ones.

I only know one guy who knew them.

He was very, very good friends with Bill, and he said Hillary was the worst person he'd ever met in his life.

That Bill had, or that this guy had met?

The worst that he had, that the guy had met.

He was like, she's

because I was like, really, what's she like?

And he goes, it's so much worse than you think.

When she was running

in 2016, because she had lost in 2008,

I think it was Spielberg who was like, let me get my best acting guy to come out and you can stay in my penthouse in New York.

This is awesome.

And

he will teach you how to be more likable and presentable.

He's going to show you balloons and show you how to reach out.

And it was supposed to last for a few days.

And she yelled at the guy and told him to shut up.

She lasted like two hours.

She did the Chris Jimmy.

I get it.

I think she did.

No, she told him that, fuck off, she wasn't.

Why are you moving lights while I'm trying to figure out what my character is?

But they all knew, so they were trying to.

What about people who hear you say that and say you are anti-woman?

I would say that there's two things that are possible.

I would say that Hillary was a woman who came up in an extremely misogynistic society at a time when women had to fight for every little scrap.

And she was a tough fucking woman, and she was smart, and she knew how to succeed.

And also, she can, during all that, be a terrible person.

What about people who say that when you say something like that, someone wrote that for you because you're anti-woman?

I think that

the Clintons became leaders at too young of an age with Bill's young career.

I would agree with that.

And I think that the

trail of bullets that knocked down all the best populist left-wing leaders in the 60s and 70s left a huge vacuum that

someone like Bill Clinton

should have been able to see the legislative victories of Robert Kennedy in office for eight years, should have been able to see two Kennedy administrations or something, should have been able to see Jesse Jackson, if not Martin Luther King, become president in 1988.

And

the country was robbed of of that, and so

they represented an entire baby boom generation that saw, oh, the left always loses, let's not be left because they didn't believe in it.

And I get it, sure, there's sociopaths everywhere, but sometimes they can be useful.

You want them working for you sometimes, or but you don't want them to be the boss.

But, but if they had seen, oh, the left can win, they might have bet on it more.

They might have gone down that direction.

But we were deprived of that, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

Artificially.

Intentionally deprived of all of that.

And then it really does.

It's like, in order for you to get to that level of power now,

you have to be, to some extent, an empty vessel that's just going to be a piggy bank for Wall Street or oligarchs or billionaires.

Yeah, McGovern.

Everybody's traumatized by McGovern, but I'm realizing he should not have even been running.

Like, it was, it was, that would have been Bobby Kennedy's re-election.

He certainly would have beat Nixon in 60%.

But they knew.

They let McGovern run because.

Well,

all the best guys were dead.

Yeah, they killed him.

No, it's, I always think back to that Noam Chomsky clip where he's talking to that fucking journalist and he's in manufacturing consent.

And the guy is just basically like, the guy is insulted by what Chomsky's saying, where he's just sort of like,

so you're suggesting that I'm like manipulating.

And then he's like, no, I'm just saying.

You wouldn't be sitting there if they didn't think that you would be able.

I mean, he just condensed.

He breaks the man down to a molecule.

But he's personally offended at the idea of manufacturing concealer yes

while sitting there being the the one to do it i don't think people understand how scarred boomers were by mcgovern when i was working on marin ron perlman was on the show and i was like if you guys pick hillary

shallouse

and he fucking lost his shit screaming at me that bernie was another mcgovernor another mcgovern

And you're just like, bitch, that was Vietnam.

Like, what in the fuck?

Think about how many years ago that was.

You're that fucking scarred from that shit?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, they're deeply scarred.

Well,

I like to think of it this way.

When I was young, I shook hands with President John F.

Kennedy.

And I didn't know at the time, but my destiny at that moment was transferred from one president to another.

and I lived out my entire public professional career as the political culmination of the assassination of a great man I made sure that all the great ideas of his family were also killed now that took a few more decades but in the end we won and how did we do it by stepping right wing right wing right wing I was the grassy knoll

so Gore run for runs for president they were they never really became good friends.

And when he announced, he said, quote, I felt what the president did, especially as a parent, was inexcusable.

So Bill was furious.

And then Gore

wants Bill to stay completely away from the campaign.

And I remember that.

I remember watching it and going, he's got a huge, people love him.

Not only do people love him, it was shown that he became a sympathetic figure to some extent to all of that right-wing shit.

Gore ran the worst fucking campaign.

He still won, though.

But I will still, yeah, he did win, but I will say

he didn't run the worst campaign because then like three I saw after that were even worse.

Right.

It's followed up with Kerry.

Oh, my God.

Hillary.

Thank God for

Obama knew how to campaign, but then Hillary again.

And,

you know, Biden was in a cave and

there was a pandemic.

Anyway.

So

he wants Bill away from the campaign.

On election day, Hillary won easily, but the Gore-Busch fiasco plays out for over a month.

And then when W was declared the winner, Gore met with Bill and said his chance to be president was ruined by Bill's sexual escapades.

And Bill said, you blew it by distancing yourself from me.

Bill's approval rating at that point was 66%, highest since World War II.

And why?

Both men left furious.

People just liked him.

Those shorts.

People just felt that.

I don't know the answer, but it did seem like like he was doing well.

The economy was

because of the internet,

he got helped a lot by that sort of shit.

Yeah, because

the devastation of NAFTA took 10 years to hit.

All the stuff he did, he planted the seeds and ran away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The final night, Bill signed 140

pardons, including tax fugitive Mark Rich, whose ex-wife was a major Dem fundraiser and donated hundreds of thousands to Bill's presidential library.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Bill also parted his half-brother Roger, Whitewater partner Susan McDougal, and Patty Hearst.

His approval rating then dropped to 39%.

Oh, and Monica Lewinsky saved Social Security.

Bill had ordered a bipartisan,

bipartisan White House group to study privatizing Social Security.

It was all set up by Larry Summers a month after Bill attended the first meeting of the group, not

the first meeting he went to, but they've been doing it for a long time.

So it's moving forward to the point where the president's involved in the meetings.

He was forced a month later, he was forced to publicly acknowledge he was doing sex stuff with Monica.

A team member, quote, it became clear to the White House that this was not the time to take risks on the scale that would be necessary to achieve a deal on an issue as contentious as Social Security reform.

Reform just means privatize.

They were going to privatize Social Security.

Wow.

I thought you meant that.

I assumed that you meant that Monica at one point

pulled off his dick and was like,

you know, you shouldn't have social security.

Give me your dress.

So now Hillary's in D.C.

and Chelsea studying abroad and 50-year-old Bill opens a Harlem office and he's said to be very lonely and depressed.

He started the Clinton Foundation to fund projects around the world to fight.

550 what at that age?

54 ex-president.

54 ex-president.

Wow.

Crazy, right?

Sometimes people start at that age.

Yeah.

So it's going to fight H of AIDS, climate change, gender equality, religious conflict.

They raised $1.5 billion for charity in 10 years.

Not a great track record.

Some shit they did in Haiti is fucking unconscionable.

But there's also, again, if you try try to look into the Clinton Foundation, you're going to find a lot of right-wing nonsense.

And you have a hard time.

The right-wing has fake things that they've done wrong when they have done actual things wrong.

Correct.

Always, always.

Like, they went in and they took over like six,

like 600 acres or something, like a giant area of farms, and they turned it into this industrial complex.

And fewer people work there.

And now Haiti doesn't have an export of agriculture.

They just have Target taking

wares, right?

So it's shit like that.

Anyway, so in September 2004, Bill had a quadruple bypass and became a vegan.

He raised money for Hurricane Katrina and 200 more tsunami victims.

He took speaking engagements.

The Washington Post said he made over $100 million in fees between 2001 and 2013.

In 2005, Jennifer Flowers was recently divorced.

Quote, I was at home by myself and the phone rings.

It said unavailable.

And I picked up the phone and it was him.

And he wanted to come by my house and talk to me.

And I said, no, you can't come over here.

No way.

And he said, I'll put on a hoodie and jog up there.

And I said, no.

And that was it.

Wow.

What a fucking lunatic.

Right?

I'll put on a hoodie and jog up there.

What?

I mean, what the...

That means he's done it before.

That's so fucking crazy.

Isn't that crazy?

It's like,

yeah, it's just, man, that's maybe the fucking craziest thing in the story.

Like, this guy's out of his fucking mind.

What is he doing?

Look, I'm just, there's an extra excitement thinking that it could probably get out and ruin my life.

Look, I know the caller ID said unavailable, but that's misleading.

I'm very on the market.

Hillary ran for president in 2007.

When Obama won South Carolina, Bill said, quote, Jesse Jackson ran a good campaign and Obama ran a good campaign here.

It sounded like he was saying Obama only made a good showing because he was black, like Jackson.

And that also he was doomed.

Yeah.

Al Sharpton said Bill should shut up.

Hillary had to publicly apologize.

Bill's campaign role was diminished.

Obviously, Obama won.

And Bill campaigned for Obama and made Obama's official nomination speech.

In 2015, Hillary ran again.

Trump made sure Bill's sexual misconduct allegations resurfaced.

Kathleen Wiley, Paula Jones, and Juanita Broderick held a press conference with Trump.

For years after her loss,

Bill could barely sleep and had outbursts of rage as he vented about results to anyone who would listen.

The Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficker scandal broke.

Epstein visited the White House four times while Bill was president.

Three times he met with an aide.

once he went for a dinner.

He donated $25,000 to Bill's foundation and went to a fundraising dinner with Bill.

Bill flew on Epstein's private jet on trips for the Clinton Foundation, but denied going to the island.

And he says he cut ties 10 years before Epstein's arrest.

No flight logs have Bill as a passenger to the Virgin Islands.

One of Epstein's victims, Virginia Jiffrey, who I believe is the one

who

did she commit suicide?

She's passed.

She supposedly killed herself this last year.

Jesus Christ.

After saying that nothing like that would ever be something she would do.

She said, quote, yes, he would be a witness because he knew what my purpose was there for Jeffrey, and he visited Jeffrey's Island.

Look, just because there's a painting of me

sitting across a chair with high heels on in a lowinski dress in a low lowinski dress and i have a cocktail in my hand that doesn't mean i was there you go to any uh town fair and there's some artist that can do caricatures of people

i mean

that's a there's a lot of those by the way that's a banksy

i'm selling them on my website actually is have them on my side

everything we've gone through in this episode, is there anybody who can say this guy did not go to Epstein's Island?

Right.

It would be completely out of character for him not to.

He was known for going to Epstein's Island.

I remember reading about it before the whole Epstein scandal went down.

There was some like LA Times where it was like, former president Bill Clinton, like, what's he up to now?

One of these stories.

And they had followed him around for a week.

And so it was like a publicist kind of story.

And they were like, oh, he's late to the speech.

Ha ha ha.

And then his friend Jeffrey Epstein has shown us the first time I saw the name Jeffrey Epstein where it's like his friend Jeffrey Epstein shows up apparently there's some very wild parties and people have said something something about underage or very young girls and then they it was just dropped and then it was just like gossip in a gossip capacity

I mean

look

out of Trump or Clinton Trump seems far more implicated in it way more implicitly but it's very obvious that both

that's how they know each other so well that's what I think I think you're right and and they they are very clear.

Like,

it's just so fucking obvious.

And what is so frustrating about it is it is one of those things that actually

is like a huge issue for everybody.

Everybody in the country, no matter what your political ideology is, agrees that if this is actually going on, this is taking, this is happening, this is an enormous

illegal, non-starter, re-evaluate, get these people out of power, investigate, uproot it, all that shit moment, and very clear that they're going to do everything they can to make sure that doesn't happen.

Yeah, they're embedded at the very top.

Yes.

Yep.

Deeply, deeply deeply.

And it's crazy because it is like, you know, they've been saying that for so long.

You know, like this, it's like, it is Alex Jonesy, where it's like, yeah, you're a rumbled pedophile.

And I was right about it.

I was right about it.

But I'm so insane that they let me keep saying it every day.

If I hadn't been so insane looking and sounding, and my voice wasn't that of a madman, they would have assassinated me and I would never be allowed to speak.

It's not allowed to speak because I discredit what I do.

I am deeply unserious because I am still breathing.

But it is.

It is.

If Alex Jones had been good at what he was doing,

they would have Julian Assanged him.

Without question.

Yes.

He would

just now be getting pardoned at best.

Bill, now 79, and recently some Maxwell thing came out.

She said something about, but I'm not going to bring her up because she's

a pedophile lying out of her tit.

So I'm not going to.

Bill, now 79, lives with Hillary in Chappaqua, New York, and serves on the board of directors for the Clinton Foundation.

Bill's short-term victories split the Democratic Party, crushed unions.

His great feat of creating a budget surplus turned out to be completely pointless.

After attacking big government for years, he couldn't use the surplus on a big infrastructure project.

His staff worried the Republican Congress would give tax refunds with the surplus, so the surplus became an albatross and wasn't useful.

By killing unions, he eliminated the main gathering place of the left working class.

There was a day-to-day understanding of collectivity

amongst workers with others, which created a way of thinking about the world that spread across different

areas.

The rich had

the right had mega churches and gun clubs and things like that, and that's now where the working class gathers and talks.

His telecommunications bill allowed right-wing media companies like Sinclair to dominate the local news and take over

all the other news.

His repeal of Depression-era financial regulations led directly to the housing crash.

Blowing health care, blowing healthcare reform left hundreds of thousands debt.

Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Clinton.

Down, down, down,

down,

down, down,

down, down, down.

I mean, 100%,

that dude is the biggest reason we got Trump and got

here to where we are with fascism.

Look, it sounds like you rate me a zero, Dave, but look, I'm going to turn that zero upside down.

Now, what am I?

A hole.

Man, it does look good.

Man, I'll tell you what.

Don't stop

thinking about tomorrow.

Brittany Cohen Brown did the research.

Sources, The Survivor, Bill Clinton in the White House by John F.

Harris.

First in his class, a biography of Bill Clinton by David Marinus.

Look, it might be nice for you to eat a possum candy cane over there while we're wrapping out.

A vast conspiracy, the real story of the sex scandal that nearly brought down a president by Jeffrey Toobin.

Bill Clinton, the new Gilded Age president by Patrick Maney, The Life of Bill Clinton, 2004, Living History by Hillary Rotten Clinton, Shattered Inside Hillary Clinton's Doomed Campaign by Jonathan Allen.

Monica's story by Andrew Morton, The War Room, The Clinton Affair,

the Linda Tripp tapes, footage of Bill Clinton's testimony to the grand jury, footage of Bill Clinton's testimony and Paula Jones' deposition, the Star Report,

transcript of Monica Lewincy's grand jury testimony, AP footage of Bill Clinton's address to the nation,

articles, how the Clintons went from dead broke to rich,

The Washington Post,

1994 crime bill and beyond, how the federal funding shapes criminal justice,

the 08 race, The other Clinton steps up.

Clinton's camp seeks gentler role for ex-president in the New York Times.

Clinton campaign advisors Bill Clinton needs to stop CNN.

The

1994 crime bill,

did the 1994 crime bill cause mass incarceration?

The Brookings Institute.

Brookings Institute is a really great one to cover up really bad shit that's happened.

Can Biden center hold?

New Yorker Magazine.

I know the answer to that article.

Bill Clinton concedes role in mass incarceration.

CNN.

Trump offers no evidence for a claim about Bill Clinton in Epstein Island.

A factcheck.org.

Confessions of a Clinton World Exile.

Vanity Fair.

The Politician, Bill Clinton's Life, The New Yorker, Arkansas Prisoner Blood Scandal, Encyclopedia of Arkansas.

The Bloody Truth, Examining America's Blood Industry and Its Tort Liability Through the Arkansas Prison Plasma Scandal.

Mary Business Law Review.

Testimony by Kelly Duda, created the Factor 8 documentary for the infected blood requiring.

The blood thing is crazy.

Yeah, thebaffler.com, Casualties of Clintonism, Politico, Hillary Clinton email, monthly review, neoliberalism from Reagan to Clinton.

That's a good title.

Remarks signing the telecommunications action.

Remarks signing the telecommunications act at thepresidency.ucsb and how Monica Lewinsky saved Social Security on Counterpunch.

Man.

Well, I think

we should thank James Adomian for being here for so fucking long.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank Luke for eating two possum candy canes.

I think we've been here a few days.

I think I missed my shows in Columbus.

It's over.

Worth it?

Yeah, we've been here for

this was 96 hours, I I believe.

I think we started.

We still might just barely make it to JFL Toronto.

Well, thank you, James.

Thank you.

Truly, you're the best.

So thank you for doing this, and thank you for staying for six hours.

I wasn't counting.

I mean,

but that was fucking crazy.

Look, if you get a jog in,

six hours wins fast.

Thank you, Dave.

Thank you, everybody who watched, hung in there for the live stream or joining the Patreon.

Thank you, Brittany, for writing.

Thank you, Brittany.

Thank you, Aaron, in the booth.

Thank you, ATC.

And thank you, everybody who keeps hanging around and listening to this show or watching this show or whatever you're doing.

We appreciate the fuck out of it.

So thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thanks, everybody.

Go to dolloppodcast.com if you want to.

Congratulations on 700.

Thank you.

700 hola.

Jesus Christ, there's a real bad smell coming from that Jason mask.

Hey, dollop fans.

I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop.

Do you want to watch the dollop?

You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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