708 - Joh Bjelke-Petersen - live with Damien Power and Chris Ryan

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Speaker 3 You're listening to the dollop!

Speaker 2 This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history

Speaker 3 to a

Speaker 2 guy who says terrible things.

Speaker 3 Gareth Reynolds, who, now that we're recording, I'm out of character. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

Speaker 3 We're having a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 I would say now you're in character.

Speaker 2 Because before, that was the real you.

Speaker 3 As far as the listener at home is concerned, Dave, this show just started.

Speaker 2 Just introduce the guests.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 We have two guests tonight.

Speaker 3 You know, a lot of times we have one guest, but when we come to our favorite city in this beautiful, strange land of yours,

Speaker 3 we like to bring the hammer down. We have two guests.
Please give it up for Chris Ryan and Damian Powers. Let them hear it.
Two great guests. No, Damian, no.

Speaker 3 Oh, you wore it better than I did.

Speaker 3 There's sleeves.

Speaker 3 Who knew? Now that's how you wear a robe you stole from backstage.

Speaker 2 It's too tempting not to wear a robe.

Speaker 3 It looks like

Speaker 3 this a cape or a...

Speaker 3 It's a cloak and a cape. It's a cloak.

Speaker 2 No, it has a name. It's when you graduate.
It's got a. Oh, right.

Speaker 3 It's in the virtual thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yep, that's exactly what I'm saying.
A breathing cape? Yep.

Speaker 2 I think it's a breathing cape.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 2 A breath in cape? Sure. So you're going to have a baby.

Speaker 3 You know, I was just explaining to him how babies get made.

Speaker 3 Pre-show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's going to learn a lot.

Speaker 2 His mom is really up to you.

Speaker 3 His mom is furious. Yeah.
Without question.

Speaker 3 But the mom's not supposed to

Speaker 3 learn that the dad he gets it yeah I mean someone's got to break the seal yeah when your dad takes you to your first glory hole is really

Speaker 3 when my dad took me to my first one I go are you pissing and he goes sit down and the guy behind it goes I am

Speaker 2 an important moment in any kid's development.

Speaker 3 They glory hole. So I know I told you about the birds and the bees, but now I got to explain the bug.

Speaker 4 I think they've turned my mic off.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Chris is like, this is not what I wanted the

Speaker 2 fucking podcast to be.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 2 This started really bad. January 13th, 1911.

Speaker 3 Y'all know it's coming.

Speaker 2 Johannes

Speaker 2 Björke

Speaker 3 Peterson

Speaker 3 Peterson or Bierson? Peterson. Peterson, okay.
Johannes Peterson?

Speaker 3 Bioke. Bierke?

Speaker 2 Bioke?

Speaker 2 Bioke, he says it wrong.

Speaker 3 Peterson.

Speaker 3 Okay. Joel.
You know? Oh, yeah. No idea.

Speaker 3 You don't know?

Speaker 3 Fuck you. Oh, what a compliment.

Speaker 2 All right, well, hang on, youngsters.

Speaker 2 He was born in New Zealand to Danish-born parents.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 Carland and Marin.

Speaker 2 They have three kids. Carl was a Lutheran pastor.
Great. And

Speaker 2 he was transferred to Kangaroo Point, Brisbane.

Speaker 3 Kangaroo Point.

Speaker 2 Carl was very poor, but they did buy several acres of jungle-like land.

Speaker 3 That's great, too.

Speaker 3 Did you get us a home? No, but

Speaker 3 what if we lived in the jungle?

Speaker 3 Carl.

Speaker 2 He wasn't really, he was a weak fella. He wasn't strong enough to clear it.
So, Marin.

Speaker 3 I like how that's your barometer for strong or weak. He couldn't clear a jungle on his own.

Speaker 3 A real weak lentil.

Speaker 2 Well, he didn't do it at all. His wife did it.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 See, he's just good at coercion. What if you did it? That might be good.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of kangaroos out there. Then fucking get them.

Speaker 2 Her brother and father helped.

Speaker 3 Carl was very

Speaker 3 rigid.

Speaker 2 Carl's very rigid, strict, conservative.

Speaker 2 He had a goiter.

Speaker 3 Holy fuck. See, we're a little off.
Oh, wow. I got to tell you, the reveal on that is unbelievable.
Shit. You know about Nexcrotoms, boy?

Speaker 3 Look at that.

Speaker 3 Wow, kangaroos are like one of us.

Speaker 2 You know how you get a goiter?

Speaker 3 Do I know how you get a goiter? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm going to guess some sort of infection. Glory hole.
No!

Speaker 3 We like to have fun, but come on, don't sour the experience for some of the younger generation here.

Speaker 3 Bullshit.

Speaker 2 I looked it up, but I don't remember, and I also don't care.

Speaker 3 Are we allowed? We probably can't get it.

Speaker 2 Make fun of a goiter? Yeah. It feels like it's a very old thing that we don't have around anymore.

Speaker 3 So I could probably say a little bit like if a man were a frog and get away with it.

Speaker 3 I feel like it's a thyroid thing, and

Speaker 4 all I can have is table salt, something to do with salt.

Speaker 3 It's salt-related. Iodine.

Speaker 2 Yes, there's an iodine salt.

Speaker 3 It's a

Speaker 2 lack of iodine, I think.

Speaker 3 That's a lack of iodine. Boy, would I be pounding iodine?

Speaker 3 Buddy, relax. I'd be like, look, I'm trying to get laid out there.
I can't.

Speaker 2 Well, you know know what? Woo!

Speaker 3 You know what's really salty. Iodine on iodine tonight.

Speaker 2 You know, it's really salty.

Speaker 3 Dave, that's now you have to keep it in. Now you have to keep it in.

Speaker 3 And that's a shame because my reputation was gold in this town before that.

Speaker 2 So he has surgery, but after the surgery, he develops a nervous twitch.

Speaker 3 Jesus, the surgeon? I mean, to be like, it went pretty good.

Speaker 3 There is more bad news, though. Look, your neck's back, but you're going to be a little ticky, you know?

Speaker 2 So he became very self-conscious and withdrawn, and he had rage eruptions. So they end up building Carl a little house away from the main house because he, quote, could not tolerate any noise.

Speaker 3 Wow. Wow.
Fucking.

Speaker 4 Heaps of people these days are into that. That's why these earplugs are selling like hotcakes on Instagram.
Have you known? No.

Speaker 4 Everyone's got issues with noise now. Really?

Speaker 3 Did you know? That does terrible news. Anyone knows this? Terrible news for us.

Speaker 4 Does everyone get those fucking loop earplug ads? Right? Have you all got autism, like me? Like, no.

Speaker 3 Does anyone here have earplugs in tonight?

Speaker 3 Liars! You wouldn't have heard the question.

Speaker 4 No, no, they make them so you can hear the things you have to hear, but everything else gets blocked out.

Speaker 3 Did that mean they didn't hear the Glory Hole rinse?

Speaker 3 I hope so.

Speaker 2 They heard it loud and clear.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 Wow, no, I didn't know that. Well, why wouldn't they just get rage homes like Carl did here?

Speaker 3 By the way, you have a little garage where you go hang out, right?

Speaker 3 I wish.

Speaker 2 God, I wish I did.

Speaker 2 So they said the homestead had like a funeral-like feel to it.

Speaker 3 Jesus.

Speaker 2 He's alive, but he's like dead in the back.

Speaker 2 Funeral-type feel. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Are we still talking about the same thing?

Speaker 4 There's so many angles here, isn't it? Yeah. It goes off in so many tangents.
This is new.

Speaker 3 No, and it is strange that his life got way worse after the goiter surgery. Like everything became worse.
Like he was like, you know, things are simpler when I had that goiter.

Speaker 3 I miss my neck pal.

Speaker 2 So at nine, Joe was paralyzed by polio.

Speaker 3 Jesus, you're really hitting a lot of good stuff up top, huh?

Speaker 2 Each night they used electricity for hours to make his legs twitch.

Speaker 3 What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 3 I feel like the joke portion ended.

Speaker 3 What are you making this leg?

Speaker 2 I think they thought it would help, because if you got polio, you had a...

Speaker 3 I mean, it's not a huge chance.

Speaker 2 You have a chance of making paralysis. So they thought it would keep the muscles going.
Keep going by electrocuting him.

Speaker 3 Yep. Like a little bit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they were like, look, his legs still work. Just got to put a thousand volts through him.

Speaker 3 Look at him.

Speaker 2 His right leg ended up a half inch shorter.

Speaker 3 From the electricity? No. From too little electricity.
You got to juke that boy up a little bit is what you got to do.

Speaker 4 If you've ever been to a chiropractor, everyone has a leg half an inch shorter.

Speaker 3 You know what? That's very.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's. I can't prove that I don't have that.

Speaker 2 So he limped, and then he was bullied in school.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 By 12, he could work on the farm and he built a glory hole.

Speaker 3 That's awesome. What a great story this is.
And good nod. Yeah, and that'll be the end of it.

Speaker 3 So that was the move was if his legs didn't work just to kind of turn him into a centaur the old-fashioned way. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Stay on that horse, boy.

Speaker 2 So at 14, he dropped out of school, and his sister continued his education at home. He joined a debating society, got very into church.

Speaker 2 Who isn't at 14? Yep.

Speaker 3 Most of us are.

Speaker 2 Church is fucking rad.

Speaker 2 They bought more land.

Speaker 3 It's starting to become apparent that Chris has not listened to the podcast in a few years.

Speaker 3 You want to tell her who J-Town is, Dave?

Speaker 2 Oh, J-Town is...

Speaker 2 Well, it's Jesus Christ, but Jesus is pretty fucking rad. And

Speaker 2 the kids enjoy him, you know what I mean? So I call him J-Town so the kids get more into him and just kind of know how fucking rat he is.

Speaker 4 Nolly.

Speaker 4 Good.

Speaker 2 There was no house there, the second property where he moved.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 2 So for 15 years,

Speaker 2 he lived in a cow bale with a leaky roof, a mattress, and a meat safe.

Speaker 3 And a meat safe? Yep.

Speaker 2 A meat safe.

Speaker 3 An M-E-A-T safe.

Speaker 3 A safe made from meats or it has meats inside of it.

Speaker 2 No, it's a place where you meet people. It's a safe.
Hello.

Speaker 3 It's like the old Tindo. That's what a goiter is: a meat safe.

Speaker 4 As opposed to a meat-cute.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a because I think you're out in the middle of nowhere and there's no, I assume, refrigeration at all. So it would keep the meat from going.

Speaker 2 It would keep the meat from going bad.

Speaker 3 The Gloriole is out.

Speaker 3 While she's gone.

Speaker 3 We can really get. A Gloriole is a bit like a meat safe if you think about it.

Speaker 4 A hurt locker.

Speaker 3 Okay, so a safe where there are cured meats in it.

Speaker 2 It's not even cure meat, it's just where you put your meat.

Speaker 3 You put all your meat.

Speaker 2 So it doesn't. That's really so much.

Speaker 2 Flies don't get it, because Australia is a fly country.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. There's a lot of flies.

Speaker 3 Dave, there's two of them on stage with us, so just... They know.

Speaker 2 You guys know you have a lot of flies here. Oh, we love flaws.

Speaker 4 They're the best.

Speaker 2 We don't have flies in America.

Speaker 3 Nope. Unless we want them, and then they're the best flies.

Speaker 3 Nobody's got better flies.

Speaker 3 Some of our flies have flies, and we welcome it. They're not sending their best flies.

Speaker 3 I flies on Trump Air.

Speaker 3 I'm kind of a meat safe.

Speaker 2 At 22, Joe planted peanuts and got a bank loan to buy an expensive tractor.

Speaker 4 With peanuts, did you say?

Speaker 2 He planted peanuts and then he got enough money and then he was able to get a bank loan to buy a tractor.

Speaker 3 A tractor?

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought you meant like a track.

Speaker 3 That's what I thought, too.

Speaker 2 Like, how the fuck do you buy a tractor?

Speaker 3 Playing peanut money. You know what? Like, people say, like, pay peanuts, yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's like a bad thing, but he's like, yep, I made some peanuts. People are like, oh, man, things are bad.
No, no, I'm buying a horse track.

Speaker 2 So he starts creating businesses. He's adding machinery.
He created an improved peanut thresher.

Speaker 3 Guys, remember life before that?

Speaker 3 What did we do?

Speaker 3 We couldn't thresh them.

Speaker 3 Go ahead, buddy.

Speaker 2 He hired workers who worked sunrise to 11 p.m.

Speaker 3 Whoa. Fuck.

Speaker 2 He learned to fly and started an aircraft seating company.

Speaker 3 Oh, he fly with a plane.

Speaker 2 So he could make more peanuts? Is that no, that is, no, that's so. So he starts, when he starts buying equipment and other stuff, now he's helping other farmers and getting like seeding and like.

Speaker 4 So aerial agriculture or cloud seeding?

Speaker 3 Wow, hopefully cloud seating.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, it's.

Speaker 3 I'm planting peanuts in the clouds now.

Speaker 3 How are things going overall? Pretty weird.

Speaker 2 No, other farms, not cloud seeding. At 36.

Speaker 2 Well, we're moving. The local guy, yeah, because he's now a a big businessman.

Speaker 3 And his legs are fine.

Speaker 2 Well, he's got a limp.

Speaker 3 He's got a limp. Okay.
Well, I could cure that. Little voltage.

Speaker 3 I thought you meant.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that sounded very sexual. Yeah.
Look at me.

Speaker 3 I really can't. I can't keep.
I will not stop. I have to be stopped because I can't stop.
Stop.

Speaker 2 You can't stop glory holding.

Speaker 3 I can't stop.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 His His mom's still gone. It's just, it's so tempting.
Please move on.

Speaker 3 Eric's from a glory hole.

Speaker 2 So the local power guys, you know, in the area are like, this guy is a big businessman.

Speaker 3 He should be, he should

Speaker 3 run for

Speaker 3 it.

Speaker 2 So at 36, he won a county party seat and was a member of the Queensland Parliament. Cool.
So the county party, it's gone now, right? It hasn't ever come back. The county party.

Speaker 3 That looks like what Dracula goes to.

Speaker 2 I'm a member of the county party.

Speaker 3 I'm on the other side of the glory hall. Ivanto, Sacchio, never mind.

Speaker 2 It was like the Labor Party or whatever else, but much worse.

Speaker 2 Country Party, that's what I said.

Speaker 3 He said country party party. It says county.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. Country.

Speaker 3 We don't have county party party.

Speaker 3 It says county.

Speaker 2 It's his county. I fucked up.

Speaker 3 All right, leave him alone.

Speaker 3 He's a fucking human.

Speaker 2 Is the country party still around?

Speaker 3 You know, they used to put volts of electricity through my legs so I couldn't. Dance, and now I make peanut money.

Speaker 2 I know who this is now. You do?

Speaker 3 You do?

Speaker 2 I had no.

Speaker 3 Wait, you just say that.

Speaker 2 You say his name. Say his name again.
Joe Bilke Peterson.

Speaker 2 How do you say that?

Speaker 3 Did anyone else knock out that first? And now you see, I know who this dude is.

Speaker 3 You're in for a hell of a.

Speaker 2 It gets, yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm not even from here, and I got it at the start.

Speaker 2 I've been just sitting here the whole time going, who the fuck is this guy with a meat safe?

Speaker 3 Imagine that role. I'm like, oh, this guy.

Speaker 2 Now the meat safe makes sense, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, to those of us who just realized who it is, the meat safe finally clicks.

Speaker 3 He's the meat safe

Speaker 3 guy.

Speaker 2 So, members of Paris.

Speaker 3 It'll come back for those of you who don't know who that is.

Speaker 2 Members of parliament gave him a hard time for not being educated. They called him a preacher and a wowser.
That nerve. Which is a pruder or killjoy.

Speaker 3 And what are those terms?

Speaker 2 A church asshole,

Speaker 2 Scott Morrison.

Speaker 3 A scomo.

Speaker 2 Things Joe went after.

Speaker 2 Drinking, imported films, the press, working on Sundays, gambling, public broadcasting of horse races,

Speaker 2 and socialism.

Speaker 3 It's quite a fucking list.

Speaker 2 He went after working on Sundays as in like more working on Sundays.

Speaker 3 No working on

Speaker 2 working on Sundays.

Speaker 3 But not for the reasons where, yeah, you're like, oh,

Speaker 3 I was going to say, it sounds all right. Yeah, it does, yeah.

Speaker 2 We should bring that back.

Speaker 3 Well, you got to sign the contract.

Speaker 4 I've got to say, I'm pro, like, not having horses racing broadcasts.

Speaker 3 I agree. Or at all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, they shouldn't have horse racing at all.

Speaker 2 I think they should just go straight to killing them.

Speaker 2 Make that the event.

Speaker 3 All right. Better with honey, better with honey coming around.
And he's down, all right?

Speaker 3 Boy, we're having a really depressing race. They're horrified sugar on me, also dead.
Shut down, shut down. They're all gonna die.
Please don't listen to this.

Speaker 3 Holy fuck, this has taken a depressing little turn, hasn't it?

Speaker 3 Better off alone. Boy, he is.
He's gone too. Shot right in the head.
Shot again to make sure the jockey's gone too. That's two jockeys dead, three ponies down, boys.

Speaker 2 Man, go back to the glory hole material.

Speaker 3 This is

Speaker 3 too much.

Speaker 3 Rounding the corner, glory, glory, hallelujah. And boy, do we have a hole for someone to fit something in? Because that horse's brain is gone.

Speaker 2 That was a long horse-killing bit. You don't hear it.
It's just funny that she left on a Glory Hole joke and sat down on one.

Speaker 2 She must think that's all we've been talking about this whole time.

Speaker 3 I wonder if you can hear it in the bathroom. She was like, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Boy, there's a lot of pony bodies out here today.

Speaker 2 He also was against a 40-hour work week.

Speaker 3 He was against it.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, there being one.
Yeah, he wanted work as much as... Okay, yeah.

Speaker 3 sometimes some of these i'm like oh oh never mind wait he wanted more work but not on sundays no no no limit no limit on how much employees can work just yeah i love that yeah

Speaker 2 he attacked the labor government for quote expecting primary producers to load their pigs and calves onto trains on the sabbath oh so sabbath you can't load your Yeah, you can't load pigs on the Sabbath.

Speaker 3 What's wrong with you? No. You read the Bible? Bible, the Bible's like, no fucking pigs on trains on Sabbath.
Wait, no, doing what to him?

Speaker 2 Don't put a pig on a train on the Sabbath.

Speaker 3 Different than what you said the first time.

Speaker 3 You heard God. He was very specific.

Speaker 3 No pig loaded on the Sabbath. What?

Speaker 2 He considered anyone against law and order to be a traitor to the country and empire.

Speaker 2 This guy's awesome.

Speaker 2 At 52, he became engaged to Florence Gilmore,

Speaker 2 a secretary to the Main Roads Commissioner.

Speaker 2 The Gold Coast Bulletin, quote,

Speaker 2 as homely as a sponge cake.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow, what the fuck? Wait.

Speaker 2 As comforting as a squatter's chair on a shady veranda.

Speaker 3 What does that even mean?

Speaker 3 That almost feels like it could be a compliment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's old-timey Australian shit shit is really weird

Speaker 3 i mean that's so hard

Speaker 2 they used to call food tucker what does that mean what food food yeah we called it tucker

Speaker 3 whatever what other this there's loads of weird but what does that one even mean tucker well yeah you're the one

Speaker 2 i mean it means food like you tuck in i mean i don't know more than that yeah

Speaker 3 like it's just like have some tucker

Speaker 3 are you guys trying to say taco because you're mexican stuff

Speaker 2 T-U-C-K-E-R. Okay.
Like fucker tucker.

Speaker 3 Fucker tucker.

Speaker 2 You have no idea. And you're a valedictorian, but you don't know.
Yeah, I mean, I just graduated and I don't even understand what it means.

Speaker 3 So much. I guess tucking in.

Speaker 2 I guess tucking in.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right.

Speaker 3 Tucking in.

Speaker 3 Fucking tucker.

Speaker 2 So there's in a squatter's chair near the side.

Speaker 3 It's like a baby.

Speaker 2 Meet up your word for food.

Speaker 2 A dingo took that baby.

Speaker 3 Jeez.

Speaker 3 That story's actually pretty tragic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not a joke.

Speaker 3 It's not really that funny, to be honest with you. Kind of funny.
I mean, it's.

Speaker 4 Do I need to sit in between you two?

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 3 there's a tension.

Speaker 3 Like a veranda's chair.

Speaker 2 Okay, as homely as a sponge cake, as comforting as a squatter's chair on a shady.

Speaker 3 Okay, so not comfortable. Shady veranda.

Speaker 2 As straightforward and practical as a yabby pump.

Speaker 3 Who's got it?

Speaker 3 Chris?

Speaker 4 So, a yabby pump.

Speaker 2 Glory hole. Are we back to the glory hole?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Is a device that I think you use in like wet sand.

Speaker 3 A yabby? Okay.

Speaker 4 Yeah, to

Speaker 4 pull out the live creatures.

Speaker 3 Pull out. Called yabbies.
Live creatures.

Speaker 2 Yabbies? Yabbies. Yabbies.
With a Y.

Speaker 4 I believe that's right. And then you spit it out and out come the Yabbies.

Speaker 3 And the Yabbies are just any live creature.

Speaker 4 It's like a...

Speaker 3 Have I got.

Speaker 2 They're crayfish.

Speaker 3 Crayfish.

Speaker 3 Should you say crawfish?

Speaker 3 Oh, they're crawfish. Crawdads.

Speaker 4 They're like crawdads.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Like a crawdad.
Okay, yeah, yeah. Like under the sea.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 Yep. Right.

Speaker 2 We used to just set traps.

Speaker 2 We sucked them out with a pump, so, you know,

Speaker 3 each to their own.

Speaker 2 That sounds fucking

Speaker 3 one, eh?

Speaker 3 Come on. After that.

Speaker 3 Let's not talk about it.

Speaker 3 It's all we'll talk about.

Speaker 2 I mean, first video that came up was called Pumpin' Yabbies.

Speaker 3 Pumpin' Yabbies.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 That's so cool.

Speaker 3 You are a magical place to us. You're used to it.
We are foreigners, and your land is very strange and great to us.

Speaker 2 Practical as a Yabby pump, in every way, she is a typical Queensland product, fervently loyal to her husband and all his ideas and to the state.

Speaker 2 She is in some ways maddening, but by golly, you can't help liking her.

Speaker 3 Who wrote that? That was the Scholars like today. Paper, yeah.
That's how they wrote.

Speaker 3 Some paper was like. Trust me, I've been spying on her.

Speaker 2 It's a weird, like, it's hard to wrap your head around so.

Speaker 3 Well, it doesn't say anything. Yeah, it's very specific and it feels like

Speaker 3 wrong, to be quite honest with you. It's the weirdest description I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Ever leave a sandwich out in the sun? She's one of those.

Speaker 3 Think about it.

Speaker 3 She's a car that you left some vinegar inside of over a long weekend and then opened it up to feel a bit of relief, but also a slight bit of concern.

Speaker 2 Flo played the organ at his sermons. They would end up having four kids.
Okay. And Joe flew to search for oil.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 He flew to search for oil. Yeah, he would look for oil from the.
I don't see any there.

Speaker 3 None there either.

Speaker 3 Get the Yabby pump.

Speaker 2 His party took control in 1957, and he got oil rights of a 57-square-mile area for £2, which he then quickly sold for 51%.

Speaker 3 Sold 51% of it for £12,000, a 6 million percent profit.

Speaker 3 And that's good. Yes, that's very good.
He's the man.

Speaker 2 Doesn't sound like corruption at all.

Speaker 3 No, not to me.

Speaker 2 He, however, he did not think he should have to pay taxes on.

Speaker 2 And so he fought it all the way to the high court, who then were like, no, you gotta, what? Pay taxes. Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 Yeah. And he did.
And he did.

Speaker 2 He was made police minister. At the time, uniform

Speaker 2 police promoted to plain clothes went to the Vice Squad.

Speaker 2 And the reason they went to the Vice Squad is because they were given the job to pick up bribes from illegal businesses.

Speaker 2 And if the cop wasn't into it, his file was marked unfit for plain clothes duty and he was sent back to uniform.

Speaker 3 In uniform means that you either were a regular cop or you had been taken off of the plain clothes because you were not capable of corruption.

Speaker 2 Yes,

Speaker 2 if you won't be part of the corruption, then they put you back in uniform. Right, okay.
And so, Joe was what doing the plane? Joe is the police minister, so he's supposed to be overseeing.

Speaker 2 Oh, right, so he's overseeing the whole thing.

Speaker 3 He's in charge of all of it. That looks like a hell of a time, though, let's be honest.

Speaker 2 Jack Herbert was a head bagman for the Queensland Licensing Branch. And there are also three corrupt cops who are known as the Rat Pack.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 2 Anthony Murphy, Glendon Hallahan, and Terry Lewis.

Speaker 2 So the premier retires in 1968, and Joe shockingly wins the country party's deputy leadership.

Speaker 2 So months later, the country party's leader suddenly dies, and Joe is elected leader.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 The press quote: a man who devotes himself wholeheartedly to his many interests, politician, family man, farmer, pilot, nature lover, and tireless church worker.

Speaker 3 They couldn't have given his wife any of those compliments. Like, it feels like they're capable of compliments.

Speaker 3 Nobody was just like, a sofa that you put cigarettes out on for four years.

Speaker 3 Got beady eyes like a haunted painting would follow you with.

Speaker 3 He looks like a sick Rodney Dangerfield. You know him.

Speaker 2 So in August 68, Joe is the premier of Queensland. Congratulations.

Speaker 3 It's awesome.

Speaker 2 And things go better from there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and things continue to improve.

Speaker 4 As a few people said yay, which surprises me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, they get it.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's some booze. There we go.

Speaker 3 I think she just fell, though.

Speaker 3 Get the yabby pump.

Speaker 2 So his first event as premier was a Bible reading during a Bible readathon.

Speaker 3 Now that could happen on Sundays, though.

Speaker 4 Imagine that.

Speaker 4 I can't even.

Speaker 3 No, okay, so fuck you.

Speaker 2 I'm from North America. I'm from North America.

Speaker 2 This is the way Canadians say it. It's the same word.

Speaker 2 It's a different accent. I'm not fucking Australian, fuck nuts.

Speaker 3 Hey, are you on Twitter? Because you're blocked.

Speaker 3 He's big. I wouldn't fuck with him.

Speaker 3 We is pretty big. Now look at him.
He's pretty big.

Speaker 2 We have premieres in Canada, and that's how we say it.

Speaker 3 Listen, say what he wants, Dave. He's got big arms.
We're sorry, sir.

Speaker 3 We apologize for everything.

Speaker 2 I don't, I don't, like, if I'm going to South America, I don't go, nickel,

Speaker 3 like, I fucking, I don't change who I am.

Speaker 2 I'm a guy in a different place.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so cop that.

Speaker 2 It's also, it's aluminum.

Speaker 3 Oh, see, that one gets me.

Speaker 4 This is edgy.

Speaker 3 You know, this is some.

Speaker 3 I don't know if this will get you.

Speaker 3 This is probably our last show here. It's a shame.
It's our favorite city. It's tough to hear.
It's also pronounced burrito.

Speaker 2 And you don't put barbecue beef in it.

Speaker 2 So he hired a PR firm and started saying he, quote, didn't really mind people drinking.

Speaker 2 It's coming around on stuff.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 3 He realizes where he is.

Speaker 2 He's going to the middle.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like Australia. Yeah, right.
Yeah. So he's like, haha, yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 So there are two companies he had shares in, and they both got six-year oil prospecting leases on the Great Barrier Reef.

Speaker 3 Oh, nice. Known for its beautiful oil.

Speaker 4 Where are those woos now?

Speaker 3 Yeah, no downside to that.

Speaker 2 Seems to be fine. Hasn't been.

Speaker 3 Huh? It's been pretty good. Yeah.
Oh, I like my reef blanched white.

Speaker 2 You can see a white reef better from up in the the plane.

Speaker 3 Way better. Yep.
Yep. Well, it feels pretty tense out here.
Not sure why. Oh, we like our reef.

Speaker 2 The press said he was, quote, using deceit to acquire fabulous wealth. So he resigned as director of his company and Flo took over.

Speaker 3 Well, that's nice. That's different.
That's a big difference. That's what you should do.
Just

Speaker 3 wife should, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 That's and then you won't know because it's your wife.

Speaker 4 Yes, and then it's she can run a totally different scenario.

Speaker 3 It's completely different.

Speaker 2 She's not allowed to talk about business.

Speaker 4 She's a woman.

Speaker 3 Like, you don't know what she's going to get. Oh, good lord.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 At the time, Joe's mining minister said oil was protein and fish could eat it.

Speaker 3 Well, look, we're really used to bullshit in the world we live in, but sometimes there's really great bullshit.

Speaker 3 Fish love oil okay trust me

Speaker 3 i'm a bit of an ocean guy fish are huge into oil that's why you see so many fish eating oil in the ocean have you ever heard of fish oil yeah exactly that comes from them sucking that shit down omega-3s even fish like fish oil

Speaker 3 I think it went pretty good out there.

Speaker 3 Some of the press seemed kind of negative, but

Speaker 3 I think I vamped my way out of that pretty good.

Speaker 2 On a TV show, Alan Hogan brought up the shares.

Speaker 4 Do you mean Paul Hogan?

Speaker 3 Yes, he does. No.

Speaker 2 No, the guy. The comedian? That's not a knife.
That's a knife guy. Yeah, he's Alan Hogan.

Speaker 3 He's like a TV interviewer. You're only allowed one Hogan.
I agree.

Speaker 3 Yeah. That's not a joke.
This is a joke. He's that guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's not quicksand.

Speaker 2 So he brought up the series during an interview, and Joe snapped, quote, I urge you to mind your own business.

Speaker 3 It's a fucking interview show. About the country.
Yeah, about the guest.

Speaker 2 I have made it quite clear what my attitude is. So Hogan just keeps asking, and then Joe storms out on live TV.

Speaker 3 Nice. Someone shock my legs.
I'm out of here.

Speaker 2 So he started to lose popularity, and some of his party tries to oust him, but he spends that night calling members and making promises.

Speaker 2 And the next day, the vote to oust him was 12 to 13, and he's the deciding vote. So he stays in.

Speaker 3 He decides? Yeah, that's the fucking greatest.

Speaker 4 I mean, our system is a good old dice, eh?

Speaker 3 Our system is dog shit, but you got to love those. They're like, well, I will sit long and hard with this vote, and I'll get back to you.

Speaker 3 On further analysis, I think I'm voting in my favor.

Speaker 2 He hired 31-year-old journalist Alan Callahan

Speaker 2 to be his media coach, and Alan turned him from being a country bumpkin into a hard-working man of the people.

Speaker 2 So mid-1971, a sex worker is charged with a crime, and she feels betrayed by the cops.

Speaker 2 So she goes to the media and says she had lied during a police corruption inquiry, and then she names 50 cops who are corrupt.

Speaker 2 And then she's going to testify but 18 days before testifying in a safe house in Sydney she dies of an overdose.

Speaker 3 Man, oh man. It's called the Boeing move.

Speaker 2 All the charges are then dismissed but one.

Speaker 3 Well look

Speaker 3 when they die the charges die with them. That's how it works.
That's why it would be so smart to kill those who are going to testify against you. But what do I know?

Speaker 3 I'm just a simple peanut farmer.

Speaker 2 In late 71, the South African rugby team came to play in Australia.

Speaker 2 And there were huge protests because that's, you know, apartheid. People don't like it.

Speaker 3 Imagine.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Joe's fine with apartheid. He's like, it's great.

Speaker 2 And he declared a month-long state of emergency to override all civil liberties.

Speaker 3 What you got to do. Imagine.
Can you imagine? That wouldn't happen in our country.

Speaker 3 No, sir, Babo.

Speaker 2 Imagine that.

Speaker 3 No way. Not in our nation.
The leadership. Yeah, not in our great nation.
Unbelievable. No, no, America's not.

Speaker 2 We would never do that. Nope.

Speaker 3 Not a way. No way.
Nope.

Speaker 3 Nope.

Speaker 2 You're not going to see

Speaker 2 trains and trucks.

Speaker 3 No way, sir.

Speaker 2 You're not going to see concentration camps.

Speaker 2 That's not happening.

Speaker 3 Nope. We're not going to put people in the desert.
We have the right amount of cops in there.

Speaker 2 We're not going to put people in the desert. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 Who's saying that we're going to put.

Speaker 3 You've got to be careful. That's where the slow sand is.

Speaker 2 So 40 unions then hold a 24-hour strike. And Joe said the unions and labor party would be a, quote, future of anarchy in the streets.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. That is.

Speaker 3 I'm actually like, okay, yeah, that sounds pretty good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He also said it would be a climax of violence demonstrations. Sure.
Yep. During the rugby tournament, the cops attacked and beat protesters.
What else are you going to do? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the Young Labour Association broke away, announcing, quote, the Australian Labour Party does not support irresponsible protest. It has no truck with starry-eyed revolutionaries.

Speaker 2 So that's the Labour guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So Strongman got the backing of supporters and opponents.

Speaker 3 That's fine. That's cool.
That's fine. So there's no opposition.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's all good. That's nice.
In the 72 elections, Liberals and Country got 42% of the vote, and Labor got 47.

Speaker 2 But Labor had 33 less seats. Sorry, Labor had 33

Speaker 2 seats, so they got like nothing compared to what the other two got, even though they had more votes. As it should be,

Speaker 2 because you're fucking lefties.

Speaker 2 You don't know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 It was all, it's just gerrymandered. The whole place is gerrymandered.
It was nicknamed the Bianchi Mander system.

Speaker 2 Rural zones were given more weight. So Callahan now turns Joe into like a quick thinker and a sharp responder, really a captivating public figure.

Speaker 3 Callahan's typewriter man? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. He teaches him how to perform on TV and they have like a

Speaker 2 cool

Speaker 3 two, three, four.

Speaker 3 Here we go. Go big, buddy.

Speaker 2 So they're like a propaganda machine. They have a telex.

Speaker 2 I don't know what that is. What is a telex?

Speaker 3 Why did you point to me?

Speaker 2 Because it's exciting.

Speaker 3 It isn't exciting. I don't know what it is.
I felt overwhelmed with that gesture. What's a telex?

Speaker 4 Like pre-facts.

Speaker 3 Pre-facts. Yeah.
What did we do then? Pigeon?

Speaker 4 Telegraphs. It was...
Telex? Yeah, a telex machine sent telegraphs. Am I wrong?

Speaker 3 I think we all know. Nobody knows.
I don't think anyone knows. Everybody's like, nah, you're not wrong, but

Speaker 3 what is right?

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah, you're right. A telex was a major method of sending written messages electronically between businesses in the post-World War II period.

Speaker 3 So like Morse?

Speaker 3 Yeah, kinda. I mean.
A little Morrissey?

Speaker 2 Well, a little Morrissey's now fascist, but.

Speaker 3 Sure, that's right.

Speaker 2 It's, yeah, so it's like a communication. It's like text, but for big businesses to talk to each other.

Speaker 3 He said eggplant emoji.

Speaker 3 Hold on. I don't think I'm supposed to be listening to this one.

Speaker 2 Okay, so as a telexy, as a government.

Speaker 3 LMFAA is

Speaker 3 rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

Speaker 3 Eggplant emoji.

Speaker 3 A lot of eggplant emojis.

Speaker 3 A squirting emoji.

Speaker 3 Eggplant emoji.

Speaker 3 There is a

Speaker 3 weird

Speaker 3 hole. A hole? No, never mind.

Speaker 3 It's a lot of egg clown emerges.

Speaker 2 So they also,

Speaker 2 they have a government-paid cameraman and cinematographer, an editing bay, and they start a program called The Joe Show.

Speaker 2 In 74,

Speaker 2 he destroys labor. Labor has 11 seats.

Speaker 3 So they just really figure out propaganda in a quick, efficient way. Yes, right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they have like a...

Speaker 3 It's It's slick.

Speaker 2 And they have an infrastructure behind them that nobody else has.

Speaker 2 So Labor has 11 seats. Liberals have 30 and country has 39.

Speaker 2 But country has the lowest number of votes.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 But most seats. Because that's how it works.
I don't get it. You'll see in America.
The country party then absorbed the Democratic Labor Party and they formed the National Party. Like the blob.

Speaker 3 They just sucked them in. Okay.
Like the blob. I don't like that.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Really hot reference.

Speaker 2 Excuse me, I almost died.

Speaker 2 The name, they revealed. Do you know what negativity does?

Speaker 3 Your body's allergic to it.

Speaker 3 Unblock that man.

Speaker 2 So they reveal the name at a hotel, and young girls sing

Speaker 2 before a jazz band, and they wore national party t-shirts, and there are two huge pictures, one of Joe and one of upcoming Doug Anthony.

Speaker 3 Doug Anthony? Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 Labour's Edward Gough Whitlam became the Australian Prime Minister. That doesn't work out.

Speaker 3 But then we did an episode on that, and they unseat him because

Speaker 3 the Queen gets rid of him. The Queen gets rid of him.
It's fine. No!

Speaker 2 And CIA.

Speaker 2 So now Joe's like, I'm going to defeat that socialist son of a bitch.

Speaker 3 Not on Sunday, though.

Speaker 2 Whitlam said what Queensland needed was, quote, not a full-time queen of Queensland, but a full-time premier of Queensland.

Speaker 3 Nice. Well, fucking

Speaker 3 jab. Get him.
A little poke. That'll teach him.

Speaker 2 Joe personally contacted Britain's Privy Council to have the Queen declared Queen of Queensland.

Speaker 3 What a prick.

Speaker 3 So that's just a stupid thing.

Speaker 3 I suppose I'll do it. It's just so funny.
Okay.

Speaker 3 So dumb. Yes.

Speaker 2 And he wanted to reaffirm that his state was a sovereign state.

Speaker 2 So their rivalry leads to what's known as the Garefair.

Speaker 3 Which I've been involved in.

Speaker 2 Which we covered in episode 532. Basically, Shannon again's over an empty seat, and Joe and his boys trick Whitlam by delaying a member from voting by offering him whiskey and prawns.

Speaker 3 Which, to

Speaker 3 Australian is obviously awesome.

Speaker 2 Have you ever been able to turn that down? No.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 you tucker that right in.

Speaker 2 I love a bit of tucker. Yeah.

Speaker 3 When was the last time you had shrimp and whiskey?

Speaker 2 Oh, lost knot.

Speaker 2 I'm surprised. I thought it would be breakfast.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. No, it's a good

Speaker 3 Australian common

Speaker 3 cuisine. The shrimp and shrimp and whiskey.
The best way to get your puke pink.

Speaker 3 What'd you say? I haven't talked for about two to three minutes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I didn't understand what you were talking about, and then you just turned to me and went, isn't that right, Damien? I was like, fuck yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I like to do that.

Speaker 3 Chris, you know, you'd agree with that. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 4 You love doing it, don't you?

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 3 Dave, you get it. Caught me off guard.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean, right? No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 All of us.

Speaker 2 So, because of the whiskey and prawns, Whitlam loses a seat, and then

Speaker 3 it's just not a better way for it to work out.

Speaker 2 And then Whitlam's really irritated, and he says on TV, quote, What makes Joe so nauseating is that he's a Bible-bashing bastard. The man is a paranoiac, a bigot, and a fanatical.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Would have been cool if he had power.

Speaker 2 Well, unfortunately, a lot of churchgoers were then upset,

Speaker 2 including church leaders, except for one religious leader, Father David Anthony.

Speaker 3 Boy, we really gave him a bunch of shit, and he's awesome. Did you hear that? You like him? Yeah, Father Weirdo Anthony?

Speaker 2 Father David Anthony.

Speaker 3 That's Dave Anthony? That's right.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ. What a weird.

Speaker 2 So anyway, Father David Anthony was the only one that advocated for Whitlam.

Speaker 3 So he's awesome. He's awesome.

Speaker 2 So then a labor senator dies, and Joe picks the replacement, and he finds a labor guy who opposes Whitlam. So the government just is totally deadlocked.

Speaker 2 And then Whitlam is removed by Governor General Sir John Kerr at the bidding of the Queen and the CIA.

Speaker 3 So normal.

Speaker 3 Who is he?

Speaker 2 That's the Governor General.

Speaker 3 That's the guy who removed Whitlam. Yeah, it's the guy who removed Whitlam.
What a little fucking cuck. Now, shouldn't we be allowed to find his

Speaker 3 younger ancestors and just publicly beat the shit out of them? Just to

Speaker 3 make future dickheads be like, better be careful, because otherwise someone's going to curb stop my grandson.

Speaker 3 Like we should be able to go find, you know, some guy's like, I didn't do anything. I'm doing socialism.

Speaker 4 What if the grandson's a communist?

Speaker 3 I still think, unfortunately, we have to beat the shit out of him. If anything, it'll just show.

Speaker 3 It'll be like, look, even if you're not in line with your grandpa's beliefs, we have to fucking hurt you so badly. Your grandpa was such a cop.

Speaker 4 What if he's like, I hated that dude?

Speaker 3 I'd be like, dude, you sound awesome.

Speaker 3 And by the way, your grandkids are going to fucking love what you did.

Speaker 3 Or, or, or, my other pitch, we get to bring him out of the ground, we exhume him,

Speaker 3 and we just do a ton of weird stuff to him.

Speaker 2 Weird stuff?

Speaker 3 Weird stuff. And I'm not even saying sexual.
That's what the glory holes are for. We will be empty at that point.

Speaker 3 But we bring it out and we like drink vino out of his skull and we like pick our teeth with his ribs. You know? Smaller the ribs.
Huh?

Speaker 3 Well, we sharpen the edge. It's like the flintstones.
I'll just be like, ah, you know what I mean? And we do that in front of his family.

Speaker 3 But they get to be like, no, you know, but I'll be like, Zara, your grandpa was such a big dickhead.

Speaker 3 You know, and then we like, yeah, we just like use his femurs as like sporting utensils. Sporting utensils.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we play like little crickets.

Speaker 2 This is instead of baiting the sports.

Speaker 3 Well, and then if people don't get the message, then we take his commie little kid and we're like, sorry, we've got to beat you with your grandma's phibia.

Speaker 3 We're going to have to beat the snot out of you with your grandpa's bones. I'm really sorry.
I apologize. And I'm afraid I have to beat your son with your grandpa's skull.

Speaker 3 He sucks so bad. We can't have another him.

Speaker 3 We believe in democracy.

Speaker 2 What happened in your childhood?

Speaker 3 Well, I was kind of an only child, but I did have an older brother, but he was into drugs, and I just kind of had to watch TV and be raised by it.

Speaker 2 I think it worked out.

Speaker 3 It didn't work great, to be honest. But moments like this, it's kind of okay, but I feel like I'm a lonely boy right now.

Speaker 3 But that's what I always return to. Just play with my trains.
Let's go to the next photo, shall we? How does this work?

Speaker 2 We really covered that one.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, we did. Yeah, and I think we got some more important

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Speaker 2 So new Liberal Prime Minister Malcolm Frazier dissolved parliament and then they had an election. Labor was crushed.

Speaker 4 It's not Frazier.

Speaker 3 It's not? Go. No.

Speaker 4 Fraser.

Speaker 3 Fraser? That sounds funny. Frazier.
Did you ever get the show about a psychiatrist over here?

Speaker 3 Yeah. What'd you call it?

Speaker 3 Frazier. Frazier.
Oh, really?

Speaker 2 That's weird you said it wrong.

Speaker 3 So Labor.

Speaker 3 dr frazia cranny

Speaker 3 so uh they called miles kilometers over here

Speaker 3 frazier yes kilometers

Speaker 3 tapini

Speaker 3 so after a lot of inside frazier stuff

Speaker 2 After all this, Joasine is a big hero. They have a black tight dinner for his great victory, and everyone sang, for he's a jolly good fellow.

Speaker 2 A speaker quote, if there were more great men in Australia like the Premier,

Speaker 2 we would have little to fear from socialism or communism.

Speaker 3 It's so fucking crazy how long

Speaker 2 they have nothing to fear from socialism, communism.

Speaker 3 It's just like it's endless. It's endless.
They've only had power forever. And they keep being like, God, that was close.

Speaker 3 They almost got rights again. And you're like, buddy, you are are killing us like oh man

Speaker 2 uh so now joe takes it up a notch oh good yeah 1 000 Queensland University students protest a low weekly allowance

Speaker 2 so cops attack them and it's total chaos

Speaker 2 cameras film the woman student being hit on the head with a baton

Speaker 2 Joe then says he's tired of radical groups believing they can take over the streets.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and like his government.

Speaker 2 This is police commissioner Whitrod. Whitrod? Whitrod.
So he orders an investigation. So then Joe replaces the police minister to make sure that he's got his guys in place, right?

Speaker 2 And soon after, the cops raid a hippie commune, which happens to burn down during the raid.

Speaker 2 So Joe accused the hippies of faking evidence and said, quote, the government will believe the police.

Speaker 2 And he ordered the commissioner not to investigate. Oh, fuck.
But the commissioner did.

Speaker 2 And one cop was charged with arson. And his defense in court was basically, there was a young woman with them, and she could have been your daughter.
So he was acquitted.

Speaker 3 He was acquitted?

Speaker 3 He makes a pretty good case. I mean, it is.

Speaker 3 It was a woman. It could be anyone's daughter.
That's why I burned their home to the ground.

Speaker 2 So the cops acquitted. Three other cops get off on corruption charges, and then Joe picks Rat Pack member Terry Lewis to be assistant commissioner.

Speaker 2 Commissioner Whitrod, quote, that is pretty shattering to me. It's widely known on the force that Lewis is a bag man.

Speaker 2 So the commissioner's not down.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 2 So he resigns.

Speaker 3 The commissioner does. Yeah.
That's also the worst fucking thing. Because you're like, we have a good person, but he's disgusted.
So he's like, I can't do this.

Speaker 2 He can't take it.

Speaker 2 So he was just seeing cops become increasingly corrupt under Joe, and he compared Joe to, quote, Goring's successful assumption of control of the German police as an essential step towards the establishment of the Nazi state.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. Is that bad?

Speaker 3 For those of us who aren't big into history,

Speaker 3 we're against that.

Speaker 2 So Terry Lewis, who's part of the rat pack, is now the police commissioner.

Speaker 2 And the first press conference, he says he's not corrupt.

Speaker 3 That's a great way to open. open.
The best.

Speaker 3 I am not corrupt. I am a really great man.

Speaker 3 Kill him, he's looking at me weird.

Speaker 2 As far as the rat pack, quote, to the best of my knowledge, I haven't been connected with it.

Speaker 2 I may have been connected with it by the insane rantings of some people in the past, notably one commissioner.

Speaker 2 Okay. So the guy just retired.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's like, he's crazy. I'm fine.

Speaker 2 In 1977, an inquiry report suggested suggested the cops were corrupt, but Joe refuses to make it public.

Speaker 2 So Joe is now predicting that Queensland is going to secede.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. And have its own currency

Speaker 2 and be one of the richest places on earth. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck. Let's do this.

Speaker 3 Awesome.

Speaker 2 He said just once it was free of Canberra,

Speaker 2 Queensland could

Speaker 2 drill for oil in the Great Barrier Reef.

Speaker 3 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 You're just printing money.

Speaker 3 I mean, get rid of Canberra, I understand. But the rest is just.

Speaker 2 So he opposed Aboriginal land rights. He banned Playboy magazine.
He banned, he got rid of sex school education and abortions.

Speaker 3 Fuck. He believed.
It's like America.

Speaker 3 This is all very, yeah, the same.

Speaker 2 He

Speaker 2 believed in a southern homosexuals conspiracy.

Speaker 3 In a southern homosexuals conspiracy.

Speaker 2 So down south, there's homosexuals.

Speaker 3 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 And they're conspiring against the

Speaker 3 great homosexual army. Yes.
Right.

Speaker 2 Adelaide.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We remember that.

Speaker 2 There's always there these people always that's another thing they always have a homosexual conspiracy also They're always the gays Because they're gay the gays are always coming from them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and they're gay this is the reason why Queensland cops so much shit from the southern states now forever yeah we never got past this because nor should you miss yeah yeah honestly so for the rest of time we were always like Queensland up there backwards and shit just because we thought there was a gay conspiracy that was coming to consumers

Speaker 2 wanted to mine the Great Barrier Reef I mean fucking hell

Speaker 3 is it that bad to secede and have your own currency mine the Great Barrier Reef good lord we wanted to mine the barrier reef and we believe there there was a gay army. Our bad.

Speaker 3 Get over it.

Speaker 3 So after

Speaker 2 Commissioner Whitrod resigned, cop harassment of gays massively increased. There are raids on saunas.
Gay cops had to transfer and on and on. It just was like a big crackdown.

Speaker 3 How about sauna? Like the idea that saunas are only for gay, like...

Speaker 2 They're gay saunas. They're actually gay saunas.

Speaker 3 They're still, we're definitely straight guys who are like, what the fuck's going on?

Speaker 3 I love esteem. Esteem.
Wait, what?

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 that makes a lot of sense, actually.

Speaker 3 Because they kept talking about the weird army battle they had coming up.

Speaker 3 They were like, we will do this. We will show them.

Speaker 2 There was actually a guy who owned a bunch of the gay saunas, and he ended up being a big guy fighting against Joe.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 He had a lot of money, so he fought him from the bottom.

Speaker 3 From all the gay saunas. Yeah, from gay saunas.

Speaker 3 Listen, like I like to say we're all gay in the sauna

Speaker 3 yeah it's like uh holy holy land yeah all right huh

Speaker 3 buddy you're reaching and I'm me

Speaker 4 it's a meat safe yeah yeah

Speaker 3 it is

Speaker 3 in many ways a meat safe

Speaker 3 It's like a meat cute, but weirder. A lot weirder.
It's always weird when a guy locks the sauna door.

Speaker 3 We're all gay, right? Okay.

Speaker 2 So Joe declares, quote, the day of street marches is over.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 And told protesters not to apply for permits because they wouldn't get one.

Speaker 2 So the protests then become violent.

Speaker 3 Why?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 A cop later admitted that undercover cops were instigating the violence.

Speaker 3 Just the same fucking playbook. Yeah,

Speaker 3 as always.

Speaker 2 Get ready, America.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's been America's

Speaker 3 forever. Forever.
There's just one guy who's like, hey, we should beat the cops up if we want rights for all races.

Speaker 3 You've got like a butch haircut and a badge on. Me? You mean John Q, regular man?

Speaker 3 I'm just saying, this nonviolent march should probably turn pretty violent soon. Let's break these bank windows to really get our message across.

Speaker 2 A few churches backed the protesters, so Joe called them commie backers.

Speaker 2 The party president warned Joe he was developing a nearly fascist image.

Speaker 3 Good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Did nobody tell him Jesus was a socialist?

Speaker 3 What? Huh?

Speaker 3 I need a little more blood.

Speaker 2 Protests started announcing marches, but then they wouldn't go on them.

Speaker 2 And then they would have spot marches with no warning. This is all to just drain police funds.

Speaker 3 That's great.

Speaker 2 Do you hear that, America?

Speaker 3 I love the police showing up, but well,

Speaker 3 looks like there's not a march after all.

Speaker 3 It's working.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because if you say there's a, like, if you say you're going to march, then they can surround you and get ready.

Speaker 2 But, like, in LA, the cops have already said, like, if there's a bunch of 10,000 protesters marches around LA, we can't control it.

Speaker 3 Okay, LAPD.

Speaker 2 We hear you.

Speaker 3 Is anyone here, LAPD?

Speaker 3 Let me guess.

Speaker 2 My uncle.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ, Damien.

Speaker 2 So three weeks before the 77 election, anti-nuclear protesters are arrested.

Speaker 3 Anti-nuclear protesters? Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 What's their deal?

Speaker 2 They didn't like

Speaker 3 it.

Speaker 3 Let's tinker. Have a little fun.
Maybe get some more weird fish that like oil.

Speaker 3 Fukushima. It worked out awesome.

Speaker 3 It did. Yeah, it was awesome.
Yeah, we got cooked. Best sushi, yeah.
Good sushi. Way better.
Floats in your mouth. Yeah, floats in your mouth.
Fucking awesome. I love it.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 A little glowy.

Speaker 3 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 A paper called it Joe's War. His party then won 35 of 82 seats and outpolled liberals for the first time ever.

Speaker 2 So he gives cabinet positions that are normally held by liberals to national party members. The Melbourne Age published a profile, quote.

Speaker 2 I give you Lethal Lutheran, the Premier of Queensland, Australia's smallest, noisiest, and most

Speaker 2 irresponsible minority, has kidnapped an entire state. What's happened in Queensland demonstrates the fragility of democracy.
He seems nourished by all forms of opposition.

Speaker 2 All it does is vindicate him in the dim eyes of those troglodytes who see him as savior. In Peterson, they have someone who inarticulates their aggressions and their resentments.

Speaker 3 Oh, he probably read that and was like, what does that mean?

Speaker 3 Feels negative.

Speaker 2 Does that sound like anyone?

Speaker 3 No, not

Speaker 3 from here? No, no, from America.

Speaker 3 Obama?

Speaker 3 Barack Obama?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 O-H-B-A-M-A? Yeah. Obama!

Speaker 3 So he formally... What's a troglodite?

Speaker 3 Bullshit, whatever it is, I'm not it, okay? Unless it's a good thing, then I'm the most trogla-dish that's ever been.

Speaker 3 I'm unbelievably, I actually sometimes like it with no sugar, and I call it trogler light dite.

Speaker 3 Not a big deal.

Speaker 3 Who is that? I don't know.

Speaker 3 Dave Anthony's a problem.

Speaker 3 And I'm not talking about the preacher from earlier in the story.

Speaker 3 Weird man, sad man,

Speaker 3 little loser.

Speaker 3 Showed a picture earlier. He looked much better.
I guess he's been smoking since then.

Speaker 2 So he forms a foundation to raise money.

Speaker 2 A brochure called Joe quote, one of the greatest statesmen of all time.

Speaker 3 I love it.

Speaker 3 It's a brochure. Not anyone can write those.

Speaker 2 And they were going to use the money to build a party headquarters. $100,000 would get a building named after you, an oil portrait in the foyer, and a lifetime membership.

Speaker 3 That barrier refoil.

Speaker 2 $25,000 got you dinner with Job.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ. $25,000.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 The second he got up, I'd be like, you're not leaving already, are you? It's better to long. Uh, uh, uh, what

Speaker 3 is happening? What

Speaker 3 now? With more bullshit. What do those little things say?

Speaker 3 What's the surge?

Speaker 3 Prime chook fade.

Speaker 3 Do you know what chook is? This is what you eat when you sit down with him. Do you know what chook is?

Speaker 3 You know what chook is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I looked it up.

Speaker 3 You know what chook is? Chook? Yeah. Like chickens?

Speaker 2 Like you guys... Oh, you guys don't say chook.

Speaker 3 No, we don't say chook! No, no, no.

Speaker 3 I thought chook is. Nobody says chook! We call them chickens.

Speaker 2 You guys don't know what chook is? Nobody knows what chook is.

Speaker 3 This guy's pissed.

Speaker 3 Anywhere. I just thought.
I know what a chook is. Look at him.
He's like, fucking hell. I love a bit of chook.
You ever had chicken wings? Fucking delicious, mate.

Speaker 2 Anyway, it's chickens.

Speaker 3 Well, that's abnormal, just so you know.

Speaker 2 Chook is still, like, that's a common, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not an old one for us.

Speaker 3 Well, it's still not okay, right? I mean, we're, I agree with some of the premier Fraser stuff.

Speaker 3 I can meet you halfway on that. You're not down with chook? I'm not down with chook.

Speaker 3 Even when you're saying it, I feel like we shouldn't be saying it. I'll be honest.

Speaker 2 The barbecue chook from the moment.

Speaker 3 I feel like chickens are are just like, stop calling us that. Chicken.
No, we are chickens. Easy chook.

Speaker 3 We don't have to feed it. So he made chook feed?

Speaker 3 Or he's living on it?

Speaker 3 He's a bit beaky.

Speaker 2 I think he made it.

Speaker 3 He did used to live in that shed.

Speaker 4 Maybe he was just missing those days.

Speaker 2 Do you guys have, is there anything you don't have a nickname for?

Speaker 3 Even nicknames, you're like, you mean a a Nikki?

Speaker 3 Talk about a Nikki.

Speaker 3 Back in hell.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's funny.

Speaker 2 So aside from the people

Speaker 3 is that when you pay 25 grand, you get that with him?

Speaker 2 I think so.

Speaker 3 All right, eat your chook.

Speaker 3 Get the fuck out.

Speaker 2 For 25 grandchildren.

Speaker 3 25 grandchild.

Speaker 3 Here you go, mate.

Speaker 3 Well, thanks, Sujo. There you are.

Speaker 3 Sorry, there's not a fork. It's an extra 25.

Speaker 2 So besides the people who contributed,

Speaker 2 they kept lists of people who did not contribute.

Speaker 3 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 Gotta be in trouble.

Speaker 2 In the 78 election,

Speaker 2 Joe told voters to support him over, quote, mob rule in the streets.

Speaker 3 You mean his government?

Speaker 2 It's so crazy. I mean, I don't know how much you guys watch American news but this is literally what's happening now

Speaker 3 sorry no it isn't

Speaker 3 we're doing really good and it is still the best country on earth don't worry about it

Speaker 2 go ahead but if you like talk to conservatives they're like

Speaker 3 you walked through Los Angeles and lived they they think it's like Mad Max like they they oh they're a bunch of chooks

Speaker 3 They won't walk anywhere.

Speaker 3 See them.

Speaker 2 So in 79, sex education in schools became a big debate. Joe would just call it, quote, the funny business.

Speaker 3 He's right.

Speaker 3 Look, you'll figure it out. It'll slip in.
She'll help. Don't worry about it.
You might switch positions. You'll fall out.
She'll put you back in. Enough.

Speaker 3 You might try to not slip out. Most likely you will.

Speaker 3 If you don't, get on you.

Speaker 3 And if you do, let her figure it out.

Speaker 3 There's a naughty bit back there that she doesn't want it in and neither do you.

Speaker 3 Keep working.

Speaker 3 Think about cricket. On your way.

Speaker 2 What's fingering?

Speaker 3 That's how you warm up that little zone, potentially. Look, I'll be honest.
During the act, she might want a bit of the, you know, fingering in the other one.

Speaker 3 She obliges, let it happen.

Speaker 3 If not, don't fucking force it. Move on.
Get out.

Speaker 3 Look, fucking dirty. She'll be over in about three to seven minutes maximum.

Speaker 3 Don't push it. All right, after the act, you'll get very sleepy.
She'll want to have a gab, allow her for a minute, then say you've got to get up early on your way.

Speaker 3 Fucking beautiful. Magic.
Just the way the Lord intended.

Speaker 3 All right?

Speaker 4 I feel like he hasn't got an out for this. No,

Speaker 3 of course I do.

Speaker 2 I feel like this is a new podcast, this one.

Speaker 3 It's It's what the dollop is.

Speaker 3 Leave behind.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 Fucking 50 people's and majority in this room.

Speaker 2 You just gave away a secret.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 he has an expansion built for parliament members. It has a gym, a pool, sauna, gold taps, a theater, theater, and a nuclear fallout shelter.

Speaker 3 That's where I'd be hanging. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fucking shelter. That's awesome.

Speaker 2 The cookware and glassware costs a million.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 He decided to have a nearby heritage hotel torn down. Good.

Speaker 2 So 7,000 people protested.

Speaker 2 One man said the military and construction vehicles rolling in after midnight protected by cops reminded him of videos he'd seen of Nazi Germany destruction.

Speaker 3 In a good way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They built a lot of really good shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what a lot of our senators in the U.S. talk about.
That's right, they do, actually.

Speaker 3 They're like, look, okay, say what you will, but the Audubon, come on, name a better freeway.

Speaker 3 Come on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so a lot of people were very upset about this. By the end of 79, the protest ban had cost the state $5 million in arrests.

Speaker 2 So now the rat pack. Terry Lewis was made an officer of the most excellent order of the British Empire.

Speaker 3 That's the title?

Speaker 2 Yeah, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 You guys have what? It's like it's like sometimes it's like a Hobbit world. Like, what is this? What?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like,

Speaker 2 that's not a night, right? That's like almost a night, maybe.

Speaker 3 Is that what? Is that what? Top bloke bloke. Top bloke.
Top bloke.

Speaker 2 Federal Federal narcotics officers raided Hallahan's farm looking for heroin, but none was found.

Speaker 2 And then a heroin runner said the rat pack controlled a lot of crime in Queensland. By 1980, there were 42 illegal bookmakers paying $800 a month to cops.

Speaker 2 Some party members worried Queensland was becoming a police state and moved to oust Joe.

Speaker 2 So Joe gets Flo

Speaker 3 to run for office. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 I like the idea that you're like, nobody's better than my wife, of course. Makes total sense.

Speaker 2 Well, it works because she attracts a ton of swing voters and she gets elected to the Senate.

Speaker 3 We are all so stupid.

Speaker 3 It is endless how dumb we really are.

Speaker 3 You know what else? I'm calling for it now. We euthanize the swing voters.
If you say you're a swing voter, we're fucking done with you. That's it.
You're out.

Speaker 3 Anyone Anyone who's like, I mean, I'm kind of liking what his wife says a little bit more than him.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 2 it's just endless.

Speaker 3 We're going to get the voter registration rolls. We're going to find out who voted for her.
And unfortunately, their grandkids are also going to be put on the list. Well, I've got some of that.

Speaker 3 Stop it!

Speaker 3 No!

Speaker 2 So he wins his fifth election, and the press calls them the Joe and Flo Show.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck me.

Speaker 2 So, Joe forces liberal ministers to sign their allegiance.

Speaker 3 Holy fuck. I mean, it is remarkable how we are just on the precipice of

Speaker 3 exactly that. I mean, doing this research, I'm just like, yep, check, check, check.

Speaker 3 Check.

Speaker 2 There are accusations of conflicts of interest with mining contracts, casino licenses, and development rights.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck. It's so close, David hurts.

Speaker 3 Hurts so good.

Speaker 2 Joe appointed a racing stable owner as the racing minister.

Speaker 3 The fact that that's even a position is crazy, and that's buried by what he did.

Speaker 4 But he's like, you're not putting this on television.

Speaker 2 A rich Hawaiian partnered with his son, John.

Speaker 2 Property was bought and quickly sold, and John made $310,000.

Speaker 3 Nice. It's awesome.

Speaker 2 All in the family.

Speaker 2 On a trip to Japan, Joe said, quote, I am here to say we are not Australians. We are Queenslanders.

Speaker 3 There's a difference.

Speaker 3 They're the better Australians. Yeah, top-notch.

Speaker 2 An ex-cop and a current cop went on ABC-TV and made corruption allegations.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 2 And they talked about the Rat Pack without using actual names. A little bit later, the cop's wife and kids were assaulted in their home, and the attackers fled in an unmarked police car.

Speaker 3 Well, come on. I mean, why would you not do bikes?

Speaker 3 The fuck?

Speaker 3 They put the siren on top of him. Woo! Woo!

Speaker 3 Woo!

Speaker 2 That cop then transferred to Tasmania.

Speaker 2 Rat Pack members Lewis and Murphy sued ABC for defamation, and Joe's cabinet funded the lawsuits.

Speaker 3 Fucking A.

Speaker 3 It's good, right? It is good, for sure.

Speaker 2 As cops got more corrupt men in positions, they made more money. And the licensing bureau take went up 61% from 81 to 82.
And they were now making $250,000 a year.

Speaker 2 The Bjucky Peterson family company, Kyassum, CSM, Kaisum, whatever, bought Riverfront property for $1.5 million and got a $3 million loan from a Singapore bank.

Speaker 2 In August of 1983, of 155 working days, Parliament had worked only 14.

Speaker 3 Holy fuck. First of all, 155 total is already shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But 14.
14. We're exhausted.

Speaker 3 It's kind of impressive. It is impressive.
It is impressive. Yeah, it's awesome.

Speaker 3 I keep thinking that. I'm just like, I should just get into government.
Fuck it. I should just be like, hey, we're going to make, we're going to change the system.

Speaker 3 And then just be like, shit, what do you want?

Speaker 3 I own part of the ocean now. Things are pretty good.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 So some liberal members wanted a committee to look at government spending, but Joe blocked that.

Speaker 3 Smart.

Speaker 2 And when a liberal member who voted for it was picked as party leader, Joe denied him the post as deputy premier.

Speaker 2 And then seven liberals resigned in protest. And so

Speaker 2 Joe then appointed himself treasurer and called an election.

Speaker 3 That's why you can't do that. I know.
You can't be like, look, this sucks so much. Someone's got to fight it.
I'm out of here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess they... They assume it'll get people riled up.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I think you're learning that we're all just like looking at our phones, so you got to fucking do it while you're in there. Well, they didn't have phones.
No, they did. That one guy did.

Speaker 2 So liberals are crushed in the election.

Speaker 2 And nationals had total power in a state for the first time in Australian history.

Speaker 2 And Joe was gifted a motorcycle from a brand new Queensland Yamaha dealership. Now, other

Speaker 2 states capped political gifts at $100.

Speaker 3 Unless it's a Yamaha.

Speaker 3 They're sick.

Speaker 2 But Joe said restricting gifts would insult donors.

Speaker 3 It's very true. It's very not enough people represent the donor class so publicly.

Speaker 3 He'll be fucking furious.

Speaker 2 Think about the bribers.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Somebody think, yeah, yamaha.

Speaker 2 A rat pack buddy was put on the Supreme Court.

Speaker 2 Joe

Speaker 2 was knighted.

Speaker 3 Such a great time to to just put a sword through his throat.

Speaker 3 Was knighted.

Speaker 2 The cops were now bringing in

Speaker 2 $543,000 a year, which is $2.5 million today.

Speaker 3 Oh, yo, yo, fucking hell.

Speaker 2 The Courier Mail reported: quote, a child pornography and male prostitution racket is operating in Brisbane and on the Gold Coast. Ringleaders pay off crooked policemen so the racket can operate.

Speaker 2 It's cool.

Speaker 2 It was alleged Commissioner Lewis had a long time knowledge of a cop involved in child molestation.

Speaker 2 The cabinet decided to appoint a judge to look into it. Now, at the time when they decided to do that, Joe was in London.
And so he phoned and told them to shut it down.

Speaker 3 Fuck.

Speaker 2 The police minister, quote, the premier often stated a view that an inquiry should never be started unless the result is known beforehand.

Speaker 3 That's fair.

Speaker 2 Well, that makes logical sense.

Speaker 3 That actually does. I mean, before you do it, know what the answer is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, otherwise, why even do it if you don't already know the outcome?

Speaker 3 The outcome. Nerve-wracking.
It could be negative. Inquisition.
Without question.

Speaker 3 Know the inquiry.

Speaker 3 100%. That's how math works, too.

Speaker 2 Like, why ask a question if you don't know the answer?

Speaker 3 Makes complete sense. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's what this whole podcast is based on.

Speaker 2 So the cop ends up being arrested. And Joe said he supported.
So he calls again, and I guess he tells a reporter this or something, but he says he supports Lewis

Speaker 2 and also that East German assassins are targeting him.

Speaker 3 What the fuck? I've got quite a quote for you on this one.

Speaker 3 East German assassins? Ninjas!

Speaker 2 German ninjas are after me.

Speaker 2 It's classic right-wing fucking fucking nutch.

Speaker 3 Like, they're crazy.

Speaker 3 His conscience must have been in the goiter.

Speaker 3 I wonder what the goiter's doing. The goiter's like, I'm a simple farmer now.

Speaker 3 Live off the land and don't take more than I have to.

Speaker 3 We're just a simple goiter family.

Speaker 2 He's just at a bar going, yeah, Sejo, I knew him.

Speaker 3 Goiter, should you be smoking?

Speaker 3 Probably not.

Speaker 2 My goiter's got a goiter.

Speaker 3 So look, the goiter has a goiter.

Speaker 3 We removed that goiter and it's running for Senate. So I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 3 The goiter's goiter is now smoking.

Speaker 3 It's not good.

Speaker 2 In 1985, the Australian dollar began to plummet.

Speaker 2 And this caused his company debt to increase. So the $3 million loan is now $3.8 million.

Speaker 2 And in 1985, Joe created New Electoral Boundaries, which a University of Queensland professor said, quote, was the most criminal act ever perpetrated in politics and the worst zonal gerrymander in the history of the world.

Speaker 3 It's quite a compliment.

Speaker 3 Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 So Alan Callahan, the

Speaker 3 title guy.

Speaker 2 He's now the undersecretary of the Department of Arts, National Parks, and Sport. Great.
I guess put all that together.

Speaker 3 Yeah, why not?

Speaker 2 And his wife was removed from the Queensland Day Committee for fraud.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 2 She ended up getting two and a half years for taking $44,000.

Speaker 2 But she just served three months because she had asthma.

Speaker 2 Well, it is harder with asthma when you're in prison. I don't know if you.

Speaker 3 She go to jail.

Speaker 4 Wait, she was on the day committee? What is that?

Speaker 2 It's a Queensland Day Committee, you know, for Queensland.

Speaker 4 For day, for day time.

Speaker 3 Queensland Day.

Speaker 3 You guys, it's Queensland Day.

Speaker 2 It's probably pretty great, right?

Speaker 3 Queensland Day is a thing.

Speaker 3 She got bribed that much for one day.

Speaker 3 Like, she's planning one day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's planning a day.

Speaker 3 And made that much money.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of money in Queensland. I mean, it must be crazy here.

Speaker 3 The river and the

Speaker 3 I'm sure they have sports.

Speaker 2 Terry Lewis was now taking $2,221 a week in bribes, and he is knighted.

Speaker 2 The first time ever for a police commissioner.

Speaker 2 Now a prosecutor investigates and finds a lot of police corruption with brothels and gambling, and his report gets leaked.

Speaker 2 And around this time, a Hong Kong businessman's representative comes to meet Joe to discuss investing in Queensland.

Speaker 2 And then he leaves, and 10 minutes later, he comes back with $100,000 in a bag and gives it to Joe.

Speaker 3 That's just business. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Yep, politics. That's how we do business up here, mate.

Speaker 3 Nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 2 So, Joe and associates start a new election fund,

Speaker 2 CalDeal, which

Speaker 2 they start getting anonymous cash donations of like $60,000 and $100,000, and they would just be left in the office.

Speaker 3 So it's all bag-based donations.

Speaker 2 It's just bags of money.

Speaker 4 I believe it was brown paper bags. Oh, yeah, like lunch.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Joe later said

Speaker 2 nobody knew who donated it.

Speaker 3 It just

Speaker 3 what am I supposed to do? I thought it was Kat Pooh.

Speaker 3 Chook fade.

Speaker 2 Chip food. More chuck feed.

Speaker 3 It was a bit of a chook.

Speaker 2 The National Party wins the next election.

Speaker 2 Joe, quote, our assault on Canberra begins now.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 2 A biography said Joe believed, quote, God had singled him out to be the person to save Queensland and Australia from socialism, and it was his life's holy mission. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Speaker 2 Payments on the Singapore loan are not being paid, paid, and now Alan Callahan is charged with stealing.

Speaker 2 And he ends up serving four years.

Speaker 2 So then

Speaker 2 the Koken company, who I think is out of Hong Kong, but they pay Joe's family $150,000 for a six-month auction on Kalin deposits on their property.

Speaker 3 Okay, another $150,000.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is, yeah. And then months later, they pay him $600,000 or $500,000.
And then they just give that all straight to the loan. So it's just a payoff to pay his loan.

Speaker 3 It's just bullshit. It's awesome.

Speaker 2 Joe announced he would stand for the House of Representatives and said it was time to take over the federal government.

Speaker 2 In early 87, two journalists, Chris Masters and Phil Dickey,

Speaker 2 so they break the story of Queensland corruption. And then the federal government filed an official inquiry.

Speaker 3 Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 And federal judge Tony Fitzgerald heads the commission.

Speaker 2 Looks like Alan Partridge.

Speaker 3 He what?

Speaker 2 Alan Partridge.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he does look like Alan Partridge. Yeah.
No wonder we love him. I'm on fire.

Speaker 2 So now Joe ends his run for the House of Representatives. He's like, all right.

Speaker 3 Interesting move for someone who's not guilty. Yeah.

Speaker 2 In June, the Kogan Company gives Joe's family another $300,000.

Speaker 3 He's probably like, look, stop leaving these bags around.

Speaker 3 We left you a bunch more money.

Speaker 3 Right now is not a great time to be leaving these paper bags of money.

Speaker 2 The Queensland Health Minister wants condoms and vending machines due to the AIDS crisis. But Joe stops it and says he would get his advice from church leaders about condoms and AIDS.

Speaker 3 I think I listened to the church on how to nut get AIDS, Bill.

Speaker 3 We're not idiots.

Speaker 3 Okay?

Speaker 3 Condoms and vending machines, kids that think they're potato chips, they're going to eat them.

Speaker 3 Trust me, I think we know how to not get AIDS.

Speaker 3 Pray.

Speaker 2 And then Joe said he was going to build a chlorine plant at the mouth of the Brisbane River.

Speaker 2 And he pushes for the world's tallest skyscraper to be built in Brisbane, even though it's not approved by the city council.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 It's so much bigger.

Speaker 3 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 It's insane.

Speaker 3 I mean, look at like he's like, I think now I might Godzilla Godzilla my way through this town later if I feel so inclined. It'll be seven times as big as anything we've ever seen.

Speaker 3 It will finally reach heaven.

Speaker 3 It's really insane.

Speaker 3 He's got to hold it. Look, and in the real construction, I will not be holding it up.

Speaker 3 There will be a foundation that will do the job for us.

Speaker 3 It's so trumpy. Here's another bag of 300.
Stop handing me bags of fucking money for a minute. Please.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 It's just so trumpy and it's crazy.

Speaker 3 It's going to be unbelievable. I'll hold it.

Speaker 3 It'll be almost as big as I am.

Speaker 2 So cops are now taking immunity and snitching in the inquiry. And the country party president tells Joe to retire.

Speaker 2 And Joe told him to mind his fucking business or he'd start a new party.

Speaker 3 The county business.

Speaker 2 But everyone in the party wants Joe gone, so he agrees to retire on the 20th anniversary of his swearing in, which would be April 8th, 1988. So it's like a year away.

Speaker 3 Retirement is not enough of a punishment

Speaker 3 for this shit.

Speaker 2 So his party votes to legalize condom vending machines anyway.

Speaker 2 Because everybody wants those.

Speaker 3 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 Joe still forces three ministers to resign for, quote, displaying insufficient loyalty.

Speaker 2 The party management committee calls a meeting and votes to dismiss Joe on November 27th, 1987.

Speaker 3 So early.

Speaker 2 But he holds up in the executive building and refuses to resign.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit. I'm taking myself hostage.

Speaker 3 Can you do that? No,

Speaker 3 you can't.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's awkward.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 Nobody knows that.

Speaker 3 Well, unfortunately, he's unable to resign because he's in one of the executive building suites.

Speaker 3 Until he leaves there, he's still technically got a lot of power. So

Speaker 3 our best bet is that at some point he will come outside. Until then, we might have to build that fucking skyscraper, to be honest with you.

Speaker 3 He's just in there with brown paper bags of money.

Speaker 2 So I don't think anybody knows about it. Like, I think it's just the party, and like, the press doesn't know or anything that he's hold up in there.

Speaker 2 While he's in there, hold up, he calls Buckingham Palace to try to get the queen to save him.

Speaker 3 Your Majesty, I need you. Yes!

Speaker 3 I need help. What do you need? Hello, governor.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 Not what she'd say. Sorry.
Pamigio.

Speaker 3 Fuck.

Speaker 3 It's It's so ridiculous when your phone a friend is the queen. When you have to call the fuck like the cosplayest of cosplayers.
I'll need your help.

Speaker 2 It's also just like groveling to mommy.

Speaker 3 It's the weirdest. It's also just keep saying why the monarchy cannot, should just never exist.
Yeah, what?

Speaker 3 Nothing.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Apologize.

Speaker 2 I know you guys all love your king.

Speaker 3 Yes. He's awesome.

Speaker 2 And the prince.

Speaker 8 Prince.

Speaker 2 Well, there's one.

Speaker 2 There's one prince now, right?

Speaker 3 There's two princes. That's right.

Speaker 2 One, one cut loose.

Speaker 3 Not a prince anymore?

Speaker 2 William renounced all of his

Speaker 3 dude

Speaker 3 around town.

Speaker 2 Is it Harry?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 William's chilling. William's wife is a hologram.

Speaker 2 Is William...

Speaker 3 William's the one who looks like a bird in a cartoon who held an explosive object. Okay.

Speaker 3 Pretty fucking straightforward.

Speaker 3 Harry's the best-looking member and he's a ginger.

Speaker 2 And he lives outside LSA.

Speaker 3 He lives in L.A. with his wife who was told to not be part of the family for reasons we know not yet.

Speaker 3 We'll figure it out eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's definitely nothing to do with

Speaker 3 anything other than character.

Speaker 2 Well, there's nothing different about her.

Speaker 3 Absolutely not.

Speaker 3 Don't like your attitude. Keep going.
I'm not saying anything. Hurry up.

Speaker 2 She's...

Speaker 3 We don't like her appearance.

Speaker 3 She's going to poison the...

Speaker 3 We're off the very pure being.

Speaker 3 Think of what we're looking like.

Speaker 2 But he eventually, pretty soon he knows it's over and he spends the weekend just getting rid of documents.

Speaker 3 It's always fun. Not on Sunday, though.

Speaker 2 Publicly, he says he's going to remain premier, and he only needed all of labor and liberal members to vote for him, plus four more. And he said he'd even work with the socialists.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they're going to come back. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, no, we're came to collaborate, actually.

Speaker 3 You do seem pretty chill now that we have to go to the bottom.

Speaker 2 Your police officers bashed us in the street.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And now we're came to work together.

Speaker 2 So they start negotiations to get him out. He ends up getting a car, a driver, a secretary, and an office, plus a job.

Speaker 2 And then he resigns on December 1st. He gets $150,000 a year,

Speaker 2 which is what we call a pension, what you call a super, right? And

Speaker 2 he's the only member of parliament who had refused to contribute to the superannuation.

Speaker 3 It's called winning.

Speaker 3 It's nuts. It really is.
It is called winning.

Speaker 2 The Queensland economy is now the worst in Australia.

Speaker 3 Not for one guy.

Speaker 2 Sergeant Jack Herbert. And then we won the state of origin.

Speaker 3 And yeah.

Speaker 2 And it all came good.

Speaker 2 We all had barbecued chooks. It was a fucking great day, wasn't it? They all know what happens after this.

Speaker 2 Sergeant Jack Herbert had fled to England, but was arrested on February 11th, 1988. He was the bagman.
He had all the info on which cop got what amount.

Speaker 2 And around this time, so there was this bank robber who had testified in 1972 that a Rat Pack member was in on his crime.

Speaker 2 And so now it's,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 16 years later, and all of a sudden, someone slits his throat.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 And it is believed that that was a warning to Jack Herbert to not testify.

Speaker 3 I would take that as a warning.

Speaker 3 Loud and clear.

Speaker 2 But still, he has immunity. He names 26 cops.
Terry Lewis loses his salary the next day.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 Still a night.

Speaker 2 Joe told a reporter corrupt police were, quote, very, very naughty.

Speaker 2 He's very naughty.

Speaker 2 Can you argue with that?

Speaker 3 I could go further.

Speaker 2 Very, very naughty, but we had no suspicions at all.

Speaker 3 Just incredible.

Speaker 2 He testifies,

Speaker 2 Joe, on December 1st for two hours.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God, it must have been amazing.

Speaker 2 Well, he basically says I don't recall 39 times.

Speaker 3 Right. Yep.

Speaker 2 And he had no idea who gave him huge sums of money. He said the money just showed up.

Speaker 3 So that's a new rule: if you say you don't know more than 10 times in an inquiry,

Speaker 3 we guillotine you. That's another one.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 3 You're okay. This is not grandkids.
This is the person in the deposition. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, so his slush fund still has $270,000 in it.

Speaker 3 That's cool.

Speaker 2 Finally, the National Party is crushed in the 89 elections.

Speaker 3 So little.

Speaker 2 But how fucking embarrassing is it to go through all this shit? And then this is, you finally

Speaker 3 were the most cruel fuckers ever. And they're like, you know what? I'm not voting for him.
Yeah, that'll teach him. He has $150,000 a year and a driver.

Speaker 2 Labor takes control.

Speaker 3 And everything got good.

Speaker 2 Altogether, 250 people are charged with crimes.

Speaker 2 Herbert had immunity and confessed to everything. So he's now we know how much, all those little numbers I was given out of like right.
Yeah, exact specific numbers.

Speaker 2 Terry Lewis, guilty of 15 charges and gets 14 years for each.

Speaker 3 Oh, shoot.

Speaker 3 It's a big one. I'm not a big math guy, but that's

Speaker 3 life.

Speaker 3 That's the rest of his life.

Speaker 2 It's like 28 or something.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

Speaker 2 Joe is tried in September 1991 for one count of corruption and two of perjury.

Speaker 2 He was corrupt that once.

Speaker 3 One time.

Speaker 2 There was a time. I didn't want to.

Speaker 3 We got him.

Speaker 3 One time he did it.

Speaker 2 So this group forms called the Friends of Joe.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And we're going to get their grandkids.

Speaker 2 It's funny, my uncle actually ran that.

Speaker 3 For fuck's sake, Damien.

Speaker 3 Friends group.

Speaker 3 Fuck.

Speaker 2 And they start a media blitz.

Speaker 3 They start a media blitz. Okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they said he's innocent, he's poor, he's being attacked by the forces of evil.

Speaker 3 Such a weird.

Speaker 3 Like, I get like poor and innocent.

Speaker 2 Okay, amen, but the forces of evil, like, it's so.

Speaker 3 It's the goiter, like, comes out of the ground.

Speaker 3 We'll let you go if you reattach the goiter, motherfucker. What?

Speaker 3 Put it back on. Like a St.
Bernard cider.

Speaker 2 So they start,

Speaker 2 they're seeking donations for his defense. Donations.

Speaker 3 If they didn't call it that, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 They hold a big benefit lunch where the keynote speaker is

Speaker 2 Alan Jones.

Speaker 2 It's their Rush Limbaugh. Let's fucking go.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's their Rush Limbaugh. Oh, cool.

Speaker 2 Queensland juries needed to be unanimous.

Speaker 3 Fucking stupid.

Speaker 2 Jury lists are available to attorneys a week before selection.

Speaker 3 Okay. Oh, that's dangerous, too.

Speaker 2 So jurist Luke Shaw comes to court in a white t-shirt, jeans, and long hair.

Speaker 2 And he is the first person accepted onto the jury.

Speaker 2 And then once he is picked as jury foreman, the next day he shows up in a suit, a tie, and short hair because he is in the friends of Joe.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 3 Fucking A.

Speaker 2 During deliberation, the jurors were, quote, screaming their lungs out at Mr. Shaw.

Speaker 2 So the jury's hung.

Speaker 2 And then they don't want to try Joe again due to his age.

Speaker 3 Fuck that. What? Fuck that.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Joe is making, at this point, he said, $245,000 a year doing speeches. And he retires to his farm, but soon develops progressive supernuclear palsy, which is like Parkinson's.

Speaker 2 And that's all we get for victory.

Speaker 2 In 2003, he filed a $330 million claim against the Queensland Labor government, saying the Fitzgerald inquiry caused him to lose business opportunities.

Speaker 2 That's fucking insane.

Speaker 2 I can't.

Speaker 2 That has to be the craziest thing of all of it, I reckon. That's fucking nuts.

Speaker 3 It's so

Speaker 3 crazy. You created a man who's like, feels comfortable doing that.

Speaker 2 The case was dismissed.

Speaker 2 Joe died in April of 2005 at 94 years old.

Speaker 3 I don't agree.

Speaker 3 It's 94 years old.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 3 He lived 94 years and died of natural causes.

Speaker 3 It's so horrible. There's no justice.

Speaker 4 They always come.

Speaker 4 There's no justice.

Speaker 3 No, there is. It's like fucking...

Speaker 4 The world just kept turning.

Speaker 4 Even though we made fun of his goiter and and

Speaker 4 and he looked dumb half the time, we were the fucking idiots.

Speaker 3 Yes, that's exactly the thing. That's why it's like I get like I get a clapping because it's like he died, but it's like this man, this he actually blitzed.
He lived more than anything.

Speaker 3 He probably lived longer than all of us. Yes, he lived more than anyone.
He benefited from all the corruption. They continue to do it.
They continue to get away with it.

Speaker 3 And the small little concessions and victories we get are the fact that we're like, well, they died. Yeah.
Like we're all gonna die.

Speaker 3 He killed way more people. You know what I mean? Like, he ruined so many lives.

Speaker 3 He had the fucking, I mean, his goiter must have been filled with like nuts in order for him to sue the government on his behalf.

Speaker 2 It's, I don't think, you know, goiters. Peanuts.

Speaker 3 It's a next scrotum.

Speaker 3 When your scrotum is too full, it goes to your throat.

Speaker 2 He got a state funeral. Oh, fuck.
Sitting. Like even in death.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sitting Prime Minister John Howard and Queensland Premier Peter Beatty spoke, and then he was buried on his family property.

Speaker 3 And tonight we're going to go there as a group.

Speaker 3 And we're getting his bones out.

Speaker 3 And then we're going to find his children on Facebook and figure out where they live.

Speaker 2 I can't make it.

Speaker 3 Yes, you can.

Speaker 3 And you're wearing that.

Speaker 3 And we're just going to rap on the door.

Speaker 3 Hello?

Speaker 3 Why? We hate your grandpa.

Speaker 2 My granddad voted for Joe. That's no joke.
Remember, because like that generation, they fucking loved him. I remember my granddad saying, like, you'll vote for Joe one day, won't you?

Speaker 3 You're like, dad, I'm a child. Grandpa, I'm a child.
And they're all

Speaker 3 thought the power was off.

Speaker 3 Our country looks back on Ronald Reagan as as like the greatest president. I mean, there's the fondness for that, but we do.

Speaker 3 And I think if you go to the UK, they're like, Thatcher was like, there's no connection to reality with these figures.

Speaker 2 It's like Stalin, the death of Stalin, the movie.

Speaker 2 Everyone's like, oh, they go into the streets, they miss him and stuff, even though he was killing them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think with the...

Speaker 2 It's like a weird nostalgia.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 3 And when they die, the media does a great job of being like, look, he was controversial.

Speaker 3 It's like, he wasn't controversial he was a fuck he was the biggest fucking asshole in the world and he should not be celebrated in any way we literally we should get their bodies and be able to do what we want with them and that's not enough at all that's just like a morsel

Speaker 2 I feel like this whole podcast has been about you wanting to beat me with a body part not you in a weird roundabout way

Speaker 3 not not you but you and your family right right right yeah and all those related to any of the people in the stories you just prop it up on the other side of the glory hole.

Speaker 3 I'm listening.

Speaker 2 His family did sell the property, and they also auctioned off tons of shit. So they must have had some sort of money issues at some point.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. So that's helpful.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 It's funny because it's also like this was happening right around the time of Reagan.

Speaker 3 It's maybe a little more out in the open,

Speaker 3 would you say?

Speaker 2 If you can imagine a time in which the right wing took over different countries at once and they were celebrated.

Speaker 3 And yet

Speaker 3 they still are able to make socialism the enemy. Yeah.
Still.

Speaker 3 Like we're going to get Trump and it's still going to be our fault.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but yeah. They'll blame us.
But they also don't know what socialism is. Like that's the exciting thing about them.
Because when Fox News would like put up what

Speaker 2 AOC wanted,

Speaker 3 Republicans would be like, that sounds pretty good. Oh, yeah, they're like 70%, 80% popularity.

Speaker 2 But if, like, the policy file, but they really, anything they don't like, they call it socialism, but it's not actually socialism. So that's...

Speaker 2 Yeah, because like Bernie Sanders or whatever would be moderate here.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's extreme in your country, hey, Bernie Sanders. They call him like a socialist.

Speaker 3 Complete

Speaker 3 out of

Speaker 3 a complete outlier. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no,

Speaker 3 they want, like, it is. You're like, well, what about if we gave you health care and we taxed the shit out of billionaires? People are like, great.
And then you're like, it's socialist.

Speaker 3 Like, fuck that.

Speaker 3 No fucking clue.

Speaker 2 Do you think that's a hangover from the Cold War era where that just got drilled?

Speaker 3 We still have the ghost. I mean, most people don't know what...
Most people have no fucking clue what those terms. Like even populism.
Like populism is so, it's so obvious what it means.

Speaker 3 I mean, you're just like, it's popular. You run a popular shit.
People are like, fuck him. He's a populist.
You're like, he fucking wants you to give you the popular shit.

Speaker 3 People are like, nah, I'm good. Give me that shit that makes his life better.
That's who I care about. Like, we're all fucking dumb as shit.
We deserve it.

Speaker 3 But we should still be allowed to get their goddamn bones. We should be allowed to have access to their bones.
And here's what I'm pitching. I'm not pitching we get to just rap on the door.

Speaker 3 It's one day. We purge it.
We do purge style. One day a year,

Speaker 3 it's Queensland Day. One day a year.

Speaker 3 We get to go out and we just get to take their bones.

Speaker 2 Are you seriously pitching the purge right now?

Speaker 3 Well, I think I am.

Speaker 3 But it's not a purge. It's not a purge on anybody.
It's just we get, it's like Halloween, but it's with their grandpa's bones. And we get their bones and we get to go to their houses.

Speaker 3 And yeah, it's one day a year and we could even announce it, but they can't leave. Hold on.
And we get to find them and anyone related to them, we get to beat them with their bones.

Speaker 3 You're going to love when I tell you about Mousy Tongue, you're going to.

Speaker 2 He didn't like landlords.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm listening.

Speaker 3 I'm fucking way down for that. How great would that be when your landlord's like, where's the rent? And you're like, so this is your grandpa's

Speaker 3 spine.

Speaker 3 And I don't know.

Speaker 3 I'm going to beat you.

Speaker 2 All right, so Gareth is

Speaker 3 gone really left.

Speaker 3 I'll do it for free, too. I don't care.
Pro bono. Oh, that's the end of the show.
Thank you so much for joining us, Chris and Damien. Give it up for them.

Speaker 3 How about for Drake Anthony, everybody?

Speaker 3 He works real hard on these. Thank you for coming.
Enjoy your rugby, and God bless. And if you're related, that guy's fucking out of here.
And if you're related to this man, run. Thank you.
Bye.

Speaker 9 Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop.
You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, like, Gareth, what are you talking about?

Speaker 9 By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

Speaker 9 So if you want to go watch a five-parter animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of The Rube.

Speaker 9 It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

Speaker 9 And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

Speaker 9 We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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