BONUS: Songs of Phrase (Compilation)

It's the start of a new strand in the show, a new quiz, a new competition to replace rock busters.

Now that's quite a tall order, but

what have you done?

Right, like I said, right, if you've only just tuned in, what it is, I've took and I'll be taking a well-known saying every week from the show, something that crops up a lot.

Uh first one that sprang to mind was There's a little gay fella standing next to me in the air.

That's next week.

Okay.

This week, there's this airy Chinese kid, right?

Yeah.

That's cropped up quite a lot.

Sweeping the nation.

Right.

So what I've done, I've got five songs.

Yeah.

And I've edited them together to make that saying.

You've got words

from songs where any part of that sentence occurs to recreate it.

Now, what do they need to do?

Do they need to say what the song is?

Just the five songs.

I mean, I was going to say song and artist, but if you want, just a song.

So five there's five things there and if someone doesn't get all five it's still worth emailing in because we might give it to the one who's got the most and then

can I suggest uh we go for artist rather than song only because sometimes it's quite tricky to get a song title sometimes it's more of a s it's very odd or it's not quite what you think it is so maybe artist is a is an easier one.

Are you happy with that, Carl?

It's your composition.

I mean Steve always does this whenever I come up with an idea.

Oh yeah.

I'm just trying to make sure it's just the best it can be Carl.

Yeah, no he came up with a few game shows and Steve was going no it's no good and Carl said to me he said it's the one of the office ever got on Telly.

Yeah, but, well, we shall see how Cheapest Chimps plays out.

But frankly,

the fact that you said to me, Steve, I've come up with the best game show ever.

It's called Cheapest Chimps.

What's the idea?

I don't know.

I just like the name.

It's something to do with chimps.

I thought, well, I'm not sure that's the best game show ever.

And what was the other one you came up with?

I think a few people will be disagreeing with him, Carl.

I think people will say that Cheapest Chimps could be the best game show ever.

You know, when I was at school, people like you, I really didn't like.

You're a stirrer, Gervais.

He flits, doesn't he, from one side to the next, Carl?

One thing we may argue, mate, but at least we're consistent.

Ricky Gervais flipping from one side to the other, one day he's on Carl's side.

When was the last time Steve wrestled you to the ground and got you in a leg clamp?

No, you're right.

Never.

What is this?

Is that going to be a good thing?

Well, didn't you see us?

Yeah, I saw you struggling in Carl's office earlier.

He was punching my legs to release me.

We were on the floor.

And I was squeezing him with my mighty legs, wasn't I, Carl?

It was like, I imagine that's what a crab feels like when an octopus has got got it.

We were playing that, weren't we?

So, anyway,

so I'll play this clip now.

It's 10 seconds long.

We'll play it a couple of times because you'll need to take it in.

So, here it is then.

What are we saying?

We're saying, Artists.

Let's go with artists.

Artists.

So, email in ricky.javase at xfn.co.uk.

Name the five artists it has taken to make up the saying, Give us this airy Chinese kid.

Give that email address again.

Ricky.jervase at xfn.co.uk.

There's this hairy Chinese kid.

Here we go.

Christmas parties are

killing.

I think you better play it once more.

Oh, I've got it.

I've got them.

Have you got them all?

Yeah.

That's nice work.

There we go.

Let me just remind you now that the prizes include a Red Dwarf DVD, Marion and Jeff, the first series of that on VHS, a Live Forever Britpop CD, and also the very best of Led Zeppelin.

Let's play one of those actually while we're here.

Brilliant.

Rock and roll.

We have not had any successful answers on your quiz, Carl.

We've had people who've got a maximum of four duck in a microwave.

Yeah, yeah.

Bill with us.

Nice.

Alright.

Cheers.

And

so

I'm not talking about cheapest chimps.

That's safe.

That's going to run and run.

That is going to run and run.

That's really got legs.

I'm going to check the press Monday.

I can only assume it's a triumph.

Exactly, another Tilkington triumph.

Yeah.

I'm going to give the prize, if you don't mind, Carl, to Karen and Jeff Gillian, because they're the only one that got the only couple that got the second answer, which was very, very good.

But they got four today.

But they only got four today.

Four is the top answer, so should we give a prize?

Pray it, Carl, and then tell us who each one is.

So there you go.

I didn't know the second one.

There's the early Chinese kid.

So the first one the last

George Harrison?

No?

That's Philip Baggage.

And that's Deacon Blue.

Right, so it was the Lars.

Yeah, what's the second one?

Strokes.

That was very tricky.

That is hard.

George Harrison for Ari, that's all I could get.

It was Ahri.

Ari Christian,

Chinese, Phil Bailey.

Chinese war is.

Yeah.

And Deacon Blue, We're Gone Kid.

We're gone kid, yeah.

There's this hairy Chinese kid.

Very, very high.

I love the fact that the normal bit of that, like the normal bit is like the well-known phrase, there's this hairy Chinese kid.

Exactly.

Like, nothing happened there, that's normal.

There's this hairy Chinese kid.

As a phrase that often.

In fact, you're right.

We must have said that phrase 20 times today.

When was the last time that was said 20 times?

Never.

I I don't think it's ever been said anyway.

There's this hairy Chinese kid.

I mean even in China.

I don't think it's worse very

not said in China.

Song is a phrase.

What it is.

Song's a phrase.

We took a phrase from the show last week.

It was there's this hairy Chinese kid.

Today we're going back to the good old line of

about you never see an old man eating a Twix.

Sure.

How long is that?

No, you'll never see an old man eating a Twix.

You'll never see an old man eating a Twix.

It's not as many as you think, though.

It's not that many.

Well, how is it not that many?

Well, first of all, anyway, don't worry about that.

I think there's about five, I think.

Hang on a minute.

Oh, God.

Why do we leave him alone to do this stuff?

I mean, it's like...

I'll tell you what, we were flying.

Six or six different songs.

Six different songs.

That's a lot to get, Carl.

But what happened is I couldn't find a song with Twix, so we've changed the chocolate.

Oh, this is rubbish.

We're not doing it.

We're not doing it.

No, you've got to be punished.

We're not doing this.

Doing that as well.

No, you're lying.

No, no, no.

No, shut up, Carl.

No, just...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so what?

You're right.

He's got to do it right.

He's got to do it right.

There's too many.

We've said too many.

It's changed the thing.

It's not a one-off.

It's ridiculous.

It's our only meanness.

Rick, if only his parents had spoken like that to him sometimes in the past,

we would have been in this discussion.

You're not doing it.

Come on.

No!

We're not doing it, Steve.

What do you think?

I'll tell you, we've got the prizes, but I'm not even going to bother giving.

I'm not even going to bother.

I think we're just sharing that amongst

the homeless.

Absolutely.

No, no.

There's troubles in the world, and I'm not going to let you faff around doing nonsense like that.

It's ridiculous.

Let's do...

Carl,

the big question,

as we know at the moment, is whether we're going to let you do songs of phrase or not.

Rick, I should tell you now.

There has been a flood of...

Oh, no, there hasn't.

Sorry, I was thinking there'd been a flood of emails, but people agreeing with you, Rick.

I know Tony Blair has been trying to get through it.

Yeah, exactly.

I was just checking the emails.

No, there's there's absolutely nothing supporting you.

No one gives a side either way about it.

No, well no that's not true.

There were a couple of phone calls weren't there.

One was the guy saying you should have.

I think the other one was you, Carl.

Was it phoning from the kitchen?

Can we do it?

Can we do it?

No.

If you don't like it, we won't do it next week, but you've got made it.

I don't know why you did that.

I we I thought of uh lots of stuff that you could do.

You chose one where you have to have ten words and six songs to choose.

You haven't got twix.

I don't know what you've substituted Twix for.

Okay, I mean, I've got to say now, I'm going to sit on the fence here.

I'm quite intrigued.

Okay, right.

What have you substituted Twix for?

Well, I can't tell you.

Because you can.

No, I can't, because people have to listen to it and work out what they're talking about.

Alright, let's just hear it.

Let's hear it.

No, no, no, no, no.

They have to know what the word is.

They have to tell what the song is or the artist.

I'd prefer just to play it.

No!

You've got to tell them what it is, because they might not even know what word they are.

Let's hear him out, Rick.

Please.

Democracy, that's what we're fighting for.

Come on.

Right, if you turn them up.

Right, okay, I've got the headphones on.

Go on then.

Okay, so, right, hang on.

The phrase originally was.

Is

you never see an old man eating the twix.

Right, and we're trying to identify the well, a number of songs which you've used to make up that phrase.

And you email in xfm.co.uk slash ricky with as many as you can get, and whoever gets the most right.

It's so complicated.

This is so complicated.

Right, here we go.

By the email address,

what's the email address again?

xfm.co.uk slash Ricky.

Right.

And there's some link on there, is there?

Yeah, that you just press and it comes through.

Press on that.

Right, here we go then, right?

Ideal name.

An old man.

Teacher.

Well, I missed a little bit at the end.

Let's hear it again.

Let's hear it again.

Mars, baby,

let's hear it again.

Ideal name.

Okay, so we'd say the prizes, Steve.

Right, so how many songs were there?

Do we know?

I think it was six.

You think there was six.

And you'll never

see an old man eat

five or six.

Anyway, well, email in the answers and how many there were.

And you might be in with a chance of winning.

On DVD, the original series of Citizen Smith with Robert Lindsay, that was good.

Paul Whitehouse's Happiness, the first series of that on DVD.

We've also got a couple of CDs here.

The best of Brit Pop, Live Forever, Alasis Blur, Radiohead, and all the rest of them on there.

Supergrass's current album as well.

I think it's the current album, yeah, it it is.

And

less convinced by this one.

If I tell you that some of the artists include Delemetri and Deacon Blue, then I know you'll be rushing out later, Rick, to buy this.

Scotland Rocks.

A compilation of...

Is wet on there?

Let's see.

What about Biss?

What happened to Bess?

Let me see.

I tell you, it doesn't.

I mean, we've got Gunn on there.

Oh, yeah.

We've got...

Aztec Camera.

Yeah.

Big Country, obviously.

Broken was not on there.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Where's Runrick?

There they are.

There they are.

And obviously, Rafferty, Baker Street.

Brilliant.

So that's definitely worth

entering for, surely.

So xfm.co.uk forward slash rookie.

Play it one more time.

Yes.

Justin.

Class.

Pure class.

Well done.

Yeah.

Alright, there we go, Todd.

Brilliant.

Right, now listen, so that's that done.

Yeah.

We've done that as well.

Yeah.

We're running out of time.

We've got five minutes left.

Winner for songs of phrase.

Alright, give us the answers.

Right.

Listen, we did this at the start.

We haven't even got time for the film thing today.

But...

We'll do that next week.

Songs of Phrase.

It was a phrase.

You never see an old man eating a twix.

I love the fact that we go, we haven't got time.

Like, it's we've had such important stuff, and it's been so jam-packed and interesting.

Not that it's been drivel with gaps we could have filled much better.

Yeah, don't look at it like that, like with his film quiz.

Come on,

oh, dude.

So, songs of phrase, you never see an old man eating a twix.

We had to change it to Mars bar.

Here's what we had:

Sherry and the Pacemakers,

Echo and the Bunny Man.

Demon Bowie

and the Beach Boys finished up.

Ah, what do you mean I thought that one was?

What do you mean?

Who's the winner?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

You've got to give the answer.

Who was that one you didn't know it was us?

It was Jim Young.

Jim Crochet, is it?

Old Man River, it's called.

Jim Crochet.

Old Man River?

Yeah.

Jim Crochet sang Old Man River.

I don't think so.

What was it?

Who cares?

Well, people...

I can't believe this.

Old Man River, it was.

Let's give the prize to...

Crochet wouldn't have sung Old Man River.

Let's give the prize to Mitchell Sterling, who has got some of the answers right.

On XFM 104.9.

And we'll be playing that great quiz again next week.

This week we're do you remember the story about my auntie having win for five minutes?

Your auntie, was it your auntie Nora?

nora auntie nora um she was on a lot of medication and stuff and i think that's a side effect that comes with it so um yeah she had wind for five minutes so i thought we'd we'd dig that one out a classic line uh me auntie had wind for five minutes okay so i've got loads of songs here and what is that um me auntie had wind

for five minutes seven tracks

that's tricky why don't you learn okay so you need to identify if you can be bothered the artists That's what we're asking, isn't it?

Alright.

Okay.

Just remember, as many as you can get, because the winner would probably be, you know, it gets five or something.

So don't worry if there's a couple you can't get because you could still probably win.

Can I just what's the email address?

Well if they go to xfm.co.uk forward slash ricky, they can just send them through there and

which of these is the uh the prize bag?

Yeah, don't we get them mixed up?

That's the one is it Carl?

Alright so let's see what hot treats you could win.

As I get them out Carl do you want to play once more?

Yep.

I recognised all of them except one.

Right let me see what we've got.

Once again, Carl, you've excelled yourself with an arbitrary collection of DVDs.

Just hanging around, were they?

Just hanging around.

Again, I'm always interested to know which of our XFM listeners has tastes as broad as this.

Go on.

We've got the recent BBC adaptation of The Hound of the Baskerville.

Okay, fair enough.

We've got what's this?

Is this the...

This is something involving air, the band Air.

I think it's a a single at best.

This is probably worth having.

This is the current Flaming Lips album.

So you've excelled yourself there actually, Carl.

That's not bad.

An XFM mouse mat.

They're as common as mud.

Oh, hold on.

You can't give away that mouse mat.

It's a piece of foam.

Now, I was going to dismiss the oddball sci-fi movie K-PAX featuring Kevin Space and Jeff Ridges, but Carl, is it signed by Kevin Space?

It's signed, yeah.

It's an actual.

So that, so win that and put it on eBay for £4.50.

And

man alive, what is that?

Just look at their faces.

No, Carl, don't give that.

No one wants that unless it's ironic.

Series one and two on DVD of popular northern-based sitcom Bread.

Buy it, sell it.

The game's getting hard.

Cause someone's dealing you a losing card.

They all had a guy.

All the actors had a line on that song.

Play the clips again.

Play the clips again.

I really want to win it now.

Here we go.

I can't believe this hasn't been done before.

The emails I should point out aren't flooding in on the website.

Nobody always takes time when they go through the website.

Does it?

Yeah.

So they'll be arriving in a bit.

Do you want to play it once more for those that have just joined us?

Alright then.

Mumbail fight anti-herwind.

Brilliant.

My auntie had wind for five minutes.

Brilliant.

Genius.

Right, I'm going to play this thing again, because it is a bit slow today, the email.

Because it's too hard.

It's not too hard.

There's just clips of songs.

What are the artists?

Email in.

Mommy,

XFM.co, you can.

He's getting annoyed because he put the work in and there wasn't

Remember, I think Kevin Spacey and the signed KPAX DVD is probably the only incentive to try and have a go with that one.

Do you think you could win by getting one of them?

Exactly.

They're coming now.

Okay, this is electronic.

Right, let's get the answers.

Let's get this out of the way.

Songs of Phrase.

Songs a phrase, just in case you just tuned in, it's a new feature we've been doing.

We take songs and chop them up and that.

And

it's a phrase that has cropped up on the show a few times.

This week

we were going back to the classic me Auntie had wind for five minutes.

Going back to the classic.

And

let's have a.

Right, so what you had there is you had the knack with me and my shirona.

Anti was some Manson track.

You don't even know what it was.

Anti everything, I think it's called, some album track, right?

Then you had Bill Medley, Jennifer Warns.

I have had the time of my life.

You had Bob Dylan.

Wind.

Brilliant wind.

Blowing in the wind.

How blowing in the wind was it?

What was after that?

Four.

Four was

2468 motorway.

2468 Motorway.

Tom Robinson.

Tom Robinson, yeah.

That was the four.

Then you had the five five from

Manfred Man, five, four, three, two, one.

We wrapped it up with a bit of five star for minute, something about

the

minute.

So they're the answers.

We're looking for someone who I don't think we got anyone who had them all right.

Nobody got all seven.

Although, in your little answer list, then you only listed six because you got your numbers went out of sync in your own brain.

Well done, once again.

Smooth.

I tell you what, Carl, why don't you next week at least write down the answers for yourself?

Don't need to.

Well, you clearly do because you need to go out for yourself.

Don't need to.

You've proved that you do.

Yeah, what is it this week?

What's the what's the phrase?

Well um remember the story I told you ages ago about uh

about my neighbour having a horse in their house.

Oh yeah, having a horse yeah, a horse.

What's happened with that?

Lily Henry doing it is a series.

So uh huh.

People nicking your ideas left, right and centre.

Well that's that's the phrase we'll be using anyway.

What?

Um my neighbour had horse in our house.

How many words is that?

Six.

My neighbour had.

So there's no grammar either.

My neighbour had horse in the house.

My neighbour had horse in house.

What it wait, what is the phrase?

My neighbour had horse in her house.

Are there any prepositions in this sentence?

Look, don't judge it beforehand.

You see, I'm turning over a new leaf.

I think this is a great idea.

I think Carl's a genius, and I look forward to hearing this enormously.

Okay, and I won't be sick on your leg or squeeze your head or make you jump when you're making a cup of tea.

What have we got then?

That's the silly side now.

Let's get on to the proper show.

Songs of phrase.

Yeah, let's really do that.

On to the classy stuff.

Yeah.

Do you want to do the prizes first?

Right, no, then we're all right.

Here they are.

I haven't seen these, but I'm excited as ever.

Alright, we have a t-shirt there, arbitrary t-shirt that you have probably stolen off of someone.

What does it say?

Is it the red octopot chili peppers?

So

that's not too bad.

It's a big t-shirt there.

On DVD, should you be giving this away?

This looks like it's the film Don't Say a Word.

Yeah, and

it doesn't have all the proper packaging.

It's literally the disc, the DVD disc, just loose.

So enjoy that.

The current album from Oasis.

Heathen Chemistry, DVD, on DVD, The Life of Mammals, the complete series, the David Attenborough recent DVD, that.

Walking with Cavemen, which I think is a DVD currently on TV, isn't it?

Oh, there you go.

Also, the X-List, which is a good new compilation, double CD compilation from XFM with loads of stuff on there, including nerd, Snoop Doggy Dog, Athlete, all sorts of

fun.

So, yeah, it's a phrase that's been said at some point or said a lot on the show.

We've had like Hairy Chinese Kid.

We went back to Me Mal Ad Win to five minutes and that.

Today we're looking at My Neighbour Had a Horse in a House.

Right, yes.

You remember we were talking about that probably about a year and a half ago now?

Yeah, of course people, of course people people remember.

They've been talking about it ever since, Carl, I imagine.

Yeah, well, it's famous, it's still it's a world famous phrase, my neighbour had a horse in her house.

Right, so this is uh this week's song's a phrase, and what I've done is I've got songs with those words in that make up that sentence.

Yeah, you've got to email in ricky.javase at xfn.co.uk.

There's six different songs, right?

You email him with what?

I don't know, there is six.

Me neighbour ad

horse in house.

Is it really that sentence?

Me neighbour had a horse in

her house.

It does work, honestly, it works.

Yeah, okay, don't bother explaining it, just play it.

Yeah, so here's the uh here it is.

We're just playing.

Right?

What in

God's name was that?

Yeah, name the six songs.

Are we naming the artists or the songs?

Either.

Artists.

Anyone who gets anything can get a prize.

Once more, Carl?

Artists, here we go.

That's tricky, Carl.

That's very hard.

Once more.

Email in ricky.javase at xfm.co.uk I'll give you a message.

Another letdown.

Another letdown.

Can you just say that after I've just been stuffing grapes in my face and that's the thing?

Well you fa you failed but you didn't get one burger in, right?

Even when you tried to to chop it up there's three right so that's it.

Steve out the goodness of his heart went to McDonald's okay.

I got some grapes you d at sixty two.

That's got nothing to do with this though this is my game show here.

Bob Olmas didn't say yeah blockbusters is good but I never see him eating grapes.

So this is a different thing forget that.

Right.

Here's the clips again.

These are clips.

Oh you know I said I was gonna turn over a new leaf and not criticise your ideas.

I think it's the end of this one mate.

We should give um the prizes away.

Yeah, well, this is this has been dreadful.

That this thing, we started off well with him trying to put forced burgers in his mouth, and then he'd come up with this tat.

I mean, this is this is the end of this, because it's I mean, it was shoddy to start with.

The old couple, well, this is not only what

I'm just saying.

This is what I was saying in the pub yesterday when you're trying to be sick on my leg.

I was saying, Come up with new ideas if you don't like them, but you diss them on air.

Well, it's just disappointing, isn't it?

And oh, I said,

What's that?

I was disappointed when I was choking before.

We were disappointed as well.

Yeah.

You didn't try.

You didn't try with the grapes.

He was just like

chewing on that.

He meant to just throw them in and swallow'em.

Songs are phrase.

It was six songs.

He sounded like this.

Well, what are they?

Just give you a song.

My destiny for my.

Tricky.

Neighbour.

Oh, that's XFM.

My neighbour was

Space.

Neighbourhood.

Had.

Ari Connick Junior.

Had to be you.

Right.

Had your neighbour had a horse.

America.

America, yeah.

A horse.

In.

In was Lisa Sandsfield with

In All the Right Places.

Oh, pathetic.

Did anyone get that?

Did anyone get that?

No one got that.

No one got that.

That was pointless.

Alright, well,

the most anyone got was three.

And so we're going to give it to Deborah.

Okay, prizes to give away this week.

You've excelled yourself again.

We've got once again Scotland Rocks, the very best of Scottish music, Texas Deacon Blue, and Jerry Rafferty.

Proclaimer's on there or not?

Don't worry, Donald, she's on there as well, don't worry.

Don't worry.

There's Biss on there, it's Biss on there.

I'm just checking to see if Midger and Hugh and Gride have teacher, but they don't, thankfully.

I don't know.

The Rosillos as well.

Oh, God.

Brilliant.

Brilliant.

That is great.

So look forward to that.

Is Lulu on there or not?

Is she not on there?

Is she not on there?

Is she not on there?

But the Wets, and the Wets on there, all the Wets or not.

Fair credit fraction.

Brilliant, brilliant.

Is We Hootie McToo on there?

And is

Jamboreo?

What's this?

This is another arbitrary compilation called Strange and Beautiful.

The Originist album, which is quite good.

The new album by The White Stripes.

The DVD Walking with Cavemen, that TV show that's on, on VHS.

It's still got the price on there.

On VHS, in case you haven't seen it, Fight Club, and the best-selling book from Michael Moore's Stupid White Men.

So actually, some quite good prizes there, Carl.

Not bad.

Alright, Carl, what's this?

What's this competition?

Right, Songs of Phrase.

It's where I get a line that sort of s is said a lot on the show or has been said quite a lot on the show.

Yeah.

That's the spun stop squeezing me head.

No.

Oh, I could have done that.

But what we're doing is

The Elephant Man's My Favourite Film.

Is that the phrase?

Yeah, that's the phrase that we're looking at today.

The Elephant Man's My Favourite Film.

It is as well.

It's his favourite film.

I know, I know.

Why is that again?

So it's funny and sad, and you know exactly what you're going to get.

Yeah.

They promised you an Elephant Man, that's exactly what you get.

Yeah.

It's good.

Have you seen it, Steve?

I have seen it.

It is good, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you remember at the beginning of the election?

Think of that.

Having that as your favourite film of all the hundreds of amazing films.

I mean, I mean, it's a good film and it's a moving film.

Yeah.

But I can't imagine the film I would watch endlessly again and again.

I don't care about a bloke with an

elephant head.

Did you have a bit of it again?

The other night?

It's one of them that, you know, just sort of reminds you.

You know what annoys me when he goes, I am not an animal.

He is.

Well, I mean, he speaks like one.

And what does the help?

He looks like one.

Yeah, yeah.

But it was a bit unfair because they never let him look in a mirror because he's a bit odd looking and it upset him.

Yeah.

So his hair was always a mess.

And that made him look worse than he actually was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But good film, get it out if you haven't seen it.

That's the phrase today.

Do you know?

Um, my remember, my friend introduced me to that film.

And if you remember at the beginning, there's a big montage because he is working in a zoo, isn't he, or he's been kept in a zoo.

And there's a sequence of various elephants, I think, actual elephants kind of rampaging.

And it's just quite a sort of moody, atmospheric montage.

Is he kidding of the elephants?

My friend said to me when we watched this, he said, what happens is he gets trampled on by some elephants, and that's what makes him look like an elephant.

And I went, right.

And I watched it.

I thought, that's not the case.

And I tried to explain it to him.

And he's to this day still convinced that the elephant man...

It's like when Spider-Man gets bitten by a reduction.

It was his mum, wasn't it?

Elephant man.

The power of an elephant.

Was it his mum who got bidden?

He never forgets.

Be careful.

His ma'am, what?

Wasn't it his mum who was pregnant and then they ran over her?

No, I don't think so.

That's the impression I got from it.

You are joking, aren't you?

No.

I thought I honestly.

Anyway, right, so the phrase is my favourite film's The Elephant Man.

Oh, wow.

These five songs make up that sentence.

Yep.

Right, this week.

Have a listen, see if you can work out the songs.

Email him ricky.javase at xfm.co.uk.

Right?

And you win all that stuff.

Stevie just said.

So,

right, here we go then.

The

That was mostly done.

Jeez, let's hear it again.

Five songs there, The Elephant.

Not so hard, it's my favourite film.

Well, I thought we'd make it a bit easier.

Make it a bit easier.

Yeah, just one more.

The Elfin Me

is my favourite film.

Email only ricky.gervase at XFM.co.uk.

Brilliant.

We got the result of the quiz, Carl or?

Yeah, I'll just play it one more time.

It was Songs of Phrase.

Is this the last time we're doing this?

I thought so.

I thought it worked better this week because it was actually doable.

Yeah.

I think that makes a difference, Carl.

We haven't done Carl's an Idiot yet.

Carl, you're an idiot, have we?

Oh, well, that's a reason to keep it.

Maybe we can end with that one when you come back.

Right, well, the five songs that made up this little thing here were Mystery's Beauty of Blues, Eels, Innocent Man, Billy Joel, You're My Favourite Waste of Time, Owen Paul, Boom Rhapsody, Queen, Girls on Film, Duranda Ran, it sounded like this.

The Elephant Man is my favourite film.

Hey, almost Bohemia Rhapsody in there?

Yeah, it's

this thing.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, we're going to give that to Piley.

He just calls himself Piley, Ian Pyle.

Good work, Piley.

What's happened to Anders?

Well, I was just going to say, actually, we've not had correspondence from Richard Dickie Anders for some time.

The Dick Meister.

Dick Meister General.

His naughty, insulting ways.

Yeah, Anderson used to email regularly.

Anders?

Get on your computer.

Get in touch, mate.

What do you think about the name of the show?

Hold on, though.

To be fair, he was listening when we were pretty shoddy.

If he's listened to the last three weeks, I think we're owed a little apology from you, Dixter.

Exactly.

Absolutely.

Listen, Piley, we want to send you all those goodies, including Scottish rock.

But we don't have your address, so email in your address.

Songs of Phrase is the mighty return of Songs of Phrase.

No one has requested that.

Not due to public opinion.

A lot of people have requested some swearing.

They have indeed.

We had a lot of emails for that.

But go on, Carl.

And remind us again what exactly Songs of Phrase is and why we should care.

It's just a phrase that we take from the show, make up by taking words out of a song, edited it together.

The phrase that we're doing is no more cheeky freak of the week.

No more cheeky freak of the week.

It sounds like this.

Right, so.

No, that's nine-odd impossible.

Play it again.

You've got to email in with all the songs that you can hear there.

Right?

There's, I think it's five songs.

And we just want the names of the songs?

Yeah, that'll do.

Okay.

Alright, do we just hear it again?

No more, chicken, free, pop, and weak.

Alright.

Yeah, it's good.

It's probably one of the best you've done.

It's very tricky, though.

That's not too tricky.

Play it again.

How many have you got, do you think, Rick?

Well, I've noticed the same person singing twice.

Is that right?

In a band and solo.

Yeah.

And

I know one

straight away from the word.

Can I just say, I do think naming the songs is a bit tricky.

Let's just name the artists.

Is that right?

Just the artists.

Just the artists, just change the rules slightly.

Before we play it again, just let you know what the prizes are.

We've got on DVD Later with Jules Holland Louder.

Lots of the alternative acts he's had on there.

A DVD, there are a couple of DVDs.

With a good Yugi piano over the top.

Let's hope so.

Brilliant.

I can't.

Mary Chainer on there, Stereophonics.

We've got Sonic Youth, Ash, Hole, Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters.

Quite good.

Once again, Cruise of the Gods on DVD.

Sorry, Rob Ryden and Steve Coogan.

That was on at Christmas.

It's not bad.

It's not the same one.

They haven't been sending that back.

We've been giving out different ones each way.

Yeah, indeed.

This is an album just called quite simply I Love You.

And you'll be pleased because there's the likes of Mel C, Cliff Richard, and the Hollies on there.

Brilliant.

Excellent.

The best chill-out album ever.

We've got the Beach Boys on there, obviously Casello, Pink Floyd Coldplay.

That's not bad.

And this is the one that's most interesting, I think, the American Song Poem Anthology.

I've not heard it yet, but apparently, I think what it is is an anthology of recordings that were made, apparently in maybe the 50s or 60s America.

You could, there was a particular organization, you could send in songs or lyrics that you'd written at home, and they would send it to music and record it for you.

And this is a compilation of them.

So obviously, there's some quite idiosyncratic and odd little things on there.

I think it's probably worth a listen.

So not bad prizes at all, Carl.

Let's play it again.

Well, that's we got we've started that going.

Just the artist, then ricky.gervase at xfm.co.uk.

Ricky.gervase at xfm.co.uk.

Once more, Carl?

See, we're just great.

Yeah, not bad at all.

Rick, I can tell you now that the answers to Songs of Phrase are quite literally dribbling dribbling in

i think there's two maybe maybe three answers so far so very excited about that so here's the winner answers well let's give us the answers first all right

sounds not rockers i'm calling it rockers because i we're they're all into changing one another

all right paul mccartney cheeky girls sugar babes space and beatles okay brilliant you've really i mean if you're not interested in it carl seriously mate.

Anyway, we're going to give the prizes, which are pretty good this week, to

James Waters from Colchester.

Well, we've got songs of phrases.

Songs of phrase, then.

Okay, let's just have a look at the prizes.

Just remind us again what exactly songs of phrase is, because I know a lot of people that put it out of their mind week by week.

It's a phrase that's been said on the show a few times, right?

I mean, you remember classics.

Like

what was it?

Hairy Chinese kids.

Yeah, there's this hairy Chinese kid.

Stop squeezing me, Ed.

Stop saying that.

Carl, you're you're an idiot.

Carl you're an idiot.

You know, some classic phrases.

Classic phrases.

And so you use various old-time songs and you put them all together, and that spells out the phrase.

Before we play that, let me tell you now, you can win.

Look forward to this.

What's this?

The new album from the Star Spangles.

That's called Bazooka.

Was that out, was that?

Never heard of it.

Where's bazooka?

Never heard of it.

Never heard of it.

The best summer holiday album in the world ever.

The treats on there include the Fast Food Rockers and Last Ketch Up.

Yeah.

I'm waiting for their second single because I don't know what that's going to be about.

Sure.

Is it going to be more fast food?

Maybe like Preta Monje.

Yeah.

Yeah, lovely.

This is very good.

Yeah, two disc set: the best of David Bowie.

Inspiral Carpets, the best of them.

Still don't know how they spin that over three seasons.

No idea.

Boweries is one.

Yeah.

We mentioned it last week, the American Song Poem Anthology.

That's kind of a kooky collection of songs.

And we've also got a couple of DVDs here.

Stephen King's Rose Red.

I've never heard of it.

Straight to video.

Yeah, made for television.

Yeah, yeah.

And never be seen at the cinema.

And I know, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of nerdlingers listening, so they will be loving Richard Dean Anderson in Stargate SG1.

Free inside, there's a collector's card, plus, you can win some exclusive memorabilia.

So I think a pair of theirs.

Well, all you've got to do is listen to these like 13 songs, probably, to a well-known stupid phrase.

It's only seven different songs, right?

Well, just get the most you can, just get be rough, artist or song,

do, right?

And the phrase is

about me dad nicking from uh telephone boxes, right?

You've got to give them a clue because they've got to get they've got to know what they're listening for.

It's it's hard enough when you know daddy's never gonna stop robbing from telephone box.

Is that it?

Yeah,

so what are these?

What are these songs then?

It doesn't matter that some people don't know what that's about, do they?

Doesn't matter.

No, they're not, they're not well, well, your father's a thief.

Email only, ricky.gervaise at xfm.co.uk.

Let's hear it.

Also not

grammatically correct.

So it's

Danny never gonna stop robbing from telephone.

Fucks.

Rubbish.

Unbelievable.

I think we just need the song.

That's all we're after.

From

Just again?

This is a desperate feature, man.

It really is awful.

See, Rick, if we took more of an interest in this show, we'd have come in, listened to that.

We'd said, no way.

We'd have said, no way.

We've got a reputation.

Yeah.

We've won awards.

We've won major awards.

We're not putting that tat out.

Yeah, no.

You know,

that's what we're doing.

But we're just giving the listener what they're used to.

Exactly.

So I think more full them for listening.

Ricky.gavazexfm.co.uk.

Now, then, we were playing earlier Songs of Phrase.

We have had.

I mean,

the answers, I could literally count on the fingers of one hand.

Now, the right answers, even less so.

But

do you want to play it once more, Carl?

Oh, God.

There was um

seven songs in there.

Right.

Read them out, Corn.

What are they?

It was uh oh, have you ever got written down?

I can remember them.

Daddy Cool.

Bony M.

Bony M.

Never gonna

Rick Castle.

Write'em down!

Stop, Sam Brown.

Robin was uh Miss Robinson by Salmon and Garfunkel.

Mrs.

Robinson.

Yeah.

uh hang on a minute.

That's not Robin.

Oh.

From From Russia We Love, Matt Monroe.

Telephone.

Telephone hanging on the telephone.

Blondie.

And then box.

Living in a box.

Living in a box.

Well listen, no, I don't think anyone got them all right.

If you did get them all right, I'm sorry, but I gave up checking the emails a long, long time ago.

So we're going to give it

I'm going to give it to Michelle Flower because she got a few of them right.

Okay, so quiz time.

I know everyone's been looking forward to this.

Which quiz is going to be a little bit of a quick.

Well we're going to play along because he's done Songs of Phrase where he cuts up

bits and pieces from records.

You have to guess the title or the artist.

And makes a well-known phrase, i.e.

a phrase that we've said a lot.

And

the challenge is that me and Steve have got to try and work out what it is as well.

Before we tell, we will tell you the phrase, but let me just see if I can guess.

Play it.

Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why.

Playing the game on sweet.

Right.

I know what that is.

I didn't hear it.

Can you play it once you go?

I know what that is.

Right, it's why don't they play the game of swing ball?

Because that's what he said when he turned on and saw people in wheelchairs playing tennis.

And his point was...

Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why.

Oh, dear.

That is so naughty.

This show's been a bit naughty, I think.

I don't know what's happened to us.

I think it's like sort of end of term sort of madness but I think we've got to calm down here was a bit naughty there we've said you know bloke with two dicks we said Chinese people don't talk properly which is a little bit offensive yeah you know what I mean Carl

well they don't know right okay let's leave it now okay stop there Carl Carl does not necessarily reflect the opinions of XFM or any other human being if you think that me and Steve have been offensive we are strongly behind the guise of irony satire and ignorance Carl

only has ignorance

and hate

no no no but as long as you say something good about someone you can also say something bad about

go on and give us an example well Chinese yeah yeah yeah great people right good

the women women really good looking as as as younger people

What are you doing?

I'm just saying, as long as you

you know what I mean, there's good and bad and everything.

For everyone.

Well, what are the old ones like?

Yeah, they don't age well.

Fuck!

What do you mean?

The fellow in Karate Kick, the teacher, was only about 36.

We started this.

We started this.

Oh.

Fact.

So, song to phrase, email in, ricky.javase at xmn.co.uk.

Right?

Well, I have to say, Paul, it's very tricky this week.

You've got some very obscure sounding songs there.

Yeah, just all we want is the artists.

I think just the song, Carl mate.

No, that's hard.

No, that's hard.

Yeah, the artist.

Just the artist, I know.

Okay, so these are the prizes this week.

Let's play it again so they can hear it.

Try and work out all the different artists.

Yeah, why don't they play the game of swing?

The game of swing ball.

Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why.

That's tricky.

It is tricky.

That is tricky.

That is good.

But there are some great prizes,

including Carl, I can't help but notice, torn from the current, well, I think today's issue of The Daily Mirror.

What is giving away a giveaway?

It's a free CD from the Daily Mirror, which you can buy it.

We spend £30p on the mirror.

You can get this anyway.

But it's still in the piece of plastic that it came in.

I love it.

It's ripped.

Anyway, there are some other treats for you.

Oh, you'll be loving to get that through the door.

So there's a The Jingly Jangly Sound of Summer.

Good vibes.

A two CD set featuring music from Crowded House, REM, Simon and Garfunkel, and the beach.

I'll tell you what, I've got the thought of another game.

We can put Carl's into theory.

I can tell him sort of like a person or

a people or a place, right, or a profession, and he's got to come up with a good and bad.

A good and bad thing.

It is dicing with death.

Are we ready to do this?

Well, listen, if we're quitting in the next couple of weeks, then who cares?

Okay.

Good and bad.

Well, hang on, whoa, let me just...

We're on the prizes here.

Alright, okay.

So now 55.

I know there's a lot of XFM listeners who are going to be looking forward to the likes of S Club 8 and the the Fast Food Rockers.

They're all on there.

I can't wait.

What is their second single going to be about?

The Smashing Pumpkins.

This is quite a good little compilation of sort of B-sides and live performances and stuff like that,

which is not bad.

The best summer holiday album in the world ever.

I think we've given that away in the past.

All sorts of stuff on there.

Plus, the director's cut of True Romance on DVD, the Tarantino Screw Tuesday.

It's a great film.

Tony Scott's favorite art movie.

So there's some quite a good prices.

Just play it once more.

So email in Ricky.javase, XFM.

Why don't they play the game of swing ball?

Just the artist, yeah?

That's all we're after.

Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why.

Don't play.

Play the game or swing ball.

Very tricky.

Brilliant.

Very brilliant.

That is brilliant.

Alright, bump the song on.

I'll put a song on now.

What?

Let's put a song on.

A bit of

farrell, will you?

Yes.

Good and bad, good and bad.

Old people.

Darkness, I believe in a thing called Love on XFM, 104.9, Ricky Gervaise, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington.

Carl set the ball rolling with Songs of Phrase.

Why don't they play swing ball?

Referring, of course, to people in

wheelchairs who play tennis because he was disappointed they weren't getting around the court quickly enough.

So why didn't they play swing ball?

Brilliant.

Someone just emailed in saying because if they hit it to the top, they wouldn't be able to reach it to unravel it.

Exactly.

Which is a good point.

But I mean, nonetheless,

good and bad in people in wheelchairs?

What do you do that?

Good and bad.

Good and bad things about people in the wheelchairs?

Um

good and bad.

Yeah.

Um suppose

I don't know, really.

They take up less room in cinemas.

They've got their own seat.

Good.

That's good, is it?

That's that's a good thing.

Yeah, yeah, good.

Yeah, well done.

Well done.

So what's bad?

Dunno, I'll have to think about it.

Okay.

But uh

let's leave that, eh?

We started it.

We've had very very few entries.

I really think people aren't interested.

They really have just given up.

I mean seriously Carlos.

That's the one thing you contributed to this show, Carl.

And it's it's the

the weak

link, I think.

In the chain.

The missing link.

Do you reckon there is one, Carl?

Do you reckon they'll ever find the missing link?

Wandering around Manchester.

Wait a minute, Carl.

The stats then, let's have the answers, if we can.

Right, it was

more.

Right, it was Play the Game of Love.

I think that was Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders.

Right, you think, but you're not sure.

Louis Armstrong was the

Don't Mean a Thing if it ain't got that swing.

And Queen,

Don't Stop Me Now, we're having a good time.

We're having a ball.

We're having a ball.

Well, I mean, considering you yourself weren't entirely clear, I think it's only fair to give it to Paul Brown, who got some of the answers right.

Winnie Doose a phrase, by the way, where Carl picks out a phrase that he might have said once,

tries to find words from songs to put it together, you've got to guess as many as you can, song or artist, I can't remember.

But But even though you might look at it and go, that's mental, I don't know any of them, you might win if you get two, right?

I mean, I think the winner last week got about three out of four.

Well, I have to be honest with you.

I mean, last week, I mean, Rockbusters, surprisingly, was a very, very popular quiz.

Yeah.

It just happened to be awful.

Yeah.

This one is pitiful.

I mean, it's truly atrocious.

And it really doesn't even have a fan base.

I mean, there's no one championing this one, Carl.

Last week, seriously, mate, I got a bank.

Oh, Carl's face.

Seven or eight.

Oh, God, that's terrible.

That was like when you told a kid that you couldn't couldn't afford a Christmas present this year.

Look at his face.

Yeah, it is a bit distraught.

It's like Chris Evans' face when they said they were cancelling girls and boys.

I can come up with great TV names

like that.

No, you can't, Chris, not anymore.

Oh, his little glasses slid down his nose.

Oh my god, you don't forget your toothbrush.

Yeah.

All that money you owe me.

No, you owe us.

Oh, but

believe it.

Alright.

So, will I just play to you and

So, it's a phrase that might have once been uttered on this show.

It was said last week.

Oh, right.

Alright, okay, brilliant.

Alright, here we go.

I know you're just 16, but look at all of what you are.

Right, I know.

I know what that is.

That's ridiculous.

What it is, is it's something like, right, you're only 16, but you look 26, and the Chinese look older than they are, or something, because he said that.

The Chinese don't age route.

That is mental carl.

It's the most convoluted, ridiculous, racist piece of material ever to be heard on radio.

I know you're just 16,

but look at all of who you are.

You're just 16 and look at all the 21, that's because the Chinese look older.

Carl, you've gone mental!

Oh, that is amazing.

So, there you go, the well-known phrase, you're 16, look at all of 21, that's because the Chinese look older.

Well-known phrase there, sweeping the nation.

That's a that will be up there with was up

and shut that door.

If they do a poll, right?

Okay, play it wise.

Well, we're after the artists, just the artists.

I know you're just 16, but looking all through the wild.

Alright, let's see what the prizes are.

We've got uh I assume this is the new album from Mower.

Um everyone's going crazy for Mower.

I've not heard people stop talking about Mower.

So there it is.

We've got the new album from the Webb Brothers, um which might be quite good.

Uh the Polyphonic Spree album, the best dance album in the world ever, which is ideal, perhaps if you're having a barbecue and you've got lots of eight-year-old children coming.

The Polyphonic Spree, I look at them and I think, well, you're only a pretty good band, but um if that album sounds like a million, you're gonna make about forty quid each.

I know, it's a challenge.

They're the sort of indie equivalent of the so-solid crew.

Yeah, you're not going to make any money.

The manager's getting to it,

and also on DVD, Red Dwarf Series 1.

So, it's absolutely barnstorming.

And if you can identify what artists are using this well-known racist phrase, that's because the Chinese look older.

Play it once more, Carl.

One more time.

I know you're just 16, but looking old and warm.

That's recording.

Look, oh no.

Oh, record.co.uk.

Just a couple of emails just to update you on what's coming in here.

Natasha has emailed us.

She says that she's of Chinese origin, and at 27, she often got mistaken for 24.

So your notion that Chinese people don't age well is obviously factually incorrect.

Yeah, well, we didn't need, thank you for playing, but I mean, honestly, trust us, Natasha, we didn't need you to tell us that.

We know Carl is talking absolute nonsense.

Wait till you get to 30.

Oh, no, no, this is quite a nice email from Paul.

He says, Let Carl know that I have a Chinese friend called Oi.

Imagine the confusing and amusing situations we're getting to

out and about in busy Samo.

Oi!

His surname, Comer.

Lightning Wit from Come.

Until you're 30.

Yeah, I know.

Brilliant.

But no, actually, we've had a surprising response to Songs of Phrase this week.

Despite the fact that everyone has agreed that it's racialist,

they've nevertheless had a go.

So keep your answers coming in

because we may as well.

You're a hit, Commerce.

I'll play it again and give the answers.

Here we go.

Songs of Iris.

Songs of Phrase.

Name the Artist.

Name the Artist.

I know you're just 16 but looking old

you and cry that's

philip bailey again that's too little oh no

right it was that was rock set

the look yeah yeah right we had uh you and cry started off yeah um 16 that was Dean Martin because Jane's fiction, yeah.

Yeah, Chinese Philip Bailey.

Philip Bailey, that's the second outing he's had.

Last one we used him for Chinese, where there was this hairy Chinese kid.

He's never got so many royalties being used in racist game shows.

Brilliant.

Then rock set and finishing with George Michael.

Oh, yeah.

Brilliant.

Who's the winner?

Well, the winner, actually, it looks to me like he's got all of them here from Bogner Regis.

It's Stuart Burke.

Listen,

do you want to set up Songs of Phrase?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

If you've not heard the show before.

I thought we weren't doing this this week.

I thought we weren't.

No, we'll do it once, right?

And then next week's the last one, so we'll do Rockbusters, leave them for the next one.

That might be the last one ever, depending on whether Carl decides to come back in October or not.

I'm bored of it.

I told you I'm bored of it.

Why are you bored with it?

I get bored quick with stuff.

Yeah.

I told Suzanne the other night how lucky she was.

I haven't

got rid of her yet.

She's...

Things.

You did put on her soft music, though, first, did you?

You didn't just start getting that around her.

Daredevil,

you know you're a very lucky girl sorry well i used to get bored with you and that yeah oh do you're lucky you're pissed off yeah do you want the champagne or what well she was annoyed the other day oh what's that on your ear

don't worry about it pigeons here aren't it we're walking to the pictures right to go and see uh bruce almighty sure why uh just something to say innit yeah so you were you were trying to sneak in the back so uh on the way cutting across let's say square

and uh those fellas who sell roses he comes over do you want one do Do you want one?

So, don't do that.

She's allergic to them.

Right, so we'd go away.

Yeah.

She got all annoyed about that.

Because she's not allergic to them.

Well, she's not allergic now, but they're about three quid each.

But the point of mankind, it's not that she really wants a rose, it's that you're willing to spend three pounds on her.

Taking us to the pictures.

How much was that?

That was eight quid each.

Did you pay for it though?

Didn't you ever, if I if I know you, you had her dressed up as a small child.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and my son, please.

Or you've made her sit on your shoulders and wear a long coat.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyway, listen, songs are phrase, then.

You paid for it at going, and then you went another pint while she watched this.

Yeah, there's no point both of us seeing it, but tell me about it.

Tell me what it's like.

Oh, right, songs are phrase.

So let's explain what songs are phrase is.

You do it.

Okay, oh, really?

If you think that Carl is bored with life, then you will be even more bored once you have heard this particular quiz.

The gist of it is that Carl has taken a well-known phrase.

Stop me there.

Not a well-known phrase, that he said once.

On this show.

Yeah, probably.

And And he's somehow

compiled together a number of different songs which have somehow built up that particular phrase or sentence.

If it's anything about Chinese people, Philip Bailey will be involved.

That's all I can say.

Okay, let's hear it then, Carl.

I don't know what that was.

This is appalling.

That's a bit This is appalling.

Carl, Carl, I do not know what that is.

What is the phrase?

I just was saying last week about everyone's raving about Galileo.

No, they're not.

No, they're not.

No, Galileo.

No, they're not.

No.

That sounds like a sort of B-side from the buggles.

Everyone's raving about Beyoncé and Robbie Williams.

What are you into?

Galileo's good.

Forget it, forget it.

We were doing songs of phrase.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Oh, God.

So what is this phrase?

What is the phrase, Carl?

Last week we're talking about Galileo.

Right.

And I just was saying

years ago, I can't remember now.

When was it?

When was he doing his thing?

End of the 16th century, I think.

Right.

And he was messing about, trying to find out about

speed of light or something, is it?

No, he did lots of stuff.

He did lots of stuff, Galileo.

All I was saying is

sure everyone was saying, stop messing with that.

Make us a telly.

You know what I mean?

There were other things that people would have been happier with, sure, back then.

So the phrase is the phrase exactly is what?

The well-known phrase is what?

Galileo.

Oh, it goes like this, doesn't it?

So it's Galileo's stop talking to me about

science.

Make me television.

Make me television.

Yeah.

So you email in with the bands bands and that.

Brilliant.

That is rock bottom.

I mean, the well-known phrase being Galileo stopped talking to me about science, make me television.

As a well-known phrase, is one of the weirdest things I've ever forget.

Jeers Out of Windows and things like that.

That is the weirdest thing I've heard on radio as a competition.

Can we have that one next week?

Okay, well, here are the prizes.

If you think, Rick,

if you think the quiz has hit rock bottom,

wait till I tell you these prices.

Yeah, brilliant.

I know that we're very much pushing new music on XFM and it's an alternative music tension, so you'll be pleased that we're giving away now that's what I call Music 55, featuring the likes of Busted and Daniel Beddingfield.

Brilliant.

You really know how to cater to our audience, don't you?

The best dance album in the world, that includes

DJ Sammy, Scooter, and Liberty X on there.

I look forward to that.

This is not so bad.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, a live DVD of a pardon me, a performance.

And some...

Pardon me again.

Anyway.

That basically sums up the prizes.

So I won't tell you the rest.

They're all monotonous.

But anyway, I think those crisps, Rick, have gone down the wrong way.

Although I was eating gulags, Julia.

Sorry.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

So anyway, yeah, that's some of the prizes.

And you can win some tat.

If you can identify these artists.

The The well-known phrase, Galileo is don't talk to me about science.

Make me television.

Science.

Sweet.

Take me television.

It's appalling.

But easy this week, I think.

Yeah.

Play record, Carl.

I mean, it's ridiculous.

Ricky.gavaise at xfm.co.uk.

The pictures.

Answers rushing in, we should point out, for the quiz.

Most of them agreeing that it's pointless.

Some people have called it songs of phrase, of course.

Some people have referring to it now as songs of arse,

which is more than appropriate.

But you'll be pleased to know that it's ending this week, and next week we've got the return of the even more pitiful Rockbusters.

For the last one.

That's back for the last one.

We'd perhaps also need your petitions to Carl.

If you want us to stay on the air, then you need to petition Carl giving good reasons why he should stay, why this show isn't boring, or rather, why he shouldn't be bored by it.

I mean, you're bound to be bored as listeners, but obviously

he's running out of steam now.

What are you fed up with?

You're just fed up with, in general, eh?

I mean, you want your Saturdays back, do you?

Just want a bit of a life back, that's all.

But you don't do anything with your life.

Why don't you do this instead of like your day job?

Can't.

It's more important than my day job, innit?

That's what earns the company money in that.

That I mean.

Well.

So.

Won't you do a regular show then?

Sack someone who's, you know, quite frankly not putting that.

I've done that.

I did that years ago.

What do you mean?

Done it.

Told you, I've done a lot of stuff.

Boxing, done, tick, dancing, done.

No, you turned up, the place was shut.

Dancing?

When did you do dancing?

That's when he went and said, I want to do dancing.

And he went along to the place and it was shut and that was it.

And he said, I didn't do it anymore.

That's not doing it, is it?

Boxing.

He had a fight with one lad, then the lad beat him up and he didn't go again.

Oh, dear, it's pathetic.

Well, anyway, yeah, so this is basically our penultimate show.

Next week's the final.

And And we're all looking forward to that enormously.

Yeah.

But that may be it forever then.

And this,

you know, all for one, one for all, all for one.

The three musketeers, gone forever.

Yeah.

I, for one, I'll be pleased.

Oh.

Anyway.

You've got something on your air, you know.

Monkey news.

I was going to say the winner.

I don't think anyone cares.

Oh, come on.

Someone got all of them, didn't they?

Well, okay, play it again then.

This was Songs of Phrase.

You did this.

The well-known phrase is Galileo, stop talking about science, make me television.

the most convoluted banal

quiz on any radio station ever i mean i'm including miles chris evans do you know what i mean

Simon Bates.

That's worse than anything they ever did.

Apparently Channel 5 have bought the right.

Anyway, what were we doing?

We had Queen in there, Altered Images, Thomas Dalby,

Beatles, Aretha Franklin, and Red Out Chili Paper.

Well, extraordinarily, Tracy and John Burton from Colchester and Essex got all of those right.

Why they would want the prizes, I've no idea, but good.

Competition then, come on then.

What is it?

Songs of Phrase.

Remind us of this?

We've got the film one coming up later as well but songs of phrase is the one where I took a popular phrase from the show well no it's not a popular phrase from the show it's sometimes something you said once there's this airy Chinese kid yeah and and I get all different bits of songs so you know I make up that sentence and you have to email him with the artists that you hear right what's the popular phrase then what's this what's this popular phrase that's sweeping the nation

it's what we talked about last week

my girlfriend had a problem with a marrow

right

yeah all right okay She wasn't your girlfriend.

Yeah, but I couldn't find sort of

blind date or whatever.

So

seven artists it's taken to make up this.

My girlfriend had a problem with her marrow.

Well, that's at least eight.

So.

Well, maybe not.

I think I've managed it in seven.

Anyway, here we go.

What the artists?

We'll look at the names of the artists.

Go ahead and paper and make a note.

What artists are you hearing here?

There you go.

What are the artists?

Their girlfriend had a problem with her marrow.

We want the names of the artists.

What can we win, Carl?

Can I just recap that story?

Carlton on a blind day.

But when he found out that this girl had some sort of bone marrow problem, he said he didn't want to see her anymore.

What's the point in getting to know someone that's going to die?

Yeah.

So just that's what you're dealing with.

That is what you're dealing with with Carl Pilkington.

Would you buy a car with a duff engine?

It's a fair point.

Ricky.javase at xfn.co.uk.

Anyway, listen, sorry, we better get back to the competition.

I'm worried that we've

lost sight of that competition because I'm not going to lie to you, we've had no entries whatsoever so far.

I can't believe that, because I actually got most of those that's actually a more accessible one I knew what I think I know all the artists and I'm stuck on

girlfriend but I think I might know what that is let's hear it again I'm surprised

I think that's a pretty accessible one accessible quiz yeah so no one's Is the email up or no one's listening?

Well I think there's a little bit of that but we I think we've accidentally closed down the texting.

So if you're texting in, this is

rubbish.

It really is awful, isn't it?

Yeah.

Just play it again.

Hang on a minute.

I'll tell you what it was.

We didn't give out the prizes.

We didn't say what the prizes were going to be.

That's the reason.

Yeah,

I think the emails are going to go O Mental.

When they find out it's the first series of Open All Hours on VHS, that'll be it.

in.

That's the one.

And the Bridget Nielsen video.

Exactly.

Oh, dear.

Oh, no, actually, it's not too bad.

Best air guitar albums in the

volume.

That's on the green.

That'll keep running and running.

Some kind of anniversary box set of a Doctor Who episode with a small one.

What's that, baby?

I'm Alan Partridge Series 2.

That's worth having, obviously.

And Porridge Series 3.

Okay, good.

If you've not watched all of them on UK Gold, then I might be able to get it.

There's something wrong with you.

So, yeah, let's hear it it again.

Just name the artist, that's all we want.

Just the artist.

Oh, have we got the results?

Yeah.

Go on, and what are they?

Songs of phrase.

These are the songs.

My girlfriend had a problem with the marrow.

He answers Sinatra, Prince, Billy, uh Bill Medley.

Uh you two, Shirelles, there was also dub pistols in there.

Uh no.

No, no one got all of them, Carl, obviously.

Um but we'll give it to Mark Canton.

He got uh what did he get, about six or something.

Well then he's from Dublin, so that's nice.