E887 Going Deeper with Alessia Cara

Alessia, I don't know if you, you probably don't remember. We met once.
When was this? Jingle Ball, 2016. I do remember this.
I introduced you. I do remember this.
On stage. I do remember that.
It was a very cool moment. I've never introduced an artist before.
That's, I do remember this. And I remember this because I watch, I mean.
You're like, he pronounced my name wrong. I remember it.
No, no, no, no. I watched you on the show that you were on.
And yeah, so I knew who you were and I thought it was so cool. I was like, oh my God.
And it was like really early on in my career too, you know, and I hadn't really met many people. So it was very cool.
Mine too. I was definitely very nervous and I didn't really, I didn't never been on a stage before like wearing an earpiece.
Like it's really kind of fascinating, like how much you can't like hear the crowd. Oh yeah.
You're like in your own little zone. It's wild.
Yeah. I was i was like i couldn't hear you you almost like couldn't hear yourself talking unless you're talking

into the mic yeah it was a little trippy but yeah that's so cool oh my gosh well i'm honored to be

your first uh your first on stage moment it was yeah are we ready to rock and roll well alessia welcome to the vile files excited to be with you thank you i'm excited to be here congratulations obviously on your released happy valentine's day thank you happy valentine's day love and hyperbole out today yes how excited I'm very excited. I'm super nervous too, because it's been so long since I've released an album.
But I'm just mostly excited because I've been sitting on this stuff for so long. So it feels really good to just finally have it out.
And like I've been checking social media and like seeing people talking about songs that were like a secret for so long and hearing them hear it is like such a trip. I can't believe that like it out you know it's so weird because you started working on this in 2021 or before i think it was like i mean the first little inklings and like thoughts about it were like late 2021 but i guess i didn't really start writing it officially until like 2022 that's um that is a long time to be sitting on something though just like working on it sitting on it constantly sitting on it, constantly thinking about it.
That's a long time. I know it's been my secret.
I'm always fascinated like with like the idea of like the confidence and self-belief in this idea that like, why not me? Like I can kind of do anything. And then that feeling of like imposter syndrome sometimes of like doubting yourself of, you know, like you're just talking about being nervous, right? You know, your release date and those questions that seep into your head, like, will people enjoy it? You know, do like whatever thoughts come into your head and that balance.
Do you ever feel that where you sometimes wake up one day and there's this like this true inner belief that you have of like, I love my music, people love my music and you just feel really good about it. Or other where you're just like, that self-doubt creeps in, you know, and that juggle between the two constantly.
Because I feel like that's something I'm always constantly juggling with. Like some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and like, I have this great belief in myself.
And other days it's just like, how am I, like, what am I even doing here? You know? I so feel that. I so feel that.
I feel like that's the experience of a lot of artists or even just people like in the public, you know, because on one end, like you, you have to sort of have a level of confidence in order to do this and put yourself out there. Right.
But then I think something about just like being perceived by people or when you have a lot of like blessings in your life and things that come to you, there is that sense of like, but do I deserve this? Or, you know, I'm, I'm an artist because I'm sensitive and I'm sensitive because I'm an artist. And so I think that I juggle between that all the time.
I think my default is to, if I had to pick between which one is more frequent or what the default is, unfortunately, it's like that like imposter syndrome side, you know, just not really feeling, I don't know, like good enough in life. I've always kind of felt that.
So, you know, when you have it on this scale where you have people constantly telling you like who you are and if

you are good enough or not to them, like that really can kind of sometimes get in your head.

So I kind of do juggle between. I think I am a lot better at it these days though.
I like try

really hard to stay focused. How do you do that? Like, how do you work through that process?

Even as an artist, again, like there's this another battle of you have a fan base, you have

a team, I'm assuming. You have a lot of

Thank you. process, even as an artist, again, like there's this another battle of you have a fan base, you have a team, I'm assuming you have a lot of praise and adoration.
Like how do you keep yourself grounded, you know, and stay that? Like, I think what a lot of fans love about you is that authenticity, like you are a pop star, but like you don't present as something like an out of touch, you know, like pop star, right? Where that you're, you feel very connected to your audience. So like, how do you do that? And how do you maintain that? I guess I just really try to hold on to any sense of normalcy because, you know, the second I kind of got launched into this world, I realized it was so far from reality and the reality of, you know, my friends and peers in my personal life.
And I didn't like that feeling. I wanted to feel like I was a part of my family and a part of my friendships and I can relate to people in my life.
And so I decided just early on that I just wanted to maintain any possible sense of normalcy. And so, you know, when I'm not doing this, I just live a very normal, easy, chill life.
And I just do regular things. I didn't, I really didn't stop myself from just going out and doing things.
And, you know, if I got spotted, I got spotted. It's fine.
You know, until that just became normal for people. And I keep a lot of my personal life just off social media.
I don't really talk about it. And I think that really just helps me separate, you know, so I can like take off the hat at night and put it back on when I need to, you know, and I'm still very much myself, but I think it's just like keeping certain things away from this is what helps me stay grounded, you know, just reminding myself that I'm a normal person and this is my job.
This is a job. And yeah, yeah.
You did get into this industry very young. I mean, how old were you when you first started? Like, I mean, I know you released released your debut album at 18, right? Yeah.
Yeah. So you must have been working on that for quite some time before.
I was. Yeah.
I was in school. I was in high school while secretly working on this album.
I felt like a kind of like Clark Kent Superman thing after school. It's like math or writing art.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
I was like, and I was so shy to tell anyone so I barely told anybody at my school that I was doing this but like after school I would go to the studio I'd have my dad drive me to the studio in the city and I'd go in with my backpack still on sometimes my uniform still on and I would you know be learning how to make these songs with these collaborators you know and just figuring out how to be in a studio for the first time and crafting, you know, what eventually became the first album, which I had no idea would become the first album. But yeah, that's kind of how it started.
And then I found myself in this like fork in the road when it was time to graduate of like, okay, do I try to take this album that I've made to like labels and try to get a manager and try to get signed? Or do I go to university or college? You know, like, what do I do? And then I made a promise to my parents that if they let me take a year off before I go to college, if I get signed or if something happens in that year. Wow.
What a deal. Yeah.
So that was the deal. And thankfully, I ended up getting signed like right before that year like ended.
It was perfect timing. So it worked out.
What was that conversation like though with your dad? Was it kind of like, I think I can sing, like I want to be a singer? Or was like your family kind of being like, you have this talent, you should pursue this? I think it was on, it was definitely coming from me. I come from a very blue collar Italian family.
You know, the music industry was not really something in, we weren't in that orbit, like at all. I have like an aunt who sings and she's wonderful.
And, you know, my grandfather plays music and things like that, but it, you know, it's not, it's not nothing like this. We had never, you know, seen anything like this.
So I think for them, they were a bit confused by the idea of me wanting to do this as a full-time job. And I think admittedly they were a little scared, of course, as any parent would be.
So they were trying their best to be supportive, but also make sure that I have some sort of plan B, which is where the one-year thing came from. Yeah.
I imagine, you know, it's like we have a one-year-old daughter. So like as parents were, you know, I'm very excited about her getting older and fantasizing about what she might enjoy and do.
And I, you know, it's funny. I remember my parents, I had a great childhood, and they gave me so many things.
But there was a conversation I'll never forget with my dad. And I remember like lying in bed, I don't know how old I was, five, six, seven years old.
And he was kind of asking me what I wanted to do when I grew up. And I think I might have said something like, I want to be a professional athlete or something like that.
And I remember my dad kind of saying kind of, it was basically kind of like, well, that's really cool. But like, I don't know, like, you know, professional athlete, it was almost like, and I get it where he was coming from.
It was like, you know, that balance as a parent being between like, again, like believing in your kid, but also trying to set your child up for success and having reasonable goals. And like, I imagine your parents, you're like, yeah, I want to, I want to be an artist, you know,

I want to sing or, and it's kind of like, yeah, great. Or, you know, right.
Yeah. Do it, but maybe on the side.

What classes are you taking?

Exactly. Yeah.
A hundred percent. It was definitely that.
And it was, like you said,

totally out of love, totally out of the, you know, just desire for me to have security and

safety in my life. And just to make sure that I am not going to be just left stranded.
And I totally get that. But yeah, I've had those conversations too with so many family members of like, you know, maybe you should look into being a doctor or being a teacher and then doing music on the side.
And I understand both sides. You know, I think it's important to like fuel your kids and make sure that you, you know, teach them that life is so big and that they can do anything.
But I guess it is important to teach them other things too and like give them a sense of security. It's just, it's a hard balance.
I don't know what I would do as a parent if my kid said that. If I was in their position and my kid said that, I don't know if I would have, I don't know what I would have done.
I think I'd probably would have been like, yeah, because I I'm a little delusional but I don't know it's it's tough but they were super supportive um and then once they saw that I you know had a management team and then I got signed um in this room actually which is so crazy this is really the room yeah wow crazy how old were you I was I think on my 18th birthday I think I signed the the papers or or something like that I don't remember anything to celebrate or anything no I don't I don't think so I think I was just I think maybe we went out for dinner like with my family uh and we just like celebrated that way I think I can't honestly can't remember it's like 10 years ago now and it was all that time in my life was such a blur but it's uh sometimes those big moments like whatever it is like for you your big deal I remember when I was asked to be the bachelor i thought that was kind of surreal or when we found out natalie was pregnant like always like these surreal moments where maybe you've thought about them in the past or you fantasize about them and then it happens and then there's like that gap between like you know when we found out natalie was pregnant then it's like all right well what should we get for dinner you know like there's a really exciting news you kind of go back to life where I imagine you signed a deal and it's like, you're not, you know, making music yet. And like, there's all these things and like, there's this huge excitement around it.
And then like, you're like, okay, well, when does it start? You know, almost like that feeling. For sure.
Yeah. It's like new year's.
Like when you count down and you're like, happy new year. And then after that, you're like, okay, it's new year now.
Yeah. That's how, that's how I with that, too.
I was like, OK, what does this mean? And again, like I was so far removed from this. I had no idea what even being signed meant.
I just know that that's the thing you want. You know, as an artist, you want to do that so you can have support and, you know, you do the stuff.
So I had no idea. I was still a teenager.
I had no clue what was coming. And yeah, we just kind of I started like dipping my toe into it.
And we put out the song Here, which is my first song on SoundCloud, just to like see what would happen. Test the waters.
And then it kind of just went a little crazy. We love a SoundCloud jam.
That's crazy. I didn't realize, yeah, I didn't realize you put it on SoundCloud and that's where it, wow.
Yeah, yeah. Because I think the team was like, this is a great song, but it's like,'s like they didn't know if it was the right direction I was very adamant that it was because I was like this is just such a cool song and I think everybody was like but I don't know so we I was like okay let's compromise let's just put it on SoundCloud no pressure and just see what happens and they're like okay uh and then I mean your life completely changed after that how how did you manage going through a complete life change? It was so bittersweet because I think on one end, it was extremely exciting.
It was like everything I ever wanted. I was doing all these things that I dreamt of my whole life.
Then there's this other side to it where when it becomes reality, it can be very overwhelming, especially being a young girl or just a young person. was like a lot.
My whole life was completely different, you know, going from like having a life where I was just going from school to home, home to school. That was my life to like traveling all over the world, different hotel room every day, being away from my friends and family, being recognized on the street, like things like that.
You know, your whole life is different. It was, it was very challenging, but also exciting.
So it was like, I was trying to balance both things of being grateful and excited, but also being like, okay, well, what the fuck is this? Yeah. That's crazy.
You know, you've over the past few years, you've been kind of laying low a little bit. And now with this new album coming out, do you feel like you're kind of embarking on a new chapter or is it not that deep? And what was part of the reason for like laying kind of low? I think there was a lot of your fans out there were, you know, kind of really starving for like new music and really excited.
Did you feel that pressure? And yeah, kind of how do you see this chapter of your life in your career? Well, in terms of if I felt that pressure, for sure. I mean, there's pressure now i put the album out and they're already like all right when's the next one wow it hasn't even been 24 hours i think they are partly joking but partly not um but yeah i mean there's always that pressure and that's i mean pressure is good because it means that there's people waiting and they're excited so that's wonderful but i think um in terms of why i wanted to sort of lay low and take a little break was because, you know, at the time it had been like seven or eight years that I've been doing this nonstop.
And I think because of that, like music was just like my top priority. And I was neglecting a lot of areas of my life that I think I wanted to nourish and nurture a little bit, like just my friendships, my milestones that I missed of my family members and, you know, just personal things like just my mental health and just feeling like a like a person, like a normal person.
I just miss like walking to get a coffee and walking my dog and like doing regular things. I know that sounds kind of cheesy and weird, but it's the truth.
Like those things really, they really feel you and they make you feel better, you know, when you need that. So I just was missing that.

And I just kind of developed a little bit of resentment, I think, for the industry. And I just was like, what do I want to say? Do I even want to say anything else? Do I want to be here? I had to just reshape like how I felt about myself as an artist and where I wanted to go, if I even wanted to continue or not.
And I had to just find it again on my own terms, I think. There were moments of maybe deciding to hang it up, so to speak, and do something else in between? I think so.
Yeah. For a little bit.
I was like, I don't know if I want to keep doing this anymore for a few different reasons. That was just an internal conversation that I was having.
Yeah. I don't know why.
I don't know exactly what it was. I think I fell out of love with it for a second.
Not so much music, but the industry itself, because it's so ever-changing. It's so challenging.
There's a lot of things that are difficult about it. And I just felt for a while, like, is the juice like worth the squeeze here? What's, you know, what's the purpose in it? So I had to just find that and like rediscover my love for music and like why I started in the first place.
And I had to start it on my own terms, not because I felt the pressure to, or because I felt like it's what I had to do. I just wanted to miss it.
You know? Yeah. Did you get as far as like thinking about what you would do? A little bit.
I, and I've thought about that now too, cause I don't, you know, this, I don't think will be forever. You know, careers have peaks and valleys.
I bolded me to assume that I'll still be like doing this at, you know, any sort of level forever.

So I have thought about that.

I mean, I would love to.

It's hard because this is kind of the same industry, but I've always wanted to do acting or like at least like maybe write for like TV or movies or do like screenplays and stuff.

But I guess it's still in the same industry.

So I don't know.

But that would be really fun.

It's hard when you've been in the public to do something that's not in the public.

I feel, you know, if I just went to go work somewhere else, it's strange. I don't know if but that would be really fun.
It's hard when you've been in the public to do something that's not in the public, I feel. If I just went to go work somewhere else, it's strange.
I don't know if I'm working at the bank. Yeah, it would be weird.
But I would love to write behind the scenes for movies or write scripts and stuff. That's always been something that's interested me.
You're obviously talented in writing, so it makes sense that you would carry that on with whatever you did next if if you had to do something next it also like makes sense i know you said it sounded kind of weird but like that time apart like you are in the creative space you're an artist but like you said the music industry or just entertainment in general has that business side which i think for any creative person it's a conflict of interest it almost feels like right it's just like, it's such a grind to keep going and wake up every day, especially once you like have that success, you have that music that's out that people are loving and performing. And I can see how like without getting away or stepping back, it almost like every day, it almost takes away a little bit of the artistry part of the music where it's just like, you're just showing up and you're singing and it just, you know what i'm saying like you you almost have to reset you know sometimes because it's almost you know becomes that mundane feeling you know or just connecting with family and friends like finding your inspiration you know it almost feels like and whether it's i hear that you know i'm a big sports fan so even with like you know athletes sometimes like the more, the bigger contracts, they, they kind of lose what motivated them in the beginning, you know, and to kind of get away from it almost seems to bring you back to that, that spot.
I, yeah, I definitely felt that way. Cause I, I mean, I, I was a music fan before I was anything else.
You know, I loved music genuinely before I even realized I could sing or wanted to sing

that.

I just loved music so much, you know, and I just wanted to get back to that.

So I started just like listening to music as a fan again and just regaining that like

innocent, youthful sense of love for it.

And I think that was kind of the catalyst for me, like wanting to to start, you know,

treading the waters a little bit and like keep going.

Yeah, you just have to sometimes reconnect.

And in order to do that, you have to get away from it, you know, and I think it

All right. wanting to start, you know, treading the waters a little bit and like keep going.
Yeah. You just have to sometimes reconnect.
And in order to do that, you have to get away from it, you know? And I think it also kind of like filled the tank with like new experiences to then go and write about, you know, if you don't have any new experiences, where are you going to pull inspiration from if you don't even feel like a person? Like, where are you going to get the human experience if you're not really living the human experience? You're living in like a bubble, right well it's we're recording this on valentine's day yes thank you guys for spending it with me by the way this is a dream of ours well in the album love and hyperbole i mean is it a coincidence that it dropped on valentine's day an album that seems to be very centered around love relationships and just romance in general or is that just a huge coincidence i guess it's like a bit of both because when i first uh finished the album i wanted to put it out in october of last year i was pretty set like on that month um and then as it was approaching and i had a couple singles out i was like this is going a little fast you know because like i said before i've been sitting on this album for about three years and I feel like in pop music sometimes like things tend to just going a little fast, you know, because like I said before, I've been sitting on this album for about three years.

And I feel like in pop music, sometimes like things tend to just be a little bit disposable and they go really, really quick. And people just pump stuff out, which I understand the necessity of, I guess, to keep up with the industry.

But I was like, I just wanted to give it a little time to breathe.

Savor it.

Yeah.

And so I was talking to my manager.

We were at a restaurant and we were both we both had that understanding of like, OK, I think we should move this. And then we were looking at, you know, dates in the new year.
And he was like, what about February? And I was like, okay. And he's like, oh my God, Valentine's day.
And we looked and we were like, oh my God. And it's on the 14th and there's 14 tracks.
We're like, oh my God, this is like destined. It was very serendipitous.
And we, we high fived. We're like, this is so cool.
We're very happy about that coincidence. So I guess it was like half a choice, but also half something we stumbled upon.
What are your opinions on Valentine's Day? Is it like a holiday you generally love? Or have you had Valentine's Day where you're like, it's just like a hallmark holiday? Are you kind of a romantic or more of a cynic? I mean, it depends where I'm at in my relationships. Now I'm like, I love it.
I mean, it depends. I've always been a romantic or more of a cynic um i mean it depends where i'm at in my relationship now i'm like i love it um i mean it depends i've always been a romantic though like even even on times where i've been single on valentine's day like i i just try to surround myself with people i love like go you know hang out with my parents and third wheel them or like you know my my friends and i we do like a galentine's day which is always really nice so i always feel like i have support and love around me on that day um but there have been times trust me where i have been miserable as well what's your love language um oh i have a few i think it's like tied i'm a physical touch and i believe it's words of affirmation or at my they're tied for one and then my second one is quality time but i i would say just opinion based not by by the test.
I would say it's probably physical touch. I love a handhold, a hug, head on shoulder.
That speaks more than words for me. What's your perfect Valentine's Day gift? Perfect Valentine's Day gift? To give or receive.
He's taking notes. Yeah, I'm taking notes.
Taking notes. I love a card.
Honestly, I love a card. Write me a nice long card.
Tell me- Listen, love letters don't come around very often. I love a card honestly I love a card write me a nice long card love letters don't come around very often I need you to tell me a million times how you feel about me again and again what you felt when you first saw me one time I wrote you a hundred reasons why I love you was that for Valentine's Day or your birthday I think it was my birthday he did write out a hundred reasons why i love you that's so sweet there was a few like there was a few like your eyes and your head there was definitely like your toenails yeah i really just let's get specific your smile you that's really what are your love languages she's all of them yeah all of them for sure but i think i think number one is physical touch too physical touch she loves it she loves a gift i do love but she also loves to give gifts as much as she loves to receive them like gifts really is a love language for her where she gets excited or like that's on the bottom for me yeah like i don't do like gifts i'm even receiving them them.
I'm like, yay. And then, you know, giving them like I've, if I have an idea, it's great.
I can really get into it, but like, it's not something Natalie, she'll be, you know, it'll be three months out from whatever moment. And, you know, Natalie loves a surprise.
You know, she's like, do you want to know what I got you? I've learned that means I'm supposed to start guessing. She's, you should guess, you know, like things like that where like, I'll be like, Oh shit.
Valentine's day is two days away. I need to order flowers or something like that.
So it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm definitely like an acts of service.
Like that's how I love to show love and then quality time for sure. Words of affirmation probably are my top three.

It's really hard to be like, definitely not acts of service.

You know, to have someone be like, one of these love languages is like, absolutely not my way.

You know, it's like, they're all lovely.

And I would love to feel all of them all the time.

It's so true.

Yeah.

I wouldn't mind any of them.

I don't think it's for, yeah.

It's not like any of them are like, ooh, that gives me the ick.

It's just more like, I think some come naturally for us than others, right?

Yeah, yeah, true.

Very true.

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You mentioned on this album that there's a little bit of storytelling in your own personal love life, man being one of them and it almost it almost we were all three talking about it before we came in it almost feels like the album is in some kind of order where it almost kind of starts out a little like sad and a little heavy and you're and you're talking about difficult challenges in relationships um is that is there accuracy to that where yeah and then it kind of progresses to a more like independent like screw it i'm out there having fun and then a little bit and then back to like connecting with love totally a hundred percent nailed it yeah it's i really tried to make it as chronological as possible so that if you're you know listening to it in full if you're like an albums person like me i'd'd love to just like listen to whole albums, you know, that it tells a story. And it really is like the story of the last, you know, two and a half, three years of my life where I did kind of go through that arc.
You know, I started writing this album just in a not great place mentally. Like I said, I had fallen kind of out of love with music.
I didn't really know what I wanted to do with myself. Felt a little lost in my personal life.
And I just went through the process of learning to harness that feeling of pain and all the, you know, not so great stuff about life and use it to teach me things and reshape it until it looks like something that I can at least tolerate, but at best, you know, make me better and turn into something beautiful. So that's kind of what what happened the dead man for me i don't know again i would be curious like what your inspiration but before i was lucky enough to to meet natalie and fall in love like even my time on reality tv is the bachelor but even before that like in my 20s i you know i had a great role models as parents in terms of love in a way like both wonderful, but in a bad way sometimes.
And what I mean by that is like, my parents always taught me like, love is really special, right? And you have to fight for it. And I think as a young man, that fight for a part, I really didn't know how to actually like, didn't really know what that meant, right? So when I was in relationships younger, I wasn't really willing to look at, is this the right relationship or is this the healthy relationship? And so, you know, I knew, I was taught love is special.
You have to fight for it, you have ups and downs. So when I was in relationships early in life, I wouldn't be open to the possibility that, well, this may be as good, it's not as great as it could be.
And as much as we might love each other, maybe we're not compatible enough. And it almost felt like Deadman was, it felt like I was hearing you talk about having a hard time letting go to something or not feeling appreciated.
And I feel like there's a lot of people out there in relationships where they feel like they're doing 100% of their half and like 40% of their partner's half. Yes.
And is there anything about that song that kind of connects with that mindset where you're just, you feel like you're, you almost wake up one day and realize, why am I doing all of this and not getting enough in return? And, but having a hard time letting go of, and maybe saying goodbye to something that you maybe at one point said, this is going to be my forever, and I need to fight for this. I need to invest in this.
And I really need to protect this relationship and figuring out, should I do that? Or maybe there's something else out there for me. Yeah.
Yeah. That's spot on exactly how I've felt.
And yeah, I think it's interesting because, you know, we were, the things we're taught about love are strange because I think we're taught that it's noble to self-sacrifice and self-abandon in love. Like, you know, you think that's like the most noble thing you can do and the most romantic thing you can do, you know, is make yourself smaller for somebody else.
And while I think, you know, there is a level of compromise that has to happen. And like you said, you know, a level of fighting for something or, or, you know, having difficulties and getting through them.
I do think there's a difference between completely forgetting about yourself or completely holding onto an idea of a person or the potential of a person. Like, I just feel like in my life, I have made myself smaller for people.
And I thought that that was like the right thing to do. I thought that's what unconditional love was supposed to be.
And then you start to realize maybe that the other person isn't really doing the same and you're giving a lot more. And it's hard to come to terms with that fact that maybe you're just not the right person.
Maybe we've tried all we can try and maybe I don't like this feeling and maybe this isn't how love is supposed to feel. And I've realized through honestly just growing up and meeting new people that, I don't know, that's just not the love that I want.
And I don't think that that's the love that we deserve as people. I think you should, of course, fight for things and there's going to be problems and you're going to have to work through them.
But there should never be that feeling of like, I have completely forgotten about myself here or I don't feel seen by you. I don't, you know, I don't feel like I know you or I even know myself anymore.
So yeah, that's kind of just been the compass now. When I look at people in my life in different relationships, certainly romantic partnerships, I want to feel like I'm like you're expanding me.
Like I'm seeing new parts of myself. I didn't know we're there rather than hiding parts of myself or like having to make myself small so that you can shine.
I want you to bring things out of me. And I think that's what real love is supposed to do.
It's supposed to show you yourself. Maybe things that aren't so great, but they teach you things and they help you grow, you know? And I think that's a difference between like good difficulty in relationships versus like the wrong kind of difficulty.
And it's so tough, right, in real time to figure out what that is. Of course.
You don't want to go into a relationship like a tit for tat. Like, well, I'll do this for you and immediately expect something in return.
You have to kind of go in doing things out of love, not expecting anything, but every once in a while, you have to learn to check in with yourself and with the relationship and go, do I feel loved? One of our shows, people will call it and ask for relationship advice. And one of my favorite questions is like, well, how do you feel loved in this relationship? Or like, what do you love about this relationship? How does your partner make you feel? And it's fascinating asking that question to people who are like on the fence about things to actually think about it.
Because, you know, so many times, especially when we're young, we meet someone, we fall in love we should date i love you let's be boyfriend and girlfriend yeah let's be together and then all of a sudden you're just like sometimes playing house or like you're so much your relationship was based off the excitement of how you meant and then you don't really it's almost as if people stop connecting and falling in love once they decide to be in a relationship so true and then they that honeymoon phase. The next thing you know, it's like you wake up one day and you're bickering over stupid things and like, or you, you feel like you've been maybe giving a little bit more than you're receiving and yeah, growing up and falling in love.
It's that you really have, it's that trial and error. Like I always think love is this really passionate, crazy, wonderful thing that's so intense.
And we try to do it at an early age, even before we're technically adults. What if we got into a Ferrari without knowing how to drive it? That's kind of like what getting into a relationship is when you're young and you just kind of sometimes have to crash and burn and pick up the pieces and try again.
And it's been, I mean, ups and downs for me. Yeah, for sure.
And for me too. And for, I think a lot of people, which is why, you know, it's so good to talk about this stuff because people don't really have a compass because again, like what's taught the biggest like romantic story in the world is Romeo and Juliet.
Like I'm going to literally self-sacrifice for you, which is very romantic. And I guess that's different because they both did it for each other.
So that's, I guess, sweet. But, you know, like, I just feel like we're just taught this thing, like you said, of like, you have to fight for it.
And I do agree. But I do think there's this side of it that you have to feel loved.
And also there's just a side of it, too, where it's like, ask yourself, do you even do you even like this person? Like, if you didn't have any feelings for them at all, like romantically, if you just saw them, would you want to hang out with them? If you were in a room with your friends and you had no feelings for them, would you think like, I hope so-and-so like could be here. Like I wish this person was here.
And a lot of the times when I ask my friends that they'll be like, not really, you know? So it's like, then why do you want to spend your life with that person? What is it about them that you like? Not even like, how do they make you feel? Which is an important question, but like, do you even like them as a person in general, you know? And oftentimes you'll find like, you're just like, what do I like about this person other than what they give me sometimes? Like that little bit of serotonin that they give me once in a while when they give me attention, like what else do I like about them? For me, it was like my, you know, I was taught that like love is hard. And like, so I went through all these relationships where it was bad, it was ugly, there was, you know, violence and, you know, all of this stuff.
And it was like, but this is like, it's hard because it's love and you're supposed like, this is what it is. Okay.
I've got it. Now that like I'm with Nick, I realized that no, love is like the easiest fucking thing.
It should be the easiest thing in the world. Like it should be so easy to just be in love and love your person.
Yeah. Now we talk about lot too where it's just you know i'm a little older than natalie and i was just like and i've had a handful of relationships that didn't work out and i was just like you know you're you're my first partner i have where i don't feel like we compete in a way where i told that to my therapist once and she's like yeah i used to fight with my ex-husband over like who had a worse day oh my god you know what i'm saying like sometimes you have those people where it's like, I had a bad day.
It's like, well, I had an even worse day. Yeah.
It's like, yeah, I used to fight with my ex-husband over like who had a worse day. Oh my God.
You know what I'm saying?

Like sometimes you have those people where it's like, oh yeah.

It's like, well, I had an even worse day. Yeah.

Jeez.

I'm like, okay.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, and it's just like, but I took that for granted.

And back to like thinking love's hard or you have to have hard work where it's just like,

I had past partners where like, we had nothing in common.

Yeah.

Like everything was a debate, whether it was what we wanted to eat, what we wanted to watch, you know, what we wanted to do. And it's like, yes.
When people will say like, all you need is love. And I'm like, I don't know.
Like you need a lot more. It's so much easier.
It's also just a lot easier if you wake up and go, should we do this? And the other person's like, yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun, you know, because there's so many differences between Nally and I, but like, I've never had a partner where like every day is in a struggle figuring out the daily routinely things. And that is something that I learned.
I took away for granted in relationships because I wanted to romanticize. And like I said, I had that, these, these wonderful parents who are in love as role models and like kind of in different versions, we're all like, if we're not suffering through it, like maybe it's my like Catholic upbringing and like, you know, that shame of like suffering is good, but like, you know, and figuring out like, well, do I really need to feel this way to be in love, you know? And like, it really can be a lot easier if you're willing to wait for that right person and who kind of wakes up and feels like every day they're willing to choose and fight for this relationship, but not fight in a, like, I got to fight to save it, but like, I got to protect it.
Like, I want to wake up and connect with my partner in a lot of ways. Totally.
That's so true. Yeah.
A hundred percent. I totally, totally agree with that.
How is your heart? My heart is good. My heart is really good.
I feel very happy. I feel very, very loved in many areas of my life.
I feel like I just have a lot of great people around me. And yeah, just I feel very well supported, well protected.
And I feel good. Yeah.
Are we in love? Yes, I am. Have we, is this something that you are keeping private to kind of keep those boundaries like you were talking about earlier? Or is this something you're like, no, I want to share this part of my life with my fans? I've definitely kept it super private.
I mean, one for myself, but also because, you know, everyone in my life, like I chose to do

this. So like, this is like a thing that I'm willing to do every day, but the people in my

life have not chosen that. And I don't ever want to throw someone into something that they're not

comfortable with. And I'm honestly not comfortable with it either, but it's in the music.
Definitely.

I'd never stop myself from talking about it in music. And my music's very autobiographical.
So

you're bound to get things, songs that are about, you know, things that are going on in my life so yeah but i'm happy i'm very happy good good what does your child's future success look like to you a job they're passionate about traveling around the world or just being happy and comfortable whatever their journey you can help make it easier to achieve with a kid's investment account from fabric by gerber life by making a contribution to your child's future, you can help give them the means to pursue their dreams big and small. Fabric by Gerber Life was designed by parents for parents to make it easy to plan and manage your family's financial path.
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You know, we get to interview a lot of different types of really interesting people, artists like yourself, actors, even reality TV stars. And I always get fascinated by the fan bases and the relationships that the people we get to interview have.
And each fan base, fan, I always remind myself is short for fanatic. And we love even people who listen to our show.
I'm so grateful for our fans and the people who listen. But sometimes it can feel overwhelming.
You know, sometimes our fans, you know, want a lot from us, want our vulnerability, want us to share more than maybe we're comfortable with. There's toxicity in fan bases and things like that.
How do you balance that relationship with your fan bases? Not only just your fan bases, but just in the music in general because I have found that

the music industry they ride for their people you know and sometimes that will mean knocking someone else knocking someone else down and how do you manage that you know because you've you know you've had to experience stuff in the past with some really cool moments in your career being almost overshadowed by like fans,

maybe with the best of intentions, kind of not being as nice as they could be. Yeah.
Yeah. That's, that's really challenging.
And it was definitely way more challenging back then just because, you know, when you're young, you're like still forming your own opinion of yourself. And like we were talking about, you already have that imposter syndrome.
You're already, you know, going there, going up there or going into every day, already having those thoughts of, am I good enough? Can I do this? And then when you have like mass amounts of people telling you you're not, it's very hard to compartmentalize that and tell yourself, especially when you're still developing your own brain, that that's not valid or true. You know the truth in that somehow.
And yeah, it was really challenging. And I think that's the one, I don't really have regrets, but that is the one regret that I have, especially with the whole Grammy moment.
That's the one regret that I have is letting that ruin that for me because it did. I was going to ask you.
It did ruin it for me. time and i i just i felt the weight of that so hard and i felt guilty like i felt guilt for winning something that i had no control over i felt bad i felt guilty and like you almost started believing yeah i believed it things that they were saying and almost like like it felt wrong to appreciate the from a career standpoint like it must have must've been, I mean, I fantasized about winning awards.
I, like, you know, I wouldn't even be in a position to win because I don't have the ability to win them. And, you know, no, you know, there will be a podcast award or something.
Sure. It's like, I will win an Oscar.
Here you are winning a Grammy and to not be able to really soak in that moment is sad. I know.
It really sucked. It really.
Yeah. And I think it's also there was an element of like almost like I knew it, too, because I was like on the cover of this magazine the year before where it was like, you know, they did this thing where it was like potential winners or like breakthrough artists or whatever the year before.
And so I asked to not be submitted the next year because I was like people are gonna say that i'm not new Because I was like on the magazine cover last year and I was like, I don't want that and there were so many Other talented people. I remember being like I don't want to be submitted I don't even want this because I feel like people are going to be mad and then I got submitted anyway And then I won and then so there was an element of like I knew it And I just let it get to me and I just wish that didn't.
I wish I just went up there and enjoyed myself and just didn't say anything because I like posted something about it. I felt like I needed to apologize even though I didn't do anything wrong, you know? So that's, yeah, that's the one regret that I have is not, not taking in that moment because you don't know if you're going to get one of those things again, right? Like that's just such a once in a lifetime thing for so many people.
I didn't think I'd get it once, let alone that ever happening again. So I don't know if there will ever be a do-over.
And so I just wish that I just would have soaked in it. Are you able to appreciate it more now? Or is it always kind of been, or is that memory of that difficult time? I mean, the honor itself is still incredible.
And I try really hard to focus on that. But I think the memories of that time when I look back rather than being exciting or like kind of sad and are a little tainted, but I try to just like focus on, you know, the moment before all of that and like how good it felt when they said my name.
It's tough. Yeah.
Cause the internet, man, when the internet comes for you, it feels so overwhelming and they never let you forget it you'd think that they would let it go i still get like tweets about it today of like we'll never forget like you took this award from this person and it's just like i had no fucking control over it yeah like i don't know what i did and it's tricky with that one too and i find that there's so much discourse on best new artist because the people will say, well, that person's not new, but it's not about being a brand new artist. It's not like this person decided to be an artist yesterday and then they won the award.
I always thought they should call it like best breakthrough artist, you know, rather than best new artist. That would take away a lot of that discourse.
Yeah, because everybody who's been nominated has been an artist for years, you know? Natalie is well more versed in music in general. Like, it's a much more her thing.
Well, not even that. Like, she can listen to a song once or twice and know all the words to a song.
Like, she really connects with the lyrics. Like, it's really impressive.
And I'm definitely more like, you know, top 40s where it's just like, once it goes, you know, because I think there are different types of music fans, right? Of course. You know, like to your point where it's just like, you'll have fans that are like, they're there from the ground up.
Like they are waiting for any type of preview, any type of early release or drop. And then there's fans like me, like when it becomes more mainstream and I start listening to it where, and I think the music business is more, you know, tailored to that.
So like when you're winning that best new artist, there's probably a hand, a lot of fans who are like, who have been enjoying the music for a while, have been listening or have been paying attention and for, and to them, it doesn't feel new. Yeah, exactly.
But to the majority, the masses, it's, yeah, it's, it's best new art, you know, it's like, yeah yeah, she's new. I just started hearing this.
I really started just enjoying her music. And so it is kind of fascinating that way.
Yeah, so it is strange. And it's like, listen, nobody who decided to be an artist the day before or like a couple weeks before is going to be at the Grammys.
There's so much work that goes into it. You have to be an artist for years.
And it's just like, what is classified as like a real artist? Is it when you make it to top 40? So that's why I always thought they should just change it to like best breakthrough. Cause it's like, yeah, you've been an artist for a while and you've had a great, you had a big year.
This was your year where you broke through and you know, the general public now knows who you are and celebrates you. So yeah, it's just interesting.
It's just so weird, all the politics and dynamics of it, But I do appreciate it, I think, more now, now that I'm more removed. And was that part of maybe the little hiatus that made you fall out of love with the industry? Probably contributed to it.
Yeah. I wouldn't say it's like in any way directly the reason, because I still continued on a couple of years after that to tour.
And I was very happy with things after that, but it probably contributed.'s just like it just doesn't make you feel good. A lot of this industry doesn't make you feel good.
I don't think it's meant to. Like, I think it's like designed to not make you feel good about yourself or something.
It's very strange so that you kind of, I guess, keep going or keep trying to be better. So, yeah, it's very challenging.
I feel like that scenario has unfortunately happened several times to a lot of artists. Is that something that you've been able to connect with anyone about or have any sort of like relatability with anyone? I mean, probably not as much as I would like to.
I don't really, I talked to like a few artists. I have a few friends who are also artists and I've spoken with them a little bit about it, but I never really had any like mentors going into this or any people that I could really, really bond with.
And I think that was just a result of me not really going to many places. I don't live in the States, so it's just hard to connect with people.
So I think that was an element to it too, where I didn't really have many people to speak to. And a few artists did reach out to me that night and were very kind, but you know, I've rarely had like in-depth conversations with other with peers and i would like to i just like i think i'm just removed from it a little bit and so it's hard to like connect you know we saw online last night you performed uh was a couple nights ago or was it last night it was oh my god when was it a couple was it? A couple nights ago.
Wednesday night, right? Yeah. Was that your first live performance in a while? Yes.
First live performance in two years. In terms of recording in the studio versus recording live in front of a crowd, do you have a preference? I mean, both are totally different.
And I love both for different reasons. I love the energy of a live crowd.
I love the fact that you can redo a take in the studio rather than when you're doing it live, you can't redo anything. A note's going to come out, how it's going to come out.
You might forget a lyric, but I think the adrenaline of that is really fun. And I enjoy the like, I don't know, the feeling that that gives me, but I think they're both totally different.
Like there's like a side to me that I just love being a writer. I love being like tucked away and, you know, cracking the code of a song is like the most gratifying feeling, but then it's just as gratifying to like see the results of that time put in and hear people like singing the words back.
It's very, it's so cool. So both, I guess.
And you'll be touring coming up? Yes. Yeah.
I just announced it yesterday. I'm going on a world tour, my first world tour on my own, which will be so fun.
I'm going australia asia north america um europe so so many places i've never been and more excitement than nerves surrounding that i think so i think more excitement yeah i mean i'll probably be nervous the first few shows but then once i get like the set list down and we kind of get it in our bodies i think we'll be you know ready do you have any like uh pre-show rituals that you used to do or i do i actually have the same one and it's literally we just get in a circle we say like words of wisdom and then we say pre-show ritual because we didn't have a ritual so we just first our my first night ever performing i was like i don't have a ritual and they were calling us on stage and i was like okay pre-show ritual and that show went great and so i'm just a very superstitious person so now for the last 10 years that's been my pre-show ritual i just say pre-show ritual 1-800 with logic was a crazy important part of culture i feel like that was i mean for someone who has experienced life in that realm you know i feel like that was huge for me how important was that that to you? And like, how did that even that collaboration become about?

Well, it came about, I think, 2018 or 2017. Logic and I were on the same label, Def Jam, and he just reached out to me and said, hey, I have this song that I think will be super important.
I love your message. I had released Scars Too Beautiful, which was another kind of socially conscious sort of song.
And so he thought I'd be good for it. And I loved it.
I thought it was like really touching and important. And so I wrote my verse and sent it to him and it kind of took off in a really beautiful, special way.
And that song is something that I always hold so dear to me just because of what it's done for people. And I still, you know, get people talking about it today.
And it means a lot to have just been a small part of that song because I think it's super necessary to have those discussions because it's such a real thing. And it's a huge thing.
You know, it's very present in the world. And I just don't know if it always gets talked about because of its subject matter.
I understand it's very dark, but I think these conversations are necessary. Yeah.
Yeah. To just let people know they're not alone.
Yeah. There's no answer to it.
Just that sense of comfort, you know, it's like that we're in the same boat feeling that that in itself is pacifying enough to get someone through something. You don't even need to give them like an answer.
It's just like, I'm here with you. I've been there before, you know, because I feel like that feeling of, you know, wanting to take your own life comes from a sense of aloneness.
For sure. It comes from a sense of like, I don't belong here.
I'm the only one who's feeling this. So, yeah, to put out this song and have these two huge celebrities, these two huge artists be like, we get you.
We see you. Like, here is the help that you can go to if you need this was like, was crazy important.
So I give you i give you big props for that that was huge and i remember the the performance at the mtv awards too like that was that was so crazy the lead too that was yeah yeah that was yeah i love that one of your favorite collabs i know you've you've written with john mayor um yes well he he played a solo on one of my songs yeah which is great on obvious actually i heard you singing Yeah, so yeah, that's on one of my songs. Yeah.
Which is on obvious, actually. I heard you singing.
Got the exclusive. Yeah.
So, yeah, that's definitely one of my favorites just because of, you know, what it's meant to people, you know. Yeah.
It's meant a lot to me to see that. And just knowing that it meant a lot to other people is like super special.
Have you fantasized about any other collab that you would want to do or you just kind of leave it open to the universe? To the universe? I mean, there's so many. John Mayer honestly was on my bucket list for so long.
So getting to do this song with him was like such a dream. And I was in the studio with him too, which I don't get to do very often.
I don't, you know, a lot of the times in this modern world, you kind of like, well, send a verse back or you kind of work remotely. But getting to watch him in the studio, like kind of figure out the puzzle pieces of that solo was so cool and he's incredible so that was a dream but there's so many others I mean I love like Stevie Nicks would be like this is like shooting for the stars like Stevie Nicks Stevie Wonder all the Stevie's I love both Stevie Nicks could be I can see you yeah the voices would be fun I love her yeah she of mine.
That'd be so cool. And when you were working with John, do you guys talk about, you know, cause you wrote this album.
He obviously does a lot of writing for his stuff. Do you guys not only talk about just the music in general, but the writing process? For sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's, he's been really, really cool to me. And I've, I've gathered so many little like gems, um, through our conversations about songwriting and about music that i've taken with me um you know he was like the first and only person who said you know like just like tell the story say the thing don't try to impress yourself as a writer which is so interesting because i do feel like when you're a writer you try to say the thing in the most interesting way and like how different? And you tend to overcomplicate things.
And him just saying, just say the thing, say, or I don't know if that's exactly how he said it. I'm probably butchering his beautiful words.
But yeah, he was like, just don't try to impress yourself, you know, just say it as it is. And oftentimes the simplest thing will be the thing that hits the most.
And I always take that with me. And it's so true.
Like, that's the stuff, the lyric that you think is like a throwaway like a throwaway or like oh maybe that's too simple is always the one that like gets to people in the core you know because you're talking you're speaking universally you're not just like

trying to do a magic trick you know with with your words you know you mentioned obvious is one of your

favorites on the album like what are some of the other like ones that you've gone back to and it

really connects with you or i mean you must love them all but for sure you have ones that are

That's one of my favorites. It's, like, one of those songs that just, like, fell out of all of us.
It was, like, we put a mic in the middle of the room. It was, you know, John Levine, Jake Torrey, and I on a few different instruments.
I had a mic, and we just looped this same few chords over and over again until the song just came out. There's like an hour recording somewhere of this time.
But yeah, it was one of those songs that just came out, and it was strictly intuitive, nothing analytical about it. And I think that's why it just feels really special.
So every time I listen to it, it just, I don't know. It just feels like it comes from a different place inside me.
I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, I love that song. Were you a guest host on RuPaul's Drag Race? Yes.
Yeah, Canada. So I didn't get to meet RuPaul, which was so sad, but I got to meet some incredible, incredible drag queens.
Are you a fan of the show? Like we, our audience loves pop culture, reality love reality tv oh you do yeah i do yeah i watch can we ask someone what are some of your favorites yeah i'm i love love is blind i'm a bachelor well i haven't watched the bachelor or bachelorette in quite a long time but around your era i watched it loved it what else do i think the new season of love is blind just came out i know i'm so no i'm so excited it's the most insane show ever i love it though um i'm trying to get into housewives i haven't i've never seen housewives before so i am like fully blank salt lake city that's what everybody says if you're gonna pick if you are gonna just start with one okay okay salt lake start with rihanna's favorite is that hers her favorite is all like okay i then And I have to yeah you have to um what else do i i watch just like a ton of reality tv i'm trying to think of other ones i'm blanking on everything could you do you think like the idea like love is blind the idea of falling in love with someone behind a screen i don't know about that yeah i mean hey maybe i feel like you can definitely connect with someone you know spiritually emotionally but let's be real i think attraction has to have like play a role right yeah right i don't know even just chemistry like you can't through a wall you can't feel that like chemistry you can't i don't know someone smile the way someone looks at you like those little nuances are important i think the most awkward moment of that show is when they propose and they're like, it's usually the woman standing there behind, like facing a screen and the guy's on a knee. I actually can't.
It's ridiculous, but I love it. I feel so uncomfortable.
I know, I almost can't watch, but I'm obsessed. I eat it up every time.
I love it. I feel like it's because the stakes are so high.
It's like, they're getting married. I know.
The only other thing would be like, okay, baby. Yeah, like it's the married thing.
The getting engaged before you see each other is crazy. I totally get like, that would be cool to be like, hey, can you, you want to be my girlfriend? Cool.
Like that would be sick. Because then there's no.
Let's go on a date. Yeah.
It's like the I'm in love with you. You're the love of my life.
Marry me without seeing them. And it's like only been two weeks or something, right don't think it's even that long we got lucky enough to we went and visited the set where they film the pods and we like uh our our daughter was like two or three months at a time and we did the we like did the like reveal walk out we kind of pretended that's a long walk so it's like you have some time to be like oh fuck I don't know if that's what I'm I get why like remember was it Chelsea when she ran oh Chelsea Chelsea oh yeah I would so run 100% I would have done the same because you don't realize how far it's gonna go I totally yeah and I just feel like can you even really get super super real if there's cameras well I guess you can attest to it if like are you able to even really let go when there's like a crew because i imagine there's a crew of people there no there is having not done love is blind but you're are you're you're surprised just how quickly you kind of forget about cameras and things really interesting i guess yeah i kind of it's such an intense environment? And like you really, if you are one of those people who like connects with someone, they do a good job of creating these environments that like make you think you have nothing else going on but this connection and you really have to protect it.
And you just, you kind of, you're really immersed into like an experiment. It's really fascinating.
That's very strange. Wow.
Interesting. in another life because i know obviously you have your career you have a relationship you're very happy about but like in another life if if there's a reality tv show concept that you think it would be fun to do if you were just like a contestant what what would what would that be oh my god certainly nothing with i would never do a dating show ever in a million years.
I would love, I mean, I've always loved survivor, but I don't think I would make it, but I low key would love to do survivor. Just like be on, I'm going to do those games.
I just don't feel like I have it in me to be like deceitful. Yeah.
I feel like I would just spill the beans or I wouldn't be, I don't have that. I found a shield.
Sorry. I don't know if I could do it, but I would love to do like survivor..
Are you watching Traders at all? Oh, I saw one. I saw the first episode recently.
Like a couple days ago. There's a lot of that.
It's like. Which I kind of love.
It was a good show. It's really good.
Like everyone knows it's a game, but there is a lot of like very like a la Survivor where you, like you have to be manipulative. I don't know.
And it's like this weird thing where you're like, I know it's only a game, but you're really good at that. And like, I think you can tell some characters are more nervous about playing the game than others.
Yeah, like you have it. Yeah, because then I feel like I'd psych myself out.
Like, why are you so good at this? And then, you know, I don't know. I don't know if I could do it, but that would be kind of fun to attempt.
But I feel like I'd get fooled by everyone. I'd be like easily convinced, I feel.
Or I'd be the opposite where I think everybody's lying to me so it'd be tough but i did see the first episode of season one i started fresh and it's really cool survivor i don't think i'm too picky of an eater oh yeah true true true you're not into like the you wouldn't like catch a fish in the ocean and get over your little campfire i think eating is literally a love language of mine like i'm i can be i'm particular but the things i enjoy eating like i love tasting food you know and like i i need to enjoy eating like i can't just eat for the sake of getting like calories yeah you have to enjoy it it's like mentally affects me if i'm not enjoying food i feel i actually yeah i never really thought, but I think I agree with you. Food is a love language.
Yeah, it is. Going back really quickly to your debut album, has it been the 10-year anniversary yet or not yet? Not quite yet.
I think in a couple months. In a couple months.
April? I think. March or April? April, yeah.
That's soon. I know.
That's soon. Do you have plans to celebrate that? I mean, I think I'm just going to be on tour.
Yeah. So I'll probably just be celebrating with the new album and maybe playing a couple songs from that record, which would be really cool.
I haven't thought about it in detail yet. I just can't believe it's coming up.
And it's coming so fast. That is crazy.
Yeah. I feel like I, I mean, obviously we all change throughout life.
We all make mistakes. We grow.
We learn. we have different seasons.
I honestly don't even relate to the person I was before I became a mom. Oh yeah.
So like, is there parts of you that still see yourself in your 18 year old self releasing that album? Or are you kind of like, I have just grown so much from who that person was? It's a bit of both. It's interesting.
Cause I'll, know, come across like an old interview or even just some of that old music. And like so much of that DNA is still in me.
Like I recognize who I'm looking at and who I'm hearing. And there's still things that I've taken with me, you know, just like my general personality, the default mechanisms that I have are still the same.
I think I'm just better at like dealing with them. I have more tools to figure out how to navigate them.
But there's also this other side to it where I'm just like, who is this person? Yeah. Even down to the way that I would talk, like, I feel like I had this like weird Toronto accent happening that I'm like, that I don't have anymore.
I'm like, who, why did I talk? Like, I used to talk like that. Like, I guess I've just spent so much time all over that I've lost it, but it's just so interesting.
interesting it's like you feel like you're looking at somebody else and some of those songs too like you know of course like you cringe a little bit because imagine like you know those videos that a lot of us made of like ourselves singing no i can't picture that but like that's your career and it's out in the public forever it's really bad like a lot of my my trial like my putting up a video you know for the world is like on an album and the way my voice sounded is like plastered there forever nothing's is embarrassing and it's going on reality tv and taking risks and and having that be on I don't know I think like filming yourself like dancing in front of your cousins and your mom to like get a sleepover that night you know it was like mom watch our routine we made up yeah and then like that being what the world is watching you know ever yeah that's it's very strange you're just like i don't know yeah i'm sure yeah because reality tv is like yeah i guess it's like you're literally putting all of you out there i guess with my first album it's like you know a portion of things and it's more tailored and there's more time and thought put in, but I imagine. Also, you were in like your 30s.
Like you don't have that. I mean, like.
That's even more embarrassing. I get it.
And it's also like relationships in real life, you know. You know, Alessia gets to be like, are you, you know, I was 18.
I'm like, I was 30. That's true.
That's true. Yeah.
I don't think it was embarrassing. I mean, I thought you were great.
I'm a little older were older so like a movie that like i made me connect with those reality tv moments is a movie called swingers do you remember that swingers yes yeah yeah and there's that that scene where he he meets the girl at the bar he gets home and he calls her and leaves her a voice note and he's just like going he's heartbroken over his other girlfriend and so then he calls her again and leaves another voicemail and kind of just spirals. And then she finally answers and she's like, don't ever call me again.
Like being on reality TV sometimes feels like I was in a scene like that, you know, where you like, yeah. Cause I think when it comes to love or relationships, I mean, I think we kind of easily forget, but like there, you know, if, if you've ever been heartbroken or if you've really gone through it, there's times where you remember where you're just like, I was like doing that or thinking that, or like I was really not my best self.
Like, you know, it is tough to watch your vulnerability back. For sure.
Yeah. I can imagine.
Yeah. It's like, I would not, if there were cameras on me during some of my most like down bad times, like I wouldn't want to watch that back.
I get it. It's like there's this moment captured where now you can look back with 20, 20 eyes and be like, I just so don't agree with that anymore.
But it's like they're encapsulated forever. Yeah, it's strange.
I mean, music must in its own way be. Feel that.
Yeah. Feel that vulnerability.
Probably in like a microcosmic way.

I feel what you're saying.

Yeah, because you're just some stuff you just don't identify with anymore.

Like you're writing songs about people about how like I'm so in love with you or like I need you.

And you're just like, no, that's not how I feel anymore.

But that's like moment lives there forever.

But at least you can look back and think like you didn't manipulate anyone.

You weren't a bad person. You just simply were being yourself and were being open and vulnerable and honest and you can't you can't be mad about that you know you're just like yeah i can't yeah i just i'm just i'm glad i have a wife has no that has no interest in watching it oh you've never seen it never seen it why would you want to right i know i'm like watching my husband like fall in love and kiss and like go on romantic dates with other women i think i'm okay i think i'm okay i'd rather actually skip it i'll watch the cliff notes i've seen the crazy like things that have happened on the seasons but i know we have to wrap up soon i do have a question about music videos is that something that you are just as passionate about or is that something because i feel like music videos have kind of obviously when MTV was they were all the rage it was everything and now they've kind of fallen off but I feel like they're kind of coming back in a way where artists are really putting their heart and soul into their music videos just as much as they did the songs and the album itself do you feel that same way or are you kind of like could do without um no I really I really I love I love visuals.
I feel like they've always been such an important and integral part of my music just because I grew up loving, you know, MTV and, you know, Canadian version much music. Hey, shout out much music.
You know, like I just grew up loving music videos and loving visuals and, you know, sifting through album booklets and looking at all the photos. It was something I loved.
And I know that there are still people out there who love that and like love to indulge in that. So I like to give that to them.
And just even for myself, I love building worlds around sounds, even if, you know, music videos nowadays are slowly becoming a bit more obsolete. Like you said, I do think they are coming back now with like so much social media.
People are always looking for a visual um even though maybe those visuals are a lot more quick not maybe three minutes long and maybe now they're more visualizers as they call them now but i do love i just love visuals i think they're important uh just to wrap things up obviously when you know we leave here it's valentine's day but i always love you know the saying celebrities are just like us but like when other than obviously you mentioned reality tv but what are your comforts in life when you are not making music when you're not working what are things that you know the normal things that you really enjoy doing that kind of make you feel like home make you feel connected just like really give you peace of mind there's a few things honestly it's it's truly as simple as just like walking around my neighborhood going to the same coffee shop every day what's your order an oat milk latte an iced oat milk latte no matter what the weather iced iced oat milk latte i'm the opposite it can be 95 degrees i'm getting a hot coffee really oh my god isn't that terrible you can feel it going down your chest when it's like i'll be like sweating it's humid and i'm just like oh my god no i'm the complete opposite but yeah like i've always had that dream of like going into a coffee shop and then knowing my name and knowing my order and that sense of normal and knowing it because of you coming in not because you are who you are yeah exactly like knowing it because i go in and knowing my order because i'm there and i'm living, you know, a similar day every day and I'm waking up in the same bed. Like those little moments, that sense of stability and normalcy really, really helped me in my life.
And I love that. It just feels like home.
And now I have a sense of home to go back to. And that routine, you know, walking my dog, things like that just really, really are so crucial and helpful just in my like psyche and my ability to feel good about things and feel relaxed and comfortable you know wow that's i love that um i know you have to go but i just want to congratulate you on the new release the new album love and hyperbole out valentine's day but when this comes out it'll be out available for people out now um thank you for taking the time congratulations on the album all the success it's

a really exciting for you it's a it's a beautiful album we really enjoy it and i know uh your fans

will as well so really appreciate it and thank you for your time thank you guys for your time

thank you yeah thank you guys for listening i hope you enjoyed this check out the album