E915 – Going Deeper with Ally Lewber

you're crazy ali welcome to the vile files thank you hi guys we're so excited it's been i know such a long time coming i know i miss you it is yeah it was a long time coming we've talked a lot about you coming on the show yeah we just obviously thought it'd be in different contexts than yeah we are here today i thought there'd maybe be someone else next to me yeah yeah he didn't seem to let that down no no no yeah he definitely he's not a podcast person yeah i don't think it would have happened to be honest well thank god for us i always kind of took you mean listen i get podcasting in general can be a little nerve wracking it is a long form you know and things like that but i always sometimes my spidey senses sometimes go up a little bit when people really seem to be afraid yeah having like a conversation about like themselves or their lives and things like that. And I always kind of got that sense from James that there was a reason why he didn't really want to come on and do a podcast.
It wasn't like a desire to like not have attention or anything like that or or notoriety it just seemed like maybe yeah you know he didn't want just to go deep i know he would always say like well i don't really want like if we're not filming why would i i don't really want to go and like talk about everyone or like have to keep all the drama going so like that was always what he would say but yeah i just think that i don't know maybe podcasting he it just

yeah he wouldn't be very comfortable doing it well we are excited to have you thank you uh and excited to talk about everything that is you and get to know you obviously because you know like i think a lot of times people know you as james's girlfriend people know there's a lot more to you. There's a lot more to you than obviously that.
But I think we've always been very interested in getting to know you, especially even on the show. On the show, you kind of presented as this kind of very demure, very sweet person.
Thank you. Gorgeous.
Funny. Wonderful.
Silly. But as we got to know you, you really did this you seem to be someone who maybe was the best version of james you know and like i i think at times whatever growth i i saw in james because for me i didn't really get into vanderpump until scandavall like many other people yeah i've gone back and watched a lot of the ill episodes and things like that okay yeah yeah i watched one this morning i'll ask you about later but yeah so it did seem like james had started to make some progress and the last time we saw you uh was that that night and i remember having a conversation with james really just about like man i was like almost like you know didn't know you then.
I've certainly heard things about your reputation, but you really seemed like you had made some progress. And I kind of always attributed that progress a lot to you.
Oh, well, thank you. Yeah, I know.
It's difficult. I feel like a lot of people say that and it's sweet.
I do think that we both brought out the best in each other, obviously at times. He really helped me feel like confident and he really believed in me and helped me like, you know, honestly pursue astrology and like kind of just, he's such a dreamer, you know, that was like one of the things that really drew me to him in the beginning.
But yeah, it was crazy, right? Like, I mean, he was really at the top of his his game like he was really the dj residency like everything was going so well vanderpump was over but somehow he was ending on a high note yeah yeah yeah it was hard to do right yeah it was such a good we were yeah and then everything yeah yeah so how do you what's your comfort level obviously we want to talk about that night and get a little glimpse into that relationship but like do you want to warm up into it do you want to get right into it and then just get right in and then push it away and then forget about it yeah yeah yeah that she wanted to do that that one okay all right i mean that night so wait when you guys were talking to him so because i was working at that event Kathy Helton's party. I mean, that night.
So wait, when you guys were talking to him.

So because I was working at that event, Kathy Hilton's party.

I was there with DirecTV. Yeah.

I was there to do Kathy Hilton's birth chart.

So for like the first two hours before, I mean, I hadn't even seen James, right?

Like I was working and then I wrap.

I come out.

I'm finished.

I'm like excited to see him.

And now we know like during that time he had been like sneaking and going up to the bar and like ordering drinks. James is the person where he can have one drink and you can like immediately tell, like it's pretty obvious.
And I kind of knew something. I was like, you're being a lot, like you're being kind of like you're giving drunk tapes right now.
Like, are you know, got through the party and everything was fine had he been sober he had been I uh to your knowledge to my knowledge but no he wasn't so then later I found out like after everything that he was drinking behind my back for like a while oh wow yeah yeah at least a few months like that I know of so that was like a whole other like side of everything, too, where I'm like, OK, there's no trust then, you know. Right.
So that was a whole thing also. And then that's when when we got in the Uber on the way back home.
That's when I was like, you're drunk. And then he's like, no, I'm not.
You're drunk. And I'm like, no, you're drunk.
And it was just. Yeah.
Then everything everything escalated all we really know as like the public is that uh neighbors heard a disturbance called the police the police showed up we have the police report that said that there was uh it didn't name you yeah um so for i think a long time we were like allegedly ally because we didn't know but um it said that a female had been picked up and thrown to the ground um and that's kind of all we know of that night yeah so what happened outside of your house honestly it was just such a it was just such an upsetting night like we were my friend was also there and it was all of us just really fighting and yelling at each other. I wasn't hurt.
I do know that. I don't know who called the cops, but I know they obviously showed up and then they like assessed the situation themselves.
I did not press charges. I was not hurt.
And moving like forward from that night, I definitely now look back and I see things from a different perspective, you know, where like, obviously that night I was just so upset about the lying and the drinking and like, you know, I, in my head, I was like, well, we're already done because you've betrayed my trust, you know? And he also knew that I already had told him before, like, Hey, if you drink again, that's a non-negotiable for me, for this relationship. And when you say you weren't hurt, just to clarify, was there any moment in that night where you or I guess anyone else who might have been present, like felt like he was getting physically aggressive with you? Like where did, whether it's a disconnect or perception of the situation that escalated into his arrest? Honestly, not physically, but verbal, manic, just really, really loud and intense and just sporadic behavior where it's like, you don't really know what this person is capable of or going to do.
It's not necessarily like a safe feeling. But that's, again, like that's just why with that relationship, like looking back now, like just the eggshell, like walking on eggshells in that relationship because you never know what's going to trigger him.
That was like the hardest part, which now that I'm like out of that relationship, I'm like, oh, this is what it's like to have like a normal. Yeah.
My nervous system is like regulated. I'm like, oh.
Was there part of you that maybe it was that night, maybe it was throughout the relationship that ever felt a feeling of being scared? Yeah, I think that I don't know if I like felt scared to the point where I felt like he was like I was unsafe but to the point where I'm like this isn't I don't know I feel like sometimes like in the moment at least I thought that I could like regulate him or control him or like help calm him down so I felt like I kind of took on that role of like, it's okay. Like, calm down.
Like everything will be all right. And that's not healthy.
I don't think you shouldn't have to like regulate someone. No.
Right. No.
Yeah. You know, it's so tough in relationships.
I think all of us, you know, if you have a past with relationships, you've had your heart broken, if you've been in long-term relationships, whether it's, you know, maybe something as toxic as, you know, maybe the behavior James has displayed or whatever. You know, like we've all been in relationships where, you know, we accept people for who they are.
You know, we realize no one's perfect. We know we're not perfect.
So we get into a relationship and there's always this like, I'm not asking you to be perfect because you're not perfect and I can help you and we want to help each other. And then, and then we kind of maybe learn a little bit more about our partners.
And then there's that tough mental gymnastics of being like, wait, is this, is this behavior okay? Or do I just need to be there for my partner? And then, you know, in James's case, James's case, for me, I became more aware of James Kennedy, the character, his reputation, as I became more a fan of the show, you go back and watch old episodes. And then people from the past, Kristen Doty has been very outspoken.
Even Raquel has been outspoken. And, you know, like people like Kristen or Raquel have their own baggage.
They have their own history of behaviors that, you know, at times people have used against them in terms of, I don't know if we should believe this person because they've done X, Y, or Z and, or they're, you know, Raquel, like there's, there's a history of being dishonest there with her and stuff like that. With all of

the speculation regarding James's past behavior with women, is that something that you struggled with in the relationship with James, just trying to figure out who's telling the truth versus like, hey, I need to be there for my man type of thing. Is that kind of like the hindsight to 2020 that you're speaking about? Yeah, that was really difficult in the beginning.
I mean, heck, even now where, you know, this was just back in December. And obviously, I got out of that relationship.
But it's not like I just left and it was easy. It wasn't.
And I felt really guilty. Like, oh, well, now he's going to AA and like, he does have alcoholism.
So like, do I need to be there for him and support him? Like, no. But like at that moment, I didn't know that I felt really bad and guilty.
I'm really grateful for like my mom and just my support system in L.A. because I don't know if I would have been strong enough to leave and to stay away.
Honestly, like I don't know if I would have been or not so like I feel like that's another point too is just like and if you're ever in like a relationship like that or something like in a weird way I'm kind of grateful almost that it was so public because it allowed it was like out there and then my friends and family were able to really like you know it's like you had strangers kind of holding you accountable to like not go back. Yeah, which sounds crazy.
Had there been episodes or events in the past with James that almost felt similar to this event that weren't public, that he was able to talk you out of maybe making different choices? Yeah. Yeah, there were a few.
I mean few I mean and I think again like even you know sometimes my friends would witness him just acting kind of you know a little manic I would say I don't know if that's like the right word to use I'm not like putting a disorder on him or anything but just that behavior where it's just unpredictable you're're like, okay, where is this coming from?

And like, how do we stop it immediately?

Yeah.

So there were moments like that.

And yeah, like looking back,

and that's kind of why too,

like he knew how I felt about him drinking

because like that's usually what would

kind of spark that behavior.

So he knew like I wouldn't put up with him drinking again you think that's why he hid it for yeah as long as he did totally yep and then even i mean he's a dj right so like he's traveling on the weekends i'm not always there and then he's at these events and djing and drinking and then we he would like always go back to the hotel and we would like facetime and chat and he would be like i could just tell sometimes i'd be like you drink and then he'd be like no i didn't you always think that i'm i'm drunk when it was you you're drinking kind of like gaslighting in a way was there ever a part of you that when he was away and you weren't with him and he was djing and y'all would facetime and you would realize that he was drunk was there ever a part of you that was a little grateful you weren't with him and he was DJing and y'all would FaceTime and you would realize that he was drunk. Was there ever a part of you that was a little grateful you weren't with him? Ooh.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But I also never actually thought he was drinking.
I would like, he was really good at like, yeah. Like I'd be like, oh, of course you're not drunk.
I'm so sorry. Like that's so fucked up of me to think that.
So then like looking back and after all of this, I'd be like, okay, Halloween, when we went to, sir, were you drinking? He's like, yeah. It's like, okay.
It's like I was going back to these dates and kind of asking. And I'm not even mad at him for that.
It sucks. Like, you know what I mean? It's, he wishes that we were still together.

He wishes, I'm sure that he didn't do all of that.

You know what I mean? It's like, I don't blame him.

I'm not mad at him.

It's just the way that it has to be now, you know?

Yeah.

Obviously you mentioned that night you weren't hurt.

He didn't pick you up and throw you.

Right.

But like I said before, you know, and then when that all came out, I remember almost

feeling kind of foolish and like not knowing what the truth is, you know. We saw the police reports.
I had a little bit of guilt because I felt like I had pumped up James and I had talked about on this show about like, man, he really turned a corner, like watching old episodes. Yeah, like sure, he's done some things and he's said some things, but I see the growth.
You want to recognize that a little bit. And then we saw the police report.

Yeah. But looking back now on your relationship, and I'm sure you've...
because of her reputation and what seemed to be her propensity for not telling the truth.

Yeah.

But looking back now on your relationship, and I'm sure you've asked James about some of these people's comments, but do you believe, knowing what you know about James, and now that you're out of this relationship and you can see it with a clearer lens, Do you believe Kristen Doty or Rachel when it comes to their accusations towards James and him being physical towards them? I want to say it's so hard because James has been in my ear, not now, but for our relationship, obviously. And I've heard a lot from the rest of the cast.
Mutually, that was just a very toxic relationship on both parties. So I don't really want to say anything, but I will say that and I have to say this, but also like it's true, but like I always will believe women and I do feel kind of guilty or bad.
And I shouldn't, I'm not going to take that on myself, but you know, sometimes it is like, oh, they were right. Or like, oh, these people saying all these things about James's behavior.
But sometimes I think you have to just really figure it out for yourself. It's like, you kind of just have to, I don't have any regrets.
And James, at the end of the day, he is a great person. He has great, great qualities.

And he's wounded. Tried to fix that.
Speaking of going back and watching old episodes, I was literally watching an episode this morning because we were recapping it. And it was another example of James.
He was talking about Kristen. He was in a relationship with Rachel.
It's just like to hear him say some of the things he says about women towards women is a bit jarring. And I think, I don't know, maybe it was because it was back in 2016 or different times.
I don't know. You watch it back and it's just like, it's alarming.
No, it's disgusting. Yeah.
It's alarming for sure. How did you, when you got into this relationship, did you have conversations with him about that? Did he, like, what was his excuse or reasons? And do you feel like he has a warped sense, you know, or an opinion about women or towards women that you feel like needs some growth? I honestly don't think it's women.
I think because we've seen him act that way to men too. And to like, to like Max Vanderpump, Lisa's son, I think that he again is just wounded and like hurt people, hurt people.
And I think that he does not know how to process his emotions in a healthy way. And so it just, he's a verbal attacker.
Like he cuts deep. So it's less about having a lesser opinion of women.
He just, you know. He's a child.
He needs to learn how to, yeah, process his emotions. And he's aware of that.
That's like, you know, he is aware of it. What do you mean? Like we've talked a lot about it, you know, in our relationship, obviously.
And just he knows that he's got a mouth. He's mouthy.
And he would always kind of joke like, oh, with British humor. But he just, yeah.
I mean, it's never okay. Like the things, even the word, like he would always use the word fat.
And like the way that I was raised, it was just like, you just don't use that word. And so he knew that I had a lot of, I'm like, James, you can't can't say that so again I feel like I would just take on this role as like almost being like that's not correct behavior but like this is crazy like looking back now yeah it's kind of it's crazy I don't know you see a side of him at least I did especially in the beginning super charming sweet creative hilarious you're laughing he's such a like attentive partner all of those qualities are just so powerful so it's like i know who i fell in love with i know who i was in love with i don't have regrets like i was fully like invested in that relationship but it's hard to pay attention to like what when the 10 percent is like bad but 90 is good yeah it's hard yeah it's hard yeah did he ever say anything to you along the lines of like you'll never be anything without me because i know kristin kind of said that that was what he threw at her a lot um here's the thing i'm sure when he was drunk he would say mean things i was really good and i'm just saying this from like i don't know why but like nothing he would ever say would get to me because i knew that i'm like you're just like being a dick and you're drunk and like you know what i mean i'm like you're just wounded but yeah again it's like don't know.
That's a hard, that's a hard mentality to have. I applaud you for that.
No, I don't. I don't know.
I think I would just be like, why? You know, it's kind of like, maybe that's why I stayed so long too, because it's like one of those things where I'm like, I'll just throw it right back at you. You know what I mean? Like we kind of were, even my friends would be like, well, you're really good at putting him back in his place, which like, that's not great.
Like, that's okay. Yeah.
That was great for the time being, but you don't really want a partner that you can like match that energy with. Not that I was matching his energy, but like, I, I would be like, that's.
It shouldn't ever have to get to that. Exactly.
Yeah. It's a very difficult position that you were in to, yeah, to, to not want to see the best in your partner yeah you know and i don't know what people are thinking who are listening but you know it's people can be very critical of people in your position whether it's for staying or maybe sounding like you're defending his actions and things like that but it's it's much more difficult when you're in that situation to see it the way, you know, how I might see it if I was watching a conversation or a fight between the two of you.
What have you learned about yourself specifically around selecting your next partner? And maybe just certain behaviors, like you talked about non-negotiables, have your non-negotiables changed in terms of, um, yeah, accepting certain behaviors and finding that balance between, yeah, like I want to help you, but like, I can't, I can't look the other way with X, Y, or Z. I think too of like, uh, the feeling of love, like when you're in it and like not saying that he was love bombing me because his actions always followed.
And like, you know, we were in love, but it happened so quickly. Like we moved in together right away.
We were like going to Tulum, like the second week of knowing each other. That's crazy.
Like I'm a Capricorn. Like I wouldn't do that.
Usually I, I thought I was crazy, but there's this, you know, when you're in love, you're like, okay, I'm just going to ride the wave. Like this feels right.
This feels so fun. But I think now being on the other side of it, like having just a healthier kind of view of like the way that love should escalate and how it should play out.
It doesn't need to feel like so cosmic.

I think a lot of people in your shoes,

especially people who have or are in relationships with addicts

or people who abuse substances,

the challenge obviously for them

is hope in the sense.

I know.

Because if you can,

and not from an alcoholic standpoint,

but like for different, you know,

for me it was like if in relationships, if like if I can identify a problem and I can fix the problem.

Right.

So whether the problem's me, whether the problem's a partner or the problem's us, it was like, I just have to find a problem and I can fix the problem. And I feel like with people who suffer from substance abuse for their partners, there's always hope because there's always a chance that this

big problem that seems to be the center of all the problems could get fixed. Yep.
Now that James is seemingly back in recovery, seemingly sober and seemingly doing the work, Yeah.

Do you feel like you're at risk of one day him knocking on your door and claiming he's a new changed man who's been sober for a period of time but this time it really has stuck and it would be you know it would it would it would be hard for anyone who who loved that person to see and especially like the last thing we want like to find that person you loved and you accepted them at their worst has now i know is now better and you don't get to enjoy right the better you know it's like that those that mental fuck up you know like how so how do you deal with that or that potential and have you about that? It's so funny you say that because I remember also when we started dating, like talking to Raquel and being like, thank you. Because like, I'm sorry that you didn't get this version, but like, thank you for helping him.
Like, it's kind of weird how just, I don't know, the pattern. You know, I honestly do have so much love for James that I want him to genuinely heal and get better.
And I want him to find love. Like I really do.
And I don't think that that will be with me. I feel like there's just been too much that's gone down.
I think I would always just be on edge or like wondering what if, you know, and it's hard because I would love to support him and do that, but just can't yeah yeah but that's i haven't really thought about that to be honest yeah it's scary right just because we hope is hope can be a great thing but sometimes when it comes to relationships we yeah we invest way too much in hope and we don't see i always ask people like what was like what do do that makes you happy? And then people be like, uh, you know, it's just like, but they're so funny. And I, I really like it when they do this, but like, they don't really think about how that person day in and day out makes them feel like what's your normal resting emotion in this relationship, anxiousness, like on edge, you know, and things like that.
That's what's so hard. My therapist has been incredible because I was telling her like, after all of this happened, I was like, I'm just so confused because I didn't realize at the time, I was like, I literally thought that our life was like a fairy tale.
Like I loved it. I loved our house.
I loved hippie. I like everything was great.
Our, both of our careers, like it was just perfect. And I was like, it was so great.
And was so great and she was like ali no it wasn't he was lying to you so like it wasn't real and i was like shit whoa um so it did take me a while to almost have to like really remove myself and like to see clearly again yeah it's tough too because then you're like well i have to wait i have to say goodbye to a life too you know like, I don't, like, fine, I don't want them, but what about my life? No, literally, I'm like, but Hippie, yeah. And is Hippie with you now? No, Hippie is with James, but it's okay.
You have your cats. I have my cats.
I have Mr. Banks and Bodie.
I've been sleeping with the stuffed golden doodle. It was Hippie's little golden doodle and they literally like, so I took that with me.
But he's with james and hippie is great i like james and that dog are literally soulmates like i honestly like if anything great from that relationship i mean a lot of great things have come from it but like him getting hippie back and like that whole story like he is a great dog dad and i will trust me i would not let hippie be in a position where he. Like, he's good.
I heard something about that James is back DJing now or on tour. Yeah.
Yeah. He's, I believe that he, I don't know if he got his residency back or if he's just, but I know he played at Live Again.
And I'm happy. I want him to, I don't know.
I mean, from a word, yeah, I get what you're saying. But like, and and i guess it's maybe none of our business but you certainly have the right to have an opinion about that relationship yeah from an outsider point of view it seems a bit quick i understand it's his career i understand people have to make a living but like that is a lifestyle that makes it very difficult oh in that regard yeah yeah that's a triggering environment it's like someone who's so you know and i guess for me you know it's just like again you know yeah his history with raquel kristin you know obviously with you it's like this is a man who and my biggest criticism of him has been he seems to blame it all on the alcohol you know all of his problems are wrapped up in his sobriety or lack thereof.
And I've kind of been very critical of that, but it's like, all right, fine. But if that's the case, gee whiz, it sure seems a little quick that you're back out there dropping beats and we're supposed to think that you're ready to do this when in the past you have claimed to be sober, you've lied about being sober, you've relapsed multiple times.
He's like a broken record. Do you think that's a fair criticism that I have or other people have questioning, once again, just how genuine is this person about changing his ways? I mean, that's exactly why I can't be with him, right? Because I don't know.
Because I won't know. We won't know until he proves it.
I hope that he is. From what I've seen, he has been going to AA.
He has a support system around him that are also sober. So I just hope that he stays on that path.
I know that he loves DJing more than anything in the world. Like he will move to Ibiza if he has to and just like play music on the beach.
You know what I mean? Like that is what he, I believe is meant to do. So he'll figure it out.
But I, yeah, I hope it's not triggering for him, but not my problem. Are you guys in no contact at all? Not contact but we don't really we don't talk but like yesterday i was like hey uh i just canceled hippies i was i it was like a whole brand deal thing and i was on the count and i was like canceled that so like you need to reorder his food and he was like okay thanks are you at all nervous about what he's going to think about you doing this interview? Because I've been very critical of him.
A little nervous about that. Yeah.
And nervous in what way though? I just know that he's not going to be happy, but yeah. Not your problem.
Not your problem. Right.
Is that tough to believe? I just feel a little like, I don't know. I think he has strong feelings about things but yeah it's not does he want you to just not talk about the relationship the flaws the imperfection probably he just doesn't want any of that kind of aired out but even when we were together he never really wanted us to do podcasts and things.
Yeah. So I don't know.
I think that he, when he listens to, I mean, I'm saying the truth and like everything that he already knows too. I mean, I think honestly, you're being very gracious.
Thank you. You're being honest, but there's a clear sense that you care about this man.
And there's a clear sense that you're not trying to kick him while he's down or just shit on him to benefit yourself i mean yeah you know we obviously wanted to have you on and we wanted to talk about this but it's not like you were knocking on our door and trying to be like oh i got a story to tell now you like you're you've been incredibly gracious and honestly incredibly protective of him i i hope he actually sees that and appreciates that because to nally's point like you were in this relationship and you have a story to tell and you kind of have been living in a shadow you know yeah yeah that's crazy he was with me so the night before like that night that everything happened to like that week was such a high and obviously such a low. I had three of my biggest job opportunities like ever, obviously doing Kathy Holtensburg chart for the party.
And then for Starstruck for my podcast, we filmed the very first episode the night before Kathy's party with James, obviously like he was going to be my first guest. So like, that was so exciting.
And then the Kathy thing, and then to just and then I had something else the next day. And then to just have also like the astrology of December, I was telling James, like leading up to it, I was like, hey, the astrology for both of us is really bad for December.
So like, if we're meant to be together, we will make it through December. And if not, we won't.
I gave him so many warnings. Guys, literally, I was like.
You really told him that? Yeah. Yeah.
That's crazy. Yeah.
And my friends knew too. My makeup artist Anais was with me for those nights because I had so many events going on.
She was like, Ali, like the next day she was like, well, actually, she didn't know about it until the world did because i didn't say anything but she was like texting me like that's crazy you literally called that because i didn't know what was gonna happen but i just knew that like the astrology was crazy it was all happening in my seventh house which is the house of relationships and in his tenth house which is like I was telling him too, like, hey, be on your best behavior. Damn.
That's crazy. That's crazy.
Did he ever in his manic states verbally threaten you at all? No, it was more of just like insults. That tracks.
Yeah. Like if we've seen it on TV.
Exactly. You've experienced that.
You've you've experienced it yeah did it almost make it less bad in your head because you had seen it on tv in a weird way does that make sense that does make sense and yeah yeah because there's this uh he's done it before i've seen him do it before where like if you don't see that like even for like Raquel I mean she saw it with Kristen but like from Kristen's perspective yeah that had to have been harder because it's like she doesn't know that like to her like it's her problem like he's lashing out at her but it's like okay this has been such a pattern of this man this boy so like okay this. Like, you know, I don't take it personally.
I was in a very abusive relationship, different from yours. It was very physical and would get verbal at times.
But it occurred mostly when he was on some sort of of drug or alcohol or whatever it may be, but not all the time. And there was a lot of the like morning after of the apologies and the love bombing and the promises and all of those things, which ultimately did leave lead me to stay every single time.
And the only reason that I was able to finally get out of this relationship was that it had gotten so bad, police were called. And I think when police are called, it's kind of a wake up call.
You know, it makes things seem very real. Yeah.
Because a lot of the time it was like,

what I'm doing is making him do this to me. Like, it's my problem.
I, you know, if I fix this,

then this won't happen anymore. And then when police show up, it's like, oh, wait, no.
Like,

what he's doing is illegal. Totally.
He can be arrested. Yeah.
And so I am so grateful that

police showed up that day to save me from that relationship is there a part of you that is like grateful that the police showed up that day yep yeah i do i agree with you i think that it would have just the cycle would have continued i already know that it did i had an event the next day woke up all my friends were like oh where'm like, oh, he has food poisoning. No, he was in an AA meeting.
And I felt so guilty. But the things that we do to protect them because we feel bad is crazy.
I think there's also a sense of embarrassment almost of like, I wasn't raised to let a man treat me this way.

Yep.

Single mother.

I know you're very close with your mom too.

Single mom.

Like, yeah.

So that's just.

Yeah.

And so it was like I had all these people telling me like I don't get weird vibes from

him.

I don't like the way he says certain things to you.

Like maybe he's not your person.

And it would like lead me into him harder.

Yeah.

Because I think I was embarrassed to like finally admit that I was allowing this to to you like maybe he's not your person and it would like lead me into him harder yeah because

I think I was embarrassed to like finally admit that I was allowing this to to happen to me so yeah relatable it's it's crazy and being on the other side I feel like I mean I'm still it's only been what three months but there's still like so much that I need to process and still so much where I'm like, oh, that was abusive behavior. Like that's not okay.
So it's being on the other side, it does feel freeing for sure. And I am grateful that that happened because it is, yeah, I think I probably would have stayed.
And then the cycle continues. Yeah, it does.
Do you think James has acknowledged or accepted that in addition to getting sober and working on his sobriety that he has some other work to do with regards to his treatment towards women or how he handles himself in relationship that like you said i mean there's all there's all different forms of abuse you know and obviously the physical is maybe often the most damaging and most dangerous. But do you think he acknowledges that or sees that? I don't know.
I really don't know. I hope so.
I mean, I always said, too, like the alcohol, like the substances would bring out this monster. But like there's that's still within you.
So like you need to do

deeper work. And I always was trying to get him into therapy.
He would go for a couple weeks and

then get too busy. And then, you know, life was great again for a month.
And it was just always,

yeah, I was always like, there's something deeper. I would always try to get him like to

get a brain scan or to like go get tested. And I think that I do think he, I know he did a program

Thank you. always like there's something deeper.
I would always try to get him like to get a brain scan or to like go get tested. And I think that I do think he I know he did a program.
I forget what it's called, but it's basically where like boys become men where he like went camping, which I'm sorry, it's just so funny. I'm like James camping is he has to sleep with like a Four Seasons pillow.
It's just really funny. But so he he's putting in work, but like I don't know if he I don't know.
So your mom came to get you that night or the morning after? It was like a few days after. Yeah.
OK. What was that kind of conversation like with your mom? Basically, like, well, well, it was around Christmas.
So they were actually going to be my my family was going to be coming and staying with us at our house. They were going to be coming like five days after all this happened anyway.
So my mom, I think she did fly out though earlier, but she was like, you're getting an Airbnb. I don't care.
Like you don't have to think about what you guys are going to do right now. Just like, please just get out and like, let's do Christmas there.
And at first I was like against it because I was still living in the house with James and he was like, what? No, like, I'm so glad like that I did the Airbnb. And my mom ended up staying with me in that Airbnb in Larchmont for a month.
And it was just so good. Like, I mean, it was not good.
It was sad. It was like totally just a month of like healing and like processing everything and like but it was necessary for sure another person i've been very critical of as relates to the story is lisa vanderpump oh um who'd you think i was gonna say i'm glad i didn't say what you were gonna say yeah are you familiar with the statement she eventually made regarding the situation yes did you have any feelings about it because it kind of felt like at the end that she what i think her statement basically was kind of suggesting that like you blew it out of proportion which to me felt a little icky and dirty because she has a long history especially with james yeah clearly there's like a family connection there and things like that.
I just thought that was kind of gross on her part, but maybe I'm not, you know, understanding the full context of why she made the statement that she made. I'll say she called me and she did make sure like, are you okay? I mean, this was like two months later, but she called and made sure.
She called you two months later? Maybe or a month. I don't know.
Certainly not the next day. Certainly not the next day, but she, yeah, she called and checked in on me.
And, and then just, yeah, she's very protective over James. And I get it because I was too for a long time.
It's very motherly.

You were in love with him.

Yeah.

Who was in love with him?

Right.

Yeah.

I think that she feels protected like a mother almost to him.

And I thought that was really weird at first when I first got on the show.

Then I kind of started to understand it a little more.

But yeah, she was basically like, Ali, he needs you. You're really good together.
I don't think that like, yeah. So she was trying to convince you to stay with him even after learning that he...
Yeah. Yeah.
She was like, you should go travel with him to his shows this weekend.

I'm like, first of all, what shows?

He's canceled right now.

And also, no, I just moved into an apartment.

I were not together.

But it was really weird because on the call, I was kind of like, I'm I was like weak in the moment, you know, and I'm like, oh, like, did I make the wrong?

You know what I mean?

Like questioning everything. Do you think James asked her to make that call? I don't know.
I really don't know. Yeah.
Yuck. I don't know.
It was, um, yeah, I called, I called some friends after and I'm glad I did because I didn't, I didn't even tell my mom this because she would have just been so upset. upset but like I called a bunch of friends after and like told them everything she said and they were like no like that's she's a producer that's her trying to literally quite literally produce and like get you guys back together so like that's I don't know I don't know why and then it was a lot of like

well you were drinking too

and she said that to you

do you feel like

you need to protect Lisa Vanderpump in this moment

yeah

or is it more

are you afraid of Lisa Vanderpump

I'm not afraid

no I'm not afraid I think there's a

piece of that world that like, I'm not afraid. I just, I don't really want to, I don't know.
What am I feeling? What are you feeling? What am I feeling, guys? I don't know either. It's like, I'm not scared of her because like, what would she do? But also like, there is a part of me that still feels like I still respect her in some way, which maybe I shouldn't.
Yeah. I don't know.
Probably not. Probably shouldn't.
Probably should just be like, whatever. It is like, listen, you have a more intimate relationship with her.
I don't even have a relationship with her. My only experience meeting her was awesome and lovely.
And she was kind and great. And there's a lot of reasons why it's easy to be a fan of hers and just like everything.
Right. So even for me, just even being critical or on the show feels kind of like, yeah, it feels wrong.
I don't, what? Yeah, I know. Maybe I'm even speaking out of, maybe I'm speaking on things I don't realize.

Right.

I don't know, yada yada so i couldn't even imagine what it's like to be in your shoes yeah but it does feel real that phone call sounds like it was a real wrong like a bad i get that shouldn't have happened it feels like and it feels like you shouldn't have been put in that place at a time in which you were maybe the most vulnerable. Yeah, no, I agree.
I agree, looking back. Because I thought it was sweet.
Oh, she's calling to check in. And then it took talking to friends to realize that that wasn't, she doesn't care.
So was she trying to ultimately blame the night like, it wasn't just James.

It was you too kind of thing.

It felt like you guys are young.

This is what happens when people drink.

Ken was also a playboy and naughty when we were younger.

And I had to whip him into shape.

It was giving a little misogyny.

It was a little like that era.

It's like, okay, kind of a little misogynistic.

But she was like, you know it was a little like that era it's like okay kind of a little misogynistic but she was like you're gonna she was like she was like honestly this is kind of iconic but she was like you're gonna kiss a lot of frogs and you're gonna marry a frog too that's just the way that it is i was like that's so depressing lisa that doesn't have to be that no it doesn't i don't want to marry a frog well i mean listen like i don't know like hey we all have our flaws like you know in a lot of ways i'm a frog but it's just like if we're talking metaphorically but like some frogs aren't abusive i love princess and the frog i i don't know i feel like also that call it just goes so deep and that whole cast goes so deep and like that's why also it's like i can see clearly a little bit more than everyone else i don't know where it's like that but even though i know i actually couldn't because i needed friends to really be like ali that was wrong that conversation was Did you feel supported by the rest of Vanderpump cast when the news broke and there were paparazzi photos of you moving out of his house? Did you feel supported by them or did you kind of feel like no one really wanted to speak on the situation? I felt supported. Okay.
Yeah. I mean, by the woman.
Yeah. Sheena, obviously.
Yes. Lala was the first one to text me.
And her text was really sweet because it helped. Literally, she texted me like two seconds after I saw like an article.
So like my I was just like, fuck. And it was basically like, hey, I've been here.
Like, turn your phone off and just take care of yourself today. Call whenever you're ready like it was helpful i was like okay it felt like she was being a real friend exactly yeah and um yeah and ariana and katie too reached out i didn't really talk i mean i don't even know if i replied i didn't really like i really tried to stay off my phone but they i felt the support James running into Andrew Tate Oh Good

Felt I really tried to stay off my phone, but they, I felt the support. Yeah.
James running into Andrew Tate. Oh, felt like at the time, like the most appropriate bad karma.
Yep. You know, in a way, like, like what was the, how did you hear about that? And then what, just, what is your general opinion about that situation? He's obviously come out and acted like he didn't know anything about them and what they stood for that's very difficult to believe even if he didn't know like why did he want to take pictures with the you know it's just like yeah you know my thought though he like and again i'm not defending him but just like knowing how his brain works like he wouldn't have that if he thought the, like it was going to get, do you know what I mean? Like he was already in the hot seat.
Like he's already basically canceled. Like I genuinely think that he is a little slow and was not, I don't think that he really knew the extent of them.
I think he probably knew like, oh, what I Bitcoin or like whatever they, I don't know know but i don't think he would have posted that honestly that kind of does make sense like why like why would he if he knew like he's just a little that's honestly the best defense for him get it which is also a problem which yeah yes okay that does make sense season is nearly upon us, and this year I'm treating myself to the luxe upgrades I deserve with Quince's high-quality travel essentials at fair prices. Like lightweight shirts and shorts from $30, pants for any occasion, and comfortable lounge sets.
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And then I believe we're going to give them a little preview. Love.
You're going to do with us what you do on your show. Yes.
So basically, I love astrology and doing people's birth charts. I love being able to connect.
How did you get into it in the first place? I was always kind of just that girl. I was always into it, even as a child.
I guess spiritual, but I just loved all that kind of stuff. Let's call myself a skeptic.
Yes. Okay.
I'm just kind of generally a skeptic. But how did you...
Because for you, it goes a lot deeper than reading a daily horoscope, right? Or just like knowing what your sign is and things like that. It is something that you really, it's a compass for you.
Yeah. You know? Yeah.
So can you explain to me and just the audience, like what value you get out of it? Yeah. And then why to you or why it should be to anyone more than just like a punchline or like some kind of voodoo, a party trick or whatever.
And that, you know, it's, yeah. Why, why is it more than that? You know, I love astrology because I don't even have the answer to that.
It's like this whole mysterious thing that blows my mind every time I do a birth chart reading and I do use it as a compass. I use it as a tool.
I use it as a guide. I've gotten a lot better.
I do not like live my life based off of it. I do believe in free will, but I also believe in like fixed fate.
And I think we all have a destiny that we play out. And the birth chart shows us that it's like, these are your strengths.
These are your weaknesses. And that's okay.
Like we can't all be perfect. And you know, we all have our little things, but it tells you so much about yourself.
So like you not only get to learn more about you, but also like your partner and your friends, people, um, we're also interconnected and astrology just proves that. And like, that's why I'm obsessed with it.
Okay. Does that make sense? I'm excited.
You, you did mine, you did Nick's and you did Rivers. Yes.
And I love Rivers, you guys. She's a Libra rising, which I'm looking at dad because like she's gonna have, I know that you're a Libra.
She's gonna be like me? But she's a, you guys do have, they do have a lot of similar traits, but don't worry. No, no, no.
I'm giving this child nothing, but my chin. My large chin and my big toe.
Too much like me. I say like like river has my looks but now he's beauty oh yeah but it's true because she looks a lot like me but like i but like i you know i remember when you had her and you were saying like the family was like oh my gosh she looks like nick and you're like stop no i just carried her for nine months and pushed her

she's so beautiful

in a way that I just

it doesn't come from me

aww

well she's a Libra rising

so she's literally

going to be beautiful

forever

and she's going to

what do you mean by that

okay so the rising sign

that is your energy

like that is absolutely

how you move through life

like our sun sign

so like you're a Libra sun

that's who we're becoming that's who we want to be That's where we feel our best and where we feel confident. So like think of it like that.
But the rising sign, that's really how we move. That's how other people view you.
It's your motivation for living. So when we have a Libra rising, she is ruled by Venus.
So that is the planet of beauty and love and art and history. And like, she's charming.
She's going to be so diplomatic. Basically, everyone is going to be obsessed with her.
And she's going to have a lot of lovers and boyfriends. So that's why I looked at dad.
I was like, sorry, dad. She's going to be really popular.
But will she, will people respect or, I'm going to ask you a question. Would you rather be liked or respected? So I'm a Libra moon Capricorn sun.
So that is a great question because I want both. Okay.
Because I definitely want my kids to be more respected than liked. Respected, of course, yeah.
Even feared. Respected, of course, respected.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's the Libra placement.
It's kind of funny you say that because their whole lesson, every sign has their thing. And with Libras, it is like, eventually they learn, okay, everybody does like you and want to be around you, but you have to learn that you don't have space and room for everyone at the table.
You have to set boundaries and you get to be picky of who you allow. And that goes for you too as a libra sun but like you've probably learned that over time okay so before we get into our charts i need astrology for dummies okay i don't even know all the signs so there's that you're kidding me no no and i have no idea what a rising or a falling or a moon or a sun is okay and why they're important okay and there's like someone's in seventh house and someone's in their 10th house and then they're in an apartment you give us the the basics of of all this and why yeah why why astrology is what it is and where does it even come from so i studied hellenistic astrology and it dates back i mean before christianity i mean astrologers they were the mathematicians of the day they were the astronomers right like that's literally where it all began is like looking up at the sky and patterns it's all patterns it's just like interesting because the way that astrology like the history of it it's had peaks obviously like the 60s right like peace and like there's like moments in history where it like comes back and then it always goes away again and um it always but anyway like where are we now in the history of this i think it's gonna stay but then again uptune just went into aries which i'm a little worried about okay i'm a little worried but anyway anyway the first astrologer woman was burned at the stake isn't that crazy because it was like a men thing and the kings like all the kings had like the right hand men it was like the astrologers anyway so that's like where it was formed but basically there's a bunch of different types of astrology as well but natal astrology is the moment you were born so that's why that birth time and location matters so it basically calculates the points it's mathematical i can't do that by the way we have like software software that does that, obviously.
Not a mathematician. And being born at noon versus 12.05, how different could that be? It can change by up to four minutes.
Usually doesn't. But say, okay, say we put 4 p.m.
for you, but say your mom comes back and is like, oh, 7 a.m. It'll change.
We'll be looking at a different different. But if it was like, oh, it turns out now it's 3.56, not 4 p.m.
Yeah, we might be fine. The degrees will change a little.
So like you do want to get as specific as you can. But basically, like, and this is what it looks like.
It's basically a snapshot of the sky at the exact moment in time you were born. So I think of it a cosmic blueprint for life like there's a lot in here that you have already it seems cool in a birth certificate yeah because it's like totally date and time that's true everyone should just get one of these when they're born that's so funny that actually make like to get a passport they should be like don't bring your birth certificate bring your birth chart i'm like why isn't the government using astrology to solve crime? They probably are.
Nancy Reagan had an astrologer in office. Really? Yeah.
After Ronald Reagan got shot the first time, she was so nervous and she loved him so much that she had an astrologer come in. Wow.
Yeah. All right.
So what's your... Okay.
Give me the basics. Like what's a...
What is it? So your rising sign is- And what is a rising sign? It's also known as your ascendant. And basically it is the first, it's the first house, house number one.
That's where Nick was born. So Nick was born right here and he entered the world.
And the first energy that you ever met or like came into contact with was actually Aquarius, which is why you're so, James is an Aquarius. Sorry.
Drawing comparisons, but I'm saying in the way that like you, sorry, you both like, you know how James marches to the beat of his own drums and he says what he wants and he doesn't care about being liked, which Libras usually do. But because you're an Aquarius rising, you have an edge to you where you're like, I'm doing my own thing in this lifetime.
Like, it's fine. I can break the rules a little bit.
So you're an Aquarius rising. So that's how you move through life.
Very innovative, very like creative, outspoken, but you're here. Aquarius is like very humanitarian and they're like here to shake up systems and to evolve basically.
So that's your rising sign. Also, if you're ever reading your horoscope, read for Aquarius, not Libra.
What does that mean? Nick, when you're reading Cosmopolitan magazine in the mornings and you're going to the horoscope section, read for Aquarius. Okay, read for Aquarius.
Is that a common mistake people must make all the time? Yeah, because horoscope is Greek for hour marker.

So it's all about the rising sign, not the sun.

You can still read for the sun and your moon sign

because those are still like really big placements in our chart.

But for timing, which is like why people usually look at horoscopes,

like what can I expect this month?

Read for your rising sign.

All right.

Yep.

That's a good note.

I didn't even know Aquarius was a sign.

That's crazy.

That's a river. That's crazy.
Yeah, that's your daughter. Literally.
Yep. That's a good note.
I didn't even know Aquarius was a sign. That's crazy.
That's what River is. That's crazy.
Yeah, that's your daughter. Literally.
Oh, I did. Wait, I'm done.
So, perfect. And she's a Libra rising, so see what I always heard about Gemini's, you know? And I knew I was a Libra, you know? Yeah, and River is a Libra rising Aquarius sun, so you guys are switched.
What does that mean? That just means you guys are going to get each other on like a really deeper level. Have a really strong connection like always.
Sorry, Natalie. I know.
Wait, let's see. Okay, wait.
But also. Wait, let's see if there's anything that connects Natalie to her daughter.
Hold on. Let me see if River is yours.
Literally. Like actually, I think Nick birthed her.
I'm going to be honest here here that's what i'm coming to my conclusion i am looking though you know take your time actually take all the time you need um but wait before we do leave nick i did want to tell you though this is cool mercury is the planet of communication and storytelling. You have it at 28 degrees in the ninth house.
The ninth house is where we see publishing, sharing your wisdom with the world. Like the ninth house is the student and the teacher.
And that's where we see authors. That's where we see like motivational speakers or people who just have a strong voice in society.
So like you have mercury conjunct your sun and saturn basically

you just have a lot of energy in your ninth house so it makes sense with like your career path and being like opinionated and having a powerful voice writing a book god you would have never have made it as an accountant no no no yeah no i sat down like i hate this fucking job that was my major i was gonna say but you would be good at it because aquarius is the smartest sign I mean i was smart yeah but i just my brain did not it's like this isn't for you libra in the ninth too is just like it's very well it wants to travel and like learn about like deeper life stuff the ninth house is always just like a big question mark like what is the meaning of life and it's libra so it has that relationship theme because libra is the sign of relationships All I knew about Libras is that it's a sign of life. And it's Libra.
So it has that relationship theme because Libra is the sign of relationships. All I knew about Libras is that it's a sign of balance or something like that.
Yeah. It is the sign of the scales balancing.
It's the idea that we're meant to balance ourself, like our soul with another. So it's a balance between the two.
With Libra, I think two is better than one. It really loves partnership.
And is that partner like a Virgo? And the partner is a Virgo. He has Jupiter in Virgo, which means that when you guys met, it probably did feel like almost like you guys have met before in another lifetime.
Okay. It was just a like very magnetic attraction and it's in the eighth house.
So like the sexual chemistry, it was like, yeah, you guys were just like, oh my God. It was popping.
I'm obsessed with you. Oh, wow.
Can concur. Can concur.
Okay. Okay, great.
This is fun. You also have Venus conjunct the North Node, which the nodes are not a planet, obviously, but they're a point that represent our purpose.
And you have that conjunct Venus, which means in this lifetime, it's quite literally like, I'm not telling you what your what your purpose is but that's your path like your soul is here to literally understand like people and relationships do you believe in astrology now it's listen i we're getting there the more what i love about these conversations is because like i think you know astrology like you mentioned it's easy to mock or make fun of but like they're like there is a science is a science behind it. And I say this as someone who's grown up very religious, very Catholic, and I mean no disrespect to my Christian audience members, but there is a level of faith.
If you're Catholic, you learn about faith and you learn the power of believing in something greater than yourself. We believe in God and's a certain faith.
And it's just kind of like, well, what's the difference between that and astrology? There's a level of faith in believing in something outside of yourself, obviously. Also, sorry to add to that because I get asked this a lot.
And I just want to say that you can have both too. Like, I wouldn't even say astrology is like my faith.
I believe in a higher power. I'm very spiritual, but this is, again, it's like, I use it as a map.
I use it as a tool. Like you can still have faith.
Why does it's like, you don't, they shouldn't, they shouldn't butt heads or, you know, in a sense, because like, if God exists, he gave us the stars. He also gave us whatever ability to understand them, you know, type of thing.

Totally.

And, you know, for me, like I have a vast appreciation as someone who like no longer like actively goes to church and I'm not that religious anymore. But I had a really great experience personally.
Yeah. I know other people didn't, like growing up Catholic.

Yeah.

As I've gotten out into the world and met other people, whether they're Jewish or Muslim or atheist, like I've just learned about other people, other belief systems. And I just have a immense respect for them and what they believe in.
And the idea that I could sit there and say, my God is better than yours, or it just felt so ignorant. And so like just have a huge respect for faith in general, because if God exists...
Yeah. And we don't know.
You know what I'm saying? Also, for listeners that do know astrology, I just have to let you know that Nick has a stellium in the ninth house. So literally everything you're saying is so on par with your chart.
The ninth house is the house of religion, belief systems, faith,

questioning it all

because you're like,

you're very aware that there's more out there,

but you're like,

you're just on a journey to understand it.

Like not that you need to know everything,

but you're just curious.

Like that's the ninth house

and you have four planets there.

So that just means there's a lot of energy

in that area of life for you.

Okay.

All right.

Tell me about my wife. Okay.
She's like doomsday absolutely not no i am obsessed with natalie chart so you're a virgo i am which love i love virgo women our second baby that we lost was supposed to be a virgo and i was like so excited because i was like planning i'm like this i have like our next baby has to be a virgo because I'm a Virgo. And like, we need another Virgo.
Another Mercury. Anytime I meet a fellow Virgo, I'm like, I'm obsessed with you.
Actually, can we talk about that for a minute? Are you comfortable talking about that? So the fifth house, this house here real quick, this is the house of children. And you have your moon there.
And I just want to let you know, because like the moon, it's the most important planet. It's how we mother.
It's how we nurture. It's how we feel safe.
It's how we regulate our emotions. So like wherever the moon lives in our birth chart, like that is an area that we have to nurture.
It's like the most important area. And you have it in your fifth house of children, which means quite literally also like not everybody who has this placement needs to be a mother, but that was probably always like a really strong desire for you.
And the moon is a wave. So like there's always highs and lows, right? It controls the ocean.
Next crying. No, I didn't.
Well, anyone who says nice things about my wife, I just cried. You just cried.
That's so so sweet you guys see lisa she didn't marry a frog see i do i have always said i feel like i was put on this earth to be a mom yeah so that does make sense and also just the moon experiences all range of emotions wherever we all have the moon somewhere and we you can look at a chart and be like okay that's an area that is going be emotional because that's the moon. So because you have the moon in the fifth house, it's going to feel the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
So I just want like, even like the experience that you just had, just trusting like you have river, there's still like so, so much nurturing that you're meant to do in this lifetime. Like you are a mother, like that's just's just I don't know so I just wanted you to

know that because there's absolutely if you are like if you guys are going to try again too the moon in the fifth house is like that's a special spot for you yay children okay also you're just going to be a great mom in general like even with river and your friends you know yeah um okay but then you're a virgo son and you have your son in the second house The second house is the house of work hard, play hard.

Like we like nice things in this. Okay, but then you're a Virgo son and you have your son in the second house.
The second house is the house of work hard, play hard.

Like we like nice things in the second house.

This is where we like eat the fine food, drink the fine wine, travel, luxury.

Is there anything about purses in there?

Good taste.

Yes, this is where purses live, literally.

And it's in Virgo.

So like also earth sign, love the green. Like earth energy, especially Virgo.
It's just very timeless, classic. Head on your shoulders, like loyal and just like hardworking, but play.
Like that's the thing with the second house is it really. And so the sun is where we shine.
So I'm glad that you like, also just by the way, you have Leo Mercury. Leo Mercury is like, I'm performing.
I'm on that you like also just by the way you have Leo Mercury Leo Mercury is like I'm performing I'm on Broadway okay like you are a star Natalie literally you are a star you have Venus also in Leo and you have Mars and Leo and it's all in your first house of being seen in this lifetime so like I don't know I just what does that mean you're meant to be like a movie star oh listen i've been saying since i met her she's the real star in this yeah like yeah and my chart is here to prove it i think you were always definitely even like being in la i always call like leo like the la new york city sign like it's pulling you out into the world um but leos they just want to make people happy they enjoy performing they enjoy art there was a an article covering the most recent miscarriage and the headline was uh nick biles wife talks about the miscarriage and i said to her natalie and like unless six to twelve months will be the last time anyone ever refers to her.

Love that.

Is that.

Mark my words.

Mark it down, people.

Okay.

Now it's going to be like a real big deal.

No, like I literally, when I pulled up your chart, because I honestly was expecting you

to have some Leo somewhere, but like, it's you.

I was like, okay.

The tracks.

Yeah.

Like you are, you are really here to shine in this lifetime.

Like that's your rising sign.

So she's a Leo rising. So like everywhere you go, it's as if you...
Think of you as like you're the sun. Because Leo's ruled by the sun.
No world revolves around me. No world revolves around you.
Literally. And you just make people feel happy and warm.
And they want to be in the sun. See, haters, I'm not a raging bitch.
I am ray of sunshine. I'm ray of sunshine.
I mean, when Allie walks in our room, she's magnetic. She is magnetic.
No, like the first time even meeting you, like it makes sense because I just remember being like, oh my God, like you're so beautiful and like just easy to talk to and also like being in the sun and just like being in warmth is important to you too. Yes, I do love it.
What else is fun? Okay, you have Jupiter and Pisces in your eighth house. That's very intuitive.
Jupiter is the planet of expansion and opportunities. But like wherever Jupiter is in our birth chart, that's where we have like natural gifts and talents.
And the eighth house is I call it the haunted house because like that's where we go into that like most people don't want to go into the haunted house. But like, if you have a placement in the eighth, it's like you want to go in or you're going in regardless so you might might as well enjoy it it's where we do see like some clairvoyancy psychic abilities very spiritual also uh therapy and like healing so being able to just even do stuff like this right and like talk deeper and have like deeper connections you're going deep in this lifetime but always trust your intuition wow yeah yeah what else can you tell us about our daughter future he's like that's enough about natalie wrap it up and wrap it up i'm just kidding oh i was gonna say too but jupiter in the eighth the eighth house i call it the haunted house because there is like it can feel unfair that's where we can see things like abusive relationships trauma death like I have a lot of planets in the eighth house too.
And like I lost my dad when I was younger. The eighth house is where we kind of have to experience like the shit end of the stick sometimes.
But we grow from it. Is that why I have so much trauma? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's a gift though. Like eventually.
So let me ask you this. Like in this might get into the kind of voodoo-y type of thing but like nally has a lot of trauma from her child very all sorts of fucked upness yeah and you're reading her chart based off of like information when she was born if you were reading this how do i ask this question i want to be very careful i ask this question what part of it is like what did you say the the planned destiny or something versus like you know what i'm saying i don't want to suggest it's like oh it's something's in your this house and some bad shit's gonna it's like you know how do you grapple with with that you know and by the way no that's such a good because like for people watching if they're like the eighth house or like, I have, is my parent going to die? It's like, no, I've seen plenty of people with eighth house placements that have not experienced that.
Or is it like, did that bad shit happen because of my chart? Almost in a way. Yeah.
That's kind of the fun debate of astrology where it's like, we can sit there. And that's why also you I you every astrologer has a different take.
And I believe in positive thinking, right? And like putting good energy out into the world. So like I always try to view everything as like the first thing I said, oh my God, you have Jupiter in the eighth.
Like you're really intuitive. Like the good things are first.
But then it's like, okay, I remember what we were just talking about. And I'm like, let's be real though.
The eighth house comes with a bit of cobwebs. That's why it's the haunted house.
It's like it's like okay i remember what we were just talking about and i'm like let's be real though the eighth house comes with a bit of cobwebs that's why it's the haunted house it's like it's a little dark but jupiter naturally is such a positive planet that it's like whatever you go through is going to benefit your life in some way later on whether that's like you're able to help other people or whatever. And also like even from your own childhood,

like whenever we see you have the sun in the second house

conjunct the North node, our purpose point.

It's like you were always very independent

and almost had to parent yourself

and like be your own strength.

Yeah.

And again with the moon in the fifth house, right?

Cause like now you're in your motherhood journey,

but like when you were a child,

you still had your moon in the fifth house,

which can look like mothering yourself and having to like heal your inner child. That's spooky as fuck.
Isn't it crazy? I know. Sometimes I'm doing it.
I'm like, I'm scared. That is really, it's fun.
I know you want it. We like a positive spin, but what can you tell us from our charts, if anything, about blind spots, bad habits, weaknesses, things that we might be prone to do? You know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? Yeah, I look at the aspects.
So communication is honestly really key for both of you guys. You have, where's next Mercury? Yeah.
I wish I did your guys' synastry chart or composite chart. We can do that though another time.
When we come on your show. You can be hard on yourself with the work that you do but perfectionist you have saturn in the 10th house which means delays also within the working world um but saturn is the planet of mastery so trust that good things within your career it takes time even literally like what you just said with like that's not what they're going to be calling you and months from now is very funny because saturn in the 10th you're hard on yourself but that's because you care and you want things to be good you have the opposite you have Mars in your 10th house so yours is like you're speeding through it's like I've got a lot to say I'm just gonna go and it's a little more there's more energy there where yours is more like anyway that's for career though it's like Nick does leave cabinet doors open Nick's not going to be able to pick up his clothes and put them in the laundry hamper.
Wait, where's Nick's six? Well, yeah. Does it explain why I'm aloof or forgetful? Aquarius rising and the Libra.
You're very air. So Libra and Aquarius are both air signs.
So that the definition is literally aloof. An airhead.
And yeah, it's like, we're kind of like up in the clouds. Okay.
And we're thinking about- It's like, that's beautiful. We're thinking about a million different things.
Guys, I'm up in the clouds. It's like, you're like eating dinner.
Someone's asking you about your day and you're like, do you think that like aliens are real? And like, what is really- Well, it's more like someone could be talking to me and they think I'm there. And I'm i'm in outer space right now like yes he's in the club yep you know i'm out at lunch for sure that's yeah so that's air energy and you have a lot of that and then you have virgo right so like in general virgos are the organized like perfection ones so that is probably that that difference there.
Are Libra and Virgos compatible? So with compatibility, okay, this is going to be a take. I don't really believe in that.
I think, okay, well, that's not true. I believe though that we're all compatible.
Not in the sense that like, obviously you're attracted to who you're attracted to, but like that speaks for itself. That kind of goes back to with like, we don't need to use astrology for everything.
But it sounds like almost there's so much information we could get from these charts that there's probably with every couple points of compatibility and points of incompatibility and how any couple chooses to approach that. We can learn from it.
So like you guys found each other. Now we look at the chart and we can see, okay, what can we work on? And like, what's great.
You guys are both building really an empire together. You both have really lovely 10th house placements and like star power.
So like your career is really important, but I've seen charts of people who got divorced that had beautiful compatibility. And then I've seen charts of people that are still together with like, not by textbook, like the best best compatibility.
So like it really just depends on like how willing you are to work on yourself. In the relationship.
In the relationship. What can we expect from River's future? What are challenges we might, yeah.
How are we compatible with our daughter and like how and what A ways we might like butt heads? Honestly, she's kind of like going to parent you guys eventually. She has Saturn in the sixth house.
It is in Pisces. She's very hardworking.
Not yet, obviously. But like one day she will be.
I feel like she's going to carry on your guys' legacy, to be honest. I have said since she was born that if I would manifest it, I want her to be.
Right. As long as she's passionate about it.
Yeah. But like, cause I'm a big sports fan and obviously I do this.
I talk for a living. I could see her being like a premier like sports woman.
Exactly. Like, oh, I'm so sorry.
She's going to like, yeah, she's going to be a woman in sports. Well, luckily for you, she has her son in the fifth house, which again, the sun is where we shine.
And the fifth house is the house of entertainment, movies, music, sports. It's like the entertainment house.
So I was going to say, but like, that's just where my head goes first, right? It's like movies. But like, she could very well be an athlete.
Yeah. Or have a bit of a, she's aspect she's gonna she's gonna do something that she enjoys okay she's not going to do probably like accounting like she's gonna be more in like the arts and like entertainment um also she's a libra rising so they're usually just drawn to like literally poetry beautiful things she's gonna have such good taste that she gets that's your second house placement there we go something she has excellent taste yeah no yeah she does yeah yeah you have the second house is it your moon no sun so yeah and yeah your son is in the second house so like that's where you shine you're proud of i mean your guys's home is so beautiful i remember like when i first met you and i you would like post and i'd be like what how did you do that remember i lime washed because of you oh yeah you lime washed didn't you yeah our guest bedrooms yeah we just did our pop-up studio as well i love lime wash me too i was obsessed so that was from you that's sun in the second house it's like she shines there so people get inspo from you and your daughter has her moon in the second house.
Do you hear that Brandeel's out there? She's just saying that I actually. Circling back to you, all this talk about astrology and then our previous conversation, I'm wondering how has astrology helped you through this experience? And what have you learned or discovered about maybe some bad habits you have with like just how you show up to relationships or stay in relationships and things like that? Totally.
So that, I think I told you guys, yeah, I was like already, I was honestly dreading last December, like the previous January. Like I knew the December for James and I was going to be super telling and wild and really test our relationship.
So then when everything fell apart, as sad as I, like I was heartbroken, but the other part of me, and this is why I love astrology, is it does remind me like, okay, one, this is just weather. Like it'll pass.
Like we always go through eclipse season and like there's always crazy astrology happening and then there's always beautiful astrology happening like it's just weather it'll pass it was meant to be I believe that the our bird chart is all about like getting in alignment with your higher good and like where you're meant to be and it's all lessons so that like mindset helps me a lot and then with me personally like I know I have Saturn in the first house, so I do have to

work on setting boundaries for myself and not, you know, and this is something like for future Allie to consider is like slow down and like pay attention to red flags and set boundaries for yourself. Yeah.
So to be a little bit more like trusting my own schedule and timing. Do you feel like your propensity to keep things positive or put a positive spin on things has clouded your judgment in the past? Probably.
Yeah. But I honestly like that.
Maybe this is wrong, but I it's fine. I'm like, I'm like, I'm fine with it because at the end of the day, I don't really have any regrets and I want to have my best life possible.
I want James to have his best life possible. And like the clarity it's here now.
So I'm grateful for that. But I think, you know, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to want to see the best in people, but I think it's good to be aware that you're that type of person.
Yeah. Which I am.
So. Yeah.
I mean, that's, it's only a problem with people like, oh, you're a fixer type of thing like right you know yeah at its core it's a good thing you know because it comes with the intention of you know wanting to show up for your partner and do your part the problem with yeah fixers and i've been that person a lot of us have is that sometimes we show up too much like we do our half then we do their half yeah or part of their half and then we're always like, we're covering our ass, we're coming for their ass, and things like that. And we can't really draw the line between what is healthy behavior and what necessarily is well-intentioned behavior, but actually a little maybe toxic on our part.
Totally. Yeah.
I saw something on TikTok this morning that was like, women stop being the understanding girlfriend. And I was like, whoa.
I mean, I think it's good to be understanding. But I feel like there was a deeper point where it's like, okay, but eventually if you continue just being like always understanding, like they aren't learning.
Oh, yeah. I mentioned this at one of our Ask Nick episodes.
I had a caller come in. She was talking about her boyfriend, and she was just talking about,

well, you know, he's younger, So he's like, I think, I don't know. I don't forget the details.
But basically it was, I kind of said like, listen, like you're just playing into the stereotypes that like men mature slower than women. And so like anytime he does this, you're just making an excuse for ultimately what maybe just, he doesn't care.
Like maybe is just who he is. And maybe like we don't need to make excuses for him.
And even though we can come up with a reason that makes what they're doing sound a little better, you know, like ever since I learned about attachment styles, I thought I was very fascinated, very interested. And then fast forward six months, everyone was like, well, my boyfriend's like, you know, he's a avoidant.
And it's's just like so then all of a sudden every time he was a dick yeah we excuse it was just like well it's because he's interesting because he's an avoidant yeah you know and that also goes with gemini men like women with gemini men they're like well he's just a gemini you're like yeah it's just like i guess but like does that make it okay you know and then like so like sometimes understanding things i've had to learn that, is you can go a step too far. You can over-therapize yourself.
You can get too much therapy. I agree.
I agree completely. Sometimes you just have to accept and move forward.
And move forward. And it's so much easier said than done.
I will say for people, especially if it's an abusive relationship or a toxic relationship, like it's hard, but like, yeah, from where I'm at now, it's like, oh yeah. Like why would you give him so many chances? Or like, you know what I mean? It's easier said than done just for anyone out there, but like leave him.
Is there a message for ladies who might be listening to you and hearing some similarities in your story and relating it? I know it's easy to say, just leave, but maybe what are some questions that you would recommend people listening to ask themselves to maybe have a more honest conversation with themselves about the choices they're making, right? Because like you said, you've really acknowledged if it weren't for your friends, if it weren't for your mom, you wouldn't be sitting where you are today having moved forward, having moved on. And so how can people listening who are relating to your story have more honest conversations with themselves because it is so easy to try to make excuses, mask certain behaviors, things like that, and then ultimately opt to stay in a situation for all the reasons you just talked about, the guilt, the fears, the, you know, where am I going to be, et cetera, et cetera.
girl gosh i feel like i'm being so honest like i feel like i still have so much to learn

about those types of relationships because and every situation is different obviously and I really wish that I like you might have something to say I wish that I knew because I'm just like grateful now I'm grateful was not before but like I'm grateful for the way it played out because I do think that it made it easier so I mean I guess maybe being honest and like opening up with friends or people that are like in your circle just to get the feedback of like, that's like not okay. Even though you probably know that deep down anyway.
So like, I don't know. But sometimes it takes a person on the outside to kind of like wake you up and make you realize things like that.
So yeah. And then I've also had friends who've just been like one day it just hit me and it was like, okay, I woke up and just finally decided like enough is enough.
So it's like different for everyone. But I think just having grace with yourself and like just trusting like your friends that are around you and your support system.
And if you don't have that therapy, you know, there's so many great resources out there now, like so many. So just opening up to someone and like feeling loved, I would say.
What's something about yourself that you're currently focused on working on being in kind of the season of like healing and self-improvement? I, I feel like I, well, I moved into my new apartment. I've been, I love decorating too.
So I've been throwing myself into that and obviously my podcast and I'm doing readings. So I've been really busy.
So I know that I still need to make sure I'm taking time to heal, but I do yoga. I love yoga.
I do meditate. So I try to always make sure that I love reading.
And I've been reading like a lot of like relationship books and like therapy type books. So as long as I just take a time out from like, I don't want to overwork myself, Capricorn.
So like I just try to have balance, which is hard, but. Have you been doing any dating? No dating.
No dating. No, no, no.

That's scary.

That's like right now you're just,

that door's closed for you in the most moment?

Yeah, I think that I'm totally focused on myself and my podcast and my apartment

and just like fully enjoying,

like I feel so free that I don't want anyone to like get in the way of that. Like I'm finally feeling like myself and happy.
So I'm just going to ride that out until I'm ready. Love that.
I love that. Thanks.
So I'm not dating right now. And I think I just have a lot, obviously a lot of healing to do, but then also my therapist, she's amazing.
She helped me realize something because after this James breakup, I kind of had this wild moment where I was like, wait, I have a, not a type. I do have a type.
I love musicians, but I have a type of like, I keep dating alcoholics. So my college boyfriend had a drinking problem, which is ultimately why I broke up with him because I was like, you're drinking a lot.
And where are we going? What are we doing? So I broke up with him. And then now with the James stuff, like not those addiction issues.
And I was like talking to my therapist and I'm like, why do I keep dating alcoholics? Like that, what does that say about me? I was like kind of beating myself up over it. And she was like, which by the way, like you guys don't know this, but my dad died when I was 11 from like alcohol related issues.
And she was like, you're trying to save your dad. And I was like, whoa, that was crazy.
So therapy has been so helpful. And I really feel like I just need some more like healing, I guess.
Yeah. I think you learn a lot about yourself and about the choices that you make because of what you've been through or what you've experienced in this life.
And going to therapy really opens up those doors and makes you understand yourself a little bit better. Yeah, totally.
So it doesn't make sense. Yeah.
Crazy. Well, this felt like therapy too.
Because I really don't, I'm a very like push it under the rug unless it's therapy. So like I feel actually good that I was able to like share this and like thank you guys for making me feel safe.
Well, thank you for sharing. And I know it's not an easy conversation to have and I'm glad that you felt comfortable having it.
And like, you know, just from my opinion, I still, I think you did it in the most gracious and kindest way for the other person, regardless of how they think and feel about it. But yeah, you have a story to share and you are a public figure.
You like you, you know, and people are very curious about your story and your life and you have your fans who are worried about you and concerned about you. And so that's another thing.
Like, thank like thank you to every like the honestly like what helped me also get through and not go back my mom too but the fans like the amount of messages and dms and just like support and people being like proud of you like you it just was so helpful like i can't even really explain it but it really was helpful and i read a of them. So thank you for opening up and sharing.
And I really believe this will have a very positive effect on a lot of people's lives and hopefully yours as well. And congratulations on your podcast.
Thank you. Starstruck.
Starstruck. Starstruck.
It's out now. There's two episodes out now.
If you guys are interested in listening, there's a link to Allie's show in the show bio. If you want to click click and find it there check it out it's a lot of fun it's a very interesting topic thank you for doing i mean it really is it's really kind of it's really quite fascinating and the more you learn about it like you there's clearly something to be gained yeah from it or just a little bit of insight right it's like one of those things where it doesn't have to be some religion or dogma.
It doesn't have to be your entire compass, but it can be a guide.

A guide.

Yeah.

I love that.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

Love you.

Love you.

Yay.

Bye.

Yay.

Bye.

Bye.

Time is precious. We'll see you next time.
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