#2750 RHOBH S1414 Part One: Runway or Another I’m Gonna Get You Get You Get You Get You

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from 2006 to 2024 as of December 2024. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap happens.

Watch what crap happens.

Watch what crap happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens?

Let's look at what crap happens.

Watch what crap happens.

Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens?

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Happens Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello.
How are you? I am absolutely fabulous, like one of your favorite sitcoms. Just, you know, enjoy it.
We're midweek here. It's hump day.
We're having a great time. I keep on thinking it's Thursday.
I thought it's Thursday the past three days, which is rough when you think it's Thursday all week long. But now we're actually approaching Thursday, so I'm feeling great.
We have some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to discuss today. We will also be recapping on a separate episode, Denise Richards and her wild things.
Also, this week, very, very exciting. I think this is the reason why I've been thinking it's Thursday all week long.
It's because I can't stop thinking about it.

Traders finale is this Thursday.

And we have been recapping the entire season on Patreon.

So if you've been wondering where our Traders recaps are, they're over there.

Now, if you are not a Patreon member,

obviously we encourage you to join Patreon.com slash Watcher Crappens.

But something has happened in the world of Patreon and Apple, which is that Apple has introduced kind of this Apple tax, which means that if you sign up through a Patreon app, as opposed to just going to the Patreon website normally, if you go through the app, Apple is going to take a 30% cut of that subscription. I mean, it doesn't impact you.
You pay the same amount. We're just saying.
No, no, it doesn't impact them. It's more expensive.
Oh, it does? Oh, it does. The prices through the Apple app are more expensive.
So if you want 30% less, sign up online. Just sign up online, and then you can still use the app.
That's crazy. I know.
They're such greedy fucks. They're honestly such greedy fucks.
And what do they do for that 30%? Nothing, nothing. They have a little app.
So if you want to use the app, still use the app. Just sign up via web browser.
Wow. That is really upsetting to hear.
So yeah, go to the web the web browser i mean all these platforms raising their prices incessantly uh for what and then you know like it's so funny there was the whole strike last year and all these all these streamers and platforms said like but we have no money as they continue to raise the price over and over and over again i wish we could go on strike uh but we won't who would we talk about housewives with i mean that's one that's one reason we'll never go on strike our heads will explode if we don't have somebody to talk about this with so also picketing is really hard it's really annoying i i pick it i pick it during that that strike and i had to hold a sign and you walk around and it's hot and humid and let me tell you something it looks like it it's easy to just walk in circles. It gets old really quickly.
It doesn't look easy to me. It's hard to even walk around a grocery store.
The other day I was in the HEB and I went from the produce to the eggs just to see how expensive eggs were. Cause you know, I want to be one of those people who's like, eggs, eggs are so expensive.
I wanted to do that. So I did it.
It was fun. It was like a tourist thing in the store.
So I went over to the egg section and I was like, this is exhausting. I'm so tired.
Like I looked at my steps on my watch. I was like, how many steps did I take? I'm excited.
I've aged five years. What was your picket chant? Was it like, hell no, we will go.
Actually, this is a lot of work. No, no i did this i went and i stood in front of the

ice i went eggs eight dollars oh my god and then everyone i know and then everyone started going

like not everyone but like a couple people are like isn't it ridiculous what is this word coming

to you just wait until the tariffs come it was fun i was rabble rousing yeah i like that you

should have also added in we're here we're queer and we're not used to these egg prices i don't know any we're here eggs we're queer eggs get used to it i mean if they were queer eggs i would pay that much money that would be awesome to have like gay eggs i'd be like here's i mean if i feel like if the eggs prices were wrapped up in the eggs as silver whites, I would support it.

But I don't think it is.

You're making eggs.

You're like, I believe in life after love.

I just start singing Cher.

That's my protest.

Queer eggs.

Old queer eggs.

It's like really old.

No Chapel Rhone for me.

I'm still sticking with my old queen egg dance.

Pony eggs.

So, we're in that

kind of mood. By the way, next week we're going

back out on the road. We're going to

Cincinnati. We're going to

Minneapolis. And we're going to

Toronto, eh?

Love all three of those cities.

I cannot wait to go back.

So, join us

there, please. You can find

take a look at the video. Toronto, eh? Love all three of those cities.
I cannot wait to go back. So join us there, please.
You can find ticket links on our website, watchacrappens.com. And then we're going to go to a whole bunch of other places later in the month, like Atlanta.
By the way, New Atlantics is coming up this weekend, and it's really good. And all the whole schedule's there.
So watchacrappens.com. And we'll be announcing what we're doing next weekend for live shows on Friday.
So check out our Instagram. And we'll also mention it here on the show, but that's where you find out.
No, we will never mention it. It's a secret until you get there.
We really don't know because it's such a weird in-between time for Bravo. I'm used to having multiple housewives to choose from at the end of the week, mid to end of the week.
And we don't have that. So what would it be? We don't know.
I know. And we're also doing a Sunday show, which we don't often do Sunday shows.
So it's like, what do we recap all the way on a Sunday when all the content aired earlier in the week? So we're going to figure it all out. But it'll be fun no matter what.
Yeah, it's going to be fun times. I'm excited to get out of here.
We always have a great time. I'm excited to start Egg Rabble all over the country.
I'm going to a grocery store in every town and going, Oh, the price I ate is on the run! We're going to fight it out. Yeah, you do that.
So, I'm talking like Michael's on Southern Hospitality. So, let's get on with a recall.
Real Houses of Beverly Hills, season 14, episode 14. 14, 14, everyone.
Hemlines and headlines. You know, I sewed a shirt last night.
I finished sewing a shirt last night. I almost wore it on today's Crap It's On Demand.
And then I thought it'd be ridiculous. So I didn't.
And now I kind of wish I had. I'm sad.
I don't think it's ridiculous at all. I saw it on your Instagram.
I think it looks really good, that shirt. And I was like, wow, Ben's inner style is really coming out with you learning to sell.
I'm starting to see what you're going for. Your inner style.
I don't know. Well, it's funny.
You know what's actually funny is that if I go to a store, I don't really know what to buy for myself. And I usually wind up, I always get like sort of something that's like blue or gray.
And it's always kind of like samey, samey. It's a little safe.
But when I sew, I think going to the store, I see fun fabrics. I'm like, that looks fun.
Wouldn't this be wild? And so I make these wild things for myself. But then when I shop very tamely for myself, isn't that funny? It's like before you eat, you eat queer eggs before you sew.

You're like, yes! You live in your best life with that

sewing machine. I love it.

I got some crazy-ass fabric

also that is...

Guys, here's a teaser.

There's going to be a wild, wild shirt

coming down the pike. I got the craziest fabric

that it'll be hilarious. Anyway,

so fashion, right? Well, I just want you to know, while we're talking about fashion, I'm very proud of you. Thanks, Ronnie.
Thank you. I'm proud of you, too.
They just need people to say they're proud. Are you proud of me, or are you just proud because you just did a protest for queer eggs? I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of queer eggs. I everybody no but i'm proud of you i am a queer so um let's do this so boz is at home and really her only seat scene today is that she made tea for her daughter and um it's true i felt kind of bad for her because she didn't get any scenes today but it was nice and she's like i picked the lemongrass myself and her daughter's like where and she's like from the jar i know she made a by the way she made a vanilla lemongrass tea i don't know if i would like that tea i'm gonna say that right now i think i would like the lemongrass part of it i don't think i want vanilla in my tea i think vanilla lemongrass i don't know how you make vanilla lemongrass and it's not sweet also.
I don't know. Vanilla, I think it makes everything better.
Because vanilla, every sweet recipe calls for vanilla. I mean, I eat overnight oats every day.
Like that's my newest thing that I'm obsessing over. And the only thing that makes that taste good is vanilla.
I don't care. You can put anything else in it.
It won't taste right. But if you put some vanilla plus everything else, vanilla is a miracle worker, guys.
You know what this world needs? Vanilla. Vanilla.
Yeah. Move over eggs.
Vanilla is in town. Now, vanilla is great.
And there was a whole article in the New York Times about why do we say vanilla like such a pejorative all the time when it's actually such an important ingredient with so much flavor? That's like really expensive and valuable. But we still are like, oh, that's vanilla.
I'll spend $18 for that tiny jar of vanilla, please much flavor that's like really expensive and valuable but we still like ew that's vanilla i'll spend 18 for that tiny jar of vanilla please so it's like obviously like nice but um vanilla is expensive that's true but it goes it can go in crazy it can go in a crazy direction vanilla extract fabulous vanilla flavoring i don't know you mean like the artificial flavoring? Yeah, just like if you were to have like a vanilla scented candle, which you obviously don't eat. Or like a vanilla, like if you have some sort of like maybe a vanilla mocha something or another.
Sometimes that vanilla flavor goes on strong. And that's where my red flags are going off with this tea.
I just feel like, isn't the lemongrass good enough? Why do you have to add the vanilla to it? Well, I can guarantee you no other podcast had this much controversy over Boza's time on the show today. No other podcast has been 10 minutes in and has only discussed eggs and vanilla and the apple tax.
Guess what we're in a hurry to do? Nothing! Okay, so now we go over to LA Model Management, and Carsell's there with Jade, and they've got their, you know, modeling agent over there, who's like, guys, I've got a little surprise for you! It's your it's your cue card, or whatever it's called, your comp card. Yeah.
And it's Jade's first comp card thing. And Garcelle's like, wow, you got your card.
Your comp card. That's huge.
And he just seems so uninterested. He's like, cool.
Well, let me tell you what they didn't give me as a model for chunky clothes at Dillard's when I was a teenager. A comp card.
Give me that. Where's my comp card? What, fat kids just don't get those? You know, this is one of those times where I just get mad at skinny kids just for being skinny.
Like, what do you get to be a model for? Guess what? They looked at me and they said, you know what you'd be good for? To repaint all of the bowling ball racks in the bowling alley. Get to it.
Or you're never getting allowance again. Okay, that's what fat kids get.
Wow. The original Pink Pony Girl, Ronnie Karen.
Why? Is that what that song's about? She's like, her mom's like, my mom called me up and said, oh, you're a Pink Pony Girl. Like, her mom doesn't like if i remember correctly which is not like i

haven't heard the song in forever but i so rarely actually listen to lyrics she's like living out in

west hollywood and her mom's like get back to tennessee right now you're a pink pony girl

you you're not someone who hangs out with the queers of west hollywood and then she's like

no i'm in the pink pony club now this could be a totally inaccurate but that was always my

interpretation of the lyrics that whole song has been about eggs being expensive this whole time

Thank you. no, I'm in the Pink Pony Club.
Now, this could be totally inaccurate, but that was always my interpretation of the lyrics. That whole song has been about eggs being expensive this whole time.
Sorry, I'll let go of eggs. I don't know why I'm so upset like a week later about eggs, but I am.
Don't let go. So we're at Sutton's house and she is wearing some thick red frame glasses so she is she facetimes reba and she's like hi mom how are you and she's like i might could be would be kind of could be such an okay it's like okay mom thank you i'm excited to see you tomorrow she goes yeah well of course my hair is freezing up but these are the sacrifices you make for a needy daughter in California.
I'm sorry. Were you not going for one of the mushrooms in Super Mario? Because you still look like that.
So, I mean, I like that haircut. She's just like, I want to thwart Mario.
That's my look. I like it.
It's like she only walks over half her head. She has a giant gray hair ravioli just hanging right here.
No, no, no. I wish Toad was like Reba.
I hate Toad's personality. Toad is like, he's like, yeah, all the time.
And I would love to, I would just love a bunch of Reba's who's like, oh, you want to go into the castle? Do you ever think that maybe she just isn't that into you? Maybe she likes Bowser, huh, Mario? She was trying to get kidnapped. Do you think it's strange that Peach is kidnapped every single video game? Okay, at some point, you need to realize Peach is trying to get away.
You realize it's a fool's errand to ask me to be proud of you when you're just a plumber. Okay, I wanted you to go to Wall Street, Mario.
So Sutton's super excited, but, you know, her hair's frizzing. And Sutton goes, we have people like that.
People like Dorit. Poor people, mother.
Now, listen, your hair's frizzing, but at least your bank account's not on the frit. Like Porit! By the way, I thought that episode was so funny.
And, you know, I know it was really controversial with the whole Porit thing. People are like, oh my God, Sutton's such was so funny and you know i know it was really controversial with the whole poor thing people like oh my god something's such a terrorist which you know i think we would agree with um but still applaud and um i thought well that's such a stupid comment and like it's not that funny you know like her reads i thought were so stupid like you're poor but man it really caught on like wildfire people are just calling dorit poor eat all over the internet so So you know what? Mission accomplished.
I guess she did a good job. Her gaze did well.
Finally, after like six years of calling her Dorito, we now have Porit instead. That's good.
She's making a new $5,000, you know, jumpsuit that looks like, you know, you'd wear on safari if you were hurting the animals in Africa. And it's just going to say Porit on the front of the mail.
Why did it take us so long to come up with Porit? Why did it take Sutton Strack to be the one to introduce Porit to the masses? I feel like that's something that we as an internet community should have been able to introduce several years ago. I feel like it's probably something they stole from a comment thread somewhere.
It probably is. A Reddit thing or something.
Although don't think i've seen it there before but i see it now every single day poor then we go over to kathy hilton and um kyle is picking her up and you know kathy's trying to get into the mailbox she's like kathy get into my car it's the mailbox like oh wow she's like can you believe this yeah i'm wearing all black in the heat i'm just not in the mood like i'm not in the mood because i'm single now well she would have worn a different color but unfortunately that involves opening up a french door into a separate closet and she hasn't quite mastered how to open a french door just yet so um kathy is like how are you doing she's like well i think i'm like i'm like a bit shocked and still like processing because like honestly i was in the car driving with jen and she felt so bad to tell me but she had to tell me and jen i believe jen's her assistant right i think we saw her a few weeks ago sort of crammed up against the side of the car uh going to some party so uh this is of course referring to the headlines headlines of Mauricio spotted kissing a new woman in a random airport in Greece, where definitely there was a paparazzo just waiting. Yeah.
You know, the theories are all over on that one. People are saying it's probably just a Bravo fan in the airport that ended up selling it to TMZ, which I can kind of buy, because last week I was like, this is Kyle or Mauricio.
I was onto that last week. But I can see how it was probably just one of us.
That's actually true. I mean, it's totally conceivable.
I mean, iPhones are actually so powerful now that you could compete with a paparazzo. Yeah.
Windows phones are right now. We did it.
iPhones specifically. We're like, fuck iphones are the best in the world so she's very upset wearing black today because you know mauricio is getting getting some some ass and um she's like i'm just i'm shocked i'm processing like oh my god and then we see headlines mauricio spotted kissing new woman and she's like honestly i was like i't even know.
I mean, she said she lost the feelings in her legs when she saw that. Like, Jen did.
And, you know, I was like, maybe it's because I've been crushing you up to the side of the car and not really giving you leg room, but still, you don't deserve it. You're an assistant.
Um, I don't believe that Jen lost feelings in her legs when she saw that photo. That is some assistant bullshit right there that's someone angling for a raise no is i guarantee every assistant that sees something like that is chuckling and sending it to a group chat somewhere with other assistants okay there's no assistant who sees that it's like oh my god i lost my feelings in my legs you know like she hangs out with that guy her, you know? Like, she hangs out with that guy, her best friend.
He's so sweet. Like, he seems so sweet.
He's on E or something now. And he's always like, mm-hmm, Kyle.
Justin. Like, she loves that energy around her.
Just like, oh my god, Kyle. I saw you in a paparizzo and I lost my legs.
Literally, I'm in a wheelchair. I'm in a wheelchair.
Jen, oh my god. We were walking through Whole Foods, and she was just sliding

across the floor. She said she still couldn't even

use her legs yet. She was so in shock from that photo.

It was so hard for Jen to check me out at

Whole Foods. I mean, just watching

her drag herself to the checkout lane.

I had to lift her, actually, to scam

things.

And when they said, why are you lifting a grown woman? I said,

because she's in shock she saw

a photo of mauricio in the mykonos airport kissing someone and then down went the cash register she just was like right there on the floor everyone losing feelings in their legs oh is that in tabloid no no i mean it's just only on e but still huge news huge it's time for a commercial it's time for at Crappens Commercial.

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You know, why is Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, why are they still on the cover of every tabloid? It's so weird. I noticed that at the grocery store.
Can you tell I had a very eventful time at the grocery store? Why are they still, why is it the same people from like

40 years ago on the cover of every tabloid? It's bizarre. True.
But like, who else are they going

to put on there right now? Teeny Yothers? I mean, if you're going to reach into the past,

at least bring me people I want to know about what happened to Teeny Yothers. Who's she fucking?

Who's Teeny Yothers fucking? Okay. Is she fucking Brad Pitt? I don't think so.
Did she lose her

Thank you. what happened to teeny others who's she who's seen the others okay we need to is she proud bit i don't think so did she lose her feeling in her legs when she saw mariso kissing that girl i'd like to know thank you so yeah she has no feelings in her legs now so kathy's like well how are you doing and um she goes yeah oh okay so kathy's like so she lost her legs when she saw what just the picture of mauricio who mauricio my ex-husband and that girl kissing oh yeah i saw that she's like well isn't that why you're asking how i'm doing just well kind of yeah but i wanted you to bring it up i don't know i i knew eventually we could we would see something like that i just didn't to be the one to say it.
So we're allowed to talk about this on camera? Are you going to refuse to speak to me for three more years? They're all like, we've always thought Borussia was a man whore. And we were just waiting for him to start man whoring it up now that you guys are separated.
So Kyle's like, I saw it. Everyone else saw it on TMZ.
It's just like very strange to see and i was expected to see him in person out or like at a restaurant or maybe he'd be like in a country music video with a hot girl i don't know but like not like this yeah and she's like well i don't want him to feel guilty because like i mean he's allowed to do what he wants you know but like it's also like why are you being so irresponsible kyle you have been following that lady around and calling the paparazzi to take your picture for literally years now. Just stop.
I can't with Kyle and her like, how could he, how could he purposely be in paparazzi pictures with the person he's having an affair with? Come to Morgan Wade, March 17th, the Palladium. But also didn't, again, didn't Kyle kind of like, didn't she, wasn't she the one who kind of like got this separation on the, you know, like on its rails? Like wasn't this sort of like at her wishes? I don't know if we ever got that articulated that it was like her choice.
It was a mutual thing, but it seemed like all of last season was about how she wasn't feeling it anymore and she had been been pulling away from mauricio so i don't know because it wasn't around like he was working too hard when she needed him the most yeah and you know i get the whole being hurt thing it's just the the the paparazzo thing is where i'm calling bullshit with kyle because she's the worst at calling paparazzi on herself it's like look kyle kyle richards is passing old navy with lesbian lover morgan wayne kyle's like am so am i gonna feel differently now is he not gonna like want to be as nice to me now is he like not gonna be allowed to like if he has a new person like is he not gonna be allowed to be nice to me with a new person like in his life like these are the thoughts that are going through my head that i'm just gonna like maybe also implant in my daughter's mind that there's like a new evil person somehow in our family. I don't know.
Like, is this what's going to happen to me now? We're having the best divorce ever. Like, that was really holding on to that.
Like, now I might lose that. Yeah.
Which I think is a valid concern because she can still have, they can still play family, you know, when he's single. They can still like play family.
But then if there's another lady there, it's going to be. Yeah, you can't play family anymore.
when he's single they can still like play family but then if there's another lady there it's going to be yeah you can't play family anymore but also she has been really like she is she has been really um taking a victory lap with her friends you know saying like well we just kind of have like the best divorce like we don't fight like everything is fine like we're kind of great uh so this may threaten this whole identity that she's built up of herself as being like a model for consciously uncoupling. Yeah.
So she was like, well, yesterday I wanted to write him and say like, who is that? I thought it's none of my business. And you know, and it's not.
And Kathy's like, no, no. I mean, right now it's none of your business.
Kathy! I'm sorry, was I not allowed to say that?

Are you going to stop speaking to me for another thing?

Kathy, just always having to check in.

So then we go to Erica's house.

And Erica is doing that thing where there's no HGTV to show off your house.

So she's just doing it herself.

She's just like crying in every room.

Like, oh my God, look how glamorous it all came together.

I'd like to thank me for being so true to myself thank me and martin lawrence blot is there hello hello look at all this glamour this morning and um we see before and after it's like uh it's one cluttered room becomes a different type of cluttered room but it does look really really good. It's a little busy for my taste, but it does look like it has an artistic point of view.
So it looks, you know, he's a pro. He knows what he's doing.
Yeah, I think it looks great. I love the wallpaper.
You know, I'm a wallpaper person. The wallpaper was great.
It's maybe a little overdone on the wallpaper, but I liked it. I thought it was really nice.
The wallpaper in the kitchen, specifically

the kitchen, I think the kitchen looks great. He did

like palm tree wallpaper and

then like a palm

tree looking gold light

fixture in there. I thought that looked pretty

good. I like that.
I actually

thought the bedroom was his best room.

That one just looked fantastic. It was like the living

room to me was

really good. It was just a minor quibble.
There was like a table that drove me nuts in there that had like little knobby legs, and I just hated it. But other than that, you know, it looked great.
Well, he also does things where he puts those antique chairs everywhere where he's like, ooh, it's like your Marie Antoinette. This was actually from Marie Antoinette's douche room or whatever, and he puts that in there.
I'm like, Eric ain't sitting in that. Give me a chair I could use.
I don't want some dusty-ass old chair. Oh, look at all this.
It's all cleaned up and gorgeous. It is gorgeous.
I have to tell you something. Last night I sat on this couch and I just took it all in.
Some dick, that is. I took in a lot of dick on the new sofa sofa broke it right in uh and i really like that her best viewpoint is the one facing the new wall of mirrors she's like i just sat here right here in this couch and i just took in the view it's a view you're saying there's like 10 versions of you straight ahead you know he's like we'll feel the new energy and so we've seen the before and after, and think he did a really good job he took a lot of her well he took some of the furniture and he still used it you know because this was like a cheap job for him it's not a cheap job to us i mean 35 grand is not cheap but for him that's pretty cheap and basically a lot of that money was spent on taping off the walls to make straight line painting everywhere he really loves that like look at the hallway the bottom of the hallway is black and then there's a black stripe and then the rest is white look at the bungalow stripes i'm like does every room in here have to wear horizontal stripes you know i do this for sheriff n Osborne so do I look fat in here by the way Erica is also taking a victory lap because her song was used in a Nora which when I saw Nora amazingly I did not pick out the Erica Jane song but it was in there so that's like that thing.
So she says, I feel like a new woman. I feel like a Nora.
This is such a great new beginning, and it just feels like me. And I don't look at the furniture and have past memories.
I look at it, and it's mine. Mine is a little bit of razzle-dazzle.
Reference to Chicago, which I'm currently starring in. It's a little bit of glamour.
The glamour is coming back to Erika Jayne. I got an antique chair, little antique table next to me, and the glamour is back.
This house is so me, I tried to get earrings out of the jewelry box and I wouldn't give them to me, little fucker. Now I no longer have to live like a papa in my small, tiny $2 million house.
Now I can live the life of a wealthy person. So Martin's like, well, you have lifted energy.
You feel lighter to me. She's like, yes, I am.
I'm smiling. Wait, hold on one second.
Let me try to do something that I've heard about. It's called empathy.
Nope, still doesn't work. Well, you're not a miracle worker, Martin.
What can I tell you? He's like, well, here's what you are. You're a phoenix in a world of, you're a phoenix in a den of gorgeousness.
And then on cue, Erica's mom shows up like, hello, Phoenix killer here. Hi.
Hi, it's the ashes from which the phoenix sprang. Oh, mom, your ears.
I sure am. Wow, this is magnificent.
Listen, you can't have a phoenix without someone to set it on fire first. Hi.
Oh, look at this. Wallpaper.
You know, Joanne's going out of business.

If you want me to get some things for this place, I'll go real quick.

Still, don't fall for it, Renee.

Mom, meet Martin.

This is my mother, Renee.

She's an emotional terrorist and made me sad when I was younger when she sat in the back of my dance recital and gave me dirty looks.

It was my job, honey.

He's like, mwah, mwah. Don't come near me, please.
This is how I kiss now. Just stand right there, Renee.
Mwah! Mwah! Hey, sweetie, Erica, I want to just tell you something about your new boyfriend. I think he might be a homosexual.
It's just my interior decorator, mother! Oh, okay. She got a little concerned there.
So we're putting Legos in our face now. Yeah.
Nice house. And she's like, let me give you the tool.
First of all, turn around this way. Look, the best wall in the house.
It's me. Well, it's also you now, which really diminished this wall.
Mom, move over to the kitchen. The wall is good again.
And she's like, wow, this is gorgeous for a tacky person's home. She's like, thank you, mother.
Now, do you want to see the living room? Okay, step in here. It's like wow this is gorgeous for a tacky person's home it's like thank you mother now do you want to see the living room okay step in here it's like well honey i haven't actually had to really move i'm sort of feel like no matter if i take like a little inch this way i'm in one room an inch that way i'm in another it's a pretty small place i don't think you left tom but still managed to design a home that looks like where tom is now residing are there yeah bedpans around here that you want to decorate the living room table with it's a whole new vibe she was like well thank goodness you needed a whole new vibe this is more you whatever you is to you these days so thank you mother now bedroom? Ooh, that's her hot spot.
Ooh. Oh, I bet.
I bet it is. So they go to look at this weird black and white hallway.
The black and white hallway is the only thing I don't like. I don't like it.
It's not working. Yeah.
It's not. So we see the before, and it was plain white, and now it's got the palm tree everywhere.
I'd also like to see maybe one solid wall I don't know it looks too fun housey with the wallpaper all over because this is some loud wallpaper it's a lot of wallpaper also a new bed her bed is too like earth tony for this room so Renee is like well like a natural HGTV show's called, this is something I did for $5. Please shut the fuck up.
No nothing. So he's like, oh, I like this.
It's like a light shade of copper. Um, no, that's rose gold, mom.
You're surrounded by Hollywood palm. Also known as light shade of copper and palm fronds.
But it's like interior decorators. They've got to say, it's rose gold in Hollywood palm.
Special palm from Hollywood. She's like interior decorators they've got to say it's rose gold in hollywood palm special palm from hollywood she's like well i'm not familiar with palm from for all i know this is day palm i mean this is erica's bedroom we know what that's led to so well this is really a room for you to star in erica what every mother wants to hear martin thank you this has been fun now i a big stickler.
I don't like to see seams in wallpaper like this. I like that.
Oh, my goodness. My mother has landed.
I'm just so thrilled that I cannot thank you enough, Martin. Now, get off our televisions.
So, then Kyle and Kathy are arriving at the Bedford Breast Center. And it's time to get some mammies done.
Yeah, some mammograms and gossip. So they fill out the questionnaire talking about, you know, because their mom died of breast cancer.
And so Kyle talks about that, that her mom didn't get a mammogram for five years. And then by the time she found like a lump in her breast, it was stage four, et cetera.
So it's a good reminder. Everyone get their mammograms.
And then they do it, et cetera. And afterwards they wind up in a room and wait, then Kathy is getting her mammogram and she's like, oh, is that bed, bath and beauty that you have on? I didn't catch that.
Who did she say that to? I think the technician. And she's like, no, ma'am.
Really? It smells like one of those 20% coupons that I get in the mail. I'm covered with rain.
Wow. You smell.
And Carl's like, um, um this is not fun this is very anxiety provoking

and so we see the scans and kathy's like okay here's the test i want to know who has bigger boobs kyle or me so they go to this like holding area you put your boob into the ficus it's still Squeezing, so it's doing something.

She got a bike as a gram.

So... put your boob into the ficus it's still squeezing so it's doing something so she got a ficus a gram so they go to this like holding room and they're just like looking kyle's looking at her phone and uh kathy's like so it seems now that after the article but with maurice with that woman like not everybody's used to having to see that because like yeah i know imagine how he's feeling now knowing i saw it and all the daughters saw it like i know him very well he's like freaking out he's a cancer right like maybe not at the mammogram center but this time time although i guess that's a good place to hate cancer you know when you're in the mammogram place so she's like yeah he's a cancer so he's very sensitive and scared and you're so strong kyle i mean look at you freaking out right now on your phone just scrolling for any comment about mauricio you're just so strong you know i mean you're the stronger one a hundred percent oh no i sound like him a thousand percent a thousand percent i'm taking your husband's business 1000% I support my wife making a life about your show even though you're getting no money or permission to write anything 1000% Kathy Kathy come back now Kathy and there was a montage of Mauricio over the years saying 100% 100% 100% 100%.
And somewhere Paige the Sorbo is furious because she's like, it's 1,000% stealing my thing. So yeah, 100% over and over again.
And Kyle's like, well, this year has been very challenging. Anyway, I think that he would text and say something.
I don't know why I would think that, but I think he would. And Kathy's like, what? He's a single grown man.
He doesn't have to. And she goes, well, when people are quiet, it tells you a lot, Kyle.
Watch me. I'm going to be quiet.
I can't do it. Just continue.
Just continue. Kyle's like, what does it tell us well if you think about it what he's banging someone else Kyle come on I don't have to connect the dots so Kyle's like you know what I need to do I'm gonna do it right now because he's getting more attention than me he's getting more attention than me so I'm gonna go on Instagram and I'm gonna remove wife from my Instagram bio cause like why would I have wife on there with him running around with some young girl? My God.
No, okay. You had wife on there when you were running around with some girl.
Why switch it now? All right. Well, also, now that I've erased wife from my Instagram bio, it means I've freed up four more characters from my bio.
Hmm, what to use them for? Okay. How many characters are in co-star of jamie lee curtis in the future film halloween

it's more than four you know what i'm just gonna put in shrimp because morgan really likes shrimp

i like shrimp guy

you got some shrimp guy right shrimp shrimp. Real shrimp.
Spicy shrimp. Popcorn shrimp.
Butterfly shrimp. So she's basically, that's her big move.
She's going to take wife off her bio. Dun, dun, dun.
And, you know, she's saying it's for her own pride. But I think it's because she wants more stories about her because because she's jealous that Mauricio's getting the stories.
So she's like, yeah, I mean, he took off husband and father of his bio. He just put CEO of the agency, so I'm not going to have that on there.
It just feels so stupid. By the way, you also know that this is for headlines, because the real retaliation move is you keep wife up, and you get to say, oh, OK, well, I guess he's just kissing girls in Mykonos.
I'm just the wife in Beverly Hills. So like she's really sacrificing that card by doing this.
Just want to say. Yeah.
And we see Mo's bio, which is interesting. entrepreneur, CEO and founder of the agency, executive producer of Buying Beverly Hills

Netflix, and co-founder American Real Estate Association. Inventor Real Estate.
By the way, you know what I hate? I hate that he, we never really thought about, I never really thought about the proper spelling of his abbreviated name, Mo. But in my mind, that's M-O.
And he does M-A-U. And I'm sorry, I don't think that's right.
Because that's Maw. I know, like, I would say M-A-U.
You would say M-O? But M-O is not even right. I would say M-O.
Why would you do that? Why would you do it? Well, look, because I think that M-A-U is Maw. And I understand that, like, in his name, it's spelled Mauricio.
And in the context of Mauricio, at the end of it, it becomes Mo. But without Mauricio, it's Ma.
And I think it should change into Mo. Sorry, I'm going to say.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's a very important thing for me. It should be M-O.
Okay, what's his M-O? It's not M-A-U.u it's m-o okay so kathy's like well i don't think that this lady knows any better and she's like well clearly he doesn't know that his photo is being taken but like i mean it looked like somebody was taking that photo intentionally intentionally kathy and she goes well not to be rude but i mean it's not like you're with brad pitt what is why kyle keeps on saying, he definitely didn't know the photo was being taken. She keeps on saying that over and over and over again, which is such a strange defense.
It's not strange to have that defense, but that she keeps coming back to it. It's very curious to me.
So Kathy's like, well. Secret.
Like, you think it's weird that she's saying, oh, well. It's not like he did it on purpose because he didn't know that picture was being taken right that's how i'm taking it like it's not like he was trying to hurt me because he didn't see somebody taking his picture it was like a hidden camera or something so it's not like he was trying to hurt me or anything i almost feel like it's a this girl is doing it it's the woman who's purposely making the picture known so she can get more publicity.
It's like, oh, same old, same old with Kyle. There could be that, or maybe it's like an overcompensation.
She probably thinks that he's aware. Everyone thinks that this photo was staged, but she's trying to take the high road.
I'm like, no, he had no idea. I'm going to take the high road on this one, but it's like, it's ringing inauthentic to me, and I don't know what the motive is, but it's ringing inauthentic.
So Kathy's like, well, we've all heard all about all the rumors about him and it's embarrassing. It's humiliating, but you know, uh, we really never seen a picture.
Nobody's ever come out. Like he's not in a position financially to pay anyone off, which, well, I just love, I mean, well, is the implication that he's in some sort of arrears and some debt, or is it just that Kathy Hilton's so wealthy that Mauricio's considerable wealth to her just seems like a very poor person? Like, oh, well, he only has about $300 million in this account, so he barely has a dime to his name.
I mean, how much does it cost to pay 90 trillion dollars i mean come on he doesn't really have that yeah because i think he's pretty rich i mean the agency's a pretty huge deal i mean it's all across america all of a sudden i mean i'm sure he's pretty rich but i don't know what does kathy know tell me what he knows so kathy's like let's find find out what she does. I don't even care.
But if you want to look it up, fine. Here's her LinkedIn and here's her Instagram.
And also I found her DMV records. I don't even care.
I got a piece of DNA off the brush that she used there. So maybe you could run that through someone.
Not that I really care. Okay.
Her name is Estella and she's a% Chinese. Oh, she beat me.
She beat me. Well, I thought it was that lady.
You know, she reminds me of the lady with the dancing. Okay, Kathy.
Okay, I don't want to keep talking about her so much. Okay, I also found here's her criminal record so you can look at that and talk about that on camera.
I don't want to talk about her anymore. Carl, this is going to cost $19.99 to run the DNA.
You're really low on cash, though, right? About the kind of money to pay the DNA people off. I don't want to talk about her.
Here's some security cam footage of her to Carvel. I do not want to talk about her.
Why do her fingerprints look like rhinoceroses? Am I right? Look at these things. Can you believe she wrote about Snow White in her senior thesis? Oh my god, I just don't even want- I don't even know who this person is.
Oh my god, thank god we're here. I got my hands on her last pap smear.
But not that I care. Not that I really care.
Cool, man. I found it.
Where'd that come from? Look at this discarded box of Cheez-Its that was in her trash. I mean, how disgusting.

Oh, I'm sorry, Kyle.

Sorry to interrupt your scene.

I actually left those on accident.

All right.

Back to the car.

Have a good one, Kyle.

Meme me soon, darling.

You know, this Cheez-It box was from me because I taped a meme to it.

And it's kind of our thing.

I was like, oh, my god, is this her?

She's just a little girl.

No, Kathy, that's a little girl sitting in the backseat going, oh, okay.

It's a meme, Kathy.

All right.

I just realized what you were doing. The girl in the backseat giving that dirty look.

What the hell?

So she's like, well, it's Estella. It's Estella.
She's like, i don't care what her name is it's like you're right you're right you're right you're right but it does remind me of when he put that picture of the dancing with the stars lady in your kathy stop it okay well i just you know what it could be somebody else next week so why even worry about this girl it's like yeah i mean like she goes yeah like who cares and kathy's like i mean it could

be she could be a nice person you know it's she could be nice who knows you know but you have to digest it kyle you have to digest it okay kyle's like we don't say the d word on this show so kathy's like well he clearly did not orchestrate it but you know like there are other ways of finding out who did wink, wink, nudge, nudge, honk, honk, armpit, armpit, fart, armpit, fart. One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy.
Once again, Kathy, I do not care. Are you calling TMZ or are you just going to keep saying one ringy dingy? Kathy, what's great about this is that Kathy has a whole arsenal of tricks to shut down stories, aka who just pays someone off and to get to the bottom of things, which of course she does, because you're not the mother of Paris Hilton and Nikki Hilton without this, without these, these tools.
But it's just so funny how, how ready she is to, to employ them. Yeah.
I wish she had, I want to know know who did it this is the biggest mystery of the year uh on this show at least so um this lady she just comes in and she's like hi i'm the radiologist everything looks fine i i'm just gonna smile because i don't know what to do with myself i'm on tv talking to kathy elton right now oh my God, what a fan. So Kathy's like, do we get stickers on lollipops? And she's like, well, I'll look to see if we have lollipops.
No, well, I got a guy. I can call someone up.
One ringy, two ringy, get a little sticker. Okay, Kathy, relax.
So now let's go to Sutton, the store in West Hollywood, which nobody knew it was the last days of this store.

So she's going through her inventory.

Lots of, you know, weird khaki uniforms from the 50s for like, I don't know, storage workers.

And she's like, we got some situations here.

This is an extra large.

It doesn't need to be in this pile.

I want the mediums here and I want the extra largest over there. Offy.
So Garcelle shows up. She's like, hello.
Oh, come on. Sit down.
Okay. Let's get away from the t-shirts because I'll go insane.
What can I get you? Well, whatever you're going to have. Well, it's after five.
So I'm going insane with this fricking fashion show. So let's get some hard liquor up in here because the last thing i need is more accusations of being an alcoholic okay so what do you want so they start drinking and she talks about how her mom's supposed to come um but her flight at eight in the morning was canceled so no big deal carcetta i'm not kidding I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding. No.
Wait. Did Reba show, did Reba show them her comp card? You don't have one of those.
No. I did show them her picture in case she got lost.
And they said, she just took out Mario. So, we're trying to catch her.
That was rough. That was a rough And so she says that there's a flight outage, and it was when there was that big outage across the country, and everything was grounded.
And so she's like, oh, typical sudden stop. Even the National Grid is coming after my pride and happiness.
Turns out Kathy Hilton's not the only one who can put a phone call in reba's like hello air traffic control what what does a sweet old lady from augusta georgia have to do to ground all planes in america so i don't have to go to los angeles thank you very much i know you see on the news it turns out the outage was caused by an old woman uploading a virus uh she got an email from a Nigerian prince claiming that he had an inheritance for her.

She's like doing war games like with Matthew, Matthew Roderick or something.

Just like, all right, I'm uploading it to the system.

And it's like the net.

It's like those progress bars.

That's like, okay, 30 more seconds.

All planes are now officially grounded. And I'm staying in Augusta.
So it's funny. So she's like, well, she's going to come tomorrow.
I just got a text and her flight is going to be coming tomorrow. So we hope.
Fingers crossed. And so she's like, yeah, I've never done a fashion show, but I've been to a lot of fashion shows and I know what I like.
Okay. I just want it to be fun and gorgeous.
I want someone just dressed like they're hired to pick up golf balls off the ground. That's what I want.
It's my dream. It's my dream.
By the way, Garcelle, your son is going to be walking. And then we see Jade, flashback to Jade posing.
And so I was like, this is a big deal for him to walk in a fashion fashion show for a boutique that's about to close down and garcelle's like yes this is your night take it in well there's not going to be any bullshit in my night i want all of our friends to feel welcome so you know what invite to reed or poor reed here's the clothes she's she's going to get to high fashion in a long time. Okay.
So I don't know.

Am I going to invite her?

Am I not going to invite her?

Garcelle goes, that is the question.

So then we see a montage of all this fighting poor Reet and all of this good stuff.

And then Garcelle's like, I mean, it's just never done.

It bleeds, Dorit and Sutton, it bleeds into something else and then it blows up and there's never going to be a resolution between those two i mean i haven't even had a chance to talk about this i've built a beach house and i've never been prouder it's like people forget that i have a beach house in oxenard so garcelle's like well what about a group text oh should i do a group text yes that's why i said what about a group text do people on

cricket get the same text that the people on verizon get well it's up to her if she wants to come or not okay can we get by the okay can we just talk about kyle now can we gossip about kyle now so um garcelle pulls out a tabloid video of mauricio and the girlfriend on the phone you know, and Garcelle's like, well, look at this. Look at this.
Look at this hug. What is she wearing? It's not Kyle by Alien 2.
No. The girl is, what's she wearing? Like a thong bikini with a cover up over it, right? I mean, I'm guessing they're in some luxurious resort in Greece.
And she's like, okay. I think they're at the airport still.
Why not? I don't think it's that crazy to wear this. wear this can we just leave the woman alone the woman didn't do anything i don't know what everybody's mad at her for you know i like sudden she goes oh mauricio get your dentures out because you know what she's your daughter's age and i think that kyle needs to say enough it's like well it's still her ex-husband well he's not her-husband.
It's her husband that she's holding onto for a pipe dream and Cinderella. Well, guess what? You didn't lose one shoe.
You done lost two shoes. And Garcelle's like, girl, you about to lose the house.
That's what you're going to lose. Jesus Christ.
Those ladies are vicious. And I don't even like Kyle.
And I was like, damn. And Sutton's like, well, I think Kyle's holding up for this moment of Mauricio coming back and being like, oh, it's a terrible mistake.
I'm moving back in. But, you know, I hope that Kyle sees through what he's doing.
I hope she sees right through it. Sutton is never more triggered than when she's discussing divorce or when she's around people who are divorced.
So triggered is shady. Sutton is just such a great form of her.
And just see telling Kyle that she lost both of her slippers is so cruel. I love it.
So, cause I could also see Kyle being that Cinderella, you know, be like, okay, well, who has the other slipper? I actually left my other slipper at the steps of the palace by accident, so I can't verify that they belong to me. So now they're basically just kind of making fun of Guile, you know, and she needs to wake up.
Does she not realize Marisa has moved on? What does it take? Now, we've've both been through it and there's ways to handle it like adults and that's called attorneys and when anybody wants to get a divorce that's when we're going to have a real good girls night hey everyone this is the end of part one of this recap for part two keep an eye on your podcast feed it is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening.
Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors.
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