#2748 Southern Hospitality S03E09: Kitty Cornered

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Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good it going good have you been working out i can tell this part of your neck is very strong right now really i think it's because i'm leaning forward i'm just like i'm like normal i'm like very strong really well thank you thank you i've been trying to work out more but i don't think i've been growing my neck well ben's getting his tour body ready because we're on tour.
We're going next month. Well, this month because it's March now.
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And you can get videos of all of our recaps, except live shows, but all the other recaps, and Traders recaps over on our Patreon. You can also find links to those on WatchWhatCrappens.com.
So what do you think about that? And here we are with some Southern Hospital. Tal, hospital we did not we're doing this a little late because we guested on a show yesterday so it kind of took our time for this but we did not forget our little little southern hospitality i i just tried to put charleston up in the background it's so busy that i i'm just oh i have another one under there that i got we're trying to change our background picture for all this stuff today.

And just for fun, just, you know, to do something.

It was underwater when it started because we had done Below Deck beforehand.

This is the one I found.

I had put one up.

I had downloaded one that was very similar, but it'll be similarly.

I think it'll be also very, very, very busy.

I'll try it.

Here we go.

I'm going to add this Charleston picture.

And it's uploading, right? It's going to be busy gonna it's not gonna look great yeah no that's good that one's fine okay so here we are in charleston um we get overhead shots we get the raven owl bridge and we get a song that nobody is singing on this show which is all, cause I'm better off without you. It's like the anti-Emmy song.
No one's singing that song on here. Everybody's terrified of being alone, so they're just going to be with someone they're not right with.
What the hell? Where's that song, Trixie? How about, I'm settled, settled, settling, like the forefathers of Charleston. That's it.
Yeah. So then we go to Dunes West Golf Club and Will and Joe Bradley.
Will, I'm sorry. Will and Joe and Bradley all arrive at the golf course together.
And Will's like, oh, I don't think I've swung a golf club in like four years. And Joe's like, yeah, you should like enter.
You need to enter like bigger tournaments. So Brad shows up and they go golfing and everything.
They're all like broing it up on the golf course and joking around. And Joe's like, it's pretty moist out here.
Here you go, Tiger. Here's a club.
So then they're having fun. Then we go over to Charleston into into the city, and we go to the Nails So Dep.
Or is it Nails So Deep? Nails So Dep? What does that mean? I don't know. Maybe that's the name of the person who owns it, Dep? Or maybe it's a typo and it's supposed to be deep.
But either way, it's a nail salon. Yeah.
So Maddie and Mia are going to Goss at the nail salon. And they're talking about how much fun they had together in Vegas.
I mean, it's like, yeah, but actually, like, I worry for you when you do get married and Grace Lily is invited to the actual wedding. And then we get a flashback to gracefully just thinking, ah, ah, ah, ah, exhausting the fake wedding.

And Maddie's like,

I am actually exhausted by that girl.

Like,

I'm like literally exhausted by her yeah and um mia's like then like why do you let that friendship exhaust you is that not a sign that it's time to cut the friendship loose and then we see no it's not time for that ma'am stop bringing in letting go of grace lily don't get grace lily kicked off of this show excuse me yeah i like you but no back yeah back down i agree we see a flashback to them fighting in vegas and matt is like well i don't know i feel like one-on-one like me and her she'll take accountability but the moment she's in a group Upsetting she goes on the defense like L.O. fucking L

Um She'll take accountability. But the moment she's in a group setting, she goes on the defense like L-O-fucking-L.
Yeah, it's weird. It's like being confronted by 20 people is different than being confronted privately by one person.
I wonder why that is. So then we go back to the golfing and Will's like, should we get our balls out? And Brad's like that's a different kind of party well hey i'm more tiger hood than tiger woods get it she was like you're such a douchebag so then there's they're taking swings and everything and brad's like it usually takes me like three or four holes to warm up and will's like that's she said so yeah you don't need to be warming up any more holes will okay joe's like it's usual golf etiquette like i don't know how it is at the law office but like you don't talk during people's backswings do you do backswings at the law office yeah but with highlighters so i'm pretty busy are you allowed to talk while you're using your highlighter golf, you're not allowed to.
So back to the nail salon. They're talking about Maddie's DJ life.
And she's like, I just came back from Miami. It was like crazy.
And Joe didn't come because he was at a wedding. And so Mia's like, are you really going to marry Joe? And she's like, well, we talked about it.
just, like, trying to kind of pump the brakes on his Uber,

you know? So, like, just pump it.

And then we go back to the golf course,

and they're giving Joe shit about,

you know, being fake married, and he's like,

we're good. It's just, like, you know, like,

I'm at the point where, like, I live with Maddie, like, six out of seven of the days

now, and, like, I have to go

to Daniel Island, and it's, like, starting to,

like, take a toll on me, you know? Like, I love the girl she's living with to death but like it's like super i could have a lamborghini like for all that i spent on ubers and it's like it's just like ridiculous like i'm just thinking like if i lived with my boys 30 minutes away like how many nights a week would she come spend the night at my house yeah i'm like it's like getting like really hard for me to like show up at their house and then cloris leachman opens the door and then she like shakes her head and then nods up to upstairs and just like rolls her eyes like that's like not a nice way to walk into a place i wish she lived there i wish that waitress lived in the house that would make it 10 times more interesting i know hey hey it's you honey all right come on in here you're just waiting here it's the lobby it's really the living room you're not funny i just call it the lobby. It's really the living room.
Isn't that funny? I just call it the lobby. So, what you doing today, toots? Hey, Maddie.
Your piece of meat is here. Hey.
We're making tattoos with toothpicks and food dye. What do you want me to make on you? So, Joe's like, she's sleeping zero nights at my house downtown which is like literally three

blocks away from republic so and brad's like well why is that i don't know i'm gonna whiff this too by the way this ball so just stop talking okay so brad basically is saying that he understands why joe's complaining but he also thinks that joe does whatever maddie says and like you know if Maddie said if maddie says jump joe says how hi mommy and he's gonna go so who wears the pants in the relationship i think we all know and so then we go back to the nail salon and maddie's like i mean he's like ready to buy a house together and i'm just like whoa like whoa this is moving too fast you know and then i'm like looking at houses and he's like but if we go in on that together and me is just like no no oh no no no no no don't ever depend on a man and she's like exactly because like he could like fuck you over or leave you like at any moment you know what i mean i mean you know the last time i was able to ride a bike attached to like a box with wheels on it like it's's really hard. It's really been hard.
She's like, yeah, like don't put all your eggs in one basket. And Mia's like, wow, you, your DJ career must be doing really well if you can afford eggs.
It's like, yeah. So Mia's like, it's outrageous that Joe and Maddie have been dating for four months.
I mean, he wants to buy a house, get fake married. And it's just like too much.
too much so then maddie is like i just i also just like don't have time to like move or like buy a house or like go house hunting right now like i'm about to go on tour do you know how busy i am do you know how hard it is practicing pressing play on my cd player it's like really hard um and she's like wait are you taking him on the road and she's like oh my god well. It's like really hard.
And she's like, wait, are you taking him on the road? And she's like, oh my god. Well, there's definitely going to be times where he's going to have to hang back.
Not putting words in anyone's mouth, but do you think that maybe he's a little bit jealous of your career? Oh my god. L-L-fucking-L.
I feel like he's ready for his career growth as soon as he finds a career and maddie is i'm sorry mia's saying like maddie's pumping the brakes but i need to hear her i need to her to pull the emergency handle because joe obviously sees maddie is rising and he's got nothing going on so joe's like well i don't want to say that like maddie's like being selfish because like i just think she's think she doesn't know she's being selfish. She's being selfish, but she doesn't know about it.
It's like secret selfish. She's like a secret selfish.
And Brad's like, maybe you could meet in the middle. Maybe if you go to Daniel Island, then she could spend three days downtown or something.
She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to stay in Joe's apartment downtown.
She wants to go home. Yeah.
And Will's like, yeah, I mean, you will, you just need to like ask her to spend more time at your place if driving is the problem. I mean, you can come stay with me and Emmy.
In fact, like, you know where you could like, if you crash with me and Emmy, you could literally sleep directly in between me and Emmy. Like, just like be like a wall.
You're like a human wall in our bed. Like, we'll totally be down down with that then if i get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom you could just like keep guard also i don't think that joe i don't think it's the driving i think they're missing the point joe doesn't like going out there because she's with five other girls he doesn't like sharing her with all the people in the apartment you know at least it is effort it It is time and effort.
And like, sometimes you just want, like, if you, if you could just go home, it's three blocks away, but you have to get an Uber and drive for 30 to 40 minutes. Like that's, I mean, if someone made me go out to Santa Monica from Hollywood every single night of the week.
I mean, first of all, I would never date that person. That's an awful awful person but that's the point like like like at some points you you want to say hey can you come to hollywood instead because you're graphically undesirable that's what they call it okay but i think the deeper issue here is that she doesn't really want to be with him one online she'd rather like go hang out with his girlfriend or her girlfriends i think she's just not that into him.
That's, I think, even the bigger thing that's come out of this. Yeah.
So then they're like, so how are you and Emmy doing well? And he's like, it has not been an easy summer. And then we just see a flashback of Emmy being like, can I ever win? Can I just ever win? shit all over her face and so great bull's like um you know mistakes were made lessons were learned you know no you made mistakes and you learned no lessons that's what you have to say it's like so for me i mean i'm entering a new chapter of my life like i'm going maybe from like yellow highlighter to pink i don't know We're thinking things through.
But just more professional and stuff. So my highlighter is going to have to wear a tie.
And I kind of want to get a house and settle down and have a yard and a dog. And prove to people that I'm mature by doing mature things without actually growing up.
Maybe get some kids with someone. I don't know who.
But I want Emmy to live the housewife life. So I'll get her a back house for me and my wife.
I don't know. Something cool like that.
And they're like, so do you actually want the housewife life? He's like, yeah, because she's good at, I don't know, taking out trash and making charcuterie boards and cleaning my underwear and stuff like that. She'll come to law school and do my laundry.
So, yeah, why wouldn't I want to marry her? I mean, yeah, fuck yeah. I mean, you know, a woman who's stuck in the laundry room can never catch you cheating.
So, yeah, she's like my backup, which is, you know, something that she really likes when I say that to her. You know, I feel like she's really been supporting me through school and I need to pay her back.
You know, after all this bullying I've been going through with with Biff at law school, it's nice to have someone who can make you a charcuterie board at the end of the day. So romantic.
And Brad's like, so you're going to pay her back by marrying her? And he's like, yeah, because, you know, like having a life together, being like, I'll work and cheat. You run logistics of our thing and pretend I'm not cheating.
You know, it's like, it's just, it sounds good. You know, she'll be like a car and I'll pump it full of fuel

and then I'll rent other cars and pump those as well.

But she won't really care

because it doesn't affect her mileage.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, you know, when you've got like a, like a plug-in hybrid,

like sometimes you get your, you get your fuel

from like the, from the socket and the wall

and that's like Emmy, but you only get 30 miles out of it.

So then the rest, you have to, you know, use a different power source. That's the gas.
And that's, that's what happens and the wall. And that's like Emmy, but you only get 30 miles out of it.
So then the rest you have to, you know,

use a different power source, that's the gas.

And that's what happens in the bathroom.

So it's pretty cool.

So Brad's like, yeah, we're not talking about a car.

This is your girlfriend.

And I like that all the relationships on this show so far

are just brought down to car analogies.

And just like, what is this a business deal? This is the most unromantic show i've ever heard in my life so then he does like this robot thing where he's like we can have platonic family i will give you a ring it's fucking weird i'm like yeah but you're also asking for the exact same thing from um from maddie so and also uh emmy is kind of into the stepford wife thing. That's her goal.
So, I don't know. It's like, what happened to Vicky, you know, the robot, when she grew up? When's this? She just wants that.
You know, she just wants to be like, welcome home, honey. I made charcuterie.
This time there is prosciutto from Harris Eaters. And a larger question, whatever happened to Vicki Lawrence?

Or Lewis? All the Vickys. Where are they? I was going to say, I think Vicki Lawrence

is doing a one-woman show called, like,

Mama and Friends!

But the other one, I don't know.

Wait, wait.

Vicki Lawrence, one-woman show.

What is Vicki Lawrence up to?

I'm going to ask AI, what is Vicki Lawrence on one woman's show. What is Vicki Lawrence up to? Wait, I'm going to ask AI.

What is Vicki Lawrence up to?

She attended Pensacon, where she met fans and was interviewed by a digital reporter.

She also enjoyed her time in Pensacola, Florida, which she described as a charming small town.

Well, thank you, AI, for that very specific reference.

According to Ticketmaster, she has a show called Vicky lawrence and mama my kind of girl right there okay so um joe's uh joe's like uh you need to like tea a little higher though because like will like is that what are you even tea like come on man this isn't a lot of time it's like tea time like figure out how to tea bro and will's giving him a dirty lick and he's like he's like whatever like most condescending prick ever but like when i do it back he's like oh oh i don't really know the word for hypocrisy but you guys fill in the blanks fill in the blanks so then will mess up his swing and then they all laugh and Will's like, I should have teed it down. Damn it.
So, yeah.

Now we go to, now it's nighttime. mess up his swing and then they all laugh and Will's like, I should have teed it down.
Damn it.

So, yeah. Now we go to, now it's nighttime

and we're in the Republic back room and everyone's coming

in to change and now the back room

is like a dressing room. So they're all like doing their hair

and stuff and

Brad is,

he announces that he has to fart

so Joe opens up a locker for

Brad to fart into, which he does.

Wasn't that a bridge?

Whatever it was. It was like a beer

I'm sorry. he's like, he announces that he has to fart.
So, um, Joe opens up a locker for Brad to fart into, which he does.

Wasn't that a fridge?

Whatever it was.

It was like a beer fridge or something.

It could be all of my fridge.

Like put,

put a C on that restaurant.

Put a C at the door,

please.

Molly is,

um,

doing her hair.

And so her hair is up high.

And then they're like,

Oh my God.

She's just like,

you look like Leah.

You look like Leah CEO. And then we see like a side by side of molly and leah and leah's like damn right she does look like me genuine rock star 100 it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial let's get real for a minute about smelling good with suave launching their new men's deodorant line, you've got even less reason to overpay.
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So Maddie comes and she's like, ever sincegas i feel like joe's like hitting fast forward like

now he wants to get married like now he thinks we're good i just wish i had like a remote control and i could press mute or like pause or like end series i mean i don't know anything like anything on the remote control other than play and so um emmy is emmy is like um okay guys like I have an announcement.

I couldn't go to Will's law school prom,

which is technically called the Barrister's Ball. So yeah, just think about that.
And I thought, what a fun idea to have a Republic fun prom, but with legal elements. So it'll be full of lawsuits and torts, but the torts can actually be like a dessert tour.
we'd be like that's a tour and the lawsuits can just be a stack of papers anyway i was just thinking out loud law prom at republic guys what do you think so yeah it's gonna be like a prom but it's gonna be like adult theme which sounds like a porn site but it's not a porn site not that i would know i don't look at porn neither does will like if we'll looked at porn that would be like so traitorous which you would never do to me you would never do that you guys are you suggesting that will looks at porn because that's bullshit okay now if anyone wants to figure out who they're gonna ask their dates you know you gotta ask your dates like make it cute you guys like ask them in a really really cute way yeah i hate cutesy prom invitations growing up that's this is not a thing for me by the way growing up in katona new York in the mid nineties. Like if you wanted to ask someone to prom, you just walked up to them and awkwardly said, will you go to prom with me? But like, I swear, I don't know if this was something that started in the two thousands or maybe I was sheltered from it, but I feel like it started with Laguna beach on MTV where they would like go to a freeway and like dangle a sign over the freeway that said prom question mark? And I just feel like ever since then, everyone does these ridiculous things.
Was this a thing? Did you go to the prom? Was this your prom culture? Of course I didn't go to the prom. Hello, who are you talking to? No.
I did not go to the prom. I thought you were going to be like, well, there was this lesbian who would wear suspenders, and we just had to go to the prom and just like curse at all the people or something the only lesbian i knew in town was my aunt josie who ran the bowling alley and my dad's property management company and she would walk around with this gigantic chain of keys on her polyester suit pants and she had like a big gray fro and she wasn't asking anybody to prom i'll tell you that that much.
So, no, there was no prom for me.

There was no prom.

My theoretical situation still remains.

You and Aunt Josie going to the prom and making fun of people.

She's like, get over here. I'm going to show you what fucking prom it is.

But, no, I didn't go to the prom.

But, yeah, I do think that people asked each other in creative ways to go to prom.

I just never liked it.

I just feel like it's so ridiculous.

I was like, that is so heteronormative, even though I'm not

gay and I don't know what heteronormative means.

But I was like, gross. Nights in White

Satin? No. How about

Ronnie's in Bed, watching Facts

in the Free Runs?

Nights in White Satin!

No.

My favorite movie back then was Carrie.

Except I felt like I would have been

the one covered in blood. But it would have been awesome to make everything fly around and hit people.
Yeah. You still haven't seen the substance, right? No, but you told me the ending and yesterday's recap.
So thanks. What did I say? And I didn't say the ending.
I'm not repeating it didn't spoil somebody else. I said nothing in the recap about the ending.

Yes, you did.

You didn't.

It spoiled.

It's dead to me.

I'm never watching that movie again.

So then we go to, we go back.

And Emmy's like, okay, get creative about how you're going to ask your date.

I'm going to write, well, you go to prom with me and mascara all over my face.

But it's not really going to be big letters until I start crying.

And it's going to work can i just win can i just win so molly's like why are we celebrating this man's accomplishments give me a break and like is like yeah like if almost like as fancy as like he says it is then like she should hire a bathroom attendant and maybe some spies for will and then um uh we go to the republic back room back again and brad is like can we vote on prom king and queen yeah and emmy's like that's brilliant that's so smart okay um uh i'll just say in advance will and i do accept this honor thank you very much everyone it's it's it's so it's so great being a king and queen but we will treat everyone like not like our subjects but like we're equals okay thank you so much everyone michaels comes in and he's like hey everybody everybody looks so pretty we have a big party coming in tonight it's joe bradley's friend so watch out because you know this is going to be douchey it's all good on the floor okay wear gloves wear gloves if you got them the rubber the better well the big group coming in guys are actually like my good friends from atlanta and they're all very successful lawyers so like i know about lawyers also and then he's like oh do they go to prom mike's like okay guys so let's try to keep the vibes up and have a good night. And they're like, okay.
So now it's like party time. People coming in, Batami Bahamas, cargo shorts, all the fun stuff.
And Joe's like, hey, look who it is. Successful lawyer friends.
Hi, everyone. What's going on? Hey, that's my boy from Atlanta.
He's a legend. Yeah a legend yeah yeah he's good he's cool yeah welcome legends so they all go in and um they're like half hot i mean i could use a lawyer so i didn't go to prom so then we go to um we see ally is there too and she's really pretty and that's austin's girlfriend so So of course TJ is just behind the bar, like shifty eyes, like, hmm, so I see that someone has a girlfriend here.
Hmm, interesting. A girlfriend.
He's vacuuming the top of the bar. He's like, hmm.
Huh, hmm, huh. So Emmy's like, hi, hey, what's going on? Hi, Allie, you look so good.
She's like, so do you. And TJ's like, huh, huh hmm it's extremely weird that Emmy is buddying up to Allie right now when both of her and Will believe her brother is the one starting all these quote-unquote rumors hmm hmm and let me add to that huh hmm hmm so the producer asks Emmy if she's met Allie and she's like um well um well yeah her and my mom have been Bible study friends like for years so yeah we know each other and so So she hugs her and she's like, um, well, um, well, yeah, her and my mom have been Bible study friends like for years.
So yeah, we know each other. And so she hugs her and she's like, good to see you, babe.
Good to see you. And Allie's like, you too.
You too. Don't, don't, don't.
We just cut to TJ's eyes. Like, so then in the kitchen, Joe's like, okay, guys, it's our last big table.
So we need like all the girls in here. Like want all the girls in here it's like big it's like lawyer big okay those are like icons those are legends out there not in the gateway they're not like mother icons they're like legend icons all right they're the men they're the men joe okay here's the thing joe leah ceo said that there should be a girl out on the floor at all times so i I sent Siobhan out there.
Okay, Joe, relax.

Oh my God, too much, Joe.

He's like, well, the highest spending table

is like $3,000 and like they need the most service.

That's all right.

Joe, we are giving you a 12 year old to go to their table.

12 year old, say hello.

And he's like, hi, I'm lighting sparklers.

Just like this little baby

that they've tried to work at this place.

I love it.

They got him out of the old Navy factory

and shipped him to this restaurant for a night job. He's just like, I know.
Joe, stop being a dick. I'm not.
I'm just saying how it works. So Austin is watching and he's like, it's funny watching the newlyweds bicker a little bit.
I'm going to get the popcorn going. Well, I'm just like listening to the boss and the boss wants someone on the floor at all times.
Joe. So then...
Siobhan is floor like Lea's request. Okay, sorry She can't be back here catering to you and cut to Lee out there like that's right one on the floor or one out the door Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm Liam motherfucking CEO and I'm not playing Look, I'm not like catering to me.
I just like need her catering to my boy from atlanta joe siobhan needs to be out there per leah ailer who is above you so fucking chill girl on the floor okay and he's like yeah leah would be like hell yeah like get all the service back at the table like she'd be like absolutely and meanwhile we cut to leah and she's like if i see one more misspelled

sign you're out of here do you understand i'm leah mother ceo not leah she don't know i'm watching

you

so joe's like well here's a sign but it's misspelled on purpose if you're in pain

make it rain you're spelled you are which is kind of like egyptian so then i was like oh joe okay you can take it out by yourself because shavon needs to be on the floor so by the way shavon also needs to be on my television screen why are we not seeing shavon i almost put her on the back of a milk carton the other day in my fridge where's shavon where's she been why did we dump shobhan yeah i agree so she comes in to help with sparklers and siobhan is like why is no one else back here and just like i don't know it's just like weird you know what joe bradley thinks he's the owner and i have to humble him that's like the typical thing i don't know if he has some resentment with me or what but it's like not a good look at work joe i don't know why you're so mad i sent chloris leachman out there and we caught chloris leachman saying hey boys so lawyers huh so will you take care of elderly people getting abused we're in accidents fall down at work what kind of lawyers are you how there's many different flavors all right everyone gather around who wants to hear some stories about gene hackman so joe is like okay too soon is it too soon too soon it's a memoir listen we're remembering so joe is like he's like well we only had one server come back to the three thousand dollar minimum table and like you and the other servers like refuse to come out. That's like a horrible look and they all deserve a VIP experience.
And I'm just like,

I keep telling everyone like, why are you keep making money from them? I'll just keep serving

you. Like that's like not a good look as like a leader of the company.
And we just cut to TJ going,

well, I guess the honeymoon's over.

It's not a good look as the leader of the company to take us away from our tables, Joe. And he's like, I'm not taking you away.
It was like two seconds. It's like, talk to the hand, Joe.
Talk to the hand, Joe. And Michael sees him and he's like, what's going on here? Why are we fighting at work? Like, Leah CEO is over there.
I don't need the king and queen of Republic fighting on the floor. You know what I mean? Like, Leah is here.
Do you not see Leah? She is currently doing a line of coke off Cloris Leachman's ass, which is probably not by the rules. But anyway, can we just concentrate? So then the child server asked Maddie where Joe is.
I don't know, know child i don't know where joe is and we're like a little like behind right now so it's like what the fuck can i ask you a question is joey my father no do you know who my father is no do you know who my mother is who put me here where am i is there a school here the child was like born out of like out of like the the bottom of tj's sir wiener's cart like the chemicals came together and created like the cut that was like you saw like a head like emerge from the water like it's like it was like it's like species um so magic uh so joe's like i think're sold out. I think I sold all the tables.
And so then they're like, whatever. And they go out to help and smile and they sell things.
So now we go to a tequila bar during the day. And Michael's goes and has a lovely little lunch with his stepfather.
So they sit down and his dad is a stepfather but really considers him his dad etc. And Michael explains that Reeve, well he calls him Reeve, I think his full name is Rivelino so talks about how his dad was no longer with his mom anymore and that Michael talks about being raised in an Afro-Latino background coming out as gay was hard because there's so much machismo in the culture that he was raised in and that his stepdad was the only consistent figure that supported him unconditionally.
Yeah, he's like, so have you talked to mom? He's like, no. And he's like, yeah, you haven't talked to her? And he's like, no, he goes, you haven't called her? And he goes, she's called me, but I don't ever call back.
So apparently this lady is just a terror to everybody. He's like, no, no, I'm not calling her.
So then he tells us basically how his mom found out he was gay. And it's because she went through his phone and found an Instagram DM thread between him and this guy saying, I i love you and she wouldn't speak to him for a week and then she never would talk about it after and so um rive tells michael's like only pers you know only pursue men for you don't try and find someone to please your mom because nothing is going to please your mom so don't don't even try that okay so michael's is like thank you for the support here's a picture of preston and then and no his dad is like okay oh whoa okay i mean yes i fully support you i fully support you uh no his this his stepfather is really very sweet and very supportive he's so cute too he's just smiling the whole time So, then, now it's time to go to Bourbon and Bubbles.
That's right, because Leva sits down with Joe, and Joe is like, I don't know why Leva asked me here, but, like, maybe even if I'm in trouble, it's okay, because anytime Leva calls me, I'm like, hell yeah. Yeah.
Just like Leva says every time they ask her to shoot a scene on the show. She's like, hi, Joe.
What's going on? He's like, not much. It's been a really good summer.
Like, I got extra pop in my staff because, like, Maddie's helped me a lot with that. You know, Maddie's helped me a lot.
You know, because it's my wife. It's, like, really good to be paired up with someone who's so helpful.
Okay. That's great.
By the way, Lamar told me last night that you want to take a month off to go on tour with Maddie. So I knew we had to have a chat, you know, her DJ career isn't real.
It only happens when we're shooting the show, right? Yeah, no, but like, I don't want Maddie to travel alone. That's like the love of my life, but also her dreams are happening.
So I want to be the support system. Yeah.
I know that like her dreams are, but while her dreams are happening, tables need to be bussed. So don't sacrifice your career.
You're really good at wiping down things. Yeah.
You know, like Joe, your career is going to a certain place. Me and Lamar, we both know if the ice machine's broken, you're always there to kick it and make it work again.
So I just really need you to think about that. He's like, I don't like Maddie being alone.
So that's really rough. Leva's like, I know Joe has a bigger idea for himself because he's not motivated at the door anymore.
He's kind of getting mopey. And you see him being like, come on in, come on in.
Oh, wow. But if you really want to run a space, you cannot follow Maddie around.
You've got to chime in. You've got to clock in.
You can't take the whole month off. I'm like, look, he, he tasted, he got a taste of the sweet life.
Okay. He banged Countess Luanne de Lesseps and he knows he could be somewhere in England right now being introduced by Tilda Swinton.
So it's hard. It's hard to go back to be a sweet wife he got a taste of like benson and hedges menthol breath life he knows he knows what it could be and he's like i just want to build like something i could be be like you know like impressed by you know i want she i want her to like hype me up you know like the other day i carried an ice she didn't say anything how do you think that makes me feel? So now it's another day.
And the Republic garden and patio has been turned into like a kitty spot. Because we've got big yarn balls.
Leva brings in a big yarn ball. And we see signs that say live, laugh, meow.
Actually, that's just a joke. So then then there's kittens and Leva tells us

there's a problem

in South Carolina

because there are

too many kittens.

There are so many kittens

that even the kill shelters

are having trouble

euthanizing.

I mean,

that's what they always said

on Southern Charm

that, you know,

Charleston just has

too much pussy,

which is why the men

get to have all the choices.

Hey, yo.

Hey. That's terrible, though.

All the kill shelters are even having to kill now.

I mean, my God. Non-kill

shelters, yeah. Yeah, the

non-kill shelters are

having to kill now. That's crazy.

All those sweet little kittens.

So,

they, you know, there's cats every place,

which, I don't know, sounds bad

for a restaurant.

A lot of people are allergic to cats. I don't think you want cat dander, but whatever.
It's not like it's a sparkling clean place to begin with, but no cat shame, but you know, damn. So Michaels comes and he's like, oh my God, I can get my face painted like a cat.
I'm so doing that. Yeah.
So he sits like a little like little nose and whiskers which is good because he spends the rest of the episode being very somber and like pulling people for advice with a little cat face on so michael's is like so by the way um uh lake can we have a talk please so i had a chance to talk with my dad and i like kind of

want to tell you about it so i can maybe give you some advice to do the same with your dad she's like um what do you want me to say to my dad well it's like not really what i want you to say it's just like what i want like it's just what you know what you want to say so basically i don't want to say this to my mom but i want you to say this to your dad so I'm just gonna let you know what he has to say. Yeah.
I mean, look back off. This is her fucking business.
Everyone has the right to come out how they want to come out. I don't like, I mean, I get that he's just trying to be helpful and being like, you'll feel better once you've actually, you're living your truth, but that's up to her.
Yep. And you're also like, you have a cat face up.
He's like, meow. Can I tell you what you should say? It's like the one minute your mom would be happy.
You're covered in pussy. Like, it's like, why is everyone so concerned about my dad? Like, I'm glad you had a conversation with your dad.
I just think it's great. But like, and I want to hear about it, but I'm just like, so now people are like adapt adopt not adapting kittens they're adopting kittens and stuff and then um people are like walking in etc and tj's like joe and maddie come in and tj's like oh i didn't know you guys were coming i guess i guess uh i guess the old tj doesn't get text messages anymore saying we're coming so great thanks for that.
Well, it takes like two hours to get here from Daniel Island. So we're late.
Sorry, everybody. About geographically fucked.
Am I right? Maddie, come with me. I want to talk with you.
So Michael takes Maddie to the side. He's like, what the hell was that? She goes, yeah, Joe and I were fighting.
And like he was talking shit about Grace. And and I feel like he was trying to turn her against me.
And then we see the fight. And he's like, I mean, it's just hard, because you're giving 99% to a friendship, and you're only getting 1% back, and it's crazy.
1% is generous. And she's like, I can assure you, there have been times in our relationship where she's been giving 90%, and I've been giving 10%.
So you know what, Joe, it's just how it works until you've really like spent time in Mexico with somebody. You really don't understand.
Oh, I've never seen Grace give you a 90%. So, Oh yeah.
Well last year, but you wouldn't know cause you weren't fucking around Joe. So Matt, now back to president Maddie's like, now my friendship is being like effective because he's like trying to defend me it's like borderline suffocating and I can defend myself he just like needs to trust my judgment Michael's just staring at her like do you feel like you can be more open with me now that I'm dressed like a kitty cat and now Grace and her mom Tracy are there and um cats oh my god honey maybe this is your big moment you have a song about cats you could sing i believe in you so um yeah they're they're there and i just love i'm so glad they brought uh grace brought her mom because i love grace's mom because she's basically like grace and her mom just kind of try to look like each other which is like my favorite thing like like tracy tries to be like the cool mom but then grace is the kind of daughter that's like my mom is just the best they're just like this power duo power duo of inanity how many people can say they've danced on tables naked with their mom and to lean so um uh joe is saying in saying in a confessional, like seeing you succeed as a, by the way, sorry, TJ, just want you to know, seeing you succeed as an entrepreneur and like seeing Maddie killing it and like Bradley like doing something, just makes me realize like, I need to focus on my career path because I never thought that like loving someone too much can have so many repercussions.
I'm just like too nice of a guy. Well, you know, you have to have your own things, right? Like it can't just be the relationship, right? I mean, you know, like for me, I have to think beyond relationships, which is why I started a hot dog company because I used to call my ex-boyfriends Sir Wiener.
He used to call his penis Sir Wieners.

I'm realizing how fucked up this sounds actually now.

Hey, at least I'm almost paid off.

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

Grace!

Grace, are you going to get a kitten?

I don't know.

You know, they're not like purebred. And I'm still kind of grieving Fergie.
I only want a purebred, stupid purebred kid. And we are reminded of the kidnapped cat storyline where she kidnapped a cat from her ex-boyfriend.
And I guess he got that cat back. I guess so.
She's like, hashtag free Fergie. I'll be honest, after Vegas, I was super hurt.
She goes, I genuinely apologize for being late to your set. She goes, no, but on the real, I'm not mad about you being late.
I'm happy that you even showed up, to be honest. I mean, do you really think I'm that bad of a friend that I was going to miss your set? It's like, yes, actually.
Yes, we do. And she's like, I haven't seen you at your best lately, Grace Lily.
Well, then you haven't been watching my TikTok because I've been hula hooping my hookers off, okay? Get on over there, girl. Who's stopping you? Did I not tell you that I went to dinner with Bob Marley and Jesus? Did you know that Jesus doesn't even know what a rollerblade is? I said, I like the rollerblade.
And he said, roller skate? And I said, Blake, what kind of Jesus are you? Rehang him. I said, you made this? So Grace is like, we don't even hang out.
It's out of this group together. And Maddie is like, yeah, because you fucked O'Sheen.
I mean, I wish I never did that because, you know, he was wrong.

I'm like, it's hard.

Now I put myself in a corner and I just want to get out of the corner.

I never should have fucked O'Sheen, not because it hurt someone, but because now no one wants to talk to me.

So that was bad.

I still get sick every time I smell day-old milk.

You know,

hooking up with O'Sheen was not worth what

has transpired and what it's cost me.

For instance,

do you know that ever since I hooked up with him,

I have not been able to find my subway

rewards card? That's a whole free

subway sandwich I'm now not getting.

That's costing me a lot. You know what

you need to do, Grace Lily? Swallow your pride.

Haven't I swallowed enough? All right. Take accountability.
Haven't I taken swallowing enough? Okay, you can only do it once. It only works with one of the words.
Okay, sorry. I was trying to make it a thing.
Okay, I want to apologize to Eva. Our friend? No, Perron.
Because I met her when I was doing ayahuasca once, and that is one

bad bitch. You know there's some musical

written about her?

I did cry for her, and she got real mad

about it, though.

So then, so Maddie's like,

well, the group has given me a hard time, but they haven't

seen the times, you know, you give

me 90%, and I give you 10%.

Sometimes, you know,

sometimes I give you 10%. Sometimes I give you 90%, and you give me 10% like that's what we do we're girlfriends I'm a DJ you're the talent let's motherfucking hug lol so they hug and make up and then now Michael's sitting with Lake and petting kittens and stuff and he's like you seem low energy it's like uh yeah you you're saying that i know michaels michaels the michaels who came very close to being unmonotone once uh you're very low energy yeah i betta frito calling a leg corny there's like a lot of expectations that come with being a rocker i mean you know when you're related to the star of hooting the blowfish just like there's a lot of pressure on your shoulders and if respecting my family and grandparents and their legacy i just i'm going to be more conservative about my conceptuality and my fluidity and And he's like, well, even if you don't have a conversation now, your family will come around if you do have it in the future.
She's like, yeah, I'm going to have a conversation with my family when they're dead and I have my money on my inheritance. How about that? How about grandma can get a conversation when I'm spending her money and she's in the grave? Thanks.
I love you. I love you love you i love you i love you i love you so then um lake leaves with shelby her lady friend um and then it's another day the sun has risen over the ravenel bridge a bridge that was actually shaped in the form of thomas ravenel's tempting fingers so mad Maddie and Joe are doing their morning routine, and we see TJ, and he goes into his mail room, his package room, to get some packages, but he leaves his phone in there, and then he's like, oh my god, I left my phone in there.
I can't get back in. And then we just don't get any resolution.
I want to know how that was. I want to know how he got his phone back.

So then we go over to Austin's house and he's having date night with Ali.

And he's like, yeah, this relationship has started again.

I'm like, so happy to have her back.

Cause like I made some mistakes, you know?

Like I said mean things.

Yeah.

Actually I had like lied about a few things.

So tell me just to get an emotional rise. Yeah.
I'm like, excuse me that is the most toxic thing he's he just skated right by with that one it's weird because there's so many stories there you know what i mean like what did what do you mean you lied so are you saying that you i'm getting like you cheated on you you cheated on her but then you said no i was just saying I cheated on you to get a rise out of you. I don't know what his deal is, but he's a fucking weirdo and I can't wait to find out.
Yeah, seriously. He's like, I got some work to do before I make things right.
And so then a pizza arrives and there's like, Austin's like, he's got like, the pizza has like pepperoni on it. And it just looks like a strange arrangement of pepperoni.
But if you look at it closely, there's like maybe a P and an R. And like, you know, Ali doesn't think anything of it.
So he has the leader. He's like, hey, look, look at that pepperoni.
Is that a P and an R and an O? And she's like uh no i don't know what this is i don't know what this is leading to but i'm not gonna accept it i'm gonna make you have to spell the whole thing because i refuse to accept that you're asking but i don't know how to accept my limitations is that the problem invite so the most look i think this is real love because they're eating carbs in front of each other. So to gay people, that's like marriage.
So then we go to the Republic patio and TJ has his Sir Wieners stand up and he's making hot dogs. And Mia comes in to visit and he's like, yeah, after the success of lunch, like I get to come here like once a month.
It's amazing. Almost paid off.
Yay. So Mia comes by and she's gonna have she's like this is my only meal of the day it's a miss world competition somewhere so um uh so he's like really happy to to grow and he presents mia with three hot dogs and the mustard on it says prom with me which you know i really enjoy this really enjoy this.
We have a pizza prom and a hot dog prom invitation. And I'm going to give it to the hot dogs because the pizza one was sloppy.
But hot dogs, also sloppy, but more legible. So good job, TJ.
And Mia says, I mean, if there were rumors circulating that my boyfriend cheated, I would not be throwing him prom. I'd be throwing him a left hook.
That's right. I'm back, bitch.
So then Mia and TJ are talking about Emmy and he's like, well, she's been like blowing me up the past few weeks. I mean, like she wants to hang out and Taylor told me that she said bad stuff.
So I'm not really sure. Like she'll text me nonstop if I don't text her back right away.
I'm not a peep peep from will not a peep i can't understand because we're such good friends as you'll see in the next two minutes in the next scene when i try and reignite his cheating rumors again yet again yeah seriously so um he says it's been like very surface level borderline guilty vibes since since Vegas. So then Will enters with a bouquet of balloons.
One balloon has a P on it, one has an R, one has an O, one has an M. He's written out in Sharpie, but the balloons are going in all different directions.
It's unclear what's going on. And they have on the screen all the letters scrambling and swirling around.
And he's like, I want to lean into the cheesiness of this since you've been working so hard to put together this prom also was a really good use case for my highlighter oh my god you guys I just got balloons and they say it's something and it's amazing I'm going to prom I'm going to prom with Will so then everybody's like wow Will's putting effort into this relationship what the hell and tj's like i mean he could have just showed up with like roses and she would have said yes he's like to be fair i was just trying to write the word romp but she read it as prom so emmy's like it's the thought that counts i love it i know you me all the time, right? That's why you cheat on me because you're thinking of me.

And that's the thought, the thought that counts, huh? So then everyone's just side-eyeing Will. And Emmy's like, he just asked me to prom.
Oh my God, guys, he just asked me to prom. I can't believe this happened.
So then she's telling customers and they really don't care. So now we're at a running path and Brad is leading a running group called Let's Run Charleston.
and he's basically

it's like his side gig is doing

fitness stuff and everything. So TJ and Austin are there and Brad is saying that it started off with just like a few 50 runners and now it's like a huge thing, you know? And we see that Austin is, does not have sneakers on.
He's going to run barefoot, which isfoot which is like he's like yeah you can be like really close to the earth by running barefoot oh my god you can also be close to tetanus you stupid you can get close to the emergency room with those stitches you'll need soon yeah he's dumb once he's up on broken glass he does it he runs it he's like it's like soul fulfilling. Yeah, just what Buddha wanted, running over dirty needles and, you know, condoms.
Sounds great. So, we're really here to talk shit, of course, right? So, TJ, Austin and Brad sit down, and they're like, let's talk about prom, okay? So, are you going to bring Allie and make out with her in the bathroom? And Brad's like, I thought that was just a Will thing.
Yeah. Well, Will thinks the whole rumor stitch is like being bullied.
Like, thinks it's because it's like, Will thinks that like, he's saying that he's being bullied by Allie's brother. And Austin's like, um, I don't personally believe that it had anything to do with Allie or her brother.
And to hear that Will even had Allie's name in his mouth immediately pisses me off. I mean, her and I are like trying to rekindle things and the last thing she's going to do is bring some drama into our dynamic.
I'm currently not on good terms with any of Ali's family. They do not fuck with me.
So I'm not having like conversations with any of Ali's people right now. So we'll just jump to conclusions.
This isn't high school. This is law school.
No one cares that much about you, Will. Then that means that Will lied again.
Let's get him, everybody. I'm going to find out who this girl is.
I can't just sit on this. I know I'm not going to know how this is going to end until I end it.
I'm getting it. Jeez.
What the hell? Just a minute ago, you're like, why won't Will be my friend? And now you're like, I'm going to ruin his fucking life. Now, look, I believe Austin, I believe that Will is cheating.
But that being said, while you're building your case, don't have an aside where you talk about how you made some shit up during your breakup with your girlfriend. You lied just to get a rise out of her because that's not going to help your case on this show.
When you you're telling the story about how will was fucking in law school. Cause now you've just admitted that you actually will are willing to lie to achieve a goal.
So that's not great, but I don't think anybody expects anything different from this band. I don't think anybody is going to be surprised or really care that Austin is a liar.
Yeah. But that was it.
Now we have... I'm still so upset about that.
So that's the end. This week is actually going to be the season finale.
That was quick. 10 episode season, I think.
But we'll see what happens at the prom. at the law prom.
All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us today.
We will see you tomorrow. Bye.
Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors.
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