#2788 Denise Richards & Her Wild Things: Sheens From a Marriage

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Watch what crap is.

Watch what crap is.

Who cares what happens?

Watch what crap is.

Hello, and welcome to Watch What Craps, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Charlie Sheen.

Just kidding.

It's Ronnie Caram.

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

Well, hello.

How are you?

I'm doing great.

We're here to talk about Denise Richards and her wild things.

Before we get into that,

we are still on tour.

And next week, we go to Boston, Detroit, and Chicago in one fell swoop.

Tickets are available.

Well, the ticket links are available on our website, watchworkcrappins.com.

And then in May, we're going to Austin and Dallas and Las Vegas, which is really cool because we've never done a Vegas show.

And I'm so excited to do our very, very, very first Vegas show.

And then we have two other shows that we are going to add to the schedule, but they're not ready yet.

So just wait, okay.

So, and also go to watch what crappins because you'll find links to Patreon.

patreon.com/slash watch what crappins where you get access to crap is on demand.

We can watch us.

Hello, everyone.

But you can also

listen to our bonus episodes.

And we are recapping the last two episodes of White Lotus.

We already recapped this week's.

So check that out if you're a White Lotus fan.

And then we've got the big finale coming up this weekend.

So we can't wait to talk about that.

Now, today,

we are getting back into Denise Richards' world.

We didn't do it last week because we had a really busy week, but also last week's episode, really all you missed was

what's his face?

Why am I blanking on his name all of a sudden?

Patrick, sweet babe.

Patrick.

Sweet babe.

Patrick Muldoon.

Patrick Muldoon going through his midlife crisis, which was him

doing a guitar song and having Denise Richards be in his video and then reminiscing on all those good times with Patrick.

Sweet babe.

Yeah.

Hey, honey.

Are you jealous?

I'm doing a music video with Sweet Babe.

And you go, yeah, babe.

I'm super jealous.

You're fucking hot.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

I like your dick better.

I've always liked your dick.

You got the most amazing amazing dick, babe.

Fucking Denise.

Literally every episode is Denise saying, I remember the first time I saw Aaron, I saw that dick.

It's like she keeps saying it as if she hasn't told us before.

And she even does it this episode.

It's like, yeah, I saw that dick.

I want that dick.

It's the dick stick with Denise Richards.

So this one.

is my dinner with Charlie episode season.

And we open with one of her monologues and she's like, yeah, you know, for Charlie Charlie and I, it was a whirlwind romance.

After my first date with Charlie, nine months later, you know, before we got married, so many people wanted to design my wedding dress.

Giorgio Armani flew us to Italy.

We went to his villa.

It was like a fairy tale.

You know, it was like that when I met Erica, when I met what's his face, my current husband, that, you know, at midnight, his dick literally turned into a pumpkin.

It was huge.

It was huge.

I rode it to Armani's house.

I didn't even know him at that time.

People don't know this, but we had a Catholic ceremony and we had to do pre-canna classes.

And I don't even know how even passed, but we did.

And our relationship, you know, it was easy.

We had a very, very easy relationship.

And then, but we obviously, it's very different from the divorce.

And I remember the first time I was signing those papers and I was like, this is a big pan.

And I realized I was just holding Aaron's dick.

And I was just moving it on the paper.

And I was like, this is a big dick in my hand.

So then we go to Hollywood, the heart of Hollywood, Vine Street, Hollywood and Vine.

And they're going to Boulevard Steak.

Boulevard Steak.

Boulevard Steak.

You would think it's Boulevard.

It's just Boulevard.

And so

it's their anniversary today.

Only today is the weekend.

Did you see some errand?

It's our anniversary.

So

six years.

Can you believe it?

He's like, yeah, but we've been together eight.

Yeah, well, we don't say that part out loud because the big pharma.

Anyway, I know, six years married, and we got married on TV.

Isn't that crazy?

And we see a flashback, and I can't believe it has already been like at this point, actually, seven years since we saw it.

Yeah,

and they're getting married.

Of course, they left out the part where Denise was like five hours late to her own wedding and everyone was hot.

And then there were helicopters from TMZ flying overhead.

And Lisa said, Oh my God,

I know all of the paparazzi.

Hi.

Hi, TMZ.

Hi.

In the same season that she was like, how would I even sell a story?

I don't know anybody.

Wasn't the wedding the last time like LVP,

there was something significant, right?

It was like the last time LVP was with so-and-so, like where it was like in the same shot with Rinna or was, what was it?

Wasn't there a signal?

They were all shocked that she even showed up to the wedding.

Yeah.

That's what it was.

So how dare she come to this wedding?

She should be scared.

It's like, hello, darling.

Can we move this along?

along can ken might not make it through this just please move it along

um you know lisa vanderpump was just on the bravo hot mic thing did you see i saw a little clip of it this morning i saw a little clip as well which one did you saw the same clip where she was like well

you know i i don't miss i don't miss kyle but i do miss what we had you know but you know when someone says oh you're a liar you're a liar you liar you just have to move on from those people but you know i do miss those late night phone calls and helping her navigate a tumultuous relationship with her sisters all the time.

Drama, drama, drama.

Every single time I would just answer the phone call, I would be tending to my dying jiggy.

And I would say, no, no, let me take the time out for Kyle Richards to talk about how her daughter, her sister, didn't save a stick of

challenge butter for her and they would be in a fight for six months over it.

I would do that because I was so selfless.

Yeah, I did like that.

You know, Kyle always had something to talk about because of her relationships with her sisters, you know, throwing them under the bus and such.

God, those were good times.

All those times when she would plot and scheme against her sisters with me late at night, but I apparently I'm the schemer.

Oh, I miss those days of being gaslit by her in front of the group.

So back to Denise.

She's like, hey, honey, do you even remember how we got together?

Like, it wasn't even like a first date.

He goes, I'm senile right now, babe.

I can't remember anything, right?

Because we're old.

It's holistic.

Senile or peanut?

you're right you're right yeah well i was your client and i'll never forget i told my sister i noticed your penis in your pants and i'll never forget the first thing you noticed that i had 5g radiation above my left earlobe thankfully you stuck your penis in it and it fixed it

whoa how'd you see it x-ray vision i'm telling you big pharma you got to be careful she's yeah well because you're stupid ass genes okay so she said she said i should ask him out on a date and I'm like, I don't want to date him.

I just want to fuck him.

Okay.

But I thought it might be inappropriate because I'm a client in your very reputable metal magnet healing business.

I'll never forget when you told me.

I mean, it was so romantic when you said, one day, if you ever get cancer,

only eat apples.

I thought that was just the most professional advice I ever heard.

So I fucked you right there on the table.

So she's like, yeah, you know, I'm always attracted to him, but, you know, seeing with my daughters, God, that made him real hot let me tell you

when he showed up going commander with those tight jeans to my daughters when they took them to school god what a man

so now um we're back into the restaurant and aaron's like wow time's flying i mean i used to have dark hair and now i'm all white um yeah did you see what they ordered she's like all right so i'm gonna have okay wangu meatball all right we'll do mac and cheese the potato uh the pasta spaghetti the tomahawk uh what else you want honey all right hey is penis on the menu and pen i'm gonna order a big fucking penis right now and it's not there all right just bring us 19 entrees all right we'll start with that

way you

so uh he's like yeah my hair's gray she's like yeah well i can't see i mean well you know i can see but it's not as clear as it used to be i mean i think it's mother nature that or and god that does that i can't read anything like i look at your dick.

It is still big, but it's like a big, blurry big.

You know what I'm saying?

It's like, it's like someone blurred out an entire sentence on TV.

Yeah, I like it.

She goes, yeah, I think, you know, Mother Nature does that, right?

And he goes, yeah, so you don't have to see me getting old.

She goes, yeah, you know, so you're still fucking hot.

So that's good.

So funny.

So then she's telling us, yeah, I think with Aaron, like we like each other and that's, there's respect and there's friendship.

And that makes it different from my, my past relationship

um and then all this food comes out this this wide assortment of of items and denise is like by the way you think my only pants is gonna pan out

there was a pun there maybe i should start only puns which is a pun on only pants

yeah i didn't tell my daughters about the only pants right sorry go ahead denise go ahead i was gonna make just like uh when i saw aaron's pants penis in his pants i was like you should start up on only pants.

That's all just a sad pun, but it was entertaining to me at the moment.

When I filed for divorce from Charlie, you know, I was moving out of the house.

I was six months pregnant with Lola, you know, and then I hear my mom on the phone with him because she's pissed.

I took all the sippy, and he was pissed.

I took all the sippy cups.

I mean, that's where we were at.

Can you believe it, honey?

Sippy cups.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

Wait, did he drink out of the sippy cups?

I mean, what didn't he drink out of?

You know, put some vodka in the bird bath and go to town, you know?

It didn't matter what the vessel was, but the fewer the vessels, the angrier he got.

So, you know, I don't think it really was about the sippy cups.

It was about the fact that the family unit was moving.

And, you know, but I did leave a high chair for him, which he did apparently have sex with three hookers on somehow.

Don't know how he did it, but God bless.

Ben somehow snorted it, which is actually crazy.

I mean, that ma'am.

He said it wasn't called a high chair for nothing.

So good for him.

So they also got back together.

And

he's like, that's not unfortunate.

Why are you saying unfortunately?

That's a good thing, right?

She's like, oh, I mean, well, I always wanted the girls to know I did everything I could to make that work.

So, you know, we did see a couples therapist that his lawyer found for us.

And let me tell you something.

Their therapist dropped us as clients.

And it's the second time in her career to ever drop a couple.

Kind of like how I wanted Aaron to drop Trow after I saw that outline in his jeans.

And she pulled me aside and said, if you stay with him, you're going to need therapy every day for the rest of your life.

And I don't want to be that person.

And that was just based on the shit that we were sharing with her.

If she only she knew some of the other shit, am I right?

Yeah, well, life is short, babe, and you don't need tiger blood to do it.

Oh, my God, the poor bastard with that thing.

Fucking tiger blood.

Jesus Christ, don't even get me started on that.

I love the idea of this, this poor therapist who after like two sessions, it's just like, I'm out.

I'm not doing this.

I'm not taking on trolling.

It's too crazy.

It was like literally too crazy.

We've reached the limits of modern psychology.

Go on out.

Get an out.

We're done.

So now we go to townhouse number two.

And they're in the kitchen.

Lola and Denise are standing at the island.

Hi, mom.

Can I eat this?

And it's just an orange.

What?

Can you have a little tiny fucking orange?

Yeah, Lola.

You can eat a tiny fucking orange.

Jeez, hey, I'll have one with you.

All right.

Well, I just don't know, mom.

I don't know.

It's like, yeah, well, you're a tiny little orange.

And you know what I call Aaron?

A big little banana?

Anyway, I'll have one too.

Ah, the banana and the orange, if you know what I'm saying.

Mom, stop.

Okay, well, your dad wants to go to lunch, and Sammy's not going because she doesn't want to.

And she apparently doesn't like hanging out with anyone aside from

herself.

So your dad wants to see.

So you got ready to go.

You can have all the oranges you want.

So she's like, yeah, the girls have been through a lot with their dad.

It's been real up up and down and we cut to lola and she's like um

i'm just like so close with my dad right now i think that is such a blessing i thank jesus every day for that and she's like i would i would and then we cut to sammy she's like i would literally do anything to not go to lunch with my dad he doesn't deserve this nose

I just really want to have like Taco Tuesday with my dad.

Thank you, Jesus, for Taco Tuesday and my dad.

Well,

no matter what, at the end of the day, you got a big dick for a big dick.

And even though you girls are over 18, we'll always be your parents.

So she's like,

yeah, mom.

So then she is like, you know, Charlie should get together with the girls more.

You know, it's important to see your kids, you know,

and they should see us get together more because it's important for your kids to see that you can get along with their exes, you know?

It's why I slept with that lizard for so long.

I said, listen, listen, I'm willing to do a lot

for this family.

I'll do anything for it, you know?

She's okay, we're gonna go to Tosca Noble.

And she's like, oh, no, mom.

Like, I know everyone there since I used to work there, mom.

Yeah, well, I know, but, you know, they're giving it to us free because I called and I said, I'm Lola's mom, you know, so congratulations.

You feel like a fucking movie star for one.

She's like, well, I'm going to need therapy after.

Oh, honey, you've needed therapy for a long time.

There's a lot to unpack unpack there.

Zandy Cohen would say.

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So now we go, now it's the evening and Denise and Aaron's like lying in bed shirtless.

And then she comes in, she's like, hey, want to take a photo of me?

And he's like, okay.

And she's like, look, look, look, here, before and after.

And she has a before and after, her neck looks different.

And she's talking about her turkey neck and what she's done with it.

Yeah, she has like a strappy thing that she's putting on, and it's supposed to freezes her neck.

And we see a close-up of it, and it does do it.

Whatever it did worked.

I want that.

What is it?

I want that.

And they didn't say what it was.

I thought it was going to be some product that she was going to be like, Yeah, and that's why you've got, you know, I've got my only turkey necks videos coming out.

You know, it's basically guys come on, they fuck my turkey neck.

And, you know, once I get enough subscribers, I reveal how I get it up so they can't stick their penis in there anymore.

Huge deal.

Great product.

You know, I would for sure lift my neck if I didn't have to do the surgery.

I mean, someone's putting you the fuck out and you could be lights out.

Like, who the fuck wants that?

I mean, when your eyes are closed, you can't see all the big dicks in the pants around you.

So she's trying to do it to him.

She's like, you know, I would have fucked you even with your neck, even without your neck up.

You know, you look really good, Aaron.

You still got it.

You know, we could do it on your balls, though.

He's like, so you're saying I have big, droopy balls, babes.

Like, no, I'm just kidding.

You don't, baby.

So now we head to Tuscanova restaurant where Denise, Charlie, and Lola all show up.

And

this is Charlie's big arrival.

This is like Bravo.

Bravo is so happy.

This is all Bravo wanted.

They just wanted Charlie Sheen on camera.

So

they sit down.

And he is

like, it's just weird.

I don't know.

Like, I guess he's like, he's like old now and he's had like some sort of surgery.

So he looks like a little different.

And his voice is much higher than I remember it being.

Yeah, I don't remember him talking like this.

He's like, I don't remember that either.

Hey, guys, how are you?

Spend a minute, huh?

Spend a minute.

Good to see you guys.

Good to see you guys.

And I'd just like to say here, I'm part of the scene research party.

Okay, great.

You can see me now.

That would be great.

Hey, guys.

It was a little awkward, right?

And she goes,

I need to take a look at your neck because I want to get mine done.

You know, I'm sick of trying guys trying to fuck.

I got enough subscribers now on my turkey, only turkey guys.

He's like, all right, what do we got to highlight my neck?

What is this?

What is this?

Is this what they do on reality TV?

I've never been on reality TV.

I'm doing this for you, Denise.

I'm doing this for you.

Is this what we're doing?

Turkey neck content?

Great.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Is okay.

Well, it looks good.

Okay, it looks like you never would know that you're like 100.

He's like, well, that's hilarious.

Thanks very much, Denise.

It's good to see you, Charles.

Yeah, well, it's good to see you too, Denise.

Yeah, good to see you.

any chance that somebody uh actually applauds my presence is awesome yeah well i'm applauding you charles

so lola comes and it's like hi oh my god i'm so embarrassed to be back here no i will not get you a glass of water oh my god

so she is shown to the table

we'll say what her next thing is where she she's shown to the table and she goes this is like so nostalgic for me i was so young young when i worked here i was 17.

she's like 19 now

All youth.

So then we see

a shift photo when she was working, and Charlie came and they, you know, they're smiling.

And he's like, Yeah, you remember that day, kid?

Ah, that was a good day.

You know, I remember lol, I visited Lola.

I had a couple of hookers at the hostess stand waiting for me.

You know, she was so young.

She was 17.

I said, You're almost young enough to get on the streets, you know.

And when they posted for a picture, you know, no one, when we posted for a picture, nobody knew I was her dad.

I mean, what what the hell?

What the hell, kid?

Do you know how hard I've worked?

Now nobody knows who I am.

Come on.

Yeah, they thought I was just like a fan, you know, and I was like, thank Jesus for that.

So he's like, yeah, well, did you keep it a secret out of shame or just to protect me?

She goes, well, I kept it a secret because I didn't want people to treat me any differently.

Like, how funny is that?

And she says, my relationship with my dad is, you know, it's definitely improved.

We started getting pedicures together, like, every two or three weeks.

And that's become our favorite thing to do together.

You you know he used to get pink with sparkles on top and it was sort of weird because he'd always have like three prostitutes so we sort of fill up the whole sit-nail salon but whatever it was fun

yeah like he made fun of me a couple of times when i got crucifixes on my two pink toes and he said like where's the third one weren't there three on the hill and i was like well you know i'm the martyr in the middle you can only have so many toes dad geez we We did have like a tense moment at one pedicure because he made a joke.

He said, today is like Taco Toes Day.

And I was like, please don't make fun of Taco Tuesday.

It's a sacred night.

He asked me to pray over his Taco Toast Day.

And I was like, I don't have a prayer for tacos.

I mean, I do have one for like lizards now.

I came up with that one.

Can I use that one?

So we prayed for Godzilla together.

And then he painted Godzilla's face on all 10 of his toes.

Unfortunately, she almost cut off his small toe because she was crying so hard by the end of the Godzilla prayer.

So I guess it worked.

It was really moving.

It was nice that there was a rabbi there.

All right, all right.

This is cool.

Look at this.

Here we are, just completely comfortable on camera, huh?

You know, I've never done a reality show, Denise.

And she goes, oh, yeah, you know, the housewife thing, they wanted you on.

He goes, well, I never saw that show until about three days ago.

I stumbled onto this fight between you and Lita Renna.

I mean, wow.

Geez.

Which is great because it gives us an excuse to see once again, you're so angry.

Oh, Denise, you're so angry.

You know, you're playing dirty.

That's what's happening.

Oh, I'm playing dirty.

You deserve it.

You're so angry.

You're so angry.

Well, you know, I didn't have the backstory, so I didn't know whose side to pick.

I mean, obviously, I picked yours, you know, because you gave me that gift of a high chair back in the day.

So that was sweet.

Wow.

You know, the things I saw on that journey,

I'll tell you, no, no Coke has or any husty has ever compared to

Snort in a high chair.

Anyway, what was I saying?

You're like, all right, well, I can tell you this much.

This lunch is not going to look anything like that.

It's not going to look anything like that.

All right.

So I was singing you this morning, you know, like the considerations for what you'd order to eat on a date.

All right.

What would they be, Lola?

And she's like, oh my God, Dad, I've never been on a date.

Only with the Lord.

Yeah, I really struggle with finding boyfriends

You know, it's really hard for me to trust someone because I never know if they're just like a fan of my dad and like one guy who had a crush on me literally had a poster of my dad on his wall and he was just like a little bit obsessed or a lot like I don't know like very weird.

I definitely don't want to go on another date with Patrick Muldoon.

It was just really strange.

Yeah, that makes more sense because who the fuck has pictures of Charlie Sheen up in there?

Like what young person is like, you know who I love?

Charlie Sheen.

Like, a 17-year-old who's like super into Charlie Sheen.

What?

Has Charlie Sheen maybe become kind of like a, like a, like one of those actors that like young people like, you know, like sort of ironic?

I mean, they, I mean, Charlie, you know Franklin.

I think it was released on Netflix or whatever.

I mean, a lot of kids grew up with two and a half men airing, you know, so they knew who he was.

And maybe it's like cool and they probably have

been playing.

17 year olds, Dan?

If you're 17.

Oh, yeah.

If you're 17, you were, that's true you were you were well if you were 17 you were born in 2008 i think two i think two and a half men was on like through all the 2000 i feel like it was on for like 40 years it was never not there wow you know and so then i'm sure there's like you know them maybe they found like like hot shots and so he came became like a cult character uh they they were you know they were young when he had his big flame out you know maybe oh yeah i don't know so um now they're talking about Charlie and Denise's first date and he's like yeah we're at my condo we were watching a baseball game so you did like a little dinner he's like no no I stopped at the liquor store okay that's what I did so

that's so romantic Jesus liked wine wow

by the way I just want to say you know there were a little cracking or two I'm not gonna lie I also stopped in the parking lot so that was fun

yeah I just want to say two and a half men went from 2003 to I think 2015 so maybe my theory is not strong because they would have been little, little kid, like really young during two and a half men's time on the air.

So I retract.

Hmm.

So

that's just, that's just a part of pop culture that I just never let touch me.

I was like, I rebuke you.

I was like, I rebuke you.

So then

Denise is like, yeah, you stopped in the liquor store and I brought the food and ice cream.

You want to know what we had?

Oh, yeah, that was the best time ever.

That was so, so fun.

She goes, yeah, that is true.

It was a very fun time.

I had steamed vegetables.

Of course you did, mom.

You know, the one thing I will say about you and I going through the difficulty we did is that you knew I always had your back at the end of the day.

When I divorced you, you knew I had your back when I left you.

And he's like, he's like, oh.

She's like, you know, I never was going to say this or that or hold a press conference.

I, you know, I always had your fucking back.

And my shippy cups am i right so you had my back and my shippy cups so maybe we shouldn't discuss that right now right yeah because if you didn't have my back we wouldn't be able to have moments like this

wonderful moments like this

yeah and then denise tells us that you know like well charlie and i were married for four and a half years um which is almost sort of like double his show two and a half men kind of but we had he you know he'd been sober for about four years i never thought someone who would be so committed to sobriety would fall back into it because they never really been around it.

But then, after I got pregnant with Lola, it just started to turn fast.

So, yeah, I hope this doesn't damage her.

I don't, I hope this doesn't give her a complex, that it's her fault that he went off the wagon and went looney tunes for the rest of his life.

But anyway, now I've said it on TV.

Yeah, you know, and it was a big fight.

I just packed my belongings, Sammy's belongings.

I called their nanny to meet him at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

And when the nanny came, she, I, you know, I left Sammy with the nanny, filed for divorce on my way to a table read.

Not good.

I mean look I got I got my kids I got the nanny and as I was driving down the street to the hotel I sort of honked my horn a lot and said hey has anyone got a lizard they want to offload on me as long as I'm packing things up I took a nice long sip from a sippy cup it felt good that was a good day that was a big day in my life uh so she goes yeah come on Charlie I had your back I had your back he's like wow this soup is really good huh you should have ordered the soup

she's like ha

So then

he gets something and it has like carrots in it.

He's like, Tor, is this a carrot or is it squash?

Because there's a giant E.

coli carrot alert right now.

So is this a carrot or some kind of squash?

I'd like to get to the bottom of it now.

She's like, well, I think it's a sweet.

Oh, Lola's like, I think it's a sweet potato dad, actually.

It's like, well, to me, that looks like a fucking carrot.

So eat it.

Don't be such a puss.

Oh my god, you just can't eat anything anymore.

I remember when I was really young, there was like a spinach warning.

I was like 18.

And it's like a sepiatone memory.

She's like, oh,

look at Charlie worried about germs, okay?

Contaminated vegetable.

I mean, listen, look at the history of what's gone into his body and the people he surrounded himself with during his divorce.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

He was blowing a monkey

the first time I let him visit the kids.

Jeez.

Well, I think I've survived much worse than eating the E.

coli character.

And Lola's like, I think this is where Sammy gets her dark humor from.

That's where she gets all her E.

coli jokes.

It's like, well, hopefully.

How is she?

Is she good?

Does she still remember what I look like?

She's like, I don't know.

She got a new nose.

I tried to ask her how she was doing, and she tried to charge me a subscription.

I said, you better watch your damn mouth, young lady.

All right.

Lola's like, I don't know.

I mean, she got a spray tan the other day.

A lot going on with

Sammy.

That killed me.

How's your sister?

She's good.

She got a spray tan.

It's like, awesome.

That's awesome.

So in the confessional, Sammy is sitting with Denise.

And she's like, yeah, me and my dad haven't spoken in like a few months.

It comes in chunks.

Like the first 13 years were really bad, but then they were okay.

And now it's just like, I mean, is it a sweet potato or a carrot?

That was, it was so strange that Sammy decided to talk about that while impersonating her sister.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Me and my dad?

Okay, just pretend I was saying it like that.

I think he's mad.

Yeah, I'm like mad at my dad, but I'm mad at my sister too.

So I will mock her while talking about my dad.

Yeah.

On my like Charlie Sheen Google Alert,

I read a while back that he got mad that she has an OnlyFans and that caused big fights.

A huge fight.

I just, I feel like Charlie Sheen has forfeited the right to complain about embarrassing people embarrassing the family.

Even when he's right.

You know what I mean?

No one wants to be like, oh my God, my teenage daughter is on OnlyFans.

But, you know, yeah, you're right.

He's free.

He doesn't.

He forfeited.

It's done.

I haven't fucked over my children, so I can say that, but you can't.

Yeah.

You're like, Bueller, you will never go on OnlyFans.

Exactly.

So

Denise is like, you know, my kids have been through a lot with their dad, and it hasn't really been perfect with he and Lola or any of his kids.

So I hope he does recognize that, you know, because he's missing out.

And she's getting, she's getting choked up talking about it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was curious to see you since you had your fucking neck done.

Would you do your fucking neck again?

God damn, Charlie.

Jesus Christ.

And then it cuts to her and she's like, yeah, I wanted to see how it looked, but I think I'm good on getting my neck done.

Any chance you can call up Emilio so we can see what his, what's going on with his neck.

He asked his soup if this is a potato or a carrot, and his neck said, is this a fucking...

And the carrot said, is that a fucking neck or a fucking playing card?

You know, what the fuck is that thing?

A shelf?

Why was it strange to me?

I don't know why, but why was it so strange to me that Charlie Sheen ordered a lentil soup?

I just don't see him as someone who orders a lentil soup.

His order was odd.

He ordered lentil soup and calamari, which I thought was, I thought both things were odd.

i really you know what i have to say i don't i don't enjoy a lentil soup i find it to be a very sad oh i love lentil soup oh really i make it yeah i make it every couple weeks i ate a lot of lentil soup i like lentils um

it's you know one of my favorite um barber streisan movies ha

um

chickpea can you hear me

No, I do like lentils, but I just feel like lentil soup, soup.

I don't know.

It's like too

and grainy.

Not grainy, it's like little

bits and bobs in my soup.

I don't know.

A lot of tiny things.

A lot of tiny things.

Tiny little things.

I want my soup to either be a, yeah, I want my soup to be like either a puree

or like a chowda.

I want to be chowda.

Oh, I'm into like a lot of shit in my soups.

Yeah.

So she doesn't like his neck, basically.

But to him, she's like, oh, it looks fucking green.

It looks real fucking good, you know?

uh and he goes yeah you know i'd let them do it again if they want to unless i'm playing a character that lived in a turtleneck i mean i don't know i guess i could do that am i right god this reality tv thing right i'm killing it am i killing it god the his his his turtleneck uh bit is great so

yeah it looks good it looks good

and then charlie's like well see this is not a this is not a date meal and he points to denise's pizza because i guess it's a reference to his westwood apartment date she's like yeah well it's because i had two pieces of the pizza he's like okay two.

You're going to take this with it?

She's like, sure.

You know what's funny?

Like, I could never picture you guys being married, Chanel.

What?

How can you not picture it?

I mean, what mother's not like, hey, I fucking had your back during the crack, cocaine, and hooker stories.

You know what I mean?

It was like regular family night over here.

Sometimes I think about like, if you were so married and like, if we all lived in the same house,

what that would be like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So here's what you can do.

Imagine 10 prostitutes walking in.

Like Thanksgiving.

Yeah.

Except it's all the time.

Imagine trying to give you your breakfast out of a wine bottle.

It's because you stole my sippy cups.

I mean, why are we still bringing that up?

Jesus Christ.

And then

he's...

He's he's sifting.

Then Charlie starts sifting through more carrots.

And he's like, wow, I'm really hitting the jackpot with this place.

By the way, I love that they're just Bravo is so excited that Charlie Sheen is on camera.

That literally nothing has happened.

We're watching him like sifting through carrots right now.

Denise is like, yeah, I'm mad.

You know, I'm glad we did this.

Not mad.

I'm glad.

And we should do this more often.

Get together.

Put carrots in front of Charlie, watch him freaked out.

God, it's hilarious.

You're a superstar Charlie Sheen.

You're a superstar too, Mom.

Jesus, you guys are both superstars.

I'm scared of being famous.

Like, what would people say about me?

Oh, well, well, do what I do.

Just don't read anything.

Because if you don't read it, it doesn't exist.

Yeah, you know, it's funny he's giving her that advice because, you know, God, he would tweet me things that were disgusting.

I mean, I became a shell of myself after his tweets.

Jesus.

It's, I mean, it is so funny how Denise really is.

Like, she holds so much compassion for people because I would never talk to this man again.

And she talks about how he was slamming her in the tabloids and this and that.

What

we're seeing is like the worst mother of all time.

What a shitty mother.

Yeah.

Was this like what, around 2005 or so, 2004, 2005?

I don't know when it was.

I don't remember.

Somewhere there isn't that much.

I find it better to just not remember years.

And then we see some stuff on the screen and Denise is talking about like, you know, like he was slamming her.

And meanwhile, she was not doing that back to him.

He was spiraling and she was raising her own kids and plus took in his sons from brooke because both parents were unstable brooke had to go to substance abuse treatment and so she was raising brooke's children and her own children at the same time and he's going off on her on twitter and stuff which is so shitty and also still shitty of brooke when brooke just came out this week and had an article like denise doesn't pay me to do a show i've never seen a paycheck from that show and now she won't even call me back i think denise has done enough from you or for you for you to be able to shut shut your fucking mouth, Brooke.

Okay.

Yeah, I agree.

I agree.

So now Charlie is like, you know, Brad Pritch said something so smart.

He said, if I look good in a picture, I'll take it.

But he would never read the story attached because he knew exactly what it was going to be.

Man, I am such a fan.

Never met the man.

And Lola's like, I met him.

And they're like, what?

And it's like, yeah, I know.

He used to cook you breakfast.

I'm so jealous.

Like, yeah.

Yeah, I used to be friends with his kids because we used to go to beach camp.

So we just had sleepover and Brad would make breakfast in the morning it figures that charlie would be a fan of fucking that guy i mean have you read any stories about him and his his child rearing lately good god he's like god i really i really respect that guy what a dad yeah what a dad all right

Yeah, it's just funny because I never knew my dad was such a big fan.

And Denise is like, well, I wish Brad Pitt would make me breakfast.

I'd like to see his jeans, if you know what I'm talking about.

One time I woke up and I thought, oh my God, that's Brad Pitt, but I just couldn't see where it very very well it was aaron's dick it was aaron's dick it was just a dick i was like you're so good and a river went through it and he was like honey it's my dick

i said i loved you and 12 monkeys but then i realized it was just 12 inches if you know what i'm saying

That's so funny.

Like, I never knew my dad was such a big fan of Brad Pitt.

Oh, you know what?

I think that's just it.

So thank you for this.

The reality TV experiment has passed.

I'm great at it.

And let's do this again.

Maybe next time you could just take me to an actual farm and have me cow shit and I could walk away with E.

coli instead of trying to trick me through carrots.

That would be great.

And they leave and seen.

And that is the episode.

So yeah, fun times.

Next week is the season finale.

Thanks everyone for being here for another light and frothy Denise Richards and her wild things recap.

And we'll be back with more recaps throughout the week.

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